0:00:04 > 0:00:07In Northern Ireland we love our cars.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Everybody's in a rush.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13More of us choose to drive rather than use public transport to get to work...
0:00:13 > 0:00:14HORN BLOWS
0:00:14 > 0:00:16..than anywhere else in the UK.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19- Ah!- It's the biggest drive in the country.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21- BOTH:- Ohh!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23BOTH LAUGH
0:00:29 > 0:00:31- RADIO:- 'And finally in news,
0:00:31 > 0:00:33'a weather warning for Northern Ireland has been upgraded
0:00:33 > 0:00:34'as a so-called weather bomb
0:00:34 > 0:00:37is set to batter parts of the United Kingdom.'
0:00:37 > 0:00:39We are in for the depths of winter.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41It's going to be solid soon.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Brr!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48It's quite cold, isn't it?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50- Yeah.- It's getting colder.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Well, the weather forecast said this morning
0:00:53 > 0:00:57this could be the coldest winter we've had in years.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Wipe that wee window.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Wipe that wee window? - Just with your finger.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I don't want to get my hands all...
0:01:03 > 0:01:05SHE SIGHS
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- The coldest?- The coldest winter we've had in years.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- This year?- No, in years.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16- This winter is going to be the coldest.- This winter is going to be the coldest one, yeah?
0:01:16 > 0:01:17- Yeah.- In years? OK.- Yeah.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21# Shut up and drive, drive, drive
0:01:21 > 0:01:24# Shut up and drive. #
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- Big fancy car there, isn't it?- Yes.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- Comes he can't drive it.- No.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- That's a wonderful Christmas tree. - Isn't it?- Yeah.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I love that Christmas tree.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- It's a load of balls.- You're right, it is a load of balls.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49No, I don't mean like that there, I mean...that's all it is.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52# Shut up and drive, drive, drive
0:01:52 > 0:01:54# Shut up and drive... #
0:01:54 > 0:01:57The next one is a wreath for Loganberry
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- on Thursday which I'll need your help with.- Yeah.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- I believe it's called panettone. - Panettone.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- Well...- You're not good with the Italian.- I'm not good with the Italian.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I'm not good with the Italian, I can hardly speak the English. BOTH LAUGH
0:02:10 > 0:02:11You're absolutely...
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- very good with the Belfast, but. - Very good with the Belfast.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Oh, look at that girl in the pink shorts.- Oh, she's going to the gym.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20And an orange... Listen, no matter where you're going,
0:02:20 > 0:02:22you don't wear a pink short with an orange leg.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26- It just doesn't happen.- Well, the young ones like the orange tan.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27- Yes, the tango.- Yes.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30'Sydenham Bypass from Holywood Exchange to...'
0:02:30 > 0:02:35- Is my make-up all right tor am I a wee bit...- Tangoed?- ..tangoed?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- A wee bit orange.- A wee bit orange. - A wee bit orange.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42We'll put a wee bit of lipstick on?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- In case I'm out to lunch?- Just work away in my make-up bag.- OK.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I am a wee bit tangoed.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- My face is tangoed.- Let me see.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- You have a white ear!- Sure, it'll blend in. It's all right.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02'A yellow warning for both snow and ice remains in place until lunchtime.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05'The wintry showers continue with snow over the Sperrins...'
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Freezing! BUZZING
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Oh, no!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10THEY BOTH LAUGH
0:03:10 > 0:03:14That just sounds a little bit dirty.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Hang on till I turn these off.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17BUZZING
0:03:17 > 0:03:20You know what I need to do? OK.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22CAT MEOWS
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Bye-bye, Simone. Down off the car.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Nina, will you count to ten and
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Simone will get off the car.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32One... He's on the car when we're removing!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- SHE GASPS - Silly pussycat!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36CAT MEOWS
0:03:36 > 0:03:40- Did you ever see my stars of Slimming World?- No.- Look at them.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42You lose your half-stone,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44your stone and then your 10%.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Then you hit your target.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- So...- And then you drink hot chocolates?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Aye, but it's only once a week. A wee treat.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53A wee treat.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55'While we make our best efforts
0:03:55 > 0:03:57'to maintain the roads
0:03:57 > 0:03:59'and keep them clear of snow and ice
0:03:59 > 0:04:02'You know, we have to drive according to the conditions.'
0:04:02 > 0:04:03IN POLISH:
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Worst cars you'll ever see, Alfa Romeo.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You can't even get the parts for it any more.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- That and Saab.- Huh?- Saab.- Saab?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- Yeah.- What do you mean, Saab?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36You can't get parts for Saabs any more. They went out years ago.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- What's a Saab?- A car.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40S-A-A-B.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Never seen one before in my life.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- A Saab car?- Saab.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- You can go now.- Like a sabre-tooth tiger Saab or something?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Aye, if you want.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I've never seen one. You've Audi, BMW...
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Your Posh.- Posh? You've got...
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- I meant to say... - That a new posh car, is it?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03No, I meant to say Porsche. Porsche.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Porsche.- Oh, aye.- But what's a Saab? - A Saab's a car, Joe.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09It has four wheels and it moves forwards and backwards.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Here comes another car down the bus lane.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- See, another one. Down the bus lane. - Yeah, I see them.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35These bus lanes are a pain in the butt in the mornings.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I know why they use them,
0:05:38 > 0:05:43but...you watch how many cars drive down here just to turn right.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Look at them all driving down the bus lane again. It's crazy!
0:05:49 > 0:05:50IN POLISH:
0:06:05 > 0:06:06TYRES SCREECH
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Oh, oh, oh!- I think he nearly...
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- What an idiot!- Uh-huh.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13HORN BLOWS
0:06:16 > 0:06:19What a stupid woman. She pulls out of there in front of me
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- to turn there across traffic. - Don't worry about it.- It's stupid!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29It's just ignorance, it really is.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Total ignorance.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Look at this!- Ohh!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37HORN BLOWS What?!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40It's all right, the passenger's waving, he knows what's going on.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Nobody else does like. Inside lane. Look where he is now.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46He's going round the roundabout like a 50p.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Huh?
0:06:48 > 0:06:49That's what you're up against.
0:06:49 > 0:06:55The police pulled me in the other day on the motorway, I was doing 95.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00And they said to me, "Sir, you were doing 95mph on a motorway, have you an excuse?" I said, "Yes."
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I says, "My wife ran off with a policeman last week
0:07:03 > 0:07:05"and I thought that was him bringing her back."
0:07:05 > 0:07:06BOTH LAUGH
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Only joking. Only joking.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Hello, boys. Buy me a Christmas present this year.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15It's all right, you've got a couple of Christmas parties beforehand,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18so you'll be able to get a boy for Christmas. Don't worry.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Maybe Santa'll bring me a nice one.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23That's it. He'll be wrapped up under the tree for you.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24BOTH LAUGH
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- With a mankini on.- Oh, God!
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- "Merry Christmas!" - Sounds like my ex.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32BOTH LAUGH
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Oh, my gosh!
0:07:37 > 0:07:39# Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
0:07:39 > 0:07:41# Ring-ting-tingling too... #
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Ready? Red light stop, green light...?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Go!- Good girl!
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- Can he pull out of the pit? - And he's got out the first time!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54# Come on, its lovely weather
0:07:54 > 0:07:55# For a sleigh ride together with you. #
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Morning!- Hiya.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Put your seat belt on.- It's on.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Oh, so it is.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14- Uh-oh!- What?- This isn't a good idea in the car.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Geez! That sounds bad.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32What?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38All right, mate, don't worry about that car coming.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41You just take over and break the rules of the road there.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Yep, well done.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- Did you see Strictly?- Yep.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48"Hello!"
0:08:48 > 0:08:50BOTH LAUGH
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Who's that an impression of?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- That's terrible.- Barry Manilow.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Morning!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02# It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. #
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Morning, Booby.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Oh, Betty, can you please do my eyebrows today?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Didn't your boyfriend say to you about your eyebrows?- What boyfriend?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- Hey! - LAUGHTER
0:09:15 > 0:09:19- Sorry.- Touchy subject, Betty.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23We need to find her a boyfriend. A boy for Christmas now, all right?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25ENGINE NOISE DROWNS OUT CHATTER
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Some people are just maniacs.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Give you some of that there!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32ALL LAUGH
0:09:32 > 0:09:34You wee menace, you! You wee twerp!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:39No, I...I would like to be 19 again.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44It's like you kind of just find yourself a little bit at 19.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Do you reckon? No.- Yeah. Yeah, defo.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48No, wait till you get into your 30s,
0:09:48 > 0:09:51you have the best, like, sex drive ever.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53No, definitely not.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57'Our top story this morning. A patient at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast
0:09:57 > 0:09:59'is waiting to find out if they have Ebola.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03'Tests are being carried out for the deadly virus after the person returned from West Africa.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06'Our chief reporter, Jordan Motes, has been following the story.'
0:10:06 > 0:10:11Just wait to this wee sheep gets out of there. Baa!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Oh, all over the car. All over the car! Oh, well.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17'Test results are expected this afternoon on a patient
0:10:17 > 0:10:21'at the Royal Victoria Hospital who's being tested for the Ebola virus.'
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Did I tell you what Gemma said about Ebola?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Ebola?- Ebolio, you normally say.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Her and Stephanie were standing talking in work a couple of weeks ago
0:10:29 > 0:10:32and Stephanie mentioned something about zombies, right?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Gemma put two and two together and was telling her clients
0:10:34 > 0:10:37that whenever you have Ebola you turn into a zombie
0:10:37 > 0:10:39and that's how everybody gets Ebola.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43# It's Christmas time
0:10:43 > 0:10:47THEY SING ALONG # There's no need to be afraid
0:10:48 > 0:10:51# At Christmas time
0:10:51 > 0:10:56# We let in light and we banish shade... #
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Who's this fella does this song, something about Christmas?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02About Ebola?
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- No, I haven't heard it. - Right, he wants people first of all
0:11:07 > 0:11:11to...download a song, listen to it,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14delete it, download it...
0:11:14 > 0:11:18listen to it, delete it. So it's bought more times, right?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Sure, that's impossible to do, because once it's bought and you've deleted it,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- it just lets you re-download it. - That's what I thought.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28- Who's that fella called? - Bob Geldof?- Bob Geldof.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30He's an absolute muppet!
0:11:32 > 0:11:36'And, finally, Justin Bieber is the highest earning celebrity under 30 years old.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40'The singer has beaten One Direction to the top spot after earning
0:11:40 > 0:11:42'£50 million in the past year.'
0:11:42 > 0:11:45See, that's obscene now. I would disagree with that.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47They get the money and the power and then they go on to
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- the oul' wacky baccy or whatever they call it.- Aye.- Drugs.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Sure, he thinks he's invincible.
0:11:52 > 0:11:57Aye, well, so did Michael Jackson and a whole lot of other ones.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Oh, Justin Bieber, he is a muppet. He's a bigger muppet.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- He is a muppet.- There's that many muppets in the world now
0:12:02 > 0:12:06that they could bring the Muppet Show back again with all different real-life characters.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Bob Geldof, Justin Bieber.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Absolute muppets!
0:12:12 > 0:12:17- 'Also expect delays this morning on the Westlink...'- Yes, yes, yes!
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- It's a lovely, bright day. Oh, look! - Oh, my goodness!- Goodness me!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23And you're in the wrong lane.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Oh, my goodness!- Now, you see, if you have messed this up this morning,
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- you are in big trouble. - I know. Look at that!
0:12:30 > 0:12:34You see, they're all going to the Boucher Road for the bargains.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- Ach, look at him letting us in. - People with young children.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- He's as good as gold. - Give him a wee...
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- Whoo-hoo! Thank you. - Thank you very much.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- That was awfully good of him.- You get the odd one wouldn't let you in.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- And they get a toot.- Uh-uh... SHE MIMICS A CAR HORN
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- Or a very nasty look from you because you're good at the nasty look.- Yes.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Very often you don't even have to toot,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- you can just look at them like... - Uh-huh.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Oh! Look at that big truck!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05It's going that way.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Yes, it is. And it's very big and very slow.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yes, it's going slow.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18'One more story this hour. And a Belfast woman has collected nearly £13 million
0:13:18 > 0:13:21'in the Euro Millions lottery. Mary Hamilton, who is 65...'
0:13:21 > 0:13:2312.9 million! I don't know,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26I think I would try and help South Africa with that,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29what you call it, Ebolia or Ebolion?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- BOTH LAUGH Ebola.- Ebola.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- And then I would buy a big house. - What would you buy me?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36I'd buy you a wee...
0:13:36 > 0:13:40I don't like the word wee there, so...think again.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45I'd hand you £100 and tell you don't be going too mad in town.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Hold on. If you won 12.9 million, you'd hand me £100?!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52All right, splash out, 120, then.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56120. Just don't go too mental when you're out.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59'Travelling into Belfast, just the usual delays,
0:13:59 > 0:14:01'the M1 is busy from Blaris to Black's Road
0:14:01 > 0:14:04'the M2 from Sandyknowes towards Nelson Street,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06'and the Sydenham Bypass from...'
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- All right, mate. - Are you going that slow?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12No, I'm just keeping to my limits.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Trying to be later for work, you know.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20SATNAV GIVES DIRECTIONS IN POLISH
0:14:44 > 0:14:47And they wonder why people are obese in this country. Look at that guy.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- There's a bad red coat.- Ach, no... - It's a bad red coat.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58It's trying to be velvet but not quite.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- Well, do you know it's Christmas? - Nearly a nylon velvet. - It is Christmas now.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06- It is Christmas.- Does that mean we have to be nicer?- Yes, it does.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07'If you're travelling into Belfast
0:15:07 > 0:15:10'traffic is slow on the M1 all the way in from Lisburn,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12'on the Sydenham Bypass from Tillysburn,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15'on the M2 from the hill section above Greencastle,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17'and the A2 Shore Road from Carrickfergus...'
0:15:17 > 0:15:21See on Christmas morning and they show the Christmas Santa Claus?
0:15:21 > 0:15:22- The Santa Claus.- Uh-huh.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25With Dudley Moore. That's when you know it's Christmas.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Every Christmas morning, get up,
0:15:27 > 0:15:31- maybe a coffee with a bit of brandy in it or something.- Oh, yes.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35A wee ham and turkey sandwich with brown sauce...
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Just you saying Santa Claus, spell Santa Claus for me.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- It's not a trick question, just spell it.- Santa Claus?- Santa Claus.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- Santa Claus?- Yeah. Spell it.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Santa is SA-NT-A.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Right, spell Claus.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Claus is S-A... S-L-A-U-S-E.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Clause? Where you getting the S from in Clause?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Santa Claus. - Then, why are you saying S?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- There's an S in it.- Aye, not to start, though, it's a C.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- I said C.- You said S.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10At the start of the Claus?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Yeah, it starts with Claus and you started with an S.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Claus.- Cl.... Cl... C!
0:16:17 > 0:16:21The girl in Slimming World about, ach, 12 weeks ago,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23she was doing a wee talk to us.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26She said, "If everybody loses one pound of weight
0:16:26 > 0:16:30"between now and Christmas, you'll have lost a stone.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33"You'll have went down a dress size."
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I said, "That's no use to me." She said, "What do you mean?"
0:16:36 > 0:16:40I said, "Well, I don't wear dresses for one. And two, I do Santa.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43"And I have never seen a skinny Santa yet."
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- Look at that dress over there. It's gorgeous.- Ho-ho-ho!
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Look, there's Santa!- Oh, my God! - She has the same outfit as me.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53LAUGHTER
0:16:53 > 0:16:59- I said Santa. S-A-N-T-A. - S-C...- No, I said C.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00No, you said S-C.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- C-L-A-U-S-E.- No, see, you're spelling it wrong.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10See, you are spelling Santa Claus as in the movie The Santa Clause.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14But Santa Claus is C-L-A-U-S.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- C-A-U...- No.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Clause. C-L-A-U-S. There's no E.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23There's another call in, Santa Claus. Since I lost all the weight
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I have to wear two suits.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27You know the suit I had last year?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I put it on below, then I got a new coat out of Elliott's,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33a big, long, full length one.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Tractors, get off the road!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51There's young TR Actor, boy!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53That wee John Deere, that green one.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Imagine if he took a blindside!
0:17:55 > 0:17:57THEY LAUGH
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Tractors...
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Why? Seriously, why do you have tractors on the road
0:18:05 > 0:18:06this time of the morning?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09If I got in some kind of power I would be looking at that.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12That would be the first thing I'd be looking at.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13- What, clause?- No, tractors.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- Tractors.- There'd be a few clauses in it as well,
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- but there'd be tractors off... - How do you spell the clause that's in a law?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I don't know. Whatever.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25It's probably the E on the end, is it? Yeah?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Look, look.- Uh-huh.- Look, look.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Overtaking. Overtaking. - No, butting out, not overtaking.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Just putting your big nose out. This is what happens.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- People get angry in the morning, but not us.- Not us.- Not us.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55There's no point in angry.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Santa's Cottage.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Is that with an E?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Santa Cottage, it's not even the real Santa Cottage.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03TYRES SCREECH
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Oh, gee!
0:19:05 > 0:19:06HORNS BEEP
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Sure, we'll just drive...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12HE LAUGHS
0:19:15 > 0:19:19I'll get ye, I'll kill ye. I swear.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Must be stupid pills being taken this morning.
0:19:22 > 0:19:28# Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... #
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- I am starving, I could eat the leg of a horse now.- So am I.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40- Do you know what I am really looking forward to?- What?- Christmas dinner.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41I love my Christmas dinner.
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- My mammy always does, like, 14,000 selections of meat.- Mm.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51So, are you going to have a...tur...turkey?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- What's it called?- They'll have a traditional Christmas dinner.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56They will have traditional Christmas dinner.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Is called a turkey...?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- A traditional Christmas...?- No.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04It's called a traditional Christmas dinner.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Right? Which is turkey.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Well, Christmas dinner. Is it sorted?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- Well, the turkey is ordered anyway, so it is.- You get the same?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- Oh, aye.- Good lad. I like you getting a turkey. Do you know why?
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- You don't have to pay for that. - I don't have to pay for it.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I just eat it. I love the turkey,
0:20:21 > 0:20:25I love the ham, I love roast spuds and I love...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You won't be able to get...
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- You'll have to have half portions. - No half portions.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32No, no, no.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- No, no, no, no.- I'll eat your pavlova for you. I'll have two bits.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38No, I'm eating my own pavlova. I can eat it myself.
0:20:38 > 0:20:45We don't have turkey in China. We never, never have turkey...
0:20:46 > 0:20:54- ..at our dining table.- Yeah.- Never. Make roasted Peking duck...- Yeah.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- ..for our Christmas. So we are not going to have turkey.- Yeah.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04That's up to you.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07No sprouts. I hate sprouts. I hate them.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I work with them all year. I hate looking at them.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- I'm not going to eat them. No sprouts.- I love them.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19- You like the sprouts?- It's the profit from them I love.- It's the profit from them you love. Right.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21- Everybody but John... - My John hates them.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23..ate the Brussels sprouts.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- I love Brussels sprouts. - They were really nice.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- Love the Brussels sprouts.- Do you?
0:21:28 > 0:21:29I could eat Brussels sprouts from now to...
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Just as well you spend Christmas Day on your own. That's all I'm saying.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37What is it Leo says? They're like a tasty fart.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Do you remember he said that at Christmas dinner last year?
0:21:43 > 0:21:47"Oh, Nana, thanks for these. They're delicious. Like a tasty fart."
0:21:47 > 0:21:51IN POLISH:
0:22:06 > 0:22:09You're having two Christmas dinners this year? That's even better.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Are yous going to put the weight on?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Just asking a general question. Go.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- Not funny.- Should I be quiet? - Yes.- Should I say no more?- No.- OK.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Digging a big hole. - Digging a big hole.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Absolutely digging a big hole.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28It's great because you'll sit down to everything massive,
0:22:28 > 0:22:30piled high, covered in butter, swimming in butter,
0:22:30 > 0:22:34and you'll scarf it and I'll be sitting there with a lettuce leaf
0:22:34 > 0:22:37and the rice and it'll still go on my arse.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
0:22:43 > 0:22:46# Only hippopotamus will do
0:22:46 > 0:22:49# I don't want a something A rhinoceroses
0:22:49 > 0:22:53# I only want "hippopotamuseses"
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# Hippopotamuses love me do. #
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Do you remember you were singing Jingle Bells?
0:22:59 > 0:23:03# Jingle bells, jingle bells all the way
0:23:03 > 0:23:05# What fun we had
0:23:05 > 0:23:09# Jingle bells, jingle bells on our sleigh. #
0:23:10 > 0:23:12# Making spirits bright
0:23:12 > 0:23:15# What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight... #
0:23:16 > 0:23:17SHE HUMS A TUNE
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Yeah.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- I haven't heard that for a while. - That's a bit of a Christmas number.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- It is, actually. - Yes, you hear that at Christmas.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- I'm trying to think what I want for Christmas.- What about your birthday?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30What would you like for your birthday tomorrow?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- I don't really want anything for my birthday.- Well, you do.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- I don't like remembering birthdays. - I think that's really miserable.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Uh-huh. I'm turning 40.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Yeah. In your dreams. That lady said yesterday indeed I looked 21.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Yes, she did.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47"You couldn't have a daughter of 21. You look no more than 21 yourself."
0:23:47 > 0:23:49No. She had a Ballymena accent.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- And I'm going to Ballymena today. - You are.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53- Brookshane?- Broughshane.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- Broughshane.- Brookshane(!) - Is that outside Ballymena?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59If you pull into a garage and say...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- POSH ACCENT:- "Hello, can you tell me the way to Brookshane?"
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- They'll be saying, "Get out o' here, love."- I like the Ballymena accent.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- ON RADIO: - 'What's the commute like, Anne?'
0:24:08 > 0:24:10'As Cecilia was saying, black ice has been reported...'
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Look at this here. - Plain sailing here.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17And it's down into the final corner here. Lewis Hamilton...
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Oh, no, no, no.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24You got caught. Oh, he's away on.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Look at this idiot on the bike. Look, look, look.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34Crossing a pelican crossing on a push-bike. And no green man.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Look, love, I'll give you one-time offer. Do you want to take it?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40It isn't Deal or no Deal. You don't get several offers.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45- You only get the one.- Would you like to go past now or never?- Come on.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- No worries, love. You have a lovely...- No, no, you go that way.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- That way, not that way. - Have a lovely day(!)
0:24:50 > 0:24:53CLATTER
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Ooh!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59She clipped him. She clipped him. You can see it. Look at the paint.
0:24:59 > 0:25:05# I don't want a lot for Christmas
0:25:05 > 0:25:09# There is just one thing I need
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# I don't care about the presents
0:25:13 > 0:25:16# Underneath the Christmas tree... #
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- What's the kids getting? - Charlie wants a new phone, so...
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- I suppose it'll be an iPhone 6 or something.- Aye. Yeah.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27See when I was a child, an apple, an orange and maybe a chocolate bar
0:25:27 > 0:25:31in a sock hanging at the end of the bed.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I remember one Christmas,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37we got caps, guns and caps.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I'd say in the first 20 minutes the caps were all done.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44I'm sure my mummy was glad, like. Half five in the morning.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47That was so funny, that year. Dad is such a prat.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50"Here, I got you a present." Open it up.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54An adapter, power surge adapter plug. Have you ever in all your life...?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- That was funny.- "Thanks, Dad(!)"
0:25:57 > 0:25:59So what do you want for Christmas?
0:25:59 > 0:26:03I'd really like a new power surge adapter.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- Oh, what did I forget to do? - Oh, my goodness, what?
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- My advent calendar. - Ah, you forgot the advent calendar.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15That's no problem. That's perfect, thank you.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- BOTH:- # It's a time for giving
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# A time for receiving. #
0:26:22 > 0:26:24"A time for getting."
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- OK. You see, I am into the receiving. - I know you are.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32- It's all about me.- You love the receiving.- Of course I do.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36"My name is Catherine and I love the receiving!"
0:26:39 > 0:26:41You're a receiver.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Actually if you admitted to being a receiver...
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- # Christmas time - Silent night
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- # Mistletoe and Wine - Holy night
0:26:49 > 0:26:51# Children singing... #
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- You absolutely love yourself. - I don't love myself like that.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- You do a wee bit. - Not that bad looking, I don't think.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- You're gorgeous. - Why don't we just not go into work,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03we'll go to the Hudson, we'll have a nice pint, or...?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05We've got to go to Starbucks and have a Christmas coffee.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- In the red cups. - In the red cups.- In the red cups.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- I'm looking forward to Christmas. - I'm looking forward to Christmas.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23By the way, I booked the chef and manager in Newtownards for us
0:27:23 > 0:27:25for New Year's Eve.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- Right, OK.- Just the family. - And you're paying?
0:27:29 > 0:27:33I didn't say I was paying. I booked it. I didn't say I was paying.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I'd maybe go halfers with you.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Woo-hoo!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39She looks like she's in her pyjamas.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41- She IS in her pyjamas.- Oh, my God.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# Do they know it's Christmas time at all? #
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Back to start the day, effectively.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Back to start the day.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54- With all our stuff.- Yes. - All our stuff.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56OK.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00I won't muck your make-up up. I'll see you later. Watch that car coming.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02There's your bag.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Look who's in your bag!
0:28:05 > 0:28:06- Santa.- Hi, Santa.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09We'll just park in here. That's fine.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14HE YAWNS
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Do you want to just go home?
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Yeah, will we?
0:28:20 > 0:28:21- Yeah.- OK, home.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23THEY LAUGH
0:28:41 > 0:28:42CAR LOCKS