0:00:02 > 0:00:06In Northern Ireland, we waste hours sitting in traffic.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Whoa, hey!
0:00:08 > 0:00:11That means more time to check out social media.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Good-looking. Stinking.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Sit back, buckle up...
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Hello, sweetheart! ..it's The Commute.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21See how cool I am? GIRL LAUGHS
0:00:24 > 0:00:26'It's 6.30. A very good morning to you. This is...'
0:00:26 > 0:00:28'We hold on to the warm weather.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32'Temperatures comfortably in the high teens across Northern Ireland.'
0:00:32 > 0:00:34HE GROANS Goodness me.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Oh, here we go again.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40'And it's Monday and we're here. What an amazing weekend.'
0:00:42 > 0:00:44INDISTINCT SHOUTING What?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Where is my water bottle? Wherever you left it.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Go ahead. Go ahead.
0:00:48 > 0:00:54This programme contains strong language.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56You're going to leave her late. I'm not.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59# One good thing about music
0:00:59 > 0:01:02# When it hits, you feel no pain. #
0:01:02 > 0:01:04HE HUMS
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Come on, Matilda. Matilda?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Come on. Yeah! Yeah!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Oh. How are you, man? Good morning.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15HE LAUGHS Are you well?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Yeah, mate. You good?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Oh, these early mornings, man.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20They're a killer, you know?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22At least it's bright. Yeah.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Another day, another dollar.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Some people says.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Now, get that sunroof open.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Get the sunnies on. Aha.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34# Loving you...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39# Loving me
0:01:39 > 0:01:41# Is easy cause you're beautiful
0:01:41 > 0:01:43# Beautiful
0:01:43 > 0:01:45# You're beautiful... #
0:01:45 > 0:01:47That's what you were already singing to her last night.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# You're beautiful # It's true. #
0:01:59 > 0:02:02What time did you go to sleep last night at?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Huh? Late. Yeah.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Don't know. Well, shake yourself before you go into work.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I work in a coffee shop. I'll have a coffee when I go in.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I know, but you're often dozy-looking or something.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14SHE CHUCKLES
0:02:14 > 0:02:17That was a good weekend, wasn't it? It was, yes.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Down on the old farm. Yeah.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25It was nice to have your lovely girlfriend over to say.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I know, wasn't it just? THEY CHUCKLE
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Camping was fun.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37It's nice. Yeah. Nice to know that you're happy.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Yes. And I like her.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Yes. Which is always a good thing. Yes.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45SHE TOOTS HORN
0:02:53 > 0:02:55What did you actually do when you were camping?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Um...
0:02:57 > 0:03:01We watched the...light. What did you do when you were camping?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04We watched the lights of Belfast. Yeah, that's what you were doing.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Yes. That was one thing we did.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Does anyone want a banana? Um, I would love a banana.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16'Well, good morning, everybody!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20'Hiya. Morning, welcome...'
0:03:20 > 0:03:24I told you not to take that phone with you any more into school.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25I'm going to turn it off when I get in.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28It doesn't matter. It is still in your pocket.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29You shouldn't have it in school.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31But I'll turn it off. What?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I'll turn it off, I'll put it on silent.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36And down everybody have their phone in school?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Yeah. Kelly, do you take yours in school? Yeah.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Does your mummy know you take your phone in school? Yeah.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47See, her mum is OK with it.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Well... You're not as cool as Debbie.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52THEY LAUGH
0:03:52 > 0:03:55I am cool, Emma! Are you hip and happening down with the kids, Mum?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Yes, I am. No she's not! I am!
0:03:57 > 0:04:00You're not! I am. I can be as cool as the rest of them.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02LAURA LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I can be all "LOL".
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Mum, you can be all laugh out loud? And OJ.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Oh, you're not so cool when you think that LOL means lots of love.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Yeah, Mum. What happened with that? THEY LAUGH
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Well, that's different. You thought LOL meant lots of love!
0:04:20 > 0:04:23That was a bit disturbing, all right. Yeah.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Somebody sent me an LOL at the end of the message, I was like...
0:04:29 > 0:04:33"What? Freak-ay!" GIRLS LAUGH
0:04:33 > 0:04:37MUSIC: Cool Kids by Echosmith
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Maureen, do you text a lot?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Do you text a lot or do you...? I love... Yes.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Do you use your mobile and speak to people or text?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55No, I love texting. Yes? Do you do predictive text? No.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57No, I can't manage that either.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00It is coming up with words that I don't want to say.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02What does TTYL mean, Mum?
0:05:02 > 0:05:06What is FO...? What? What?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08TT...? TTYL.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Oh, so you're not... Totally something. Totally... No. No.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18What's happening? I almost broke my phone
0:05:18 > 0:05:20just as I was walking out, as always.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23I don't how many times my phone dropped.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Broked? Dropped. Dropped.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I thought you said broked.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30That's what most foreigners do. I'm ti-red. I'm ti-red.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33I'll be back in soon! THEY LAUGH
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Oh, dear.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Dear, dear, dear. HE LAUGHS
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Now, if I said something about that legging,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43you would have said something to me.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Well, just sometimes, a legging's not great.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Do you think she is wearing a nappy? It looks like it.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Big pants, anyway.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58To...time... No.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00TTYL?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02GIGGLING
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Take the... Take the! LAURA LAUGHS
0:06:09 > 0:06:11T... TTYL? Yeah.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Don't know. Totally... Talk to you later.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Talk to you later. TTYL!
0:06:19 > 0:06:23That's, like, first-year. That's, like, first-year!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Sorry, Kelly. Well, I am a first year.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Sorry, Kelly. First-year texter.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30So when you text me, "see you later"...
0:06:30 > 0:06:34"See you later", is that SYL? See you later?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I don't text you. THEY LAUGH
0:06:37 > 0:06:38What's happened?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41All right. Thank you.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44ALL: Beep! Beep! Beep! Oh, Jesus.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46LAUGHTER I did that one bad, then?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You're breaking me out in a sweat. I know.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54MUSIC: Cool Kids by Echosmith.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56HE BEEPS HORN
0:07:03 > 0:07:06'59% more iPhones were sold compared with the same time last year,
0:07:06 > 0:07:10'but the firm has not revealed how well the Apple Watch has performed.'
0:07:10 > 0:07:11It's...it's...
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I think they are marketing towards kids nowadays anyway.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17All I want to do... If you think about it, back in the day
0:07:17 > 0:07:20we didn't have a phone until we were late...in our mid-teens anyway,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22and back then it was a brick.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Nowadays they all have iPhones by age 11. The aerial, the big...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28The aerial, yeah, the BT phone. BT Cellnet.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31BT Cellnet. Get them back on the go.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Give them to kids these days. Stuck ten pound in it
0:07:33 > 0:07:34and it done you ten years.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39You put it on charge in 1999, it was still full in 2002. Yeah.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45No, that's all it was for, but see nowadays, it's your Apple Watches.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Hello, hello?
0:07:49 > 0:07:53There's watches lying all over your room, Emma. A wee watch?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55What kind of wee watch? Wee iWatch. Is that what they're called?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Do you know what I'd say to your wee iWatch? No.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Aye...you're not getting it. Is it an Apple Watch or something?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03That's the only aye you'll get. Aye, watch.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05THEY LAUGH Aye, dead on, watch.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08No chance, Emma. I can see the
0:08:08 > 0:08:11branding opportunities already. You stay at school.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Aye, watch. LAURA LAUGHS
0:08:13 > 0:08:18Dead on. Buy your watch in Northern Ireland. Aye...
0:08:20 > 0:08:23It's like having a smart watch. Yeah. What about you, Bud?
0:08:23 > 0:08:24You'd love one, I think.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Yeah, I would like one
0:08:25 > 0:08:29because it would be like you're in a secret agent film or something.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34You want an iWatch, stay at school, go to university,
0:08:34 > 0:08:36get yourself a decent job.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39In, like, 50 years? It's not 50 years, Emma.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43In, like, four. 14 years.
0:08:43 > 0:08:4614 years! Sorry, you're 14 years old.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49That wee woman's garden's lovely.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Can't see past your head.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53There's no sign of her. I know.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I'll give a good beep.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00CLUNKING Oh, shit. Sorry. Go, girl!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02SHE TOOTS HORN
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Hello. Morning. Morning. Morning! Hello.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Hold on.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Thank you very much for your card, by the way.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16And the gift. It was lovely.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I'm trying to pick who I'll take with me to the restaurant.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21HE LAUGHS Told Mum that.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Wasn't too happy.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Wasn't too happy.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31HE BEEPS HORN Hello, sweetheart!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34HE CHUCKLES Good morning, sunshine. How is it, my friend?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38I am well. How are you? Oh, dear me. I can't complain. Same old.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Are you a bit warmer now? I know, such a lovely day.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Hiya. Huh?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Hiya!
0:09:45 > 0:09:46See you later.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49HORN TOOTS
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Who's that?
0:09:52 > 0:09:53'Now, here's a question.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57'At what age is it appropriate to let you're child use social media?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00'More than half of children have used an online social network
0:10:00 > 0:10:02'by the age of ten, apparently.'
0:10:02 > 0:10:08There is too much. Everything is saturated with Facebook, Twitter.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10You have Facebook.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I know I have Facebook, but... You wanted Twitter. You had Snapchat.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16You were doing some good Snapchats. But they're funny, Snapchats.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19They were very funny. No, that was horrifying. They were brilliant.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Like, pictures of salt.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23"You've been a-salted."
0:10:23 > 0:10:26THEY LAUGH
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Oh, no.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Yeah, I've had to unfriend my daughters.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33THEY LAUGH
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Cos they're getting to that age of...
0:10:37 > 0:10:41"Sireli likes Big Butts Weekly."
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I know. And it is actually your daughter.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48They're talking about flipping boys and everything else, you know.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I'm like, I can't be reading this crap. No! Yeah.
0:10:51 > 0:10:57That's it. And all the kids, everywhere you go, children...
0:10:57 > 0:10:58you know, they're...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03What are you doing now? Selfie! Sorry, I have yous tortured.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Oh, please! Get in!
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Morning! Mine is class.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14Oh, my God. But I imagine I went on the way you go on with my phone.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Oh, my God.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Yeah, but, like...what's wrong with...?
0:11:17 > 0:11:21What's wrong with it is, like, yous are like something demented.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I don't do... You can't even have a conversation any more.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26My reverse camera on my phone doesn't work. You're like this.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29EMMA LAUGHS No, I'm not!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Yeah, you are. Go, take a selfie. No. What?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33No. Pout your lips out. Same.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37All of this side stuff. Look.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Yous are contorting your faces.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Yeah, you're not even in the photograph. You're, like, in...
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Kelly's phone's broke!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Yeah, well... That's from all the selfies, Kelly.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Got my heart broken last night updating the phone
0:11:52 > 0:11:56and totally didn't do it correctly or whatever
0:11:56 > 0:11:58and it froze and I had to re...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03..reactivate...restore the whole phone.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Lost everything. That is that new Apple update, isn't it? Yeah.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Can't even remember passwords into Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13CONNOR LAUGHS Everything you get onto. Snapchat. That's the worst.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17That's probably a good thing because you're always on it. Oh, I...
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Toodle-pip. I'll get in the front.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Pick me up at 3.00 at the gate, will you?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26I will. All right, good luck, love. Bye. Love you.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Bye. Bye, Kelly. Love you too!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31LAURA LAUGHS
0:12:31 > 0:12:33You realise that it is not hard, though,
0:12:33 > 0:12:35just to say "forgotten password"?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38But I can't even remember my usernames.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Honestly, totally and utterly...
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I'm a goldfish. Can't remember...
0:12:44 > 0:12:47what I even had for breakfast this morning.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48That's a lie.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Had two pancakes, like. Lovely. Lovely.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57MUSIC: Jealous by Nick Jonas
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Whoa!
0:13:08 > 0:13:10So, you took over me...
0:13:10 > 0:13:14for 30 seconds and I am right up behind you. What was the point?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Relax yourself, boy. Relax yourself.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Anything in that inside lane, Thomas?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22INAUDIBLE
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Well, you see, there's a blind spot.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26See, that's what yous boys don't understand. Come on.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Yous boys don't understand that. You're the driver of the van!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Drive the van. You've got a mirror there, you've got a mirror there
0:13:32 > 0:13:34and you've got a mirror in the middle. Use it.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37I've just got to blow off these cars here.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40HE IMITATES CAR SPEEDING UP
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Got it the first time. Got it, all right.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44SID LAUGHS Got it the first time.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Got the first what? Got it the first time.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Jesus, look at the smoke coming out of this thing.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Whoo! What is that? Is that me?!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55So, any women?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Not at the minute. What? Not at the minute. You?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00What happened on Saturday night, then?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03What was Saturday? Did you just party till...?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Oh, yeah. We didn't go to bed till about five. Awful.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I was grim on Sunday.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12You need to get on the internet dating to be saved. I certainly do!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Maybe don't post too many pictures.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Maybe not any.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Yeah. Get yourself on the internet dating.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24It's working for all round us.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Yeah, but I'm just not sure, Gary.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29I mean, that's how people get kidnapped, abused.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32You could meet some real weirdo. Yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Have yous heard of that dating website Tinder?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Oh, yes. Are you on it? No, I am not. Oh, you liar!
0:14:38 > 0:14:40You're on it.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42You're more a Plenty Of Fish kind of girl.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44LAUGHTER plentyoffish.com
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I'd be too afraid to go on something like that. I know.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49It's just not known. But there's safe ones, isn't there?
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Are you on Tinder? Tinder? Yeah. What is that?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I don't believe that for a second, big man.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00You put your details in, they put their details in...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03..and...
0:15:03 > 0:15:06they meet up for a match-up or something. Fucking lot of bollocks.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Oh, no, no, no. It's not... Hold on.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09A lot of bollocks, surely.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Oh, I know. OK there.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14If you can't meet somebody out normal, you know what I mean?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16OK, go ahead.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Fucking oddball sitting on the fucking computer
0:15:18 > 0:15:20trying to find a fucking boyfriend or a girlfriend.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Meet some header. Relax.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Do you have it on your phone there, do you?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28No, I actually don't. LAUGHING: Dead on.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I don't. Dead on.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32I actually don't.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I need the password to check.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Dammit, that's about it then.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39So what way does it work then?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41You just like and don't like, so you don't.
0:15:41 > 0:15:46So do you write like "Good looking. Good looking. Stinking."?
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Basically. "Stinking."
0:15:47 > 0:15:53MUSIC: Johnny Delusional by FFS
0:15:53 > 0:15:56You're not getting yourself a wee ride on it, no?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I don't think farmers are right for that sort of set up.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Well, farmers look good.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03A farmer's wife is hard to come across to you like.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07They are like. They are few and far between, like hens' teeth.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09# Haven't a chance
0:16:09 > 0:16:12# Still I want you... #
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Hiya.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17That's not bad looking either.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24I had this really nice conversation with some guy.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29He was just randomly sending me naked photos of himself.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30No way.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Sending naked pictures. Like, obviously he was wearing his boxers.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36No, Fisnik, pure naked.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Like... Oh, my God.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Seriously? People do that?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I don't know why they think it's OK.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46People send pictures of themselves naked, totally naked? Yeah. Yeah.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49To strangers. To random people? To strangers, yeah.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Like, we talked a little bit. He must be very proud of it.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54His manhood. Well...
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I don't know why he was so proud of it. But...
0:16:56 > 0:16:58THEY LAUGH
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Why, does he have nothing to be proud of?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I don't know. I'm just like... I didn't really look at it much.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05You didn't look at it much?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07No, I was like... I'm sure you zoomed in.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09SHE LAUGHS
0:17:09 > 0:17:12# I know I haven't a chance
0:17:12 > 0:17:14# Still I want you
0:17:14 > 0:17:18# Johnny Delusional here... #
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Look at that big rent sign up there.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Yeah. Too bad. It's dreadful, isn't it?
0:17:23 > 0:17:27Well, if it's got your attention. Uh-huh. So it's worked.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29I just would not like to live in there. You can see...
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Look, there's a bed right at the window. Uh-huh.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35You'd need to pull the curtains. Yeah.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40You wouldn't need to go on the internet dating site. No.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41THEY LAUGH
0:17:41 > 0:17:44You could just stand there at rush hour.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45You could just put a rent sign up.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Wee red light behind it.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Absolutely. Put your girdle on the dryer.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51THEY LAUGH
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Are you single yourself?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Yeah. That must be good for the dating for you.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Yeah, it can be. No, I'll tell you...
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Are you one of these new modern... You like this online stuff?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Or are you old-fashioned? Yeah. I would be a little bit old-fashioned.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11There's nothing nicer... I'm probably getting dressed
0:18:11 > 0:18:14and getting ready, put on a bit of cologne.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15I like that.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Going out and having a boogie and see who's there, you know?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23I think, for me, I would be... I'd rather be the old-fashioned type.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27I don't like this new age stuff of putting a picture online
0:18:27 > 0:18:29and just sitting waiting. Yeah.
0:18:29 > 0:18:35Me and RJ, Megs, Sam and all, Jordi, we even go down...
0:18:35 > 0:18:37You know the jiving nights?
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Jiving? Aye. What's jiving? You know, the dancing. Dancing?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Aye. It sounds real old-school. I wasn't going to go. And then...
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Do you know what, I think I actually seen a programme about that.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51We... We went to it like. And it's great craic.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53You know your man Nathan Carter and Derek, Lisa McKee?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Oh, for flip's sake. Yeah, it's real good.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Load of yokes walking by like. A load of yokes.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02A load of yokes. Good looking yokes like?
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Aye, there is. Aye.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Great few knocking about it like. Is that the private spot then?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I would say so, for farmer's wife material like, definitely.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I was...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Not going to find too many in Belfast.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Nope. Not too many.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Not too many will want to cook buns and clean for you.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Yeah.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24And honestly, they have to be good looking too.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I'd rather stick it in the microwave, so I would.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28I'm like... HE LAUGHS
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I like country people.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Yes, you do.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Sometimes I feel a wee bit country myself. Yes.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38# I really, really, really, really, really, really like you
0:19:38 > 0:19:40# And I want you
0:19:40 > 0:19:42# Do you want me? Do you want me too? #
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Have you any good chat up lines?
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Aye.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Well?
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Just...throw them a 10p.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Maybe two or three 10p.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Used to flick them a 10p and they'd have caught it.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Leave your number on it?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59No. It says, "Call your ma, you're not going home tonight."
0:19:59 > 0:20:02# I really, really, really, really, really, really like you. #
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Can't really do that these days. I know.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07You don't get payphones and all that. I know, no payphones.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09In my day, there was. Send them your mobile phone.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12You're like a salesperson whenever you meet a girl, you know?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15You have to sell yourself properly.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16That's right. You do.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20It's tough out there, man, trying to find the right person,
0:20:20 > 0:20:21you know what I mean?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25What...what would be your idea of like a perfect date?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Is there such a thing? Ha.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32MUSIC: Dancing On My Own by Robyn
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Tell me this, Maureen,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36in your young days, did ever you go on a blind date?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38LAUGHING: Oh, Maureen!
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Did you? She's not for telling you that.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44What about you, Martha? Did you ever go on a blind date?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Did you ever go on a blind date? No. I did not.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48You know why that was?
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Cos all of us had plenty dates without going on a blind one.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Is that right? MAUREEN LAUGHS
0:20:55 > 0:20:56That's right.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Where do you take them, first night out?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02First date... Where did you take Sarah?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Don't say the car park.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06THEY LAUGH
0:21:06 > 0:21:07I know.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Um, no... I'd say a house where you probably did end up.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13No. Sarah's a good girl.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Looking back all those years till when...till before I married.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23And I was going out with whoever asked me out. Yes.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28They... I don't know if the big thing was being bored.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32You know, if you were sitting with somebody who was naturally
0:21:32 > 0:21:38silent, or who was maybe just deadly dull...
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Maureen. Good heavens!
0:21:40 > 0:21:43It's awful. I have a confession to make.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47That's how I learned to drive at 17.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53I was friendly with a boy whose parents owned a garage.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57And he used to come down at the weekends...
0:21:57 > 0:21:58to their caravan.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01And he taught me to drive.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03And he got me my license.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07And in those days, I didn't even have to do a test, you know that?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Right. I never had to have a test in my life.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14And what I really meant to tell you was, I couldn't stand the boy.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16But I liked his car.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18THEY LAUGH
0:22:20 > 0:22:24I took her to the cinema and then for a McDonald's actually.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I took her to McDonald's on the first date!
0:22:26 > 0:22:30You went to the cinema and then McDonald's? Cinema, McDonald's.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34I was showing her how things were going to be from the offset.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Look in my eyes. Look in my eyes.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38You'll not be hypnotising me. Look in my eyes. Look in my eyes.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Look in my eyes.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42In my eyes. In my eyes. In my eyes.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I'm finding it hard. Concentrate on the road now.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47See, I could have put you under there.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49That eejit cut me up. Whoa! Hey!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51BEEPS HORN
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Don't now. I don't like...
0:22:52 > 0:22:54That bloke would turn around, stop, his handbrake...
0:22:54 > 0:22:55It's a woman.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Women drivers. Typical.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Ah, yeah. Typical.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Cut us off, love, at this time in the morning.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Look, look, look.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Aye, on you go over there. Aye. Away you go.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Giving me that look for?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09If I was you, I'd maybe shimmy in to the other lane.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I'm about to but there's a car coming.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Listen, I've got the steering wheel in my hand.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16SHE LAUGHS
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Uh-huh.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18I'm just...
0:23:18 > 0:23:22I'm starting to wonder these days if I'm a loser, you know what I mean?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Cos I never seem to be able to find
0:23:24 > 0:23:27the right girl, a nice girl, you know?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29You need to go out on the dating scene more.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32I reckon I should borrow your face and am I'll all right.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36HE LAUGHS
0:23:36 > 0:23:39There's a bit of George Clooney-ness about you.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Good luck with that.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Aye. Lovely. That's great. Thank you.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Is my bag in there? Oh, good one.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51MUSIC: Body Talk by Foxes
0:23:51 > 0:23:54You stretched, I seen marks on your neck.
0:23:54 > 0:23:55Yes.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Cover the marks up.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59That's just gross.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03That's just really, really gross.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Appalling. Cover them.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Surprised you hadn't noticed. I should have words with that child.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11HE GIGGLES
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Spoiled my whole day now.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17What have I done?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20You've done nothing. It's BK. OK.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22She's vampired your neck.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26# Oh, let your body talk
0:24:26 > 0:24:31# Even when you feel so lost... #
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Whoa! Look out.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34# When the tears they fall
0:24:34 > 0:24:37# You gotta just let it go
0:24:39 > 0:24:41# La-la-la... #
0:24:41 > 0:24:44If it makes you feel any better, she's got some too. Oh, no!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46HE SNIGGERS
0:24:46 > 0:24:48That's not good.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50It's really not good. It's not clever, it's not funny.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Yes, it is. No, it's not.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I don't know what women want, man. But... Who knows?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58But hopefully one day we'll all find out.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I don't even think the big lad up there knows what women want.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03He's probably going, "Jeepers, why did I make them?"
0:25:03 > 0:25:05THEY LAUGH
0:25:08 > 0:25:12When I was a younger woman, I was very quick-tempered.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15She still is.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17MAUREEN LAUGHS
0:25:17 > 0:25:20I'm not... Why did you have to say that?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Martha still thinks I'm a bit quick-tempered.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25I'm just not as explosively quick-tempered
0:25:25 > 0:25:28as I was when I was a younger woman.
0:25:28 > 0:25:34I was fearsome. I truly do not know how a young husband put up with me.
0:25:34 > 0:25:39Well, I mean, sometimes I was provoked by that said young husband.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41It's going to be a good day.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Let's do this. Yeah.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44Let's do it.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47And again. And again. Here we go.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50SIGHING
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Keep you driving and concentrating and I'll feed you.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Don't worry about that. Keep them coming, lad.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I know I'll be coming.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Don't make your fingers touch my lips. Aye, I know. Fuck me.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03My fingers. I feel fucking sick.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05And I haven't been to the toilet this morning
0:26:05 > 0:26:06so don't worry about it.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Give me them.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Get that out your road.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14I had stood one evening and made a meal.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16And of course he said...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19I sat the meal down and of course he said the worst words that he
0:26:19 > 0:26:20could ever have said.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24"You know, I don't think your gravy's as good as my mother's."
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I mean... SHE LAUGHS
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Common sense and self-preservation should have warned the man
0:26:30 > 0:26:33not to have actually uttered those words.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35But no. He had the heart of a lion.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37I could not help it.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41There he was, sitting with his knife and fork, poised.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I lifted the plate from under him.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I just lifted the plate.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48And he stared. And he said, "What are you going to do?"
0:26:48 > 0:26:51I scraped it fiercely into the bin.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55And he was left with no food.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59So I have calmed down in my older years.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04That's what I mean, Maureen, by compromising, dear.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09Well, maybe he has become a bit more judicious in his remarks.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12It works both ways, doesn't it? I think so, anyway.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15So how's your relationship going anyway?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Are you dating this thing or what are you doing or what's happening?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I don't really know. We met each other last Sunday night.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22Went on our first date.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26And? When did we go on our first date? Sunday...
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I think this was your third one, was it not?
0:27:28 > 0:27:31DVD night, you said. You were having a DVD night.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33No?
0:27:33 > 0:27:36We had a DVD last night, aye.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38She broke the bed.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I was thinking about how to get her down into the bedroom.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43For a bit of nooky-wooky. Right.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Next thing she says, "You want to give me a hand moving the bed?"
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Right.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50That's OK.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52So I was going to shift it over and I pulled the back.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56She wasn't moving her end, and the fucking legs broke off it.
0:27:56 > 0:27:57THEY CHUCKLE
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Are you sure you weren't in it?
0:27:58 > 0:28:02Are you sure you weren't in it when the legs broke off it?
0:28:02 > 0:28:05I know there's a night I come off the wardrobe.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09I came out of the wardrobe. She wanted me to be Batman.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Well... Ach!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Nothing you can do.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16MUSIC: Body Talk by Foxes
0:28:16 > 0:28:19# Let your body talk
0:28:19 > 0:28:23# Even when you feel so lost
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# Spinning when the tears
0:28:26 > 0:28:30# They fall, you gotta just let it go
0:28:31 > 0:28:34# Oh, let your body talk
0:28:35 > 0:28:38# Even when you feel so lost
0:28:38 > 0:28:41# Spinning when the tears... #
0:28:52 > 0:28:55There's an extra special line-up on Nolan Live this week.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58We'll be linking up with RTE to bring you debates
0:28:58 > 0:29:00from studios in Belfast and Dublin.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03And revealing the results of our cross-border survey
0:29:03 > 0:29:05on a range of political and social issues.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Join me in Belfast. Join me, Miriam O'Callaghan, in Dublin.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12That's tonight after the news on BBC One.