0:00:02 > 0:00:04Ah, the morning routine.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06A couple of hours that brings half a million of us out and onto
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Northern Ireland's roads.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11It's rarely the highlight of anybody's day.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12Another day, another dollar.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Another day, another tuppence ha'penny.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Ready for another day in paradise?
0:00:17 > 0:00:19It can be a time for deep thinking...
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Religion is like a house, there's that many rooms,
0:00:21 > 0:00:23you could pick whatever room you want.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25..some not-so-deep thinking...
0:00:25 > 0:00:29When you hit about 40, your hair comes out. Serious?! Yeah.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31..and times when there's no thinking involved whatsoever.
0:00:31 > 0:00:36OBAMA IMPRESSION: I have something to say to the American people here today.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37HE BARKS
0:00:37 > 0:00:39So buckle up, everyone, as we take you on The Commute.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41THEY SCREAM
0:00:45 > 0:00:49MUSIC: Hymn For The Weekend by Coldplay
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Say a wee prayer before we go?
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Bow the heads.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Charlie, if you don't mind, switch the engine back off again.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Dear Jesus, guide us on our way,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Help me make it through the day,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Cos I don't care what's right or wrong,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I'll just be singing that same old song,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11As the mixer bangs along.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14You know you can help us get better each day,
0:01:14 > 0:01:16By guiding our boss with a little more pay.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Help these two men find what they want in life.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24I hope everything works out and we get the lottery as well.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Amen. Amen to that!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28That was nice today, Sid.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29From the heart.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42# No one man should have all that power... #
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It's another early start for our commuters.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49This morning, they're all heading stateside
0:01:49 > 0:01:50to the US presidential elections.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52And over in east Belfast,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Gary and Kathryn are struggling to pick a winner.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58If Trump gets in, I think we should all go and live on Mars.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Well, I think we'll have to go and live on Mars,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02there's absolutely no doubt. Yeah.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06He cannot possibly get in.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08It would be awful.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Absolutely shocking. Yeah.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13But I'm not sure that Clinton should get in either.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15I don't know, maybe we'd be better with just all of them out.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19She's got too many skeletons in her closet, I think, to get in.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22The presidential elections are almost like the Wizard Of Oz.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Big long journey, it lasts for years, and at the end of it,
0:02:25 > 0:02:28you get some guy that you don't really know anything about him,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32who's a bit weird and a bit wacky, and he's not really the real thing.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35That's the most profound thing you have ever said.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37North Antrim political discourse!
0:02:38 > 0:02:42They're following the Yellow Brick Road to the White House
0:02:42 > 0:02:45and they're going to have this big guy at the end of it.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48They aim to be the president, the big guy at the end. Or girl.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Or girl, yeah.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Along the way, they pick up... A tin man.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55A tin man, a lion and a scarecrow. What's the analogy?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58No heart, no brains, no courage...
0:03:00 > 0:03:03It's the development of the person.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Finally, American youth get to vote
0:03:13 > 0:03:16and they have to choose between Trump and Clinton.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18What a choice.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20He is so hateful.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You've got to say, he hates everyone equally.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27He hates the Muslims and the Mexicans.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Because they are also Muslim.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32But he likes white people and hillbillies.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35And he loves guns, of course, you know.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40Hillary's like a rich, upper-class auntie you can't like.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44The one who wears the fur coats and looks down on you.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47IN POLISH:
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Trump will win, sure he will.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Do you think so? I think he will.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Because I don't think you can go from - and I'm being quite honest -
0:04:33 > 0:04:38it was a massive shock, in my opinion, that Barack Obama won.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41The first black, African-American president.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45To go from a black president to a woman, in the eyes of America...
0:04:45 > 0:04:51You know what? 16 years or easily a 12-year run, you know what I mean?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55And let's be honest, Trump understands, the immigrants.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Immigrants and gun control.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59You know Trump's view on it, but Clinton,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01what's she going to do? You know what I mean?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Say she does get president, right? Say people do get behind her,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08but all the congressmen are going to turn around and say,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11"You think I am going to take orders from..."
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Her. "..her."
0:05:12 > 0:05:16# Sisters are doing it for themselves... #
0:05:19 > 0:05:25I would really love to see a female president of the USA. Me too.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28It would be something new, wouldn't it? It would be special.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Something for women's lib, wouldn't it? Yes, it would.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Trump? In the name of God.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36I mean, if it had been Ivana, that would have been better.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38At least you would've had a bit of craic, wouldn't you?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40And a bit of style. Lovely shoes.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43But flippin' Donald Trump, the husband?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45God, he's desperate.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50He's basically against immigration
0:05:50 > 0:05:53unless it's an attractive-looking supermodel
0:05:53 > 0:05:57from the former Soviet Union that he might be able to marry.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02Is it his mother is German? His grandparents are definitely German.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04So, they've come from Germany
0:06:04 > 0:06:10and his main campaign is to stop people immigrating into America.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Hillary, oh, my God, she's like a cardboard cut out or something.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19At least Hillary should know what happens,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22with her husband being there.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Been there, done that.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Aye, he was there and done that all right.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28He'd done a lot more than he was supposed to be doing.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29HE TUTS
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Remember the wee black dress?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Big Monica. Monica Lewinsky.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Where did she ever go to?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Wrote a book, made a fortune, got her dress dry-cleaned
0:06:38 > 0:06:41and that was it, you never heard tell of her since.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Trump, Trump, Trump - he's...
0:06:43 > 0:06:46See when I think of Donald Trump, I think of...
0:06:46 > 0:06:49You know the way the English call breaking wind "trump"?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50"Oh, I've trumped!"
0:06:50 > 0:06:52As if it's all right to say that.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54So that's what makes you think of Donald Trump.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Every time I think of Donald Trump, all I can think of is breaking wind.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I swear to God.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Some top-notch political analysis there from Gerry in Lisburn.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07# Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight... #
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Let's all take a breather before our next subject
0:07:13 > 0:07:16and marvel at our commuters' capacity to be wile past remarkable.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19There's somebody who's been on the egg and onion sandwiches,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21and on the beefburgers.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22That woman's hair!
0:07:22 > 0:07:27That woman there, she's actually plucking her hair out of her face.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I think that gentleman's letting you go. Thank you.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Oh, it's actually a gentle lady.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34There's that blonde boy sewing in there.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Must need glasses, because now my rows aren't touched!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Gays are just becoming like heterosexuals.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44You know...
0:07:44 > 0:07:45boring.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48There's no craic any more. Nobody's gay any more.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56You know, it was more exciting when you had to hide.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01# My love, my love, my love
0:08:01 > 0:08:06# She keeps me warm
0:08:06 > 0:08:09# She keeps me warm... #
0:08:09 > 0:08:10In south Belfast,
0:08:10 > 0:08:14full-time translator Marty is explaining the laws of same-sex
0:08:14 > 0:08:17marriage here in Northern Ireland to his Polish friend, Agnieszka.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10How can you support gay marriage if gay marriage is not allowed?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Gay marriage is allowed. Is it allowed?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Well, I know it is in Dublin now. Well, not Dublin, just the South.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17In the North?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20No, it hasn't been passed in the... In the South? ..the North.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23No, it's been passed in the South, but it hasn't been up in the North.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24It nearly got passed... But the end of the day,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27the North and the South are two different countries.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30That's what I'm saying, it got passed in the South, but not in the North.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45It's the tenth anniversary of our civil partnership.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47We're together 26 years.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48And we still...
0:09:50 > 0:09:54..can't get married like they can in the south of Ireland.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58And in the UK. And, I think, in Scotland.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Uh-huh.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04If Stormont Executive is formally part of the United Kingdom,
0:10:04 > 0:10:08then why do they not have the same laws of the land of the UK?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11So what's it got to do with us if Larry and Barry's a couple,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14or Maggie and Aggie's a couple? It's nothing to do with us.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17If they want to get married, let them get married.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Try and tell them that's up in Stormont that.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Yeah, you go, girl!
0:10:20 > 0:10:24We're behind on everything. Northern Ireland's behind in everything.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Yeah. And gay marriage, well, same-sex marriage, backward.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30But there's Gerard, who I used to work with in the salon,
0:10:30 > 0:10:35and him and his partner, Alastair, they're better than the
0:10:35 > 0:10:38majority of the straight couples that I know, like.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41They're class, they're unreal and they're so happy. So, like...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44It doesn't matter... It's ridiculous.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46The world needs to get with it. It's so silly, isn't it?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49If you love someone, why should you not be able to marry them?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52It's ridiculous. Because it offends someone?
0:10:54 > 0:10:59Being gay, being in a gay marriage, it's only a small part of life.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01It's just... Of your life,
0:11:01 > 0:11:05it's only a small part of what makes you the person you are.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07It's not...
0:11:07 > 0:11:09a big deal.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12It's only a small part of what makes me who I am.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16I mean, I will always be a tall, dark, handsome fella,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19so being gay doesn't have anything to do with that.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22What mirror are you looking in?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31On the road from Moneymore to Magherafelt,
0:11:31 > 0:11:33James is worrying about Brexit.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37You think all this Brexit craic's just to try and stop
0:11:37 > 0:11:38foreigners from getting into the country?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40You think this is what it's all about?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I think the Leavers have all been hoodwinked. Youse didn't listen.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47I think it's ridiculous, I think we should be welcoming foreigners into this country.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49They bring culture, they bring different languages to the country.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53All the ones, them that argue, well, then they need translators,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55and the translators are making the money.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I suppose that's a point,
0:11:57 > 0:11:58but then it's creating a job!
0:12:49 > 0:12:52When I was a child, we had this house,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55with all the black people in it.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59And I remember once - I was only about five or six,
0:12:59 > 0:13:04I was tiny - and my neighbour, a woman, a grown-up woman, asked
0:13:04 > 0:13:09me to go and touch this man's hand to see if the colour came off.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Oh, for goodness' sake!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13And I went across and I went like this - I remember doing it -
0:13:13 > 0:13:15and I went, "Look!"
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I remember, you know?
0:13:19 > 0:13:20I would be scared,
0:13:20 > 0:13:24I'd be terrified if I was just listening to the media.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I wouldn't.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30After the Oslo massacre, I'm not terrified of Christians.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Well, that's true.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I don't feel as if they need to, like,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35apologise on his behalf or whatever.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39No, I'm not going to apologise for anything any militant nutter does.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43You don't ever associate with it.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46And when people ask about stuff, I'm just like...
0:13:46 > 0:13:48"How do you feel about the Crusades?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50"Do you want to talk to me about them?"
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Nothing to do with me, I'm just here, going to work.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Commuting, coming home, doing my own thing. Loving life, loving people.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05My experiences in life are based on living in this country.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07So I am a British Muslim.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I'm a British, Northern Irish Muslim.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14You remember when we went over to England, people were like, "Whoa!"
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Mind-blown, Muslims with Irish accents, Northern Irish accents.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Actually, our cousins call us Irish. Yeah, they think...
0:14:20 > 0:14:23But we have the British passport, Irish passport,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Pakistani passport - loving it.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Yeah, yeah.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32"Are you a Catholic Muslim, or are you a Protestant one, Arousa?"
0:14:32 > 0:14:33That was the next one.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38See the way I see religion?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41It gives you a path to look forward, stay on that path.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Don't look left or right, so the snakes don't come and get you.
0:14:44 > 0:14:49So the Muslim and the Christian
0:14:49 > 0:14:51and the Jew
0:14:51 > 0:14:54and the Catholic and the Protestant...
0:14:54 > 0:14:55It's good to have a path to follow.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57..and the Indian...
0:14:57 > 0:14:58I think...
0:14:59 > 0:15:03..religion is like a house - there's that many rooms
0:15:03 > 0:15:07and you could pick whatever room you want. So long as it's a good house.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08A peaceful house.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14# I can't lose
0:15:14 > 0:15:17# I can't lose... #
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Over in Newry,
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Anne-Marie and the girls have some strong words to say about Brexit.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27There's going to be a massive rise in racism, because...
0:15:27 > 0:15:29It was bad enough, racism...
0:15:29 > 0:15:30Anybody who voted Out...
0:15:30 > 0:15:33You have people who have genuine interests,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35but then you have the ignorant, ignorant...
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Who are just, like,
0:15:37 > 0:15:39"I don't want anyone coming here and stealing my job!"
0:15:39 > 0:15:43And that is their wavelength. That is their thought process.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Maybe if you had the qualification for the job, or applied for it,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49you'd get it!
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Someone said to me the other day,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53"Why would I want foreigners' children in my child's class?"
0:15:53 > 0:15:56What?! "That's holding my children back,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59"because more money's being spent on educating them."
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I was, like, "Who do you think you are to deny a child education?"
0:16:05 > 0:16:06That is disgusting.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11There's a segment of the population are complete numbnuts.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15They have no idea, no education, no... They were dragged up.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18There's no respect. And that's how they think, day in, day out.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19And no matter what is said to them...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21That's how they were brought up. It has to be.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24You don't just wake up one day and become a racist.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Meanwhile, over in Carrickfergus...
0:16:29 > 0:16:34Some people in my class, they think saying "black people" is racist.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37So they say, they said...
0:16:37 > 0:16:41I saw this guy and someone asked me what he looked like,
0:16:41 > 0:16:46and I said, "I don't know, but I know he's black." That's not racist.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48If a person was blue, you'd say that's a blue person.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52It's not a derogatory term, it's just a description of who they are.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Yeah. Yeah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Did you know that, when I was young,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00they used to call black people coloured,
0:17:00 > 0:17:02but they actually find that more offensive
0:17:02 > 0:17:04than if you call them black?
0:17:04 > 0:17:08I'm not saying I don't like foreigners, because I do
0:17:08 > 0:17:09and I travel a lot.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11What I don't like is too many.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Does that sound awful racist? Yep.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19These are people that's in the country working, but...
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Yes, people who work... There are people here who don't want to work.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25No matter what way you look at it, you know,
0:17:25 > 0:17:27if you bring everybody in - which is wonderful -
0:17:27 > 0:17:30where are they going to go? Where are they going to sleep?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Where are they going to live? What are they going to eat?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I worry that the way I think sometimes,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38does that sound like I'm racist?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Because I'm not racist.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43But the cake only cuts up into so many pieces.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49I would hate it if we became a nation that had become
0:17:49 > 0:17:51unfriendly to others in need.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Yes.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57For so long, the Irish from 32 counties
0:17:57 > 0:18:00depended on the goodness of others to take us in.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03All the emigration to America, other places.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07It used to be ?10 to emigrate to Australia.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09That's right. And Canada.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Well, so many countries did the Irish immigrant
0:18:12 > 0:18:17such a good turn that you would not really...
0:18:17 > 0:18:21I would hate to see unfriendliness in this land.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24And we'd spent so many years being unfriendly to each other, hadn't we?
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Oh, yes, yes.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Before we move on to our last subject,
0:18:33 > 0:18:36our commuters are venting their spleens once more.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Oh, aye. Sure, just abandon the wagon there to pick some blackberries on the corner.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Och, look, there's a wee learner.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Aw, cute!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Back to driving school, you idiot! Why is it...?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50No, not all women drivers, but they're doing bloody make-ups
0:18:50 > 0:18:51and lipstick and wanting to look good.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54How about you get out of your bed five minutes earlier and do it?
0:18:54 > 0:18:58When you get your test, then you can tell me how to drive.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00She wasn't supposed to do that. You're not supposed to do that!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02You need to be very careful, love,
0:19:02 > 0:19:06with your ball going out in the road like that. OK, pet.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Isn't it well that I saw that coming, and it was a luminous ball?
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Anyhow...
0:19:11 > 0:19:13According to the recent census,
0:19:13 > 0:19:16we're all getting older and we're living longer.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18It's causing mixed feelings for our morning commuters,
0:19:18 > 0:19:20but somewhere between Randalstown and Coleraine,
0:19:20 > 0:19:23builder Sid is hatching a plan.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I think, when I get older...
0:19:29 > 0:19:33..I think I'll maybe emigrate to Antarctica,
0:19:33 > 0:19:35because I always wanted to be an Eskimo.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I always thought I'd like to get up in the mornings and just put
0:19:38 > 0:19:40on me fur coat - me seal coat -
0:19:40 > 0:19:43and walk across the ice...
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Just, you know, that handle thing that screws into the ice? Aye.
0:19:49 > 0:19:56Drill a hole, and just dangle a piece of string down into the hole.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00And dip it up and down like that, there, and then maybe a fish would
0:20:00 > 0:20:05grab it, and then I would pull the fish up, and hit it over the head.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I would then cut it along the body, take out your finger
0:20:08 > 0:20:12and pull it along and pull its intestines and guts and all.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Cut the head off it, and then cook it there and then.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Someone's been watching too much Pingu.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19What you going to cook it with?
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Sushi, lad, just eat it raw.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Well...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I had sushi one time in Scotland.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I ate...
0:20:27 > 0:20:28salmon...
0:20:30 > 0:20:31..trout...
0:20:32 > 0:20:33..monkfish...
0:20:35 > 0:20:38..same platter, tuna.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40And a few fish eyes.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45If you had an age of choice to stay, what would it be? Age of choice?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48You first. And why. But we've hardly lived, so... Me?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50OK. Me?
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Yes, you, old man.
0:20:51 > 0:20:5325. You've not even got that age.
0:20:53 > 0:20:5725, because you're not too young and you're not too old,
0:20:57 > 0:21:02and also most things that you can, like, that are old, are over 18.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Think about it, as soon as you turn 18,
0:21:04 > 0:21:08you're going to have to have a job, so everything's going to be boring.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I'm old AND I'm boring.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Guys, this is going really well!
0:21:12 > 0:21:17Your parents will die, let's say you if you're 60... Oh, and now I'm dead?!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Shh, Mum.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22But what if you're scrawny and ugly at 23?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Like, some of the guys that I know...
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Yeah, I know, but some of the guys I know, even in their mid-20s,
0:21:28 > 0:21:33they still look gangly and then, come after 30s, it was like, damn!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Yeah, but that's late puberty.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42As they make their way to school in Newtownards, Bethany and Emily
0:21:42 > 0:21:43have the old age thing sussed.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Well, like, sort of!
0:21:45 > 0:21:49I'm going to wear winged eyeliner when I'm, like, 80.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Yeah, we'll be, like, blending our eyeshadow. Yeah!
0:21:52 > 0:21:56We'll be the new generation of old people!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Yeah, I'll just be sitting in my old people's home,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01re-watching Game Of Thrones.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05There'll probably be, like, a new series.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07You know, I'll still have long hair when I'm a granny.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Yeah, I know, I don't want to cut my hair.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Wait, I don't think you cut it, I think it comes out.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15When you hit about 40, your hair comes out. Really?
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Serious? Yeah.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22Have you prepared for your pension? Ha, no! Have you prepared for yours?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Oh, yes, I have a portfolio, indeed!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Yes, indeed, you would have a portfolio.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Do you know when you have to get out your portfolio? Yeah.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33And it takes you about 2.5 seconds to look at it.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37We should be maybe putting a wee bit aside for the face. Yes.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Well, I definitely think that you and I will be having
0:22:41 > 0:22:43a trip on the big 50th birthday.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Yes, but that's so far off.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46To the clinic... Five years.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Stop talking about that! Five years.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Five years, that's... Don't say five years, say several...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53That's all it is. Five years.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56While you're in, are you going to get a wee...?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Well, no, that would be quite a big...
0:22:58 > 0:23:00If we started that...
0:23:00 > 0:23:03You'd maybe have a new Kathryn lying on the floor. You would!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I don't like those old people who intensely try to be
0:23:06 > 0:23:09so much younger, and still go out every Saturday night.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10Like, I want to be a granny.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13If I'm old, I want to be old and be a cute,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15wee granny and go and get my wee blue rinse.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Och, no, I'd like a wee pink rinse.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23And sitting in the wee hairdressers
0:23:23 > 0:23:27and then going up the town for a wee cup of tea.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Och, no, I think I would. I'd live the life.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32And then, your wee dolly trolley, going shopping.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33All perfect.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42You know I'm going to live till I'm 100?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Yes. And I'm going to die with a broken neck. Why's that?
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Because when his wife comes home,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I'm going to have to jump out of an upstairs window!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I swear to God, I was passing a shop the other day
0:23:55 > 0:23:58and I looked in the window, and I thought to myself,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00"Who is that old lad's reflection in the window?"
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Only to realise it was myself.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I swear to God. I was going to say...
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I thought it was my grandad.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11I'd get all here all done. I'd get this all done.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13No, because you see, I think then...
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Oh, no, I would, I don't care.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19No, but I think then it looks like you've got a job done.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Morning. Look.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22I can't look, I'm driving.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25You look scary.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27When I get older, I'll be in a truss. Will you?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Oh, absolutely. Why?
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Because, I mean, naturally, when you get older, it all goes a wee bit...
0:24:33 > 0:24:34And I'll be like...
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Put the teeth out.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Do it with the teeth out. That's it!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41You need to do it with the teeth out.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Listen, you paid good money for those crowns,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46there's no point in not showing them off.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48And you pop a TENA Lady in for the whole day?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Just for the whole day, yes. And then just let go when you need to?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Yes, yes. Just wee leaks at a time.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Yeah, a wee dribble and a wee dribble. A wee sneeze and a wee sneeze.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59That's what you're up against when you get older.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I know, but some people have had that fixed. Uh-huh.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I think that's the way forward. You get that all...
0:25:03 > 0:25:05But just maybe I could say to you...
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I might have to go for a couple of months.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Maybe I could say to you at this juncture, as a friend... Yes?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Just as a friend, and I don't want you to be offended!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16OK, I'll try not. Don't be offended. OK.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I think you should change it more often.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Because sometimes, no matter how much fragrance you put on...
0:25:23 > 0:25:26You can get TENA pants now for men. Can you, seriously?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Mmm-hmm. You cannot. You can.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30That's rubbish. You can!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I've seen that in one of the magazines or something. Seriously?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Uh-huh. Incontinence pants for men?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Them things that women uses?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39It just goes into a pair of pants.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Have you noticed that they always advertise them things when
0:25:42 > 0:25:43you're having your tea?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Six o'clock at night, you can be sure
0:25:45 > 0:25:48there'll be something on about it, women leaking.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50I swear to God.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Well, you can get them for men now as well, if you have dribbles.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Well, I don't have dribbles, thank you very much. Oh, my God.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01You know, a sign to know whenever you're getting old,
0:26:01 > 0:26:05they start cutting your eyebrows, they start cutting your nose hair, they start cutting your ear hair -
0:26:05 > 0:26:07I'm telling you. Used to take me ten minutes to get my hair cut,
0:26:07 > 0:26:09now it takes about half an hour.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Do the barbers not do something with the...? Aye, that's Turkish barbers.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16They do a flame. Burn the hairs off your ears.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Jeez, the first day he done that,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20I thought he was going to set me on fire.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25On the road to Ballycastle,
0:26:25 > 0:26:29geography teacher Gordon has decided what he'd put into Room 101.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Just old people. What?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Old people. Sure, you're nearly there.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35What about your parents, sure, they're old? They wouldn't
0:26:35 > 0:26:38appreciate you saying these sort of things about them?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Well, maybe it's not just old people, it's old-isms.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Things that tag themselves along with them.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46You know, like... Like when you're stuck behind somebody
0:26:46 > 0:26:49driving at 40mph. You automatically assume that's an old person.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I know I'm going to get there myself, but, you know...
0:26:52 > 0:26:55It kind of grates on you at times as well.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58I can't say that I've ever been troubled by an old person.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Excuse me?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03I can't say I've ever been troubled by someone who's
0:27:03 > 0:27:05a wee bit more esteemed. Why does it bother you?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08It doesn't really, I just mentioned it.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Trying to create a tedious link here to Gramps in front of the car.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19That's all you can think of is bowels when you get older.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23That's another thing about getting older, all you think about is, "Did I go to the toilet today?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24"Oh, I'll have to move myself!
0:27:24 > 0:27:27"Don't touch me, it's like a stick of dynamite."
0:27:27 > 0:27:29I swear to God, it's desperate. Oh, my God, it's disgusting.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33I used to hear my granny and my mummy and everybody talking about
0:27:33 > 0:27:36bowel movements, and used to say, "God, that's going to make me sick."
0:27:36 > 0:27:40And now, all I can think about is, "Have I went today?"
0:27:40 > 0:27:41All right, see you later.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Time once again to leave our commuters at their destinations.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Let's start another day.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Is there someone in that car? Oh, no, that's my reflection.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52# It's not believing... #
0:27:52 > 0:27:53See you later, I'm tired.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Yeee-haw!
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Kissy, kissy, kissy.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Mwah, mwah, mwah!
0:28:01 > 0:28:02Ta.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Thanks a lot, see you. Same time next week? OK, see you then.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09Join them on their next commute, when love is in the air.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I'm getting married in Disney.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13They'll also be revealing their final wishes...
0:28:13 > 0:28:16And when the two heels are kicked up, I have told her to make sure
0:28:16 > 0:28:18I'm buried with my watch, so I can tell the time.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20..and they'll be killing a great Queen song with
0:28:20 > 0:28:23a car karaoke that'll bring tears to your eyes.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25# Scaramouche, Scaramouche
0:28:25 > 0:28:27# Can you do the fandango? #
0:28:27 > 0:28:31# Yeah, a little bit of feel good goes a long way
0:28:33 > 0:28:36# I need your touch to get me through my day
0:28:38 > 0:28:41# Watching you sleeping, I pray
0:28:43 > 0:28:47# Please, don't make it go away. #