0:00:18 > 0:00:24# I can make you happy Make your dreams come true
0:00:24 > 0:00:29# Oh, there's nothing that I wouldn't do... #
0:00:29 > 0:00:33'My name's Libby, and the reason I want to make this documentary'
0:00:33 > 0:00:36is so that I can help people understand that there's
0:00:36 > 0:00:39nothing wrong at all with having a mental illness.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41SHE APPLAUDS Whoo!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Hi, I'm Ethan, and, erm...
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Yeah, I think it's important for me to make this film.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Mainly because I want people to know how it feels to have
0:00:49 > 0:00:51low self-esteem, and people with low self-esteem
0:00:51 > 0:00:54won't have to feel like they're the only ones going through it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Hopefully this will show them
0:00:55 > 0:00:58that just cos you have it doesn't mean you're not perfect.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03'My name's Oliver.'
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I want to take part in this documentary to help reduce
0:01:06 > 0:01:08the stigma around mental health,
0:01:08 > 0:01:10and to let people know that they're not alone.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16On the outside, Ethan, Oliver and I might seem like regular teenagers.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19But on the inside, there's a lot going on in our heads.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Our mental health problems mean we find some simple,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27everyday tasks really difficult.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I hate phoning people.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31But we're determined not to let our marvellous,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34messy minds hold us back.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Find out how the three of us get on as we try
0:01:38 > 0:01:41and overcome our own mental-health challenges.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45And hopefully you can pick up some top tips along the way.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53DOG BARKS
0:01:56 > 0:01:57'My name's Libby.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02'I live with my mum, my dad, and my younger brothers, Max and Will.'
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I have suffered with anxiety for a year now,
0:02:07 > 0:02:11possibly longer than that, like, a year and six months.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Things that make me quite anxious are things that most people
0:02:16 > 0:02:19will probably find really easy to do.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21So, walking to school by myself,
0:02:21 > 0:02:24I feel really uncomfortable when I have to cross a road,
0:02:24 > 0:02:29and I avoid doing them because they make me anxious,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31which, you know, isn't really going to help
0:02:31 > 0:02:33at the end of the day, is it?
0:02:33 > 0:02:34No.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37My brother Max walks me to school.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40He is my younger brother, and I live two minutes away.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43I think it's just because when I'm walking to school I get really
0:02:43 > 0:02:47anxious, and I just get really scared, cos I feel quite vulnerable.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49So having him there is sort of like he's protecting me,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51even though he is younger.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54People looking will probably think,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56"Well, get over it, what's the problem?"
0:02:56 > 0:02:59But it really hits her hard when it does hit her.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03One of the first times I think I experienced my anxiety was
0:03:03 > 0:03:06when I decided to meet up with some friends,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08and my dad had dropped me off.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Dad told me that he was actually worried about you,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14because you completely freaked out on him.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16And I just remember feeling really panicky, because I had to
0:03:16 > 0:03:20cross this road, and it was one of the, like, main roads.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I just knew that I could not cross the road.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26What happened that was so bad that it made your dad actually scared?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I don't know, I just didn't want to cross the road and get hit by a car.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33All of a sudden, like, my heart was beating really fast, and I just...
0:03:33 > 0:03:38was just, like, really scared and worried and, like, anxious.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Anxiety affects my body in different ways.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46My heart beats really fast.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51I have butterflies in my stomach, which make me feel sick.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54I start to sweat, and my legs turn to jelly.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00It's just really frustrating not being able to do normal
0:04:00 > 0:04:04things like going to gigs, to see bands that I'm into.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07This is what I want to do, this is the anxiety,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09and I'm just sort of, like, walking and just bouncing off it,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11and, you know, all I need to do is like,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15kung fu the door down, and then walk on through to the gigs
0:04:15 > 0:04:18of awesomeness and music and rock and roll.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21OK, so...what are my goals for this year?
0:04:21 > 0:04:26First goal is to be able to walk to school by myself, because I'm
0:04:26 > 0:04:30reaching the age, really, where I'm sort of meant to be more...
0:04:30 > 0:04:31more independent.
0:04:35 > 0:04:41ALL: # He came down to Earth from Heaven
0:04:41 > 0:04:42# Who is God... #
0:04:42 > 0:04:43This is Ethan.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47He lives with his mum, his dad, and his three sisters.
0:04:47 > 0:04:53# And his shelter was a stable... #
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Ethan was diagnosed with ADHD,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01when he was nine years old.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06And as a result, he has low self-esteem.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I can accept it when someone says, "You've been bad,"
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I can accept that, but when someone says,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12"Actually, Ethan, you've done well today."
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I find it quite hard to accept, I don't know why.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Low self-esteem is when we find it hard to believe the good things
0:05:18 > 0:05:21about ourselves, and when we think we can't do anything well.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24The smaller this makes us feel,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27the harder it is to think positively when people do say nice things.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32This causes Ethan to get easily frustrated.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34I get angry with really little,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37petty things I just don't need to be getting angry about,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40like not having ketchup with dinner, just makes me angry.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42So, some interesting things happened this week.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Well, not so much interesting.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Been quite a bad week for me, I got excluded from school, erm...
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Yeah, I got fined for breaking the chair cos I got angry.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Sometimes I just wish I didn't get angry as easily,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57because I think I'd be a much nicer person as well, to be around,
0:05:57 > 0:05:59and it's quite upsetting to feel like people
0:05:59 > 0:06:01feel like they have to be on guard when they're around me.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Now, hold it nice and tight and put it up.- OK.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09How has last term gone for you?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I... I think trouble keeps seeming to find me.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Does that affect your confidence a bit?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Yeah, I think it... I think it makes me feel a bit...
0:06:16 > 0:06:19a bit dull inside, a bit like, erm...a bit pathetic.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21What are some things you're finding difficult?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I normally get angry when I try and express my feelings.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I don't know why, I just do,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28so I find it quite hard to talk to people about myself.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30You don't like looking people in the eye, do you?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- I can only look my mum in the eye. - What about me?!
0:06:33 > 0:06:34No, I mean, I can talk to you, and all.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Yeah, you've got to be able to talk man to man, eh?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Being honest, I feel ashamed sometimes when I talk to you, Dad.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- Right.- That's honestly why I find it hard to look you in the eye.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Get some of this wood in.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48'I think just disappointing my parents is one of the things
0:06:48 > 0:06:49I have to deal with.'
0:06:49 > 0:06:52After I've done something wrong, I think it's the truth of life -
0:06:52 > 0:06:55you do something, you've got to live with the consequences,
0:06:55 > 0:06:57no matter how bad they are. I find I can't really talk to people
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- without making a fool of myself. - How does that make you feel?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Makes me feel rubbish.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And then when you feel rubbish, what do you do?
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Act rubbish.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- It's like a full circle, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Doesn't have to be that way.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12All right, I think that's enough for today, now, let's finish.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Let's do it. - We'll finish it off tomorrow.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18This is Oliver.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20He lives with his mum,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22his dad, and his two older brothers.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26He's had anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28known as OCD, since he was really young.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Having OCD makes Oliver scared of germs and getting dirty.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37'With my OCD, I was really afraid of germs,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40'so I was always washing my hands, and the knock-on effect
0:07:40 > 0:07:44'of that was that my hands were chapped and my skin was cracking.'
0:07:44 > 0:07:46At one point I couldn't go to school
0:07:46 > 0:07:49because my hands were cut all the way around.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51How would you feel if I handed that one to you?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Oh, that's disgusting.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57When you were about three, you were always asking me...
0:07:57 > 0:08:01"Has anything happened today that can give me shorter life?"
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Do you remember that?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05I remember exactly.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10And I think, like most parents, I thought it would pass by,
0:08:10 > 0:08:11and that you would outgrow it.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13And you didn't.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16'OCD affects my everyday life'
0:08:16 > 0:08:19by causing me to do things that would seem odd to other people.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21So I straighten out my pens - people would think,
0:08:21 > 0:08:24"Why are you doing that? Are you trying to get attention?"
0:08:24 > 0:08:28And you're genuinely not, and I was always thinking, "What do you mean?"
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I thought this was perfectly natural, cos it's what I have to do.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34At first I thought it was normal.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Then I could see myself slowly, kind of, drifting apart from all
0:08:38 > 0:08:41the other students, which kind of made me feel upset and secluded.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45And that's when I really started to notice...
0:08:45 > 0:08:48"Oh, maybe I'm alone, maybe I'm just a weird kid."
0:08:48 > 0:08:52So I want to be able to do everything that a child should do.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56Because I think if I can cross that boundary,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58my life would be...
0:09:00 > 0:09:02..phenomenally improved.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I could do so much more if I can just get control.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10Oliver really wants to overcome his fear of dirt and germs.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21A bad day to me is just a day when I just feel really upset
0:09:21 > 0:09:25and really anxious, and lots of people think it's just quite
0:09:25 > 0:09:27easy to, just, sort of, snap out of it.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28THUNDER ROLLS
0:09:28 > 0:09:31But it's sort of like I'm being followed
0:09:31 > 0:09:35by this dark rain cloud.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41The key thing about mental illness is that we need to talk about it.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Because people don't talk about it,
0:09:43 > 0:09:46people then don't know how to help, so by talking about it
0:09:46 > 0:09:51and being more open, people feel loved and more cared about.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54I'm really grateful to have you guys as friends.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58So what do you think your next step is to conquering your anxiety?
0:09:58 > 0:10:02My mum's organised for me to see this therapist,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04psychology person.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I don't know, I suppose the next step is just sitting down
0:10:07 > 0:10:10and talking to him, and just seeing what he has to say.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24When I was younger, I would always climb trees,
0:10:24 > 0:10:26and I loved to climb trees, it was my life.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28It makes me feel a sense of calmness,
0:10:28 > 0:10:31and, like, whenever I get angry, I run to the park
0:10:31 > 0:10:33and just climb on top of the really high climbing frame.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35It just helps me to calm down.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43A lot of my friends think,
0:10:43 > 0:10:45"Oh, he's very confident," and sometimes I do come across
0:10:45 > 0:10:48as confident, but inside I'm really unconfident.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I might look it on the outside, but I'm really not on the inside.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I want to feel as confident on the inside as I do on the outside.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55THEY LAUGH
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Ethan really doesn't like talking on the phone.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Do you ever, like, feel, like... it's hard to speak on the phone?
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- It's easier than in person.- Why?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Because you don't have to face them.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Face-to-face and doing eye contact is just...awkward.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15On a phone, you don't have to look at them, you just talk.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I find it really hard to speak on the phone,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I find it easier to speak in person.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20You can see if they're not liking what you're saying,
0:11:20 > 0:11:22cos you know, they'll be like, "Mmm," but...
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- So you prefer it in person?- Yeah.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27'Nearly all my friends are glued to their phone.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29'I just don't see how they manage to do that,
0:11:29 > 0:11:31'because it gets really awkward on the phone, I think.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34'I end up just, you know, flustering and hanging up,
0:11:34 > 0:11:36'cos I don't know how to act.'
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Ethan really hopes he can build up the courage
0:11:39 > 0:11:40to start using the phone more.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44I want to organise a five-a-side football team for me and my friends,
0:11:44 > 0:11:46but I think I'm very limited
0:11:46 > 0:11:49because I'm not a very confident person on the phone.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Have you got everyone?
0:11:50 > 0:11:55Erm... Yeah, I think I've got Louis, TJ...
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Bit nervous, but I'm a bit excited at the same time.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I'm starting to feel up for it, I think,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03that's the word - I'm feeling up for it.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09'I am feeling determined to overcome my fear'
0:12:09 > 0:12:10of walking to school,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14and I'm really looking forward to the psychologist coming round,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16because hopefully he can give me some tips and
0:12:16 > 0:12:19help me out with how to cope with my anxiety.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21And I will eventually conquer my fear.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23So when we think about walking to school, OK,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- so you told me that's something you find really stressful.- Yeah.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Has that been always the case?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31I've never really walked to school by myself.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34I can deal with walking, but only if I've got, you know,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36headphones in, and I don't have to think about it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38OK, so you're doing some distraction.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41The point of listening to music is so I don't hear myself walk.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44If I can hear my footsteps, then everybody else can hear them,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46and I just don't want to be the centre of attention.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50So at the moment, if you were to walk to school by yourself,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53without your headphones on, how anxious would you feel
0:12:53 > 0:12:55out of 10, where 10 is really, really anxious?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- A nine, yeah.- OK.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02What can be really helpful with anxiety is to do the thing
0:13:02 > 0:13:06that you're finding hard over and over and over.
0:13:06 > 0:13:11You'll start off feeling 100% anxious at something,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14and then the hope is that gradually, over time, you'll feel less so,
0:13:14 > 0:13:18and so your first step is walking to school without the music on.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23Gradually, in little steps, weaning yourself off the need for that.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26At the back of your mind, you do know that it's going to be fine,
0:13:26 > 0:13:28but you've just got to, like...
0:13:28 > 0:13:31push yourself to do it, and then when you do, you, sort of,
0:13:31 > 0:13:35can laugh at yourself a bit and go, "See? Told you! Wasn't that bad."
0:13:35 > 0:13:38And one of the things that I think is really exciting
0:13:38 > 0:13:42is when people decide, "I'm not having this push me around any more,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45"I want to be in charge of my life, thank you very much."
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- And you sound to me like you're feeling a bit more like that.- Yeah.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52'Jamie just made me feel like the things I feel
0:13:52 > 0:13:54'when I am anxious are totally normal,'
0:13:54 > 0:13:57'and that it's not just me that feels these things,'
0:13:57 > 0:14:01it's a common thing if you do have anxiety,
0:14:01 > 0:14:03so it was nice to know that it's not just me.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11'Now I understand how to reduce my anxiety, I've decided to try
0:14:11 > 0:14:15'and walk to school without using music as a distraction.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19'Walking to school without my headphones
0:14:19 > 0:14:21'isn't actually as scary as I thought it was going to be.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24'So it just makes me feel more confident
0:14:24 > 0:14:29'that I eventually will be able to just walk to school by myself.'
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Today's just left me feeling...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35..quite happy and confident in knowing that
0:14:35 > 0:14:40I can properly battle my anxiety, and...
0:14:40 > 0:14:41show it who's boss.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Do you remember when it was really difficult for you to come out
0:14:51 > 0:14:53and do anything like this before?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I guess I used to think that if a leaf, kind of, landed
0:14:55 > 0:15:00in my mouth, it would kill me, and the likelihood of that is very low.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04And I think that's what I wasn't realising, so I was so terrified
0:15:04 > 0:15:08of, kind of, losing my life, that I wasn't actually LIVING my life.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12When anxiety really builds up, it can cause a panic attack.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17- Remember when I was going to go to France in Year Six?- I do.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18- The night before...- Yeah.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20..I had a panic attack, I was scared,
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I didn't know how I'd cope without you.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24So I ran upstairs...
0:15:24 > 0:15:28HE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:15:28 > 0:15:29..and I was terrified.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33A panic attack is when your breathing gets faster,
0:15:33 > 0:15:36but your chest feels tight, so it's difficult to breathe.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Your heartbeat sounds really loud,
0:15:40 > 0:15:43and you feel dizzy, as if you could faint.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47People tend to think that when you're having a panic attack,
0:15:47 > 0:15:50you're trying to get attention or...
0:15:50 > 0:15:54it's just like, "Oh, just calm down! Stop it!"
0:15:54 > 0:15:58And I'm thinking, "I wish I could, I genuinely wish I could."
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Do you remember what you said to me?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01You remind me.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04My dad, my knight in shining armour, you said to me,
0:16:04 > 0:16:07"You know what, Oliver? It's going to be OK.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09"You're not the only person with these issues,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12"and we can get you help, and you will fight through this."
0:16:12 > 0:16:15And...that relaxed me so much.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20Without family support, overcoming mental illness isn't impossible,
0:16:20 > 0:16:22but it's just so much harder.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Oliver sees a psychiatrist to help him control his anxiety
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- There are things I'd like to talk to you about, but...- Excellent, OK.- OK.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38All right, thank you.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Therapy is a lot like going to school.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43'It teaches me new ways to fight my OCD and anxiety.'
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- So as we talked about, it's good to face your fears...- Mmm-hmm.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49..in a gradual way.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50OK.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54So one idea is to, in fact,
0:16:54 > 0:16:56make a fingerprint deliberately,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- and leave it there...- OK, so... - ..without smudging it away.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Being able to talk to someone about my issues is something that
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I find very useful, because it gets a huge weight off your shoulders,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08and you feel so much better afterwards.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12If you're starting to feel really worried, it's very important
0:17:12 > 0:17:17to recognise it and to stop for a moment, take a deep breath...
0:17:17 > 0:17:19That's it, perfect. That's really important.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22And I think that's what I struggled with to begin with as well, is I...
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I wouldn't quite understand
0:17:24 > 0:17:26when I was getting anxious till it's too late,
0:17:26 > 0:17:28and I need to be able to, like you said,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31get on top of that before it gets to that stage.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Mmm-hmm.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36'I wanted to talk a bit about having low confidence
0:17:36 > 0:17:37'and how that affects me.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40'Talking to new people, it's really hard for me to actually'
0:17:40 > 0:17:43start the conversation in the first place, and, erm...
0:17:43 > 0:17:45I think a lot of people take it for granted how easy it is to
0:17:45 > 0:17:47just talk to someone.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52Do you often find that you feel anger as well as anxiety?
0:17:52 > 0:17:53I feel anger quite a lot during the day,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56then anxiety during the night, that's why I don't sleep very well.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00This is Kay. She runs a confidence-boosting workshop.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03So that's your body, when you get angry, the blood flows much,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05much quicker and you can feel it in your heart, yeah?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08But if you were to stop and breathe,
0:18:08 > 0:18:10all of those particles will
0:18:10 > 0:18:12eventually drop to the bottom, and everything will be calm.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14So it's a little bit about getting you to feel
0:18:14 > 0:18:17calmer in situations where you feel anxious.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I feel low rather than high, lately.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24I think this is really going to help me feel more high than low,
0:18:24 > 0:18:25you know?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28You're still Ethan, but you can pretend that you're confident Ethan.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31But the thing is, when I'm on the phone, I am confident,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33but in terms of, like,
0:18:33 > 0:18:35I put a different person on, and that's not me.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Why do you feel like you can't be yourself on the phone?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Erm... I don't know, cos I don't feel very confident about myself.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Do you think you put yourself down a bit?- Yeah, a little bit, yeah.- Yeah?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- So it's about highlighting your strengths, yeah?- Mmm.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50And also it's about focus.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- So with confidence, sometimes, if you can act confident...- Mmm.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55..you'll become confident.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58And it's practice as well, the more you do something,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01the more it becomes second nature to you.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03One of my teachers once told me that if you work
0:19:03 > 0:19:06and you don't enjoy it but you put a smile on, you kind of enjoy it more.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Smiling's really important.- Yeah.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Really important. Cos if you smile...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Right, if I want you to smile now...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- Yeah!- All that negativity disappears, doesn't it?- Yeah.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18It's hard to smile and think of something negative at the same time.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20'I found the confidence class really good.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23'She's given me some good advice on talking on the phone.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25'She told me to visualise that they're there.'
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Because then I don't feel like I'm talking to a blank wall,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I feel like I'm actually talking to them.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36GUITAR PLAYS A SOFT TUNE
0:19:36 > 0:19:38'I'm really passionate about music,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40'and I think it's a brilliant way to express yourself.'
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# Oh-oh-oh...
0:19:43 > 0:19:45# All you're searching for was... #
0:19:45 > 0:19:46..me?
0:19:49 > 0:19:50- I don't know!- You don't know how that bit goes!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53'Now I'm starting to control my anxiety to walk to school,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55'maybe I can use the same techniques
0:19:55 > 0:19:57'to help me sing in front of an audience.'
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Ever since I got stage fright, like,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02I don't want to perform in front of...
0:20:02 > 0:20:05people I know, cos they'll be really...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- judgey.- What about busking?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Busking? That's a good idea.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12I think busking would make me less anxious, because nobody's
0:20:12 > 0:20:14going to come up and like...
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Judge?- ..tell me... Yeah, and judge and tell me I'm a failure.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- So it would help?- So it would help. - It would help.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22SHE LAUGHS
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Just about to start doing my phone calls for my five-a-side team,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32to organise it.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Yeah, I'm a bit nervous, but I'm also a bit, um, excited, just to see
0:20:36 > 0:20:38if that confidence-building class actually did help me.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40I really do think it did,
0:20:40 > 0:20:42so I'm going to try the techniques she taught me.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Who do you think we should call first?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Um, I think we should call my mate Nathan.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- RINGING TONE - Oh, I hate phoning people.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- Oh, hi, Nathan, you all right? - 'Yeah, you?'
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I was wondering if you're still up for coming over on Saturday
0:21:01 > 0:21:02for the five-a-side thing?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05'Yeah, I'll be up for that, yeah.'
0:21:05 > 0:21:08See you. Bye.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Well done. That was good. He's so cool.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15- So, how about calling Corrine. - Hello? How... How are you?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18'I'm great, thanks.'
0:21:18 > 0:21:24So, the five-a-side thing's at two o'clock at the leisure centre.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26'Um, I don't think I'll be able to come.'
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- She can't come.- She can't come. - She's just rejected.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- No, that's OK...- No, I'm hanging up on her.- Ethan...
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- That was really harsh. I'll call her back and say sorry.- Yes, call her.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Yeah.- Hello? - 'Are you all right?'
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Oh, sorry about that.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48Um, don't worry about it. See you on, er, Sunday.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- 'Bye.'- Bye.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53How did it feel like when she couldn't make it?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56I had all these lists for saying, "Thanks for coming,"
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- I haven't had anything about "if you don't come..."- Ah.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00What do I say?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02So it was a bit like...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Ah, so maybe you can make another little list, as in,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07somebody can't come, you know what to say.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Despite the hiccup,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Ethan finds the confidence to finish making his calls.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Well done, Ethan. I'm really proud of you.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21You did a good job there.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26- Thanks.- So you've got your players. - We've got, er... We need a ref.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27That's it, we need the ref.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30So who do you think could be a ref?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- WHISTLE - Goal!
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I feel like I've achieved something.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I've managed to finish something and follow it through.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55You'll never know how far you can go if you don't take that first step.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57And I think that by taking that first step,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00you're actually doing yourself a favour.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02THEY CHEER
0:23:02 > 0:23:04If you know anyone who's got low self-esteem, be there for them
0:23:04 > 0:23:06when they're on their lows and their downs.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Don't be a friend who's only there when they're happy
0:23:09 > 0:23:10and not when they're sad.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Because when they're sad is when they're most in need of you.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20This morning, I've decided that I'm going to walk to school by myself.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23'Close your eyes and place both hands on your belly.'
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Out of ten, I'm probably a six or a seven.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29'Take a few big breaths
0:23:29 > 0:23:32'and see if you can get your hands to rise even higher.'
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Something could still go wrong, Max won't be there,
0:23:34 > 0:23:39I won't have my earphones, but at the same time, I'm weirdly excited.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I think that's mainly because, if I CAN do it,
0:23:43 > 0:23:47then I've sort of proved to myself that nothing will happen.
0:23:47 > 0:23:52But I can still feel my heart beating like mad.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Wish me luck, Will.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55HEARTBEAT
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Urgh. I'm a bit worried.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Oh, no, there's a car. Oh, God.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06What are you doing?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09OK, he's gone. That's good.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25I hate this hill, I always trip up on the gravel.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27If I trip up, I'll cry.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Ooh, I'm here!
0:24:38 > 0:24:41I did it. I made it in one piece. Everything went well.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I'm really proud of myself, actually.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47I'm quite surprised that I managed to actually do it, but...
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Ooh! I don't know. I mean, it wasn't 100% anxiety-free.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Oh, no, there's a car! Oh, God. What are you doing?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56'But I feel like the more I work on it'
0:24:56 > 0:24:59and the more I actually do do it by myself, the better it will get.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Remember how Oliver's obsessive-compulsive disorder
0:25:05 > 0:25:07means he hates getting dirty?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Well, look at how far he's come.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16OCD and anxiety is something that will always be a part of me,
0:25:16 > 0:25:19but I have learnt to control it and I'm still learning to control it.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23I'm developing new skills every day and it's getting easier and easier.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25I just swallowed a leaf. That was nasty.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27HE RETCHES
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Now, Oliver's so good at controlling his OCD,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31he's got a new hobby.
0:25:31 > 0:25:36Which is all about getting muddy and being outside.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37I do Cadets.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39The first night, I was hooked.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Right, Hamburger, you grab that corner, I'll grab this corner.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Right, shake it up. Grab this.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46And it's something that I've found
0:25:46 > 0:25:48a huge release from my anxiety and OCD
0:25:48 > 0:25:53because I know I can go to Cadets, have fun with my mates
0:25:53 > 0:25:55and talk to them and they won't judge me.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58I guess that's the best thing about Army Cadets.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Anybody else enjoying this? It's really comfortable.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04Oh, move over, Hamburger! Come on, let them all in!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Right, so, it's the weekend, and me and Oli
0:26:10 > 0:26:13are going busking and I'm so excited.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I'm also really scared, in case people boo us or something.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Are you nervous?- Yeah.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- At least you're not the only one.- Yep, great.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Right, you ready?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- Yeah, let's do this. Come on.- Yeah!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28# Keep your head up, keep your heart strong
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# No, no, no, no
0:26:31 > 0:26:35# Keep your mind up, keep your hair long
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# All right, my darling
0:26:37 > 0:26:38# Keep your head up
0:26:38 > 0:26:41# Keep your heart strong
0:26:41 > 0:26:43# No, no, no, no... #
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I feel quite proud of myself to see how far I've come
0:26:46 > 0:26:49in the past few months and how hard I've actually tried,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52and that it's all becoming worth it, because I'm making little
0:26:52 > 0:26:55doggy steps, but they're leading up to something really good.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00# And I tried my best, to embrace the darkness... #
0:27:00 > 0:27:01I feel so proud of myself now,
0:27:01 > 0:27:06because I've gone from being scared to go outside and drink out of other
0:27:06 > 0:27:11people's cups, to running around in the woods, crawling through the
0:27:11 > 0:27:16mud and dirt and now I'm starting to live my life to the full.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# Keep your hair long
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# All right, my darling... #
0:27:20 > 0:27:22We're all very proud of how far we've come
0:27:22 > 0:27:24and we all should feel that way,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26because it's very difficult to change
0:27:26 > 0:27:29your mental state and how you think.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33So when you do, you've overcome yourself and you've made yourself
0:27:33 > 0:27:37a better, happier person - and what else is there to be?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# Oh, keep your heart strong. #
0:27:41 > 0:27:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:49 > 0:27:53# Keep your head up, keep your heart strong
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# No, no, no, no,
0:27:55 > 0:27:59# Keep your mind set, keep your hair long
0:27:59 > 0:28:01# All right, my darling
0:28:01 > 0:28:06# Keep your head up, keep your heart strong
0:28:06 > 0:28:09# No, no, no, no, keep your mind set in your ways. #