0:00:02 > 0:00:09THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE
0:00:23 > 0:00:25The Edinburgh Fringe,
0:00:25 > 0:00:30the most celebrated Arts Festival in the world, where every August
0:00:30 > 0:00:34arty types flock to the city to enjoy high culture in exquisite surroundings.
0:00:36 > 0:00:41Yeah, and then there's the ones that come and see Late 'n' Live.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Last week's show reminded us why
0:00:47 > 0:00:51the Scottish audience are notorious for being the hardest in the world.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57No, I will not go. No, I won't.
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Late 'n' Live has a reputation for being a very tough gig.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Like the very best, best, best will die on their arse there.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Those sort of audiences are like horses,
0:01:10 > 0:01:14they can smell fear and within the first 30 seconds, if they've
0:01:14 > 0:01:18kind of gone... "No, we can have this," they'll buck you off.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22They'll what? Anyway, tonight, totally different.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27Tonight we examine the comedy wisdom of ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Yeah, right.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34In tonight's show, we ask...
0:01:34 > 0:01:38"Why do it? When you're having such a good festival, the life is good.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- Exactly!- Oh, you brutal fuckers.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It's the performing equivalent of self-harm.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52First you're going up and you're going,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54"Oh I'm going to do a nice gig...ARRRGGGHHHH!"
0:01:57 > 0:01:58That's what it's like.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03So, if it's honestly as tough as that,
0:02:03 > 0:02:08what makes an act say to themselves "Oh, I really want to gig there."
0:02:10 > 0:02:15If you can get a roomful of really drunk, evil people to face
0:02:15 > 0:02:18the right way and listen to you and laugh at you and give you
0:02:18 > 0:02:22like a huge reception afterwards, then you'll never... You've conquered.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25You've conquered comedy, basically, right there.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Yeah, but if you can't, they'll eat you alive.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34Oh, comedy fairy, if only you could bring me some previously unreleased
0:02:34 > 0:02:39footage of top comedy talent facing that crowd, for the very first time.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43And I want to pound you all like yesterday's beef.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Oh, no quite the comedy fairy I was expecting.
0:02:45 > 0:02:51Nevertheless, tonight, alongside the performers themselves,
0:02:51 > 0:02:55let's watch some previously unreleased footage
0:02:55 > 0:02:59of the very first time they braved the stage at Late 'n' Live.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Hello. Would you like to sit down before you fall over?
0:03:04 > 0:03:09I remember just absolute terror that I was going to go on at Late 'n' Live.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12I'm almost teary thinking about it.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16I actually threw up before I went on, I was that scared.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Before you go on, they always have this like,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I think it's called a sting
0:03:20 > 0:03:23and it basically goes, "Din din d-d-d-d."
0:03:25 > 0:03:29The lights go and the music comes on and the smoke comes up.
0:03:30 > 0:03:36- It kind of goes, "Din din d-d-d-d." - Oh, God, this shit's going to take off.
0:03:36 > 0:03:42Wow! Hello. You all look so clean, well done.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Throughout this whole interview,
0:03:43 > 0:03:47I've been a bit twitchy because you mentioned you've got footage
0:03:47 > 0:03:52of my first Late 'n' Live and it's just... Oh! I don't know,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56it's, you know, you put your past in little compartments and little boxes
0:03:56 > 0:03:59that you never want to open again and already I'm... That's why
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I've been a bit, "Oh, my God, when are you going to pull that horror on me?"
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Oh, oh well, far be it from me to rummage around in your box
0:04:07 > 0:04:09but we're going to pull it out now.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Ten years ago, Shappi Khorsandi was a fledgling comedian.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17With barely 20 shows under her belt, she ventured
0:04:17 > 0:04:22on to a stage that had defeated many a more experienced comic.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I was actually born in Iran, but it's all right, I'm unarmed.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31'It was very tough growing up as an Iranian in London'
0:04:31 > 0:04:36in the '80s, cos all you see of Iranians on TV is this.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40"Allah Achbad... I kill you..." And we're not all like that, actually,
0:04:40 > 0:04:41it's just my cousin Ali.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I wanted to do Late 'n' Live.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I did it very, very early on in my career and I've only ever done
0:04:47 > 0:04:50it once and I wouldn't even say I had a career when I did it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:57I was an open mic spot. But it was just something I knew I had to put myself through.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58I had to do it.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02It could have been a lot worse, my name. I have a cousin called Poo Pak.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Now, in Persian, Poo Pak is a beautiful name,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09but in English, you're finished.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11You can't even shorten it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Shappi, you're doing fabulously.
0:05:13 > 0:05:19You know, I am just so glad that's not one of those audiences where there's a random Scottish drunk.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Bit fat, ain't you?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Ah, it is.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Hello. You're what?
0:05:25 > 0:05:31You're pished? Lucky you. Fucking lucky you.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Hello, this is my first Late 'n' Live. I'm so excited.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I was so terrified. I want to help myself.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Would you like to sit down before you fall over?
0:05:40 > 0:05:45Oh, you're going to sit right in front of me. That's nice.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50I can see a seat right at the back there, on the pavement in the...
0:05:50 > 0:05:55There's a, there's a, there's a taxi outside with your name on it.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I'm actually a little bit scared.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00If that woman queued up for a regular paying show
0:06:00 > 0:06:03that an act was on at, the door wouldn't let her in.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05But at Late 'n' Live it's like,
0:06:05 > 0:06:12"No, no, incredibly drunk stupid lady, this is, this is your moment."
0:06:13 > 0:06:18My name's Poo Pak. Poo Pak.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Let's just give a big cheer for me cos I'm, like, handling it quite well.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23CHEERS AND LAUGHTER
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Hooray!
0:06:26 > 0:06:30It was like boot camp. I had to... I would never have respected myself
0:06:30 > 0:06:33if I hadn't put myself through it once. And I coped.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Thank you very much. I've been Shappi. Good night.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39More than coped, Shappi. More than coped.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Shappi Khorsandi!
0:06:40 > 0:06:45Just goes to show you - faced with adversity, we women never fail.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Well, almost never.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49I don't know why I did the Late 'n' Lives.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I always felt there was something to prove.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53But sometimes you couldn't prove it,
0:06:53 > 0:06:56you just could not prove you were funny. They wouldn't let you.
0:06:56 > 0:07:02Now, shut up, I'm leaving. You win. Do you feel good?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04JEERING
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Oops.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07It's the Carnegie Hall of comedy deaths, you know,
0:07:07 > 0:07:09the hardest you'll ever do it.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Hmm Hmm! Oh, yes.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17But this late-night audience aren't particularly sexist,
0:07:17 > 0:07:19they make it tough on everyone.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Way back in 1998, stadium-filling comic Jason Byrne
0:07:22 > 0:07:25was just starting out.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30My first ever Late 'n' Live, I went out and I had all loads
0:07:30 > 0:07:34of props, and if a drunk audience see you coming out like kind of young
0:07:34 > 0:07:38and vulnerable... So I had sticks with those rubber hands on it
0:07:38 > 0:07:43and immediately I'm going, "Aw, eh, second line D..."
0:07:43 > 0:07:44and they went, "Fuck off!"
0:07:44 > 0:07:50And they're going, "Get off, get off!" And I went, "OK." And I just turned around and left.
0:07:52 > 0:07:58Aw, luckily for us he came back again, and again, and again,
0:07:58 > 0:07:59and again, and again.
0:07:59 > 0:08:05What I learned in Late 'n' Live was how to deal with the public.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06LAUGHTER
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Fuck off!
0:08:07 > 0:08:11It was like getting in the ring with Mohammed Ali if you've never boxed.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16My heart rate's going BANG, knocking me out again. Me going, "Right I'm coming back."
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Then BANG, then go, "OK, I'm going back."
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Then eventually I learned how to block,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26cos every time the crowd hit me, I'd go bang, like that,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28and then they'd go, "You bastard!" I'd go bang!
0:08:28 > 0:08:31And eventually I was able to hold me own then.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Oh, and talk of holding your own, Rich Fulcher,
0:08:37 > 0:08:42regular with The Mighty Boosh, is best known for his TV appearances,
0:08:42 > 0:08:47but in 2010 he introduced his cross-dressed alter ego Eleanor,
0:08:47 > 0:08:51an aging groupie, to Late 'n' Live for the very first time.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56I am Eleanor. OK, first of all.
0:08:56 > 0:09:02I invented the phrase, "Hello, space cowboy."
0:09:02 > 0:09:07"Pound you like yesterday's beef." I also invented the sound, "Oooho."
0:09:07 > 0:09:08LAUGHTER
0:09:08 > 0:09:13Oh, I'm getting turned on by myself.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18No, early on, I hung out with loads of pilots, I was a jet lag hag.
0:09:18 > 0:09:25I hung out with kidnappers, I was a ransom money honey.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28And then I hung out with a narcoleptic bartender,
0:09:28 > 0:09:33who also owned a hot tub. I was a snoozy boozy Jacuzzi floozy.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Come on, that's a good fucking joke.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41'Late 'n' Live, I don't think knew what to think of her.'
0:09:41 > 0:09:46It's funny, there are factions in this gig where they were wanting me
0:09:46 > 0:09:52to go on, but half of them also were against me.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56'Before I became a groupie, I hung out with comics,'
0:09:56 > 0:10:02I pegged Simon, I, eh, I branded Russell.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06I drank Bill Bailey's.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11"Get off." That's what they say at Late 'n' Live. It's all coming back now. "Get off."
0:10:11 > 0:10:17I was pretty much basically the world's greatest gag hag.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19And you know what I did?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Oh no, they're turning.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Come on, Eleanor, turn them round, turn them round.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27See, I'm singing, that's helping now.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32# I'll be a gag hag Go on, tell me a joke
0:10:32 > 0:10:36# I'll be a right slag I may let you poke me
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# With a lit fag Go on, stub it right out
0:10:39 > 0:10:43# Don't make me heckle Just make me shout
0:10:43 > 0:10:46# Cos I'm a gag hag So hang your microphone
0:10:46 > 0:10:50# Above your ball bag I'll tell you where I'm from
0:10:50 > 0:10:53# I'll be your call-back But just don't waste my time... #
0:10:53 > 0:10:57'You've got to love this, love me, love me! Yeah!'
0:10:57 > 0:10:59# Here's a dance break. # Dance break!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02CHEERING
0:11:07 > 0:11:09'See, the dancing wins them back.'
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I'm winning them back with my dancing!
0:11:11 > 0:11:15# I'm a gag hag It's the funny way you speak
0:11:15 > 0:11:16# I'll be your joke WAG
0:11:16 > 0:11:18# I'll be your super freak
0:11:18 > 0:11:22# But please don't feel bad Go on, just give it a tweak
0:11:22 > 0:11:24# Cos Eleanor will be here all week
0:11:24 > 0:11:26# Try the fish, yeah! #
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Thank you, everybody. Goodnight.
0:11:31 > 0:11:37Good save there, lady. I mean, well, you know what I mean.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40It's like, "Oh, my God, I've done Late 'n' Live."
0:11:40 > 0:11:45It's like, "Now I can do anything. I could run for President."
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Obama should have done Late 'n' Live. Why didn't he? Did he? Where am I?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Nah, Obama never did Late 'n' Live,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56something to do with the Republicans not letting him.
0:11:57 > 0:12:02On the other hand, we do have some other surprising first-timers.
0:12:02 > 0:12:09In 2005, virtuoso Tim Minchin brought some much-needed class to this late night stage.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15I mean, my particular form of musical comedy tends to
0:12:15 > 0:12:19require some pretty close attention because I'm a wanker
0:12:19 > 0:12:21and I put all these dense lyrics into a lot of my stuff.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25If you know the words, you can sing along.
0:12:25 > 0:12:31'Late night drunk crowds are not my crowd. My comedy's not cool. It's nerdy.'
0:12:31 > 0:12:36And not only is it nerdy, but once I start down a nerdy path, I can't stop cos it's a song.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39'I can stop, but that's just giving up.'
0:12:39 > 0:12:44Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tim Minchin's touching Peace Anthem.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49A plea for understanding between the Israelis and the Palestinians.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54# We don't eat pigs You don't eat pigs
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# It seems its been that way forever
0:12:57 > 0:13:01# So if you don't eat pigs And we don't eat pigs
0:13:01 > 0:13:04# Why not not eat pigs together? Rock. #
0:13:04 > 0:13:08'So much of comedy, especially for men, is trying to show everyone'
0:13:08 > 0:13:14how big your cock is. And if you, as a comedian, value other
0:13:14 > 0:13:18people's opinion of how big your cock is, you have to a Late 'n' Live.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22I agree entirely, but then, my cock is enormous.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26But for the new wave of stand-ups like fresh-faced Tom Allen,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29there's none of that, there's just toughing it out
0:13:29 > 0:13:34with a microphone and a fantastic display of self-confidence.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Hello. Oh, this is lovely. Hi. You what, what are you doing?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39You, you, you love me?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Oh, thanks. That's a nice way to be greeted on to the stage.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45What... Who the fuck are you? No, what's your name? Daisy?
0:13:45 > 0:13:49No, don't keep talking. It's annoying. So, em...
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I'm just... I think I just tried to keep breathing through this.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58When people first meet me they seem to think I need to be toughened up
0:13:58 > 0:14:05and I've known this since I was about 17, when I overheard my parents talking.
0:14:05 > 0:14:11"Oh, I'm sick of him, mincing round the house like a fanny."
0:14:14 > 0:14:17"Oh, leave him alone," said my father.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21For me, comedy's very much a tennis match in which the audience
0:14:21 > 0:14:24has to play ball with you, otherwise it doesn't work.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27So the great thing about Late 'n' Live is that they are playing
0:14:27 > 0:14:31really hard and, em, and that's a big challenge for a comic.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Tennis, eh? Well, on this night in 2010,
0:14:36 > 0:14:41a couple of drunks in the late night crowd thought they were Borg and McEnroe
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I know, you cannot be serious.
0:14:43 > 0:14:48There is this organisation set up by the government called Gaydar.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50LAUGHTER
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Which, if you don't know it, it's like Facebook for gays,
0:14:53 > 0:14:54often without the face.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Lovely opening shot there, Tom.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01The difference between like Match.com and Gaydar,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04is that on Match.com it'll say things like, "What are you in to?"
0:15:04 > 0:15:10And people will put, "Country walks, European cinema, cook..."
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- What?- Oh, offside! Actually, is that even the same sport?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Did you just shout "Bum"?
0:15:17 > 0:15:22That is the most shit heckle I've ever heard.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24But now I will have to kill you.
0:15:24 > 0:15:30Who the hell are you, interrupting my impeccable comedy set?
0:15:30 > 0:15:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:31 > 0:15:34You absolute... CUCKOO SOUND EFFECT
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Do you know what I mean?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I'm clearly much more confident than I realise.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I wish I was better at doing "yo mama" jokes,
0:15:39 > 0:15:44I could do one of them now, couldn't I? Like, your mother's so fat the way she sits around the house,
0:15:44 > 0:15:49we can see that she's fat, in the context of different rooms.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56So on Match.com, it'll say things like you know,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58"What are you into?" "Country walks..."
0:15:58 > 0:16:02On Gaydar it'll say, "What are you into?" People will put, "Fisting".
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Sorry, you did interrupt me again
0:16:04 > 0:16:09and that is quite a key moment rhythmically for this bit to work.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11It's the same hair cut that you have.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Yeah, he was bald and he shouted out, "You've got a shit haircut."
0:16:17 > 0:16:19My trousers are better than yours.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24That would be the same, surely?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I don't have to do the both of those, to get the next comedian on I'd have to go.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30If you want to have a conversation, I will have a conversation,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33but you look like you don't have any bones, you're so off your face.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34I'm boring. Am I boring?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Oh, they were nice. There are nice people. If you're confident with them.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44People always go on about them being... It's only one person.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47At this point all we can do is just go, "You're a..." CUCKOO SOUND EFFECT
0:16:47 > 0:16:49"..You're a..." CUCKOO SOUND EFFECT
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Ah, but I do think you're a... CUCKOO SOUND EFFECT
0:16:51 > 0:16:54..and everybody here knows that and will be thinking that.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55CHEERING
0:16:55 > 0:16:58And game, set and match to Tom Allen. New balls, please.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Sorry, I just always wanted to say that.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Thank you very much for having me. See you again.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06GREAT APPLAUSE
0:17:07 > 0:17:11That's the thing with comedy, you're putting on this facade of confidence.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16I think most comedians are kind of, you know, often kind of socially awkward,
0:17:16 > 0:17:18often were bullied at school, and so
0:17:18 > 0:17:24it's kind of carrying this kind of strange insecurity but yet, going, "Waaayyyyy!!!"
0:17:24 > 0:17:26There's a lot of smoke and mirrors that goes on,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29like, "I'm not nervous. Yeah, I can take this on."
0:17:29 > 0:17:33And I'm not like that, I'll be just like, "No, properly, I've messed my pants."
0:17:33 > 0:17:38You and me both, pal. Comedy hot property Zoe Lyons
0:17:38 > 0:17:44first appeared on the stand-up scene back in 2003, but waited a whole six years
0:17:44 > 0:17:49before feeling her Late 'n' Live fear and just doing it anyway.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I've got friends that are like,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59"I love it when my boyfriend is in touch with his feminine side.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01"Richard came home last week,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04"he bought flowers and a DVD and we watched the film and he had a little cry
0:18:04 > 0:18:07"and cos of that, I love him an awful lot more."
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I've never heard Richard say, "I wish Mary was more in touch her masculine side."
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I've never gone round their house and gone, "Where's Mary?"
0:18:13 > 0:18:18"Oh, she's upstairs drinking Stella, playing Mortal Combat and cracking one off.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21"She came home drunk last night, I found her pissing on the DVD player.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24"She's very much in touch with her masculine side."
0:18:24 > 0:18:28See the fear in my face?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31"Just shout loudly, shout loudly, keep going and don't let any spaces,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34"so then nobody can say anything." It's so obvious.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37'It's so obvious watching that.'
0:18:37 > 0:18:42I walked into a shop the other day and I caught sight of myself on a CCTV monitor
0:18:42 > 0:18:45and I walked in and went, "Fucking hell. Oh, my God.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46"Is that me? Is that me?"
0:18:46 > 0:18:49You're at a funny angle, you've got to make sure it is you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54So I was like, "Is that me, is that...? That is, oh, that is me.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57"Look at that. Fucking hell."
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Then I had this awful thought, I thought "D'you know what?
0:19:00 > 0:19:05"If I go missing after shopping in this establishment,
0:19:05 > 0:19:09"that's the last piece of CCTV footage they'll ever have of me.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12"I deserve to be found in a shallow grave with hair like that.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16"Look at that! Fuckin' hell." You've got to be careful, there are four million CCTV
0:19:16 > 0:19:19cameras in this country, any one of them could catch your last moment.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I don't want my mum to turn on Crimewatch to see,
0:19:22 > 0:19:27"We're looking for Zoe Lyons. She was last seen in WH Smith picking her nose and buying pornography."
0:19:27 > 0:19:28You've got to be careful.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33I think it's the fear of being heckled by an incredibly drunk
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Scottish man at four o'clock in the morning
0:19:36 > 0:19:38but who is still sharper than you.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41That's the real fear. And you're just stood there. Cos sometimes
0:19:41 > 0:19:44what happens in those situations, your brain goes,
0:19:44 > 0:19:47"Right, we're lower the shutters and just leave you on your own."
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Phhhhhh!
0:19:49 > 0:19:54Everything can go. It's that fear of being left on stage in front of a baying crowd with nothing
0:19:54 > 0:19:59to come back at them with, nothing. And that has happened to me before on stage.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Ironically, the only people who never look good in make-up are those
0:20:02 > 0:20:04bitches that sell make-up.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Cos they love make-up so much, they've just got to wear it all at once.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You just see them go, "What're you wearing? Is it Mac?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13"Is it Estee Lauder or L'Oreal? Is it Bobby Brown?"
0:20:13 > 0:20:15"Sharon, I'm wearing fucking everything.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22"I've been up since 4am just layering, layering, layering,
0:20:22 > 0:20:26"layering. Waiting for the primer to dry and layering some more.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29"Do you know, my face weighs so much my neck is going to snap."
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I've used every like-me trick in the book.
0:20:32 > 0:20:38It's about as subtle as a sledgehammer in the face, that performance, it really is.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41If I'd come on and sort of whimsied away about my love of tulips
0:20:41 > 0:20:46I think I'd have been... Who knows? I might have got away with it. But I wasn't going to let that happen.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Take care of yourselves. Goodnight. Cheers.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52So what? Every trick or not, it totally worked.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56And when it works, everybody knows about it.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59If somebody had really done a good gig at Late 'n' Live,
0:20:59 > 0:21:01you would know about it within 24 hours.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06Equally, if somebody had suffered an agonising and messy death,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08you would know about it within 24 hours.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11So the stakes are high.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Because when you walk on to that stage, you know that audience,
0:21:15 > 0:21:17sometimes quite literally.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Late 'n' Live is one of those rare rooms, as we call them
0:21:23 > 0:21:26in the business, where comedians will watch at the back.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28It's the toughest crowd in Edinburgh
0:21:28 > 0:21:29but it's also your peers watching you
0:21:29 > 0:21:31play the toughest crowd in Edinburgh.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35It's all turned horribly pear-shaped!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39We were all there to see death or glory.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Basically what would happen is,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46all the comics would loiter in the bar and then if someone came on
0:21:46 > 0:21:49that they thought might die, they'd all come in and watch.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Somebody'd just lean against the door like that
0:21:52 > 0:21:55and have a look through, just checking on what was going on
0:21:55 > 0:21:59and as soon as it started kicking off, the door was open and they just,
0:21:59 > 0:22:03all the comics would flood in and gather around and go, "Right. Here we go.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05"Someone's having a horrible death."
0:22:08 > 0:22:13All of a sudden you'd just have a flock of mean-spirited drunken,
0:22:13 > 0:22:17you know, shite hawks just gathering around the death
0:22:17 > 0:22:20of another comedian like fucking vultures.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22"Oh, somebody's dying on stage."
0:22:22 > 0:22:27If someone's had a very bad high-profile gig, everyone knows
0:22:27 > 0:22:32and chances are a lot of people will be secretly very pleased.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Clap your hands, stamp your feet and welcome Ava Vidal.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41When Late 'n' Live first-timer Ava Vidal took to the stage in 2004,
0:22:41 > 0:22:47the comics didn't just watch the gig, they joined in.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49The first couple of minutes were going fine
0:22:49 > 0:22:52and then I started hearing this heckling.
0:22:52 > 0:22:59Do we have any Big Brother fans in? Yes, no? Good.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I'm glad because I don't watch reality TV either.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06I refuse to support the genre that revived the career of Peter Andre.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I'm not going to do it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13You're indifferent to it either way?
0:23:15 > 0:23:19So I only had, like a new comic, a couple of sort of trade lines
0:23:19 > 0:23:23that you use to sort of put someone off and that normally stops someone
0:23:23 > 0:23:28and not in this case and this person would not stop and it was relentless.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30You got in free?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I couldn't really see what was happening in the room,
0:23:35 > 0:23:37but as the voice was talking more and more,
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I kind of recognised it and it turned out to be Daniel Kitson.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47Stand up sharp-shooter and Perrier Prize winner Daniel Kitson
0:23:47 > 0:23:50was a regular compere of Late 'n' Live.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52For that particular show, he had a night off,
0:23:52 > 0:23:56so he was at home tucked up in bed, or was he?
0:23:59 > 0:24:05Who is heckling me? Is that Kitson? Oh shit, I can't take on Kitson.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12Please, Daniel, please, please no. Leave me alone. I wouldn't dare.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16After that, I was so new, I stayed up all night.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I was furious and I was just writing and writing
0:24:19 > 0:24:22and writing answers for everything he'd said to me.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23If he ever tried that again.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26And so I was quite keen to go back, you know,
0:24:26 > 0:24:30cos once you do that, you can't have that as your Late 'n' Live memory,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32as your only Late 'n' Live story.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36So I went back to do Late 'n' Live again the next year
0:24:36 > 0:24:38and the second time it was better.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48It's a general rule that you learn more from a bad gig than you do from a good gig.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Cos the good gig, you roll it out and everyone loves you and it's great.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55But the bad gig is the one at which you go, "God why did that not work?"
0:24:55 > 0:24:58And you also have to learn how to deal with a bad gig,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01so you need to do gigs in which you die.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06Fear plays an important part in comedy and I always find that when
0:25:06 > 0:25:11you've done something that raises your fear bar, you can move on.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13You can move on.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16If it's raising the fear bar you're after,
0:25:16 > 0:25:19then Late 'n' Live is a right of passage.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22You have to be confident, you have to face your fear
0:25:22 > 0:25:25and you have to keep an eye out for those hecklers.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29In 2001, Francesca Martinez took to the stage, readily prepared.
0:25:29 > 0:25:35Let's have a huge, enormous round of applause for Francesca Martinez.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40Come on. Keep it going, come on!
0:25:41 > 0:25:45Keep it going, cos she's still not here!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Hello.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55There was a big pressure on me doing it for the first time
0:25:55 > 0:26:00and also because I think the fact is that I'm wobbly.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I think a lot of people kind of were suspicious
0:26:04 > 0:26:07and thought "Oh, is she just a novelty act?" you know.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10"Is she just there because she's different?"
0:26:10 > 0:26:15And I was very aware of really wanting to shoot that down in flames
0:26:15 > 0:26:21and go, "No, you know, being wobbly doesn't make you funny." It had nothing to do with it.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25And so I really wanted to go out and prove that.
0:26:25 > 0:26:31Oh, by the way, em, the correct word for my condition is sober.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33LAUGHTER
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Yeah, it's quite funny cos at the beginning they're very wary,
0:26:36 > 0:26:38they're a bit nervous.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41You know, when I was at school, em,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45I was always asked, "Do you ever wish that you were normal?"
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Now that's a really tough one, isn't it?
0:26:48 > 0:26:53But no, cos I reckon, right, that the world would be so boring
0:26:53 > 0:26:56if everyone was disabled.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58LAUGHTER
0:27:01 > 0:27:06But the World Cup would be a lot more interesting, eh? Yeah.
0:27:07 > 0:27:13And England might actually win. Even Scotland, eh?
0:27:17 > 0:27:21You know, as a comedian, you're constantly trying to evolve
0:27:21 > 0:27:24and that's what I love about comedy, like, you never get to a point
0:27:24 > 0:27:27where you go, "Oh, I know this now."
0:27:27 > 0:27:29You know, you're always growing and learning.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34You know, though, seriously, guys, sometimes it can be quite hard
0:27:34 > 0:27:39coping with an imperfect body because you tend to feel isolated.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44You feel unattractive and you lose all your confidence.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48That's why now my ex-boyfriend goes to the gym.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54I came across a lot more confident than I felt.
0:27:54 > 0:28:00I think I hid my terrifying fear quite well.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Thanks a lot, you've been great.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:04 > 0:28:08'But I was a bit nervous that I'd get heckled'
0:28:08 > 0:28:12but I think everyone was way too scared to heckle a wobbly woman.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I guess that would be true equality.
0:28:15 > 0:28:20The day I get told to piss off will be a good day.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Next time, we've got Johnny Vegas,
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Jimmy Carr and Bill Bailey,
0:28:26 > 0:28:33posing the question, "Can you go too far at Late 'n' Live?"
0:28:39 > 0:28:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:43 > 0:28:47E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk