0:00:02 > 0:00:05'Reports are coming in that one person is dead and several people
0:00:05 > 0:00:08'have been injured after a shooting incident at Dunblane Primary School.'
0:00:08 > 0:00:12I think I'm more prone to calling it the shootings.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Probably...because I was shot.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32I don't ever call it anything like the massacre,
0:00:32 > 0:00:36I don't like any unrelated words.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38If somebody said, "What happened to your mum?"
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I would say, "She was the teacher that was killed at Dunblane."
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Dunblane was a tragedy for everyone who was involved.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Some people in the media called it an incident,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59which was hardly appropriate.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09I don't tell people that my daughter died,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I don't tell them that she was killed.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13She was murdered.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Thomas Hamilton murdered her.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28..savagery today, savagery that has stunned this town.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42'As a child, the anger was...not then,'
0:01:42 > 0:01:44but looking back now, and, why?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Why...
0:01:50 > 0:01:54my class, why my school? Why my town?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Why?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13'It was a bit of a shock when Mhairi arrived,
0:02:13 > 0:02:18'because I'm fair with red hair and she was so dark.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20'She was very beautiful.'
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I don't think she was a very girlie girl.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I think she was a little bit like me,
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I don't think she was a very girlie girl.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35We didn't go through the sort of dressing up in pink,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37princess phase with Mhairi.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Or at least not before she was five.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Sophie had always been
0:02:44 > 0:02:47a very bubbly little girl.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51As any biased father would think,
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I found her a bright, intelligent girl as well.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59The feedback I got from Gwen Mayor, her class teacher,
0:02:59 > 0:03:02was that she was bright, she was performing well,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04and she did always seem to enjoy it.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I don't know, to be honest, why my mum became a teacher.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I guess she just felt it was her calling.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I used to go into her classroom
0:03:14 > 0:03:16and see some of the artwork
0:03:16 > 0:03:17and stuff she would do,
0:03:17 > 0:03:19and the ideas she had.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21You know, there was, like, a hairdressing corner.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Erm...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26And she just had lots of ideas, I think,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28that worked very well with the wee ones.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34I struggle to remember a lot about being a child.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36But the memories I do have are happy,
0:03:36 > 0:03:41and are all really in Dunblane.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50We lived on the Wirral,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52surrounded by family.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54My job brought me up to Scotland.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Dunblane was the place we decided was a nice place schools-wise,
0:03:57 > 0:04:01nice place for the kids to grow up so we moved into Dunblane.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- So that would be '95?- 1995.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I always remember when Steve came back
0:04:08 > 0:04:09and said he'd got the job,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12and we'll have to sell the patio furniture
0:04:12 > 0:04:15because all it does is rain in Scotland.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17When I arrived, it was the largest
0:04:17 > 0:04:19primary school in Scotland,
0:04:19 > 0:04:20it had a large nursery.
0:04:20 > 0:04:27And at the age of 42, I felt very proud to be the head teacher.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I was a university lecturer,
0:04:29 > 0:04:33I worked at the University of Stirling, and I was a single parent.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37Sophie and I were on our own, because her mum, Barbara,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41had died two-and-a-half years earlier of breast cancer.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45And we'd become a very close unit, she and I.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50'I liked seeing her most with her father.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57'And...I liked the two of them together.'
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Mhairi was born fairly late in his life,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07he was well into his 40s when she was born.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Look in the cupboard.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- He's a big man.- He's a big man!
0:05:12 > 0:05:16I was pregnant with Catherine. I was about six months' pregnant
0:05:16 > 0:05:20with Catherine. We were very much looking forward to her birth.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22'Murray, he became unwell.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29'He suffered some sort of catastrophic stroke.'
0:05:29 > 0:05:31And he died a week later.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36'Mhairi was very sad.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39'That's the only way that I can describe her
0:05:39 > 0:05:42'in the last three or four months of her life.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44'She was very sad.'
0:05:58 > 0:06:0213th March was a particularly cold morning.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04When we woke up this morning,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I was surprised to find that there'd been quite a heavy frost overnight.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11There was ice on the windscreen of the car
0:06:11 > 0:06:13and we were slightly delayed
0:06:13 > 0:06:15because I had to spend a bit of time removing the ice.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I have a very clear memory of the early morning,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27of driving from Stirling to Dunblane.
0:06:28 > 0:06:34It was a beautiful morning, it was very bright, it was frosty.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38The snowdrops were out in profusion.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39There was even some snow on the ground.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44There was a real hint of the summer to come. It was beautiful.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52The university had arranged a small memorial service for Murray.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I think it was a chance to have a more intimate farewell
0:06:56 > 0:07:00for his students and for his colleagues.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04So on 13th March, the plan was, Mhairi would go to school,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I would take her, and then I think the plan was for my mum
0:07:06 > 0:07:10to come and babysit the new baby, Catherine,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13and I would go to the memorial service for my husband.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19I just found out very recently that I'd won a battle on that morning.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20I'd been fighting with my mum
0:07:20 > 0:07:23about what shoes I was going to wear that morning.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25She wanted me to wear my wellies,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28and I wanted to wear a brand-new pair of boots
0:07:28 > 0:07:31that my uncle from Kuwait had sent me.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33A pair of Kicker boots.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38And she didn't want me to ruin them on the cold morning,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41and I was adamant that I was going to wear them.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44And I think, you know, I won.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48So I remember taking up Matthew,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51and he was always a child that liked you to stay with him
0:07:51 > 0:07:54until he joined the line and went into school.
0:07:54 > 0:08:00And I remember saying, "Matthew, Mummy has to go now."
0:08:00 > 0:08:02BELL RINGS
0:08:02 > 0:08:04CHILDREN CHATTER
0:08:06 > 0:08:09HUBBUB
0:08:44 > 0:08:47We were skipping around the gym hall.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I don't remember the pain of being shot,
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I don't remember the noises, I don't remember sounds.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I just remember my leg turning to jelly and falling to the floor.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05And then dragging myself to the gym cupboard
0:09:05 > 0:09:07where there was other people.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16My mum, she would have been the first person that was killed,
0:09:16 > 0:09:20so she didn't see... she wouldn't have seen anything else.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Erm...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24I can't, I can't...
0:09:24 > 0:09:27It's... I can't begin to think.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39After crawling into the gym cupboard,
0:09:39 > 0:09:43I was very aware of the amount of blood everywhere,
0:09:43 > 0:09:47and the crying and the pain that people were in.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Erm...
0:09:53 > 0:09:59Obviously, I was crying for my mum, and was very upset.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01And I was trying to, you know...
0:10:01 > 0:10:05The adults that were in the PE cupboard
0:10:05 > 0:10:08were, you know, trying to hush me
0:10:08 > 0:10:11because, you know, they wouldn't have known
0:10:11 > 0:10:16if he was still alive out in the gym hall, or where he was going next.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32When I first burst into the gym that morning,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35the sight was unimaginable.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Hamilton was lying, still twitching.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47There was an incredible silence.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53The air was thick with smoke, cordite, the smell.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58And there was a group of children standing.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03The first thing we were able to do was to get them out of there.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09And I just couldn't believe what I was seeing.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It was unimaginably horrible...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21..to see children dying in front of you.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29She had sort of defensive wounds, as you would, through her wrists.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Where her arms were crossed.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37She also had an injury that...
0:11:37 > 0:11:44the evidence would have been from the pathologist, or whatever,
0:11:44 > 0:11:47that suggested she'd been punched.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Erm...
0:11:53 > 0:11:58She was shot six times, fatal shot through the eye.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Erm...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Which would have killed her instantly, but the thought that...
0:12:10 > 0:12:14If somebody... If you're standing in front of somebody with a gun,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16and you've been punched,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19it would suggest to you that
0:12:19 > 0:12:21there'd been some sort of a struggle.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I think that day...
0:12:27 > 0:12:31..she did all she could to protect the children in her care.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Erm...
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I think to a lot of the parents,
0:12:38 > 0:12:40and indeed survivors, she died a hero.
0:12:40 > 0:12:46She...tried to protect each and every one of us.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Nobody knows what they would do.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52You're in that position, do you run, do you...?
0:12:53 > 0:12:57But the evidence would show that that's what she did, so I'm very...
0:13:01 > 0:13:03..very, very proud of that.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Seeing the staff tending to the injured,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15seeing the...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19..the bodies of those who had died.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26And I think, just in that moment, the enormity of the event hit me.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30That moment has never left.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47I'm angry I don't have my sister now.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52She liked to be called Jo-Jo.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I remember my mum telling me,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57when she went into nursery, she asked them to call her Jo-Jo.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01And I now refer to her as Jo, or Joanna,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04if someone doesn't know who I'm referring to.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09This one's important to me because this reminds me of myself,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12because she's very colourful, she's smiling.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14I don't like seeing
0:14:14 > 0:14:16her in her school uniform.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I'd like to remember her
0:14:18 > 0:14:19as a young girl,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21as, you know, I should have been
0:14:21 > 0:14:23growing up with this girl,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25kind of thing. We should have been
0:14:25 > 0:14:28kind of laughing in the sun somewhere together.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35My first memory of being told was when I was about six or seven,
0:14:35 > 0:14:39and I remember Mum kind of sitting down and telling me, you know,
0:14:39 > 0:14:40this is what had happened.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Cos for so long I wasn't sure
0:14:42 > 0:14:45who all these pictures of this girl were, in my living room,
0:14:45 > 0:14:48and I thought it was me, and I used to ask, "Is this me?"
0:14:48 > 0:14:53And, you know, how come I don't have blonde hair any more and blue eyes?
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Then Mum kind of sat down and told me eventually what had happened.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I remember just being really confused about it all.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04And it looms over us all, I think.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05And it...
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I don't know.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12It gets a bit hard to accept that way, even something... Hold on.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- TEARFULLY:- Something as simple as her brushing my hair for me.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It just isn't there.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25It does... It just always makes me wonder what the relationship
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I could have had and it's just not available now,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30it's not there at all.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31SIRENS WAIL
0:15:31 > 0:15:33'Reports are coming in that one person is dead
0:15:33 > 0:15:36'and several people have been injured after a shooting incident
0:15:36 > 0:15:39'at Dunblane Primary School in Scotland.'
0:15:39 > 0:15:42'I remember there was some fuss in the street,'
0:15:42 > 0:15:47there were lots of mums running towards the school,
0:15:47 > 0:15:50and a friend...erm...
0:15:50 > 0:15:51shouted across the street to me
0:15:51 > 0:15:54that there was a gunman in the primary school.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- RADIO:- 'We know there are now a number of fatalities,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59'I've just been told, and according to the education...'
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Steve had phoned, and I'd said, "All right? Are you OK?"
0:16:03 > 0:16:07He said, "Yes, but there's been an incident at the school."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I said, "Right." He said, "There's been a shooting."
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- RADIO:- 'We'll bring you more as soon as we get it here on 5 Live.'
0:16:14 > 0:16:17You obviously hope that either the rumours aren't true
0:16:17 > 0:16:20or it's a minor incident that's been exaggerated.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25But that proved not to be the case when we got to Dunblane.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31'I was in London at the time when it happened.'
0:16:31 > 0:16:34I was just in my bedroom drying my hair,
0:16:34 > 0:16:37hundreds and hundreds of miles away and this thing was occurring.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42And not having any inkling at the time of what was ahead,
0:16:42 > 0:16:46and that basically, that moment, my life changed forever.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54'Police were directing you into the house
0:16:54 > 0:16:57'on the left side of the school.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59'The main entrance.'
0:17:00 > 0:17:04So I remember going to wait in the garden, and not knowing anyone,
0:17:04 > 0:17:06being fairly new to Dunblane,
0:17:06 > 0:17:12hearing two parents in front of me saying, "It's Mrs Mayor's class."
0:17:12 > 0:17:14And I remember saying to them,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17"Excuse me, did you say Mrs Mayor's class?"
0:17:17 > 0:17:22And them looking at me thinking, "Oh, my."
0:17:22 > 0:17:24And she said, "Yes.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27"All we know is that Mrs Mayor's class have been asked
0:17:27 > 0:17:30"to go and wait in the blue house across the way."
0:17:30 > 0:17:34So then I knew my ratio was down.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Where does my son fit in on that?
0:17:40 > 0:17:44I can't say that I was feeling frightened
0:17:44 > 0:17:49and overly worried at the time.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Erm... It sounds strange thing to do,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54but I'm not the only one who's said that...
0:17:54 > 0:17:57people were calculating the odds.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01This was a big primary school, school roll of 700.
0:18:01 > 0:18:07So the odds against your own child being harmed seemed quite low.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12HUBBUB
0:18:14 > 0:18:19'The media descended upon us in a way that no-one could anticipate.'
0:18:19 > 0:18:24It seemed as if every news channel from all over the world was there,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26and it was extraordinarily intrusive.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43There's 13 children dead at the moment,
0:18:43 > 0:18:45two adults and a number of children in hospital.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48We're obviously having a tremendous business
0:18:48 > 0:18:50sorting out who's who and what's what.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Well, I specifically remember,
0:18:57 > 0:18:58I was in Strathclyde Police
0:18:58 > 0:18:59press office
0:18:59 > 0:19:01and it was shaping up to be
0:19:01 > 0:19:03a normal busy day.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Some reports were starting to appear on our bank of televisions
0:19:05 > 0:19:09in the office, saying that a shooting incident had occurred.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11'And we decided to offer our assistance.'
0:19:15 > 0:19:19The drive to Dunblane was, erm... well, it was pretty hairy.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22For a start, I was obviously travelling at speed.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25At the same time, I was trying to formulate in my mind
0:19:25 > 0:19:28what I was going to do when I got there.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30What I was going to be confronted with,
0:19:30 > 0:19:35and how I was going to manage the flow of information.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40'I arrived at the school just about 12:30pm, 12:45pm.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43'And it was just a scene of chaos and pandemonium.'
0:19:45 > 0:19:50The difference in the school was like night and day.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53The school was absolutely silent.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Everything that you would expect to see in a primary school was present,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06except the children.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08And there was total silence.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16At the behest of the police, we had to go back into the gym,
0:20:16 > 0:20:21to try and confirm the identities of the children who had died.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24This was particularly difficult for me because
0:20:24 > 0:20:29these were Primary 1 children, and I didn't know many of them.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35And so, I had to take with me into the gym
0:20:35 > 0:20:38previous members of staff who did know them.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42And we had to begin the awful process of
0:20:42 > 0:20:45confirming the identities
0:20:45 > 0:20:47of the kids lying there.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56They hadn't done a register
0:20:56 > 0:20:58because they were going to gym after the assembly. And...
0:20:58 > 0:21:00SHE SIGHS
0:21:00 > 0:21:04..the person that would have identified them best...
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Um... She was gone.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21But no amount of security could have prepared for the savagery today.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Savagery that has stunned this town.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Yeah, we were cocooned.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29And I think the media knew more about what was going on than we did.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31INDISTINCT VOICES
0:21:36 > 0:21:37SIRENS
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I am Louis Munn, the press officer for Strathclyde Police.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I'm here to assist...
0:21:47 > 0:21:50'It was important that accurate information was given'
0:21:50 > 0:21:54to the media as quickly as possible, to stop the speculation
0:21:54 > 0:21:56that was ongoing at that time.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02As a result of this incident, 16 children have been killed...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04SHOCKED GASPS FROM CROWD
0:22:04 > 0:22:05..and two adults.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08That was something like four-and-a-half hours
0:22:08 > 0:22:12into the incident when I made that statement.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13CAMERAS CLICK
0:22:13 > 0:22:15My understanding is that
0:22:15 > 0:22:2015 of the children were killed within the school.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23And one has since died in hospital.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26'What I didn't know when I released that statement
0:22:26 > 0:22:29'was that the parents hadn't been informed.'
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Now, that should never have happened.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36'It was hours with no news.'
0:22:36 > 0:22:38It was just the most incredibly long wait.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44And it was like a form of torture. Not a word I use lightly.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48It was a form of torture, waiting and just not knowing.
0:22:56 > 0:23:02Then, they came and told us they were going to take us to the school.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07So, they bussed us down the little driveway,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09past all the flashing photographers.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Up the main driveway of the school.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18And then we were taken to the staffroom.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28Really, the first time I ever got any real information,
0:23:28 > 0:23:33hard information, was at 2:45pm in the afternoon.
0:23:33 > 0:23:38And that information included being told that Sophie had died.
0:23:46 > 0:23:53The police officer couldn't use the word "death" or "deceased".
0:23:53 > 0:23:57He... I think he said "casualty" or "victim".
0:23:57 > 0:24:00But I remember remarking on that later,
0:24:00 > 0:24:02that he couldn't quite bring himself to say
0:24:02 > 0:24:05your child is dead, or deceased.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10He couldn't... He couldn't give us the finality of the vocabulary.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14But it was clear, the news that he was delivering.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Um...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20It came as a relief.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23It came as
0:24:23 > 0:24:28a significant relief, because knowing is better than not knowing.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30That is the one thing that I can remember
0:24:30 > 0:24:34really, really clearly about that day. I needed to know.
0:24:34 > 0:24:40I just needed to know where she was and what she was.
0:24:40 > 0:24:46And when they told me she was dead, and she was at the hospital,
0:24:46 > 0:24:50it felt that I could begin to come to terms with what had happened.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00It's sort of a surreal thing that I think happened in slow motion...
0:25:02 > 0:25:04The chances were getting higher and higher
0:25:04 > 0:25:07but you're still, in your head, thinking, no, no, no,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10it will not be my mum.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12But my dad said he knew.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15He just knew straightaway.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18He got to the school and said who he was,
0:25:18 > 0:25:21and he was ushered in straightaway, no questions asked.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23It was, "In you come, Mr Mayor."
0:25:23 > 0:25:25And put in the library where he was...
0:25:25 > 0:25:28He waited, I believe, until about three o'clock till he was told
0:25:28 > 0:25:32that she was a teacher that was killed.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56I don't remember the pain of being shot,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I don't remember the noises, I don't remember sounds.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02The next memory I have is being in the hospital
0:26:02 > 0:26:04and having my clothes cut off.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10I'm a mummy's girl and I would have been shouting on my mummy.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13And even when my mum did arrive to console me,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16she said that I was still shouting for her,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19I just had no comprehension of what was going on at all.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23I just couldn't be consoled at all.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26As a group of parents, some went to the children's ward.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29And then the surgeon who operated on Matthew
0:26:29 > 0:26:32came into the waiting room in intensive care.
0:26:32 > 0:26:38The first things he said to us was, "You're Bev. And you're Steve.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39"And Matthew has a little sister,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41"and his favourite food is baked beans."
0:26:41 > 0:26:45And, to be honest, that's the first thing he could have said to us
0:26:45 > 0:26:47because we knew he hadn't been shot,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50he hadn't been shot so seriously that...
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- He couldn't talk. - ..he couldn't talk.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58The surgeon had told us when he came in that, where Matt had been shot...
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Shot twice.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Once through the shoulder, straight through and through, flesh wound.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04If you imagine the size of a small child,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07there's not a lot of space between the two bones
0:27:07 > 0:27:08that make up the shoulder blade.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10And, somehow, it had managed to go through
0:27:10 > 0:27:13between a very small space in the bones of his shoulder blade.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16So it had actually missed again, hadn't hit the bone,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19just gone through the flesh there. And then...
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- he'd been shot in the chest. - He'd been shot in the back.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Shot in the back.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27And, with the one in the back,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30it had actually gone through his back, but it had hit the rib,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33and then the rib had actually deflected it,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36so it came out the other side of his back.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38And if it hadn't deflected the bullet,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40it would have gone straight through his heart.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49The children fall into two categories.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52They were dead in the gym where they fell,
0:27:52 > 0:27:57or they were evacuated from the gym.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01And although some of them were very badly hurt, they survived.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Mhairi was the only one who was evacuated from the gym
0:28:03 > 0:28:05who did not survive.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09'I wasn't with her when she died.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14'That's the thing that I regret most.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16'That is the regret, the one regret I have.'
0:28:16 > 0:28:18MHAIRI CHATTERS
0:28:18 > 0:28:21I'd like her mother to have been with her when she died.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23I'd like her to have had her mum.
0:28:25 > 0:28:31'That's an absolute betrayal. I think that was desperately wrong.'
0:28:34 > 0:28:36I feel very angry about that.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43I don't have any memories of Mhairi at all,
0:28:43 > 0:28:47because I was only three months old when she was killed.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51I do wish that I had had a sister.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Um... It's just odd.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58I don't think I came to terms with it for a very long time,
0:28:58 > 0:29:01because I couldn't imagine having a sister,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04because I was so used to being raised as an only child.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07It's a very odd feeling
0:29:07 > 0:29:12that is almost impossible to describe, I suppose.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15I still have the kind of grieving and mourning,
0:29:15 > 0:29:19but without knowing her per se.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24I've lost something, but not experienced what I've lost,
0:29:24 > 0:29:25I suppose.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36TV NEWS JINGLE
0:29:36 > 0:29:4016 young children and their teacher have been shot dead by a gunman
0:29:40 > 0:29:42at a primary school near Stirling.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45The Chief Constable of Central Scotland said
0:29:45 > 0:29:46the killer had four handguns.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48He's been named tonight as
0:29:48 > 0:29:5143-year-old Thomas Hamilton, a local man.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55- TV:- Police photos of the inside of Thomas Hamilton's house
0:29:55 > 0:29:59have been released, showing the customised targets he used
0:29:59 > 0:30:00to practise his shooting.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06Detectives searching his home found thousands of rounds of ammunition,
0:30:06 > 0:30:08the telephone book was still lying open
0:30:08 > 0:30:11at the entry for Dunblane Primary School.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21- Thomas Hamilton used two types of bull, er, bullets...- Bullets, yeah.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25..of which the one that came out the back was sort of one of those that
0:30:25 > 0:30:28they reckon probably was exploding, because it was, er...
0:30:28 > 0:30:31- BOTH: ..quite a nasty exit wound. - Yeah, it was.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33He was dressed in combat fatigues.
0:30:33 > 0:30:39He had goggles, firearms goggles on, and he had ear defenders on.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42He entered the school, walked down the corridor towards
0:30:42 > 0:30:47the sound of children's voices coming from the gymnasium.
0:30:47 > 0:30:52He entered the gymnasium and he systematically discharged
0:30:52 > 0:30:57his weapons at the teacher and the children gathered there.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04He shot 105 bullets.
0:31:06 > 0:31:11He had the capability, um, with the amount of ammunition,
0:31:11 > 0:31:18to have actually shot every single child in that school at least once.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Within the three minutes,
0:31:23 > 0:31:28he not only shot at the children in the gym, but he went out of the gym
0:31:28 > 0:31:34and fired shots at two other classes and at someone who was passing by.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38And he then went back into the gym...
0:31:41 > 0:31:45..apparently walked round, shot again at one or two of the children,
0:31:45 > 0:31:49and then finally killed himself.
0:31:49 > 0:31:54In some ways, it's a miracle that anyone survived in that gym.
0:31:55 > 0:32:01And Matthew had said, "I remember, Mummy," he said that, um,
0:32:01 > 0:32:09"everyone was screaming," um, that he watched people fall to the gym...
0:32:09 > 0:32:13- Mm-hm.- ..and he lay on the gym, on the floor, and he...
0:32:13 > 0:32:18he was crying and the man went away and, um, and he says he was crying
0:32:18 > 0:32:22and then, the man came back and he shot
0:32:22 > 0:32:25and I think then he realised that he had to be really, really still...
0:32:25 > 0:32:28- And be quiet. - ..and pretend to be dead...
0:32:28 > 0:32:31- Mm-hm.- ..otherwise, um, he knew he'd shoot him again.
0:32:31 > 0:32:35Yeah, so he just said he just stayed very, very still and very quiet,
0:32:35 > 0:32:37cos then he'd think he was dead.
0:32:47 > 0:32:51'I vividly remember, um, the...'
0:32:51 > 0:32:54the press conference we held just around 10 o'clock that night,
0:32:54 > 0:32:58when I read out the names of the... of the children involved.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02The children who died are as follows.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Victoria Clydesdale, aged five.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10Emma Crozier, aged five.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Melissa Currie, aged five.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Charlotte Dunn, aged five.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20Kevin Hasell, aged five.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Ross Irvine, aged five.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27David Kerr, aged five.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30Mhairi McBeath, aged five.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34Brett McKinnon, aged five.
0:33:34 > 0:33:38Abigail McLennan, aged five.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42Emily Morton, aged five.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Sophie North, aged five.
0:33:45 > 0:33:49John Petrie, aged five.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52Joanna Ross, aged five.
0:33:52 > 0:33:56Hannah Scott, aged five.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Megan Turner, aged five.
0:33:59 > 0:34:04And the teacher, Gwen Mayor, aged 45.
0:34:13 > 0:34:17I had really bad night terrors that, um,
0:34:17 > 0:34:21kept me up during the night and I was just inconsolable.
0:34:21 > 0:34:26My mum speaks of having to, like, hold me in the night
0:34:26 > 0:34:29and I'd wake up, not just once or twice,
0:34:29 > 0:34:33like, four or five times, screaming, crying.
0:34:33 > 0:34:38Matthew was sort of, like, hooked up to loads of drips and drains
0:34:38 > 0:34:42and machines and all I did was just stroke his hand all night
0:34:42 > 0:34:46and, um, and it was... Funny enough, one of the members of staff
0:34:46 > 0:34:49came through and she said, "It's just like you've..."
0:34:49 > 0:34:53With... She said, "It looks like, it's where you feel,
0:34:53 > 0:34:56"when you've just given birth, and you've got that little
0:34:56 > 0:35:01"bundle of joy in your arms, and you just can't take your eyes off him."
0:35:01 > 0:35:03And that's how it felt.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06Um, just having his little hand, um, holding his hand
0:35:06 > 0:35:10and just to think, "I am just so lucky. I've got my boy."
0:35:18 > 0:35:20HELICOPTER ROTORS WHIR
0:35:28 > 0:35:30'The following day...
0:35:30 > 0:35:35'I had to go to Dunblane and took part in the...'
0:35:35 > 0:35:38in this interview, which came as somewhat of a surprise,
0:35:38 > 0:35:41I wasn't expecting to have to do that.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44Ladies and gentlemen, can I introduce you to Mr Ron Taylor,
0:35:44 > 0:35:48the headteacher for Dunblane Primary School.
0:35:48 > 0:35:54Um, I think Mr Taylor would like to just make a...a comment.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00My thoughts, and the thoughts of all my staff,
0:36:00 > 0:36:05are obviously with the families, all the families whose lives
0:36:05 > 0:36:08have been devastated by the appalling tragedy.
0:36:10 > 0:36:15Evil visited us yesterday and we don't know why,
0:36:15 > 0:36:19we don't understand it, and I guess we never will.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22'I thought Ron Taylor was a marvellous man.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26'Some of the words he said were quite unforgettable.'
0:36:26 > 0:36:29These were all his children, these were all his pupils,
0:36:29 > 0:36:35and...and...and he lost 16 of them, 16 of them in the most horrific way.
0:36:35 > 0:36:39I can't get the images out of my head yet,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42and I think that will take some time. It was an appalling mess.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- REPORTER:- Were you able to do anything?- We...
0:36:45 > 0:36:49We did what we could. We tried. We, um...
0:36:49 > 0:36:56People couldn't understand why I felt so guilty after the event...
0:36:58 > 0:37:01..because there is no way any of us
0:37:01 > 0:37:04could have anticipated what happened.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08There's no way we could've adequately prepared
0:37:08 > 0:37:13for what happened, and yet, I felt enormous guilt.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16More than just a survivor's guilt.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19It was my school.
0:37:21 > 0:37:25I felt violated. I felt... I should've been able to do more.
0:37:26 > 0:37:30And that guilt... lives with me today.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41The things that struck me most was the outpouring of grief.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Lots and lots of people actually came to Dunblane simply just
0:37:44 > 0:37:46to pay their respects.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51Thousands of tributes that arrived in Dunblane in the shape
0:37:51 > 0:37:55of letters, flowers, cuddly toys.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58What you realise is that, when something like this happens,
0:37:58 > 0:38:02the, um, the number of people who are affected by it.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05Um, you see the sort of, the immediate people, the family
0:38:05 > 0:38:10that are involved, but you forget how far the ripples of the pond go.
0:38:12 > 0:38:18The flowers all the way along the street was a wonderful way
0:38:18 > 0:38:22of the country showing their support and their love.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25But it was also a reminder to us every day
0:38:25 > 0:38:28as we had to drive past the flowers.
0:38:41 > 0:38:48The last time I saw Sophie before her funeral service,
0:38:48 > 0:38:53she'd been dressed in a Lion King outfit that I'd bought for her.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57She had always liked The Lion king, even though
0:38:57 > 0:39:01she'd been too frightened to actually watch the movie itself.
0:39:03 > 0:39:10And I also put with her... her sooky...
0:39:10 > 0:39:16which was the last remaining, um, half of a set of...
0:39:16 > 0:39:20two sets of pyjamas that belonged to Barbara,
0:39:20 > 0:39:23which she had, um, sucked on...
0:39:25 > 0:39:30..for years. I tried to persuade her off them, but it had never happened
0:39:30 > 0:39:34and so, again, it was appropriate that they were with her.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50- RON TAYLOR:- The pressures after the event were, were enormous
0:39:50 > 0:39:51and they were unrelenting.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54We had politicians coming, we had the Royals who came.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59And it was enormously stressful, having to cope with that,
0:39:59 > 0:40:02with the outside pressure that it brought,
0:40:02 > 0:40:05with the pressure of helping to organise the visits,
0:40:05 > 0:40:08but it was entirely understandable why they came.
0:40:08 > 0:40:13They represented the country's support and concern for us.
0:40:13 > 0:40:15NEWSREADER: From there, it was up to Ward 17,
0:40:15 > 0:40:18to see and talk to the five youngsters
0:40:18 > 0:40:21and their two teachers who are being treated at the hospital.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25I was in there for six weeks or something and, you know,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28we were totally overwhelmed by the generosity,
0:40:28 > 0:40:31the public sending things or whatever.
0:40:36 > 0:40:41The photos of, um, me with the Queen at the bottom of my bed...
0:40:41 > 0:40:43I had absolutely no interest in the Queen.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46I was sitting with my Playdays magazine, just wanting to look at
0:40:46 > 0:40:50the pictures in my magazine, rather than the Queen at the end of my bed.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
0:40:56 > 0:41:01Matthew, as he came out of intensive care, um, was very quiet,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04he didn't really talk very much, um,
0:41:04 > 0:41:06he obviously took in a lot of things.
0:41:09 > 0:41:13'It was hard, I mean, cos you had to sort of sit there and just listen
0:41:13 > 0:41:15- 'to what he had to say, er... - Not become too emotional.'
0:41:15 > 0:41:17And try not to sort of...
0:41:17 > 0:41:20- If we got emotional, then he would get upset...- He wouldn't say...
0:41:20 > 0:41:23..then he wouldn't want to upset Mummy and Daddy, so he wouldn't say.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27- So...- So you were trying your best just to, just to let him talk.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Ready or not, here I come!
0:41:30 > 0:41:31LAUGHTER
0:41:33 > 0:41:36But you did get a huge guilt, er, about the fact that
0:41:36 > 0:41:39you still had your, your son and others had lost theirs.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45But it's when you, you meet those parents and, um,
0:41:45 > 0:41:51and you realise that, that... how much we were grieving
0:41:51 > 0:41:56for what had happened to Matthew, um, and that hurt, that pain was
0:41:56 > 0:42:01so, so awful, to imagine what they were going through
0:42:01 > 0:42:05was just something that must be so devastating.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12NEWSREADER: As Dunblane Primary opened its doors
0:42:12 > 0:42:15for the first time since the shootings, most children were
0:42:15 > 0:42:18escorted back by one or both parents. Many of them...
0:42:18 > 0:42:23- RON TAYLOR:- We opened the school very quickly after the event.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26But it seemed only logical.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29What were the children doing at home,
0:42:29 > 0:42:33with all the stresses and strains and media presence in the village?
0:42:34 > 0:42:39It was better that we reopened the school as quickly as possible
0:42:39 > 0:42:42and that they returned to a form of normality.
0:42:42 > 0:42:48This has been a... a long, dark week, full of tears.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52Dunblane is still in mourning.
0:42:54 > 0:42:55However...
0:42:57 > 0:43:00..the evil that came last week is gone.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04The children returned to school today.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08And this is a, a very important day for us,
0:43:08 > 0:43:12because today marks the beginning of our recovery.
0:43:12 > 0:43:17As a headteacher, what happened to me that day
0:43:17 > 0:43:21was the worst experience any headteacher could have.
0:43:21 > 0:43:25And of course, it was the worst experience for any parent, too.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30And for the parents of the other children...
0:43:30 > 0:43:32they were hugely emotional.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36But it was very wonderful...
0:43:37 > 0:43:42..that almost all the children returned on that day.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47Having been shot in the leg, and my kneecap was shattered, um,
0:43:47 > 0:43:49my leg had to be in traction,
0:43:49 > 0:43:53which means it had to be up in the air, um, for...
0:43:53 > 0:43:56to be set again, really, um...
0:43:56 > 0:44:00so I spent a lot of time, you know, I couldn't go out in the wheelchair
0:44:00 > 0:44:03or anything, I was stuck to the bed for six weeks, um...
0:44:05 > 0:44:07..and I had, you know, I had...
0:44:07 > 0:44:10That resulted in me being the last one to leave the hospital.
0:44:12 > 0:44:13Hairbrush.
0:44:17 > 0:44:21'After the shootings and the police had collected all the belongings
0:44:21 > 0:44:23'and they'd had them for...'
0:44:23 > 0:44:25it must've been some time,
0:44:25 > 0:44:27and my mum was given all my stuff back one day
0:44:27 > 0:44:30'and there was this, you know, god-awful smell
0:44:30 > 0:44:33'and she couldn't figure out what it was.'
0:44:35 > 0:44:40There was just a big, mouldy banana in my school bag that was...
0:44:40 > 0:44:44There was a very unpleasant smell coming from it.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46MOTHER CHATS SOFTLY
0:45:03 > 0:45:05SEAGULLS CALL
0:45:11 > 0:45:14BIRDS TWEET
0:45:17 > 0:45:20- We've been married for a long time. - Yeah, um...
0:45:20 > 0:45:25- Too long?- Far too long! - Yeah, 16?- 16 years. Together 17.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27- Um, married 16.- 16.- Yeah.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39- It's our kind of escape. - Yeah, it has been,
0:45:39 > 0:45:44- and it's been our kind of bolthole for about a decade now.- Yeah.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47Maybe this is the place where we feel closest together,
0:45:47 > 0:45:50but it's also the place where I feel safest.
0:45:52 > 0:45:58'I try to be very consistent. I try to be a focal point that,'
0:45:58 > 0:46:05if things are not going well for Isabel, she can rely on me to, um...
0:46:05 > 0:46:08er... be a constant for us.
0:46:08 > 0:46:11I think the baggage is always there
0:46:11 > 0:46:14- and I think that's a problem at times.- Mm-hm.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17I don't think it is possible, after Dunblane,
0:46:17 > 0:46:21- to have a life that is completely normal.- No.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26It's lovely, soft wool
0:46:26 > 0:46:29and I do remember her wearing that and it was just...
0:46:30 > 0:46:32It was just a lovely little...
0:46:34 > 0:46:36..a lovely little cardigan.
0:46:36 > 0:46:40It's the only drawing I have that Mhairi did of her sister.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44Look, this is Catherine,
0:46:44 > 0:46:47with a big, happy smile on her face
0:46:47 > 0:46:49and with a fresh nappy on, clearly.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52This is a bit special.
0:46:52 > 0:46:58She had ladybird scissors and this is her ladybird bracelet.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00We used to go ladybird spotting...
0:47:01 > 0:47:06..erm, in the garden at home and if we caught a ladybird,
0:47:06 > 0:47:08Mhairi would always want it to crawl over her hands.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10This is Mhairi's death certificate.
0:47:14 > 0:47:17I have thought a lot about,
0:47:17 > 0:47:20"It could have been me there, not her."
0:47:20 > 0:47:21Erm...
0:47:22 > 0:47:24I know it's not my fault.
0:47:24 > 0:47:25Erm...
0:47:26 > 0:47:29It's not my fault that someone decided to kill my sister,
0:47:29 > 0:47:32but I do, a bit, feel...
0:47:32 > 0:47:37a bit guilty that I'm the one that survived and not her.
0:47:37 > 0:47:38Erm...
0:47:38 > 0:47:42I don't think that's an entirely rational feeling.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44I recognise myself that that is...
0:47:44 > 0:47:47It's not a rational feeling, it's something that you just feel
0:47:47 > 0:47:50when this kind of thing has happened to you.
0:47:50 > 0:47:53Catherine, erm...
0:47:53 > 0:47:58has obviously outlived Mhairi and there's been certain milestones,
0:47:58 > 0:48:04certain points in Catherine's life that's been very upsetting for us,
0:48:04 > 0:48:08because Mhairi never did this, Mhairi never got that,
0:48:08 > 0:48:10Mhairi never got a chance for this.
0:48:10 > 0:48:15And in my head, it's hard to think of Catherine as the little sister,
0:48:15 > 0:48:17because Catherine is now the big sister
0:48:17 > 0:48:19because she's lived so much longer.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22I have one final poem.
0:48:22 > 0:48:26Give a huge, Loud crowd applause
0:48:26 > 0:48:27for Catherine Wilson.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:36 > 0:48:38These are the facts I know about my sister
0:48:38 > 0:48:42She's an artist, an architect, a scientist and a gospel singer
0:48:42 > 0:48:44She's training to be a vet
0:48:44 > 0:48:47A childhood dream that she has loved as long as
0:48:47 > 0:48:50Ice cream and she got the science-y side of my father
0:48:50 > 0:48:53When I got the philosophy, she loves astrology
0:48:53 > 0:48:57And if I'm sick or sad or hate the world, she climbs into my bed
0:48:57 > 0:48:59Plaits my hair with affection and I love her
0:48:59 > 0:49:01She's my sister and I love her and I love her
0:49:01 > 0:49:04And she's my sister and my sister and I love her and I love her
0:49:04 > 0:49:06And she is my sister and I love her
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Or maybe I don't...
0:49:10 > 0:49:11'I can sit here and say my sister was'
0:49:11 > 0:49:15going to be a vet or she was going to be, I don't know, a rock star,
0:49:15 > 0:49:17she was going to be famous
0:49:17 > 0:49:20or she was going to be, you know, the next...
0:49:20 > 0:49:22um, I don't know,
0:49:22 > 0:49:24she was going to run a charity or something like that,
0:49:24 > 0:49:28but that might not be true, she might have completely...
0:49:28 > 0:49:31We might have completely fallen out, we might not get on,
0:49:31 > 0:49:33so I kind of wanted to capture that.
0:49:33 > 0:49:35I don't know these facts about my sister
0:49:35 > 0:49:38They are nothing more than the fruits of my contemplation
0:49:38 > 0:49:40A big "What if?" that keeps me up at night
0:49:40 > 0:49:43And I'm forever sorry that I can't say I'm an only child by choice
0:49:43 > 0:49:45With me comes the background baggage of a crime scene
0:49:45 > 0:49:46That put me on the map
0:49:46 > 0:49:49And I never want to say it, I'm too afraid to say it
0:49:49 > 0:49:50Dunblane.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:58 > 0:50:00REPORTER: The Dunblane parents believe
0:50:00 > 0:50:02that while the police might have made mistakes,
0:50:02 > 0:50:06it is, they say, our whole attitude towards guns which needs changing.
0:50:09 > 0:50:10I was certainly of the opinion,
0:50:10 > 0:50:14and that appeared to be one that was shared between all the families,
0:50:14 > 0:50:16that we wanted to do something positive,
0:50:16 > 0:50:18we wanted to change the gun laws
0:50:18 > 0:50:20and there was no way that that would happen
0:50:20 > 0:50:23if we just stood in the background.
0:50:25 > 0:50:30And through campaigning, often exhausting campaigning,
0:50:30 > 0:50:36in the face of very strenuous and nasty opposition at times,
0:50:36 > 0:50:42we were delighted to be able to persuade governments,
0:50:42 > 0:50:45both Conservative and Labour,
0:50:45 > 0:50:49to introduce legislation which Parliament passed,
0:50:49 > 0:50:53which did result in the banning of handguns by 1998,
0:50:53 > 0:50:57just two years after the Dunblane Massacre.
0:51:07 > 0:51:11I feel my generation probably...
0:51:12 > 0:51:18..like the older generation, just can't fathom how...
0:51:18 > 0:51:21just awful it all was and how awful it all is
0:51:21 > 0:51:24and how it's still affecting us all today.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30And then, following that comes...
0:51:30 > 0:51:34I'm angry I don't have my sister now.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37I feel like she was taken.
0:51:39 > 0:51:40And it's all very selfish.
0:51:40 > 0:51:43This man didn't consider, actually,
0:51:43 > 0:51:46"I'm leaving parents without children
0:51:46 > 0:51:48"and siblings without siblings."
0:51:50 > 0:51:53When I say it's not how I want to remember my mum,
0:51:53 > 0:51:55I find it quite a morbid picture, to be honest. It's sort of...
0:51:55 > 0:51:57It is a snapshot of that day.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01It's like a picture of him...
0:52:01 > 0:52:05and that picture, that's a sort of chilling thing for me.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07I find it quite a chilling picture.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12It's just typical of my mum, you know.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15She's out hill walking and she's got all her make-up on
0:52:15 > 0:52:18and her hair is all lovely and she's got earrings on
0:52:18 > 0:52:20and she's got her lippy on.
0:52:20 > 0:52:21And she's...
0:52:21 > 0:52:23She's smiling and her eyes are happy.
0:52:25 > 0:52:27I still have these gloves.
0:52:30 > 0:52:32That's exactly how I remember her.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39Time... is a strange thing.
0:52:41 > 0:52:45And I think it's become even more strange since Sophie was killed.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51Some of the memories are so strong that they can seem like yesterday,
0:52:51 > 0:52:53they can seem like last week.
0:53:00 > 0:53:02This is...
0:53:02 > 0:53:04This is so important.
0:53:06 > 0:53:09This one, on the first anniversary,
0:53:09 > 0:53:11is from Princess Diana.
0:53:12 > 0:53:13"As a mother myself,
0:53:13 > 0:53:17"my enormous admiration for you all grows stronger.
0:53:17 > 0:53:20"Your dearly loved children will always be greatly missed,
0:53:20 > 0:53:22"especially today, as we remember.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26"My thoughts and prayers are with you.
0:53:26 > 0:53:27"With love from Diana."
0:53:33 > 0:53:37After Sophie died, I can honestly say there was never a time
0:53:37 > 0:53:40when I thought, "No, I can't go on."
0:53:40 > 0:53:44There were times when I knew it was going to be difficult to go on.
0:53:44 > 0:53:49There were times when I was depressed.
0:53:49 > 0:53:55But I never, ever felt, "No, there's no point in keeping going."
0:53:56 > 0:53:57Of course, it's...
0:53:59 > 0:54:05..horrible, when the two people you're closest to have died.
0:54:08 > 0:54:12But neither of them would have wanted me to give up
0:54:12 > 0:54:15on what life still had to offer
0:54:15 > 0:54:18and what I could offer to life.
0:54:24 > 0:54:26People have to cope in their own way.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30One of the things I have at home is I have a box...
0:54:31 > 0:54:32..full of...
0:54:34 > 0:54:37..newspaper articles, statements, cuttings,
0:54:37 > 0:54:41and it includes my own written version of the events of the day,
0:54:41 > 0:54:47and I did that to help. I locked it away
0:54:47 > 0:54:49and thankfully, I have never looked at it again.
0:54:51 > 0:54:54And it's quite easy to keep that box locked.
0:54:54 > 0:54:58It's much more difficult to keep the box in my head locked.
0:55:08 > 0:55:12Matthew got to grow, got to go to high school,
0:55:12 > 0:55:16got to his 18th birthday, got to his 21st birthday,
0:55:16 > 0:55:21we watched him grow and develop from a young child
0:55:21 > 0:55:24to just a warm, loving young man.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39That's one thing that's very important to Matt,
0:55:39 > 0:55:43is the fact that he wants to be defined by what he does in life,
0:55:43 > 0:55:45not by what happened to him.
0:55:45 > 0:55:46And that's a good thing.
0:55:52 > 0:55:57It just upsets me that it makes Isabel sad and emotional
0:55:57 > 0:55:59and it's something I can't fix.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03It's something I can't make better.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05Something I can't bring back.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20I don't want you to be upset.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24- You're going to cry. I don't want you to be upset.- Sh!
0:56:24 > 0:56:27- Talking like that will make me cry! - THEY LAUGH
0:56:28 > 0:56:31- I'm really sorry.- I do want...
0:56:32 > 0:56:34You just want me...
0:56:34 > 0:56:36- You just want me to be happy.- Yeah.
0:56:36 > 0:56:40It's what anybody in a comfortable marriage,
0:56:40 > 0:56:43relationship wants for their partner, they want them to be happy,
0:56:43 > 0:56:48but there's nothing I can do to make that part of your life...
0:56:48 > 0:56:50- Different.- Different, or better.
0:56:50 > 0:56:54- Yes. It is what it is. - It is what it is.- Yeah.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01This event was so unprecedented,
0:57:01 > 0:57:05and so huge, with so many implications for so many people,
0:57:05 > 0:57:09that we really must mark this important anniversary.
0:57:10 > 0:57:13It's very difficult for people, it's very difficult for the community
0:57:13 > 0:57:16and many people might not agree with me.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19But it's hugely important
0:57:19 > 0:57:21to help as best we can those who survived.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25And support those who lost.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34I've got scarring on my left leg, on both sides,
0:57:34 > 0:57:38on my knee and my thigh,
0:57:38 > 0:57:41and the doctors at some point had suggested to my mum
0:57:41 > 0:57:45that I maybe would want skin grafts to try and cover them up.
0:57:45 > 0:57:51My mum, I think she was worried that I'd be self-conscious about them,
0:57:51 > 0:57:55getting older and being a teenager, maybe wearing skirts or whatever,
0:57:55 > 0:57:57but to me, it wasn't an option.
0:57:57 > 0:58:01These are my scars, they're on my body, it's my story,
0:58:01 > 0:58:02I'm not going to...
0:58:02 > 0:58:06I'm not going to hide them, I'm not ashamed of them.
0:58:06 > 0:58:08It is part of UK history now, unfortunately, as well
0:58:08 > 0:58:12and it's something that needs to be remembered.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14So that everyone's aware that we are still here,
0:58:14 > 0:58:16we are still getting on with our lives
0:58:16 > 0:58:20and we didn't just fade into the background either.
0:58:20 > 0:58:23We still had to power on and push on with our lives
0:58:23 > 0:58:26and it's important that everybody knows we're doing it.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28And doing it well.