0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains very strong language, and scenes which some viewers may find disturbing.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# To your soul
0:00:12 > 0:00:13# To your soul
0:00:16 > 0:00:21# Cry... #
0:00:21 > 0:00:25I can remember somebody mentioning something in relation to the word
0:00:25 > 0:00:28"faggots". They heard that word, "faggots".
0:00:34 > 0:00:35# You leave in the morning
0:00:35 > 0:00:40# With everything you own in a little black case... #
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I was going out with a group of friends.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45We were just holding hands, walking...
0:00:45 > 0:00:47And as I crossed the street...
0:00:47 > 0:00:49A guy shouted behind us...
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- "Faggot."- "Poofter."
0:00:52 > 0:00:55- "Gayboy."- I turned around and challenged them on it.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Four guys got out of the car.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59"Come out here, you batty boy."
0:00:59 > 0:01:06# Mother will never understand why you had to leave... #
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Then he literally swung for her.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Literally, just like that, boom.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Horrific injuries.
0:01:16 > 0:01:21# The love that you need will never be found at home... #
0:01:25 > 0:01:28I remember standing up for the first time.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Dain looked at me and said, "I can't see."
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# Cry, boy, cry... #
0:01:34 > 0:01:37The girl was then jumping on him.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40She was on his chest and on his face and he didn't move.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Kicking and stamping.
0:01:42 > 0:01:47And shouting, "Faggot, faggot," at him.
0:01:47 > 0:01:53Every generation has to fight the same battles, and the battles,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55the battles are never won.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00It blows my mind that a mob would set upon anybody
0:02:00 > 0:02:07because of their sexuality in Great Britain in 2017.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- INTERVIEWER: What were you like at school?- Oh, you don't want to know.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Yeah, I was all right, though.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Yeah. I was all right.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Not too bad. But I got what needed to get done
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and had fun at the same time, yeah.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Cos I used to do, like, music and stuff at school, obviously,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36all rap and all that stuff.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Everyone used to treat me, like, boss.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41It was a good time, it was a good time, yeah.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46There was a reputation that I had,
0:02:46 > 0:02:50a strong reputation in school that I had that I wanted to keep and I was
0:02:50 > 0:02:51scared of losing it.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Probably the age of about 13, 14, I had my first boyfriend.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04I didn't really feel different or, like, judged in school, I guess.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05I guess I've grown up in a time
0:03:05 > 0:03:08where our generation are probably just
0:03:08 > 0:03:10more comfortable to be themselves, which is brilliant.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Coming out, I think that was a bit shocking to my parents but they kind
0:03:17 > 0:03:21of accepted that. They accepted me for who I was, which was great.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Do you know what?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I regret not telling people sooner,
0:03:27 > 0:03:30because I didn't have one bad comment,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I didn't have any awkward conversations,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35anyone taking the mick.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38I didn't have any of that, which is what I was scared of happening.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49We met on one of these gay apps a few years ago,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52but we just tell people we met on Facebook!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55We met, er, on Grindr.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01We just stayed up for ages, just talking.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Like, we hit it off really well on the kind of first time we met.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09His eyebrows were so bad.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11They were, like, massive.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13He'll hate me for saying this, but he will agree with it.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16But he was hot as well.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18But, yeah...
0:04:20 > 0:04:24We were just kind of besotted since day one, really.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Here we are now. Five years later.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42INAUDIBLE
0:04:42 > 0:04:45VOICEOVER: Bank holiday weekend, last year, in May,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48we were out for my friend's birthday.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51We were having a really good weekend.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53It was bank holiday.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I was with Dain and a bunch of our mates in Brighton.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Summer was starting.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01All the bars were open, all the clubs were open.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05It was just a buzz, and that's what you love when you go out, obviously,
0:05:05 > 0:05:06the buzz.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15They're lovely together.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Literally, like, I feel embarrassed
0:05:17 > 0:05:20going out with the two of them because they are just so beautiful.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25When they're out together, you can see how much fun they have together.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26They're always dancing, singing.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30They're the first ones on the dance floor and the last ones to go home.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35But the strange thing was, on that night,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38they both had a feeling that something was going to go wrong.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Yeah, it was good, the atmosphere was good, really good.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49We were having a great time.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54I guess it was probably about three o'clock.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58We were at the bar and just got this look from a couple of guys from
0:05:58 > 0:06:00across the dance floor area.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08but it was just such a weird look that they gave us.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11And my friend came up to me and said,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13"Those two guys are looking at you really weirdly."
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- But I just ignored it. - Dain didn't see what I saw.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20At this point, Dain had his arm round me,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23but I think they didn't like that.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- At this point, they just started, like, shouting...- "Fucking gayboy."
0:06:33 > 0:06:35They said, "Oh, is that your fucking boyfriend?"
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Dain realised, and I told him,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40"The best being that we need to do is get out of this club,
0:06:40 > 0:06:41"into a taxi, the quickest way possible."
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Me and James just thought,
0:06:43 > 0:06:46"We're just going to take ourselves out of that situation."
0:06:48 > 0:06:49No-one was about.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54All of a sudden, I hear running behind us.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I was kind of like, "Right, things just got real."
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I could feel there's no way we were going to outrun them.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06They just grabbed us from behind and just chucked us to the floor.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I mean, it was all, like, mayhem from there.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24We were both on the ground.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27I was laying on the pavement and all I could see was James,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31but then the next thing I saw was just a shoe coming to my face.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33That just knocked me completely unconscious.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39One of the boys started kicking Dain's face,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41like, really, really rapidly.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47There was a lot of words and aggression, they were shouting.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48They were shouting, like, "Gayboys."
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Every time I tried to crawl closer to Dain,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54he was literally dragging me along the pavement.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00At that point, a taxi driver drove past
0:08:00 > 0:08:03and I think he called the police straightaway.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09And then, finally, the police got to us.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16I remember standing up for the first time, and
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Dain looked at me and said, "I can't see."
0:08:29 > 0:08:33And it's when Dain said to me that he can't see, I thought,
0:08:33 > 0:08:35"OK, this is bad."
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I was going out with a group of friends.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Friday night, we were walking together in South London.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Me and my girlfriend at the time left the bar.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57We were meeting some friends in Soho.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00A bunch of teenagers who I walked past on my way home.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06A car drove by, they leant out the window.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07- "Bender."- "Nancy boy."
0:09:07 > 0:09:09"Nigger faggot."
0:09:09 > 0:09:12"Did he just call us fucking lesbians?"
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Why would you think that it was OK
0:09:14 > 0:09:19to say something, when you can see that it's our wedding day?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I turned around and challenged them on it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I said, "What did you say?"
0:09:23 > 0:09:25He went, "You're a fucking lesbian."
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I stepped in and asked for an apology.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I turned round to him and said, "You're a fucking idiot, go home."
0:09:34 > 0:09:37"The only reason why you're giving me hate is because you're turned on
0:09:37 > 0:09:39"by my arse and you can't even admit it to yourself."
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Four guys got out of the car.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45The door flung open.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48And then they got out a chain.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50"Come out here, you batty boy."
0:09:50 > 0:09:52He just threw the beer all over us.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58And then they hit me.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00And just started hitting us with it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01And I got kicked in the face.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- And they just came for me.- Punches to the head, punches to my face.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07He just kept punching me to the side of my head.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09He hit me a few more times.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10They kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked...
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Smashed my face onto the floor.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20I had a scaffold pole smashed across my face.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24All four of them, on the floor, stamping on my head.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27And then everything went black.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I just saw two feet running in the distance.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41My eye socket was completely shattered.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45I had haemorrhages in both my eyes, I had fractures on my cheeks.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48My eyes were completely red.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51My tooth was chipped and my nose was broken as well,
0:10:51 > 0:10:52at the top.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I remember being in hospital and I kept asking them,
0:10:58 > 0:11:01"Am I going to be able to see again, am I going to be able to see again?"
0:11:01 > 0:11:04And they said, "We can't tell you because everything is so swollen."
0:11:04 > 0:11:08They couldn't even open my eyes, because it was just out here.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13I remember, when he said that,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15obviously when we walked out,
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I just remember him squeezing
0:11:16 > 0:11:18my hand, saying, "James,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20"I'm not going to be able to see again."
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I was like, "No, you will. Let's wait for it to heal and you will."
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Me and James, at that point,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42we were very close because we'd kind of gone through it together...
0:11:42 > 0:11:43I mean, we were close in general anyway,
0:11:43 > 0:11:46but just spending that much time with each other,
0:11:46 > 0:11:49and we were actually there for each other,
0:11:49 > 0:11:53and that kind of really proved it to me, how strong our relationship is.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I'm a very resilient person, and I don't want...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I'm not going to live my life how someone else wants to,
0:12:03 > 0:12:05or whatever anyone else thinks, I'm me.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09I have my own personality, as everyone else does,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11and I'm not going to let anyone change that.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14If anything, that's made me kind of want to be who I am even more so.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I think it's made him stronger.
0:12:19 > 0:12:24And I think that it has made him not care about what other people think
0:12:24 > 0:12:26and made him want to go out there and be himself even more.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Whereas it's done the opposite to me.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Like, it's changed the whole...
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It's just changed...
0:12:36 > 0:12:39to how I was before.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49And it's sad because...
0:12:51 > 0:12:54..I remember how we were before it happened...
0:12:56 > 0:12:57..and I look at us now...
0:13:03 > 0:13:07And it's upsetting because it's them who made this happen.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11So that's what's hard to accept.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34No, I wouldn't forgive them. No, plain and blunt, no, I wouldn't,
0:13:34 > 0:13:39I couldn't ever. Like, it might get easier to accept it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43But I would never, like, forgive them or forget what happened.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Obviously it will stay with me, and I'm sure it will stay with them
0:13:46 > 0:13:47for obviously the rest of their lives.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Angry.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Really angry.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09And I'm starting to kind of doubt myself,
0:14:09 > 0:14:14like, "What if her friends HADN'T been kissing at the time?"
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I'm just angry with everything that happened since,
0:14:19 > 0:14:20absolutely everything.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24The fact that I had a black eye to explain to a six-year-old,
0:14:24 > 0:14:28why Mummy was hurt, why Becky had bruises.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30It's not something that I want to explain to my child,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32that there's hate in this world,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34and I had to, because of him.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45What do you want to play?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Do you want to do hangman?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Yes. Let me get up here.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Go on, then. Careful.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Yeah, I'm nervous.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06But at the same time, I want to know that he gets his comeuppance,
0:15:06 > 0:15:07at the same time.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13It's seeing him again, bringing up
0:15:13 > 0:15:15those kind of memories again, isn't it?
0:15:15 > 0:15:21I mean, we know that he lives close by, about 10, 15 minutes away.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26So, what if he isn't found guilty and we're kind of stuck?
0:15:28 > 0:15:31It's going to be really disappointing.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- No, that's what- I- was going to do!
0:15:33 > 0:15:36VOICEOVER: It's just odd that it still happens.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40And just because we chose to love each other.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I don't know. In this day and age, should we...
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Like, we're a normal couple, aren't we?
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- We're just normal.- I don't know about normal, but, yeah...!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52No, but we are. You know, we've got Josh.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- Who's normal, really? - We've got Josh... We've got...
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- Who's she?- Becky, my stepmum.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02INTERVIEWER: What's she like as a wife?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Hard work!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10No, like, we have our good moments.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Like every other couple in the world, you know,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14they've got their moments.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I didn't...
0:16:19 > 0:16:20I'm the typical, like...
0:16:24 > 0:16:27..like "man" lesbian, no?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29The manly one. I don't know what you call them.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33She thinks she is, but she's really, really girlie inside.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35She's very, very girlie inside.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Actually, I've been... I told you that.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41The little boy was talking to his mum, he went past,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44and the boy said to his mum, "That's Josh's dad."
0:16:46 > 0:16:49I just, I didn't say anything, actually.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Like, we never went out, ever, really.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56For once, we had a baby-sitter,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59and got out of the house, and that happened.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I mean, we haven't been out since, have we, Bec?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10So, we're sitting down, um, a guy comes over.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14And the first thing he says is, "Oh, I like lesbians."
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Yeah! So, "Oh, God, not one of these," you know.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22He had a South African accent.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25All seemed quite pleasant.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29He seemed quite tipsy, but I'm never really rude to anyone.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32He asked them, our friends, to kiss.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35To which they were like, "No."
0:17:35 > 0:17:39And I'm like, "Sorry, mate, it's not just for you,
0:17:39 > 0:17:41"your pleasure," kind of thing.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47And then he said something which then offended one of my mates.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I think he said "dyke" or something.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Do you know what I mean? That's offence. You don't say that.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58We just sort of got up and we were like, "Come on,
0:17:58 > 0:17:59"let's just go to the kebab shop,"
0:17:59 > 0:18:02because we were going to get a bit of food.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07I didn't ever think that it was going to start getting violent.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14The other guy that had joined in had then begun kind of circling us
0:18:14 > 0:18:20as a group. And quite obviously stuck his attention in on me.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Then that's when he started getting a bit touchy-feely, groping, like,
0:18:26 > 0:18:28her breasts, and...
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Yeah, just literally, really hanging on her arm.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35So I was just, like, trying to
0:18:35 > 0:18:37just edge him away from me, kind of thing.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Then Becky was like, she'd had enough,
0:18:39 > 0:18:42after he'd done it about eight, nine times, she'd had enough.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I don't think he liked that, to be honest.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52And then he came forward, "Fat dykes," and all this.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Alex took offence.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Ran in front, just pushed him away from her.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02The other guy saw her do it...
0:19:04 > 0:19:06..and then he literally swung for her.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Literally, just like that, boom.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17"I got groped, punched and slammed into a street light.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19"My wife got punched and our two friends got punched, too.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22"To hit a woman and to punch a woman is wrong, but to do that
0:19:22 > 0:19:25"just because we didn't want them, disgusting and vile.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27"I'm so angry that I've been violated for the love of my wife.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30"I want this shared as I know hate crime is brushed under the carpet.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33"Not this time." "Update. They have been arrested
0:19:33 > 0:19:35"and are facing different five counts between them both.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36"Justice will be served."
0:19:36 > 0:19:39"Update two. CPS have come back and charged both of them.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41"One is on remand and one has bail.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43"Now just wait for a court date.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44"I will be standing up in court 100%
0:19:44 > 0:19:47"to fight this to the ground to make sure they will never do this again."
0:19:48 > 0:19:51But, yeah, the next day, it was just cover it up
0:19:51 > 0:19:53and smile and keep going.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55I had to wear glasses.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I couldn't cover up the darkness around my eye.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Emotionally, it was...
0:20:08 > 0:20:12It has a big impact on your relationship.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16To not be able to be myself,
0:20:16 > 0:20:17I felt imprisoned.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23Do you stop holding hands when somebody approaches you?
0:20:23 > 0:20:27If you don't hold hands, then the situation has already won.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Walking down the street with your boyfriend and you have to question
0:20:32 > 0:20:35yourself, that's damage,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37it's damaging to do that, to think that.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42It makes you feel ashamed,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44powerless.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47They're kind of, they're dehumanising you a little bit.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50You know before you even know you're gay that it's not...
0:20:50 > 0:20:53it's not going to be an easy ride.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57You think you will always be discriminated against.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01Everybody will hate you for who you really are.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04You have no reference point whatsoever.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07You did not decide for yourself who you love.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10It's a bit graphic but I used to force myself to masturbate over
0:21:10 > 0:21:15Page 3 girls because I did not want to be this person.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20That's how powerful the heteronormative society is.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Society in general doesn't know how to deal with people who do not fit
0:21:23 > 0:21:25into one category or another.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29The assumption, I think, is always that people are straight.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32When I was kind of like working in offices,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I would not bring up the fact that
0:21:35 > 0:21:36I was gay.
0:21:36 > 0:21:42I think every gay, queer, bisexual person, people of colour,
0:21:42 > 0:21:48anyone who has a difference to the WASPy white norm knows all of these
0:21:48 > 0:21:50subtle differences.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Some people take a second glance and think, oh, you know,
0:21:54 > 0:21:55"Is she in the right toilet?"
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I started to change the way I dressed to look more straight.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Are you that ignorant you can't see that I'm a girl or are you saying it
0:22:04 > 0:22:05because you are trying to make a point of it?
0:22:05 > 0:22:09You're equalising your way through, you're turning knobs,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12you're revealing bits, you are putting stuff away.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Day-to-day familiar violence that you experience,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20aggressively pushing past somebody or calling somebody a batty boy
0:22:20 > 0:22:22on the street, that's the crux,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24that's the thing that we actually need to be tackling
0:22:24 > 0:22:26because that is what feeds the bigger stuff.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29"I can change you." That's the typical phrase.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30I can change you. Change me?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32What? Change my mind?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36You're never going to change my mind because I fought so hard to be
0:22:36 > 0:22:39the person that I am and to accept the person I am.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43I mean, come on, what logic or sense is that?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45It just breaks my heart.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Tell me what it's like being gay in Margate?
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Horrendous.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01I get so many people, like, saying to me, "Oh, you're gay,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04"you should be dead." And everything like that.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05It's horrible.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19A lot of people obviously used to give me a lot of stick
0:23:19 > 0:23:22for being gay. Like, all the way through school,
0:23:22 > 0:23:26everyone used to pick on me and bully me for being, well,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I hadn't come out as gay then but, yeah, for being gay.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34No, he was a lovely little lad.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Really chubby, really lovely.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Full of mischief, which he still is to a certain extent,
0:23:42 > 0:23:44but he's not had it easy, bless him.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48The nearest he ever got to having a mum and dad was me and his grandad.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54My nan, I know she's always there for me whenever I need her.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57She's amazing.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00She always looks after me and she always tries her best for me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I think he was about 15, 16 when he came out.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08As I say, we knew he was gay.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I thought, "He'll come out when he's ready.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14"He'll tell me in his own time."
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Nobody has to live a lie these days.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Abbie, my best friend, told me about a room going spare,
0:24:33 > 0:24:35up above her flat.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39It was just like a double-sized room, really.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41There was two bedrooms in the flat.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45The guy, Joseph, had his own bedroom which had a lock on it
0:24:45 > 0:24:49and I had a bedroom as well, but I think my lock was broken.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Joseph Olusegun Williams is the name.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Mr Williams was born in Nigeria, lived in Croydon.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03He came from a fairly strict Catholic background.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Connor moving into his flat was sort of forced upon him by the landlord.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14I'd met him a few times before I moved in there.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17He thought I was a girl, first of all,
0:25:17 > 0:25:22because I did kind of have hair down to my shoulder and it was bright red
0:25:22 > 0:25:24and I wore make-up all the time.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Abbie's boyfriend said that I weren't a girl,
0:25:27 > 0:25:29that I was gay and that I was a boy.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38He came to see me on the Saturday, as he moved in on the Sunday.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42And he said to me, "I'll ring you in the morning, Nan."
0:25:47 > 0:25:49The flat, it was absolutely disgusting.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53There was broken eggshells everywhere.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Vile.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57There were skid marks all around the bowl on the inside
0:25:57 > 0:26:00cos he lived like a tramp.
0:26:01 > 0:26:06So my friends came down from Faversham to help me clean the flat.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Took six hours to clean, pretty much.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14And then they got the last train back to Faversham.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18And then I walked back to the flat on Athelstan Road.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24And then I had a cigarette with Abbie downstairs
0:26:24 > 0:26:25before going upstairs.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I was meant to watch this whole film and I obviously fell asleep.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35I was sleeping on a blow-up mattress.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47We know that Mr Williams got home
0:26:47 > 0:26:50around about five o'clock in the morning, from phone records.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56We know that about 10.30 was the phone call to the police,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58from Williams, to say that he thought
0:26:58 > 0:27:01that there was somebody in his flat who was dead.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06I was working with my crewmate, Tor,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08on the day and we were already out
0:27:08 > 0:27:09in the ambulance.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13When we arrived, there were three other police officers there.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18They were let into the flat by Williams.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20He was calm and compliant.
0:27:20 > 0:27:25The officers then searched the flat and found Connor on the airbed.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Connor was lying on the floor and he...
0:27:30 > 0:27:32he had been attacked with a hammer
0:27:32 > 0:27:34which was still embedded in his head.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40The flat end,
0:27:40 > 0:27:43the end you'd use to bang nails in normally
0:27:43 > 0:27:45was actually all the way into Connor's head.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I've always wanted to go in a helicopter.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02The one time I was in a helicopter, basically dead.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Abbie phoned me. "Has the police been in touch with you?"
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I thought, "Oh, shit, what's he up to now?"
0:28:16 > 0:28:19The surgeon said to me, "Be prepared...
0:28:20 > 0:28:22"..he's in a mess."
0:28:22 > 0:28:24I've never seen anything so bad.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30And, um... Sorry.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34We went into the ward.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39I didn't even recognise him.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42I don't know what I thought.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48I honestly thought he was going to die.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Because he was in such a state. Bless his heart.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07They had to cut a quarter of the skull out of my head
0:29:07 > 0:29:10to relieve the pressure on my brain,
0:29:10 > 0:29:12and I had a blood clot as well.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, I couldn't eat.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20I had to learn to do all of that again so it was like...
0:29:21 > 0:29:22..being a newborn baby.
0:29:26 > 0:29:27I've got...
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Well, I've still got a dent in my head now.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36I've got epilepsy but there's also a bit of, um,
0:29:36 > 0:29:40bone from my skull that pokes through my skin and gives me, like,
0:29:40 > 0:29:41a really bad migraine.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45But I can't run, I can't use my right hand
0:29:45 > 0:29:47and I've got to take tablets
0:29:47 > 0:29:50every single day for the rest of my life.
0:29:50 > 0:29:54I do suffer with, like, memory loss now.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56And my depression is coming back as well.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58Great.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02- REPORTER:- He'd been asleep in bed after his first night
0:30:02 > 0:30:04in the new flat, when Williams, who already lived there,
0:30:04 > 0:30:07struck him so hard with a claw hammer,
0:30:07 > 0:30:09it became embedded in his skull.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12No motive was established but Mr Huntley was openly gay
0:30:12 > 0:30:15and Williams had previously made disparaging remarks
0:30:15 > 0:30:16about gay people.
0:30:19 > 0:30:20Certainly for Kent Police,
0:30:20 > 0:30:23the perception of a hate crime is down to the victim.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26If the person on the receiving end
0:30:26 > 0:30:31of any type of crime perceives it to be based on their diversity
0:30:31 > 0:30:35or their religious view or their sexuality,
0:30:35 > 0:30:37then that's how we would treat it.
0:30:39 > 0:30:43Williams' defence had been that he'd had a psychotic episode
0:30:43 > 0:30:46and while he did suffer with mental illness,
0:30:46 > 0:30:50the jury agreed that he'd known what he was doing when he attacked
0:30:50 > 0:30:51his flatmate.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Why do you think he did what he did?
0:31:01 > 0:31:05Because it's against his religion for me to be gay.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10But it, like, I don't know why, but when I sit there,
0:31:10 > 0:31:12it makes me sad for what he done to me.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18It's always constantly in the back of my head, obviously.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23I just think he's vile.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27And whatever he done to me, I want to do to him,
0:31:27 > 0:31:29but a million times worse.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34But I also want the answer of why he done it,
0:31:34 > 0:31:36because he's never told anyone why he's done it.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Have I ever tried to put myself in the mind of a homophobe?
0:31:47 > 0:31:48Yes.
0:31:50 > 0:31:55Gone are the days of the thug with the skinhead and the tattoos.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59Perpetrators now that we are finding are well-dressed,
0:31:59 > 0:32:01well-educated people.
0:32:01 > 0:32:06There must be some thought process which leads them to the decision
0:32:06 > 0:32:08that it's OK to hit this person.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10People think I'm a joke,
0:32:10 > 0:32:13that queer people are disposable and that queer people can have this
0:32:13 > 0:32:16violence against them because they don't do anything.
0:32:16 > 0:32:20The unifying factor is that it's always men.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23White men. All ages. Usually in groups.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26I do think it was interesting that it was a group of people who did it.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30I think straight men kick off at gay men because they know what
0:32:30 > 0:32:32men are like. They're men.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34We're men. We are exactly the same.
0:32:34 > 0:32:38They do seem to be quite obsessed with our sex lives!
0:32:38 > 0:32:42There's a moment when, usually a man, because it is usually a man,
0:32:42 > 0:32:45is attracted to that person that they're seeing
0:32:45 > 0:32:47and they're so repulsed by
0:32:47 > 0:32:50the attraction that they have, they have to react to it.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Jealousy.
0:32:56 > 0:32:57Envy!
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Fear of difference, fear of sex.
0:33:00 > 0:33:02Well, I think it's fair enough.
0:33:02 > 0:33:04I mean, sex is repulsive, isn't it, really?
0:33:04 > 0:33:06At least it should be, if you're doing it right.
0:33:06 > 0:33:07If you think about it!
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Deep down, they don't agree with it.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13They think there's something wrong with it.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Because you don't know LGBT people, that's why you have a fear of them.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18I think it's a lot to do with misogyny.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21A hatred of women and feminine people.
0:33:21 > 0:33:22I think it starts with your parents.
0:33:22 > 0:33:26The messages you get from your siblings, your friends, your family.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29It's been indoctrinated within them.
0:33:29 > 0:33:34It destabilises their idea of what it is to be a man or a woman.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37A threat to their masculinity.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40A worry about the strength of your own position.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43They automatically think they've got more power.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47And it is a power game to some people.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53There is an element of fear at the root of it.
0:33:53 > 0:33:58There is an institutional homophobia which still runs through.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Having a house and a family and two kids,
0:34:00 > 0:34:04that was just a whole economic ruse.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06Trans people, queer people, non-binary.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09We're an assault. We're different.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10That's very threatening.
0:34:19 > 0:34:24These here, it depicts seeing the light coming towards you
0:34:24 > 0:34:26of the cars and the number of cars
0:34:26 > 0:34:29that there were on the road that night.
0:34:31 > 0:34:36The squares themselves depict trouble,
0:34:36 > 0:34:40and these spots are the spots where
0:34:40 > 0:34:42things haven't gone quite right.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45And this is really about the disaster
0:34:45 > 0:34:49and the effect that it had at the end. It does -
0:34:49 > 0:34:52it sort of symbolises Ian,
0:34:52 > 0:34:57and what happened to him but it's also something that is very nice and
0:34:57 > 0:34:59reassuring to have around.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03But, yeah, that twist of fate.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08And you can just about pick him out, Ian Baynham.
0:35:08 > 0:35:09That's also very special.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21Well, that night...
0:35:23 > 0:35:27..he was walking down the street with his friend, Philip.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32He'd just had his first week at work, so he was going out
0:35:32 > 0:35:33to have a drink.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39They'd just alighted from a bus,
0:35:39 > 0:35:44when Ian was, um, verbally abused, basically, I'd say.
0:35:48 > 0:35:52Something was said to him in relation to his sexuality -
0:35:52 > 0:35:54or his presumed sexuality.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59The word "faggots" - they heard that word, "faggots".
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Ian turned round to speak to the person.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10They shouted out...
0:36:12 > 0:36:14.."Fucking faggots".
0:36:17 > 0:36:22My brother turned round and said, "I may be gay, but..."
0:36:28 > 0:36:32Ian was not the sort of person who would let a comment pass.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35You know, he wasn't ashamed of who or what he was,
0:36:35 > 0:36:37in any shape or form.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42If you were going to call him something, you would get a response.
0:36:44 > 0:36:49And then, there was some sort of altercation that went on.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53There was a short tussle.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56The blonde girl was hitting Ian Baynham
0:36:56 > 0:37:00with her handbag, and Ian managed to grab hold of it.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I turned the corner and saw the young girl
0:37:05 > 0:37:07sort of struggling with the older guy,
0:37:07 > 0:37:10though it looked like he was trying to take her handbag.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14The girl just seemed angry.
0:37:14 > 0:37:19They just seemed like pissed off, drunk, young, angry girls.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27One of the witnesses said that he was kicked in the groin.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32At which case, he flailed out at the girl.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39At that point, Joel
0:37:39 > 0:37:41threw the punch.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53Ian, he was the first-born in the family.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56And he was four years older than I was.
0:37:58 > 0:37:59He always... He was...
0:37:59 > 0:38:01He had this amazing smile.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04He just loved life, really.
0:38:07 > 0:38:08When things were tough,
0:38:08 > 0:38:11he'd be there, and he'd never judge you.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16As we grew up,
0:38:16 > 0:38:18um, we went our separate ways.
0:38:20 > 0:38:25In our early 20s, I went to a gay party with somebody, a girl.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27It was packed.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32I looked across the room
0:38:32 > 0:38:35and I thought, "It can't be!
0:38:35 > 0:38:36"That's Ian."
0:38:38 > 0:38:41He spotted me, I could see, cos there were people in the middle.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44It was absolutely crowded.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47And he came up to me, put his arms around me...
0:38:48 > 0:38:51..and he said, "What are YOU doing here?"
0:38:51 > 0:38:58And from that moment, we realised that, you know, we were both gay.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04That really forged this inseparable link.
0:39:17 > 0:39:18My memory of it was like
0:39:18 > 0:39:21a combination of, like, a running kick-punch.
0:39:24 > 0:39:28Ian was punched to the ground by another member of that same group.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33I saw that and thought, "That looks a bit excessive."
0:39:37 > 0:39:42According to Philip Brown, Ian fell to the ground like a corpse.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51As soon as he'd hit the ground, he was out.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59The girl was reported by many witnesses
0:39:59 > 0:40:03to start kicking and stamping and
0:40:03 > 0:40:06shouting, "Fucking faggot," at him.
0:40:11 > 0:40:12The girl was then jumping on him.
0:40:12 > 0:40:16She was on his chest and on his face, and he didn't move.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18And it was at that point I called the police.
0:40:22 > 0:40:23Kicking him
0:40:23 > 0:40:26while he was laying on the ground,
0:40:26 > 0:40:29with blood coming from his ears and his nose.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34Exactly where he'd fallen.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41You know, shocking.
0:40:41 > 0:40:42Absolutely shocking.
0:40:42 > 0:40:47Um...I... When I heard it, I couldn't believe it.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51And there was a crowd of people round him,
0:40:51 > 0:40:54which you can see on the CCTV footage.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08How could you leave somebody in that state?
0:41:10 > 0:41:13Why didn't they go back to him,
0:41:13 > 0:41:19check he was OK? Those questions still nag at the back of my mind.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24To walk away...
0:41:25 > 0:41:27How could you do that?
0:41:33 > 0:41:37She seemed to be pretty pleased about what she'd been involved in.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39She had her arms raised.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41She seemed to have a smile on her face.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Others were there.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48Maybe a little less exuberant.
0:41:48 > 0:41:50But nevertheless, they all knew what had happened.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02They left the scene, you know, they left the scene.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04They left
0:42:04 > 0:42:06Ian in that state.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21I got there and went in to see him and he was in intensive care.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24He was unconscious.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26He'd got two big black eyes.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30I looked at him and I thought...
0:42:32 > 0:42:34..you know, "How can he survive this?"
0:42:36 > 0:42:39When you say someone's been punched and they're unconscious, then you...
0:42:39 > 0:42:43I suppose you have an idea in your mind what you're going to see when
0:42:43 > 0:42:46you get to the hospital. You're just hoping that...
0:42:48 > 0:42:51..you know, things aren't quite as horrific as they sound.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08I said, "George, his breathing is changing."
0:43:08 > 0:43:12And my experience told me that, you know,
0:43:12 > 0:43:16this was sort of the final breath and...
0:43:16 > 0:43:21And he struggled a bit with his breathing and...
0:43:21 > 0:43:23and then he stopped breathing.
0:43:24 > 0:43:25We were with him...
0:43:32 > 0:43:34It was very sad.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40And so he died.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47- APPLAUSE - Ladies and gentlemen,
0:43:47 > 0:43:50I wanted her to come up on the stage and just see for herself.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53Would you please welcome Ian Baynham's sister, Jenny.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:44:06 > 0:44:10VOICEOVER: Extraordinary coming together of gay people,
0:44:10 > 0:44:14straight people, just because of what had happened.
0:44:17 > 0:44:21There were thousands, and they had lights, they were twinkling.
0:44:21 > 0:44:23It was magic, really.
0:44:26 > 0:44:32And such a fitting event for Ian, really.
0:44:36 > 0:44:41And just across the road was where he was last conscious.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47I went there a couple of times just to have a look.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52You know, it really is significant, and...
0:44:53 > 0:44:57Yeah. That tree, I know it very well.
0:44:59 > 0:45:03He is part of Trafalgar Square now and...where it all happened.
0:45:13 > 0:45:16- REPORTER:- A former public school girl and her male friend have been
0:45:16 > 0:45:18found guilty of the manslaughter of a man
0:45:18 > 0:45:21who was killed in a homophobic attack in Trafalgar Square.
0:45:22 > 0:45:2518-year-old Ruby Thomas and 20-year-old Joel Alexander
0:45:25 > 0:45:27will be sentenced in January.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Guilty of carrying out a brutal homophobic killing,
0:45:31 > 0:45:34during a drunken night out in Trafalgar Square in September
0:45:34 > 0:45:39last year, 18-year-old Ruby Thomas and 19-year-old Joel Alexander,
0:45:39 > 0:45:41friends from south London.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43One witness compared their actions to a scene
0:45:43 > 0:45:46from the ultraviolent film, A Clockwork Orange.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02They will have to live with what they've done
0:46:02 > 0:46:04for the rest of their lives.
0:46:04 > 0:46:08I hope that they will continue to think about what they've done.
0:46:08 > 0:46:11Because that's perhaps a greater punishment than, you know,
0:46:11 > 0:46:14being locked away for a couple of years.
0:46:21 > 0:46:24The lasting effect to me of something like this,
0:46:24 > 0:46:27you'll see something in the street one day,
0:46:27 > 0:46:31and you'll laugh about it and you'll think,
0:46:31 > 0:46:33what pleasure he would've taken in it.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38You've had a good friend that you can share things with,
0:46:38 > 0:46:44and they are taken away for no valid reason.
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Someone perceived that they were gay
0:46:47 > 0:46:50and that was something that they felt they should comment on.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03It's been a really tough week for us.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06I haven't slept right in, like, five, six days,
0:47:06 > 0:47:08because I've just been worrying about everything
0:47:08 > 0:47:10and just so angry and worked up about it.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20The defence changed everything around -
0:47:20 > 0:47:23to then say that it never happened,
0:47:23 > 0:47:25you're calling me a liar.
0:47:25 > 0:47:28I've no reason to lie. I don't know this man from Adam.
0:47:29 > 0:47:30It wasn't nice.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32It hit me and I just...
0:47:34 > 0:47:37Yeah, as soon as I came out of the courtroom, I broke down.
0:47:38 > 0:47:41It was nothing like what I thought it would be.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Nothing like it at all.
0:47:55 > 0:47:59He got told that he was guilty, even though he wasn't there.
0:48:00 > 0:48:04But unless he returns to the country, he will not be sentenced.
0:48:05 > 0:48:06It's difficult.
0:48:08 > 0:48:12But, yeah, annoyed that he didn't attend and get sentenced.
0:48:21 > 0:48:23How one guy can, you know,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26be found guilty and then the other guy not guilty,
0:48:26 > 0:48:28and they were both there at the same time, it's...
0:48:29 > 0:48:31It doesn't make sense.
0:48:31 > 0:48:32It's a lot easier for me.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Alex, it's going to be a little bit harder.
0:48:37 > 0:48:41She holds it in a lot, you know, personal, and all that.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45We know what happened.
0:48:46 > 0:48:47We haven't lied.
0:48:48 > 0:48:50And now we have to live with it.
0:48:51 > 0:48:52It's easier said than done.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Easier said than done.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04What's happening today, Bec?
0:49:06 > 0:49:07I'm going to hell.
0:49:13 > 0:49:15- INTERVIEWER: What's happening today? - I'm going to...
0:49:15 > 0:49:19- Notinam!- Nottingham!- NottingHAM!
0:49:19 > 0:49:21You're being silly. Stop.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23- Nottingham.- You're going to Nottingham.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Not exactly specifically a fresh start,
0:49:25 > 0:49:29but it's just a new life for all of us.
0:49:30 > 0:49:34Now I feel guilty, because I've chosen to love Becky,
0:49:34 > 0:49:38which, in turn, has brought this crap into Josh's life.
0:49:38 > 0:49:40Just me and my son...
0:49:41 > 0:49:43..we look completely normal.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46We wouldn't gather attention, and being with Becky gathers attention,
0:49:46 > 0:49:48cos she is so obviously gay.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54I'm disappointed and upset and angry
0:49:54 > 0:49:57at him and the court and the justice system and...
0:49:58 > 0:50:01..just hope and pray that it doesn't happen to someone else.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12We're a year on now since it happened and I thought that...
0:50:14 > 0:50:18I think I thought that things would probably get a bit easier,
0:50:18 > 0:50:19but they haven't.
0:50:23 > 0:50:27When we're out and about, he wants us to look like we're together,
0:50:27 > 0:50:32obviously, but I'm scared of someone taking the wrong look,
0:50:32 > 0:50:34or it happening again, something similar.
0:50:36 > 0:50:38It wasn't like that a year ago.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41Yeah, we didn't go down the street holding hands
0:50:41 > 0:50:44but I wasn't... I wasn't, like, fully aware of us
0:50:44 > 0:50:47making sure that we weren't seen as a couple.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50Right, we don't need a hair dryer, do we?
0:50:50 > 0:50:52No. I don't think you can bring your laptop,
0:50:52 > 0:50:55- if you were planning on doing that. - Why can't I bring my laptop?
0:50:55 > 0:50:57Because you can't bring stuff on the plane any more.
0:50:57 > 0:51:00- INTERVIEWER:- None of those summer shirts going? Look at those.
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Oh, right. That was... That was the old days.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05No more of that. More of this, though.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10We used to share clothes, and it was quite handy,
0:51:10 > 0:51:13but now James just wears tracksuits all the time.
0:51:13 > 0:51:14There's nothing wrong with that.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17No, there's not, but obviously I don't see that sort of thing.
0:51:17 > 0:51:21Yeah, and you used to have glitter parties and wear pink everywhere.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24And now you just want to dress like a chav.
0:51:24 > 0:51:26But you say it like there's something wrong with it.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28No, but it annoys me, like, obviously.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30- Why does it annoy you?- Because you're not the same person any more.
0:51:30 > 0:51:33You're like this completely different person.
0:51:33 > 0:51:34VOICEOVER: I think we've both...
0:51:34 > 0:51:38I don't know, changed a lot in that last year, I'd say.
0:51:40 > 0:51:43Yeah, we've definitely changed into different people because of what
0:51:43 > 0:51:47happened, and some of it for the best, some of it's...
0:51:47 > 0:51:49I wouldn't necessarily say from what happened.
0:51:49 > 0:51:53I would say from what happened, from like the mental side of it,
0:51:53 > 0:51:54the way that our thought processes...
0:51:54 > 0:51:57OK, yeah. But I still...
0:51:57 > 0:52:00I don't... I don't... I'm not ashamed to be gay like you, like.
0:52:00 > 0:52:01- I'm not ashamed.- Yeah, you are.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04I'm not ashamed. I wouldn't say it's ashamed.
0:52:04 > 0:52:05I haven't said those words like that.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08No, you said, "Oh, I don't want people to know I'm gay."
0:52:08 > 0:52:10That means you're ashamed of being gay.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12- No, I didn't say that.- You did. You've said that to me before.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15- I think you've got the wrong end of the stick.- I don't think I have.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17- I said I need to be careful.- You don't need to be careful
0:52:17 > 0:52:19- of who you are.- Of course I need to be careful.
0:52:19 > 0:52:22- Because of what happened. - Not really. Bullshit,
0:52:22 > 0:52:24absolute bullshit. I don't agree with that.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25You're full of shit.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28VOICEOVER: For me, it's really sad, because I've seen him change into
0:52:28 > 0:52:33someone that I don't really recognise any more.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36And it's really upsetting for me.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39But I have to be wary, cos I don't want what happened...
0:52:39 > 0:52:42It's not going to happen. Well, how is that going to happen again?
0:52:42 > 0:52:43Cos... How did it happen THAT night?
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Because we were being, like, you know...
0:52:45 > 0:52:47We were being people. We were being humans.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50Yeah, we were being ourselves. Which was quite flamboyant.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52There's nothing wrong with being ourselves.
0:52:52 > 0:52:55- Not at all. We are who we are. - I know, but we have to be wary.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58- No, we don't. Not at all. We don't. - We do.
0:53:02 > 0:53:06I've changed my thought process and mind-set of everything
0:53:06 > 0:53:08than how it was before.
0:53:08 > 0:53:12Of how I think about how I look, how I act, how I speak,
0:53:12 > 0:53:13who I'm with, where we go,
0:53:13 > 0:53:17where I'm seen, everything.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21I think it's a terrible thing that happened to us
0:53:21 > 0:53:25and I would honestly not wish that to happen to anyone.
0:53:26 > 0:53:30So much bad has come out of it, I guess, in terms of
0:53:30 > 0:53:32physically and mentally for both of us.
0:53:36 > 0:53:39We're going to have to see what happens.
0:53:51 > 0:53:53I miss the smiles, the cuddles.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56I miss my old Connor.
0:53:56 > 0:54:00As I say, at the end of the day, he's still my grandson.
0:54:02 > 0:54:06He's a little bugger at times, I know, but he is a good kid, really.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11He's strong, he's a good person.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13He's not the bad person.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17It was like literally love at first sight as soon as I met him.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20I didn't want to let go when I gave him a cuddle.
0:54:23 > 0:54:28Oh, I've got my best friends, the person that I love, just everything,
0:54:28 > 0:54:30really. Everything I've ever wanted...
0:54:31 > 0:54:33..out of a relationship.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36What's the future for you, guys?
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Spend the rest of our lives together.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41Getting married next year.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44He wants it all like a royal wedding.
0:54:44 > 0:54:47Like, he wants a red carpet, all the bling and glitter, and...
0:54:48 > 0:54:51- Not something- I- would want, but... - And the butterflies!
0:54:53 > 0:54:55- Maybe not that.- Butterflies as the table decorations.
0:54:57 > 0:54:58- Maybe not.- Yeah.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06It's been 50 years since we've achieved equality and yet,
0:55:06 > 0:55:08in reality, we haven't really achieved equality.
0:55:08 > 0:55:10We've just achieved some legal sanction.
0:55:10 > 0:55:14I am a gay man but I'm not ONLY a gay man.
0:55:14 > 0:55:19Until we can be seen to be knitted within families and knitted within
0:55:19 > 0:55:24communities, we'll continue to be pigeonholed in the way that we are.
0:55:24 > 0:55:25We... We... We are who we are,
0:55:25 > 0:55:28and if you think you're normal...
0:55:28 > 0:55:29I think I'm normal,
0:55:29 > 0:55:31what is normality?
0:55:31 > 0:55:33We've been having this discussion for a very long time.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35But it's...what's the new norm.
0:55:37 > 0:55:41The only way that things will improve is to be visible
0:55:41 > 0:55:43and just stand up for ourselves, you know?
0:55:43 > 0:55:45Education, education, education.
0:55:45 > 0:55:50You have to be exposed, you have to be exposed to that culture.
0:55:50 > 0:55:55Changing the young people will, in a couple of generations, make a huge
0:55:55 > 0:55:59- difference.- It's possible in our generation as well.
0:55:59 > 0:56:00If we live long enough.
0:56:00 > 0:56:03- Yeah.- My goal for my liberation at the moment is to, like,
0:56:03 > 0:56:05not have a fear of being violently attacked.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07That's not really like a high goal, right?
0:56:07 > 0:56:08It's rather bleak, isn't it?
0:56:08 > 0:56:10Sorry.
0:56:10 > 0:56:14It's not OK for somebody to shout "faggot", or "gay boy", or whatever.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17When we walk away, they've got away with it.
0:56:17 > 0:56:20It's the gay community getting the confidence to come forward and
0:56:20 > 0:56:22report these crimes.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24I think that's one of the biggest things for the police is
0:56:24 > 0:56:28wanting people to report things so we can do something about it.
0:56:28 > 0:56:30We will definitely get there.
0:56:30 > 0:56:35We have a saying - keep on keeping on, because we will get there.
0:56:35 > 0:56:37Who cares why they do it?
0:56:37 > 0:56:39Stop, just stop.
0:56:39 > 0:56:40Deal with it yourself.
0:56:40 > 0:56:43You know, it's not OUR job to train you up. You know?
0:56:50 > 0:56:54I hate to think about him, because then that sets me on a roll.
0:56:56 > 0:56:59We always used to say, "Oh, well, look,
0:56:59 > 0:57:03"we can always live together when we get older and get retired, you know,
0:57:03 > 0:57:06"we'll be like Darby and Joan and, you know,
0:57:06 > 0:57:08"have a few tea parties and this..."
0:57:08 > 0:57:12And we'd laugh about it and so...
0:57:13 > 0:57:16..I probably miss him more and more as I've got older.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21You can't...
0:57:21 > 0:57:23You can't have hate.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25You can't have hate.
0:57:26 > 0:57:28And I think hate is a very...
0:57:30 > 0:57:34..divisive thing to hold on to.
0:57:35 > 0:57:38I don't want to be like that and I've never been like that.
0:57:43 > 0:57:50I'm starting the restorative justice programme
0:57:50 > 0:57:51and hoping that...
0:57:53 > 0:57:56..that'll give me some sort of closure
0:57:56 > 0:58:00and also, that that will help the offenders.
0:58:01 > 0:58:02I'd like to meet them all.
0:58:04 > 0:58:07They're still alive and they have a life.
0:58:08 > 0:58:11I do care what happens to people.
0:58:12 > 0:58:16And I know that some people don't have the same advantages as others.
0:58:19 > 0:58:22I actually think he would
0:58:22 > 0:58:24support me doing this.
0:58:24 > 0:58:29And I think this will really be a bit like a springboard in helping me
0:58:29 > 0:58:31move on.
0:58:31 > 0:58:33I'm hopeful.