0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11Britain's bobbies see some bizarre things in the line of duty, and for this series,
0:00:11 > 0:00:16with the help of victims, cops and crooks, we've unearthed the UK's most audacious...
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Go faster!
0:00:17 > 0:00:20- ..deviant...- The guy's completely naked in the chimney.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23..and downright daft acts of criminality.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Stealing from a CCTV shop is not ironic, it's moronic.
0:00:27 > 0:00:33These odd offences all prove one thing. Crime doesn't pay.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37And the police won't rest until they get their man.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38We had him bang to rights.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42So observe your right to remain silent as we sentence you
0:00:42 > 0:00:46to 30 minutes of guilty pleasure in the weird world of Bizarre Crime.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# Crime don't pay, crime don't pay
0:00:50 > 0:00:54# X and Y were the best of friends
0:00:54 > 0:00:59# They stuck together round the awkward bends
0:00:59 > 0:01:02# Since the killing, Y tried to find
0:01:02 > 0:01:05# A way to pay the guilty back in time
0:01:05 > 0:01:08# Crime don't pay, crime don't pay
0:01:08 > 0:01:11# Crime don't pay... #
0:01:13 > 0:01:19Coming up, a curious kidnap leaves crooks in a flap.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24Once an owl gets his claws into your arm, your neck or your face could cause fatal injury.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29And a European round trip, plus a bogus Bulgarian
0:01:29 > 0:01:33form part of the world's most surreal speeding fine scam.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36The most ludicrous suggestions that I've come across
0:01:36 > 0:01:38in many years of policing.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45But for our first case,
0:01:45 > 0:01:49we're heading to Wigan where one morning in 2008,
0:01:49 > 0:01:53the town's rooftops became the scene of a bizarre bungled burglary.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Help, help!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56That wasn't just humiliating...
0:01:56 > 0:01:59And there he was, completely in the nude, you know.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- ..but almost fatal.- He's lucky to be alive.- I thought I was a goner!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05HEAVY BREATHING
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Early one October morning, just as Wigan was waking up,
0:02:13 > 0:02:18newsagent David Clayton was alerted to an unsettling sound from across the street.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I arrived to open up the shop and the delivery driver
0:02:22 > 0:02:26said he'd heard some muffled voices
0:02:26 > 0:02:28but was unsure as to where they came from.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32David and the driver went in search of this strange disembodied voice.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34'Help, help!'
0:02:34 > 0:02:37We were just baffled as to where this sound was coming from.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Deciding that the cries for help clearly constituted an emergency,
0:02:41 > 0:02:42they dialled 999.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47And firefighters from Leigh's Bluewatch sped to the scene.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55When we arrived, it was a matter of finding out where these noises were coming from, you know.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57'Help, help! I'm stuck.'
0:02:57 > 0:03:00So we had a quick search around the building.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Obviously, we were looking upwards.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04They suspected the noise might be coming
0:03:04 > 0:03:07from someone trapped in a room above the supermarket,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09but what they discovered was far more bizarre.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11'Help, help!'
0:03:11 > 0:03:15To their astonishment, the cries for help were coming from the chimney.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18What the hell's this guy been up to, like.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21I've never seen anything like that in all my career.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24But who was the mystery man trapped in a chimney?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26And what was he doing there?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Meet local lad, Daniel Davies.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35His mates call him Babs, which is short for Baboon,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38because of his trademark baboon boogie.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40# I'm bringing sexy back. #
0:03:40 > 0:03:46But that fateful night in 2008, Babs wasn't out dancing.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49He'd been watching footie with his mates
0:03:49 > 0:03:51and he was heading home with a takeaway.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53But as he passed the supermarket,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56he was struck with a barmy and bewildering notion.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02He decided to scramble up to the roof and break in
0:04:02 > 0:04:04by climbing down the chimney.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I just climbed up onto a square box and I went down a slope
0:04:07 > 0:04:10and then into the chimney.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Babs had his heart set on one thing.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Ale. Alcohol.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Clearly, Babs had given detailed thought as to how he'd escape
0:04:17 > 0:04:20once inside the locked and shuttered shop... Right?
0:04:20 > 0:04:21No, not really.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26And he had a clear plan for getting his loot out of the store... Yes?
0:04:26 > 0:04:27Phuh, I can't really remember.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31But not planning his getaway would be the least of Babs' worries.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36The clueless crook didn't get anywhere near the goodies on the shop floor.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Instead, he became firmly lodged inside the flue,
0:04:38 > 0:04:42not so much supermarket sweep, as supermarket chimney sweep!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45When I went down the chimney, it was dusty and tight,
0:04:45 > 0:04:49like, up to my face there, really, really bad.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I couldn't breathe proper, obviously, cos there was no oxygen
0:04:52 > 0:04:56so I thought that was it, that's, like, me gone.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59If he'd left it another half an hour or hour, when the traffic builds up,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02nobody would've heard his cries for help.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04He'd have been there until demolition.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05He'd have been a skeleton.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Fortunately for Babs, fire crews were on hand
0:05:08 > 0:05:11but their job wasn't going to be an easy one.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14The building was old so they had to tread carefully.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18We slowly had to start to chip away at the brickwork with hammer and chisel.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21We started at the bottom
0:05:21 > 0:05:23and then sort of slowly worked our way up, bit by bit.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Their delicate demolition work soon started to pay off.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32We could see a pair of trainers on the bottom of the chimney
0:05:32 > 0:05:34and then we chipped away a little bit more
0:05:34 > 0:05:36and then feet appeared.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38# I want to break free... #
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Brick by brick, the chimney was dismantled
0:05:42 > 0:05:45until crews were finally able to free the felon from the flue,
0:05:45 > 0:05:49only to be faced with one final startling revelation.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53There he was, completely covered in soot from head to foot, completely in the nude.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57# I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight... #
0:05:57 > 0:06:00There was an ambulancewoman there as well so she got an eyeful
0:06:00 > 0:06:01of whatever he had.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03LAUGHS
0:06:03 > 0:06:07# Got to have love tonight (Hot stuff). #
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I wasn't really bothered if anyone could see me naked.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14I was glad to be out of there and rescued.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17In case you're wondering how Babs ended up buck-naked in the chimney,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20in his attempts to wriggle down, his top had come off,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23and when he tried to wiggle his way up and out again,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25he'd lost his tracksuit bottoms.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28SIRENS BLARE
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Naked or not, his Santa-style swipe was still a criminal offence
0:06:32 > 0:06:34and after a thorough medical check,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37he was carted off to face burglary charges.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44PC John Caterill was just clocking on at Wigan's Priority Crime Office
0:06:44 > 0:06:46when something in the custody suite made him look twice.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50His face was quite dirty, his hands was dirty.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Was something like out of an Oliver Twist film.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57It was PC Caterill's job to find out exactly what Babs had been doing
0:06:57 > 0:07:00naked in a supermarket chimney at five in the morning.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03He denied the burglary.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06He said that he'd been going to a kebab shop
0:07:06 > 0:07:12and that on his way back a car pulled up with two lads inside.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- I said I was getting chased by drug dealers.- And his place of hiding was down the chimney.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Yes, being caught burgling in his birthday suit
0:07:20 > 0:07:22wasn't enough for Babs.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24He told police he was running from drug dealers
0:07:24 > 0:07:27who he owed money to, neatly implicating himself
0:07:27 > 0:07:30in an additional serious criminal offence,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32but the police weren't buying it.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37I could understand him just hiding on a roof but to actually climb down a chimney is unbelievable, really.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Babs ultimately saw sense and admitted the offence.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44In court, he pleaded guilty and received two months
0:07:44 > 0:07:47but was released because of time served.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51# What she gonna look like with a chimney on her? #
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Back on the streets of Wigan, Babs doesn't boast of his blunder.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Something stupid I done and regret.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01It was, like, embarrassing at first
0:08:01 > 0:08:04but I'm just going to have to live with it now, so...
0:08:04 > 0:08:08But his exploits won't be forgotten fast by locals.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12I just thought it was so bizarre, that somebody would try to go down
0:08:12 > 0:08:15a chimney stack, so it WAS the talk of the street, yeah.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Top of the list really. I've never come across anything like this before
0:08:19 > 0:08:22and I very much doubt whether I will do again.
0:08:22 > 0:08:29# What she gonna look like with a chimney on her? #
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Babs isn't alone in being a rooftop raider.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Take this bloke, for example,
0:08:34 > 0:08:38who's been caught on CCTV pinching from a Teesside pizza parlour.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42The doors were locked and the shutters down
0:08:42 > 0:08:46but that didn't stop the canny crook clambering in through the ceiling.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Having nabbed a bag of coins, it's time to make his escape...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51back the way he came.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55# Oh, what a feeling
0:08:55 > 0:08:59# When we're dancing on the ceiling
0:08:59 > 0:09:01# Oh, what a feeling... #
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Desperate to escape with the dosh, the tumbling tea-leaf tries again.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10# Oh, what a feeling! #
0:09:10 > 0:09:12LOUD CRASHING
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Ooh! Right on his dough balls.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21LOUD CRASHING
0:09:23 > 0:09:26LOUD CRASHING
0:09:28 > 0:09:31LOUD CRASHING
0:09:31 > 0:09:32After no less than eight attempts
0:09:32 > 0:09:36and having caused a shocking £3,000 worth of damage,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39the clumsy crook finally escaped.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45For our next story, we're heading to Plymouth
0:09:45 > 0:09:49where the domestic bliss of one family was shattered
0:09:49 > 0:09:51after a night of high speed police chases
0:09:51 > 0:09:54that followed a cruel and curious kidnap.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57So many are kidnapped for extortion, for blackmail.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I was broken-hearted. It was a lot of panic,
0:10:00 > 0:10:02and our house was just...manic.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04OWL HOOTS
0:10:06 > 0:10:11Meet the Godbeers. Dad, Andrew. Mum, Linda. Daughter, Hannah.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- And Addie, the Barn Owl. - ADDIE HOOTS
0:10:14 > 0:10:18When you come to our house there's a barn owl flying around, so it's a bit different.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Like birds of a feather, these four flock together.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I've had for so long, she IS a member of the family.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27And she's nibbling in my ear.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30But one midsummer night in 2007,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33this happy family would be ripped apart.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Addie was about to become a target thanks to a craze
0:10:36 > 0:10:39inspired by everyone's favourite boy-wizard.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43The first Harry Potter film
0:10:43 > 0:10:46with owls, everybody wanted one for Christmas.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Where there's a demand, you can bet your life
0:10:49 > 0:10:52the thieves will latch on to it and cash in.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54While the Godbeers slept,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57two callous crooks crept into their garden.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01As silent and swift as an owl on the hunt, they swooped on Addie.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06With Addie under their wing the thieves took flight,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08stealing a neighbour's car to make their getaway.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12DOORS SLAM, TYRES SCREECH
0:11:12 > 0:11:14But this wasn't to be their lucky night.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16The neighbour had spotted the car-jacking,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18and police were soon in hot pursuit.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19SIRENS BLARE
0:11:21 > 0:11:24As far as the police were concerned,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27at that stage, they were following a stolen vehicle.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30They had absolutely no idea that an owl had been taken.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32OWL HOOTS
0:11:33 > 0:11:37But the bird brain burglars had a bigger problem than the cops on their tail.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Addie wasn't the sort of owl to come quietly.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43As the car flew through the streets of Plymouth,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47inside was a frenzied battle of felons versus talons.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50The horror stricken crooks flailed manically,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53as Addie deployed her razor sharp claws,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56her metre-wide wingspan obscuring the windscreen.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Once an owl gets his claws into your arm, your neck or your face,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03especially around the neck, it could cause fatal injury.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07I can only begin to imagine what's going on inside that car at that time.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Fearing they might career off the road, the feckless villains
0:12:11 > 0:12:15had no option but to quickly and callously dump their hostage.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21You see a white object thrown out of the passenger side of the car.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25The police thought at the time, and the CCTV operators at the time, that it was drugs.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Free from Addie's clutches, they hit the accelerator
0:12:35 > 0:12:39and a frantic 70 miles per hour chase across Plymouth ensued.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43SIRENS BLARE
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Two lads are seen on CCTV then, one out the driver's side, one out the passenger side,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55and they're seen to then run. They take their chances and hide in a bush
0:12:55 > 0:12:57and hope the police miss them.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Unfortunately, they didn't.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04The police got their men.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06But as far as the cops were concerned,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08they'd only collared carjackers.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12At this stage, they were still unaware of the evening's earlier kidnap.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13OWL HOOTS
0:13:13 > 0:13:19Until an officer went back to investigate the curious cargo the crims had dumped during the chase.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24He was directed by CCTV operators and it was established then
0:13:24 > 0:13:27that the white package was actually Addie the owl.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30He removed his jacket and when he got close enough to Addie,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34he was able to throw the jacket over Addie and then be safely able to pick her up.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36A few hours later, back at the Godbeers',
0:13:36 > 0:13:40the family awoke to a devastating scene.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I was broken-hearted and crying as well.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I was just really upset.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48It was a lot of panic and our house was just...manic.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49To their relief,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52a call to the police revealed that Addie was safe
0:13:52 > 0:13:54but the family's joy was to be short-lived.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56When they were reunited, Andrew instantly spotted
0:13:56 > 0:13:58that Addie was in a bad way,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01and she was rushed into emergency surgery.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03CASUALTY THEME SONG
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Addie had a broken right leg and was bleeding from one eye.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Addie was obviously in pain from the injury.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13She could have died from her injuries,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15actually being thrown from the car
0:14:15 > 0:14:18and, in effect, she came away luckily with only a damaged leg.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20The vet worked fast to fix her fracture
0:14:20 > 0:14:22before putting her leg in a cast.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26With a broken limb, they can continue to function normally,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29so we decided to place metal pins through the bone
0:14:29 > 0:14:33and put an external frame around it
0:14:33 > 0:14:37to hold the joint in position while it fused together.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41I saw her for one check-up about a fortnight later and all was going really, really well.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Thankfully, it was a speedy recovery for Addie,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47And justice would come quickly for her kidnappers.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52Pleading guilty to charges of burglary, owl-knapping, and car theft,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55one was given a nine month suspended sentence,
0:14:55 > 0:15:00and both were ordered to complete over 200 hours of community service.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02No doubt they also learnt a valuable lesson.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I think they'll think twice about stealing an owl in future,
0:15:06 > 0:15:08especially one that's as feisty as Addie.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11But it's thanks to her feistiness
0:15:11 > 0:15:14that Addie's now home safe and sound.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I'm very proud of her for her scratching and digging 'em
0:15:16 > 0:15:19when she got stolen. If it weren't for her fighting back
0:15:19 > 0:15:22we'd never would have got her back. You're a good girl.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Owls well that ends well - eh, Addie?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26OWL HOOTS
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Addie the owl may have been an innocent bird,
0:15:32 > 0:15:35but bizarrely pets can be perpetrators as well as victims,
0:15:35 > 0:15:37and this week's criminal countdown profiles
0:15:37 > 0:15:41the world's weirdest, furred, feathered and fishy felons.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47Bottom of the pecking order is Cambridgeshire's vicious ASBO swan.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50This beaky badass has been terrorising rowers
0:15:50 > 0:15:56on the River Cam, causing one skuller to capsize,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58and leaving one punter so petrified
0:15:58 > 0:16:00that he'll no longer take to the water alone.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02SQUAWKING
0:16:04 > 0:16:06You might have heard of a drugs mule,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09but have you ever encountered a drugs pigeon?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13Police in Colombia caught one winged wrongdoer attempting to fly
0:16:13 > 0:16:16into jail with a tiny knapsack of cocaine paste and marijuana.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Alas, the 45 gram load proved too hefty
0:16:20 > 0:16:24and the dopey bird crashed and burned a block away from the prison.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Back on terra firma is Southampton's notorious knicker thief -
0:16:28 > 0:16:30a feline felon who looted lingerie
0:16:30 > 0:16:35and underpants from 70 gardens during a sordid spree.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36CAT MEOWS AND HISSES
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Just as brazen are the cheeky monkeys at Knowsley Safari Park,
0:16:39 > 0:16:42who've nabbed everything from boots to bras.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45The trouble began when the pesky primates
0:16:45 > 0:16:48learned how to open luggage on roof-racks.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50MONKEYS HOWL
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I can't stand all this monkey business.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55But burgling baboons are not the weirdest
0:16:55 > 0:16:58mammalian marauders in this week's countdown.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Our runner up is a carjacking goat -
0:17:00 > 0:17:04yes that's right, a goat, who was held by police in Nigeria
0:17:04 > 0:17:07after vigilantes seized the poor little bleater,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09claiming he was an armed robber, who'd used black magic
0:17:09 > 0:17:13to transform himself into an animal, and make his escape.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17But top of the pet shop today is possibly the world's oddest,
0:17:17 > 0:17:20and most unlikely animal accomplice.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23One Scot called the cops after he was slapped full in the face
0:17:23 > 0:17:28with a fish while walking through a park in the town of Grangemouth.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Completely out of the blue, he was approached by his assailant
0:17:31 > 0:17:34and his aquatic acquaintance, and asked -
0:17:34 > 0:17:36"You want to kiss my fish?"
0:17:36 > 0:17:40When the stunned victim kept schtum he got a big fat trout-pout
0:17:40 > 0:17:43for his troubles, and a warning -
0:17:43 > 0:17:47"You fucking answer me next time I ask you to kiss a fish."
0:17:48 > 0:17:52A crime so bizarre, it's off the scale!
0:17:58 > 0:18:02For Bizarre Crime, we've turned the spotlight on the cops,
0:18:02 > 0:18:06asking serving and retired officers from across the country to recount
0:18:06 > 0:18:10the funniest and freakiest things they've encountered.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14What you're about to hear might sound far fetched,
0:18:14 > 0:18:18but it's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22COUGHING
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Welcome to Bizarre Crime's police confessional.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Exhibit E - Celebrity Cellmates.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33First night shift in charge of Middlesbrough custody
0:18:33 > 0:18:38and my first reviews, in Cell 1, Michael Jackson,
0:18:38 > 0:18:43in Cell 2, Joe Calzaghe, in Cell 3, Cinderella,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46and in Cell 4, Wild Bill Hickok.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Obviously a fancy dress party where a fight broke out,
0:18:50 > 0:18:54they had been arrested, put in the cells and then they were actually photographed, believe it or not,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57for the mug-shots in those costumes.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Exhibit F - the VIP.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05A colleague was once put on the entrance of the VIP car park at the County Show,
0:19:05 > 0:19:09and then was told - "you don't let anyone in unless they've got the correct VIP pass".
0:19:09 > 0:19:12So when a Range Rover turned up with a gentleman in it who insisted
0:19:12 > 0:19:15he should be let into the VIP car park, the bobby said -
0:19:15 > 0:19:19"if you haven't got the pass you aren't coming into the car park".
0:19:19 > 0:19:25That argument traded back and forth, and got increasingly bitter, and ended with this bobby being,
0:19:25 > 0:19:31so the story goes, the only officer in the county to be told to fuck off by the Duke of Edinburgh.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Time for another incompetent crook caught on camera.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42This criminal mastermind is trying to rob an electrical store,
0:19:42 > 0:19:47disguising himself using, what else, but a bag over his head.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Although he's forgotten one small detail -
0:19:49 > 0:19:52he's not cut any eyeholes in his makeshift mask.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55CRASHING SOUND AND ALARM
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Not content with causing a racket by taking a tumble,
0:19:58 > 0:20:03he's also set off the alarms, before his final genius idea,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06alerting any police and passers by to his presence
0:20:06 > 0:20:07with the aid of a flashlight.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10When it comes to a criminal masterclass
0:20:10 > 0:20:12this truly is the blind leading the blind!
0:20:19 > 0:20:23For our final case tonight we're heading to Manchester
0:20:23 > 0:20:27where seasoned officer Mark Beales has pretty much heard it all
0:20:27 > 0:20:29when it comes to dodging a speeding ticket.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34But when one couple concocted a plot that involved a 1,500 mile trip to the Black Sea,
0:20:34 > 0:20:39and a mysterious Bulgarian, even he was left flabbergasted.
0:20:39 > 0:20:44There are people who take things to extremes and there are those that go beyond that.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46This case certainly fits the latter.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54It was the morning rush hour in Manchester when this man, who's asked to remain anonymous,
0:20:54 > 0:20:56so we're calling him 'Brian',
0:20:56 > 0:20:59was driving his daughter to swimming practice.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03We were probably running slightly late so we'd be going a little quicker than normal.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07As he crept over the speed limit, he was flashed by a camera.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12As sheer bad luck would have it, Brian's wife, let's call her 'Brenda',
0:21:12 > 0:21:17had been flashed by a speed camera too and a ticket was on its way to her as well.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Two was a bit of a surprise.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Once we opened the tickets it was the usual thing of a bit of despair, annoyed with yourself.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28So what would you do if two £60 speeding fines dropped through your letterbox?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33A, cough up the cash and clock up the penalty points,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35B, contest the fine in court
0:21:35 > 0:21:41or C, travel hundreds of miles to the Black Sea to enlist the help of a bogus Bulgarian?
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Unbelievably, our criminal couple opted for C.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48We just basically decided that we could do with an option
0:21:48 > 0:21:52and we'd try something to see if we could get out of the speeding ticket.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56In moment of madness they hatched the cunning plan
0:21:56 > 0:22:00to claim that someone else had been driving their car when the cameras flashed.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03You hear people chatting in the pub
0:22:03 > 0:22:07and somebody had made suggestions of blaming foreign nationals on driving the vehicle.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10And so was born Konstantin Koscov.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17They'd named their new fake friend after a chap they'd come across on holiday.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21- He was a taxi driver working in Bulgaria. - (Hello!)
0:22:21 > 0:22:25They wrote to Manchester's ticket office informing them that Konstantin,
0:22:25 > 0:22:29a former colleague, had been driving their car at the time of the offences
0:22:29 > 0:22:32and that he'd now returned to his homeland.
0:22:32 > 0:22:38First to read their bizarre tale was ticket office clerk Mark Hindley.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40It was just too helpful.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45It went into great detail about how he was employed in this country, how he was a good friend,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48he's gone back to Bulgaria and probably will never return.
0:22:48 > 0:22:54It just stood out as being total fabrication - just total nonsense.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00Unconvinced by their story, Mark referred the case to Sergeant Mark Beales.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05It did seem a little far-fetched. I was quite clearly suspicious.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09The police officer rang up and said, do I recall who was driving the car?
0:23:09 > 0:23:13I replied that it was Konstantin Koscov.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15He asked if it was possible to prove that.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18The cops had called their bluff
0:23:18 > 0:23:22but rather than coming clean the couple decided to make an astonishing new move
0:23:22 > 0:23:26that would take their bizarre scheme to an even weirder level.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28# We could fly away... #
0:23:28 > 0:23:34In an attempt to prove the existence of a man who didn't exist, Brenda flew to Bulgaria.
0:23:34 > 0:23:42Once there she penned a postcard from their fictitious friend writing as if she was Konstantin Koscov
0:23:42 > 0:23:46before sending it back to herself and her husband in Manchester.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50When the postcard arrived in the UK, Brian sent it on to Sergeant Beales
0:23:50 > 0:23:54confident that this would convince the cops and get the couple off the hook.
0:23:54 > 0:23:59Certainly hoped that once the police received the postcard that would be the end of it.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01But Sergeant Beales smelled a rat.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Well the card was in the shape of Bulgaria
0:24:04 > 0:24:12and it was full of the most ludicrous suggestions that I've come across in many years of policing.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16"Many thanks for the opportunity to work in your office.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19"I enjoyed the experience and would gladly return the favour.
0:24:19 > 0:24:25"Unfortunately my car is nowhere as good as yours but it will get you about.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30"Many thanks again and look forward to my next trip. Regards Konstantin Koscov."
0:24:30 > 0:24:34It's a ludicrous proposition what he's saying in that.
0:24:34 > 0:24:40It's not what you would put in a postcard and also to make a reference to a car
0:24:40 > 0:24:45in the middle of a sentence which he's talking about working for somebody, again, is ludicrous.
0:24:45 > 0:24:51But Sergeant Beales had to prove their alibi was as bogus as their Bulgarian buddy.
0:24:51 > 0:24:57He started by putting in a call to Interpol to see if he could track down the elusive Konstantin Koscov.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Despite making extensive enquiries with Bulgarian authorities
0:25:01 > 0:25:06we still couldn't trace him so that added weight to the suspicion that they were false details.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11Confident they had Brian and Brenda bang to rights, the police arrested the couple
0:25:11 > 0:25:13and charged them with perverting the course of justice -
0:25:13 > 0:25:16a much more serious crime than the speeding offence.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19One which carries a potential life sentence.
0:25:21 > 0:25:27I've only ever associated perverting the course of justice with aiding and abetting murder and things.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30It did seem rather heavy for a speeding ticket.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33A fixed penalty would have dealt with the speeding offence.
0:25:33 > 0:25:38A fixed penalty won't deal with an offence of perverting the course of justice.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42A hefty fine or even a custodial sentence would deal with that.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46In court, realising the game was up, the pair pleaded guilty.
0:25:46 > 0:25:52Narrowly escaping prison, they breathed a sigh of relief but their wallets didn't get off so lightly.
0:25:52 > 0:25:58They were ordered to pay a whopping £9,200 in fines and another £1,900 in court costs.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02It's a five-figure sum and, er,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04obviously it hurt the bank account quite a lot.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09I know what I'd rather pay. I'd rather pay the fixed penalty ticket than an £11,000 fine.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10It's a no brainer really.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Let's take a look at how much this whole sorry saga cost them.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17Initially, they were hit by a couple of £60 fines.
0:26:17 > 0:26:23but once their bizarre scam kicked in, the cost mounted up.
0:26:23 > 0:26:29Flights, £700. One night in a hotel, £60.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Postcard, £1. Stamp, 48p.
0:26:33 > 0:26:39Add to that a total of £9,200 in fines and another £1,900 in court costs
0:26:39 > 0:26:47and you're looking at a grand total of £11,861.48.
0:26:47 > 0:26:53That's nearly 100 times the original fine and undoubtedly a valuable lesson.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Looking back it was a foolish thing to do
0:26:58 > 0:27:01for the sake of a couple of speeding fines and a few points.
0:27:01 > 0:27:07I hope that people they associate with know the story and I hope that they have told them,
0:27:07 > 0:27:13"Look, if you get a speeding notice through the post do what it says. Don't do what we did."
0:27:15 > 0:27:20My example is an ideal one for speeding tickets and how not to avoid them.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Next time on Bizarre Crime:
0:27:28 > 0:27:32One village is rocked after a surreal smash n' grab.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34- It looked like there'd be an explosion.- Absolute destruction.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38We're used to having a hole in the wall but not that big.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42A cold-hearted conman breaks hearts as well as laws.
0:27:42 > 0:27:47I don't think he has a single regret except that he got caught.
0:27:48 > 0:27:53Plus, fines, signs and automobiles - another bonkers speeding scam backfires.
0:27:53 > 0:27:58You almost question your own judgement that somebody would do something so stupid.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:07 > 0:28:10E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk