0:00:02 > 0:00:05Britain's bobbies see bizarre things in the line of duty.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I think they'll think twice about stealing an owl in future.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12And for this series, with the help of victims, cops and crooks,
0:00:12 > 0:00:15we've unearthed the UK's most audacious...
0:00:15 > 0:00:17- Go faster! - ..deviant...
0:00:17 > 0:00:20The guy's completely naked in the chimney.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23..and downright daft acts of criminality.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Stealing from a CCTV shop. It's not ironic, it's moronic.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33These odd offences all prove one thing - crime doesn't pay.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35And the police won't rest until they get their man.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37We had him bang to rights.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40So observe your right to remain silent as we sentence you
0:00:40 > 0:00:46to 30 minutes of guilty pleasure in the weird world of Bizarre Crime.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# Crime don't pay Crime don't pay
0:00:52 > 0:00:54# X and Y were the best of friends
0:00:54 > 0:00:59# They stuck together round the awkward bends
0:00:59 > 0:01:02# Since the killing Y tries to find
0:01:02 > 0:01:04# A way to pay the guilty back in time
0:01:04 > 0:01:06# Crime don't pay
0:01:06 > 0:01:08# Crime don't pay Crime don't pay. #
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Coming up, a bizarre criminal obsession
0:01:16 > 0:01:18terrorises a seaside town.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20It was an extremely weird thing to do,
0:01:20 > 0:01:21to go out and basically
0:01:21 > 0:01:24bring the whole of Bournemouth to a standstill.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29And possibly the world's stupidest crime is caught on camera.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31How stupid can one be?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34There's cameras absolutely everywhere! Idiots!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40But for our first case we're heading to Nottingham.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Not only the stomping ground of Robin Hood...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46# Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the glen. #
0:01:48 > 0:01:52..but also home to another not-so-famous modern day outlaw,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54who's not so much Robin Hood...
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- Nottingham aka Shottingham. - ..as robbing the hood.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03In 2009 Daniel Ryan committed the perfect burglary
0:02:03 > 0:02:07until that is, he followed it up with a bizarre bird-brain blunder
0:02:07 > 0:02:09all because of his love of chips.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13It was the most ridiculous thing I've done in my life.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20The night of fast food folly began in the usual style for Dan...
0:02:22 > 0:02:24..smoking weed at his mate's flat
0:02:24 > 0:02:27and necking his own unique brand of cocktail.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Drinking vodka and Lambrini together
0:02:30 > 0:02:32and just neck it back.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I was steaming.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44The drink quickly dried up so Daniel and his band of boozing buddies
0:02:44 > 0:02:47set out for the local offie, but there was one small problem,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49they were all skint.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51We went to the offie, the off licence,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54to get some tick on drink, but he wouldn't let us.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57With his credit crunched, Daniel thought about calling time
0:02:57 > 0:03:00on the evening, but then decided he wasn't going to let
0:03:00 > 0:03:03a lack of lolly halt his night of fun.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I'm not going to bed until I've had another drink.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10And that was to be his undoing.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Alcohol can affect people in many different ways.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22It can release the inner party animal
0:03:22 > 0:03:25or put us in a romantic mood.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28But unfortunately, in Daniel's case,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30booze unleashes his inner burglar.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I've done loads of stuff since I've been drunk.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Drunk and desperate for cash, Daniel went on the prowl
0:03:38 > 0:03:41and soon found the perfect easy target.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48He spotted a house with the back door unlocked
0:03:48 > 0:03:52and while the owners were inside, Daniel crept into the kitchen
0:03:52 > 0:03:54and helped himself to a mobile phone,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57a watch and the princely sum of £12 in cash.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59And then...
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Went to the chip shop and bought some chips.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Can I have a big bag of chips, please, mate?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I get hungry when I'm drunk like everybody else does
0:04:13 > 0:04:15when they're drunk, get hungry.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18So do you like gravy with your chips, Dan?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20No, just chips.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- Curry sauce? - No, just chips.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Chips and cheese?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- HE LAUGHS:- Just chips!
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Just chips! Chips are filling man!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34And it was while chowing down on his chips
0:04:34 > 0:04:37that Daniel embarked on a course of action
0:04:37 > 0:04:40that earned him the title of Bizarre Crime's most clueless crim.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Sorry I can't be here to accept this trophy.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Remembering that he left the back door of the house he'd robbed open,
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Daniel decided to return to the scene of the crime
0:04:50 > 0:04:52and cover his tracks.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55But he wasn't going anywhere without his chips.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00But there was a surprise in store for Daniel's second visit,
0:05:00 > 0:05:02the family dog.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Daniel and dogs have history.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07He'd once been savaged by a police dog while making his escape
0:05:07 > 0:05:10from a previous crime
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and he didn't much fancy a matching set of scars.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16When I heard the dog barking I thought, "Shit!"
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Petrified by the pooch, Daniel bolted.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Chips went everywhere.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Not long after, the police arrived.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30They were initially concerned about catching the crook.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Ryan had actually committed the perfect burglary
0:05:33 > 0:05:37and left the scene without leaving any forensics and no witnesses.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39But then they discovered the trail of tatties.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Officers saw scattered chips on the patio.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47They also saw a chip fork.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50This item was sent off for forensic analysis.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52If you don't know how DNA testing works,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55meet someone who does.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59DNA is a molecule that essentially makes us what we are. DANIEL LAUGHS
0:05:59 > 0:06:01DNA is contained in every single cell
0:06:01 > 0:06:03and we're shedding cells all the time.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Any item you've touched, such as a chip fork,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08that will contain your DNA.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12The police forensics team swab Daniel's fork for a sample
0:06:12 > 0:06:15before singling out the unique parts of his DNA molecule
0:06:15 > 0:06:18and comparing that to samples on the national database.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Tests were done which came back to a person called Daniel Ryan.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Yes, Daniel and Nottingham Police were already acquainted.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34It turns out Daniel has a habit of turning burglaries into buffets.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I've done another burglary
0:06:36 > 0:06:40and left my can of beer on the window sill.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41HE GRUNTS A LAUGH
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Daniel may have left DNA on a lager can at a previous crime scene
0:06:44 > 0:06:47and on the chip fork at his new burglary,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50but that didn't mean the police had him bang to rights
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Forensic evidence alone in this particular case,
0:06:52 > 0:06:57saliva on a fork, wouldn't be enough to convict Ryan so we needed more.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Police brought Daniel in for questioning.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Ryan had a number of options. One would be to go, "No comment",
0:07:04 > 0:07:06the other would be to deny the offence.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11He knew the system well. To my surprise, he confessed.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12I admitted it all.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16It was clear to us he wanted to clear his conscience.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19When the copper said it was an old couple I just didn't like it.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I thought I'd admit it, get it out the way. Do my punishment.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Without Ryan's account,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27it would've been very unlikely that he would've been convicted.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33So how much did that bag of chips actually cost him?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Two and a half year.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Nottinghamshire Police treat burglaries very seriously.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39He's since been released
0:07:39 > 0:07:42and fortunately for us we've not heard anything from him.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45so hopefully he's turned over a new leaf.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49A dose of life behind bars was a real wake-up call for Daniel
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and it seems he's learned his lesson.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55I feel horrible about everything I've done in the past.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Trying to get a job just for obviously my son and his mum
0:07:59 > 0:08:00cos that's all I want,
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I want a family with them two, that's it, no-one else.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07She's the love of my life... Shit, what have I just said?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Having served his time and finally seen the error of his ways,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Daniel's determined to stay on the straight and narrow, swapping Lambrini for bambini
0:08:15 > 0:08:18and looking forward to life as a doting dad.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25A bag of chips might seem like the most bizarre thing
0:08:25 > 0:08:28you could possibly drop at the scene of a crime,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31but it's small fry compared to the other curious calling cards
0:08:31 > 0:08:35that've led to the capture of crooks across the world.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40One incompetent crim left a line of cornflakes behind
0:08:40 > 0:08:42when she made a mad dash from the florist she'd robbed
0:08:42 > 0:08:45in East Sussex in 2007.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47The tasty trail led cops straight to her hotel room
0:08:47 > 0:08:50where the "cereal" offender was hiding out
0:08:50 > 0:08:53with a stash of cash from three other robberies.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You'll be swapping cornflakes for porridge!
0:08:55 > 0:08:59It wasn't food, but a phone that did for one hopeless housebreaker.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03This dim crim dropped his mobile at a home he'd raided.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Complete with a screensaver which was,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10conveniently enough, a mugshot of himself.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15And in 2002 a bumbling burglar was collared by his own dog...
0:09:15 > 0:09:19- WOOF! - ..when he abandoned his pet pooch at the house he'd robbed.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22All police had to do was slip a lead on poor Roxy, take him walkies
0:09:22 > 0:09:26and the dirty mongrel led the boys in blue straight home to his master.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Down, boy!
0:09:30 > 0:09:34As stupendously stupid as it is surreal, is the case of the clueless crook
0:09:34 > 0:09:37who left his own name scrawled across the wall
0:09:37 > 0:09:41after a drunken raid on a campsite for underprivileged kids in 2007.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47More bizarre still are the body parts left behind.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50A raider in Warrington fled not just empty-handed,
0:09:50 > 0:09:52but also missing a finger
0:09:52 > 0:09:55after a mishap with an anvil grinder he was using
0:09:55 > 0:09:57to unsuccessfully crank open a supermarket ATM.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Police to checkout, please. Police to checkout.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05And after attempting to nab two grand from a shopkeeper
0:10:05 > 0:10:08one heister hobbled off at speed leaving the store owner
0:10:08 > 0:10:11not only still in possession of his takings,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14but also clutching the would-be thief's prosthetic limb.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15I told him to hop it!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20But sitting not so pretty at the top of this week's Criminal Countdown
0:10:20 > 0:10:24are the foolish felons who managed to leave THEMSELVES at the scene of the crime.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27One morning in 2010 a would-be robber
0:10:27 > 0:10:31was found half-in and half-out of a bathroom window in East London.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33BOTH SCREAM
0:10:33 > 0:10:35The felon had been trapped for six hours
0:10:35 > 0:10:37until he was freed by firefighters
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- and handed over to the police. - I've come unstuck!
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Believe it or not he's not the dumbest dangling delinquent of them all.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46That accolade goes to the Cleveland crook
0:10:46 > 0:10:50who slipped while scaling the fence of a scrapyard he'd robbed in 2011.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Swinging by his shoelaces, his head hovering above the ground,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56the dozy dangler had no choice...
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- I've got no choice! - ..but to dial 999
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Er... Hello, I'd like to report a robbery.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05SWITCHBOARD: Is the intruder still at the property?
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Er, I still am.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11In Bizarre Crime, we're treating you
0:11:11 > 0:11:15to some of the most calamitous criminal acts caught on CCTV
0:11:15 > 0:11:17and first up...
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- 50 dollar!- What?- 50 dollar!
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Possibly the world's weirdest hold-up.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- Do it!- What?- 50 dollar! - Whoa, hello...
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Yes, this man's attempting to rob a cashier using a palm frond.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34He's also adopted that sophisticated disguise known in criminal circles
0:11:34 > 0:11:37as pulling your T-shirt over your face!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- 50 dollar.- What?- 50 dollar.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- Sorry, how much would you like to steal?- Hey!- 50 dollar.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. - 50 dollar.- Whoa, hello...
0:11:47 > 0:11:50He's seen off with a weapon you'd naturally adopt
0:11:50 > 0:11:52to take on a man brandishing a tree.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Yes, a stool!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Maybe this bloke's a lion tamer in his spare time.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Go, go, go, go, go!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02LAID-BACK CONTINENTAL MUSIC
0:12:02 > 0:12:05For our next case we're heading to Bournemouth
0:12:05 > 0:12:08where the sort of weather you'd expect
0:12:08 > 0:12:09at the great British seaside
0:12:09 > 0:12:12was weirdly responsible for one man becoming caught in the grip
0:12:12 > 0:12:16of a criminal obsession that brought terror to the town.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20Nobody knew who it was or why it was being done.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24The damage that he'd caused could've caused a death.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26MENACING MUSIC AND SCREAMS
0:12:26 > 0:12:31The seaside - it's where most of us go for our holidays,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34but if you live at the seaside you still have to go to work,
0:12:34 > 0:12:35like Nick Bolger here.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38One morning in 2003, his daily commute
0:12:38 > 0:12:41left him feeling more than a little deflated.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I left for work about 6:20 in the morning
0:12:44 > 0:12:46and I looked over at my neighbour's car
0:12:46 > 0:12:48and I thought his tyres looked a bit flat.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I didn't think any more about it.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54By the time I got to work, I noticed all my tyres were flat.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58I phoned my wife and she had the same thing.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02A crazed slasher had struck
0:13:02 > 0:13:05attacking over 100 tyres in the suburb of Boscombe.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Tyre technician Paul Spicer was one of the first on the scene
0:13:09 > 0:13:11after the night of carnage.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12I got a call at half past six
0:13:12 > 0:13:16then within 15 minutes I got another call - same thing in the same area.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Within the hour, the phone was going off the hook.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21It just went on through the day.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25At first, the police suspected overzealous pranksters
0:13:25 > 0:13:27and looked to the usual suspects.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Was it a few groups of lads
0:13:28 > 0:13:32going round, maybe drunk, after a good night out
0:13:32 > 0:13:37or a prankster that was going through, just on a one-off occasion?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41But this was not an isolated night of attacks.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43This was just the start.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Within one to two days,
0:13:46 > 0:13:4950, 60 or maybe 70 vehicles a night were being attacked.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51To commit this number of offences
0:13:51 > 0:13:53over this short space of time was incredible.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57We had various theories as to who was committing these crimes.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00We did think about environmentalists.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Is this an individual that had a grudge against cars generally?
0:14:04 > 0:14:05We couldn't rule out the fact that,
0:14:05 > 0:14:09is there a tyre company that was struggling with business?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12That's a bit silly, cos you couldn't pin a card
0:14:12 > 0:14:14to a tyre that you'll let down.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Even if you did let all the tyres down, there's no guarantee they'll phone you.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Over the next four nights, no tyre felt safe.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26The attacks continued claiming more victims in and around Bournemouth.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32It got to the stage whereby we had staff just purely taking calls
0:14:32 > 0:14:37from members of the public wanting to report their tyres had been damaged.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Five days in, the body count had risen to a shocking 500 tyres.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46The psycho slasher was prowling the streets for hours every night
0:14:46 > 0:14:50possessed by an obsession to inflict as much tyre torture as possible.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53The attacks were skidding out of control.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57The chaos that it caused to members of the public was unbelievable.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Because the hole was so tiny,
0:14:59 > 0:15:03it wasn't immediately apparent the damage that'd been caused.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05We had people stranded on motorways.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09We're not just talking about one tyre you could then change using a spare,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12you're talking about two, three maybe, or even all four tyres.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15This person had to be caught cos the damage he'd caused
0:15:15 > 0:15:19could have caused a death or a very serious accident.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21But at this point in the investigation
0:15:21 > 0:15:23the police had little to go on.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27We had no suspects, we had no motives.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31No way of knowing who this person was, no leads whatsoever.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Faced with an escalating number of victims,
0:15:36 > 0:15:38the police launched an appeal.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41No-one came forward to say they'd witnessed
0:15:41 > 0:15:43the offender committing this criminal damage.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Police didn't have any more success in their search
0:15:46 > 0:15:48for forensic evidence.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51From the 700 incidents that were reported,
0:15:51 > 0:15:55not a single fingerprint was recovered from the scene.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58The frenzied attacks continued and in ten days of tyre terror,
0:15:58 > 0:16:02there had been a staggering 700 attacks
0:16:02 > 0:16:05with 2,000 victims fatally slashed.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09And then suddenly, the attacks stopped.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12There's nothing to say that it wasn't going to start up again.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Just cos there was a lull didn't mean that he'd stopped.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21The police floated Operation Cloud.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25As well as trawling though hundreds of hours of CCTV footage
0:16:25 > 0:16:27they also enlisted a secret weapon -
0:16:27 > 0:16:33a computer programme called Dragnet invented by Professor David Canter.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38We used Dragnet to help identify the most likely areas
0:16:38 > 0:16:41in which the offender had some sort of base.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44The police uploaded the locations of the slasher crimes
0:16:44 > 0:16:48into the Dragnet system and finally had a breakthrough.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52The programme pinpointed an area for them to focus their attention on
0:16:52 > 0:16:57and they soon spotted a suspect caught in the act.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01The image of the CCTV at Christchurch capturing him,
0:17:01 > 0:17:02that was our golden nugget.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07The crime team grabbed an image from the CCTV footage
0:17:07 > 0:17:08and sent it to the local paper.
0:17:08 > 0:17:13By mid-morning we'd had three good sources tell us the same name.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18The three callers all identified a local 37-year-old unemployed man
0:17:18 > 0:17:21and police moved quickly to arrest him.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28On being arrested he actually reached into his pockets
0:17:28 > 0:17:32and amazingly he had the tool he was committing all the offences with
0:17:32 > 0:17:36and he tried to dispose of this, but he was caught trying to throw it away.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38It was very much a "got you" moment.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It was then the adrenalin starts rushing.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43We knew that we'd actually got this individual
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and we knew no more tyres were going to be damaged.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48When he was questioned,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51the pyscho slasher confessed to damaging thousands of tyres
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and the reason he gave for setting out on his terrifying reign
0:17:54 > 0:17:57was as jaw-droppingly bizarre as the crime itself.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03He wasn't an eco-warrior on a misguided anti-car crusade.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Nor was his spree part of a masterplan
0:18:05 > 0:18:09designed to make millions by holding Bournemouth to ransom.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12He'd actually embarked on his frenzied campaign
0:18:12 > 0:18:17cos a careless driver soaked him by driving through a puddle.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Unsurprisingly, the courts didn't think this was a good enough excuse
0:18:23 > 0:18:28for causing an astonishing quarter of a million pounds' worth of damage.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30It was the end of the road for the car-hating crook
0:18:30 > 0:18:32and he was sentenced to 16 months.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35It was an extremely weird thing to do,
0:18:35 > 0:18:38to go out and bring the whole of Bournemouth to a standstill.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41This was his own admission, that he wanted to wreck Bournemouth.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I've never heard anything like it, it's weird.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49The Bournemouth Slasher was released from prison in 2004
0:18:49 > 0:18:50and hasn't struck again.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53For now at least, the town's tyres remain safe.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04For Bizarre Crime, we've turned the spotlight on the cops
0:19:04 > 0:19:07asking serving and retired officers from across the country
0:19:07 > 0:19:12to recount the funniest and freakiest things they've encountered.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16What you're about to hear might sound far-fetched,
0:19:16 > 0:19:20but it's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23THEY CLEAR THEIR THROATS IN TURN
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Welcome to Bizarre Crime's Police Confessional.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Exhibit A - the priest.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Two druggies went to a Catholic priest's house to try
0:19:36 > 0:19:40and blag money allegedly for a bus fare, but he was smarter than them.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43When he became uncooperative, basically, they attacked him.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47The girl pushed him and the lad made a grab for an iPod in his pocket.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50We took the report and said, "What did you do?" he said,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52"I punched the lad in the face,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55"they turned and ran, I kicked the girl right up the arse,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59"they ran up my path, I shouted after them, 'Fuck off or I'll break your legs'. "
0:19:59 > 0:20:02We said, "Is this part of your training then?"
0:20:02 > 0:20:05He said, "No, no. Before I got the call I was a Hell's Angel".
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Exhibit B - the buttocks.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12A lot of people make allegations against the police.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Many of these are false.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18On one occasion I arrested a young man that said I'd beaten him up.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21He didn't know the police surgeon would examine him.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25The only injuries he'd got was a tiny bruise on his bottom
0:20:25 > 0:20:27and when asked about this,
0:20:27 > 0:20:31he said I'd punched him repeatedly in the buttocks.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32HE LAUGHS
0:20:32 > 0:20:36I am many things, but a buttock-puncher I am not.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Time for some more dim crims caught on camera.
0:20:45 > 0:20:50And here's a clip we found online which looks like a wannabe robber
0:20:50 > 0:20:52who's not going to be beaten.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Except that he is, right in the face by a bouncing brick.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02SMACK! # Smack dat, gimme some more Smack dat... #
0:21:02 > 0:21:05With a brick not working, maybe what's needed is some brute force.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Maybe not!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11And if you think these half-witted hoodlums
0:21:11 > 0:21:14are dim for getting caught on cameras
0:21:14 > 0:21:17that they probably didn't realise were there,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20then you're going to be outright amazed
0:21:20 > 0:21:21by our next incompetent crook.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23# When I grow up, I wanna be famous
0:21:23 > 0:21:25# I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies. #
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Straightaway I thought, "How stupid can one be?"
0:21:28 > 0:21:30I thought, "idiot".
0:21:32 > 0:21:37I just couldn't believe how many cameras he was on.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39It was ridiculous.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43It was August, 2005 in Manchester.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Michael was an habitual criminal.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49He was mainly known for breaking into vehicles at the time.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53But today Michael fancied a change.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Although he didn't snatch a purse,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57rob a bank or hold up the local bookies.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Oh, no. In an astonishing act of criminal stupidity,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05he decided to target the one place on earth
0:22:05 > 0:22:08any self-respecting raider would avoid.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11A CCTV shop.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16Yes, that's right. A known criminal whose face was more than familiar
0:22:16 > 0:22:18to Greater Manchester Police decided to rob a store
0:22:18 > 0:22:25called CCTV Surveillance Solutions which was run by David Arathoon.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29I've run a CCTV shop for 16 years now.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33CCTV in my shop should've been a deterrent,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36but you can't get away from the idiots of the world.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39The store was fitted with a dozen cameras
0:22:39 > 0:22:42meaning the dim crim was caught from every angle as he cased the joint.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46# Look at me. #
0:22:46 > 0:22:48And as he crept up to the door,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51knocking over a pot plant with his stealthy cat-like approach.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54All the time oblivious to the numerous signs
0:22:54 > 0:22:56warning him he had a starring role
0:22:56 > 0:22:59in the world's daftest criminal caper.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01# Come on and look at me. #
0:23:01 > 0:23:06I didn't like it when he came into the shop because he was a youth.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08That's not the type of customer you'd normally get in
0:23:08 > 0:23:10and I showed him a couple of cameras.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16At this point he just made a lunge to the right hand side,
0:23:16 > 0:23:20grabbed the laptop and made a dash for the exit,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22closely followed by me.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I'd got a camera in my hand and I tried to hit him with it
0:23:25 > 0:23:27and all I happened to do is hit myself
0:23:27 > 0:23:29on the back of my head because it was on a cord.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36I then decided, "Hang on, let him go now, he might have a knife."
0:23:38 > 0:23:41DC Paul Smethurst was the officer tasked
0:23:41 > 0:23:44with tracking down Manchester's newest reality TV star.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Never in my 26 years of service have I come across anything
0:23:47 > 0:23:52where there's as much CCTV evidence as this. There were cameras everywhere.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56I just couldn't believe how many cameras he was on,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59and for the past hour on so many cameras. It was ridiculous.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Jumping up at the window.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04You see, at first, his hands come up on the windowsill
0:24:04 > 0:24:07and then he just pulls his face up on the windowsill
0:24:07 > 0:24:10and a nice big stare right in front of the camera.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Absolutely fantastic, it was a great mugshot.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14My feelings towards this culprit
0:24:14 > 0:24:19is of sheer anger at the audacity of walking in there.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Absolutely amazed me, but little by little
0:24:23 > 0:24:26as I'm reviewing the images, the many images,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I'm starting to like this guy.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33I'm thinking, "I can't believe it, he's so stupid."
0:24:33 > 0:24:36But the CCTV star's fame was about to reach new heights
0:24:36 > 0:24:40as he made the leap from David's in-store monitors
0:24:40 > 0:24:43to television screens across the North West.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48Police are trying to trace a man who was caught on ten different CCTV cameras.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49# Notorious. #
0:24:49 > 0:24:53The police say they're investigating the theft of a laptop computer
0:24:53 > 0:24:55and want to trace the man in the pictures.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57# Notorious. #
0:24:57 > 0:25:01It appeared that night on BBC North West and Granada
0:25:01 > 0:25:05and I must've been interviewed by eight different radio companies
0:25:05 > 0:25:08because everybody was interested.
0:25:08 > 0:25:13A media frenzy ensued as the story was picked up across the country.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14In terms of publicity,
0:25:14 > 0:25:18I don't think Max Clifford could've done any better for me.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21With eight other offences under his belt,
0:25:21 > 0:25:23he was well-known to officers.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25We knew where he lived,
0:25:25 > 0:25:27there was no way that he could say, "Well, it wasn't me,"
0:25:27 > 0:25:31because we had him, what we call in the job, as "bang to rights".
0:25:31 > 0:25:35The not-so-camera-shy crim was picked up at a local bus stop
0:25:35 > 0:25:37and thrown in a cell.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Given the wealth of footage, he had little option but to confess all.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46He was bailed and released, but in one final astonishing twist
0:25:46 > 0:25:49he decided to return to the CCTV store, this time with some mates
0:25:49 > 0:25:54to attempt to intimidate David into withdrawing his statement.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56They don't learn, they're all thick.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59They came wandering in knowing it's still a CCTV shop.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04It's not changed, I'm not a fruit and veg shop now, I'm still CCTV!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06So why have you come back?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09On the second visit it wasn't just his mugshot,
0:26:09 > 0:26:11but also his mates that were caught on camera
0:26:11 > 0:26:15and the lot of them were banged up for the night.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Pleading guilty to theft at Manchester Magistrates Court
0:26:17 > 0:26:20he was given a community supervision order for 12 months
0:26:20 > 0:26:25and instructed to pay £650 in compensation to Mr Arathoon
0:26:25 > 0:26:28and £70 towards court costs.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30# Caught by the fuzz. #
0:26:30 > 0:26:33I think it was a bit bizarre that someone should choose
0:26:33 > 0:26:35to break into a CCTV shop,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38not trying to disguise their identity whatsoever.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41How foolish could you be?
0:26:41 > 0:26:46Stealing from a CCTV shop is not ironic, it's moronic.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51My advice - get a job and certainly don't target a CCTV shop.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd