0:00:03 > 0:00:07This programme contains strong language from the start and scenes
0:00:07 > 0:00:12which some viewers may find upsetting
0:00:12 > 0:00:15I was taking meth and I hadn't known anything would start from it.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18I noticed a knife and just looked at him,
0:00:18 > 0:00:24he looked down at the knife and looked at me and then I grabbed it.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Stabbed him.
0:00:26 > 0:00:36Know what I mean?
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Better him than me.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I wasn't getting stabbed. No chance.
0:00:43 > 0:00:53No chance of that happening.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55No chance that I'm getting stabbed my own house.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59No chance of it.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Karma, is a bitch, you know what I mean?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07I probably have some karma coming my way to get me, but, sure,
0:01:07 > 0:01:08if you're ready, you know what I mean?
0:01:08 > 0:01:12I'm ready for it.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16I choosed him over me and I would do it again and again and again,
0:01:16 > 0:01:17so I would.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Know what I mean?
0:01:21 > 0:01:26Don't think about him whenever you're off your face, so you don't.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I didn't think of him whenever I was putting it in and out him,
0:01:29 > 0:01:39know what I mean?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Through my years of drinking, like, you know,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38I ended up in police cells with a bit of fighting and stuff like that,
0:02:38 > 0:02:44you know, but this is completely different this time, you know.
0:02:44 > 0:02:51It's changed me, it has.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Being took away from your loved ones each day, you know,
0:02:54 > 0:02:58and time to think about my own life and how...
0:02:58 > 0:03:05The journey to now.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10It hasn't been good, like, you know, but...
0:03:10 > 0:03:15I just don't know, I just don't know.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19I grew up with an older brother
0:03:19 > 0:03:22and my mother and father.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27And my older brother,
0:03:27 > 0:03:30he fell through a roof at the age of ten and died.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34And my mother and father could never...
0:03:34 > 0:03:37They couldn't get over it at all, so they turned to alcohol.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39And from a young age -
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I was eight at the time my brother died -
0:03:42 > 0:03:46all I seen in the house was alcohol and...
0:03:48 > 0:03:53..fighting and violence, you know.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58From a very early age,
0:03:58 > 0:04:06and that's all I can remember from my childhood.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I would say probably at the age of 14
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I think I took my first drink.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14I just loved it right away, you know, and it made me feel different.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17It gave me more confidence.
0:04:17 > 0:05:00Just made me feel part of the...
0:05:00 > 0:05:00the gang, know what I mean?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Love is a funny thing.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I think over the boys' side they would get a better view -
0:05:49 > 0:05:50they would have the animals,
0:05:50 > 0:05:52they would have the goats and sheep,
0:05:52 > 0:05:54so they would have over there to look at, like.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I have, like, I suppose nothing really over there.
0:05:56 > 0:06:02But, aye, as you say, at least I've got a wee bit of a view.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Just keep looking there every night.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07And I'll be out. I'll be out.
0:06:07 > 0:06:13I had a good upbringing, really,
0:06:13 > 0:06:16up till the age of 18,
0:06:16 > 0:06:19and then everything started sloping downhill.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I got involved in the wrong crowd,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24started taking drugs, drank,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27then that period of time went on for a while,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29and then I basically became homeless and at some stage
0:06:29 > 0:06:36I started taking legal highs.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39They turned into big addiction problems for me for about two years.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I just started off at parties and everybody else was doing it,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44and I thought I'll go ahead
0:06:44 > 0:06:51and take ecstasy, take cannabis.
0:06:51 > 0:06:58They were, like, partying from the Thursday to the Sunday.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01But I came off all them and I was just mostly only having a drink.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03My problem was I couldn't say no to people.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08And that's how I lost my house.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I ended up feeling sorry for somebody in a hostel,
0:07:10 > 0:07:12basically, and they started to rouse the neighbours,
0:07:12 > 0:07:19and then I got two eviction notes and then I became homeless.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22To feed my addiction, I had to go out to thieve.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25And it wasn't just basically for myself,
0:07:25 > 0:07:30I don't know, it was for other people as well.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33And as I says, I did think these people were my friends
0:07:33 > 0:07:43and when I came off the legal highs, my phone stopped ringing.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Imprisonment is not, or being in prison is not punishment.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Coming to prison is the punishment. The deprivation of one's liberty
0:08:03 > 0:08:07taken by the court is the punishment.
0:08:07 > 0:08:13Imprisonment is about understanding how somebody finds themselves here
0:08:13 > 0:08:21and starting upon the journey of rehabilitation.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Often, people's lives are in chaos.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27There's homelessness, there's hopelessness,
0:08:27 > 0:08:34there's despair.
0:08:34 > 0:08:40There's educational concerns about levels of literacy, numeracy.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42For some, they've got concerns in respect of drug abuse,
0:08:42 > 0:08:47alcohol abuse, domestic violence.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48We've got learned behaviour.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49People have been used to doing something
0:08:49 > 0:08:56for a significant part of their life.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59But we've got to try and break that cycle, we've got to try
0:08:59 > 0:09:02and give people opportunity, give them faith, give them hope.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04We have to rebuild that fracture that's occurred
0:09:04 > 0:09:08while they've been in the community.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Can we change everybody's lives? No, we're not that good.
0:09:12 > 0:09:20No such person exists.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23My belief is that you can get many people to a point
0:09:23 > 0:09:28whereby they begin to reflect on what they've done.
0:09:28 > 0:09:36I don't believe you make people change their mind,
0:09:36 > 0:09:42I think you take them to a point whereby
0:09:42 > 0:09:45they're awakened themselves to what they've done.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I've seen and talked to many prisoners about...
0:09:47 > 0:09:53A light starts to glow, and it's how we can build on that.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57But it's like everything else, it's a case of getting people
0:09:57 > 0:10:07to a point where they are far more receptive to it.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20At school I was a bit of a messer.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24The secondary school, they says to my mum
0:10:24 > 0:10:27they've never seen any pupil with a worse record in over 25 years,
0:10:27 > 0:10:32in La Salle Boys in Andersonstown.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35And it's basically just attention seeking, I was,
0:10:35 > 0:10:40just wanting to be the class clown, as they say.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50I done my level one and two in painting down in Twin Spires,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53and I got kicked out of there for smoking cannabis in the toilets.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57And then I started hanging around with people, like,
0:10:57 > 0:10:58who were into robbing shops
0:10:58 > 0:11:04and burgling houses and stealing cars, car keys, and just...
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Then I seen what they were doing and seen the money
0:11:07 > 0:11:10that they were making and I just joined along with it.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15And liked it.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17It was an experience, it was a buzz,
0:11:17 > 0:11:19it was a good feeling of police chasing us
0:11:19 > 0:11:21and getting away and stuff.
0:11:21 > 0:11:27And then having lots of money at the end of the night
0:11:27 > 0:11:31and having a drink, being able to stay out all night with new friends,
0:11:31 > 0:11:36with having girls and all, having parties and stuff.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38It was just the thing in West Belfast
0:11:38 > 0:11:39that was happening at the time.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43And it was enjoyable.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47INTERVIEWER: Back then, did you think at all about the people
0:11:47 > 0:11:49whose houses you were going into or whose cars you were taking?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51No.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55I didn't think about the people or how they felt.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58All we were thinking about was the buzz at the time
0:11:58 > 0:12:01and getting the key and driving away,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03and going over 100mph and stuff
0:12:03 > 0:12:12and selling it, maybe, the next morning and...
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Getting new clothes and new Nike Air Max and stuff
0:12:15 > 0:12:16and getting takeaways.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Two well-known men from the estate,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21I'm not going to say who they are,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24but they gave me a warning
0:12:24 > 0:12:26and says if it carries on I'll be severely dealt with.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29And obviously it never took...
0:12:29 > 0:12:34I never took no heed of it and I still carried on.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I never seen them.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38I was always out during the night working...
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Well, as I say, working.
0:12:41 > 0:12:50Always out on the scope, looking for cars to steal.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00My mum was caught bringing me in drugs.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I pressured her into doing it, know what I mean?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06She's out now, like, only in two and half months.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10She got early release.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13It's my fault, like, but...
0:13:13 > 0:13:18made sure she was taken care of in here right, know what I mean?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I'm told she was.
0:13:21 > 0:13:29Everything's good, everything was good.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33INTERVIEWER: Tell me about growing up. Do you have happy memories?
0:13:33 > 0:13:34All happy memories.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Wouldn't change it. Know what I mean?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39All happy memories.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44To tell you the truth, there's no really bad ones.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Except from the police busting the house and all the odd time,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50but they never got anything, know what I mean?
0:13:50 > 0:13:55That's it.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03They thought my dad was selling dope and grass and coke and all.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04And was your dad ever in prison, then?
0:14:04 > 0:14:09Oh, yeah, he was.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13He started taking blues and then that just...
0:14:13 > 0:14:18changed him.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20He's stopped taking all that now that he's back out,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23so hopefully that's his last time.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Know what I mean?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28I grew up without my real dad but I had my stepdad.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30The best thing, like...
0:14:30 > 0:14:34If I didn't have my stepdad, I would have no-one to look up to.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I call him my real dad, know what I mean?
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Love him to bits, so I do.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45When did you start getting into trouble with the police?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Just whenever...
0:14:47 > 0:14:50A few boys thought they were acting hard,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52so they were in their wee groups,
0:14:52 > 0:14:54so I started carrying a knife with me.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Started smoking drugs, taking drugs.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02It all changed for me.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Can't be safe out there, know what I mean?
0:15:05 > 0:15:06All in their wee groups.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09If you were walking home on your own, "What the fuck do you have?"
0:15:09 > 0:15:13"Nothing."
0:15:13 > 0:15:16It's just dodgy.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19So what age would you have been around this time?
0:15:19 > 0:15:2113, 14.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39Probably before I got out of my teens, you know,
0:15:39 > 0:15:45I had a trip to Crumlin Road.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Me and another friend, you know, one time, through violence.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I remember my mother being hysterical, you know,
0:15:52 > 0:15:56when I was took out of the house by police.
0:15:56 > 0:16:02That was just the start.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07The start of my drinking career then was just depression
0:16:07 > 0:16:14and fights and blackouts.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Didn't remember what I'd done or said to somebody.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22Was took to court for assault and...
0:16:22 > 0:16:26A right few times, you know,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29when I was starting to come out of my late teens and...
0:16:29 > 0:16:31early 20s.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32That kept going on through the years.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36I couldn't really hold a full-time job down.
0:16:36 > 0:16:43Alcohol took care of that, you know.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Kept not being able to turn up, you know, on Mondays.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50It used to be Mondays, but that kept being Mondays and Tuesdays,
0:16:50 > 0:16:55and people just got fed up with me, you know.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00But there were a lot of good people who kept by me,
0:17:00 > 0:17:08stuck by me over the years and had patience with me.
0:17:08 > 0:17:18But these people also ran out of patience with me too, you know.
0:17:24 > 0:17:2950 years of age now and a lot of time to think here.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Many's the day and hour I think about when I get out again,
0:17:32 > 0:17:36you know, think about all I'll be able to do without alcohol,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40how I'm going to get by.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45But...
0:17:45 > 0:17:50This time I've come to a real rock bottom, you know, in my life.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03It's going to be a life sentence, what I've done.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07The guilt and the shame I feel, you know, the sorrow.
0:18:07 > 0:18:13That's still not going to bring this man back, you know.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18As I said, this man will never come back again.
0:18:18 > 0:18:28I'm sorry, I just... Sorry, for a minute, just...
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Just the guilt.
0:18:36 > 0:18:43Drugs was the problem the last time but I'm off them,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Drugs was the problem the last time but I'm off them,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09it'll be a year and four months now.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10This is only over an argument.
0:19:10 > 0:19:17I wasn't even drinking or drunk, so I wasn't.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21I don't feel like me that came in, I was down and depressed a wee bit,
0:19:21 > 0:19:23because it's like, "Oh, no, not this again.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24"Not this whole routine again."
0:19:24 > 0:19:31Not knowing when you're going to be locked,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34not knowing your everyday schedule.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37When you have it there, you know what you've got planned,
0:19:37 > 0:19:41what you're going to do that day.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45It's just not a life for anybody to be in, you know.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48But, sure, the law, as it is, you have to be punished for what
0:19:48 > 0:19:52you've done if you've done anything wrong.
0:19:52 > 0:19:58But, no, it's not for me, like, definitely not for me.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02INTERVIEWER: Tell me about the shoplifting.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06What would you do? What would you take? What happened?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I would take anything, anything that was going.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12I was making bags up and, like, making of ?200-?300 a day,
0:20:12 > 0:20:16like, for five months straight.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19And I was able to control my addiction problem with legal highs,
0:20:19 > 0:20:21smoking 13g because it was a tenner a packet.
0:20:21 > 0:20:29So that's how I was able to do it.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32All sorts of things from deodorants right up to aftershaves,
0:20:32 > 0:20:35perfumes...
0:20:35 > 0:20:37..clothing - anything if it was an easy thing.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40And then what would you do with the stolen goods?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42I would go to the people that wanted them
0:20:42 > 0:20:43and I'd check a list
0:20:43 > 0:20:48and give them out what they ordered.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Oh, I was always off my head, so I was.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01So I didn't really care what was going on.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03I wasn't even looking where basically the cameras were,
0:21:03 > 0:21:07what was watching me, what wasn't watching me.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I was just in and out like a whippet, basically,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12to get the job done.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I just didn't honestly care.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19I was even caught lying straight in front of the person one time
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and I says...
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I had it up my sleeve and all that, I says,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26"Doesn't matter, just go and get the police."
0:21:26 > 0:21:28That's the stage as I was coming to here,
0:21:28 > 0:21:32I just didn't care if I was stealing or not.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Just explain to me, Helen, what your record is.
0:21:38 > 0:21:43It's mostly all theft.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48A couple of disorderlies for drinking.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Assaults on police.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54But that can be anything from a tap if you're restrained
0:21:54 > 0:21:57or anything like that.
0:21:57 > 0:22:07And threats to kill, in an argument, basically.
0:22:12 > 0:22:21It's quite relaxing, when you're all on your own.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Especially when you've a lot of problems going on.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25A lot of problems going on from outside and stuff.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29And then people in here are trying to make time harder
0:22:29 > 0:22:30because they know you're agreeing to the system.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Because I keep my head down and other people would rather
0:22:33 > 0:22:43take drugs and do their time hard.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Now, as I'm getting a bit older, I know what way to do my job,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51as I just walk away and just have the benefits of
0:22:51 > 0:22:52what the jail can throw at me.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Do my time peacefully and carry on,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58crack on and try and get into a better, enhanced regime.
0:22:58 > 0:23:05Can't get much better than having a phone in my cell.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07You just ring and talk away at night or whatever
0:23:07 > 0:23:09to your family and friends.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10You have your CD player,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12your kettle of water and TV with DVD player,
0:23:12 > 0:23:18your CDs.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22But I'm looking forward to getting out and just getting on my feet
0:23:22 > 0:23:27and getting contact with my wee daughter who I haven't met yet.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30So I just hold that thought and just crack on with life in here
0:23:30 > 0:23:34and get out as soon as I can so I can get all the good things
0:23:34 > 0:23:41to come to me with meeting my kids again and stuff.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44So, aye, hopefully get a job also when I'm released.
0:23:44 > 0:23:51That's another main factor, getting a job when I get out,
0:23:51 > 0:23:56going for my lessons
0:23:56 > 0:23:58and getting my driving test instead of driving illegally.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Want to try and get legal.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I was basically drunk one night and I was on drugs,
0:24:09 > 0:24:14I was on meth...
0:24:14 > 0:24:20a legal high, and it was just an opportunity
0:24:20 > 0:24:22and I seen a fella getting out of his taxi.
0:24:22 > 0:24:30So I noticed that he'd closed the door behind him
0:24:30 > 0:24:32and I went into the garden and took his key out
0:24:32 > 0:24:36with the car key attached to it and took his car out for a spin,
0:24:36 > 0:24:37and the police observed the car
0:24:37 > 0:24:41going down the carriageway at over 100mph.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44So they put the blue lights on and started chasing me,
0:24:44 > 0:24:47where I then crashed within ten minutes of the...
0:24:47 > 0:24:54the chase I crashed,
0:24:54 > 0:24:59so I was caught on the scene and I pled guilty in court to it.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02It was just a stupid thing to do that night when I was drunk
0:25:02 > 0:25:05and I just thought... Just an opportunist.
0:25:05 > 0:25:11An opportunist.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Also, I'm in for false imprisonment and AOBH
0:25:14 > 0:25:19along with the burglary and the dangerous driving.
0:25:19 > 0:25:25So I've got three years for each, each set of events.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29I was out on bail for the false imprisonment and the AOBH
0:25:29 > 0:25:31whilst I committed the burglary and the dangerous driving,
0:25:31 > 0:25:36four weeks later whilst I was on bail.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Anybody could end up in prison.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25One bad decision,
0:26:25 > 0:26:29one bad judgment call.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32And I've seen that in the 28 years I've been in this job
0:26:32 > 0:26:35and I have witnessed families in bits,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38families torn apart.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Families who'd never come in really under the...
0:26:41 > 0:26:43even looked at the criminal justice system at all,
0:26:43 > 0:26:49never mind the prison part, suddenly catapulted into that arena
0:26:49 > 0:26:56with their loved ones locked up, facing maybe serious charges.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59And I have witnessed and talked to, communicated with, you know,
0:26:59 > 0:27:00people in that position.
0:27:00 > 0:27:06And that can be a scary place.
0:27:06 > 0:27:11I also see people who come in who would be familiar with the centre
0:27:11 > 0:27:15or with the prison and who on the surface seem to cope with it
0:27:15 > 0:27:19a lot better - they'd been in before.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20But in my experience,
0:27:20 > 0:27:26over the years, for people who keep reoffending, the impact...
0:27:26 > 0:27:31..catches up with them.
0:27:41 > 0:27:46It never ceases to amaze me that these records,
0:27:46 > 0:27:50these records just didn't start with a criminal record
0:27:50 > 0:27:59because these people, these youngsters,
0:27:59 > 0:28:04these young men were highly visible for the most part.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06They weren't hidden,
0:28:06 > 0:28:13they were in our schools, you know?
0:28:13 > 0:28:16They were known to other government agencies,
0:28:16 > 0:28:21social services, Youth Justice.
0:28:21 > 0:28:28They're known for all the wrong reasons.
0:28:28 > 0:28:34But these are the challenges for our community.
0:28:34 > 0:28:44These are the challenges for our wider society.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48In 2006, in the United Kingdom, more children were affected
0:28:48 > 0:28:51by the imprisonment of a parent than by divorce.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52That's a staggering figure.
0:28:52 > 0:28:58So why is there not a public debate about that?
0:28:58 > 0:29:00And the knock-on effect from that is six out of ten boys
0:29:00 > 0:29:09with a father in custody will come into custody themselves.
0:29:09 > 0:29:17There are many, many aspects of
0:29:17 > 0:29:24an intergenerational multiplier in play,
0:29:24 > 0:29:28not just for those in custody but their immediate loved ones as well.
0:29:28 > 0:29:37It's very much an active multiplier effect.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50That morning...
0:29:50 > 0:29:51..I was drinking through the night.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55I don't think my wife even knew what I was drinking.
0:29:55 > 0:30:03That day, I set out,
0:30:03 > 0:30:10I hadn't got drink on my mind, but...
0:30:10 > 0:30:11I went to that pub that day.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15My wife had given me the keys. She thought I wasn't drinking and...
0:30:15 > 0:30:17I got to the off-licence and I got the carry-out of drink
0:30:17 > 0:30:18and got in the car.
0:30:22 > 0:30:32About 300 yards outside...
0:30:32 > 0:30:35I had hit the kerb and swerved straight across the road and onto...
0:30:35 > 0:30:45a car, a family car, four people and I hit them head-on.
0:30:45 > 0:30:51Erm... The last I can remember is being in hospital.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55And I had my wife and daughter and our close friend there.
0:30:55 > 0:31:04But deep down that day, I had done something terrible.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07And I wasn't told until three days later that somebody had died
0:31:07 > 0:31:13in the car accident.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16And my life just fell apart at that time.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20I was responsible...
0:31:20 > 0:31:26responsible for this man's death.
0:31:35 > 0:31:42This happened two a half years ago now and I still feel the same
0:31:42 > 0:31:52shame and guilt that I did the day I was told about this man dying.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57And...
0:31:57 > 0:32:00All the sorrys I can say to this family,
0:32:00 > 0:32:07it'll never bring this man back again.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10I just pray...
0:32:10 > 0:32:12and hope that nobody else...
0:32:12 > 0:32:15will take this selfish decision what I've made and...
0:32:15 > 0:32:18drink and drive.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22That's what has destroyed a family...
0:32:22 > 0:32:29and took a loved one away from his family and...
0:32:29 > 0:32:36I've thought through this, this last two and a half years
0:32:36 > 0:32:43and the words and the only thing I can say...
0:32:43 > 0:32:49is still not enough.
0:32:49 > 0:32:58It's a life sentence for that family and even to my own family.
0:33:01 > 0:33:09Sorry, that's...
0:33:09 > 0:33:19MUSIC PLAYS
0:33:42 > 0:33:45The only way to provide is by selling drugs. Know what I mean?
0:33:45 > 0:33:47It's a bad way to go because you start selling them,
0:33:47 > 0:33:49you're going to start taking them.
0:33:49 > 0:33:50It's the only way I could provide
0:33:50 > 0:33:52because I have no fucking shit from school.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54You know what I mean?
0:33:54 > 0:34:01And even that, I still find it hard to provide for my family.
0:34:01 > 0:34:02Still find it hard.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04You know what I mean?
0:34:04 > 0:34:11I wasn't a bad person, it's just drugs change everyone, so they do.
0:34:11 > 0:34:15This one time I sat in a room with a girl and this wee boy.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18He said to me... One of my mates was up having
0:34:18 > 0:34:20a few joints in the bathroom.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22He said something. Wee man.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Just said, "How you doing, wee man?"
0:34:24 > 0:34:27And...
0:34:27 > 0:34:31Stabbed him with a screwdriver.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Cos he was talking wee man whenever he was off his face.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37Know what I mean? I don't talk wee man when I'm off my face.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40I wouldn't be around him when I'm off my face.
0:34:40 > 0:34:48Just the cheek of him, thinking that he could talk, "My wee man."
0:34:48 > 0:34:50INTERVIEWER: Have drugs been a big part of your life?
0:34:50 > 0:34:54Yes, very big part. Very big part.
0:34:54 > 0:35:04Know what I mean?
0:35:04 > 0:35:07Meth is a very big problem for me. You know what I mean?
0:35:07 > 0:35:14I just take meth every day. Seven by seven, seven bags of it a day.
0:35:14 > 0:35:15Know what I mean?
0:35:15 > 0:35:23Gives you the best buzz of your life but look where it led me, like.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27Why do you think violence has been such a big part of you?
0:35:27 > 0:35:28Because it's all around me.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30I grew up rough estate, grew up in a rough town.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Just the way it has to be.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35If you aren't violent, people are going to try and fuck you about,
0:35:35 > 0:35:38fuck your family about, so I'm not having it, know what I mean?
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Not be happening in my family.
0:35:40 > 0:35:44Not happening to me, either.
0:35:44 > 0:35:45So...
0:35:45 > 0:35:46Everyone's violent,
0:35:46 > 0:35:51so you have to show them a wee bit of violence back.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54What would you say to people who said, "I grew up in a difficult
0:35:54 > 0:35:58"town, difficult estate and they didn't resort to violence?"
0:35:58 > 0:36:08Fair play to them, fair play to them.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15Then I would ask them if their father, were their
0:36:15 > 0:36:18dad in jail and their wee brothers and all got took off them
0:36:18 > 0:36:21and I was not allowed to see my son for a while,
0:36:21 > 0:36:23were they not allowed to see their son?
0:36:23 > 0:36:24Blah, blah, blah. Ask them that.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26Did they take drugs? Ask them the same thing?
0:36:26 > 0:36:30I would ask them, what would they do if someone came at you with
0:36:30 > 0:36:32a knife and dropped it right in front of you?
0:36:32 > 0:36:35I guarantee you, they would say the same answer as me -
0:36:35 > 0:36:36I'd lift it and use it.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38I think anyone would if they were feared.
0:36:38 > 0:36:44Know what I mean?
0:36:44 > 0:36:53What would you do?
0:36:53 > 0:36:54Here's your discharge paperwork.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57That's your notification to the social security to say that you've
0:36:57 > 0:36:58been here and this is your money.
0:36:58 > 0:37:08Sign there, please. There, yes? Mm-hm.
0:37:15 > 0:37:16Thank you, that's great.
0:37:16 > 0:37:205, 15, 25, 45, 55.
0:37:51 > 0:37:55My ears feel like they're getting sorted, thank you.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57LAUGHTER I've got my ears back.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00My mum and dad, they don't even know I'm in this time round.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02They're strongly against all of that,
0:38:02 > 0:38:05all the things that I've done, basically.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07They wouldn't be happy at all.
0:38:07 > 0:38:09They don't know I'm in, so I just kept it...
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Make a phone call, make sure they are all right,
0:38:12 > 0:38:15as long as I hear in their voice they're all right and they hear my
0:38:15 > 0:38:21voice and are aware everything is going well.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25And are you in a relationship, Helen? Do you have children?
0:38:25 > 0:38:27No, no relationship.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31I've got a child but I don't want to get into that, so I do.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33She's in foster.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36Maybe next year, it'll start face-to-face contact with her
0:38:36 > 0:38:42again, writing letters.
0:38:42 > 0:38:48It's her emotions, she can't say the goodbye part and I don't want
0:38:48 > 0:38:52to get her upset when you've got her at the stage when she's doing
0:38:52 > 0:38:56so well at school, getting her education behind her that she needs.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58She's brilliant, so she is, she's doing really, really well.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00My mum and dad keep me posted with that.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03So I don't want her schoolwork sloping down.
0:39:03 > 0:39:08I definitely do not want her to end up turning out the way I have done.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18I recognise she'll be back, hopefully, in her teenage years,
0:39:18 > 0:39:20so hopefully I'll clean up everything, I don't need...
0:39:20 > 0:39:24There was more addictions to legal highs and that was the main thing
0:39:24 > 0:39:28but I'm off them a year and four months, so...
0:39:28 > 0:39:32If I could stick what I'm doing and not go down trying to
0:39:32 > 0:39:39follow into anybody else's paths,
0:39:39 > 0:39:43I'll have her back within a couple of years, I'm hoping so.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49I want her to achieve things and go a lot further like I could've had
0:39:49 > 0:39:54it all but I just didn't think...
0:39:54 > 0:39:57I didn't want that. But this is her chance.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02I want her to come out the best for her.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05Are you all right, girl? Yeah. I didn't know you were back in.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Yeah, last time. Never again. When were you in?
0:40:07 > 0:40:10Since July. Two and half months.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13I didn't know you were back in. Did you not?
0:40:13 > 0:40:15I can't even remember your wee face, anyway.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18I suppose you don't want to remember.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21Because if you're not coming back, I'm not bothered.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Definitely not coming back. OK, doll? Yes.
0:40:23 > 0:40:28INTERVIEWER: How do you see your future?
0:40:28 > 0:40:32I don't know, I don't know how to describe it but I think I'm
0:40:32 > 0:40:34going to go far. I'm going to go far.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37I've got a wee bit of faith in myself and I don't know where
0:40:37 > 0:40:41I'm going to be but I won't be down the lines of drug or alcohol.
0:40:41 > 0:40:45I'm just going to get out of the area I'm living in,
0:40:45 > 0:40:52move house and maybe start fresh again.
0:41:09 > 0:41:16Freedom.
0:41:16 > 0:41:24My God.
0:41:27 > 0:41:32We need to be careful that when we embark upon the journey of
0:41:32 > 0:41:41rehabilitation, often with men and women who are broken,
0:41:41 > 0:41:44that would give them a level of expectation which is legitimate.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47What we don't do, is we set them on a path of false belief and
0:41:47 > 0:41:51expectation on what they can achieve.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54I've heard, in my career, too many men and women who have said,
0:41:54 > 0:42:01"This time next year, I will be..."
0:42:01 > 0:42:02And it'll be a successful businessman or,
0:42:02 > 0:42:06"I will be in a job earning a very good rate of money."
0:42:06 > 0:42:09They don't realise that society is not engaged in a place to be
0:42:09 > 0:42:19able to welcome ex-offenders willingly back into society.
0:42:27 > 0:42:31The chances of a person not finding employment is significant.
0:42:31 > 0:42:37The chances of a person not finding stabilised accommodation
0:42:37 > 0:42:43is equally significant.
0:42:43 > 0:42:51That person having an opportunity back in society that they
0:42:51 > 0:42:53think they have got a right to,
0:42:53 > 0:42:54because they've served their time in prison,
0:42:54 > 0:42:58may well find that a difficult position for them to engage in
0:42:58 > 0:43:03and that might then send them back into, again, a spiral of decline
0:43:03 > 0:43:06where they go back to committing offending and then, unfortunately,
0:43:06 > 0:43:08find themselves back in the prison from which they just recently left.
0:43:08 > 0:43:13MUSIC PLAYS
0:43:28 > 0:43:29There is no one factor that says,
0:43:29 > 0:43:32that's going to mean that that individual will come back into
0:43:32 > 0:43:38jail because there are individuals who do live difficult lifestyles,
0:43:38 > 0:43:41who don't come into jail.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44Part of it is choice, people who make bad choices and who
0:43:44 > 0:43:47consistently make bad choices will and can end up back in jail.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Certainly, the short-term prisoners have chaotic lifestyles
0:43:49 > 0:43:50categorised by low educational attainment,
0:43:50 > 0:43:53lack of stability in their home lives,
0:43:53 > 0:43:54either in terms of relationships
0:43:54 > 0:43:59where they live and also characterised by substance misuse,
0:43:59 > 0:44:03and have limited, if any, job prospects.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25I don't subscribe to the concept of a criminal underclass
0:44:25 > 0:44:35or anything like that.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43You know, the prisoner population here is reflective of society.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47But the hope is that every person is capable of change and I think,
0:44:47 > 0:44:50more importantly, is if they come back never to be disappointed
0:44:50 > 0:44:51but to continue to try.
0:44:51 > 0:44:59You know, at the end of the day, the role of a prison officer
0:44:59 > 0:45:05is at a time when everyone else has given up.
0:45:05 > 0:45:10He or she doesn't and continues to try.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27INTERVIEWER: And how long was it then to the trial?
0:45:27 > 0:45:29Two years.
0:45:29 > 0:45:32Two years of...
0:45:32 > 0:45:35depression...
0:45:35 > 0:45:42and going in and out of mental hospitals for me
0:45:42 > 0:45:49because I couldn't cope with what had happened.
0:45:49 > 0:45:56Actually didn't want to live at that time.
0:45:56 > 0:46:01My... My wife and daughter had told me that they'd be there for me.
0:46:01 > 0:46:09That's the only reason I'm here, living today.
0:46:13 > 0:46:22Did you see or speak to the victim's family during the court proceedings?
0:46:22 > 0:46:25No, I hadn't got the opportunity to...
0:46:25 > 0:46:27speak, stand up and speak to them.
0:46:27 > 0:46:33The barrister done that.
0:46:33 > 0:46:39My own pastor and a great friend is
0:46:39 > 0:46:41going to come down and visit me here in prison
0:46:41 > 0:46:44and I'm going to try and...
0:46:44 > 0:46:53write a letter to the family, you know.
0:46:53 > 0:46:59Just try, try somehow to tell them how sorry I am.
0:46:59 > 0:47:05That's the only thing I can do.
0:47:05 > 0:47:07Did you see them at the trial? Yes, I've seen them, yeah.
0:47:07 > 0:47:11It was very, very hard, like, you know.
0:47:11 > 0:47:14It was very hard to look their way, you know, and...
0:47:14 > 0:47:22I could see the pain.
0:47:22 > 0:47:26Could see the pain on each one of their faces, you know.
0:47:26 > 0:47:34MUSIC PLAYS
0:47:39 > 0:47:43I just don't know at the minute how I'm going to cope with the
0:47:43 > 0:47:47future, you know, and...
0:47:47 > 0:47:50At the minute, I just can't see one.
0:47:50 > 0:47:55MUSIC PLAYS
0:48:40 > 0:48:44INTERVIEWER: What happened to come back in?
0:48:44 > 0:48:49I fell out with a boy and he rang me, told me to come down, meet him.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52Me, full of coke and I grabbed a machete.
0:48:52 > 0:48:57Put it down inside my trousers and walked down to meet him
0:48:57 > 0:49:02and two police cars were sitting on the kerb. Police cars.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05I run out and hit him with it and they grabbed me.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09As soon as he grabbed me, I didn't know it was a pillar so I swung
0:49:09 > 0:49:13it back and nearly clipped policeman with it and then I noticed...
0:49:13 > 0:49:17and ran.
0:49:17 > 0:49:19Then I hid the coke, threw the machete away,
0:49:19 > 0:49:21threw the phones in the bin.
0:49:21 > 0:49:25Swallowed the two sim cards.
0:49:25 > 0:49:31Didn't want them knowing my business.
0:49:31 > 0:49:38Madness. So why did you have to get rid of the phones?
0:49:38 > 0:49:43Just... Just knew I had to get rid of them.
0:49:43 > 0:49:53And the machete? It's quite a weapon. Yep.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59So they recalled me and done me for possession of an offensive weapon,
0:49:59 > 0:50:02causing an indictable offence, common assault, erm...
0:50:02 > 0:50:07And that's it. I'm in breach of license, in breach of everything.
0:50:07 > 0:50:13Failed the breathalyser, failed drug test, all that shit.
0:50:13 > 0:50:16Back in.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18I have 11 months left and then I'm out.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22Can't do fuck all about it, so they can't. Smile every time I see them.
0:50:22 > 0:50:27Even give them the odd wave too, know what I mean?
0:50:27 > 0:50:33Let them know I'm about. Fuck them, I hate them.
0:50:33 > 0:50:41Why do you hate them? They're just scumbags. Just scumbags.
0:50:41 > 0:50:45Can't do nothing out there.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48I bring my wain to the park or something and I'm getting searched.
0:50:48 > 0:50:51Maybe if they're in a bad day or their wife didn't give out,
0:50:51 > 0:50:55or something, that night, I'd be down for a strip search.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58They find nothing on me. I went to the shop once
0:50:58 > 0:51:00and got three police cars, three different searches
0:51:00 > 0:51:02five minutes down the road, know what I mean?
0:51:02 > 0:51:04I reported it to the Police Ombudsman,
0:51:04 > 0:51:07nothing done about it. Know what I mean?
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Every time they see me, they stop me.
0:51:09 > 0:51:12I know I have my past but people move on from the past.
0:51:12 > 0:51:16It's them that's stopping and searching me every day.
0:51:16 > 0:51:20Maybe they need to go out and get drunk or sniff meth,
0:51:20 > 0:51:22to fucking deal with all the shit that's going on.
0:51:22 > 0:51:24I've had enough shit to deal with
0:51:24 > 0:51:26instead of the police stopping me and searching me every time,
0:51:26 > 0:51:28know what I mean?
0:51:28 > 0:51:33MUSIC PLAYS
0:52:04 > 0:52:07Four children, three boys and one girl.
0:52:07 > 0:52:17I've two boys to one girl, she is now living in Birmingham.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19She gave them up, so she did.
0:52:19 > 0:52:22And then I have another one to another girl, another son.
0:52:22 > 0:52:26The two ex-partners with the two sons, the relationship was volatile.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30A lot of jealousy going on, so there was.
0:52:30 > 0:52:36And on both sides, on my side and their sides.
0:52:36 > 0:52:40And the social workers got involved and started saying what I had done,
0:52:40 > 0:52:43that I had pled guilty to assault on her when she was
0:52:43 > 0:52:52six months pregnant and stuff like that.
0:52:52 > 0:52:55I contested the next day but the barrister told me if I wanted
0:52:55 > 0:52:59to get out, the last time I was in, that I would have to plead guilty.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02If I didn't, then they would find me guilty because of previous...
0:53:02 > 0:53:07previous records, previous...
0:53:07 > 0:53:15INTERVIEWER: So you were convicted of assault on your ex-partner? Yep.
0:53:15 > 0:53:21And had that happened before?
0:53:21 > 0:53:22It has happened before.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24With the social worker also getting involved
0:53:24 > 0:53:29where she dislocated her shoulder.
0:53:29 > 0:53:39So there was a lot of violence? A lot of violence, yeah.
0:53:43 > 0:53:44Is it something you think back on now?
0:53:44 > 0:53:45Yep.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47What do you think about it now?
0:53:47 > 0:53:50Just wish I had dealt with it better back then.
0:53:50 > 0:53:52I would've took two steps back and took deep breaths and
0:53:52 > 0:54:02probably wouldn't have the convictions on my record today.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11MUSIC PLAYS
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Looking forward to having the positives in my life
0:54:13 > 0:54:19that are going to change my life.
0:54:19 > 0:54:26Don't look back on the past because the past will only haunt me.
0:54:31 > 0:54:37It was very hard, so it was, and when I came in,
0:54:37 > 0:54:40I was taken a party drug called Magic and my head wasn't in
0:54:40 > 0:54:50the right state of mind and I was trying to commit suicide.
0:54:52 > 0:54:53I was tying ligatures on my throat
0:54:53 > 0:54:55and trying to strangle myself to death,
0:54:55 > 0:55:02and on three or four occasions,
0:55:02 > 0:55:06I was put on the safer cell for at least just over two months.
0:55:06 > 0:55:07And I...
0:55:07 > 0:55:11I got a lot of help off the staff back then.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14I've been drugs-free from coming into prison now near 13 months
0:55:14 > 0:55:24and just hope when I get out,
0:55:26 > 0:55:29that I won't be tempted, that hopefully it all works out
0:55:29 > 0:55:31for me when I get out and just
0:55:31 > 0:55:33stay away from people with criminal records and stuff.
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Focus on my life with my kids and my family and myself
0:55:36 > 0:55:38trying to get myself independent and stuff.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42Aye.
0:55:47 > 0:55:54Tell me about the football when you were young. North End.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57Played for them when I was younger over at Preston for nine months.
0:55:57 > 0:56:02Played there, had a few good games. Actually all of them were good.
0:56:02 > 0:56:07Good bit of craic, good coaches, know what I mean?
0:56:07 > 0:56:10Were you good? Did you have trials? Aye, yeah, I was good, like.
0:56:10 > 0:56:15I was good.
0:56:15 > 0:56:21But then things change. Can't do nothing about it.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24MUSIC PLAYS
0:56:28 > 0:56:33My uncle died and it just changed me, know what I mean? Changed me.
0:56:33 > 0:56:34Couldn't deal with it.
0:56:34 > 0:56:41I was always with my uncle, always stayed with him.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Just the best uncle you could ever ask for.
0:56:43 > 0:56:48Best person you could ask for. Just changed me, know what I mean?
0:56:48 > 0:56:50It's like having someone in your life for all them years
0:56:50 > 0:56:52and then disappearing.
0:56:52 > 0:56:58Know what I mean? Mad.
0:57:03 > 0:57:11Few years later, I was on drugs. Fucked me up, like. Fucked me up.
0:57:11 > 0:57:12Madness.
0:57:12 > 0:57:14I was self-harming. Always doing it.
0:57:14 > 0:57:18Just the way of coping because I didn't have the right medication,
0:57:18 > 0:57:25so I thought it was the best way to cope. Know what I mean?
0:57:25 > 0:57:28I came off the meth and was just cutting, just to cope.
0:57:28 > 0:57:35If I had heard something bad, like a bad phone call,
0:57:35 > 0:57:37I'd be straight in my room.
0:57:37 > 0:57:44Cut for just a release. Know what I mean?
0:57:44 > 0:57:52So what was it? Anxiety, depression? Anxiety and drug-induced psychosis.
0:57:52 > 0:57:54Like whenever I take drugs,
0:57:54 > 0:57:58I start hallucinating and seeing stuff, know what I mean?
0:58:01 > 0:58:03I just am a complete different person whenever I take drugs.
0:58:03 > 0:58:06I scare myself sometimes.
0:58:06 > 0:58:09Do something really shit
0:58:09 > 0:58:11and I'm in jail for years and years and years.
0:58:11 > 0:58:13Know what I mean?
0:58:13 > 0:58:16Some of the shit I have done should've landed me in
0:58:16 > 0:58:17for a good, long time, but...
0:58:17 > 0:58:18Know what I mean?
0:58:18 > 0:58:24They say karma is a bitch. Catches up on you.
0:58:24 > 0:58:30Fuck it! Madness.
0:58:30 > 0:58:39MUSIC PLAYS
0:59:10 > 0:59:12You've made it this far.
0:59:12 > 0:59:15Don't leave it to chance.
0:59:15 > 0:59:16Leave it all on the pitch.
0:59:16 > 0:59:18No holding back,
0:59:18 > 0:59:19no half measures...