0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:27 > 0:00:29METAL CLANGS
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Darlington, north-east England.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55In this historic market town...
0:00:55 > 0:01:00one man is on a mission to make crime a thing of the past.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02He's smiling, he's unprovoked.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Fearless Francis Jones.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09If you have a problem, day or night...
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I am like a doctor to the burglars. I give them their medicine.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14If no-one else can help...
0:01:14 > 0:01:17There is no escape from Francis Jones.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19People always say I'm different, like.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20And if you can find him...
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Socks goes over the shoes.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Billy Burglar can hear my shoes.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29..maybe you can hire Sparta security.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Spartan warriors was a tribe of people who had courage,
0:01:33 > 0:01:34who were strong.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38When you drive down the road, the kids always shout, "This is Sparta!"
0:01:40 > 0:01:45What you are doing is akin to a Christian paramilitary
0:01:45 > 0:01:48organisation albeit without weapons.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51If you want a steak, you get a sirloin.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53If you want ice cream, you go to Tom and Jerry's.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56If you want security, you come and see Spartacus.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Mother Teresa said never mind about being great -
0:02:08 > 0:02:13she said do the small things. "Do the small things," she says.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Sparta security boss Francis Jones is responding to a reported disturbance...
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Faster!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22..at a local dance studio.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Darrien Wright, a former winner of Strictly Dance Fever, has been
0:02:28 > 0:02:31teaching boys ballet in the area for six years.
0:02:31 > 0:02:37I'm having a few issues with teenagers banging on windows,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- shouting, calling names.- Have you spoken to the police about it?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44They can't walk past here every day at that certain time.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49Francis's number one rule is never turn down a job. No job at all.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52What is the description of these youths?
0:02:52 > 0:02:57The little ringleader in it all, he's really short, ginger hair,
0:02:57 > 0:02:58glasses.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02If you need his help and your cause is genuine, Francis will help.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06He's a little bit like the Milky Bar Kid.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Once I get a few names, I will get it nipped in the bud for you.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Operation Milky Bar is on.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15We are on the hunt for the ginger Milky Bar Kid,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17that's the description that's come in.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Obviously I won't tell his parents that but the Milky Bars are on me!
0:03:27 > 0:03:32Francis is on his way to a client who may not be in the best of moods.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37Burglars unbolted the fencing, climbed into the site next door.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40When my guard patrolled, he never saw him.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42The client wasn't very happy about it.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Burglars broke into the fibreglass factory to gain access to
0:03:47 > 0:03:53a neighbouring site... causing costly damage in the process.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57This is where they came and went. They forced the fence right back.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00We have chained it again but if they come with bolt cutters
0:04:00 > 0:04:02they will still cut them.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04The company, CFM,
0:04:04 > 0:04:08pay Sparta for two patrols of their premises every night.
0:04:08 > 0:04:1118 months. Two years. No problems.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15So since Sparta started patrolling, it went down.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Well, we were burgled while Sparta were patrolling, but, yeah!
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I will invest my time, hiding in a bush
0:04:22 > 0:04:24because I want to catch one.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- Thank you very much.- Thank you.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29To keep his client happy,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Francis needs to act fast.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33What happens if he's burgled now?
0:04:33 > 0:04:37He'll get rid of Sparta, I would have thought.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Cos he'll be annoyed and frustrated.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I'd like them to prevent it or catch the people while they were here.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Not inform me afterwards that I've been burgled!
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Cos we'll know that!
0:04:59 > 0:05:04As a Christian, Francis takes pride in offering a helping hand to all companies -
0:05:04 > 0:05:07and creatures - great and small.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12Just checking on this bird to see if it's dead or alive.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Dead pigeon.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22Driving across town, Francis has picked up a passenger
0:05:22 > 0:05:24that may have a chance of survival.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30It's not the first time...
0:05:31 > 0:05:34..I've had a bird between my legs.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37You could say it's the first time I've had a pecker
0:05:37 > 0:05:39between my legs though.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Dr Doolittle will take him in.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I've taken an owl in,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I've taken, um, hedgehogs.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I've taken rabbits, dogs,
0:05:53 > 0:05:55cats, tortoises.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Never had a fox. Never had a badger.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I've taken a lot, like.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06There's a bit of a callous there on that wing.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10I wonder whether he has broken his wing.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14He's healing but he may struggle to be fully independent.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19But it is certainly worth giving him the try, doing a staged release.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Sparta's newest and smallest client will recuperate
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- until he's ready to be released back into the wild.- He's called Percy.
0:06:28 > 0:06:34- You have to be very careful with him.- Percy!- He's just a baby.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36He's a baby and I'm trying to look after him.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Are you guys going to say goodbye to Sparta then?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Say goodbye.- See you later on. Take care of yourselves.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45See you later, my mate. Top man.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Friday. Lunchtime.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Another local company have asked Sparta for assistance.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59DONKEY BRAYS
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Likes you!
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I tried releasing the one in the bottom yesterday
0:07:09 > 0:07:11but it won't take off as yet.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Kevin has run the Kays Hill Sanctuary for ten years
0:07:14 > 0:07:18offering a home to sick and abandoned animals.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20He is the most vicious raccoon going.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Watch your fingers, he will take them off.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29As well as grumpy raccoons, Kevin has also been targeted by criminals.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I've had trouble with poachers in the past.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34We have been broken into and had animals moved.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- I don't know who it is doing it but they are around.- I love animals.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38I'd be willing to help.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Maybe if you could think about the alarm just in case you are ever out.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45But it is not Sparta's surveillance skills that Kevin needs to
0:07:45 > 0:07:48solve the sanctuary's problems.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50The fundraising isn't doing too well.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53We're at a point where we turn away so many animals
0:07:53 > 0:07:56but I can only do what I can do with the resources I've got.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- You need more money, is what you need.- Great.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05He desperately needs to raise funds to improve the facilities.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07That is Shirley, an old goat.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Hello, Shirley. You need money for fences.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14You can see the fences all need repairing.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Rachel wants to use some blue sky thinking to see how Sparta can help.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22It's all right standing with a bucket in a supermarket or
0:08:22 > 0:08:25whatever. Yeah, people do that every day. Do something different.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Do something shocking where people are going to think,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31"Wow, that is funny, that's a good idea."
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Hello, ginger. Hello, ginge.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Let's raise some money. This cat loves me.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I'll just hold this pussy between Rachel's legs.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42The cat is the same colour as her feet.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44..as my false tan!
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Oh, yes, he is!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Francis is now turning his attention to catching
0:08:54 > 0:08:57the people behind the factory break-in.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59I've got some burglars who have gone on a site.
0:08:59 > 0:09:05- I'm after some copper...- Some bait. - Yeah, some bait. Some meat.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I'm told you're the butcher.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11You have to put something down like what looks authentic, aren't ya?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Some cable or something.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Copper wire is a popular target for thieves who try to sell
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- it for cash to avoid detection. - Would that entice them?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Would they know what's in that? - I would have thought so.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30It is just a case of casting the line out, you have a maggot
0:09:30 > 0:09:35in the water, right, and it is wiggling. And it is just time, sweetheart.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- Night has fallen. - We're going fishing.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Francis and his maggots are going to work.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54I'll roll a packet - psst! - into the water.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58And just wait for the fish to come around.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Francis also hopes to establish what time the burglars are operating.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06We have got a camera here,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I will tape it to a tree,
0:10:08 > 0:10:11put a big load of tape around the tree.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15The fish come along... These are piranha fish.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19You have got to be on your toes.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Because what do piranha fish do?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24What do they do?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26They bite!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Just as Francis prepares the bait...
0:10:28 > 0:10:30NOISE NEARBY
0:10:44 > 0:10:46METAL CLANGS
0:10:55 > 0:10:57He thinks he's hooked a piranha.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16It seems that this fish has swum away.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19This camera, do you put it there, do you put it there?
0:11:19 > 0:11:23I don't want to lose that. I don't want it to get stolen, either.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Francis gets back to setting his trap.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28That is how they get over.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30This is where they get in and out.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36It flashes. It's motion activated.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40When they're jumping over the wall,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43they're not going to be expecting to see the flash.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46They are focused over here.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50He's heading around here. He's smiling. He's unprovoked.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56I'll be happy when I've caught them. So, when I come back tomorrow...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00And see what the camera has picked up.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Rachel has come up with an idea to help raise money for the animal
0:12:19 > 0:12:20sanctuary.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- Just have a seat a minute, Jim. - By utilising the Spartan army.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29We're doing a calendar to raise money for Kays Hill.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33We're going to do a Sparta calendar instead of the Calendar Girls
0:12:33 > 0:12:36calendar where we're all going to hold an animal
0:12:36 > 0:12:38instead of how the ladies held flowers.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Is it a fully nude calendar? - Yeah, apart from the animal.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46I can do a naked Jim as long as my manhood is covered.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50All she needs to do now is sell it to the staff.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Bigger animals for bigger bits or smaller animals...
0:12:52 > 0:12:55It depends how much you want to show off.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- You could have a little ginger cat. - No!
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Some are not so keen on baring all for the camera.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Think of all them poor little animals.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06It's worth getting your kit off for, isn't it?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09But as Rachel gives the shifts out...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Yeah, all right, then.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13..it pays to be in her good books.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18- Might have a handful!- You're right, you might have to find a big cock, Mitch.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- That is what you have to do.- OK! - Just hold whatever.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Mitch said he's going to hold a big cock.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35One Spartan warrior who has enlisted for the naked mission...
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Three, two, one more.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42- ..is 24-year-old Phil...- 15.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45..who has been working at the company for five months.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Think about looking like Magic Mike.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50To make sure Phil looks the part on the day, Rachel is giving him
0:13:50 > 0:13:51some personal fitness training.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54We're going to get the guys in shape for this calendar.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57And stop them looking like security guards and make them
0:13:57 > 0:13:59look more like The Dreamboys.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Come on, it is time to get hard-core.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05We have a calendar to make. And I need to have a little word with you.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Rachel also thinks his security guard diet has room for improvement.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I asked him to write me down what he ate, I thought he had written
0:14:13 > 0:14:18a week's worth and I noticed it said on a workday this is what I eat.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Honest, I couldn't believe it.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Two vanilla slices, two chicken and barbecue pastry slices,
0:14:24 > 0:14:30a packet of mozzarella cheese, Chicago pizza, Kit Kat, fudge cake
0:14:30 > 0:14:37bar, two caramel squares, two egg and bacon sandwich fillers, wraps.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Three-inch slice of Viennetta ice cream,
0:14:40 > 0:14:44one litre of black sugared coffee.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Beef and turkey sandwich,
0:14:46 > 0:14:49and a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I mean, how did you find the time to fit all that in?
0:14:54 > 0:14:58It was a 20-hour day, that. You had me working hard that day.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Even so, you must have eaten every ten minutes.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Where did you find the time to do any work in between all that
0:15:04 > 0:15:06eating? That's what concerns me.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- You must have been... - I'm efficient, though, and I?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Ten hours of eating! Come on.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16You can do this. Come on. You're a Spartan.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Right, Phil. We've got another set of those.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25There's still a few who are kind of avoiding me
0:15:25 > 0:15:27and hemming and hawing about doing it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28They will be doing it.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Francis is trying to find the person responsible for disrupting
0:15:35 > 0:15:37the local dance school.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40We are looking for a lad, glasses and ginger hair.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43He always bangs on the windows here. Ginger hair.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- I know a ginger guy, but he doesn't have glasses.- Thanks, anyway.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49All right. That's what we're looking for. The little ginger version.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55He's got ginger hair, glasses. He looks like the Milky Bar Kid.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- Dunno.- Cheers, buddy. Thank you.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02I think some kids just seem to be like just walking about, chilling.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05And then others are just out just to be little shits.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09She might know. Ginger hair with glasses.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- ANSWER MUFFLED - All right.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14No, don't give up. Don't give up.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Lads, we're looking for a kid with glasses, ginger hair.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Who can give me a name?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Eventually...
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Has he been home or not?
0:16:23 > 0:16:24..Francis gets a lead.
0:16:26 > 0:16:32- Is there a ginger-haired kid? I just want to speak with him, that's all, from the school.- Um...
0:16:32 > 0:16:33You don't know your neighbours, no?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- To be honest, I think they've gone.- Oh, is it?
0:16:37 > 0:16:42So, we've just knocked at the door of the suspect that we thought
0:16:42 > 0:16:46he was going to be and the neighbour told me that, you know,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48they weren't in.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53So we just drive on and see if we pass Milky Bar boy on the way.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02At Sparta HQ....
0:17:02 > 0:17:05HE MAKES NONSENSE NOISE
0:17:05 > 0:17:08..Percy's broken wing is on the mend.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Maximus is downstairs and Maximus can't come up here
0:17:12 > 0:17:16when Percy's up here, cos he'll have her for his dinner.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20She has to practice flying. Three, two, one - fly!
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Francis hopes his feathered friend will soon be ready for a staged
0:17:24 > 0:17:25release into the wild.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Good bird. Oh, yes, you are.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Under cover of darkness, Francis is checking up on his bait.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Some of it is gone. There's been people coming up here.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Due to a technical hitch, the only evidence captured by the camera
0:17:46 > 0:17:50was pictures of a passing cat and blowing leaf.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Things have been cut.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55They've taken the copper out of the wire,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58so, to be honest, yeah, it's live.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02It's been taken.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04In the last five hours.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08So, put a guard here.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Francis has lost a fiver's worth of copper
0:18:10 > 0:18:13and is now doubly determined to catch the culprits.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21It's the day of the naked calendar shoot to raise
0:18:21 > 0:18:23funds for Kays Hill Animal Sanctuary.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- Right, I'm ready! - HE LAUGHS
0:18:27 > 0:18:31After Rachel's fitness Boot Camp, Phil is raring to go.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33What a guy. What a man!
0:18:33 > 0:18:37The fate of the sanctuary is in the hands of naked Spartans.
0:18:37 > 0:18:42Two guards looking not so keen to bare all - Dirty Mick and Dean.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44They've all give up their own time to come up here today
0:18:44 > 0:18:48but then, they're Spartans. They WOULD be game.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- So you're up for it, then, dude? - I don't know.- Eh?
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- No.- Can you not be a bit more enthusiastic, you know?
0:18:54 > 0:18:58When I go in there, I'm going to stand like this. Proud as anything!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Stand where I was.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Sparta plan to give away the calendars to help promote
0:19:03 > 0:19:06the sanctuary and raise awareness of its cause.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16The Spartan warriors was a tribe of people who had courage,
0:19:16 > 0:19:20who were strong, who worked together.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23What are you doing, hiding behind me?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27For maximum exposure, they need eye-catching pictures.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31People know what a Spartan warrior is. It's got some backbone to it.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- Can't do it.- Are you better off with a guinea pig or something?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39So you always get respect.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Thank you.
0:19:40 > 0:19:46- You're getting security officers trained...- Sorry. - ..in confrontation.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- She won't hurt you. - Sparta are the boyos who do it.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Rachel doesn't have enough models for all 12 months.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Which animal are you having, Kevin?- Me? None.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05But we haven't got enough people for the calendar, Kevin.
0:20:05 > 0:20:11So her fitness protege, Phil, has more poses to strike.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- Shelley the goat.- Shelley the goat.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17And Shelley the goat gets her big moment.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19It's looking at you there!
0:20:19 > 0:20:20HE LAUGHS
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Aw! Oh. Yeah, that's good.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Time for Rachel's close-up.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Oh, what's he want to come in and watch mine for?
0:20:30 > 0:20:31CAT MEOWS
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Francis turns director.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I can take my own clothes off, Francis!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40One-handed, as well!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- Right, give us the cat. - CAT MEOWS
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Right, you have to be quick before the cat runs off.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- I didn't know what animal I'm going to have.- What do you fancy?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I fancy a pussycat.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56The cat doesn't want to play!
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Finally...
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Oh, boy!
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Fearless and clothesless, Francis Jones.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04I need a tan, to be honest, don't I?
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Do you want to do one looking deadly serious?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16How d'you look serious, when you're sat naked behind a dog?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20The naked calendar shoot is a wrap.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Everyone seems to have enjoyed their selves.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Just got to wait and see what these pictures really look like now.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Rachel hopes the end product will help the sanctuary raise important funds.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33The photos are OK and I think it will be a good calendar.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42At the Dance Wright studio...
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Drop, bun, bun, hair...
0:21:44 > 0:21:48..Francis's local enquiries seem to have had the desired effect.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Francis come with his company.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53He had a little cheeky word in the ears -
0:21:53 > 0:21:56and give him his due, it worked. Straight away!
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Milky Bar Kid goes past still, most of the time, he either puts his head down
0:22:02 > 0:22:06or just carries on talking to his pals. Not a peep out of him.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10And some of the kids that used to go past that were little buggers,
0:22:10 > 0:22:12started coming in to the dance class.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I think they were probably just wanting to step through
0:22:15 > 0:22:19but were too embarrassed or too shy or just thought, oh,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22it's not cool and then they've come in and they've actually stayed,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24so definitely done the trick here.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Five, six, seven and one and two and three, four...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Francis is preparing to try and catch the copper thieves red-handed.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38There's not a chance that's getting on, like. It might go over my head.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Since his centrefold performance on the calendar shoot, Phil's been
0:22:42 > 0:22:43promoted to the stakeout team.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Your collar's up and you're fly's undone.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48THEY LAUGH
0:22:48 > 0:22:51The burglar's been caught and we're not there.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54You know, we just have to step up our game a little bit.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56See if they rock up tonight.
0:22:59 > 0:23:05I ask, "God, throw down some energy, God. Make us catch the burglars."
0:23:07 > 0:23:11With Phil's help, Francis can cover the entry point from two angles
0:23:11 > 0:23:14and lie in wait till the culprits appear.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Let's dance, baby.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Francis needs to school his new sidekick in the art
0:23:20 > 0:23:22of the covert mission.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I don't want anybody to see me.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28I want no-one to see me, like the Invisible Man.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Do you know what I'm saying? I want to be like the X-Man.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Or the Grey Man. Whatever his name is.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37I think I'm sometimes on a different wavelength.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39All good, though. It's all good.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44The two-man team approach the site.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Some cheese for the mouse.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47Bait at the ready.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58That's the bait.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00They stripped all that. OK?
0:24:00 > 0:24:05So what we're going to do, we leave this in a place that they see.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Up against the white.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Francis can't afford to keep losing copper wire.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- There.- Yeah.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15This time, he needs a result.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16OK.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26The team waits patiently.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29It's being actively burgled at the moment.
0:24:29 > 0:24:35So we're actually covertly looking out for burglars.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39And obviously, we are in constant contact over the phone.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41If we see or hear anything...
0:24:43 > 0:24:44And before long...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51..there's suspicious movement by the cabin.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Francis thinks he's got the culprit cornered.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Oh, it's a hedgehog. It's a hedgehog.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- Shame we didn't catch anybody.- Well, you know, you can't get everything, do you know what I'm saying?
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Obviously, you never know whether that hedgehog's been stripping the wire, though, do you?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Well, he could have been. I know what you're saying.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29With no solid evidence, they release the suspect.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35After a few failed stakeouts,
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Francis and Phil are widening the hunt for the copper thieves.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41On the left there, on the bike, he's looking at me.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44You know he's a burglar. I'm telling you now.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48And these are some burglars here. I'm going to put the lights on him.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52How's it going, lads? Lads, are you burglars?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Are you burglars or not?
0:25:56 > 0:26:02Despite being out late on a school night, these lads, just like the hedgehog, are not guilty.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Not burgling our sites, are they?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06THEY LAUGH
0:26:06 > 0:26:08At least partly thanks to Francis's efforts,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10CFM haven't been burgled since.
0:26:17 > 0:26:23At Sparta HQ, Francis is preparing for a bittersweet moment.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26He's beautiful.
0:26:26 > 0:26:32He loves animals a lot more than he loves people, without a doubt. He...
0:26:32 > 0:26:34He's great at it.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36She's my pal. Come on, Perce.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38And it's certainly Francis' softer side.
0:26:38 > 0:26:43It may be a side that maybe people don't see but it's a real kindness.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46You get ready to fly.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48He flies. He flies - whoof! He's off.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52And so I'm thinking he don't want to stay no more.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00So this is at the back of our office on the North Road
0:27:00 > 0:27:03and you can fly away, baby, yeah, you can.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07You're going to go now, son. All right? Have you enjoyed yourself?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I know you have. I've enjoyed having you.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14All his life, a long life, Jesus named me as his servant.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Good girl! Good girl!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Oh, he's over the moon. Oh, he's over the moon.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30I'll look for him every day, like, when I come down here.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33People say they're rats with wings.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36I know some people who are rats without wings!
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Cos we're worse 100% than a bird.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44We eat everything, we kill everything, it's always our way.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47If there was a yellow man come down to earth,
0:27:47 > 0:27:50or a green man, we'd kill him as well.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52See you later, Perce.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03Next time...
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Come sit on Santa's knee.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08In Darlow, it's Crimbo.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11I'm waiting for my employee to rock up.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14The race is on to be named Sparta's finest employee.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17I've won it already!
0:28:17 > 0:28:19They're burning all the trees down.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21And faced with a mysterious vandal...
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Why? I just do not know.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25..Francis brings in a familiar face to help.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Well, that's good. He's not even fucking in!
0:28:28 > 0:28:29How good is that?
0:28:31 > 0:28:33HE LAUGHS