0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:06and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Hello! Are you all right?
0:00:08 > 0:00:10You're not looking for business?
0:00:17 > 0:00:21Me johnnies... Look, see?
0:00:21 > 0:00:24They're not getting it bareback off me.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30He's a 40-quidder, him - grab him if you can.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51The Holbeck area comes to life at night.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Down here, it's easy money, isn't it?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09I don't like being down there.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11It's survival, at the end of the day.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Every single time I work, I'm putting my life in danger,
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I'm playing Russian roulette with my own life.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I got attacked, you know? Last week, I got stabbed in the neck.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43See me neck? Got stabbed in the neck.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46A client stabbed me in the neck. He asked me for anal sex,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48and I don't do anal sex.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51When I said no, he said to me, "You are doing it,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54"I've paid you for the hour, you're doing what I say, you bitch."
0:01:54 > 0:01:56And I said, "I don't think I fucking am."
0:01:56 > 0:01:58And he just went - "Fuck off", in me neck.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25The first time I worked, well -
0:02:25 > 0:02:29I used to be married to a woman in Hull before I went to me last
0:02:29 > 0:02:31prison sentence.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34And she was rattling for her drugs, and she said to me,
0:02:34 > 0:02:35"Can you get me some money?"
0:02:35 > 0:02:38And I said, "How am I meant to get you money?"
0:02:38 > 0:02:41She went, "Here." And she passed me a pack of Durex.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44And I said, "What's that for? I'm a lesbian." And she went,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47"Stand on that corner and you'll see what they're for."
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Then a car stopped, and went, "Jump in, gorgeous."
0:02:50 > 0:02:52And then he went, "What are you offering?"
0:02:52 > 0:02:54And I just said, "Well, what do you want?"
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Because I didn't know, I didn't know how to say it,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58or anything, or how to go about it.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00And he said, "Well, I want everything - how much is that?"
0:03:00 > 0:03:03And I said, "100 quid," and he gave me 100 quid.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06It was a bit of a buzz and a bit of an addiction going out,
0:03:06 > 0:03:07and I got addicted to the money.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25My prices are £20 for oral,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28£30 for sex, and £45 for both.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31£10 extra - back at their flat or mine.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Some of them are just, like, really sad and lonely,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56and they just, like, want someone for attention, really.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Then you get some of them that,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01they want all the, like, domineering sort of stuff, and I don't
0:04:01 > 0:04:03really like that sort of stuff,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I just prefer to just get it done and get out of there.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I'll meet you back here in ten.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I always have me scissors in me pocket, and if I'm in with the client,
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I always have me hand on me scissors.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33And one sly move, and they would be pulled out.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35And I don't give a shit.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Arrest me for it, I don't care,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I'd rather protect myself than take the risk...
0:04:40 > 0:04:41HORN TOOTS
0:04:44 > 0:04:46..of being killed.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55REPORTER: Police have launched a murder inquiry after the death of a
0:04:55 > 0:04:59young woman in a managed red light zone in Leeds.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01A 21-year-old sex worker was savagely beaten
0:05:01 > 0:05:04in the Holbeck district, in the area where sex workers are
0:05:04 > 0:05:07allowed to operate during certain hours.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Police say Daria Pionko was
0:05:08 > 0:05:13found seriously injured on an industrial estate in Holbeck.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15She died a short time later...
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Stay away from that car!
0:05:20 > 0:05:21You!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27The night Daria got killed, I was out, I was talking to her.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30And then I went home, because I'd got me money.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33And then that happened.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37It's getting too dangerous.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Extremely dangerous.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56There's been loads of coppers tonight.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58That punter's on the loose.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Eight girls he's done now - from around here.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04He's picking girls up, taking them around, paying them for a blow job...
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Then, just as he's about to finish, he's battering them,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09taking the money back off them and raping them.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I used to go round to this bloke's house, and he used to lend me money.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29And one day I've gone around, and he's like, "Oh, well, give me a blow
0:06:29 > 0:06:31"job, and I'll give you 30 quid."
0:06:32 > 0:06:35And that's how it started, and...
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Then obviously, down here,
0:06:38 > 0:06:42it's very easy just to stand on the street and get picked up,
0:06:42 > 0:06:43it's easy money, isn't it?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Since it's been legal,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50there's a lot more cars about,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52cos they're not as worried about getting in trouble.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58If I'm being sensible and that, I'll just come out once, get 100 quid,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01and go home. But then other days, if I'm
0:07:01 > 0:07:06being ridiculous, I'll be back and down, back and down, up and down.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08It's like nowt's ever enough, is it?
0:07:25 > 0:07:30I've just got a call out to Wakefield, just off junction 40.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33And I've got to walk past the reception desk,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36and I'll see the door for the lift from the stairs,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39give him a ring with an idea of when I'll arrive, please.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42He wants me to shit on him.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47SHE LAUGHS
0:07:47 > 0:07:50I'm not joking, that's the truth, that's what he wants me to do.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56He buys me a curry from the shop, to get me going, and loads of crack...
0:07:58 > 0:08:02You know, to get me... Cos crack makes you go to the toilet.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Pardon me.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06And then, yeah, just do that,
0:08:06 > 0:08:07and that's that.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10FIREWORKS BANG
0:08:12 > 0:08:13DOG BARKS
0:08:16 > 0:08:17All right!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Princess! Calm it!
0:08:22 > 0:08:25This big knife here, that's for...
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Hold on...
0:08:27 > 0:08:31That's because of what's happened last night.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36I was in Holbeck, been out about half an hour, and it was quite dead,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38there was hardly any girls out, neither.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43As soon as I got in, he locked the doors,
0:08:43 > 0:08:47and that sort of, like, set alarm bells ringing.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50And I went, "Do you mind unlocking the doors?"
0:08:50 > 0:08:55And he went, "No, fuck that, I ain't having police opening doors up...
0:08:55 > 0:08:58"..or one of your pimps."
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I went to put my hand into my coat pocket,
0:09:01 > 0:09:04and he just, like, grabbed hold of my wrist...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07And I went, "What do you think you're doing?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09"Get your fucking hands off me, now."
0:09:09 > 0:09:12And he went, "Oh, what are you going to do, ring the police?"
0:09:12 > 0:09:16So I've elbowed him, as I've elbowed him,
0:09:16 > 0:09:20he's gone and tried to put his hands down my knickers.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23So that's when I started screaming, and I let the rape alarm off...
0:09:23 > 0:09:26And you could see the panic in his face then.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30So he clicked the thing to the central locking, you know,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32unlocked the doors, and let me out.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34So I just started running.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Let me show you me babbies, eh?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58These are me little darlings, these.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Hiya. I'm going to show 'em me quails.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Cos I breed these.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09I've been brought up around quails cos the first foster home I had,
0:10:09 > 0:10:13they use to get... Quit, in you go. ..they used to get quail eggs.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Every foster home I went to,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19the social worker always made sure that they'd be happy for me to have
0:10:19 > 0:10:20me quail.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26No, you don't! He'll have them.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I've not had a good childhood, me.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33I was abused, ended up in foster care, taken away from my parents,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37and I think it makes it easier for me, because I think basically,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I'm a shell of a body, they might as well have me.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Do you know what I mean? I'm an abused person, why not let them?
0:10:57 > 0:11:01I have this every single...night before I go out.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Because it gives me confidence.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Cos I've got no self-confidence, me, got none whatsoever.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30This ain't really a life.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35It's just a fucking miserable existence.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I'd love to
0:11:39 > 0:11:42be 100% clean from drugs, and...
0:11:46 > 0:11:53So, I've got my hopes for the near future to get back in contact
0:11:53 > 0:11:56with me dad before the Christmas period starts.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58I love my dad, and...
0:12:00 > 0:12:02..my dad don't deserve...
0:12:07 > 0:12:09..the way that I have been, do you know?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13I hurt him, you know?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17For a man with his daughter,
0:12:17 > 0:12:19this is probably the worst thing in the world, isn't it?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Asbo, come here.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35He loves me to pieces, he goes to
0:12:35 > 0:12:37bed with me, he's like my teddy bear.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Asbo! Gimme a kiss. Good boy.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Be good.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52When I first started doing it,
0:12:52 > 0:12:56I used to have to sit and like think of somewhere else that I actually
0:12:56 > 0:12:59enjoyed being. But like, now,
0:12:59 > 0:13:02obviously because I've been doing it that long, it just...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04You automatically zone out.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08I'll sit and play bingo on my phone while I'm having sex and I'm
0:13:08 > 0:13:11bent over, just to take me mind off.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I remember sitting in a police station when I were a kid,
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I were only about four or five years old.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35And talking to a police woman about
0:13:35 > 0:13:39places where I'd been touched and, you know?
0:13:46 > 0:13:51Everything kind of just went proper tits up in life,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I ended up getting on smack.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56And obviously cos I had a drug habit, I ended up
0:13:56 > 0:13:59just going down into Holbeck.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Where's the pipe? Get up and get the pipe.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- The pipe's upstairs.- Go on, I've been running around.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Hiya.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You are.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32You're absolutely splendid.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Just give me five minutes, love, and then ring me back.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37I don't like speaking to them in front of him,
0:14:37 > 0:14:38because he don't like it.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Fucking dead jealous.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44That's nice, though, isn't it?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I do love him. I've got somebody to make myself nice for,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56and make an effort for, and do things for.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00He says I give him a headache, though, I do cheesy little things.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I've got a vibrator called a golden rod, right?
0:15:03 > 0:15:07And I chucked it down his trousers, and you should've seen him dancing.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11I'll get enough for us for tonight and tomorrow.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Hello?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15It's nice, isn't it, when you first fall...?
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Cos I told you, I don't trust men, so when you fall in love,
0:15:19 > 0:15:20it's real nice, isn't it?
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Before I got with him, we'd chased each other for seven months, each other,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27but none of us had the backbone to get it off the ground.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Seven months.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Huh.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Oh, I need to get ready.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Sell me fanny in Holbeck.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I find her attractive, you know, she's funny, she's right feisty,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14ain't she?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18If a man loves a woman, they don't want anybody else touching their woman,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21do they? But we've both got habits,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24and I'm not going to rely upon him to fend for me.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53You'll get people that'll meet you, and they'll say,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56"I want to look after you", and rah-rah-rah.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00"You can come and stay with me, I'll make sure that you're all right,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03"and you won't need to go out to work",
0:17:03 > 0:17:05all the rest of that bullshit and then...
0:17:06 > 0:17:09It's just typical men, isn't it, do you know what I mean?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12It's kind of to be expected when you're a
0:17:12 > 0:17:16working girl, they just think, "Oh, I bring a working girl to live with me and...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19"Yeah, I'll get sex free every day", do you know what I mean?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21It doesn't work like that.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I like it better in the morning, cos they're in a rush,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58so you're straight in and out of the car, they're not keeping you longer.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01You'd think on a morning, like personally, I'm diving in a car,
0:18:01 > 0:18:03cold as hell, get into it, a cup of coffee,
0:18:03 > 0:18:07you wouldn't think you'd be wanting to get your end away in the morning, would you?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I was out this time yesterday morning, me, it was really busy.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Really, really busy.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Well, I made 200 quid in an hour, from four till five.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Early-morning time, it gets busier with the decent punters,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33and the decent payers as well.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35You know, people will pay us good money...
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Because it's quieter for them,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40and they know they're not either going to get seen,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43or there's only going to be certain girls out, so it's better.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48He's staggering all over.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Do you want business, love?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- What's business? - What's business?
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Like, sex?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Sex? What do you think it were?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02What's he doing with his face?!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04SHE CHUCKLES
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Let me go see him. Here, come here.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oi! Where you going?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Best fish and chips ever.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25SHE MUTTERS
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Last three Christmases, I've been in prison,
0:19:31 > 0:19:35so this'll be the first Christmas out for me.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Fucking shoplifting,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40that's how I've ended up landing in prison at that time of year.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Last year, I were in jail,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48which I actually spent in jail playing bingo with the staff.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Most girls all spend Christmas working down there,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59girls that's not got families and have not got a methadone scrip,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01they'll spend Christmas working, isn't it?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- Yeah.- At the end of the day, it's a means to an end.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16My kids are with me dad, and there's my three-year-old, me four-year-old,
0:20:16 > 0:20:21and this is what I get like when I think about it or talk it, so...
0:20:22 > 0:20:23I just can't, you know?
0:20:25 > 0:20:28It kills me, it kills me all the time, and when I think about it,
0:20:28 > 0:20:31it fucking upsets me severely.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I need to fucking build the courage up to go down and see them,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36basically I'm a shitty arse and...
0:20:36 > 0:20:39A day's turned into a week, a week's turned into a month,
0:20:39 > 0:20:42and now a year's gone by, and I've not been down.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45And I suppose I'm just scared to show my face.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47I've got a little boy,
0:20:47 > 0:20:51but he got took off me at birth through the social services.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53And when it was finalised at court,
0:20:53 > 0:20:56they said that I was allowed letterbox contact twice a year,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59but the foster care is adoptive care,
0:20:59 > 0:21:03they've changed it to once a year on his birthday.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06But I haven't heard anything from him since he were two.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09He'll be 11 in January.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I've never worked on Christmas, never.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30It's time to be with family.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Even though I'm not with my family,
0:21:34 > 0:21:38I don't think clients should be away from their families.
0:21:38 > 0:21:44So Christmas Day will be me and my dog, Princess.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47She'll have her own presents, which she'll have to open.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I know I won't be there Christmas Day.
0:22:02 > 0:22:07It's that... Unfortunately, I don't get that privilege.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I need to prove myself more,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12before that happens, to my mum and my dad.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Because of the amount of times that I have fucked up in the past,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20and the amount of times that I've said I'm doing well, I've got clean,
0:22:20 > 0:22:26blah-blah-blah, and then I've either been lying, or I've got back on it.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30They need to see consistency, which... I don't blame them,
0:22:30 > 0:22:31because at the end of the day,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34they're doing what's right by my children.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I'm nearly 30 now.
0:22:39 > 0:22:45I've had 12 years of it, and I don't want another 12 years of this life.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09I'm just sitting at home, debating, "Should I go out, should I go out,
0:23:09 > 0:23:10"should I go out?" But in the end,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I've got to, do you know what I mean?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15It's just a matter of surviving, so I have to come out,
0:23:15 > 0:23:17and earn something.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Just put on as many layers as I can, just to try and keep warm, you know,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23my scarf and my gloves and my hat.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26I probably don't look that desirable at the minute, but you know,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29just try and keep warm best I can, and that's all I can do, really.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46My God. What an area.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I just hope she's pleased to see me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- Hello.- Hello.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07- How are you?- All right.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11THEY SOB
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I've missed you so much.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Why haven't you been in touch?
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Mum, I ain't got a phone.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22At least you're not dead.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24- Of course I'm not! - Come back with me.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28I can't, I've got no passport, I've got no money, I've got nothing.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Well, if we can get help to get your passport...
0:24:31 > 0:24:32You know, Mum, it's hard.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Life in general is hard.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37You've never seen anybody round, Mum.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39And it's not nice, believe me, it's not.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44It's horrible. I'm getting cold shakes, cold shivers, hot shivers.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I've been sick, I've got diarrhoea, my eyes are streaming,
0:24:47 > 0:24:50my limbs are aching, I can't walk, I'm physically just...
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I may as well be dead.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Don't say that.- I know, but that's how I feel, Mum,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57if I don't get what I need.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Because that's how it makes me feel.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I just need seven quid.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I'm not giving you money for drugs.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Then...I'm just going to have to do what I'm doing...
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- ..to earn some.- What, you're going out on the streets tonight?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13What else do you want me to do, Mum?
0:25:13 > 0:25:17I don't want you to do that. I want you to come and get help with us.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Come back with us.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Get yourself sorted.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- Are you going out like that?- What?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- You're going out like that? - Yeah, I've got to.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I'm rattling, I'm poorly.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43- Keep yourself warm. - Just drive safely.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45We will. All right? You be safe as well.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I will be, I'm all right.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50- Love you.- See you later, love you, bye.- Love you.- Come on.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Come on.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53SHE SOBS
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Come on.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19It's not what we're supposed to be doing, really, is it?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Standing on street corners like pieces of meat,
0:26:22 > 0:26:24waiting for men to pick us?
0:26:31 > 0:26:35I don't have no dramatic stories or anything, I wasn't abused,
0:26:35 > 0:26:40I didn't get raped by my uncle, or nothing like that.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44I started using heroin, just inquisitive.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48And two weeks after learning how to foil, I had a habit, I was addicted.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53It's hard, it's a bad cycle, it's a vicious cycle.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55It's nasty, very nasty.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Very, very nasty.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00But you can't help it, you still do it.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03As much as you don't want to be doing it, you'll still do it.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17You left here with my money!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20My money, not yours!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I had to bounce down beat to fucking
0:27:31 > 0:27:33get a graft so I could sort myself out.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40And there's not worse, yeah, than fucking sucking someone's dick,
0:27:40 > 0:27:45or having sex with someone when your skin's crawling, when they touch you,
0:27:45 > 0:27:49- when you're rattling.- Soz I fucking ran off and disappeared.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53You know, I didn't sit there and think, "Ha-ha-ha,
0:27:53 > 0:27:57"I'm going to do this to her", and go do it, you know what I mean?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59To fuck off from my house, yeah,
0:27:59 > 0:28:03and leave me after I've given her my £20 that I was going to save
0:28:03 > 0:28:08for the morning, to fuck off and leave me locked in me own house for
0:28:08 > 0:28:1112 fucking hours, for her to give me
0:28:11 > 0:28:14not even £3 worth of gear in each of the fucking wraps,
0:28:14 > 0:28:16it's a fucking joke and a piss-take.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20Do you know what I'm saying? It's hurt me more, cos I thought...
0:28:20 > 0:28:21..I honestly thought, yeah,
0:28:21 > 0:28:24we had a bit more of a better relationship than that,
0:28:24 > 0:28:25do you know what I'm saying?
0:28:27 > 0:28:30I can't be fucking arsed with the bullshit.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35She had a choice.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38She chose to go out, spend my money,
0:28:38 > 0:28:40and then avoid me.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42She had a choice.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03It's just a second chance, isn't it?
0:29:03 > 0:29:06Well, going back here is about fourth, fifth, six chance.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08But you know, starting afresh
0:29:08 > 0:29:11and living a proper life, a normal life...
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Without having to worry about where my next tenner bag's coming from,
0:29:16 > 0:29:18or anything like that.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Now I'm living here, I don't know anybody around here.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26So it's like a fresh start for me,
0:29:26 > 0:29:28so I don't bump into people
0:29:28 > 0:29:32each and every day who are taking drugs and...
0:29:32 > 0:29:35Do you know what I mean? So it is a complete turnaround for me.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40That's in the past now, so I don't want to think about it.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43You know, that part of my life's done, over, finished with.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Me favourite one, Julie Walters.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10It's a really good read, it is.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12I feel like I relate to her, I think...
0:30:12 > 0:30:14..cos she was dragged up.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Even though I was in care and stuff, and she wasn't,
0:30:18 > 0:30:21she's had a bit of a rough upbringing.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24And I'm reading Fifty Shades Of Grey now.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26It's a right dirty bastard book, that!
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Sorry for swearing, but it's filth!
0:30:29 > 0:30:33I've done some funny old stuff, but fuck me, is that dirty.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Have you read it?
0:30:47 > 0:30:51See that flooring? That flooring cost nearly five grand.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55I built this from scratch.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Miss it, as well.
0:31:00 > 0:31:01It was mine, my own.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07Hair, nail, beauty, massage.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15I got myself clean and everything for it, did really well.
0:31:23 > 0:31:27I'm a qualified holistic therapist, aromatherapy...
0:31:27 > 0:31:30Aromatherapist, reiki master.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33It's not like I'm just a down-and-out,
0:31:33 > 0:31:36council-estate, common-as-muck junkie,
0:31:36 > 0:31:38do you know what I mean?
0:31:39 > 0:31:40First started my training...
0:31:42 > 0:31:43..in prison, believe it or not.
0:31:46 > 0:31:47Take your top off.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49Is it a massage?
0:31:49 > 0:31:50Please...
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Once I've sorted myself out completely,
0:31:57 > 0:31:59I want to be able to move forward,
0:31:59 > 0:32:01and...
0:32:01 > 0:32:03..start doing this again.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07I'd still stand here and say, working on the beat and being a prostitute,
0:32:07 > 0:32:11doing what I've done, it is a lot harder than any job.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14It's not something that I'd say I want to spend the rest of me life
0:32:14 > 0:32:16doing, but I would doing this.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Most definitely.
0:32:23 > 0:32:25It's nice to care, isn't it?
0:32:25 > 0:32:28It's nice to be cared for, but it's even nicer to care, isn't it?
0:32:37 > 0:32:39Thanks is a wonderful word, and all.
0:32:39 > 0:32:40- For what?- For that!
0:32:42 > 0:32:44What is wrong with you, seriously?
0:32:53 > 0:32:55I swear to God, they've just attacked me,
0:32:55 > 0:32:58they've just battered me with bars, up the street.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06All those young ones, can you see them stood down there?
0:33:06 > 0:33:07They've just fucking...
0:33:10 > 0:33:12What the fuck?
0:33:12 > 0:33:13As I'm starting to walk up,
0:33:13 > 0:33:16they're starting to follow behind me, you know,
0:33:16 > 0:33:17shouting and stuff.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19I've crossed over
0:33:19 > 0:33:21the road, the two lassies with
0:33:21 > 0:33:23metal bars have followed me over, yeah?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25Run up behind me...
0:33:27 > 0:33:29..and have hit me between five to
0:33:29 > 0:33:32seven times with the metal bars, while saying
0:33:32 > 0:33:35stuff like, "Give me what you've got, give me your phone",
0:33:35 > 0:33:36all this and that.
0:33:36 > 0:33:41So like some sort of fucking crank lad like...I've had to start running and shouting out,
0:33:41 > 0:33:44making myself look like some sort of fuckin' ding.
0:33:44 > 0:33:45But I had no choice
0:33:45 > 0:33:49because I was being fucking whacked with metal bars!
0:33:49 > 0:33:50Do you know what?
0:33:50 > 0:33:54Never in me 28 years of fucking life, yeah, have I had all like that.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57I thought we were little bastards when we were teenagers, yeah?
0:33:57 > 0:34:00But we didn't do fucking shit like that, mate.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19I've been described as a professional shoplifter.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22I've been in prison 14 times.
0:34:22 > 0:34:27A lot of shops know me, started to get to know me and that.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29That's why I travel further afield.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32I don't ever go out looking like...
0:34:33 > 0:34:36..I've just rolled out of bed or anything, I always, you know,
0:34:36 > 0:34:40make sure me hair's done, I'm wearing all right clothes.
0:34:42 > 0:34:47I start feeling calmer once I've got about 100,
0:34:47 > 0:34:49200 feet away from the shop.
0:34:50 > 0:34:55£10.99, £9.99, £11.99,
0:34:55 > 0:34:57that was just a two-minute job.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00If I'm doing them in pubs, it's four quid each
0:35:00 > 0:35:02or three items for a tenner.
0:35:02 > 0:35:06If I'm selling them on to my bulk buyer - two quid each on them.
0:35:06 > 0:35:0858 quid, there is there.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11I'll be happy for tonight and tomorrow morning, yeah.
0:35:13 > 0:35:18I've got qualifications, I've got 11 GSCEs - A to C.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20I've got NVQs as well.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24Level 1s, level 2s, catering - I've got it all.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27But I've got a criminal record now.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40It's just a little letter to the kids that I'm hoping my parents will
0:35:40 > 0:35:42give to them.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45"Hi, my gorgeous little boys.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47"I hope you are all OK.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51"Sorry I've not spoken to you all, or seen you all in a while,
0:35:51 > 0:35:54"but Mummy's head's not been well.
0:35:54 > 0:35:59"I hope you can all understand, and I hope to see you all soon.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03"All my love, hugs, and kisses, to the moon and stars and back again,
0:36:03 > 0:36:05"and around, here you pop."
0:36:07 > 0:36:09That's just our little saying.
0:36:11 > 0:36:15My kids... Getting contact back with them.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20Proving that I can do it.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Proving I'm not just a fuck-up.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28And I'm not going to be another statistic.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58BANGING
0:37:01 > 0:37:02Who was that?
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Who?
0:37:09 > 0:37:10I hope you're not blaming me.
0:37:17 > 0:37:18Two.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34If I'm not here when you get back, you'll know I've gone.
0:37:39 > 0:37:40Yeah.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42DOOR CLOSES
0:37:44 > 0:37:47Fuck off.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49I love him, but he just...
0:37:49 > 0:37:51He's not bothered, is he?
0:37:53 > 0:37:55He's not.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00He's had his chance, hasn't he?
0:38:02 > 0:38:04Life's a bitch, isn't it?
0:38:05 > 0:38:08Good riddance to this shithole!
0:38:08 > 0:38:09Fuck you all!
0:38:20 > 0:38:22I feel like he's seen me as a meal ticket,
0:38:22 > 0:38:24rather than somebody who was meant to be his girlfriend,
0:38:24 > 0:38:26or who he was meant to love.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Rent outstanding - 820.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34Tough. That's what I think to that.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37I'll be back here, back by myself, going out working for myself,
0:38:37 > 0:38:40and coming home to myself.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42Again.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45Back with Julie Walters.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01I don't know what it is, but lately, I feel...
0:39:01 > 0:39:03I've just been feeling proper down and shitty and...
0:39:05 > 0:39:10I feel like I've dropped into a fucking hole and got myself stuck,
0:39:10 > 0:39:14and I'm really fucking struggling to get back out.
0:39:16 > 0:39:21Do you know, I've had this drug problem 12-13 years,
0:39:21 > 0:39:25picking's something I've never done, never had a problem with,
0:39:25 > 0:39:29and these last couple of month, I've developed this picking problem.
0:39:29 > 0:39:34And the only thing I can put it down to is pure amounts of stress.
0:39:34 > 0:39:37And I'm sitting here on me own, fucking two,
0:39:37 > 0:39:38three hours, sat there,
0:39:38 > 0:39:41fucking doing this to me face...
0:39:42 > 0:39:45And it don't help with work, cos, you know...
0:39:45 > 0:39:49It looks absolutely horrendous, look what I've done to myself.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Would you think that were picking? Someone would think I'd fallen
0:39:52 > 0:39:55or something, wouldn't they? That's what I've done to myself.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Only time
0:39:59 > 0:40:04I'm socialising or having company with anyone is the customers.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08And, er...it's not...
0:40:09 > 0:40:12..the sort of company I want, you know what I mean?
0:40:12 > 0:40:17Or you know, you want to maybe have a coffee and a chat,
0:40:17 > 0:40:21but obviously all they're interested in
0:40:21 > 0:40:24is sex, sex, sex,
0:40:24 > 0:40:26sexual activities.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30That's what it's all about, 24/7.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33It's all about that, and nothing but that.
0:40:48 > 0:40:52I texted my mum on Mother's Day, and just said, happy Mother's Day.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54And again, I said sorry to her.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58She replied, and thanked me for the message,
0:40:58 > 0:41:01and also just explained that she
0:41:01 > 0:41:04can't really get over what I've done,
0:41:04 > 0:41:06which I totally understand.
0:41:06 > 0:41:09But that she's happy for me to text now and again,
0:41:09 > 0:41:12and just take it from there and see how it goes.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30Methadone, it's not an instant cure, is it?
0:41:30 > 0:41:35It don't deal with the mental side, but it deals with the physical side.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37I'm not going to rattle any more,
0:41:37 > 0:41:41I can wake up in the morning and I don't instantly feel ill.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Now I go to the chemist once a day,
0:41:43 > 0:41:45and I've got to drink it in the chemist.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49What they do is, like,
0:41:49 > 0:41:52if you start providing negative tests on a regular basis,
0:41:52 > 0:41:56you get to a point where they'd maybe let you go twice a week to pick your
0:41:56 > 0:42:00methadone up, you know, so they give you three days and then four days.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04But at the minute, it's supervised daily in the chemist.
0:42:08 > 0:42:09All right, thank you.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13I just want to get myself right now.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26Look what one of me... admirers has brought me.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28That's well cute.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48I'll be getting past it for the beat soon.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53I will. Cos people go down there and they're in their 50s, you know?
0:42:53 > 0:42:54I wouldn't dare.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57But you do get granny shaggers, don't you?
0:42:59 > 0:43:00You think I'm a granny now?
0:43:01 > 0:43:04I'm nearly there, aren't I?
0:43:07 > 0:43:10You know, the first time I ever started doing that,
0:43:10 > 0:43:13I said, "I'm only doing this for a short while, six months."
0:43:13 > 0:43:15Ten years later, I'm still at it.
0:43:17 > 0:43:18Ten years.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36The police drive around, just to make sure everything's all right,
0:43:36 > 0:43:40but they're less on your case if you're down within the managed time
0:43:40 > 0:43:42and in the managed area.
0:43:44 > 0:43:45People just think,
0:43:45 > 0:43:48"Oh, a prostitute, they're doing it just for the drugs and that",
0:43:48 > 0:43:49do you know what I mean?
0:43:49 > 0:43:52People don't actually realise that there's reasons and stuff behind it,
0:43:52 > 0:43:56and that every different person's got a story as to why they've ended
0:43:56 > 0:44:01up in the situation that they have, do you know what I mean?
0:44:01 > 0:44:03With Holbeck,
0:44:03 > 0:44:07it's like there's never no closing time.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09It's, like, once you get in,
0:44:09 > 0:44:12it's hard to get out,
0:44:12 > 0:44:15cos it just goes on.
0:44:21 > 0:44:23I'm angry in myself.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Disgusted in myself.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29I've got three beautiful children that live with my mum,
0:44:29 > 0:44:31cos I can't look after them.
0:44:31 > 0:44:33They should have been enough.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37But they weren't.
0:44:41 > 0:44:45I do dream about not doing this, not being on drugs,
0:44:45 > 0:44:47because I don't like the lifestyle at all.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49I hate it.
0:44:49 > 0:44:50I crave normality.
0:44:52 > 0:44:53I crave it more than anything.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Do you want business, love?