0:00:03 > 0:00:06HMP Holloway, in London,
0:00:06 > 0:00:09is one of the largest women's prisons in Europe.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11It's all a load of bullshit!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Over a whole year,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15for the first time on television,
0:00:15 > 0:00:18the BBC followed offenders inside jail...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20SHE YELLS
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Staff!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24You don't. Move, man, move!
0:00:24 > 0:00:25..outside on release...
0:00:25 > 0:00:29I've drunk three quarters of a bottle of vodka already.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31..and back inside again.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Hey, mate!
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Prisoners like Jayde West are stuck in a cycle of petty offending,
0:00:37 > 0:00:39prison and self-harm.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41She is just 18.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Oh, my God!
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Emma has swapped a comfortable life for prison and the street.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I guess I'm not your typical Holloway inmate.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55He's very drunk, he's been up all night drinking, snorting,
0:00:55 > 0:00:57smoking... Yeah, everything.
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Crystal Duke is 23 and prefers prison to life outside.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04The best times I've had have been when I've been in prison.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07They help me in prison, they don't help me out here.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Half of prisoners in British jails reoffend within one year.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13If someone says, "I love prison,"
0:01:13 > 0:01:16doesn't that tell you they're not quite right?!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18How can anybody love prison?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Each one has their own story.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Ladies, get to your rooms, we're locking in!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Every morning, the women of Holloway
0:01:39 > 0:01:42get half an hour's exercise in the yard.
0:01:48 > 0:01:5118-year-old Jayde West is back in jail
0:01:51 > 0:01:54for the 6th time on burglary charges.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Andrea, what are you doing back in here?!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02She was taken into care at an early age
0:02:02 > 0:02:04and has been in institutions all her life.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05When I came in last night,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08I was like, "Yeah, bruv, I even got my own cell back!"
0:02:08 > 0:02:13Jayde is a binge drinker with a long history of petty offending
0:02:13 > 0:02:16and is now classed as a prolific offender.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20HMP is Her Majesty's Playground.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22This is her security,
0:02:22 > 0:02:24this is her extended family
0:02:24 > 0:02:27but it would be terrible if it got into such a pattern
0:02:27 > 0:02:29that she never comes out of the cycle
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and gets longer sentences for being a prolific offender
0:02:32 > 0:02:35and that's the scary bit for her, I think.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Tell her to get out of my face, bruv, seriously, man!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Jayde's Achilles heel is her anger,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42which has continued to cause problems
0:02:42 > 0:02:45both outside and inside prison.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I just had a go at that dickhead over there.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Come up to me and you don't know! Go suck your mum!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Did you not just hear me?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Get out my face or I'll head-butt you, bruv, serious! You'll get it!
0:02:54 > 0:02:59BANGING
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Today, Jayde has been cautioned
0:03:01 > 0:03:04for failing to leave the exercise yard when told to do so.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06She is not happy.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Why are you banging, Jayde?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- Cos I am.- Why? - Cos I'm not in the mood.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13You're not in the mood for what?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16What, with that behaviour? What do you think I'm going to do?!
0:03:16 > 0:03:20I'm just going to turn your light on, Jayde.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Right, I need a word.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Because I'm sure you've already heard
0:03:24 > 0:03:27that I'm aware of your behaviour this morning.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- Ah, like you make it out like I did something wrong, bruv!- BLEEP.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- No! Stop swearing, for a start.- No! - Listen to me.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Miss Nash has put you on report, are you aware of that?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I don't care, just put me down the seg, then!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- I'm not putting you down the seg! - Shame(!)
0:03:39 > 0:03:42But you're one step away from basic, do you understand that?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- You're a- BLEEP.- You're a pure- BLEEP!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- Do you want me to put you on report as well?- Put me on report! What was the reason to put me on report?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49For refusing to leave the yard.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Did I come in? Yes.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Did you have to restrain me? No!
0:03:59 > 0:04:02She's now going to be on basic. That means she...
0:04:02 > 0:04:04she has half hour's association each day,
0:04:04 > 0:04:06her visits will be restricted,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08she gets to spend less on canteen
0:04:08 > 0:04:11and she spends most of the day in her room.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12BANGING
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Jayde's behaviour continues to deteriorate.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20Staff must now monitor her regularly as she has a history of self-harm,
0:04:20 > 0:04:23including choking herself with ligatures.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33'I guess I'm not your typical Holloway inmate.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37'I come from a good middle-class family,
0:04:37 > 0:04:42'I went to a good independent school.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46'I never wanted for anything, really.'
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Emma is 23 years old and homeless.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56She's in Holloway for the third time on shoplifting charges.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Like 70% of offenders, she has serious addiction issues.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03But because the prison has such limited time
0:05:03 > 0:05:05with short-term offenders like Emma,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08they can be the most difficult of all to rehabilitate.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14'I've done things that I never would have dreamt of doing.'
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Stealing...
0:05:17 > 0:05:21..and lying and...
0:05:21 > 0:05:24being a horrible, deceitful little cow.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27And hurting people that I love
0:05:27 > 0:05:32just because I want this next fix, you know.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36While inside Holloway, Emma is stabilised on methadone,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38a heroin substitute.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42The prison must monitor her health closely
0:05:42 > 0:05:45to ensure she is on the correct dosage.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48But despite the fact she is now stable,
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Emma is becoming worried about her impending release.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55'Drugs have been such a big part of my life for so long,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57'I don't know what to replace them with.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01'All I do is just go out, shoplift to make money
0:06:01 > 0:06:04'and score drugs, that's basically what my life consists with
0:06:04 > 0:06:06'until I go to sleep again at night
0:06:06 > 0:06:08'and I wake up and do the same thing.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12'What I don't want is to get back into that lifestyle.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16'I do want to try and...
0:06:16 > 0:06:21'better myself and find somewhere to live.'
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- What's your housing situation? - I'm currently homeless.
0:06:26 > 0:06:32OK. So, in terms of your plans for release, what were you hoping to get?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I don't want to go back to sleeping on the streets.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- No, no, of course not. - I can't do it.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- I mean, we'll do everything we can. - OK.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40We don't have accommodation ourselves,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43so it's all through hostel accommodation.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48She'll be tricky, because a lot of boroughs these days
0:06:48 > 0:06:51are refusing to house people directly from custody,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54so they're expected to leave the gate here,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57go for an assessment, then they've got to see probation
0:06:57 > 0:06:59and their dip team or their drug teams
0:06:59 > 0:07:03and still accommodation isn't sorted for the day of release.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05And when you've got a heroin and crack addict,
0:07:05 > 0:07:09as soon as they leave these gates, that's the most crucial part,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12where they will start using again if they're going to use.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15It'll be then and then, everything else goes out the window.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20BANGING
0:07:20 > 0:07:23It's two hours since Jayde had her privileges removed.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25She's become more agitated
0:07:25 > 0:07:29and has now started to make ligatures from torn-up curtains,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31hiding them on her person.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Jayde!- No! Seriously,- BLEEP- off!
0:07:35 > 0:07:36You know I'm not going to go.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39What, and you still think I'm not going to tie this round my neck?
0:07:39 > 0:07:40No, I think you probably will.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Jayde, let's put it in perspective,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44you're tearing the curtain off the window,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46tearing it into strips to tie round your neck.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Well, take that, take everything, take the bed, take this...
0:07:49 > 0:07:51You think I'm going to leave, do you think that's likely?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Oh, do I really look happy I'm going to be on report?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- Do you think I'm going to be happy... - Are you surprised?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58..whether it's now or tomorrow? No!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Are you surprised?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02You know I'll be back, Jayde.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Don't care and you think I'm going to let you cut it off? No.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Staff are not allowed to search Jayde for ligatures
0:08:08 > 0:08:10and must make regular checks on her.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14When Jayde comes in, she likes to push the boundaries.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18It's almost like we are the institution that cares about her
0:08:18 > 0:08:20and she needs to do what she does
0:08:20 > 0:08:22to get a response.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Jayde has now tied a ligature round her neck.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27It is an emergency.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28..code blue on papa one, over.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Jayde, calm down.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Get off me now, get off me!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52No, we need the nurse to come in.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- No, you- BLEEP- don't!- Yeah, we do!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Move, man, move! Get out my cell!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03I'm going to keep doing it, bruv. Got more stashed, mate.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05MJ to papa one,
0:09:05 > 0:09:09no further assistance required on hotel one unit, papa, over.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15She's childlike, she is only 18 years old.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17She's been through far more
0:09:17 > 0:09:19than a lot of other 18-year-olds have in their life.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I'm nervous because, you know, before I got out,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I was actually drinking loads.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36It's 23-year-old Crystal Duke's last night in Holloway
0:09:36 > 0:09:40after finishing a 12-week sentence for a drug-related crime.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Crystal battles with drink and is bipolar.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47She has been coming here since the age of 17.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50The best times I've had have been when I've been in prison.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53In prison, I feel like I've got structure, routine,
0:09:53 > 0:09:54loads of decent friends,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57like outside, I felt they were more associates.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00But like, as much as I love my family,
0:10:00 > 0:10:03I feel like I make them proud when I'm in prison,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06which seems a mad thing to say, cos I'm clean when I'm in prison,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm safe.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11When I'm outside, I feel like I let them down
0:10:11 > 0:10:14because of the life that I live and the people that I roll with
0:10:14 > 0:10:16and the things that I do.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18And I just want to make them proud by going out
0:10:18 > 0:10:21and doing what I do in here out there.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Crystal has started a relationship in prison with Toni.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Although not condoned by the authorities,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32these relationships form an important part of life behind bars.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I start getting anxiety when I'm due to get out,
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I start getting panic attacks and that,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38cos I know that I'm going back to the same old thing,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41which is why I keep coming back to jail.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I'm safer in here, I've got a bed,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48I don't have to worry about eating, cos outside I don't eat.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Like, I looked really horrible on my ID card when I came in.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54You look well now though, don't you, babe.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Yeah, I'm...healthy again now, I am dreading getting out.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I do cry about getting out a lot.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08SHE LAUGHS
0:11:08 > 0:11:09She didn't look impressed.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Miss West?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I can see a bit in the shadows, but...
0:11:18 > 0:11:20You want to come with us?
0:11:22 > 0:11:27Jayde has continued to tie ligatures throughout the day
0:11:27 > 0:11:29and they are getting tighter.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Jayde, you know we are going to have to take it off.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Let go for me, please.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Right, miss, can you just move your hands, please,
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- so we can take it off? - Jayde, come on.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Jayde!
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Come on!
0:11:50 > 0:11:51It's so bloody tight.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- Come here.- Why don't you all just - BLEEP
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- and let me do what I need to- BLEEP - do, man?!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- This has gone too far, come on, let me sit and talk to you.- No.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- Jayde.- No, get off me, man!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08You know I'm not going to go away.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10After talking with officer Kelly,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Jayde calms down and finally stops tying ligatures.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19They do put up with a hell of a lot of shit from me...
0:12:21 > 0:12:24..proper loads of shit.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Like when I tied my ligatures, Miss Kelly was like,
0:12:26 > 0:12:29"Why not just press your bell and ask to talk to me?"
0:12:29 > 0:12:33But when I'm in that mood, I don't want to talk to no-one,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I'd rather just do it and go to sleep,
0:12:36 > 0:12:38cos once I've done it, it knackers me out.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45It's the eve of Crystal's release
0:12:45 > 0:12:48and she is preparing for life on the outside.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Yeah, it's going to be a big day for me tomorrow.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Usually, I'd be all excited about gate release, like thinking,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57"I'm going to go and get a beer,
0:12:57 > 0:13:01"I'm going to go and take, like, drugs, I'm going to do that."
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I don't feel like partying tonight,
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I feel, like, more nervous and anxious.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I've been trying not to cry all day.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13The thing is, with me and Toni,
0:13:13 > 0:13:18we've both been through...everything the same
0:13:18 > 0:13:21and she knows how hard it is
0:13:21 > 0:13:25and like, the last few days, how much cravings have I had?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Yeah.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I've been craving and I've been getting upset, cos...
0:13:29 > 0:13:32It's because I know what I'm going out to!
0:13:32 > 0:13:33That's what's bothering me.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I know that I'm going back to the place that I hate the most.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40If I could be allowed to go out, like, once in a while
0:13:40 > 0:13:46to get my clothes and...go to the shop, I don't think I'd ever leave.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Would you?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Come here.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51You'll be all right.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02You've got the girls to keep you company while I'm gone.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- I know it's not the same.- It's not the same.- I know it's not.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20See you, miss.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22'Even though I don't know what's going to happen
0:14:22 > 0:14:24'on the other side of that wall,
0:14:24 > 0:14:27'I know that I'm walking out healthier
0:14:27 > 0:14:31'and I'm walking out with a plan.'
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I feel sick every time this happens.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46'Do you know what?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49'I've turned around and I've looked at this before many times,'
0:14:49 > 0:14:52but I'm hoping this is the last time I'm going to see this,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56like, especially, well, the way I'm looking at it.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I'm hoping that if I ever do see it again, it'll be just driving past,
0:14:59 > 0:15:01rather than getting released.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15Emma is also aware of the challenges she faces on release.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19- Miss, can you do me a favour? I need to take my methadone.- OK.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24'There's a huge temptation to use drugs when I get out of prison,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26'because my other half is on the streets
0:15:26 > 0:15:30'and I still have a lot of feelings for him.'
0:15:30 > 0:15:33We've been together for six years, so...
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Yeah, it's not an easy split
0:15:38 > 0:15:40if that's even going to happen,
0:15:40 > 0:15:45but I want to try and...try not to use drugs.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Emma!- Hello?
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Can I speak to you?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- Lambeth have accepted you. - Yeah?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57So, which is unusual, I wasn't expecting it.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- So now...- I'm really happy about that.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03..from here, you're kind of on your own in that you need to make it down
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- to the assessment centre in Vauxhall. - Right...
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- I probably won't need to be picked up or anything.- You sure?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- You're definitely going to make it there, definitely?- Yeah, definitely.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15My housing is my top priority.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Do you want to think about it?
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Obviously, I know you're saying no, but just think, because, you know, that's...- No, I will go.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24..that's your biggest chance of relapse.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26What, in between prison and there?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29And getting there, we've seen it happen many times.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- All right, then, yeah. - It's up to you.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34My mum might come and pick me up from prison, so...
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Yeah, that's good enough, OK.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38- OK?- That's really good news, thank you.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- Cool. Good luck!- Thank you.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45It's early February
0:16:45 > 0:16:49and Jayde's turbulent month in Holloway has come to an end.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Where are you going to go to? - I've got to go to my nan's first.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- Where does she live? - Southfields. It's only one stop.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58She will now be under the strict supervision
0:16:58 > 0:17:00of the police and probation service,
0:17:00 > 0:17:04a regime which she has failed to adhere to in the past.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08So you've got to report to your duty officer by 11am.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09I ain't going to get there for 11,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I can ring her though, cos I've got her number,
0:17:12 > 0:17:13cos there's no chance I'll get there for 11.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Well, make sure that you make contact with her,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18cos if you just ignore it, then, you'll be in breach straight away
0:17:18 > 0:17:21and we'll be booking you back in tonight and we don't want to do that.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26- So try your hardest to stay out this time.- I'm going to, man.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Just go and stand over on that kerb, please.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32HE KNOCKS
0:17:35 > 0:17:38You know the procedure.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40OK, see you again then, hopefully not!
0:17:40 > 0:17:41SHE CHUCKLES
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Take care.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Going to the shop now!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53'The closest person in my family is my nan,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55'like, she's been there through everything.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59'She's helped me out a lot, more or less all my life.'
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I've had to put up with a lot with her,
0:18:01 > 0:18:07but if I didn't, there's nobody else that would have her, so, you know,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09being my granddaughter, you do what you've got to do!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Because you love them,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13and you know, you want them to do their best,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15you try and put them on the straight and narrow,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17but, ultimately, it's down to them.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I just hope she can stay out this time.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25It's always weird going to see her again when I come out.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Cos I never know what to say to her when I come back out,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30cos the first thing she's going to say is,
0:18:30 > 0:18:34"Make sure you stay out this time!" I'm like, "I do try."
0:18:34 > 0:18:37It's not as easy...said than done
0:18:37 > 0:18:40when you've been going in and out for like four years,
0:18:40 > 0:18:41it's hard to stay out.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46'But I suppose I've got to try for her.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48'Otherwise, if I keep going back,
0:18:48 > 0:18:51'I'll end up back till I'm a bloody old woman, like half of them in there.'
0:18:51 > 0:18:52DOGS BARK
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- Hello!- Hi! Hello!- Boys!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58How was you doing inside?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- All right, self-harmed a bit.- Why?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Just stress, innit, but I've been all right.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06What did I say to you, yeah?
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Either try to ring me or just go to one of the prison officers
0:19:10 > 0:19:11and tell them how you feel.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Yeah, but I don't like doing that. - I know you don't like doing it,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17but you've got to try and learn to do it, Jayde, haven't you?
0:19:17 > 0:19:18- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:19:18 > 0:19:22- Because you know how I feel about it.- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:19:22 > 0:19:27Cos no-one else is going to worry about you, are they? No.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29So it's just me having all this on my shoulders.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Big bottle of vodka.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45SHE CHUCKLES
0:19:45 > 0:19:47To drown my sorrows.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Jayde lives alone in a council flat with her dog Buster.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58She is estranged from her mum,
0:19:58 > 0:20:02who has herself been in and out of prison all her life.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Like, my mum didn't really see me grow up,
0:20:08 > 0:20:11apart from, like, the odd time when she was out of prison
0:20:11 > 0:20:14in like a visiting centre and all that bollocks.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18When I have kids, I can guarantee I will not be going to prison
0:20:18 > 0:20:22or if I do, they'll be coming up to visit me like every weekend,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25you know what I mean? I'd never put my kids through that.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I'm not going to lie, at Holloway, I do love prison
0:20:28 > 0:20:30and I do miss it,
0:20:30 > 0:20:35but, sometimes, you've got to try and move on to get better in life.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38But it is going to be hard.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40I want to stay out this time,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43stay out for this little bastard.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46(You're my little puppy! You're my puppy!)
0:20:46 > 0:20:47SHE CHUCKLES
0:21:01 > 0:21:05After ten weeks in Holloway, it's the morning of Emma's release.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09She's still dependent on the heroin substitute methadone.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12If she reoffends in the next 70 days,
0:21:12 > 0:21:14she'll come back to Holloway
0:21:14 > 0:21:17to serve out the remainder of her sentence.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I've never really properly tried to give up.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I've had periods when I've stopped,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25but they've never really lasted that long.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Maybe it is something that I need to do.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29I know my mum would like me to do it.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Hi, Mum!
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Hello, sweetheart!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42'She's been away from home for so long now,
0:21:42 > 0:21:45'she'll come back for the odd night,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48'but I know she's been living on the street,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51'she's been living in squats.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54'There've been times, up to three or four months,
0:21:54 > 0:21:57'when I've heard absolutely nothing from her.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02'And I do worry, I think that long silence is totally horrific.'
0:22:02 > 0:22:06She's always said to me, "Mum, I can look after myself."
0:22:06 > 0:22:11'It's really nice to see her, but she can be a little bit overbearing.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15'She's looking over my shoulder to make sure I don't disappear again'
0:22:15 > 0:22:18or do something I shouldn't be doing.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21It's kind of nice in a way, but it's also...
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I'm 23, I'm not 12.
0:22:24 > 0:22:31Um...yeah, but she's a mother, she worries, I guess. That's what it is.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Should I come with you?
0:22:34 > 0:22:35No!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39What's going to happen?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I'm just going to go in and speak to them and find out about my room.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46OK, all right, yep. We'll wait here, then.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48OK, bye-bye!
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Emma's hostel place has been confirmed,
0:22:51 > 0:22:55but she must remain drug-free or she could end up back on the streets.
0:23:11 > 0:23:16Crystal is back on her old stomping ground - Southend,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19and, after a fortnight of freedom, is still drug-free.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Going to prison all started from hanging about down here,
0:23:24 > 0:23:29fighting, drinking and just being little tearaways.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I live on an estate that's known for all the wrong reasons, really.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42It's like a sweet shop, what you want, you can get there.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44If you've got a person like me with addiction problems,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47it's like throwing someone in a pond who can't swim,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49they're going to sink.
0:23:54 > 0:23:59So, yeah, I am...I'm quite nervous about moving in here full-time...
0:24:00 > 0:24:05..cos it wasn't somewhere that I enjoyed living.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Living here every day, I pretty much used to get up,
0:24:11 > 0:24:12I used to look out of this window,
0:24:12 > 0:24:16I'd spot whoever I wanted to buy from and I'd call them
0:24:16 > 0:24:19and then, they'd just buzz my buzzer and they'd come up.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22It was pretty much like a taxi service, really.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I'm very anxious about coming back here.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29I am, but I'm hoping, with my girlfriend due to come out,
0:24:29 > 0:24:31we'll have nice memories of me and her,
0:24:31 > 0:24:34we'll build memories in this flat of us,
0:24:34 > 0:24:37so that'll sort of overtake the bad ones that I've had.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40But I am worried about relapsing.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I'm worried about having a bad day,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45looking out of the front, seeing everyone out of their nut
0:24:45 > 0:24:48and me thinking, "Ah, it could be so easy, I could do that."
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Crystal will have to wait two months
0:24:53 > 0:24:58before girlfriend Toni is released from Holloway and can join her.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Home sweet home!
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Two weeks, Jayde.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16It's not my fault! You've missed me, don't lie.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- Yeah, like a hole in the head. - Everyone misses me!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Jayde has been remanded again.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25She has been out of prison for just two weeks.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Everyone said to me, "Don't come back."
0:25:27 > 0:25:29And I was trying not to, but...
0:25:31 > 0:25:34..it's a lot easier said than done.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Like, I've been to most of my probation and that,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I missed a couple.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Like, I was meant to be there at ten o'clock yesterday,
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I turned up at like five.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47I just can't be bothered with it.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59You all right, sir?
0:25:59 > 0:26:01SHE CHUCKLES
0:26:01 > 0:26:02What's happening!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Despite being happy to return to Holloway,
0:26:15 > 0:26:18it doesn't take long for things to go wrong.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21It's all a load of bullshit!
0:26:21 > 0:26:26This time, because she has been told she might face a longer sentence.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Fuck the jacket!
0:26:30 > 0:26:33BANGING
0:26:34 > 0:26:37No, fuck off, bruv! I ain't going nowhere.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40If you want me in my cell, bend me up in it.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43It's all a load of bullshit, man, all because of one fucking person!
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Right, can you all go back to your rooms, please?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50I ain't fucking moving nowhere, bruv, I don't care!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54I'm going to miss everything, bruv, it's all fucking bollocks.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55SHE SOBS
0:26:55 > 0:26:57I don't care!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01I swear, when I get out, I'm going to stab them!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- I swear to fucking God, mate. - Calm down, babe!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Come on, sit up and we'll have a chat.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Oh, Jayde... It's not the way to deal with everything, is it?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26You need to stop this, Jayde,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28your temper gets in the way of everything.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Jayde isn't very good at expressing herself,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48the only way she knows how to express herself is through anger.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04Another week in Holloway and Jayde's behaviour is again causing concern.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06She has started tying ligatures.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Can you call code blue for me?
0:28:10 > 0:28:14Hello, MJ from Delta, code blue on H1 unit, over.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Oh, my God!
0:28:17 > 0:28:22RADIO: All outstations code blue on hotel one unit,
0:28:22 > 0:28:26code blue on hotel one unit...seven...
0:28:36 > 0:28:39This behaviour is not just an issue with Jayde,
0:28:39 > 0:28:42there are over 30 incidents of self-harm a day
0:28:42 > 0:28:44in British women's jails.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Why do you keep doing it?
0:28:53 > 0:28:56I've basically just let myself down
0:28:56 > 0:28:59as well as Miss Kelly and the Governor
0:28:59 > 0:29:02and all the other officers, like Miss Roseman and Gibbo.
0:29:05 > 0:29:06I wouldn't wish it on anyone,
0:29:06 > 0:29:09like, for officers to find someone dead in their cell.
0:29:21 > 0:29:25Back on the outside, Crystal had been drug-free for two months,
0:29:25 > 0:29:27but has recently relapsed.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29She has secured a place in rehab
0:29:29 > 0:29:33and has decided to give up her flat and return to the family home.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37'I've been so down lately and so, like, emotional and upset.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39'I thought cos I was doing everything right,
0:29:39 > 0:29:41'that the drug situation would just go out the window,
0:29:41 > 0:29:43'like, that I wouldn't think about it any more.'
0:29:43 > 0:29:46And then, I started like getting massive cravings.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48I really do need the rehab, do you know what I mean?
0:29:48 > 0:29:51And I really don't want to be a 40-year-old heroin and crack addict on the front line,
0:29:51 > 0:29:53so I want to sort this out now.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01"To whom it may concern,
0:30:01 > 0:30:03"due to 12 months of constant issues,
0:30:03 > 0:30:06"such as addiction, mental health problems, domestic violence
0:30:06 > 0:30:10"and the fact my property is far from suitable for my complex needs,
0:30:10 > 0:30:13"I am no way fit enough to carry on living at this address.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18"I'm doing everything in my power
0:30:18 > 0:30:21"to get into treatment where they can help me recover.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23"I know this makes me homeless,
0:30:23 > 0:30:26"but I cannot cope with living in this accommodation.
0:30:26 > 0:30:27"It is no means appropriate for me
0:30:27 > 0:30:30"being in a vulnerable stage of my life."
0:30:42 > 0:30:45I learnt to read and write in Holloway.
0:30:45 > 0:30:49I have achieved a lot in prison, I've done victim awareness.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52This one here is recognition of attendance
0:30:52 > 0:30:55at CARATS' crack awareness programme.
0:30:55 > 0:30:59I've done a certificate that I tested negative
0:30:59 > 0:31:03for benzoes, amphetamines, cannabis, cocaine and morphine.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06I've been awarded there for Adult Numeracy Entry Level Two
0:31:06 > 0:31:10and Adult Numeracy Entry Level Three.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14Everything I've ever achieved has been in prison or while on an order.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18It's usually once that that's finished that I struggle.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23These are the ones that Toni has sent out to me since I've been out.
0:31:23 > 0:31:24The "love" one,
0:31:24 > 0:31:26the "from me to you",
0:31:26 > 0:31:29"thinking of you always"
0:31:29 > 0:31:31and "I love you".
0:31:31 > 0:31:33I know it sounds a bit soppy, but I look at that every night
0:31:33 > 0:31:36and, like, I think, "Oh, I love ya, you'll be out soon."
0:31:39 > 0:31:41After a fortnight back home,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Crystal is planning to leave for rehab,
0:31:44 > 0:31:46250 miles away up north.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49I feel like it's all worthwhile, everything I've done.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Everyone feels I'm going to get there, everyone's saying to me,
0:31:52 > 0:31:54"I really think you're going to complete it,"
0:31:54 > 0:31:57so I'm really like, I can't wait.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Come on, let's go and get Lilly's presents open.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02'As long as I take everything that's on offer to me
0:32:02 > 0:32:05'and I work at it seriously, things are only going to be good.'
0:32:05 > 0:32:06Can I have a kiss?
0:32:08 > 0:32:09Love you.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11I love them to bits.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13I ain't got my own,
0:32:13 > 0:32:16so I like to be the best aunty I can be, innit, for them,
0:32:16 > 0:32:18especially now they're getting older.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21I don't want them to...embarrass them, do you know what I mean?
0:32:21 > 0:32:24I don't want them to think, "That's my aunty, the one who's like on..."
0:32:24 > 0:32:27Do you know what I mean? Them sort of things, I want them to be like,
0:32:27 > 0:32:29"Oh, yeah, that's my aunty!"
0:32:32 > 0:32:35You going to be a good boy? For me?
0:32:35 > 0:32:38- Yeah?- Look! Balloons!
0:32:38 > 0:32:41'I nearly lost my nerve this morning. I woke up and thought,
0:32:41 > 0:32:44'"I don't know whether I'm going to go." That's how I felt this morning.'
0:32:44 > 0:32:49If I knew I was going to prison this morning, I would not be nervous in any way, cos I know what to expect.
0:32:52 > 0:32:53I know she's got to do it,
0:32:53 > 0:32:58but, blimey, I didn't think this would happen. Yeah, it's sad.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- You'll be all right, Mum, come here! - But, don't know, we'll be all right.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03She's been a good girl and all, she has,
0:33:03 > 0:33:04she's really tried for this.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06Honestly, she's really tried.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08But I just hope, you know,
0:33:08 > 0:33:12that she gets what she wants in life from it, I'm sure she will.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14But I didn't think that it'd be like this,
0:33:14 > 0:33:17cos I'm a bit of a hard nut to crack, but I don't know.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20There's no words that can explain this one, it's like...
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Well, it's like you're going in the army, you know what I mean?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25Or you're going somewhere you've got to go.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27But you haven't got to go, cos it's her choice.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30There's people sitting in crack houses and smack houses,
0:33:30 > 0:33:32like, who do want to go to rehab and I've got the chance to go,
0:33:32 > 0:33:34so if I don't go, I'm an idiot.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36Right, Zi, are you going to let them go with me?
0:33:36 > 0:33:39Let the balloon go, that's it.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Whey! Look at them.
0:33:42 > 0:33:43In two months' time,
0:33:43 > 0:33:47Crystal hopes to return to Southend completely drug-free
0:33:47 > 0:33:50to start a new life with girlfriend Toni.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Two weeks after her release from prison,
0:34:01 > 0:34:05for Emma, the temptation of the drug world is proving too much.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10'I really had some good intentions
0:34:10 > 0:34:13'about trying to keep on the straight and narrow
0:34:13 > 0:34:15'and that hasn't really happened.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17'There's still the part of me which says,
0:34:17 > 0:34:19'"Yeah, you enjoy getting high,'
0:34:19 > 0:34:23"you know, fuck it, you can do prison, it's not that bad."
0:34:24 > 0:34:27It's hard being around my boyfriend.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29He's still on the streets and stuff
0:34:29 > 0:34:31and he's still using drugs every day.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33When she was away, I don't know,
0:34:33 > 0:34:37I just tend to just...get hammered, really.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40And I do that anyway, I'm not a very good person, really.
0:34:40 > 0:34:45She can probably do better than me, but, you know, love is blind, innit?
0:34:49 > 0:34:52They are very fond of each other,
0:34:52 > 0:34:57but he needs help in sorting his life out to go forward
0:34:57 > 0:34:59and she didn't want to go back.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04But, erm...
0:35:06 > 0:35:08..he is very...persistent.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17She was very artistic.
0:35:17 > 0:35:18There she is dressed up,
0:35:18 > 0:35:21she loves dressing up.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23There she is with her violin.
0:35:23 > 0:35:24I think that's lovely.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26She was grade seven
0:35:26 > 0:35:29and then, when her father died, she stopped,
0:35:29 > 0:35:31she wouldn't do any music at all.
0:35:37 > 0:35:41The sixth-form college where she went to was rife with drugs.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46And from there on is the story,
0:35:46 > 0:35:47aged 17.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54I do still really want to get clean,
0:35:54 > 0:35:58but the best way I could really try and describe is -
0:35:58 > 0:36:03you're on a diet and you really want that piece of chocolate cake
0:36:03 > 0:36:06and your best friend or your boyfriend is sitting there
0:36:06 > 0:36:08eating a great big chocolate fudge cake
0:36:08 > 0:36:12and they say, "Go on, just have a little bit, have a little bit."
0:36:12 > 0:36:15And you think, "Oh, fuck it! I'll just have a little bit."
0:36:15 > 0:36:18And it's just like that, you just end up eating the whole cake.
0:36:20 > 0:36:21Hi!
0:36:23 > 0:36:24Hello?
0:36:24 > 0:36:26'He's very drunk, he's been up all night,'
0:36:26 > 0:36:29drinking, snorting, smoking...
0:36:29 > 0:36:31Yeah, everything, so...
0:36:31 > 0:36:33Yeah.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38'What he does really affects me
0:36:38 > 0:36:42'and I've been missing days of my methadone...
0:36:44 > 0:36:48'..and using and drinking.
0:36:51 > 0:36:54'He always says to me he loves it when I come and stay with him'
0:36:54 > 0:36:59cos he just likes, I don't know, to go to sleep having someone to hold.
0:37:01 > 0:37:02'We all do.'
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Back in Holloway, staff have adopted a new approach
0:37:27 > 0:37:29to dealing with Jayde.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Every time she is locked behind her door,
0:37:31 > 0:37:34the ligatures are getting more and more frequent,
0:37:34 > 0:37:38the staff are getting more anxious about everything that's going on.
0:37:38 > 0:37:43So what we're going to try and do now is try and keep her occupied,
0:37:43 > 0:37:45try to give her different things to do
0:37:45 > 0:37:49so that she basically wears herself out.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53Normally, I'm awake till like 12, one o'clock,
0:37:53 > 0:37:55but when I'm cleaning,
0:37:55 > 0:37:57it's wearing me out, so I'm going to sleep earlier
0:37:57 > 0:37:59and then, I'm getting up in a better mood.
0:37:59 > 0:38:03So I ain't going to self-harm and all that bullshit.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06Just be positive about everything.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Cos I want to get out for my dog, man.
0:38:11 > 0:38:15'Miss Kelly, like, said I've got lots of positive comments'
0:38:15 > 0:38:19and all the staff have said that I'm making progress
0:38:19 > 0:38:22and not going back to how I used to be, the little shit.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25Especially Miss Kelly.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28Miss Kelly...I don't know how she still likes me, like.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30The amount of times I've been that horrible to her,
0:38:30 > 0:38:32all the officers, really.
0:38:32 > 0:38:38The amount of times I've mouthed off at them, gone to hit them or whatever
0:38:38 > 0:38:41and they still come back and talk to me and all that.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Miss Kelly, it's done!
0:38:46 > 0:38:48Ah, well done!
0:38:50 > 0:38:51Do you need a rest?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53Nah, I'm all right.
0:38:53 > 0:38:54SHE CHUCKLES
0:38:54 > 0:38:56You've missed a bit.
0:38:56 > 0:39:01Don't even go there, bruv. I tried my best with all that graffiti. What?
0:39:01 > 0:39:02Got ya!
0:39:02 > 0:39:03Ah, you're a div!
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- You're treading on all my clean floor!- Oh, I'm sorry.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11A week on and having been in Holloway just 12 days,
0:39:11 > 0:39:15Jayde gets bailed and is released on licence again.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18Eh, bruv, I'm going home! I got my bail!
0:39:18 > 0:39:20'The conditions of your bail are as follows -
0:39:20 > 0:39:22'you have to observe a curfew each day
0:39:22 > 0:39:25'between the hours of 20.00 and seven o'clock, yeah?'
0:39:25 > 0:39:27- I'm going home! - Seriously, baby?!
0:39:27 > 0:39:30'To report to Grays Police Station Monday to Friday
0:39:30 > 0:39:32'between 12 noon and two o'clock.'
0:39:36 > 0:39:37I'm sorry, miss.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40That's all right, apology accepted.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42You fucking made me cry, man!
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Listen, listen. It only means something
0:39:44 > 0:39:45if you intend not to do it again.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47- I won't!- OK, then, accepted.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49- I'll probably be back when I get sentenced.- No, you're not!
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Right, Jayde, you give that up there,
0:39:52 > 0:39:55do not turn this on until you're past the second gate.
0:39:55 > 0:39:56- See ya, miss!- Be good!
0:39:59 > 0:40:01- Bye, miss!- Bye-bye!
0:40:01 > 0:40:04It ain't opening, they don't want to let me go!
0:40:04 > 0:40:07'I'm going to do it, like, month by month, really.'
0:40:07 > 0:40:09See you later, sir!
0:40:16 > 0:40:19Struggling after just ten days in rehab,
0:40:19 > 0:40:22Crystal discharged herself to be with girlfriend Toni,
0:40:22 > 0:40:25who is now out of prison.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28Too embarrassed to return to Crystal's mum's,
0:40:28 > 0:40:31we found the pair sleeping on the streets of London
0:40:31 > 0:40:32in a desperate state.
0:40:35 > 0:40:38I went to rehab and I started deteriorating massively,
0:40:38 > 0:40:42losing loads of weight, loads of emotional mood swings
0:40:42 > 0:40:44and I'm telling them that I'm really depressed and I'm upset
0:40:44 > 0:40:46and no-one is listening to me.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48They're telling me, "Just go in your room and lay down."
0:40:48 > 0:40:51- I discharged myself and went straight to hers.- Yeah.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53But, obviously, I've been in a right bad way
0:40:53 > 0:40:55and that drinking since and everything.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58So this is a new thing for me, it's done my head right in massively,
0:40:58 > 0:41:00to tell you the truth.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02I don't know, it's just dangerous out here,
0:41:02 > 0:41:05we're in the worst place we could be.
0:41:05 > 0:41:09If I weren't really into Toni and I thought she was like, weren't,
0:41:09 > 0:41:12- I'd go back to prison.- Cos you've got a structure, you're safe,
0:41:12 > 0:41:14you don't have to worry about where you're sleeping,
0:41:14 > 0:41:17you don't have to worry about where you're eating...
0:41:17 > 0:41:19I love it in jail. I actually miss jail, you know that,
0:41:19 > 0:41:23- I actually really do miss jail. - We haven't really spoken about it. - I really do, though.
0:41:23 > 0:41:26This is like, I'm looking around and I'm sitting on the floor,
0:41:26 > 0:41:28like dirty floor.
0:41:28 > 0:41:31I'm better off in jail, this is why I go back to jail.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33I'm walking over London Bridge thinking,
0:41:33 > 0:41:36"I just want to dive in the water." Seriously, that's how it's got,
0:41:36 > 0:41:41because I just don't think that it is...nothing, nothing gets any better, does it?
0:41:43 > 0:41:45Two days after filming with Crystal,
0:41:45 > 0:41:48she called us to say she had taken an overdose.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51We notified the police, who found her
0:41:51 > 0:41:54and she was rushed to St Thomas' Hospital.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56I got a call on Saturday morning at half ten.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58"Deborah, are you seated?", from the police.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00I said, "Why, what's the problem?"
0:42:00 > 0:42:02They said, "Your daughter took an overdose
0:42:02 > 0:42:04"and she was semi unconscious
0:42:04 > 0:42:07"and we've had to rush her to St Thomas' Hospital."
0:42:07 > 0:42:12So I got in touch with my mother-in-law, well, my dear friend,
0:42:12 > 0:42:16who said, "Don't worry, I'll come with you to the hospital."
0:42:16 > 0:42:18So she's been by my side.
0:42:18 > 0:42:24Crystal's on a life support machine in the intensive care unit.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27She's stable at the moment, but they can't take the tube out
0:42:27 > 0:42:32and take her out of intensive care because her breathing's not right.
0:42:32 > 0:42:36The system never pick up things, now I've asked them.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39I've said, "Listen, what is the situation this time?"
0:42:39 > 0:42:43He said, "This is the worst one ever, she could have died."
0:42:43 > 0:42:45Thank God someone found her!
0:42:47 > 0:42:48Since the incident,
0:42:48 > 0:42:52Toni has not made contact with Crystal or her family.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Six weeks after leaving Holloway,
0:43:04 > 0:43:06Emma was arrested for shoplifting.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09Narrowly avoiding going back to prison,
0:43:09 > 0:43:13she has persuaded her boyfriend Greg to get a methadone script.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16It takes the pressure off both of us, really, to go out and make money,
0:43:16 > 0:43:19cos it means we can, we can have time off.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21Emma doesn't have to go out shoplifting
0:43:21 > 0:43:24and I don't have to go out, like, doing my thing as well.
0:43:24 > 0:43:28And so, yeah, it makes life a lot easier for both of us really, yeah.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34- I'm so glad you've done this. - I know.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39It's kind of hard. It's because of you, really, that I'm here.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, cos it takes,
0:43:42 > 0:43:46like I said, it takes the pressure off both of us, don't it?
0:43:46 > 0:43:51Greg going and getting a script is really great for me,
0:43:51 > 0:43:53because if I went back to prison,
0:43:53 > 0:43:58I'd have to start from square one again with all these key workers,
0:43:58 > 0:44:02with this whole process of trying to get into rehab,
0:44:02 > 0:44:06getting somewhere to live again, I'd lose where I'm living.
0:44:06 > 0:44:11And, oh, when I was sitting in that police station just thinking that...
0:44:11 > 0:44:15I don't know, my mother or my key worker or someone would have to go into my room
0:44:15 > 0:44:17and pack up all my stuff again
0:44:17 > 0:44:21and wait however long for me to come back out,
0:44:21 > 0:44:25for me to just start again and it's...really depressing.
0:44:42 > 0:44:45"Hey, Mrs Kelly, how are you? I hope you're OK.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51"I want you to know that I am actually really missing you quite a lot,
0:44:51 > 0:44:53"as you are the person I am most close to.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56"Also, I just want to say
0:44:56 > 0:44:59"I'm very grateful for all your help and support that you have given me.
0:45:00 > 0:45:03"Even when I wouldn't talk to you and push you away,
0:45:03 > 0:45:06"you still came back and I'm sorry for all the shit I've done.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11"I really miss our chats and when I felt shit or self-harmed,
0:45:11 > 0:45:13"you did always cheer me up.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15"I've been doing all right, I suppose,
0:45:15 > 0:45:17"and I've still got my dog Buster.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23"Tell Mrs Roseman and Gibbo and Sue that I said hello
0:45:23 > 0:45:25"and I'll write again soon.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27"I miss you and love you loads.
0:45:29 > 0:45:33"Lots of love, Jayde West, AKA Trouble." That's right.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35"Miss you, blondy."
0:45:35 > 0:45:38That's nice.
0:45:38 > 0:45:42It's nice for her to let me know how she is, because we do care
0:45:42 > 0:45:45and I do worry about Jayde when she's not in prison.
0:45:46 > 0:45:48SHE LAUGHS
0:45:55 > 0:45:57Jayde is drinking heavily...
0:46:00 > 0:46:04..and failing to keep to the regime imposed upon her by the courts.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Bust, please, man, I'm too drunk for this shit.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18'I need a break from out here, do you know what I mean?
0:46:18 > 0:46:21'Everything is just too on top of me at the minute.'
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Bada bing, bada boom...
0:46:23 > 0:46:27I've drunk three quarters of a bottle of vodka already.
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Bada bing, bada boom.
0:46:31 > 0:46:35Jayde is required to make daily visits to her probation officer,
0:46:35 > 0:46:38who knows her behaviour well.
0:46:41 > 0:46:45I've spoken to you loads of times about this drinking.
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Don't look at me like that.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50You can't blame me, right. I've cut down from a litre
0:46:50 > 0:46:53to just half a fucking litre,
0:46:53 > 0:46:55which is better than nothing.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57I could come here, like, not even be able to walk straight.
0:46:57 > 0:47:01I remember one occasion when you could barely stand up, when the IOM...
0:47:01 > 0:47:02Cos I didn't drink for two weeks,
0:47:02 > 0:47:04that's why I'm going to Oasis today to sort it out.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07But that's the whole point - binge drinking is far worse
0:47:07 > 0:47:10- than just having a couple every day. - But it's not binge drinking, is it?
0:47:10 > 0:47:12At the end of the day, I can't just quit drink like that.
0:47:12 > 0:47:16When you've got a drinking problem, yeah, you cannot give it up just like that, Jane.
0:47:16 > 0:47:19But, Jayde, one minute you're saying you've got a drinking problem,
0:47:19 > 0:47:21the next minute, you haven't. I've been...
0:47:21 > 0:47:25I don't think I have, but doctors, my doctor and three other doctors said that I have,
0:47:25 > 0:47:27so I'll take it by them that I'm an alcoholic.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30I am trying to cut down, I have cut down a fucking lot
0:47:30 > 0:47:31since I've come out of prison.
0:47:31 > 0:47:33Right, I'm going to make a call.
0:47:33 > 0:47:34Go on, then, make a call.
0:47:34 > 0:47:37I've cut down half a fucking litre.
0:47:38 > 0:47:42Hello, it's Jane calling from Grays Probation.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44I've got one of my PPOs,
0:47:44 > 0:47:46erm...she's got alcohol issues...
0:47:46 > 0:47:47Whoa!
0:47:47 > 0:47:50SHE LAUGHS
0:47:50 > 0:47:52Do you know what, you've just... Sit up now, Jayde,
0:47:52 > 0:47:54- cos I'm really getting cross, because you've cut...- No.
0:47:54 > 0:47:58- So? I don't care, you're moaning like I did it on fucking purpose! - She's been cut off.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01- And I didn't, so why are you moaning for?- I'm not saying you did it on purpose.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04You know what? I can't even be bothered with your shit, bruv.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07I'm just going to go in a minute, cos I can't be arsed with ya.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09What did you come in here to say to me?
0:48:09 > 0:48:11Fuck all!
0:48:16 > 0:48:18It's not the first time she's behaved like that.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21She just has this view that "normal rules don't affect me"
0:48:21 > 0:48:26and I think that's a lot to do with not having had rules
0:48:26 > 0:48:29and boundaries from a young age
0:48:29 > 0:48:34and her behaviour is very much like, like a child.
0:48:36 > 0:48:38I am concerned.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41She actually seems to be getting worse, her behaviour seems to be getting worse.
0:48:41 > 0:48:44Oh, I've already been told this is my last warning.
0:48:44 > 0:48:47If I have one more breach,
0:48:47 > 0:48:50then, I'm going to go back to prison, like.
0:48:54 > 0:48:58I've already been told that, but I don't give a shit.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00I never fucking do.
0:49:02 > 0:49:06It's my life, if I want to spend most of my life in prison,
0:49:06 > 0:49:09I will and no-one's going to stop me.
0:49:28 > 0:49:30After her suicide attempt,
0:49:30 > 0:49:34Crystal continued to struggle with her bipolar condition
0:49:34 > 0:49:37and was put in a secure unit for her own safety.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43A few weeks later, we went to see Crystal's mum to get an update.
0:49:43 > 0:49:44So far, so good.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47She's doing better than she was
0:49:47 > 0:49:51and she's taking the medication, but she's sectioned.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54It's a bit like a prison order, really, cos when you're in prison,
0:49:54 > 0:49:57you've got to be there, when you're in hospital, you've got to be there,
0:49:57 > 0:49:59if they put an order on you.
0:49:59 > 0:50:04So it's a kind of an order where if she comes out and they give her an appointment for the Friday,
0:50:04 > 0:50:08a check-up to see how she's getting on, she's got to go to that,
0:50:08 > 0:50:10if she doesn't, she goes back to hospital,
0:50:10 > 0:50:12which is really what Crystal needs.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15But how bad is it when you've got to lose your life nearly
0:50:15 > 0:50:17to get some help?
0:50:17 > 0:50:21While we were there, Crystal's mum received a phone call.
0:50:22 > 0:50:25Don't be stupid, Crystal! What's wrong with you?
0:50:25 > 0:50:26Don't be stupid!
0:50:28 > 0:50:30No, I'm coming back up to the hospital now,
0:50:30 > 0:50:32so stay where you are, for God's sake!
0:50:32 > 0:50:36Don't! You'll have all the police out and everything, don't be stupid!
0:50:40 > 0:50:44But they'll come out looking for you, Crystal!
0:50:44 > 0:50:47Oh! For God... Look... Wait where you are, for God's sake!
0:50:47 > 0:50:51You'll lose everything, don't be stupid, Crystal!
0:50:51 > 0:50:53She's gone! Done a runner, coming here.
0:50:53 > 0:50:55Oh, my lord.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58I'm just hoping and praying to God that she comes home,
0:50:58 > 0:51:01because the way Crystal looks and the way she is at the moment,
0:51:01 > 0:51:03I'm just hoping to God she don't go out,
0:51:03 > 0:51:05meet someone and go and take something.
0:51:05 > 0:51:08That's all I hope to God, because I cannot believe this!
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Here she is! Here she is!
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Oh, my God!
0:51:11 > 0:51:14Thank God for that, though!
0:51:14 > 0:51:17- Oh, you're silly, though! - Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em!
0:51:18 > 0:51:19Fuck 'em!
0:51:19 > 0:51:21Ah, this is sad, this is, though.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24Police are probably going to be here, all my stuff is in the place.
0:51:24 > 0:51:26I was supposed to be back at quarter to.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29I don't know what you'll do, you're going to go to Hadley.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32In a minute, we're going to have to...get to the nearest cash machine,
0:51:32 > 0:51:37withdraw the money, everything out the account, cos they will trace the money to the account, yeah!
0:51:37 > 0:51:39Cos probably I won't be filmed now for ages, Lou,
0:51:39 > 0:51:42cos I'll be locked up, I'm going to hold a shop up, so I can go back to prison,
0:51:42 > 0:51:45because I can't handle being where I'm at.
0:51:45 > 0:51:47You can't do no such thing, you're not!
0:51:47 > 0:51:49- Oh, I am!- You're not going back there,
0:51:49 > 0:51:52but there's no way you're going back to prison.
0:51:52 > 0:51:56- Why do you feel you're better in prison?- Cos in prison, they help me.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59They help me in prison, they don't help me out here.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01All they want to do is lock you up, lock you up.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04At least in prison, you're locked up for a reason.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06I'm worried about my mother, that's what I'm worried about.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09My mum, who's got abscesses and a bad leg.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12I don't care what I do, but I don't want to see them lock you up,
0:52:12 > 0:52:15but you're on an order now and I can't do nothing about it!
0:52:15 > 0:52:16What do you think I feel like?
0:52:16 > 0:52:18Won't grass me up, will you?
0:52:18 > 0:52:20You can't go against it because they are in charge
0:52:20 > 0:52:23and you have got to work with them, you've got to go back to hospital.
0:52:23 > 0:52:25'And I don't give a shit about...'
0:52:25 > 0:52:27For the next ten minutes,
0:52:27 > 0:52:30her mum tried to persuade Crystal to go back to hospital.
0:52:30 > 0:52:33'You have to stay in the hospital until they say different.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36'At least in prison, you're locked up for a reason.'
0:52:36 > 0:52:39Eventually, her mum won the argument.
0:53:01 > 0:53:04It's three months since Emma's release from Holloway
0:53:04 > 0:53:07and, despite her best intentions,
0:53:07 > 0:53:10she has continued to shoplift to fund her drug habit.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12She is due in court today.
0:53:13 > 0:53:18This time, because of her record, she could face a stiff sentence.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20I could get anything from a community order,
0:53:20 > 0:53:24but I could also get sent to the Crown Court,
0:53:24 > 0:53:26which means that I could get longer sentencing.
0:53:26 > 0:53:29I'm 50-50, it really...
0:53:29 > 0:53:30it could go either way.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35It's all down to the judge, really.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43Emma was found guilty,
0:53:43 > 0:53:46but has not been remanded to prison.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49She will now have to wait two weeks till sentencing.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53I really... I got there by the skin of my teeth, really.
0:53:53 > 0:53:57Yeah, I've got to be a very good girl in the next few weeks.
0:53:57 > 0:54:01I've got to come back on 16th November
0:54:01 > 0:54:06and I've really got to show I mean it this time.
0:54:08 > 0:54:10Otherwise...
0:54:10 > 0:54:13I mean, the judge says it'll just look
0:54:13 > 0:54:15like I've thrown everything back in their face
0:54:15 > 0:54:19and they're not going to look kindly on that at all.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22I don't even think you're going to jail, Emma, do you know what I mean?
0:54:22 > 0:54:25I think you're just being pessimistic,
0:54:25 > 0:54:28- which is normally like, that's me. - I know, you are Mr Pessimistic.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30I'm the pessimist, you know what I mean?
0:54:30 > 0:54:32But I don't think you're going to prison.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36Hope so!
0:54:36 > 0:54:38I just really don't want to go back to jail.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43I don't want to be stuck in this fucking rut
0:54:43 > 0:54:45in 20 years' time either.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47I don't see us doing this in five years.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52What, so you actually want to give up?
0:54:52 > 0:54:53What do you want me to do?
0:54:55 > 0:54:59When she returned to court, Emma was given a Drug Rehabilitation Order.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06In the following weeks, she was evicted from her hostel
0:55:06 > 0:55:08and we lost contact with her and Greg.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27In Southend, Crystal's mum is preparing for Christmas.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29She has received news from Crystal,
0:55:29 > 0:55:33who has been in a secure unit for the last six months.
0:55:33 > 0:55:36"To my mum. Thank you so much for standing by me
0:55:36 > 0:55:38"when I gave up on life.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42"I'm so sorry for all the stress I have caused you.
0:55:42 > 0:55:45"But, Mum, thank you, most of all, for your visits.
0:55:45 > 0:55:49"I have done my programmes and I have tried my best.
0:55:49 > 0:55:52"I will make you proud, I miss you loads, Mum.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55"Love you always. Crystal."
0:55:55 > 0:55:57I am going to miss her at the Christmas dinner table
0:55:57 > 0:56:01and as I wrap each present, I cry, that's normal.
0:56:01 > 0:56:06But next year, the way she's going, next year, she'll be out.
0:56:06 > 0:56:10And I think she'll really turn her life around,
0:56:10 > 0:56:11cos she's done so well.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17And, with Crystal, she's a girl who's very honest,
0:56:17 > 0:56:19she's very kind and caring.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22I've been up on a visit to see Crystal and I can honestly say
0:56:22 > 0:56:24I've never seen her look so well.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27Every conversation with her is positive.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30I will miss her round my Christmas table,
0:56:30 > 0:56:32because she's so...we get on like friends,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35but she's had her presents, they all fit her!
0:56:35 > 0:56:38But I mustn't do any more crying, I've been told.
0:56:38 > 0:56:40No more crying, just think positive.
0:56:40 > 0:56:44You've been and seen her, she is doing really, really well
0:56:44 > 0:56:49and secondly, she will be out after Christmas, so, you know,
0:56:49 > 0:56:52we've just got to get over this 2012, really.
0:56:52 > 0:56:54That's what we've got to do!
0:56:57 > 0:56:59Holloway is no place for no girl.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02If someone says, "I love prison,"
0:57:02 > 0:57:04doesn't that tell you they're not quite right?!
0:57:04 > 0:57:06How can anybody love prison?
0:57:08 > 0:57:09Hey, mate!
0:57:11 > 0:57:15I just fucking got drunk and didn't get home for my tag
0:57:15 > 0:57:19and then smashed someone in the face.
0:57:19 > 0:57:23And then, got nicked yesterday for another breach of my tag,
0:57:23 > 0:57:24for taking my dog out.
0:57:27 > 0:57:29'Everything was just doing my head in, man.
0:57:29 > 0:57:31'It'd be like the littlest thing that would piss me off.'
0:57:31 > 0:57:35Fuck the screws! That's what we all fucking say.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37It's really pissed me off now.
0:57:37 > 0:57:39We first met Jayde back in January.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42She is now in Holloway for the third time in four months.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46Jayde's back, I wasn't surprised.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50- Are you decent?- No, I'm not!
0:57:52 > 0:57:55I'm naked, don't come in!
0:57:55 > 0:57:57"Can't wait to see Miss Kelly tomorrow either,
0:57:57 > 0:58:00"as I know, when she is on, if I have a problem, I can talk to her."
0:58:00 > 0:58:02'It is like a kick in the stomach sometimes,'
0:58:02 > 0:58:04because Jayde, we always get Jayde to a point
0:58:04 > 0:58:07where we think she is going to be successful outside
0:58:07 > 0:58:09and she might achieve something,
0:58:09 > 0:58:12so it is disappointing when she comes back
0:58:12 > 0:58:17and it's very sad for us to think that Jayde thinks of this place as home now.
0:58:17 > 0:58:20Like, basically, I just take the easy way out.
0:58:20 > 0:58:22Instead of dealing with my problems and all that shit,
0:58:22 > 0:58:26I'd rather just come here and they go, more or less.
0:58:26 > 0:58:30Or I'd just talk to an officer about them, it's easier.
0:59:02 > 0:59:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd