0:00:02 > 0:00:06HMP Pentonville in London.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Over 1,200 male prisoners.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Just a mile down the road, HMP Holloway.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Over 450 female prisoners.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18SHE SHOUTS
0:00:18 > 0:00:19Urgh!
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Over a whole year, for the first time on television,
0:00:23 > 0:00:27the BBC has followed repeat offenders inside these jails...
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Another day in paradise, eh?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32And outside on release.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Michael in Pentonville, and his fiancee Chloe in Holloway,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39hope to go straight together once they're free.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Michael and me are getting married.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42It was love at first sight.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46But a relationship behind bars is very different to the challenge
0:00:46 > 0:00:47of the outside world.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Everything I said I would do I didn't do, and everything
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I said I wouldn't do I managed to do.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56All I want is you to be out there getting back on track.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Do it.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Ben has come to jail by choice.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04It's the quickest that way I thought I could get some help,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08cos out in the community it takes for ever to get off the drugs.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Jayde is just 18, but she's in prison for the eighth time.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I suppose I've always been a prison person.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Jayde thinks of this place as home now.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26Half of prisoners from Britain's jails re-offend within one year.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Each has their own story.
0:01:28 > 0:01:39This programme contains strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Pentonville Prison.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43OFFICER SHOUTS ORDERS
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Staff devote what time they can to preparing prisoners for release,
0:01:48 > 0:01:54but they also deal with incidents of violence or self-harm daily.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Today, a prisoner is refusing to leave to go to another jail.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01He's actually put a barricade up in his cell to prevent us
0:02:01 > 0:02:03from going and getting him in his cell.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06He has to go today. The team will go in
0:02:06 > 0:02:09and they will place hands on him.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Now, a whole team of officers will have to get him out the hard way.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Can you stand in the back of the cell, please?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Stand at the back of the cell.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Giving you one last chance.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Are you going to come now and report to reception?
0:02:27 > 0:02:28No? OK.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35An officer is also required to film every planned
0:02:35 > 0:02:38intervention for safety and training.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- MALE PRISONER:- I'm not going!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Incidents like these are commonplace at Pentonville,
0:02:43 > 0:02:47and soon, the prisoner is on his way out.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52Just one of 7,500 who come in and out of this jail each year.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Every new prisoner must come through reception.
0:03:04 > 0:03:10Being a female on the front desk, I think it actually helps them a bit.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12I mean, it's not very good for the street cred, is it,
0:03:12 > 0:03:17to hit me or spit at me or something like that. It's not good.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29One new arrival, Ben Knowlden, has chosen to come to jail.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I've been in jail 11 times. This is my 12th time in jail.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- PRODUCER:- How old are you?
0:03:37 > 0:03:3825.
0:03:38 > 0:03:44I'm in for... It's a theft. I stole some money out of the safe at work.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Why?- I'm a drug addict.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I take crack and heroin, and basically,
0:03:52 > 0:03:58I just want to get off it and it's the quickest way that I thought
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I could get some help, cos out in the community it takes for ever
0:04:01 > 0:04:03to get off the drugs.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06And it takes for ever to try and get into rehab
0:04:06 > 0:04:09and stuff like that, so I thought if I come to prison
0:04:09 > 0:04:11and end up in court, I might be able to get court-ordered rehab
0:04:11 > 0:04:16or something along them lines and detox myself off the drugs in prison
0:04:16 > 0:04:22- so that I'm drug-free.- You deliberately committed that theft
0:04:22 > 0:04:26so that you could get in jail so you could get the help you needed?
0:04:26 > 0:04:27Yeah, pretty much.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35A mile down the road, staff have their own problems to face.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Jayde West has already been in Holloway four times in the last
0:04:41 > 0:04:45year on short sentences for drunken fights or stealing.
0:04:45 > 0:04:51Inside prison, she has a history of self-harm and a violent temper.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52SHE SHOUTS
0:04:53 > 0:04:56But this time, one thing is different.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Now she is classed as a prolific offender,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01she faces a longer sentence than before.
0:05:01 > 0:05:07She'll be here for months and fears she'll now lose her beloved pet dog.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12Every time that she's come in, we'll have periods of anxiety from her.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14When she's outside, she has nothing.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Her biggest relationship is with her dog.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21It is quite sad, yeah.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Man, they're trying to get rid of my BLEEP dog, mate. Watch, man.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- I'm going to BLEEP go off my nut. - You're not going to go off your nut.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Why are they trying to get rid of your dog?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Because I've only got until the 18th,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36and if I don't get back they're going to get rid of him.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Yeah, but you've thought this so many other times, Jayde.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Yeah, but I know I'm not going to get bail,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43cos I'm in here for breaching my bail.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- But you thought you'd lost it last time.- If I lose my dog,
0:05:49 > 0:05:53I'm going to kill myself, mate, watch.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58- Jayde? Jayde.- I don't even care no more.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02That dog's the only thing that stops me from BLEEP slitting my wrists.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Do you know what I mean?- I know.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06But it's got to be your reason for getting out
0:06:06 > 0:06:10and not coming back in again. Every time you come in here,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12there's going to be a risk that you'll lose your dog.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Having the longer sentence, it's made her realise
0:06:17 > 0:06:20what's going to happen, and that will get longer
0:06:20 > 0:06:25and longer and longer, so I think she's got her choice now.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26This is her crossroads.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Pentonville and Holloway are only a mile apart,
0:06:35 > 0:06:39but to two prisoners, it feels more like 1,000.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Michael McAllister is on remand in Pentonville.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51He's 44, and has a record of drug-related crimes stretching
0:06:51 > 0:06:52back to his 20s.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Down the road in Holloway Prison is Michael's fiancee Chloe.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02She's 24 and also has a long history of offending with drugs.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06They are charged with committing a serious offence together,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08a violent street robbery.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Their trial will be in five months' time.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Michael and Chloe have plans. They want to go straight
0:07:15 > 0:07:18once they're free.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20So when we get out things are going to be different,
0:07:20 > 0:07:24definitely from my point of view, and I know from his as well.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I've got things to look forward to. You know what I mean?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I've got a life to look forward to with Chloe, a future.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34Michael and me are getting married. He proposed to me
0:07:34 > 0:07:37at Christmas and we were planning to have a long engagement,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40but because of everything that's happened we're going to go ahead
0:07:40 > 0:07:42with it when we get out.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Yeah, it was love at first sight.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Me and Chloe, we write to each other three times a week.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52This is all Chloe's drawings since she's been in prison.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54She drew these things for me.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57She actually is quite a talented artist.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59That's Chloe the day we got arrested.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01That's taken in Covent Garden police station.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05And then the next one is me when I got arrested,
0:08:05 > 0:08:06the day I got arrested.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10As you can see, I look the picture of health(!)
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Every man I've been with before, it has always started off good
0:08:14 > 0:08:17for a couple of months and then it's gone into violence,
0:08:17 > 0:08:19or there's always been some sort of reason why
0:08:19 > 0:08:24the man wanted to be with me, whereas Michael just wanted me for me.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28For prisoners, phone calls from one jail to another can be hard
0:08:28 > 0:08:32to arrange. This morning in Pentonville, Michael is
0:08:32 > 0:08:35waiting for a connection to Chloe in Holloway.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Poxy, isn't it, prison phone?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41You know, they've had me waiting here for ages.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Tried to phone the prison, not got through, try to phone again,
0:08:44 > 0:08:47not got through. Went on the office phone, got straight through.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Thanks, Gov, nice one.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Hello, babe.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Oh, so am I. I'm buzzing.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Did you like your card? I thought you would.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I miss you, baby.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Do they? I miss you so much now.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Three and a half months is a long time, babe.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09You're my world, you know, baby.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I love you so much, babe.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Listen, get your inter-prison phone call for me. Oh. Gutted.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Cut me off.
0:09:23 > 0:09:29Lauren Stevens has been coming in and out of Holloway for 22 years.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33She has multiple convictions for shoplifting to fund a crack
0:09:33 > 0:09:35and heroin habit.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Right, fish is 'C'. Is fish 'C'?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40But things are changing.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43For the first time ever, she's working inside prison,
0:09:43 > 0:09:47serving the evening meal for her fellow prisoners.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Do you want gravy, love?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55I'm hoping this is my last time. I really am hoping,
0:09:55 > 0:09:57hoping, hoping, hoping this is my last time.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I mean, I have been coming to prison since I was, what, 23?
0:10:02 > 0:10:03In and out, in and out.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07The last couple of years have been the first time I have even got a job.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10The first time even I have been allowed to work.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I've always thought, "I can beat the system," or whatever.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15At the end of the day, you can't.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17So it is a case of making it easier for yourself.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- Where's our bowl? The bowl is there, love.- Oh!
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- I am a million miles away. - Gravy, Monica?
0:10:24 > 0:10:29If I looked at myself now, how I am now to how I was ten years ago,
0:10:29 > 0:10:33I would go, "Oh, look at her. Talking to screws," and whatever.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Do you know what I mean?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37How long has it taken you to learn that you can't beat the system?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Since I was 23, I am 45 now
0:10:39 > 0:10:43and I have learnt in the last three years, four years.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I wish I had never took drugs when I was 21.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I wish I had never taken it and didn't know about it
0:10:51 > 0:10:53because obviously what you don't know, you don't miss.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54But that is not the case.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57All I can do now is just fight my way through it to try
0:10:57 > 0:11:02and stay clean, which I really want to do, I really want to do.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04But everyone has heard it and everyone says it in prison,
0:11:04 > 0:11:06it is always prison talk.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08But this time is it, and I mean it.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12That is what I really am hoping in my heart of all hopes.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14My heart of all hearts, even!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16THEY LAUGH
0:11:16 > 0:11:20- I am going to make this coffee. Pass a spoon.- There you are.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Is that sweet enough?- Yeah, you put too much in.
0:11:32 > 0:11:3618-year-old Jayde still has her adult life ahead of her.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39She has been in Holloway a month.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41As well as her worries about her dog,
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Jayde's thoughts have turned to her own troubled family background.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Huh?- Why are you so upset?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Oh, everything, I fucking miss my dog,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54I miss my fucking all my family and that.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57I know it's my fault for being bad, I am not going to lie.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00It's just like, if I get found guilty of this I am going to
0:12:00 > 0:12:04lose my flat, fuck knows what's going to happen to my dog.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07It's just mad.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10You have a lot of time to think about things in here, don't you?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Yeah. Like last night, right, I kept getting flashbacks
0:12:13 > 0:12:17and I just fuckin' tied two ligatures and had two code blues.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22When I was a kid, my mum used to fuckin'...
0:12:22 > 0:12:25She would stand there and slit her wrists in front of us.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I just kept getting flashbacks of it.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- Yeah.- Have you ever talked to anybody about it?- Huh?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Have you ever talked to anybody about it?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I don't really talk about the past, really.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I don't even like her, let alone fucking talk about her.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54After Jayde threatens to strangle herself,
0:12:54 > 0:12:58she is placed on intermittent watch by the officers.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Jayde?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Jayde?
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Hello, Jayde from Hotel-9, code blue, Hotel-1 unit, over.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30INSTRUCTIONS ON RADIO
0:13:30 > 0:13:33INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Jayde.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Come off the mattress, pull the mattress out the way.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Jayde has tied a ligature around her neck
0:13:46 > 0:13:51and has wedged herself under the bed to stop officers removing it.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Jayde, stop it!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05The officers have to act immediately to stop
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Jayde from tightening the ligature any further.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18They then gradually pull her back to where they can ensure her safety.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Let go, let go.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Come on, trouble, come on.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36JAYDE MOANS
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Finally, the ligature is back in safe hands.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41I hate you.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44'Jayde's behaviour at times is life-threatening,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47'but she doesn't actually comprehend that.'
0:14:47 > 0:14:51It's all very well her saying, "Walk away and leave me."
0:14:51 > 0:14:55The consequences if we did that could be awful.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- All right.- Laters. - JAYDE SHOUTS
0:15:16 > 0:15:18That's another one done.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23Outside prison, the lives of Michael and his fiancee Chloe are bound
0:15:23 > 0:15:25together by more than drugs and criminality.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29They both have troubled childhoods
0:15:29 > 0:15:32and traumatic experiences in later life.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I also have issues around losing my daughter,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40my daughter was stillborn, it was a good few years ago now.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I have never dealt with that,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I have never really dealt with the grief involved with that.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49I just always used drugs to stop me feeling, to stop my emotions.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Chloe had problems with things happening
0:15:53 > 0:15:54with her children and stuff.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02By the time I was about 14, I was snorting a bit of speed,
0:16:02 > 0:16:06doing pills and this and that. Then I got pregnant with my youngest.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11And I was still taking pills when I was pregnant, not full ones,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I was sort of limiting myself.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16But I didn't really understand much about pregnancy back then,
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I was only young.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I was six months pregnant when I found out as well.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27By the time she was born, I had her for about a year
0:16:27 > 0:16:30with social services causing mayhem,
0:16:30 > 0:16:34but my nan was deemed too old to take care of her so she went to the
0:16:34 > 0:16:39family and I spiralled downhill and I started injecting speed.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I had already tried it, but I started doing it on a regular basis then.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50And then it went from speed to needing to come down after
0:16:50 > 0:16:52something had happened and I was fed up of feeling wired,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I had been awake for three days.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57So somebody let me try a bit of heroin
0:16:57 > 0:16:59and I never really looked back then.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00No other drugs compared to heroin.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Chloe and Michael have applied to the
0:17:05 > 0:17:08authorities for an inter-prison video link.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15And after five months inside prison, their request has been accepted.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19She said in her letter, she said to me, "You know what, I am going
0:17:19 > 0:17:24"to look amazing, I am going to look beautiful, it's all for you, baby."
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I can't wait. I'm really excited.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I just wish I could hold her, you know?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Do you want to come straight through? It's started.
0:17:33 > 0:17:39- All right, cheers.- Hello. - Hello, babe.- You all right?
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Can you see me?- Yeah.- I can hardly see you, it is so dark, babe.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- How's it all dark? - I don't know.- Is that better?
0:17:47 > 0:17:53Lean back a bit. Back. That's it. I love you, babe.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58- I miss you so much, you know that? - You're looking really good.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- I know, I am doing all right. - Can you see my hair?- Yeah.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Do you like it? - Did you send me a lock of your hair?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- I haven't done it yet, no. - Oh, you look amazing, baby.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Thank you. It's all this food, I have put weight on and I am not happy.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15I bent over to pick something up the other day and my cellmate,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Angel, turned round to me and said, "Your arse is looking bigger, Chloe."
0:18:18 > 0:18:24- That's no problem.- It is nice to see him but, I try my hardest not to cry.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28I wanted to give him a hug, I kept stroking the screen!
0:18:28 > 0:18:29He was laughing at me.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32It beats the shit out of a five-minute phone call.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35You can't beat being able to actually see her, you know?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Many prisoners want to use their time inside to change.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47But Pentonville is a jail where staff often have their hands full.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51A lot of mentally disturbed
0:18:51 > 0:18:53and disaffected men are being committed by the courts
0:18:53 > 0:18:57for custodial sentences which is a huge strain on the landing staff.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00It is a strain on us being able to manage them and support them
0:19:00 > 0:19:03appropriately cos they need a hell of a lot of support.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Officers are dealing with a troubled inmate on G-Wing.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Although he made cuts to himself, he squeezed a lot of cuts,
0:19:12 > 0:19:16filled up bowls with blood and then used it to smear the walls.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28I think he has put his name up on the wall in blood as well.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30He done it four days in a row.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33As I said, healthcare staff didn't know how much blood he had lost
0:19:33 > 0:19:35so they moved him.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37A couple of days he will be back on here
0:19:37 > 0:19:39doing exactly the same thing again.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44It's just... It's just continuous, I'm afraid.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46That's what you deal with.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Ben Knowlden is on the neighbouring wing.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01He is one month into his sentence, and he's making progress.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03He's already drug-free.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Finished my methadone, boy! Last day.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- That's good, you're going to feel it.- But you know what, mate?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12You are going to feel it.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Yes, but I ain't got to wake up every day when I walk out of here
0:20:15 > 0:20:19worrying about how am I going to get my next fix to feel better.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Bruv, I'm sick of depending on other people, anyway,
0:20:23 > 0:20:27bruv, I need to stand on my own two feet, do you know what I mean?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Ben is taking offending behaviour courses.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32They are making him reflect on what keeps him
0:20:32 > 0:20:36trapped in a cycle of drugs and crime.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38How was SDP?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- Almost finished, mate.- Yes, a week to go, yes?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43One more week, ain't missed a session.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46You're getting quite deep in them groups, and I think...
0:20:46 > 0:20:50I've got nothing to hide, I've even a shed a tear over my dad in there,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52which hasn't happened since he died, apart from his funeral,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54and the day I was told he was dead.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57It's the first tear I've cried over him, do you know what I mean?
0:21:00 > 0:21:04I never had a dad growing up, my mum was married a couple of occasions...
0:21:04 > 0:21:08when I was when I was living with her - none of them was ever my dad.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12At age of 13, I did meet my dad, my real dad, so I started to see
0:21:12 > 0:21:16my dad for a bit, it was difficult, do you know what I mean?
0:21:16 > 0:21:17I didn't know him.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20It was only for a couple of months, every other weekend, we had
0:21:20 > 0:21:25a disagreement, and then I never saw him again for a further nine or ten years.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31When I went into rehab, my dad got in contact with me, we went to a
0:21:31 > 0:21:35coffee shop, I just said, "Let's just forget everything,
0:21:35 > 0:21:36"and start afresh."
0:21:36 > 0:21:38We were in contact on the phone,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41and he comes and visits me at the rehab a lot, and he came up more
0:21:41 > 0:21:45than anyone else in my family, to be honest with you, every time
0:21:45 > 0:21:50he came up it was like we had never been separated, know what I mean?
0:21:50 > 0:21:54In March 2010, I got a phone call from my brother,
0:21:54 > 0:21:58saying my dad had been found about a two minute walk from his house,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01and he had committed suicide, he hung himself.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Erm...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07I lost my dad again, it's not nice, do you know what I mean?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14That's the story of my dad.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Jayde has been at Holloway prison for two months.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32She has calmed down and is no longer threatening self harm.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Jayde has also been thinking about parents.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40The very first time she ever came to this prison was with her own mother.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43I was in here as a baby myself.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45INTERVIEWER: What do you mean?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48When I was a baby I was on D4, the mother and baby unit.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50My mum brought me here with her.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54So I suppose I've always been a prison person.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Yes, of course I remember when I was a kid,
0:22:57 > 0:23:01not getting to see her all the time, for years on end sometimes.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07What was the mother and baby unit like?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14It was all right, but you could...
0:23:14 > 0:23:16it was still a cell, at the end of the day,
0:23:16 > 0:23:21with a baby in, it's just... weren't nice, I don't think.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- How long did you have her in there with you?- Nine and a half months.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29That's when she was with foster carers.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31At the family centre.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35- How often did you go and see her at the family centre?- Once a week.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37And how long did you get there?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Sometimes only an hour.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Now it's her 18th.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Jayde has not seen her mum for almost two years.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52But, with only a few weeks left until she gets out,
0:23:52 > 0:23:56she has decided to try and build bridges.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I've always wanted to be like mum, since I was a little kid I always
0:23:59 > 0:24:01said I was going to go to Holloway,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04and I've been in here fucking six times now.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Everyone knows my mum as Mad Dog,
0:24:08 > 0:24:11and she started calling me Mad Pup.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Most of my fucking childhood she was in prison.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19She was in and out until she was what, 43, 44?
0:24:19 > 0:24:20She's been out, like, five years.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23She's doing all right.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29"I'm glad we're talking again as I've really missed you fucking loads,
0:24:29 > 0:24:32"and I need my mother there for me and I want you there for me,
0:24:32 > 0:24:34"and I want to see my brother and nephew, as well.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37"Thank you for the photos out of my wall with all my others,
0:24:37 > 0:24:40"but can you send me some of you as I haven't got any." There you go.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I'm not reading no more.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Cardigan... where am I going to wear that to?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50No, I don't like that.
0:24:50 > 0:24:55Lauren is due in court tomorrow for sentencing on a shoplifting charge.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59She's hoping the judge will release her into the community on a drug
0:24:59 > 0:25:00treatment order.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05This time I do really, genuinely want it,
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I've just had enough now,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10so let's hope God is on my side
0:25:10 > 0:25:14and I get this DRR and I make it work for me.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16That's all right, look.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24Don't wear a hoodie! 100%, don't wear a hoodie!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Do not wear that yellow thing, for God's sake.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Grey sweatshirt over the top?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Yes, to keep you warm.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Don't wear that in front of the judge.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Hoodies are disrespectful.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Yeah. There's a little bag for my underwear.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Don't you want gravy?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45No, I want pasta!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Next!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Lauren hopes if she gets out tomorrow
0:25:49 > 0:25:51she can finally say goodbye to drugs.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56I'm scared!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- I know, I know.- What's going on?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01She's scared about tomorrow.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06SIREN WAILS
0:26:08 > 0:26:14Pentonville has an entire wing for addicted prisoners needing detox.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16One inmate has broken prison rules,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19so staff have removed his television.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Now, he is refusing to go back to his cell.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Aaaagh!
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Go on!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30MAN: Aaaagh!
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Twelve officers are needed just to get the prisoner locked up
0:26:33 > 0:26:34safely in his cell.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Seriously violent prisoners, or those caught committing offences,
0:26:40 > 0:26:45like smuggling phones or drugs, are taken down to the segregation unit.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49DOOR CLOSES
0:26:50 > 0:26:53In the Seg, dirty protests happen about once a month.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Nowadays it's not officers who clean up the mess, it's us
0:27:00 > 0:27:03inmates, so they're shitting on us, really.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06The old, "a job's a job," I suppose.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10That's the combination of what we're trying to clean,
0:27:10 > 0:27:13and that is food as well as his faeces.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16As you can see, he's clogged the aerials, and all over the buzzer.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22So he's given us a good task to try and get all that out,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26I don't know how we'll do it, we'll have to get a few matchsticks
0:27:26 > 0:27:30or cotton buds or something to try and get it out now.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33It's all got to come out.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Ben has been working in the Seg.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45His prison drug support worker has come to find him there, because
0:27:45 > 0:27:50he has just been told that Ben can go to rehab after he leaves prison.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Yes, I've got some news back, you have the funding.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Sweet, how much?
0:28:02 > 0:28:07- Don't know. They didn't tell me that.- That's all right.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09With a week until release,
0:28:09 > 0:28:14Ben has secured the help that he came into jail to get.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17I don't think it could have gone any better, to be honest with you.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Everything has gone my way as far as the detox, my CARATS worker
0:28:20 > 0:28:22helping me out as much as he can,
0:28:22 > 0:28:25working in here, it keeps me occupied.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27- INTERVIEWER:- Prison has served its purpose for you?
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Prison has served its purpose for me.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32The best thing I've ever done, it's saved my life.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Did you see Clive?
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Chloe will be leaving jail soon.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45She had her sentence reduced for pleading
0:28:45 > 0:28:47guilty to the street robbery.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50But Michael, who pleaded not guilty, will be
0:28:50 > 0:28:53serving another nine months inside.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58It means their plan to stay clean together outside of jail
0:28:58 > 0:29:00is in tatters.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04Chloe will have to fight her battle against addiction on her own.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09I don't really want to get out on my own.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14But it is a chance to show him that I'm going to be there for him.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17I need to speak to my probation officer and explain to her that
0:29:17 > 0:29:22although I've got the best intentions not to want to relapse,
0:29:22 > 0:29:27if that happens, I want to say to her I'm going to be honest with
0:29:27 > 0:29:32her, but...with a lot of stress that I know I'm going to have going out,
0:29:32 > 0:29:36then my reality, looking at it now, is that it could happen.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38Before, I was like, "No, no, it's not going to happen,"
0:29:38 > 0:29:41but, really, it could happen.
0:29:41 > 0:29:46I got lots of things to keep me busy, but, reality,
0:29:46 > 0:29:48I can only do so much to keep busy
0:29:48 > 0:29:51and if things start to get too much for me,
0:29:51 > 0:29:54then I might end up doing something stupid.
0:29:57 > 0:30:01Inside jail, Michael has done whatever he can
0:30:01 > 0:30:03to prepare for a drug-free life when he gets out.
0:30:04 > 0:30:10Basically, I've done every course and group that's available in the prison.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13Relapse prevention, harm minimisation, heroin awareness,
0:30:13 > 0:30:17cannabis group, and decided - it's time to change, you know?
0:30:17 > 0:30:20I think I've reached a crossroads in my life so it's either
0:30:20 > 0:30:24go back down that route and end up coming back here again
0:30:24 > 0:30:26or do something different.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28If Chloe was using again, then it would've to...
0:30:28 > 0:30:33- I'd have to re-evaluate things and relook at it.- Would you?
0:30:33 > 0:30:37Yeah, I would, yeah. If it got to the point where...
0:30:37 > 0:30:42she was putting my liberty at risk and putting my clean time at risk,
0:30:42 > 0:30:44then I'd have to look at it again.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48It just depends what decisions you make in that first week,
0:30:48 > 0:30:50is whether it's going to work or not.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55Cos I've always had the same thought pattern when I've got clean,
0:30:55 > 0:30:58it's always my family, I miss them, and being away from them
0:30:58 > 0:31:02makes you realise that but then, decisions later on are what count.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04We know what we want to do.
0:31:04 > 0:31:06We've got plans for the future, plans for what we want to do
0:31:06 > 0:31:09and them plans don't include using drugs.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13'But I'm really worried. Really, really worried about her.'
0:31:19 > 0:31:22That's it, sign that for me. Arms out.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25- Where are you off to today? - Southwark.- Sentence?- Yes.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29Lauren, too, is on her way out of Holloway
0:31:29 > 0:31:32but she may be coming straight back here from court.
0:31:32 > 0:31:38- They're saying I shouldn't wear a hoodie to go to court. - Lauren, is this your book?- Yeah.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40The court has to decide if Lauren,
0:31:40 > 0:31:44who's a prolific offender, is now ready for another chance on the out.
0:31:50 > 0:31:54After a two-hour hearing, the court sets Lauren free.
0:31:54 > 0:31:59But she's under a strict order. Probation will drug-test her
0:31:59 > 0:32:03every week and unless she stays clean, she goes back to jail.
0:32:03 > 0:32:10- So?- Yeah, I got the DRR, so I'm all happy.- Yeah?- Yep.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- Tell me about what happened. - Nothing, he's just given me
0:32:12 > 0:32:15the order. Given me a strict order that I've got to comply to
0:32:15 > 0:32:18otherwise I'll just be bang in trouble, basically.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21- Yvonne, thank you very much for coming.- You're welcome. - I appreciate it very much.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23- Thank you, darling.- Good luck. - See you Monday.
0:32:26 > 0:32:27What she has to recognise, I think,
0:32:27 > 0:32:31is that this will probably be her last chance.
0:32:31 > 0:32:35Because she's had the chances before and that's why we've done
0:32:35 > 0:32:36such a tight treatment plan.
0:32:36 > 0:32:41There's no gaps and if she makes a decision to lapse,
0:32:41 > 0:32:43then it's her choice to do that.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56Days from release, Ben hits a problem.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59He's applied to spend three days outside to visit his dad's
0:32:59 > 0:33:01resting place before he goes to rehab,
0:33:01 > 0:33:05but the authorities say any delay could cause a relapse.
0:33:08 > 0:33:09Good news or bad news, Tim?
0:33:09 > 0:33:11All right, this is the letter I got today.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13"Panel's preference for your own safety is that
0:33:13 > 0:33:16"you go straight to rehab from prison.
0:33:16 > 0:33:17"If you are agreeable to this,
0:33:17 > 0:33:20"I will guarantee you an overnight travel warrant to come
0:33:20 > 0:33:23"and visit your family after you've been there for six weeks
0:33:23 > 0:33:25"providing that rehab feel it is safe for you to do so.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28"This will give you time to settle into the programme
0:33:28 > 0:33:30"and adjust to drug-free life outside of prison
0:33:30 > 0:33:33"before dealing with the emotions of the family reunion."
0:33:33 > 0:33:37- You know, I'm just a go-between at the moment, I don't... - Fucking joke, man.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40I'm going to the bang-up, Tim, I'm not in a good mood, all right?
0:33:44 > 0:33:49Ben's personal officer Mr Barton has been keeping an eye on his progress.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51The thing is, you know what we're saying.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54We're not saying don't see your family.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57I'm going to go and see my family, see my dad's resting place.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59I couldn't give a shit whether the panel tell me
0:33:59 > 0:34:02"You can't have 20 grand funding." They can poke it up their arse.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06- No-one's saying that... - I'm saying that. If that's what they say, they can poke it up their arses.
0:34:06 > 0:34:11The only thing they're saying is don't test positive for drugs when you come back to see us.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14- I don't let no-one tell me what to do.- Tell yourself, then.
0:34:14 > 0:34:16No-one in here tells me what to do. Not you,
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- not any officer tells me what to do. - It's a choice you have to make.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22People can ask me to do stuff and I can say yes or no. No-one can tell me nothing.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26Well, it's a choice for yourself to make about the future.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29You're in charge of your life. I'm not, no-one else is.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31You're in charge of your life. When it goes good or bad,
0:34:31 > 0:34:34- you're in charge. It's up to you. - Yeah.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Anyway, think about that. I'm going over F Wing again.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40- See you later on.- Yeah.- Think about it. You're doing well.
0:34:40 > 0:34:45- You're doing well here. I want you to keep going, right?- Yeah, sweet.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Chloe has been out of prison a fortnight.
0:35:05 > 0:35:10She's not managed to stay drug-free as she and Michael had planned.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13'Everything I said I would do I didn't do
0:35:13 > 0:35:16'and everything I said I wouldn't do, I managed to do.'
0:35:16 > 0:35:18I had £700. I didn't buy the sofa,
0:35:18 > 0:35:21I didn't do anything I was supposed to do and all I sent to him
0:35:21 > 0:35:26was a £20 postal order and some photos and six stamps.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29He said to me in a letter, "I wouldn't mind so much
0:35:29 > 0:35:32"if you'd gone out, posted me what you were supposed to post me,
0:35:32 > 0:35:37"and just sorted me out so that I'm not really hard up in here
0:35:37 > 0:35:40"and done a few things for the flat and THEN gone on a bender,
0:35:40 > 0:35:42"but you did it all the wrong way round."
0:35:42 > 0:35:47I didn't blow it all on drugs, I think about 250, £300 on drugs
0:35:47 > 0:35:50'but I felt very alone and my own thoughts run away with me
0:35:50 > 0:35:52'when I realised that Michael wasn't here.'
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Michael's been a big support to me all through me
0:35:56 > 0:36:00losing my children and he's just always been there
0:36:00 > 0:36:04so the fact he's not here now, it's been very...
0:36:04 > 0:36:08It's just hard but now looking at it,
0:36:08 > 0:36:11it's not something that's totally impossible.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13I'm starting to realise that now which is why
0:36:13 > 0:36:17I pulled away from using all the nonsense that went with it.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23Chloe is visiting Michael inside Pentonville,
0:36:23 > 0:36:25hoping that he can forgive her lapse.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29Do you like my dress? I fit into it.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32I miss you like fuck, babe.
0:36:33 > 0:36:34I miss you, too.
0:36:36 > 0:36:37THEY KISS
0:36:37 > 0:36:40At least you can come and see me every week now.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43- That's the main thing.- Unless you want to see me every week as well!
0:36:43 > 0:36:45I didn't think you were going to.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48I really did think you were going to finish with me.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50I wouldn't have blamed you.
0:36:52 > 0:36:57- I just wanted you to stop and think about it.- I did, all the way home.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00And the next day. I was stubborn, so I sat on the train
0:37:00 > 0:37:03and I thought, "He don't think I can do it. What a wanker.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06- "No, I WILL fucking do it." - SHE LAUGHS
0:37:06 > 0:37:08If that's what keeps you clean, then it's good enough.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11If that's what works, that's what works.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14I didn't want to lose you as well. Obviously, that come into it.
0:37:14 > 0:37:19- As long as you promise not to die out on me, that's the only thing I want, right?- I don't want to.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21Don't worry about me in that sense,
0:37:21 > 0:37:23I'm not going and doing anything silly.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30- I love you.- I love you too, baby.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33- I miss you so much, you know? - I miss you, too.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38- OFFICER:- Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Can we finish now, please? Thank you.
0:37:41 > 0:37:46- I love you. See you later, baby.- Take care.- Take care, baby.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51'As much as I was angry with her,
0:37:51 > 0:37:55'and as much as I was really frustrated,'
0:37:55 > 0:37:58I was just upset and I was hurt, you know what I mean?
0:37:58 > 0:38:01She hurt me by doing that and she couldn't see that.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03She thought she was just doing it to herself.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08She's pulled herself back from it, back on track.
0:38:08 > 0:38:14Maybe a little late but I think it's a lesson she's learned now so...yeah.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17POLICE SIREN
0:38:17 > 0:38:21Jayde is still inside Holloway, and is still calm.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Today is her 19th birthday
0:38:23 > 0:38:26and she's been hoping for cards from her mum and dad.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30- Dum, dum, dum...there you go. - Got a lot.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34That ain't a lot. No, I'm still waiting for my dad's one.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38And then whether my mum's sent one or not.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40Obviously, you can tell who that's from.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45ALL: # Happy birthday to you...
0:38:45 > 0:38:48Inside jail, Jayde has a different sort of family.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54# Happy birthday to you. #
0:38:54 > 0:38:57- Only 19?- Even Miss Peacock who was in my cell last night,
0:38:57 > 0:39:00she went, "How old are you tomorrow?" I went, "19."
0:39:00 > 0:39:04She went, "No! I thought you were 21." I went, "No!"
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Come on, you big rat.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09BOTH LAUGH
0:39:09 > 0:39:12It's my birthday!
0:39:12 > 0:39:15- FROM DISTANCE:- Happy birthday, mate! - Thank you.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17# Happy birthday to you
0:39:17 > 0:39:21# Happy birthday, dear Jayde Happy birthday to you. #
0:39:21 > 0:39:22- Shut up!- Hip-hip, hooray!
0:39:24 > 0:39:25Four weeks later,
0:39:25 > 0:39:29and Jayde has completed a three-month prison sentence.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32The hope is that all the thinking she's done in jail this time
0:39:32 > 0:39:34will finally help her stay out for good.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37I wouldn't wish on anyone to come to prison
0:39:37 > 0:39:41cos it ain't no life for no-one, even me, but obviously
0:39:41 > 0:39:44I do want to stay out, have my own family and all that shit.
0:39:46 > 0:39:51- Going home again?- Yeah. Sixth time lucky!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53This time, I'm not coming back.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56She's got to stay out of trouble because the more she does,
0:39:56 > 0:39:58the longer sentences she's going to get.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00- Going to miss you.- I'll miss you, too, baby.
0:40:00 > 0:40:05She'd better stay out of trouble because I told her, this is it.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- This is the end. I've had enough. - CHILD: Been going to work.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10Getting old now, I don't need it.
0:40:10 > 0:40:15There's my nan, ha ha! And my little cousin. Look at my little cousin!
0:40:15 > 0:40:16Here she comes, watch.
0:40:17 > 0:40:19- Ha ha!- Whoo!- Here you are, beau.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25Oh, wait, wait, I've got too many bags.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27THEY GIGGLE
0:40:28 > 0:40:30MUFFLED TALKING
0:40:30 > 0:40:36- Come here, you little bitch, ha ha! I miss you.- All right?- Yeah.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Don't tell me the keys broke, yeah?
0:40:47 > 0:40:52Ben Knowlden, after three months, has also reached his last day inside.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55- Yeah!- Keep you a couple of hours longer!
0:40:57 > 0:41:01He has got permission to spend three days and nights on the outside.
0:41:01 > 0:41:02Why?
0:41:02 > 0:41:06Before he gets to rehab, Ben wants to lay some ghosts to rest.
0:41:13 > 0:41:18I haven't seen him since we spread his ashes.
0:41:18 > 0:41:19It was right here.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29Silly fucker, what did you do?
0:41:29 > 0:41:35'I never grieved him. Never. It was important I come here.'
0:41:35 > 0:41:39One of the last times I spoke to him, I saw him.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43Told him I wouldn't use again. And I did.
0:41:43 > 0:41:48'And I know he wasn't in my life. I feel like I didn't let him down...
0:41:48 > 0:41:51'Well, I did in a sense because I told him, I promised him
0:41:51 > 0:41:52'I wouldn't get back on it.'
0:41:52 > 0:41:55And I did. So I kind of wanted to apologise to him.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03'And I give him a little fag. He liked a fag so I just give him a fag.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05'I did apologise. Not verbally.'
0:42:05 > 0:42:08I did, though. I said it in my head.
0:42:09 > 0:42:13In my heart, in my head, yeah. See you later, dad. Love you.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17'So, I kind of owed it to him.'
0:42:17 > 0:42:19It was quite important.
0:42:21 > 0:42:22When he goes to rehab,
0:42:22 > 0:42:26Ben will have to tackle the deepest causes of his addiction.
0:42:31 > 0:42:36For many years, Lauren has struggled to stay drug-free outside jail.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40Today is her first drug test at probation.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44A lot of people tell me they find it so easy
0:42:44 > 0:42:46to not take drugs in prison.
0:42:46 > 0:42:51And away from the firm boundaries, they just find it difficult to cope.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56That's why I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't comply this time.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00So, I'm going to drug-test her.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02I don't think she's been using but I think...
0:43:02 > 0:43:06She's admitted that she's been drinking over the weekend, so...
0:43:06 > 0:43:09Here's your drug test. It's been a while, hasn't it?
0:43:09 > 0:43:11Oh, no. You were having them in prison?
0:43:11 > 0:43:14- No, not these ones.- There you go.
0:43:17 > 0:43:21Lauren's first test proved clean for crack and heroin.
0:43:21 > 0:43:26To be honest, I'm frightened. I've been running, basically.
0:43:26 > 0:43:32Running from any situation that puts me in a high-risk situation,
0:43:32 > 0:43:33in my eyes.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38But when Lauren arrives for her next probation meeting,
0:43:38 > 0:43:43she's been drinking again after a celebration breakfast with her son.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47It was Elton's birthday so we had smoked salmon and poached eggs
0:43:47 > 0:43:50- and champagne.- How much have you had to drink today, though, Lauren?
0:43:50 > 0:43:54- Me? Just two glasses of champagne. - Two glasses of champagne?
0:43:54 > 0:43:57Are you drinking more alcohol since you've stopped taking?
0:43:57 > 0:44:00- No, not really.- No? So, it's about the same as you would usually?
0:44:00 > 0:44:04- Yeah, yeah.- OK.- Nothing like... It's not every day.- OK.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Not first thing in the morning...
0:44:06 > 0:44:09I am drinking, because the sun's out, I think, more than anything.
0:44:09 > 0:44:13- OK. Do you drink every day?- No, I haven't drunk every day, no.- OK.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Of course I'll have a drink, I have to do something.
0:44:19 > 0:44:23I can't go from up there...from down there to up there in a straight line.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Do you know what I mean?
0:44:25 > 0:44:28I suppose I've got to vary it, waver a little bit,
0:44:28 > 0:44:30but just to keep trying.
0:44:31 > 0:44:33Alcohol is a trigger.
0:44:33 > 0:44:36Even though she believes that alcohol will not lead her
0:44:36 > 0:44:39onto crack and heroin...
0:44:39 > 0:44:42when we all have a drink and we're all intoxicated,
0:44:42 > 0:44:44we all know that our inhibitions go
0:44:44 > 0:44:47and we're not thinking as rationally as we are when we're sober
0:44:47 > 0:44:52and so in my eyes and my experience of this job, alcohol is a trigger.
0:45:03 > 0:45:08- Another day in paradise, eh? - Michael is still at Pentonville.
0:45:08 > 0:45:13He has five months left, but Chloe has been out for six weeks.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17She's tried to stay drug-free but has occasionally lapsed
0:45:17 > 0:45:22and Michael fears that lapses will lead to disaster.
0:45:22 > 0:45:26All I want you to is hold it down and get on with things.
0:45:26 > 0:45:27That's what I am doing.
0:45:27 > 0:45:31All right, granted...because I've messed up,
0:45:31 > 0:45:33you're just waiting for it to happen again.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36And I'd rather you not go from it from that angle, to be honest.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Cos it makes me think, "Why should I bother?
0:45:38 > 0:45:41- "He's thinking I'll mess up anyway." - See, that's a negative...
0:45:41 > 0:45:44Because I'm a negative person, Michael.
0:45:44 > 0:45:45Yes, but Chloe...and so am I.
0:45:46 > 0:45:48You show me things negative...
0:45:48 > 0:45:52- We might as well just go round in a fucking circle, then. - Oh, you know what, Chlo?
0:45:52 > 0:45:55When I come and see you, it's all, "You're not doing enough."
0:45:55 > 0:45:59- That's how I feel.- I never say you're not doing enough, Chlo.
0:45:59 > 0:46:00SHE SIGHS
0:46:01 > 0:46:02All I'm saying is,
0:46:02 > 0:46:05the things that you are doing that are negative
0:46:05 > 0:46:06are monumentally negative.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09The things you are doing positive are that big.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11You know what I'm saying, Chlo? Come on.
0:46:11 > 0:46:13Am I sitting talking to myself here?
0:46:13 > 0:46:16It's cos you keep prodding and prodding and prodding
0:46:16 > 0:46:18and I'm going to snap, Michael. And I don't want to.
0:46:18 > 0:46:23I'm happy with you, I love you and I do not want to leave you
0:46:23 > 0:46:26but I can't cope with the way you are with me.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29That's why I'm here asking you, what do you want me to do?
0:46:29 > 0:46:32- Because I don't know. - Stop slamming the fucking table. - I'm stressed out, babe.
0:46:32 > 0:46:36All right, yeah, whatever. Listen to me, right?
0:46:36 > 0:46:39All I want is you to be out there getting back on track.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42- I am.- Doing the things that you're doing. All right?
0:46:45 > 0:46:48WRAPPER RUSTLES
0:46:49 > 0:46:51I'll be happy when I can come on a visit
0:46:51 > 0:46:54and you're actually sitting there happy to see me...
0:46:54 > 0:46:57- I AM happy.- ..not sitting there twiddling with the table,
0:46:57 > 0:46:59not wanting to look at me or speak to me.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02I don't want to come and see you when you're like this.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25Ben Knowlden got safely to rehab
0:47:25 > 0:47:29but once he was there, he lasted just three weeks.
0:47:30 > 0:47:34We found him in a town in Kent, staying with his brother's family
0:47:34 > 0:47:37while he looked for somewhere to live.
0:47:40 > 0:47:42I fucked myself royally, bruv.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Yeah, I know. Bent yourself over and shafted, mate.
0:47:46 > 0:47:47Can't blame no-one, can I?
0:47:49 > 0:47:51Can only blame myself.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55- INTERVIEWER: - What are you doing in Ashford?
0:47:57 > 0:47:59Run away from rehab.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Had enough, mate. Couldn't handle it.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06All the emotions, that drove me crazy, mate.
0:48:06 > 0:48:12Three weeks and I was out the door, mate. Jumped on a train.
0:48:13 > 0:48:14Scored some drugs.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18So that was Saturday night?
0:48:18 > 0:48:21Saturday night right through to Sunday morning, yeah.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27Spent every bit of money I had on me.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Injected crack and heroin.
0:48:29 > 0:48:31Should be dead, but I'm not.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37When you say you should be dead...
0:48:39 > 0:48:43Amount of drugs I used, mate. It's ridiculous.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46Silly amounts of drugs in my system. I ain't used for five months,
0:48:46 > 0:48:49so I just went and started using exactly what I was using
0:48:49 > 0:48:52- when I stopped using, if that makes sense?- Yeah.
0:48:52 > 0:48:57With his chance of rehab gone, Ben will now face addiction alone.
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Jayde is out of jail
0:49:08 > 0:49:10and reunited with her dog.
0:49:10 > 0:49:13She's decided to take an important step
0:49:13 > 0:49:16to mend her fractured relationship with her mum.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18Going to see my mother.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21Going to sort things out, but she knows this is her last chance.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24She fucks up once more, and then I'll be gone forever,
0:49:24 > 0:49:28you know what I mean? I ain't going to keep wasting my time with her.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31- No point. INTERVIEWER: - She's let you down before.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33Yeah. Fucking more than once.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43During Jayde's childhood, her mum was often away in jail.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46In recent years, they've been separated too.
0:49:49 > 0:49:50Mother!
0:49:51 > 0:49:54Give us a kiss, then. You got to stay out now, though, Jayde.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58- You wearing make-up? - No, don't.- You're going girly!
0:49:58 > 0:50:01What'd you get in court, then? I was going to come as well.
0:50:01 > 0:50:0512 months to six, but I only got time served, cos I done it all on remand.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07Yeah, well, now you got to stay out of trouble, Jayde.
0:50:07 > 0:50:10Don't be getting in with all them wrong dickheads
0:50:10 > 0:50:11and if they say do, you say no.
0:50:11 > 0:50:14It's bad enough me being in there all my life.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16I've been out five years now.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18Longest time I've been out.
0:50:18 > 0:50:23- They're not prison anyway, it's holiday camp.- A massive playground!
0:50:23 > 0:50:25I've done most of the prisons in England.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28The biggest prison I ever done was in Jamaica. That's prison.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31When was the last time you were together?
0:50:37 > 0:50:40About a year and a half ago.
0:50:40 > 0:50:42Come, come give me a cuddle.
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Get off my bum, you little nutter.
0:50:44 > 0:50:46Who's a good boy?
0:50:46 > 0:50:48Are you my baby?
0:50:49 > 0:50:51He's so spoiled.
0:50:56 > 0:51:01In jail, Michael's anxieties about Chloe have reached breaking point.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05I got 16 weeks left
0:51:05 > 0:51:10and I can't do that 16 weeks worrying about what she's doing out there.
0:51:10 > 0:51:14Chloe has reverted very, very quickly
0:51:14 > 0:51:18back to the Chloe that was last year.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21And basically, I can't be around somebody like that
0:51:21 > 0:51:23and I just said to her, "Listen, I can't do this."
0:51:23 > 0:51:25I says, "I think it's best if we..."
0:51:25 > 0:51:29I said, "If I don't do this now, I'm going to end up hating you,"
0:51:29 > 0:51:35and I don't want to, because I do care about her and I do love her,
0:51:35 > 0:51:38'and I do want to be with her but she's...
0:51:38 > 0:51:40'She's too far gone at the moment.'
0:51:42 > 0:51:45I said to her, "Listen, Chloe, I'm sorry, but...
0:51:45 > 0:51:47"you know, I need somebody I can rely on out there,
0:51:47 > 0:51:51"I need somebody who's got on this right track, and that isn't you,
0:51:51 > 0:51:54"so there is no me and you any more, and I'm finishing it now."
0:51:54 > 0:51:57I just think that if we'd both got out together...
0:51:58 > 0:52:01..it might have been different.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03But what can I say?
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Ben Knowlden got another chance.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28Thanks for everything, yeah?
0:52:28 > 0:52:31- Look after yourself.- I'll see you Saturday.- Yeah, Saturday.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34A few weeks after he walked out of rehab,
0:52:34 > 0:52:38he left his brother's flat for supported housing in Folkestone.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Despite his lapse,
0:52:44 > 0:52:47he didn't let himself fall back into drug addiction.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51Gradually, he began to find a new determination.
0:52:51 > 0:52:53How's it been?
0:52:53 > 0:52:55Up and down.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58I've got to drop it all out.
0:52:58 > 0:52:59It's not a good life, is it?
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Crime, prison, drugs....
0:53:06 > 0:53:10I got a lot of potential. I'm better than that. You know?
0:53:10 > 0:53:13The drugs ain't the problem. I'm the problem.
0:53:13 > 0:53:16I just try and cover it up by using the drugs,
0:53:16 > 0:53:18so I need to find myself before I can...
0:53:20 > 0:53:23I was going to say before I can use drugs. I can't use drugs.
0:53:23 > 0:53:25I need to find myself.
0:53:25 > 0:53:31And by using substances, substituting with women, coffee...anything,
0:53:31 > 0:53:34until I find myself... I've got to cut it all out
0:53:34 > 0:53:38until I can find myself. Find Ben. That make sense?
0:53:40 > 0:53:43Ben has stayed out of trouble for nine months.
0:53:47 > 0:53:48JAYDE LAUGHS
0:53:48 > 0:53:52This is your personal statement bit, that you put at the front.
0:53:54 > 0:53:57- There. What you want to put in there?- I'm extremely confident.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01Jayde stayed out of jail.
0:54:01 > 0:54:05Years of attention from her probation officer finally paid off
0:54:05 > 0:54:08and Jayde began to seek work.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11You can put that bit in writing.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Health and safety, I take very seriously.
0:54:13 > 0:54:16'I'm really, really hopeful that by the time this licence period ends,
0:54:16 > 0:54:18'she'll be in some sort of employment,
0:54:18 > 0:54:20'which would be the making of her.'
0:54:20 > 0:54:23If we pop a CV down to you, yeah?
0:54:23 > 0:54:27'People think prisons are a holiday camp. They're not,'
0:54:27 > 0:54:29but Holloway was her little escape
0:54:29 > 0:54:33from having to deal with the harsh reality of trying to make her way
0:54:33 > 0:54:34as an 18, 19-year-old.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39Right, listen, let me go and get this CV that we've printed off.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42'I think having that longer period, four months, I think it was,'
0:54:42 > 0:54:45that would give her an idea what it'd be like doing three or four years.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47There's some copies.
0:54:47 > 0:54:50Keep that, because that's the original.
0:54:50 > 0:54:51'I do think that'
0:54:51 > 0:54:54that's given her that extra incentive
0:54:54 > 0:54:57and helped motivate her to do a lot better this time round,
0:54:57 > 0:54:59and she really is doing a lot better.
0:55:01 > 0:55:02Bye-bye.
0:55:04 > 0:55:07- INTERVIEWER:- Are we seeing a bit of a new Jayde?
0:55:07 > 0:55:09I suppose so, yeah.
0:55:09 > 0:55:10In what way?
0:55:10 > 0:55:13I don't drink every day no more.
0:55:13 > 0:55:16Drinking's the main thing that gets me in trouble
0:55:16 > 0:55:18cos obviously, when I'm drunk,
0:55:18 > 0:55:22I just fucking whack anyone, you know what I mean?
0:55:22 > 0:55:24So...
0:55:24 > 0:55:28But I want to stay out. You just got to want to, innit?
0:55:28 > 0:55:31I just don't want to end up fucking keep going in there.
0:55:39 > 0:55:41When Lauren went back to Holloway,
0:55:41 > 0:55:44it was not as an inmate but as a visitor.
0:55:44 > 0:55:49She had continued to drink but she had also stayed drug-free.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54- I've put weight on!- Yes!
0:55:54 > 0:55:56You look well, though.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58- All right?- Really well.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01I haven't used, that's all I know. All my drug tests are negative.
0:56:01 > 0:56:04- Yeah, you look really well, though.- Do I?- Yeah.
0:56:04 > 0:56:07I've had too many years of it.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09Just had enough.
0:56:09 > 0:56:13All right, darling. Love you. You look well. See you later.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17Lauren has now been out of Holloway for a whole year.
0:56:22 > 0:56:26In January, Chloe visited Michael's flat for the last time
0:56:26 > 0:56:29to remove her belongings.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32INTERVIEWER: How much time did you have together outside of prison?
0:56:32 > 0:56:35Five months outside together,
0:56:35 > 0:56:41but six months talking on the phone, brief meetings. Um...
0:56:41 > 0:56:44And then obviously ten months inside.
0:56:44 > 0:56:48I've had some of the best laughs of my life with him.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50I really have, and it upsets me,
0:56:50 > 0:56:54and also, it unnerves me that I could get someone so wrong.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57I just told him outright, "Look, you say I'm using off and on,
0:56:57 > 0:57:00"no, I'm not committing offences and I won't lie to you."
0:57:00 > 0:57:02If he would have shown me the trust already
0:57:02 > 0:57:04and not focused his energy so much on,
0:57:04 > 0:57:07"Well, how can I trust you because you've done this?"
0:57:07 > 0:57:11I'm a drug addict. I relapsed. That's all that I did.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16But I've just seen a totally different side to him.
0:57:16 > 0:57:20I saw a bit of that side when we relapsed before we went to prison,
0:57:20 > 0:57:22and I said, "Yeah, I can cope with it,"
0:57:22 > 0:57:25because you take the rough with the smooth.
0:57:25 > 0:57:28But all I've had is constant rough, rough, rough, rough.
0:57:28 > 0:57:30And I can't turn up on a visit and be happy
0:57:30 > 0:57:32if the person opposite me isn't even looking at me,
0:57:32 > 0:57:36is looking at the floor and won't even make conversation.
0:57:36 > 0:57:37He's just pushed me too far.
0:57:56 > 0:58:00I just thought I'd take everything down, to be honest.
0:58:00 > 0:58:04I can't sit looking at pictures on the wall
0:58:04 > 0:58:06that are painful reminders, really.
0:58:07 > 0:58:11It says at the bottom here, look, "I just want to make you happy
0:58:11 > 0:58:14"and as long as I'm using and drinking, you won't be.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16"Who knows, maybe by the time you get this,
0:58:16 > 0:58:19"it will be already too late and you'll have had enough.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21"I wouldn't blame you. Love you always."
0:58:23 > 0:58:25Long, tall and short of it, isn't it, really?
0:58:49 > 0:58:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd