0:00:02 > 0:00:04Hi, I'm David Hasselhoff. You may know me as the king of TV,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07but I've also been in more movies than Kim Kardashian's
0:00:07 > 0:00:08been in nail bars.
0:00:08 > 0:00:13Horror, sci-fi, action, romance, dance, sports, I've done it all.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Sometimes all in the same scene.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19Well, tonight, I'm going to give you the benefit of my 40 years' experience
0:00:19 > 0:00:21in the movies.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22As I give you
0:00:22 > 0:00:26The Hoff's Best Horror Film Ever.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:00:29 > 0:00:35This programme contains some strong language and scenes which some viewers may find disturbing.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Welcome to the Hoffice.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Come in but don't touch anything, it's not yours.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54During my undeniably illustrious screen career,
0:00:54 > 0:00:59I've worked on such butt-clenchers as Anaconda III and Piranha 3DD.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03And like I always do, I got out of both alive.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Because well, it wasn't real.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08But those terrifying experiences taught me
0:01:08 > 0:01:10what real fear is probably like.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13At the end of this show, I'm going to use that experience
0:01:13 > 0:01:16to reveal to you The Hoff's Best Horror Film Ever.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Now, here's a horrifying look at the spine-chilling trip
0:01:19 > 0:01:21we're about to take.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Look and learn, people.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Do you want to play?
0:01:24 > 0:01:29Along the way, we'll meet some creepy kids...
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I'm already scared of having children,
0:01:32 > 0:01:37but now I've got to factor in having a child that might be a devil?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Are you mad?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42..get disturbed by some scary sounds...
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Eee-eee-eee.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47That's classic.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51..bump in to the baddest of the baddies.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55- Here's Johnnie.- Here's Johnnie!
0:01:55 > 0:01:58How has Jack Nicholson ever slept with any women?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04We'll meet some horror victims...
0:02:04 > 0:02:05You don't have a look in the cupboard,
0:02:05 > 0:02:09you don't look underneath your bed to see what's there, you run away.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14You'll need eyes in the back of your head
0:02:14 > 0:02:17as we change the way you see your home for ever.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Shut the mirror,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21there's something there.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Next thing you know...
0:02:23 > 0:02:25his face is in the sink.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28You don't want to miss a thing.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30So stick around.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Feeling scared yet? You should be.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38You know back in Knight Rider, I came up against probably
0:02:38 > 0:02:41the greatest bad guy I've ever seen.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44It was me, playing my own double.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48You know people often say to me, "David, how did you do it?"
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Well, I simply put on a small beard
0:02:51 > 0:02:55and raised my eyebrow in a menacing way.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59The bad guys in horror movies each have their own style too.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01But which is the baddest of them all?
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Well, there's no shortage of scary characters to choose from.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Congratulations. You are still alive.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18I'm right behind ya!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21This...
0:03:21 > 0:03:22is God.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25The best horror baddie has to have some mystery.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27It has to be more than one person.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29GASPING
0:03:36 > 0:03:40When you realise what human beings are capable of,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43there's no supernatural at all, a person did this.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46It chills me more because your next door neighbour, Barry,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50who's always a bit quiet and he's staring out of his window,
0:03:50 > 0:03:51that could be him.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54The scariest thing is the monster within people.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01If it's someone who's genuinely disturbed
0:04:01 > 0:04:04that would have a reason to kill someone like you.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06That's what makes it scary.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08SHE SCREAMS
0:04:12 > 0:04:17The scariest baddie for me, is Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Another Martini, Paul.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22We all know people that could be Patrick Bateman...
0:04:22 > 0:04:26The mud soup and charcoal arugula are outrageous here.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28..because he outwardly looks
0:04:28 > 0:04:30so normal and respectable.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I can't walk in to an estate agent's
0:04:33 > 0:04:36without assuming that everyone is probably going to murder me.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Hey, Paul!
0:04:42 > 0:04:46My scariest villain in a horror movie, is Freddie Krueger.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Tag.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50You're it.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53You're not looking at him thinking,
0:04:53 > 0:04:55"You look all right, like a normal person.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- "I could spend some time with you." - You have nothing to worry about.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03This won't hurt...
0:05:03 > 0:05:04one...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06little...
0:05:06 > 0:05:07bit.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09SHE SCREAMS
0:05:09 > 0:05:12It's family that's scary, out of everything.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16It's not ghosts, or goblins, it's mum and dad.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18But just a bit murderous.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19I love you, Danny.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I love you more than anything else
0:05:24 > 0:05:26in the whole world.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I would never do anything to hurt you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34Jack Nicholson in The Shining is the scariest baddie in a horror film...
0:05:35 > 0:05:38..because he has the trust of his family,
0:05:38 > 0:05:39so he can do whatever he wants
0:05:39 > 0:05:42and they'll kind of go along with it but he just wants to kill them.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Wendy...- Stay away!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Darling, light of my life,
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I'm not going to hurt you.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50You didn't let me finish my sentence.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I said I'm not going to hurt you.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I'm just going to bash your brains in.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57It's so kind of deliciously unhinged.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00No!
0:06:00 > 0:06:01SCREAMING
0:06:01 > 0:06:05How has Jack Nicholson ever slept with any women at all?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Surely you just feel all the way through like,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13"He's going to murder me any minute.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15"I'm going to get murdered any minute.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17"Any minute, I'm getting murdered."
0:06:17 > 0:06:20We've all kicked the door open on our girlfriend having a poo
0:06:20 > 0:06:22and gone, "Here's Johnnie!"
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Here's Johnnie!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25SHE GASPS
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Pretty creepy, huh?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29And what's even creepier is that these guys live in the most
0:06:29 > 0:06:33normal places and the one thing we all value, is normality -
0:06:33 > 0:06:38a modest house, a small, tight community, a family car.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I'm talking about you here, I mean,
0:06:40 > 0:06:45I live in a huge colonial style mansion with armed security but you get the point.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Hold my hand.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50As I take you on a journey to explore the calm before the storm.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53It's OK, it's OK.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00The most frightening horror location for me is suburbia.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04A lot of us live in the suburbs, so la-di-da-di-da,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06nothing could go wrong here.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10It's usually manicured lawns and suburban houses.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13You know, this beautiful, idyllic setting.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16So you feel like, "Oh, this could actually happen."
0:07:16 > 0:07:18You know, kids running around doing some skipping.
0:07:19 > 0:07:25The more realistic it is, then the more terrifying it can be.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29In that reality you could see yourself easily.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37All you're thinking is, "One of them's going to get it."
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Creepy Carrie! Creepy Carrie!
0:07:41 > 0:07:44It's the waiting for it to happen and knowing it's coming eventually.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47So the longer that's eked out the more tense you get.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Paranormal Activity, starting off so boring.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54I suppose that's just to get everybody
0:07:54 > 0:07:57thinking about their own homes and stuff like that.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Because it was so domestic and normal
0:07:59 > 0:08:04and seemed just like everyday life, that was what made it so scary.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Fuck!
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Nightmare On Elm street. Elm street of course just a normal,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17general, American road.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20And then of course the nightmare begins.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26CLANKING
0:08:32 > 0:08:34The idea of it, obviously, is they're normal people
0:08:34 > 0:08:36going about their normal lives.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Then these horrific things happen to them.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Ensure all residences are secure with all doors
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and windows firmly locked and barricaded.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55THEY SCREAM Fucking hell!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- Oh, for God's sake! He's got an arm off!- Get him!
0:09:12 > 0:09:16For some reason, the dudes in great horror films are drawn
0:09:16 > 0:09:19to the woods, to the cellars and dark corridors.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Like screaming girls are drawn to a David Hasselhoff concert!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Personally, I wouldn't go in to a spooky forest without my agent,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30my assistant, my hair and make-up guy and a couple of armed guards.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Check these dummies out!
0:09:36 > 0:09:41The worlds of horror movies are full of stupid people.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Because in real life if there was a ghost or a monster in your room,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47the first thing you would do is run.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59You don't have a look in the cupboard, you don't look underneath your bed to see what's there,
0:09:59 > 0:10:00you run away.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05SHE SCREAMS
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Some of the cliches of horror films are there to wind viewers up.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13You know, "Don't go in to the scary cellar alone."
0:10:16 > 0:10:19You'd never go down in to a basement. Why would you do that?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Because as soon as you do that,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23you're narrowing where you can get to.
0:10:26 > 0:10:32There's never been a good outcome of anyone going up or down any stairs.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Get away!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Just make it a bungalow and you're going to be safe.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52The victim doesn't make smart choices.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I'm a five foot five, weaponless female,
0:10:55 > 0:10:59I'm going to walk down that dark path and have a look.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Why?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Not in any horror film has anyone ever turned around and gone,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09"Maybe we should just leave the house and call the police."
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Call the police! And if the phones aren't working...
0:11:11 > 0:11:14LINE UNOBTAINABLE TONE
0:11:14 > 0:11:15..go and hide.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22The victim gets himself in to a situation where there's no way out.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Like, "Oh, I'm trapped in the kitchen,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31"why don't I be trapped in the loft?"
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Shit!
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Never hide in a closet...
0:11:42 > 0:11:44..because you've got nowhere to go.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Look what Ronnie did.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Survival instincts tell you to go where there's space and people.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Yet in horror films, those instincts don't kick in.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01Help me! Let me out!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Common sense does not make for a good movie.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10There has to always be someone dumb enough to walk in to the cabin.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Part of the beauty of the films actually,
0:12:18 > 0:12:22is that you are on the edge of your seat shouting at the television.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26HE PANTS
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Apart from tabloid journalists hiding in your garbage,
0:12:34 > 0:12:39there are few things more sinister than a whispering child.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42And a good horror flick knows that a clever combination
0:12:42 > 0:12:45of innocent imagery and latent evil,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48is enough to give anyone the heebie-jeebies.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Except me. I'm totally not scared of anything.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54Except...
0:12:54 > 0:12:56pre-nuptial agreements.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06I hate creepy kids in horror films. Why does a child have to be scary?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Why does a child have to be scary?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I don't know why you've got to go there for.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Do you want to play?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17They haven't learnt any sort of morals
0:13:17 > 0:13:21or what's right and wrong, and that's why, you know, they are scary.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29You have the little kids. The nightgowns that they wear.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34One of the scariest moments in The Others,
0:13:34 > 0:13:38when Nicole Kidman goes in to the room
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and her little girl's playing with this little puppet thing.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42What's the matter?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Where is my daughter?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Are you mad?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I am your daughter.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50You're not my daughter!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53I remember screaming out loud in the cinema.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Kids in horror films are scary just because I think it's in their eyes.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Because you can tell that they're thinking about acting.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02They're thinking about where they need to stand
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and what they need to say, but in a horror context,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06you kind of watch them and you're thinking,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08"What are you thinking?"
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Damien, Damien, Damien! It sounds like onion.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19No, but he's really just demonic.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21No, no, no!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23No!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25SHE SCREAMS
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Them two, them Shining two, them twins. "Hello, Danny." That shit.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36And now I'm scared of twins.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39It's just horrible.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Come and play with us, Danny...
0:14:44 > 0:14:46..for ever
0:14:46 > 0:14:49and ever
0:14:49 > 0:14:52and ever.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54And then Danny himself gets a bit freaky
0:14:54 > 0:14:57when he gives it all that,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- "Redrum, Redrum."- Redrum, Redrum!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Redrum!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It meant that when I was 15, 16, I did not want a job as a baby-sitter.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I was like, "I don't know these kids,
0:15:07 > 0:15:09"this child could be possessed.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10"I'm having no time with it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12"This is horrible."
0:15:12 > 0:15:13ALL TALK
0:15:13 > 0:15:16We've got a guest.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20You're going to die up there.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26There's nothing more innocent than a little lovely child,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29but then the Devil takes them over!
0:15:32 > 0:15:37So The Exorcist, that's like, so scary because it's a kid.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41I mean, imagine if it was just some old, grumpy, homeless guy.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44It's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're the Devil, OK. You threw up."
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I'm already scared of having children,
0:15:50 > 0:15:54but now I've got to factor in having a child that might be a devil,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56or a demon.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Rocky.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02You're trying to get me to be his mother.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Aren't you his mother?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Any symbol of innocence is so much more scary
0:16:07 > 0:16:10when you make it perverse or awful.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Hi, I'm Chucky, wanna play?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16It's chilling, I know.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Your ears are often the first thing to tell you
0:16:20 > 0:16:23that something in the movie is wrong.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Well, that and my face not being on the poster.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31Nothing quite sends a chill up the spine like a scary soundtrack.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Let's take an unwise trip through the forest of creepy sounds.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Because I watch horror films from behind a cushion,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I feel like an expert on the soundtrack.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56There is a bit of a formula, you've got the creaking door.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57DOOR CREAKS
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Errrrrr...
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Eeeeeeee.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Who opens doors that slowly?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11No-one has a creaky door any more.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Have they not heard of WD-40...
0:17:13 > 0:17:15in the horror films?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Something falls on the floor, that's always scary.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Even if it's nothing that big.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24If it's a cat knocking something over, it makes you go,
0:17:24 > 0:17:27"OH, MY... Oh, no, it's fine." It's just the pet of the maniac.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Is it a ghost? Is it their imagination? You get sucked in more
0:17:37 > 0:17:40because that's more like what we've experienced.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Her imagination is playing tricks on us.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Silence.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50It wasn't until I watched The Woman In Black,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53that I realised how powerful silence is
0:17:53 > 0:17:54and how terrifying it is.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Constant little bursts of adrenaline.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Daddy.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Arthur!
0:18:18 > 0:18:22In the end you're shaking, so by the time that crazy biatch comes on
0:18:22 > 0:18:24you're ready to follow through.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26SCREAMING
0:18:29 > 0:18:32SHE SCREAMS
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Just that noise of the knife coming down,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37"Eee, eee, eee. " That's classic.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41BLADE LASHES
0:18:44 > 0:18:47That noise is so intricately associated with that scene,
0:18:47 > 0:18:51that it would feel completely wrong to watch it silent.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54You've got your Jaws, obviously, that music is iconic.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57THREATENING MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:57 > 0:18:59You know that danger's coming when you hear that music.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- Doo-doo.- Na-na.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- Boo-doop.- Da-ra.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Voo-doop, voo-doop.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Naa-naa-naa.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Shark.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15SCREAMING
0:19:15 > 0:19:17That Jaws music is some of the scariest music ever.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Even if you're just in the bath.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22It's simple. That's why it works so well.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I think sharks are aware of their soundtrack that they now have.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27But I'm sure they'd be proud of that one.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36The most important thing you need in a horror movie, is the budget to only afford one piano for your score.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Because that's the scariest sound - high notes on one piano.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:44 > 0:19:46HE SINGS TUBULAR BELLS
0:19:50 > 0:19:53# Da, da, da, da, da, da... #
0:19:53 > 0:19:56CHILDREN SHOUT
0:20:00 > 0:20:05The guy who did the effects in the Exorcist used his own
0:20:05 > 0:20:09leather wallet to recreate the sound of Linda Blaire's head
0:20:09 > 0:20:12turning 360 degrees.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with the Father and the Holy Spirit.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18HE CLICKS HIS TEETH
0:20:19 > 0:20:22So, now I've got you all scared out of your minds,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25you'll be wondering where the safest place to hide is.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30Somewhere with a lock on the door. Like the bathroom, right? Wrong!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Everybody knows that in horror movies,
0:20:33 > 0:20:37if you go to the bathroom you might as well flush your kidneys down the toilet!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44If horror films have taught me one thing it's this.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Don't ever go in to the bathroom.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Wee outside, brush your teeth in the kitchen.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Bad things happen in a bathroom.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13You're more vulnerable in the bathroom.
0:21:13 > 0:21:19Because normally you're naked or halfway through doing something.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22SPLASHING
0:21:24 > 0:21:27CISTERN FLUSHES
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Shut the mirror and there's something there.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Argh!
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Shining, you've got scary person in the bath who's dead.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48A scene that I remember disturbing me as a kid is in Poltergeist,
0:21:48 > 0:21:52when the scientist, I think he's a paranormal investigator,
0:21:52 > 0:21:54comes to the house.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57He ends up suddenly going in to the bathroom
0:21:57 > 0:21:59and he's staring in the mirror.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Next thing you know...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12his face is in the sink.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Problem is, that the bathroom is a really necessary thing in life
0:22:21 > 0:22:24and horror films have just ruined it for me.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28OK. So you've made it out of the bathroom, good.
0:22:28 > 0:22:34I just hope you opened the window. Now, death is a nasty business.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I've always imagined that one sunny day I'd slip away quietly
0:22:37 > 0:22:40surrounded by weeping Baywatch babes.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45People in horror movies don't tend to be so lucky.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48If they're not having their head used as a flaming basketball,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51they're peeled like a banana and thrown in acid.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56But hey, it's a living. Let's see some grizzly stuff.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07In a good horror death, you need blood...
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Argh!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11..you need noise...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13SAW DRONES
0:23:15 > 0:23:18..and you need something that's usually on the inside of you,
0:23:18 > 0:23:19to become on the outside of you.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Deaths in a horror movie are made memorable
0:23:24 > 0:23:26because of the inventive ways that they happen.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30The death in The Omen where a piece of the church breaks off the spire
0:23:30 > 0:23:33and just...goes down and goes through the priest's chest.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38No!
0:23:40 > 0:23:44It was shown during the Olympics which was a bit inappropes.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47The best way is decapitation. That's my favourite.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I think it's a really nice clean-cut way to die in a horror film.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55There's no doubt if they're dead or not. There's no way
0:23:55 > 0:23:58they can go up to the body and go, "Dave? Dave?" He's got no head.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00SCREAMING
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Nightmare On Elm street was the first film
0:24:06 > 0:24:09to star a young actor called Johnny Depp.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13He falls asleep on the job and gets taken by Freddy Krueger.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19So he gets pulled along with the television down into the bed
0:24:19 > 0:24:23and cascades of blood spurt out from where he once was.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28In The Lost Boys, when they fill the bath up
0:24:28 > 0:24:30with garlic and holy water to kill the vampire...
0:24:33 > 0:24:35If I had my way, I'd always bathe
0:24:35 > 0:24:38in garlic and holy water just to check that I haven't turned.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Garlic is like a blood purifier
0:24:43 > 0:24:46and obviously vampires have got bad blood.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52I would be tempted to throw some oregano on him afterwards
0:24:52 > 0:24:54just to see what would happen.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57That's like a middle-class exorcism, where you chuck balsamic on.
0:24:57 > 0:25:02Probably the best thing is burning someone in a giant wicker man.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05SCREAMING
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Oh God, I humbly entreat you
0:25:07 > 0:25:10for the soul of this, thy servant, Neil Howie.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11What could be better than that?
0:25:13 > 0:25:17My favourite, they nearly get away but don't quite moment,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20is when Rose McGowan is trying to get away from Ghostface
0:25:20 > 0:25:22and he's in the garage.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25It's so ridiculous, it's so farcical.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29I think that's sort of almost how we all fear we might die.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Not with any gravitas.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38The more extreme it is, the funnier it is, because you go, "come on."
0:25:39 > 0:25:41SHE SCREAMS
0:25:44 > 0:25:45No, no!
0:25:53 > 0:25:59Well, I've shown you some of the things you need to make a truly terrifying film.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04So, now to reveal what I think is the best horror film ever.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Hey, it's my show, my rules.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12It's got creepy child twins with bad jumpers,
0:26:12 > 0:26:14a toe-curling bathroom scene
0:26:14 > 0:26:18and the most deranged human bad guy I have ever seen.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22The Hoff's Best Horror Film Ever is...
0:26:27 > 0:26:29SHE SCREAMS
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Great party, isn't it?
0:26:33 > 0:26:37The Shining has all the amazing elements of a horror film.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39It's got creepy children,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41gore,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43and Jack Nicholson.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Jack Nicholson at his creepiest best.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52He's got this darkness to him, he's got this wickedness to him.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55I'm right behind ya!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59The kid on the tricycle in the corridor...
0:27:03 > 0:27:05..it puts a shiver down my back now thinking about it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26The Shining is a masterpiece. I still can not watch it on my own.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31But please, try not to have nightmares.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36After all, horror films are just fun, artistic fantasies
0:27:36 > 0:27:39made by sick people with sick senses of humour.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43It's actual psychopaths that you should really be worried about.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Sweet dreams, Britain.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50This is The Hoff
0:27:50 > 0:27:52signing off.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd