0:00:02 > 0:00:05I'm David Hasselhoff and I know more about movies
0:00:05 > 0:00:08than Simon Cowell knows about engagements.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12I have done every kind of movie, horror, sci-fi, action, dance,
0:00:12 > 0:00:18sports, and all with just one super versatile/handsome face.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Tonight I plan to break your heart in two
0:00:21 > 0:00:25and then make you fall in love all over again,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28as I take you by the hand and lead you to the promised land
0:00:28 > 0:00:31of the Hoff's Best Romcom Film Ever.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54Welcome to my "Hoffice", my very own movie-expert headquarters.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Now, I've done a bit of romantic comedy myself.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59No doubt, you'll remember me
0:00:59 > 0:01:02starring alongside Joan Collins in The Cartier Affair.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I know what you're thinking, and the answer is "yes,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13"I really am that handsome".
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Well, later on I'll be revealing exactly which of our soppy movies
0:01:17 > 0:01:20is the Hoff's Best Romcom Ever.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23But for now, grab your bags, cos I'm going to take you
0:01:23 > 0:01:27on a romantic journey that will make you laugh, cry
0:01:27 > 0:01:29and twitch all at the same time.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34There's going to be some sassy girls.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Women want to be her. Men want to shag her.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42There's going to be some hunky guys.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Do you find me attractive?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45He drives me wild.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You just look into his eyes and you see your future.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50There'll be tension and tantrums.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55If you meet someone and you have a vitriolic hatred of them...
0:01:57 > 0:01:59..ignore your instincts, they're probably the one.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01And a whole lot of loving going on.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05- Absolutely enormous pants!- (Jesus.)
0:02:05 > 0:02:08For my job I have to kiss Hugh Grant.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10APPLAUSE
0:02:10 > 0:02:14'I never see anybody declaring their love in a train station.'
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Just people asking for tickets!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20So stand by for an unforgettable romcom romp.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26As pretty much the hottest guy on TV for the last 30 years,
0:02:26 > 0:02:30I've learned a thing or two about women.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Practical stuff like sending flowers is good.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Sending leather underwear is bad.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40And the best female romcom leads know exactly what they want.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43They're smart, sexy, accessible
0:02:43 > 0:02:47and they're all looking for one thing. The real thing.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52Get ready for an exclusive look at the Hoff's little black book
0:02:52 > 0:02:54of romcom angels.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Oh! God, she was hot.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Oh...
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Ah...
0:03:02 > 0:03:04# All the single ladies All the single ladies
0:03:04 > 0:03:07# All the single ladies All the single ladies
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# All the single ladies Now put your hands up
0:03:09 > 0:03:14# Up-up-up, up-up-up Up-up-up, up-up-up
0:03:14 > 0:03:17# Cos if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
0:03:17 > 0:03:19# If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
0:03:19 > 0:03:21# Don't be mad once you see that he wants it
0:03:21 > 0:03:24# Cos if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
0:03:24 > 0:03:25# Oh-oh-oh... #
0:03:25 > 0:03:28The qualities in a good romcom leading lady,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31first and foremost, are that she is lovable.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33He's a ferret.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I got him in Sicily at a flea market years ago. He's old.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- He can't really see any more.- Ah.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Savvy, sassy...
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Well, colour me happy, there's a sofa in here for two.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Women want to be her, men want to shag her.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49SCREAMING
0:03:53 > 0:03:55SCREAMING
0:03:55 > 0:04:00And someone who's not much of a ho. She's got to be wifey material.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Oh, oh!
0:04:01 > 0:04:02What the...!?
0:04:02 > 0:04:06You have to believe that you could get her in the real world, as well.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- That helps.- Definitely.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Your dog was attacking me and I had to run and I ran into you.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13What is it with you and this dog?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Sandra Bullock, definitely gettable.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18DOG BARKS
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- See? Exactly.- Oh...
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- See that?- Barely made it out with my life there.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Did you see the size of the teeth?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26DOOR SLAMS
0:04:26 > 0:04:27Meg Ryan...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29'Is she gettable?'
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Yes, yes. Oh! Oh!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh!
0:04:33 > 0:04:34We can get Meg Ryan.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Cameron Diaz?- I think Cameron Diaz is still pretty hot.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44'Yes, she's still very hot and I think she's gettable just because'
0:04:44 > 0:04:47she's very funny. I think humour is the way...
0:04:47 > 0:04:48What is that?
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Hm?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54She's not afraid to let spunk be in her hair, for the sake of a romcom.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55SHE GIGGLES
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Is that hair gel?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Yeah.- Great, I could use...
0:05:01 > 0:05:04No, no, you don't have to.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I just ran out.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I do think the female leads have to be relatable.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11At least now I'm in my 30s, I can hold my drink.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13LAUGHTER
0:05:13 > 0:05:16One of my favourite romcom girls is Bridget Jones.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18PHONE RINGS
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Bridget Jones,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23wanton sex goddess with a very bad man between her thighs.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Mum? Hi.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Because her life is just one big series of embarrassments.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33'I'm trying hard to fight off a vision of Mum and Aunty Una
0:05:33 > 0:05:36'in fishnet tights. It seems unnatural,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39'wrong even, for 60-year-olds to dress up as prostitutes
0:05:39 > 0:05:41'and priests on a Sunday afternoon.'
0:05:44 > 0:05:46# Fly me to the moon... #
0:05:46 > 0:05:48'Oh, Holy Jesus!'
0:05:48 > 0:05:52The fact that men will fall for her despite all her clumsiness.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Oh...
0:05:57 > 0:05:58The door was open.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01It captures something
0:06:01 > 0:06:04so unique about just what it's like to be a normal girl.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07LIVELY MUSIC
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I never buy Jennifer Lopez as the lead in a romcom.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13No offence, sweetheart. What planet are you on?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15You don't get it.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17None of you get it, there was something different about him.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Yeah, it's called money.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23I think, "Shut up, J.Lo, no-one's buying you as a maid, or whatever."
0:06:23 > 0:06:25What don't you get? I'm the maid.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27She's too much of a celebrity to be one of us,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29to be like, "I'm just a girl looking for love."
0:06:29 > 0:06:32You're like, "No, you're not, you're Jenny From The Block,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35"but in an ironic way."
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Now, you can't have a boy-meets-girl story without a boy.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42I know these things. It just wouldn't work.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44But what kind of guy does it take to win the heart of our gorgeous,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46love-starved princess?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Well, we need a hunk with a dash of nerd,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51or a touch of Average Joe.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Maybe even a sliver of loser.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58I guess that's why I haven't done more romantic comedy. Hah!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Yes, our male romantic lead needs to be blind to his own dumb ways
0:07:02 > 0:07:06until, that is, he starts to fall in love.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I give to you the guys with their eyes on the prize.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Ah...
0:07:14 > 0:07:20I think a classic romcom male is a bit goofy.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22LATIN MUSIC
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Someone who makes you laugh.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31No, put your left hand behind your head.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Yeah, just drop your left hip.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38HE WOLF WHISTLES
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- I'm kidding. Put your arms out straight.- OK.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Has that naughty twinkle in his eye.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Natasha is a top attorney and specialises in family law.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Bridget works in publishing and used to play naked in my paddling pool.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52He's a bit of a loser.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Come on in, I'll just...
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Erm... Right. All right.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Hugh Grant, for my money,
0:08:03 > 0:08:06is one of the great romcom leading men.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07ENGINE REVS
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I'm not the type of girl who goes for kind of smouldering good looks
0:08:12 > 0:08:14in a man.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19But, then again, you know, if you look at Ryan Gosling in...
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Oh... In any film, really, then I'm sold immediately.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Do you find me attractive?- She does.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- I don't.- You do. She does.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Yes, she does.- I don't.- You do. - You do.- I don't.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34He drives me wild, actually.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37It shouldn't work, his eyes are too close together.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40His head is quite small and rectangular.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45And yet, he is the sexiest man that EVER walked the earth.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46He is to die for.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- OK, OK, we'll go again.- OK.- OK.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54'He takes his top off'
0:08:54 > 0:08:56and it's such a glorious sight.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Fuck! Seriously?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02It's like your photo shot.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Frankly, you just look into his eyes and you see your future.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08That's what I do, anyway.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11What happened to your feet?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- What do you mean? These are my 407s. - Oh, they're 407s. Can I see them?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Yeah. These offer a lot of support.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Right.- Oh, come on!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21My favourite men within romcoms
0:09:21 > 0:09:22are the odd ones out.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Come on!
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Go for the geek. My mum said that to me before the Internet.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34She was right, cos the geek rises up.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Fuck, fuck. I was supposed to get one for my sister.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Here, take mine. - No, that's OK, I'll wait.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Please, I very rarely look cool. This is...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45THEY LAUGH
0:09:45 > 0:09:48It becomes completely feasible that someone like Katherine Heigl
0:09:48 > 0:09:51would be in love with this smelly, hairy man.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53He's just a ball of fuzz in that film.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57A charmless fuzz, but he's so lovable within it.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59It's awesome that you had sex with her.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02If a goofy guy like you had sex with her, I feel like I did also.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I was so drunk I just wish I remembered it.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I go to bed thinking to myself, there is a God.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08There is a man up there looking down on me
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and he will find me a lovely lady one day.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Hi, I'm Andy.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17You look comfortable. Can I get you another cocktail?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Every guy knows that chat-up lines are tricky to pull off.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Personally I find that,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24"Hi, I'm the Knight Rider and the main guy in Baywatch"...
0:10:24 > 0:10:26that works just fine.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27HE LAUGHS
0:10:27 > 0:10:29But now that we have our lovebirds,
0:10:29 > 0:10:33we need something to bring them together. The question is, what?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36In the best romcoms, the meet-up moments create a kind of movie magic
0:10:36 > 0:10:40like no other. It's time for the Hoff to play Cupid.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44BANG
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Oh, sorry.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53I don't think cheesy chat-up lines work in real life.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Actually, I know that for a fact.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57But in films, you know, the cheesier, more awkward it is,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00you just...you're like, that's the bit where you'd
0:11:00 > 0:11:02pick up the cushion and, like, nargh!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Apparently, an enormous number of people actually
0:11:06 > 0:11:10bump into their future spouses at weddings. Which is interesting.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Yes, I met my husband at a wedding.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Ah...
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Good Lord, I seem to have finished my drink. Do excuse me.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Ryan Gosling's character is the king of the chat-up lines.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30You're really wearing that dress like you're doing it a favour.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Oh, God.- That's a line.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Me sitting over there for the past two hours
0:11:34 > 0:11:36not being able to take my eyes off of you is a fact.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39There's lots of beautiful women in this bar. Your friend included. Hi.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40I love you.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Then it gets a bit unbelievable, which is that he keeps saying,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45"Do you want to get out of here?"
0:11:45 > 0:11:46- Let's get out of here.- OK.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Let's get out of here.- Absolutely!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- Let's get out of here.- OK.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54No woman would do that in the UK. They'd go, "It's cold, I've got to get my coat. I've got to queue up."
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Normally they're not even chat-up scenes.
0:11:55 > 0:12:00Normally, in the romcoms they'll run into each other on the street.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Oh! Shit!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Bugger!- God!- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Or start arguing over a cab.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Hallelujah!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Excuse me, this is my cab.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13What, you own it?
0:12:13 > 0:12:14No, but I'm about to rent it.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17The initial meeting in romcom is not butterflies
0:12:17 > 0:12:20and love at first sight. Never.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Oh, a man who doesn't believe in marriage.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I'm trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling children
0:12:27 > 0:12:28that Santa Claus doesn't exist?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33What it basically tells the viewer is, if you meet someone
0:12:33 > 0:12:37and you have a vitriolic hatred of them, for good reason...
0:12:39 > 0:12:41..ignore your instincts, they're probably the one.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44In a romantic comedy at least one person will be hiding
0:12:44 > 0:12:49an inner tiger inside some frumpy clothes that have just got to go.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53All change for the Hoff's hot movie makeovers.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- I've got an idea. Let's do a makeover.- Ohh!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05No. No.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Come on, let us.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09It's sort of the metamorphosis that we can go in
0:13:09 > 0:13:11and become the butterfly that we all are.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14# I'm going to be a supermodel... #
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Every romcom has that moment where the woman goes wild,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20spends all this money on make-up, looks fantastic,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22looks 1 million and then everyone is like,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24"Yes, she is really beautiful now."
0:13:24 > 0:13:26# Like we did, like we did
0:13:26 > 0:13:28# When we first met... #
0:13:28 > 0:13:31It's the old thing, take the glasses off and the guy is like,
0:13:31 > 0:13:33"Oh... Aren't you beautiful?"
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress
0:13:36 > 0:13:38# Oh-oh, kiss me
0:13:38 > 0:13:40# Beneath the milky twilight... #
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Even if it doesn't fit into the narrative, put it in there.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Put a makeover in there.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Soon there'll be like a shopping section in romcoms
0:13:46 > 0:13:48and a hair section.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49That's what they like.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Is that sexist?
0:13:51 > 0:13:54The best shopping montage, obviously Pretty Woman.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58# Pretty woman, walking down the street
0:13:58 > 0:14:01# Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
0:14:01 > 0:14:03# Pretty woman... #
0:14:03 > 0:14:05If Richard Gere got his credit card out and said,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08"Listen, you can spend an obscene amount of money,"
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I would absolutely squeal with joy.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13How obscene an amount of money were you talking about,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16just profane, or really offensive?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- Really offensive. - I like him so much.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Oh, what a love story.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24A young prostitute gets picked up from the streets.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26# ..you're not the truth
0:14:26 > 0:14:30# No-one could look as good as you. #
0:14:30 > 0:14:33She shows the women, "Hey, I may be a prostitute but now look at me,
0:14:33 > 0:14:34"I've got nice clothes."
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- I was in here yesterday. You wouldn't wait on me.- Oh...
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- You work on commission, right?- Yes.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Big mistake. Big, huge.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I have to go shopping now.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49A woman's makeover is exciting.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52There's music and friends and, like, champagne and hair
0:14:52 > 0:14:56and a man's makeover is just about, like, ripping hair from his body.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Aaaaaaggggghhh! Owwaaaooohhhh!
0:14:59 > 0:15:03I hate you. I hate you. Stop smiling, you jerk.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04You pussy.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08It's quite nice to see a guy go through it for once.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10It's really good to see the guy be the one that has to go
0:15:10 > 0:15:14through the transformation and doesn't feel enough as he is.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Miki, you should burn in hell!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19OK, all right, now, seriously, I think I'm done.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24Ooh, I think we're done. I think that's good. Phew!
0:15:24 > 0:15:27In every romcom, there's one moment we're waiting for.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30It's the moment when David Hasselhoff rides up on a horse
0:15:30 > 0:15:32and steals the girl.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33I'm kidding.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37I'm talking about the moment where a couple stare
0:15:37 > 0:15:43into each other's eyes and kiss for the very first time.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Believe me, it harder than it looks, kissing a beautiful woman on camera.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53That's why I always insist on doing at least 40 takes.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Pucker up, people.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Eight out of ten women believe that the first kiss will tell them
0:16:02 > 0:16:04everything they need to know about a relationship.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08The build-up to the perfect romcom kiss is very important
0:16:08 > 0:16:10because we want to be right there with you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18The woman must go three quarters of the way
0:16:18 > 0:16:21and then the man gets to go that final one quarter.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26And then music has to happen.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27MUSIC: "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin
0:16:27 > 0:16:31# Watching every motion in my foolish lovers' game. #
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- Where's that coming from?- Dan!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35How in the fuck is Top Gun music playing?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37There's a lot of face touching, isn't there, in romcoms,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39when they first kiss?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51It's a tough job but, yes, I had to kiss Hugh Grant.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55And I was so excited about it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57I'm not going to lie.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I said to all my friends, "Guess what.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02"For my job, I have to kiss Hugh Grant."
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- What do we do now?- Smile.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06A little bow.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10CHEERING
0:17:10 > 0:17:12And a wave.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Perhaps one of the best sort of anti-snogging-scene snogging scenes
0:17:14 > 0:17:18is not a British movie, an American one - Annie Hall,
0:17:18 > 0:17:19where Woody Allen decides
0:17:19 > 0:17:23to formally get the awkwardness of the kiss out of the way.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Hey, listen, listen.- What?- Give me a kiss.- Really?- Yeah, why not?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30We're just going to go home later, right? And there's going to be
0:17:30 > 0:17:33all that tension. We never kissed before and I'll never know when
0:17:33 > 0:17:36to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now, get it over with
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- then we'll go eat. OK?- Oh. - We'll digest our food better.- OK.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Tried that. Kicked in the bollocks.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Well, that's first base taken care of.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50But in a good romcom you need heat between the leads
0:17:50 > 0:17:54and you know the Hoff likes it when things get steamy.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Stand by, we're about to get...naked.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Can you...undo my zipper?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08It gets stuck.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Did you just spank me?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- ALARM BELL RINGS - I guess I should...I should go, huh?
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Night.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33A romcom sex scene has got to be fumbly.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36This is a very silly little dress
0:18:36 > 0:18:41and these are...
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Fuck me. Absolutely enormous pants.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45(Jesus. Fuck.)
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Sex scenes that have humour in them, I find hilarious.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Don't be embarrassed.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55- I'm wearing something quite similar myself. Here, I'll show you.- No.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56We all laugh at it.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00We've all been in similar situations where we've kind of gone, "This is..."
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Sex is funny. It's hilarious at times, you know.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Oh, my God. You're really... Oh.- Oh.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05SHE LAUGHS
0:19:05 > 0:19:07It can't be too gory or too kind of graphic.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11You can't have any fluids or anything flying around. That'd be too much.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Oh! OH!
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Phil!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22They came in so fast I didn't know where to go.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25The best sex scene in a romcom is definitely Bridesmaids,
0:19:25 > 0:19:29at the beginning, at the top of the film. I bought that film for my mum.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33It was difficult to sit through that. It made me feel a bit awkward.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- That feel good?- Yeah. No. I want to go fast.- You want to go fast?- Fast.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Oh, oh, oh, ah, ah, ah.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43It's Kristen Wiig's faces and noises, I think.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47I don't think we've ever seen that in a...in a sex scene before.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49SHE PANTS
0:19:49 > 0:19:54Ugh, that is not how sex scenes should be, and that's what brilliant.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58So, straightaway, you know these two are not meant to be.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Even though he's very attractive.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Wow, this is so awkward. I really want you to leave
0:20:02 > 0:20:04but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Oh.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12You're not watching a classic romcom if our lovers don't fall out
0:20:12 > 0:20:14like a pair of chimps fighting over a banana.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19Yeah, a good row is an essential stop on the path to happiness.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21One minute, love is in the air.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23The next minute, it could be shoes,
0:20:23 > 0:20:27crockery or the kind of language that would make a builder blush.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Brace yourself.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37You can't take anything seriously.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You know, you didn't even read the baby books.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I didn't read the baby books(!) What's going to happen(?)
0:20:42 > 0:20:44How did anyone ever give birth without a baby book(?)
0:20:44 > 0:20:47That's right, the ancient Egyptians fucking engraved
0:20:47 > 0:20:49What To Expect When You're Expecting
0:20:49 > 0:20:52on the pyramid walls - I forgot about that(!)
0:20:52 > 0:20:54The argument in a romcom, that's the action,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57that's the adventure, that's the fight scene.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58What the hell is wrong with you?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Nothing a front-page story can't cure.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Oh, so that's what this is all about.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Albert and Allegra on the front of your crap-ass newspaper.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- SHE GASPS - You put them there!- No, you did.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09He did. The minute he called you.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17It puts some peril in the film, I think. That's what you need.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20You fooled me to win a bet and you should feel ashamed.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22You took me to a God-damn Celine Dion concert.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24You made me miss the big game.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Oh, smart guy's a rhymer.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30# Well, do we want everybody to know your lovemaking is lame? #
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Oh, maybe cos you named my penis, yeah, you named my penis.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37# You named my penis after a dame! #
0:21:37 > 0:21:39If they just got together and were happy, that's rubbish.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41There has to be... HE GASPS
0:21:41 > 0:21:43"Will they? Won't they? Oh, my God!"
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- # Because you're - You're so vain
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- # So - You're so vain
0:21:47 > 0:21:48# Vain! #
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Never in a romcom was there an argument about a mortgage.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- What do you want from me?- I don't want anything from you.- Fine. Fine.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57But let's just get one thing straight.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59I did not go over there that night to make love to you.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00That is not why I went there.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02But you looked up at me with big, weepy eyes -
0:22:02 > 0:22:05"Don't go home tonight. Hold me a little longer, Harry."
0:22:05 > 0:22:06What was I supposed to do?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11- What are you saying, you took pity on me?- No, I was...- Fuck you.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Oh, yeah, you can slap the guy all you want in romcoms.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Yeah, go...go silly.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Ah.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Please, just...
0:22:20 > 0:22:22If you had people of reasonable intelligence
0:22:22 > 0:22:28and emotional, sort of, maturity, there would be no romcoms.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Now, when I'm watching a romcom, sooner or later,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I want a gesture of love.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36And not just any gesture -
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I want it big, I want it public.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40You want the girl of your dreams,
0:22:40 > 0:22:42you'd better pull out all the stops.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45And I'm not talking flowers from the petrol station
0:22:45 > 0:22:47and a bag of doughnuts. Oh, no.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50When our movie Lothario realises he's been a fool,
0:22:50 > 0:22:55there's only one thing that can turn it around - the PDA.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Public display of affection.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01It's a race against time to stop the woman he loves
0:23:01 > 0:23:04turning her back on him for ever, but will he make it?
0:23:08 > 0:23:12So, at the end of a romcom, there needs to be the final big gesture.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I have a little favour I need from you.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Margaret's on that plane. I got to talk to her. Can you stop it?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20You should try and stop the person that you love going somewhere.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- Where is she?- She quit.- She's got an interview in Washington.
0:23:22 > 0:23:27- When's she leaving? - Today.- When?- Like, now.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29It should be vehicle-based.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Andy!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38"Oh, my God, there's just enough time. I can make it. I can make it."
0:23:38 > 0:23:39And then they run.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- Oh, wish me luck. - Good luck, crazy girl.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Bloody hell, this is fun.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Sorry.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55It has to be in a big place, in front of as many people as possible.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57You've got to put your heart on the line and make sure
0:23:57 > 0:23:59you look as stupid as possible.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I just wondered whether...if...
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Mr Thacker realised he'd been a daft prick...
0:24:05 > 0:24:07MURMURING
0:24:07 > 0:24:11..and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider,
0:24:11 > 0:24:16whether you would, in fact, then reconsider.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Cos that does seem, to me, one of the more ridiculous
0:24:20 > 0:24:23elements of a romcom and I think one of the most overplayed.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25You said you wanted your life to be like a movie.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Sorry I had to use the real Grand Central instead of the fake one.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I never see anybody declaring their love in the middle of a train station.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37It just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. Don't believe it.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Just people asking for tickets, man.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42But, you know, in real life, people'd just go, "Shut up."
0:24:42 > 0:24:44You would just... They would ruin that moment.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49CHEERING AND CAR HORN BEEPS
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Friends of yours?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55You don't want to deal with the reality of the situation of life,
0:24:55 > 0:24:58you want to escape into these worlds of perfect love,
0:24:58 > 0:25:02and that's what makes great romcoms, is that it's something that's just,
0:25:02 > 0:25:06just barely realistic enough for you to imagine it happening to you.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Every girl wants this kind of big gesture
0:25:16 > 0:25:18and a man to put everything on the line for her
0:25:18 > 0:25:21but then as soon as you do they just think you're creepy.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25So, there it is, Britain. That is how to win a girl's heart
0:25:25 > 0:25:29without being the star of the most watched TV show of all time.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32But which romantic comedy does the Hoff most like to watch
0:25:32 > 0:25:35when he turns off his phone and kicks back?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Well, for me, it's got to be
0:25:37 > 0:25:40the clumsy English rose whose pants are as big as her heart.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Yeah, the Hoff's best romcom film ever is the one and only...
0:25:47 > 0:25:48..Bridget Jones's Diary.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Bridget Jones's diary is the ultimate.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Love Bridget.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- TUNELESSLY:- # I can't live
0:25:57 > 0:26:01# If living is without you. #
0:26:01 > 0:26:05- Why is it called Bridget Jones? - That's her name.- Right.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10- My little Bridget. - Hi, Uncle Geoffrey.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13It just has every ingredient for the perfect romcom.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15She's 30-something,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17she's single, she's, you know,
0:26:17 > 0:26:19watching all her friends couple up around her.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23You really ought to hurry up and get sprogged up, you know, old girl.
0:26:23 > 0:26:28- Time's a-running out. Tick-tock.- Yes, yes.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Every girl has watched that and thought, "I've been her."
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- ANSWERING MACHINE: - You have no messages.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I've woken up hungover
0:26:35 > 0:26:38on New Year's Day and written in my diary,
0:26:38 > 0:26:40"I'm not doing any of this again."
0:26:40 > 0:26:42'And not continue to form romantic attachments to
0:26:42 > 0:26:45'any of the following - alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics,
0:26:45 > 0:26:49'peeping Toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.'
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I think the honesty of it is the real appeal.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56'Suddenly feel like screen goddess in manner of Grace Kelly.'
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Because she is so loveable and smart and funny in that film, it is
0:27:02 > 0:27:04actually perfectly feasible that
0:27:04 > 0:27:07two men such as Hugh Grant and Colin Firth
0:27:07 > 0:27:10would be in love with this wonderful, normal woman.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13I like you very much. Just as you are.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18It means that there is hope out there for the rest of us.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24She gets the guy so...
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Wait a minute. Nice boys don't kiss like that.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Oh, yes, they fucking do.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Well, it's getting late. I'd better call a cab.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Please don't ask me to stay.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I've...been hurt too many times before.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Till we meet again, let us not say, "Goodbye."
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Let us say, "Au revoir."
0:27:58 > 0:28:01This is the Hoff signing off.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd