0:00:02 > 0:00:04- It's Revelation! - Being in the Revelation family,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07being able to look to someone for support,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11it's just so refreshing to know that you're not on your own.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15I'm so proud of the choir. Every time they've been...
0:00:15 > 0:00:20# Somewhere over the rainbow
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Skies are blue... #
0:00:26 > 0:00:29..is Matt. Congratulations.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Have you noticed how these days TV seems to be a vale of tears?
0:00:39 > 0:00:45Everywhere you look, someone's crying! Reality shows, talent shows...
0:00:45 > 0:00:50On the news, even, Fiona Bruce looks like she's going to go any minute.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54If I have to watch one more little muppet squeezing out a tear
0:00:54 > 0:00:56on Britain's Got Talent
0:00:56 > 0:00:59or see someone crying on "Who Do You Think You Are?"
0:00:59 > 0:01:04because they've just their great- great-grandma worked in a factory,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I'm going to turn into my mum and say,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09"Now I'll give you something to really cry about."
0:01:13 > 0:01:17You might be wondering why I'm fascinated with crying.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22Well, it's something I don't do very often, like cleaning the oven.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24And if I'm honest, I don't find it easy.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30I've no idea why, so I'm off to explore weeping behaviour
0:01:30 > 0:01:34and see if there's any way I can ever make a hankie soggy.
0:01:35 > 0:01:42Along the way, I'll be talking to some friends who may be more sensitive than I am.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45We'll come eye to eye with tear experts
0:01:45 > 0:01:49and, in pursuit of my own tears, I'm going to jump in with both feet
0:01:49 > 0:01:53and meet some of the world's most bizarre cry-babies.
0:01:54 > 0:02:01# Don't want no more of the crying game
0:02:04 > 0:02:11# I don't want no more of the crying game... #
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Hello.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Hiya.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am indeed Jo Brand.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39More glamorous than you were expecting, I'm sure.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I've been trying to make people laugh for over 20 years,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46and at times it's been a bit like swimming through custard.
0:02:46 > 0:02:51But people seem to be increasingly entertained by crying.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I'm not entertained by crying, particularly if it's in public.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59If I cry, it's about something serious like a death
0:02:59 > 0:03:01or the closure of my off-licence,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04and I do it in the privacy of my bedroom.
0:03:04 > 0:03:10Am I on my own? I mean, what sort of things is everyone crying about?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Do you cry?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16- Yes.- All of you?- Yes. - Often?- Yes. Quite often.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Do you cry?- Yeah, standard.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23What sort of thing do you cry about? Films? Relationships?
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- EastEnders, mostly. - Oh, do you? Right, fair enough.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- Do you cry at films, at books? - Yeah, Bridget Jones's Diary.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35- Music.- Music? Yeah. - Particularly music. Family.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40- When me dog's died.- Right. Well, fair enough.- When my parents died.
0:03:40 > 0:03:45- Could be a love triangle, could be missing somebody.- You've been in a love triangle?- I'm not saying.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Seems like everyone's at it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52I feel so alone in my tearless world I could cry.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57Even the web's awash with tears. I've Googled "crying",
0:03:57 > 0:04:00and it's opened up a whole wet world of weirdness.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04I've found a website here called Crying While Eating.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08There's evidently a fascination with watching people crying.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I mean, there's over 100 entries here.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17So, Daniel is eating a bagel with hummus
0:04:17 > 0:04:20and he's crying about inconsistent weather.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23God!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Who else have we got?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30This is Fern, who's eating what looks like spaghetti.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37That is worse than drama-school students. Now he's stopped eating,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41so that's not even crying whilst eating, that's just crying.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Fern, that was pathetic.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Right, this is Bernhard from Germany.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52He's eating yoghurt. Well, fair do's - cry, then.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57And he's apparently crying because he's got to give his Macbook back.
0:04:57 > 0:05:04I don't feel like crying, but I feel slightly disturbed by it. Can you hear him?
0:05:05 > 0:05:09I don't cry while I'm eating. I cry when I've finished.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14This lot seem happy to flaunt it in public. They need a smack.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18But a gentle one that doesn't make them cry, obviously.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27It's impossible to say when this started,
0:05:27 > 0:05:32but most of us will remember an event when the entire nation dissolved into tears.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37No, I don't mean It's A Royal Knockout.
0:05:38 > 0:05:44In 1997, we all seemed to burst into tears at the death of Diana.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47What was that about? Did we think she was our mate?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Were we all depressed and wanted to let it out?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Or do we all just like a good cry?
0:06:02 > 0:06:07From that point, public crying seems to have got completely out of hand.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I mean, take talent shows, for example.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13In the '70s, the losers would just grin and bear it,
0:06:13 > 0:06:16and even the winners barely cracked a smile.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19But look at things these days,
0:06:19 > 0:06:24politicians grabbing their hankies - and they're famed for grimness.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27# Weep no more, my baby Weep no more... #
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Who could forget the shock of the Iron Lady demonstrating
0:06:31 > 0:06:34she wasn't a zombie and having a tearful meltdown?
0:06:38 > 0:06:44Now even Peter Mandelson, the so-called Prince of Darkness, is at it.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47His tears are probably more like battery acid.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51There's no doubt crying is out there.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Historian Thomas Dixon is researching a history of tears,
0:06:55 > 0:06:59and I'm going to see if he can shed some light on this weepy phenomenon.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04# I'm going to cry no tears... #
0:07:04 > 0:07:09Thomas, my feeling is that crying in the last 10, 15 years
0:07:09 > 0:07:13has amplified massively in society.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Is it a fairly recent phenomenon
0:07:16 > 0:07:19or have people had to go through all this before?
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I think we're currently in the middle or maybe near the beginning
0:07:23 > 0:07:26of a new wave of weeping in public life.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30We've had all sorts of examples, notably starting in the 1990s.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Maggie Thatcher when she left Downing Street had a tear in her eye,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37feeling sorry for herself as she left.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41In the same year Gazza bawled his eyes out at the World Cup
0:07:41 > 0:07:44and then everybody cried when Princess Diana died.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48I think the 1990s is the beginning of a new wave of weeping.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- Oh, dear.- And we may still have much more to come.- Oh, no!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55But actually, we've been a pretty weepy country
0:07:55 > 0:07:58until the 20th century.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02I think the 20th century was unusually dry in terms of tears.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04There was stoicism and reserve.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06But before the 20th century,
0:08:06 > 0:08:11we have another peak, I think, of sentiment, emotion and weeping
0:08:11 > 0:08:14in the late 18th and up to the mid-19th century.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19There's weeping judges, politicians, obviously actors and actresses...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22There's been more crying than you might think.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27So there was much more weeping in the Victorian era than I presumed,
0:08:27 > 0:08:32but surely something like the funeral of Princess Diana
0:08:32 > 0:08:35wasn't bettered by the Victorians?
0:08:35 > 0:08:40Even in the 19th century, there were large outpourings of national grief
0:08:40 > 0:08:42in response to the deaths of famous figures,
0:08:42 > 0:08:47and so there are comparable events, and perhaps most notably
0:08:47 > 0:08:51the death of Admiral Lord Nelson in 1805.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56He's won the Battle of Trafalgar against the French and Spanish navies
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- but died in doing so. - Was there a big funeral? - A huge state funeral.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05There are many pieces of journalism reporting the event in the national press,
0:09:05 > 0:09:09and a lot of them talk about "tears gushing from every eye"
0:09:09 > 0:09:14and "the nation's tears, Britannia's tears at the falling of her hero,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18and poems about Nelson and so on.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Dickens' novels.
0:09:20 > 0:09:26Obviously, Dickens has a lot of very tear-inducing scenes, doesn't he?
0:09:26 > 0:09:31Probably the peak of Victorian sentimentality, with his death scenes.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35The most famous is Little Nell in The Old Curiosity Shop,
0:09:35 > 0:09:38and I have a 19th-century edition of that here.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40And so we can see
0:09:40 > 0:09:45a picture entitled At Rest, and there she is, Little Nell, dead.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47A whole nation mourned.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- Dickens was incredibly widely read, in Britain and also America.- Right.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57And there's this story of a steamer arriving in New York
0:09:57 > 0:10:00carrying the latest instalment of The Old Curiosity Shop
0:10:00 > 0:10:05and people on the quayside shouting, "What happens to Little Nell?"
0:10:05 > 0:10:07As people on board shouted back, "She dies,"
0:10:07 > 0:10:11apparently there were people sobbing on the quayside
0:10:11 > 0:10:13to hear that Little Nell was no more.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I would be sobbing cos they'd ruined the story.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19That's such a terrible thing to do.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23But I suppose if they were shouting up and asking, yeah.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27But what confuses me is we Brits are renowned for our stiff upper lip.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Where did that come from?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I think that came from the Second World War.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39I think in the 20th century is when the tears start to dry up.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42A time of war is no time for weeping,
0:10:42 > 0:10:47whether you're on the home front or fighting the war against Hitler
0:10:47 > 0:10:48around the world.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51However much private grief one may have,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55this ethos emerges that British people don't cry,
0:10:55 > 0:11:00because they are strong and they are determined, resilient and stoical.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04It struck me, as Thomas was talking, that the War
0:11:04 > 0:11:08was the time when my mother was in her formative years.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Maybe this played a part in my upbringing
0:11:10 > 0:11:14and left me reluctant to turn on the waterworks.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Time for a bit of domestic psychology.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27- So, was I a bit of a crier as a child?- No. No, no, definitely not.
0:11:27 > 0:11:33They were only times at which it was important for you to have your own way.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38- And you had such a powerful voice when you were a little girl. - Note that.
0:11:38 > 0:11:44- Powerful voice.- The rule was we didn't go in for crying.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- It wasn't part of family practice. - So there was a moratorium on crying?
0:11:48 > 0:11:52There was. If you hurt yourself, that was different.
0:11:52 > 0:11:58But even so, there was a limit to how long you could cry.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00You've got a picture that I want to look at,
0:12:00 > 0:12:05- because it looks like butter wouldn't melt.- It wouldn't! - Is it there?
0:12:05 > 0:12:09I know I look like a very good girl in that picture. Look at that!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Well, that's exactly how you were.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17You were a dear little girl. A real sweetie. You were so kind.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20You weren't rotten in any way at all.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- That's going to ruin my image, Mum. - Is it?- Yeah.- I'm sorry!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26That's all right!
0:12:26 > 0:12:32- Look at us, lovely, happy, smiley. Gaze of steel.- I think I look nice.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36You do look nice, but you can just see that steeliness behind it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- That is true. For me, crying is a mechanism for control.- Right.
0:12:41 > 0:12:47And I think with children, especially in public places, if they cry,
0:12:47 > 0:12:52their parents are confounded, they don't know quite how to handle it,
0:12:54 > 0:12:59and the child gains the control. I think I knew that. I KNOW I knew it.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03So when I had children, I wasn't going to fall for it.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05So now I know what I am.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I'm a repressed control freak!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Not only did my mum clearly discourage us from crying,
0:13:16 > 0:13:20but I also had two brothers who treated me like a punch bag.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24It would be too girlie to cry,
0:13:24 > 0:13:29so I threw away my embroidered hankie and punched them back.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32# I keep singing them sad, sad, songs... #
0:13:32 > 0:13:34So did my generation,
0:13:34 > 0:13:38brought up in the post-war wasteland of emotional austerity,
0:13:38 > 0:13:42grow up with the same inhibitions around crying as me?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I'm meeting my friends Sam and Sally to find out
0:13:45 > 0:13:47if they're emotional pygmies too.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Is there such a thing as a good cry,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52and does that make you feel better?
0:13:52 > 0:13:56If you've got stress and you have a cry and you're with somebody
0:13:56 > 0:13:59and you talk to them about it, you do feel better.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Are you aware of feeling anything in particular when you cry,
0:14:03 > 0:14:08- anything physically or...?- No, just the feeling of "Oh, here we go."
0:14:09 > 0:14:14You then get all sweaty and hot and your eyes go and you feel like that.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Proper crying.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Cos there's too much pretty crying on television, where one tear falls.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24There's no snot, no red face, blotchy...
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I once had to pick up my son, and I'd been crying.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32I thought, "I can't go to get him out of pre-school."
0:14:32 > 0:14:37So I changed into my jogging gear, drove the car round,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39got out an empty buggy, ran round,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43said, "Oh, I felt like jogging here this morning,"
0:14:43 > 0:14:47cos I was in such a state, put him back in the buggy.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51We drove back and I sobbed my heart out for the rest of the day.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52BABY CRIES
0:14:52 > 0:14:55And someone's crying, so that's very handy.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58So, do you cry at home?
0:14:58 > 0:15:05- Erm... Yes, I suppose I do occasionally but not often at all. - And not in front of the girls?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09No, I don't in front of the kids because I think it's quite a scary sight, me crying.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12So, just in front of Bernie.
0:15:13 > 0:15:20No, I think even then, I quite prefer to go up to me bedroom, neck a bottle of vodka,
0:15:20 > 0:15:26punch the telly out, and have a good cry, and then the next person that comes into the room gets punched,
0:15:26 > 0:15:31unless it's the children. Obviously, I don't want social services on the phone.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Well, our chat confirms two things,
0:15:40 > 0:15:44I can't just blame post war Britain for at my lack of crying.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48My friends are much more emotional than me, and that's natural to them.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53It seems, I really am unusual in my lack of squirty eyes after all.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15It feels like it's time now for a little bit of academic input.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18So, I'm going to go and have a chat with Virginia Eto,
0:16:18 > 0:16:22who's a psychologist, who specialises in crying.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Virginia, we seem to cry for lots of different reasons - when we're angry,
0:16:28 > 0:16:34when we're sad, when we're frustrated. Why is it we actually cry? What are we doing it for?
0:16:34 > 0:16:39Well, from an evolutionary perspective, when infants cry, that is to do with survival,
0:16:39 > 0:16:42so infants cry because they're hungry, because they're in pain
0:16:42 > 0:16:47and because they want to be picked up, they want to be cared for. It's about forming a bond.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51So, infants form a bond with their care-givers, but as adults,
0:16:51 > 0:16:55we use crying sometimes to form an attachment bond with those that we love.
0:16:55 > 0:17:01And, you could argue that at the heart of whether it's signalling distress
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- or it's about getting support and comfort, is we are communicating something.- Right.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09And I think, although the list is endless,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11the main situations we tend to cry in
0:17:11 > 0:17:16is if we're in conflict with somebody, over loss, but also, if we observe
0:17:16 > 0:17:19suffering, and that particularly seems to be the case with women.
0:17:19 > 0:17:25So, in my own research, women site TV news reports,
0:17:25 > 0:17:31soap operas and sad movies, all situations and contexts that illicit crying.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Do you think men feel the need to control themselves more?
0:17:34 > 0:17:39I'm thinking particularly the way boys are brought up - be a brave boy, don't cry,
0:17:39 > 0:17:41it's not manly, and all the rest of it?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Well, not wanting to do men a disservice,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47that's definitely a factor you would have to consider.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51That's the difference between us, I do want to do them a disservice!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54So you're obviously the cool academic in this situation,
0:17:54 > 0:17:59which is what we need! So, you think occasionally, they might do.
0:17:59 > 0:18:04Yes, just as some women might. I think it is the context.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06When you ask women and men why they cry,
0:18:06 > 0:18:09they tend to give similar reasons.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12But, both women and men report that they would rather cry
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- in front of another woman.- Oh, really?- Than in front of a man. Yes.
0:18:15 > 0:18:21- Aww. Because we're nice, really. - Well, it's partly because women say they feel empathy and helpless in the
0:18:21 > 0:18:26- face of someone crying and men say they feel confused, awkward and irritated.- Irritated.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- That's a great one, isn't it? - Yeah, I know.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37So, men and women cry differently. That's no surprise to me. Even though it's
0:18:37 > 0:18:41the first thing we do when we're born.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45In fact, as toddlers, boys cry more than girls.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49But then, at around nine, we start to go our separate crying ways.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Sadly, for my generation, little girls were expected to cry.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59Whereas boys were encouraged to become as emotional as planks.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I've always thought the fear of being called
0:19:02 > 0:19:06a cry-baby as a boy has left many men unable to express
0:19:06 > 0:19:10themselves with any degree of emotional literacy.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13But is that finally beginning to change?
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Maybe after a bottle of wine and a broken relationship,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20then maybe a few tears, do you know what I mean?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Men seem to be quite shy about crying, don't they?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I think so, yeah.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31It's not something normal that you see, boys crying all the time. It's usually a girl thing.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35I've cried in front of lots of people. Not felt ashamed, no.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Perfectly normal, perfectly natural, perfectly human.
0:19:39 > 0:19:45I'm going to ask my friend and fellow comedian Phil Jupitus for a male perspective on crying.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Phil, are you a crier?
0:19:47 > 0:19:52Yeah, yeah, quite a major weeper throughout my life, really.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56What do you think about the wider population of men?
0:19:56 > 0:20:01Do you think they're comfortable or do you think there is still a sort of reluctance or embarrassment?
0:20:01 > 0:20:08I still think for a large proportion of men, it is a sign of weakness.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11And particularly amongst their peer group.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15They don't want to be seen within that group as a weak link.
0:20:15 > 0:20:20As someone that cries. Not being funny, but I just think that there's this working-class perception
0:20:20 > 0:20:22that you're allowed cry once in your life,
0:20:22 > 0:20:26and that's your mum's funeral. Or your dad's funeral. Parents' funerals.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Then that's it. You're done. If you're weeping, you've given up.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31I think that is the central thing.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35I think that's what's great about crying as well, is that you have let go.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38It's a release, an abandonment.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41And that is what is so satisfying about it, that you just do.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46You just, there is a...open the floodgates, here it comes. Wham!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50And that's why it's so much fun.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53There's nothing beats a really good cry.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57I feel I could learn from you.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04I can't help thinking that Phil's enjoyment of letting go is unusual.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08The only time I've ever seen men cry is at the football.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10And there was that one I tied up once!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15But high emotion is not only confined to the fans.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20In the 1990 World Cup, there was another iconic crying moment.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Paul Gascoigne regressed back to the age of four when he couldn't find his Smarties.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I mean, realised he couldn't play in the next match.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Well, I'm here at Crystal Palace to see what the increased
0:21:44 > 0:21:49public crying effect has had here. There's certainly a lot more emotion on the pitch
0:21:49 > 0:21:52than there used to be. In the old days, if you scored a goal,
0:21:52 > 0:21:55it was a quick handshake and the ghost of a smile.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58These days, it's like a West End production.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03I'm actually a Crystal Palace fan myself, so obviously I've had plenty to cry about over the years.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Do you cry about football?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Erm...I might today.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Crystal Palace, always.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15- Do you? Do you cry openly or do you wait until you get home?- Both. - Both?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- Do you cry at films or...? - No, not really, no.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- You're a proper man. - Yeah. But football is different.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28- Yes, it is, so I understand. Do you ever cry at football? - Sometimes.- Do you?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- I've been with the Palace so long, I get all sorts.- Yeah.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Thank you very much.
0:22:47 > 0:22:52This is a game that could see Palace well on the way to being relegated.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55As usual, it's emotionally unpredictable.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00One minute wild optimism, the next, sheer despair.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02It is like PMT concertinaed into 90 minutes.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15I reckon men feel more comfortable crying when they are amongst their own tribe.
0:23:15 > 0:23:21Maybe the macho nature of the game makes crying more acceptable.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25This time, with a 1-1 draw, there's thankfully no need for tears.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37So far on my crying Odyssey, I've looked at why and when British men and women cry.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41But interestingly, people around the world cry differently.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46Russian men and women cry equally. And the Irish cry more than anyone else.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49But that may be because they've got rain on their faces.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I think it's quite important to get a cultural perspective,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55so I'm going to talk to my mate Shappi Khorsandi, who was born
0:23:55 > 0:24:01in Iran and has written a book called A Beginner's Guide To Acting English.
0:24:01 > 0:24:07- I guess Iranians aren't shy about crying.- They don't feel embarrassed about it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12They don't feel embarrassed and people are much more open about it. When we cry, we really cry.
0:24:12 > 0:24:18It's almost less taboo to go all-out weeping and wailing than to have like a gentle little tear.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- Yes, you don't do Victorian dabbing a hankie.- No.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26It's full on crying. And I remember when my grandfather died, my aunt telling me
0:24:26 > 0:24:30that at the funeral, women in the street were poking her to cry harder,
0:24:30 > 0:24:35- because it looked like she didn't...- No.- ..because it looks like you don't love your dad.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39So the more you cry, the more affection you felt for the person that died, and if you
0:24:39 > 0:24:43collapse on a heap on the coffin, that means you were very close.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45My mum told me some people in the neighbourhood,
0:24:45 > 0:24:50- for a few pennies, would come and be professional mourners. - To up the whole level of weeping?
0:24:50 > 0:24:55Up the whole level, yes. Up the whole level of weeping, add a bit of atmosphere to it
0:24:55 > 0:24:58and a bit of theatre to it, because then you have
0:24:58 > 0:25:02the professional mourners and they break the crying ice, and then everyone else...
0:25:02 > 0:25:04I don't know why I'm laughing, sorry.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09..can cry to their heart's content. And the British stiff upper lip really fascinates me,
0:25:09 > 0:25:13because that's when I feel that I'm from a different background,
0:25:13 > 0:25:15because I don't know what the etiquette is with grief.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Because normally, amongst Iranian people,
0:25:18 > 0:25:22even if you don't tell someone very well, even if they're a casual acquaintance,
0:25:22 > 0:25:25if a loved one of theirs dies,
0:25:25 > 0:25:28you cook halva, which is a very sweet dish,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32and you take halva to their house, and you say,
0:25:32 > 0:25:38"May this be your final sorrow," and when relative strangers call you up
0:25:38 > 0:25:42or come to your door to offer you their condolences, it's a real comfort.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Whereas you would not go round to an English person's house that
0:25:45 > 0:25:48you just met a couple of times going,
0:25:48 > 0:25:52"I heard your nana died, here's a Cornish pasty," or whatever!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14In Fiji, funerals guests are not allowed to cry
0:26:14 > 0:26:18until the body is buried. I suppose that's get bit like our custom of not getting
0:26:18 > 0:26:22stuck into the buffet until after the funeral. But here,
0:26:22 > 0:26:26we can cry at any time we like over the loss of a loved one.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Priests must have to come face-to-face with this
0:26:32 > 0:26:35outpouring of emotion on a day-to-day basis.
0:26:35 > 0:26:42I'm going to pop into St George's to see how my friend Father Ray deals with this.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51I sometimes practise the organ here,
0:26:51 > 0:26:57so while I'm waiting, I'll have a little tinkle and play the theme from Love Story - Romantic Tosh.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Still, it might wind up Father Ray.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Oh, hello, Ray.- Hello, Jo.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- Sorry I'm playing. - No, no, that was a really sad film,
0:27:09 > 0:27:11it reminds me of seeing that film years ago.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Very, very sad, but you're sounding good. Yah.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- Well, thank you, but it hasn't made me cry. - No. You trying to make yourself cry?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- I am a bit.- Do you feel like a weep? Need a weep.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24- Well, apparently, weeping as quite a good thing to do. - I think it is.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27I thought you were a good person to talk to
0:27:27 > 0:27:30because you're on the receiving end of quite a lot of weeping.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33A lot of the time, as priests, we share people's times of joy
0:27:33 > 0:27:37and sadness, and sometimes, within an hour,
0:27:37 > 0:27:40sort of thing, from different people.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44But yes, I think part of our role, certainly in this culture
0:27:44 > 0:27:50is to contain people's tears, people's sadness, and give
0:27:50 > 0:27:55people a quiet place, a calm place n which they can express...
0:27:55 > 0:28:01- So to sort of allow people to cry, really.- And I think there is something in, you can develop
0:28:01 > 0:28:04an approach of permission, really, people just sense that they
0:28:04 > 0:28:10can weep with you and so, almost unconsciously, something is freed.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14Does the Church give you some sort of pragmatic advice about how
0:28:14 > 0:28:17to deal with people who are very distressed or crying?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19It doesn't, actually.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23I think what I picked up within the culture I trained in
0:28:23 > 0:28:30was that we were expected to be a solid rock that held everything together.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33And somebody said to me recently, they came from a funeral,
0:28:33 > 0:28:36and they said, "Well it was all right,
0:28:36 > 0:28:41- "but the vicar got upset and I don't think that's on."- Really?
0:28:41 > 0:28:43So somebody was offended.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47And I think that comes from that need that people have of us,
0:28:47 > 0:28:52- that whatever happens around us, we're going to hold things together. - I'm not much of a crier
0:28:52 > 0:28:55and I have a bit of an abhorrence of crying in public.
0:28:55 > 0:29:00I find it really embarrassing. Should I be crying more?
0:29:00 > 0:29:02I think if you're aware of a build-up of some
0:29:02 > 0:29:06emotion that you can't express, or if there is something
0:29:06 > 0:29:10there that is preventing you from crying in a way that you need to,
0:29:10 > 0:29:13then I think, yes, that is something we need to work on.
0:29:13 > 0:29:18But I do think there is a risk in our culture of manufacturing
0:29:18 > 0:29:24tears and assuming that something that is, you know, right on.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27And that we are in touch with their feelings, etc.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30So there is a certain type of crying that is good for you, I think.
0:29:30 > 0:29:33And if it is going to lead you to feel shameful because you had
0:29:33 > 0:29:39broken down in Sainsbury's, then maybe you need to do it elsewhere.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Yes, I think you're right.
0:29:41 > 0:29:46- Keep your weeping to yourself, sort of thing.- Maybe in Morrisons!
0:29:50 > 0:29:54So, Father Ray thinks I should have a good cry, but where?
0:29:54 > 0:29:59Well, obviously, the most comfortable place to cry is in the cinema.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02Do you think that there's such a thing as, like,
0:30:02 > 0:30:05going to see a weepy film to have a good cry, and does it help?
0:30:05 > 0:30:08Yeah, it does. I went through a phase of watching Armageddon
0:30:08 > 0:30:10- just so I would cry.- Oh, good!
0:30:12 > 0:30:13Clint East...
0:30:13 > 0:30:17- No, Mel Gibson.- Mad Max? - And he lost his wife.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21No, no, no. Erm, something Young. Er...
0:30:21 > 0:30:24Hugh and Andie MacDowell, they're so good together. No, not that film!
0:30:24 > 0:30:27- I've only ever cried once at the cinema.- What was that at?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Little Princess.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34- Probably something like Schindler's List, some big tragedy.- Yeah.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Naturally, it's good acting that elicits tears in the cinema.
0:30:37 > 0:30:41I'm going to see Richard E Grant, who had us all weeping
0:30:41 > 0:30:44into our popcorn in Jack & Sarah - except me, of course.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Right up the front, please.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Thank you.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Richard, are you a crier?
0:30:56 > 0:30:57- Yeah, big blubber.- Are you?
0:30:57 > 0:31:00Yeah.
0:31:00 > 0:31:01What at? What sort of things?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Standing ovations.
0:31:03 > 0:31:04Standing ovations?
0:31:04 > 0:31:07Yeah. If people do a standing ovation in something,
0:31:07 > 0:31:09- I'll start crying. - Not just for you?
0:31:09 > 0:31:11No, no! Never done one for me!
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Yeah, that makes me cry.
0:31:14 > 0:31:20Intense happiness makes me cry, movies, my daughter.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Anything to do with children on the news and I'm a goner.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28And I know you don't cry at all.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30- No, I don't. - Because you're a cold-hearted...
0:31:30 > 0:31:32Old bag.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34That's true. Do you think...
0:31:34 > 0:31:37So I'm incontinent and you're constipated, emotionally?
0:31:37 > 0:31:39Yes, that's right. So we both need...
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- Because I blub and you can't.- Yes.
0:31:41 > 0:31:45Somewhere in the middle, we meet to make a perfectly-rounded person.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53Do you think going to the pictures to see a weepy film
0:31:53 > 0:31:57is a positive thing for people in a sort of cathartic way?
0:31:57 > 0:31:58Oh, yeah, hugely.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02I remember in ET and Gandhi, those two movies that came out in 1983,
0:32:02 > 0:32:03these two funny-looking guys,
0:32:03 > 0:32:06and people blubbed openly in those movies.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08You could hear them doing all that,
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- because there are so many goodbyes in the story, built in.- Yes.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Do you think being able to cry easily as a person
0:32:19 > 0:32:24helps you to cry more easily as an actor when it's called for?
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Yeah, I can cry very, very quickly.
0:32:26 > 0:32:27- Can you?- Yeah.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30- Do you want to... Can you cry now? - Yeah.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33- Go on, then.- Er...
0:32:41 > 0:32:42Sorry.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45That was... That was quick.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48- That was about 20 seconds.- Yeah.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53I hope you weren't thinking about me!
0:32:53 > 0:32:58No, it's just... You either... You just can or you can't.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Do you use it?
0:33:00 > 0:33:01If I'm required to in the part?
0:33:01 > 0:33:04Say you got arrested for bad driving.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Would I burst into tears?
0:33:07 > 0:33:09Would you have a crack at it?
0:33:11 > 0:33:15I hadn't thought of that, but I will do, yeah.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17But it is it purely a physical thing that you do,
0:33:17 > 0:33:21or do you have an emotional picture in your head of something?
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Yeah, just go straight to something that's sad.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27Do you always pick the same one or do you pick different ones?
0:33:27 > 0:33:29- Erm...- Any old one will do?
0:33:29 > 0:33:33- Any old one will do, yeah. - I'm really interested in that.
0:33:33 > 0:33:37- I've had such a tragic life that, I can draw on anything. - Have you? Yes!
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Well, I was very impressed by Richard's ability to cry.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52What a useful weapon to have in your arsenal,
0:33:52 > 0:33:55particularly at moments of threat.
0:33:55 > 0:33:57Some years ago, I was hitchhiking, foolishly,
0:33:57 > 0:34:00got picked up by a squaddie and driven down a dark lane.
0:34:00 > 0:34:02I actually feared for my life.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04I decided to go on the offensive and I shouted,
0:34:04 > 0:34:07"What is it you're going to do now?" And weirdly, he started crying.
0:34:07 > 0:34:12A friend of mine said to me afterwards, "Had he just put his glasses on?" Charming(!)
0:34:13 > 0:34:17It seems like everyone else can turn on the tears apart from me.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21But do I really need to? Is it actually good for us?
0:34:21 > 0:34:24Well, I've found a tear clinic in America
0:34:24 > 0:34:30and I'm going to talk to crying guru and biochemist Bill Frey.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Am I going to America? Pfft! What do you think?
0:34:34 > 0:34:35Hello, Bill.
0:34:35 > 0:34:37Hi, Jo, it's nice to meet you.
0:34:37 > 0:34:38How are you doing?
0:34:38 > 0:34:39I'm doing great.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41That's it. I've made you bigger.
0:34:41 > 0:34:42You're much better.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Can I start by asking you,
0:34:45 > 0:34:51what is the reason, in an evolutionary sense, that humans cry?
0:34:51 > 0:34:53Why did they develop that ability?
0:34:53 > 0:34:58Well, first of all, we do know that humans are the only animals that have
0:34:58 > 0:35:02evolved this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress,
0:35:02 > 0:35:05and I think the reason this evolved is that
0:35:05 > 0:35:09unalleviated emotional stress or chronic stress
0:35:09 > 0:35:11is actually quite damaging to the body.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15It causes the release of hormones,
0:35:15 > 0:35:19and these hormones actually can damage brain cells in your brain,
0:35:19 > 0:35:23so when you cry, this is a method that humans have evolved
0:35:23 > 0:35:25to alleviate emotional stress.
0:35:25 > 0:35:29So you're saying that, if you don't cry very much, like I don't,
0:35:30 > 0:35:32you're in trouble?
0:35:32 > 0:35:33Now, you're a comedian,
0:35:33 > 0:35:40so laughter is, in fact, another mechanism of alleviating stress.
0:35:40 > 0:35:41What about smoking a lot?
0:35:42 > 0:35:45Not a good idea. THEY LAUGH
0:35:45 > 0:35:48OK, fair enough.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51So we're sort of saying, then - well, you're saying,
0:35:51 > 0:35:55crying is very important for your psychological
0:35:55 > 0:35:57and physical health, really?
0:35:57 > 0:36:04It is. We know that 85% of women, 73% of men, say they feel better after crying,
0:36:04 > 0:36:06and crying is an excretory process,
0:36:06 > 0:36:10something coming out of the body, and if you think about it,
0:36:10 > 0:36:12we exhale to get rid of carbon dioxide,
0:36:12 > 0:36:15we urinate to get rid of waste products.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19Crying, in fact, I think, is probably something similar,
0:36:19 > 0:36:22only more involved in alleviating stress.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25That's quite an uncomfortable image, though, isn't it,
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- urinating out of your eyes? - HE LAUGHS
0:36:28 > 0:36:31But if it's doing the job, I suppose it's doing the job.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35So if you're someone like me that doesn't cry terribly often,
0:36:35 > 0:36:39if hardly ever, would you advise me to just cry a bit more?
0:36:39 > 0:36:42Yeah, I would advise you to cry a bit more.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44But you can't really make yourself cry.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48You more have to give yourself permission to sort of wallow in,
0:36:48 > 0:36:52a little bit, what it is that's upsetting to you,
0:36:52 > 0:36:54and once you're really upset, you'll cry.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57It just happens almost automatically.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00Well, I quite fancy having a wallow in misery.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04I mean, I'd just probably have a talk with my husband. That'd do it.
0:37:04 > 0:37:06That would probably do it, yes.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10Listen, it's an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14You've really added to my knowledge because I had no idea that crying
0:37:14 > 0:37:16could be such a positive thing.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18Thank you. Good to speak with you, Jo.
0:37:18 > 0:37:19You're a genius.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20OK.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22- Bye.- Bye now.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Well, that was a bit of a revelation. Crying is good for you.
0:37:29 > 0:37:33It is definitive. But I am just not a crier.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37Bill has told me I'm not crying enough and I need to take it seriously.
0:37:37 > 0:37:42I need to find out what are the things and where are the places that make us cry.
0:37:42 > 0:37:46The bottom line is, I need to learn to do it a bit more.
0:37:51 > 0:37:55First, I need to know if the old tear ducts are in good working order.
0:37:55 > 0:38:00I'm off to see Dr Jimmy Uddin at Moorfields Eye Hospital.
0:38:00 > 0:38:05Jimmy, let's say that something external makes me cry, like a horrible heckler.
0:38:05 > 0:38:12I hear that, the message goes into my brain, and my brain says, "Oh dear, you poor thing,
0:38:12 > 0:38:16"you'd better have a bit of a cry about that because he was so horrible."
0:38:16 > 0:38:22What you have, you have pathways from places such as the hypothalamus,
0:38:22 > 0:38:26basal ganglia, frontal cortex, these are complex parts of the brain
0:38:26 > 0:38:28where you have the emotional response.
0:38:28 > 0:38:34- It is quite complicated, isn't it? - You have a series of nerve pathways, that run to the tear gland,
0:38:34 > 0:38:39the lacrimal gland, and the tear gland produces the tears.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45It's time to give my lacrimal gland an MOT.
0:38:45 > 0:38:52What we will try to do is examine your actual tear film, and try to see any actual tear production.
0:38:52 > 0:38:55Sorry, it's a bit uncomfortable. That's OK.
0:38:55 > 0:38:59Under the upper lid is where the tear gland drains.
0:38:59 > 0:39:06The tear glands sits up here and drains into these special ducts
0:39:06 > 0:39:07that sit under the lid here.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11And if we are lucky, we may be able to demonstrate that.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14- Are you going to poke me in the eye? - SHE LAUGHS
0:39:14 > 0:39:18- OK, if you'd like to sit back. - I notice you didn't answer that!
0:39:18 > 0:39:23If we can try and have a look and see any tears being produced.
0:39:23 > 0:39:28If you look down, please. Look down and to your left.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32That is the tear gland itself,
0:39:32 > 0:39:35which is a nice shot.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39Look down, please. I am going to put in this stain.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46Those streams are streams of tears coming through it.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49It is like a little river running through,
0:39:49 > 0:39:53or the opposite way round, when you get dye going into a big pool.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56It's sort of the opposite, it dilutes it out and you see this.
0:39:56 > 0:39:57We can see it.
0:39:57 > 0:40:03What we have demonstrated is your actual tear production from this lacrimal gland producing real tears,
0:40:03 > 0:40:07those are the tears that come out of the tear gland, the actual tears.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10- So I can cry?- Yes, you can.
0:40:10 > 0:40:11Physiologically speaking.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13- Absolutely.- Oh, jolly good.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16That is good news, to know that, physically, I am able to cry,
0:40:16 > 0:40:22so all I need now is some bad news to see if I can let it all out.
0:40:22 > 0:40:26I am going to meet Jeremy Stockwell, who is a drama coach at RADA.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30If anyone can make me cry, surely it has got to be him.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35Hello, thank you for coming.
0:40:35 > 0:40:39Walk around the room, walk around the room, walk around the room, walk around the room.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42Try jogging around the room, folks, jogging!
0:40:45 > 0:40:48Any which way, don't jog in a circle!
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Any which way! When I clap my hands, stop. HE CLAPS
0:40:51 > 0:40:54When I clap my hands, I want you to face a new direction. HE CLAPS
0:40:54 > 0:40:58When I clap my hands, go off in that new direction, off you go. HE CLAPS
0:40:58 > 0:41:01There'll be three claps. The first is stop, turn, go!
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Keep going, ladies and gentlemen!
0:41:04 > 0:41:07It's certainly going to make me cry if I have to do much more of this.
0:41:07 > 0:41:11Stop, turn, go, stop, turn, go. Stop, turn, aaaah!
0:41:11 > 0:41:16I haven't said go. So we get into the habit, the habit of acting.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20The habit of producing emotions, whether that is crying or laughing,
0:41:20 > 0:41:23the habit of saying, "I always do this scene this way."
0:41:23 > 0:41:26It is very easy for us to get into the habit.
0:41:26 > 0:41:31You couldn't go on to stage and really commit to the moment of now if you're stuck in that habit.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Does that make sense to you?
0:41:33 > 0:41:34Yeah.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Acting is you.
0:41:36 > 0:41:43As if whatever. As if you're tortured, upset, stressed, acting is you as if you're in love.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45It is you, it is never not you.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Comedians can make fantastic actors.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- I've said this many times to Jo. - I've never believed you.
0:41:51 > 0:41:53She won't buy it, but it's true!
0:41:53 > 0:41:59Comedians can make very good actors because they are aware of that ocean of emotion, that connection.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02We are connecting, we are riding, we are surfing that.
0:42:02 > 0:42:07It's an old reference, but if you look at Laurence Olivier in The Entertainer, good though he was,
0:42:07 > 0:42:12he wasn't really connecting with that audience there, he was acting that connection.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14I don't want criticise, but it's true.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Go on. He was rubbish!
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Sure. Or perhaps now, he looks rather over-the-top.
0:42:20 > 0:42:27But if you look at someone like Billy Connolly, someone like Les Dawson, if you look at someone like Max Hall,
0:42:27 > 0:42:34these are comedians of my youth, and they were fantastic actors, and they were fantastic actors
0:42:34 > 0:42:39because they were aware of that connection, that inter-connectivity here.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42If you can make people laugh,
0:42:42 > 0:42:45a flipside is, you can certainly make them cry.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48You certainly can make them cry.
0:42:48 > 0:42:52Choose with no words, arms by your sides, out of pockets.
0:42:52 > 0:42:59Choose at this moment to look into the eyes of your partner and choose now to love them.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02This is what we've been waiting for.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05You can choose to love this person right now.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Have a thought for this poor woman they've chosen to stare at me.
0:43:08 > 0:43:12She wants to take it all seriously and she's got me to deal with.
0:43:12 > 0:43:17I am more embarrassed than when I wet myself in assembly aged five.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19Turn it up a little bit more.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23No invention.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26And now, turn.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Another aspect of yourself.
0:43:28 > 0:43:34And choose it this time to have utter and total and absolute compassion for this person.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36And let that build.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41So that in your heart, there is warm feeling,
0:43:41 > 0:43:47which will grow and grow, and there is a sadness about that.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51And you can turn that up.
0:43:55 > 0:44:00There is a human being in this form in front of you
0:44:00 > 0:44:03that ultimately will pass...
0:44:06 > 0:44:13..as the only constant truth in our universe is change.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16All things shall pass.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19And as sombre
0:44:19 > 0:44:24and as tragic as this may be...
0:44:26 > 0:44:29..it is also quite beautiful.
0:44:52 > 0:44:53Thank you very much.
0:44:56 > 0:45:00'I'm a bit rubbish at acting. It was impossible to let myself go.
0:45:00 > 0:45:07'Somehow, I don't think the RSC are going to be battering my door down with a Lady Macbeth request.'
0:45:08 > 0:45:12I'm going to have to find another way to release my inner weeper.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15A lot of people are moved to tears by certain songs.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19# Sunday is gloomy
0:45:19 > 0:45:24# My hours are slumberless
0:45:24 > 0:45:32# Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless... #
0:45:33 > 0:45:39That is Gloomy Sunday, a traditional folk song sung by Elvis Costello.
0:45:39 > 0:45:42The perfect combination for me. I love him.
0:45:42 > 0:45:47I remember that song being played a lot by my parents when I was a child,
0:45:47 > 0:45:48sung by Paul Robeson.
0:45:48 > 0:45:54Interestingly, when that song was originally written and played
0:45:54 > 0:45:57in Hungary in the 1930s,
0:45:57 > 0:46:04it was banned because legend has it that quite a lot of people committed suicide after they'd heard it.
0:46:04 > 0:46:09So if I am ever going to cry, that will probably be the song I'll cry to.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11But obviously I'm not crying now.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17Music can sometimes do it for me.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20JLS's last single REALLY made me want to weep.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23I need to think of something more extreme,
0:46:23 > 0:46:25so it's back to the Internet.
0:46:25 > 0:46:28Apparently, they have crying clubs in Japan.
0:46:28 > 0:46:29Sounds a bit weird, doesn't it?
0:46:29 > 0:46:33Surely there's nothing like that in this country.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35Oh, but there is.
0:46:35 > 0:46:40I've just found Loss Club, where they dress up and cry.
0:46:40 > 0:46:44Sounds suitably bonkers to me. I'm there!
0:46:51 > 0:46:55Over in east London is the little-known, morosely-named Loss Club.
0:46:55 > 0:47:03Modelled on the onion seller in Gunter Grass's novel The Tin Drum, the aim of the night
0:47:03 > 0:47:07is to get everyone weeping bitterly into their gin glasses.
0:47:17 > 0:47:22- Are you passing the gin? - Why do I feel I'm going to piss myself laughing?
0:47:24 > 0:47:27- Good evening.- Good evening.
0:47:27 > 0:47:28Would you like to sit down?
0:47:28 > 0:47:33- I'd love to, yeah. - She's smiling! No smiling here!
0:47:33 > 0:47:37- I've only got four quid on me. - That'll do.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39Is that four smiles?
0:47:39 > 0:47:43That's my first one. That'll teach me.
0:47:43 > 0:47:45No-one's ever smiled before.
0:47:45 > 0:47:48- Oh, crikey. - That's a really sad case.
0:47:48 > 0:47:52Are you all unhappy?
0:47:52 > 0:47:54Desperately, yes.
0:47:54 > 0:47:56Can you be ever happy?
0:47:56 > 0:47:58- Well, I manage it.- Really?
0:47:58 > 0:48:00- Ish.- Are you sure?
0:48:00 > 0:48:03I don't know, are you going to try and talk me out of it?
0:48:03 > 0:48:07- I think so. - I think you need a real good cry.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09- Do you?- Yeah.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11You've got a great face.
0:48:11 > 0:48:15- Do you like crying?- No.- You don't?
0:48:15 > 0:48:17So what brings you here tonight?
0:48:17 > 0:48:21- Loss.- Loss.- Like some onions?
0:48:21 > 0:48:25- Three for me.- Three for Mr Carter.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29- You've got a big sack of onions! Sorry. - SHE LAUGHS
0:48:29 > 0:48:31Oh, that is more!
0:48:31 > 0:48:38Do you take credit cards? No? OK. There's my last pound.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40You won't be smiling soon. BANGING
0:48:40 > 0:48:43SOBBING
0:48:43 > 0:48:47What is it about crying that is so satisfying?
0:48:47 > 0:48:49- It's like a drug.- Oh, is it?
0:48:49 > 0:48:51It's cathartic.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53- Cathartic.- Yeah.
0:48:53 > 0:48:55You have heard of wedding crashers.
0:48:55 > 0:48:58- You are funeral crashers, are you? - I am, yeah.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01- Do you go to funerals of people you don't know?- Yeah.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04You might go to a funeral of someone you've never met before?
0:49:04 > 0:49:06- That's better.- Is it?- Yeah.
0:49:06 > 0:49:10- When was the last time you cried? - When was the last time I cried?
0:49:10 > 0:49:13Absolutely ages ago.
0:49:13 > 0:49:20I've hardened my heart, so I would say I'm probably quite an emotionally-blunted person now.
0:49:20 > 0:49:21Chop the onions!
0:49:21 > 0:49:24Let the onion juice flow.
0:49:24 > 0:49:29Chop the onions, chop the onions, chop the onions.
0:49:32 > 0:49:35A little bit of onion juice in your eyes will make you cry.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Thank you so much, and I'll smell nice as well.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40You will.
0:49:40 > 0:49:44A little bit of onion juice in your eye, madam, that will make you cry.
0:49:45 > 0:49:50I'm being forced to cry now, and I feel that somehow my civil liberties
0:49:50 > 0:49:53have been in some way... Pardon?
0:49:53 > 0:49:56- Violated.- Violated! Yes, good word.
0:49:56 > 0:50:01Chop, chop, nobody is leaving until every single onion is chopped.
0:50:29 > 0:50:32Well, that was a very strange experience indeed.
0:50:32 > 0:50:37I don't really know what it was about, whether they are art students having a laugh
0:50:37 > 0:50:43or they are all seriously disturbed, and I know I kind of looked like I was crying, but I wasn't.
0:50:43 > 0:50:49That's just water coming out of my eyes because some bloke in a frock coat had assaulted me with an onion.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51So I didn't cry, all right? Peh!
0:50:59 > 0:51:01This crying game is getting exhausting.
0:51:01 > 0:51:03What haven't I tried?
0:51:03 > 0:51:07I've been poked in the eye, given acting a go, music,
0:51:07 > 0:51:10weird onion torture, but none of them have worked.
0:51:10 > 0:51:14It isn't an issue for most people, but it clearly is for me.
0:51:14 > 0:51:19It's time to confront my stubborn subconscious.
0:51:19 > 0:51:26Many people seek help from psychotherapists to try and unlock long-standing emotional problems.
0:51:26 > 0:51:32There seems to be a supposition that crying is in some way cathartic.
0:51:32 > 0:51:37I've actually been invited by psychotherapist Susie Orbach
0:51:37 > 0:51:39to have a session.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43Last time I met her, she wasn't terribly impressed with me,
0:51:43 > 0:51:46because I said that I'd read her book, Fat Is A Feminist Issue,
0:51:46 > 0:51:49got halfway through it and eaten it.
0:51:54 > 0:51:59Susie, I was really interested to come and talk to you because it seems to me that,
0:51:59 > 0:52:02particularly over the last ten to 20 years,
0:52:02 > 0:52:07there has been a huge increase, on television particularly,
0:52:07 > 0:52:13of people kind of letting everything out and crying their eyes out.
0:52:13 > 0:52:18I find it really irritating, and I think that is because I,
0:52:18 > 0:52:22as a person, think that grief is a thing you should do in private,
0:52:22 > 0:52:26and I don't know, I have a feeling about it.
0:52:26 > 0:52:34It's crocodile tears, it's done for effect and it's to try and make the viewing public
0:52:34 > 0:52:38be more sympathetic towards the individual.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41There is so much stuff in what you've just said.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44Do you think it is easy to cry?
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Personally, not that easy for me.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50So why do think it is for other people?
0:52:50 > 0:52:54Because I think they're sort of emotionally incontinent.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58Let's take something like Who Do You Think You Are?
0:52:58 > 0:53:02where people go back through their family ancestry.
0:53:02 > 0:53:09It seems to me, it is almost essential for them to cry to make the programme, if you like.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12So what offends you about that?
0:53:12 > 0:53:15First of all, I feel it is false,
0:53:15 > 0:53:16because I think,
0:53:16 > 0:53:20if you find out that your great-great-great-great-grandfather
0:53:20 > 0:53:23had a hard life, to me,
0:53:23 > 0:53:29that is not an important enough thing to you as a person to cry about.
0:53:29 > 0:53:34What is more important to me for someone to cry about
0:53:34 > 0:53:37is something going on in their life...
0:53:37 > 0:53:43So crying for you is a different kind of emotion than other emotions?
0:53:43 > 0:53:48You want to reserve crying for something particular?
0:53:48 > 0:53:51I suppose I do, yes.
0:53:51 > 0:53:56And I also think that I feel quite strongly that crying isn't something
0:53:56 > 0:54:01that you do for the entertainment of the television viewing population.
0:54:01 > 0:54:03So on the one hand,
0:54:03 > 0:54:06you distrust it, on the other hand,
0:54:06 > 0:54:09you feel...queasy.
0:54:09 > 0:54:13Yes, I suppose I'm saying I don't actually know.
0:54:13 > 0:54:17I can't tell if they're full of grief or not, but sometimes
0:54:17 > 0:54:21they don't seem to be, it seems to be put on.
0:54:21 > 0:54:25I think that is the thing about emotions, that maybe,
0:54:25 > 0:54:28coming from it from where you do in your job,
0:54:28 > 0:54:30which is to make us laugh...
0:54:32 > 0:54:35I don't understand where that laugh comes from
0:54:35 > 0:54:38- that you can produce in me.- Yes. - Yet it can come.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41And I think it is the same with tears.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Let me put it this way.
0:54:44 > 0:54:48Your professional life is about making sure we are not crying,
0:54:48 > 0:54:50and there is quite a lot to cry about.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52There is quite a lot to cry about.
0:54:52 > 0:54:55And you don't like to cry yourself, and you don't find it easy to cry.
0:54:55 > 0:54:59No, and I think what that is about in me
0:54:59 > 0:55:03is that I defend myself against it by laughing
0:55:03 > 0:55:08because I find that an easier way to frame the whole thing.
0:55:08 > 0:55:09Like the fat thing.
0:55:09 > 0:55:13I've had so much abuse through my life for being overweight.
0:55:13 > 0:55:17As a psychiatric nurse, as a woman just walking down the street.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20And you'll notice that a lot of people
0:55:20 > 0:55:25that have some sort of physical, noticeable characteristic,
0:55:25 > 0:55:26and again, it is a cliche,
0:55:26 > 0:55:29but they defend themselves against it with humour.
0:55:29 > 0:55:32They don't want to sit at home crying going,
0:55:32 > 0:55:35"Everyone hates me because I'm fat."
0:55:35 > 0:55:41I personally don't think that is a particularly important aspect of a person's personality.
0:55:41 > 0:55:46But you must think it's important, because otherwise you wouldn't draw attention to it.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49I wonder if there's something about the tears held within that?
0:55:49 > 0:55:53- Do you think I'm really sad about being fat?- No.
0:55:53 > 0:55:57No, you might be really sad about... You might be really sad.
0:56:02 > 0:56:04You're looking at me in quite a scary way now.
0:56:07 > 0:56:10You're doing that therapist thing
0:56:10 > 0:56:13of just looking and waiting for me to say something,
0:56:13 > 0:56:14but I don't know what to say.
0:56:18 > 0:56:24Maybe the worry is that, if I don't say anything, and we don't have this easy, fast talk,
0:56:24 > 0:56:26that something else will come up about tears.
0:56:26 > 0:56:29Erm...
0:56:29 > 0:56:35Given you have an interest in crying, the negative aspect of it,
0:56:35 > 0:56:38I am thinking,
0:56:38 > 0:56:43"Hmm. What is the fear or the upset
0:56:43 > 0:56:45- "about crying for yourself?"- Mmm.
0:56:45 > 0:56:50What is that piece of you that is undeveloped?
0:56:50 > 0:56:54It is not that you need to change your persona, but it seems like
0:56:54 > 0:56:58an emotional deprivation, to not have that emotional capacity.
0:56:58 > 0:57:04Maybe deprivation is too strong a word. Maybe I would want to say it just seems like
0:57:04 > 0:57:06there is a limitation there.
0:57:06 > 0:57:10- In your relation to self, not your relation to the world.- Mmm.
0:57:10 > 0:57:17Do you think there are some kind of negative effect if you're the sort of person that doesn't cry,
0:57:17 > 0:57:19but you need to cry about things?
0:57:19 > 0:57:23Is that having a bad effect?
0:57:23 > 0:57:25I'd have to say yes.
0:57:25 > 0:57:30If you need to cry and you are trembling instead,
0:57:30 > 0:57:35or you're wringing your hands, or you're laughing.
0:57:35 > 0:57:38I don't mean in the comedy sense,
0:57:38 > 0:57:40but telling a sad story,
0:57:40 > 0:57:43smiling and then apologising.
0:57:43 > 0:57:46It's a form of alienation from yourself.
0:57:49 > 0:57:53MUSIC: "The Tears Of A Clown" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
0:57:57 > 0:58:03Two weeks after my session with Susie Orbach, I decided to go into serious psychotherapy.
0:58:03 > 0:58:06# Now if there's a smile on my face
0:58:06 > 0:58:11# It's only there trying to fool the public
0:58:11 > 0:58:14# But when it comes down to fooling you
0:58:14 > 0:58:17# Now, honey that's quite a different subject... #
0:58:17 > 0:58:19In your dreams, mate.
0:58:19 > 0:58:22# Don't let my glad expression
0:58:22 > 0:58:26# Give you the wrong impression
0:58:26 > 0:58:28# Really I'm sad
0:58:28 > 0:58:31# Oh, sadder than sad
0:58:31 > 0:58:35# You're gone and I'm hurtin' so bad
0:58:35 > 0:58:39# Like a clown, I pretend to be glad
0:58:39 > 0:58:40# Sad, sad, sad
0:58:40 > 0:58:44# Now there's some sad things known to man
0:58:44 > 0:58:47# But ain't too much sadder than
0:58:47 > 0:58:51# The tears of a clown
0:58:51 > 0:58:53# When there's no-one around... #
0:58:53 > 0:58:55Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:55 > 0:58:57E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk