0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language from the start and with sexual material.
0:00:07 > 0:00:13So, in 1994 I'm 14, and my diary says things like,
0:00:13 > 0:00:16"I can't wait to go home and see Mum and Dad,
0:00:16 > 0:00:19"and I really want to walk the dog,
0:00:19 > 0:00:22"and I had a baked potato, and I had a crap netball lesson."
0:00:22 > 0:00:29So all like that. Then a year later, 1995, I'm 15, and it says,
0:00:29 > 0:00:32"I'm going to fuck Ed senseless."
0:00:32 > 0:00:35MUSIC: "Kiss" by Prince
0:00:35 > 0:00:38"Met this guy called Phil on the train, he's so fit."
0:00:38 > 0:00:40"Another seriously fit bloke was on the train
0:00:40 > 0:00:42"and gave me come to bed eyes."
0:00:45 > 0:00:50Something happened when I turned 15, and I just went bananas.
0:00:50 > 0:00:56"Tom was here. Tall, dark, sex crying out to me."
0:00:56 > 0:00:58'Losing your virginity can be momentous,
0:00:58 > 0:01:02'exciting and nerve-racking all rolled into one.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03'And in the last few years,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07'more and more teenagers are having sex for the first time before 16.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09'Especially girls.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12'But just how important is it? Does age matter,
0:01:12 > 0:01:16'and is it fundamentally different for men and women?
0:01:16 > 0:01:19'I've always wanted to know about other people's first times,
0:01:19 > 0:01:23'but never quite had the nerve to ask...until now.'
0:01:30 > 0:01:32'First, my story.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36'Aged 16, three months and two days,
0:01:36 > 0:01:41'my sex-starved teen self decided to finally take the plunge,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44'and find out what all that fuss was about
0:01:44 > 0:01:47'with my first serious boyfriend.'
0:01:47 > 0:01:50It was about four in the morning because the sun was coming up
0:01:50 > 0:01:54and the birds were singing. And we just...really calmly
0:01:54 > 0:01:58and sweetly decided that maybe we should have sex.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Everything around the sex was really lovely,
0:02:01 > 0:02:08but the actual sex itself was just really painful.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14It stung, it was uncomfortable.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18I remember at one point, I think I wanted to cry a little bit.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I didn't feel bad about it because he was so lovely,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25but I didn't particularly enjoy the actual sex.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28It was a very weird experience the first time.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32'The pain was a shock, as I wasn't really expecting it,
0:02:32 > 0:02:34'but that was me.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37'I want to know what losing your virginity is like
0:02:37 > 0:02:38'for everyone else too.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42'So, I'm going to start by asking some boys about their first times,
0:02:42 > 0:02:43'to see if it was different for them.'
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I've come to Huddersfield, to meet a house full of students,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59who play in a band together, and I've been led to believe
0:02:59 > 0:03:02are a big hit with the ladies.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Cherry!- You're Dan!- Hello, Cherry. How you doing?- Nice to meet you.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Fantastic, come on in. Let me show you round my house.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15'First up is trombone player, Dan, and I want to find out
0:03:15 > 0:03:18'when, where and how he popped his cherry.'
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- Is that a whip?- Yeah.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- It ain't mine.- Dan?- Yeah, it is mine. I got it at V Festival...- Dan?
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Why you got a whip on your curtain? - I've been using that since Year Nine.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I'm going to put the whip down.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35There's so many details in this house. Eugh, I know what that is!
0:03:35 > 0:03:38RECORDED MOOING
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Oh, I touched it!
0:03:41 > 0:03:46- Yeah.- That is a willy hat.- Probably, I don't know. It's not mine.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Dan, is that definitely not yours? - Yeah.- Have you ever...?
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I've worn it, yeah, but it ain't mine!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55RECORDED MOOING
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- Welcome to my lair. - Is this the love shack?
0:03:59 > 0:04:04Nope. Strictly missionary up there in't it, so...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Oh, look, the clothes, Dan! You've got to sort out the clothes!
0:04:07 > 0:04:12You've brought me home from the pub and, you know, it's romantic.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- There's not a sheet on the bed! - I don't sleep in this bed, do I?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- There's dirt on that...- How am I supposed to feel the romance
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- if there's no sheets on the bed? - Girls don't come back for romance.
0:04:23 > 0:04:29- Girls come back for sex.- So it would have to be spooning, missionary...
0:04:29 > 0:04:34- Nah, that wouldn't work. - That is not going to happen.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36So come on, Dan. Tell me, when did you lose it?
0:04:36 > 0:04:41I was 16 years old. I kind of just, like, got down to it.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46Don't need to give you details about that. But afterwards was quite funny,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49cos I was going to go downstairs and get us a nice cup of coffee
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- cos I'm nice like that. I don't just leave them there.- That is romantic.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56So, of course, I was going down in just my boxers,
0:04:56 > 0:05:02still had a bit of a...yeah! So I went down in just my boxers,
0:05:02 > 0:05:04checked in the mirror. I had all scratches on my back
0:05:04 > 0:05:08so I must've been doing something right but, yeah, anyway...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12I then look to my left and I realise my whole extended family's round,
0:05:12 > 0:05:18and my dad comes into the hallway and he's like, "So, how was that?"
0:05:18 > 0:05:22I've got the scratches and that. I said "What do you mean?" He was like,
0:05:22 > 0:05:26"We could hear the music and the thumping for a good 20, 25 minutes."
0:05:26 > 0:05:29And I was like, "Next time it'll be half an hour."
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Oh, my goodness! So who was there?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36My family, grandparents, a few aunties, uncles and that.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Did anyone give you a knowing wink?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I do remember going round shaking people's hands.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44I'm not sure if they were congratulating me
0:05:44 > 0:05:47or just saying hello.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Oh God, let's hope it was hello!
0:05:53 > 0:05:57'Next, it's time for a drink with the singer DWP,
0:05:57 > 0:05:59'and the rest of Dan's mates.'
0:06:01 > 0:06:05I have never had a threesome.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Stand up bruv, yeah, you have!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I have never had anal sex.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20THEY LAUGH
0:06:21 > 0:06:25I'm here to hear about your stories of your first time,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28so this is a sharing place.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I was 18, like a week before I turned 19.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36And it was in uni, on a night out.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41Some dude just goes to some random chick, and he points at me
0:06:41 > 0:06:45and goes, "He's got a massive cock."
0:06:45 > 0:06:50She came over to me, she took my phone, put her number in my phone,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52and then went away. I was still in the club,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54and then she said she was outside.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59So I came outside and, yeah, she gave me head by McDonalds.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03So, I was there and there's taxis passing, as well.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05I was, like, thumbs-up to the taxis.
0:07:05 > 0:07:12And then I did it and...it was awesome! Lasted for like 45 minutes!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16No, you didn't! That's a lie!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Do you feel like that was quite old to lose your virginity,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22or did you feel like that was the right time?
0:07:23 > 0:07:27People made me feel like it was old but honestly, I felt, like,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31I genuinely did not give a shit until I did it.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35And then once I did it, I was like, "Oh, wait! I've been missing out!"
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- Your turn.- My experience is a bit different from their experiences.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I was really nervous when I first did it, to be honest.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- It was kind of functional?- It was, I need to do this and leave quickly.
0:07:48 > 0:07:56And then text all my friends and tell them I'm finally a man!
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Did you find that the nerves affected your performance at all?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Yes.- In what way?
0:08:03 > 0:08:11In a bad way. It was nerve-racking. It wasn't like it is now.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15It was a first time experience so you're going to be a bit nervous...
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Technically how does it affect your performance,
0:08:17 > 0:08:21cos girls have the pain, it's different for girls in some ways
0:08:21 > 0:08:24but I think boys have that pressure that girls don't have.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28You always think you've got to make sure she's having a good time.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30That's what I thought anyway.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35So it was hard to keep focus on...your tool.
0:08:35 > 0:08:42- As in, is it hard to stay hard? - Well, it was for me first time.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Yeah, it was quite difficult.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49Girls have got parts of losing their virginity that's a nightmare.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53ALL SPEAK AT ONCE
0:08:54 > 0:08:59I did nothing. I was just concentrating on not crying.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04There seems to be a lot of bravado around losing your virginity.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Performance and how long you lasted and whether you were good or not.
0:09:09 > 0:09:15I do wonder whether...I think it is physically different for boys.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21For girls, it's so intimate. It's that first time
0:09:21 > 0:09:24that someone's kind of invaded your space a little bit.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29Someone is inside you, and I think that's maybe why, for girls,
0:09:29 > 0:09:33their story is much more important. They want to be somewhere safe.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36You want to be with someone who's going to appreciate
0:09:36 > 0:09:38that that is quite a big thing to do.
0:09:38 > 0:09:44I do think for boys, physically, it just isn't such a big deal.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48'So, the boys think they're pretty hot stuff in the bedroom,
0:09:48 > 0:09:52'but are they really the consummate performers?'
0:09:52 > 0:09:55MUSIC: "Mack The Knife"
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Tonight's brilliant, the boys are really fun,
0:09:59 > 0:10:02the band is brilliant.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09There were a lot of girls looking at those boys.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13I do think that being in a band helps with the ladies.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16'Yep, it's true, being on stage does make you more attractive,
0:10:16 > 0:10:21'but, then again, I've always preferred a sense of humour.'
0:10:21 > 0:10:23MUSIC: "Like A Virgin"
0:10:23 > 0:10:26# You make me feel
0:10:26 > 0:10:32# Yeah, you make me feel Shiny and new... #
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Ready everyone!
0:10:34 > 0:10:41# Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time. #
0:10:41 > 0:10:48Yeah, uh! Who cares about the words, when you have moves like this?!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52All right, that's it! That's it!
0:10:52 > 0:10:55'I know only too well, that when you're drunk,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58'you can do some pretty wild and silly things.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02'Which reminds me, I have a little confession to make.'
0:11:04 > 0:11:07'There is in fact a question mark over my first time.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13'Back in the summer of 1995, on my first ladettes' holiday
0:11:13 > 0:11:18'in Cornwall, aged 15 & drunk on cider, I wandered off with a
0:11:18 > 0:11:21'wannabe surfer to have a fling, which may be the real moment
0:11:21 > 0:11:23'I lost my virginity.'
0:11:28 > 0:11:33Oh, wow, yes, it was here. This is definitely the place.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39So we met in the pub, and we had a snog in the pub,
0:11:39 > 0:11:44and then we walked down to the beach, hand in hand probably.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49And we came down here. It was really dark, we were both pretty drunk,
0:11:49 > 0:11:55and we found an upturned boat, and I think we got under it.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I'm pretty sure it was here.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02I'm pretty sure it was here, because I remember it all being
0:12:02 > 0:12:04quite enclosed.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08And there was fumbling, and there were hands down pants.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10And...
0:12:11 > 0:12:16..and there was a bit of, like... a bit of humping.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21God, it's all flooding back, that is just insane.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25I think at some stage, his willy was on my leg.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Eu-u-urgh! Eurgh!
0:12:29 > 0:12:32This is where my memory gets really hazy.
0:12:33 > 0:12:41I don't know whether we actually had sex at that point or whether
0:12:41 > 0:12:46we didn't, I just don't remember, I really, really don't remember.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55It's really sexy under here(!)
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Yep, it's really put me in the mood(!)
0:13:01 > 0:13:07I have told the story of this beach to so many people
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and I've laughed about it. Now that I'm here,
0:13:10 > 0:13:12it just doesn't seem so funny.
0:13:14 > 0:13:20The thing that's embarrassing me most is not the beach.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23It's not the boat, it's not even that it was
0:13:23 > 0:13:26in the middle of the night and a bit drunken.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29The thing that's making me feel embarrassed
0:13:29 > 0:13:33is that I don't know who he is. Just some random guy.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36He didn't know me. He didn't care about me.
0:13:36 > 0:13:42I didn't speak to him afterwards. He didn't try getting in touch with me.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45So, that's my problem.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51I hate that my lovely story might not be my first time.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55'Coming back has really thrown me.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58'I just didn't think I'd react like this after all these years.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01'But I'm not sure I was this bothered back then.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04'I want to be reminded what goes through a girl's head
0:14:04 > 0:14:07'before she makes that crucial decision.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11'Are teens today genuinely torn about the right time to do it?'
0:14:20 > 0:14:23'I've come to Pevensey Bay on the South Coast
0:14:23 > 0:14:27'to meet 17-year-old trainee hairdresser, Elizabeth Taylor.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29'Beth thinks it's time to pop her cherry,
0:14:29 > 0:14:33'and she's off to Lanzarote tomorrow on an all-girls' holiday.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35'It could be the ideal opportunity.'
0:14:38 > 0:14:43Can I ask what your experience has been with boys to this point?
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I've been on dates with guys, and I have had a few boyfriends,
0:14:47 > 0:14:49but nothing major.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- So you've snogged a guy?- Yes. - What else?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54That's pretty much it.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Have you had a plan on how to lose your virginity?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01I haven't had a plan, but when the time's right
0:15:01 > 0:15:05I will know when it is right. And I'm just waiting for that moment.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10What do you envisage as the perfect time?
0:15:10 > 0:15:16Nice quiet room and romantic music, and petals on the bed and candles!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Really romantic and nice, but that probably will never happen.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21But I might not lose it with a boyfriend.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I might lose it on a one night stand. I'm really not sure.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Part of me just wants to rip off all my clothes!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30So there's a really confident part of you that thinks,
0:15:30 > 0:15:32"Oh, stop fussing. Just do it!"
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Yeah, part of me is saying, "Beth, don't worry about it.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39"Get naked, open your legs. Everything will be fine."
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- So there's a bit of a dilemma? - Definitely.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I've got two people on my shoulders going,
0:15:45 > 0:15:46"Do it!" "Don't do it!"
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Beth definitely reminds me of what it was like
0:15:50 > 0:15:56to be a teenager and how difficult it is to get it exactly right.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01You want it to be lovely and special but you've got to wait for that.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Is there a perfect time to lose your virginity?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Is there that magic moment? Well...
0:16:07 > 0:16:09sometimes, no.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14'Just in case she meets the right guy in Lanzarote,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17'Beth's decided to have her first ever bikini wax.'
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- Are you a bit nervous? - I'm very nervous.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25- No-one has ever seen my vajajay. - No-one's ever seen your vuvu?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- No.- Ever?- I... No.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- Your mum?- My mum has. - That's it?- Yes.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- So this is your vagina debut?- Yes.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38If you want to pop your shoes and leggings off for me.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- And pop yourself on the couch for me. - Will you be gentle with her?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45I'll be as gentle as I can. I can't guarantee that.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Shall I leave my socks on?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49You know what, you can't ask that in sex.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52You must always take socks off during sex.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- What's wrong with that? Do they look unattractive, then?- It's wrong!
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Is it a bit, a bit ow-ey?- Yes!
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- Happy thoughts. Holiday... - Think of that sunshine.- ..sangria,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13beer and spritzers.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- I'll have a little look. - What do you think?
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- It's nice.- Done a good job? - I like it. Wow!
0:17:22 > 0:17:28- Does it look neat?- It does look neat, there's no hair!- High five!
0:17:28 > 0:17:32'As well as being physically prepared after her little trim,
0:17:32 > 0:17:36'Beth is also mentally prepared for losing her virginity.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39'For a couple of years now, she's been getting extra-curricular
0:17:39 > 0:17:42'sex education... from her parents.'
0:17:42 > 0:17:48So, parents of Beth, tell me about how you have gone about
0:17:48 > 0:17:50the birds and the bees chat.
0:17:50 > 0:17:56Well, Beth would come to me with hundreds of questions in her mind.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- What kind of questions? - "How do you do it, Mum?"
0:17:59 > 0:18:04"Do you do it on the sofa?" "Can you do it on the floor?" "How do I lay?"
0:18:04 > 0:18:09"Do I do backwards? "What's doggy style?" "What's this...?"
0:18:09 > 0:18:12It was question after question...
0:18:12 > 0:18:14"What does it feel like when you put it in your mouth?"
0:18:14 > 0:18:16"What's a blow job?"
0:18:16 > 0:18:19"Is it like that, or like that?" And oh, my God!
0:18:19 > 0:18:24Have there ever been any difficult questions?
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Anal, you know, do you do that?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30You are a brave girl!
0:18:31 > 0:18:35So I did say it's not compulsory to do that.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38But if you want to try, you can. I did say to Beth,
0:18:38 > 0:18:42if you want to know what it feels like, stick your thumb up your bum,
0:18:42 > 0:18:47and basically, you'll find out from there. So she did.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I can't believe I'm hearing that!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Really?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- What did you think when your dad said that?- I tried it!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00And it wasn't great!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02We've had jokes about Beth's virginity.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Trying to sell it on eBay, which was very funny.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08My mate Bob offered her 50 quid for it.
0:19:08 > 0:19:13In a way, you don't make it taboo by making it jokey and funny...
0:19:13 > 0:19:16and something you can talk about.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Sex is just such a taboo subject. If it's brought up,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24people brush it under the carpet. Why not just be open about it?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Beth has an amazing relationship with her parents.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31They have such an open relationship. They can talk about anything.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36They have invested, and as a result, they can trust that their daughter
0:19:36 > 0:19:39will be sensible, and she's fully informed.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42And that's a really positive thing.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46But I'll be interested to see what happens in Lanzarote.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52'Beth might be dreaming about her future romance,
0:19:52 > 0:19:56'but I'm still stuck on my holiday fling at 15.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59'I've decided to get proactive, and see if I can track down
0:19:59 > 0:20:01'that boy on the beach in Cornwall,
0:20:01 > 0:20:05'and ask him, once and for all, "Did we or didn't we have sex?"
0:20:05 > 0:20:09'So I'm calling my old mates who were there on the night.'
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Bit of a weird one. You ready?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I had a fumble with a guy under a boat.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Did you have dyed blonde hair? No.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Not particularly tall. Quite slight.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Do you know anyone who fits that description?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Wasn't him. Wasn't him.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31No, I would've remembered him.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35- Prince William?- Prince William. I don't think it was him.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40'I may not have found my, erm, prince yet, but word is out there.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42'In the meantime, I want to know if your first time
0:20:42 > 0:20:46'does impact on your later sex life, and if it can knock your confidence
0:20:46 > 0:20:49'if it's not quite what you thought it was going to be.'
0:20:54 > 0:20:58'I've come to north London to get picked up by Alex,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00'a lady I know is super-confident...
0:21:00 > 0:21:03'but was it always that way?'
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- Hi, are you Alex?- Yeah! - Hi, I'm Cherry!- Hi!
0:21:12 > 0:21:16'Alex is taking me back to the scene of her first time.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19'And I wonder just how glamorous it might have been.'
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Spill the beans, tell me about your first time.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Quite shamefully, it was in the back of a Fiat Panda
0:21:27 > 0:21:30in the car park, over there.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36I don't even know how I did it physically, because I do yoga now,
0:21:36 > 0:21:40and I look at a Fiat Panda and I don't know how we did it, but we did!
0:21:40 > 0:21:43They're tiny! Those seats must've gone back!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47They went back. I think they reclined but, d'you know, I think,
0:21:47 > 0:21:50if I can remember, we were on the driver's side as well.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52De-flowered in the park.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54What was the run up to that event?
0:21:54 > 0:22:01I was 17, really shy, really ugly, really body con... you know,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I had the teenage acne, I had the dodgy...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07I hadn't worked out who I was, I didn't feel comfortable
0:22:07 > 0:22:08in my own skin.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- So you weren't experienced at that point?- No, not at all.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15What kind of experiences had you had beforehand?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19I'd had none. I'd never been on a date, I think I'd been asked out
0:22:19 > 0:22:22by one boy once, but I was so embarrassed
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I just said no and ran away.
0:22:24 > 0:22:29And I had a summer job, waitressing. And he was just a waiter there,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32and I'd seen him a couple of times, and he was really cheeky
0:22:32 > 0:22:35and good looking, and at least 10 years older than me.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39Then he phoned me and said "I'm in the area. Do you want to go out?"
0:22:39 > 0:22:41And I was like, "Yeah!"
0:22:42 > 0:22:47I had this naive idea that we were going to have a first date.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Er, no. We came here!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Do you remember anything about the sex?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Did it hurt, did it feel uncomfortable, was it nice?
0:22:56 > 0:23:01- It felt uncomfortable and I remember I bled a lot...- Really?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04..which was awful and embarrassing, and I was so glad it was dark
0:23:04 > 0:23:05and he didn't know that.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Wow! So, did you see him again after that?
0:23:09 > 0:23:13D'you know what? It was not ever a relationship,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16but I thought it was. Looking back on it, I'm convinced
0:23:16 > 0:23:20he had a girlfriend, he was in a relationship, living with someone,
0:23:20 > 0:23:24cos I never went to his house, I never learned anything about him.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27We learned an awful lot about the parks of Great Britain
0:23:27 > 0:23:31and various friends of his' flats, but that was about it.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33So, I saw him a few times after that.
0:23:33 > 0:23:38Really? So...you were his bit on the side.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41But I didn't really know that. You just take it for what it is.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45He dictated when he phoned me, when we met up,
0:23:45 > 0:23:47and I had to make myself free.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50'Alex might have been taken for a ride,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52'but in her line of work these days,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55'she is very definitely in the driving seat.'
0:23:57 > 0:24:00'Alex is a burlesque dancer,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03'and runs a successful cabaret night in Soho.'
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Woo!
0:24:24 > 0:24:31Oh, my God! Amazing! That was amazing. That was really amazing.
0:24:31 > 0:24:37How did shy, 17 year-old Alex become this?
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Sometimes I wonder. I was just one of those people that was
0:24:42 > 0:24:46dead shy in life, but the moment you put me on stage, I discovered,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49anything would come out. My character would come out
0:24:49 > 0:24:52and I'd get taken away. I was much better as a character
0:24:52 > 0:24:53than I was at myself.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57- More confident just in your normal...?- Definitely.
0:24:57 > 0:25:02It's not made me some mad predator or anything!
0:25:02 > 0:25:07It's just, you know, 90 per cent about sex and about communication.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11It's about confidence and assurance and being comfortable with yourself.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Unless you're comfortable with your body, how can you share it
0:25:14 > 0:25:15with someone else?
0:25:15 > 0:25:20- Would Lady Alex have sex in a Ford Panda?- Oh God, no! No.
0:25:21 > 0:25:27- Not in that outfit, anyway.- I need at least an estate car these days!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31'Alex was as vulnerable as the rest of us when she lost her virginity,
0:25:31 > 0:25:33'and I'm starting to wonder if there is such a thing
0:25:33 > 0:25:36'as a romantic, painless experience, or if your first time
0:25:36 > 0:25:41is just something you have to get done and move on from.'
0:25:51 > 0:25:55'I've come out to Lanzarote to see how 17-year-old virgin Beth
0:25:55 > 0:25:59'is getting on, on her first ever girls' holiday.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03'Well, I couldn't turn down the chance of some winter sun, could I?'
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- What is this?- This is my T-shirt.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Oh, my goodness!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13"I'm a learner...
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- "So teach me."- "..so teach me!"
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Yeah, I wore this on the first night, and to the airport.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Were you embarrassed wearing this?
0:26:23 > 0:26:27- Not really, I found it quite funny. - It is funny, it's really funny.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29'She may have the T-shirt,
0:26:29 > 0:26:33'but what other experiences will she be coming home with?'
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Give me the details.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Beth's got a couple of things missing from her neck!
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- What happened? - I just got a few love bites.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- You had some snogs?- Yes.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- And you got some love bites?- Yeah. - So how far had you got, can I ask?
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Er...just kissing, really.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- Trousers off? Naked?- Yeah. - Both of you?- Yeah.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02It's a bit more than kissing, isn't it?
0:27:02 > 0:27:05She missed out quite a big bit, didn't you, Beth?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Beth, what did you miss out? Are you keeping secrets?
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- Just a little one.- What secret are you keeping from me?
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- I gave a blow job.- WHAT?!
0:27:15 > 0:27:19What?! You missed out such a crucial piece of information.
0:27:21 > 0:27:27Oh my, it all comes out now! You dig deep enough, and it all comes out.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- How did you find it? - It literally lasted ten seconds,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33cos it was disgusting. I didn't like it at all.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36I was like, "Get this willy out of my mouth!"
0:27:36 > 0:27:40- How did he react?- He was like, "Why have you stopped?"
0:27:40 > 0:27:42And I was like, "Because it's disgusting!"
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- Did you say it's disgusting? - No, I just said
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- "I don't want to do it any more."- Oh, my goodness!
0:27:47 > 0:27:51I think he was a bit gutted because he left without me
0:27:51 > 0:27:55finishing him off. He was a bit upset, actually.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58It's not the romantic scene that you were wishing for, was it?
0:27:58 > 0:28:02No, definitely not. But then, who knows?
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Still got two nights left.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Oh, my goodness!
0:28:08 > 0:28:12Beth has been a really busy girl! I'm really shocked!
0:28:12 > 0:28:16I really didn't think she would do anything, really.
0:28:16 > 0:28:21There is something about going on holiday. That heady mix
0:28:21 > 0:28:25of sun, sand, sea and lots of alcohol.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Things happen on girly holidays.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34'And it's not over yet.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37'I'm joining the girls on another big night out,
0:28:37 > 0:28:40'but Beth's promised not to let me get too drunk.'
0:28:41 > 0:28:43'Oh well.'
0:28:46 > 0:28:49I am a virgin!
0:28:52 > 0:28:56- Does everybody know?- Yes!
0:28:56 > 0:28:58It's so embarrassing!
0:28:59 > 0:29:02What's it like, the fact that everybody knows you're a virgin?
0:29:02 > 0:29:07- It's kind of an island thing. - It's weird. On the first night,
0:29:07 > 0:29:11when I wore the top, everyone said, "What does the learner mean?"
0:29:11 > 0:29:14I had to tell them, I couldn't make something up, so I said,
0:29:14 > 0:29:18"Well actually, I've never had sex," and they were like, "What?"
0:29:18 > 0:29:20And from then on, everyone's just told everyone.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22'People might know she's a virgin,
0:29:22 > 0:29:25'but that could be a turn-on for some of the boys.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28'And Joe, her fling from the other night,
0:29:28 > 0:29:31'doesn't seem to have been discouraged by what happened!'
0:29:31 > 0:29:34What's it like seeing Joe, is it weird?
0:29:34 > 0:29:35It is a bit weird, actually.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39Because all I can think about is his...knob!
0:29:48 > 0:29:51I forget what it's like to be a teenager.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54But there are no hard feelings when it comes to sex,
0:29:54 > 0:29:58and there are no hard feelings when it comes to sexual boundaries.
0:29:58 > 0:30:02It should be so much more awkward than it is,
0:30:02 > 0:30:06I mean, it's like nothing's happened.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09Right now, I just think, "I want to have sex."
0:30:09 > 0:30:11I'm only thinking that because I'm drinking.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13That's what happened on Friday night.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18The alcohol drove me to the bedroom and drove me to take my clothes off.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21So, I was a bit like, "Whoa, what is happening here?"
0:30:21 > 0:30:24'If Beth does go all the way tonight,
0:30:24 > 0:30:28'she'd hardly be the first teen to pop her cherry whilst drunk.'
0:30:28 > 0:30:32'Anyway, feels like time for me to make my excuses.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34'I'll catch up in the morning.'
0:30:43 > 0:30:47All right, give me the goss. What happened?
0:30:47 > 0:30:50It was a bit of a messy night, I can't really remember much.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Did you get any action?
0:30:53 > 0:30:58No, I didn't. Nothing happened last night. Not even a kiss.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01It seemed to me that everyone there knew you were a virgin,
0:31:01 > 0:31:06but you seemed really comfortable with it, happy with it. It's fine.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Yeah, cos I am kind of proud, I am proud of myself
0:31:09 > 0:31:11and I don't care if people know.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15It seems like you're just not embarrassed by sex,
0:31:15 > 0:31:19you're not shy about it.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23No, I'm really not shy. When I come to have sex,
0:31:23 > 0:31:25I probably won't be shy when I'm having sex.
0:31:25 > 0:31:30I'll be like, "I've waited for this. I'm going to make it special."
0:31:30 > 0:31:33When I was younger, I did look at everyone losing their virginity,
0:31:33 > 0:31:37and I felt pressure to lose it. I didn't want to be 'the virgin'.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39But, for Beth it's kind of a badge of honour.
0:31:39 > 0:31:43She got a lot of attention last night as being 'the virgin',
0:31:43 > 0:31:48and she's so open and carefree about it, and laughs along.
0:31:48 > 0:31:52She's really proud of being a virgin and she's proud she hasn't just
0:31:52 > 0:31:55done it in a back alley with someone she doesn't remember.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59'I admire that Beth's had the confidence to bide her time
0:31:59 > 0:32:01'and wait a bit longer for romance.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05'But what happens if you choose the opposite path?
0:32:05 > 0:32:08'I want to meet someone who's lost it at a really young age.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11'Could it actually be better to get your first time
0:32:11 > 0:32:14'out of the way as soon as possible?'
0:32:20 > 0:32:25'I've come to Port Talbot in South Wales to meet 15 year old Darihan.'
0:32:27 > 0:32:29That's kind of amazing.
0:32:29 > 0:32:33'He says he was the first amongst his mates to lose his virginity,
0:32:33 > 0:32:38'at the age of just 12, and I'm dying to ask him what it was like
0:32:38 > 0:32:40'and what he makes of it now.'
0:32:44 > 0:32:46That didn't go so well!
0:32:46 > 0:32:50'So I've headed back to chat to him at his sister Denika's house.'
0:32:50 > 0:32:54Tell me about where it was, talk me through the details.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57- On the kitchen floor.- Oh, my God.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01- Romantic(!)- Yeah.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04Did you like her? How did you feel about her?
0:33:04 > 0:33:06We were just friends.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08- Did you fancy her?- No.
0:33:09 > 0:33:13And was there any build-up to the sex, had you kissed the girl?
0:33:13 > 0:33:16I didn't kiss her, didn't even touch her, it just happened.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- You didn't kiss her?- No. - And you had sex with her?- Yeah.
0:33:19 > 0:33:23So how did you know what to do?
0:33:23 > 0:33:27I think it came in my head, really. There's a hole, something hard,
0:33:27 > 0:33:28and it just goes in.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32I didn't know if it was right. I just thought, "Put it in there."
0:33:32 > 0:33:36Did you know what to do once that had happened?
0:33:36 > 0:33:39I just went back and forth. I didn't really know how to do it.
0:33:39 > 0:33:43- I thought, it's tickling. - Really?- Yeah.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45Remember what you said to her after?
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Yeah, it looked like phlegm, didn't it?
0:33:47 > 0:33:51- But you didn't know what that liquid was?- No, I do now!
0:33:51 > 0:33:53You do now! But at the time...
0:33:53 > 0:33:57I thought, "That's strange.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59"Never mind."
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Do you remember knowing what sex was?
0:34:03 > 0:34:04No, I'd just seen it on TV.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06- Did you use a condom?- No.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Did you know what a condom was?
0:34:09 > 0:34:10No.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13Do you remember, at any point thinking
0:34:13 > 0:34:16that it might lead to pregnancy?
0:34:16 > 0:34:19At the time I didn't, but afterwards I was like,
0:34:19 > 0:34:24"Oh, she could be pregnant." I don't know. I don't care.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28'At the time, 12 year-old Darihan may not have fully understood
0:34:28 > 0:34:33'the consequences of his actions. But Denika, a single mum herself,
0:34:33 > 0:34:34'certainly did.'
0:34:34 > 0:34:37I was stressed out, even though I thought there's no way,
0:34:37 > 0:34:40from what I'd heard, she could be pregnant.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42There was still that chance that she could be.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45But all that was running through my mind was
0:34:45 > 0:34:50the thought of my brother being a 12 year-old father, and that just,
0:34:50 > 0:34:52I remember feeling a knot in my stomach.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56There was nothing I could do about it, it was out of my control.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58All I could do was sit back, wait,
0:34:58 > 0:35:02and try and explain to my brother exactly what he's done.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05Thank God, luckily, it didn't come to that.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07And I hope, in the future, he's learned,
0:35:07 > 0:35:11and he won't make any silly mistakes to get in that situation again.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15I suppose, normally, when I think about virginity stories,
0:35:15 > 0:35:17or when people are telling me theirs,
0:35:17 > 0:35:20there is definitely emotional content there.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23With Darihan, because he was so young,
0:35:23 > 0:35:27it was just a physical thing for him. It was not a massive deal.
0:35:27 > 0:35:32The reality is, if he had got that girl pregnant,
0:35:32 > 0:35:36it would've been possibly the most significant moment of his life.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43'In my late teens and early twenties, I too was free and easy
0:35:43 > 0:35:46'about who I slept with.
0:35:46 > 0:35:50'By the time I was 22, I'd racked up double figures on my bedpost
0:35:50 > 0:35:53'and found myself in some pretty awkward situations
0:35:53 > 0:35:56'after one too many drinks.'
0:35:56 > 0:35:58When I started to have sex with people,
0:35:58 > 0:36:02and I didn't know their name in the morning, something had to change.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06There was one waiter, and we had sex under his dining room table.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13And I woke up in the morning, under the table, and I remember thinking,
0:36:13 > 0:36:17"I don't think I know your name and I've got to go home now,
0:36:17 > 0:36:21"and I feel really, really, really awful."
0:36:21 > 0:36:24And I felt awful for about three weeks.
0:36:24 > 0:36:28Every time I remembered it, I remember feeling, "Eugh."
0:36:28 > 0:36:31It's like eating too much cake. At the time it's great,
0:36:31 > 0:36:36but then the minute it's finished, you just don't feel very good.
0:36:36 > 0:36:42'I found myself making the same mistakes over and over again,
0:36:42 > 0:36:44'but I did finally have an epiphany,
0:36:44 > 0:36:46'and decided to do something drastic.'
0:36:51 > 0:36:56I think, in a moment of confidence, I decided, "Right, that is it.
0:36:56 > 0:37:00"That is enough. I am not going to have sex for a year,
0:37:00 > 0:37:02"and I'm going to see how it affects me."
0:37:04 > 0:37:07'Luckily for me, I met a new guy.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09'He was a kindred spirit in my celibacy.
0:37:09 > 0:37:13'A practising Christian, dedicated to remaining a virgin
0:37:13 > 0:37:14'until marriage.'
0:37:14 > 0:37:17I really, really fancied him,
0:37:17 > 0:37:22so there were some moments where it got quite heated,
0:37:22 > 0:37:25and obviously, we wanted to do more stuff.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27So we had to put in some rules.
0:37:27 > 0:37:32Don't touch what you haven't got. And don't take your clothes off.
0:37:33 > 0:37:36It's amazing how effective those two rules are.
0:37:36 > 0:37:41The furthest we ever went was snogging, but I tell you,
0:37:41 > 0:37:44if there's one thing that's hotter than having sex,
0:37:44 > 0:37:46then that's not having sex.
0:37:46 > 0:37:53That pent up frustration creates a really exciting atmosphere.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55There were a few times when I thought,
0:37:55 > 0:38:00"Let's just get married so we can have sex!" But he broke up with me.
0:38:00 > 0:38:05What's interesting is some people say you can't have a bond
0:38:05 > 0:38:09unless you've had sexual intimacy. Well, that is complete rubbish,
0:38:09 > 0:38:14because when I broke up with him I was distraught, distraught.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19My heart was completely broken, completely.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23'It may not have worked out with him, but I did stick with
0:38:23 > 0:38:26'the no nookie rule for just a little while longer.'
0:38:26 > 0:38:32I ended up not having sex for about four years and three months,
0:38:32 > 0:38:35which sounds like a really, really long time.
0:38:35 > 0:38:41But I changed a lot in that time. I started feeling happier around boys,
0:38:41 > 0:38:46because I was in control of who I was and wasn't sleeping with.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49'I might be a one-man woman now, but it took me
0:38:49 > 0:38:52'various twists and turns to get there.
0:38:52 > 0:38:55'So, what happens if the only person you ever sleep with
0:38:55 > 0:38:58'is the person you end up marrying?'
0:39:08 > 0:39:13'I've come to West Sussex to meet mother of three, Sarah,
0:39:13 > 0:39:16who got together with the father of her children,
0:39:16 > 0:39:20fellow wheelchair user Andy, at college when she was 17.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24I always noticed him in the background.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27He was always sort of lingering.
0:39:28 > 0:39:33And one day we went off into what they call the chapel.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36And he shut the door behind him,
0:39:36 > 0:39:42and then he barricaded himself against the door, so...
0:39:42 > 0:39:44This was a man with a plan!
0:39:44 > 0:39:48Yeah, it was, definitely. The only way he agreed to let me out was
0:39:48 > 0:39:53if I agreed to give him a chance and go out with him for a while.
0:39:53 > 0:39:58That is right on the line isn't it, of unbelievably romantic
0:39:58 > 0:40:01and completely terrifying!
0:40:01 > 0:40:05I agreed to go out with him for a while, to give him a chance,
0:40:05 > 0:40:13as he put it. And I did, and then four months later he proposed.
0:40:13 > 0:40:17Were you nervous about actually losing your virginity?
0:40:17 > 0:40:19Erm...
0:40:19 > 0:40:23No, because I loved Andy, and wanted to be with him
0:40:23 > 0:40:29and I wanted to have a sex life with him. I felt that it was right,
0:40:29 > 0:40:33and it's nice to be able to share that kind of thing
0:40:33 > 0:40:35with someone you really care about.
0:40:35 > 0:40:39How did you guys plan to do it together?
0:40:39 > 0:40:43One night, his parents were still out at the pub
0:40:43 > 0:40:48cos we came back early, and we were actually in his parents' bed.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Bold, very bold, Sarah!
0:40:51 > 0:40:53He's sort of lying there in anticipation!
0:40:53 > 0:40:57It was just basically all me.
0:40:57 > 0:41:02Without being too blunt, my horse riding lessons came in quite handy.
0:41:04 > 0:41:09It was basically that. Leg over, and all that kind of business.
0:41:09 > 0:41:13It was wonderful because his mum came in the room,
0:41:13 > 0:41:16and there's me with my bum in the air,
0:41:16 > 0:41:19and she shut the door and went back out.
0:41:19 > 0:41:23And I'm looking at Andy thinking, "Well what now, do we carry on?"
0:41:23 > 0:41:26- So, did you?- Yeah!
0:41:28 > 0:41:31'Sarah and Andy got married soon after.
0:41:31 > 0:41:34'Despite being told they wouldn't be able to have children,
0:41:34 > 0:41:37'they ended up having three little miracles.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41'Unfortunately, Andy had muscular dystrophy
0:41:41 > 0:41:45'and when his condition worsened, Sarah's life turned upside down.'
0:41:45 > 0:41:48How did his illness progress when you were together?
0:41:48 > 0:41:52Well, as you can see by that picture over there, he could still
0:41:52 > 0:41:56feed himself, shave himself when he was up and about in the chair.
0:41:56 > 0:42:03And he still went out and about, you know shopping, down the pub,
0:42:03 > 0:42:10all that kind of thing. But over time, I suppose where the muscles
0:42:10 > 0:42:15get weaker and weaker and he gets weaker and weaker he did less,
0:42:15 > 0:42:20went less places, spent more time in the house or in the bed,
0:42:20 > 0:42:22stuff like that.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24How did the kids cope with it?
0:42:24 > 0:42:28I prepared them as much as I could, even beforehand.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31They always knew their daddy wasn't well.
0:42:31 > 0:42:36I couldn't bring myself to say the word or words
0:42:36 > 0:42:41"Daddy's going to die," I just couldn't, so I said,
0:42:41 > 0:42:45"Daddy this time, he's not going to get any better.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47"So you need to say goodbye."
0:42:53 > 0:42:56'Andy sadly passed away in 2007.
0:42:56 > 0:42:58'But a few years on, I'm keen to find out
0:42:58 > 0:43:02'how Sarah's life has changed, especially her sex life.'
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Since you lost Andy, have you been in other relationships?
0:43:08 > 0:43:10Have you had other partners?
0:43:10 > 0:43:14It took me about a year to get out there.
0:43:14 > 0:43:20I kind of was worried about feeling guilty and how would I feel...
0:43:20 > 0:43:22And did you?
0:43:22 > 0:43:27No, because it was, I thought I was going to, but I didn't,
0:43:27 > 0:43:29because it was completely different.
0:43:29 > 0:43:34Have you had quite a lot of fun, sexually, in the past years?
0:43:34 > 0:43:39Oh, yeah, much more fun. I've got a box of toys.
0:43:39 > 0:43:43I've got pink restraints on my bed.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47I've tried a bit of slap and tickle. That's quite interesting!
0:43:47 > 0:43:51I've even been handcuffed to my chair and all sorts of things,
0:43:51 > 0:43:55so it can be turned into really good fun.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58Of the dressing up and the toys and the handcuffs,
0:43:58 > 0:44:01what has been your most favourite new discovery?
0:44:01 > 0:44:04- The threesome was quite nice.- WHAT!?
0:44:04 > 0:44:09I did say I was adventurous to do different things, you know.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Was it scary? Was it fun?
0:44:11 > 0:44:14It wasn't scary cos I didn't see him half the time,
0:44:14 > 0:44:17cos I was blindfolded.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Cos I said I didn't want to see him.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21If he's not good-looking, I don't want to see him!
0:44:21 > 0:44:25- I think I'd be too nervous to do it. Did you love it?- Yeah.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28- Really?- I'd do it again any day! - Really? Was it really hot?
0:44:28 > 0:44:33Yeah, massive difference to what I'd dealt with before.
0:44:33 > 0:44:38That must've been really unnerving, cos if you'd been in charge before,
0:44:38 > 0:44:42to have someone dominate you, did you like it or was it scary?
0:44:42 > 0:44:44I liked it. I think cos I'd never had that,
0:44:44 > 0:44:50I could just like lie back and think of England or something!
0:44:50 > 0:44:54Its lovely that Sarah had a romantic start to her sex life,
0:44:54 > 0:44:58to have lost her virginity to someone she ended up marrying
0:44:58 > 0:45:01and having children with is really lovely.
0:45:01 > 0:45:05But obviously, her sex life then didn't really fulfil
0:45:05 > 0:45:09her desire to be adventurous and her high sex drive,
0:45:09 > 0:45:15and she is really making up for lost time now. She is so adventurous,
0:45:15 > 0:45:17and so...
0:45:17 > 0:45:21I mean, she has a sex life that puts most people to shame.
0:45:21 > 0:45:25'Sarah's experiences have been almost the reverse of mine.
0:45:25 > 0:45:29'and I'm starting to think there is nothing so straightforward
0:45:29 > 0:45:30'as a sexual A to B.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32'Sex lives all start SO differently
0:45:32 > 0:45:35'but what happens thereafter is anyone's guess.'
0:45:42 > 0:45:45'I've come to North London to meet Allen,
0:45:45 > 0:45:49'a 27 year old shop manager who says he's lost his virginity
0:45:49 > 0:45:52'on not one but three separate occasions.'
0:45:52 > 0:45:54- Hi, Allen!- Hi!
0:45:54 > 0:45:59'And I'm dying to find out how on earth that could happen.'
0:45:59 > 0:46:02- Is that a guy's or a girl's? - No, its definitely a girl's.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11Tell me about your first time.
0:46:11 > 0:46:14Well, oh God, where do I start with this?
0:46:14 > 0:46:19I was 15, and I've got older brothers who, as they do,
0:46:19 > 0:46:23they want to get you drunk. Ruin you before you get to 16.
0:46:23 > 0:46:25They said, "We're going to a party."
0:46:25 > 0:46:28It was down the round from where we lived. They were like,
0:46:28 > 0:46:32"We're going to try and hook you up with someone tonight."
0:46:32 > 0:46:35So it was your typical Skins house party.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39It was a cattle market, everyone going for whatever they could get.
0:46:39 > 0:46:44And my brother was pushing me closer to one person in particular.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47And I was like, "Brilliant. OK, let's go for it."
0:46:47 > 0:46:50So your brother kind of hand picked someone for you
0:46:50 > 0:46:54- to lose your virginity to? - Yeah, he did, he did.
0:46:54 > 0:46:57We were kissing, I started groping her breasts.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00Going for it, fumbling around as you would at that age.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04Took me a couple of attempts to realise, "Is it in or not?"
0:47:04 > 0:47:07- Did you enjoy it?- At the time, I thought it was amazing.
0:47:07 > 0:47:08But when you look back, oh, God!
0:47:08 > 0:47:12The next thing I remember was waking up in the morning,
0:47:12 > 0:47:15and thinking "Jesus Christ, I have to go to school!"
0:47:15 > 0:47:17The first thing was, "Oh, my God, I've got to get ready!"
0:47:17 > 0:47:20"I've got to go to school." She was like, "I'll come with you."
0:47:20 > 0:47:24And I said, "No, I'm not going home. I'm going to school."
0:47:24 > 0:47:26And she stood up and slapped me round the face.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29It turned out she was actually 24.
0:47:29 > 0:47:35- Wow! What a first time story! That is epic, Allen.- I know.
0:47:38 > 0:47:40'Allen's first time was memorable,
0:47:40 > 0:47:45'but his sex life then took a completely different swerve.'
0:47:45 > 0:47:49So, after an interesting first experience, what happened next?
0:47:49 > 0:47:54I spent the next couple of years just having one night stands,
0:47:54 > 0:47:57and trying to build on relationships with girls
0:47:57 > 0:48:02but I ended up with a girl when I was around 17, for a year,
0:48:02 > 0:48:06and one of the things she really wanted to do was
0:48:06 > 0:48:10have a two guys and a girl experience.
0:48:10 > 0:48:14So, I wasn't really keen on it and I was very much like,
0:48:14 > 0:48:18"I don't know if I want to do this, I'm not 100 per cent."
0:48:18 > 0:48:20And she was like, "Right, we're going to go to a gay club
0:48:20 > 0:48:25"on the weekend and you're coming." I was like, "Oh, I don't know."
0:48:25 > 0:48:28Went out and actually had the best night of my life.
0:48:28 > 0:48:32It was so chilled out, everyone seemed to be having more fun.
0:48:32 > 0:48:36We were out with her friends, her best friend was called Richard.
0:48:36 > 0:48:41They both started making out, and I thought, "Right, OK,
0:48:41 > 0:48:44"I'm kind of a little bit turned on by this. This is interesting,
0:48:44 > 0:48:49"I think I might actually...I like this!" So, I got involved.
0:48:49 > 0:48:53- So what happened?- If I'm going to be quite graphic about it,
0:48:53 > 0:48:57we all had sex and for the first time I probably penetrated a guy.
0:48:57 > 0:49:02It was really enjoyable and pleasurable and felt quite natural.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05So, what happened in the morning when you woke up and sobered up
0:49:05 > 0:49:08and thought, "I've had sex with a guy?"
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Yeah, that was a big turning point for me.
0:49:10 > 0:49:13I freaked out a little bit, but by having that threesome
0:49:13 > 0:49:17it opened up loads of emotions inside me I'd probably locked away
0:49:17 > 0:49:20and hadn't realised. I didn't also want to admit
0:49:20 > 0:49:23that maybe there was a part of me that might be bisexual or gay.
0:49:23 > 0:49:28In a way, the threesome experience was losing your virginity again.
0:49:28 > 0:49:32- Losing your gay virginity. - Exactly.- Partly.- Definitely.
0:49:36 > 0:49:39'Speaking to Allen, his threesome was as fresh
0:49:39 > 0:49:43'and revelatory as most people's first time.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46'But Allen is convinced that he lost his virginity AGAIN
0:49:46 > 0:49:48'when he came out as gay.'
0:49:48 > 0:49:51So tell me about your first proper boyfriend.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54It was a bit of a whirlwind relationship, really.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57We arranged a date. He didn't know it was my birthday.
0:49:57 > 0:50:01It was nice, it was relaxed, it was like talking to a friend.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Did you have, like, proper sex with him?
0:50:04 > 0:50:07Yeah, it wasn't the most amazing experience,
0:50:07 > 0:50:10but it was emotional and the connection was there.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13I think it became very obvious we both lacked in experience,
0:50:13 > 0:50:19when it came to basically having full on sex. He was very aware that
0:50:19 > 0:50:23we were supposed to use lubricant and I was never aware of this.
0:50:23 > 0:50:27There was no lubricant on hand, so he grabbed the nearest thing
0:50:27 > 0:50:30that he thought would be right, which was a tube of Germoline.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33- What's Germoline?- Antiseptic.
0:50:33 > 0:50:38- And he basically applied it and then we had sex.- Oh, my God!
0:50:38 > 0:50:45You can imagine, antiseptic going in an internal cavity, very painful.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49It burned. It was the most excruciating pain
0:50:49 > 0:50:50I've ever had in my life.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53The worst thing was I didn't want to say stop
0:50:53 > 0:50:56because it was such an emotional experience for us both.
0:50:56 > 0:51:00I continued in pain the entire time and didn't say anything.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03- I know!- Owww!- This deserves a moment, doesn't it?
0:51:03 > 0:51:07That deserves a moment. Wow, that's so kind of you!
0:51:07 > 0:51:10I just think, for me, I didn't want to ruin
0:51:10 > 0:51:16what we'd decided to do together but I, wow I learnt a lot from that!
0:51:16 > 0:51:19When you had that experience in the threesome,
0:51:19 > 0:51:22had you technically lost your gay virginity to him?
0:51:22 > 0:51:25I think it depends on how you perceive your virginity.
0:51:25 > 0:51:30I don't define my virginity as in having a sexual experience.
0:51:30 > 0:51:32I define it as having an emotional connection
0:51:32 > 0:51:35adjoined with the sexual experience.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37You can say, "This meant something to me,
0:51:37 > 0:51:39"and this is something I'll always remember."
0:51:39 > 0:51:43'Allen's had three significant sexual experiences in his life,'
0:51:43 > 0:51:47and it does put up the question, what is losing your virginity?
0:51:47 > 0:51:49For Allen, it's not black and white.
0:51:49 > 0:51:53There was almost a progression to the point where he feels
0:51:53 > 0:51:54he really lost his virginity.
0:51:58 > 0:52:01'Everyone I've met has lost it in a very different way.
0:52:01 > 0:52:05'But I've not found a magic formula to start a great sex life,
0:52:05 > 0:52:08'because I don't think there is one.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11'Whether you're a cocky guy with sex toys,
0:52:11 > 0:52:14'a monogamist who now puts me to shame
0:52:14 > 0:52:17'or a boy who was so young, he didn't even know what he was doing,
0:52:17 > 0:52:21'it's not about how you start, but where you end up.'
0:52:21 > 0:52:25'So I'm giving up my search for my Cornwall fling.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28'I've just got to accept that that wilder girl
0:52:28 > 0:52:33'who threw caution to the wind is a part of me, even if I'm married,
0:52:33 > 0:52:35'and slightly straighter laced now.'
0:52:37 > 0:52:40'My final visit is back in central London, as I've come to meet
0:52:40 > 0:52:44'Alex again, at one of the burlesque nights she runs in Soho.'
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Now tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have music!
0:52:47 > 0:52:49CROWD: Woo!
0:52:49 > 0:52:50We have comedy!
0:52:50 > 0:52:52CROWD: Woo!
0:52:52 > 0:52:54And we have burlesque!
0:52:54 > 0:52:56CROWD: Woo!
0:52:56 > 0:52:59'I love the fact that Alex's vulnerable first time
0:52:59 > 0:53:03'in the back of a car didn't dictate her sexual journey.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07'And she says it was burlesque that gave her the confidence she needed.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11'And surely the key to a successful sex life is confidence.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13'So time to test mine.
0:53:13 > 0:53:17'Alex has dared me to get up on stage.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19'And, what the hell? I'm going to give it a go.'
0:53:19 > 0:53:22Tonight I'm unleashing a side of myself
0:53:22 > 0:53:24that normally gets hidden in a cupboard.
0:53:24 > 0:53:28I've been too embarrassed by that girl who has fumbles with boys
0:53:28 > 0:53:33under boats. I'm not going to be embarrassed by her any more.
0:53:48 > 0:53:53'So, not for the first time, I've made my bed...
0:53:53 > 0:53:55'now I'd better just lie in it.'
0:53:55 > 0:54:03Please welcome to the stage, the gorgeous, the divine Cherry Healey!
0:54:05 > 0:54:09MUSIC: "(You're The) Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley
0:54:24 > 0:54:26CROWD CHEERS
0:54:27 > 0:54:30CROWD CHEERS
0:54:33 > 0:54:36CROWD CHEERS
0:55:20 > 0:55:23CROWD CHEERS
0:55:26 > 0:55:30The gorgeous Cherry Healey, ladies and gentlemen!
0:55:31 > 0:55:34Oh, my god that was amazing!
0:55:34 > 0:55:39That was the most amazing adrenaline rush ever.
0:55:39 > 0:55:43It went really quickly, I was really enjoying it,
0:55:43 > 0:55:48I kind of wish it had been a bit longer, but I did it!
0:55:49 > 0:55:53Oh, God, and my nipple tassels are really coming off!
0:55:53 > 0:55:56'Losing your virginity is about trying something new,
0:55:56 > 0:56:00'and that always takes some nerve. But you know what?
0:56:00 > 0:56:03'Hopefully your first time won't be the last time
0:56:03 > 0:56:06'you'll need your sense of adventure.'
0:56:06 > 0:56:10I didn't know I had it in me. Clearly I do.
0:56:12 > 0:56:17I think I'm going to keep this outfit so that when I get home...
0:56:20 > 0:56:22..watch out, Roly!
0:56:24 > 0:56:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:27 > 0:56:29E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk