0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language and adult content
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Welcome, Jeff Leach! - APPLAUSE
0:00:11 > 0:00:16Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jeff Leach, and I am a whore.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19I'm the stopover guy, I'm the affair.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22I'm the one night of passion, I'm the night of adventure.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25LAUGHTER
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Have a look around this room.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30This is the number of people that I have slept with.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32I'm the kind of guy who has sex in the toilet
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- after a gig, with a stranger. - LAUGHTER
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Hey, you're laughing it up lady
0:00:36 > 0:00:38but it could be you tonight, you know, so...
0:00:38 > 0:00:43# Baby, I've got a lot of love to give. #
0:00:43 > 0:00:47'I'm a ladies' man and, to be honest, a pretty successful one.'
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I've had sex with more than my height in women.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53'Sometimes sleeping with them at a rate of over ten a week.'
0:00:53 > 0:00:56I don't know the number of people you've been with...
0:00:56 > 0:00:57It's over 300.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Oh, my God!
0:00:59 > 0:01:01'But now I'm on a mission to change.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04'I want to see if I can handle a committed relationship.'
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's an unattractive quality to be a slag.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09'I need to find out where I have been going wrong.'
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Do you think I ever showed a vulnerability when I was with you?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- No.- No?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16'So I'm going to ask my exes,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19'with the help of my spreadsheet of past lovers.'
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- I've got rid of drink and drugs Jeff.- Good, he was a dickhead.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25'Hopefully, I'll learn some home truths...'
0:01:25 > 0:01:28I don't want to say you're selfish but I think you are.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30'..and get to grips with my problem...'
0:01:30 > 0:01:32This process is proving to be a lot more difficult
0:01:32 > 0:01:34than I thought it would be.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37'..to find out if I can ever become a one woman man.'
0:01:37 > 0:01:41What's wrong with me?!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44# I get all the girls, I get all the girls. #
0:01:47 > 0:01:50It's the sexy room!
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Hey, guy, where are we? We're in the sexy room.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56'I'm Jeff, I am 27-years-old
0:01:56 > 0:02:01'and when it comes to the fairer sex, I simply can't say no.'
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Sexy. You know!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Well, we've got candle and soaps,
0:02:06 > 0:02:10so at least were smell nice and be clean in the morning, good times.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13LAUGHTER
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Little bit bloody vain that Jeff Leach...
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Arrogant, actually!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19He's fucking arr... Look at him! Who does he think he is?!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Bottom half of Russell Brand, you know,
0:02:22 > 0:02:23top half of a skinny Danny Dyer...
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- Overall look of a gothic Tintin. - LAUGHTER
0:02:27 > 0:02:31You'd think with my track record with the ladies I'd be happy...
0:02:31 > 0:02:32but I'm not.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34At the end of the night, most people would go home.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Jump on the tube, get in their car,
0:02:36 > 0:02:40go to their abode to see loved ones, but some people are always left.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43For instance, look, this lovely group of people over here.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Two ladies, a gentleman, hanging out enjoying each other's company.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Why do I feel the need to view it completely differently?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Why do I not see what everyone else sees?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55You want to know what I see? I'll show you.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59This is how I actually see the world.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Look, the guys aren't even here.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04They don't even register on my psyche.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08The ladies are all semi-clad because I'm seeing every single one of them
0:03:08 > 0:03:10as a potential sexual adventure.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12How you doing, you all right?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16It makes me miserable, it tires me out, it makes me feel vacuous
0:03:16 > 0:03:20and shallow, and ultimately, very lonely.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Now I'm moving towards 30, my friends are getting married
0:03:28 > 0:03:29and settling down.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33I'm realising that I can't go on like this forever.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38Please can we have a warm welcome for the very funny Jeff Leach, everybody!
0:03:38 > 0:03:43'In my profession there's just too many opportunities to meet women.'
0:03:43 > 0:03:46You all right? How's it going?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48CHEERING
0:03:48 > 0:03:50You lot are brilliant. Look at all your happy faces.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Oh, you were looking at my face on the cards.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54This is the real thing, baby!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57You all right? That's for when you go home
0:03:57 > 0:03:59and you're laying next to your boyfriend
0:03:59 > 0:04:03and go "Hmmm, let's get that card out.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05"That's what it's all about."
0:04:05 > 0:04:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:07 > 0:04:09You've slept with a lot of my friends.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Not a lot.- Within her world.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Not a lot.- More than most.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- More than most of her friends, so that's almost all.- Four.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Cos this is part of our world, isn't it?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Girls are attracted to you because you're a funny comic.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29You spend so much time being that for this specific 20 minutes,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32they're attracted to that, which isn't real.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35It's this illusion that you build and make really good.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Who am I?- Yeah.- That's what I need to work out. Who am I? Am I a whore?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Maybe the performance is what people expect of me.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42They expect a whore so I give it.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49'So will I ever be able to leave this sex-fuelled lifestyle behind
0:04:49 > 0:04:51'and manage to commit to one girl?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53'Who better to ask than my ex lovers?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56'And with the embarrassing total of 300 plus...'
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Oh, it's ex-directory, is it?
0:04:58 > 0:05:04'..maybe it's just as well that I've kept note of them all. Yeah, keeping a list, how classy(!)'
0:05:04 > 0:05:07When I started having full proper sex with ladies,
0:05:07 > 0:05:11I wrote the names of the girls that I'd slept with on a piece of paper,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13probably to show off a little bit.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15It was, like, "Yeah, look at me, I'm a real man."
0:05:15 > 0:05:18And then I started to input that information
0:05:18 > 0:05:19into an Excel spreadsheet.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22'They range from fleeting encounters
0:05:22 > 0:05:24'to two year very open relationships,
0:05:24 > 0:05:25'spread across the world.'
0:05:25 > 0:05:27There's no scores, there's no ratings,
0:05:27 > 0:05:31it's nothing like, "This girl was a five out of five" or whatever.
0:05:31 > 0:05:36It's not that crass. It was simply a way of documenting
0:05:36 > 0:05:38every single woman that I'd ever slept with.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41I kind of have this long list now.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44'With a list of more than 300, where better to start
0:05:44 > 0:05:47'than with my first true love.'
0:05:47 > 0:05:50So this is Amy, my first love.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55I was 19 and I was living in New Zealand, working at a radio station
0:05:55 > 0:05:59and she was one of the top DJs at this radio station
0:05:59 > 0:06:02and it was love at first sight really.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Thanks to the magic of the internet,
0:06:03 > 0:06:07everyone is just a quick Facebook search away.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11She lives in Doha. Where is Doha?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Getting back in touch with someone who represents
0:06:14 > 0:06:18so much pain seems like madness but I need answers.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22She will certainly have things of a critical and negative nature to say about me,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24but hopefully, some positive things as well,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27and also she'll be able to talk about what she thinks
0:06:27 > 0:06:28I'm capable of in the future.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33I did have my heart broken by my first love, right?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34So badly, right?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I was on my knees at 2.30 in the afternoon
0:06:37 > 0:06:41as people were going for their lunch break in Auckland
0:06:41 > 0:06:44and I'm crying my eyes out, crying so hard, begging her
0:06:44 > 0:06:47not to leave me, that I can't form words or sentences any more.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50HE SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
0:06:50 > 0:06:53What?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57"You deserved it."
0:06:59 > 0:07:02(SOBBING) Why are you leaving me?!
0:07:04 > 0:07:10Crying so hard that the snot from my nose and the spit
0:07:10 > 0:07:15from my mouth had joined together in a bungee cord of pure misery.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27One of those heartbreaks.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Women, can I say, like, I am probably a whore
0:07:31 > 0:07:34because I am terrified of you, I am terrified of you!
0:07:35 > 0:07:39So I printed out my list...
0:07:39 > 0:07:44and I'd like to kind of place them upon a blank canvas
0:07:44 > 0:07:48so I can look at the reality of what I'm letting myself in for.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53That looks all right.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57That's probably about double the average amount for a man
0:07:57 > 0:08:01of my age, an idiot of my age.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05That's me being selfish and greedy.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Page three. That's six men's allowance of ladies
0:08:09 > 0:08:13that I have pathetically worked my way through.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16'There have been the odd occasions I've been a naughty boy,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18'but on the whole, I practice safe sex.'
0:08:18 > 0:08:23So it's literally, I've had sex with more than my height in women,
0:08:25 > 0:08:27It's like a pendulum of sexual misery.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Doesn't even want to move.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Just like most of my relationships didn't want to move.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Part of me is mildly proud of it.
0:08:39 > 0:08:45The human part of me... thinks I'm a bell end.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Why would one person need to sleep with that many women?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Hopefully, I'll find out.
0:08:53 > 0:09:00# Tell me have you ever really Really, really ever loved a woman? #
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Apparently, the average British man has had 13 sexual partners,
0:09:04 > 0:09:09and women just 7. I'm pretty much off the scale.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12The realisation I've have had is that my attitude towards sex
0:09:12 > 0:09:14and the way I behave is just not normal.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16You know, having sex with a 57-year-old woman
0:09:16 > 0:09:19just because she gave you a lift home after a comedy gig
0:09:19 > 0:09:21is not how normal people behave.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24You know, jumping out of a window after having sex with a young lady
0:09:24 > 0:09:27because you realise you freaked out at the prospect
0:09:27 > 0:09:31of having sex with four or five woman that day is not normal.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Being late for meetings at work because you have to self-romance
0:09:34 > 0:09:38for that third time in a row is not normal
0:09:38 > 0:09:41and ultimately, once it starts going from 10s to 20s to 50s
0:09:41 > 0:09:47to hundreds upon hundreds of women, you got to face up to the reality and sort yourself out.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52'So my journey begins.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57'I'm going to meet Nicola, number 161 on my spreadsheet.'
0:09:57 > 0:10:04You sort of knew me when I was very much still in my selfish behaviour.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09I remember I was DJ-ing at that point in a festival,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- summer break festival. - Yeah, in Newquay.- In Newquay.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Basically, living a life of debauchery
0:10:15 > 0:10:20including picking up 19-year-old student girls on the beach.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Yep.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- I imagine I was a bit of an arse. - You were.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Cos I wasn't... I was quite selfish at that time.- Very selfish.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- You made me very uncomfortable. - Really?
0:10:30 > 0:10:31On many occasions, yeah.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Jeff did what Jeff wanted to do so Jeff wanted to have sex,
0:10:35 > 0:10:40and Jeff had sex. Twice now, you've just followed me into the toilet
0:10:40 > 0:10:43and you'd just lock the door and, like, it's very attractive
0:10:43 > 0:10:47because the girls... Generally, if you like a bad boy, you like that,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50but no other man had the balls to follow me to the toilet.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54What happens if I screamed? You would come in and look the door.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59I've had a lot of sex in toilet cubicles, ladies and gentlemen, I won't lie to you.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02In fact, I've had so much sex in ladies' toilets,
0:11:02 > 0:11:07I started getting in trouble with the management for turning up late,
0:11:07 > 0:11:08"I don't work here!"
0:11:08 > 0:11:11"Why are you handing out hand towels?"
0:11:11 > 0:11:13"I like to clear up my own mess!"
0:11:13 > 0:11:15LAUGHTER
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I don't know the number of people you've been with but...
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- It's over 300.- Oh, my God.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Does that shock you?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28I'm not shocked because it's you, but that is a huge amount.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Really? Is that not normal?
0:11:30 > 0:11:35No, Jeff it's not, it's just not normal.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37But why do you... Why?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Because I'm not that bothered.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Loneliness I think, looking for affection.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44But sex does not replace a relationship.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48I use to make it very much, "You're here to fill in some time for me."
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- Which is awful, isn't it? - That's horrible.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55- I know.- It makes me feel like a... That's horrible to hear.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59None of the girls I've ever slept with have just been a number.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04Yeah, but they have, haven't they, though? There's 300, you know.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08You can't be emotionally connected to all of them, it's impossible.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Yeah, you're right, but that doesn't necessarily mean
0:12:10 > 0:12:14that they're also just a number, like a tick on the box.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Well, what are they, then? Experience for you?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Yeah, momentary experiences of feeling.- What about her?
0:12:20 > 0:12:21What about me? What about girls?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Well, that's why I'm doing this. That's why you're here!
0:12:24 > 0:12:27"I don't want you to feel guilty but what about me?!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29"OK? You bastard!"
0:12:29 > 0:12:30This is getting angry!
0:12:30 > 0:12:36I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Yeah, you're right, your right.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44'Well, Nicola didn't pull too many punches,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47'but perhaps none of it's that wide of the mark.'
0:12:47 > 0:12:51I've had sex in a bar down there, rock and roll bar,
0:12:51 > 0:12:52in the toilets there.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I've had sex in some offices there, in the toilet,
0:12:55 > 0:12:56someone I used to work with.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00I've had sex in Carnaby Street with three different women.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I've had sex in the toilets there. Once, actually in the toilets,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06once, behind the DJ booth, that's fucked up.
0:13:06 > 0:13:12I don't want to die on my own or surrounded by lots of women
0:13:12 > 0:13:17that I have absolutely no genuine committed...
0:13:17 > 0:13:20monogamous relationship with.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21And I also want to be a dad.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26Who is going to what to have a kid by a complete slag?
0:13:26 > 0:13:30I'm starting to see how limiting my lifestyle has become.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34No matter how hard it is, I need to make this process work.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36No-one wants to bump into their exes.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40The whole premise of this show is I'm actively seeking out people that
0:13:40 > 0:13:46might have quite a negative view of the end of a relationship that
0:13:46 > 0:13:50I was in and I'm going to try and see as many of those as possible.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52It's like everyone's worst nightmare really, isn't it?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Except I'm embracing it. I live for the nightmare!
0:13:55 > 0:13:59'This next girl is my longest "relationship."
0:13:59 > 0:14:02'We hooked up every few weeks or so over a period of two years.'
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Hello.- Hey, you all right?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- How you doing?- Great, thank you.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08'Number 207, Claire.'
0:14:08 > 0:14:10It's weird, isn't it?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Yeah.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- You got a coffee.- Thanks.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- How you doing? - I'm all right, thank you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21I've probably slept with almost 300 women or so now.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22SHE CLAPS
0:14:22 > 0:14:25No, no, I'm not looking for an applause.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27I don't see this as a positive thing.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- I see this as, like, a problem.- Hm.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Because, like you say, people don't go,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35"Oh, yeah, you're a guy I can definitely settle down with"
0:14:35 > 0:14:40- because they go "No, no, you're a massive man slag." - That's really sad.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- It is!- It is quite sad.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Yeah, which is why I'm doing this bloody programme
0:14:44 > 0:14:47because I want to get to the heart of it a little bit.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Imagine you're talking to one of your mates who doesn't know me.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53They went "Oh, what was Jeff Leach?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56"What was that whole thing about, you and him?"
0:14:56 > 0:14:58I would just talk about sex probably.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Sex? So it was just sex-based really for the most part.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I mean, there's part of me... Obviously, there's the very red-blooded, male part of me,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11the old school Neanderthal that's going, "Oh, yes, good at sex, thank you very much."
0:15:11 > 0:15:14And there's the other part of me that's the hopeless romantic
0:15:14 > 0:15:17that's going, "I was nothing more than a penis to you."
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I am that stopover guy. The guy you have in-between a proper boyfriend
0:15:21 > 0:15:23and another proper boyfriend.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26For instance, if you have some shoes and they break,
0:15:26 > 0:15:28you don't walk around barefoot for a week
0:15:28 > 0:15:31before you buy another nice pair of shoes.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35You know you've got that pair of slutty heels you can throw on.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36I am those slutty heels.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38LAUGHTER
0:15:38 > 0:15:42I didn't think you'd be able to...um...be good boyfriend
0:15:42 > 0:15:45or whatever and I didn't want to go there.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50So it was like, "I like you more then friends but I don't want to be in a relationship with you."
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- I just didn't want to be in a relationship with you. - Yeah... Oh, "With me"?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Well, this is what I want to find out.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58This is what this whole thing is about.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00It's about how do people um...
0:16:00 > 0:16:03view the prospect of a relationship with me
0:16:03 > 0:16:05and will I ever be able to have a committed relationship?
0:16:05 > 0:16:11I don't know. I wouldn't think you would...but I don't know.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Be capable of changing?- Yes.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Well, I don't think I'd be able to satisfy you as a girlfriend
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and keep your attention and stuff like that and also,
0:16:22 > 0:16:26if you cheated on me or anything, it would destroy me so I just wouldn't.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Yeah, so it's easier not to run that risk?- Yeah.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Yeah, I get that.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34That was upsetting to feel like "How many opportunities have I had of that in the past?"
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Where women have gone "Rather then tell him that I like him
0:16:37 > 0:16:40"to that extent, I'd rather just push him away
0:16:40 > 0:16:42"in order to protect myself."
0:16:44 > 0:16:46'Clearly, I am long way off boyfriend material.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48'What is the secret?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52'I am going to see some friends who have just bought their first house.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53'Maybe they can help.'
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Are you married, fella?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- We were childhood sweethearts. - Really?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- She was 15 and I was 16. - Bloody hell!- Yeah.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03How did you know she was the one, then?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I don't know. When I met her, you know, I was with another girl
0:17:06 > 0:17:08and I dumped the other girl and that was it.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- I went with her and it's been like that ever since. Four kids later. - There you go.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16I struggle with the idea of a single, committed relationship.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21You got used to the idea from a young age of being committed to someone and being with someone.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Whereas I got used to the idea of just having sex with as many people
0:17:26 > 0:17:32as possible, you know, so it's hard to break a habit really, isn't it?
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Ah, well, it depends if you want to break it I suppose, isn't it?
0:17:36 > 0:17:40Yes, no, you're right. That is the crux of the argument, isn't it?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43You have to want to do it, to make a change.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50My friends Sophie and Dino are managing a faithful relationship.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51So what's stopping me?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56I don't know, I want to have what you guys have, you know.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Like a genuine, committed relationship
0:17:58 > 0:18:01where I can fall in love with someone and not fuck it up
0:18:01 > 0:18:03when I actually want to commit to them.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Man, you have to work hard for that.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09It takes some time to renounce to freedom and independence.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10It was a very gradual process.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I'm envious of that relationship you have.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- You can have it. I mean, if you want it, you can have it.- Yeah.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19It's just that you have to um... invest some of that.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- Yeah.- Maybe you need to be more patient.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25You think I rush? I want everything to happen straight away.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- It takes a lot of time to really discover the other person.- Yep.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- Dino and I were flatmates and I think it helped a lot that we were living together.- Yeah.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35It's also good because then you know what you get.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40If I keep going out and sleeping with lots of different girls and giving them my affections,
0:18:40 > 0:18:42you spread yourself too thin.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Like me, this is what I'm doing, I'm not going
0:18:44 > 0:18:48"I'll start as a friend with one person then build it up..."
0:18:48 > 0:18:51You've got a lot of opportunities and the job that you do...
0:18:51 > 0:18:54I mean, you know DJ, stand-up comedian, all these things
0:18:54 > 0:18:56It's kind of a fantasy for girls
0:18:56 > 0:19:00and there's a lot of girls wanting to know you, wanting to be with you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- So you've got a lot of temptation... - The problem is I can't say no!
0:19:04 > 0:19:11So you have to renounce some of these successes and pleasures for the special one.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12To your new life!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15To your future and your promising relationship, I'm sure.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19And my non-promiscuous future maybe.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20We believe you can do it.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23# I'm just a gigolo and everywhere I go
0:19:23 > 0:19:27# People know the part I'm playin'... #
0:19:27 > 0:19:29So I need to learn to resist temptation.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33The problem is I'm out every night meeting new women.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Like Emma, number 252. We met at a comedy club and were lovers
0:19:38 > 0:19:41on and off for four months. I want to hear what she thinks,
0:19:41 > 0:19:44but first there's some unfinished business.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47No, we won't talk about that now cos it's not relevant.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49I know what you're going to say.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I only found out afterwards. I was like, "Oh, my God,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- "you slept with three of my mates." - Two.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Two. Really, like, comedy mates... and it really bothered me
0:19:57 > 0:20:00cos then I started to think that you were just a jokey
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and I was, like, she's a gag-hag and I was just another tick on the list.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05"Well, he's another young comedian."
0:20:05 > 0:20:09What bothered me about it was the first time I saw you live,
0:20:09 > 0:20:11you made a joke about having had sex with one of the girls
0:20:11 > 0:20:17in the front row and there was actually two of them sitting quite close together in the front row
0:20:17 > 0:20:21and they got so angry at you. Don't you remember that?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I made a joke about one girl. She was being really drunk
0:20:24 > 0:20:27and really rude and heckled me and I said "Oh, for fucks sake!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30"Just cos I slept with your sister!" And I had slept with her sister
0:20:30 > 0:20:33and she just shut up and both looked at each other,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36but the sister knew obviously but that was horrendous, yeah.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- That was a horrendous.- That was my first impression of Jeff Leach.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43- I'm a massive fucking hypocrite as well.- Yep.- Horrendous hypocrite.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47So I'm on a list, too!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I'm not sure if I like the sound of that.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51What else can I learn from Emma?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54The whole time we were seeing each other, I didn't feel
0:20:54 > 0:20:56like I knew you at all really
0:20:56 > 0:21:00and I think I maybe got like tiny little glimpses of it occasionally
0:21:00 > 0:21:02and as soon as you start to realise
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- "Ah, hang on, that's actually Jeff in there," it's gone again.- Yep.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09When you're being yourself, you're actually quite a nice person,
0:21:09 > 0:21:13but you spend so much time trying to be like someone else to everyone else,
0:21:13 > 0:21:18when actually you only really need to do that when you're on stage.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20I struggle with the idea that people say to me...
0:21:20 > 0:21:23you're not the first person who's said it, going,
0:21:23 > 0:21:27"Well, we don't really know who the real Jeff is, I feel like it's a performance."
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Sometimes that frustrates me cos I go "Well, this is fucking me!"
0:21:30 > 0:21:35But any girl that actually genuinely loves you and genuinely wants
0:21:35 > 0:21:38to be in a relationship with you will accept that part of you,
0:21:38 > 0:21:42but will also sometimes want just a little bit of you to herself.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44The softer, the vulnerable side of me.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I don't like being vulnerable, though.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Sometimes, you have to be. If you want someone to...
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- It terrifies me. - If you want someone to love you
0:21:51 > 0:21:53then you have to want them to look after you occasionally
0:21:53 > 0:21:58and assume that when you open up to them, they won't laugh at you, kick you in the balls and run off.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Yeah, that's why I'm terrified of vulnerability.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03You can't live every single relationship
0:22:03 > 0:22:06on how other people have treated you in the past.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Everyone has issues.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10'Do you think Jeff's happy ?'
0:22:10 > 0:22:12SHE LAUGHS
0:22:12 > 0:22:16That's difficult. You can't ever imagine just sitting in bed
0:22:16 > 0:22:19with him while he reads a book and you're on your laptop.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22That will never happen. If you're in bed with Jeff you're having sex.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26If you're not, then you're his friend. It's weird.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I have to face the reality that more than one of these ladies
0:22:35 > 0:22:39have said "I don't feel like I've got the vulnerable side of you."
0:22:39 > 0:22:44Just little snippets of that but mostly it's just the confident Jeff, the stage show as it were,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46and I've known that I'm like that
0:22:46 > 0:22:49but I think the reason for it has always been fear.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52'The fear of being hurt like I was by my first love,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55'who left me heartbroken and crying in the street.'
0:22:55 > 0:22:59And today I actually received an e-mail from my first love,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02from Amy, and she's answered the questions that I've sent
0:23:02 > 0:23:05through to her so I'll read you the answers now.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07"How would you describe our relationship," I asked.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11She said, "Based on the time in New Zealand, it was short, mostly fun
0:23:11 > 0:23:15"and very intense." She said, "The intensity became too much for me.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19"In turn, I was a complete bitch to you to try and give myself
0:23:19 > 0:23:21"some breathing space, I guess."
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Who here has been in love? Give me a "woo."
0:23:24 > 0:23:25WOOING
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Good. Who here has had their heart broken?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29WOOING
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Who here has asked their partner not to leave them?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Oh, fuck off, really?!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Just me, yeah?
0:23:38 > 0:23:42"I'm afraid you're the only sad one, Jeff." All right, chill out.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I said, "What do you think about my list?"
0:23:44 > 0:23:48And she goes, "Unforgettable, intimate experiences
0:23:48 > 0:23:51"are...unforgettable.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54"You've kept a register so you don't miss the forgettables
0:23:54 > 0:23:56"when you review your archive of conquests.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59"Be honest about it now, Jeff. Winky face."
0:24:01 > 0:24:04And she's right. There's an OCD and collective quality
0:24:04 > 0:24:07to what I want to do and it is documenting, "Look I've done this
0:24:07 > 0:24:11"or I've done that" and I hate the phrase "done," but that's literally what it is.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13It's a list of "have dones," isn't it?
0:24:13 > 0:24:18How can I not of got it right after 300 plus woman?!
0:24:18 > 0:24:20You know, am I learning anything
0:24:20 > 0:24:23in each of those experiences or do they mean nothing?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25# You cut me up and I
0:24:25 > 0:24:27# Keep bleeding... #
0:24:27 > 0:24:30'I'm going to have to start learning from my past.'
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Dingle, dingle, dingle.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Hello!- Hi.- I added my own bell sound. Did you like that?- It's good.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40'So next up, number 175, Claire, who organises burlesque events.'
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- How have you been? - I've been good, how are you?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- All right, thanks, can I sit? - Yeah, sure.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I love your shop, it's amazing.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50'She deals in fantasy but I'm here for a reality check.'
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Yeah, I did think when you first said to me,
0:24:53 > 0:24:56when you called your ladies, your women, "lovers,"
0:24:56 > 0:24:59it's quite interesting because it does make it more than just a...
0:24:59 > 0:25:03It makes it more of a personal thing that you have with them
0:25:03 > 0:25:07but it isn't really. It's just exactly the same.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10I think you call it a "lover" to kind of make it more than it is.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Do you think I ever showed vulnerability when I was with you?
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- No.- No?- No.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20How do you think I start the process of allowing myself to be vulnerable?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Spend a lot of time with somebody, I suppose.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Just spend all your time with them at all your points.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Like when you're feeling happy or sad
0:25:28 > 0:25:32or when you've done something really stupid and you're still
0:25:32 > 0:25:35talking to them or when you've upset them. Basically, just time.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37You've hit the nail on the head.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40By limiting my time with individual lovers...
0:25:40 > 0:25:43By seeing a girl one night and making her feel like she is my world,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45which she is when I'm with her,
0:25:45 > 0:25:48and then not seeing her for two, three weeks or a month,
0:25:48 > 0:25:52then I distance, I'm allowed to distance myself.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56What I've done to myself and lied in the past is that I've thought
0:25:56 > 0:26:00if I do that with a girl enough times, eventually she'll start going
0:26:00 > 0:26:04"Oh, he is showing me that side," and it will become something real.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08But I think I've been a bit naive there because unless you show
0:26:08 > 0:26:12that woman that you're committing to her and, like you say,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16investing your time, it basically counts for nothing, doesn't it?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19If you think you're giving them more than that then you're wrong
0:26:19 > 0:26:21and you need to stop thinking like that.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25You might as well get a vibrator really because they've got settings.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27A vibrator doesn't buy you dinner!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30HE LAUGHS
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Ah, Jesus!
0:26:35 > 0:26:39I think the main thing that I walked away with
0:26:39 > 0:26:44from Claire's conversation was the fact that I'm always limiting myself
0:26:44 > 0:26:47on how much I can give to a woman and how much they can get from me
0:26:47 > 0:26:49because of the time that I give to them.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51So spend no time with anyone...
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Well, how are they ever going to get close to you?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55# When I'm walking down the street
0:26:55 > 0:26:58# They say "Hey, sexy"... #
0:26:58 > 0:27:01So am I a guy who just loves sex or is there more to it than that?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# When I'm driving in my car
0:27:03 > 0:27:07# Or standing at the bar It don't matter where we are
0:27:07 > 0:27:08# They say, "Hey, sexy"... #
0:27:08 > 0:27:12It's quite a simple questionnaire "Am I a sex addict?"
0:27:12 > 0:27:15So I should answer some questions.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Question one, "Does your sexual behaviour have a negative impact
0:27:18 > 0:27:21"on other areas of your life such as relationships, work,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24"finances, health and professional status?"
0:27:25 > 0:27:27That's a yes.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30"Have you tried to limit your sexual behaviours but failed?"
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Err.. Yeah, I have tried to do that when I was in relationships
0:27:34 > 0:27:36and it didn't work out.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Yes, yes, yes, that's definitely true.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42How do you know you're a sex addict?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46I filled out a questionnaire, a sex addict questionnaire.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49There were questions on there that told me about my sexual fixations.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I was like "Yes, yes!" The lascivious patterns I had, "Yes!"
0:27:52 > 0:27:55And I don't mind admitting to you, ladies and gentleman,
0:27:55 > 0:27:58but like most new things I meet in life, I nailed it.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04So let me tally those up.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09Umm...that would be 12 out of 12 yes-es.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17I probably need some help really.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20If I'm a sex addict then I am not alone.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25Six percent of the UK population are apparently keeping me company.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27I have arranged to get a professional opinion,
0:28:27 > 0:28:29so am meeting with Paula Hall,
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Sexual and Relationship Psychotherapist.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Basically, sex addiction is any sexual behaviour
0:28:35 > 0:28:37- that feels out of control.- OK.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39If you're acting out in a sexual way
0:28:39 > 0:28:42and you don't really know what you're getting out of it anymore
0:28:42 > 0:28:45and you don't really know why you're doing it,
0:28:45 > 0:28:48you've quite often regretting that you've done it again,
0:28:48 > 0:28:52but you keep on doing it, then you probably are an addict.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Even though I was knackered and had to get up at six to film,
0:28:55 > 0:28:58I would spend that extra hour-and-a-half
0:28:58 > 0:29:01having sex with a girl that ultimately, tires me out,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04makes me more miserable the next day because I'm knackered.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06I might find myself late for meetings...
0:29:06 > 0:29:11I'll turn up 20 minutes late and the reason was because I had to fit in another wank.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13It doesn't matter if it's lots of one night stands,
0:29:13 > 0:29:16multiple affairs, visiting sex workers,
0:29:16 > 0:29:19looking at pornography, masturbating to pornography, whatever.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23It's not actually what you do, it's your relationship to it.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26You are dependent on it and it is getting in the way
0:29:26 > 0:29:28of other things that are important in your life.
0:29:28 > 0:29:34So the dopamine receptors in your brain get used to a certain level of high.
0:29:34 > 0:29:39So someone who is continually feeding their dopamine system
0:29:39 > 0:29:43- is going to get more bored than other people.- Yeah.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47But the only way you can actually change that is to actually change
0:29:47 > 0:29:50your lifestyle so that eventually it takes...
0:29:50 > 0:29:54- Does it gradually come back down? - Yeah, your dopamine begins to recalibrate.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Some people recommend you need at least a 90 day abstinence
0:29:57 > 0:29:59from any sexual activity
0:29:59 > 0:30:04and you've got to find ways of self-soothing that are healthy
0:30:04 > 0:30:06and learn to love yourself
0:30:06 > 0:30:11and live in your own company and there is a real,
0:30:11 > 0:30:14sad, desperate, "Love me, love me, love me," little script going on.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16I don't do it in that voice, though.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19I find that adds to the neediness if anything!
0:30:19 > 0:30:22Celibacy is a terrifying and terrible word, right?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Even for you guys, who don't have sex with, you know, 300 plus woman,
0:30:25 > 0:30:28you probably think, "Aw, celibacy... Aw, no thanks
0:30:28 > 0:30:30"I'd rather just not have sex."
0:30:30 > 0:30:32LAUGHTER
0:30:32 > 0:30:35I remember up until the age of seven or eight
0:30:35 > 0:30:37being very happy with my family.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40I remember going on holidays and my dad put me on his shoulders
0:30:40 > 0:30:43and my mum walking along and them getting along
0:30:43 > 0:30:46and then actually, from that age on, from seven or eight on,
0:30:46 > 0:30:48all I remember is them arguing
0:30:48 > 0:30:50and I wonder if there's an element of me...
0:30:50 > 0:30:53- Not wanting to get trapped... - ..that thinks,
0:30:53 > 0:30:57"Well, I've seen how miserable some committed relationships can be.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00So I don't want to put myself through that.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03So actually, a lot of your...
0:31:03 > 0:31:07sexual behaviour by the sound of it is about intimacy regulation.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11You use it to kind of keep out of a relationship to a certain extent...
0:31:11 > 0:31:15- Yes.- ..by continually having multiple relationships
0:31:15 > 0:31:17you're not putting all your eggs in one basket.
0:31:17 > 0:31:24# It's that old devil called love again... #
0:31:24 > 0:31:26It feels good to actually be diagnosed as an addict.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Someone scientifically saying,
0:31:28 > 0:31:31"Look, you have got a problem with sex and love addiction.
0:31:31 > 0:31:35As Paula said, there is only one way to rectify any addiction
0:31:35 > 0:31:37which is to ultimately,
0:31:37 > 0:31:40give up the thing that you're addicted to for a bit of time.
0:31:40 > 0:31:41Go through a period of abstinence.
0:31:41 > 0:31:45So I'm going to become celibate, which is terrifying.
0:31:45 > 0:31:49I'm going to have a hell of a lot of free time on my hands, I guess.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52But I've had an idea to keep me busy.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55I'll deal with this situation the best way I know how...
0:31:55 > 0:31:56through comedy.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00I'm going to put on a stand-up gig based on everything I'm learning,
0:32:00 > 0:32:02for friends, family and ex-lovers.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05Swift journey, little envelopes.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Ultimately, I think the gig's going to be quite cathartic.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15It'll be an important way to assess everything that I'm learning
0:32:15 > 0:32:18as I go on this journey and...
0:32:18 > 0:32:21it'll be a nice way to kind of conclude the healing process.
0:32:23 > 0:32:25So back to the list,
0:32:25 > 0:32:28what is being with a certified sex addict really like?
0:32:28 > 0:32:31'Having random sex in bathrooms and you know...'
0:32:31 > 0:32:35'We slept with each other and then we had a massive fight.'
0:32:35 > 0:32:38I don't want to say that you're selfish, but I think you are.
0:32:38 > 0:32:43The list is...because I want to remember each of those experiences.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50'After one day you were like, "Yeah, I've got shit to do, bye." '
0:32:50 > 0:32:53It's so funny, I've talked to you and another girl
0:32:53 > 0:32:57who I didn't even realise the extent to which I've hurt people.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59I'm not out there hurting people any more.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02I'm at home being a good boy!
0:33:02 > 0:33:05It's proving to be quite difficult.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08All these ex-lovers have been hittin' me -
0:33:08 > 0:33:11"Hey, my God, how you been, what's going on? Let's meet up."
0:33:11 > 0:33:13I've had to just say no, saying, "I can't do it."
0:33:15 > 0:33:18I'd like to fucking have a real relationship for once.
0:33:19 > 0:33:24But right now my penis... underneath there, is like,
0:33:24 > 0:33:28"Let me out, let me at 'em! I've got so much to give the world."
0:33:28 > 0:33:32You haven't, you stop it. "Shut up!" No, you shut up.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Base is how I'm feeling.
0:33:34 > 0:33:35- PHONE RINGTONE - Ch-ching!
0:33:35 > 0:33:38"Hey! It's another girl, it's late at night."
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Who's texting me at this time? Got to be a girl.
0:33:40 > 0:33:44"Hey, you should come out and have a drink with me,
0:33:44 > 0:33:47"and then, oh, a drink,
0:33:47 > 0:33:50"or do you mean come back to my house and have sexy times?"
0:33:50 > 0:33:53Yeah, it's from a girl. (Fuckin' hell!)
0:33:53 > 0:33:57I'm going to go and sit in a cold bath of ice.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00I don't think celibacy would be that hard,
0:34:00 > 0:34:03if it was just a case of giving up sex and walking away from it all,
0:34:03 > 0:34:07but when you've got the ex-lovers of yours sending you text messages,
0:34:07 > 0:34:09suggestive comments on Facebook,
0:34:09 > 0:34:13sending you photos of their naked breasts on a daily basis...
0:34:13 > 0:34:17It's like a drug addict getting calls from his dealer just going,
0:34:17 > 0:34:19"Hello, Barry, I've missed you.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23"I've got some good stuff for ya, can I pop round?"
0:34:23 > 0:34:24What do you do?
0:34:26 > 0:34:29Thankfully, there is one woman I'm allowed to visit...
0:34:29 > 0:34:30my mum.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34- Hello.- Oh, hi, darling!
0:34:34 > 0:34:36I grew up here in Harrow, on the outskirts of London
0:34:36 > 0:34:39with my sister and my parents,
0:34:39 > 0:34:41who have recently divorced after 35 years.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Yeah, I'm all right thank you, I'm good.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46So what is this for?
0:34:46 > 0:34:49Jeff working out whether he can have a relationship.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51- And can he? - SHE LAUGHS
0:34:51 > 0:34:52What do you think?
0:34:54 > 0:34:59It's difficult, I mean, I wouldn't revisit...another...
0:34:59 > 0:35:03- Ex-lovers.- No, no I would not...
0:35:03 > 0:35:06But you're not a whore like me, you've only had about two.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11I beg your pardon, that's not quite so.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15I didn't have any after Daddy, that's another thing.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17Because I don't work like that.
0:35:17 > 0:35:21When I'm in a relationship, I'm in a relationship and I said "Yes," so...
0:35:21 > 0:35:23Is it going to change you?
0:35:23 > 0:35:27Well, it has already, yeah, I think I'm learning something.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29The lady's made a really nice point
0:35:29 > 0:35:32because I told her about when you and Dad used to argue and stuff
0:35:32 > 0:35:35and you know I got lost in my Terry Pratchett books?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38I would religiously read them every single night
0:35:38 > 0:35:41and then I'd have to read one after the other, after the other
0:35:41 > 0:35:44and she said, "Well, you were doing the same thing then.
0:35:44 > 0:35:45"That was an addictive..."
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Going into your fantasy?
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Yeah, exactly, or ignoring the real world,
0:35:49 > 0:35:52ignoring you two shouting at each other by reading a book
0:35:52 > 0:35:55but I had to read every single one of those books in a big long...
0:35:55 > 0:35:58It's interesting. Did we shout a lot? We must have?
0:35:58 > 0:36:00- Every single night from the ages... - Really?- Yeah.
0:36:00 > 0:36:05Wow! That's a dark, dark drawing, isn't it?
0:36:05 > 0:36:08I remember that, I did that for you and Dad.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10Is that me above you with those nasty eyes?
0:36:10 > 0:36:12That's you and Dad, yeah.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15That picture sums up...
0:36:16 > 0:36:19..how I felt quite a lot, when I was younger...
0:36:19 > 0:36:21I tell you what will be nice
0:36:21 > 0:36:24and that is, you know, your bust in the lounge.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27She completely ignores the real issues at hand.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Throughout my life that's the reality.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33"Go and look at the nice one of you with your curtains."
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Look at this, this was a cry for help!
0:36:35 > 0:36:37You know what that was?
0:36:37 > 0:36:40That picture, it's frustration, I know that feeling,
0:36:40 > 0:36:44I can look at that picture and I can immediately identify that feeling.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Immediately, I can indentify that feeling
0:36:46 > 0:36:50because I felt it so many years of that feeling of just being like...
0:36:50 > 0:36:51HE BREATHES IN DEEPLY
0:36:52 > 0:36:54I always felt loved by my family,
0:36:54 > 0:36:57but I have many childhood memories of hiding away in my bedroom
0:36:57 > 0:36:59to escape my parents' rows.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05Paula, my therapist, has sent me a letter
0:37:05 > 0:37:07and asked me to read it in my old bedroom.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09It's long.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12"Dear Jeff, as I made my journey home
0:37:12 > 0:37:16"I noticed whilst there was a smile on my face as I thought about you,
0:37:16 > 0:37:19"there was a really deep sense of sadness in my heart..."
0:37:19 > 0:37:20OK.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23"I had witnessed and enjoyed a wonderful performance
0:37:23 > 0:37:26"but had I really met and seen Jeff Leach?
0:37:26 > 0:37:29"As I reflected on our conversation there was one image
0:37:29 > 0:37:31"that kept haunting me -
0:37:31 > 0:37:32"the eight-year-old Jeff
0:37:32 > 0:37:36"who was one minute riding aloft his father's shoulders with his mum at his side
0:37:36 > 0:37:39"and the rest, was sat alone reading Terry Pratchett
0:37:39 > 0:37:41"to drown out the screaming rows.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44"I'm sure any boy of that age would have felt frightened, confused,
0:37:44 > 0:37:46"sad and very alone.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49"I suspect at the route of your addiction is that little boy
0:37:49 > 0:37:53"who's still not had a chance to have his feelings and needs heard.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56"You will continue to drown out your fears
0:37:56 > 0:37:59"with alcohol, drugs or sex until you face them."
0:38:02 > 0:38:06So there's pretty much, an eight-year-old me,
0:38:06 > 0:38:07with a really cheesy smile.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Stressed, that's what I think that kid feels.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16They would scream at each other for what seemed like hours.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23What actually upsets and frustrates me about my situation now
0:38:23 > 0:38:26is not that I have issues, cos I've always been aware of that.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29It's not that I have things that hark back to my childhood
0:38:29 > 0:38:30cos I've been aware of that.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34It's that despite I know all that, I still allow myself to do things
0:38:34 > 0:38:37that...don't help the problem.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43# I love you too much, I love you too much... #
0:38:43 > 0:38:46So the further I'm coming along on this journey,
0:38:46 > 0:38:50the more that this live stand-up gig is terrifying me
0:38:50 > 0:38:53and I feel like I'm not even sure if I can do it.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57You know, I've got to take a process that has been very personal,
0:38:57 > 0:38:59very emotionally laden,
0:38:59 > 0:39:03is mixed up with so much responsibility to the women from my life,
0:39:03 > 0:39:06let alone my own responsibility to myself
0:39:06 > 0:39:09to do this in an honest fashion
0:39:09 > 0:39:12and then, I've got to make all of this
0:39:12 > 0:39:15heavily, emotionally laden, serious stuff
0:39:15 > 0:39:18into something funny that people can ridicule.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23Next, is a girl who held a very special place in my heart.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29Susie, number 180.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33I just got to a point, I think,
0:39:33 > 0:39:35where I realised that there was a few negative ways
0:39:35 > 0:39:37that I was living my life...
0:39:37 > 0:39:38Really? No way(!)
0:39:40 > 0:39:42- You're not even remotely surprised about that?- No.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45- I'm celibate at the moment. - That's a good thing.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Why d'you think that's a good thing, me being celibate?
0:39:48 > 0:39:51Because you might learn something. SHE LAUGHS
0:39:51 > 0:39:54What, how to be immensely frustrated on a daily basis?
0:39:54 > 0:39:57I want to have sex with everyone in here,
0:39:57 > 0:39:59and it's only old ladies and dogs in this park.
0:39:59 > 0:40:02Back then you probably would have done that anyway.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05Whoa, chill out! Are you an old lady, are you a dog? No!
0:40:05 > 0:40:07I remember once, I did a show
0:40:07 > 0:40:09at some club, I don't know what it was
0:40:09 > 0:40:13and I was sat in the dressing room and there was other performers there
0:40:13 > 0:40:15and I was talking about you and one of the girls went,
0:40:15 > 0:40:17"Oh, Susie's going out with Jeff"
0:40:17 > 0:40:20and one of these girls...she was a performer, I didn't know her
0:40:20 > 0:40:22and she went, "You're going out with Jeff?
0:40:22 > 0:40:26"Don't you mean you're just sleeping with him like everybody else?
0:40:26 > 0:40:29I was like, "Oh, don't I feel good. Awesome(!)"
0:40:29 > 0:40:32You called me your girlfriend to everyone that you introduced me to
0:40:32 > 0:40:36then the next day you were like, "No, I didn't say that, didn't say that."
0:40:36 > 0:40:37I was like, "Oh, OK, cool(!)"
0:40:37 > 0:40:39I remember that. That's awful.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41I remember thinking, "Oh, my God!"
0:40:41 > 0:40:44- This might happen this year? - Yeah, "OK, here we go."
0:40:44 > 0:40:47And the next day you're just like, "I didn't say that."
0:40:47 > 0:40:49"No, I didn't say you were my girlfriend
0:40:49 > 0:40:51"and if I did I was just drunk or whatever."
0:40:51 > 0:40:53I remember that, what a dick.
0:40:53 > 0:40:55When you were being Jeff,
0:40:55 > 0:40:58when you were being the Jeff that I knew and you were not on anything
0:40:58 > 0:41:01and you were just being normal, it was perfect.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Like, you treated me so well and I couldn't have been happier
0:41:04 > 0:41:08but then I knew in the middle of week it would all be nice
0:41:08 > 0:41:10and then I knew when it got to the weekend
0:41:10 > 0:41:12it was just all going to go to shit again
0:41:12 > 0:41:15and I don't know why I stuck around for so long
0:41:15 > 0:41:17cos it was over a year!
0:41:17 > 0:41:20Maybe because you saw glimpses of the...
0:41:20 > 0:41:23I'd see these glimpses and I thought, "He's going to realise soon."
0:41:23 > 0:41:25There was three Jeff's when I was with you.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27There was Jeff that used to go out,
0:41:27 > 0:41:30drink and party for three days straight.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32Never sleep, look like shit.
0:41:32 > 0:41:37Then there's work Jeff and then there was my Jeff.
0:41:37 > 0:41:38- Who you saw a tiny bit?- Yeah.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41That's the guy I'm trying to bring more into...
0:41:41 > 0:41:44I've got rid of the first Jeff, the drink and drugs Jeff.
0:41:44 > 0:41:45Good cos he was a dickhead!!
0:41:45 > 0:41:47I won't disagree with you.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50It wasn't a lie when I said to you that I felt that way about you.
0:41:50 > 0:41:54- But you were sleeping with other people at the same time! - Yeah. Yeah, I was.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56And I've continued to do that
0:41:56 > 0:41:58in lots of other relationships like that.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Imagine if I had committed to you
0:42:00 > 0:42:03and made you my girlfriend exclusive and that was that,
0:42:03 > 0:42:06you would of, at any point, had the power to ruin me.
0:42:06 > 0:42:07D'you know what I mean...?
0:42:07 > 0:42:09But I wouldn't have, though.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15I just wished you'd known at the time
0:42:15 > 0:42:17how much I really did love you
0:42:17 > 0:42:20and how much I really wanted to be, you know,
0:42:20 > 0:42:22be your boyfriend and be a good guy.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24I was just terrified.
0:42:24 > 0:42:25HE SIGHS
0:42:28 > 0:42:30- I'm sorry. - It's all right, I'm over it.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37It was like an arrow being shot into me, know what I mean?
0:42:37 > 0:42:40"Jeff, you were never there when I needed you."
0:42:40 > 0:42:41BOOF!
0:42:41 > 0:42:44Ahh...that hurt, that hurt.
0:42:44 > 0:42:45"Yeah, that hurt?
0:42:45 > 0:42:48"It hurt being told that you loved me when you were drunk
0:42:48 > 0:42:51"and then in the morning when you were sober denying it."
0:42:51 > 0:42:54- BOOF! - Aah! Did I really do that?
0:42:54 > 0:42:58"Yes, you did that! You know, it hurt when I needed you
0:42:58 > 0:43:01"and you were off having sex with 20 other girls."
0:43:01 > 0:43:03LAUGHTER
0:43:03 > 0:43:07Not all the girls on the list were so keen on a face-to-face meeting,
0:43:07 > 0:43:11So I asked them if they'd write and answer a few of my questions.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15She says, "I never felt it was going to be a long-term thing.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17"I think you felt the same.
0:43:17 > 0:43:20"It was doomed." That's quite theatrical!
0:43:20 > 0:43:24"I think you just froze me out, gradually.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27I said, "What were you looking for that I didn't give you or we didn't have?"
0:43:27 > 0:43:29She says, "A bit more stability."
0:43:29 > 0:43:31This is what I do, I get close to someone,
0:43:31 > 0:43:35very intense and close to them for a very short period of time,
0:43:35 > 0:43:37then I get scared probably, of the reality
0:43:37 > 0:43:40that this might become a relationship
0:43:40 > 0:43:42and all the intensity will dwindle
0:43:42 > 0:43:46and I might - God forbid - run risk the of being in a happy, committed relationship
0:43:46 > 0:43:48and then I... start to push women out.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53"You always want something different, something more.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55"You're never that satisfied, the hole is never filled.
0:43:55 > 0:43:59"It gets bigger and you try and consume it with more partners."
0:44:00 > 0:44:03I asked her, "What did you learn from our time together?"
0:44:03 > 0:44:06"I learnt how to become submissive, I learnt how to lie to myself."
0:44:08 > 0:44:11She felt like she had to play a slightly muted role
0:44:11 > 0:44:13or a slightly muted version of herself
0:44:13 > 0:44:16because of my all-encompassing,
0:44:16 > 0:44:19egotistical, self-absorbed character.
0:44:20 > 0:44:24But I find it... I remember our relationship very differently.
0:44:24 > 0:44:29I find it very hard to accept that I dictated everything.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33"A healthy relationship requires trust more than anything
0:44:33 > 0:44:35"and I never had that with you."
0:44:35 > 0:44:36It's unappealing, unattractive.
0:44:36 > 0:44:40That's the reality, it's an unattractive quality to be a slag.
0:44:40 > 0:44:44Whether you're male or female, or old or young, or you know...
0:44:44 > 0:44:45And then she met someone else.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47The story of my life -
0:44:47 > 0:44:50girls that I like meet someone else and they commit to them
0:44:50 > 0:44:53because they find a guy who actually will step up and commit
0:44:53 > 0:44:56rather than just offer fun times.
0:44:56 > 0:44:57It gets boring, doesn't it?
0:44:57 > 0:45:00Basically, what I'm learning from these women
0:45:00 > 0:45:04is that the lifestyle that I've been leading has a limited shelf life.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07As much as I can get bored and keep going,
0:45:07 > 0:45:11and shagging different woman... they get bored of me
0:45:11 > 0:45:14because they think, "He's capable of something more,
0:45:14 > 0:45:16"He's capable of something more...
0:45:16 > 0:45:19"Oh, hang on a sec, he's never going to reach that point."
0:45:19 > 0:45:20It's hurtful.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23I don't want them to think, "He's just a slag.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25"He's a slag who's incapable of loving or caring."
0:45:25 > 0:45:28I want them to think, "Yeah, he's a sexual entity but...
0:45:29 > 0:45:33"..his adventurous nature doesn't come in the way of him being a descent bloke
0:45:33 > 0:45:36"who's capable of loving and being loved."
0:45:41 > 0:45:44This process is proving to be a lot more difficult
0:45:44 > 0:45:46than I thought it would be
0:45:46 > 0:45:51and all the problems that I was horrendously aware that I've had for...
0:45:54 > 0:45:56..for 20 odd years...
0:45:58 > 0:46:00..are being dragged to the surface.
0:46:04 > 0:46:05Talking to my mum...
0:46:07 > 0:46:10..and going back to my house to a place where I'm really not happy...
0:46:12 > 0:46:16..and then ultimately, talking to all these ex-girlfriends
0:46:16 > 0:46:17and having...
0:46:22 > 0:46:24..just having like, my feelings...
0:46:26 > 0:46:28..thrashed about.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31I know it's a good process to bring those out so you can deal with them
0:46:31 > 0:46:34but at the same point it's tiring, you know.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39I'm tired and frankly I want it to be over.
0:46:48 > 0:46:52Delving into my past and inviting criticism was never going to be easy.
0:46:52 > 0:46:54But I need to look forward,
0:46:54 > 0:46:57I need to take this seriously and change something.
0:46:57 > 0:47:02I'm going to Blackpool to meet with a sex addiction recovery group.
0:47:02 > 0:47:06I have got a bit of a problem, and a bit of an illness really.
0:47:06 > 0:47:08It's a disease of the mind, isn't it?
0:47:08 > 0:47:12That's kind of... the long and the short of addiction, so...
0:47:12 > 0:47:15It'll be quite a relief to talk to other people
0:47:15 > 0:47:17who suffer the same kind of problems.
0:47:21 > 0:47:26OK, thanks for everybody being here tonight.
0:47:26 > 0:47:30We've got with us Jeff and he's here to try and understand how group therapy can help him.
0:47:30 > 0:47:33- I'm Jeff...- And I'm an addict.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35..well, yeah, I'm an addict.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38I'm an insecure, issue-riddled individual.
0:47:38 > 0:47:41I'm Ryan, sex addict.
0:47:41 > 0:47:45I'd go in my mum's handbag, pinching money for my addiction.
0:47:45 > 0:47:48So you'd need money, which would be a two-pronged attack,
0:47:48 > 0:47:51wouldn't it with sex and drink?
0:47:51 > 0:47:53The alcohol would lead onto the sex
0:47:53 > 0:47:57or the cocaine would lead onto the sex, so yeah.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00I lost my family, my job... everything.
0:48:00 > 0:48:04I remember waking up in the hospital, I'd overdosed
0:48:04 > 0:48:07and I remember having a go at the doctors for reviving me.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11My parents split up, around 13
0:48:11 > 0:48:14and that's when I started getting involved with sex addictions
0:48:14 > 0:48:16and everything to do with that.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19How many lovers do you claim to have had?
0:48:19 > 0:48:22500 to 700 roughly, between that area.
0:48:23 > 0:48:25When you say, "Like, 600,"
0:48:25 > 0:48:28I'm like, "Fuck! Why haven't I had sex with 600 women?!"
0:48:28 > 0:48:30Then I start... It's pathetic, isn't it?
0:48:30 > 0:48:33It's pathetic, a childish thing to be like,
0:48:33 > 0:48:34"Oh, I want to have sex with more."
0:48:34 > 0:48:39What do you take away from the group apart from obviously, there's that sort of mentality?
0:48:39 > 0:48:41How's it sort of changed how you...?
0:48:41 > 0:48:44You're getting their feedback on how they recover,
0:48:44 > 0:48:47then you can put that into your recovery
0:48:47 > 0:48:49and you can tell them how I recover to them.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52The power of talk, it's worked for me.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54That's another thing, do you...?
0:48:54 > 0:48:59I never talk to any of my mates about anything that makes me...
0:48:59 > 0:49:02I think I'm quite a depressed individual to be honest
0:49:02 > 0:49:05and I never talk about it cos I'm always seen as that fun-time guy.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09I feel like it'd be a burden if I talk to my mates about it...
0:49:09 > 0:49:12When it first happened, I didn't speak to anyone about it.
0:49:12 > 0:49:16I usually just kept my happy side out and hid my unhappy side,
0:49:16 > 0:49:18make everyone else happy, not myself.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21Can you talk to other people outside of the group then?
0:49:21 > 0:49:23Do you talk to some of your mates now about...?
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Yeah, now I've come into recovery
0:49:25 > 0:49:29I've got the courage to tell people like...what I've got
0:49:29 > 0:49:33- and got the bollocks to say what needs to be done.- Yeah.
0:49:33 > 0:49:36It's a big help, It's not always easy but...
0:49:36 > 0:49:421,000 mile journey starts with the first step and that's having, as you say, the bollocks to...
0:49:42 > 0:49:44- To not use the bollocks! - Yeah, I was going to say that.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Yeah, that works, yeah.
0:49:49 > 0:49:52I need to lean on friends who are always there for me
0:49:52 > 0:49:55as opposed to getting a quick fix from a night of lust.
0:49:57 > 0:50:00I'm going to do a bit of personal off-loading,
0:50:00 > 0:50:02talk to them about how I'm feeling about things
0:50:02 > 0:50:04and hopefully, that might help somewhat.
0:50:04 > 0:50:07It's good to get a second opinion, isn't it?
0:50:07 > 0:50:09From someone who knows you and cares about you.
0:50:10 > 0:50:14That's the next step - start talking to my mates about how I feel.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19I'm going to see one of my closest friends,
0:50:19 > 0:50:22and importantly, a girl I have not slept with!
0:50:22 > 0:50:23Arlene.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26- Hey, how you doing? - Hi, darling, you all right?
0:50:26 > 0:50:27I'm good, I like the fur.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30I've been given the advice that I don't really talk to my mates
0:50:30 > 0:50:32about how I feel about stuff very often.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35- Do you talk to anybody?- No.
0:50:35 > 0:50:37"No, I'm a boy!"
0:50:37 > 0:50:42A little bit, but I always thought I was capable of a little bit more...depth than that.
0:50:42 > 0:50:44I reckon you're more of a boy than you think.
0:50:44 > 0:50:45That's the problem,
0:50:45 > 0:50:49I don't talk to my friends or my parents about the issues I have,
0:50:49 > 0:50:51I never do that, I never open up.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53I'm terrified. I want to be that fun guy,
0:50:53 > 0:50:56"Guys, what's going on?" "Not much, Jeff. How are you feeling?"
0:50:56 > 0:50:58- "Oh, you know... - HE IMITATES SOBBING
0:50:58 > 0:51:00"..great, great!
0:51:00 > 0:51:03"I'm having a great time, things are good."
0:51:03 > 0:51:04HE IMITATES SOBBING
0:51:04 > 0:51:09I've had to face the reality in this programme that I don't like myself. I don't love myself.
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Aw!
0:51:13 > 0:51:16I don't really love the person that I am.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19But you can see that you've got the ability to change yourself.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23- Are you starting to see that? - Yeah, I'd like to think so, yeah.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Otherwise I would have given up on myself,
0:51:26 > 0:51:29I'd just go desperately into a pit of debauchery and go,
0:51:29 > 0:51:31"Fuck it, I'm stuck anyway."
0:51:31 > 0:51:34I do, I honestly think you've, you know, just seeing you,
0:51:34 > 0:51:39even though not low but I think you've definitely grown and changed.
0:51:39 > 0:51:42You've got so much going for you and I think you just need
0:51:42 > 0:51:44to figure a little bit more about what you actually want.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47I think as much as you really want
0:51:47 > 0:51:49to kind of get to somewhere that you can have that
0:51:49 > 0:51:52real, full-on, emotional relationship,
0:51:52 > 0:51:53I think actually,
0:51:53 > 0:51:58part of you still, is all right about the shagging around bit.
0:51:58 > 0:52:01- I'm definitely in that no-man's-land at the moment.- Yeah.
0:52:01 > 0:52:05But the prospect of a committed relationship with one person -
0:52:05 > 0:52:09never being able to have sex with these attractive ladies again - terrifies me.
0:52:09 > 0:52:10That's a bit frightening.
0:52:10 > 0:52:13A bit full-on, it's one extreme to another, isn't it?
0:52:13 > 0:52:16Now I'm in this middle place, "What do I do?"
0:52:16 > 0:52:18Surely, it will start getting easier.
0:52:18 > 0:52:21But I think spending time with friends is probably...
0:52:21 > 0:52:25cos at least then you've got people around you
0:52:25 > 0:52:27and you can cuddle friends.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31It's the day of the gig.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34Time for a last minute run-through of my material.
0:52:34 > 0:52:40300, the fact that it's 300 has got to be a Spartans related joke.
0:52:40 > 0:52:44Allowing my exes, friends and a therapist to pick me apart,
0:52:44 > 0:52:48revisiting childhood stress, turning my back on sexual encounters,
0:52:48 > 0:52:50reassessing my whole lifestyle
0:52:50 > 0:52:53and almost having a breakdown in the process,
0:52:53 > 0:52:57wouldn't leave anyone in funniest of moods but the show must go on.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59Right, here we go...
0:53:00 > 0:53:01Ooh!
0:53:01 > 0:53:06Think in like...a couple of hours time, I'll be going,
0:53:06 > 0:53:10"Hey, look, I'm a terrible man, I'm going to tell you about that.
0:53:10 > 0:53:14"Hey, Mum and Dad! How proud are you?" And that's going to be funny.
0:53:15 > 0:53:19(Fuck!) It feels real now.
0:53:19 > 0:53:22DRUM BEATS
0:53:22 > 0:53:25CROWD CHEERS
0:53:28 > 0:53:32It's a full house and time for the moment of truth.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35Can I make comedy from misery?
0:53:35 > 0:53:37CHEERING
0:53:37 > 0:53:40This is why we're here, ladies and gentleman.
0:53:40 > 0:53:45I've been going on this journey if you will, to stop being a whore.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47LAUGHTER
0:53:47 > 0:53:50I'm not quite healed yet, I've still got issues.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53Quite clearly you can see, I'm slightly unhinged.
0:53:53 > 0:53:57I'll be happy when I can stop doing jokes about my miserable existence.
0:53:58 > 0:54:00This process is for two reasons,
0:54:00 > 0:54:04one - I just do want to stop being what is ultimately a bell-end, know what I mean?
0:54:04 > 0:54:06Living a very vacuous, shallow, lifestyle.
0:54:06 > 0:54:08I'm going to continue this, this is me,
0:54:08 > 0:54:12this is partly me but there is a vulnerable side I want to show.
0:54:12 > 0:54:15Also, I really want to be a father in the future.
0:54:15 > 0:54:18All of you are looking at me like, "Please do not let that happen.
0:54:20 > 0:54:24"Keep him away from the children, are you mental?!"
0:54:25 > 0:54:27What else do I need to be a good father?
0:54:27 > 0:54:30Well, I have organised and scheduled
0:54:30 > 0:54:33up to 30 different lovers at a time, right?
0:54:33 > 0:54:37That's pathetic. However, pretty sure I can handle the school run.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41I do, I want to be a father some day.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Not like James Brown kind of father,
0:54:44 > 0:54:47that's what I would be if I carried on this lifestyle,
0:54:47 > 0:54:50just like 600 feral children, just like running round.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53That is why he makes those sounds on stage, he's not singing,
0:54:53 > 0:54:58he's just surprised constantly by the new children jumping out of these paternity lawsuits.
0:54:58 > 0:54:59"Yeah, I'm going to...
0:54:59 > 0:55:02"Ow! More! Whoa, what's that? Damn, look at that!"
0:55:04 > 0:55:07So I guess ladies and gents, that's the end of the comedy part of this.
0:55:07 > 0:55:12I've gone on a genuine journey to discover the failings in myself,
0:55:12 > 0:55:14to discover how I can ultimately try
0:55:14 > 0:55:16and make other people happy in the future
0:55:16 > 0:55:20and I realise that until I'm happy with myself and I love myself
0:55:20 > 0:55:22that's not going to be possible.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25So I'm going to walk off this stage and get on with doing that
0:55:25 > 0:55:28but I want to say thank you to the ladies who've come tonight,
0:55:28 > 0:55:31my family, my friends and ultimately you guys
0:55:31 > 0:55:34for allowing me to perform for you this evening and discover this.
0:55:34 > 0:55:36Thank you, good night.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:41 > 0:55:44I feel very weird, I feel like that's it.
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Well, that is it, I'm like, full of adrenalin.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49It was amazing, they were such a lovely audience and...
0:55:49 > 0:55:51it was a nice way to lay to rest
0:55:51 > 0:55:55what has been a long and quite arduous journey.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58Maybe this is the making of him, you know doing this programme
0:55:58 > 0:56:01and going back over all these things
0:56:01 > 0:56:07and...because it actually pains me when he said he doesn't love himself
0:56:07 > 0:56:12because he's very loved by everybody who meets him and so on, so...
0:56:12 > 0:56:15He needs to get there.
0:56:15 > 0:56:18This is the beginning now of the next part my own personal story,
0:56:18 > 0:56:19which is putting into practice
0:56:19 > 0:56:22all the things I've learned from these girls
0:56:22 > 0:56:26and ultimately, ending up hopefully being...a good bloke.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35# Smooth operator
0:56:36 > 0:56:39# Smooth operator
0:56:39 > 0:56:42# Smooth operator
0:56:44 > 0:56:47# Smooth operator
0:56:47 > 0:56:50# Smooth operator... #
0:56:50 > 0:56:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:53 > 0:56:56E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk