0:00:04 > 0:00:06I can't believe it's our first cake! Make it a good one.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Why did you want a red velvet cake?
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Because I love red velvet.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13I think it's so fresh, so...nice.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Where did you first have a red velvet cake?
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Three or four years ago with our mum.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21- And she made it? - Yep.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- There we are. - It's very red.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Very red.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Well, you don't want pink velvet cake, do you?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30So, tell me what's it like being in care.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Erm, I really love being in care,
0:00:32 > 0:00:36even though I love being with my mum, as well.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38The first night is scary.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41It's like a big old question mark
0:00:41 > 0:00:45in your heart, thinking, "Why has this happened?"
0:00:45 > 0:00:48But there's no point wasting your time
0:00:48 > 0:00:50and going all sad and angry, while...
0:00:50 > 0:00:54you have a life around you and anything can happen.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- De-dah! - Brilliant!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Are you ready?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Oh, yes, I am ready.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03What do you think?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06How does this compare with your mum's cake?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Delicious, definitely.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11But no cake is better than my mum's cake, definitely.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Ten-year-old Junior is one of over 60,000 children
0:01:17 > 0:01:18in foster care across the country.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21..13-year-old girl that's an adoptive placement... Break down...
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'm still exploring, yeah.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26An in-house carer has agreed to keep them until Monday.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Foster care is a way of giving these children a home
0:01:30 > 0:01:33while their own families are unable to look after them.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35A lot of the time it's neglect.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38It is physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41You are constantly trying to build the elusive trust.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45But now there's a national shortage of foster carers.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You're not interested in fostering? OK. That's fair enough.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Everyone always knows about adoption, but...
0:01:50 > 0:01:52they don't really know what fostering is.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I want to show why fostering really matters...
0:01:56 > 0:01:59..because like these kids, I was fostered, too.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Devastating to read, really.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I've always believed fostering changed my life.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Now, I want to track down all the people who looked after me
0:02:11 > 0:02:14when I needed a home the most,
0:02:14 > 0:02:16and find out the sometimes painful truth
0:02:16 > 0:02:18about my own childhood.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I still didn't dream that you would be fostered, you know.
0:02:22 > 0:02:28This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30This is me when I was eight.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35And this is Witney in Oxfordshire,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37where I grew up with my adoptive parents.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41But they divorced,
0:02:41 > 0:02:44and my mum struggled to cope.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49So I was sent into emergency foster care.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54It wasn't hard to trace the foster family that took me in,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57because they still live in the same house.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05MUSIC: "Walking on the Moon" by The Police
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Now I am going back for the first time in over 30 years.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- I don't remember it at all. - Really?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Yeah. I mean, I remember this area
0:03:18 > 0:03:20because I lived around the corner,
0:03:20 > 0:03:21but I don't remember the house.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I don't know if it's just going to be like meeting complete strangers
0:03:24 > 0:03:26and not have any emotion.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- Hello! - Hello.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- How are you?- Fine.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- How are you doing? - I'm doing fine, thanks.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37LORRAINE CHUCKLES
0:03:37 > 0:03:40My foster carer was Barbara Stanley.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- How are you doing? - How are you?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46And this is Tammie, who was four years old when I came to live here.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48I haven't seen you for so long!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- You haven't changed. - Haven't I?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- Oh, I have! - Doesn't look any different.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58What was I like when I was here?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Lovely girl. - Be honest.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04No, you were a good girl.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05So I wasn't a tearaway, or...?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- No. - Trouble?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09No. You wasn't.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- You liked to dance. - Did I?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Yes, you were always dancing. - Really?
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Yeah. Yeah, I remember you fell over once, in the garden...
0:04:19 > 0:04:23and because, obviously, years ago, like,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25there wasn't many races around,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27and I was quite shocked
0:04:27 > 0:04:30that your blood was the same colour as ours.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34THEY CHUCKLE
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Over the years, Barbara and her husband Fred
0:04:37 > 0:04:39fostered 11 children.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Some, like me, were here for a short time.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Others, like Tammie, stayed their whole childhood.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48When did you come here? How old were you?
0:04:48 > 0:04:5013 months. 13 months.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53What happened with you? Tell me about your story.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54When I was eight weeks old
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I was involved in a fire.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59The biological parents were...
0:05:01 > 0:05:05..away from the building which we lived in -
0:05:05 > 0:05:06a static home-type building.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09And a fire was noticed.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11And I got it all.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12"Extensive burns...
0:05:12 > 0:05:17"mostly on the face, but also on the hands and feet."
0:05:19 > 0:05:22These are pictures from hospital.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh, my God.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- I'm surprised that you survived. - Mm.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35It was decided that...
0:05:35 > 0:05:39I wasn't able to go back to the natural parents,
0:05:39 > 0:05:43so I came to Mum and Dad.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47I used to stay with her in the hospital, didn't I?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I made her go out amongst other children.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Never kept her shut away from people.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56And look at her now.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00If it wasn't for Mum and Dad,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I wouldn't be where I am today.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05And who I am today.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11You all right?
0:06:18 > 0:06:22The boys were in there with bunk beds.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I don't know if you can remember.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26And then we were in here.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30There was a single bed there, and another single bed.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35And then, like, a put-me-up?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Was it squashed, or was it just cosy?- Cosy.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- Cosy. - Is the word.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41It was fun.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43It was like a sleepover.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45TAMMIE LAUGHS
0:06:47 > 0:06:49It's really strange, the way...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Because I think I was, I don't know - seven, eight, nine?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I can't remember what age I was.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56But that's a time you do have memories from, obviously,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00and it's quite strange that I don't actually remember sleeping here,
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I don't remember lots of things.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I remember being here. I don't remember the nights.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06No.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Do you think you've blocked that period out of your head?
0:07:11 > 0:07:12I must've done.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Yeah.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18- WHISPERS:- Must've done.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I ended up staying with the Stanleys for three months.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25You were having problems at home, weren't you?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Round the corner. - Yeah.- Yeah.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Social services brought you to me.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33They just phoned me up and said would I take you,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36because they'd nowhere for you to go.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39They stopped your mum coming here after work.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44She used to... Temper, moods, and upset all of you.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Did she ever say anything to you about it all?
0:07:48 > 0:07:52She just says she was struggling to cope.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54But she normally says it was because I was so difficult.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59But I don't know why she was, because you wasn't a bad child.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Honestly, I think she took...
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Because of the break-up of her marriage,
0:08:03 > 0:08:04I think she took it out on you.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07To be quite honest, I really think she did.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- Yes, she used to tell me that. - Yeah.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- Bye, Tammie. Good to see you.- You, too.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20She's obviously got a lot of love to give, and she loves children.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26When I said, right, what was I like? What problems did I have?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29And she sort of said, no, it wasn't you that had the problems,
0:08:29 > 0:08:33it was your mother had the problems, so...
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Erm... It's nice to get that validation.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Because I sort of spend my whole life thinking it was me.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43And that's...something that you live with, so...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45To hear that from her is really good.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I wasn't told any reasons as to why I went into care.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08My father wasn't really involved.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I was living with my mother, and...
0:09:13 > 0:09:17My mother just said she couldn't cope.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22I didn't even know what the word cope meant at eight years old.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I knew she was working very long hours as a nurse,
0:09:25 > 0:09:30but...eight years old, it's just not something that was in my head.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33As a family, we haven't really spoken about
0:09:33 > 0:09:36the time I was fostered.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39My mum now has dementia and is too ill to ask,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42and my dad is in America for several months.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47So I'm going to see my dad's sister-in-law, Auntie Angela.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48She was around at the time
0:09:48 > 0:09:52and might be able to shed light on what went on.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55- Hello.- Hello.- How are you?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- Oh, I'm fine, thank you, dear. Are you?- Yes, good thank you.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- Oh, look at your cookies! - Well, they're your cookies.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I don't know whether they're going to be up to standard.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07THEY LAUGH
0:10:08 > 0:10:10They're quite soft, aren't they?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Should they be soft?
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Yeah.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17When they've got less butter and sugar in, sometimes they're more...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19cake-like.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- I found one photo... - Oh, did you?
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Erm...But it's just before you came...around...
0:10:26 > 0:10:28OK. Be good to see.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30..that has got your mum and dad in it together.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33So this is a family photo...
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I was adopted by my parents, Audrey and Roger,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38when I was 18 months old.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Dad. Your dad.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Your mum.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45- Me. - Oh, my God.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I would've thought "Who is that?"
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Oh, my goodness. - Thank you.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And there you are at our house.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Oh, my God, look at that afro!
0:10:56 > 0:10:57ANGELA CHUCKLES
0:10:57 > 0:11:01And that's obviously quite a bit later.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I must be about eight.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Which is around the time of the fostering, I suppose.- Yes.- Yeah.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10When you were actually fostered, we didn't have a contact with you.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Apart from those home visits, did we?- Mm.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16So what was I like around that time? Can you remember?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18You were very clinging to your dad,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22I can always remember the whole day we spent with you,
0:11:22 > 0:11:24you would be sitting on his lap.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28You were obviously craving affection.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Mm.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Can you remember that there was a problem, when you were at home?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Just with Mum?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Well, I remember she was often very angry.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Erm...
0:11:37 > 0:11:41I don't know if you ever experienced her being a bit cross at times.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Mm...! ANGELA LAUGHS
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Maybe helped with a little...er...friend.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Yes.- Erm...
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- But she was quite a secret drinker. - Yes.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- You never actually saw her drinking. - No, I never...- No.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- She used to go to her room. - That's right.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01While we were there, she used to, erm...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03go off up to her room
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- and we wouldn't see her for the rest of the day.- Mm.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Their marriage had not been 100% for a while.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15But I still didn't dream that you would be fostered.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19I felt that you would still stay within the family.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Yeah.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23So, yes, that was a shock.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Thank you for the cookies.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31You're welcome.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34I'll keep trying your recipes.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- See you soon. - Yeah. Hope so.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46It was lovely to catch up with Angela. And, erm...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48It was interesting that she didn't know that much about
0:12:48 > 0:12:50the whole fostering thing, as well.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55It was good looking at the photographs.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Just to try and jig my memory of the past a little bit.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03But, because I can't put a real emotional memory to it,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06it didn't really bring anything to the surface.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13It is clear that there must've been something seriously wrong at home
0:13:13 > 0:13:15for me to go into foster care,
0:13:15 > 0:13:19and I wanted to find out what that was.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20These are...
0:13:20 > 0:13:26the fostering records from Oxfordshire council.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I feel like I'm about to go to the dentist.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39This is 1976.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41"Reason for referral. Child at risk.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45"Mother was worried about the pressure building up.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49"She feels like she is likely to take it out on adopted daughter."
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- In '76, that's interesting. - How old are you, then?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I was age three, then.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58So that was quite early on.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04"Mother was 42 years old and they had been married for 15 years.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07"They have a six-year-old son
0:14:07 > 0:14:08"and...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10"..a coloured child."
0:14:10 > 0:14:11"She rang the department
0:14:11 > 0:14:13"saying she was worried about her
0:14:13 > 0:14:15"three-year-old adopted daughter.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16"She felt the child was very much at risk
0:14:16 > 0:14:19"and did not know how to deal with the situation."
0:14:22 > 0:14:25"She said that she had exploded and smacked the children very hard,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28"but knew she was particularly heavy-handed with Lorraine.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31"She had always been confused about her feelings towards the child
0:14:31 > 0:14:33"and quoted an incident which had taken place
0:14:33 > 0:14:35"within the last couple of days
0:14:35 > 0:14:37"when she was walking through Witney with..."
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Hmm.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43"..with Lorraine and a large lorry was travelling...
0:14:43 > 0:14:46"in their direction, and she had looked at the wheels
0:14:46 > 0:14:48"and thought if she pushed Lorraine under them
0:14:48 > 0:14:50"it would solve all her problems."
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Wow.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54"Although she's not been drinking for over two months,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56"she's afraid if she had a drink
0:14:56 > 0:14:58"she would not know where to stop
0:14:58 > 0:15:00"and could not control her feelings."
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Well, that's quite heavy.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07So, then, '81... "Request for reception into care of Lorraine."
0:15:07 > 0:15:11"The mother called the office this morning to speak to duty officer.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12"The mother was in an agitated state.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15"She demanded that we take her daughter into care -
0:15:15 > 0:15:16"she could not stand her any longer.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19"She said she dreaded the school holidays
0:15:19 > 0:15:21"and was sure she would do Lorraine some damage."
0:15:21 > 0:15:23"She said she had already tried
0:15:23 > 0:15:25"to strangle her and suffocate her recently
0:15:25 > 0:15:28"and had hit her before she went to school this morning.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31"She said that the only way she could keep from
0:15:31 > 0:15:34"hitting Lorraine was to keep her locked in her bedroom."
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Devastating to read, really.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56I feel a bit sick.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I'm almost reading as...it's someone else, at the moment.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I haven't sort of absorbed it as being me, because it's a bit...
0:16:03 > 0:16:05traumatic to read.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I don't want to sound like "poor me",
0:16:08 > 0:16:10but it's not very nice.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Good morning, madam. Would you be interested in fostering?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Have you ever thought about fostering?- Er, no.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I've got my own son and... We don't have any other space.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35This is the London Borough of Lambeth.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39It's an inner-city borough with over 500 kids in care.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Good morning! We're recruiting for foster carers for Lambeth.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Would you be interested to talk to us?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Although so many children depend on foster care,
0:16:47 > 0:16:52most people don't know how it works or what's involved.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- You've got a full-time job. OK, thank you very much.- You're welcome.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- I'm single, so...- But even single guys...- No, single is fine.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Like every other place in the country,
0:17:00 > 0:17:02there's a shortage of foster carers.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05No English? OK. All right.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Here in Lambeth, they need 170 extra carers to meet demand.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11- So you know something about fostering already?- Yes.- OK.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Well, you take one of these.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Taio, can we just take this lady's details.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- That was a fairly positive one. - Yeah.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Well, she's obviously thought a lot about it.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Do you think people just foster out of the goodness of their own hearts?
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Well, I have to say, that in the current financial climate,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34we have to do a lot of intense screening
0:17:34 > 0:17:37to make sure that people are doing it for the right reasons.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40How much, on average, would a foster carer get paid a week?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Somewhere in the region of £390.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46The money seems an awful lot, but it covers
0:17:46 > 0:17:51food, clothing, fares to school and back, clubs...
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Anything that is going to enhance that child's well-being.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57How important is race
0:17:57 > 0:18:00when you're thinking of matching children and carers?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Emotional need comes first.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Getting the right match with the right people comes first.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Race is within that
0:18:07 > 0:18:10but it is not top of the list, necessarily.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16As long as you are over 21,
0:18:16 > 0:18:18and have a spare bedroom,
0:18:18 > 0:18:19anyone can apply to foster.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27I went to meet some of the foster carers already on Lambeth's books.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29How long have you been a foster carer for?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Three years.- Three. - And I'm on my second baby.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Oh, wow.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36What is the, er, toughest thing you've had to face
0:18:36 > 0:18:38in that three years?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- My first one leaving. - Aw...!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- What was it like? - Oh, it was horrible.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44She just had the serious face, and got in the car.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46I cried my eyes out!
0:18:46 > 0:18:50From an early age I remember having one particular friend
0:18:50 > 0:18:52who was in care
0:18:52 > 0:18:56and it made me think, "Well, I want to help."
0:18:56 > 0:18:59The help that she was given, I'd like to be that person to give that help.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02As a foster carer, you first have to understand your emotions,
0:19:02 > 0:19:06your feelings, then in terms of dealing with a child,
0:19:06 > 0:19:10I look at myself when I was child and sort of think...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12"What are the parallels here?"
0:19:15 > 0:19:18All foster carers get basic training,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21but here in Lambeth they also run more in-depth workshops.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Today's subject was looking after children who've suffered trauma.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Children who've experienced chronic trauma
0:19:31 > 0:19:34may always feel that everyone's out to get me.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Or it might be a child that thinks
0:19:36 > 0:19:38everything is always their fault.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41When you see, often, those children who are
0:19:41 > 0:19:44a lot older than you'd expect to be having, kind of, young tantrums.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47That's about keeping you near. "I need you." OK?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50So sometimes they're described as attention-seeking children,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53we describe them as attention-needing children.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Another way that chronic trauma could affect attachment is if...
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Half of all children who go into foster care
0:20:04 > 0:20:05stay for a year or less.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10But for others, it's much more long-term.
0:20:14 > 0:20:1817-year-old Akira has been in care for the last ten years.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Hello, Lorraine!- Hi. How are you? - I'm fine, thank you. How are you?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I went to meet her at Croydon College
0:20:24 > 0:20:26where she is studying fashion.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28This is my classroom, where we do everything.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- Everybody, this is Lorraine. - THEY EXCHANGE GREETINGS
0:20:33 > 0:20:37We can sit here. Next to my jacket.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Oh, wow!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Yeah, I was quite chuffed and pleased with that outcome.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- It's beautiful!- Yeah.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I love a structured jacket!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46your stitching is very impressive.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Thank you.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50So, how did you get into fashion?
0:20:50 > 0:20:54My foster carer encouraged me to go to classes in Hampstead.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57So she thought if you just had something of your own
0:20:57 > 0:20:58that you could totally focus on -
0:20:58 > 0:21:02regardless of what else is going on - it would really help.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05To take my mind off things, exactly. And that's what it did.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- I'm looking forward to wearing your clothes.- Thank you.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09AKIRA LAUGHS
0:21:09 > 0:21:12How did you come to go into care?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Erm, my mum wasn't able to look after us.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I didn't initially tell people that I was in care, at first,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22because I felt quite...embarrassed.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And a lot of people assume that your parents can't look after you,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28and they're druggies or, you know, stuff like that.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30But I did get a lot of questions like, "Where's your mum?"
0:21:30 > 0:21:32and "How comes you live with your auntie?"
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I've always called my foster carer my auntie.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I went into care around seven or eight, as well.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39You're just being shipped around,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41and it really makes your self-esteem quite low.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I was very up and down. Very emotional.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Very...
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Tantrums. I would have tantrums all the time.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54How did you foster carer...manage it, when you were being...
0:21:55 > 0:21:58..traumatised by what was happening?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- She tells me stories now... - She used to do what?
0:22:00 > 0:22:03She tells me stories now about what happened, and I was, like,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05"Did I really used to do that?!"
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Can you give me an example?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10For example, she said I used to threaten to burn the house down.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14I could never imagine myself doing that, or even saying that!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16How did she handle that?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18She used to me sit me down and sing to me.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21She used to sing a song and in the song it says
0:22:21 > 0:22:24things are going to get easier and things are going to get brighter.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I remember that.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Akira has been fostered with her brother,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32but she's been separated from her sister.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34My sister was adopted, and then my brother and I
0:22:34 > 0:22:36moved to my current foster carer.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- So your sister was adopted? - Yeah.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- What was that like? - Very difficult for me.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44It was really hard. Very hard.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45- Do you miss her?- Loads.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- I think about her all the time. - You don't have any contact with her?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- No.- Wow. - Not at the moment.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Do you know where she is? - Jamaica.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Really?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- Wow!- Yeah.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58That's hard.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02AKIRA CHUCKLES
0:23:02 > 0:23:04You poor thing.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Hopefully, you'll see her soon.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Yeah, I got big hopes and dreams.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Do you see your mum?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13No. My mum passed away last year.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15So that was a bit difficult, as well.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20- Wow, you've had an incredibly traumatic time.- Yeah.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I wanted to know what it takes to care for a child
0:23:25 > 0:23:28who's had such a difficult life.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Hi.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Hello, Lorraine!
0:23:31 > 0:23:34I went to meet Annette, who's looked after Akira
0:23:34 > 0:23:35for the last eight years.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37So you went to the college today?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I went to the college today. Met Akira.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Had a nice little chat with her about what she's doing.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- Mm.- And saw her incredible work.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?
0:23:48 > 0:23:49It's really good.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52When she first came to join us with her brother, Akim,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54we bought them all new trainers.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56And you know the trainers' boxes...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I was getting ready to throw them away
0:23:58 > 0:24:00and Akira insisted she wanted her box.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02So I thought, OK. "Of course you can have it, Akira."
0:24:02 > 0:24:03I didn't think anything of it.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And she disappeared in her room.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Two hours later she said, "Auntie, come and have a look."
0:24:09 > 0:24:13And she'd completely and utterly decorated this shoe box.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15It was amazing. I thought, "Wow!"
0:24:15 > 0:24:18It was quite evident to me, Lorraine, that she had a talent.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20After that it was about nurturing it.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Good evening, Auntie Nette!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Hi, Akira. How did college go?
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- It was good. - Hi! How are you?
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Fine, thank you.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32There are three children in the house.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Akira, her brother Akim,
0:24:34 > 0:24:37and Annette's daughter, Kalifa.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41What was Akira like when she first arrived here?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I very quickly nicknamed her the Mighty Atom
0:24:43 > 0:24:46and that has stuck between myself and my husband.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48The explosiveness of the personality,
0:24:48 > 0:24:52you wouldn't expect from such a small person.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Very articulate.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56No nonsense.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59And actually knew what was best for her,
0:24:59 > 0:25:00as well as her brother Akim.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03She wanted to make all the decisions about what clothes he would wear,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06what he ate and didn't eat, when he was full, when he wasn't,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09when he was upset and when he wasn't upset, when he was tired.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12The challenge for looking after Akira was getting her
0:25:12 > 0:25:16to allow us...to do the parenting.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19And then to allow her, give her permission,
0:25:19 > 0:25:21to be her age.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Did she manage to let go?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Every now and again, she slips back into role, you know -
0:25:26 > 0:25:28every now and then - but, yes, yes, she has.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31What's the hardest thing about being a foster parent?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36You are constantly trying to build the elusive trust.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38So, with your birth child...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40They've had you all their life,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43so they know regardless of any argument you have...
0:25:43 > 0:25:47However angry or "disappointed" you may seem,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50it's just for a time.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Because you've got lots of positive credit in the bank.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58With your foster child,
0:25:58 > 0:26:04you're constantly trying to build up that reserve of confidence,
0:26:04 > 0:26:09knowing that regardless of how awful a situation may be,
0:26:09 > 0:26:12the bottom line is you're still going to be there.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Are you ready, Kalifa?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17And no cryin'! And no sulking, Akim.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Told you!
0:26:33 > 0:26:35No, no, no, no!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37No, Akim! That was by mistake!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- Will you show me your room? - Yes.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Can I be nosy? - That's fine.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Oh, nice!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- I love this! - Thank you.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53That's my mannequin.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55I got for my 16th birthday!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- And that's my mum...and I. - Wow...!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01You are a cutie!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- Thank you. - And still are.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05What's it like having a picture of your mum there?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10It's nice. It's warm.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Makes me...
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Makes me remember her.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14So that she's not forgotten.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I wake up and I look at that picture.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19How old was she there?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Young. Probably about 18.
0:27:22 > 0:27:2419?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26What do you remember about your first night here?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I don't remember much.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30I was angry with Auntie Annette,
0:27:30 > 0:27:32my foster carer, because
0:27:32 > 0:27:33I was in her house
0:27:33 > 0:27:36I could only take my frustration out on her.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I wasn't happy, at all.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39But now I am.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42I am more than happy. Yeah.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Do you feel that Annette is going to be in your life for ever?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Definitely!
0:27:47 > 0:27:48She couldn't not be! I need her!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I do, I need her.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51She's my mum, as well.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55She's my mum. She takes care of me.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57I can still sit on her lap and be a baby, as well.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59It's nice to be held sometimes.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00To feel the love.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Not always being, you know,...
0:28:03 > 0:28:04You're told you're loved,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07but it's really nice to feel the warmth
0:28:07 > 0:28:09and to have that hug and the cuddles
0:28:09 > 0:28:11that I miss from my mum,
0:28:11 > 0:28:13but Auntie Annette...
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Yeah, she's lovely.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23It's been a couple of weeks since the shock of reading about my own
0:28:23 > 0:28:26reasons for being in foster care,
0:28:26 > 0:28:27but I'm coming to terms with it.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33I feel that I'm very lucky to have
0:28:33 > 0:28:35such history documented
0:28:35 > 0:28:37and written in black and white.
0:28:37 > 0:28:42So I've got a very clear narrative of the past.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Because you do all these press interviews
0:28:46 > 0:28:48and they ask you about the background
0:28:48 > 0:28:51and you just think, "Oh, God. Here we go again, talking about poor me."
0:28:51 > 0:28:54And over the years, I've just, sort of, made it smaller.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Thinking it's only six months - what's the big deal?
0:28:57 > 0:28:58But then, when reading this,
0:28:58 > 0:29:01to learn that I was on the At Risk register from 1976...
0:29:01 > 0:29:05That was quite enlightening, and daunting, and sad,
0:29:05 > 0:29:08and all of those things.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11I knew things were difficult
0:29:11 > 0:29:14and my mother was having her own challenges.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16And reading this, I think that she could have perhaps
0:29:16 > 0:29:19received a bit more support, to help with those challenges.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Do you remember how you felt as a child?
0:29:22 > 0:29:25I just felt always unhappy.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Always feeling I didn't belong.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Always feeling I was in the wrong place. Erm...
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Always feeling like I was doing things wrong,
0:29:33 > 0:29:35tiptoeing around,
0:29:35 > 0:29:38trying to be as invisible and as quiet as possible.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40And, yeah, and that...
0:29:40 > 0:29:43age-old feeling that's so common with children,
0:29:43 > 0:29:45looked-after children, as just not feeling good enough.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50I think, logically, I knew it wasn't my fault,
0:29:50 > 0:29:52but emotionally, I didn't know it wasn't my fault.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54And I probably still don't know that!
0:29:56 > 0:29:59These social care records haven't just helped me understand why
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I was fostered age eight,
0:30:01 > 0:30:04they go right back to the day I was born.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Before I was adopted,
0:30:07 > 0:30:10I spent the first 18 months of my life in foster care.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22This is Hackney in the East End of London, where I was born.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31According to the records, I was an illegitimate child
0:30:31 > 0:30:34and my biological mother was unable to keep me.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43She came to this hospital to give birth...
0:30:44 > 0:30:46..and hand me over into foster care.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01It feels...
0:31:01 > 0:31:02odd, I suppose.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07You kind of picture back to the way it was
0:31:07 > 0:31:08and wonder how it all happened.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13But it's nice to know, finally, where I came to the world.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18The Mothers' Hospital was a place for unmarried mothers,
0:31:18 > 0:31:22destitute women, so I guess that's what my mother thought she was.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28'I was fostered shortly after I was born, by a young white couple.'
0:31:30 > 0:31:33It makes me wonder if they're still alive, are they still fostering...?
0:31:33 > 0:31:36All those kinds of questions.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39'I'd really like to get in touch with the foster carers
0:31:39 > 0:31:41'who looked after me as a baby,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44'but the only surviving photo doesn't give me many clues.'
0:31:47 > 0:31:50I was going to need some help to track them down.
0:31:50 > 0:31:54The time is 8:49, it is Thursday, 21st November.
0:31:54 > 0:31:57More than 60,000 children live with foster families
0:31:57 > 0:31:59across Britain each day.
0:31:59 > 0:32:03The Fostering Network reckons another 9,000 foster families
0:32:03 > 0:32:05are needed in the next year.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07The television chef, former model, Lorraine Pascale
0:32:07 > 0:32:10- was brought up in care. Good morning to you.- Hello, there.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13You were born in Hackney in '72 and you were fostered from '72 to '74,
0:32:13 > 0:32:17- possibly in Leytonstone, my old stomping ground.- Yes.
0:32:17 > 0:32:22- What other details, if any, have you got, Lorraine?- Not much.
0:32:22 > 0:32:27I mean, when I was born my name was Lorraine Victoria Brown,
0:32:27 > 0:32:31and the foster carer, we think, was called Marion, but we're not sure.
0:32:31 > 0:32:32So I was there for 18 months.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Do you know much about her? Was she single...?
0:32:35 > 0:32:38She was married, apparently, yeah, she had a partner.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40So, '72, do you remember someone
0:32:40 > 0:32:43- who had a black child... - SHE CHUCKLES
0:32:43 > 0:32:46..for a short amount of time and they were white?
0:32:46 > 0:32:48It might just jog someone's memory.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51Lorraine Pascale there. Text us if you know, if you can help,
0:32:51 > 0:32:53we're looking for a London foster mum.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- Thank you. - Lorraine Victoria Sponge Brown,
0:32:55 > 0:32:58- that's what your name's going to be.- Very good!
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- Have a good day, lovely to meet you. - Thank you, you too.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12This is baby Shania.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Just like me, she's been fostered since birth.
0:33:24 > 0:33:28For the last 11 months she's been looked after by foster carer Kate.
0:33:28 > 0:33:29You are so good!
0:33:32 > 0:33:34I went to see Kate and Shania at home
0:33:34 > 0:33:38with Lambeth social worker Natalie, on one of her fortnightly visits.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Hello, good morning.
0:33:40 > 0:33:41How are you?
0:33:43 > 0:33:45THEY LAUGH
0:33:45 > 0:33:46Smiley face!
0:33:48 > 0:33:50How long has she been with you?
0:33:50 > 0:33:53- From birth.- From birth!
0:33:53 > 0:33:55- Five days.- Really?
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Yeah, you're a part of the family, aren't you?
0:33:59 > 0:34:03- So, Kate, how long have you been fostering for?- Five years.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06Five years? How many children have you looked after?
0:34:06 > 0:34:08- This is the fifth one. - The fifth one.- Yes.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13And what ages are they normally, are they small, babies?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Small babies, yes, yes.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18And why did Shania come into foster care?
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Shania came into foster care
0:34:20 > 0:34:25because of concerns raised from her mum not being able
0:34:25 > 0:34:30to meet Shania's needs, because of her lifestyle choices at that time.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33There were concerns with substance issues.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35- OK. - BABY MEWLS
0:34:35 > 0:34:37What's the matter?
0:34:37 > 0:34:40But Shania seemed to be doing well.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45'Babies like Shania don't stay in the fostering system for long.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48'Either they'll go home to their biological parents,
0:34:48 > 0:34:50'or new adoptive parents will be found.'
0:34:50 > 0:34:53I have identified a family for her,
0:34:53 > 0:34:57so we're just going through the processes now.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00So why 11 months in foster care, then?
0:35:00 > 0:35:02Does it take that long to assess?
0:35:02 > 0:35:07You have to look at Shania's needs and then look at the family's.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10We don't want to go ahead and do something quickly
0:35:10 > 0:35:12and then not get the right match.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15But also, after a year,
0:35:15 > 0:35:19if adoptive parents haven't been found and the foster carer
0:35:19 > 0:35:23wants to adopt them, there's also that option, as well.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27- Have you ever thought about that option?- Yeah.
0:35:27 > 0:35:28Definitely.
0:35:28 > 0:35:32I would love to adopt her, if it's possible.
0:35:35 > 0:35:41Because she knows me as the mum, my children love her,
0:35:41 > 0:35:44she loves them, she's part of the family.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48What's it like, when you bond with a baby
0:35:48 > 0:35:51and then eventually you have to let that baby go?
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Oh, it's very sad.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56It's very sad, but it's the job,
0:35:56 > 0:36:01how the job is, so I have to let go
0:36:01 > 0:36:05and always pray for them to be happy.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07And move on, yes.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13I'll see you later, Kate, take care. Bye.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17I can't really imagine how hard this is for Kate.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20The foster carer has to be warm and loving
0:36:20 > 0:36:22and be so emotionally available for this child
0:36:22 > 0:36:25and form a strong attachment, cos it's that attachment
0:36:25 > 0:36:29and that love that help transform a child and help a child feel safe,
0:36:29 > 0:36:33and yet the foster carer knows in the back of their mind
0:36:33 > 0:36:36that at some point this child is going to have to go to another home.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40In many ways, I guess I was like Shania.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42We were both fostered from birth
0:36:42 > 0:36:45and stayed with a foster carer for some time.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49And I wonder what it was like for my first foster carers
0:36:49 > 0:36:51to have to...
0:36:51 > 0:36:54hand me back, or...
0:36:54 > 0:36:58let me go after looking after a baby from the beginning
0:36:58 > 0:37:00all the way to one and a half.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05'I was now more curious than ever
0:37:05 > 0:37:08'to find out about my first foster carers.'
0:37:09 > 0:37:11'With my dad, Roger, back in the country,
0:37:11 > 0:37:13'I wanted to see what he remembered.'
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Here's the newcomer.
0:37:16 > 0:37:17Hello, newcomer.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19That looks like pulled beef or something.
0:37:19 > 0:37:23- Pulled lamb.- Lamb! Even better!
0:37:26 > 0:37:29- So, the shooting for the show's been going well.- Has it?
0:37:29 > 0:37:32- Been meeting lots of different people.- Uh-huh.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34What did you know about the foster carers
0:37:34 > 0:37:36that looked after me from birth?
0:37:36 > 0:37:38I knew very little about them.
0:37:38 > 0:37:39I know that your...
0:37:39 > 0:37:43That particular foster mother must have done a wonderful job,
0:37:43 > 0:37:46because when we first saw you, I mean, you were
0:37:46 > 0:37:50the sort of ready-made article, so to speak,
0:37:50 > 0:37:53you were really just what we wanted.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56I mean...
0:37:56 > 0:38:01You seemed very settled, very happy, very bright.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03We took to you straightaway.
0:38:04 > 0:38:08But you were used to living in town, too, because I remember
0:38:08 > 0:38:13the first time we sat you down on the grass and you screamed your head off.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16Because you hadn't been on grass before!
0:38:16 > 0:38:19So we promptly put you back on one of our laps.
0:38:22 > 0:38:27It's quite difficult at times, digging in all the past and stuff.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31What do you mean, difficult to take in, or...?
0:38:31 > 0:38:35Yes, stuff that's been buried or you don't want to talk about,
0:38:35 > 0:38:37or you haven't thought about.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39- Or you didn't even know.- Mmm.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42What did you think of the records?
0:38:44 > 0:38:48Well, I only read a couple of pages, but I was astonished
0:38:48 > 0:38:52at what I discovered there, I never knew about that.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Really.
0:38:56 > 0:39:00I wasn't aware what was going on. I didn't know.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05You weren't aware of what was going on with mum?
0:39:05 > 0:39:06Yes, yeah.
0:39:09 > 0:39:15I remember when I was called in and your mother was having problems
0:39:15 > 0:39:18and they wanted to know what my situation was,
0:39:18 > 0:39:21because I was the obvious alternative.
0:39:21 > 0:39:25But it wasn't really an alternative,
0:39:25 > 0:39:28because I was living on a one-berth boat,
0:39:28 > 0:39:32and they would never have allowed you to live there.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36I mean, now I know something more of what was actually going on,
0:39:36 > 0:39:38I don't know...
0:39:40 > 0:39:42I don't know what I could have done.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50I did what I could, I saw you as often as I could.
0:39:53 > 0:39:57And... Well, it was very difficult. Very difficult.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09Back when I was eight, because my dad couldn't
0:40:09 > 0:40:12look after me and my mum was still struggling,
0:40:12 > 0:40:14a long-term foster family was found for me.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20They were called the Eccles and lived in a different town,
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Abingdon, over half an hour away.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28The records say it was supposed to be a permanent placement,
0:40:28 > 0:40:31but I had no idea at the time.
0:40:34 > 0:40:38As a child, you don't get told emergency, short-term, long-term,
0:40:38 > 0:40:41you just get told, "You're going here, then you're going there."
0:40:41 > 0:40:43So I didn't know at all what was happening.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I used to be screaming, "I want to go home," in my room,
0:40:45 > 0:40:48and they used to say, "Oh, but we want you to stay,"
0:40:48 > 0:40:52and I used to be like, "I don't want to be here, I want to go home,"
0:40:52 > 0:40:55and saying, "You're not my parents."
0:40:55 > 0:40:58They were missionaries in Uganda, I believe.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00They'd just come back.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03Very religious and I went to church a lot.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06I'm not sure if it was a mismatch
0:41:06 > 0:41:08or if it was just because of the time,
0:41:08 > 0:41:11or just because I wasn't really told what was going on,
0:41:11 > 0:41:14and of course I just really wanted to be at home,
0:41:14 > 0:41:19but it was incredibly challenging being in another family
0:41:19 > 0:41:22in another town, another school.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28'The Eccles family are the only foster carers
0:41:28 > 0:41:29'I was nervous about seeing again,
0:41:29 > 0:41:33'because I don't remember being very settled there.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35'But I wanted to find out what the experience of fostering
0:41:35 > 0:41:37'had been like for them.'
0:41:37 > 0:41:38Hello!
0:41:38 > 0:41:40'I went to Devon, where they now live,
0:41:40 > 0:41:43'to meet Stella and Warren and their daughter, Ruth.'
0:41:43 > 0:41:47We can remember the time that you were with us,
0:41:47 > 0:41:50- and it seemed to be rather short. - Yeah.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Shorter than we expected.
0:41:52 > 0:41:56What made you decide to get into fostering, then?
0:41:56 > 0:42:01Well, we really wanted to adopt, and, erm...
0:42:02 > 0:42:05I suppose we got in touch with the social workers
0:42:05 > 0:42:11and they came along and said that this little girl needs a home.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15And we said, "Fine."
0:42:15 > 0:42:20Did they tell you much information about why I needed to be fostered?
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Not really, no.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24We hadn't a clue.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27No, we were told that...
0:42:27 > 0:42:29you were black.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31Cos we'd been in Uganda, you see...
0:42:31 > 0:42:34Do you think that's why they made the match?
0:42:34 > 0:42:37Because you'd been in Uganda and you'd sort of
0:42:37 > 0:42:38had experience with black...?
0:42:38 > 0:42:41Well, that was the impression I got at the time.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44I just remember, you know, it was lovely to have a sister,
0:42:44 > 0:42:47cos when you've just got two younger brothers,
0:42:47 > 0:42:49it's not really the same.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51And I think, because I was about 15,
0:42:51 > 0:42:54so you looked up to me as, you know, like a big sister.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56I remember playing in the garden,
0:42:56 > 0:42:59doing obstacle courses out in the back garden.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02You seemed to want to fit in,
0:43:02 > 0:43:06and I guess you got teased by the boys...
0:43:06 > 0:43:09- They used to give me dead arms a lot.- Pardon?
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- Did they? Oh, no!- Did they?
0:43:11 > 0:43:15- Were they really naughty? - No, just a bit... Yeah.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17I remember it was a very difficult time.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19It sounds like you weren't given lots of information,
0:43:19 > 0:43:21either helping you with...
0:43:21 > 0:43:23Well, some training or anything like that.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26Oh, no, I don't think they had anything like that at all.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29I've read some notes since from the social workers.
0:43:29 > 0:43:32Apparently my mother was making life quite difficult.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34- Did you meet her at all? - She did come to the house.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36- Oh, she did?- She did once.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38You wrote a letter to the Social Services saying it was
0:43:38 > 0:43:40so confusing because I would go home,
0:43:40 > 0:43:43then I'd come back to you very upset,
0:43:43 > 0:43:47and it didn't seem productive, these sort of visits.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51I can just remember feeling that, oh, you know,
0:43:51 > 0:43:55Lorraine isn't going to be able to stay with us.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00'I lived with the Eccles for six months.
0:44:00 > 0:44:03'Then, without much warning, my mum decided she wanted me back.'
0:44:03 > 0:44:06So what were you told then, when I wasn't coming back?
0:44:06 > 0:44:08Just that my mother had changed her mind?
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Yeah, that's what I remember.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12You sort of think, "That's not fair on us,"
0:44:12 > 0:44:15but actually, you know, she was your daughter, so...
0:44:15 > 0:44:16- That's right.- ..it's her right.
0:44:16 > 0:44:19After you left, we were more or less told
0:44:19 > 0:44:22we shouldn't have any contact with you.
0:44:22 > 0:44:23OK.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25- And so we didn't.- Yeah.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29And the only thing that we heard was at some point
0:44:29 > 0:44:32- that you went to...boarding school? - Mm-hm.
0:44:32 > 0:44:34- And did you foster again?- No.- No.
0:44:34 > 0:44:35We were disappointed,
0:44:35 > 0:44:39and I think we just felt we didn't want to go through that again.
0:44:39 > 0:44:40Right.
0:44:41 > 0:44:45I mean, they're lovely people, warm, friendly people.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47It seems so simple that they had a home,
0:44:47 > 0:44:50I needed a home, so what was the problem?
0:44:51 > 0:44:55I think the issue was that they hadn't had adequate training
0:44:55 > 0:44:58to understand, A - what fostering even was,
0:44:58 > 0:45:02and maybe B - to have extra special awareness
0:45:02 > 0:45:04and understanding of a child that's been in care.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07I think that would have been very useful for them.
0:45:13 > 0:45:1730 years later, the world of fostering has moved on.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21It's much more professionalised,
0:45:21 > 0:45:25and the process of becoming a foster carer takes up to six months.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28Welcome, welcome Audley. Welcome to panel.
0:45:28 > 0:45:33Here in Lambeth, the final stage of the process is facing a panel
0:45:33 > 0:45:35who decide if applicants are ready for the job.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38We've interviewed your children, I think all bar Lyndon,
0:45:38 > 0:45:42and I think Lyndon is the actor that's often out of the country.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45What's clear is both your own children
0:45:45 > 0:45:48and your ex-partner really are very positive
0:45:48 > 0:45:51about you going forward to be a foster carer for Lambeth...
0:45:52 > 0:45:56Audley is hoping to foster the kids that no-one else wants -
0:45:56 > 0:45:59teenage boys who've been in trouble with the law.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02OK, I think we had a couple of questions the panel wanted to ask.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Just looking back at the training that you did,
0:46:04 > 0:46:06- you've done de-escalation.- Yeah.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09- You've done emotional behavioural difficulties managing?- Yeah.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11What do you think your training and development needs
0:46:11 > 0:46:12will be going forward?
0:46:12 > 0:46:15One of the social workers did recommend that I looked into
0:46:15 > 0:46:17if there was a restraint course available,
0:46:17 > 0:46:21so that if I was physically attacked by one of these young men,
0:46:21 > 0:46:25at least I would be able to sensibly protect myself.
0:46:25 > 0:46:30So we just need the opportunity now just to have our conversation,
0:46:30 > 0:46:33so if you wouldn't mind going back outside.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37'Audley has previously fostered in other boroughs
0:46:37 > 0:46:39'and has raised four sons of his own.'
0:46:39 > 0:46:41How did you come to be a foster carer?
0:46:41 > 0:46:44Well, over the years, I've known lots of foster carers.
0:46:44 > 0:46:45All of them basically said
0:46:45 > 0:46:48they just wanted to look after 0 to 12-year-olds
0:46:48 > 0:46:52so I thought, "What happens to the 12 to 18-year-olds?"
0:46:52 > 0:46:55There's something quite different, isn't there,
0:46:55 > 0:46:57between fostering a baby or a five-year-old girl
0:46:57 > 0:47:01to fostering these boys that are in and out of trouble with the law?
0:47:01 > 0:47:04What sort of problems do teenage boys face in Lambeth?
0:47:04 > 0:47:07It really is the gang culture, the knife culture.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10The length of time they're with me is a very small window
0:47:10 > 0:47:13in their lives, so I just try to influence them the best I can.
0:47:16 > 0:47:21Panel would unanimously like to make a recommendation, Audley,
0:47:21 > 0:47:24that you go forward as a carer for two children.
0:47:24 > 0:47:28Is there anything you'd like to say to us?
0:47:28 > 0:47:29Well, thank you very much.
0:47:29 > 0:47:33You're a very calm man, Audley, you're a very calm man!
0:47:33 > 0:47:35LAUGHTER
0:47:35 > 0:47:37We're delighted that you've come to Lambeth.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39I'm looking forward to joining Lambeth.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44'Foster carers like Audley are in short supply.
0:47:44 > 0:47:46'It wasn't long before I learned he had a placement.'
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Nice to see you again.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50'A 12-year-old boy.'
0:47:51 > 0:47:55- So what's his name?- That's Thomas.
0:47:55 > 0:47:58So why was Thomas placed with you?
0:47:58 > 0:48:00He was living with his mother and he had some issues,
0:48:00 > 0:48:04so he decided to volunteer to go into care.
0:48:05 > 0:48:08So now they're trying to return him to his father...
0:48:08 > 0:48:10GLOVES SMACKING
0:48:10 > 0:48:12I wouldn't want to get in the ring with him.
0:48:12 > 0:48:14Well, he's very confident.
0:48:14 > 0:48:18He is a street fighter, so he's really got no fear.
0:48:22 > 0:48:26- That was a very good work-out. - You're good, really good.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28- Are you enjoying it?- Kind of.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30- Kind of! - SHE CHUCKLES
0:48:30 > 0:48:32- Do you think it helps you, the boxing?- Yeah.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Can you tell me how it helps?
0:48:36 > 0:48:37I haven't actually...
0:48:37 > 0:48:41When Audley delivered news to me that would normally make me angry,
0:48:41 > 0:48:44I wouldn't get as angry as I've normally been,
0:48:44 > 0:48:46so I think it's kind of helping me with my anger.
0:48:46 > 0:48:48Cos I used to get really angry, as well,
0:48:48 > 0:48:51but I used to just go quiet and sulk,
0:48:51 > 0:48:53- and you know when you slam doors and stuff?- Yeah.
0:48:53 > 0:48:54That's what I did.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56That's more of a girl thing, though.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58- It is more of a girl thing! - SHE LAUGHS
0:48:58 > 0:49:00Do you do other sports?
0:49:00 > 0:49:02I used to do football with my school, but I got kicked out.
0:49:04 > 0:49:07- Of the football, or of school? - Of school.
0:49:07 > 0:49:09- So that'll be both, then.- Yeah.
0:49:09 > 0:49:13So how is it being with Audley, do you like him?
0:49:13 > 0:49:15Sometimes, as well.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17Which times is that?
0:49:17 > 0:49:20When he gives me money.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22- Like pocket money?- Yeah.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25What do you have to do to get pocket money, or do you just get it?
0:49:25 > 0:49:27I have to do my room.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30- Tidy it? You don't like doing that? - No.
0:49:32 > 0:49:33Do you remember what it was like
0:49:33 > 0:49:36the first day that you came into care?
0:49:36 > 0:49:38It was actually quite good,
0:49:38 > 0:49:43because I never really wanted to be in my house, so I wanted to go.
0:49:43 > 0:49:45It was three days before my birthday.
0:49:45 > 0:49:48So you had your birthday with Audley. What was that like?
0:49:48 > 0:49:49Actually quite fun.
0:49:49 > 0:49:51Tell me.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53It was actually really good,
0:49:53 > 0:49:57because it was my first birthday that actually went to plan.
0:49:57 > 0:49:58Really?
0:49:58 > 0:50:03Yeah, most of my birthdays have been shouting, screaming and leaving.
0:50:03 > 0:50:05How do you cope with that?
0:50:05 > 0:50:08I would go and stay at a mate's house for like a month or two,
0:50:08 > 0:50:10then I would go back.
0:50:10 > 0:50:11- Really?- Yeah.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16- So do you think you and Audley are a good match together?- Er, yeah.
0:50:20 > 0:50:21Why are you such a good match?
0:50:21 > 0:50:24Cos I can call him anything I want and he would do nothing.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26AUDLEY CHUCKLES
0:50:26 > 0:50:28So he just keeps standing there strong
0:50:28 > 0:50:30- and he doesn't shout or anything? - Yeah.
0:50:30 > 0:50:34I want him to cuss me back to see what cusses he's got.
0:50:34 > 0:50:35But he hasn't got none.
0:50:35 > 0:50:37THEY CHUCKLE
0:50:38 > 0:50:41- What's the plan for the future, Tom? - Erm...
0:50:42 > 0:50:47Get back to when I was born originally, er...
0:50:47 > 0:50:50live with my dad, and have a great time.
0:50:53 > 0:50:54Yeah.
0:51:00 > 0:51:02How do you see your role as a foster carer?
0:51:02 > 0:51:06Are you a parent, a role model, mentor, a combination?
0:51:06 > 0:51:10I would say maybe all. Well, not as a parent.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12It's important that they realise
0:51:12 > 0:51:15that they've still got their own parents.
0:51:15 > 0:51:19I think I'd like to be a role model and, erm...
0:51:19 > 0:51:23I just try to do the best I can for them while they're with me.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30'I recognise some of myself in Thomas,
0:51:30 > 0:51:33'especially his mix of toughness and vulnerability.'
0:51:36 > 0:51:39As a child faced with the challenges at home,
0:51:39 > 0:51:41I'd begun to get into trouble, too.
0:51:42 > 0:51:45There was a group of people that were around at the time,
0:51:45 > 0:51:48and it was all kind of drinking and God knows what else,
0:51:48 > 0:51:50and stealing and that kind of thing,
0:51:50 > 0:51:53which I sort of was on the fringes of at a very young age.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56So I think that, yeah,
0:51:56 > 0:52:00potentially, had I not had...
0:52:00 > 0:52:02been taken away from the situation
0:52:02 > 0:52:06that I would definitely have gone down a sort of dark route.
0:52:07 > 0:52:10You know, I see some of those foster carers I've been meeting
0:52:10 > 0:52:12and I just think it's so brilliant that they are there,
0:52:12 > 0:52:15cos all you need as a child is one person,
0:52:15 > 0:52:17it doesn't have to be your mother or your father,
0:52:17 > 0:52:20it's just one person to give you some sense of consistency
0:52:20 > 0:52:23and feeling wanted and needed,
0:52:23 > 0:52:25and that goes such a long way.
0:52:25 > 0:52:27And it might just be for a short time
0:52:27 > 0:52:30where your parents at home are having difficulties,
0:52:30 > 0:52:34but those people, they've got such big hearts and patience
0:52:34 > 0:52:38and understanding, and it's been really wonderful
0:52:38 > 0:52:41to meet them and hear their stories.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49I was coming to the end of my time in Lambeth
0:52:49 > 0:52:52when I received some unexpected news.
0:52:56 > 0:53:00'My months of searching had finally paid off and I'd managed
0:53:00 > 0:53:04'to track down the foster carers who looked after me as a baby.'
0:53:04 > 0:53:06I didn't expect to ever meet them.
0:53:06 > 0:53:09I don't know what my emotions are going to be like.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12But I didn't want to take a brick out of the wall to look,
0:53:12 > 0:53:15just in case the whole wall comes tumbling down.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29- Hello.- Hello!- Come in.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32- I'm Lorraine. - Hello, Lorraine. I'm John.
0:53:32 > 0:53:34John, give me a hug.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36- Hello, Lorraine.- Hi!
0:53:36 > 0:53:41- It's amazing! Honestly, I can still see.- Yeah?
0:53:41 > 0:53:42Really.
0:53:46 > 0:53:50Yes, it's quite a surprise. Quite a surprise.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53When we received the letter, Marion just went numb.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56- I wondered what was the matter. - Really?
0:53:56 > 0:54:00- Because I've thought about you so often...- Have you?
0:54:02 > 0:54:03TEARFULLY: Oh, yeah.
0:54:05 > 0:54:10We applied to do short-term fostering.
0:54:10 > 0:54:13Because we'd worked in children's homes,
0:54:13 > 0:54:18we knew how easy it was to get attached to children.
0:54:18 > 0:54:19How many did you foster altogether?
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Well, there was...
0:54:22 > 0:54:25We had you and we had Lynn.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28There was two weeks' difference in your age,
0:54:28 > 0:54:31But she went home to her parents every weekend,
0:54:31 > 0:54:34but of course you were with us full-time,
0:54:34 > 0:54:39so you were just part of the family.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42But I have got some photographs to show you.
0:54:42 > 0:54:48That was, I think, the earliest one we've got of you.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50- So you were...- Chubby!- Yeah!
0:54:50 > 0:54:54You were so compact, you were a chunky little child, you were.
0:54:54 > 0:54:56That's my mum.
0:54:56 > 0:54:58That's you on a day out,
0:54:58 > 0:55:03that's on a tractor or something, we've got you sat up there.
0:55:03 > 0:55:07That's you feeding yourself with your little playmate, Lynn.
0:55:09 > 0:55:12I can't put into words what a joy you were
0:55:12 > 0:55:14to have as a baby.
0:55:14 > 0:55:18That's why it's so difficult, you know?
0:55:18 > 0:55:21When you were up for adoption, Marion wanted to...
0:55:21 > 0:55:23You know, "Shall we adopt?"
0:55:23 > 0:55:24Well, I wanted to adopt you.
0:55:24 > 0:55:29And I said, the idea of us doing it, it was short-term,
0:55:29 > 0:55:31so we wouldn't get attached.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34And of course now 18 months had gone by and...
0:55:34 > 0:55:36And Marion did get attached.
0:55:36 > 0:55:38John...
0:55:38 > 0:55:43said, you know, "This wasn't what we decided on."
0:55:43 > 0:55:46I'd found out I was pregnant, as well.
0:55:46 > 0:55:50We were only in our early 20s, as well, so we weren't...
0:55:50 > 0:55:52adults, you could say.
0:55:52 > 0:55:56When Audrey and Roger came along, they were smitten with you
0:55:56 > 0:56:00from the moment they clapped their eyes on you, and, erm...
0:56:00 > 0:56:02We were very working class,
0:56:02 > 0:56:05and they were obviously very middle-class.
0:56:05 > 0:56:09We thought you would get a good level of education.
0:56:10 > 0:56:12And then...
0:56:14 > 0:56:19..we had to do the handover and I had to take you to their home.
0:56:19 > 0:56:24I had to go, and I got Lynn, the other little girl with us,
0:56:24 > 0:56:26and I started to put her coat on,
0:56:26 > 0:56:31and of course you came up and you wanted your coat, you...
0:56:32 > 0:56:36...to get ready to go, and I couldn't take you.
0:56:43 > 0:56:47It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do,
0:56:47 > 0:56:49was leaving you.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54Audrey did write to me for a while,
0:56:54 > 0:56:56and let me know how you were going on,
0:56:56 > 0:57:00but I didn't maintain contact because it was just too painful.
0:57:00 > 0:57:04It's very nice for us - well, more so for Marion -
0:57:04 > 0:57:07to find out that you've done so well in your life.
0:57:07 > 0:57:12To know that you've grown up and had such a successful life is lovely.
0:57:12 > 0:57:13Really lovely.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19So good to meet you again.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21Oh, dear.
0:57:21 > 0:57:24- Will you stay in touch?- Absolutely.
0:57:24 > 0:57:27You're off again! You'll make me go off again.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35When I started looking into my fostering past,
0:57:35 > 0:57:38I couldn't have imagined where it would lead me.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42I thought I knew my own story
0:57:42 > 0:57:45and I underestimated how difficult it would be going back.
0:57:46 > 0:57:50But I'm glad to have a complete picture of my childhood now.
0:57:51 > 0:57:53And I realise more than ever
0:57:53 > 0:57:56what a huge difference fostering has made.
0:57:57 > 0:57:59Not only to my life,
0:57:59 > 0:58:03but to the thousands of children who are fostered every year.