0:00:04 > 0:00:07I'm Cherry Healy, and in the last few years,
0:00:07 > 0:00:09my life has been turned on its head.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11I've gone from this...
0:00:11 > 0:00:13..to this...
0:00:14 > 0:00:16..and then, to this.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18I don't know about you,
0:00:18 > 0:00:21but I sometimes feel like the world is running away from me,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24and it's high time I caught up.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26So I'm determined to get some answers
0:00:26 > 0:00:28to life's fundamental questions.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Does my bum look big in this?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Am I too old to take drugs?
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Do I need a Brazilian?
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Today, I went to find out what money does to our relationships
0:00:39 > 0:00:41in a world obsessed with wealth.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Who controls it?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Can you have too much of it?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47And can love survive without it?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I'm going to be meeting a cast of characters,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53from the haves to the have nots.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55From the controlling, to the controlled.
0:00:55 > 0:01:00To find out if money can buy you love, or just power.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04I'll be meeting two sisters who believe
0:01:04 > 0:01:06their blokes should pay for everything.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- The older we get, the more expensive we get!- The more expensive we get!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14And two couples with very different attitudes to their finances.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I ate gone-off tinned beans once.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Me and him shared.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I don't do a lot unless it benefits me.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I'll also be learning from the experts how to part a man
0:01:24 > 0:01:26from his moolah.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Hi!!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30And finding out from a family in financial ruin
0:01:30 > 0:01:33how losing it all doesn't just mean money.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I'll be getting a taste of life in their world.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Help me, help me, help me, help me!
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Then I'll be inviting them into mine,
0:01:42 > 0:01:46bringing them back to my hub, my base for the next few months,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48in a bid to get them to confess all.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Do you feel that, in order to keep the girls,
0:01:50 > 0:01:53you need to maintain that lifestyle?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55If I had nothing, what would happen?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- You would be kicked out! - THEY LAUGH
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Do you love that control, that you're withholding money from him?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Yes, of course I do! I'm a control freak!
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Will any of them change the way they live their lives as a result?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09All right, girls, get your wallets out! Pony up!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I just want anything to change!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Or, will the change be all mine?
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Kiss my feet, slave!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Yes!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29We've all heard the saying that money can't buy you happiness,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31whereas we know that love can.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32But, when push comes to shove,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I wonder which one people think matters most.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Love or money?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38- Love.- Love.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- Money.- Really?- Yes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42- Bit of both.- Ooh!
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- You can live without money. - I disagree! I disagree!
0:02:44 > 0:02:45You can't live without money!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47No, seriously! You can live without money.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49You can't live without money,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51but you can be in love and be happy without money.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55It seems that most people see money and love as opposite, somehow.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58It's as if cold, hard cash and warm, fuzzy love
0:02:58 > 0:03:01can't exist in the same sphere.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Which might explain a bad habit of mine.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I'd like to think that I have an honest relationship
0:03:07 > 0:03:12with my husband, Roly, but when it comes to clothes shopping,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I have been known to be a little bit economical with the truth.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19So, I do this quite mad thing.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21I hide my shopping bags sometimes.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27When I've had a bit of a shopping splurge,
0:03:27 > 0:03:33it does make me feel really guilty and ashamed, actually.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Almost like I've cheated on Roly, which is bananas,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38because I know he wouldn't mind.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I think the reason is because I know I can be a bit selfish with money.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I just don't need any more clothes,
0:03:43 > 0:03:45and there's loads of things for the family
0:03:45 > 0:03:47that we could use that money for.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49But I just can't really help it.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53And it's kind of easier to hide than to admit it.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56And I'm not alone.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Three of the top five most popular white lies
0:03:59 > 0:04:01that women tell their men are about their spending habits.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07In first place is, "Oh, this old thing? I've had it for ages!"
0:04:07 > 0:04:09In second place, "It wasn't expensive!"
0:04:09 > 0:04:12And coming in third, "It was in the sale!"
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Yeah, right!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Meet two girls who share my passion for fashion.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23But they don't need to lie about it. No, sirree!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Sisters 30-year-old Georgie
0:04:25 > 0:04:28and 29-year-old Nicki, from Brentwood in Essex
0:04:28 > 0:04:31have a serious shopping habit.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33And they expect their boyfriends to foot the bill.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35What is the terminology?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Pussy whipped, innit?! Pussy whipped! HE LAUGHS
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Dean does pay for...well, everything.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49All our mortgage, bills, shopping,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52cleaning lady, ironing.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55All of that all comes out of Dean's account.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Well, our joint account...
0:04:57 > 0:04:59which only Dean pays into!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05It's kind of the same with me, though, as well.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Paul pays for...everything.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08But we always say to them,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11what's theirs is ours and what's ours is ours.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12GEORGIE GIGGLES
0:05:12 > 0:05:14# Buy me diamonds and rubies... #
0:05:14 > 0:05:19They're packing the boys' plastic, and armed to do what they do best.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Shop till they drop!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Hello!- Hello!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26# Gucci dresses and drop-top Kompressors
0:05:26 > 0:05:27# Wine me and dine me... #
0:05:27 > 0:05:30The girls, they come in every other week.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34They can spend anything from £100-£1,000.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37They choose whatever they like here.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40And then either the boys come in and pay for it,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43the girls pay, if they've got some money,
0:05:43 > 0:05:46or their dad pops in and always tries to clear up their bill
0:05:46 > 0:05:48if they've got a little bill left over.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51They're my loveliest customers!
0:05:51 > 0:05:54# Prima donna girl, yeah... #
0:05:54 > 0:05:57The girls run their own successful interior design business,
0:05:57 > 0:06:01but they've been indulged since they were children.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02And old habits die hard.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04# Prima donna girl
0:06:04 > 0:06:07# Would you do anything for me? #
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- I suppose we were...spoiled?- Yeah.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13At birthdays, we'd both get present on each other's birthdays.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16My dad, he always treats us through the year. What's his saying?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18The older we get, the more expensive we get!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Yeah, the more expensive we get!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22He thought it should stop at 18...no.
0:06:22 > 0:06:2321, possibly? No.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25I'm 30 now, and no!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27SHE LAUGHS But he loves it!
0:06:30 > 0:06:31It's Valentine's Day,
0:06:31 > 0:06:33and while the girls get ready for a romantic dinner,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36the boys reflect on their daddy's girls.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37What is it you say?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- That Dad...- Created a monster. - Created a monster.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43He could've kitted them out in Primark for the last 20 years,
0:06:43 > 0:06:46but he didn't. He is the sole reason they are the way they are,
0:06:46 > 0:06:48and he's entirely to blame.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50We know that they're happy
0:06:50 > 0:06:53in that life and what they've always received.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56And we try as best we can to continue that.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I don't find any pressure,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01because if I just say to Nicki, "No, you can't have it,"
0:07:01 > 0:07:03she can ask her dad, and he'll probably get it for her anyway!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05THEY LAUGH
0:07:05 > 0:07:07These guys aren't millionaires. Paul is in construction
0:07:07 > 0:07:09and Dean works in insurance.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Yet, they're expected to cater
0:07:12 > 0:07:14for a champagne lifestyle worthy of WAGS.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18What is money, at the end of the day? You earn money to enjoy money.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21It don't become your whole life.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I think, in normal relationships, money might bring power to it.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26But it definitely doesn't in mine.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28No, nor in mine!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31If I pay for anything, I still know who wears the trousers.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33You look nice!
0:07:33 > 0:07:36You finally ready?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38On the surface of it,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41everyone seems to be perfectly happy with this traditional setup.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44But I can't help wondering whether the boys are as relaxed
0:07:44 > 0:07:46about the girls' spending habits as they appear.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54And today is my chance to find out.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Hello!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59'So, I've invited both couples in for a gentle grilling.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03'Paul's stuck at work, so I hope Dean can speak for both the boys!'
0:08:03 > 0:08:04- Cheers!- Cheers!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06To the champagne lifestyle!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Oh, oh!
0:08:09 > 0:08:13So, do you think without Dean's income, you could survive?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I could survive, yeah...
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- DEAN LAUGHS - Sorry, I've got to laugh!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Really?! Go on! I want to hear this!- Go on, then!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Do you think you could survive? - Yeah, I think I could!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Really?!- Yeah!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29No, I seriously think I could!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Why do you doubt that?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Erm, because everyday bills...
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I get set in my ways that I don't look at the bills.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Well, you'd have to if Dean wasn't there!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42You don't even know what the bills are..!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45That's what I mean! If I had to look at them, then I would survive!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Right, what's the saying?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Why have a dog and bark yourself?! SHE LAUGHS
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I can't believe you just said that!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Do you think you and Paul feel pressure to keep the girls
0:08:55 > 0:08:57in the lifestyle that they're used to?
0:08:57 > 0:09:02I'd like to say no, but I'm not quite sure!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05If I had nothing, then what would happen?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- Erm...- You would be kicked out!
0:09:07 > 0:09:10THEY LAUGH You know we're joking!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Do you think if Dean lost his job and couldn't find one
0:09:13 > 0:09:15for a year, a year and a half, and you had to support him,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17honestly, honestly in your heart,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20do you think that your relationship could cope with that?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22It would only...Dean would back me up on this,
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I think you would find it more difficult,
0:09:25 > 0:09:27because you couldn't provide.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Whereas, I'd be, "No, we'll be fine, we'll get on,"
0:09:29 > 0:09:32and we'd make sacrifices. I love you, whatever.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35If one of us two was with somebody that didn't bring in a lot of money,
0:09:35 > 0:09:38but they was out there working all the time...
0:09:38 > 0:09:39It wouldn't matter.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41So it's more about work ethic than cash?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44It is. It's more about having the drive, as opposed to the money.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Do think you'll bring your children up in the same way?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Or do you want them to be financially independent?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51I want them to be financially independent.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53That they can stand on their own two feet,
0:09:53 > 0:09:55And they don't have to rely on anybody.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- But if you had a daughter... - I do.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00..independent and everything,
0:10:00 > 0:10:03would you want her to go out with somebody
0:10:03 > 0:10:04who could actually never support her? And she was just the one...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07But I'd feel really conflicted by that because it's a good question
0:10:07 > 0:10:10because actually I would want her to be looked after,
0:10:10 > 0:10:14but I'd want her to be able to 100% stand on her own feet
0:10:14 > 0:10:18and not rely on him. And also be prepared to look after him.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23'I still feel like I've only heard the sisters' side of the story.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27'So, later on, I'll be finding out how the boys really feel
0:10:27 > 0:10:28'about being taken for granted,
0:10:28 > 0:10:33'and whether a girl in leopard-skin can change her spots.'
0:10:33 > 0:10:34It will be our money...
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- Ours as in mine and yours? - Oh, sorry, my money!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Not the joint account!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41'But first, I want to find out more
0:10:41 > 0:10:45'about the link between money and power in relationships.'
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Are you in a relationship?- I am.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- Who holds the purse strings?- I do.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52And how does your partner feel about that?
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Erm, it's kind of, I let them think that it's a mutual decision.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59You've been together for 11 months. Have you actually had a discussion
0:10:59 > 0:11:02about how you're going to manage your finances?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05No, I don't know, no, no. Definitely not. We don't share yet.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Don't share yet.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Who makes the big financial decisions?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- I do.- Wow, OK, she does.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14When do you think you'll start joining your finances?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Perhaps if we were to move in with each other. That's not good.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19We haven't had that discussion.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21That's another subject for another day.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Are we going to move in together? Shall we just steer it like that?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- I don't know!- What have I done?!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28'Most people seem to think
0:11:28 > 0:11:32'that whoever controls the purse strings controls the relationship.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35'No wonder money's such a source of conflict.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37'So what happens when there isn't enough to go round
0:11:37 > 0:11:39'in the first place?'
0:11:45 > 0:11:48'One of the worst hit areas is the North East,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50'where 20% of young people don't have jobs.'
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Newcastle!
0:11:52 > 0:11:56'And 22-year-old Michael from Newcastle is just one of them.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00'He wants to be a rock star when he grows up.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03'He's been supported by his girlfriend Jenna
0:12:03 > 0:12:06'ever since the company he was working for went bust,
0:12:06 > 0:12:10'while Jenna earns £13,000 a year working as a hotel receptionist.
0:12:12 > 0:12:18'It's 5am and I'm on my way to meet Jenna and Michael
0:12:18 > 0:12:21at the flat they share before she heads off for an early shift.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Hi, are you Jenna?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Where did you meet Michael? - Erm, at a gig.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- The fact that he was playing in the band...- That was the attractive bit.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34When did you think, "I love him?"
0:12:34 > 0:12:37It was literally weeks and I just thought...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I just never had this feeling about anyone before
0:12:39 > 0:12:43and I was actually sat in bed with him, but I didn't want to say it.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46It's funny cos when we first said it to each other we were just going,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50"I like you!" "I like you too."
0:12:50 > 0:12:52We just kept going back and forth until he was like,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55"OK, I do actually love you." I was like, "Aww!"
0:12:55 > 0:12:57How long has he been out of work?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Erm, since March.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05OK, so a couple of months. And have you really felt that extra pressure?
0:13:05 > 0:13:11About just over three quarters of my wage comes out each month
0:13:11 > 0:13:17just on bills and rent, and the minimum amount of money for food.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22So, just...there's no luxuries or anything there.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27'6am, and time for Jenna to head to work.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30'I want to find out more about her and Michael's situation,
0:13:30 > 0:13:33'so I'm going with her.'
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- So this is where you work all day? - All day.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41'Jenna's been offered a lucrative job
0:13:41 > 0:13:43'back in her home town of Harrogate.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46'She'd be paid three times more than she currently earns,
0:13:46 > 0:13:50'but she'd rather stay put and I want to find out why.'
0:13:50 > 0:13:55What happened with the job you were offered in Harrogate?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Why did you turn that down?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Well, it was a family-run business,
0:14:00 > 0:14:04but my plan was to go back to Harrogate, make some money
0:14:04 > 0:14:08and then move from there and decide what I wanted to do with my life.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12But instead, I've stayed in Newcastle and not made any money.
0:14:12 > 0:14:18I don't regret it at all. I'd rather be happy with no money.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23- Have you ever had to bail Michael out financially?- Yeah.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27In fact, probably about two, three months into our relationship.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- Wow.- I took the last bit of my overdraft,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32which is a few hundred pounds, to pay his rent.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35That was a big step, considering I didn't know him for very long.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38That just ruined me for so long.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43I was living on...I ate gone-off tinned beans once.
0:14:43 > 0:14:48Me and him shared them while everyone was eating Domino's.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53That is gross and romantic all in the same little heart-shaped
0:14:53 > 0:14:55bowl of mouldy beans.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57It was awful.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00MUSIC: "Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent by Gwen Guthrie
0:15:00 > 0:15:03'I'm struck by Jenna's generosity.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06'She doesn't seem to resent being the sole breadwinner.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10'Now I want to know how Michael feels about being a kept man.'
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Hello, Michael?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- Are you awake?- Yeah.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20So rude to wake someone up. I'm sorry.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25- Hi.- Hiya!- Can I come in? I'm Cherry! - Nice to meet you.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29God! You look really cosy.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33How long does the guilt last at five in the morning?
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Well, about two minutes and then I'll wake up.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I think that's quite generous.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41When my husband gets up to go to work earlier than me,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I feel guilty for about ten seconds.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Michael used to work at the clothing retailer Peacocks,
0:15:49 > 0:15:53but was made redundant five months ago when the business went bust.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55I feel like I haven't got a purpose anymore.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59I'm just floating around on job websites.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Not getting anywhere.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05So what kind of jobs are you looking for?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Anything at the minute, absolutely anything.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I've printed off my CV and keep re-writing it and, I mean,
0:16:12 > 0:16:18I handed a load out in the main street in Newcastle, erm,
0:16:18 > 0:16:22a few weeks ago and then I went into town and, like,
0:16:22 > 0:16:25half the shops I'd handed them in have gone,
0:16:25 > 0:16:26aren't even there anymore.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28You know, you start to...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31You start thinking, "Oh, it would be great to be a musician."
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- I'm going to conquer the world. - Yeah, just...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36..or even that sort of thought,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38"It would be really great to be one."
0:16:38 > 0:16:45And now, it's literally, "It would just be great to have any job."
0:16:45 > 0:16:49So why not go back to Harrogate and have money and be together?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52She tells me that...cos she's been there all her life,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55and she wanted just to get out of Harrogate,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58which is why she came here.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00So now, I think going back, that's also, again,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03it's like we have completely been defeated.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07'It seems that Michael and Jenna have plenty to prove to themselves
0:17:07 > 0:17:10'and each other by staying in Newcastle.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13'Michael's dream is to make it as a musician,
0:17:13 > 0:17:15'so we're off to have a look at his studio.'
0:17:15 > 0:17:17This is the studio in here.
0:17:18 > 0:17:23- Er, wow! It's amazing! - Yeah, it's kind of good.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26How have you got access to a studio like this?
0:17:26 > 0:17:32We just know a guy who's extremely generous enough to give all this.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Is this why it's so hard to consider moving to Harrogate?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Well, yeah.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43'I totally understand Michael's desire to pursue his dreams,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45'but I wonder how much longer he can go on
0:17:45 > 0:17:49'playing free gigs without bringing home any bacon.'
0:17:49 > 0:17:51MICHAEL SINGS
0:17:55 > 0:17:57'Jenna's home after a long day at work,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00'and now that I've got them together, I want to find out
0:18:00 > 0:18:02'how long they think their relationship can survive
0:18:02 > 0:18:04'on love alone.'
0:18:05 > 0:18:08We don't talk deep about it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12It'll just literally be me whingeing on about, "Oh, I'm so skint."
0:18:12 > 0:18:15And then you'll be like, "Don't worry about it."
0:18:15 > 0:18:20But sometimes in a sort of way where you think, "Oh, God!"
0:18:20 > 0:18:24I do check...well, not check but I'm like,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27"How many jobs have you applied for today?"
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I feel like a mum when I'm doing that.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I'm just like, "What am I doing?" Like, nagging.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36If there are no jobs available, let's say the situation carries on,
0:18:36 > 0:18:41would you be able to carry on as a couple doing what you're doing now?
0:18:41 > 0:18:45It's always going to be romantic, but there's always...
0:18:45 > 0:18:50at some point, it's always going to be brought back down to reality
0:18:50 > 0:18:55in a sense where it goes, "Yeah, but...we are skint."
0:18:55 > 0:18:58I suppose if money makes the world go round
0:18:58 > 0:19:00and love conquers all...
0:19:00 > 0:19:02..love's got "conquers all."
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Ooh! So it'd be, "Love conquers all"
0:19:03 > 0:19:06trumps, "Money makes the world go round."
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- OK.- Maybe.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I'm a bit cynical of that phrase, "Love conquers all."
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I think you do kind of need money to get by.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19But actually, Jenna and Michael are in that amazing honeymoon period
0:19:19 > 0:19:24where love, at the moment, is more important than money.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30'Two ladies who understand the power of money and aren't afraid to use it
0:19:30 > 0:19:32'are sisters Nicki and Georgie from Essex.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36'I'm back to visit their boyfriends Paul and Dean
0:19:36 > 0:19:39'to try and get them to stand up to their women.'
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Tell me a bit about how money plays a part in your relationship.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48We have a joint account. I fill it up and she empties it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51That's exactly how it works. In a nutshell.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I went to the bank the other day to draw out some money
0:19:54 > 0:19:57cos we was going out for Nicki's birthday...
0:19:57 > 0:20:02and I asked the lady in the bank for 300 quid, 400 quid.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06When she gave me the money, it was double, and I went,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08"No, I didn't ask for all that."
0:20:08 > 0:20:12And she said to me, "It's Nicki's birthday, so you'll need it."
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- That is hysterical. - When it's their birthday...
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Was it funny or was it a bit galling?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19No, it was funny. I did laugh, cos I can always put the money back.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21But I just thought "I've got her on my back indoors,
0:20:21 > 0:20:25"I come to the bank and the bank manager thinks it's funny as well?!"
0:20:25 > 0:20:27D'you ever feel like the girls have kind of got one over on you?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Oh, yeah. You're completely under the thumb.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I've got a mark permanently on me forehead.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35What are the money bugbears
0:20:35 > 0:20:37that you have with your girlfriends and vice versa?
0:20:37 > 0:20:41Could do with buying me a few more things. That'd be nice.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Come home and them shopping bags are yours, not theirs.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Look what I've bought you today.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Would you like them to treat you a bit more?
0:20:48 > 0:20:54Not a bit more, just more than twice a year would be nice.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58'Time to lay down the gauntlet at the girls' interiors shop.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03- Hello, ladies.- BOTH: Hello!- Hello!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06So, I've been talking to your boys today
0:21:06 > 0:21:09and I asked them if there was one thing they could change
0:21:09 > 0:21:13about your financial set-up, what would it be?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15What d'you think they said?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Get rid of us? - No, they were very nice.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22It wasn't quite that harsh!
0:21:23 > 0:21:27They did say they wouldn't mind being treated a bit more.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Rather than being treated like a skivvy, you know?
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Like we work for you.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36When was the last time you treated the boys?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Erm...- You can't even remember.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41I bought Paul a belt.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- I did get you a pair of trainers. - Yeah. How long ago was that?
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Last year?
0:21:47 > 0:21:53Is it fair to say that you girls don't treat the boys very much? Yes.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- Clearly.- Not nearly often enough. - No, I'd agree.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00How would it be if you pampered the boys this afternoon
0:22:00 > 0:22:01and paid for it all?
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- That'd be nice, yeah. Would you like that?- That'd be bliss.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Could we just make sure
0:22:06 > 0:22:09that it's their money and not the joint account first...?
0:22:09 > 0:22:14- It'll be our money.- Ours, as in mine and yours?- Oh, sorry, my money!
0:22:14 > 0:22:20Not the joint account! Not the joint account!
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Yeah, it'll be...! Yeah, my money.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31'Baby steps, Georgie. Baby steps. The salon awaits.'
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Some of these are really expensive.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35One of them's like four-and-a-half hundred quid,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37I think I might have that.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- I'm going to have a facial. - I'll have a facial as well.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42MUSIC: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
0:22:42 > 0:22:44That's great, it's lovely.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Could get used to this.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51One for you...and one for you.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56- This is the life!- Yeah. Proper treat.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Does it feel better knowing the girls are paying for it?
0:22:59 > 0:23:04- Yes.- Yes.- Definitely.- Why? - It's always better when it's free.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- I agree.- Everything in life's better when it's for free.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09If this happened on a regular basis, would you be all right with it?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- 100%.- Once a month'd be nice.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Let's start small, and then we can work up to something more.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18All right, girls. Get your wallets out.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Pony up. Payment time.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22What's the damage, Harriet?
0:23:22 > 0:23:23That's 25 each, please, girls.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28- How does it make you feel, paying for their treats?- Good.- Yeah.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30It does make you feel good about yourself.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Hello.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- Wow!- Your first facial.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- I feel like a young man again. - Feel me.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- It's nice.- Very nice.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42When you realise that you don't really treat the boys,
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- did you feel a bit guilty? - Yes.- Yeah.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46- Really?- Mmm.- This is good.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50- This is good. - We can do this more often.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54- You do do a lot for us, and we give nothing back.- Nothing!
0:23:54 > 0:23:58Awww, don't feel bad. It's all right.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00You can just turn over a new leaf, all right?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- Start a new you.- As of today.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05In fact, I think there's an appointment for you next Thursday.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I think Paul and Dean have really learnt today
0:24:09 > 0:24:14that whilst they do love that macho, breadwinning role,
0:24:14 > 0:24:16it's actually OK to let that go once in a while
0:24:16 > 0:24:18and have the girls pay for stuff.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21It doesn't make them any less of a man.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23And I think the girls have learnt that
0:24:23 > 0:24:25they shouldn't really take the guys for granted.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29The guys need that too, because it shows you're thinking of someone.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33It shows affection. It's not just about how much it is
0:24:33 > 0:24:36or the fact that you're buying someone something,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38it's about showing that you really care for someone.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44'I've certainly learnt the hard way
0:24:44 > 0:24:47'that you can't take money for granted.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52'Ever since I've had Coco,
0:24:52 > 0:24:55'I've really enjoyed doing homely things like making banana bread,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57'which I didn't really enjoy before.'
0:24:57 > 0:25:01I really want to give her a homely, secure environment to grow up in.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05When I was growing up, my family got into a bad situation
0:25:05 > 0:25:09and we lost all our money and ended up losing the family home,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12which was a really scary and difficult time.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16I think that's part of the reason why I'm so nervous with money,
0:25:16 > 0:25:19because I know how quickly it can disappear.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22In the current recession,
0:25:22 > 0:25:26this is a scenario that's been repeated up and down the country.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Last year, 36,000 homes were repossessed,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33and for the first time in seven years,
0:25:33 > 0:25:35divorce rates went up.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41I'm going to meet a couple who've been hit hard by the recession,
0:25:41 > 0:25:45to find out if love can last when the money's run out.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I'm in Sandhurst, Berkshire to meet Ania.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51She escaped a deprived upbringing in Poland
0:25:51 > 0:25:55to make a life in Britain with successful accountant Colin Timpson.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00- Hello.- Hello!- Are you Ania? - Yes, I am.- I'm Colin.- Colin.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- Nice to meet you guys. - Do come in.- Thank you.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Let's start at the beginning.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07How did you meet each other?
0:26:07 > 0:26:12I have a twin brother and he married a Polish girl.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Ania was a guest at the wedding,
0:26:14 > 0:26:17and I asked her to dance, and we danced, and...
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- We never stopped. - We never stopped, ever since.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23When I saw Colin, and I went, "This is the father of my children.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25"This is my husband," I knew that.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It was like somebody hit me with a brick on the head.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Suddenly I thought, "This is it."
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Ania was a glamorous 18-year-old with the world at her feet,
0:26:32 > 0:26:35and despite a 14-year age gap,
0:26:35 > 0:26:39she and Colin soon married and had their first baby.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42For 13 years, they lived the high life
0:26:42 > 0:26:45and enjoyed the fruits of Colin's success.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50We never had to say no to anything. It was whatever we wanted.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52We've got time off? OK, let's go and book it.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55So we just walked to the travel agent and booked a holiday.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58We never had to stop and think for a second.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01We only thought that our life would get better.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I would never think that we could take steps back.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06It was always a step forward.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11When did it change? What happened?
0:27:11 > 0:27:18I lost my job in 2009,
0:27:18 > 0:27:24like, I'm afraid, many accountants lost their jobs back then,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26and that's when life changed.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29The first casualty was the dream house
0:27:29 > 0:27:32they were in the middle of building.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35It was repossessed before it was even completed.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40Ania's taking me to the site where she planned to raise her family.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Wow.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45It's a bit heartbreaking, actually, cos it's like
0:27:45 > 0:27:48somebody's got what I'm supposed to have.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Yeah.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52It's my dream somebody's living in.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55It must have been really hard to let go of this place.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Yes, because we were here every day.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01And we were, you know, ordering windows, doors, everything,
0:28:01 > 0:28:04planning what kitchen, what flooring we would have.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09- How complete was it before you had to give it up?- 70%.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14A job didn't come, the savings finished, and everything just went.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20It's obviously incredibly difficult for Ania to see this place now,
0:28:20 > 0:28:22because this is actually the moment
0:28:22 > 0:28:27where things went from being brilliant and happy and positive
0:28:27 > 0:28:30to being incredibly difficult.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34I just really feel for her, I really do.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Back at the house, Ania shows me more evidence
0:28:37 > 0:28:39of her former well-heeled life.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45And I wonder at what point losing it all started to affect
0:28:45 > 0:28:46her and Colin's relationship.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49- Did your feelings change towards him?- Very much.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Even if he came and touched me, I would cringe.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56I would literally go, "Do not touch me."
0:28:56 > 0:29:01I just felt angry for the situation, and I put that anger towards him.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Two and a half years after he lost his job,
0:29:04 > 0:29:08the couple reached breaking point and Colin walked out.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11I've had enough. I've got to go, you know?
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Otherwise I'm going to do something really...
0:29:14 > 0:29:17you know, detrimental to everybody's health.
0:29:17 > 0:29:21- And how was it for you? - I died. Half of me died.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Up to that point, I hated him. We argued.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26But when he left, I walked into the house
0:29:26 > 0:29:29- and I was absolutely out of breath. I... - SHE GASPS
0:29:29 > 0:29:31I was hyperventilating, I couldn't breathe,
0:29:31 > 0:29:36I was completely like somebody kicked me in the chest.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38Colin camped in his parents' back garden
0:29:38 > 0:29:41for two weeks before returning home.
0:29:41 > 0:29:46Clearly, money has caused so much stress between Colin and Ania,
0:29:46 > 0:29:50and the fact that it's basically made them separate.
0:29:50 > 0:29:54Their relationship has been put under so much pressure.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58It's actually kind of amazing they're still together.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00The date is fine...
0:30:00 > 0:30:03'They're now under more financial pressure than ever before,
0:30:03 > 0:30:06'and can afford to eat just one meal a day.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08'Although the children never go without,
0:30:08 > 0:30:10'I wonder how they're coping.'
0:30:10 > 0:30:13I'd just love to know what it's been like for you
0:30:13 > 0:30:15the last couple of years.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17It makes it really hard to just relax,
0:30:17 > 0:30:22because every day, the thought is there,
0:30:22 > 0:30:24what are we going to be doing?
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Are we going to get a job soon or is there going to be
0:30:27 > 0:30:31some rise in money or something, just anything?
0:30:31 > 0:30:34How do you try and help your parents?
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Mostly, all my birthday money...
0:30:37 > 0:30:41I do get Lego, but if they want to get something or any of that,
0:30:41 > 0:30:43I give them some of my money.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47He helped with food once. We had no money for food,
0:30:47 > 0:30:50and he just took his money from his wallet
0:30:50 > 0:30:52that he got from his birthday.
0:30:52 > 0:30:53- Are you serious?- Yeah.
0:30:54 > 0:30:58'This family is surviving by the skin of its teeth.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01'They've not paid their mortgage for two and a half years,
0:31:01 > 0:31:03'and repossession is a constant fear.
0:31:03 > 0:31:04'I'll be back later
0:31:04 > 0:31:07'to see if they can keep a roof over their heads.'
0:31:10 > 0:31:12'I know that my cautious attitude to money
0:31:12 > 0:31:14'comes from being in a similar situation,
0:31:14 > 0:31:16'but now that I'm earning my own,
0:31:16 > 0:31:18'I wish I could let go of some of that fear.'
0:31:18 > 0:31:20I do wish I was a bit more relaxed about money.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24I sometimes wonder, am I controlling it or is it controlling me?
0:31:24 > 0:31:27Roly will just hop in a cab if it's raining,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30where I'll stand there stubbornly in the rain, waiting for the bus,
0:31:30 > 0:31:33even though it's a fiver to home, which is ridiculous.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37'It's high time I took control of my cash,
0:31:37 > 0:31:41'so I've set myself a training exercise in assertiveness.
0:31:41 > 0:31:46- How much is it?- This one is 6.99. This is 6.99.- 6.99.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50- You couldn't do it for a fiver? - No, not this one, I can't.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- Can you make it 6? - SHE LAUGHS
0:31:53 > 0:31:57No, it has to be 6.99 or I'll get into trouble.
0:31:57 > 0:32:00- OK. Done.- Sold.- Sold.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04- 6.99.- OK, let me just get you some change.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07That was rubbish. Honestly.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10That is actually my best effort there.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Like, I really tried.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17'I may be the world's least assertive person
0:32:17 > 0:32:19'when it comes to money, but for now,
0:32:19 > 0:32:22'Roly and I don't fight about it,
0:32:22 > 0:32:24'whereas 61% of couples do.'
0:32:31 > 0:32:32'So how volatile can things get
0:32:32 > 0:32:35'when one partner takes total control
0:32:35 > 0:32:37'over the other one's spending?
0:32:37 > 0:32:41'And what does that say about their relationship?
0:32:41 > 0:32:42'I've come to King's Lynn in Norfolk
0:32:42 > 0:32:45'to meet Sian, David and their three dogs.'
0:32:45 > 0:32:49- Hello.- Hiya.- Are you Sian and David? - Yeah.- Nice to meet you.- Come on in.
0:32:49 > 0:32:50Thank you.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53'They met in 2004 and married two years later.
0:32:53 > 0:32:57'Sian took control of the purse strings from the start.'
0:32:59 > 0:33:03So, Sian, you initiated the relationship?
0:33:03 > 0:33:04I wanted him bad.
0:33:04 > 0:33:08What was it about David that you wanted so badly?
0:33:08 > 0:33:11He was Welsh and his surname was Jones.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14'David's the breadwinner, and takes home
0:33:14 > 0:33:17'around £28,000 a year working for the RAF.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20'Sian does occasional shifts in a pharmacy,
0:33:20 > 0:33:23'and rules the family finances with a rod of iron.'
0:33:26 > 0:33:28This is where it begins.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31'She keeps records of their outgoings
0:33:31 > 0:33:33'on everything from food to the dogs.'
0:33:33 > 0:33:35The pets. In 2008,
0:33:35 > 0:33:39you spent £2,600 on the dogs?!
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Yeah, but that doesn't include
0:33:42 > 0:33:46any of the vet stuff or the insurance.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48That is more than your food bill.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52Yeah. That's just on treats, food, and toys.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54They'll get steak and I'll get sausages.
0:33:54 > 0:33:55Correct.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59'Sian doesn't just dictate what David eats.
0:33:59 > 0:34:03'She takes his salary and gives him back pocket money.'
0:34:03 > 0:34:06We decided to set it at 50 quid a month.
0:34:06 > 0:34:0850 quid a month?!
0:34:08 > 0:34:10That's for everything he wants.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13- 50 quid a month?- Yeah.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21When they first met, David spent the weekends rally driving,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23but with just 50 quid in his pocket,
0:34:23 > 0:34:25the brakes have been applied to his hobby.
0:34:30 > 0:34:35But Sian's perfectly happy to pay up for her pampered pooches.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38They get six times as much spent on them every month.
0:34:39 > 0:34:45- What's that?- The bottom leg of a cow.- How many are you getting?
0:34:45 > 0:34:50- There's only three dogs.- Yeah, so I'm going to get six.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- How much?- Yeah.- No.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04- That's seven and a half minutes' worth of fun.- Exactly. No.
0:35:09 > 0:35:14It's £7.50. That's, like, less than an hour's wage. It's fine.
0:35:14 > 0:35:18- But it all adds up, though. - It doesn't matter.
0:35:18 > 0:35:22- Was that the look? Is that the look you give?- Yeah.- Yeah, generally.
0:35:23 > 0:35:28As a man who lives on £50 a month, what is £7.50 to you?
0:35:28 > 0:35:34It can be quite a lot. Quite easily. She's mad.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37- But you don't begrudge them it, though, really.- No, not really.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39There you go!
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- DAVID LAUGHS - They always win.
0:35:46 > 0:35:51Back home, I get to see just where that £300 a month goes.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Wowee!
0:35:53 > 0:35:56It is an actual room for the dogs. This is their own room.
0:35:56 > 0:36:01- This is love, isn't it?- Totally.
0:36:01 > 0:36:07Maybe David could have more treats if the dogs had fewer.
0:36:07 > 0:36:11Do you think 50 quid is enough? It seems very small.
0:36:11 > 0:36:18I think if I was him, and I wanted to do the things that he wanted to do, then no, it wouldn't be enough.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21But from my point of view, it's plenty.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25What I'm hearing from that is, like, you don't care that much.
0:36:25 > 0:36:31No, not particularly. I don't do a lot unless it benefits me.
0:36:31 > 0:36:39If he stood up to you a bit more, would you accept that and understand that he was being fair,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42or would you resist it and go in a strop and...?
0:36:42 > 0:36:46I'd resist it for a very long time, and I'd strop a lot.
0:36:46 > 0:36:52I know he has said no to me about getting a fourth dog, but I'll wear him down eventually.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56Sian's power seems to depend on denying David things.
0:36:56 > 0:37:01The less money he has access to, the more powerful she becomes.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03I want to know how he feels about this.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06Wow! Is this your pride and joy?
0:37:06 > 0:37:09It is indeed, yeah. I do like playing on it.
0:37:09 > 0:37:13There are no seats. Somebody has stolen all the seats.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15One of the many things to buy on the car.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18So, do you spend a lot of time working on your car?
0:37:18 > 0:37:20I have done, not so much at the moment,
0:37:20 > 0:37:23cos I'm just trying to get the cash together to be able to finish off,
0:37:23 > 0:37:25cos the last few bits are expensive debts.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28Do you agree with Sian's distribution of the money?
0:37:28 > 0:37:31Do you think that the dogs should have so many toys and snacks and grooming?
0:37:31 > 0:37:35No, they're dogs, at the end of the day. They don't need so much.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37But she sees them as kids.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- Does it in any way annoy you? - No, not really.
0:37:41 > 0:37:46Because just the way I was brought up is the man is the one that goes out and works,
0:37:46 > 0:37:49and the woman is the one who looks after the home.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53- Thanks much, guys.- See you. - See you later, bye.- See you soon.
0:37:53 > 0:37:58Well, I've definitely been left with little doubt as to who rules that roost.
0:37:58 > 0:38:02It's definitely not a relationship dynamic I could cope with.
0:38:02 > 0:38:09For me to feel happy, I really need for the power and the money to feel equal.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Now I want to find out just how that inequality
0:38:12 > 0:38:15affects their relationship.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19- Hello.- Nice to see you. Yeah, nice to see you, you all right?
0:38:19 > 0:38:25Take a pew. Do you think that you respect David?
0:38:25 > 0:38:30Erm... I do respect you.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33Nice. Nice to hear.
0:38:33 > 0:38:34Do you respect Sian?
0:38:34 > 0:38:38- Yeah. Definitely. - Cos I'm always right.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40- Not always.- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.
0:38:40 > 0:38:41QUIETLY: Yes, I am.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43It's interesting that you definitely paused quite a lot
0:38:43 > 0:38:46when I asked you that question, whereas he...
0:38:46 > 0:38:51- Yeah. It's complicated, isn't it?- No. - Relationships are complicated. - No, it's not complicated, is it?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53You say you respect David,
0:38:53 > 0:38:57do you think that's definitely reflected in how you deal with your family finances?
0:38:57 > 0:39:00- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03Because you have said to me that you know that he would like, and needs,
0:39:03 > 0:39:06and could have more money for his hobbies,
0:39:06 > 0:39:09but it doesn't benefit you, so you're not going to do it.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11Yeah. SHE GIGGLES
0:39:11 > 0:39:16But that says to me that you don't massively respect David.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20I can just see ten years in the future, all the money he ploughs into that
0:39:20 > 0:39:23is not going to get him anywhere, so I think why bother?
0:39:23 > 0:39:26- But it makes him happy.- Yeah. - So does a cup of tea.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29But, all of the money that you're ploughing into the dogs,
0:39:29 > 0:39:33it's not going to get you anywhere, but it makes you happy. £300 a month.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35It'll get me a place in heaven, I reckon.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39So, you're happy for the dogs to have more than treble...
0:39:39 > 0:39:42No, I always tell her to spend less, always tell her, but she just says tough.
0:39:42 > 0:39:47So you're ultimately not happy about the situation, but don't want to change it?
0:39:47 > 0:39:48Yeah, pretty much.
0:39:48 > 0:39:52I'd rather just leave it as it is, cos it's happy where we are.
0:39:52 > 0:39:56If I try and change it, she'll get angry and just start turning on me.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59So you're just putting up with a situation you're not happy with,
0:39:59 > 0:40:02because to change it would make you less happy?
0:40:02 > 0:40:06- Yeah.- How does it feel to hear that? - I think it's tough.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10Do you love that control, that you're withholding that money from him?
0:40:10 > 0:40:16- Does that make you happy?- Yes, of course I do! I'm a control freak.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18For Sian, there's no doubt that money equals control,
0:40:18 > 0:40:21and while her attitude is pretty out there,
0:40:21 > 0:40:26I could definitely do with some of her assertiveness when it comes to my own money issues.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28So, I've signed up for a crash course in domination
0:40:28 > 0:40:31from three women who simply must be obeyed.
0:40:31 > 0:40:35- Mistress Absolute.- Mistress Absolute. - Good to meet you.- Nice to meet you.
0:40:35 > 0:40:40- Mistress Jezebel.- Mistress Jezebel. - Mistress Bitchin'. - Mistress Bitchin'.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43All three of them are professional dominatrixes,
0:40:43 > 0:40:45which means that men pay them to be treated like slaves.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49Can you tell me a little bit about what you do?
0:40:49 > 0:40:53It can be from very mild domination, so, somebody who wants to come
0:40:53 > 0:40:57and just do my cleaning or be led around on a collar and leash,
0:40:57 > 0:41:01through to some hard-core sadomasochistic stuff.
0:41:01 > 0:41:05Your eyes just keep getting wider and wider. LAUGHTER
0:41:05 > 0:41:08The only limit is your imagination, as far as what you can do, really.
0:41:08 > 0:41:12- I do financial domination. - What do you mean, you're a financial dominatrix?
0:41:12 > 0:41:16I just get slaves that particularly want to worship a particular body part
0:41:16 > 0:41:20or a personality,
0:41:20 > 0:41:25and they throw money at her via PayPal, Amazon wish list, eBay, all sorts.
0:41:25 > 0:41:31- So, you just get guys to give you money?- Pretty much.- What?
0:41:31 > 0:41:34I can't quite believe my ears.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37So, Mistress Bitchin' has volunteered to show me
0:41:37 > 0:41:39how she manages to part men from their money...
0:41:39 > 0:41:41- Show me the ways.- Show me the goods.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45..without even setting foot outside her house.
0:41:45 > 0:41:50One particular slave I had spent a grand within half an hour,
0:41:50 > 0:41:53and all he wanted me to do was clap my hands.
0:41:53 > 0:41:57Every time I clapped my hands on the webcam, he would punch himself
0:41:57 > 0:42:02in the downstairs region, and tipped me 25 every time, as well.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05You can tip 25, 50, or 100.
0:42:05 > 0:42:09And if I was being a particular bitch I would be like, "Am I only worth 25?"
0:42:09 > 0:42:11And he'd be like, "Sorry, Mistress, 50."
0:42:11 > 0:42:14And I'd be like, "Really? 50?" 100.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17- And he loves that?- He loves it. - So, the meaner you are...
0:42:17 > 0:42:20He wants me to say "denied" all the time.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22I'll be like, "Do you want me to get my boobs out?"
0:42:22 > 0:42:25And he'll be like, "yes, Mistress." Tips me 50. I'm like, "Denied." Loves it.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Then he'll tip again and again and again until the money's run out.
0:42:28 > 0:42:35- He was addicted, yes. Still around. - What does he get out of it?
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Just...knowing that I've got his money, I think.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41There's also blackmail, I don't know if you've heard of that one.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43So if they want to get into a regular...
0:42:43 > 0:42:46"Oh, Mistress Bitchin', I want to give you 50 quid a week," just say.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49If they miss a payment, then I have the right to threaten them
0:42:49 > 0:42:54and say, "Well, I'll e-mail all your work colleagues and show them the pictures you've sent me,"
0:42:54 > 0:42:58and then they get off on the fact that you're going to scare them, basically,
0:42:58 > 0:43:01into giving you more money.
0:43:01 > 0:43:05So they set a situation up where they can be blackmailed...
0:43:05 > 0:43:07- That's it.- ..and that turns them on? - That's it.
0:43:09 > 0:43:14I can't help wondering what kind of man willingly pays £200 an hour
0:43:14 > 0:43:17to be humiliated, but I'm about to find out.
0:43:17 > 0:43:22I've come to meet Mistress Jezebel and Mistress Absolute.
0:43:22 > 0:43:26They are going to teach me how to be a dominatrix in their dungeon.
0:43:26 > 0:43:31It's in a top-secret location. I can say it is in central London,
0:43:31 > 0:43:34but otherwise it's all very hush-hush.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39- Morning.- Hi!
0:43:40 > 0:43:45Wow! Wow! Holy moly! You look amazing, you two.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49We got some stuff for you up here, as well.
0:43:49 > 0:43:53Oh, God. I don't know if I'm going to get into that.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55# Feels so good being bad... #
0:43:55 > 0:43:58After a lot of pushing and squeezing, the costume fits,
0:43:58 > 0:44:01but my personality definitely doesn't.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03And I'm about to meet my very first slave.
0:44:03 > 0:44:07- Hiya! How are you? - LAUGHTER
0:44:07 > 0:44:10Perhaps not the best way to dominate. "Hi!" LAUGHTER
0:44:14 > 0:44:17- No, you don't!- No, no, no!
0:44:17 > 0:44:21- Let's put you into the throne, here. - Amazing!
0:44:21 > 0:44:27- OK? Here we go.- So, what would you do first? And I'll follow your lead - LAUGHTER
0:44:27 > 0:44:32- Like the true dom you are.- Yeah! I'll just submit to you, basically!
0:44:32 > 0:44:36OK, first of all I would ask him to kiss my feet,
0:44:36 > 0:44:38just as a kind of greeting.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41Kiss my feet, slave.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44Yeah. Thanks.
0:44:44 > 0:44:49No! "Thanks"! Never say thank you!
0:44:49 > 0:44:53He should be saying thank you for you allowing him to kiss your feet.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56- Yeah.- Do it again. - Kiss my feet, slave.
0:44:58 > 0:45:01And again.
0:45:01 > 0:45:06- SLAVE:- Thank you, Mistress. - Yes.- Excellent.
0:45:06 > 0:45:11I like to put people at their ease, but this is about treating 'em mean.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14And now I have to come up with my own fantasy scenario.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17You are in so much trouble for shoplifting.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21You're going to be in prison for, like, 24 hours,
0:45:21 > 0:45:24and I'm not going to feed you anything.
0:45:24 > 0:45:29And then, I might just not let you watch telly for a whole day.
0:45:31 > 0:45:37Not a natural-born dominatrix, but I'm told that my next slave is prepared to talk,
0:45:37 > 0:45:39after I've humiliated him, of course.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42Help me, help me, help me, help me.
0:45:42 > 0:45:49I'm sitting here in a latex catsuit, and I've got a lead.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52This is the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life.
0:45:52 > 0:45:53(I'm really nervous.)
0:45:53 > 0:45:56SHE SIGHS
0:46:03 > 0:46:05Oh, my God!
0:46:11 > 0:46:12Oh, my God!
0:46:12 > 0:46:14I wasn't expecting that!
0:46:14 > 0:46:15Ugh!
0:46:18 > 0:46:21He's very friendly. You can pet him.
0:46:21 > 0:46:25The last thing I was expecting to walk through that door was a horse.
0:46:25 > 0:46:28Still, at least I know what's expected of me in this scenario.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31STEPTOE AND SON THEME PLAYS
0:46:31 > 0:46:33Are you comfortable?
0:46:33 > 0:46:34Get off my foot!
0:46:34 > 0:46:39Now, I want you to rock back and forth. Yep. Exactly.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42Oh, my God!
0:46:42 > 0:46:45This is the most insane thing I've ever done in my life.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48I'm riding a man dressed as a horse.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Neigh!
0:46:50 > 0:46:51MAN NEIGHS
0:46:51 > 0:46:52Neigh again!
0:46:52 > 0:46:53MAN NEIGHS
0:46:53 > 0:46:55Now, I want you to turn around in a circle.
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Forward, forward, forward, forward.
0:46:59 > 0:47:00And then right.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03- Left or right?- Left, left, left! I mean left.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06That's enough of this game.
0:47:06 > 0:47:08OK. Wooh! Bouncy!
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Good Muffin.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16Give him a bit of a pet.
0:47:16 > 0:47:19That was quite good. Well done. Good. Good horsey.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23With the horseplay out of the way,
0:47:23 > 0:47:29I want to meet the man behind the mask and understand why the idea of being used is such a potent one.
0:47:29 > 0:47:30So, little Muffin...
0:47:33 > 0:47:34Yes, Mistress.
0:47:34 > 0:47:38You pay women to treat you quite badly.
0:47:40 > 0:47:45Er, yes. I like to have the experience of passing power
0:47:45 > 0:47:47to my female partner.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51- Why?- Erm, I'm very much in control in my own life.
0:47:51 > 0:47:54Both financially and workwise.
0:47:54 > 0:47:57I find it's a bit of a release.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59Do you feel it's worth the money?
0:47:59 > 0:48:01It's £200 an hour.
0:48:01 > 0:48:06It's expensive. It's like the same amount a lawyer would get.
0:48:06 > 0:48:10The role of a dominatrix is very much a specialist one.
0:48:10 > 0:48:12She has the genuine desire to control.
0:48:12 > 0:48:16I know it's not just someone acting out a role
0:48:16 > 0:48:19but really enjoying it and getting their own gratification
0:48:19 > 0:48:21from me by using me.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24And that that gives me pleasure.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27When you're in a relationship, do you tell them this is what you do?
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Not normally, no. In fact, never.
0:48:29 > 0:48:31Never when I'm in a relationship.
0:48:31 > 0:48:34I realise it's a bit strange.
0:48:34 > 0:48:37Especially if I'm wearing this mask!
0:48:37 > 0:48:38Why not take up golf?
0:48:38 > 0:48:40I do play golf!
0:48:40 > 0:48:42I have a very full life.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45This is a little eccentricity. It's doing no-one any harm.
0:48:45 > 0:48:47I enjoy it. The doms seem to enjoy it.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50I think it's a win-win situation.
0:48:50 > 0:48:54Until now, I'd assumed that the power in the mistress/slave relationship lies with
0:48:54 > 0:48:55the dominatrix.
0:48:55 > 0:48:57Thank you.
0:48:57 > 0:48:58But now I'm not so sure.
0:49:05 > 0:49:08Back in the real world, I'm revisiting Colin and Ania,
0:49:08 > 0:49:10who've had some encouraging news.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14- Hello! Come on in! - Nice to see you again.
0:49:14 > 0:49:18Three years and over 600 job applications down the line,
0:49:18 > 0:49:22Colin has a job interview, his first in four months.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25So today is interview day. How are you feeling?
0:49:25 > 0:49:27Nervous. Don't want it to happen.
0:49:27 > 0:49:31What will it mean for you if he gets this job?
0:49:31 > 0:49:35If he gets this job? I don't know. I'm not thinking that far!
0:49:35 > 0:49:37It's too scary to even think about it.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40I have done that before and it was the disappointment afterwards.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43Just talking about it gives me that sickness feeling.
0:49:45 > 0:49:47I know how much this job means to the family.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50The atmosphere is tense and everyone is on edge,
0:49:50 > 0:49:52particularly Colin.
0:49:54 > 0:49:55KNOCK ON DOOR
0:49:55 > 0:49:57- Hi.- Hello.- Can I come in for a few minutes?
0:49:57 > 0:50:01- Yes.- How have things been in the last week in your family?
0:50:01 > 0:50:03Erm, tense.
0:50:03 > 0:50:09The boys are telling me that I've been cross with them a lot more.
0:50:09 > 0:50:13And I try to explain it's because I feel stressed about the interview
0:50:13 > 0:50:16and how important it is and how important it is for our future.
0:50:16 > 0:50:17I'm rooting for you.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20There's a lot on your shoulders.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22It is.
0:50:26 > 0:50:29On the way to the interview, there's little room for small talk.
0:50:35 > 0:50:39- Good luck. Break...your tongue. - Will do. Thank you.- All the best.
0:50:39 > 0:50:40HE INHALES AND EXHALES
0:50:43 > 0:50:45- See you.- See you.
0:50:52 > 0:50:56- I feel sick for him.- I feel sick for him. I feel really sick for him.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00- Shall we go for a walk?- Yes.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03Let's try and distract ourselves.
0:51:03 > 0:51:07- Is that going to be the longest hour ever?- Yeah!
0:51:09 > 0:51:11I can't help wondering why Ania, who has two degrees,
0:51:11 > 0:51:15isn't also job hunting to take some of the pressure off Colin.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19Why has it been so hard for you to find work?
0:51:19 > 0:51:21My fault. I was at home with my children
0:51:21 > 0:51:26and never had a career and now when I'm ready to go back to work and wanting to work
0:51:26 > 0:51:29it's frustrating because nobody is giving me the jobs.
0:51:29 > 0:51:31Nobody knows how much I can give.
0:51:31 > 0:51:36What about work just for some cash? Just for...
0:51:36 > 0:51:38I tried that. I tried cleaning jobs.
0:51:38 > 0:51:42They said I had no experience! Seriously!
0:51:42 > 0:51:47I said, "I clean every week my house. I've got pretty good experience in that one!"
0:51:47 > 0:51:51But I never worked as a cleaner so, "No, sorry. Thank you."
0:51:51 > 0:51:52Or I'm over-qualified.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Everything rests on this interview.
0:51:56 > 0:52:03It's not just their house that's on the line, it's also their marriage and their future as a family.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06An hour later, the interview is over.
0:52:06 > 0:52:07How was that, Colin?
0:52:10 > 0:52:11OK.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14I don't think I... I don't know.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16I don't know.
0:52:16 > 0:52:17I...
0:52:17 > 0:52:22The doubting side of me is saying, "Don't think I did a great job."
0:52:22 > 0:52:24If doubt says no,
0:52:24 > 0:52:28then I know how you're gonna be.
0:52:28 > 0:52:30I'm dreading to face that.
0:52:32 > 0:52:35It's an anxious time for the whole family.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37All they can do is sit and wait.
0:52:40 > 0:52:43Three weeks later, Ania and Colin are back to see me.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45I'm on tenterhooks as I wait to hear their news.
0:52:48 > 0:52:51I have to ask. Did you get the job?
0:52:51 > 0:52:53No, I didn't.
0:52:53 > 0:52:54CHERRY SIGHS
0:52:54 > 0:52:57No, I didn't. There was one internal candidate.
0:52:57 > 0:53:02And, hey presto, the internal candidate got the job.
0:53:02 > 0:53:07It was made a little bit softer because the agent got excited
0:53:07 > 0:53:09about me as a candidate
0:53:09 > 0:53:12and put me forward for another couple of jobs.
0:53:12 > 0:53:14So I got an interview out of that one.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16But I didn't get that one either.
0:53:16 > 0:53:20How was the fallout after finding that out?
0:53:20 > 0:53:22We had a very bad weekend.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24- That weekend...- How did that go?
0:53:24 > 0:53:29What, the weekend? It ended up with Ania asking me to leave.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31That bad.
0:53:31 > 0:53:33Ania, what happened?
0:53:34 > 0:53:36ANIA SIGHS
0:53:36 > 0:53:38Erm...yeah.
0:53:38 > 0:53:40We just has a massive fight.
0:53:40 > 0:53:47I said, "I can't do this any more. I just can't because it's just, it's just killing me."
0:53:47 > 0:53:50I'm not blaming him for it but it's that sort of
0:53:50 > 0:53:53when he just falls apart, I cannot handle.
0:53:53 > 0:53:55I cannot hold everything up.
0:53:55 > 0:53:59I'm holding the boys up and I've got to hold him up as well.
0:53:59 > 0:54:02How are you feeling today as a couple?
0:54:04 > 0:54:07COLIN LAUGHS
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Ladies first!
0:54:09 > 0:54:14I mean, I still love Colin, it's just that I hate the tension.
0:54:14 > 0:54:21Just... I just find it extremely...hard
0:54:21 > 0:54:25that we're spending 24/7 together and sometimes you want to breathe
0:54:25 > 0:54:28and sometimes you want to change the place, change anything,
0:54:28 > 0:54:31anything, anything, I just want anything to change. Whatever.
0:54:31 > 0:54:32Just change something.
0:54:32 > 0:54:38When I spent time with you, there was a situation with your house,
0:54:38 > 0:54:40where you were concerned that if you didn't get a job soon,
0:54:40 > 0:54:42it would be taken away.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44What's the update on that?
0:54:44 > 0:54:48The mortgage company gave us
0:54:48 > 0:54:53erm, three months' allowance not to pay the mortgage.
0:54:53 > 0:54:58And then they would review it again. About three months is coming to an end next month.
0:54:58 > 0:55:01- OK.- We'll see. We'll see.
0:55:01 > 0:55:04OK. So you won't necessarily lose your house.
0:55:04 > 0:55:06- But they will review it.- Not immediately, no.
0:55:06 > 0:55:11We'll fight. We're fighters. That's probably why we're still here.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14- I just hope something changes for you guys.- Thank you.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21I think what I've learned from meeting the Timpsons
0:55:21 > 0:55:24is that money can't buy you happiness
0:55:24 > 0:55:29but it can buy you a bit of control, a few options
0:55:29 > 0:55:31and a bit of peace of mind.
0:55:31 > 0:55:35That's something the Timpsons don't have right now.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39So how does money affect love?
0:55:39 > 0:55:43Whilst it's true that love is free,
0:55:43 > 0:55:47money still has the power to make or break a relationship.
0:55:48 > 0:55:50Perhaps that's because it's so difficult
0:55:50 > 0:55:52to talk openly about.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55What I've learned is that nothing has the potential
0:55:55 > 0:55:58to create resentment in a relationship faster than money.
0:55:58 > 0:56:00Whether there's not enough or too much,
0:56:00 > 0:56:03or whether it's unevenly distributed,
0:56:03 > 0:56:07I think that's why I'm so obsessed with financial fairness.
0:56:07 > 0:56:12Not so obsessed, though, that I'm prepared to give up my clothes-shopping habit.
0:56:35 > 0:56:37# And all I've said is true
0:56:37 > 0:56:40# I can feel the love can you feel it too
0:56:40 > 0:56:42# I can feel it all round
0:56:42 > 0:56:45# I can feel it all round
0:56:46 > 0:56:47# And all I said is true
0:56:47 > 0:56:50# I can feel the love can you feel it too
0:56:50 > 0:56:53# I can feel it all round
0:56:53 > 0:56:56# I can feel it all round
0:56:56 > 0:56:59# Oh, oh, oh
0:56:59 > 0:57:01# Oh, oh, oh
0:57:01 > 0:57:03# No, no, no... #