0:00:02 > 0:00:03Baa!
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Meet Derek Thornton.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09The poor old sod-buster.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13That's what I am. And I mean a poor old sod-buster.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16I'm both old and poor.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18I keep myself busy, that's what keeps you happy.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22You don't have time to get compressed or depressed or whatever.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Sure I have no money. Will you quit?
0:00:24 > 0:00:27You are always on about the money, the farmers.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Wait till I tell you, they even keep their baler twine for a firelighter.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33That's how the times is bad.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Well, what about a 1,000 mile dream trip, Derek?
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Push your heels out, Derek. Push your heels out, make a snow plough.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45BLEEP!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I near swallowed me false teeth!
0:01:11 > 0:01:14First thing I thought about when I heard he was going skiing,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I thought, "Well, has he phoned the Farmers Union?"
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Because he needs insurance.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Snow-filled clouds hang over Fermanagh
0:01:24 > 0:01:28as our international sod-buster tends his cattle.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35It is a hard slog, but the cows need feeding.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40This is difficult now. I'm slipping and sliding about on me posterior,
0:01:40 > 0:01:41for the want of a better word.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47When I was a wee lad I went down on a sheet of tin,
0:01:47 > 0:01:48but it turned up on the front
0:01:48 > 0:01:51and that was the end of me, I landed out in the loch - nearly got drowned.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53That was me and the skiing.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57I have seen them on the television with them big fancy suits on them,
0:01:57 > 0:02:00but I don't think it would fit me, even.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05Apres-skiing? Is that what you call after-dinner skiing? I have heard about it.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08You ski for 15 minutes or so and then you go down to the pub.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10That would suit me now, that would suit me.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12As long as we would go twice a day.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24The Winter Olympics are on the telly in Derek's good room,
0:02:24 > 0:02:28but Derek's more interested in the mart prices.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Put the paper down and watch it.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33I'll tell you what'll happen,
0:02:33 > 0:02:37he will come a cropper there, he'll fall off. Look, look, look.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- He's doing well now.- 'Which side of the clock will Svindal be?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48'Goodness me! Svindal taking every sort of risk to lead in Whistler.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52'Svindal in gold medal position...'
0:02:52 > 0:02:55The tension was...overpowering.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Derek. Derek, I'm Andrew.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06We're in Austria and I'm going to teach you how to ski.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Do you think I could try that apres-skiing?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Where are we going now?- We are going to get your boots and skis, Derek.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- Are you sure you will have them all in here?- Yes, of course.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- Good morning.- Morning. I'm Derek.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- I'm Oliver. Nice to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30- I believe you're going to fit me out with a pair of boots.- No problem.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- And props.- Ski sticks, everything.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Anything that will keep me from falling on my arse!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36THEY LAUGH
0:03:36 > 0:03:39And now, stand up. That's fine.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Would I need skis at all or boots? Look at the size of them planks.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Oh, my God.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Back.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I want a wee bit of room, you know.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It is a bit of room here, it is fine. It looks good.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57I got me toenails cut, they were like a pet donkey before I came out here. They were about three inches long.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00It is a good thing. I will give you the boots now.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06I think we need a boot for big calves.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08What do you mean by big calves?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11It opens very wide and it should fit you.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12OK, so now.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17When do we get a look at them planks?
0:04:17 > 0:04:22They have everything for walking and skiing, it's most important thing when you do the apres-ski and stuff.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- There is no brake on them. Where is the apres-ski? - This is the apres-ski position.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29And you can move better and you can stay up better.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30OK. Let's start, huh?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32OK, let's get in here.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35This one here...
0:04:35 > 0:04:38OK. Now we have to move out all this stuff here.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Wait a wee minute, boss, that's too tight.- Too tight?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44You see my toe would wear a hole in it there.
0:04:44 > 0:04:49- I'm telling you.- What the hell is this here? My friend, what's this?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51That's my white long johns.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Nice white long johns.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Brand new! They'll not be as white when I'm coming off the mountain,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I'll tell you if you take a look at the arse of them!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- How is this? - Oh, far too tight, I would wear a hole in that, I'm telling you.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- That's far too small. - Too small?- Yeah.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09This is one size bigger. Much better.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- You think they're much better? - I hope so.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15So this is good.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- It feels better, eh?- OK.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- I can lift...- BLEEP.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25OK, the next thing what we are going to do is, we have to take the shoes off.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30I'll tell you what you do, boss, I'll put them boots back on again and you can keep them ones.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Perfect, your boots.- Now, Oliver...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Now we have to fit you with skis now. How good do you ski?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- I never skied in my life. - So you are a beginner beginner.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40A really beginner.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Derek, D-E-R-E-K.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47T-H-O-R-N-T-O-N.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49It looks good. Let me see.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Perfect.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55What's that helmet really to keep the sawdust from coming out?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58This helps you falling over.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Oliver, my instructor says I'm not going to crash.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Andrew over here says
0:06:04 > 0:06:07he's not going to crash and he's not going to let me.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08I think you are not crashing,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11but maybe somebody is crashing in you, you know?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Now you're telling me!- I have to give you some poles to hold on.
0:06:14 > 0:06:20- What?- Sticks. Sticks. The most important thing - sticks.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Handle.- Which way do you hold it that way or that way?
0:06:22 > 0:06:27When do you it in right, you put underneath, you go like this and that's it.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29It's the right size. No, no, no...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31That's wrong. From the bottom.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32From the bottom.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Now like this. That's perfect.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- You're not going to get them back, Oliver.- Why?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Them will be very useful for working at the cattle at home.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I could give an odd beast a whack with one of them, get them out of me road.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Or if anybody came in to annoy you, give them a whack with them Is them strong?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Yes, they are very strong.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55They wouldn't bend. Is that all now, Oliver?
0:06:55 > 0:06:59All done. Skis, boots are fitted tightly to ski, you know.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I'll tell what you'll do now, boss.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- You hang that up till Friday. - Yes.- Hang it up.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06If you know what I mean? You are getting no money until Friday.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- Back home, I say, "Hang it up. I'll pay you once a month." Or maybe I would never pay.- OK.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- If I'm alive, I will bring them back to you and if I am not alive, you can do without them!- OK.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17# I remember when
0:07:17 > 0:07:21# I remember I remember when I lost my mind... #
0:07:21 > 0:07:23You don't want to be drunk to be at this carry on.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Not so good to be drunk when you ski.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27That's it.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Beautiful.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33You are going to be a natural, Derek.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39You would want the Duracell into you to jump like that, a Duracell bunny.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I'd want jump leads, never mind batteries!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Again.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50All right.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Good.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- OK.- I tell you that would tame elephant or lions.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Lions and elephants. Are we ready to go again, darling?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Go on another date, darling, yes.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Derek's new best pal is offering vital support.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Farmers can talk what they like about me holding hands with a bloke.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12If they were up there, they'd be damn glad to get somebody to hold them, instead of going on their arse.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I'm telling you. Sure most of the boys - wait until I tell you -
0:08:15 > 0:08:18they'd be on their arse every two minutes,
0:08:18 > 0:08:22they would never get off it and some of them may have corns on their knees praying to get home.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- I'm away again now!- Here we go.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29That's it now. Stand on both legs.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Don't sit down!
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- What are you doing down there?- I'm on me arse again. I'm halfway down.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Give us a lift up and I'll go down.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39You ready to go? That's it. Stay in the middle.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Put a bit on that left leg. - Oh, on the left leg!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Watch out for the camera, Derek!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I nearly had you there, boss, I can assure you.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53You nearly got run over.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Ay, ay, ay!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- Oof!- BLEEP!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I will soon be married to you. I'm lying that tight to you.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- We're getting closer after only a couple of days.- A couple of hours.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Don't give up on the way down, OK?
0:09:21 > 0:09:25That's it, good. Stay like that, stay like that. Don't sit down.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Don't sit down!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29That's better, Derek.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Yeah! There we go.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- I can't steer the... - That will come later.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37We're not steering them now, we're just going straight.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Stand up, stand up!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Yeah! Got it.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Try and go straight, try and go straight.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59- HE LAUGHS - BLEEP!- Ah, that's OK. Derek, are you OK?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- BLEEP!- How do you get off these now?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I'll give you a hand this time, OK?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07At the end of the first day, Andrew,
0:10:07 > 0:10:11I...thought it would be just simple, jump up on them and get away.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14But I'll tell you one thing, I've sweated like a pig.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I'm sweating like a pig and the backs of me legs are sore.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20If you were young it would be all right,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22but like for an old lad like me, you know,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- it's all in the craic, a bit of fun.- Exactly.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26THEY PLAY THE ALPHORN
0:10:29 > 0:10:33That evening, Derek is invited to listen to some traditional music.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39DEREK TRIES TO PLAY
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Derek, perhaps you should stick to skiing.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57THEY LAUGH
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- I'm blowing too hard, am I? - This is good.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- Am I blowing too hard?- No, it's OK.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- You were singing.- I'm singing?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07You were singing, not blowing.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Well, what way...- You just press your lips together.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12DEREK MAKES FEEBLE SOUNDS
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Any chance of a job, Karen?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Sorry, Derek, I don't think so.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21You need more practice.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Maybe he'd be better at yodelling...
0:11:27 > 0:11:29HE YODELS
0:11:31 > 0:11:34DEREK YODELS BADLY
0:11:38 > 0:11:41We'll take that as a no then.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Now, here is what I could tell you, listen to this one.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53# I went across to Switzerland to yodel-oh-dee
0:11:53 > 0:11:58TEACHER TRIES TO JOIN IN # To learn how to yodel with my yodel-oh-dee!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00# I climbed a big high mountain
0:12:00 > 0:12:03# On a cold and frosty night
0:12:03 > 0:12:07# And this is how my yodelling Yodel-oh-dee!
0:12:07 > 0:12:11# Yodel-oh-dee, yodel-oh-dee! Yodel-oh-dee!
0:12:11 > 0:12:16# I climbed a big high mountain and this is how my
0:12:16 > 0:12:21# Yodel-oh-dee, yodel-oh-dee! Yodel-oh-dee. #
0:12:21 > 0:12:27You'd want about ten half ones in you to be at that carry on, to keep your throat from getting dry!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I'm telling you. We'll get that later on.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Do you take small drop?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34THEY LAUGH
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Some snow, boys, eh?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53So you see, Derek, with the fresh snowfall,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55the snow is sticking to the bottom of my ski a little bit,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58which means the ski won't slide very good.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01So with a bit of wax on, it will run nice and smooth.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03And there to help speed up Derek's performance
0:13:03 > 0:13:06is Olympic downhill skier, Niki Furstauer.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Do you not think I'm going fast enough without putting wax on it?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11I will put some downhill wax on now.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- Would you not put some uphill on it? It'd be far handier.- No, no.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17That will make it slippy, will it?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- That stuff.- Very slippy.- Eh?- Fast.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21I don't want to go fast.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25I tell him he should have left well enough alone.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Do you know what you will do now, boss? Put a bit on my arse, eh?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I will be able to slide quicker.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35We worked on the snow plough yesterday
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and we're going to carry on from that today,
0:13:37 > 0:13:41so using the brakes, and hopefully we will get to start with the turning as well.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43So going left and right.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Oh.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- That one was a little bit straighter. - The power-steering was bad there.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01We're going to top the fluid up.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Whatever you say, right.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- You know what it is taking them sticks away?- What?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13It is like taking a dummy from a child. That's the truth.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- So make a snow plough for me.- Right.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Press down on the right leg. Push, push, push, push...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Yes, that was a much better shape, OK?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Stay in the snow plough. Go on, push your right hand down.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Down, down, down, down. Good.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28It's coming, it's coming, it's coming.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30And so is Christmas coming!
0:14:31 > 0:14:35That's it. Keep pushing the left. Keep pushing your hand down, down, down.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Not too bad getting round.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41OK, Derek, put the hammer down now.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Let the throttle off? Let the handbrake off now?- Yes.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Not good enough now.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Well you see that black run up there, would you come down that?- Sure.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03How long, Niki, would it be before I could come down the black run?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I would say a couple of more days.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08I would say two or three years.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Do you think it's a mission impossible?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- There is nothing impossible. - We'll see.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- BLEEP!- That's how far I got this time.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23On me arse this time altogether.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26I just don't know what went wrong.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I couldn't get round the corner.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32I just... He said to put me foot down, but...
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I might not have been going quick enough.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40That's it. Come on, keep pushing the left. Keep pushing your hand down, down, down...
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Not too bad.- Getting round.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45That was a better one. Look, we nearly made it this time.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49You see last time, you were over there, this time, we're in this gap.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52The next time we'll be out through that gate. That's for sure!
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Straight into the bar for some special soup.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57What do you call that stuff yous do after the skiing?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- Apro-skiing?- Apres-ski.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01How long does it last for?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03As long as you want.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- As long as the money lasts, I suppose.- Yes!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Like most drinking I think.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09SLEIGH BELLS JINGLE
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Derek took the weight off his aching legs with a sleigh ride in the mountains.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31So, Derek, I have an idea.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Would you like to try it?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Oh, no problem. Will I be able?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Are you sure I would be able to?
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- I will give you instruction and then you can try it.- Right. OK?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43We're on a flat bit of ground.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Let's change places.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I'll get out, I'll go round.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- You go around? - I will go round the back.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I'll go round the back.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Will them horses understand English, will they?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Yeah. They don't know it, but..
0:16:58 > 0:17:02When you would like to go, you make this.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05When the horse is too fast, you pull.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And when you would like on the left side, pull left
0:17:08 > 0:17:10and right, pull the right side. It is very easy.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Simple. Come on, girls, come on, girls.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Up you go, girls.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Easy, girls, now.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Easy. Hold it now, girls. Easy!
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Good girls. Good girls. Easy, girls.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37- This is always a problem. - Two girls is a problem! - Two girls.- Easy, ladies.
0:17:45 > 0:17:50And while the horses got their dinner, Derek was served up a traditional dish.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Say that again.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- This is Kasnocken.- Right.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I never heard tell of it. Is it edible?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- It is small dumplings with home-made cheese.- Right.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- Do you make the cheese yourself?- Yes.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- Will we try it?- Yes.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08I'm ready for it, hey.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I could eat a horse between two mattresses.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Not bad, not bad.- It's good?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Yeah. We'll never eat all that pan ourselves.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22You better get into it yourself. Come on.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25You have been out all day like meself. Bait it into you.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I think it's enough for us.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29More than enough. More than enough.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I'll get the old lassie to make that at home when I go home. The wife.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34That's the wife, the old lassie.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Oh!
0:18:50 > 0:18:53We're going to try some snowboarding. It's quite popular with the teenagers.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58- It's more laid back than skiing. - Would ever I get hurt at that?- No, Derek, I'm going to look after you.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Don't worry, we'll take it nice and easy.- I hope so.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04First, clench your fists and bring your forearms up.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Go down to your knees
0:19:06 > 0:19:10and then get down onto your arms. Good.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13That would be grand useful if you were coming out of the pub, eh?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15How many times will I be on my arse today?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20Well that all depends on you, Derek. I think we'll be fine though. We're going to take it nice and easy.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Whatever you say, boss. Now, give us a hand up, would you? Don't leave the old lad on the floor.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Once you are in now.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30- BLEEP- I am away already.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Oooh.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35That's it. Try and stop.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Put your foot in.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38- Oh!- BLEEP!- Aah!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Good man, Derek. How did that go?
0:19:42 > 0:19:47That went the best. But that sport's not for an old heavy farmer like me falling and tumbling.
0:19:47 > 0:19:52- You see more old people skiing. - That's very true.- You see the wee kiddies there, they can fly on that.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54You see they have no fear.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04I'm going to love this.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09These huge track machines keep the slopes in good shape
0:20:09 > 0:20:12and Derek got a chance to help out.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23The sod-buster from Derrylin
0:20:23 > 0:20:26took to it like he had been doing it all his life.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28She's spinning a bit now.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- You said it was a 330 horsepower. - Yes.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37Back home we would say that's 299 horses and one donkey!
0:20:45 > 0:20:50Derek wondered what the boys back home would make of it.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53They'd take the queer look when I would drive that into the mart.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56They'd take out the mobile phone and everyone would take a picture of it.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01I'm a good man for a deal, but I couldn't sell this at home. Nobody has enough powder to buy this.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Now, sure I am away.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Push your heels out, Derek.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Push your heels out. Make a snow plough.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22BLEEP.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25BLEEP.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29BLEEP. BLEEP.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Is anything broken, Derek?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Me, me, me... Me heart is broken!
0:21:35 > 0:21:40- We broke your heart with that one, did we? - I near swallowed me false teeth.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Big brakes. Big brakes.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Whoa!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Hopefully not BIG brakes.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Pull that right leg a bit more, Derek. Whoa.- BLEEP.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51But it wasn't Derek's best day skiing.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54It's going middling, but it's going.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58We're getting there. Falling and rising and falling.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Brakes on, buddy. Brakes on.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06I'm down again.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Stand down, come on. Push... Oh!
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Ooh.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13It is the pains and aches in me legs, they are the worst.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17The boy tells me they'll mend after a day or two,
0:22:17 > 0:22:18I don't think they'll mend.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20I don't think they'll mend.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Me nose is running a bit with the change in temperature,
0:22:23 > 0:22:25but I think I have got too much clothes on me.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- That's easily sorted.- Hello, Derek.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Hello, gorgeous. How are you?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32And enjoy.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38That's lovely.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# A moment like this
0:22:43 > 0:22:47# Some people wait a lifetime
0:22:47 > 0:22:50# For a moment like this... #
0:22:50 > 0:22:53It was a time for a message home to Mother.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Hello, Mother.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I had another hard day on the slopes
0:22:59 > 0:23:01and the boys brought me in for a massage
0:23:01 > 0:23:06and as you know, I never wouldn't spend the money on that
0:23:06 > 0:23:12and it's lovely and she's good-looking, but I wouldn't part you for her.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Goodnight.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I'm going up to the top
0:23:23 > 0:23:25about 14,000 foot up.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28I'm going to come down in four or five minutes, 60mph.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- That's the boy, Derek.- Sit down.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33There we are, job done. Now, enjoy the ride.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Come on, darling. Let's do it for the first time.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41- Take the first dance.- Woo-hoo! Woo!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53How's it going, Derek?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Doing fine.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Heading up further into the mountains,
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Derek is coping well with the chairlifts,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08but the drag lift could be tricky.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Derek, the bar is going to come around.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13The attendant is going to pass it to you.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- You want it just under your... - Arse.- Your bum!- Your bum, whatever!
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Take a hold of it with your hand and what's really important, don't sit down.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23It drags you up. It won't carry you up, OK?
0:24:23 > 0:24:27That could do you a bit of an injury, that, I would say.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29If you got it in the wrong place.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32You wouldn't want to throw your leg on that!
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Holding on for my dear life. I'm holding tight.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Oh, never again!
0:24:57 > 0:25:01The ribs is pulled out of me and the arm is pulled out of me.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03That's the first and last time. Never again.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07Never. Don't you ever bring me up that again.
0:25:14 > 0:25:20You are at the highest point. You are 2,100 metres up in the Austrian alps. It's beautiful, isn't it?
0:25:20 > 0:25:24It's beautiful. That's a fantastic view. I never was as high up in my life before.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Is this the black run you were talking about?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30That's the way to the black run. That's the most difficult slope in the resort.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- That's where I'm going.- Derek, don't do it!- I'm away! Good luck to yous!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Niki, can I have my coat back? Come on, give it to me.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13- Do you want to sell it?- No, I'm going to keep it. I'll want it next year.- OK. You can have it.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14I'll want it next year.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21- What do you think of my new belly? - Ah, never mind your belly. That's your airbag.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Well, this was it.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Could Derek fulfil his dream and ski down the slopes himself?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39BLEEP.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Bless him. He did his best.
0:27:03 > 0:27:0645mph I would say I was doing, at least 45mph.
0:27:06 > 0:27:11But I'll tell you something for nothing, it's hard on your legs.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13- BLEEP.- I'm gone.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17But I thought that going up on that lift was harder on your legs,
0:27:17 > 0:27:19but nothing to coming down that hill.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Didn't I come off the highest mountain in Austria? It's an achievement.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26It's great to get it done. But in five days trying it, but it didn't defeat us.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Wait until I tell you, do you see learning to ski? It would tame lions.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33It would tame lions, I'm telling you!
0:27:33 > 0:27:38There will be no more dreams for a wee while until I get me energy back.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40I will come back next year, if it is only for the craic.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43That apro-skiing is the best skiing of the whole lot.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46THEY CHANT: Go, go, go, go!
0:27:46 > 0:27:48ALL: Whoa!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Next time on Derek's Dreaming Again.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- I'm looking for Dave. - That's me. You must be Derek.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- I'm Derek, what's left of me. - This is home for the week.
0:27:58 > 0:28:04- Are you going to teach me how to sail this yoke?- This yacht.- Oh, yes.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07I haven't a bloody notion where I am. I might as well be in Bundoran.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14- Oh.- BLEEP.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17She has gone on this time, boys, this time now. If you're acting now.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- BLEEP.- Would you just have a bit of manners? You'll scare the life out of me.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23I'm about to fall into the bloody loch.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25You'll soon get your arse wet.
0:28:27 > 0:28:31This is it, Derek goes solo, all right?
0:28:31 > 0:28:36If I seen something coming now, I'd put me head between me legs and kiss me arse goodbye.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38That's what I would do - him, boat and all.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:49 > 0:28:53E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk