0:00:02 > 0:00:03Beh-h-h!
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Meet Derek Thornton.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09I'm a poor ol' sodbuster.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11That's what I am.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15I mean a poor ol' sodbuster. I'm both old and poor.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I keep meself busy.
0:00:17 > 0:00:22That's what keeps you happy. You don't have time to get compressed or repressed.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24You see, I've no money.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27They're always talking about the money, the farmers.
0:00:27 > 0:00:33What did I tell ye? They even keep the baler twine for a firelighter. That's how the times is bad.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38It's Sunday lunch at the Thorntons' farmhouse in Derrylin.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Derek's getting some grief about his diet.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45- Everything has been already salted. - You need a bit of taste.
0:00:45 > 0:00:51No, salt makes you retain water and by the looks of things, you're retaining a fair bit.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54My airbag is the best. Don't you worry about my water.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- What weight are you? - I've been 16 stone for 20 years.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03- That's all...- That's funny because I remember you, at five,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06being a lot slimmer than what you are now.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10- I was a lot younger.- Yes, but...
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- I could prove that I could live without eating.- Go on, prove it.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- Show us.- I could live in a hedge for a week.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Yes, Daddy, I'd like to see you try.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24It was a boast Derek was going to have to live up to,
0:01:24 > 0:01:28but could he swap Sunday roast for earthworms?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35No, I don't think you could eat him.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02If you told me that he was to eat worms or boil a few flies
0:02:02 > 0:02:06and try and munch at them, I'd say, "Get real, no way."
0:02:06 > 0:02:11He won't even get into the bath if there's a spider in it, so it's really...
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I can't imagine him ever trying to survive outdoors.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20To prove to his family he could survive in the wild,
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Derek packed his bag and headed for Scotland.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Ahoy there!
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- Who are you?- I'm Patrick. What's your name?- Derek.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50- How are you doing? Where have you come from?- Ireland, outside Derrylin.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52What are you doing over here?
0:02:52 > 0:02:57The ones at home says me airbag is growing out too much and I couldn't live on me own for a week.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02We'll change all of that. I teach people how to live off the land.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07I'll show you the various foods that are on the shoreline and in the woodlands.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13- How long have you lived off the land?- I have done it for two months at a time with a cup and a knife.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- It's a very difficult thing to do, but it's enjoyable. - What about the runs?
0:03:17 > 0:03:23- The runs?- Aye.- Do you go on a run in the morning?- I'm not going to. - You'll no' be running about here.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- It's not that running I mean. - The runs, the trots?
0:03:26 > 0:03:32- Aye.- If you have the runs, we'll plug it with some sphagnum moss.- Will anything eat me?
0:03:32 > 0:03:38- There's nothing up there apart from lions, tigers and bears(!)- Are there any midges?- I'll protect you.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43- There's midges the size of your head. They'll suck you dry tonight. You'll be fine.- Are you sure?
0:03:43 > 0:03:50- Let's see what you've brought with you.- I've brought a pair of trousers with me and a pair of socks.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- Trousers are handy.- Yeah.- You've got a spare shirt.- I'd need that.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- What else have you got in there? More clothes?- Aye.
0:03:58 > 0:04:04- You said there was bears that might eat me.- What's that?- Sweets. Hang on now.- You'll not need them.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- I'll give you a clout.- There's an eagle!- Don't worry about the eagle.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- What's this?- That's me bum fodder. - Bum fodder?- Yeah.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Do you feed your bum?- No, go on.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Leave that in there. - You'll no' need that.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- What's this?- That's me beer. You're not gettin' that.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24No, you'll no' need that.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29- What do we have here? Sauce?- You can keep that. I could do without that, but not without me beer.
0:04:29 > 0:04:35- That's really me medicine. - You'll no' need that. - I'll give you a clout. I need that.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Give me that bottle back.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41And last but not least... Oh, I do like them, Derek.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- You like them?- Yeah, I like them, but you're not having them.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Oh, dear. Old Mrs Hubbard went to the cupboard.
0:04:48 > 0:04:54Nothing in there now. I'm going to replace that with some items - a pot and a cup.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- How am I going to get it heated up? - I'm going to show you how to light fire.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05- I'm going to give you a knife, another very useful item.- Let me get a look at the knife. That'll do.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I'm going to give you some string.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13- I'm going to give you a saw.- That's not much of a saw, but it'll do. - That's a fine saw.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- That's all you're getting. - But you have all my luxuries.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22- I'll take care of them for the weekend.- Have a nice time. - You've got everything you need.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27- To survive?- With a bit of knowledge, I'll show you how to feed yourself out there.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- Your wife will love the new-look Derek when you get home.- Shut up!
0:05:32 > 0:05:37Derek's home for the week is the 1,500-acre Lachlan Castle Estate
0:05:37 > 0:05:40on the shores of Loch Fyne.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43And there was now no way back.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49The first thing we've got to do in this situation is light a fire.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53To do that, we've got to look to the natural world for the materials.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58So up here is a fungi called a horse's hoof, or the Fomes fomentarius.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- We could use that to help us light fire.- Is there oil in that?
0:06:02 > 0:06:07There's no oil in it, but there's a corky layer just under the cuticle and that tends to hold an ember.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10With this fungi, we could carry fire.
0:06:10 > 0:06:17When you go back home, you could show them how to light fire using sticks and get them to put a bet on it.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19You'll have free drink for a month.
0:06:19 > 0:06:25- They'll not believe me, but I'll try them with it.- Show them how it's done. There you go, Derek.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29That's you got the first part of the bow drill set.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Patrick, we wouldn't cut much firewood at home with that saw.
0:06:34 > 0:06:42- We have a wee Husqvarna chainsaw. - Have you?- Aye. She'd cut it.- You've got all the mod cons?- Oh, aye.
0:06:42 > 0:06:48- We want to get this done or it'll be dark. We'll get hungry then.- We will be hungry, but food comes later.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- Let's sort fire out first.- You couldn't cook food without fire.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54You couldn't whistle without an upper lip.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59- THEY LAUGH - Are you listening to me? - That's very true.- Yeah?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Have you got that string I gave you?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- That stuff there?- That stuff I swapped you for that whisky.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10- What a bargain you got!- Some bargain! Cut there, Patrick? - Yeah, that's fine. Good man.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13This is not a bow and arrow now?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16It's not a bow and arrow, but there's a lot of tension in there.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20If that slips, if that comes out and whacks you in the nose...
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- Right.- You'll know all about it. - What do you do with that now?
0:07:24 > 0:07:29There's another two parts we need to make for it, but that's the basics.
0:07:30 > 0:07:36It's a good practice, if you carry a knife, to carry a first-aid kid on your belt also.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- You know the best thing for washing out a cut?- Salt water?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- That whisky that you stole off me. - Really?- Yeah.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You don't want to cut yourself. That's how you waste it.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51- Do you drink it first?- No, I could lick it out of the cut, but...- Yeah?
0:07:51 > 0:07:55- Did you ever play Cowboys and Indians on the farm?- Very little.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00- What were you? A Cowboy or an Indian? - A Cowboy.- I was always an Indian.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04And I'm still a cowboy. By name and by nature!
0:08:04 > 0:08:09And I'm just adding a little bit of pressure down on that.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12What's happening is the wood is starting to warm up.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16As I increase the speed, it's getting warmer still.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Just nice and easy. Get the feel of it. Does that feel OK?
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- BLEEP- Try and keep it in the middle and don't let it ride up.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Now you're warming it up, it's starting to...
0:08:26 > 0:08:29There's smoke coming now, Patrick.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Yeah, but just keep on going. Concentrate on what you're doing. Build up speed.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- Grip that cord. It's sliding. - It's spinnin'. Clutch is slippin'!
0:08:38 > 0:08:44Take your foot off of that... Gently take your foot off that. Now fan it. Really throw air in there.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47That's lovely, Derek. Absolutely lovely.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Use the stick in the centre there and then just tilt...
0:08:51 > 0:08:54That's it. Move the board away. That's it.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Don't crush it. Just take the board away. Now fan.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Fan.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04A bit more, a bit more.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08You want to grow that coal. That's it, it's looking good, Derek.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15A bit more.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17A bit more.
0:09:17 > 0:09:23Turn round, so you've got the breeze to your back, Derek. Rotate round that way. Just slightly.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26That's good. Up higher and more puff now.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28It's gonnae pop.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Well done! Well done, that man. Fire by friction.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I never believed that could be done.
0:09:34 > 0:09:40If you told me in the pub that could be done, I'd have called you a bollocks. I'm well chuffed.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Now we just want to try and catch this fungi.
0:09:44 > 0:09:51- Patrick, what are we going up here for?- We're going to try and find you a nice area to build a shelter in.
0:09:51 > 0:09:57- Derek, your arse looks big in thae troosers.- If you were in front of me, I'd stick my shoe up your arse.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- Just keep your wind where it is. - You're givin' me guff all day.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Bring that over. Get us another bit and we'll tie it.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09- This has taken long enough. - Wait till I go round this side.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Rome was never built in a day. Don't you start a panic.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15There we go. That's good, Derek.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19Patrick, put your finger on that and it'll be tight.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23The only thing you need to worry about tonight is the giant ticks.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- The giant ticks?- Massive ticks.
0:10:25 > 0:10:31They crawl about the undergrowth waiting for victims like yourself to spend the night in the woods.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36I'll get a sleeping bag and I'll roll up in it and they'll not get into me.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40You'll get one in your head. It'll suck your brains out.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45- It'll not suck my brains out. If you had brains, you wouldn't be here.- You'll be fine then.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49She'll be harpin' at ye to do things at home, you know.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53- Like cut the bread with a saw?- I'll not cut the bread, but mow the lawn
0:10:53 > 0:10:56and maybe wash the dishes or peel the praities.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58That's a woman's duty, is it not?
0:10:58 > 0:11:03It would be a long time before a woman's tongue would wear out, I can assure you.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07The last bit of them to wear out is their tongue.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12- She has a heart of gold.- That's why you married her, eh?- She's stayed over 40 years with me.- Aye?
0:11:12 > 0:11:16- Do you think she's missing you at the moment?- I'd say she is.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I'd say I'll miss her before she misses me.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- Wondering where her wee Derek is, the love of her life?- Aye.
0:11:23 > 0:11:29I've slept under hedges in me time. The wife'll not believe me that I'm going to sleep under that.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I suppose it'll be all right.
0:11:31 > 0:11:37- That's no' bad.- It's not that bad. - That's a good fit. Come on out and we'll get the bed in.
0:11:37 > 0:11:42- One thing about in here - there's plenty of fresh air when you break wind.- There is.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I like the air around my gills anyway.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51With Derek's shelter built, he's now thinking about his dinner.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56Derek, we'll have a look at some plants that we could use as a food source.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00You've got to be really careful with what you pick and what you consume.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05- If you don't know what you're eating, don't eat it.- Don't feed it to me.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10Derek, this is wild garlic. Break a bit off and have a sniff and a little taste.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Smell that.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- There's no smell on that. - Break it. Bruise it.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Aye.- It's very, very strong.
0:12:26 > 0:12:32We could use that in a woodland salad, we could use it with meats, so gather some of this up.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36- It's not that edible, eh, Patrick? - It's like scallions.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- That's not like scallions at home. - Yeah, it's lovely.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44If you get all of this down your neck tonight, I'll no' be sleeping near you.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- Will me arse be on fire? - Your breath will be stinking.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- Here we have the primrose, Derek. - I have acres of them at home.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Well, you've acres of a fine food.
0:12:54 > 0:13:00What will the boys say back home when they know you're picking flowers in the woodland with a man?
0:13:00 > 0:13:06Picking them with a man wouldn't be so bad, but trying to eat them would be the devil.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08You couldn't eat them damn things.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Pick a few more flowers and it'll give a bit of colour to your salad.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- Colour? I want something to eat. - That's what you're getting.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20This is common sorrel and this is a great addition to salads.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Would you like to try a bit of that?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- What's up? - BLEEP- You couldn't eat that!
0:13:32 > 0:13:38- Of course you could. It's got a nice lemony...- It'd poison you! - Derek, you're just a big baby.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43This is called the pignut. They are hard to find. Sometimes you miss them.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- These are grown below a beech tree. - Is that all we got?
0:13:46 > 0:13:50That's all you got, but that's better than nothing at all.
0:13:50 > 0:13:56There's another source of protein that is easily collected and that is the woodlouse and worms.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- I reckon under this log... - You must be joking!
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- I'm perfectly serious. - How do you get them gutted out? - You just eat the whole lot.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10We have an inhibition about insects and things that creep and crawl, but it's protein.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14We might find some under this log here, so we just throw that back...
0:14:14 > 0:14:19There's a big one. That's one for Derek. There's a bit of free protein.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24- Pop it down the hatch. Give it a crunch.- If it went down in one bit, what happens?
0:14:24 > 0:14:29It'd be destroyed by your stomach juices. Go on. What are you waiting for? Christmas?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Before he gets away! Chew it!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Swallow!
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- Gone.- That wisnae that bad. Did you crunch it?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Did you get the flavour of it?
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- It's gone now.- He's stuck to your top lip!- He's not!- Try another one.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51No, one will do now! Oh, yes, one will do!
0:14:51 > 0:14:56- One will not get you fat, Derek. - It'll get me fat enough!- Have that.
0:14:56 > 0:15:02- Pop him down. Give him a crunch... - You know the other one went? - I didn't see that.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Get him down the hatch. Go for it.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Aye, crunch. Chew. Swallow.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- Gone.- It's gone.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Guess what we have here.
0:15:15 > 0:15:21We have some additional protein. This is protein that you can find very easily.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23It's the common earthworm.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- Would you like to try one? - I'm not that stuck for protein.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Just clean it out and we end up with a meat tube.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Is he alive now? - He's dead now, Derek.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41And then we just simply pick him up... No, this is for me.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- No, no...- Derek, Derek. I'm a generous man.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49I'm saving this big one for you. Now observe carefully.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50In.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Well done.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Swallow. Not too bad.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- I'm not gonnae eat- BLEEP - for anybody!- This is not- BLEEP.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- It's a source of protein. Tastes like chicken.- BLEEP!
0:16:11 > 0:16:15That's never been chicken! There's no feathers on him.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Up it comes. On the tongue. Chew and swallow.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36- For goodness' sake, man! Get it down your neck.- Have to taste him first.
0:16:39 > 0:16:44- No! I don't think I'll eat him! - Get him down you!
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Eurgh!
0:16:57 > 0:17:01IS that it down? Do you want another one?
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Why the- BLEEP - would I want more for?!
0:17:08 > 0:17:13You're a clatty dog! That's what you are. A clatty, clatty dog.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28We've got a lovely fire on the go. Are you feeling a bit better?
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- I'm grand, but I tell you I'm hungry.- Are you hungry?- Aye.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- It's a long day.- Let's snack on what we've gathered. Want this pignut?
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- What kind of stuff is that? - The pignut you had to dig for.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- It's not bad, is it? - I've ate worse.- You have.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51- Try some primrose and lime leaves. - Shall we?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53It's just like a nice salad.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Put hairs on your chin, as your mammy would say.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03That's all right, isn't it?
0:18:03 > 0:18:10It's all right when you're hungry, but not every day. You wouldn't want to eat it every day,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12but out here you've no other option.
0:18:12 > 0:18:18- Some of them are tasteless, but the garlic is not too bad.- No.
0:18:18 > 0:18:24- The juice is running out of me. - And tomorrow we'll find foods more suited to your palate, hopefully.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- That fire will not burn round the whole tent?- We'll let this die away.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- When you hit the sack, it'll just be embers.- Would I...
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Would I pass water on that and put it out?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Ya filthy dog!
0:18:41 > 0:18:46- It'll go up in steam. - There's a bloody tree over there! - It'll go up in steam.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- Cock your leg over that tree. - It's time for bed.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Right...
0:18:52 > 0:18:54What...what...?
0:18:54 > 0:18:59I'll cover me head up to keep them... What do you call them?
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Midges? No... What do you call them things?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07The ticks.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I'm grand now.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Good night, lads!
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- Right.- Let's make our way through down to the water.- BLEEP!- Keep low.
0:19:24 > 0:19:30- Hit me at head height.- It'll knock some sense into you!- Have you a Lifebuoy soap?- In my pocket.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- Have you a towel?- I don't. Dry yourself with the bracken.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Right, Derek, just take your time, make your way to the water's edge.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Right.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Use this to give you support.
0:19:45 > 0:19:52- And it will support you if you use it right.- Any holes in there?- Yeah. Holes, rocks, submerged rocks,
0:19:52 > 0:19:56branches. Just slowly, slowly feel your way through.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00You'll feel the current pushing you. Lean in. Face the current.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03And just take your time.
0:20:03 > 0:20:09Prod around. And slowly, slowly... I can feel it pushing me off my feet.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- It's pushing me.- Slowly. Take your time, but catch up with me, Derek.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18You want to get to the other side. And do it now before it's too deep
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- otherwise we'll be swimming across, hanging on to my Bergen.- Your what?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- Your rucksack?- My bag, my bag.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29You're not hanging onto mine where it is at the minute!
0:20:29 > 0:20:33The longer you hang about here, the more hypothermic we'll get!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- How's that? Feeling confident? - Just about now.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I think you're over the worst of it.
0:20:39 > 0:20:44Wait till I tell you, Patrick. My sac is very small at the minute!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Have you no potatoes in the bag?
0:20:47 > 0:20:51It's not my rucksack. It's not my rucksack, either!
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Look at... Look at... Look at my trousers - full of water.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- Any fish in those wellies?- No fish.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02- Oh, Jiminy! My money! I had money in me trousers.- Money?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Mush? Is it mush, Derek?
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Well, look at me money.
0:21:11 > 0:21:17- A farmer giving away his... - That's nae good to you now, Derek. I'll take that off you.
0:21:17 > 0:21:23- You'll no' be able to light a fire now. - We'll dry it. Somehow or another.
0:21:23 > 0:21:30- That's all the bit of money I have between here and heaven. - We'll hang it above the fire.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32How does that sound?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- Which kind of a fish is that? - It's a cockle!
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- There's good eating in that cockle. - Look - it's hard.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46But we're going to cook it and it'll open up.
0:21:46 > 0:21:53- The boy will jump out?- He doesn't jump out, not when he's dead, Derek. Let's have a look for some more.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- How many of them will you want? - You want a good potful.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59See how they bury in like a tick?
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- In it goes.- We'll be a good while filling the pot at this rate.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09And them last night, them ticks, I got two under my oxter.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14- What?- I got two ticks under my oxter. - Your oxter? What's an oxter?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Up here. I got two ticks up here.
0:22:18 > 0:22:23These are winkles. Delicious. Quite easy to collect, not much energy required.
0:22:23 > 0:22:30- And we could use the thorn from the hawthorn to pick them out after we boil them.- You boil them?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32We boil them up, yeah.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I'm just going to shove all these coals over to that side.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44On they go. Oh, it's hot in there.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Now what we can do is just sit here and wait for our food to cook.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Put it in, chew it and savour the flavour.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Chew it.- I'm chewing it.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- Get the flavour. - Like eating a bicycle tube!
0:23:07 > 0:23:13- 5 out of 10?- Three and a half. - Compared to a wood louse?
0:23:13 > 0:23:149 out of 10.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Nine? Oh, we're getting somewhere!
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- Have another.- No. I'm all right. - I'm sharing my last Rolo.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24No, no matter about your last Rolo!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26# Through streets broad and narrow
0:23:26 > 0:23:30# Crying, "Cockles and mussels Alive, alive-o!
0:23:30 > 0:23:35# "Alive, alive-o Alive, alive-o
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# Molly... # What was it?
0:23:37 > 0:23:41# She carried her wheelbarrow Through streets broad and narrow. #
0:23:44 > 0:23:49That's lovely and fresh, Derek. We'll get a nice tea out of that.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52What do you think?
0:23:52 > 0:23:56- I got a fly in that. There was a fly in the lid.- A fly?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Aye, a fly, not a flea.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01It's time for a message home.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Hello, Mother.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'm ready to go here, to bed,
0:24:07 > 0:24:13and I have been hungry. I ate wood lice and worms.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17I thought they'd poisoned me, but I'm still here.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19And I had a disaster today.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23I was crossing the river, looking for shellfish,
0:24:23 > 0:24:29and whatever you eat for protein, and did my money get wet in my pocket.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Now I'm trying to dry it. You know how fond of money I am.
0:24:33 > 0:24:38I don't think we'll lose it, we'll still get the bills paid
0:24:38 > 0:24:44and I'll bring what I have left home with me. Good night, Mother. I'll see you in a couple of days.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48And if I survive this, I'll survive anything.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- Later that night... - Derek, where are you going?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Nature's calling! Like my new luminous toilet roll?
0:24:55 > 0:25:02- I seen it from away up there. - I got it on the internet. Would you give me a wee bit of privacy?- Yeah.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- What about the sphagnum moss? - It's privacy I want!
0:25:13 > 0:25:20It's Derek's last day. Derrylin's very own Robinson Crusoe is learning how to make a raft.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22We're going to create a raft, Derek.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27And that's going to allow us to have a fishing platform.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- It'll look like a big doughnut. - Right.- Right, Derek.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Follow the doughnut shape. Put some kelp in.
0:25:36 > 0:25:42- It's Derek's chance to learn some bushcraft.- Excellent, Derek.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- He's not convinced he'll float his boat.- We'll call this the Titanic.
0:25:46 > 0:25:52The Titanic went down and that's sure to go down, I can assure you.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56This is an exercise in speed. We've got the tide against us
0:25:56 > 0:26:01and, unfortunately, if we don't get this finished in time, we'll get wet.
0:26:01 > 0:26:06- Would you like to get your finger out and join in?- It's been out all day!
0:26:06 > 0:26:11Gently. Don't rip the bottom off it. That's good, Derek. Good.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Ohh...
0:26:14 > 0:26:18- She's not floating, Patrick. - Spin it around, Derek.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21She's floating. There.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Now the proof of the pudding will be in...
0:26:25 > 0:26:28In the eating.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Right, Derek, in you go. I'll hold it steady for you.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Get your balance, Derek. Chop chop.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I'm going to paddle.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46MUSIC: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- Do you know if there's a doctor? - Get rowing!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55She's bubbling now.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Oh! Gently, gently.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Derek...come on.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- It's floating.- Derek...
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- THEY LAUGH See you again, Derek!- Good luck!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33It's not a two-man raft.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37It's not a two-man raft, Derek. I told you that.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39She's gone.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44- Patrick, I told you the Titanic wouldn't stay up.- Well, Derek,
0:27:44 > 0:27:48I've shown you the skills to live off the land.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52It's now up to you. I'll see you in a year.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53Bye!
0:27:53 > 0:27:58I might never see home again, I'm telling you, the craitur.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01I'm marooned. Robinson Crusoe.
0:28:03 > 0:28:10You'll be glad to hear that Derek survived his dream and made a bee-line for the local tea shop.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Hi, there. What can I get for you?
0:28:12 > 0:28:16An Ulster fry as big as you can make it. I deserve it.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18- How many eggs?- I'll take three.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20- And bacon?- Throw in four slices.
0:28:20 > 0:28:26- Anything else?- Fadge, mushrooms and a tomato.- Is that it? - And a big pot of tea!
0:28:26 > 0:28:28OK, I'll get right on it.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35There we go.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37I hope you manage to eat all that.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41That's lovely after the week I've had.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48No!
0:28:48 > 0:28:52- I don't think so... - Get it down you.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53Aaargh!
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk