0:00:08 > 0:00:10Wow.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13I've spent time in many different countries...
0:00:13 > 0:00:15What a place to be!
0:00:15 > 0:00:19..getting to know people from vastly different cultures.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21So do the men sew as well?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Will your husband sew?
0:00:25 > 0:00:27And one thing that's often struck me...
0:00:29 > 0:00:32..is that the roles men and women play in society
0:00:32 > 0:00:35give great insight into their way of life.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39OK.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42And how the everyday roles of women in particular
0:00:42 > 0:00:45reveal a society's values,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48whether they be determined by religion, status...
0:00:50 > 0:00:52..or tradition.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56As a white middle-class woman growing up in Britain,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I know that I'm enormously privileged -
0:00:58 > 0:01:03free to make choices, to state opinions, to be independent.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06But for many of the world's women, perhaps the majority,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09circumstances are very different.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11WOMEN CHANT
0:01:12 > 0:01:17So, in this series, I'm travelling to three very different communities,
0:01:17 > 0:01:19where the roles of women are exceptional,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22complex and even extreme.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27The Kuria tribe in Kenya, where women are caught up
0:01:27 > 0:01:31in the clash between age-old traditions and the modern world.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36How do you go and find a man?
0:01:37 > 0:01:38LAUGHTER
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Hello.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48The intensely private, ultra-orthodox Haredim in Israel,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51who live by strict religious laws.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Now I'm in north-east India...
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- Hello.- Hi, Shitoah. Kate.
0:02:01 > 0:02:06..with the Khasi people and their extraordinary matrilineal system
0:02:06 > 0:02:10that puts women at the forefront of society.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14You're like a very strict headmistress.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Over the last decade, India has been ranked
0:02:19 > 0:02:23as one of the worst countries in the world to be a woman,
0:02:23 > 0:02:28so this is the last place you'd expect to find women in charge.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31So if you need money, do you have to ask Shitoah for that money?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39But can this ancient way of life survive
0:02:39 > 0:02:41as India continues to modernise?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Gosh, that's quite a chink
0:02:43 > 0:02:46in your matrimonial Utopian system, isn't it?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Yes. Not so Utopian.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I'm in the city of Shillong.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11The capital of Meghalaya state in north-east India.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Meghalaya's a beautiful place,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23full of deep gorges and steep forested hills,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25often shrouded in mist.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37India is one of the hardest places to be female.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43Inequality is absolutely ingrained in society.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Domestic violence is rife, child marriage is common,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51arranged marriages, of course, are the norm.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56But in this remote corner of India, the local Khasi people,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59who number around 1.75 million,
0:03:59 > 0:04:02practise a matrilineal way of life,
0:04:02 > 0:04:06where everything, including property and the family name,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08is passed down the female line.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13It's believed that this female-led way of life
0:04:13 > 0:04:17was once practised by 30% of the world's population,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20but now there are just a handful of communities left.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24I want to know how it works in this part of India.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Does a matrilineal system allow women to,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I don't know, choose their own husbands
0:04:30 > 0:04:33or choose how many children to have?
0:04:33 > 0:04:38Erm, does it allow them to have businesses and to be entrepreneurs?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42All the things that I don't connect, rightly or wrongly, with India.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47I want to find a community where this exceptional system
0:04:47 > 0:04:49is working as it always has,
0:04:49 > 0:04:53so I've been told to head up into the hills.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58It's a four-hour drive to my destination -
0:04:58 > 0:05:03a small village literally at the end of the road.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Hello. How are you?
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Very well.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Very nice to meet you.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Kongthong is a settlement of 500 people
0:05:36 > 0:05:38and one of the 12 villages
0:05:38 > 0:05:42that make up the core of Meghalaya's matrilineal system.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57The history of this culture has only survived by oral tradition,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00so pinning down its origins is hard...
0:06:02 > 0:06:06..but it's said it started when Khasi men went off to fight wars.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09They'd be gone for years and many wouldn't return...
0:06:10 > 0:06:13..so the women took over managing the family wealth
0:06:13 > 0:06:17and became responsible for the vital continuity of bloodlines
0:06:17 > 0:06:21by passing on the female family name.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27I'm staying with the Khongsit clan, who've lived here for generations.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Hi.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31And I've been told that a woman called Shitoah
0:06:31 > 0:06:34is the most important family member.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Hello.- Hi, Shitoah.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Kate.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Lovely to meet you.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Thank you very much for letting me come and see you today.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Shitoah is the Khatduh.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53The head of the family.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56So is this all your family here?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00But what's unusual in Khasi society
0:07:00 > 0:07:03is that the Khatduh is also the youngest daughter.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Hello. I'm Kate.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Hi.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10So is this your husband?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Yeah? This is your good man?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Very nice to meet you. Is it Bah Lung?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Bah Lung, nice to meet you.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Shitoah and Bah Lung have been married for 30 years.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25OK, now tell me who everyone else is.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30They have seven children - five girls and two boys.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49And so this is your youngest daughter?
0:07:49 > 0:07:5312-year-old Habashisha is the next generation Khatduh.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58You're the Khatduh. So you're going to be in charge?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02In Khasi society, unlike the rest of India,
0:08:02 > 0:08:06the birth of a daughter is vital to continue the family line
0:08:06 > 0:08:10and it's the youngest daughter who holds this important role,
0:08:10 > 0:08:14as the one most likely to marry last and, therefore,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17most able to take care of her ageing parents.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23So, can you tell me about your family?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46And when your parents died,
0:08:46 > 0:08:50did your brother and sister inherit anything at all
0:08:50 > 0:08:53or did absolutely everything come to you?
0:09:09 > 0:09:14It sounds like that's the best thing to be, to be the youngest daughter.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16But, actually,
0:09:16 > 0:09:21there's a very big responsibility on the shoulders of the Khatduh.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Do you sometimes wish that you hadn't been the youngest daughter?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47And you, down there,
0:09:47 > 0:09:52can you tell me what your duties are
0:09:52 > 0:09:55as this very important member of the family?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22We're camping in the village.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27It's a world away from the hubbub and car horns of modern Shillong
0:10:27 > 0:10:32and already I feel myself relaxing into the pace of life here.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37And you get the feeling that there are these, sort of,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39little pockets of humanity
0:10:39 > 0:10:42that, kind of, exist almost in isolation,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44tucked in these beautiful hills.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48I mean, it's the most staggeringly dramatic landscape.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21This way? Oh, this way. Down here?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Shitoah's asked me to help with the harvest
0:11:25 > 0:11:27from their forest garden down in the valley.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31DOG GROWLS
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Hello.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Most of the villagers here rely on agriculture to make a living,
0:11:37 > 0:11:42harvesting oranges, wild bay and pepper.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45SOMEONE SINGS A SUCCESSION OF NOTES
0:11:47 > 0:11:49SINGING
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I keep...like that...
0:11:53 > 0:11:55SINGING
0:11:56 > 0:12:02Is there a system here for people to communicate with each other?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Do you have a family song,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19so if you're trying to call your daughters,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22will they know it's you?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Will you call this daughter here?
0:12:28 > 0:12:31SHE SINGS
0:12:42 > 0:12:44That's lovely.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47And so for each one of your children,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49do they all have a different song?
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Each one?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Finally, after a three-hour descent,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07we arrive at the wild pepper fields.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Did you find pepper already? Look at that.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Wow, so this is a very important crop for you.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Well done.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Brilliant.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Suddenly, when you get your eye in, it's everywhere.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I haven't heard anything yet from Bah Lung
0:13:50 > 0:13:52about how men fit into this system
0:13:52 > 0:13:56because it's the women who manage all the family's finances
0:13:56 > 0:13:58on a day-to-day basis.
0:13:58 > 0:14:03So if you need money to buy a new machete, or a new pair of shoes,
0:14:03 > 0:14:06do you have to ask Shitoah for that money?
0:14:21 > 0:14:26Does that ever bother you? I mean, you're working as hard as she is.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14One issue that would certainly cause a disagreement
0:15:14 > 0:15:17in most societies is that the children here
0:15:17 > 0:15:20inherit the mother's surname rather than the father's.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23For many men, especially here in India,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26this would surely be a step too far.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13SINGING
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Bah Lung seems not only to accept the Khasi way,
0:16:26 > 0:16:30but actually to be happy that his wife holds the purse strings
0:16:30 > 0:16:34and that it's her name that's passed on to their children.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48There's a real sense of... kind of, identity, I think.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53He's such a deeply respectful man.
0:16:54 > 0:16:59Respectful of his family, respectful of his wife, but more than anything,
0:16:59 > 0:17:02respectful of the culture that he comes from.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05And absolutely...
0:17:06 > 0:17:10..feels that upholding the matrilineal tradition
0:17:10 > 0:17:14is right at the heart of what it means to be Khasi.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19This is the dry season.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23There's nothing dry about it.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41I'm fascinated by the dynamic between men and women here
0:17:41 > 0:17:45and, in a way, it's the men's role that I'm finding the most difficult
0:17:45 > 0:17:47to understand.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49But whereas the husband of the Khatduh
0:17:49 > 0:17:52doesn't seem to have much of a say in family matters,
0:17:52 > 0:17:56there are men in the community who do have influence.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Bah Lung's brother-in-law is Bah Bring,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04one of Kongthong's soothsayers.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Whilst much of India is predominantly Hindu,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15the majority of Khasis have embraced Christianity,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18but they also still practice their own religion -
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Ka Niam Khasi.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Soothsayers claim to read signs contained in eggs
0:18:32 > 0:18:36and animal entrails, and be able to help the sick.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Bah Bring is seeking approval from the Khasi god, U Blei,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45about the appointment of a new village elder.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04I'm slightly disappointed to see no women involved in this practice.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Like tribal councils the world over, there are only men here,
0:19:08 > 0:19:11responsible for the community's administration.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18The soothsayer's wife is Shidiap Shitoah's elder sister.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23When you have these prayers, it's only men.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28I'm surprised by that in a society that values women so much.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Overall, the Khasi system does seem to be harmonious
0:20:01 > 0:20:04in its sharing of duties between men and women.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07OK.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12There are clear roles here based on ancient traditions.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Khasi men still claim responsibility for politics
0:20:16 > 0:20:18and administration,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21but women work alongside them in the fields.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25OK. Yeah.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29And they are in charge of the family finances and property.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32They're the sustaining force of the family lineage
0:20:32 > 0:20:35as guardians of the surname.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I'm ready. I'll race you up the hill!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39LAUGHTER
0:20:39 > 0:20:44It seems, so far, this is a great place to be a woman.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Before I leave Kongthong, Bah Bring, Bah Lung,
0:20:53 > 0:20:57and some of their friends are taking me on a final trek
0:20:57 > 0:20:59down into the valley.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13They're on their way to repair a bridge.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Oh, my goodness.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Look at that.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Wow, what a piece of architecture!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I think that's the most beautiful bridge I've ever seen.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35This is a traditional living root bridge,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39made out of the roots of two rubber trees that have been trained
0:21:39 > 0:21:42over the centuries to grow across river below.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45How safe is it?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Oh, my God!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54It's quite scary.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57My heart's going like the clappers!
0:21:59 > 0:22:03It's like a, sort of, giant basket work up here.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24The bridge once provided a vital trade link to neighbouring villages,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27but today business relies on the many roads
0:22:27 > 0:22:30that have been constructed across these hills.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32What a beautiful thing though.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Amazing.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38As the modern world creeps ever closer,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I'm keen to know what these men think the future holds
0:22:41 > 0:22:43for their unusual way of life.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13It does feel like you're in the presence of a really equal society...
0:24:14 > 0:24:16..and that's so rare.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20So, to me, it feels really precious.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29It doesn't feel like an antiquated, outdated system.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33It feels very current,
0:24:33 > 0:24:35very timely.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42The big unanswered and, at the moment unanswerable question,
0:24:42 > 0:24:46is that although the matrilineal system
0:24:46 > 0:24:51seems absolutely unshakeable and rock-solid,
0:24:51 > 0:24:56now is the time that the first generation of young people
0:24:56 > 0:25:01from this village are going and getting a broader education
0:25:01 > 0:25:07and that, I think, is going to be the thing that will really...
0:25:08 > 0:25:12..potentially, throw out of balance
0:25:12 > 0:25:17this seemingly quite Utopian way of living.
0:25:33 > 0:25:39I'm back in Shillong, 40 miles and a world away from the village.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Shillong was once a British hill station at the time of the Raj.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Today it's a hub for education and is embracing Western culture.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Two-thirds of the population here is Khasi.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55It does feel different from much of India.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Women can hang out with men without stigma,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02they can enjoy social mobility as there's no caste system,
0:26:02 > 0:26:06and there's no system of dowry or arranged marriage.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12This is Iewduh market
0:26:12 > 0:26:16and here it's the women who run most of the stalls.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20From owning small shops to large businesses,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23from teaching to being a doctor,
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Khasi culture allows women to aspire to pursue careers.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38I've been told there's a woman here, a Khatduh,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41who's fulfilling a role most people would assume
0:26:41 > 0:26:44is very much a man's job.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51D Marngar is a police inspector.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Flying, flying, Romeo-One.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20The inspector's in charge of one of the largest
0:27:20 > 0:27:22of Shillong's seven traffic districts...
0:27:24 > 0:27:26..and she's taking me out on patrol.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39You're like a very strict headmistress.
0:27:43 > 0:27:48To become the head of this department...
0:27:49 > 0:27:51..as a woman, did you...
0:27:51 > 0:27:57do you think you had to work harder than your male counterparts
0:27:57 > 0:28:01to prove that you were capable of the job?
0:28:29 > 0:28:33As dusk falls and rush hour arrives...
0:28:37 > 0:28:39..the traffic gets even busier.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44CARS TOOT THEIR HORNS
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Like many Khasi women,
0:29:41 > 0:29:43the inspector balances her career
0:29:43 > 0:29:46with her responsibilities as a Khatduh
0:29:46 > 0:29:48and as a mother.
0:30:08 > 0:30:12Did you have support from your husband, your family?
0:30:12 > 0:30:14Did they help you look after the children?
0:30:23 > 0:30:25What do you mean by that?
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Sorry.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28Despite the abuse, the inspector stayed with her husband
0:31:28 > 0:31:30and had two more children.
0:31:56 > 0:32:01Do you think your husband was somehow jealous
0:32:01 > 0:32:07that you were doing well in your professional life
0:32:07 > 0:32:10and also, because, as you say, you are the Khatduh,
0:32:10 > 0:32:14you were the person who owned the property?
0:32:43 > 0:32:46Finally, the inspector did divorce her husband.
0:32:46 > 0:32:50We tried to contact him to get his side of the story,
0:32:50 > 0:32:52but were unable to track him down.
0:32:53 > 0:32:54Do you or your children
0:32:54 > 0:32:57have any contact with your husband at all any more?
0:33:05 > 0:33:09India has been cited as one of the most dangerous countries
0:33:09 > 0:33:13to be a woman and domestic abuse is widespread.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15But at least here in Meghalaya,
0:33:15 > 0:33:21women like the inspector can stand up to their abusers and can divorce,
0:33:21 > 0:33:25which would be unthinkable for many women in the rest of India.
0:33:25 > 0:33:26The inspector is...
0:33:26 > 0:33:29She's a remarkable woman.
0:33:33 > 0:33:37To come out of that situation intact,
0:33:37 > 0:33:42and not just intact but a woman with an extraordinary career...
0:33:44 > 0:33:46..that's pretty astounding.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53And seeing her out here, I mean...
0:33:53 > 0:33:56I don't know what constitutes a traffic violation in Shillong -
0:33:56 > 0:33:59everything looks like a traffic violation to me.
0:34:01 > 0:34:06But she fiercely marches into the traffic like Boadicea...
0:34:07 > 0:34:09..and sorts everybody out.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20Although the inspector's story is shocking,
0:34:20 > 0:34:25her education, job and independent wealth have allowed her to recover
0:34:25 > 0:34:27and bring up her family.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31But what happens to Khasi women who haven't been educated
0:34:31 > 0:34:35or who don't have family wealth behind them?
0:34:38 > 0:34:42The inspector told me there are many single mothers in Shillong
0:34:42 > 0:34:46and, just like in the rest of India, in Meghalaya state,
0:34:46 > 0:34:48despite the matrilineal system,
0:34:48 > 0:34:51there's been a rise in crimes against women.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58So I'm meeting Dala Nongpiur,
0:34:58 > 0:35:01a Khatduh, a mother and a career woman,
0:35:01 > 0:35:03who's going to help me understand
0:35:03 > 0:35:05what's causing this growing problem.
0:35:06 > 0:35:10You know, like, for a man to leave his wife and children,
0:35:10 > 0:35:12go on to another woman, have children,
0:35:12 > 0:35:15then maybe move on to a third woman - that happens as well.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19There is definitely a very high number of single mothers here.
0:35:21 > 0:35:26It's more common for Khasi couples to cohabit rather than marry,
0:35:26 > 0:35:30so it's all too easy for the men just to walk away
0:35:30 > 0:35:33with no sense of responsibility for the children
0:35:33 > 0:35:36who bear their mother's family name.
0:35:37 > 0:35:41But is there no law or system
0:35:41 > 0:35:46to make those men pay some sort of support
0:35:46 > 0:35:48for their children?
0:35:48 > 0:35:51This is where it gets a little complicated.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Because of the matrilineal system, the children belong to the mother -
0:35:54 > 0:35:58- to the mother's family.- They take the mother's name, don't they?
0:35:58 > 0:35:59They take mother's name.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03And so some men have claimed that we don't have a right
0:36:03 > 0:36:05even to our own children,
0:36:05 > 0:36:08and so they kind of feel free to just leave them.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10And there is a law, of course,
0:36:10 > 0:36:13that a man has to pay a certain amount of maintenance,
0:36:13 > 0:36:17but a lot of women do not claim that.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Presumably, if they're educated,
0:36:20 > 0:36:24and they can have good jobs, like the inspector,
0:36:24 > 0:36:26it's not necessarily a problem.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29There's no stigma to being a single mother, is there?
0:36:29 > 0:36:32There is no stigma, but not all women are educated,
0:36:32 > 0:36:35not all women are well-off enough,
0:36:35 > 0:36:38and a lot of them feel a certain amount of shame
0:36:38 > 0:36:41in asking from the father
0:36:41 > 0:36:45to actually go to a man who has abandoned you
0:36:45 > 0:36:49and ask for money from him. To some of them, it amounts to begging.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51A lot of them would...
0:36:52 > 0:36:55..go as domestic help. That is one thing, you know?
0:36:55 > 0:36:57They go to wash clothes, clean up the house
0:36:57 > 0:37:00for the other more well-to-do families.
0:37:00 > 0:37:06And I also know of girls who have entered sex work
0:37:06 > 0:37:09as an option to feed their families.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Gosh, that's quite a chink
0:37:11 > 0:37:13in your matrilineal Utopian system, isn't it?
0:37:13 > 0:37:15Yes. Not so Utopian.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Yeah.
0:37:18 > 0:37:19Wow.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23So, we go down there.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Dala's taking me to meet a group of single mothers
0:37:27 > 0:37:30who've had to resort to sex work to survive.
0:37:30 > 0:37:31Go ahead. Go ahead.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34- Stop?- Yeah. No, no, no. Just 20 metres before them.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40Stop.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50According to a charity that works with these women in Shillong,
0:37:50 > 0:37:53of the 408 active sex workers here,
0:37:53 > 0:37:57320 are single mothers.
0:37:57 > 0:38:02Why did you end up working as a prostitute?
0:38:03 > 0:38:06I'm the youngest of six. I'm the Khatduh.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08My father passed away.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13They've asked to be kept anonymous and we've changed their voices.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16And then my mother got ill,
0:38:16 > 0:38:19so I had to drop out of school and return home.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23But then my husband left me when I was pregnant.
0:38:24 > 0:38:29Do you think that there's anything about...
0:38:30 > 0:38:34..Khasi society, perhaps the matrilineal system,
0:38:34 > 0:38:37that makes men feel
0:38:37 > 0:38:41that they are allowed to just walk away
0:38:41 > 0:38:43from their responsibilities?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46It's the men who are at fault in most of these cases.
0:38:46 > 0:38:50If they actually took proper care of us, we wouldn't have to do this.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53I did other jobs, like making street food,
0:38:53 > 0:38:56working until one o'clock in the morning,
0:38:56 > 0:38:58but then I had to get up at six in the morning
0:38:58 > 0:39:00to get my child ready for school.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03But it was just too exhausting.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05I can't get a proper job.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07This is my only option.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11You're all Khasi women.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13You come from a very...
0:39:13 > 0:39:17erm, ancient...tradition.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Would any of you like to see it change?
0:39:21 > 0:39:24I think things need to change.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Let the men bear more responsibility.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31Maybe the children can take their father's surname.
0:39:31 > 0:39:35If they had his surname, I think he'd be around a lot more.
0:39:37 > 0:39:42It is the husband's duty to support the family, even if he leaves.
0:39:43 > 0:39:48Men come and live with us, but when they see we are not well-off...
0:39:49 > 0:39:53..they feel they have more freedom to walk all over us.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08These are tragic stories
0:40:08 > 0:40:11and, to be honest, not what I expected
0:40:11 > 0:40:14from what I thought was such an equal society.
0:40:14 > 0:40:18But it seems that the system here is disenfranchising men
0:40:18 > 0:40:22and that's having a serious impact on both sexes.
0:40:23 > 0:40:27The problem with the Khasi society, where the women are right up there
0:40:27 > 0:40:29and the men are way down,
0:40:29 > 0:40:33this little gap is increasing day by day...
0:40:34 > 0:40:37..and it scares the wits out of us.
0:40:38 > 0:40:42Keith Parriott set up a men's campaign group in 1990.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45It has a membership of 4,000
0:40:45 > 0:40:49and has often been compared to a male suffragette movement.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54The custom has given everything to the women.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58They've given property to the women,
0:40:58 > 0:41:00they've given the title of the children to the women.
0:41:00 > 0:41:05Are you saying that because Khasi society
0:41:05 > 0:41:07has this matrilineal system,
0:41:07 > 0:41:13men are feeling increasingly inferior to women?
0:41:13 > 0:41:17Khasi men feel absolutely unwanted.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20They feel absolutely useless in society.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23We do feel inadequate...
0:41:23 > 0:41:24Right.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27..when we compare ourselves to the women.
0:41:27 > 0:41:31There are males dropping out from school - males students.
0:41:31 > 0:41:34There are males who are into drugs and alcohol.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38Males who have no responsibility on their shoulders.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41What's wrong with Khasi men? Don't they need to just grow a backbone?
0:41:41 > 0:41:44Well, I would say yes,
0:41:44 > 0:41:47but the system has...
0:41:47 > 0:41:50been bearing down on them for so long
0:41:50 > 0:41:52that they've lost their backbone.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56I would ideally...
0:41:56 > 0:42:00love a system that gives importance to both men and women.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02- Right.- OK?
0:42:02 > 0:42:05I would attempt to bring a change.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08It's not that we hate women,
0:42:08 > 0:42:11it's not that we want to be ahead of them,
0:42:11 > 0:42:14it's not that we want to be the leaders and they the followers, no.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18We want to pick the men up from the gutter, where they are,
0:42:18 > 0:42:20so that they become more respectable as people.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Unlike up in the villages,
0:42:28 > 0:42:32so many relationships here in Shillong seem to be fracturing.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Clearly, men are struggling,
0:42:34 > 0:42:38but is it really the Khasi tradition that's at fault?
0:42:45 > 0:42:51Khraw was happily married to a Khatduh for 14 years,
0:42:51 > 0:42:54but recently things have started to go wrong for him,
0:42:54 > 0:42:57his wife and their four children.
0:43:32 > 0:43:37Khraw's wife had to fulfil her duties as the youngest daughter
0:43:37 > 0:43:41and move away from Shillong, back to her family home.
0:43:42 > 0:43:46So, effectively, your wife...
0:43:47 > 0:43:53..because she's the Khatduh, was forced to make a decision.
0:43:54 > 0:43:58She had to choose either her duty as a Khatduh...
0:43:59 > 0:44:04..or to abandon that duty...
0:44:05 > 0:44:08..and keep her marriage alive?
0:44:09 > 0:44:11But she wasn't able to do both?
0:44:33 > 0:44:36It took Khraw many years to get his job as a porter
0:44:36 > 0:44:39in one of Shillong's busiest hospitals.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44A state job like this, although not well paid,
0:44:44 > 0:44:46gives him a sense of pride.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50But as a Khasi man,
0:44:50 > 0:44:55you presumably knew that by marrying a Khatduh,
0:44:55 > 0:44:59this situation was probably going to arise at some point.
0:45:41 > 0:45:42KNOCK ON DOOR
0:45:45 > 0:45:48And then, an unexpected guest arrives.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54So his wife has come with one of the kids?
0:46:00 > 0:46:02Hello, there.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Hello. Lovely to meet you.
0:46:05 > 0:46:11It would be really interesting to have your point of view as well
0:46:11 > 0:46:13but, obviously, only if you had time,
0:46:13 > 0:46:15and you were happy to talk to me.
0:46:24 > 0:46:27Do you feel that,
0:46:27 > 0:46:29as the Khatduh...
0:46:31 > 0:46:33..you were put in...
0:46:34 > 0:46:37..almost an unfair situation?
0:46:57 > 0:47:01So when Khraw made his decision
0:47:01 > 0:47:03to stay in Shillong
0:47:03 > 0:47:08and not come and live with you in your mother's house...
0:47:09 > 0:47:13..what did you think? Did you understand his decision?
0:47:33 > 0:47:35Do you think he has...
0:47:36 > 0:47:38..let you down?
0:48:14 > 0:48:17And would you like to be together with Khraw?
0:48:27 > 0:48:29I'm going to let you have a moment.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52The story of Khraw and Ritilang
0:48:52 > 0:48:55seems to be at the heart of the problem here,
0:48:55 > 0:48:59when relationships break down because of the clash between
0:48:59 > 0:49:03the duty of tradition and the pressure of the modern way of life.
0:49:05 > 0:49:08You know, this is a time of transition.
0:49:08 > 0:49:12Erm, people are beginning to see that, perhaps,
0:49:12 > 0:49:15the old ways don't work quite so well...
0:49:15 > 0:49:21in this modern era, particularly, perhaps, in urban areas.
0:49:23 > 0:49:27I'd hate to see the matrilineal system swept away
0:49:27 > 0:49:31just because in the modern world it can't be made to work for men.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40It's my last day in Shillong
0:49:40 > 0:49:44and I've been invited to dinner at the inspector's home
0:49:44 > 0:49:46to meet her eldest son, David,
0:49:46 > 0:49:49and the youngest daughter, Rosabelle -
0:49:49 > 0:49:51the family's next Khatduh.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57At last I get to meet you. Hello. I'm Kate.
0:49:57 > 0:50:00She's in the middle of her final exams at university.
0:50:00 > 0:50:02I've come to help chop.
0:50:02 > 0:50:05Her ambition is to become a judge.
0:50:05 > 0:50:08- Here are the onions. - Here are the onions, OK.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11You see, this is already surprisingly me -
0:50:11 > 0:50:14that David is the one that's in charge of the cooking.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16Is this always true?
0:50:16 > 0:50:18Yes, yes, it's true. Don't...
0:50:18 > 0:50:21If he's saying it's true, I have to agree with him.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24- Don't hesitate.- Yes, it's true.
0:50:24 > 0:50:27As a member of the new generation that's been educated
0:50:27 > 0:50:30and brought up in a modern city,
0:50:30 > 0:50:32it's great to get Rosabelle's perspective
0:50:32 > 0:50:36on what she sees as the future of Khasi life.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41How much do you think your ambitions
0:50:41 > 0:50:45are connected to the fact that
0:50:45 > 0:50:48not only do you have an extraordinary mother
0:50:48 > 0:50:51and you've been very lucky to have an education,
0:50:51 > 0:50:54but also that you come from the Khasi tradition?
0:50:54 > 0:50:58I don't think if I was born in some other part of India
0:50:58 > 0:51:01I would even have the courage of aiming so high
0:51:01 > 0:51:04and I don't even think I would have the courage
0:51:04 > 0:51:07of expecting people to respect my ambitions,
0:51:07 > 0:51:10because men respect women in a matrilineal society,
0:51:10 > 0:51:12unlike in other parts.
0:51:12 > 0:51:17But, do they, though? I've had really mixed experiences.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19You know, I've seen both sides.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22- I mean, your mum's story... - Sorry, I have to interrupt.
0:51:22 > 0:51:25- That's enough, Kate. - That's enough? OK.
0:51:25 > 0:51:29It doesn't make you immune from some of the awful things
0:51:29 > 0:51:30that can happen.
0:51:30 > 0:51:35And equally, I've heard from, you know, from some men,
0:51:35 > 0:51:39that they feel somehow that they don't have a role.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41And in a funny sort of way,
0:51:41 > 0:51:45they would say that's why they're more disrespectful to women.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48If we don't make it flexible,
0:51:48 > 0:51:51if we don't let people know that there are rooms for improvement
0:51:51 > 0:51:54and there is scope for change,
0:51:54 > 0:51:59the Khasi tradition will face the crisis of passing into oblivion,
0:51:59 > 0:52:03the threat of being substituted by a patrilineal society,
0:52:03 > 0:52:05so making it flexible is very important.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07She's right.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09I agree with what she said.
0:52:09 > 0:52:14It doesn't need to be a patrilineal society to take up responsibility.
0:52:15 > 0:52:20Once you are a father, you have a responsibility over...
0:52:21 > 0:52:24For your children, for your wife, for your family...
0:52:24 > 0:52:26for everybody.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28And what improvements would you make?
0:52:28 > 0:52:32How do you think the system could be adapted...
0:52:32 > 0:52:35to make it work...
0:52:35 > 0:52:39in a more sophisticated urban environment like Shillong?
0:52:39 > 0:52:43In order to avoid friction and to make men, the male children,
0:52:43 > 0:52:46feel that they have an equal status in society,
0:52:46 > 0:52:50the parents would distribute their property maybe equally,
0:52:50 > 0:52:53or not give everything to just one person,
0:52:53 > 0:52:55but give everybody equal share.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59While the family agrees it's important to adapt the system
0:52:59 > 0:53:02and share the wealth amongst the children,
0:53:02 > 0:53:04Rosabelle's still adamant
0:53:04 > 0:53:08that they should hold on to one key aspect of it.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11I don't think the children should take the surname of their fathers
0:53:11 > 0:53:14because, in that way, if...
0:53:14 > 0:53:16this whole system will be converted to...
0:53:16 > 0:53:20If you do away with it and just bring in the patrilineal system,
0:53:20 > 0:53:25then there the crisis will emerge where the matrilineal society
0:53:25 > 0:53:26will pass into oblivion.
0:53:26 > 0:53:30What makes us different from all the people
0:53:30 > 0:53:32in the entire country,
0:53:32 > 0:53:34what makes the north-eastern part different
0:53:34 > 0:53:37is the very fact that we have the matrilineal society
0:53:37 > 0:53:39and I'm very, very proud of that.
0:53:39 > 0:53:43I don't think we should, you know, change the passing of surname,
0:53:43 > 0:53:46but just adjustments when it comes to inheritance of property.
0:53:48 > 0:53:50- It's done.- It's done?- Yes.
0:53:50 > 0:53:55It's a really clean, lovely smell.
0:53:55 > 0:53:59You get the smell of the pepper, you get the smell of the ginger,
0:53:59 > 0:54:01you get the smell of the chilli.
0:54:02 > 0:54:05You can smell all those lovely individual flavours.
0:54:07 > 0:54:10OK, I'm going to sit down and prepare myself.
0:54:10 > 0:54:12- Careful. It's hot.- Thank you.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14- So, the moment of truth. - The moment of truth!
0:54:19 > 0:54:21That's delicious.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24- That's really... - She's just being nice!
0:54:24 > 0:54:25Honestly.
0:54:25 > 0:54:27No, I don't doubt his cooking.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30- Did your mother teach you this dish? - Yes.
0:54:30 > 0:54:33That's another thing you've done, inspector. How do you do it?!
0:54:33 > 0:54:36You control all the traffic in Shillong,
0:54:36 > 0:54:40you have the most amazing children and you teach them to cook!
0:54:42 > 0:54:44Oh, it's lovely.
0:54:52 > 0:54:54That is so good and it's spicy!
0:54:55 > 0:54:59- But lovely spicy, isn't it? It's a really clean...- It's really good.
0:55:00 > 0:55:03- I should start learning. - I think you should start learning.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05LAUGHTER
0:55:19 > 0:55:21Over my time here,
0:55:21 > 0:55:25equality is a word that's come back again and again.
0:55:25 > 0:55:29Yes, there are problems here, like in most societies,
0:55:29 > 0:55:33and the pressures of tradition and duty weigh heavy at times.
0:55:33 > 0:55:38But despite those very real issues, it does feel that overall
0:55:38 > 0:55:42this is a fairer place for both men and women.
0:55:43 > 0:55:47They are a very, kind of, forward-thinking people
0:55:47 > 0:55:52and everybody, from Bah Lung and Shitoah in the village,
0:55:52 > 0:55:56through to the extraordinary Rosabelle,
0:55:56 > 0:55:58the inspector's younger daughter,
0:55:58 > 0:56:02they all understand that, you know, things are changing
0:56:02 > 0:56:07and the matrilineal system is going to need to change too.
0:56:09 > 0:56:13It doesn't mean that the women here are immune
0:56:13 > 0:56:18from abandonment by husbands or immune from domestic abuse,
0:56:18 > 0:56:22or indeed any of the things that can be inflicted on women
0:56:22 > 0:56:24anywhere else in the world,
0:56:24 > 0:56:29but it does mean that they have a sense of self assurance
0:56:29 > 0:56:31and confidence.
0:56:31 > 0:56:35And when you come to a country where that is quite unusual,
0:56:35 > 0:56:37you realise that...
0:56:37 > 0:56:40that is a very positive thing.
0:56:40 > 0:56:43So maybe we should look at this place,
0:56:43 > 0:56:47one of the last remaining matrilineal societies in the world,
0:56:47 > 0:56:49and learn from it
0:56:49 > 0:56:53about what can happen when you give women independence
0:56:53 > 0:56:57and instil in them a strong sense of worth.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00When you have empowered women,
0:57:00 > 0:57:03you have a society that feels a lot fairer,
0:57:03 > 0:57:06that feels like it works better,
0:57:06 > 0:57:10and surely, surely, that can only be a good thing?