0:00:02 > 0:00:05For many people, moving into a long-term relationship
0:00:05 > 0:00:08marks a massive change in their sexual lives.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I didn't really want to have a proper, serious boyfriend.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Yeah, I was fighting with it for ages, really.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17This is a film about what happens to our bodies and brains
0:00:17 > 0:00:19as we journey into long-term love.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21I'm doing something I shouldn't,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24but it's OK, I'm getting away with it.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25It gives me a thrill.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28With access to cutting-edge science and computer graphics,
0:00:28 > 0:00:33we explore the sexual challenges we face as we get older.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Totally feel like a failure, as if you're not a man, basically,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40you're a wimp, you can't perform.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44And we follow couples as they experience
0:00:44 > 0:00:47the miracle sex can bring for the first time.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Better than any drug I've ever took before, I'll tell you that.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Unbelievable stuff.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57It can be a roller coaster of emotions...
0:00:57 > 0:01:00To think we would give anything to have a baby
0:01:00 > 0:01:03and we've got so many obstacles.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06..and can change our lives when we least expect it.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09I don't know if I am ready for children yet,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12and I feel maybe a bit under pressure now.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17Through the highs and lows, this is the inside story of how sex works.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19It's beautiful.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23I think that's the best way to describe it, it's just beautiful.
0:01:25 > 0:01:34This programme contains adult themes and frank portrayals
0:01:37 > 0:01:40In Portsmouth, 28-year-old Carl and 27-year-old April
0:01:40 > 0:01:43met while working at the same insurance company.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Get off!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47They've been together almost two years
0:01:47 > 0:01:51and are expecting their first baby in just a few weeks.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53I used to see her across the office,
0:01:53 > 0:01:57trying to pluck up the courage to ask her out.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I said to the girl sitting next to me,
0:01:59 > 0:02:04"That loud Irish guy across the room's just asked me out on a date."
0:02:04 > 0:02:08And I was like, "I'm going to pretend I haven't heard it!"
0:02:08 > 0:02:10We'd sort of walk to work together.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13It was a really good friendship, almost,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16that turned into a full-on relationship.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24I didn't really want to have a proper, serious boyfriend
0:02:24 > 0:02:27and, yeah, I was kind of fighting with it for ages, really.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Being in a couple has been a big change for Carl, as well.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37I used to always think that life was all about live for the weekends.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I used to go out doing the things that a young person would do,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43and I would just take it to the extreme,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46there'd be a line and I would always cross that line.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51I've done everything that a person needs to do, know what I mean?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I've travelled, I've had the good experiences and the bad.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I've kind of been to the gutter and back
0:02:57 > 0:03:00and I'm ready to settle down, you know?
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Like most couples in the first throes of a relationship,
0:03:04 > 0:03:08sex for Carl and April became very important.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11When it started off it wasn't as if we were mad at it,
0:03:11 > 0:03:15but when we realised how much we actually felt for each other...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Put it this way, we made up for lost time.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- We had a good Valentine's Day, didn't we?- Yeah!
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Yeah, I'm sure it was a record there somewhere.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32First sex in a new relationship can be an intoxicating experience
0:03:32 > 0:03:34as the brain fires off hormones
0:03:34 > 0:03:37that can trigger feelings of euphoria and excitement.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41But as a relationship develops and lovers become more committed,
0:03:41 > 0:03:45other chemicals start to take on a more prominent role during sex.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49As couples in long-term love have sex,
0:03:49 > 0:03:55their brains release the hormone oxytocin into the bloodstream.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00This hormone promotes feelings of affection, contentment and attachment.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05And the more sex couples have, the stronger these bonds can become.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10In regards to intense love and all that,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I think it's had different stages.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16It's been intense and it's settled down, you know,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19then I think both of us have realised that
0:04:19 > 0:04:21we've kinda got really comfortable.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I wouldn't want it any other way.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Who knows, maybe marriage is around the corner.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28But don't tell April that!
0:04:28 > 0:04:29HE LAUGHS
0:04:32 > 0:04:36The average age for getting married is nearly 30 for women
0:04:36 > 0:04:38and just over 32 for men.
0:04:38 > 0:04:4233-year-old Julie is a health professional,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45but she's in no hurry to find a partner.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Well, I've been single for 18 months now,
0:04:47 > 0:04:52and in my circle of friends, a lot of them are in relationships
0:04:52 > 0:04:55or they're married and settled down.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56I do like being single.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00I do like the freedom I have to do what I want, when I want.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05I have had a few dates, um, some have gone well, some haven't.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08My friends want me to go on internet dating -
0:05:08 > 0:05:09I'm not too sure about that.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12So, I haven't met the right one yet,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14which is fine, I know a lot of people haven't,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18but I'm not settling for second best, absolutely no way.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Although happy in her situation, Julie's aware single women
0:05:22 > 0:05:28can be under pressure to choose between their career and settling down.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32I think it's hard for women to have everything in life,
0:05:32 > 0:05:37your career, your children and being able to maintain a marriage,
0:05:37 > 0:05:43and that's why some people are referred to as superwomen who can do everything.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48Back in the '50's, people were settling down in their mid-20s.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51But, in 1961, the contraceptive pill was introduced,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55marking the start of the sexual revolution for women.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58The pill gave women an easy and reliable method
0:05:58 > 0:06:00to control when they had babies,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03and many delayed motherhood to pursue their careers.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Over the last 20 years, the number of women
0:06:06 > 0:06:09having their first child over 40 has tripled.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Tonight, Julie's off out with the girls.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- Hello!- Hiya!- How are you?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21You look lovely, you all right?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25All right, what was it for drinks, girls?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Julie's best mate, Hayley, is 42 and is expecting her first child.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35In medicine she's classified as a geriatric mother,
0:06:35 > 0:06:38ie, old mother, which is what they say.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41But that's fine because I also want to be a geriatric mother.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45There's nothing wrong with being a geriatric mother.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I do pregnancy yoga, and I go round the room and think,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50"She's about my age, she's older than me..."
0:06:50 > 0:06:53You go round and do this number game in your head.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57'I think at the moment my career is more important than having children,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00'meeting 'the one', if there is 'the one'.'
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Ideally I would like to have the family unit, of course,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05but if it didn't turn out to be that way
0:07:05 > 0:07:07then I might look at other options.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Deciding when to settle down can be a complex decision,
0:07:13 > 0:07:15but even when we take the plunge,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18sex doesn't necessarily become more straightforward.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Alan is a 35-year-old taxi driver from Glasgow
0:07:22 > 0:07:24who got married in 2004.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30When I was with my wife the first few years I'd a great sex life,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33fathered two children, I've got two beautiful kids.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38After my kids were born, that's when it went kind of pear-shaped.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Basically, halfway through sex I could feel myself,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44my penis basically getting softer and softer
0:07:44 > 0:07:47until such time as it was no use.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52While many men occasionally have problems getting an erection
0:07:52 > 0:07:55after drinking or taking drugs, it's estimated 10% of men under 35
0:07:55 > 0:07:59suffer from a medical condition called erectile dysfunction.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01This means they're regularly unable
0:08:01 > 0:08:04to get or maintain an erection during sex.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12Psychologically, it knocks your confidence very badly.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16It's a lot of emotions, a lot of feelings inside,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18that, "I'm a man here and I can't perform,
0:08:18 > 0:08:22"I've got this thing hanging here and it just doesn't work."
0:08:23 > 0:08:28There are many reasons why men have problems getting an erection.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30For some, the cause can be physical
0:08:30 > 0:08:34as the narrowing of arteries impedes blood flow into the penis.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41But for 90% of young men, psychological factors are to blame.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Hormones generated by stress and anxiety
0:08:45 > 0:08:50override the chemical signals produced to trigger an erection.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53This diminishes the rush of blood into the penis,
0:08:53 > 0:08:56preventing an erection.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Whatever the cause,
0:08:57 > 0:09:01erectile dysfunction can have a huge impact on a man's life.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05You feel like a failure, totally feel like a failure,
0:09:05 > 0:09:11as if you're not a man, basically, you're a wimp, you can't perform.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14It got to the stage where I didn't want to have sex,
0:09:14 > 0:09:15I didn't want to do it.
0:09:15 > 0:09:20Alan's doctor prescribed Viagra to treat his problem.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27The accidental discovery of Viagra in 1997
0:09:27 > 0:09:30transformed the sex lives of many men.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Scientists were testing a new drug for heart disease
0:09:33 > 0:09:38when patients started to experience some interesting side effects -
0:09:38 > 0:09:41they were all having erections.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Researchers discovered it relaxed blood vessels entering the penis,
0:09:45 > 0:09:49allowing more blood to flow in, producing an erection.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52There are now other pills on the market that can cure impotence,
0:09:52 > 0:09:56and they've been prescribed to more than 35 million men worldwide.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Although Viagra enabled Alan to get an erection,
0:09:59 > 0:10:04he did not see this as a long-term solution to his problem.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I sat down and had a reality check and said,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10"Do I really want to take pills for the rest of my life?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14"Having to rely on a tablet to get an erection?"
0:10:14 > 0:10:16The answer was no.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19In the meantime I'd done some research on the internet
0:10:19 > 0:10:22about erectile dysfunction and how it can be cured
0:10:22 > 0:10:27and that's when it came to light about the hydraulic pump that was available.
0:10:27 > 0:10:32Alan underwent surgery to have a penile implant put in.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Silicon rods inserted in the tissues of his penis are attached
0:10:36 > 0:10:38to a small pump inside his scrotum.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Before sex, Alan manually squeezes the pump which causes fluids
0:10:43 > 0:10:46stored in a small sac to fill the rods inside his penis.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53As the fluid builds up, it causes an erection.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58To return his penis to a flaccid state Alan releases a valve
0:10:58 > 0:11:01which sends the fluid back into the small sac.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Having the pump fitted changed my life dramatically,
0:11:06 > 0:11:10knowing you've the erection you want, the erection you need,
0:11:10 > 0:11:14knowing you're not going to fail during sex,
0:11:14 > 0:11:16because I actually inflate and deflate it,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19so I can have an erection for five minutes or five hours.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21It's however long I want it.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Although no longer with his wife, Alan's implant allows him
0:11:25 > 0:11:28to once again enjoy a full and satisfying sex life.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31You still get excited inside, you get tingly inside,
0:11:31 > 0:11:35your hormones do overtime, but now I've got the pump fitted
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and I can have sex whenever I want - it's like sex on tap, basically,
0:11:38 > 0:11:40a few pumps and you're ready to go!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49In Portsmouth, Carl and April's relationship
0:11:49 > 0:11:52is about to be transformed with the arrival of their baby.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Feels good to be out, doesn't it?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Yeah, feels like ages.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00It's just the fact that in the next couple of weeks
0:12:00 > 0:12:02there's going to be a little kid in my arms.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06It's just unbelievable, so it is.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10By starting a family, Carl and April's sexual lives
0:12:10 > 0:12:13have arrived at the ultimate purpose for sex - reproduction.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19And although couples having babies is commonplace,
0:12:19 > 0:12:23the actual journey to conception is more perilous than we might think.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27At the climax of sex, the man ejaculates
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and millions of sperm flood into the vagina.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35But this is an acid environment and most are killed instantly.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Only 10,000 or so make it through the cervix,
0:12:38 > 0:12:42and here they come under attack from the woman's immune system.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Around 1,000 make it to the safety of the fallopian tubes.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Here they can survive in a woman's body for a few days.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Each month, an egg is released from the woman's ovaries
0:12:59 > 0:13:03and sends out a chemical signal to attract the remaining sperm towards it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Of the millions that began this journey,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08only about ten will find the egg.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17But just one will eventually fertilise it and a new life begins.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23The baby moves quite a lot.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27I get a few little kicks or even hiccups, actually.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Sometimes I've put like a remote control or something on there
0:13:31 > 0:13:35just to see how much, and the baby's kicked it off before.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37It's stopped now.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40The success of any conception
0:13:40 > 0:13:44relies partly on the quality of a man's sperm.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50At the University of Birmingham, Jackson Kirkman-Brown
0:13:50 > 0:13:53has recruited five students to take part in an ongoing study
0:13:53 > 0:13:57to try and better understand what qualities make a good sperm.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02What we are going to do today is have a look at your individual
0:14:02 > 0:14:05semen samples and then do a little race.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09So the idea of the race is it mimics what sperm have to do
0:14:09 > 0:14:11inside the female tract.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14We are going to look at the qualities they have to have
0:14:14 > 0:14:18to get from the vagina to the egg and be able to fertilise it.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23Some studies suggest that over the years the quantity
0:14:23 > 0:14:25and quality of men's sperm has been on the decline.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Probably the most important thing,
0:14:28 > 0:14:33if you're a sperm and you want to fertilise the egg, is how you swim.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38So, what we're going to do today in our sperm race is look at how many
0:14:38 > 0:14:43get to a certain distance, and also how far the furthest sperm can swim.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47The lads are about to give their samples.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Studying how sperm perform will help diagnose fertility
0:14:51 > 0:14:55problems in men and inform further research into new treatments.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Sperm is produced in the testicles.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Inside hundreds of microscopic tubes half a mile long,
0:15:03 > 0:15:08a thousand sperm are produced every heart beat.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10These young sperm then migrate to a holding bank,
0:15:10 > 0:15:14where they mature and are stored ready for ejaculation.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18As a man becomes sexually excited, the brain sends electrical
0:15:18 > 0:15:21signals down the spinal cord telling the muscles around the blood
0:15:21 > 0:15:23vessels leading to the penis to relax.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Blood flows rapidly into the penis and this increased pressure
0:15:28 > 0:15:30causes an erection.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33As men get more aroused, fluids carrying
0:15:33 > 0:15:37the microscopic sperm begin their journey into the penis.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40At the moment of orgasm muscles contract,
0:15:40 > 0:15:44propelling the fluid packed with millions of sperm out of the penis.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52Jackson and his team will analyse each of the sperm samples,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54measure how many are in each lads' ejaculate
0:15:54 > 0:15:57and more importantly, how fast the sperm can swim.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01He has some earlier samples that show the kind of attributes
0:16:01 > 0:16:03they will be looking for.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06If we look at sperm and how they are swimming, here
0:16:06 > 0:16:12we can see a lot of sperm swimming very fast and very vigorously.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16In a normal man, only around 10% or less of his sperm will be
0:16:16 > 0:16:19perfect and that is have the right motility,
0:16:19 > 0:16:23good genetic information and the right shape to be able
0:16:23 > 0:16:25to reach the egg and fertilise it.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32In the university bar, the five lads are about to find out
0:16:32 > 0:16:35how their own sperm performed.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42You've had a bit of time away while we've done the processing in the lab and I've got
0:16:42 > 0:16:46a clipboard with some results and some data to have a look at.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Are people feeling a bit more nervous now?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52A little bit!
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Beginning to get a bit edgy now.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58So first of all we have some data which is
0:16:58 > 0:17:00just on the neat semen samples.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04What you can see is everyone has different amounts of sperm
0:17:04 > 0:17:06moving around.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10A normal fertile guy will have somewhere over 20 million
0:17:10 > 0:17:13sperm in his ejaculate.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Today when we have looked at your samples,
0:17:15 > 0:17:22everyone is above that, so everyone is in the fertile range.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25But we have got quite a big range of results so we have
0:17:25 > 0:17:32gone from, in the region of 45/46 million sperm, to one of you having
0:17:32 > 0:17:37in the region of one billion, 500 million sperm in the ejaculate.
0:17:37 > 0:17:42Tom is our hero with over a billion sperm in his ejaculate.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Did you realise you were a billionaire this morning?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I always felt there was something special about me!
0:17:47 > 0:17:51It's nice to know there are a lot of guys in there.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Is it something you will now tell your friends about?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I will now, yeah!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59All the lads here have a healthy count
0:17:59 > 0:18:05but in the UK, one in five men under 25 produce abnormal sperm counts.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10A lot of men feel sperm count relates to their manhood
0:18:10 > 0:18:17and have a concept that perhaps a high sperm count makes them more of a man.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Maybe some of the men that we think are the most manly
0:18:20 > 0:18:25actually have quite low sperm counts and certainly from looking at
0:18:25 > 0:18:29somebody you can't tell what their sperm count is going to be like.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Around one in 50 men probably don't have any sperm
0:18:33 > 0:18:34at all in their ejaculate.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Now the moment the lads have all been waiting for.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41The all-important results of the race.
0:18:41 > 0:18:47The final thing we looked at was which sperm got the furthest fastest.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Out of the millions produced, it was this one sperm
0:18:51 > 0:18:54that made it past the finishing line first.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58- And we have Tyler as a winner. - Unbelievable.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02And you would have that first sperm would have the best
0:19:02 > 0:19:04chance of fertilising the egg.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06So in this test that we have run today,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08and the results might be totally different on another day,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10then Tyler would have been the winner at that.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15Sperm quantity can be affected by factors like stress or illness
0:19:15 > 0:19:19but this may only be temporary.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Some men may always have a low count.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25So what are peoples feelings around this?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Thrilled!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Pretty over the moon about it.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34It's always been... Not a worry but at the back of my head,
0:19:34 > 0:19:39would I be all right if I wanted to have kids so... Apparently so...
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I think I'm on the right track.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43I was a little disappointed I didn't win!
0:19:43 > 0:19:48I had my fingers crossed, but as long as it's OK I'm not too bothered.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Although sperm quality does decline with age, men have been known
0:19:57 > 0:20:00to father children into their 90s.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06But it's a different story for women.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10On the Isle of Wight, 26-year-old Alison's dreams of getting
0:20:10 > 0:20:13married and starting a family were dealt a blow
0:20:13 > 0:20:17when she made a dramatic discovery about her own fertility.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I was tired every single day because I was going to work,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24getting home for about six and I just wanted to go
0:20:24 > 0:20:26to sleep all the time.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I gained quite lot of weight then.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Then I went to visit my mum and she said you should go
0:20:32 > 0:20:36to the doctors and they ran quite a few tests and they said
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I think you have gone through the menopause.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Menopause is the end of a woman's fertile years.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45While men can produce sperm until the day they die,
0:20:45 > 0:20:48women are born with all the eggs they will ever have
0:20:48 > 0:20:51and these are stored in their ovaries.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Here, hundreds of thousands of microscopic follicles contain
0:20:59 > 0:21:03immature eggs which could one day begin a new life.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Each month, chemical messages in the brain kick start
0:21:07 > 0:21:09the menstrual cycle.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Hormones race through the bloodstream and into the ovaries
0:21:14 > 0:21:19where they trigger about 20 of the follicles to mature into eggs.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Only the strongest of these will survive
0:21:23 > 0:21:25and the others die off quickly.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27This egg is released from the ovary
0:21:27 > 0:21:30and begins its journey into the fallopian tube.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36If the egg is not fertilised, it too will die and along with
0:21:36 > 0:21:40the lining of the womb, is shed through the vagina as a period.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44For most women, this process ends when they are in their 50s,
0:21:44 > 0:21:46but for Alison this happened much earlier.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49At the time I was 22 and I thought,
0:21:49 > 0:21:52that can't be right, I can't have the menopause at 22.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59Alison is one in 1,000 women who suffer from premature menopause.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01This means she will never be able to conceive a child.
0:22:01 > 0:22:07The biggest thing was I felt that I wasn't a woman and any right
0:22:07 > 0:22:12I'd had to having children was... There was nothing there any more.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I felt...like no-one would ever...
0:22:15 > 0:22:18And this sounds silly but no-one would ever love me because I wasn't a woman.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26In 2008, Alison started dating 34-year-old hotel manager Kevin
0:22:26 > 0:22:29and was worried about how he would react to her condition.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33I was nervous anyway just like any new relationship.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I was panicking about everything.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39It was quite early on when you told me.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Yes, I think it was the first couple of days.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Thought I'd throw you in the deep end.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45It was quite early...
0:22:45 > 0:22:50I wasn't really thinking kids and marriage at that stage.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55I wasn't dating her to have children straight away but dating her
0:22:55 > 0:22:58because of her and how I felt about her.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02As Alison and Kevin's relationship developed, their desire to
0:23:02 > 0:23:04start a family began to put a huge strain on both of them.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07I think that point was about the lowest I had ever
0:23:07 > 0:23:09felt about what has been wrong
0:23:09 > 0:23:12and the realisation that I won't have a child
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and it won't ever be mine and I've met the person I love and want
0:23:16 > 0:23:21to be with and all you want to have is to have yours and his child.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28But there is hope. With no chance of conceiving naturally, Alison
0:23:28 > 0:23:30and Kevin have started IVF treatment.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34In a few days' time, doctors will fertilise an egg from a donor
0:23:34 > 0:23:38with Kevin's sperm and implant the embryo into Alison's womb.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48It'll be a tight squeeze.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Pregnancy can have a huge impact on a couple's relationship,
0:23:52 > 0:23:56and for Carl and April it's had a big effect on their sex life.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00My sex drive definitely went up for a while
0:24:00 > 0:24:02but the last couple of months
0:24:02 > 0:24:05I don't feel interested.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10I feel a bit frumpy, I feel a bit heavy
0:24:10 > 0:24:13and don't feel very sexy.
0:24:13 > 0:24:19Many pregnant women experience huge changes in their sex drive.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23The surge of hormones during pregnancy can increase blood flow
0:24:23 > 0:24:26to the pelvic area and enhance vaginal lubrication.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28These can both make sex more enjoyable.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35But April's changing body shape is also having an impact.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I'm scared of hurting the baby or hurting April
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and when you have to think about those things,
0:24:40 > 0:24:44it's hard to get in the mood.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48It's been about six weeks now, the last time we had sex.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52It was for your birthday!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Yeah, for my birthday.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56She was on top and she slipped.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I could feel the bump hit me in the stomach.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00It was like proper freaked me out.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03And that's what I was kinda thinking.
0:25:03 > 0:25:08The bump gets some impact and it will have some effect on the baby.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10You are limited to what you can do.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14It takes the fun out of it a little bit.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I'll put this on here.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19But it's not just women who suffer these changes.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Studies suggest that levels of the sex hormone testosterone
0:25:22 > 0:25:25drop in men around the birth of their child.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28And there's a theory this could be to discourage them
0:25:28 > 0:25:32from straying and help them bond with their new baby.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Ah, that looks really nice.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Does, doesn't it?
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Single girl Julie feels she has a lot to achieve
0:25:46 > 0:25:49before she starts trying for a family.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53I am career driven and it is about me at the moment.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I'm currently doing exams and assignments
0:25:56 > 0:25:59and essays to get further in my career
0:25:59 > 0:26:05and on top of that, I may consider going to university again.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08I want to do so much. I might want to go travelling.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11But the longer women wait,
0:26:11 > 0:26:15the harder it becomes to conceive and at 33, Julie is aware
0:26:15 > 0:26:17her body clock is ticking.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Today she is travelling to London for a test which will help
0:26:20 > 0:26:24determine how many fertile years she has left.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28Yes, I would love children one day but if I could wait ten years,
0:26:28 > 0:26:32I would love to wait another ten years to have them.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Someone once said to me, "Oh, you'll change."
0:26:34 > 0:26:36But that is how I feel at the moment but it
0:26:36 > 0:26:42will be nice to know that I have that time to wait and to do those
0:26:42 > 0:26:45things that I want to do, because once you have children that is it.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Or so they say!
0:26:48 > 0:26:51The first part of the test is to check Julie's ovaries
0:26:51 > 0:26:53with an ultrasound.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57This can help the doctors see how many egg-producing follicles are maturing.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00A strong indicator of her fertility.
0:27:01 > 0:27:06The number of follicles a woman has declines with age.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09And when she hits her mid-30s, these start to die off
0:27:09 > 0:27:11at a more rapid pace.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16By the time she's 40, a woman will only have around 3% of her
0:27:16 > 0:27:20original reserve left, making it more difficult to get pregnant.
0:27:20 > 0:27:25Julie, what you see on the screen here, that is your uterus.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29We do see five good follicles on one ovary and we'll go over to
0:27:29 > 0:27:33the next ovary and we have been able to see another five follicles.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36How many should it be for someone my age?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Five is an adequate number.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43Today, advances in science are helping women extend their fertile years.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Egg freezing is an option for women who want to put off
0:27:47 > 0:27:52their fertility for when they are ready.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58IVF can help them, can support them, but there can be no assurance
0:27:58 > 0:28:03that after undergoing the treatment they will definitely have a baby.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Julie is also having a blood test to measure the level of key
0:28:09 > 0:28:14hormones which can also gauge if her egg supply is running low.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Together, the scan and blood test results will tell her
0:28:17 > 0:28:20if she needs to fast track her plans to start a family.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24I'm 33. I think I'm in the safe zone.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29And I'll see what nature says.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33If I have to freeze my eggs or have IVF, then so be it.
0:28:34 > 0:28:39In 1978, IVF technology allowed Louise Brown,
0:28:39 > 0:28:43the world's first test tube baby, to be born in the UK.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48The scientific breakthrough
0:28:48 > 0:28:52is heralded as a landmark in reproductive medicine.
0:28:54 > 0:28:59Since then, over three million IVF babies have been born worldwide.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02I don't feel special but I know that my birth
0:29:02 > 0:29:06has helped thousands of people, and that's the main thing.
0:29:13 > 0:29:1726-year-old Alison is undergoing IVF treatment
0:29:17 > 0:29:20as she is unable to conceive a baby.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23For the last six weeks she has been injecting hormones
0:29:23 > 0:29:26to prepare her body for a possible pregnancy.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28The physical and emotional strain of IVF
0:29:28 > 0:29:31has put pressure on her relationship with husband Kevin.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Although I know, emotionally, Kev has been going through it as well
0:29:34 > 0:29:37I have to put up with the emotional side
0:29:37 > 0:29:39and all this medication, injections and God knows what,
0:29:39 > 0:29:43which were giving me all these sort of hormones I wasn't really used to.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46So it's trying to get used to that.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52Not been easy but I know it has been harder for Ali than for me
0:29:52 > 0:29:55so whenever I have felt sorry for myself.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59cos she has been a bit emotional I just remind myself
0:29:59 > 0:30:01what she has had to go through the past few years
0:30:01 > 0:30:04and what she's going through at the moment.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Alison is going to use an egg from a donor
0:30:07 > 0:30:09which will be fertilised by Kevin's sperm.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12The couple has just received the news
0:30:12 > 0:30:14the donor eggs are ready for collection.
0:30:14 > 0:30:19If all goes to plan, Alison could be pregnant in just a few weeks' time.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23I think this is the first time I have felt nervous,
0:30:23 > 0:30:26now it's finally here.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29It's breathtaking, really.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31Scary, a little bit.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34Yeah.
0:30:36 > 0:30:40It's not like I'm scared about it, it's just so exciting.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43You've been through a lot, haven't you?
0:30:43 > 0:30:48I don't mind if it doesn't go any further. Just this whole thought of getting this far
0:30:48 > 0:30:51and having that opportunity that everyone else would.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54That's just...
0:30:54 > 0:30:57It makes me feel a bit more normal again,
0:30:57 > 0:31:00but, hey, it'll be brilliant.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09One in six couples in the UK have difficulty conceiving
0:31:09 > 0:31:13and finding a donor for IVF treatment is not always easy.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20Alison's donor is Lisa and they are cousins.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Their mums had been hatching a plan to get the two of them talking.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27So my mum tells me that your mum tells me her
0:31:27 > 0:31:30that you are OK with letting me maybe have your eggs.
0:31:30 > 0:31:34I am really sorry if I have overstepped the line here but is it true?
0:31:34 > 0:31:37To me, I think, because we're related,
0:31:37 > 0:31:41I think that makes it easier. It makes it easier for me,
0:31:41 > 0:31:45because I just see it as an extended family member.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46It just makes it...
0:31:46 > 0:31:50I personally couldn't do it for somebody I didn't know,
0:31:50 > 0:31:55or wasn't related to because I would find that very difficult.
0:31:55 > 0:32:00We can give them the true science behind it - this is what happened.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04Auntie Lisa did such a special thing to make our baby happen.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06It's just going to be magical. Yeah...
0:32:06 > 0:32:09It's going to be brilliant. I can't wait.
0:32:11 > 0:32:16Lisa is about to undergo a procedure to have her eggs collected.
0:32:16 > 0:32:21She has also been taking hormones to artificially stimulate the follicles in her ovaries
0:32:21 > 0:32:24so she can produce more eggs to give to Alison.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27I am so excited for Alison.
0:32:27 > 0:32:32I just so want this to go well for her
0:32:32 > 0:32:35and just fingers crossed that it all works out,
0:32:35 > 0:32:38and we're still smiling in a few weeks' time.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42IVF can cost up to £4000 per attempt
0:32:42 > 0:32:48and Alison and Kevin fought hard to get their one treatment through the NHS.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Today, everything is at stake.
0:32:50 > 0:32:55Bit nervous but OK. Excited.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58Consultant Julian Norman-Taylor is highly experienced
0:32:58 > 0:33:05but at every stage of IVF he can never be sure how successful the procedure will be.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07Very occasionally there are no eggs at all
0:33:07 > 0:33:12but hopefully today we will find plenty of good nice ones.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20It's an anxious wait for Alison and Kevin.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22I feel really sick with nerves
0:33:22 > 0:33:26and probably more nervous today than excited.
0:33:26 > 0:33:30I come from quite a large family. My sisters have got children.
0:33:30 > 0:33:34It's always been something that I've wanted.
0:33:34 > 0:33:38I can't imagine anyone not wanting a family, really.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42Egg retrieval is a delicate procedure.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Under anaesthetic, a hollow needle attached to an ultrasound probe
0:33:45 > 0:33:47is guided to Lisa's ovaries.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54We are now in the left ovary
0:33:54 > 0:33:56and going to put the needle gently through.
0:33:56 > 0:34:02So we can move the needle - just jiggling it now.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06That's in the follicular fluid, sucking the fluid up.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10And that's now in a test tube.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14This test tube is immediately passed to the embryologist for examination.
0:34:14 > 0:34:20It's only now they will discover whether fluid extracted from Lisa's follicles contains an egg.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Egg!
0:34:23 > 0:34:28So we have an egg and it's always a relief to get your first one
0:34:28 > 0:34:34and the embryologist is now putting that into some culture medium
0:34:34 > 0:34:37and into a nice warm incubator to keep the egg happy.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41There's no guarantee an egg will fertilise
0:34:41 > 0:34:45so the more that are collected, the greater the chance of a successful pregnancy.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Egg!
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Egg!
0:34:51 > 0:34:57So Clarissa is saying egg quite a lot, so that's a reassuring sound for me.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05You nervous? I'm nervous.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13Alison and Kevin are about to find out how many eggs they will have.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15- Hiya.- You been for a walkabout?
0:35:15 > 0:35:19- Good news? Bad news?- Do you want to know the magic number?- Go on.
0:35:19 > 0:35:23They got nine. So that is good, isn't it? You pleased with that?
0:35:23 > 0:35:27- Yeah.- They wrote it on my hand.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30- Thank you so, so much. - That's all right.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Just three hours after the operation
0:35:32 > 0:35:36the moment of fertilisation takes place.
0:35:36 > 0:35:40We are going to look at all the sperm in the dish
0:35:40 > 0:35:43and there is an ideal shape to the sperm.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45so we are going to select out the best.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48The one that looks most like that ideal.
0:35:52 > 0:35:57Kevin's sperm is now being inserted into the eggs collected from Lisa.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00It is now up to nature.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04If fertilisation is successful,
0:36:04 > 0:36:09a single cell will begin to multiply and a new life will begin.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12Alison and Kevin will have to wait two more days
0:36:12 > 0:36:14until they find out which embryo,
0:36:14 > 0:36:17if any, are healthy enough to be transplanted into her womb.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22How do you say thank you to someone for something that big?
0:36:22 > 0:36:27It's just...so beyond anything you can ask of anyone,
0:36:27 > 0:36:33how do you show how grateful you are?
0:36:35 > 0:36:40In Portsmouth, April is also excited by the idea of starting a family.
0:36:42 > 0:36:48But since becoming pregnant, her body has been going through enormous physical changes.
0:36:48 > 0:36:54Almost half of women suffer from morning sickness in the first 14 weeks of their pregnancy.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56Oh, my God, that's so cute.
0:36:56 > 0:37:00I was sick for the first three months
0:37:00 > 0:37:04and then these past couple of months I have just been aching
0:37:04 > 0:37:08and not had as much energy as I used to.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14Soon after conception,
0:37:14 > 0:37:17April's body was flooded with huge amounts of hormones
0:37:17 > 0:37:19triggering an increase of blood to her womb.
0:37:19 > 0:37:23This helped nourish the embryo and it's developing placenta.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26As the pregnancy developed,
0:37:26 > 0:37:30other hormones relaxed the muscles in April's womb,
0:37:30 > 0:37:32making room for her growing baby.
0:37:34 > 0:37:39They also prepared the breasts for the production and release of milk.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42This surge of hormones,
0:37:42 > 0:37:44some released at more than 100 times their normal levels,
0:37:44 > 0:37:48are crucial for the baby's development.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52But the massive hormonal changes going on inside pregnant women
0:37:52 > 0:37:56can also effect their emotions and sometimes make their partners feel isolated.
0:37:56 > 0:38:01People do talk about the hormones and all that stuff with pregnancy
0:38:01 > 0:38:05and I could never have expected what was going to come with that.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08There's times she's burst into tears
0:38:08 > 0:38:11and tells me, "I know I shouldn't be crying but I can't help myself."
0:38:11 > 0:38:16I just was completely helpless. Couldn't do anything about it.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19I know it's hard for men because they are not carrying the child,
0:38:19 > 0:38:22they're not feeling every movement,
0:38:22 > 0:38:28but I almost felt Carl was not in the pregnancy with me.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31I kind of felt a little bit alone.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34I was getting quite excited. I was saying to Carl...
0:38:34 > 0:38:39"Our baby can blink now. Our baby can do this now."
0:38:39 > 0:38:43Carl wasn't very interested, let's say,
0:38:43 > 0:38:44which made me feel quite upset.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48My biggest downfall was that I didn't really communicate to her
0:38:48 > 0:38:53how I was feeling cos I wanted to be strong for her.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56Then the time would come when I would have to be honest with her
0:38:56 > 0:38:59and tell her that I am scared. And, at the end of the day,
0:38:59 > 0:39:02what boyfriend wants to tell their girlfriend that they're scared?
0:39:04 > 0:39:07To feel more involved in the pregnancy,
0:39:07 > 0:39:10Carl is off to Daddynatal in London - an expectant Dads' class
0:39:10 > 0:39:14that helps men deal with their anxieties about becoming a father.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18What we are going to do is to run through your role during labour,
0:39:18 > 0:39:21working through how you can best support your partner.
0:39:21 > 0:39:25I do definitely think it is difficult for dads.
0:39:25 > 0:39:30I have tried my best to read some literature while I am in the bath
0:39:30 > 0:39:32and I just don't identity with it.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36so read a couple of lines, close it and then throw it across the room.
0:39:36 > 0:39:40And that's my main motivation for coming here tonight -
0:39:40 > 0:39:43to speak to other men and see what they are going through.
0:39:43 > 0:39:48The fears you have - especially if she's relying on you to a certain extent -
0:39:48 > 0:39:51and you don't want to put those fears onto her when she has her own...
0:39:51 > 0:39:55She has her own fears and the things she is worrying about.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59You don't want to put what you're feeling on her as well.
0:39:59 > 0:40:02It's trying to dispel that irrational fear that, you know,
0:40:02 > 0:40:05I'm going to be a shit dad or not going to be able to make ends meet
0:40:05 > 0:40:08cos I will be the bread winner and all that kind of stuff.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11To look at April every day
0:40:11 > 0:40:14knowing she is going to be the mother of my child
0:40:14 > 0:40:18and she has given me that lifetime present,
0:40:18 > 0:40:21it's beautiful. I think it is the best way to describe it.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23It's just beautiful.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25Off to play football now.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27HE LAUGHS
0:40:29 > 0:40:32The arrival of children can put a huge strain on relationships
0:40:32 > 0:40:36and sometimes communication can break down completely.
0:40:37 > 0:40:41Lotte, who has asked for identity to be concealed,
0:40:41 > 0:40:44is a working mum with two kids.
0:40:44 > 0:40:49The pressures of family and work life have taken their toll on her relationship with her husband.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52Being a full-time mum, it didn't feel enough
0:40:52 > 0:40:56and I didn't feel I was getting enough space in my head to be me.
0:41:02 > 0:41:06I felt like our lives were turning into one big domestic chore.
0:41:06 > 0:41:12There was never any time for just sitting and talking and hanging out.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15It was all just, well, what do we do for the next meal?
0:41:15 > 0:41:16Who is doing the shopping?
0:41:17 > 0:41:20Sexual problems can have a major impact on relationships,
0:41:20 > 0:41:23ranking in the top three causes for couples splitting up.
0:41:23 > 0:41:29My husband and I were not getting on well. It was just awful.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31We were arguing all the time.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35We couldn't seem to stand each other's company
0:41:35 > 0:41:37and I had been thinking for a while
0:41:37 > 0:41:41wouldn't it be nice to just meet someone else?
0:41:41 > 0:41:45I had heard about this website where you could meet other married people
0:41:45 > 0:41:46who were looking for affairs
0:41:46 > 0:41:49so I thought I would go on and see what it was like.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54Around one in three people have cheated on a partner
0:41:54 > 0:41:58and, due to the explosion of social networking,
0:41:58 > 0:42:01it is estimated one-third of these affairs begin online.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05When I first went on the website, I felt guilty
0:42:05 > 0:42:07but I also felt quite a thrill.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11I felt a total buzz when I received an e-mail from him.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14It was so exciting.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18It was like that teenage feeling again of having a crush on a guy
0:42:18 > 0:42:20and waiting for him to get in touch again.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28The thrill and sexual excitement of an affair
0:42:28 > 0:42:31can spark a huge surge of the feel-good chemical dopamine.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33When dopamine is released,
0:42:33 > 0:42:36it travels quickly to neighbouring nerve cells
0:42:36 > 0:42:39spreading through the pleasure centres of the brain.
0:42:39 > 0:42:43It's the same action that is triggered when we take drugs,
0:42:43 > 0:42:46and the feelings of euphoria and excitement can be addictive.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51I didn't really think.
0:42:51 > 0:42:56It was quite impulsive. I just put one foot in front of the other.
0:42:56 > 0:43:00We had a couple of glasses of wine and the usual sort of flirty chat,
0:43:00 > 0:43:03and then he invited me into his bedroom.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08It was just...you know, classic fireworks,
0:43:08 > 0:43:13it was just really so exciting because of the context.
0:43:15 > 0:43:20When I left his flat it was like I was on a high...
0:43:20 > 0:43:23I was in another world.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27When I am allowing myself to feel guilty
0:43:27 > 0:43:31and realise that I am betraying my family, my husband and my children,
0:43:31 > 0:43:36I feel quite sick and my immediate thought is,
0:43:36 > 0:43:40"Why am I doing this? I've got to stop this, this is crazy."
0:43:43 > 0:43:46I don't know where it will lead from here
0:43:46 > 0:43:49and I suppose that's part of the excitement.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52But I hope there will come a point when I no longer need this.
0:43:52 > 0:43:57I no longer feel I need this extra person to boost me up.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17The single life can also become complicated.
0:44:17 > 0:44:21Julie is back in London for the results of her fertility test.
0:44:21 > 0:44:25The scan of her ovaries was fine, but the hormone levels in her blood
0:44:25 > 0:44:28will be the crucial indicator of how many reproductive years
0:44:28 > 0:44:30she has left.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32'I'm not really nervous, no.'
0:44:32 > 0:44:34I just think what will be will be
0:44:34 > 0:44:36and my plans aren't going to change
0:44:36 > 0:44:41and, you know, I just feel not too concerned.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43Although she's in no rush
0:44:43 > 0:44:47to have children, Julie wants to make sure she has the time to wait.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50- Come in, Julie. Have a seat, please. - OK.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53How do you do, Julie?
0:44:53 > 0:44:56- I'm fine, thanks.- Have a seat.
0:44:56 > 0:45:02The scan that you had last time did show a few follicles on each ovary,
0:45:02 > 0:45:05about four or five on each ovary.
0:45:05 > 0:45:09These results have to be read in the light of your blood tests.
0:45:09 > 0:45:11One of the blood test results,
0:45:11 > 0:45:15which is a direct reflection of your ovarian reserve,
0:45:15 > 0:45:17- is quite low.- OK.
0:45:18 > 0:45:22The number of eggs that your ovary harbours now
0:45:22 > 0:45:26is in the lower bracket,
0:45:26 > 0:45:32and the advice is not to delay having a baby.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35If you are in a position
0:45:35 > 0:45:40- and if the circumstances permit, to have it sooner than later.- OK.
0:45:41 > 0:45:45'As a woman ages, the quality of the eggs
0:45:45 > 0:45:47'would go down further and further.'
0:45:47 > 0:45:50It means that it becomes more and more difficult
0:45:50 > 0:45:54for the woman to achieve a successful conception.
0:45:54 > 0:45:59Also, there is increased risk of miscarriage or there can be
0:45:59 > 0:46:01a risk of chromosomal problems in the baby.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04So the risk goes up with time.
0:46:04 > 0:46:08So are you saying, basically, that I would either need to start
0:46:08 > 0:46:12trying now to have a baby or I need to look at freezing my eggs?
0:46:12 > 0:46:15You need to look at freezing your eggs, based on these findings.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17Right, OK.
0:46:22 > 0:46:27I feel... I feel a bit angry because I feel like maybe it's been taken
0:46:27 > 0:46:31out of my control somewhat, and I do want to go to university
0:46:31 > 0:46:35and I do want to further my career. And all those sorts of things that
0:46:35 > 0:46:37I want to do... I just don't know if I'm ready for children yet.
0:46:37 > 0:46:40I really don't think I'm ready for a child yet.
0:46:40 > 0:46:44And I feel a bit under pressure now, but I don't have anyone
0:46:44 > 0:46:50to have a child with yet, so it's a tricky one, I just don't know.
0:46:50 > 0:46:54I may have to consider freezing my eggs. I may have to.
0:46:54 > 0:46:57I don't just want to have a child with anybody, you know?
0:47:04 > 0:47:08But IVF treatment is not a sure guarantee of having a baby.
0:47:09 > 0:47:14Alison and Kevin are about to begin the final stage of IVF -
0:47:14 > 0:47:15the embryo transfer. But they have
0:47:15 > 0:47:18just discovered that out of a possible nine eggs,
0:47:18 > 0:47:21only one was successfully fertilised.
0:47:21 > 0:47:25OK, I'm going to pass the speculum, can we switch the light out, please?
0:47:25 > 0:47:27- Once it's in place, it won't hurt. - OK.
0:47:31 > 0:47:35The embryologist goes and picks up the embryo...
0:47:35 > 0:47:39and we carefully identify the right spot to put it
0:47:39 > 0:47:41with the ultrasound machine.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43It is quite delicate.
0:47:43 > 0:47:46All right? So just going to slide the embryo.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51This one remaining embryo is now being
0:47:51 > 0:47:53implanted into Alison's womb.
0:47:53 > 0:47:58This could be the couple's only chance of getting pregnant.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01And I squeeze the plunger and the embryo goes.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04And then, really, it's down to nature.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Well done.
0:48:06 > 0:48:09Good, so...
0:48:09 > 0:48:12a nice dividing embryo in the right place.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18After years of waiting, Alison and Kevin
0:48:18 > 0:48:21could soon have the baby they have so longed for.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24It is just so overwhelming, the whole thought
0:48:24 > 0:48:26and feeling about it.
0:48:26 > 0:48:31Everything for the last few years, that we've talked about,
0:48:31 > 0:48:34wanted and pushed for, fought for.
0:48:34 > 0:48:38- Chosen names for!- Now it's there.
0:48:38 > 0:48:42Although the embryo has been transferred safely,
0:48:42 > 0:48:45the next 14 days will be crucial.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48It must attach properly to Alison's womb in order to survive.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03In the Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth,
0:49:03 > 0:49:06April has gone into labour.
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath.
0:49:08 > 0:49:14That's it, that's it, you're doing well.
0:49:14 > 0:49:18- A strong one.- Yeah.
0:49:22 > 0:49:26The contractions started about four o'clock this afternoon...
0:49:26 > 0:49:29Yeah, it's been a long day.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32It's been going on for the best part of 11 hours.
0:49:32 > 0:49:3410, 11 hours it's been going on for.
0:49:37 > 0:49:41A lot of things scare me, you know, when it comes to...
0:49:41 > 0:49:43What I'm going to be like as a parent, if I'm honest.
0:49:43 > 0:49:47Kind of, like...how is my child going to turn out?
0:49:47 > 0:49:49Will I be doing this right?
0:49:49 > 0:49:53They are little things that I have already thought about.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55We're both from broken backgrounds.
0:49:55 > 0:50:00We both feel that we are going to have a lot of love as a family
0:50:00 > 0:50:04and be really focused on family life.
0:50:09 > 0:50:11Well done.
0:50:11 > 0:50:13- Is it still there?- Little bit.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15Try and carry on using it.
0:50:15 > 0:50:20I'm at a point of my life now where I can actually lead by example
0:50:20 > 0:50:22and be a positive influence on a kid.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24whereas five years ago, ten years ago, whenever.
0:50:24 > 0:50:28anything but a positive role model, d'you know what I mean?
0:50:28 > 0:50:32I'm just looking forward to both of us playing our part
0:50:32 > 0:50:33and being a family.
0:50:33 > 0:50:34It's something we have created
0:50:34 > 0:50:36and something we are going to take part in.
0:50:36 > 0:50:38And it's something we are going to share.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48BABY CRIES
0:50:51 > 0:50:54Your lungs work OK, don't they?
0:50:55 > 0:51:00After 16 hours of labour, April has given birth to a little girl.
0:51:02 > 0:51:07She won't get cold, she's got your body temperature there.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11This is Ellie Marie Paddon.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14I feel amazing, I just...
0:51:14 > 0:51:17Words can't describe how happy I am right now.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23Really, truly amazing how gorgeous she is.
0:51:23 > 0:51:27Do you know what still hasn't sunk in yet? That I am a mum!
0:51:31 > 0:51:35Throughout April's pregnancy, her body was flooded with
0:51:35 > 0:51:37the bonding hormone oxytocin.
0:51:39 > 0:51:42Even during labour she was producing new receptors, allowing
0:51:42 > 0:51:45more of this chemical to circulate through her system.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53The skin-to-skin contact between mother
0:51:53 > 0:51:56and daughter has triggered a rush of oxytocin, giving April
0:51:56 > 0:52:00the emotional bond she is feeling towards her new baby girl.
0:52:04 > 0:52:09I was in shock. I was in shock as soon as they put her on my chest.
0:52:09 > 0:52:13It is just so overwhelming, just to see
0:52:13 > 0:52:16this is what Carl and me have created,
0:52:16 > 0:52:18a gorgeous little baby girl.
0:52:18 > 0:52:21And nothing matters at this moment.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Just us, our little family.
0:52:26 > 0:52:27'To be honest,
0:52:27 > 0:52:29'I was feeling awful before the baby came out,'
0:52:29 > 0:52:33because it has been a long day.
0:52:33 > 0:52:37All that bad feeling has just gone. I'm on cloud nine.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39I'm on cloud ten, if there was one!
0:52:42 > 0:52:48It's better than any drug I've ever taken before. Unbelievable stuff.
0:52:48 > 0:52:53It was just... I could do nothing else but cry, a cry of pure joy.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00Look at you, you are beautiful. You are.
0:53:00 > 0:53:04You're beautiful. You truly are beautiful.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07You made me cry, do you know that?
0:53:07 > 0:53:09You made me cry.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13Were you actually sick earlier?
0:53:13 > 0:53:19Yes, sick twice. Sick twice. Just overcome with...
0:53:19 > 0:53:21I was just spun right out.
0:53:21 > 0:53:22Yeah.
0:53:22 > 0:53:26Now parents, Carl and April must adjust
0:53:26 > 0:53:30to life as a family and face the huge changes that lie ahead.
0:53:38 > 0:53:42On the Isle of Wight, Alison and Kevin's wait is finally over.
0:53:44 > 0:53:48Almost a week to the day of the procedure, I started to bleed.
0:53:53 > 0:53:55It just got progressively worse,
0:53:55 > 0:54:00and then, four days before we went to do our pregnancy test
0:54:00 > 0:54:05I just had a full period so we knew by then it was all over, really.
0:54:08 > 0:54:12It was an overwhelming feeling to feel that...you were pregnant.
0:54:12 > 0:54:16Something I never imagined I could do.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19I think that was the hardest part,
0:54:19 > 0:54:22getting that and it just disappearing within a morning.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28It was just taken away from us too soon.
0:54:29 > 0:54:33Despite huge advances in IVF treatment,
0:54:33 > 0:54:35only 30% of couples succeed in having a baby.
0:54:37 > 0:54:40A lot of the time, Ali blames herself.
0:54:40 > 0:54:44She'll say things like, "Maybe you should be with someone
0:54:44 > 0:54:46"who can give you children."
0:54:46 > 0:54:52That just absolutely rips me apart, when she says stuff like that.
0:54:52 > 0:54:54We've bickered since it's happened,
0:54:54 > 0:54:59but the strain it has put on us, who wouldn't fight?
0:54:59 > 0:55:02Little things that wouldn't usually bother us
0:55:02 > 0:55:06blow up into mountainous arguments.
0:55:06 > 0:55:09If anything, it's made us stronger in the long run.
0:55:09 > 0:55:10If we can get through this,
0:55:10 > 0:55:14I don't think there is anything that can shake us, really.
0:55:15 > 0:55:20We've talked about adoption and, obviously, trying again.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23I think we will try again.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26Good things come to those who wait.
0:55:30 > 0:55:35The decision to enter a long-term sexual relationship
0:55:35 > 0:55:37can often be a big one.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39If a chap comes along, that's fine,
0:55:39 > 0:55:43but I definitely want to achieve what I want to achieve, you know?
0:55:43 > 0:55:45I don't think I'll rest until I've done that.
0:55:45 > 0:55:48The desire may be driven by an end result...
0:55:48 > 0:55:52Ali is going to be such a good mum, she has got so much love to give.
0:55:52 > 0:55:56While sex will bring some couples closer together.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58It's important to have sex, you want to feel loved
0:55:58 > 0:56:01and knowing that you can go through your sexual time with your partner.
0:56:01 > 0:56:06- It's enhanced my life greatly.- ..for others, it will pull them apart.
0:56:06 > 0:56:08If my husband found out I had this other guy,
0:56:08 > 0:56:11that would be the end of our relationship.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17Whatever joys or challenges sex brings, it can be
0:56:17 > 0:56:20a key part of our lives as we start to settle down.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22Home sweet home, darling.
0:56:40 > 0:56:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:43 > 0:56:46E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk