0:00:04 > 0:00:08Glasgow - traditionally a city of high-rise flats
0:00:08 > 0:00:10and low life expectancy,
0:00:10 > 0:00:13that's famous for big yins
0:00:13 > 0:00:14and wee wifeys,
0:00:14 > 0:00:15where a head-butt's a kiss,
0:00:15 > 0:00:18and "piece-makers" are folk that work in Greggs.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24This year, with the eyes of the world on the city,
0:00:24 > 0:00:28four Glaswegians explore what it means to belong to Glasgow.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33My name is Karen Dunbar. I'm a comedian,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36and this is the my guide to the city that made me famous...
0:00:37 > 0:00:39to the city that made me fat...
0:00:40 > 0:00:43the city where I found my voice...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46# It took all the strength I had not to fall apart. #
0:00:46 > 0:00:49..and the city that continues to puzzle me.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51- SHOUTING ON RADIO - Listen. Listen...
0:00:51 > 0:00:53So, allow me to share with you
0:00:53 > 0:00:54everything I love and...
0:00:54 > 0:00:57some of what nips my heid about my home town.
0:00:59 > 0:01:04And the reason that I'm proud to say I belong to Glasgow.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08FUNFAIR ORGAN MUSIC
0:01:25 > 0:01:29# But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:01:29 > 0:01:32# Glasgow belongs to me. #
0:01:36 > 0:01:40So what does it mean to belong to Glasgow?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Well, firstly, I think we need a 21st-century reboot.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51For too long the image of "no mean city"
0:01:51 > 0:01:54has been all about the decline of the shipyards
0:01:54 > 0:01:56and macho men who are quick with their fists,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58and drunken singing,
0:01:58 > 0:02:02and...jeelie pieces being lobbed out of windaes!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05OK, so the drunk bit rings a bell, but other than that,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I don't really recognise this version of Glasgow.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10There's not a lot of shipyards left,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13not a lot of macho men, nobody's ever threw a piece at me...
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Hey! Cars don't count!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20So, let me show you my version of Glasgow.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Once upon a time, in 1971, to be specific,
0:02:29 > 0:02:33an event of immense historical significance took place in Glasgow -
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I was born.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I was swiftly whisked away to the Ayrshire coast, where I grew up.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45But even as a wee lassie,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I dreamt of returning to make my name in the bright lights.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54This is my diary frae 1981.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I was ten. And this is what I've written in it. Ahem.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00"This is an oath.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02"I, Karen D Dunbar,
0:03:02 > 0:03:05"swear one day to be on TV."
0:03:06 > 0:03:08"It is an ambition..."
0:03:09 > 0:03:10"..and I will forfill it.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13"F-O-R-F-I-L-L.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15"A star is born."
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Signed - look, curly-swirly signature, so it's very serious -
0:03:18 > 0:03:21"World, look out, here I come."
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Throughout my teenage years,
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Glasgow was the golden city over the hill.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34A Xanadu by the Clyde.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42It had cool shops selling stonewashed 501s.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46It had Jim Kerr, who I thought was magic.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49And by the time I turned 19,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52it was the European City of Culture!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56I'd love to say the reason I left my hometown of Ayr
0:03:56 > 0:03:57and came to Glasgow
0:03:57 > 0:03:59was to experience the Burrell Collection,
0:03:59 > 0:04:03or sample the fine cuisine of Glasgow's merchant city, but...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06No. It was a lassie.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Night out in Glasgow. Met a bird.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Jumped in a taxi. Never went hame.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17And such saucy shenanigans
0:04:17 > 0:04:20brings me to the first under-celebrated aspect of Glasgow
0:04:20 > 0:04:22that I'd like to share with yous all.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28It's estimated that 6% of Glaswegians are gay.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Glas-gays!
0:04:33 > 0:04:36One of the reasons I came to Glasgow 22 years ago
0:04:36 > 0:04:38was to escape the kind of prejudice
0:04:38 > 0:04:41that was sadly all too common in small-town Scotland.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I'd experienced quite a bit of homophobia in Ayr.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52The worst thing that happened was...
0:04:52 > 0:04:55somebody took my cat, drowned it,
0:04:55 > 0:04:56and left it in a bag in my garden
0:04:56 > 0:05:00with a note saying, "You fucking lesbian." And that was...
0:05:00 > 0:05:04That was really hard... Really hard to...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I don't know if I ever really got over that.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17'The Glasgow that I arrived in had its share of intolerance too,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20'but it was a big enough city to have a warm, welcoming gay scene
0:05:20 > 0:05:23'and like so many people from small towns,
0:05:23 > 0:05:27'the reason I came to the city was so I could be true to myself.'
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I know when people come to Glasgow for a gay night out
0:05:30 > 0:05:31they say Glasgow does it better.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35'I've come to speak to a new generation of young gay people
0:05:35 > 0:05:38'to see if they're glad to be Glasgow.'
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Glasgow's probably one of the safest places to come out, I would say.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44I always think of Glasgow as being...
0:05:44 > 0:05:47It's like a city but it's got a small-town mentality sometimes.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I'll often get, "Is that a boy or a lassie?"
0:05:51 > 0:05:54"All right, hen, are you a lesbian?" across the street.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57It's like a Glaswegian way of saying, "Listen, I know,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00"and that's all right, but I cannae tell you that's all right
0:06:00 > 0:06:03"in case my pals think I'm weird, so...
0:06:03 > 0:06:05"just to let you know I know."
0:06:05 > 0:06:07In a pub in Glesgae and this guy says,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10"I would never go with a tranny. It's disgusting."
0:06:10 > 0:06:14After a few drinks, it's, "C'mon home wi' me, hen!"
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Banter, what Glaswegians do,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18we like a bit of fun, a bit of banter,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21or a wee fight at the end of the night for some of us,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23know what I mean? LAUGHTER
0:06:23 > 0:06:27What advice would you give to anybody gay coming to Glasgow?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Be proud of who you are, and just enjoy yourself while you're here
0:06:30 > 0:06:31cos there's a lot of things you can do.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- If Cher is on the jukebox, you do not touch it.- Right.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36- They will cut you.- Respect Cher.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41# If I could turn back time... #
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Love it!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45It reminds me of how excited I was in 1991
0:06:45 > 0:06:49when I first encountered my ain queer folk of Glasgow.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Then, as now, it's after dark
0:06:53 > 0:06:56that the city's most exotic
0:06:56 > 0:06:58and, frankly, fabulous come out to play.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02There's an underground scene.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06I think there's more kind of a camp gay scene than people realise.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Yeah, people don't realise how big the gay scene is.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12# Sweet dreams are made of this
0:07:12 > 0:07:14# Who am I... #
0:07:14 > 0:07:16In Glasgow, it's quite open-minded.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Where I'm from, it's not very,
0:07:18 > 0:07:20so that's why mainly I came into town,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23to develop and just discover who I was, really.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27The idea of Glasgow as a sort of macho city
0:07:27 > 0:07:28tends to lend it to this idea
0:07:28 > 0:07:32of you assuming it will be more homophobic than it actually is.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34# I wish I knew you before... #
0:07:34 > 0:07:36'Today's scene has its own stars.'
0:07:36 > 0:07:38CHEERING
0:07:38 > 0:07:39- Hi.- Hi, hen.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41'Gallus, gorgeous ladies
0:07:41 > 0:07:45'like the exquisite Bee Fiarse Beaujambes.'
0:07:45 > 0:07:48So, Bee, do you think Glasgow still has a macho culture?
0:07:48 > 0:07:49I think it's a harshness.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52I wouldn't say so much macho, I think it's just a harshness.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54It's usually just something like,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56"Show us your baws," or something like that.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Baws - testicles.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01There's definitely an attitude shift.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I don't think it's quite as aggressive
0:08:03 > 0:08:05and quite as out there as it used to be.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I think there's definitely a slow change.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I'm not from Glasgow originally, but this is my home.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13# Had a lot of time Had a lot of time... #
0:08:13 > 0:08:15And what Bee brings to her act
0:08:15 > 0:08:19is as Glaswegian as Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Do you feel like you're almost portraying
0:08:23 > 0:08:25a stereotypical Glasgow woman?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Hmm... There's an element to that in it, aye,
0:08:28 > 0:08:32in terms of brazen and cheap and...
0:08:32 > 0:08:34THEY LAUGH
0:08:34 > 0:08:37But it is less of the old drag queen,
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Hollywood-type untouchable glamour thing, and more down to earth.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Aye, the women in my life and the women that raised me
0:08:44 > 0:08:45were glamorous, were fashionable,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48and they were real women, they were working class,
0:08:48 > 0:08:50there were no airs and graces.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53'So my drag is a dedication to women.'
0:08:53 > 0:08:56# Oh, baby, please... #
0:08:56 > 0:08:59'Just like the young gay people of today,
0:08:59 > 0:09:03'I found in Glasgow a place that accepted me for who I was.'
0:09:06 > 0:09:09And I was beginning to feel that this was a city
0:09:09 > 0:09:10that I could belong to.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13MUSIC: "A Little Respect" by Erasure
0:09:13 > 0:09:15But I still had stars in my eyes,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18and I needed that elusive big showbiz break.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23So I stepped into the spotlight for the first time
0:09:23 > 0:09:27as a karaoke host in a bar called...
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Bonkers!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30The clue's in the name.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32This was my first terrifying encounter
0:09:32 > 0:09:34with the bevvied-up Glasgow public.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Imagine how I felt
0:09:36 > 0:09:41when a huge mental guy fae Yoker demanded Gloria Gaynor.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44MUSIC: "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
0:09:44 > 0:09:47# At first I was afraid I was petrified
0:09:47 > 0:09:51# Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
0:09:51 > 0:09:53# But then I spent so many nights
0:09:53 > 0:09:55# Thinking how you did me wrong
0:09:55 > 0:09:57# And I grew strong
0:09:57 > 0:10:01# And I learnt how to get along And so you're back... #
0:10:01 > 0:10:03'If there's two things Glaswegians love,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05'it's a sing-song and a swally.'
0:10:06 > 0:10:09'And the '90s karaoke craze was a big deal here.'
0:10:09 > 0:10:11# Go on now, go! Go! Go!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13# Walk out the door
0:10:13 > 0:10:15# Just turn around now... #
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Did you see what I did there? I turned.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21'Being on stage at Bonkers may have been the very bottom rung
0:10:21 > 0:10:23'of the Glasgow showbiz ladder,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26'but at least I had an audience.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28'I was having the time of my life,
0:10:28 > 0:10:29'but there was a downside.'
0:10:31 > 0:10:34# Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy
0:10:34 > 0:10:37# And I feel like loving you! #
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Aye, it wasn't the healthiest of lifestyles.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41At 3am every night,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I'd go stoatin' fae the pub
0:10:43 > 0:10:45to the nearest kebab shop.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I came to Glasgow to make it big.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53And Glasgow's notorious diet was making me -
0:10:53 > 0:10:55aye, that's me -
0:10:55 > 0:10:57very big, very quickly.
0:10:58 > 0:11:03At 16 stone, I turned into what you could kindly call a big lassie.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07More! Keep carving.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08More, more. Aye.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11And it's not just me. Glasgow...
0:11:13 > 0:11:14we need to talk.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Two-thirds of the city is overweight.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Two...thirds!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27And about a quarter of Glaswegians
0:11:27 > 0:11:29are clinically obese.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32And the worrying thing is...
0:11:32 > 0:11:34it's like we're proud of our dodgy diet.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Ha-hey! Pure mad mental Glasgae!
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Eating pies and pizzas
0:11:41 > 0:11:44and fish suppers and swallying doon Red Kola,
0:11:44 > 0:11:46it's funny, ain't it?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Funny?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52It's not funny, is it?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55'Something's got to give!'
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Would you like a wee stalk of free broccoli? It's for nothing.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05'Our health record is worse than comparable cities
0:12:05 > 0:12:07'like Manchester or Liverpool.'
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Broccoli!
0:12:08 > 0:12:12'It's what health professionals call - ahem - The Glasgow Effect.'
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Broccoli! Broccoli for the people!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Guys, a wee bit of broccoli. Help you through the day.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19You can plant it.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Broccoli! Anybody?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24It's free!
0:12:25 > 0:12:28'But typically, Glasgow folk don't appreciate
0:12:28 > 0:12:31'anyone telling them to eat their greens.'
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Hello, would you like some free broccoli? It's just free.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Free broccoli. It's for nothing.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45'And let's face it, it is difficult
0:12:45 > 0:12:48'to resist the lure of the deep-fat fryer.'
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Excuse me, excuse me. Can I have some chips, please?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52And cheese, curry sauce.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Have you got any rolls? A choc ice...
0:12:55 > 0:12:58'But not everyone gives in so easily.'
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Hello there!
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Hiya.- How you doing, Anne-Marie? Nice to meet you.- You too.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06'I've come to the north of the city,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09'where locals are taking matters into their own hands.'
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Right, where's the kettle? Where's the coffee?
0:13:12 > 0:13:16North Glasgow is one of the poorest parts of the UK.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19And Milton is one of the poorest parts of north Glasgow.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26There's not much organic asparagus or ripe papaya in the shops here.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31So the locals decided that the best way to get their five a day
0:13:31 > 0:13:32was to grow it themselves.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35It used to be it was just all tenement buildings here,
0:13:35 > 0:13:36it was a total mess.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39And we came in and we dug it all out
0:13:39 > 0:13:41and grew they boxes up fae scratch.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43And what is the purpose of this place, Anne-Marie?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47To teach young people and kids and adults about fruit and veg
0:13:47 > 0:13:49and it's healthier. Even like myself,
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I wasnae like, fruit and veg and stuff like that
0:13:53 > 0:13:56but then I got to know about the garden and I done volunteering
0:13:56 > 0:13:59and that's when I started eating a lot of fruit and veg.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Get a wee shoogle!- Shoogling!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06'Green-fingered or not, everybody mucks in here.'
0:14:08 > 0:14:11There's actual effort involved in this, isn't there?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- You'd better believe it. - Oh, look at that.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16That's a cracker.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Milton Gold!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Aye, that's a big one.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Plenty of leeks. Any more leeks, I'll need a plumber!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25LAUGHTER
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Right, in here?- Yeah.- Lovely.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31- Hello, everybody!- Hello.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33'There's something deeply satisfying
0:14:33 > 0:14:36'about pulling fresh veg from fertile Glasgow soil,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39'then bringing it straight into the kitchen.'
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Onion!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Cut the leek like that. Cut the leek like this.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Especially when they've come out the garden, they're all earthy.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It's funny, see in the couple of hours I've been here,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I can see that this is much more than just feeding the community.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01It's about being part of the community,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03everybody getting together and doing stuff.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08'But Milton's hungry weans don't really care
0:15:08 > 0:15:11'whether their food's home-grown - they just want some tasty scran.'
0:15:11 > 0:15:13BANGING GETS FASTER
0:15:13 > 0:15:15SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Ladies and gentlemen...
0:15:17 > 0:15:20the dinner! Wahey!
0:15:20 > 0:15:22APPLAUSE
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Thanks, Debbie. Soup!
0:15:29 > 0:15:30'Home-made leek and potato soup
0:15:30 > 0:15:32'is the kind of healthy fodder
0:15:32 > 0:15:35'generations of Glaswegians have been brought up on,
0:15:35 > 0:15:36'but in the fast-food era,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39'it's almost like some of these basics have been forgotten.'
0:15:39 > 0:15:41And to just let you all know
0:15:41 > 0:15:44that I actually hand-picked those leeks myself.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48I did. I dug up the tatties
0:15:48 > 0:15:51and I went to the Clyde
0:15:51 > 0:15:54and got the water for the soup as well.
0:15:57 > 0:16:03'Ach, Glasgow! Milton home-made soup beats a deep-fried pizza any day.'
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Is that all of it?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10So there's a couple of dozen of us here the day,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12all sitting as part of the community -
0:16:12 > 0:16:14grown the food, picked the food,
0:16:14 > 0:16:15washed it and brought it in,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18cooked it all, and all eating it together.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I feel like I've been a part of that the day.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Me and Liz, we were the chefs and we've cooked everything.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26No salt, nothing deep-fried,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28everything all oven-cooked or boiled.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32It's all healthy, and it must be delicious, cos everybody's eating it.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41'And what's the point of a big sit-down meal without a speech?'
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Everybody, thank you very much for inviting me along here the day.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47We know that Glasgow gets a lot of bad press for its diet.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Everybody thinks it's all fish suppers and Irn Bru.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Well, I'm saying let them come to Milton!
0:16:52 > 0:16:53CHEERING
0:16:53 > 0:16:55'A community nurturing their home-grown food
0:16:55 > 0:16:59'and their home-grown food nurturing their community -
0:16:59 > 0:17:01'it's soup from a Glaswegian's soul!'
0:17:05 > 0:17:09And in my own life as a 25-year-old who was 16 stone,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I realised that something really had to change.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Somebody said you can sum up every diet book in four words -
0:17:18 > 0:17:20eat less, move more.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24So that's what I did.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Started eating carefully, doing a bit more exercise,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30and you know what? It actually works.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36In 1996, I lost five stone.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40As a result, I felt more confident about myself
0:17:40 > 0:17:42and all I needed was a big break.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49And in 1998, I walked away from the karaoke
0:17:49 > 0:17:50and into the spotlight.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Not a lot of people know this,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55but I'd been living in Glasgow for seven years
0:17:55 > 0:17:57when I started playing for Celtic...
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Well, I was in a play about Celtic.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03And right here, at the Pavilion theatre,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05is where I popped my acting cherry.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07And I tell you, I was keeching it
0:18:07 > 0:18:09to step out in front of a Glasgow audience.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10But I did it.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Here is The Celtic Story, and look, look, look!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19There's me, at the end. And look,
0:18:19 > 0:18:20look at that photie!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22'There I was, a pub chanter
0:18:22 > 0:18:25'stood alongside Jimmy Logan, Dorothy Paul.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28'I had arrived.'
0:18:28 > 0:18:31I cannae describe how out of my depth I felt.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34It was phenomenal to be in that show.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38It might have been a small part, but it was a big hit.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Taxi!
0:18:41 > 0:18:45'And that's because everyone in Glasgow is obsessed with football.'
0:18:46 > 0:18:49'And it's not just playing it or watching it.'
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Driver? Gonnae put the radio on?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53RADIO: 'The ball was over the line...'
0:18:53 > 0:18:55'It's talking about it - constantly.'
0:18:55 > 0:18:57'Was the ball over the line?'
0:18:57 > 0:18:59'Well, if its 75% over the line, it's not a goal.'
0:18:59 > 0:19:02'But I've a confession to make.'
0:19:02 > 0:19:04And, Glasgow, don't disown me.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Don't send me back doon the water, but...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I don't have a scooby about football.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11And in Glasgow,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13that's a bit like being a vegan at a square-sausage party.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Square-sausage party - you've been to them? Brilliant!
0:19:16 > 0:19:18'We deserved to win the game at the end
0:19:18 > 0:19:19'because we played for 90 minutes.'
0:19:19 > 0:19:22'I just don't get it.'
0:19:22 > 0:19:24'Tell him to shut his mouth
0:19:24 > 0:19:26'and do his talking on the park!'
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Across the city, every evening,
0:19:28 > 0:19:33radios are switched to the local radio station, Radio Clyde.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34'Cos that guy is a numpty!'
0:19:34 > 0:19:37In a city of just over half a million,
0:19:37 > 0:19:41200,000 listeners tune in to its football phone-in every week.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44'You're living in Cloud Cuckoo Land!'
0:19:44 > 0:19:45'And it's on for two hours a day,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48'six nights a week.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50'So to try to understand the attraction,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53'I'm joining host Jim Delahunt, journalist Hugh Keevins,
0:19:53 > 0:19:58'and ex-player Gordon Dalziell for their nightly football rammy.'
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Welcome back. We've Karen Dunbar. You'll know Karen.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06And you're in here to find out exactly what, Karen?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Hello. Yes, I am.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Hello, everybody listening.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I know nothing. I'm here to be educated tonight,
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- so I've got important questions.- Right.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Do you need to know about football to be a Glaswegian?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Do you feel that if you come to Glasgow
0:20:20 > 0:20:22and you don't know about football you should learn?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24There was never a Glaswegian born
0:20:24 > 0:20:27who didn't think he wasn't a football expert.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29And if one doesn't know - what?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32You're an outcast. You are filed under "weirdo".
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Very busy as ever. Charlie's in Cranhill in Glasgow. Hi, Charlie.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- CALLER:- 'I'd like to say to Karen,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39'I know you're sitting next to those two guys.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41'You admit you know nothing about football -
0:20:41 > 0:20:43'you probably know more than they two, right enough.'
0:20:43 > 0:20:44- THEY LAUGH - Right, Charlie.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48I know nothing and I've lived in Glasgow for over 20 years.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49'That is definitely weird.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51'Right, it's Gordon I want to speak to.'
0:20:51 > 0:20:52On you go then, Charlie.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Gordon, there's Charlie on the phone for you.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56THEY LAUGH Go on, Charlie.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59'How you doing? Right, I want to have issue with you...'
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Come on, then.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03MUSIC: "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis
0:21:03 > 0:21:05'So, just like that, I was dinghyed.'
0:21:05 > 0:21:08We can look at it from two different...
0:21:08 > 0:21:10'I sat listening to 20 minutes
0:21:10 > 0:21:13'about the some daft football story of the day...'
0:21:13 > 0:21:15And this goes beyond next season ticket sales...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17'And although I was trying to keep up,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20'I admit I was completely lost.'
0:21:20 > 0:21:23There's a difference of "out of the loop" and "for a loan."
0:21:23 > 0:21:25'I'm agreeing with you totally.'
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Way beyond...
0:21:28 > 0:21:31'Everyone's raging about everybody else.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33'Hugh seems like a nice wee man to me,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37'but lots of the callers just phoned in to gie him pelters.'
0:21:37 > 0:21:40You have the chicken-and-egg situation, Frank.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42'And nobody ever wins an argument.'
0:21:42 > 0:21:44'I think you're talking absolute nonsense.'
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Frank, thanks very much for your call tonight.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Karen, you're still with us. - Hi.- You've just been listening.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53- Is it making any sense to you? - I can hear the passion.- Yes.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I can hear the arguments.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58That's about it. I still really don't know what's happening.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00What makes it such a big deal?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Glasgow's the most argumentative city in the world.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07They have an opinion and you will listen to it.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11I once had a man who gave me a real hard time,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14and I went back up to the house after the programme
0:22:14 > 0:22:16and my wife said, "How was the show?"
0:22:16 > 0:22:19And I said, "Oh, apart from one guy it was fine.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20"This guy gave me a terrible time."
0:22:20 > 0:22:23She said, "Oh, I know." I said, "How do you know?"
0:22:23 > 0:22:27She said, "Because he was using our phone." And I said, "What?"
0:22:27 > 0:22:31She said, "Remember the guy who came to plumb in the washing machine?
0:22:31 > 0:22:32"It got to five o'clock and he said,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34"'Mrs Keevins, would you mind if I used your phone?'
0:22:34 > 0:22:37"Then he phoned you and gave you a hard time."
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- And I paid for the call! - THEY LAUGH
0:22:40 > 0:22:42That's what your wife telt you happened. OK!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44LAUGHTER
0:22:44 > 0:22:46'After two hours of football fighting talk,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49'the headphones came off and the truth came out.'
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Guys, is there an element of therapy in this football phone in?
0:22:53 > 0:22:57There are some who are genuinely moved by it all,
0:22:57 > 0:23:01who are so emotionally involved
0:23:01 > 0:23:03that it truly affects...
0:23:03 > 0:23:05their everyday life.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07They cannot get to sleep...
0:23:07 > 0:23:09The amount of people that I meet in the street
0:23:09 > 0:23:12that tell me they listen every single night.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13So do you think maybe, at its core,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15it's a way for Glasgow men to communicate
0:23:15 > 0:23:17and be part of a community with each other?
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- And connect?- It's easier for men to be emotional about football
0:23:21 > 0:23:24than it is to be everyday emotional
0:23:24 > 0:23:27with their families.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30They care passionately about what's going on.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- CALLER: - 'Listen, please listen, right?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36'Cos I hate the way yous all chuckle when it's a certain...'
0:23:36 > 0:23:38It's meant to be entertainment.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40'Yous all chuckle, Gordon chuckles...'
0:23:40 > 0:23:43- I'm just a chuckly guy. - ALL LAUGH
0:23:44 > 0:23:48MUSIC: "Best of Friends" by Palma Violets
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Glasgow has always been a city that's full of big characters
0:23:51 > 0:23:53who'll speak their mind to anyone listening.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56INDISTINCT SPEECH
0:23:56 > 0:23:59But for all their bluster, people here can laugh at themselves.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05So when I landed my first TV audition,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I knew that I wouldn't have to look very far for inspiration.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11What I did was I dressed up as a wee Glasgow wifey.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15And when they shouted, "Karen Dunbar!"
0:24:15 > 0:24:19I says, "No, my name's Agnes, OK, pal?"
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Because, in my experience,
0:24:21 > 0:24:26some of the funniest, most surreal stars of Glasgow life
0:24:26 > 0:24:27are the wee wifeys.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31MUSIC: "Bingo Bella" by Matt McGinn
0:24:36 > 0:24:38In the imagination,
0:24:38 > 0:24:43Glasgow is always about violent, angry young men but, in reality,
0:24:43 > 0:24:47the backbone of Glasgow is older, working-class women.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49CHATTER
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Places like this - the bingo in Maryhill -
0:24:55 > 0:25:00are full of strong, amazing and inspiring Glasgow women.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Your man comes in, if his dinner's no' on the table - tough.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06SHE LAUGHS It's in the dug!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Some of the old wife's tales are good.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11That's true. That's true.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Many a mickle makes a muckle.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15BOTH LAUGH
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Never perm and streak in the same week.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18BOTH LAUGH
0:25:18 > 0:25:21What do you think older women bring to the city?
0:25:22 > 0:25:26I don't really know. I mean, what do they bring to the city?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28- Sandwiches.- Sandwiches!
0:25:28 > 0:25:29SHE LAUGHS
0:25:31 > 0:25:35I've spent years watching the way folk act in this city,
0:25:35 > 0:25:36so when Chewing The Fat came along
0:25:36 > 0:25:39and they wanted someone with a funny face
0:25:39 > 0:25:41and the ability to play Glasgow wifeys,
0:25:41 > 0:25:45well, I felt I'd had the finest training a comedy actor could get.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Rose was never one for wearing knickers.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Well, everybody knew I just wore mine to keep my ankles warm.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53LAUGHTER
0:25:53 > 0:25:58Glasgow had finally helped me "for-fill" the dreams of TV stardom
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I wrote about all those years ago as a wee girl.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Ever since I stepped off the train at Glasgow Central
0:26:07 > 0:26:10and my first days in the karaoke bar in Bonkers,
0:26:10 > 0:26:14I've loved Glasgow, and I love making Glaswegians sing.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19My life in dear old Glasgow toon
0:26:19 > 0:26:22began with bevvied-up karaoke sing-alongs.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24In the 21 years since,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27I've discovered that the city IS it's people.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31And Glasgow's people have shown me how to be gallus and gay,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34that having a carry-on can turn into a career,
0:26:34 > 0:26:38and that a wee bit of kindness can go a long way in a poor city.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42And that is why this damp wee corner of the world
0:26:42 > 0:26:45is where I belong.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48And I think that the most famous song that's been written
0:26:48 > 0:26:50about this brilliant city
0:26:50 > 0:26:52is in serious need of a revival.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56So, by way of a huge warm hug to Glasgow,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58let me clear my throat...
0:26:58 > 0:27:00SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:27:00 > 0:27:01ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS
0:27:01 > 0:27:03That's nice.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08# I belong to Glasgow
0:27:08 > 0:27:11# Dear old Glasgow toon
0:27:11 > 0:27:15# There's something the matter wi' Glasgow
0:27:15 > 0:27:18# For it's goin' 'roon and 'roon
0:27:20 > 0:27:24# I'm only a common old working chap
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# As anyone here can see
0:27:27 > 0:27:32# But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Glasgow belong to me... #
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Everybody!
0:27:36 > 0:27:40# I belong to Glasgow
0:27:40 > 0:27:44# Dear old Glasgow toon
0:27:44 > 0:27:47# There's something the matter wi' Glasgow
0:27:47 > 0:27:51# For it's goin' 'roon and 'roon
0:27:51 > 0:27:55# I'm only a common old working chap
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# As anyone here can see
0:27:58 > 0:28:03# But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:28:03 > 0:28:07- # Glasgow belongs to me... # - Everybody sing!
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# I belong to Glasgow... #
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Jimmy!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14# Dear old Glasgow toon
0:28:14 > 0:28:18# There's something the matter with Glasgow
0:28:18 > 0:28:22# For it's goin' 'roon and 'roon
0:28:22 > 0:28:25# I'm only a common old working chap
0:28:25 > 0:28:29# As anyone here can see
0:28:29 > 0:28:33# But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:28:33 > 0:28:36# Glasgow belongs to me... #
0:28:36 > 0:28:37One more time!
0:28:37 > 0:28:41# When I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:28:41 > 0:28:44# Glasgow belongs
0:28:44 > 0:28:48# To me. #
0:28:48 > 0:28:52- Whey-hey! - APPLAUSE