0:00:04 > 0:00:06A long, long time ago,
0:00:06 > 0:00:10a man with a funny sounding name came from the East
0:00:10 > 0:00:14and settled by the banks of the Clyde.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15He was called Saint Mungo
0:00:15 > 0:00:19and, according to legend, he was the first Glaswegian.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22He built a church, battered out a few miracles and he proclaimed,
0:00:22 > 0:00:25"Let Glasgow flourish."
0:00:25 > 0:00:27And ever since, people have been flocking
0:00:27 > 0:00:32to the great city of Glasgow and making a right good go of it.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35And 41 years ago, I became one of those people.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41This year, with the eyes of the world on the city,
0:00:41 > 0:00:47four Glaswegians explore what it means to belong to Glasgow.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50My name is Sanjeev Kohli and I'm an actor and comedian.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54And this is MY guide to the city
0:00:54 > 0:00:59that my parents travelled across the world to get to.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02The city that made fun of me and made me funny...
0:01:02 > 0:01:07I actually expected to get bullied. I was Asian and I was a swot.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11In fact, I used to bully myself before I left the door.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13The city that may not have everything,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15but it's everything to me.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Aberdeen, I love your beaches.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Forfar, I love your bridies.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Dundee, I love your...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28sense of discovery.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29But you know what?
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- SHOUTS:- I belong to Glasgoooooooooow!
0:02:07 > 0:02:11My Glasgow story begins in 1973.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13I wasn't worried about the Watergate scandal
0:02:13 > 0:02:15that was shocking the world.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I didn't have an opinion on Britain joining the EEC
0:02:18 > 0:02:19or a ticket for David Bowie,
0:02:19 > 0:02:22the first gig at the brand-new Glasgow Apollo.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30But what was significant was that Mr Parduman Singh Kohli and
0:02:30 > 0:02:32his wife, Mrs Kuldeep Singh Kohli,
0:02:32 > 0:02:34had arrived in the West End of Glasgow...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36my mum and dad.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41They'd left the Punjab behind them,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43spent a few years in London, were I was born,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46then moved their family up to a city famed for razor gangs
0:02:46 > 0:02:49and drunkenness and the young Sydney Devine.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53In 1973, Glasgow was a very white place.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Not just white, the blue-white you get
0:02:56 > 0:02:59when you leave a blue sock in a whites-only wash.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02And for someone to move their entire life here,
0:03:02 > 0:03:06leave a blazing hot Punjab for a pure baltic Partick...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Well, must have been one hell of a brave.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Asian immigrants were beginning to arrive in Glasgow,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18but in the early '70s, the numbers were tiny,
0:03:18 > 0:03:21a mere 1.3% of the city's population.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Of course, as a newly arrived two-year-old, I was only interested
0:03:24 > 0:03:27in Farley's Rusks and playing with me own feet.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30For my folks, I imagine the move must have been a huge culture shock,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33but I've never actually asked.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36The thing with your parents is, normally the questions you ask them
0:03:36 > 0:03:37are, "Is there sugar in this, Mum?"
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Now I'm going to ask them the serious questions like,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42"What was it actually like coming to Glasgow
0:03:42 > 0:03:45"from the Punjab in North India?" Should be interesting.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Guaranteed, the ornaments will be polished, the kitchen will be tidy
0:03:48 > 0:03:51and my wee mum will always be there with a hug and a welcome
0:03:51 > 0:03:53when I turn up on her doorstep.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Hello.- What?- How you doing? - How you doing?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01They're getting work done. Right, what we do is we ignore the hall
0:04:01 > 0:04:03cos my mum's very self-conscious about it.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Just come through, come through.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Right, so this is my wee mum, Kuldeep Kohli
0:04:07 > 0:04:10and this is my dad, Parduman Kohli...
0:04:10 > 0:04:13and that was an ornamental swan that I just broke.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Um, sorry, Mum.- It's all right.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19'Kitchen table, three mugs of tea.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22'After years of eye-rolling and ignoring advice,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24'the time has finally come to listen to the old folks
0:04:24 > 0:04:27'when they talk about what Glasgow life was like back in the day.'
0:04:30 > 0:04:33In one way, it was a lovely atmosphere,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36children would be playing in the streets and mothers would be sitting
0:04:36 > 0:04:41on the chairs around with the cups of teas and pieces in their hands.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46All we could see was these tenement buildings, all grey and black
0:04:46 > 0:04:47and a lot of smoke.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Most of the first turban-wearing Sikhs
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Glaswegians would have encountered would have been travelling salesmen.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02But by the 1970s, newly arrived immigrants began turning up
0:05:02 > 0:05:04in the jobs that locals didn't want,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07on the buses, cleaners, in kitchens...
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Inevitably, my folks took some of the most unpopular jobs of all.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15My mother tried to stop '70s kids doggin' school.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17And my father worked with young offenders.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Aye, that'll be how to blend in, folks!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Bandage Heid? Did you get a lot of that?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25All comments, "What you selling today?" "I'm not selling anything."
0:05:25 > 0:05:27It was just ignorance.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29There was no dialogue between the ethnic minorities
0:05:29 > 0:05:33and the main community. When I worked as a school attendance officer,
0:05:33 > 0:05:38the teenagers, they threw stones at me and I didn't know why they did.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Then I realised I was the first black person in that area.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43They had never seen a black woman.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47It strikes me that what you did coming here was incredibly brave.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49I mean, at any point did you think,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51"Right, we're going back. We're turning back?"
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- No, never thought of going back. - Because my objective simply was,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57"I've come here to make a living and I have to make a living."
0:05:57 > 0:06:01I got settled in Scotland within the first six months and thought,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- "This is my hometown."- Really?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08So the Kohli clan settled in Glasgow.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12I had two brothers, but then, as now, I was the youngest and coolest.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Look at my wee face!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18And the mix of Glasgow and Asian cultures was comedy gold.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22I used to love it when someone said something to you in Glasgow slang
0:06:22 > 0:06:23- and you'd repeat it.- "Brand-new."
0:06:23 > 0:06:25You're talking about some plumber and he said,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28"Don't worry Mrs Kohli, I am brand-new!"
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Our neighbours when I was seven, she would do that piece thing...
0:06:31 > 0:06:34She'd call us over, "Sanjeev! Jam piece or cheese piece?"
0:06:34 > 0:06:38It was really broad Indian but with that wee Scottish twang.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Cannae do it.- Cannae. No gonnae do that, cannae do that.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47And as I ventured out into unreconstructed 1970s Glasgow,
0:06:47 > 0:06:51this speccy wee Indian nerd made clear to local Weegie toughs
0:06:51 > 0:06:54that no-one was going to mess with me.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I remember one incident where someone had called me a name,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I can't remember what the name was, and I cycled home,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03must have been five or six, cycled home, furiously cycled home...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05I remember this.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08So I came in the door, shut it behind me, opened the letter box
0:07:08 > 0:07:10and I distinctly remember using the words,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13"I'm going to pull all your hairs out."
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Screaming through the letter box, the guy is about a mile away
0:07:15 > 0:07:19and I am shouting through this letter box, clearly knowing that
0:07:19 > 0:07:22he's not going to hear it and also, well, I'm protected by a door here.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25When you saw stuff like that, what did you think?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27This is one of the reasons we worked so hard,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30sent you to the fee-paying schools even though we couldn't afford it.
0:07:30 > 0:07:36We still did our best so that you don't face the problems we faced.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Ach, parents.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41When you actually listen to them and think about the sacrifices they made
0:07:41 > 0:07:43and the risks they took
0:07:43 > 0:07:46just to keep me in arctic rolls and Evel Knievel...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48it can be a humbling experience.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56My parents invested everything in me and my brothers
0:07:56 > 0:07:58and our lives in Glasgow.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01So, dressed as some kind of nerd-tastic bully-magnet,
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I embarked on a Glasgow education.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10This is where I went to school, St Aloysius' in the city centre...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Yes, it's a posh school.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Glasgow wears its working class roots with pride,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16so it's a slight beamer to admit that you went to
0:08:16 > 0:08:18a fee-paying school. Do you know what, though?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I'm going to play the immigrant card. My parents were aspirational.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24They wanted to give me the leg up that they never hud...
0:08:24 > 0:08:25sorry, HAD.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32It wasn't just a posh school, it was also a Catholic school.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Amongst all your Seans and your Sineads and your Terry-Annes,
0:08:35 > 0:08:40the only kid called Sanjeev felt he stuck out.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I was a Sikh and I wanted to hide.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46But 27 years since I was last skulking around these parts,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I've agreed to speak at morning assembly to today's pupils
0:08:49 > 0:08:53about what it was like to be one of the few brown kids
0:08:53 > 0:08:55to wear that all-green uniform.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I mean, that is my actual tie,
0:08:57 > 0:09:01the one that I used, there's your proof.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06You have to bear in mind that at school I was very much anonymous,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10it was all about just not sticking out, trying to fit in
0:09:10 > 0:09:13and here I am.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17This is like my first day at school all over again!
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Like so many immigrants, my parents channelled all their hopes
0:09:22 > 0:09:25and their dreams into their kids' futures.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27And at school, the Maths, English, Chemistry and Physics
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I could do, no bother.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It was being accepted - well, that was the hard bit.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Good morning, St Aloysius' College.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Thank so much for allowing me back into the school
0:09:38 > 0:09:42because I'm making a show about growing up in Glasgow.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45You see, I was Asian, I was speccy,
0:09:45 > 0:09:50I was shy, I was dull and I was a swot.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52And I smelled of crisps.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I actually expected to get bullied.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58In fact, I used to bully myself before I left the door,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00just to pre-empt it, get it out the way.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05I used to nick my own lunch money, do my own French homework...
0:10:05 > 0:10:08made sure I did it in my own handwriting, of course.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11See, I think this is probably the headline of my childhood,
0:10:11 > 0:10:13I was just trying to fit in.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18'It's hard for today's racially savvy kids to understand,
0:10:18 > 0:10:21'but back in my day, some of my wee Weegie classmates acted
0:10:21 > 0:10:24'like they'd never seen an Asian person before and that's because...
0:10:24 > 0:10:26'well, they hadn't.'
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Primary 5, in the toilets, another boy in my class,
0:10:30 > 0:10:32who will remain nameless,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35asked me what will probably be the best question
0:10:35 > 0:10:38that I've ever been asked, and it was this...
0:10:38 > 0:10:40And I promise you, I'm not making this up
0:10:40 > 0:10:43and I now feel faintly embarrassed that I'm going to say this
0:10:43 > 0:10:44in a church, but there you go.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48"Sanjeev," he said, "You have brown skin.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50"Does that mean you do white jobbies?"
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Thank you, St Aloysius'.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Aye, I pure said jobbies in front of the teachers
0:11:02 > 0:11:03and the ten-year-old version of me
0:11:03 > 0:11:06is trembling with the rebellious thrill of it all.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08MUSIC: "One Step Beyond" by Madness
0:11:08 > 0:11:10# One step beyond! #
0:11:12 > 0:11:14See, I always wanted to be one of the cool kids,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I wanted to have a pure mad carry on
0:11:17 > 0:11:20with Wee Smiddy, Mad John Paul, Gonzo and Death Breath.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You're pure dingied, man!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Yes!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34When we were kids, we didn't have iPods,
0:11:34 > 0:11:36we couldn't pause live television, no.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39We had to make our own classroom fun
0:11:39 > 0:11:42with sticks and paper and saliva.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47To make a soggy bomb, or spidoink,
0:11:47 > 0:11:51simply tear off the corner of a Strathclyde Regional Council jotter
0:11:51 > 0:11:52and chew liberally,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54get yourself a ruler...
0:11:56 > 0:11:58..and fire at will.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Of course, kids today don't need to learn any of this
0:12:02 > 0:12:04cos they've probably have Soggy Bomb for the iPad.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06# One step beyond! #
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Ach, who am I kidding? Stop this madness!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13I wanted to fit in, to be cool...
0:12:13 > 0:12:14but throughout my school days,
0:12:14 > 0:12:18I was all too aware that my parents had relocated their whole life
0:12:18 > 0:12:20in order to give me a better chance.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23So, like so many second generation immigrants,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I focused all my efforts on studying,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27which is why I look so serious.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Look at that serious face.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31What can I say? It's an Asian thing.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32We have a work ethic that would
0:12:32 > 0:12:35make John Knox book a fortnight in Magaluf.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40And when I wasn't genning up on my geometry,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43I was grafting for the family business.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Asian business? Glasgow? 1980s?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49What could it possibly be?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Aye, that's right, your classic corner shop.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Our family had a newsagents for a while...
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Well, we were Asian, it was in the small print.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01..and I soon became painfully aware that this might be that only time
0:13:01 > 0:13:04that white Glaswegians had any meaningful contact with Asians,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06even if it was just to buy a Drifter and a Look-In.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Yes, in my head, I represented...
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Every. Single. Asian...
0:13:12 > 0:13:13EVER.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17You see, for me, these weren't just shops,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19they were like race-relation mediation centres
0:13:19 > 0:13:22and I couldn't help feeling like an ambassador
0:13:22 > 0:13:23for all Asians everywhere.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26So, while flogging late night fags, Mellow Birds,
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Cola Cubes and copies of The People's Friend,
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I was always on my best behaviour.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Well, almost always...
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Slight confession. When I was about 11 or 12, when we had our shop,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I used to come down after school and the first thing I would do
0:13:41 > 0:13:43is eat a Mortons Roll with a bit of cheese in it
0:13:43 > 0:13:47and I would basically read the comics that were on order.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49They were sitting in a pile behind the counter
0:13:49 > 0:13:52and I'd actually go through The Beano, The Dandy,
0:13:52 > 0:13:53The Topper, Whizzer and Chips...
0:13:53 > 0:13:56I'd read them all and place them back immaculately.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59So if you're kind of roughly ages with me in the Battlefield area
0:13:59 > 0:14:02of Glasgow and you found a Mortons crumb in your Dandy,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05it was me that fingered your comic, sorry.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09In the Kohli Corner Shop, we learned pretty damn quickly
0:14:09 > 0:14:12what made our Glaswegian cliental tick.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15In the blink of an eye, we could tell your entire lifestyle
0:14:15 > 0:14:18from the contents of the counter and then, like Google,
0:14:18 > 0:14:22we'd use that information and sell you other stuff.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Typhoo plus Puzzler equals a quiet afternoon in...
0:14:26 > 0:14:29suggest chocolate Hob Nobs.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Ten scratch cards
0:14:31 > 0:14:34plus 16 Regal King Size equals possible nutritional deficiency...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37suggest Alpen Bar.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Dude book plus Utterly Butterly equals...
0:14:45 > 0:14:46..best not get involved.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50But the fact is this was the 1980s,
0:14:50 > 0:14:54before click-and-collect, before 24-hour supermarkets.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58These wee shops were open longer and made our lives easier.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04So all hail the humble Asian shopkeeper,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07for keeping Weegies in late-night fingers of fudge
0:15:07 > 0:15:10and early morning emergency tights.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12But before we get too Ebony and Ivory,
0:15:12 > 0:15:14we need to talk about THAT word.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Is it OK to call a shop a, you know...
0:15:19 > 0:15:21(Paki shop?)
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Uh, NO.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26What exactly is the relevance of the ethnicity of the owners of a shop?
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Even if you are a racist, the Brillo Pads aren't Asian, are they?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33They're just Brillo Pads, they're not Paki Brillo Pads.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Why not just say newsagents or corner shop?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Even though the shop probably isn't even on a corner.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Another thing, when you say the word Paki,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44you might see the word Pakistani.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46All I see is the expression,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48"Paki, Go Home" on a wall somewhere.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I think enough people know now that that word
0:15:50 > 0:15:53has racist connotations, OK? Don't use it.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Of course, the usual defence is, "It's just a bit of banter, mate."
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Because it's not just Asians,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04everyone gets a bit of a slagging in Glasgow
0:16:04 > 0:16:06and being able to take pelters is a badge of honour.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Let's have a wee shifty at the words that we like to laugh at.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18Like the Inuits and the snow, we've got thousands of words for idiot.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21So does the banter abuse as much as it amuses?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Are these put downs keeping us down?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25This is sacrilege, I know,
0:16:25 > 0:16:27but could it be that our world-famous banter
0:16:27 > 0:16:28is actually holding us back?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34There's a school of thought that dares to suggest that
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Glasgow's glorious banter is bad for the psyche.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40So just what is the matter with our patter?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44I think Glaswegians are particularly big at labelling people
0:16:44 > 0:16:50and actually most of it is critical and quite abusive.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Writer and journalist Carol Craig has speculated
0:16:52 > 0:16:56that giving each other pelters is pure heavy bad for our wellbeing.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Glasgow people really do indulge in a lot of banter and it can be funny.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I think the issue about it is that
0:17:03 > 0:17:07it's often about putting people down and it can be quite limiting.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10And it doesn't like people to break out of that.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12I think there's a kind of...
0:17:12 > 0:17:15"It's no for the likes of us and it's shit, anyway."
0:17:15 > 0:17:19I think that actually sums up quite a lot of what Glaswegians think.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23There is sometimes also a very macho aspect to humour, quite aggressive.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Yeah.- It's almost like, "How are we going to humiliate this boy?"
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Yeah, it keeps people living quite narrow and limited lives,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33because they're scared that they're going to get put down
0:17:33 > 0:17:35or they're going to get called names. So I think
0:17:35 > 0:17:37it keeps people quite limited.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I remember someone telling me they were growing up on a housing estate
0:17:40 > 0:17:43not that long ago and their mother was English
0:17:43 > 0:17:44and she wanted to grow vegetables.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48And this kid got abuse at the school...
0:17:48 > 0:17:50for the fact that her mother was growing vegetables.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54'It's an interesting theory.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58'But Glasgow is a city that's hard-wired to poke fun, to subvert,
0:17:58 > 0:18:00'to take the mick...'
0:18:00 > 0:18:04But that's what I love about it. I mean, aren't we famously funny?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Glasgow humour is a thing, and I think it's known worldwide for that.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12And we should celebrate that, shouldn't we?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14It's a thing and it is very funny,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16but it can have an impact on you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20You know, if people routinely get that kind of abuse,
0:18:20 > 0:18:23then does it affect how they see themselves,
0:18:23 > 0:18:24does it limit what they do?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I would say it does, that's what the research would seem to indicate,
0:18:27 > 0:18:29particularly when you're a kid.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31If that's the way that you're being spoken to a lot of the time,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33it affects you.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Carol's got a point. Glasgow humour is harsh and it can be cutting.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42But, for me that's also what makes it uniquely funny.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45And in this town, being slagged can actually be affectionate.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46In fact, it's often a compliment.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53And after 20 years in the city, I had a First Class Maths Degree
0:18:53 > 0:18:55and with my geek chic, my enormous glasses...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57How did they even stay on my face?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59..I'd had countless slaggings.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01And in keeping with Glasgow's finest traditions,
0:19:01 > 0:19:05I was ready to give it back and I found my voice through comedy.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- Just tell us what's on, ya wee hob. - Who you calling a hob, you donk?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Who you calling a donk, you nugget?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- Well then.- Well then. - Well then!- Well then!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15'And after years of trying to avoid being made fun of,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18'I began writing, performing, ripping the mince out of myself
0:19:18 > 0:19:20'and making fun of Glasgow life.'
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Ah, mate, mate...
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- Some- BLEEP- givin' you the vickie!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30'Suddenly my life as an Glasw-Asian
0:19:30 > 0:19:33'was not something to be shy about, it was rich material to draw on.'
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Am I going to be on the telly?
0:19:35 > 0:19:39'And I found a character that reflected the Glasgow that I knew.'
0:19:39 > 0:19:42You, Isa, are a nosey bastard.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Now, you wait here a minute, Navid!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47'Navid was a shopkeeper who was unapologetically Glaswegian
0:19:47 > 0:19:49'and unapologetically Asian.'
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Now you're the arsehole. Get it up you.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55'A character everyone in the city would recognise.'
0:19:59 > 0:20:01My humour definitely belongs to Glasgow.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04My family has been adopted by Glasgow.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07I get pathetically blootered on half a pint of shandy,
0:20:07 > 0:20:11so I think maybe my liver belongs to India.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Anyway, the point is, as a second generation immigrant,
0:20:14 > 0:20:18I'm constantly questioning and reshaping my identity.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Unlike my father and my brothers,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23from a young age, I chose NOT to wear the turban, a symbol
0:20:23 > 0:20:26of commitment to the Sikh faith.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I was Glaswegian six days a week, but on the seventh day,
0:20:30 > 0:20:34I visited a little piece of the Punjab in Pollokshields.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Bear in mind I grew up in Bishopbriggs,
0:20:36 > 0:20:37which is a pretty white area.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I went to Catholic school, pretty white school.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45So Sunday was the day I'd get down with the brown.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Because on Sundays, my family went to the Sikh temple,
0:20:48 > 0:20:49what's called the Gurdwara,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52literally meaning "the place of the Guru."
0:20:54 > 0:20:57And Glasgow's got a shiny new Gurdwara.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Sitting proudly in the Southside,
0:20:59 > 0:21:03it is the spiritual home to the city's 3,000-strong Sikh community.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11'It's been so long since I set foot in a temple
0:21:11 > 0:21:12'that I'm a little bit nervous,
0:21:12 > 0:21:14'but hopefully, no-one will notice.'
0:21:14 > 0:21:16So off come the shoes...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18'And if you don't have your own turban,
0:21:18 > 0:21:21'fear not, head gear is provided.'
0:21:21 > 0:21:25And you're at home at a Sikh temple in the Southside of Glasgow
0:21:25 > 0:21:29or indeed a gang in South Central LA - Crips!
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Charandeep.- Sat Sri Akaal. - Sat Sri Akaal.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- How're you?- I'm good, how are you?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I'm very well. Welcome to the Glasgow Gurdwara.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38'My guide is Charandeep Singh, a trustee of Gurdwara,
0:21:38 > 0:21:40'who'll show me around Scottish Sikhism's new gaff
0:21:40 > 0:21:44'and help me reconnect with my long lost spiritual side.'
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Is this your first visit to the Glasgow Gurdwara then?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Yeah. Do you hate me?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53- No! We're always up for first-time visitors.- Oh, good.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55'Sikhs believe that God is present everywhere,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57'but at the heart of the Gurdwara,
0:21:57 > 0:22:01'a simple space is set aside for worship.'
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Everybody sits on the floor, men, women, young people, older people.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Sikhs and non-Sikhs.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09That's what always got me growing up in a Sikh family,
0:22:09 > 0:22:11was you come to the temple, everyone is sitting cross-legged.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Doesn't matter what car they drove in,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16it doesn't matter what they did for a living.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20I had a problem which may be another reason that I'm slightly lapsed...
0:22:20 > 0:22:22I've got quite creaky knees and hips.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25And sometimes, at this age especially...
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I think you're a fairly young individual, Sanjeev.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30No, no, if I sit cross-legged, I need an exit strategy now.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35'All right, no more daft excuses.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37'For the first time in years,
0:22:37 > 0:22:39'I knelt in front of the Sikh scriptures
0:22:39 > 0:22:41'and then I found myself a space on the floor.'
0:22:44 > 0:22:46'I'm very proud of my both sides of my identity
0:22:46 > 0:22:49'and sitting amongst the community that I grew up with,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52'in the shiny new Gurdwara in Glasgow...
0:22:52 > 0:22:54'Well, it was more profound than I expected.'
0:23:00 > 0:23:04It's weird. It feels like a part of you even though it's something
0:23:04 > 0:23:07I've not entertained in so long and yet clearly it's in here,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10you know, and I can't call myself a believer but...
0:23:10 > 0:23:12in there the atmosphere and everything, it felt like I was home.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17Felt very homely and I guess that's something that will always stay
0:23:17 > 0:23:20with me, whether I believe or not.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23And there's one aspect to visiting the Gurdwara
0:23:23 > 0:23:24that even heathens can relish.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I've got a hunger for langar.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- Can you show me to the food? - Let's go.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Every Gurdwara in the world serves free food, what's known as langar.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42It's simple food, communally cooked and eaten together.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47This is kheer, is the best rice pudding in the world.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Well, I have to say, guys,
0:23:50 > 0:23:55langar has competently stayed pretty much the same as it ever was,
0:23:55 > 0:23:58the best Indian vegetarian food you'll ever get.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Saag, spinach, bit of daal here, lentils, got a bit of yoghurt here,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Punjabi rice pudding.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08And like every other Gurdwara around the world, the Sikh community here
0:24:08 > 0:24:11will share their food with anyone who walks through the door.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13It's open to everyone, to Sikhs and non-Sikhs.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Do you want that getting out, though?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Because this is Glasgow, Indian food is very popular here.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22If everyone knew about this, you might not be able to cope.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24'The Sikh community are saying,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26'"Come on away in, have a blether, have some scran,"
0:24:26 > 0:24:31'and that seems to me to be very Glaswegian.'
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It only really strikes me now, Glasgow and Sikhism
0:24:34 > 0:24:37are very similar actually and you know, I'll be honest,
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I was quite nervous about coming here as a lapsed Sikh,
0:24:40 > 0:24:45but the vibe I get is anyone's welcome, absolutely anyone's welcome
0:24:45 > 0:24:46and that's, you know...
0:24:46 > 0:24:49If it's not on Glasgow coat of arms then it should be.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53So, aye, Glasgow, Sikhism, really, really good fit.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59You see, immigrants enrich Glasgow.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03They build golden temples, start football clubs, open wee shops
0:25:03 > 0:25:06and bring some fantastic recipes with them...
0:25:06 > 0:25:10And remember, today's newcomers are tomorrow's proud Glaswegians.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15And in 2014, with an ageing population,
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Scotland is one of the few countries actively encouraging people
0:25:19 > 0:25:20to come and settle here.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26But are we really as welcoming as we're cracked up to be?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Well, the best people to judge are the new Glaswegians,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31people who've arrived in the city.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35'I'm going to speak to a family
0:25:35 > 0:25:39'who arrived in Glasgow just three months ago.'
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- Munir?- Hi, welcome.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43'Munir is a Syrian lawyer who had to leave his life,
0:25:43 > 0:25:46'his friends, his home behind to protect his family
0:25:46 > 0:25:48'from the ongoing civil war there...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53'And 41 years after I arrived in Glasgow as a wee boy,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56'I'm keen to find out how his two sons, Khalid and Yazan,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58'feel about their new home.'
0:26:00 > 0:26:04So what about the people who say that people in Glasgow are friendly
0:26:04 > 0:26:06and they welcome you... have you found that?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- Yeah.- Yeah, all of them are very friendly.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12My parents came here to Glasgow a long time ago
0:26:12 > 0:26:14and my mum and dad say the same thing,
0:26:14 > 0:26:16that people are very welcoming.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19My family came and saw the city and the people
0:26:19 > 0:26:23and they decided to stay in the city, yeah.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Glasgow has certain words that you won't even hear in
0:26:25 > 0:26:28other Scottish or British towns.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Have you learned any new words, any slang?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Yeah, dreich.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- Dreich? - SANJEEV LAUGHS
0:26:35 > 0:26:37'So on a dreich day,
0:26:37 > 0:26:41'I proudly showed dear old Glasgow toon to these new young residents.'
0:26:46 > 0:26:49'And then fittingly, in a wee cafe run by a Kosovan,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52'this Punjabi boy fed Italian nosh to the Syrian kids
0:26:52 > 0:26:54'and we talked about the future.'
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Are you ready to call it home?
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Yeah, because I want to stay here maybe forever.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Do you think you know what you want to do with your life?
0:27:02 > 0:27:08Yeah, I'd like to be a dentist, I'd like to study in Glasgow University.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Do you know what you want to be?
0:27:10 > 0:27:15- Uh, explorer.- We haven't had a Scottish explorer for a while,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18so you could be the next one, maybe?
0:27:18 > 0:27:22And I want to find, like, the biggest snake in the world.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Good luck with that. Hope that works out for you.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28So there you go. In the future,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31these fine new Glaswegians will be scraping our tartar
0:27:31 > 0:27:33and discovering our big snakes.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Glasgow has welcomed them and it makes me so proud.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42But let's not kid ourselves. We have our problems.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Life can be tough here for newcomers.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Just as my parents did 41 years ago, people are still arriving
0:27:48 > 0:27:51and making this city their home.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I was a new Glaswegian and I've been accepted, nurtured,
0:27:54 > 0:27:58educated, and embraced by this old town.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Now I belong here.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04And as long as we continue to welcome the world to our city,
0:28:04 > 0:28:06we will honour the spirit of Saint Mungo,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Glasgow's first resident and patron saint,
0:28:09 > 0:28:12when he said, "Let Glasgow flourish."
0:28:14 > 0:28:18THEY PLAY "I BELONG TO GLASGOW"