0:00:02 > 0:00:04I'm going to leave now.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Well, I would wait for the doctor.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10No, I... I think I'm going to leave.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13- I'd stay.- You can come with me if you like.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16I would stay, Joe, I really would.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20I just want to go and get a bottle of vodka.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23What makes you think you'd like to do that?
0:00:23 > 0:00:29I like the sensation as it goes down my throat.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32And I want to experience that for one last time.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37This programme contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38That's why I'm leaving.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50'I'd been spending time in the world of extreme drinkers...'
0:00:50 > 0:00:51- This is Pieter.- Pieter, Louis.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55'..getting to know people who consume alcohol, not just to excess
0:00:55 > 0:00:57'but to the point of total oblivion.'
0:00:57 > 0:00:59HE SOBS
0:00:59 > 0:01:03'My base was King's College Hospital in South London, a haven
0:01:03 > 0:01:08'for patients and families affected by life-threatening alcohol abuse.'
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- There it is.- There it is. That is vile, isn't it?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14'I was trying to understand the mind-set of people addicted to
0:01:14 > 0:01:17'Britain's favourite drug...
0:01:17 > 0:01:21'and the difficult choices faced by those close to them.'
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- Are you OK? Are you OK?- Yeah.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- You're not too wobbly? - No, I'm fine.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44'At King's A&E, I was with Pieter Swanepoel
0:01:44 > 0:01:46'and his girlfriend, Marianna.'
0:01:47 > 0:01:49How are you doing?
0:01:49 > 0:01:54To be honest, I'm not doing fine.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- You've started drinking again? - Yeah.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01He doesn't want to live any more. That's the new idea.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I didn't want to live any more.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Yeah.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12You went to South Africa for your dad, for your dad's funeral,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- that's right, isn't it?- Yes. Yes. - Your dad passed away from cancer. - Yes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21That must have been very emotional, but you handled it, didn't you?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24And you came back and you were still sober.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28So then what happened after you got back?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I...
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I don't know how I handled it.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38It's unbelievable.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43HE WEEPS
0:02:53 > 0:02:56How much have you had to drink, Pieter?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Yes, Louis. I...
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I don't know. How much?
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Have one litre and a half of vodka in 24 hours.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- One and a half litres of vodka in 24 hours.- 24 hours.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17I'm sorry, Louis.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20No, you don't need to apologise to me, Pieter.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24I can see that you've been through a lot, and it must be very difficult.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30'Pieter and Marianna had been together three years.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34'For most of the relationship, Pieter had been in a cycle of extreme
0:03:34 > 0:03:36'drinking and recovery.'
0:03:36 > 0:03:39It was on Tuesday that he relapsed, Tuesday evening, that's right?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Yes, I found him outside almost crying. He said, "I drunk."
0:03:43 > 0:03:46He started freaking out, you know, "I need to buy drink again."
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I said, "Well, why do you need to buy drink?"
0:03:48 > 0:03:51"Because if I don't buy drink now, I'm dying."
0:03:51 > 0:03:55He finished that bottle, bought another one, and then another
0:03:55 > 0:03:58big one, and from there...
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- he keeps carrying on like that. - How are you feeling?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Bad. I want to give up.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Giving up. In what sense?
0:04:05 > 0:04:09In giving up everything. Leaving...
0:04:09 > 0:04:12and going home. Going back home.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16But the problem is, I love him and we've been together three years.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Can I just let him die for me to be better?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Because if I go, he's going to die. - How do you know that?
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Because rejecting him, that's the worst thing.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30He will just drink until he dies.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Can I come in?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- Hi, Louis.- How's it going?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43You don't need to get up. Make yourself comfortable.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44How are you feeling?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47I'm feeling bad, Louis.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52What was it on Tuesday that got you drinking again?
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Do you remember what it was?
0:04:53 > 0:04:54My dad.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Remembering your dad?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59It was the sadness of losing your dad.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I think so, Louis.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06How was your relationship with your dad?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Very close.- You were very close to him?- Yes.- He was a good father.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- He was a Member of Parliament in South Africa.- Of Parliament?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- Yes.- Did he know about your drinking problems?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- Yes.- And what did he say about that?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22He said "boetie," meaning "brother" in South African,
0:05:22 > 0:05:26he said, "Just be strong."
0:05:30 > 0:05:32HE SOBS
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- I love you.- I know you do.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45I just hope some day we're going to be all right
0:05:45 > 0:05:48and we can have a normal life without all this.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00King's is a way-station for many of South London's addicted drinkers.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Sorry, Louis.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05My mum was trying to detox me off alcohol
0:06:05 > 0:06:07and I started projectile vomiting.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12- Right.- Some come here in crisis following prolonged binges.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Others - now sober - are patients in the liver unit.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I've been naughty all my life.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21She always tells me to be good, and I don't.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23But I will be good now.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27For those still drinking self-destructively, there's
0:06:27 > 0:06:30a clinical nurse specialist to help break the addiction.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Come on in.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Ian Webzell was seeing an out-patient named Aurelie Fonjo.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- Hi, are you Aurelie? - Yes, that's right.- Louis.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- Nice to meet you.- How are you?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Not too bad, but I still have the same problems, the same issues.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- Tell us about your current drinking, how much are you drinking? - Well, unfortunately,
0:06:48 > 0:06:53between five to seven cans a day of 8.4 K cider.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55What's the drink? What's it called?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57K cider.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59K cider. How strong is it?
0:06:59 > 0:07:018.4. Do you want to see it? I've got one in my bag.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- OK. Is that OK? - Yeah.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08That's it.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11And to be honest with you, I don't really feel nothing.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14All it does is go on the liver, and that's it.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- Mm-hmm. It just stabilises you, maintains you.- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- Tell us about your pattern of drinking.- The pattern is, I'm 44, I've been drinking
0:07:22 > 0:07:25since I was 13 years old, 14.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I was brought up in Paris,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31and the first drink was Champagne, I was drinking Champagne.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33And that's a good buzz.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35So, describe how you wake up, how you physically
0:07:35 > 0:07:38and mentally are when you're in withdrawal of alcohol.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41When I wake up, I'm glad I'm alive.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45After, it's like the shakes start, and then
0:07:45 > 0:07:50I start going around like a rat in a cage...until I have my first drink,
0:07:50 > 0:07:55sit down and calm my state of mind. Yeah.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- Have you ever tried to detox?- Yeah.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02We done detox five times.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Ian, you remember times when Aurelie was alcohol-free last year?
0:08:05 > 0:08:10- Last year, you had three weeks alcohol-free, I remember.- Yeah, yeah.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12How was that? Did you enjoy that?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I just... It looks like...
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Like I said, you know, you're going to war and you're not winning.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22It's ridiculous.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I mean, it's not life, it's not a life, really, to be honest.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Yeah.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39Detoxing from severe alcohol addiction can be extremely dangerous.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44If attempted without medical help, it can lead to seizures and even death.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47It takes most patients about a week.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50At King's, they're supervised by alcohol liaison nurse
0:08:50 > 0:08:52specialist Cathy Smith-Barker.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58She was about to meet Joe Walker, now four days into his detox.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Hey, Joe. Hey, how are you doing?
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- Hi, Joe. Louis.- Hi, nice to meet you.- Nice to meet you. How are you doing?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- I'm OK, how are you? - Yeah, not too bad.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08How are you feeling?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Pretty scared, to be honest. - Yeah.- Yeah.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12What of?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Just life at the moment, really.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18And...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- HE SOBS - ..I don't want to go back to this.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Yeah. We still haven't finished detoxing you,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27so I want to reassure you you're not going today.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Compared to how you were when you first got here,
0:09:29 > 0:09:32how are you feeling physically?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Better, but I've got to use this walking stick to...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Do you? Is that just to kind of keep yourself steady?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Just to keep myself steady. - OK, why is that?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43What's happening with your feet or with your legs?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Well, I don't know, because my legs, you see...
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Are they feeling weak?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Yeah, that's never happened before.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- It's, you know, that's quite frightening.- Yeah.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56What's happened to them?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I don't know. I don't know.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Can I just get you to do this?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Just put your arms out.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05I can see that you're really shaky still.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I'm just going to feel the palms of your hands.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- Yeah, you're really sweaty still, aren't you?- So fucking dangerous.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15So, if you just take a couple of steps forward. Yeah, that's...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17And then come back, you don't need to do any more.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Yeah, that's definitely ataxia.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- You'd been drinking a lot before you came in, that's right, isn't it? - Yeah.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25How much, and for how long?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28From...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31a couple of weeks. No, months probably.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36And it had been, like, started off with a bottle of vodka a day,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39and then it went up to two bottles of vodka a day.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Were you working alongside the drinking?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46No. I had basically given up work by that point.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48I just walked out and...
0:10:48 > 0:10:49What kind of work was it?
0:10:49 > 0:10:54I was working at King's College, in medical education,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56and I didn't get a job that I wanted.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01And I can't take rejection, so alongside that
0:11:01 > 0:11:04and a break-up, I just thought,
0:11:04 > 0:11:08"Sod it," and went for it.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12How is your support network? Have you had visitors
0:11:12 > 0:11:13since you've been in here?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16No, no-one. No-one's come.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20But I think I must have collapsed in the street
0:11:20 > 0:11:24and a stranger thought, "You need to go to A&E."
0:11:24 > 0:11:26The reason I stayed in A&E was
0:11:26 > 0:11:30because I really, actually, wanted to recover.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35I thought I was drinking myself to death and there was something in me
0:11:35 > 0:11:39that I didn't want,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41I didn't want...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44I didn't want to die, basically.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Not "quite", I didn't want to die.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Clearly he's, you know, in a sense, at a fork in the road
0:11:52 > 0:11:54and he either keeps on drinking
0:11:54 > 0:11:57or he stops and has a healthy life.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Can you...?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Have you any way of telling
0:12:00 > 0:12:01which way he's likely to go
0:12:01 > 0:12:04and what will lead to him going one way or the other?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Joe has had four-and-a-half years of being abstinent,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11so I think he's in with a very good chance of recovery, actually,
0:12:11 > 0:12:15because he knows that he's got it in him to do it.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18# Darling, you send me
0:12:20 > 0:12:23# I know you send me
0:12:25 > 0:12:29# Darling, you send me
0:12:30 > 0:12:31# Honest, you do... #
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I'd headed out of the hospital
0:12:33 > 0:12:35to see a little more of the home life
0:12:35 > 0:12:37of one of the drinkers I'd met.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Aurelie lives in a council flat in Brixton.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Nice to see you.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Nice to see you as well, Louis.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44It's really messy.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47My place is really messy, so I tell you in advance.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49It's not too bad.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Thanks for having us.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51You're welcome.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53How are you feeling today?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I'm not too bad, I can breathe.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- I take it you've had a drink already?- Of course, yeah.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- How many?- So far, one.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02And one... And this is not finished.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- Yeah.- One-and-a-half.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05One-and-a-half, yeah, that's it.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- How are you feeling? Good? - I'm feeling stable.- Yeah.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Stable.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Would you like to show me anything that you have that...
0:13:11 > 0:13:13is important to you?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17This, I believe, it will be in a registry office.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- Is that your dad?- My dad, yeah.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- And your...?- Step-mum.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26So, your dad and your birth mother were never married?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28I wouldn't think so, no.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29- As far as you know.- Yeah.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31So, she took off quite early.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32I believe so, yeah.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Do you remember that wedding?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35No.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37How old would you have been then?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Quite young, yeah. Five.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I must have been in children's home,
0:13:40 > 0:13:42because I was in a children's home for some time.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45How long did you spend in the children's home?
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Oh, we're talking a good...
0:13:47 > 0:13:49four or five years.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Really?- Yeah, up and down. Yeah.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- When I was... - So, you're half-Cameroonian?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Yeah. And half from Brittany.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- And half-Breton.- Yeah. - Breton.- Breton.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Oh, you speak...
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Your French, for an Englishman, is very impressive.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Merci beaucoup.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Je sais.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08I used to teach French a little bit privately,
0:14:08 > 0:14:11but I was getting too drunk, I couldn't do it.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13I was going there, I was paralytic.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Oh, dear.- Paralytic. I was trying to...
0:14:15 > 0:14:16For the lessons?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Yeah, yeah, I was paralytic.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32How's the taste?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35The taste is becoming more and more disgusting.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37It's tasting like...
0:14:37 > 0:14:39petrol or something.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42To be honest with you, I don't even like the taste of alcohol any more.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47I take it because I don't want to be sick in a nasty way.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50What was the last time you were admitted to hospital?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Not that long ago, for bleeding.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Bleeding where?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- The back passage. - Oh, that sounds nasty.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00It was quite annoying, to be honest, but...
0:15:00 > 0:15:01- Scary.- Yeah.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Scary - I don't get scared any more because, at the end of the day,
0:15:04 > 0:15:05scared about what? You know?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09You get what you deserve, you know what I'm saying?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12# You send me
0:15:12 > 0:15:14# Whenever I'm with you. #
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I need to stop at the off-licence.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Aurelie had offered to introduce me to her boyfriend, Gary.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26They had been together three weeks.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31How come you've got a K and a Strongbow?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Because, the other one, I give him a drink as well.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Who?- The boyfriend.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37And he doesn't like K?
0:15:37 > 0:15:38No, no, no.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42It's only big addicts that like K - like me, yeah.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Look out.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45OK.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Oh, he's here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48- You've found him?- He's coming.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Here he is. How are you doing? Louis.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Louis, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54We're just doing a little documentary
0:15:54 > 0:15:57based mainly in King's College Hospital,
0:15:57 > 0:15:58and that's where we met Aurelie.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01OK. I'll give you ten questions on whatever you want to do
0:16:01 > 0:16:03- and then I'm going to leave you, yeah?- Ten questions.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Well, let's have a conversation
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- and then you leave when you feel like it.- All right, all right.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- How are you doing?- Me, I'm doing fine, thank you very much. Yeah.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Do you think you drink too much?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- I know I drink too much.- Go on.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16I drink too much because I want to blank things out
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- in my life, you know?- Like what?
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Like relationships,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22kids I can't see no more - because I lost them through the alcohol -
0:16:22 > 0:16:24and everything else -
0:16:24 > 0:16:27like jobs, circumstances, houses.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29I used to be rich but now I'm poor.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30How much do you drink?
0:16:32 > 0:16:37I'd say eight to 12 cans of lager a day, minimum.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39If that's... That's on a good day.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42If you want to go and party, we're going 24.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Vodkas. I would say I worked all weekend though.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I'm an alcoholic that don't sign on and ponce off the streets.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48You look...
0:16:48 > 0:16:50If I may say so, you look healthy.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I mean, do you feel healthy in yourself, physically?
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Yeah. I think I am, yeah.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57For a 40-year-old guy, I think I'm really good. Yeah.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I'm not looking like an alcoholic like her.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Look, she's given up. I have not given up.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I think the beer... I think I can win.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06I think I can beat the beer. I think I can beat the alcohol.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I think I can do anything I want.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I don't sign on, I don't go to the doctor's.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11What makes you say...?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Sorry, Gary. What makes you say that Aurelie has given up?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16She says she can't wake up for work
0:17:16 > 0:17:18cos she feels ill if she goes to walk the dog.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20She needs K cider every day. Yeah, she does.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I don't need that.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23I just wake up and I go,
0:17:23 > 0:17:25and she knows that. Yes or no?
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Yes.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28She's just got the can and her dog. Her boyfriend, Romeo.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- That's all she's got. - Romeo's the dog?- Yes.- Yeah, my dog.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Well, I don't... That sounds a bit unkind.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- Yeah, you are a bit unkind towards me.- Well, it's the truth.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38It's a bit offensive when he says like,
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- "Look at her, she looks like a real..."- You are an alcoholic.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Yeah, but if you see me,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45would you notice straight on the spot that I'm an alcoholic?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47- No.- No, of course not.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Usually, I get nice girls with nice tits
0:17:49 > 0:17:50and nice body on a night out, yeah?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Now I'm dumped with that.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- OK. I'm off...- I'm joking. I'm... - GARY CHUCKLES
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I'm off, I'm off, I'm off.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- I'm joking. Aurelie!- No, thank you.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- Give me a kiss, come here. - No.- I'm joking, Aurelie.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04It's true. Look at the state of it.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- I think you've really hurt her feelings, I think.- Fuck her.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08It's true, though.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09I don't love her.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11She don't love me.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12- Well...- Ask me a question...
0:18:12 > 0:18:15I'll tell her straight. Sorry, Aurelie, I was joking.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Come here, come here, come here. Aurelie! I love you, I'm joking.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I just told the camera I love you.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Look, "I love you, Aurelie." Look, yeah?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25It's the drink talking, isn't it? Yeah.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27- The drink or the flat talking. - Oh, yeah, here she is.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Here she is, here she is.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30OK, we've got her back, yeah.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33You love talking to the camera, don't you?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37I love every...
0:18:38 > 0:18:39I love being nice to you.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I said I'd do that, and now I've done it though.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- I appreciate it.- Any more questions?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Is there anything you wanted to say while Gary was here?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Yes. Erm...
0:18:50 > 0:18:51No.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Do you want to see me go?- No, I don't.- Do you want to see me go?- No.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55That's another thing that alcohol does, yeah?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57You ain't seen the other part of it.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- Look, are they watching? - Don't be like that.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Get my fucking stuff off me now.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- We're going to...- Get this off me now or I'll ruin you.- He's coming.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- Gary, what is wrong?- He's coming.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16It looks like I'm interested in losers,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19the one that is going to take me nowhere at all.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23It looks like that's my favourite choice, you know.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25It can't be good for your self-esteem
0:19:25 > 0:19:26if he talks like that about you.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Yeah, yeah.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31How does it make you feel
0:19:31 > 0:19:33when you see people like me
0:19:33 > 0:19:35or who's suffering with alcohol?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37How do you feel about that?
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Erm...
0:19:41 > 0:19:44I think you deserve a better life.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Don't you?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Hi there, Pieter.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16'Pieter was coming to the end of his detox.'
0:20:16 > 0:20:17- Hi, Louis.- Hi, Pieter.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19'I'd come by for a catch-up.'
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Good to see you.- Yes. - You're looking perky.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23How are you feeling?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25I feel all right.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27- You look a lot better than when I last saw you.- Oh, yes.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Do you know, Cathy, what the situation is medically with Pieter?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- Well, I mean, Pieter's fit for discharge.- Yeah.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36His liver is looking in relatively good shape.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39So, medically, Pieter's sort of...
0:20:39 > 0:20:42hitherto, kind of got away with it?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Well, yes and no.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46If, over time, he continues
0:20:46 > 0:20:49to relapse/detox, relapse/detox,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51his liver will eventually become damaged.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Did you hear...? What she said was very important, I think.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- Yeah.- What Cathy just said.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56- Did you hear that, Pieter?- Oh, yeah.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58It's not a good pattern to get into,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00to fall into - detox/retox.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02No, not at all.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04I hope that I don't have to see you again any time soon.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- OK. Me as well.- Good luck.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07- OK, thanks.- OK, see you later.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13He seems really well, but the obvious question is -
0:21:13 > 0:21:16is he going to be back?
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Will it happen again?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Well, it's likely, statistically.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21- Is it?- Yeah.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24He has the added stress and distress
0:21:24 > 0:21:27of having to cope with the loss of his dad now as well.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29He's very personable.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Yeah. He's bright, clearly.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- He's a bright, nice, regular, easy-going guy...- Yeah.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- ..and yet he's got this thing that he's grappling with.- Yeah.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39I'm just wondering how sustainable is it for him
0:21:39 > 0:21:43to keep cycling through these relapses and detoxes
0:21:43 > 0:21:46and, at the same time, kind of, lead a normal life?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Well, I mean, over time, it will become less and less sustainable.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52One's repertoire narrows and narrows, and narrows,
0:21:52 > 0:21:56to the point that alcohol is just the thing that you do.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00It's the way that you cope with all adversity and it's your companion.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03The logical end point to alcohol dependence
0:22:03 > 0:22:05is the person sitting on their own
0:22:05 > 0:22:08in a room with a bottle
0:22:08 > 0:22:10and nobody else left around them.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19'I was curious how addiction
0:22:19 > 0:22:22'had affected Pieter's relationship with Marianna.'
0:22:22 > 0:22:23- Pieter.- Hey.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25'I'd arranged to visit them at home,
0:22:25 > 0:22:28'a rented room a couple of miles from the hospital.'
0:22:28 > 0:22:30How did you meet, the two of you?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32We worked together in the same place.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33- In the same workplace?- Yes.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37And what was it that, sort of, worked between you to begin with?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Pieter, I think, is the kindest person I've met in my life.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43He can be funny, really funny.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I had a good laugh with him at the beginning, a really good laugh.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48So, what else do you need?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52What did you know about Pieter's drinking when you got together?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Honest?- Hmm.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- Nothing.- You didn't realise?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58No. I...
0:22:58 > 0:22:59I was abstinent.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- I had...- At that time.- Yes.- Yes.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06I thought, actually, I finally found somebody who doesn't drink,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- to be really honest.- Yeah.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11She went on holiday
0:23:11 > 0:23:13and I lapsed.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I didn't know why he doesn't answer the phone,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18why he doesn't want to talk to me, why he's avoiding me -
0:23:18 > 0:23:20and, eventually, I found out.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24How long had you been together at this point?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26A few months. I knew his history, so I thought,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28"Maybe it's just an episode, he's lonely."
0:23:28 > 0:23:30His history - meaning what?
0:23:30 > 0:23:31- Divorce.- The divorce, yeah.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I don't know how much should I say.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35You took the divorce very hard?
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Really hard.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39After that, I just spiralled down.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- Drinking?- Yeah.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Pieter can't handle stress at all.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48So, maybe something happens at work that stresses you out.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I mean, is that a plausible scenario?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Yes, Louis, but there's...
0:23:52 > 0:23:54For me, there's a couple of triggers.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Work is one.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Now, recently, my dad.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Plus our housing situation.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07It must be quite distressing for you to watch, Marianna.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Oh, it is.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10He's not violent. He doesn't do anything.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13He just lies here with the bottle and keep on drinking, that's it.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I have to feed him, yes.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17I have to wake him up.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19"Come on, drink some water.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21"Come on, eat something."
0:24:21 > 0:24:24So, it's 24-hour care job.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27It feels like Marianna's got a lot of insight into...
0:24:27 > 0:24:29who you are.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Oh, yeah.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Maybe more than you do.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35HE LAUGHS
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Fair enough.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58Joe, the young man I'd met,
0:24:58 > 0:25:02was also back home in his South London house-share.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Hi, Joe, how are you doing?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06'I'd been struck that, unlike Pieter,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10'he hadn't been visited by family in hospital.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13'I knew his mum had also struggled with alcohol
0:25:13 > 0:25:15'and died when he was a child.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18'His dad, now remarried, lived in Brighton.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21'With his support network stretched thin,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24'I wondered how he was bearing up.'
0:25:24 > 0:25:25- You're looking well.- Thanks.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Are you feeling OK?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Physically, yeah.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Yeah, pretty much.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33You're basically staying alcohol-free.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- Alcohol-free, yeah.- No cravings?
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Not for alcohol.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Sweeties.- Sweeties. Really?- Yeah.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- Can we look at some of your photos?- Yeah, sure.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45So, this was at Royal Ascot last year.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48This was on my 30th birthday with a friend.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49How old are you now, again?
0:25:49 > 0:25:50I was 32 yesterday.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, you just had your birthday.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53I had my birthday yesterday.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55What did you do for your birthday?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- Went out for dinner... - With?- ..with friends.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58- How was that?- That was really nice.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00It was lovely, actually. It was amazing.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Some of whom, I hadn't seen since, you know...
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I went in to this, kind of, awful place.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08That was when I was at school, 16.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10That was when I was in Guys And Dolls.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12That's Guy Masterson.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Is that the Marlon Brando or...?
0:26:14 > 0:26:15That's Marlon Brando as the hero.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- Right. Luck Be A Lady? - Yeah, that's the one.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- Did you have to sing that? - I did have to sing Luck Be A Lady.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21- Really?- Yeah.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23# A lady doesn't leave her escort
0:26:23 > 0:26:26It isn't fair, it isn't nice. #
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Yeah, that's the one.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29# A lady doesn't wander all...
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- BOTH:- # Over the room
0:26:31 > 0:26:34# And blow on some other guy's dice. #
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Do you know, that was probably my favourite time of my life actually,
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- that final year.- Was it?
0:26:40 > 0:26:44So, this was a collage I made of a trip to Australia.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I was with my girlfriend at the time,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49and I was out pissing it up too much, really,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51and was pretty horrible to her, frankly.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I remember, after that, thinking,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56"I definitely, definitely don't ever want to drink again
0:26:56 > 0:26:58"because I don't want to put someone through that again."
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Have you ever, sort of, drunk on an even keel,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03in a normal social way for any period of time?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05I haven't always been round-the-clock drinking
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- or anything like that.- Right. - No, absolutely not.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10It's something that, kind of, crept up.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14So, really, it's only been a couple of contained episodes...
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Episodes.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18..of absolutely crazed,
0:27:18 > 0:27:20self-annihilating drinking.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Yeah, that's right.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23Yeah.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27You know, with a big chunk of nothing at all in the middle.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30I thought, "I'm a bit older, I'm in a different space,
0:27:30 > 0:27:32"I want to drink for different reasons.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36"I don't want to go mad, crazy partying and...
0:27:36 > 0:27:40"I just want to have a couple of glasses of wine on a date or..."
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- You know?- Mm-hmm. What was the sign that it was out of control?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45When I went off...
0:27:45 > 0:27:48I couldn't go to work any more because I knew I had to drink.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Right. Drinking in here...
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Yeah, drinking in here, just in bed.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54- From the bottle?- From the bottle, yeah. Yeah.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55It's quite weird, isn't it?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57It's just hard to see you in that state.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00It is quite weird, but it's oblivion.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Smashing my head open and...
0:28:02 > 0:28:03You know. Yeah.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Is that the bloodstains over there?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07That is actually the remaining bloodstains.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I know that I should probably get rid of them,
0:28:10 > 0:28:12but there's something slightly...
0:28:13 > 0:28:15..perversely shocking about it
0:28:15 > 0:28:18that, kind of, makes it worth it for the time being.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20A helpful reminder.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Well, it is, actually.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25I haven't wanted to drink since I came out of hospital,
0:28:25 > 0:28:26but...
0:28:27 > 0:28:30..I'm actually quite...
0:28:31 > 0:28:33..clear, from my own experience,
0:28:33 > 0:28:36how quickly it can just change, like that.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52For those drinkers who have been abusing alcohol for years
0:28:52 > 0:28:54and are showing signs of liver damage,
0:28:54 > 0:28:56there are weekly clinics.
0:28:56 > 0:28:57So, Stuart, how are you?
0:28:57 > 0:28:59I'm...
0:28:59 > 0:29:01filling up again, like a balloon.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05Dr Debbie Shawcross was seeing antiques dealer Stuart Duggan
0:29:05 > 0:29:08and his girlfriend, Deborah.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11So, are you able to undo your shirt or lift it up?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Well, there it is,
0:29:13 > 0:29:15and I'm going to do this - reveal it.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Now...
0:29:17 > 0:29:19- There it is.- There it is. - There it is.
0:29:19 > 0:29:20That is vile, isn't it?
0:29:20 > 0:29:22I wouldn't go that far.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26- It's quite big.- It's big.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28So, you've got a lot of fluid there, haven't you?
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Ten litres.
0:29:30 > 0:29:33Just in the abdominal cavity, sloshing around?
0:29:33 > 0:29:35- Yes, so it's between the... - It's not in the stomach?
0:29:35 > 0:29:37No, it's between the lining of the peritoneum
0:29:37 > 0:29:39and the skin filters the blood.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43I am paying the price for drinking, basically.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45I've got liquid everywhere...
0:29:45 > 0:29:46and nothing to drink.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50So, Stuart, you have liver disease.
0:29:50 > 0:29:54- Cirrhosis.- Cirrhosis of the liver. - Yeah.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Because I drank a lot.
0:29:56 > 0:29:57How much?
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Oh, God.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02I might drink four or five pints of strong lager then go home,
0:30:02 > 0:30:04start cooking.
0:30:04 > 0:30:05It's quite easy, bottle of wine.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08Second bottle, you know.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Really?
0:30:10 > 0:30:11It's not that shocking, actually.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14A lot of people drink four or five pints of lager a day.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- That bit, I wasn't shocked by.- No.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18That... I would drink four or five pints of lager,
0:30:18 > 0:30:20or I might drink a bottle and a half,
0:30:20 > 0:30:22maybe even two bottles of wine...
0:30:22 > 0:30:24- There you go. - ..in an afternoon, evening.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26I wouldn't do both, I don't think.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Well, yeah, OK.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30I was.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32And I was warned...
0:30:32 > 0:30:33by doctors, years ago,
0:30:33 > 0:30:35that I should stop drinking,
0:30:35 > 0:30:37as everyone is warned.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40You know, but you just turn a blind eye to it.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43Deborah, how long have you been with Stuart?
0:30:43 > 0:30:45- 13 years.- 13 years.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50Had you spoken to him about his drinking?
0:30:50 > 0:30:52- Yes, lots.- Every day.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56So, at what point did you stop drinking?
0:30:56 > 0:31:00As soon as...
0:31:00 > 0:31:01You went into A&E.
0:31:01 > 0:31:02As soon as I went into...
0:31:02 > 0:31:05I didn't need AA, I went to A&E.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07I was very ill at one time.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09I felt, like, really ill.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11Well, you were in intensive care, weren't you, for a few days?
0:31:11 > 0:31:14Yeah, I went in intensive care. That was horrible.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17What many patients with liver disease develop
0:31:17 > 0:31:22are effectively varicose veins in their gullet and in their stomach.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24They can just burst, just like that.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26They can rupture...
0:31:26 > 0:31:28and when that happens,
0:31:28 > 0:31:32you start vomiting huge amounts of fresh red blood.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35When I say what's wrong with me, I sound terribly ill.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37I don't feel terribly ill,
0:31:37 > 0:31:40but it does sound bad, doesn't it?
0:31:40 > 0:31:41But I think you are...
0:31:41 > 0:31:44You know, I think if we have a very honest conversation, Stuart,
0:31:44 > 0:31:46you are terribly ill, because..
0:31:46 > 0:31:48What's the life expectancy of somebody like me?
0:31:48 > 0:31:49Have you not asked that yet?
0:31:49 > 0:31:52I'm imagining you've already talked about that with Dr Shawcross.
0:31:52 > 0:31:56I've talked to other patients and it's not good.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58So, if I do a particular score,
0:31:58 > 0:32:00called the Meld Score, it's 22.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02If we had a whole group of people
0:32:02 > 0:32:05with a score of 22,
0:32:05 > 0:32:0876% of that group
0:32:08 > 0:32:11wouldn't actually last three months with that score.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14- OK.- That's...
0:32:14 > 0:32:15Now, that's just a group of people,
0:32:15 > 0:32:18it doesn't necessarily mean that's you.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- That's the kind of ballpark. - Three months?
0:32:20 > 0:32:22And if you were drinking,
0:32:22 > 0:32:25I don't think you'd be with us in three months' time.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27I'd be sending you off to go and make your will.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Well, three months is not very much, is it? I won't hit Christmas.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33That's the worst-case scenario, but that's potentially...
0:32:34 > 0:32:36It's tough, Stuart, it really is.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40So, on the bright side...
0:32:41 > 0:32:44- ..I'm still here. - You're still here -
0:32:44 > 0:32:46because many other people in your condition
0:32:46 > 0:32:48wouldn't even have made it to this point, Stuart.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51I think that's the important thing to think about.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Here he is.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58The man of the hour.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01'A little later, I caught up with Stuart as he was being drained.'
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Could you do me a favour?
0:33:03 > 0:33:04Of course.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06- Put it on the floor... - Put it on the floor?
0:33:06 > 0:33:07..and watch it now.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10He's forgotten to put it on the floor, easy done. Don't worry.
0:33:10 > 0:33:11Are you all right?
0:33:11 > 0:33:13It goes on the floor,
0:33:13 > 0:33:14gravity does its job.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17I can give that a little wiggle
0:33:17 > 0:33:19and that'll start coming out a bit quicker.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23How are you after that?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25That meeting?
0:33:25 > 0:33:26They have to give you...
0:33:26 > 0:33:28After what?
0:33:28 > 0:33:29The meeting with...
0:33:30 > 0:33:33The three-month thing, I was a bit confused about
0:33:33 > 0:33:35and a little bit shocked.
0:33:35 > 0:33:36How were you confused by it?
0:33:36 > 0:33:39I mean, I don't believe I've only got three months to live,
0:33:39 > 0:33:40there you go.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42And if I ask another doctor, they'd go, "No."
0:33:42 > 0:33:45She didn't say you had three months to live. No.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47- That's not what she said. - No, exactly.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49She said that...
0:33:49 > 0:33:5176% of people...
0:33:52 > 0:33:53..in your condition...
0:33:55 > 0:33:57- ..would have three months to live. - Yeah.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00So, the 24%...
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Would live longer. - ..would live longer.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06I must be in the 24%.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11It's a pretty bad picture but, like, you know,
0:34:11 > 0:34:13trying to...
0:34:13 > 0:34:14give it a bit of colour.
0:34:16 > 0:34:17That looks full now.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19There you go.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21- Shoot that.- What happens now?
0:34:21 > 0:34:22You'll have to empty it.
0:34:22 > 0:34:23I'm happy to.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Is it, basically, urine?
0:34:30 > 0:34:33- No.- No.- I didn't think so. It's just fluid.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35- It looks like it, doesn't it? - I know.
0:34:35 > 0:34:37- Does it smell like urine?- No.
0:34:37 > 0:34:38Do you want to smell it?
0:34:40 > 0:34:42It actually doesn't really smell of anything.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44It's got a nice head on it.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48- Can you see it's gone down already? - Yeah.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55You look like you've just seen the Grim Reaper.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57Well, it was a lot to take in, wasn't it?
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Come on.
0:35:03 > 0:35:04He always does this.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22- Hello.- Hello. How are you? - Not too bad at all.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24'Aurelie was back at hospital.'
0:35:24 > 0:35:27- Hi, Aurelie, how are you doing? - Yeah, still all right.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30'A test had shown signs of serious damage to her liver.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33'She'd been referred to one of King's top liver specialists,
0:35:33 > 0:35:35'Professor John O'Grady.'
0:35:35 > 0:35:37This is your gamma GT.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40This is absolutely astronomical - around 3,000.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Is that about as high as it can go?
0:35:45 > 0:35:46That's territory...
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Yes, that's of the extremes.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Your spleen is getting bigger in size,
0:35:51 > 0:35:54telling us your liver is moving on
0:35:54 > 0:35:56to another stage of disease.
0:35:57 > 0:36:02Your pancreas is swollen on the scan,
0:36:02 > 0:36:06which may be why you're having problems with digestion.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10You know, your health is progressively deteriorating.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14I'm thinking that,
0:36:14 > 0:36:17when you come to a certain level of alcohol use,
0:36:17 > 0:36:20your tolerance is getting higher and higher
0:36:20 > 0:36:24and you don't feel like you're drunk at all.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26You feel fine.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28You do.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30And you think you're coping.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33- Well, you feel all right, yeah. - You feel all right.
0:36:33 > 0:36:34But then, very quickly,
0:36:34 > 0:36:37you start losing that tolerance
0:36:37 > 0:36:39and the reason you start losing that tolerance
0:36:39 > 0:36:42is your liver is no longer able to deal
0:36:42 > 0:36:45with the burden of all the alcohol.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48The liver is the most forgiving organ in the body...
0:36:49 > 0:36:51..if you treat it well.
0:36:54 > 0:36:55I eat vegetables.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58SHE LAUGHS
0:36:58 > 0:37:00I'm struggling to see a way forward...
0:37:00 > 0:37:02So do I. Yeah.
0:37:02 > 0:37:03..because...
0:37:05 > 0:37:07..most of the strategies we can talk about -
0:37:07 > 0:37:09your health, your liver tests -
0:37:09 > 0:37:11it's old...
0:37:11 > 0:37:13news to you.
0:37:13 > 0:37:14Mm-hmm.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17It's like reading the newspaper or something.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20You're not, in a sense, responding to it in the way...
0:37:20 > 0:37:21I think you've gone beyond...
0:37:21 > 0:37:24Has it gone beyond caring or gone beyond...?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Beyond hearing.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Hearing or caring.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Yeah, I can't hear what I hear.
0:37:35 > 0:37:36Or I decide not to hear it.
0:37:38 > 0:37:40I'm surprised I'm still alive anyway.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46That's the comment that worries me...
0:37:49 > 0:37:51..because you are looking to the end,
0:37:51 > 0:37:53you're looking to the point of death.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55That's as far as your thinking seems to go.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Do you see any way out of this?
0:38:03 > 0:38:05AURELIE SIGHS
0:38:05 > 0:38:06A miracle.
0:38:08 > 0:38:09A miracle.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Do you believe in miracles?
0:38:14 > 0:38:15Yes.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30I was now several weeks into filming.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33Rather than judging them as people who've made bad choices,
0:38:33 > 0:38:36I'd come to see those in the grips of alcohol addiction
0:38:36 > 0:38:39as suffering from deeper emotional issues -
0:38:39 > 0:38:42taking life's setbacks too hard
0:38:42 > 0:38:44and attempting to numb themselves with drink.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48Endangering their own lives,
0:38:48 > 0:38:52they pose a challenge for those around them as to how best to help,
0:38:52 > 0:38:53how to break through
0:38:53 > 0:38:55and when to walk away.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05SIRENS WAIL
0:39:05 > 0:39:08I'd been called to the hospital.
0:39:11 > 0:39:15Joe, my fellow Guys And Dolls enthusiast, was in crisis.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18Having relapsed and been kicked out of his flat,
0:39:18 > 0:39:21he'd been going in and out of A&E in a chaotic state,
0:39:21 > 0:39:24demanding, and then rejecting, the staff's help.
0:39:26 > 0:39:27Joe.
0:39:27 > 0:39:28Oh!
0:39:28 > 0:39:30- Joe.- What?
0:39:30 > 0:39:32Do you remember me from earlier? I'm a doctor.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34I was in the cubicle with you. Do you remember?
0:39:34 > 0:39:35Give you a light there.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37Sorry.
0:39:37 > 0:39:38Why have you come out here?
0:39:38 > 0:39:40To get a cigarette?
0:39:40 > 0:39:41Yeah, just to have a fag.
0:39:42 > 0:39:44- Do you want me to...?- Oh, Tom.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46How are you doing, Joe?
0:39:46 > 0:39:47- Do you remember me?- Oh, Louis.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49- How's it going?- Hello.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51How's it going?
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Well, not well obviously.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56Yeah, you're looking like you're a bit fragile.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58- Had a few drinks?- Yeah.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00You went on a bit of a bender from what I can hear?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02Yeah.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04Really bad, bad. Eh?
0:40:04 > 0:40:06- Are you OK?- Yeah.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09What have you been drinking?
0:40:09 > 0:40:10Vodka.
0:40:16 > 0:40:21You've actually been to see us now three times in the last 24 hours.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24What are you hoping that we might be able to do both, sort of,
0:40:24 > 0:40:28now, today, and over the next few weeks?
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Detox me.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34OK. So, you feel like you're ready for detox?
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Yeah.
0:40:36 > 0:40:37OK.
0:40:37 > 0:40:38I'm really sorry, Joe.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42I'm really sorry to see you this way.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47I'm sorry to be this way.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51You were doing really well when we saw you.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53I was, wasn't I?
0:40:57 > 0:40:58But I don't want it.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01I just don't want it.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04I don't want it at all.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06What don't you want?
0:41:07 > 0:41:08To be a drunk.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15So, what is the likely scenario at this point?
0:41:15 > 0:41:20He'll remain here until he's sober and safe to be discharged.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22He'll have a conversation and be offered some support
0:41:22 > 0:41:24from the alcohol support services,
0:41:24 > 0:41:26but he probably won't be admitted...
0:41:26 > 0:41:31unless he very rapidly goes into very acute withdrawal.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35- Could he even be discharged later today, do you think?- He might be.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Yeah, he might be.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39He's got no support network, that's the thing.
0:41:39 > 0:41:42You know - in terms of family, friends.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44They're just...
0:41:44 > 0:41:46I think, a bit exasperated.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50- Yeah, and you could see why they might be.- Yeah.
0:41:50 > 0:41:51But...
0:41:53 > 0:41:57..you know, whose responsibility is it to care for him?
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Is it his family? Is it friends?
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Is it us? Is it him?
0:42:04 > 0:42:06It's tricky.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08Can I have some Lucozade?
0:42:08 > 0:42:10- Lucozade?- Yeah. - I'll see if I can get you some.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14Does it have to be Lucozade
0:42:14 > 0:42:16or can it be any kind of soft drink?
0:42:16 > 0:42:17No, Luco..
0:42:17 > 0:42:18Lucozade.
0:42:22 > 0:42:23HE GROANS
0:42:28 > 0:42:29Lucozade.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31- Thank you.- You're welcome.
0:42:36 > 0:42:38How are you feeling?
0:42:38 > 0:42:41I'm withdrawing...
0:42:41 > 0:42:43very heavily.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46What does it feel like?
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Like I'm dying as a person.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57Yeah.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Do you remember what it was that triggered you
0:43:01 > 0:43:03to start drinking again?
0:43:03 > 0:43:04It was my ex.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07She wouldn't talk to me.
0:43:10 > 0:43:11Your girlfriend?
0:43:11 > 0:43:14The most beautiful girl I've ever seen...
0:43:16 > 0:43:18HE SOBS
0:43:20 > 0:43:21Do you want some Lucozade?
0:43:22 > 0:43:24No, I want...
0:43:24 > 0:43:25I just want...
0:43:32 > 0:43:34I thought I was recovering, Louis.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39Well, you were recovering and you'll recover again.
0:43:41 > 0:43:42You can get back on track.
0:43:45 > 0:43:46No, I can't.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48I think this is the endgame.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51No, it's not endgame.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53You were, what, four years sober?
0:43:58 > 0:43:59You must hate me.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03What? No, that's... No, no.
0:44:03 > 0:44:04What a strange thing to say.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06- Do you like me? - Of course I like you.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12But I'm a pain in the arse.
0:44:12 > 0:44:13Not at all.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18I wanted to come and have a chat with you.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20My feeling is - and Cathy feels this as well,
0:44:20 > 0:44:21having met you before -
0:44:21 > 0:44:24- is that this is an acute crisis for you, really.- It is.
0:44:24 > 0:44:26- This is quite bad, isn't it? - It's really dreadful.
0:44:26 > 0:44:28And what we probably should do is
0:44:28 > 0:44:29arrange for you to be admitted
0:44:29 > 0:44:32to have detox as an in-patient -
0:44:32 > 0:44:34- so, to stay in hospital.- OK.
0:44:34 > 0:44:37We can't keep doing this, though.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39No, I understand that.
0:44:39 > 0:44:41So, we really, really hope that on this occasion...
0:44:41 > 0:44:43This is a real exception.
0:44:43 > 0:44:45It's actually, sort of,
0:44:45 > 0:44:48quite neurologically dangerous, Joe, to keep on detoxing someone.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50We might end up harming you more -
0:44:50 > 0:44:53- but, obviously, we're very happy to help this time round...- Thank you.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56- ..but just please take that on board...- Thank you.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58..and have a think about what you need to do afterwards.
0:44:58 > 0:45:01- Thank you.- See you later. - Bye, Cathy.- Thanks.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10I know you're not a medic
0:45:10 > 0:45:12but, like...
0:45:12 > 0:45:14I just want to go
0:45:14 > 0:45:16and get a bottle of vodka.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20I'll drink it down the road.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Ah.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27Do you remember?
0:45:27 > 0:45:28They're detoxing you, so...
0:45:28 > 0:45:29Yeah, I do know that.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31So, for you to go...
0:45:31 > 0:45:36Like 250 mils of vodka.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38I would stay, Joe, I really would.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44Nah, I'm heading off.
0:45:44 > 0:45:45I wouldn't go, Joe, honestly.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48Where is it that you're keen to get to?
0:45:48 > 0:45:50I just want to, basically,
0:45:50 > 0:45:53buy a bottle of vodka and go to...
0:45:53 > 0:45:54I don't know.
0:45:54 > 0:45:57..Ruskin Park or something.
0:45:57 > 0:45:58What, and drink the vodka?
0:45:58 > 0:46:00- Yeah.- Why?
0:46:00 > 0:46:01Drink the vodka and sleep there.
0:46:01 > 0:46:02Why?
0:46:03 > 0:46:06If feels easier than staying here.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12That's why I'm leaving.
0:46:16 > 0:46:20Joe! Joe! Joe!
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Joe, come on.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24Can you come back to your cubicle now?
0:46:24 > 0:46:26But I want to go and buy a drink.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29I know, but let's just finish doing what we're doing here.
0:46:29 > 0:46:32Come on. I'll go and see what's happening, OK?
0:46:37 > 0:46:40OK, I'm going to get that bottle of vodka.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48Joe, shall we just wait for the medical...?
0:46:54 > 0:46:55No, no, don't you run off.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59OK, so he's basically gone to get more alcohol.
0:47:00 > 0:47:02We want to offer detox to patients
0:47:02 > 0:47:06who are going to engage and stay, and really want it -
0:47:06 > 0:47:09and I'm not convinced that he's in that place at the moment.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12It's also this weird thing of, when you're around him,
0:47:12 > 0:47:17somehow you get sucked into this vortex of wanting to help,
0:47:17 > 0:47:21but also not wanting to, kind of, mother him.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23Do you know what I mean?
0:47:23 > 0:47:26He's looking somewhere for support
0:47:26 > 0:47:28and to be looked after,
0:47:28 > 0:47:30and it's tricky.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34So, now I have to decide whether we need to call the police
0:47:34 > 0:47:37to try and get him back in.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39- I need to go and speak to the team about that.- OK.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41Well, I think I see him.
0:47:42 > 0:47:43I think I see him.
0:47:44 > 0:47:46- Yeah.- Oh, he's coming back up.
0:47:48 > 0:47:49He's got something in his hand.
0:47:51 > 0:47:52Joe! Joe!
0:47:57 > 0:47:58How's it going?
0:47:58 > 0:47:59It's only Perrier.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03I didn't drink anything.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Can I just have a look at the bottle?
0:48:09 > 0:48:11- It's just Perrier?- Yeah.
0:48:14 > 0:48:16- Shall we go back in?- Yeah.
0:48:28 > 0:48:29Well done for sticking with it.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32- Thank you.- Good luck.
0:48:32 > 0:48:33Thank you.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37- See you later.- Cheers. - Cheers, Joe.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48The power of Joe's addiction had been shocking to witness,
0:48:48 > 0:48:51exposing his most human vulnerabilities,
0:48:51 > 0:48:56while robbing him of the strength to take control of himself.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59But what also struck me was the sense of impotence I'd felt
0:48:59 > 0:49:00about how to help him.
0:49:02 > 0:49:06I only hoped he could find his way back to happiness and sobriety.
0:49:17 > 0:49:19- Shall we come up?- Yes, please. Come up.- How are you doing?
0:49:19 > 0:49:21- How are you?- Good to see you.- Good.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24'It was nearly a month since I'd seen Pieter, the South African.'
0:49:24 > 0:49:25It's good to see you in a new place.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28'He and Marianna were now living in a new, more spacious flat.'
0:49:28 > 0:49:31- Let me take these off.- No. No, no, no.- Are you sure?- That's fine, yes.
0:49:31 > 0:49:34- Are you sure? This is nice, isn't it?- Yes.
0:49:34 > 0:49:36Can you show me around? Give me a little tour?
0:49:36 > 0:49:38Yes, absolutely.
0:49:38 > 0:49:40- Bigger one.- So, this is our...
0:49:40 > 0:49:44- our bedroom.- Nice. So, this is where the magic happens.
0:49:44 > 0:49:45Who sleeps on which side?
0:49:45 > 0:49:48This is me, of my perfectionism.
0:49:48 > 0:49:52- Do you always do that with your change, Pieter?- Yes, I do.
0:49:52 > 0:49:56This is now what, we believe, puts us on the right track.
0:49:56 > 0:49:57Quite a lot.
0:49:57 > 0:50:01Yeah. So, basically, that one...
0:50:01 > 0:50:02is the sertraline.
0:50:04 > 0:50:06This is the one I said...
0:50:06 > 0:50:11- Propranolol.- Yes.- For panic. - Yeah.- Yes.- For panic.- Yes.
0:50:11 > 0:50:12Do you have a diagnosis now?
0:50:12 > 0:50:14- Yes.- Which is?- Anxiety.
0:50:14 > 0:50:18Severe anxiety with panic attacks and medium depression.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21And actually, now, for the first time,
0:50:21 > 0:50:22the doctor is actually treating
0:50:22 > 0:50:24more of a mental health illness
0:50:24 > 0:50:26than, rather, the consequences -
0:50:26 > 0:50:29ie, self-mediation via alcohol.
0:50:29 > 0:50:32These are medications and strategies
0:50:32 > 0:50:34that you've never used before.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37I'm so sure that he's going to be fine...
0:50:37 > 0:50:39because I can see a difference in him.
0:50:39 > 0:50:40He's totally different.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43He's actually...too relaxed, I may say, sometimes.
0:50:43 > 0:50:45Doesn't he look well, though?
0:50:45 > 0:50:47- Yes.- Yeah.- A different man.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49- Let's go into the kitchen.- Yes.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51Don't expect something big, yeah? It's still small and...
0:50:51 > 0:50:53But you've got everything you need.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56Yes! I do love my cooking.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58- Yeah.- And for me, it's... - He cooks, by the way.
0:50:58 > 0:50:59..some people it seems like a job,
0:50:59 > 0:51:02but for me, it's absolutely relaxing.
0:51:02 > 0:51:03That's relaxing.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05If you wanted to cook with alcohol...
0:51:05 > 0:51:07I mean, are you comfortable having it in your home?
0:51:07 > 0:51:09- Yes.- You feel...?- Yes.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11- You don't feel it's a temptation?- No.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14- You could have an open bottle of wine there by the hob and...- Yes.
0:51:14 > 0:51:18- ..you wouldn't be looking at it? - I'll make a... I'll make a sauce.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20- You can do that?- Yes.
0:51:20 > 0:51:22We went, actually, to a party...
0:51:22 > 0:51:24- When, Friday?- Yes! Last Saturday.
0:51:24 > 0:51:26..and there was drink there.
0:51:26 > 0:51:30I go from the buffet and get food and a nice Pepsi.
0:51:30 > 0:51:32I didn't want a beer.
0:51:32 > 0:51:34The taste of beer wasn't appealing to me.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37I enjoyed a Pepsi.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39When we saw you at the hospital
0:51:39 > 0:51:41during the relapse, Marianna,
0:51:41 > 0:51:42you were very exasperated.
0:51:42 > 0:51:45Do you remember? You were saying you might leave Pieter.
0:51:45 > 0:51:46- Did you know that, Pieter?- Yes.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49I told him, yeah. It's hard.
0:51:49 > 0:51:53You can't cope and you can't find help, and I end up being ill.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55So, you know, I can't help him -
0:51:55 > 0:51:57at least let me... Let's save myself.
0:51:57 > 0:51:59If he's intent on destroying himself,
0:51:59 > 0:52:01there are limits on what you can do.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03So, there is a point at which
0:52:03 > 0:52:06it's reasonable and ethical...
0:52:06 > 0:52:08- To leave him. - ..for you to walk away.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10But that point should be when I...
0:52:10 > 0:52:14I know that I've done everything in my power.
0:52:14 > 0:52:15I don't want to have any regret.
0:52:17 > 0:52:18It's a happy ending.
0:52:18 > 0:52:19Yes, let's hope.
0:52:19 > 0:52:20Well, so far, so good.
0:52:20 > 0:52:23We have to be honest and...
0:52:23 > 0:52:24- You know.- It's ongoing work.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27So, on a day-to-day basis,
0:52:27 > 0:52:29just keep on doing what we do
0:52:29 > 0:52:31and, over time...
0:52:31 > 0:52:32that will tell.
0:52:41 > 0:52:45I was making a last visit to Aurelie on her birthday.
0:52:45 > 0:52:47She was turning 45.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51I found her at a Brixton churchyard with her dog, Romeo,
0:52:51 > 0:52:53and her boyfriend, Gary.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55- Hello.- Happy birthday.- Thank you.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58- Thank you very much. - How do you feel?
0:52:58 > 0:52:59Young.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01Good. How's Gary doing?
0:53:01 > 0:53:04Gary is all right, he's still alive.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06- Are you all right, Gary?- Gary!
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Did you have a little argument today?
0:53:11 > 0:53:13No, he went to see his ex-girlfriend yesterday.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15I've been shagging my ex-girlfriend all night.
0:53:15 > 0:53:16Say that again.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18I've been shagging my ex-girlfriend all night.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20I done it proper.
0:53:20 > 0:53:21Yeah!
0:53:21 > 0:53:22AURELIE LAUGHS
0:53:22 > 0:53:25What a thing to say? Why would you say that in front of Aurelie?
0:53:25 > 0:53:27- Because she... - SLURS WORDS
0:53:27 > 0:53:29That's what alcoholics do.
0:53:29 > 0:53:30Happy birthday, anyway.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39If I may ask you a personal question -
0:53:39 > 0:53:41what's the appeal of Gary?
0:53:41 > 0:53:45When he's around, I feel like a bit of family type of things.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47I mean, if he's undermining you
0:53:47 > 0:53:48and saying hurtful things,
0:53:48 > 0:53:50why do you stay with him?
0:53:50 > 0:53:51Because, at the end of the day,
0:53:51 > 0:53:53I stop and think about myself and I say,
0:53:53 > 0:53:57"Who wants to go out with an alcoholic anyway?
0:53:57 > 0:53:58"Who wants to go out with somebody
0:53:58 > 0:54:01"who wakes up in the morning and starts drinking?
0:54:01 > 0:54:04"Who wants to go out with somebody that's, you know,
0:54:04 > 0:54:07"overweight around the stomach because of alcohol?
0:54:07 > 0:54:08"Who wants to go out, maybe,
0:54:08 > 0:54:10"with somebody who can't even have children
0:54:10 > 0:54:14"because of the destruction of alcohol."
0:54:14 > 0:54:17It's not very attractive, really, to be honest.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19Right.
0:54:19 > 0:54:20Well, it seems so clear
0:54:20 > 0:54:24that your relationship with alcohol is destructive
0:54:24 > 0:54:26and massively damaging your health
0:54:26 > 0:54:28and your relationships.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30Isn't it clear that you need to stop?
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Whether you taper out or however you do it -
0:54:32 > 0:54:34that you just need to get on a different track?
0:54:34 > 0:54:39I think I'm more afraid of stopping than to die.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41So, that's why I'll drink,
0:54:41 > 0:54:44just to bring me back a bit of confidence.
0:54:44 > 0:54:46If you stopped, what would happen?
0:54:48 > 0:54:50I'd be a completely different person.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52I mean, I'm 45.
0:54:52 > 0:54:54I started drinking when I was 15,
0:54:54 > 0:54:58so it's 30 years of constant abuse, you know?
0:54:58 > 0:55:02It's like trying to take the roots out of a tree.
0:55:02 > 0:55:04It will never work.
0:55:17 > 0:55:23Alcohol, for those addicted to it, is a kind of infatuation.
0:55:23 > 0:55:25It ends up displacing other relationships,
0:55:25 > 0:55:28becoming inseparable from your sense of who you are
0:55:28 > 0:55:30until a different, better life
0:55:30 > 0:55:32no longer looks possible.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35For some, it is terminal...
0:55:37 > 0:55:39..but I'd also seen change could happen.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42- Hey, Louis.- How are you doing? - I'm good, how are you?
0:55:42 > 0:55:44- Good to see you. - Nice to see you.
0:55:45 > 0:55:48'Joe was back in Brighton where he was living with his dad,
0:55:48 > 0:55:50'having finally embraced recovery...
0:55:52 > 0:55:57'..but the road to rehab hadn't been straightforward.'
0:55:57 > 0:55:58So, when we last saw you,
0:55:58 > 0:56:00you were not in a good way.
0:56:00 > 0:56:01No.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03You were in hospital...
0:56:03 > 0:56:06- going into detox.- Yeah.
0:56:06 > 0:56:07Now, am I right in thinking that,
0:56:07 > 0:56:08after we left you,
0:56:08 > 0:56:11you discharged yourself from hospital?
0:56:11 > 0:56:13I... Yeah, I mean, the whole thing is kind of a bit blurry.
0:56:13 > 0:56:14I mean, it's...
0:56:14 > 0:56:17And you did wind up in the park for a night?
0:56:17 > 0:56:19Yeah, that's right.
0:56:19 > 0:56:20And a side street.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24So, you went back and drank again?
0:56:24 > 0:56:26Yeah, I think so.
0:56:26 > 0:56:27It's hard to, kind of, explain
0:56:27 > 0:56:30how obsessed I became about the idea of it.
0:56:30 > 0:56:33You probably remember better than I do.
0:56:33 > 0:56:34HE LAUGHS
0:56:34 > 0:56:37I'm sorry to laugh, but it was just...
0:56:37 > 0:56:39It's not a funny thing.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41I was completely crazy.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43For me,
0:56:43 > 0:56:45and I think for anyone who is...
0:56:45 > 0:56:49close to someone going through something like that...
0:56:49 > 0:56:53there's this feeling of wanting to help and not knowing how to.
0:56:53 > 0:56:54Do you have any insight into...?
0:56:54 > 0:56:59How is someone supposed to support you when you're in that condition?
0:56:59 > 0:57:00There is no way, that I see,
0:57:00 > 0:57:02for someone like me...
0:57:03 > 0:57:08..that you can do anything that will have any long-term impact.
0:57:08 > 0:57:10My family and friends felt,
0:57:10 > 0:57:12as best they could,
0:57:12 > 0:57:15that they needed to withdraw.
0:57:15 > 0:57:17It became quite apparent to me I was on my own
0:57:17 > 0:57:21and the motivation for me had to come from getting to a place
0:57:21 > 0:57:24where I was really on the verge of losing everything.
0:57:24 > 0:57:26- Yeah.- You turned it around.
0:57:26 > 0:57:28Well, for now. Yeah. And I know...
0:57:28 > 0:57:30I know that sounds really glib.
0:57:30 > 0:57:32No, it's...
0:57:32 > 0:57:35- I feel... I feel comfortable and safe.- Yeah.
0:57:35 > 0:57:41Safety is such a strange and elusive sensation.
0:57:41 > 0:57:44Most people, I don't think, even think about it.
0:57:44 > 0:57:47But I've felt, for quite a long time,
0:57:47 > 0:57:48kind of on the edge of something,
0:57:48 > 0:57:50even when I wasn't in it -
0:57:50 > 0:57:52like I was...
0:57:53 > 0:57:56I just felt off kilter and anxious,
0:57:56 > 0:58:00and like everything was either going at 100 miles an hour
0:58:00 > 0:58:02or wasn't going quick enough -
0:58:02 > 0:58:05and I just feel OK...
0:58:07 > 0:58:08..which is nice.
0:58:10 > 0:58:14# Darling, you send me
0:58:15 > 0:58:19# I know you send me
0:58:20 > 0:58:23# Darling, you send me
0:58:24 > 0:58:26# Honest, you do
0:58:26 > 0:58:27# Honest, you do
0:58:27 > 0:58:28# Honest, you do
0:58:28 > 0:58:31# Whoa
0:58:31 > 0:58:34# You send me
0:58:34 > 0:58:36# Whoa
0:58:36 > 0:58:39# You send me
0:58:39 > 0:58:41# Honest, you do. #