0:00:03 > 0:00:06- RATTLE - Uh-oh. What happened there?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Who are you?
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Me?- Yeah!- I'm Louis.
0:00:11 > 0:00:16Oh, Louis. Who's that?
0:00:16 > 0:00:17It's Louis.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Who's Louis?
0:00:28 > 0:00:29'I was in Phoenix, Arizona,
0:00:29 > 0:00:33'the capital of America's population of retirees,
0:00:33 > 0:00:35'and its sufferers of dementia.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43'A vast community of the increasingly forgetful,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46'and in some cases eccentric, lives here.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50'And, alongside them, the husbands, wives and children who love them.'
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Thank you.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00'I was here to try to experience their lives at first hand.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02'The struggle of living in a world of encroaching shadows,
0:01:02 > 0:01:07'and of keeping relationships alive in circumstances
0:01:07 > 0:01:10'that can be among the strangest and most challenging imaginable.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26'My journey began here, at Beatitudes,
0:01:26 > 0:01:28'a retirement community with a specialist unit
0:01:28 > 0:01:30'for people with dementia.'
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I don't know where she is, if she's OK.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34'A resident on the second floor, called Janet Cottrell,
0:01:34 > 0:01:36'had seen an intruder.'
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Janet, who was yelling at you?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41The woman that was in here. She was climbing in her pyjamas
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and going... She was in that room.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I don't know where she could have gone so fast.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Well, if you see her again, let her know, or you can push your button.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54'Dawn Grant is in charge of the unit.'
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Do you think that was a hallucination?
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- I do believe so. - Why could it not be a real person?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I don't have any other small females, skinny,
0:02:02 > 0:02:05running round in their jammies right now.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Another resident. And they can't move that fast, either.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12So it's probably a hallucination. Well, it IS a hallucination.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17'Janet was a new arrival at Beatitudes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20'Her daughter, Nancy, came to see how she was settling in.'
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Do you like the chair, Mom? - Pardon?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Do you like the chair?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Do I like the chair? Yes, very much so.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- So your mum just moved in yesterday, is that right?- Yes.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34And how did that go?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36It was pretty emotional.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39In the morning it was very, very difficult
0:02:39 > 0:02:41when we told her she was coming.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44How did you get to the point of feeling she needed to be here?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47She walked away from the house one day,
0:02:47 > 0:02:52and she didn't know where she was, and nobody knew where she was,
0:02:52 > 0:02:56so that was the end of my being able to take care of her,
0:02:56 > 0:03:00because I couldn't keep her safe anymore.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Course, I keep thinking, you know, she likes to go out a lot,
0:03:04 > 0:03:08but we aren't allowed to go out. We don't have a car.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Once your car was taken away, was that quite a big thing for you?
0:03:11 > 0:03:15It was terrible, and it still is.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19And Nancy says I cannot get my car back.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23My mom, I hope, knows that I love her very much,
0:03:23 > 0:03:27and that the reason that I'm doing these things is to keep her safe,
0:03:27 > 0:03:31and I hope she remembers that.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37See, if you just leave me alone, I do all good things by myself.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Yeah.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41At any point did you kind of say to Janet,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44"This is basically where you'll be living now"?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Not yesterday before we left, no.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52And we really actually haven't said that,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I've not said that to her at all.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- (Do not talk about her as though she's not in the room.)- OK.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Include her in, (or don't have a conversation in front of her).
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Yeah.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08She's not saying, "When can I go home?", or anything?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11She's not, but she is under the impression she's here temporarily.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13She is, but so is Sonja, her roommate.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Right, and half of the people here. - Yeah, they all think they're going.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- They do?- It's just such a transition to take them
0:04:19 > 0:04:22from what they're so used to, to putting them in a new setting.
0:04:22 > 0:04:28It's OK to tell...I guess they'd be white lies, is that the right term?
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Yes. We do it all the time.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34Yeah, we tell white lies all day long here, all day.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48'The residents of the memory support unit
0:04:48 > 0:04:52'exist in a twilight world of half-remembered reality.'
0:04:52 > 0:04:55So you have your oatmeal and you've got your pears. Good?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58'Staff have a philosophy of going along
0:04:58 > 0:05:00'with the delusions of the residents
0:05:00 > 0:05:04'to alleviate their sense of confusion and distress.'
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Just to be clear about this, they cannot leave under their own steam?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Correct.- Because?
0:05:10 > 0:05:14They're not safe. We can't guarantee they can find their way back,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17or, well, where they're going, so we have it secured.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21The lift is right there, so what's to stop them from going down in the lift on their own?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23You need to have a code to access the floor.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29One of the ways staff keep tabs on how residents are doing
0:05:29 > 0:05:31is through occasional memory tests.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Hello.- Hi, Pat.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Hello. - How are you doing this afternoon?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Well, I think I'm doing fine.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Hi, Pat.- Hello. - How are you?- I'm fine.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45So, as I mentioned to you earlier, I was going to come in
0:05:45 > 0:05:49and do an assessment, just to kind of get a feel for how you're doing.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52It's going to be several questions related to testing your memory.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Oh, OK.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I'm going to say three words, three objects,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- and I want you to repeat after me, OK?- Mm-hmm.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- Apple.- Apple.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01- Table.- Table.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Penny.- Penny.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Try and remember those three words,
0:06:05 > 0:06:07because I'm going to ask you again in a minute.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09(Apple, table, penny.)
0:06:09 > 0:06:14Apple. Maple. Maple.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Oh, I've already forgotten it.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Apple. Maple...
0:06:21 > 0:06:24OK, we're going to come back to that question.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Can you spell the word "world" backwards?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30D-L-R-O-W.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- Perfect.- Oh, good.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Perfect, now, can you remember any of those three objects
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I asked you to repeat for me?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42World...
0:06:42 > 0:06:43World...
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- That's OK.- What struck me was how well she did,
0:06:50 > 0:06:54and yet, with the three objects, very quickly she'd forgotten.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Short-term memory is always an issue on this floor.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Where's the front door here?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03This ain't the front door, is it?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08This is a hard place to get out.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13One of the few men on the floor is 69-year-old Gary Gilliam.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16I'd like to know where in the hell...?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Hmm.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20You OK?
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Well, I'm worried. I'm just going to walk up here and see if I can't.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26What are you worried about?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- What am I worried about? - There's nothing to worry about.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Well, guys get out and get lost.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36What sort of things do you enjoy doing here?
0:07:36 > 0:07:37How do you keep busy?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39This is my workplace.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Doing?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Dentistry, or working on something dental, you know? Whatever.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Whatever they want to put me to, I don't care.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51It's not really a medical building or something like that,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53but here we are.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56I ain't ever leaving. It's kind of strange that way.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Does he know where he is?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02He does know.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05He seems to think he's involved in a dental practice here.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I know. And one of the ways we redirect him
0:08:07 > 0:08:10is to have him examine our teeth.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13When you say "redirect", means what?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16If he's on a mission to go outside,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19or if he's just having one of those moments that he's irritable,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22you can easily redirect him by saying, "Hey, Doctor,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25"I have a problem with my tooth. Can you a look inside my mouth?"
0:08:25 > 0:08:26And he will.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- Do you want to take a walk with me? - Sure, I'll walk with you.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34See, now they change these things about every other week.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38"Push until alarm sounds. Door can be open 15 seconds."
0:08:38 > 0:08:41That's a siren going off for 15 seconds through this building.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- We can't use that.- No.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- That's ridiculous.- No.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49So, you know, what can I do? I'm screwed.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Someone told me you used to be a dentist?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I AM a dentist, I guess.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Once a dentist, always a dentist, you know?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59It's like being born an Indian, or something.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01You'll always be an Indian.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Would you take a quick look at my teeth?
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Yes, sir, I would.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06They're not very clean, though.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Oh, I know. You're a Brit, aren't you?- Yeah.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Well, you guys don't clean your teeth like we do.- I know.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Bite down, please. You've got good occlusion.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21No, you're in cross-bite, back there.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Yeah, I wouldn't do anything about it, it's not going to hurt you now.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Jammies?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Yes, ma'am. God, you're beautiful. Are you sleeping with me tonight?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34No.
0:09:34 > 0:09:39Damn. Talk about wrecking a man's night.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52SATNAV: Right turn on West Willow Creek Circle.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55'It's reckoned that one in eight Americans aged 65 and over
0:09:55 > 0:10:00'has Alzheimer's, the most common cause of dementia.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03'The rates climb alarmingly with age.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06'Nearly half of the over-85s has the disease.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09'Whilst some are in institutional settings,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12'many sufferers are cared for at home, by their loved ones.'
0:10:12 > 0:10:14SATNAV: You have arrived.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19'I was about to meet retired engineer John Vaughan.'
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- Hi, John.- Hi, there, Gavin.- Louis.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Yeah, good morning. - Nice to meet you.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26'John looks after his wife Nancy,
0:10:26 > 0:10:29'who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's.'
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I'm Louis.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Yes. SHE SNEEZES
0:10:33 > 0:10:35SHE LAUGHS
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Allergies?
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Oh, you're beautiful.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Thank you. How are you? So are you. You're beautiful.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Oh, wow, we're being beautiful...
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Let me see. What are we going to do with you?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54What are we going to do? Maybe a glass of water?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Would you like that?- Yes, I would.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Oh, come with me!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00What is your memory like, Nancy?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Are you aware of having problems with your memory?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- Yes.- You forget things?
0:11:05 > 0:11:10- Not very much. - No, what would you say?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I would say very much. Nancy, what's your name?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- My name?- Yes, what's your name?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- Hair?- Yes.- At this...point?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22At this point, what is your name?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Nice tap-dancing. Your name, please?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- Nancy. - OK, do you know your last name?
0:11:32 > 0:11:36- You know your last name? - Bread.- Huh?- Bread.- Bread, OK.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Is that Nancy's maiden name?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42No. Johnson is her maiden name.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Not Bread?
0:11:43 > 0:11:48And this is why this is there all the time.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Sometimes she'll say, "Who's that?"
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I'll say, "Well, that's you, and that's me,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56"and that was on December 3rd, 1949."
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- Gee, whiz!- She's 89 years old.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02But you look so much younger.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Right!- How do you do that?
0:12:05 > 0:12:10I'm not...doing it. I just don't know how I did do it.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Yeah. Doesn't she look great? But it's still...
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Yeah.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17SHE LAUGHS
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Aw, this guy is smart. He sees I'm talented.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Yes, I do.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Yes!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Nancy was a very social person, and so she has these reflexes
0:12:26 > 0:12:30built in, and that tricks some people to say,
0:12:30 > 0:12:31"Oh, Nancy's got Alzheimer's?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33"She doesn't look like she's got Alzheimer's."
0:12:33 > 0:12:38If we say that a lot of the verbal stuff is basically
0:12:38 > 0:12:40just a kind of conditioned response,
0:12:40 > 0:12:44what is real in what she expresses?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- What is reality? - When you have a hug or a kiss.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52I'm sitting here, and she comes over and gives me a kiss.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Or comes over and strokes my back...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Hello there.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06When she does this and that's coming from for real.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- That's from a real place?- Mm-hmm.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Oh!- You OK?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yes. Yes.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Are you sad about something?
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Me?- Yeah, are you sad about something?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Oh, no. Gosh, no.- OK.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25I love the whole...
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- system.- You do?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- Mm-hm.- That's good.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- Well, I couldn't get it any place. - Hmm? Give me a kiss?
0:13:33 > 0:13:37- Thank you.- That's good.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Inside, and get set.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43You and I have got to go and have a little...potty training here.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Yes. OK.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49'Though they've been happily married for 40 years,
0:13:49 > 0:13:51'John and Nancy have no children,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54'and so responsibility for Nancy's care
0:13:54 > 0:13:57'now falls squarely on John's shoulders.'
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Can you help me a little bit? - No! I cannot.- OK.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- John?!- Yes? - Please, you are hurting me!
0:14:05 > 0:14:09'Aged 88, John is carer to someone with many of the same needs
0:14:09 > 0:14:12'as a very large toddler.'
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Are you OK, John?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16CISTERN FLUSHES
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Not bad for me. No.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21That sounded quite stressful.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24She said she wanted to clout you at one point?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Yeah, well, I think I was having trouble getting the pants leg on,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30and I was struggling with it.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34We have a course, we call it "signal breathing",
0:14:34 > 0:14:36and it's...
0:14:36 > 0:14:39HE BREATHES DEEPLY
0:14:39 > 0:14:42..whether somebody's cutting you off in traffic,
0:14:42 > 0:14:46or you have to change a pair of panties.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50John?! Wake up!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52THEY LAUGH
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I know a lot of people at this stage,
0:14:58 > 0:14:59because of the safety factor,
0:14:59 > 0:15:02and also just because of the stress of being a carer,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04would start thinking about a home, an institution?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06An institution.
0:15:06 > 0:15:12And they're really delightful places, and the care is great.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14But they cost 4,000 dollars a month.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- A month?- A month.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17SHE WHISTLES
0:15:19 > 0:15:22So that's too much?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Well, yeah...- Couldn't afford it.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- Everybody's a nut.- Hmm? - Everybody's a nut.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31THEY LAUGH
0:15:31 > 0:15:32I know the feeling.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- Ho-ho-ho! You do?- I do. - Thank you, sir!
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Good morning, Gary.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Want some breakfast? Some hot coffee?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54'Back at Beatitudes, it was the start of another day.'
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I'm fine for now, dear.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Gary, the ladies are waiting on you.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07I do believe Gary is our youngest resident,
0:16:07 > 0:16:11and therefore one of the fittest, as well.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- "Youngest resident"?- Mm-hmm. - What am I a resident for?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Of this floor, where you live, in this apartment setting.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20How well do you feel you know Dawn?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Know who?- Dawn. - How well do I know you?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Well, I haven't known you very much, because I would,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- I would remember you forever...- Aw! - ..because you're a pretty lady.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33You remember the pretty ladies, huh?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I try to. I think I'm losing my grasp.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39He tells me that every day. It's good for my ego.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- And are you married?- No, sir.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- No.- Nobody would have me.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I had a sign out in the yard for a long time,
0:16:50 > 0:16:51it got to be embarrassing.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- What about Carla?- Carla?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56That's the meanest little bugger in the world, but I just love her.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- Who's Carla?- She's the little gal about this tall, isn't she?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01And she came to work for me.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Right. Exactly!
0:17:02 > 0:17:04And then she ended up running my office,
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- and did an excellent job of it. - She did.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- She's really a nice person. I think a lot of her.- Yes.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20'Carla Gilliam has been Gary's wife for 26 years.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24'They started dating when she was just 21.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28'She now lives on her own in the house they once shared.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34Pictures, pictures, pictures. Oh, Lord.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37There's Gary with his dogs. He just loves his dogs.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39What was the Gary of old like?
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Definitely an outdoorsman. Highly intelligent.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Very interested in everything, and remembered things verbatim.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Did he? Good memory.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53What was your first inkling that something was up?
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Probably when he came home and told me, when he was in his sports car,
0:18:00 > 0:18:05that he had turned left to come home, against traffic, four lanes.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Has he gone back to a particular point in time?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13I think he's more in his 20s, early 30s.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I'm not even his spouse,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18because in his mind he would have never gotten married.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20In terms of your relationship with Gary now,
0:18:20 > 0:18:22how fulfilling is that for you?
0:18:22 > 0:18:26When he's really sweet and just kind of caring,
0:18:26 > 0:18:30then, oh yeah, I savour that. But it's very little.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Hey, Gary.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40I see you're getting photographed.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Yes.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- That means you'll be in jail in a month.- Yes.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Oh, yeah, OK.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- Hi Gary.- Hello. - You remember me?- Yes, I do.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53'I decided to take Carla and Gary to lunch,
0:18:53 > 0:18:57'but it was a bit more complicated than I'd expected.'
0:18:57 > 0:19:01There are his two ladies, right there. Hi, Pat, hi, Betty.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- How are you doing? - I'm doing just fine.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I just need to ask you something quickly, Carla.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12You said these are two special friends of Gary's?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20Yes. Betty is very possessive, but Pat is more normal.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Then, don't bring them both. - No, absolutely not.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24No, we're going with Pat.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27You want to come to lunch with us?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30We're making a break for it. Don't tell anyone.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- She's pretty easy on the eyes, don't you think?- I do.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37You know how you guys sometimes stand at the elevator at night,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- trying to escape?- Yes. OK.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- Well, I often go to sleep by the elevator.- So you punch?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Well, I'm not telling you what you punch, that's top-secret.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Oh!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52I don't understand why he's...
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Would it not be more normal for him to put his arm around you?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01No, he's never been physically very... I'm just his buddy.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- And how do you know Gary, Pat? - Well, we met here at the Beatitudes.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14You get on well?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Oh, yes. I consider him my best friend.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20There's another lady called Betty.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Did you say that there's more intimacy in that relationship?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Well, she, I guess, is always taking her clothes off,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29and I've seen her a couple times,
0:20:29 > 0:20:33and I don't know what happens after that.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Taking her clothes off? - In his room, yeah.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- And getting into bed with him? - My guess is, yeah.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42The idea of Gary with another woman, performing sexually,
0:20:42 > 0:20:43wouldn't trouble you in the least?
0:20:43 > 0:20:47No, I just realise it's the disease and it's the way it is,
0:20:47 > 0:20:52and it's unconditional love. It's nothing to be bad for me.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57No, it's not. Um...no.
0:20:57 > 0:21:03I've taken as good a care as I can of him, and I will do so to the end.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- You want me to carry you?- No. - I can carry you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- Bye, Gary.- See you, kid.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- OK, love you. - Nice doing business with you.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Business?
0:21:17 > 0:21:18When she comes into town.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22- OK.- Talk to you a little later.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23- So, Carla?- Yeah?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27What are your feelings for him at this point?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Oh, I still... I've always loved him.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Haven't always liked him, but I've loved him,
0:21:34 > 0:21:36and I'm so saddened by this.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40It's just I never thought I'd see Gary in this position.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- Is he the same person? - Hmm, he's probably mellower.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Wish he'd have been this way more in life.
0:21:46 > 0:21:52I guess I was just too young. And so, you know, he's never treated me
0:21:52 > 0:21:57like he does somebody his age, or... What are you doing with your hat on?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Getting ready to go.- Oh, you're going to take him for a walk?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- No, not in this heat. Are you going to take me with you?- No.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- Where you going?- You're still here, remember? You have a year's lease.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10So I have to stay here?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13This is where you live, and I live in South Chandler.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16In my own house.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Jesus.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Where are my parents right now?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29They need to be in touch with you, I wouldn't know.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32They'll call me. So where are we going?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- You're staying with April. - You're staying with me.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- You have the pleasure of that, let's go.- Really?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Yeah, come on. You got the pleasure of being with me.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43What are you? What do I call you?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Huh?- What do I call you? Do you remember?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Huh?- What do I call you?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01'A few hours after Carla had left, I caught up with Gary.'
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- Do you wish Carla was here with you? - Right now?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Yes, in many ways.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15But, if she's having a good time, that's just fine with me.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20Are you looking forward to her coming back?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Yeah, I thought she'd be back today, maybe tomorrow now.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25She'll be back pretty soon.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31She might be at home just resting up before she came down here, you know.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35- Shall we get out of your hair? - No, I don't care. You can stay.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- We're OK?- Yeah. Yeah.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Of course, we strip-search you at the end of the day,
0:23:41 > 0:23:44just to make sure nobody runs off with anything, you know that.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I thought you only did that to the ladies?
0:23:46 > 0:23:47- HE LAUGHS - No, I couldn't.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51No, I'd scratch my eyes out and be completely blind.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59That's pretty good.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15'Dementia is usually thought of as an older person's disease,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18'and yet it can strike people in their 40s
0:24:18 > 0:24:20'and, in very rare cases, even younger.'
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- Hello.- Hi.- How are you? - Are you Selinda?- I am.- I'm Louis.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Nice to meet you, Louis. - Nice to meet you. Can I come in?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Absolutely. Happy to have you.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- And this must be Glenn? - Yes.- Hi.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- How do you do? I'm Louis. - Nice to meet you, Louis.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Nice to meet you.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43'Glenn and Selinda Border have been married 26 years.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46'Two years ago, after Glenn noticed Selinda was misplacing car keys,
0:24:46 > 0:24:51'she went for a check-up, and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.'
0:24:51 > 0:24:53So how old are you, Selinda?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56How old am I, Glenn? Huh?
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- Do you know? - I'm not sure right now.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Selinda's 49.- Yeah, almost 50.
0:25:02 > 0:25:0549. You'd forgotten that?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- No! No, I didn't forget that.- Ah! - I didn't really.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10HE LAUGHS
0:25:10 > 0:25:15I think, you know, that's the one thing about the disease, is...
0:25:15 > 0:25:19I think she knows what she wants to say,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22but she's just not able to say it.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27And I notice a lot of times, you know, as the disease has gone on,
0:25:27 > 0:25:30she has it on the tip of her tongue, but she can never get it out.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35How fast are things changing now in terms of personality and ability?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39It's kind of... I think it's kind of not as bad as it had been.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Well, that's another part of the disease.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47She thinks she can do more than what she can.
0:25:47 > 0:25:52She has her cell phone and she has difficulty even calling somebody.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55What is the tricky part about making a call on a cell phone?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Well, that's a good question, cos I don't seem to be able to get it.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Would you feel weird about trying to do that?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- No, that's fine.- It's fine. - You know, I think...
0:26:05 > 0:26:08People have to know this. They have to understand what it's about.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- OK, here.- What are we doing?
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Just try dialling our home phone number.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Our phone number?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Yeah. Dial 253...- OK, wait a minute.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23- 2, 5...- Where am I?
0:26:23 > 0:26:27- OK, the two...- The two? Where is it? I can't even see it!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- OK.- Come on, Glenn. Just do it.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32- That's...- Sorry, guys.- And see...
0:26:32 > 0:26:34But I don't understand. You can't...
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- The two is right there in the middle of the screen pad there. - OK, let me see.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- I'm not trying to be biased... - Yeah, I know what you're saying. - ..but the two is right there.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- You can still read, right? - Yeah, I can still read...
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- somehow. - SHE LAUGHS
0:26:49 > 0:26:53So, this reaffirms that she's to the point where she needs somebody with her during the day.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57I don't want people with me during the day. I really don't.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01I don't want you to be here by yourself if there's an emergency.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05- I can get out. I know how to get out.- Well, that's...- I can.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08That's horseshit. HE LAUGHS
0:27:08 > 0:27:09- Hey, Cali.- What?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Can I introduce you to somebody?
0:27:12 > 0:27:16'Making Glenn and Selinda's situation rather more complicated
0:27:16 > 0:27:21'is the presence of their young daughter, Cali, aged nine.'
0:27:21 > 0:27:23We're from London. We're making a documentary.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Awesome!- Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- We're going to go and get an ice cream.- Yeah!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Is that what you wanted?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48No, but it's OK. I'll eat it.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50What did you want?
0:27:50 > 0:27:52What was it I used to have? This is not what I used to get.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55You used to have black cherry.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Has it been difficult getting used to your mum not being able to do some things?
0:27:59 > 0:28:01How have you found that?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Umm...
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Well, it is kind of difficult
0:28:07 > 0:28:12cos sometimes I forget to do stuff,
0:28:12 > 0:28:15so I have to do my homework in the morning.
0:28:15 > 0:28:20And I kind of wish my mom could drive cos then sometimes we get late for my bus.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24That's the thing where I feel, you know,
0:28:24 > 0:28:29bad about Cali, is I can't replace her mother, you know.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34As hard as I try, I can never fill that spot.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47'Back at Beatitudes, I was making my first visit to the fourth floor.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49# My bonnie lies over the ocean... #
0:28:49 > 0:28:53'Here, they care for residents with the most advanced cases of dementia.'
0:28:53 > 0:28:57# My bonnie lies over the sea
0:28:58 > 0:29:02# My bonnie lies over the ocean... #
0:29:02 > 0:29:07'Most of the people living here can no longer speak coherently.
0:29:07 > 0:29:11'Some appear physically fit, and yet their minds are almost completely disconnected.'
0:29:11 > 0:29:13# Bring back
0:29:13 > 0:29:17# Oh Bring back my bonnie to me... #
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Hi, Mom. How are you?
0:29:21 > 0:29:26'David Watson was making his weekly visit to his mother Gayle.'
0:29:26 > 0:29:29Just woken? Did you get woken up for your nap?
0:29:30 > 0:29:33- Mum?- Yeah?- Hi. Can I have a hug?
0:29:35 > 0:29:38No? HE LAUGHS
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Off on a tear.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Hey, Mom?
0:29:49 > 0:29:51Mom?
0:29:51 > 0:29:53Do you know this guy?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55SHE MUMBLES
0:29:55 > 0:29:57You recognise this lady?
0:29:57 > 0:29:58That's you.
0:30:01 > 0:30:06Do you remember? Do you remember our cherry tree in Ohio? Yeah?
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Do you remember that?
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Graduation? Katie?
0:30:10 > 0:30:13SHE CONTINUES MUMBLING
0:30:15 > 0:30:18They're nice pictures, aren't they?
0:30:19 > 0:30:21They're nice pictures, aren't they?
0:30:21 > 0:30:24We could put them down here and have a look at some more.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Do you want to look at some more?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29No!
0:30:29 > 0:30:32- "Golly, golly."- I know.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34She's down to the one word.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37For a while, she was doing sentences in a sort of staccato...
0:30:37 > 0:30:39HE TALKS IN STACCATO WAY
0:30:39 > 0:30:44She would finally finish the word after a few minutes.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47If you were careful, you could kind of figure out what she was saying.
0:30:47 > 0:30:51Not necessarily that the sentence had any connection to anything that was going on,
0:30:51 > 0:30:54but at least she was trying to make a pattern.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57And the last few months it's "golly".
0:30:57 > 0:30:58Hi.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04It's like fresh all over again, right? No?
0:31:04 > 0:31:06HE LAUGHS
0:31:06 > 0:31:08Do you think she recognises you?
0:31:08 > 0:31:11Sometimes. I'm not sure now.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14- I wasn't seeing it. - No, I didn't see it that one. Yeah.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17The other one, maybe. There's sometimes a glimmer.
0:31:19 > 0:31:24And my sisters don't visit, because this is hard.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27I come frequently enough that I'm used to it.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30It doesn't make it easy, you know.
0:31:30 > 0:31:34I've told other people it's one of the worst possible things that could happen.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Except, she's happy now.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39You say she's happy now, as though maybe she wasn't happy before?
0:31:39 > 0:31:44She's always been a little bit shy
0:31:44 > 0:31:48and a little scared of public situations
0:31:48 > 0:31:51and, you know, stressed.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55She was a nurse. She was a cardiac care nurse up until 2000
0:31:55 > 0:31:58and, you know, that's a hard job.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01And....
0:32:01 > 0:32:04she doesn't have any of that.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06She has no concerns left.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14Hi.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17What have you found? What is this?
0:32:17 > 0:32:19What is this? Does it sing?
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Hi.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24How are you doing? Can I have a hug? Can I have a hug?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Do you think so?
0:32:28 > 0:32:30What else? How are you?
0:32:30 > 0:32:32SHE MUMBLES How are you?
0:32:43 > 0:32:47If you're going to live in fragments of time....
0:32:47 > 0:32:50it's not a bad fragment, right?
0:32:51 > 0:32:53So, that's why I come visit,
0:32:53 > 0:32:56cos sometimes that happens and then, you know, that's good.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10'With its large population of dementia sufferers,
0:33:10 > 0:33:14'Phoenix has developed a specialised industry for dealing with the disease.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18'At Banner Alzheimer's Institute,
0:33:18 > 0:33:21'I was meeting up with Glenn and Selinda.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24'Selinda was about to undergo a check-up.'
0:33:24 > 0:33:27- How are you? - Good. How are you doing?
0:33:27 > 0:33:29- Nice to see you. - Pleasure to see you again.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32- Hello, how are you?- Hello, nice to see you.- Nice to see you.
0:33:32 > 0:33:33- How are things going?- Good.- Good?
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Since the last time you were here,
0:33:36 > 0:33:39any changes that you've noticed with anything? No?
0:33:39 > 0:33:41- Same old stuff. - Same old stuff?- Mm-hmm.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44- What I'd like to do now is borrow Glenn for a little bit...- OK.
0:33:44 > 0:33:48- ..so wait right here...- All right. - ..and we shall return soon.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52So, Glenn...
0:33:52 > 0:33:54what's going on?
0:33:54 > 0:33:58It seems like she's a lot more confused.
0:33:58 > 0:34:02The other night, I asked her, I said, "Selinda, can you get your cell phone?"
0:34:02 > 0:34:07And she brought me her purse in one hand and her keys in the other hand
0:34:07 > 0:34:09and I said, "Do you have your cell phone?"
0:34:09 > 0:34:13And she reached out with her keys and says, "Here it is."
0:34:13 > 0:34:16So, I'm starting to notice that...
0:34:18 > 0:34:22..when you ask her to do something, she is just confused.
0:34:22 > 0:34:23Got it.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26I think Cali, you know, is learning that also.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30You know, we went out last night and I got a little bit frustrated,
0:34:30 > 0:34:34and Cali comes over. She goes, "Dad, remember the S words,
0:34:34 > 0:34:37"slow and sweet."
0:34:37 > 0:34:40And I was like, "You're right, Cali. You're right."
0:34:40 > 0:34:44You know, it makes me proud to see that Cali is joining in this as far as, you know,
0:34:44 > 0:34:47getting a little bit more of an idea how to deal with her mother.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53Let's see what we've got in here for you.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57What's the name of this place that we're in right now?
0:34:57 > 0:35:00We're here where we're at right now! Yeah.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03What kind of building is this?
0:35:03 > 0:35:05What do you mean, what kind of building is it?
0:35:05 > 0:35:09It's a place that we come to see you. How's that?
0:35:09 > 0:35:11Very good. That works. That works.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13And what city are we in?
0:35:13 > 0:35:15- We're...what what?- What city?
0:35:15 > 0:35:17What city? Phoenix.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20- Excellent.- Yeah.- Very good. - I can do those!- Good.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22You can do this. All right.
0:35:22 > 0:35:26Well, let's start with this, a blank sheet of paper and a pen.
0:35:26 > 0:35:27Oh, great(!)
0:35:27 > 0:35:30I want you to draw a clock for me.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33Draw a big circle, put in all the numbers,
0:35:33 > 0:35:35and set the time to 10 after 11.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38This is a new one. I don't know this one.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40- Well, give it a try.- That's bad.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43This is going to be hard.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47- Huh?- You're just making a clock face.- A clock face.- Uh-huh.
0:35:47 > 0:35:48Mm-hmm. Great.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51All right. Put in all the numbers on the face of the clock.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53All the numbers. OK.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Starting where? Or does it not matter?
0:35:56 > 0:35:58- It doesn't matter.- OK.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Just put in all the numbers that would go in a clock.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02OK. So...
0:36:02 > 0:36:04- start here?- Mm-hmm.- OK.- Yeah.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07- So one...- Uh-huh.
0:36:07 > 0:36:08..two...
0:36:08 > 0:36:11I don't know what I'm doing here. Two...
0:36:11 > 0:36:13three...
0:36:13 > 0:36:15four...
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Oops.
0:36:17 > 0:36:18Four. OK.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20And?
0:36:20 > 0:36:22And set the time to 10 after 11.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25- 10 after 11?- Mm-hmm.- God!
0:36:25 > 0:36:2710...
0:36:27 > 0:36:31- I'm not doing well. Sorry.- It's OK. - I know I'm freaked out now.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33You're doing the best you can.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35SHE SIGHS
0:36:35 > 0:36:39My feeling is I don't think we need to do any more.
0:36:39 > 0:36:45You seemed that you wanted to stop the test. I just wondered why.
0:36:45 > 0:36:46It's causing her distress
0:36:46 > 0:36:52and it's not going to give me additional information that would change my management.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55I don't want to put her through it if it won't change anything.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58And what's the prognosis? What happens?
0:37:00 > 0:37:03Unfortunately, despite everything we're doing,
0:37:03 > 0:37:08she's going to continue to get worse, likely at the same rate,
0:37:08 > 0:37:11unless something else happens.
0:37:11 > 0:37:15But she's on the maximum - or almost the maximum - medications that we could give her.
0:37:15 > 0:37:20I'm glad we have them, they help, but we need better medications.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23We need something, if not to halt this disease,
0:37:23 > 0:37:25even better, something to prevent it.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27And that's what we're working on here.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29'A short while after the test,
0:37:29 > 0:37:32'I sat down with Glenn and Selinda for a debrief.'
0:37:32 > 0:37:35Selinda, do you have a plan for the next six months
0:37:35 > 0:37:37to a year, to two years?
0:37:37 > 0:37:40- I hope so.- What is your plan?
0:37:40 > 0:37:42I don't have one very much, but...
0:37:42 > 0:37:43SHE LAUGHS
0:37:43 > 0:37:46I...
0:37:46 > 0:37:49asked Doctor Yari the last time we were in.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51- What did he say?- I said...
0:37:51 > 0:37:54"In your best opinion,
0:37:54 > 0:37:58"when will it be that Selinda will no longer be able to recognise Cali and I?
0:37:58 > 0:38:03- I don't think it's going to be THAT soon.- And he said that...
0:38:03 > 0:38:06you know, he can't give me an exact day, which I wasn't asking for,
0:38:06 > 0:38:11but I was kind of shocked when he said probably two years.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Two years?! Are you kidding me?
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- No.- That sucks!- It does.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19- That sucks big time. - It does. It does.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21How come you didn't tell me that?
0:38:21 > 0:38:23- I did.- When?
0:38:23 > 0:38:25After the appointment.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27What, today?
0:38:27 > 0:38:30But that's OK. You can forget about it, OK?
0:38:30 > 0:38:33You just live every day like it's... a new day.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36Yeah. OK, honey.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38I'll be fine.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50'I was paying another visit to John Vaughan.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54'He'd asked me to take care of Nancy for the morning,
0:38:54 > 0:38:58'with responsibility for everything except bathroom emergencies.'
0:38:58 > 0:39:02You were quite keen on the idea of me being Nancy's carer.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05I wanted you to experience what goes on
0:39:05 > 0:39:09and how you communicate and what I go through
0:39:09 > 0:39:13and doing things like playing ball.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15You're about to play ball.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17OK.
0:39:19 > 0:39:20OK. Got it.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Are you ready?
0:39:22 > 0:39:25I could... I'm going to have to!
0:39:25 > 0:39:28- Go away.- I'm sorry.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- Sorry, did I take you by surprise?- Yes.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- Yes, you did.- I'm sorry.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35That's all right. No problem.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37No problem, OK?
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Shall we try again? Are you ready?
0:39:40 > 0:39:42- Yes.- Here goes.
0:39:45 > 0:39:46GLASS SMASHES
0:39:46 > 0:39:47Oh!
0:39:48 > 0:39:51- Ohhh!- What did you do?
0:39:51 > 0:39:53The broom is in the closet right there.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55You set me up, John!
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Did you know that was going to happen?
0:39:57 > 0:40:00Normally she would catch it.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03You're boring her, Louis.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05OK, let's try this again.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Here we go, Nancy. Ready?
0:40:08 > 0:40:09Aim. Fire.
0:40:09 > 0:40:10Exactly.
0:40:12 > 0:40:13- You did it!- Of course.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Hello. Mwah.
0:40:18 > 0:40:19Hello.
0:40:19 > 0:40:20HE LAUGHS
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Why are you laughing?
0:40:22 > 0:40:24Because you keep kissing the ball!
0:40:24 > 0:40:26Mwah.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29Well, I have nobody else here to kiss.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31- You're up and running, Louis.- OK.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34- Nancy...- What?
0:40:34 > 0:40:39Take care of Louis while I go away for a second or two, OK?
0:40:39 > 0:40:42- Certainly.- OK, thank you.- OK.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45And are there any things that redirect Nancy
0:40:45 > 0:40:47to a more positive place?
0:40:47 > 0:40:49You're the improvisation man.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Improvise.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53HE SINGS
0:40:53 > 0:40:55- OK, thank you.- See you.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57- See you later.- Yeah.
0:41:07 > 0:41:08Shall we go for a little walk?
0:41:08 > 0:41:12I don't know, I'm not that tone.
0:41:12 > 0:41:18I'm... I'd rather come stay on my own company here and...
0:41:20 > 0:41:24..be swore by you.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27You too.
0:41:27 > 0:41:28Take my hand.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30We'll go this way.
0:41:30 > 0:41:31Oh, that's nice.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35- And put your arm through the sleeve.- Yes.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37- There we go.- That's enough.
0:41:37 > 0:41:38- Ooh!- There we go.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41'I'd decided to start the day with a morning constitutional.'
0:41:41 > 0:41:43- OK.- We did it.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45Knock me down.
0:41:45 > 0:41:46With a feather.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47SHE LAUGHS
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Oh, where are we going?
0:41:52 > 0:41:53We're going for a little walk.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Oh, my goodness.
0:41:55 > 0:41:56What's a little walk?
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Just up and down the block.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Ahhh! No.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01No, no.
0:42:01 > 0:42:06- So I'm going to stop pretty soon...- Yeah.
0:42:06 > 0:42:09..but I want to sit down for about...
0:42:10 > 0:42:13..I don't know how many whatevers.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15- Shall we turn around, then?- Yeah.
0:42:15 > 0:42:19'The walk was soon abandoned and we returned to base for sustenance.'
0:42:19 > 0:42:21Oh, this is wonderful, cos there's no...
0:42:21 > 0:42:24it's nice and Norse.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26Norse.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29- Is that right?- Yes.- Yes. - It's nice and comfortable.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31- Comfortable.- Yeah.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Would you like to try one?
0:42:36 > 0:42:38One what?
0:42:38 > 0:42:39Cookie.
0:42:39 > 0:42:40That?
0:42:40 > 0:42:42No, these.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Looks like same thing.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46That's for you. Those ones are for you.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49Tell it to give me the scene here.
0:42:49 > 0:42:52- Take one of the cookies...- Yes.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54- ..in your hand.- Yes.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56- Pick it up.- Yes, sir.
0:42:58 > 0:42:59Ooh!
0:43:00 > 0:43:02Try eating it.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05That's why I've got it in my hand. Ooh!
0:43:08 > 0:43:09Ones for me.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13- Mmm. - Shall I put some music on?
0:43:13 > 0:43:16- Yes.- What kind?
0:43:16 > 0:43:19Anything you got in thought.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23Running low on ideas, I resorted to the CD player.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25SHE SINGS ALONG
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Do-do-do,
0:43:27 > 0:43:30do-do-do,
0:43:30 > 0:43:32do...
0:43:33 > 0:43:37You going to spend all day on the floor like that?
0:43:37 > 0:43:39HE LAUGHS
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Well, I'm not...that's OK, you can do anything you want to.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47What are you doing?
0:43:47 > 0:43:50- We're looking at photographs.- Oh.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54'I wondered whether some old photos might jog some memories.'
0:43:58 > 0:44:01Is that you, or not?
0:44:01 > 0:44:02I don't know.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07- Do you see that one? That's a funny one.- Yeah.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09I wonder why you were yawning.
0:44:11 > 0:44:13Probably was tired!
0:44:30 > 0:44:31What?
0:44:33 > 0:44:35What?
0:44:35 > 0:44:36Are you OK, Nancy?
0:44:37 > 0:44:38I'm Louis.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41- Yes.- We're just relaxing.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46- Hey, gang, you having fun? - Hey, look who it is.
0:44:46 > 0:44:49Where did you go?
0:44:49 > 0:44:52Are you having... isn't this a nice guy?
0:44:52 > 0:44:54Is Louis a nice guy?
0:44:54 > 0:44:55- Oh, yes.- Oh.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58Who is John...
0:44:58 > 0:45:00..Frame?
0:45:00 > 0:45:01That's my name, somewhere up there.
0:45:01 > 0:45:02John...
0:45:02 > 0:45:05- V-A-U-G-H-A-N.- Vaughan.- Vaughan.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08- Yes.- And your name is Nancy Vaughan.
0:45:08 > 0:45:09Well, make up a time!
0:45:09 > 0:45:11Make up a time?
0:45:11 > 0:45:13- "Make up your mind" is what she meant.- Mind, yeah.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15Oh, make up my mind. Time and mind.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18You're beginning to understand her! SHE LAUGHS
0:45:18 > 0:45:20I think it would be a good idea
0:45:20 > 0:45:22if John and I went and talked about that thing we were discussing.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24- OK. All right.- Would that be OK?
0:45:24 > 0:45:27That's all right as far as I'm concerned.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30How much of Nancy is still here, do you think?
0:45:30 > 0:45:3230 per cent.
0:45:32 > 0:45:37But all of it is still in here,
0:45:37 > 0:45:40my memories of a great 61 years...
0:45:41 > 0:45:43..and a feeling...
0:45:43 > 0:45:46an oath that said certain things,
0:45:46 > 0:45:50that we were going to be with each other until death do us part,
0:45:50 > 0:45:53and it hasn't parted us yet.
0:45:53 > 0:45:55I want you.
0:45:55 > 0:45:56Who?
0:45:56 > 0:45:58All of you.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Well, you can't have us all, you have to pick one.
0:46:02 > 0:46:03Why?
0:46:03 > 0:46:08Moment to moment, I feel like Nancy understands a lot.
0:46:08 > 0:46:09- That's right.- Yeah.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12Those moments are the things
0:46:12 > 0:46:18that make the hard parts of the day worthwhile.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Now, isn't that nice?
0:46:20 > 0:46:27I thought so, and I just have been going "brrr!" since.
0:46:27 > 0:46:29And the comprehension of that speech
0:46:29 > 0:46:32is kind of gratifying, don't you think?
0:46:32 > 0:46:35Yes. Well, I think you're going to stick with John.
0:46:35 > 0:46:37You like me?
0:46:37 > 0:46:39I...more than that.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41Much more than that.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43Oh, boy! Sex?
0:46:43 > 0:46:45SHE LAUGHS Who could tell?
0:46:48 > 0:46:51No, I won't go for you for that.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54No, OK, you won't? That's disappointing.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56THEY LAUGH
0:46:56 > 0:46:59- What's the matter, you hate it? - Oh, my.- There.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01There's my picture over there.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03Yeah, I see your picture over there.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06Don't go out anyplace.
0:47:06 > 0:47:07I'm not going to go anyplace.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10- Cos I owe you so much. - You owe me so...?- And I love you.
0:47:10 > 0:47:14I think we owe each other so much.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16And that's what's sustaining us right now.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18- It is?- Mm-hm.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Well, we have to be sustained, so...
0:47:20 > 0:47:22Yep.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32How are you doing?
0:47:32 > 0:47:34Well, moving on. I'm trying to get packed up.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Packed up?
0:47:36 > 0:47:37Not a very easy thing.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40- Nice to see you again. - Are you getting packed?
0:47:40 > 0:47:44'At Beatitudes, Gary was in high spirits.'
0:47:44 > 0:47:47'He'd got word that he'd be moving on.'
0:47:47 > 0:47:50You know what? I just take all these home,
0:47:50 > 0:47:53because there'll probably be a time before I get back here,
0:47:53 > 0:47:57pretty good on this circuit.
0:47:57 > 0:47:58That's the trouble, you just go.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01You don't know who else is going to be in here.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03- In here?- Yeah. You know?
0:48:03 > 0:48:06You don't know the next occupant.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08- No.- Well...
0:48:08 > 0:48:14You just know that he's probably an officer in one of the US Forces,
0:48:14 > 0:48:17probably army. Most of them are army.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24Some mint. You guys need some floss or something?
0:48:24 > 0:48:27- I've got my own, thanks.- OK.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29All right.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32Well, you're keeping track of me, young man.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34So Gary is packing to leave?
0:48:34 > 0:48:37Yes. Something common that he does.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Sometimes it's looking for his car keys,
0:48:39 > 0:48:41other times it's packing up to leave.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48- Hi, Gary.- Hi.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51Where are you going?
0:48:51 > 0:48:55- I'm going to get my stuff to pack in my suitcase.- Oh, OK.
0:48:55 > 0:48:57Where did the old woman go?
0:48:57 > 0:49:01Well, let's walk back down to your room.
0:49:01 > 0:49:05OK, well, this is where you're going to stay for tonight, OK?
0:49:05 > 0:49:06What?
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Just here for tonight, and then tomorrow...
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Yeah, I was going to carry it home with me.
0:49:10 > 0:49:13Oh, OK. Well, tonight we're going to stay here tonight, OK?
0:49:13 > 0:49:15You're going to stay here?
0:49:15 > 0:49:18I want to work tonight and you can stay in this nice, comfortable bed.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21Today's work and a bicycle ride would kill you, young 'un.
0:49:21 > 0:49:25'Though Gary was confused on the question of his leaving,'
0:49:25 > 0:49:30'it struck me that on this occasion, he wasn't the least bit anxious.'
0:49:30 > 0:49:33Boy, have you latched onto a pretty army officer?
0:49:33 > 0:49:35Good specimen right there.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Never been called a specimen before.
0:49:37 > 0:49:39- That's a new one!- Well, you are.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42Look at that all kept up there.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44- Mm-hm. Thank you. - Sharp, sharp.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Where did our boys from Britain go?
0:49:47 > 0:49:49- I'm one of them!- Are you?
0:49:49 > 0:49:52- Yes, I am.- I recognise you. - Thank you.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55- Yeah, it's good to see you again. - Good to be here.
0:49:55 > 0:49:56Everything good?
0:49:58 > 0:50:01It just goes on and on and on, you know? It's a big wheel.
0:50:01 > 0:50:03- It is.- Yeah, if you try to stop it,
0:50:03 > 0:50:05- it'll just roll over you.- Yeah.
0:50:05 > 0:50:08And, you know, it's just one of those things.
0:50:08 > 0:50:10Yeah, better off rolling with it.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Better off cooperating as best you can.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15Rascal.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19What am I following you for, dear?
0:50:19 > 0:50:22Oh, you've got to come down here and watch the movie...
0:50:25 > 0:50:27With my time in Phoenix nearly at an end,
0:50:27 > 0:50:31I was making one last visit to see Glenn and Selinda.
0:50:31 > 0:50:34There were plans afoot for Glenn to get more support at home.
0:50:35 > 0:50:37We had a friend call us
0:50:37 > 0:50:40and said that she'd be glad to move out here to Phoenix
0:50:40 > 0:50:43and, for room and board, be Selinda's companion.
0:50:43 > 0:50:45It's not going to start this early, honey.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48- Well, we're almost to the point, so...- I don't think so.
0:50:48 > 0:50:51- We'll talk about it.- That's right. - We'll talk about it and see.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53Do you know this person that Glenn has in mind?
0:50:53 > 0:50:56Yes. But I'm not sure that that would be the one,
0:50:56 > 0:51:00cos I'm not going to have anybody else's dogs over here,
0:51:00 > 0:51:02- that's for sure.- Well, that's... Sometimes you have to put up.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05- It is pretty much of a godsend though.- Yeah, but still...
0:51:05 > 0:51:08You think it may not be the right person, Selinda?
0:51:08 > 0:51:11You know, I just want to be independent
0:51:11 > 0:51:13and Glenn doesn't want me to be any more.
0:51:13 > 0:51:18- Well, I want you to also be independent.- Gosh, you love me so much, I know, darling.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21But the fact is, and the truth is, that you probably...
0:51:21 > 0:51:23- Yes, I know.- ..aren't able to.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25We'll see. We shall see.
0:51:35 > 0:51:39In some ways, it might be that she knows what's coming
0:51:39 > 0:51:42and she's trying to fight off those things,
0:51:42 > 0:51:49those different steps where she sees she's losing her independence.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52They say at the beginning in some ways it's hardest,
0:51:52 > 0:51:57because you're still fighting it in a way, if that makes sense?
0:51:57 > 0:52:02And then there comes a point when it just becomes a new normal.
0:52:02 > 0:52:03At that point, in their mind,
0:52:03 > 0:52:06for all I can think, everything's fine,
0:52:06 > 0:52:11but then it switches over to the caregiver and any of the family.
0:52:12 > 0:52:16What's it going to be like when you look at the person you've been with for so many years
0:52:16 > 0:52:18and they don't remember you?
0:52:18 > 0:52:21What is your obligation to someone as they change in that way?
0:52:21 > 0:52:24I've got to think about Cali, myself. We've got to go on.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27I've read about people that have had Alzheimer's
0:52:27 > 0:52:30and they've lived 20, 30 years
0:52:30 > 0:52:33and that's a question - if she lives that long,
0:52:33 > 0:52:35financially, the cost of a nursing home...
0:52:37 > 0:52:39..so I've thought about, you know,
0:52:39 > 0:52:42down the road, do I have to, you know, go into the courts
0:52:42 > 0:52:43and get a divorce from someone,
0:52:43 > 0:52:46you know, and make her a ward of the state, so I don't know.
0:52:46 > 0:52:50That's something I need to talk to an older attorney and say what do I do?
0:52:50 > 0:52:52What have other people done?
0:52:52 > 0:52:53That's the point.
0:52:53 > 0:52:56- But this time of year it's cheaper, right?- Mm-hm.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58I would say that.
0:52:58 > 0:53:00'All families affected by dementia
0:53:00 > 0:53:03'are faced with incredibly hard choices,
0:53:03 > 0:53:06'but Glenn and Selinda were in the impossible position'
0:53:06 > 0:53:11'of battling the disease whilst also trying to raise a child.'
0:53:11 > 0:53:13Can't go wrong there.
0:53:13 > 0:53:16I just want to... hope that I can be around
0:53:16 > 0:53:18to see Cali, you know, grow up.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20- That's what bothers me.- Yeah.
0:53:20 > 0:53:22But she's a pretty good girl.
0:53:22 > 0:53:27I mean, if she has to, she can make it happen, you know,
0:53:27 > 0:53:29so that's a good thing, I think.
0:53:29 > 0:53:33- And there's still plenty of time. - Oh, yeah.
0:53:33 > 0:53:34I'm counting on that.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36SHE LAUGHS
0:53:45 > 0:53:46Before leaving Phoenix,
0:53:46 > 0:53:49I was making one last call at Beatitudes,
0:53:49 > 0:53:53tagging along with Carla for her weekly visit.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56She told me she'd noticed a deterioration in Gary.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59She'd begun talking about moving on,
0:53:59 > 0:54:03making plans for a new life for herself without her husband.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06Hi, Gary. You're so...
0:54:06 > 0:54:08It'd be a championship run.
0:54:10 > 0:54:12How are you doing anyway, huh?
0:54:12 > 0:54:14Good.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17- You'd better. I haven't seen you. - I know you haven't.
0:54:17 > 0:54:21I've been looking up and down the street where all the action is.
0:54:21 > 0:54:24- You haven't found me, have you? - You rascal.
0:54:24 > 0:54:25What are we doing?
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Sit down, in your favourite chair.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31I think we're doing OK, don't you, Carla?
0:54:31 > 0:54:33Yeah, I'm doing fine.
0:54:34 > 0:54:37- You know you called me up? - You have nothing to complain about.
0:54:37 > 0:54:40Tell me to bend over and kiss my ass and then you're gone.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43Shhh, I don't either. Now, cut it out. Stop that.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45GARY LAUGHS
0:54:45 > 0:54:47No, I'm just teasing you.
0:54:47 > 0:54:50Look at those cheeks now.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52They're redder and redder.
0:54:52 > 0:54:55I'll get ya. I'll get ya.
0:54:56 > 0:54:59- Fosters took me out last night. - Did they?- Mm-hm.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01Kevin and his wife Joyce.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03Oh, yeah, Kevin, he's a nice guy.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06I didn't go to bed till one o'clock.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14You know, it seemed like a real conversation you were having.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17- Yeah.- Didn't it to you? Like, you were mentioning people,
0:55:17 > 0:55:19he said, "Oh, yeah, how's he doing?"
0:55:19 > 0:55:25Yes, he remembers Phil, his high school buddy that lives in Texas,
0:55:25 > 0:55:28but then, you know, he's still positive his mom's alive,
0:55:28 > 0:55:31so he's nowhere near normal.
0:55:31 > 0:55:33Are you sentimental?
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Is there a sentimental part of you that is still attached?
0:55:38 > 0:55:40It's just sadness.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43No, no sentimental, it's just sadness.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46I probably feel it less than I did...
0:55:47 > 0:55:53Every day gets easier and better, but no.
0:55:53 > 0:55:56I've kinda let go.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58I've done all I can do.
0:56:00 > 0:56:05The last appointment of my stay was with Janet and Nancy.
0:56:05 > 0:56:09They'd been the first people I'd met on my journey a few weeks earlier,
0:56:09 > 0:56:11when Janet had just moved in
0:56:11 > 0:56:13and she'd been at loggerheads with her daughter.
0:56:13 > 0:56:14How are you today?
0:56:14 > 0:56:16I'm good, thanks. How's my mom behaving?
0:56:16 > 0:56:18She's always good.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20- She always is good?- Yes, she is.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22Most pleasant person. Really nice.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24Hello.
0:56:25 > 0:56:26How you doing?
0:56:26 > 0:56:27- Hi, Janet.- Hi.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30- How are you doing?- I'm hanging in.
0:56:30 > 0:56:31Shall we go down this way?
0:56:31 > 0:56:34We can go anywhere we want.
0:56:36 > 0:56:37Here we are.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40- Yeah, so it's pretty cosy. - Yeah, it's nice now.
0:56:40 > 0:56:43Got lots of photos. Yeah, she can watch TV,
0:56:43 > 0:56:44she can do a puzzle.
0:56:44 > 0:56:47Does Janet seem more settled?
0:56:47 > 0:56:51I think she's settled. I think she's much happier than she was,
0:56:51 > 0:56:54and I think, too,
0:56:54 > 0:56:58it's nicer for me not to have to tell you what to do now, right?
0:56:58 > 0:57:00For sure.
0:57:01 > 0:57:02So that's huge for us.
0:57:02 > 0:57:04She's been a mother once.
0:57:04 > 0:57:07She doesn't need to be taking my place.
0:57:07 > 0:57:11Yeah, and I really don't want to be your mother, so it's good to be a daughter again.
0:57:11 > 0:57:15I mean, I see what's happened here
0:57:15 > 0:57:17and it makes me so happy,
0:57:17 > 0:57:21because we can be friends again and we can be mother and daughter,
0:57:21 > 0:57:25the way it's supposed to be, and it's so much better.
0:57:25 > 0:57:26Right, Mom?
0:57:28 > 0:57:30'I was at the end of my stay in Phoenix
0:57:30 > 0:57:33'and the world of dementia.
0:57:33 > 0:57:37'I'd come to see that the people who suffer most from the disease
0:57:37 > 0:57:40'are often those left in the position of carers,
0:57:40 > 0:57:42'and yet they still find their share
0:57:42 > 0:57:45'of happiness and humour in their relationships.'
0:57:45 > 0:57:47JANET LAUGHS
0:57:50 > 0:57:53'The ones they love face a different kind of struggle,
0:57:53 > 0:57:55'with confusion and uncertainty.
0:57:59 > 0:58:02'But they too are managing to enjoy life
0:58:02 > 0:58:06'in an ever-shrinking circle of forgetfulness.'
0:58:06 > 0:58:10I can't believe I'm watching a bunch of adults do this.
0:58:13 > 0:58:15Oh, now you're smiling.
0:58:15 > 0:58:17Look at that.
0:58:17 > 0:58:19THEY LAUGH
0:58:19 > 0:58:20See? I told you...
0:58:20 > 0:58:21Now we're going, kids.
0:58:21 > 0:58:23Now you're going.
0:58:50 > 0:58:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd