0:00:00 > 0:00:03- JAMES MARTIN:- I've been finding out about loneliness.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05It's one of the UK's biggest issues right now.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08It's just a feeling as though you don't want to be here any more.
0:00:08 > 0:00:09And I don't have anybody to go,
0:00:09 > 0:00:11"Yeah, fine. We'll do this together."
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Do we really care what happens next door?
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Do we really understand what happens over the road?
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Nobody would notice if I disappeared
0:00:18 > 0:00:21and just feeling like you have nobody to share life with, really.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25There are people suffering in silence all over the country.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Nobody can tell you how it really feels,
0:00:28 > 0:00:30'cause there's no word to express it.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32It makes me think of my grandparents,
0:00:32 > 0:00:33what they went through, when,
0:00:33 > 0:00:35you know, my grandmother lost my grandad,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37all those times she must have spent at home.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Since he went, I just can't cope.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I'm convinced the answer lies in the community.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46We could all make a huge difference here.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48THEY LAUGH
0:00:48 > 0:00:50So I'm recruiting a few friends
0:00:50 > 0:00:53to take me back to the communities where they grew up
0:00:53 > 0:00:56to find out if a bit of good old community spirit
0:00:56 > 0:00:58can in some way make a difference.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01We need laughter back in our lives.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02THEY LAUGH
0:01:02 > 0:01:04We just have a giggle
0:01:04 > 0:01:05and that makes it.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06It's going to become easier.
0:01:06 > 0:01:12It's liberating, really liberating to think, "Oh, it's cool."
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Britain has a spectacular countryside
0:01:21 > 0:01:24and for many people the idea of living the rural dream
0:01:24 > 0:01:26is a picture of rolling hills,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29village fetes, peace and tranquillity.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32But it has its downsides.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I personally grew up in the countryside
0:01:34 > 0:01:38and I can remember feeling often sometimes a little bit cut off...
0:01:40 > 0:01:43..just being, of course, a long way from your friends.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47But rural life has changed dramatically,
0:01:47 > 0:01:49even since I was a boy.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51There was a time when the surrounding land
0:01:51 > 0:01:54provided most of the jobs a village needed to thrive.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58A time when people spent their whole lives in just one place
0:01:58 > 0:02:01from one generation to the next.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03But it's a very different story these days.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07People may well live in the same idyllic surroundings,
0:02:07 > 0:02:11but more often than not they commute out of the village to work,
0:02:11 > 0:02:13shop and even socialise.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I've come to Kirkby Thore, ten miles from Penrith in Cumbria.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Helen Skelton grew up here
0:02:22 > 0:02:25and recently married in the village church.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28If anyone can tell me about Kirkby Thore, she can.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31So, Helen, tell me about the area.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34This is a brilliant place to grow up.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I grew up on a farm just on that field,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38so when I wanted to come into the village,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40we used to come over the field, bike down this lane.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41And my gran lived in the village.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44And my uncle still lives here, my cousin still lives here,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46my mum and dad, my brother,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49so it's a great place to grow up and it's a place I'm really proud of.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51When I was a kid growing up here, there were things going on.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55There was harvest festival, there were Halloween parties,
0:02:55 > 0:02:58there were fete days, there were dances in the village hall.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00But I think that happens less and less now
0:03:00 > 0:03:03because people tend to go into Penrith.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05And I think, if I'm honest,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08our parents put a lot of effort and a lot of energy
0:03:08 > 0:03:11into making sure there were things for us to do in the village.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14And, you know, my gran as well, she ran a thing called Friendship Club.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17So she used to get all the old ladies together in the village
0:03:17 > 0:03:20and they'd sit around and have a cup of tea and things like that.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I don't know why it has changed.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23I genuinely don't know why it's changed.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26I know that they tried to have a fete day here a couple of years ago
0:03:26 > 0:03:28and it wasn't very well attended and that's a shame,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- so that puts you off.- Yeah.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32But hopefully we can remind people that they're great events.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Well, fingers crossed. Cos it all stemmed from over there, didn't it?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It is my actual house, yeah.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I mean, obviously officially I have a house with my husband elsewhere,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43but my mum and dad still live there, my room's exactly the same.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I lived there until I was 23.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- So what were they? Were they... - Dairy farmers.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50My dad was a dairy farmer and my mum actually works in a primary school
0:03:50 > 0:03:52which is about 50m along here.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Come and say hello at the door. - Who's there?- My mum.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Oh, your mother. - Yeah, this is where she works.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07This building wasn't here when I was at primary school.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Thank you.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- This building wasn't here? - That bit wasn't.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- They added that a couple of years ago.- Right.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19But this is where my dad went, my auntie went, me and my brother went,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- my cousin went.- See, you were lucky. I had a portacabin.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- Oh, well, we've got luxury. We've got bricks.- Yeah, yeah.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Hiya!- Hello, Mum.- I used to try and climb through there.- James.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Nice to meet you.- Hey. Nice to meet you.- How are you doing?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I couldn't see you with the sun.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I was saying there isn't as many, like, there's no fete day any more,
0:04:35 > 0:04:37no harvest festival and stuff like that.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Why do you think that is?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I think, probably, fete day, things change, don't they?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43You know, obviously when you were younger,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46you know, it was like from one year to the next
0:04:46 > 0:04:49we were planning what you were going to dress up as.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52And I think now, parents, it's different, isn't it? They work.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Maybe we were stay-at-home mums. - I never thought of that.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Because you didn't work until we came to school, did you?- No, no.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01And none of our friends' mums worked then, whereas now people work.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Do you think that would happen again?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- It's difficult to get one person to do it.- That's right.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Or maybe if you got a group of you, then it's easier to spread the burden, don't you think?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I think there's plenty of young people in the village
0:05:13 > 0:05:15that would be happy to get it going again.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I think it just stops and it takes a little bit of getting going again.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- Thanks, Mum.- Cheerio. - Bye-bye!- Bye-bye.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- So were you Donald Duck or Daffy? - Alice in Wonderland.- Oh.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I always got a tiger and a fat hippo. That's all I got.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31No wonder I didn't win anything.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Is there anybody you don't know around here?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39If Helen is right and the community hall isn't the thriving place she once knew,
0:05:39 > 0:05:43then it would be good to fill it with laughter and conversation.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Yeah, I was spoiled growing up. This was kind of my playground.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49It certainly is a stunning part of the world.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51We've got a lot to think about today, a lot to do.
0:05:51 > 0:05:56So the idea being that I want to use that community hall back again,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59open it up and then bring the community back together again
0:05:59 > 0:06:01how it was when you were growing up.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Yeah, I'd like to remind them of the good events we used to have here.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- OK. So you've got a few doors to knock on and so have I.- OK.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08All right. We've got our work cut out today.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14The aim is to give locals the nudge they need to get out of their homes
0:06:14 > 0:06:18and get to know the people who live around them a little better.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22So Helen's on a mission to re-create the buzz she recalls
0:06:22 > 0:06:25from her childhood in the local community hall.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Rural communities particularly rely on each other for support
0:06:28 > 0:06:32because of their isolation, so I'm convinced that we'll find
0:06:32 > 0:06:36plenty of people in Kirkby that could benefit from an introduction.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Some will know each other well
0:06:38 > 0:06:41but many won't even know each others' names.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45And that's where Helen's local knowledge comes in.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47She's known some of these people all of her life.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54There is Mrs Aldridge, the head of the kitchen when I was at school.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59An incredible lady. She still drives her horses, I think.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02When we were kids, we used to lean over here and feed the horses.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Let's see if I can get her attention.
0:07:04 > 0:07:10- Hello!- Hello, Helen.- Long time no see.- Yes, indeed.- How are you?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- I'm very well, thank you. - You look very busy.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Yes, trying to get the garden squared up before the winter.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- Now, this evening, we are having a gathering in the village hall.- Yes.
0:07:21 > 0:07:244.00 till 6.00. Get everyone together and everyone have a chat.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Well, it's enlarged a bit since you first knew it, isn't it?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- And there seems to be even more families.- Yes.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32How many years have you been in Kirkby Thore now?
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- 50, exactly. We came in '64, yes. - Well, we'll definitely see you.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- All right, you've twisted my arm. - Oh, thank you!
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- Well, we'll see you later on.- OK. - Thank you. Nice to see you.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44And I won't be in my wellies and my dirty things...
0:07:44 > 0:07:45SHE LAUGHS
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- Hello! Nice to see you.- Hello. - How are you?- Fine.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57I must be getting old if I can say I went to school with your children
0:07:57 > 0:07:58and my mum is now teaching their children.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Yeah, yeah, absolutely. The grandchildren, yeah.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03How long have you been in this village now?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Oh, 55 years, nearly. Born and bred here.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08There feels like there's a real community spirit here
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- but there isn't as many events and things, is there?- No, no.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13And when we do have them we kind of make a good show of them
0:08:13 > 0:08:15and we try and get as many people involved
0:08:15 > 0:08:18but sometimes we kind of have a bit of a flop,
0:08:18 > 0:08:22but we try something else later on and, you know, it's variety.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Not everything suits everybody.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Remind us what it was like when I was younger
0:08:29 > 0:08:32because I feel like there was fete days and all kinds of things going on.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Yeah, all those things. We had a wonderful fete day.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I was looking the other day at some pictures of the fete
0:08:38 > 0:08:40and there was hundreds of people down the rec.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44You were kind of the leader in terms of youth activities.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46You were always putting stuff on, organising things.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49What do you think it's like for young people now in this village?
0:08:49 > 0:08:53The youth group came and went and it got established again
0:08:53 > 0:08:55but then it kind of fell on its nose a little bit
0:08:55 > 0:08:57and I think there was a lack of support there.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59I feel like there's quite a few families
0:08:59 > 0:09:01who've got a bit of an appetite to get things going again
0:09:01 > 0:09:03because there's a lot of young families.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- I didn't realise how many young mums live here now.- Yeah, yeah.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Yeah, we've got quite a young kind of profile on the estate here,
0:09:09 > 0:09:10apart from myself, I think.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13And they are, they kind of want things for the kids
0:09:13 > 0:09:16but we need lots of people to get involved and be part of the community
0:09:16 > 0:09:18and have that ownership to it as well.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19- And be willing to support it. - Yeah.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22What sort of challenges do you think people face here,
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- living in a place like this? - Well, transport is the big thing.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30It's getting people from A to B for work, for social, for whatever -
0:09:30 > 0:09:32shopping, things like that.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34There is a bus service but it's sporadic.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36You need a car if you live here
0:09:36 > 0:09:38and it can be quite isolated in that sense
0:09:38 > 0:09:40because we've had people move in
0:09:40 > 0:09:43and struggle to get to places because of the transport infrastructure.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45So if you've got a load of shopping to get,
0:09:45 > 0:09:48you've got to time your bus and pick the right one otherwise you've got to walk,
0:09:48 > 0:09:51which is about three-quarters of a mile up the village.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Would you mind coming down to the village hall later on and sharing your expertise?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- That'd be great. Yes, I'd love to. See you, then.- See you, then.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Okey-doke. Thanks, now.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01It's not just village life that's evolving,
0:10:01 > 0:10:04the agricultural industry has also radically changed
0:10:04 > 0:10:06over the past 30 years.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10So for farmers, who were once the cornerstones of rural life,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13community is not what it was.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15When I was on the farm as a kid,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17everybody used to help everybody else.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19As they did.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22You know, you had threshing days, you shared machinery,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25you had big gathering days for the sheep off the hills.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27They still do a little bit of that to some extent,
0:10:27 > 0:10:28but not like it used to be.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I've been doing this for quite a while now
0:10:30 > 0:10:32and you think of loneliness and depression
0:10:32 > 0:10:35and everything else is brought on by bereavement
0:10:35 > 0:10:37but...sometimes it's not because of that.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Sometimes it could be you've got your kids who've been helping out on the farm.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43They go off and do their thing and all of a sudden you're left.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45You're left on your own. That's right.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47But if it isn't dealt with
0:10:47 > 0:10:50and if you don't get to the nub of what the problem is,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53then eventually it can be that
0:10:53 > 0:10:56that loneliness and depression starts to set in.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59So if you can get in there as soon as you can, we can help.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06I can really get my head around farmers being lonely.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09It's pretty much a full-time, solitary existence.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15But I would have thought a village life was pretty warm and friendly.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Kirkby is growing and new people have joined the village
0:11:22 > 0:11:24since Helen lived here.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29It's a while since I've been here.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- Hello!- Hello.- Nice to meet you. I'm Helen.- Hello. I'm Dan.- Hello.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Hi. I'm Helen.- Hi. - Have you lived in the village long?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- Um, it's about five weeks. - Oh, so you're very new.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- Very new. Yes, yeah.- Very new, yes.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44And have you been to this part of the world before?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Do you know much about Kirkby Thore? - Uh, no.- Not Kirkby Thore.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Been on holiday in the Lakes District but not in this area.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53So what made you move here?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- Uh, it's a long story. - A very long story, yes.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59I used to be a vicar in the Midlands and Kristy was also ordained.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- And how are you finding Kirkby Thore?- Brilliant.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Yeah, really good, yeah.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06It reminds me very much of the village I grew up in in Somerset.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09But the great thing about it, as well, is when you meet people
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- and chat with people, they're always smiling.- Yes.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15And we've lived in some places where it's taken two years to get people to smile at you down in the south.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17But it's great. We're really enjoying it, yeah.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Well, the timing of this is perfect
0:12:19 > 0:12:22because it doubles up as your welcome-to-the-village party.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Yeah, that's right.- So we'll see you at the village hall a bit later on.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- Yes.- Absolutely.- See you.- Bye-bye.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33So how long have you lived up here?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I lived at number seven for 15 years
0:12:35 > 0:12:38and me and my partner have lived here for 3.5.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Well, that doesn't sound like a Cumbrian accent.- Liverpool, yeah.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I bet that was a bit of a shock, moving from Liverpool to here.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Did you find it difficult at all?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48At first I found it quite hard
0:12:48 > 0:12:53but obviously I've got quite a lot of good friends now.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I have family here as well, so they obviously introduced me to people.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59So I've got quite a lot of family around here as well.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01The children love it. It's just brilliant.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Everybody looks out for each other. It's really, really nice.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Were you surprised by that, then?
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Um...yeah, at first, because I'd obviously been in the city
0:13:10 > 0:13:14for so long and then coming here it was quite a shock, really.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17But I prefer it like this. I like it.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- Right, we'll see you at the hall, then.- Thank you very much. - Thank you!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Not everyone settles comfortably into the community.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26For some, however idyllic the setting,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29a village is just not the dream it should be.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Jo recently moved here
0:13:31 > 0:13:34and her husband frequently works away from home.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36She has few friends in the area
0:13:36 > 0:13:39and is struggling to fit in with village life.
0:13:39 > 0:13:46- When you look at it, you think it's the perfect life.- Oh, totally.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48You're 29 years old, everything you could wish for.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51On paper, it's absolutely just amazing
0:13:51 > 0:13:53and this is just why you feel really guilty
0:13:53 > 0:13:56because you've just got the most amazing vales on your doorstep.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01You've got beautiful views, you've got absolutely everything -
0:14:01 > 0:14:04until you're stuck in a house with a two-month-old
0:14:04 > 0:14:07that's screaming constantly and all your friends are at work.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I live in the most amazing place in the whole world and I'm miserable.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Yeah, sometimes you kind of just go...phew,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17"God, I wish I lived in a town."
0:14:17 > 0:14:22So what does loneliness feel like when it's at its worst for you?
0:14:22 > 0:14:27The world feels such a nice place when you're not lonely.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32And when you're lonely all you want is somebody to make you feel better
0:14:32 > 0:14:34but you don't have that. So...
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It's...seriously, it's disabling
0:14:38 > 0:14:41because all that loneliness needs
0:14:41 > 0:14:43is somebody to make it better, is company.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46You can't be lonely when you've got company
0:14:46 > 0:14:48and you've got somebody
0:14:48 > 0:14:51that actually wants...to be a part of your life
0:14:51 > 0:14:54and wants to keep you company.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55So when you don't have that,
0:14:55 > 0:14:59but it's such a small thing that you need to make it better,
0:14:59 > 0:15:03it does, it feels like... it feels like...
0:15:06 > 0:15:09..there's an element of yourself that just doesn't work.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Mummy!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Jo's loneliness has trapped her in a vicious circle.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19Although she craves company, she finds she's pushing people away.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23I used to love, love, absolutely love entertaining
0:15:23 > 0:15:25and people coming to my house.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27But now I just, honestly,
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I dread the thought of anybody ent...
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Like, my dad comes and visits and I have to tell him,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35"I'm really sorry. I'm not going to be any fun."
0:15:35 > 0:15:39And he's really, really struggled with the difference in me.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42And I still feel the same.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I feel like I'm getting worse
0:15:44 > 0:15:47and I don't know how to get myself out of it
0:15:47 > 0:15:50and it's really frustrating
0:15:50 > 0:15:53because it's hard once you're sat in a pit
0:15:53 > 0:15:55to think, "Oh, I'm going to get myself out of this."
0:15:55 > 0:15:57It's really, really, really difficult.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Going to put your shoes on.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01SHE GRIZZLES
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Oh, Mummy's going to put her shoes on. Where's Millie's shoes?
0:16:04 > 0:16:09I have sat in front of a mirror and gone, "Seriously, is it that bad?"
0:16:09 > 0:16:10And it's not.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14But when you're on your own in these four walls -
0:16:14 > 0:16:17and I've got a lovely home, I have a lovely home -
0:16:17 > 0:16:22and you just feel like an ungrateful...piece of work
0:16:22 > 0:16:24because you don't embrace it.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Life has changed dramatically for Jo since the birth of her daughter.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Mummy!
0:16:33 > 0:16:37The community spirit that Helen has found still exists here,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39yet hasn't touched Jo.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Having a baby can be a traumatic time.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50The truth is, Jo is not alone in her feelings -
0:16:50 > 0:16:53she just doesn't realise it.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56You suddenly find yourself alone with a baby
0:16:56 > 0:16:58with actually very little confidence and knowledge
0:16:58 > 0:17:00of how to look after that baby.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I remember someone describing it to me as being given a Ferrari
0:17:03 > 0:17:05before you've even had any driving lessons
0:17:05 > 0:17:08and put in the middle of the M25 and told to drive it home.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09And that's exactly how it feels.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12It's this absolutely overwhelming sensation.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15But also I think what we don't appreciate
0:17:15 > 0:17:19is the amount of time we spend with that baby on our own,
0:17:19 > 0:17:20just the two of us,
0:17:20 > 0:17:24during those daytime when your partner is at work.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26And it can feel like an incredibly long day
0:17:26 > 0:17:28to fill those hours and hours.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30You sort of imagine that maternity leave might be
0:17:30 > 0:17:32a lot of lying on the sofa watching daytime telly
0:17:32 > 0:17:34but actually little babies are incredibly demanding
0:17:34 > 0:17:37and it can be a long, lonely, isolating day.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40And certainly for me, I finally, for the first time in my life,
0:17:40 > 0:17:43identified that what I was feeling was loneliness.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- JO:- I got really, really low about two weeks ago.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53And I was like, "Do you know something, I'm going to...
0:17:53 > 0:17:56"Come on, Millie, let's go for a walk." And we went to the church.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I'm not religious but I was like,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01"There will be somebody in the church to talk to."
0:18:02 > 0:18:04I walked into the church and there was nobody.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08And I sat there and went, "I just want somebody to talk to."
0:18:08 > 0:18:14Really, I was so desperate for just somebody just to say hello
0:18:14 > 0:18:16and just to go, "Are you having a good day?"
0:18:16 > 0:18:18And to go, "No, do you know something?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20"I'm having a really awful day.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22"Please just talk to me and make me feel better."
0:18:22 > 0:18:28But there is nobody. During the day, there is absolutely nobody.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I sometimes will go into the village shop.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I'll just go there to buy something absolutely random,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47just so I can go, "Hi. Good morning."
0:18:49 > 0:18:51WOMAN: Having children is a really, really challenging
0:18:51 > 0:18:53and life-changing time
0:18:53 > 0:18:55because people don't realise
0:18:55 > 0:18:58the impact that it's going to have on their lives.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02So often they find themselves at home with the children
0:19:02 > 0:19:06and their friends that they had before are busy doing their lives
0:19:06 > 0:19:10so they lose a lot of their networks.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14And then after having a child, you're not at your most confident
0:19:14 > 0:19:19because you're doing something that is so new and unknown to you.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23But every parent experiences this sort of doubt,
0:19:23 > 0:19:27this feeling of sort of low self-esteem.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Every parent struggles while they're getting to know their child.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34As if Jo wasn't finding things hard enough,
0:19:34 > 0:19:39things are about to be compounded, as she's expecting her second child.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43What should be wonderful news has lost its shine,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46as Jo feels so isolated.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50The thought of doing that all over again in such a small place
0:19:50 > 0:19:54with a second baby and a toddler
0:19:54 > 0:19:56without the support of...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02..people is really scary.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Really, really, really scary.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07It's amazing that somebody like yourself
0:20:07 > 0:20:09with a second child on the way
0:20:09 > 0:20:12would ever feel...like that at your age.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Mmm.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Cos you would think you've got everything to look forward to.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18And to say that it's filling you with dread...
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Oh, my God, I'm so frightened.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25I don't think I could possibly put into words...
0:20:27 > 0:20:29..how petrified I am.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Daddy.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32The thought of having two children...
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I treasure my little girl so much but I'm so frightened.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38And I don't have anybody to go, "Yeah, fine, we'll do this together.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42"I'm your friend. It's fine."
0:20:42 > 0:20:44And it's really scary.
0:20:44 > 0:20:49It's really, really scary that I'm just going to fail even more.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55MILLIE CRIES
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I've got to be honest, when I started this journey,
0:21:01 > 0:21:05the last person I would expect to be lonely would be somebody like Jo,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07a 29-year-old new mum
0:21:07 > 0:21:10with everything to look forward to in life.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13So it's basically just a matter of getting people communicating,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16getting people talking and putting the jigsaw puzzle together.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20And Helen's done a great job.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24She's found lots of villagers willing to come to our event.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27All we need now is to find a few more young mums.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Hello!- Hello. - Sorry to interrupt.- That's OK.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I'm just inviting you to a community event at the village hall.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Oh, all right.- Between four and six.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Just bringing a few people in the village together.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42These are quite new houses, so I'm guessing you've not been here that long.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Yeah, they've been built three years this September.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- So how you are finding Kirkby Thore? - Yeah, it's nice.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53I've just had a baby, so I've kind of being at work normally
0:21:53 > 0:21:55and just getting used to the village now.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57But it is nice. Everyone's quite friendly.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Do you know many other mums in the village?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04I know one other girl that I knew before
0:22:04 > 0:22:06and I just met another girl yesterday
0:22:06 > 0:22:11when I went to get Tom weighed, so starting to meet people.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Well, will you bring him down a bit later on?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Oh, yeah, that would be lovely. Yeah, thank you.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17- We'll see you at the village hall, then.- OK. Thank you.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Thanks a lot. See you.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21And there are some mums Helen already knows.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Hello!- Hi, Helen. How are you? - All right, thanks. How are you?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I'm very well, thank you.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29If you're moving here from a city, do you think for some people
0:22:29 > 0:22:32it'd be a bit like, "Whoa! There's not a lot going on"?
0:22:32 > 0:22:33I was nervous about coming here
0:22:33 > 0:22:35but I'd lived in a village previously
0:22:35 > 0:22:40so I knew how difficult it could be being isolated.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43But I learnt how to drive before I moved here so I could, you know,
0:22:43 > 0:22:47get to where I wanted to go if I needed to, even though there is a bus service.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49We've got some new mums coming as well,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51so maybe you could just kind of help them out a bit
0:22:51 > 0:22:53and point them in the right direction.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Yes, I will do. I'd love to.- Thank you very much.- It's a pleasure.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- I'll see you later. - See you later. Bye.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- Hello!- Hello.- How are you?- Good. Come on in.- Thank you very much.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- How are you?- Good, thank you.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- So, how long have you been in Kirkby Thore now?- 14 years in October.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Talk to me about the village because it's quite a big village and there are different parts, aren't there?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I think there's like 2,000.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Because there's a good shop and there's a good school,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18so there's things like that.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21But when I lived here there was a fete day and village dances
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and things like that. There doesn't seem to be that any more.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26No, there's not so much that, which is a shame,
0:23:26 > 0:23:31cos I think that would be quite good to kind of have that going on again.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Do think there's an appetite for that?
0:23:33 > 0:23:37I think so, yeah. Um, well, we would go.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Can it be isolating being a young mum?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42If your partner goes to work or goes to work away
0:23:42 > 0:23:45you are left alone with the baby.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49And if you don't make yourself go out,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51you can be just stuck in your house.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54So that's where community and village life can help, I guess.
0:23:54 > 0:23:55Yes. Yeah.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Thank you very much. I'll see you in a bit.- See you.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I've been thinking about Jo and she's really brought it home to me
0:24:05 > 0:24:07how even in a village,
0:24:07 > 0:24:11a lovely friendly village like Helen has described to me,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14sometimes it can feel desperately lonely.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19It seems to me that Jo could fit easily into the community
0:24:19 > 0:24:23if she just had the chance to meet some of the other villagers.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25It feels like a vibrant place,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29so I can't quite work out how Jo has become so isolated.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I decided to put her claim
0:24:31 > 0:24:34that nobody was around in the day to the test.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45Right enough, 20 minutes passed without me seeing a soul.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I soon felt the need to meet someone. Anyone.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Thankfully, the village shop is open.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Brenda. James.- Hi. How do you do? - Nice to see you.- And you.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Now this really is the centre and soul of the community, this shop, isn't it?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- It is rather, yes. - And how long have you been here?
0:25:08 > 0:25:09We've been here 15 years.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11There aren't many shops near here, are there?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- You're pretty remote here. - We are, yes. Yes, we are.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16We're a dying breed.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20Now, would it be fair to say you know most people in the village?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- A lot of them, yes. I won't say I know everybody.- Yeah.- No, no.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Would you be surprised if I told you that there was a lady that I met
0:25:27 > 0:25:30that just comes in here because she wants to have a chat?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Oh, no, it wouldn't surprise me.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36It gets them out and it gets them to meet different people as well.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Would you be surprised if I said she was under 30?- Yes, I would.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- Mmm.- You were anticipating somebody a lot older, weren't you?
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Well, I was, actually, yes. - Yeah.- Yeah, yeah.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- Do you think there could be more... I'm not saying better...- No.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52..but more for the community, on the whole?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Um, yes, I think there could be.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- I see a For Sale sign out the front. - Right. We'd like to retire.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Cos it would be so easy for somebody just to buy this
0:26:00 > 0:26:03and to close it.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Yeah, but I don't know what they'd do with it.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- But it could happen, though, couldn't it?- Yeah, it could.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11So you want your retirement, as you sell this,
0:26:11 > 0:26:16and move within the village, the one thing that people rely on, really,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19is this place to get their bits and bobs, that could disappear.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22It could. I hope it doesn't come to that.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Is the black pudding any good? - Brilliant.- Oh, it is.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Let's have a look at it.- Yeah, yeah. - It's baked in the oven.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- It's baked in the oven, is it? - Yeah. As opposed to...
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Local pork black pudding.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34It's good. It's really good black pudding.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Are you after buying the shop, are you?
0:26:36 > 0:26:37No, I wasn't after buying the shop.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40But I've been here two minutes and she's trying to flog me it.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41SHE LAUGHS
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Now, having been brought up in a village myself, I know how important
0:26:48 > 0:26:53shops like this and post offices can be to the community at large.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54And even more so with here, really.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57And it just goes to show if they lose something like this
0:26:57 > 0:27:00how fragile this community can be.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04The same is true of public transport.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06There's a regular bus service
0:27:06 > 0:27:09but not all the buses go through the village.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Some stop at the end of the village on the main road.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16So if you were elderly, how the hell would you cross this road?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18But you have to take your life in your own hands to catch it.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26You get the feeling this is really the lifeline to people of a certain age.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29And if they can't travel and they can't get out,
0:27:29 > 0:27:30this really is so important.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33And if this goes, and things like the Post Office,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36you can see what is an idyllic lifestyle
0:27:36 > 0:27:37turning into a bit of a nightmare.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- WOMAN:- Transport and public transport can be really important.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46At the moment, there are major pressures on budgets across the country.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Often older people, in particular,
0:27:48 > 0:27:52maybe as they approach a time where they aren't able to drive any more,
0:27:52 > 0:27:55public transport sometimes is the only way of getting to their groups
0:27:55 > 0:27:58or their local markets or their local towns even.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02And so in rural areas, transport is particularly important.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05A quarter of people over 60 living in rural areas
0:28:05 > 0:28:08find public transport their biggest challenge.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12And as we live longer and our older people get older,
0:28:12 > 0:28:17then they're less likely to drive any more, they might lose partners.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21The local shops that used to sustain the villages may not be there
0:28:21 > 0:28:23and they have to drive out to supermarkets.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26The bus services are being cut.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30So their life just becomes very sort of isolated and insular,
0:28:30 > 0:28:35and it might only be a few miles but that can be a huge gap
0:28:35 > 0:28:36if you can't travel.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40It's not just shops and buses that make a community strong.
0:28:41 > 0:28:46One thing that I found is that it also relies on dedicated individuals
0:28:46 > 0:28:47to put it together.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50These people give time, support
0:28:50 > 0:28:54and energy to make areas they live in a better place for everyone.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57However lovely Kirkby Thore is,
0:28:57 > 0:28:59there's always room for improvement...
0:28:59 > 0:29:03- Hello! That was a little hand. - Hello.- Hello.
0:29:03 > 0:29:04- How are you doing?- Hello!
0:29:04 > 0:29:07..and new people to take up the baton.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09One of the biggest things for us is finding somewhere where
0:29:09 > 0:29:12we can play safe with the children in the village.
0:29:12 > 0:29:14That's one of the biggest things. I mean, we've got...
0:29:14 > 0:29:16There's two little small playing areas but we have a huge
0:29:16 > 0:29:20recreational ground and it's just not used, not utilised.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24- We are trying to get a rec committee organised which...- We'd like to.
0:29:24 > 0:29:25Yeah, we'd like to.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28But it's getting everyone involved from all areas of the village.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32It's a great little village but it's the only off-road place that's safe.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35Yeah. So we just need to do it up and get organised.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38But we're more than happy to do our best and try and get funding
0:29:38 > 0:29:41and raise money so we can have a club house and new park facilities
0:29:41 > 0:29:44and just somewhere where everyone, all of us, can go.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47When I was younger, that rec was used quite a bit.
0:29:47 > 0:29:51- There was a pavilion and there was some swings and slides.- I know. We've heard all about it.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54The swings and slides, the roundabout, are the same swings
0:29:54 > 0:29:56and slides that have been there for 40 years.
0:29:56 > 0:29:57To be honest, it's dangerous.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59She's cut her hands on it before and things like that
0:29:59 > 0:30:02and it's just... It could be so much better than what it is.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05Would you guys be willing to accept that responsibility
0:30:05 > 0:30:07and kind of get it off the ground and help it go forward?
0:30:07 > 0:30:11- We've said that we'd...- It's all about everyone mucking in, really, isn't it?
0:30:11 > 0:30:12Yeah. Yeah, we've said that we'd...
0:30:12 > 0:30:14And if you want something for your family,
0:30:14 > 0:30:16then you need to obviously put the effort in.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Well, come down to the village hall later.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21I suspect there will be some people who share your views
0:30:21 > 0:30:24- and maybe we can move this forward. - Yeah, definitely. Absolutely.- Great.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26- We'll be there.- Nice to meet you.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28- See you later. Bye.- Bye.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34I feel really lucky to have grown up here.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38It's a really special community where people care about each other
0:30:38 > 0:30:41and today I found out there's a new generation of people coming to this
0:30:41 > 0:30:43village and I'm really looking forward to seeing all of those
0:30:43 > 0:30:45people come together.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55Hello! You all right?
0:30:56 > 0:30:59Head on in anyway. See you in a second.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04I feel a bit nervous. I feel like I've invited people to a party.
0:31:04 > 0:31:06You know when you're a kid and you go, "I hope people come"?
0:31:06 > 0:31:09I hope people come and I hope people talk and already the young mum
0:31:09 > 0:31:12from up the village has said to me, "I've never been in here before."
0:31:12 > 0:31:14And I thought, yes!
0:31:19 > 0:31:21With the promise of a few pies and a mug of tea,
0:31:21 > 0:31:25the village hall is filling up with newcomers and with young
0:31:25 > 0:31:28and old people who have lived in the village all their lives.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32You wanted a motorbike jacket? Go on, then.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35SHE LAUGHS
0:31:35 > 0:31:38It's put a smile on his face, anyway.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41There's a few conversations happening that could put
0:31:41 > 0:31:43a bit of energy back into the village.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46I mean, how the heck do you go about trying to get...
0:31:46 > 0:31:49One, there would never be enough people interested to build...or try
0:31:49 > 0:31:51and build hopefully, another thing.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53And how the heck do you go about doing it?
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Well, there was a guy already started this
0:31:55 > 0:31:58and they've had a package together with new building design.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01- Well.- I believe it's about £105,000.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03But then it just kind of fell on stony ground
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- and didn't kind of go any further. - I'm so... When she's been...
0:32:06 > 0:32:09They've raised enough money for the church and the things that needed
0:32:09 > 0:32:12doing on the church, which is great, but for the children now...
0:32:12 > 0:32:16There's a lot of kids in the village now and there should be...there
0:32:16 > 0:32:18needs to be something more in the village for them.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22I feel really excited because I'm very proud to have grown up here.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24It is a brilliant place to grow up
0:32:24 > 0:32:27and I feel really excited meeting Ben and his family.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29He said, "I want to do this
0:32:29 > 0:32:31"and I want a great place for my kids to grow up."
0:32:31 > 0:32:33And for me that's quite...yes!
0:32:33 > 0:32:36I can see you're quite touched with it now, aren't you?
0:32:36 > 0:32:40I spent half of my childhood in this hall with my parents' mates,
0:32:40 > 0:32:44my grandparents' mates, and I would hate to think that kids that live
0:32:44 > 0:32:47here now don't get that, and it looks like they do.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Oh, yes. That's my...
0:32:49 > 0:32:53There is a real energy in the room and conversation is flowing.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Jo is in full swing with a lady she's regularly seen
0:32:56 > 0:32:58but never actually spoken to.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00My little daughter,
0:33:00 > 0:33:03we take her for a walk pretty much every day to your field.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05- WOMAN: To look at my horses? - To look at your horses.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09Come down sometime and get introduced to the horses.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12I'm not working now so I'm usually about the place,
0:33:12 > 0:33:13perhaps in the garden.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17But either give me a ring or come down and see me.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20That would...That would be really nice. Thank you.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22- James, this is Natasha and this is baby Tom.- Hello, Natasha.
0:33:22 > 0:33:27- Nice to meet you. Are you all right? Who is this?- This is Tom.- Tom!
0:33:27 > 0:33:30- How old is Tom?- He's 19 weeks today. - 19 weeks today.
0:33:30 > 0:33:35I've got somebody I want you to meet who's also moved in to the village.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38Relatively new. Got a little girl as well.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40I think you've got something in common, obviously.
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Do you want to meet her?
0:33:43 > 0:33:46With old photos to look back on and memories shared,
0:33:46 > 0:33:47the room is buzzing,
0:33:47 > 0:33:52and it's not long before Jo finds herself surrounded by other mums.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54We've been really lucky that the weather's been
0:33:54 > 0:33:57so nice recently that we've been able to go out and about for walks,
0:33:57 > 0:33:59but when winter draws in, I don't know,
0:33:59 > 0:34:01it's probably going to be a different story, isn't it?
0:34:01 > 0:34:05I suppose that's the time when you invite people into your home, isn't it?
0:34:05 > 0:34:07Get to know each other a bit better.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11I need friends so that I can invite people into my home.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Soon as a mum discovers a like-minded mum,
0:34:14 > 0:34:17whether it be online or whether it be in real life, somebody who says,
0:34:17 > 0:34:21"That's exactly what happened to me," a huge burden lifts.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24It is that overwhelming sense as a new mum that you're the only one,
0:34:24 > 0:34:26you're the only person feeling like this,
0:34:26 > 0:34:29you're the only person experiencing this set of circumstances.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31It is a shared experience being a mum.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Not everybody experiences it in exactly the same way,
0:34:33 > 0:34:35but to find somebody who is willing to say,
0:34:35 > 0:34:39"I had an experience like that," lifts an incredible burden,
0:34:39 > 0:34:41and immediately you think, "OK, I found one.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43"Maybe there's more."
0:34:43 > 0:34:47If you've got no reason to go out of the house, you do stay
0:34:47 > 0:34:51- and sit in the house.- Is that why you try and walk a lot?- Yeah.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54- Sounds really sad, doesn't it? - But you know something?
0:34:54 > 0:34:58It makes me feel so much better because it's been exactly how
0:34:58 > 0:35:00I feel.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03My husband does work long hours and I don't tend to see him
0:35:03 > 0:35:05till about half seven, eight o'clock at night.
0:35:05 > 0:35:06I feel like I bombard him with,
0:35:06 > 0:35:08like, "OK, this is what I've done today."
0:35:08 > 0:35:11And he's like, "I've just walked through the door."
0:35:11 > 0:35:13"But you're the only person I've spoken to!"
0:35:13 > 0:35:18I've had people come to my door to do something for breast cancer
0:35:18 > 0:35:21and I invited them in and I kept them in my house for an hour.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24I was really lonely. I was just like that, "Oh, will you just come in,"
0:35:24 > 0:35:26and I honestly I chatted to them.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30But I just needed somebody to talk to. It was wonderful!
0:35:30 > 0:35:34- It was the highlight of my week. - Bless you.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37- FREEGARD:- I thought I was the only mum who'd experienced loneliness.
0:35:37 > 0:35:42I now know that the vast majority of mums have times not just occasional
0:35:42 > 0:35:45loneliness but exceptional loneliness when they're at home with
0:35:45 > 0:35:49a new baby, particularly in those early months and early years.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Nice to see you anyway.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56It's heartening to see that the village hall is full of not only
0:35:56 > 0:35:59the stories of the past but opportunities of the future.
0:36:00 > 0:36:06For me it's been lovely to come back into a village
0:36:06 > 0:36:08and remember how special it is.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11I had an idyllic childhood and I've walked around here
0:36:11 > 0:36:13and been reminded of all that.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15You probably take it for granted and you take somewhere for granted
0:36:15 > 0:36:17- until you leave it.- Yep.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20And I didn't realise how special this community is.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24I got married in this village only a few months ago and...so now
0:36:24 > 0:36:26everybody asks me, "When are you going to have children?"
0:36:26 > 0:36:28And if I lived here,
0:36:28 > 0:36:30I'd have them tomorrow cos my mum's down the road.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34My oldest friends from school are at the other end of the village.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37But actually now I don't live in a community with this kind of support.
0:36:37 > 0:36:38I don't really know...
0:36:38 > 0:36:41I know my neighbours but not the next ones and I haven't known them all my life.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43Now, I was watching in there -
0:36:43 > 0:36:46you were quite touched with what was going on in the background.
0:36:47 > 0:36:54Because I think I left here for work and so people always think,
0:36:54 > 0:36:58"Oh, yeah, rural sticks. Cumbria. Nothing goes on there."
0:36:58 > 0:37:00And actually this goes on.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02This is priceless and this is quite special
0:37:02 > 0:37:04and you don't get that in other places.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07I'm looking at this and thinking, "I wish I had that where I live now,"
0:37:07 > 0:37:09because even if...
0:37:09 > 0:37:12You know, I know my neighbours but I haven't known them my whole life.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14I don't feel like I could walk in and have a cup of tea,
0:37:14 > 0:37:17where actually there were dozens of houses in this village
0:37:17 > 0:37:19I could walk in and have a cup of tea.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21What amazes me about doing stuff like this,
0:37:21 > 0:37:23this is not your dinner dance or stuff like that.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27There's not many things like this, which is just a good old chinwag, isn't it, really?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29A couple of people came in and said, "What's happening?"
0:37:29 > 0:37:31I said, "Just a chat."
0:37:31 > 0:37:33So, yes, you don't have the transport links
0:37:33 > 0:37:36and you don't have restaurants and bars on your doorstep.
0:37:36 > 0:37:40But you have something else and I think it's nice that we've
0:37:40 > 0:37:42had an opportunity to remind people of that.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44As the event winds down,
0:37:44 > 0:37:48it seems some of the contacts made today will definitely meet again.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52And I've got the other lady's number if you want to come
0:37:52 > 0:37:54- and walk dogs as well. - Oh, no, that'd be really...
0:37:54 > 0:37:59My dog needs friends. My dog needs friends just as much as me.
0:37:59 > 0:38:00SHE LAUGHS
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Yay!
0:38:03 > 0:38:06I really hope that Jo's new friends will introduce her to
0:38:06 > 0:38:09the joy of the village that Helen holds so dear.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11- It seems like you're enjoying it. - Do you know something?
0:38:11 > 0:38:13I can't stop the smile on my face.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17Honestly, I've gone from really struggling to going, "Oh, my God.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19"Somebody actually wants to be my friend."
0:38:19 > 0:38:21And I know that it's just like an initial...
0:38:21 > 0:38:23MILLIE GURGLES
0:38:23 > 0:38:24Yeah.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26- I've given you your number.- Yeah.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29- Already, even after, what, you've been here 45 minutes, an hour?- Yeah.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31You're already exchanging numbers with people
0:38:31 > 0:38:35- and I get a free biscuit.- Yeah. Oh, my word. She must love you.
0:38:35 > 0:38:36She's taken that off me. I don't think so.
0:38:36 > 0:38:40When she turned around and said, "Well, some days I just stay in
0:38:40 > 0:38:42"if I don't go for a walk," and I'm like, "Oh, my word.
0:38:42 > 0:38:43"That's how I feel."
0:38:43 > 0:38:46And you can go from feeling really sorry for yourself and going,
0:38:46 > 0:38:47"Do you know something?
0:38:47 > 0:38:50- I'm in a pit and no-one else is in the same situation."- Yeah.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54But somebody to just turn around and go, "That's how I feel."
0:38:54 > 0:38:57It's just... It feels like somebody's gone...
0:38:59 > 0:39:02This is a village with a strong heart.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06But in any community, there will people on the outside.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Today the community got bigger and I hope that will last.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13These mums are the future of the village
0:39:13 > 0:39:15and from the look of the friendships that are forming here,
0:39:15 > 0:39:19the future looks pretty good for Kirkby Thore.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- So, shall we arrange to have a meal here sometime?- Yeah.- Before we go?
0:39:22 > 0:39:26- And then it's booked.- Not you. You're not invited.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28You're not invited.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30Over the next few weeks, Jo and her friends form
0:39:30 > 0:39:34the kind of relationship that Jo had previously missed.
0:39:34 > 0:39:37- JO:- I told you you'd have friends today!
0:39:37 > 0:39:40It's amazing how being part of something, whether a community or
0:39:40 > 0:39:44a group of friends, can make us feel like we belong.
0:39:44 > 0:39:48When I found out I was expecting, I was really scared because I thought,
0:39:48 > 0:39:50"I'm going to be in a village...
0:39:50 > 0:39:52"I don't know very many people.
0:39:52 > 0:39:56" ..with a toddler and a new-born baby."
0:39:56 > 0:39:57And it frightened me.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00It really, really, really, really frightened me.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03But if you actually look, this is a really nice village
0:40:03 > 0:40:07and there's some really, really nice people.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09And I've gone from feeling lonely to going,
0:40:09 > 0:40:12"There's loads of people to hang out with."
0:40:12 > 0:40:13It's quite nice.
0:40:13 > 0:40:17It's so less daunting. So less daunting.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20Which is reducing the stress on me, which is kind of allowing me
0:40:20 > 0:40:24to enjoy my pregnancy, and it's liberating,
0:40:24 > 0:40:28really liberating to think, "Ooh. It's cool."
0:40:31 > 0:40:35It's not just been Jo's life that's been affected by this series.
0:40:35 > 0:40:36It's hit me too.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40I've got to be honest, it's been both a tiring
0:40:40 > 0:40:41and an emotional journey for me.
0:40:41 > 0:40:47In a way that people have opened up to me that I've never had before.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Everybody that I've met on my journey,
0:40:50 > 0:40:54you would think we're living a normal life.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56From the outside, you kind of look at it and go,
0:40:56 > 0:40:59"There's nothing wrong with them," so you turn your back.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03But I suppose we've all been to blame
0:41:03 > 0:41:04where we don't actually stop...
0:41:06 > 0:41:07..and just say, "Hi."
0:41:09 > 0:41:13There's got to be something fundamentally wrong for us
0:41:13 > 0:41:14to just ignore it.
0:41:14 > 0:41:15It's not a disease,
0:41:15 > 0:41:19it's not a medical condition that you can fix with tablets.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23It's kind of fixed with a phone call.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25A knock on the door.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29A conversation. And that costs nothing.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35Time and time again, I've seen the weight of isolation lifted
0:41:35 > 0:41:39when people have taken the time to listen and to share.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43It's been an experience that has really touched me.
0:41:43 > 0:41:49To be asked to be a part of it I found amazing, fascinating...
0:41:49 > 0:41:53..and such a humble experience that I'll never, ever forget.
0:41:53 > 0:41:57And some of the people I've met have had a profound effect on me.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00And you find it it's very lonely, life.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03Makes me think of my grandparents, what they went through when,
0:42:03 > 0:42:06you know, my grandmother lost my grandad,
0:42:06 > 0:42:10all those times she must've spent at home, and when you got there
0:42:10 > 0:42:14the brave face that she puts on and when you leave, the silence.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19What could I have done about it? Could I have done anything about it?
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Yeah. What can I say? It's life-changing, isn't it?
0:42:28 > 0:42:30Simple as that.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34If you're feeling isolated, then visit our program website. Go to:
0:42:37 > 0:42:42Or get a pen ready for the Helpline number at the end of the program.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45There are organisations near you who can help tackle loneliness
0:42:45 > 0:42:49and plenty of opportunities to volunteer and help others.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53Small things can make a huge difference too.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56Why not take more interest in the people who live on your street
0:42:56 > 0:42:57and keep an eye out for them?
0:42:57 > 0:43:01It's just...in our busy lives,
0:43:01 > 0:43:05just for one minute just give a darn about somebody else.