0:00:03 > 0:00:06I'm probably not ideal material for the Salvation Army.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08And even now, you know, I'm outspoken,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10I've got a bit of a mouth on me - I'm known for it -
0:00:10 > 0:00:12and I don't toe the line.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15And I've no intentions of toeing the line.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16That's... I don't want to.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20Because I'm a firm believer in "you have to be true to yourself."
0:00:20 > 0:00:23'But at many different times throughout my life,
0:00:23 > 0:00:24'our paths have crossed.'
0:00:24 > 0:00:27So I'm curious - very curious -
0:00:27 > 0:00:31because this is like no other job I've ever done before.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33'So on the 150th anniversary year...'
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Oh, here we go.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39'..I've been working with the officers and volunteers...'
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Vegetable soup?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42And you. Fantastic. You enjoy that?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47'..on my very own Salvation Army training course.'
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Do you know, you're putting me off old age with all this.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52'I've travelled up and down the country...'
0:00:52 > 0:00:54If it hadn't have worked out for me,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56I could be in your position now.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Oh, thank you. You're welcome.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00MONITOR BEEPS Look at the size of him.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02..and even abroad...
0:01:02 > 0:01:04It's too much.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05CHILD CRIES
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Tonight, I'm sent back to my hometown of Liverpool...
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Come on, girl.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14..to meet a woman whose drug addiction has ruined her life.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16I lost all my family,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18but I still couldn't stop.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21'I deal with the few of my rhythm issues...'
0:01:23 > 0:01:25'..and I use my stand-up comedy experiences
0:01:25 > 0:01:27'to help a man who has hit rock bottom.'
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Now everyone's trying to get me to STOP talking.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35'And if I make it through all that, I'll be a step closer
0:01:35 > 0:01:37'to leading this Sally Army band
0:01:37 > 0:01:39'down London's Oxford Street.'
0:01:39 > 0:01:40It's fabulous.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48I remember every Sunday
0:01:48 > 0:01:50they were always down the bottom of our hill -
0:01:50 > 0:01:52you'd hear the Salvation Army band,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55cos me mother'd get up and shut the window.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58That's how you knew the Salvation Army band!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00She would, she'd get up and shut the window.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Cos she'd be watching the telly or listening to Radio Merseyside.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06So she wasn't in the mood for Bringing In The Sheaves,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08whereas I was, funny enough.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Thank you. Come on, Babyface.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11'I'm over halfway through my three-month
0:02:11 > 0:02:14'training programme with the Sally Army.'
0:02:14 > 0:02:17You want me to do a Bible class for children? Yeah.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19'Step-by-step, Jo has exposed me
0:02:19 > 0:02:22'to ever-increasingly challenging aspects of their work.'
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Come here. Hello, lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet ya, kiddo.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28If your kids are hungry, or you're hungry...
0:02:28 > 0:02:30You're going to eat. ..you've got to eat.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31She took me to the front line,
0:02:31 > 0:02:36helping refugees in Greece who have escaped the horrors of war.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40I mean, that's a two-month-old baby lying on a park bench.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43A humbling experience, and one I will never forget.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Just like a pebble in the ocean, that's how I feel...
0:02:45 > 0:02:47hopeless.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51And now, it's time for my next mission.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53We believe that, as part of the healing process,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56it's really important that people are able to share
0:02:56 > 0:02:57their experiences with others.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00So those that work in this area of service need to learn how
0:03:00 > 0:03:02to guide people through that.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06So I've sent Paul to North London to meet David.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09He wants to share his story in a really brave way -
0:03:09 > 0:03:11onstage as part of a comedy act -
0:03:11 > 0:03:15and I have a feeling that Paul's natural comedic presence
0:03:15 > 0:03:17will actually help with this bit of training.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19BUZZES
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Hello?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25David? Paul, how are you doing?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Former pub landlord David has been living at Cambria House
0:03:30 > 0:03:32for the last seven months
0:03:32 > 0:03:36since depression led to an attempt to take his own life.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41First, I was in denial that anything was wrong with me.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Even when I'm in hospital on a drip, I'm was still saying I was OK.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48I seemed to have this problem that I bottled everything up.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I would not ask for help.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I just thought I could handle everything myself,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55and clearly I couldn't.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56And I realise that now.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01You don't realise there's help...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03and so you're there in a dark, lonely place,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06and you don't see a way out.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Do you mind telling me what happened?
0:04:09 > 0:04:10I...
0:04:10 > 0:04:12just got myself in a bubble.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16And it's weird, it's like, "I don't want to be here any more."
0:04:16 > 0:04:18You needed a friend at that time, didn't you?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19You needed somebody to confide in.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Well... Somebody you could talk to?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23..everyone'd say, "Get the beers in, you'll be fine."
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Men don't talk about their problems. Men don't talk about their problems.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I'll tell you something - there's a terrible stigma now attached
0:04:29 > 0:04:32to depression - to any mental health issues -
0:04:32 > 0:04:34but I think things are changing now.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36And what you want to do, by talking about it,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39it's going to make a dramatic difference, I think.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44The Salvation Army was the first organisation in the world
0:04:44 > 0:04:47to provide suicide prevention programmes.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51In the 1890s, they had an arrangement with Broadmoor,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54the secure psychiatric hospital.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58They offered aftercare to men released from the asylum
0:04:58 > 0:05:01at their Hadleigh Farm in Essex.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05In 1907, its founder, William Booth, opened an anti-suicide bureau
0:05:05 > 0:05:09in London that helped those contemplating suicide,
0:05:09 > 0:05:10and the bereaved.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11It's still going now.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18Today, over 75% of suicides in the UK are by men.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Us men are less likely to ask for help.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25'To move forward in his recovery,
0:05:25 > 0:05:29'David has decided to share his experience with others,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32'and he's going to do this using comedy.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34'And that's where I come in.'
0:05:34 > 0:05:36ANNOUNCER: Live from London,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39the Blonde Bombsite herself,
0:05:39 > 0:05:43here's Lily Savage!
0:05:43 > 0:05:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:44 > 0:05:46MARCHING BAND PLAYS
0:05:59 > 0:06:01I had one last week, seriously, and I went...
0:06:01 > 0:06:02I staggered down, opened the door,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04he said, "Have you sinned today?"
0:06:04 > 0:06:06"Give me a chance, I've just got up."
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Comedy's very cathartic
0:06:07 > 0:06:10because, you know, if you've had a bad day...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I used to do it when I was doing Lily -
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I'd warp it slightly to suit Lily, you know,
0:06:14 > 0:06:17and then I'd get up, I'd let it all out, the rage and the anger,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20and the angst out, and I'd feel fabulous afterwards.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I've got the hump. I have. I've just woke up.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26When you have a little kip in the afternoon - it's fatal, isn't it?
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Isn't it, though? Because you wake up like the wrath of God.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30LAUGHTER
0:06:30 > 0:06:31I woke up like that girl in the
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Exorcist - me head was spinning... SHE GROWLS
0:06:33 > 0:06:36LAUGHTER "Your mother knits socks in hell."
0:06:36 > 0:06:37SHE GROWLS
0:06:37 > 0:06:39It was the same with problems.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42When I started to do me own thing, had a heart attack and all that,
0:06:42 > 0:06:43and me partner died,
0:06:43 > 0:06:45I spoke about it.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48But I didn't speak about it when tragedy struck.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You know, "I've had this terrible..."
0:06:50 > 0:06:51I made fun of it, really.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55And I think that helps other people who are in that situation.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57You know, they look at you and they think,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59"Actually, I'm not the only one."
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Now tell me about this comedy act. I'm dying to know.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03What are you going to do?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Have you sort of written that down, like an idea
0:07:05 > 0:07:06of what you're going to say?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I've always got ideas, and...
0:07:08 > 0:07:11because of the stigma around
0:07:11 > 0:07:13suicide and mental health,
0:07:13 > 0:07:15and people are worried about what...
0:07:15 > 0:07:17they're going to listen as soon as I walk in...
0:07:17 > 0:07:20so I do, like, an icebreaker, which is that I'm suing paracetamol.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22PAUL LAUGHS Because they didn't work?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24No, I took 80 of them and woke up with a headache.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27See, that's a good opener.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30The most important bit about comedy is your first couple of minutes
0:07:30 > 0:07:32when you get onstage.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35That's when you have to grab them. Grab them. That's a good one.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37You have to say that deadpan when you say that.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39"I'm suing paracetamol."
0:07:39 > 0:07:41That's great that you're able to get up in public
0:07:41 > 0:07:44and talk about suicide and depression, and make a joke of it.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46And also, there's the elephant in the room, you see.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49So if you come out and don't mention it, people are thinking it.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50So you have to mention it.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52When I had the heart attack, I used to say,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55"It's very nice to be here. Actually, it's nice to be anywhere."
0:07:55 > 0:07:57You know, and all this business...
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Cos... it's not you, cos you're comfortable with it. Yeah.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02But you can sense in the room that
0:08:02 > 0:08:05everyone's scared to mention it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It's like... So you have to break the ice.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09But you're talking about your own experience,
0:08:09 > 0:08:10and you're laughing it off.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13You're not treating it lightly, but the thing...
0:08:13 > 0:08:16The important thing is, you're talking about the subject
0:08:16 > 0:08:18of suicide and depression, and bringing it out into the open.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21And there's light at the end of the tunnel. Of course there is.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Well, you're the example. Look at you, lit up like a beacon there,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26cracking on about it!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I don't think you've got me worried.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32David is performing here at the House of St Barnabas in Soho -
0:08:32 > 0:08:35the headquarters of a charity which helps homeless men
0:08:35 > 0:08:37to get back into employment.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40His audience will be a mixture of friends,
0:08:40 > 0:08:44people who work for the charity, and Salvation Army members.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47He's probably nervous, so I'll have a few words with him,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49and hopefully he'll go down a storm.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I think he will.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52He's got a ready-made audience, hasn't he?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54They're going to be sympathetic.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56They better bloody had be, put it that way,
0:08:56 > 0:08:57or they'll have me to deal with.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Right, come on, let's get this show on the road.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Can I come in? Hey... Look at you.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Oh, it's good to see you, David. Good to see you, Paul.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08You look fantastic. Thank you.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Let's have a look at you. I love the shoes.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12You can't be in Soho and not wear pink.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Exactly, yeah, yeah.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Or leather. DAVID LAUGHS
0:09:17 > 0:09:19What... You're not nervous, are you?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I'm not nervous at all. Good, that's what I want to hear.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Don't be nervous, cos you got a nice audience out there.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27It's actually nine months to the day that a priest was
0:09:27 > 0:09:30standing over me, and told me I wasn't going to make the night.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32PAUL TUTS Well, look at you now -
0:09:32 > 0:09:35resplendent in pink, and about to get up and do the act.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Are you on a mic, or is it in a smaller room?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40It's in the chapel... Oh, is it? ..so it's got to stay clean.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Oh, OK. OK. DAVID LAUGHS
0:09:42 > 0:09:45So we don't want nothin' blue, do you hear? No filth.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46OK?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Right, the big moment has arrived.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Fingers crossed for him.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I do hope they laugh.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01PAUL: Erm...
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Well, good afternoon, everybody.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06I had the privilege of meeting a very special young man.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Please would you raise the roof for this man himself - Mr David Standen!
0:10:10 > 0:10:11Thank you.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Give them what for, kid!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Thanks, Paul. It's really weird. They said, if you put
0:10:22 > 0:10:25a man that's going to talk about suicide in the room, he'll empty it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Put Salvation Army in the room, they'll empty it.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Well, we've managed to fill it!
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Yes, I am jobless, I am homeless
0:10:35 > 0:10:37and I'm house-trained,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40but don't be phoning Battersea, I'm not up for adoption.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Shame, I just got you a new owner, as well!
0:10:44 > 0:10:49Why I'm here is serious, but with a light side,
0:10:49 > 0:10:55because nine months today, exactly today, I come round in hospital
0:10:55 > 0:10:59and it led me to think about suing the pharmaceutical company.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I took 80 painkillers and I woke up with a bloody headache!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Then I was told I can't sue them
0:11:07 > 0:11:10because it's in the small print, "may get headaches".
0:11:10 > 0:11:12So that's the funny bit.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15So what led me to suicide?
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I just didn't want to be here any more.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I felt worthless, I felt useless.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22And I was still telling people I was all right,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25but the hospital wouldn't let me go, they knew I wasn't all right
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and then I realised, you have to open up, you have to start talking.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33And why I'm here after nine months is that I've opened up, I've started
0:11:33 > 0:11:36talking, but now everybody's trying to get me to stop talking!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41That's now the problem.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44So, with that, I'd like to thank you all for coming.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Come here, you! Well done, that was fantastic.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Did you enjoy it? I loved it.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Yeah? Sense of relief, getting all that off your chest
0:12:07 > 0:12:09in front of people?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12It is, because you have to deal with the past, deal with it,
0:12:12 > 0:12:16put it in a tidy little box and put it in the corner of your brain
0:12:16 > 0:12:20because experiences make you stronger and they learn you.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22And the thing with the past is to remember the past,
0:12:22 > 0:12:24but not to live in it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Listening to you talk about your experiences
0:12:26 > 0:12:29and how you came through it is going to help people.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32So you're as good as a social worker, a pink social worker.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35And you know why that was good? Because it was from the heart.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Thank you, Paul. You meant every word of that and that's admirable,
0:12:39 > 0:12:43that's extremely brave of you and I so admire you, I can't tell you.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48So let's have more of it, yeah? I guarantee it. Deal? Deal. Deal!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Paul did a really good job of guiding David through
0:12:51 > 0:12:53the final stages of his recovery,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55but one of the biggest challenges for us in the Salvation Army
0:12:55 > 0:12:59is guiding people through the early stages of their recovery.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01So I'm going to send Paul to meet a lady who is struggling
0:13:01 > 0:13:04with addiction and has chosen to go to rehab.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06For this training, he's going back to his roots,
0:13:06 > 0:13:11up to Liverpool, to one of our all-female life houses.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Merseyside is where my journey with the Sally Army first began.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18My earliest recollection of the Salvation Army
0:13:18 > 0:13:20is Christmas when I was a kid.
0:13:20 > 0:13:31I'd be down shopping with my mum in Grange Road in Birkenhead
0:13:31 > 0:13:38and that for me as a child, not the Christmas tree, not the presents,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41the Salvation Army. It used to have an effect on me.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Later on when I was 16,
0:13:44 > 0:13:50I volunteered in one of the hostels for homeless men on Norton Street.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Today I've come to the Ann Fowler House, an all-female life house
0:13:54 > 0:13:57for vulnerable women who have nowhere else to go.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00It's on Fraser Street,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02which of course has changed since I was a kid.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I knew somebody who lived in them flats,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08so I remember that building well.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09It's all gone now.
0:14:09 > 0:14:18There's the Old Shakespeare. This is what this is built on.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23Everything's changed. It's all so institutionalised - look at this.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24It was in places like this
0:14:24 > 0:14:27where I started my career as a care worker.
0:14:27 > 0:14:36And we worked 14 hours a day,
0:14:36 > 0:14:41I had epilepsy, diabetes, Hirschsprung's disease,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44two kids with colostomy bags we used to have to change.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45You learned on the job, basically.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48There was no training, you know, you're thrown in on the job
0:14:48 > 0:14:50and you have to learn as you go along and pick up
0:14:50 > 0:14:53off other members of staff who were great.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55You know, they really were, but, yeah,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I wouldn't have changed it for the world.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Not for the world.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Before I talk to the ladies here, I'm meeting Sally Army
0:15:03 > 0:15:07support worker Ronnie, who's been working here for the past 12 years.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Come in, Paul. Ronnie! Nice to meet you. I'm Paul, lovely to meet you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Oh, listen, thanks for having me. You're welcome. How are things here?
0:15:15 > 0:15:23Good, good, at the moment. Yeah. How many is in here?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25First and foremost,
0:15:25 > 0:15:27you're vulnerable because of your homelessness,
0:15:27 > 0:15:31but alongside the homelessness there's an awful lot
0:15:31 > 0:15:33of other issues as well.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37What we try to do predominantly is to give them hope
0:15:37 > 0:15:39that there is a future for them.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45The girls range in age from as young as 18 up to their late 40s
0:15:45 > 0:15:48and they're all here for different reasons.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50And how's the girls? Are they behaving themselves?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53The girls are great, they're on their best behaviour today.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56This is Dawn. Hiya, Dawn. You all right? This is Jo-Ann. Hiya.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59And this is Jane. And how are you getting on here?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Are they helping in here? Yeah, oh, yeah.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05It helps you get back on your feet and any support you need,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08you just ask. We're all going through the same situation.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11We're all, you know... Do you all help each other? Yeah.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15We've had our ups and downs, haven't we? You're bound to.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Can I ask you, how did you end up on the streets?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21My husband died, I sold my house because I couldn't live there,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24because it was just too much, too many memories.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Couldn't even sleep in the bedroom, do you know what I mean?
0:16:27 > 0:16:28And then I ended up on heroin,
0:16:28 > 0:16:31my girls ended up going to live with my brother
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and I ended up on the streets.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Well, I always say, you know, there but for the grace of God, go I.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Cos it's so easy to happen.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40You have to hit rock bottom to get back up. That's right.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43There's only one way to go when you're that low, isn't there, and that's up.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46People are too quick to judge, this is the other thing.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50A lot of people have family members where they can get on the sofas,
0:16:50 > 0:16:56so they become unnoticed, you know, but some people like us lot,
0:16:56 > 0:17:00I didn't have anyone I could turn to.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01This is Jo-Ann.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04She's here because she's struggling with a serious addiction
0:17:04 > 0:17:06to hard drugs.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09She desperately wants to be clean
0:17:09 > 0:17:12in time to spend Christmas with her mum.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Tell me about your addiction, how did it start?
0:17:16 > 0:17:20It was crack and heroin, and crack is the one that brought us
0:17:20 > 0:17:26to my knees, you know, and really did hit rock bottom with that.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29You know... The things that you do to get it, it's degrading.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33It's awful, it's just... I lost all my family
0:17:33 > 0:17:36because they'd all just had enough,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39but I still couldn't stop.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41I would have done anything for my children,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44but I just could not stop taking drugs.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47And that's the power that drugs has over you.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51But you're halfway there, because you've admitted this to yourself.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Yeah, yeah. You've been able to say and you can talk about it openly.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58That's a massive step. And you desperately want to get off it.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59I desperately want to get off it!
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Now you're being honest with yourself, because a lot of people
0:18:02 > 0:18:04who are addicted won't, they say,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06"Oh, I can take it or leave it," and they can't.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09I used to say, "I'm quite happy," and I wasn't.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11I used to sit in my room and I'd cry.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Even when I'm taking the drugs, I'd be crying my eyes out
0:18:14 > 0:18:17because I don't want to be doing it, but I have this... But you need it.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21But I'm an addict. I had that choice... And you took it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24..to take that first drug and it's not the last drug that got us
0:18:24 > 0:18:28into trouble, it's the very first one that I picked up.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31'As well as providing a safe home for people like Jo-Ann,
0:18:31 > 0:18:35'the aim of the hostel is always to help them rebuild their lives.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39'To move on, Jo-Ann needs to go to rehab.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44'She's currently on methadone, a prescribed heroin substitute,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47'but her next stage is to be accepted by a rehab clinic
0:18:47 > 0:18:49'to get her off drugs completely.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53'My task today is to support her through her application.'
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Just say all the things you've already been saying to us. OK.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05And it should come through how much you want it. You'll be fine, honest.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09All right, thanks. Good girl. See you in a bit, good luck.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I'll be here when you come back.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13She'll be all right with me, don't worry.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18We'll have no messing when we get in there. Come on, girl.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Come on, get my arm. Have you got everything?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25She'll be fine, honestly, she'll be fine.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Come on, kid, let's show them what you're made of.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32The rehab clinic is three miles down the road.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35This is Joanne's second attempt at getting clean,
0:19:35 > 0:19:37so she knows the horrors that she will face
0:19:37 > 0:19:40if she gets accepted onto the detox programme.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44You've got, like, a doctor on call.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46You know, if you're suffering, they're going to try
0:19:46 > 0:19:48and make you as comfortable as they possibly can,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50but it's still going to be a little bit painful.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Is that when the flu symptoms start and all that?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55It's when the aches and pains start, yeah.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Is that what they are, terrible aches and pains?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Yes, yes, like having snakes in your legs, it's just...
0:20:01 > 0:20:04You know, you've got the blanket on you one minute,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06then you're kicking it off. You go hot and cold?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09You feel like you just want to saw your legs off.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11She must be dreading it.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14But no-one can do this other than her.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I just need to support her as best I can.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Well, we're here. Is this it?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I hope Joanne can find the strength to talk to the doctor
0:20:25 > 0:20:29as honestly as she's spoken to me.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Hello? Hi, hi. Hi.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I've got my mate here for you to meet.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Hi, Joanne, I'm Tom, I'm one of the doctors. Nice to meet you.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You want to come in? Nice to meet you. I'm Paul, Tom, by the way.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Nice to meet you. You're all right there?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I'm all right, yeah. Good on you, girl.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Take a seat. So I understand you've come here for some detox. Yeah.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Can you just tell me a bit about yourself?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I just turned 40 and...
0:20:53 > 0:20:59I've been in and out of addiction since I was a teenager, basically.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Starting with light drugs,
0:21:01 > 0:21:05my problem now is heroin and crack cocaine.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10It took us to some really bad lows, to being homeless...
0:21:10 > 0:21:14I've just had enough. I just need to do this
0:21:14 > 0:21:17so I can move on with my life and start again.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I'm better than that and I know I am.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21You are, this is it, you are.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24You're a smart woman, you know what I mean,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27and this muck has dragged you down, you've got to get rid of it.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29You mentioned you'd been in detox before. Yes.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34What were your experiences like that time? I was terrified.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39You know, people talk about being scared of dying,
0:21:39 > 0:21:42but, you know, it was the other way around for me.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I wasn't scared of dying, I was scared of living.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51I couldn't hold my head up and have a conversation with someone.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55My self worth was so low, I probably could've crawled under
0:21:55 > 0:21:58a snake's belly and not even disturbed the snake,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01do you know what I mean? It was that low.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04So when you think about the future, are there certain things you want
0:22:04 > 0:22:09for yourself, things you'd like that drugs have got in the way of?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Do you know what? I just want to just...
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I just want the simple things in life.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22I want to walk in my kitchen, put my kettle on, make a cup of tea.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Have a nice warm pair of slippers.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I mean, it sounds like you're really well motivated at the moment
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and that's kind of what we look for
0:22:28 > 0:22:30in people when we accept them for detox.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It would be lovely if I could get in here before Christmas
0:22:32 > 0:22:35and get clean and, you know, go home and show my mum,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38because my mum's not been well either.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41That would be one of the biggest gifts, Christmas gifts,
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I could give to her, do you know what I mean?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47This is the biggest favour you can do yourself,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50so I look forward to hopefully seeing you soon. Thank you.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Move on, turn the pages, Cilla used to say. Yeah.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58All she wants, as she said, is to have her own flat,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01put her own kettle on. That's not a lot to ask, you know?
0:23:01 > 0:23:06We're not asking for mansions and a millionaire lifestyle,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09she wants the simple things in life that she's missed out on and she's
0:23:09 > 0:23:13extremely brave, extremely brave, the way she speaks openly about it.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16It takes guts, you know, to do stuff like that,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19to come out and admit that you've messed up badly.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Jo-Ann was accepted by the clinic and six weeks later started her
0:23:24 > 0:23:26rehab programme.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I seriously wish her all the luck in the world.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Working with individuals can be one of the hardest things that we do
0:23:33 > 0:23:36because you have to discern how much help to give and when.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41Paul used his own experiences to help David stand on that stage
0:23:41 > 0:23:42and to support Jo-Ann.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I think he coped with it all really well this week.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48When Paul first arrived, we said that if he got stuck in
0:23:48 > 0:23:52and worked really hard, then he could guest with a marching band.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57He's not quite there yet! But maybe another rehearsal, just in case.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Everyone knows how much I want to play with the Sally Army Band.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09On my first visit, I loved the big drum.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14But I've been having sleepless nights about the responsibility
0:24:14 > 0:24:16of leading all of them with it.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20If I get it wrong, it means I let the whole band down.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Hello, Steve. Hello, good to see you, Paul. And you. How are you?
0:24:29 > 0:24:33No, fine, we're all set. Now, listen, I've got a proposal for you.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Oh... We've got your drum here.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I know, but I'd hate to be, you know, up the front
0:24:38 > 0:24:42and throw everybody out and me go down a side street or something.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46So do you think there's something a little easier? Yeah, yeah.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51What do you suggest, sir? We could try a side drum?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Oh, OK, that sounds interesting.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56You play alongside the base drum and you can follow me.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Is that all right? I feel a lot better now.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00This is kept me up at night, you know. Has it really? Yeah.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I've been practising, I've been going, boom, boom,
0:25:03 > 0:25:05in the house with imaginary drums. Been waking you up?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Yeah, people have been looking at me thinking, "He's lost it!"
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Well, it'll be the same sort of thing, just with the side drum.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13All right, lovely. That'll be better. We'll give that a go.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Fabulous. This is like what we used to have in the Marine cadets.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34This is definitely easier. I just have to follow the leader now.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Left...
0:25:45 > 0:25:47That's it, so, left foot and then right foot.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51So that's the end of the march. Yeah. Got it? Yeah.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53If you can, just make up a little bit more of the rhythm
0:25:53 > 0:25:56in the middle, don't just keep playing with the bass drum.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59You know, try and be a little bit flamboyant. All right, then.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02You'll regret you said that!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Did you hear that? I've just been told to be more flamboyant!
0:26:05 > 0:26:06Well, that's a first for me.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13BAND PLAYS
0:26:25 > 0:26:28So far, so good. Time for the big finish.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32DRUMS ONLY PLAY
0:26:35 > 0:26:37ALL BUT PAUL STOP
0:26:37 > 0:26:39EVERYONE LAUGHS
0:26:40 > 0:26:44Here we go. Help, help! Help!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49No, I'll get it together, I promise.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54It's really exhilarating. Playing a drum in the band is fabulous.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59A few more rehearsals, I'll be tickety-boo.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03I won't lie, I want this, I want my uniform and I want to march,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05but a deal is a deal.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08And they won't let any old ruffian play with the band.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09This is a privilege.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13That was great, thanks very much.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Cheers, thank you. Is that all right, Julian?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Very good, thanks, Paul.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Look forward to the day. And me and all!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Thankfully Julian is on the big one,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26so he's, like, he's calling the shots so I can do fiddly bits.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I think he liked the idea that he can be a bit freer,
0:27:29 > 0:27:33you know, he can... Improvise. Improvise, yeah.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36So his natural flair can come out. Yeah.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Much better, I thought he was much more comfortable with that.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43But I need my uniform, I can't do it without my uniform, I have to
0:27:43 > 0:27:46have my hat, even if I do look like a tram driver, I don't care.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51I really look forward to coming here.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I learn how the Sally Army bring joy to people
0:27:54 > 0:27:56in their later years of life.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02I take on my final challenge of comforting those facing death...
0:28:02 > 0:28:06He massaged my heart in his hands and just prayed.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09..and I face some tough questions from my mentor.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Whether I've been saved or not?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14I don't know whether I've fallen, to tell you the truth.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17But will I get my wish and earn the privilege to lead
0:28:17 > 0:28:20the Sally Army Band down London's Oxford Street?
0:28:54 > 0:28:55I want a nice, bold stripe.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56Lace, lace, lace...
0:28:56 > 0:28:58(Oh, the haberdashery's amazing.)
0:28:59 > 0:29:01# Living in a material world... #
0:29:01 > 0:29:03So that's your skirt so far?
0:29:03 > 0:29:04We've made you panic.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06It's very hard not to panic.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09# Living in a material world... #