0:00:11 > 0:00:13Evelyn has advanced dementia.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19What are you looking for, Evelyn?
0:00:19 > 0:00:20Money.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25No, because you've got it in your pocket.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33She's been in hospital for over two months
0:00:33 > 0:00:34waiting for a place in a care home.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Evelyn, Evelyn?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Until one is found, she has nowhere else to go.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04In the next 20 years,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08the number of pensioners in Britain will grow by half.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10I have to be honest with you. You can't go home.
0:01:10 > 0:01:15I have to be honest with you, as well, I'm not stopping here.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18For many, care at home won't be an option.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21The stress and the pressure on you, are you going to be able to cope,
0:01:21 > 0:01:23just you and John?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26With places in care homes already in short supply...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28You're not the only one who they're finding homes for.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32There's nothing else, nothing else we can do for ya, nothing.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37How will we continue to protect our parents?
0:01:53 > 0:01:58Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham admits 100,000 patients each year.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Half are over 65.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07That's it, come and sit on the bed, come and talk me.
0:02:07 > 0:02:1078-year old John Pritchard came to Heartlands a week ago
0:02:10 > 0:02:12following a fall at home.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Stop stressing now.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24John's got dementia, getting towards the late stages,
0:02:24 > 0:02:27and at this time, the wife is wondering
0:02:27 > 0:02:30whether she'll be able to cope with him back at home.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Come on, what you getting all stressed about?
0:02:36 > 0:02:37Time for...
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I'll make sure you goes out searching and searching.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- You'll never find me again. - Hey, come on.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Come on, Johnny. Come on.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57The problem is, at home, his wife is his main carer.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02She's got her own health issues and has been struggling to care for him.
0:03:02 > 0:03:08Come on. You'll be going home soon, stop stressing.
0:03:11 > 0:03:17- Where is everybody then? - We're here.- Where's the man?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Where's all that?
0:03:18 > 0:03:24And they come down with a line. I want to go home.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Course you do. Well, you're going home soon.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Come on.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37But, somehow, they've been managing
0:03:37 > 0:03:41with only three calls a week from carers.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Come and sit down and talk to me.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47And the daughter doesn't live anywhere near.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I don't know really how they've been coping
0:03:49 > 0:03:53and I don't see how it's really safe for them both
0:03:53 > 0:03:57to be under that kind of stress and pressure.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19John's wife, Jean, and their daughter, Sue,
0:04:19 > 0:04:23are here to discuss the next steps in his care.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26I'm Kerry, social worker in the hospital.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30So my job role is to support yourselves and John
0:04:30 > 0:04:34through the discharge process and where he goes
0:04:34 > 0:04:37and to make sure everything's going OK before I transfer his file.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Erm, I mean, I can go through the options, what there is, the options.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43I mean, they are limited.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47We've got the option, initially, of a care package at home.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50What we can do is put in up to four calls a day in.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Watching somebody all day, 24 hours a day, whatever,
0:04:53 > 0:04:56is not that hard to do if you're in the same house.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58It's your husband so...
0:04:58 > 0:05:03But the hardest part for me is the incontinence bit.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07It's all right if you go for a wee because you can change
0:05:07 > 0:05:10your drawers, no problem.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14You do it out the other and the thing is you have to get 'em
0:05:14 > 0:05:18to stand still while you try and change them.
0:05:18 > 0:05:24And trying to keep him still, because I've had this experience,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27he wants to walk away as soon as you take them off and you can't
0:05:27 > 0:05:31wipe him properly because you're following him round the room
0:05:31 > 0:05:35and I don't think I can cope with that on a permanent basis.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Then again when they come and change them,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41if he has done one, I presume they would shower him?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Well, they don't tend to do showers on each...
0:05:45 > 0:05:48If they come and he's been incontinent.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51You know, for dignity, I can understand that you'd want him
0:05:51 > 0:05:53changed when he's been incontinent
0:05:53 > 0:05:58and not wait for maybe two hours for the carers to come to change him.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Some people do have to wait, you know, don't get me wrong,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03people that haven't got family and that,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05if they're incontinent they might have to wait up to four
0:06:05 > 0:06:10hours for someone to change them. I know it's not very dignified.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11No.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Erm, the only other options would be extra-care sheltered.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21That would be the same.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23We'd be looking at how many calls can be put in.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24There's night-sitting service.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26I appreciate you want to stay together
0:06:26 > 0:06:30and it's a difficult decision to make, you know, at this time.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Erm, but the stress and the pressure on you in between the carers
0:06:34 > 0:06:36coming in, is going to remain the same.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42The only other options would be the longer-term care home.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48I mean, if you want to go away and think about it
0:06:48 > 0:06:51and make a decision as a family, that's fine,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55I'm not pressuring you to make a decision at this time.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58But I think, at the end of the day...
0:07:01 > 0:07:04..you feel guilty, obviously, and...
0:07:06 > 0:07:11..you don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing to hold on
0:07:11 > 0:07:15in the hopes that you'll be better at it than you were.
0:07:24 > 0:07:31At the end of the day, everyone's telling me, "Let go,"
0:07:31 > 0:07:35and whatever. "He'll be quite all right," and this and this and this.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41And he probably will be, you know?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I don't know, I don't know where...
0:07:55 > 0:07:57So, do you want to go home, think about it
0:07:57 > 0:07:58and get in touch with her again?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- Yeah.- OK.- Yeah.- OK.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- No, no, no, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Get off of me. Sit where you should be.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17That didn't hurt at all, did it?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20What will you do?
0:08:20 > 0:08:24I think the best situation is for Jean to move up to Northfield
0:08:24 > 0:08:25kind of way.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27The daughter lives there.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32For John to be placed up there so they'd all be close together.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35But in order to do that Jean would have to sell her house,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38John is unable to sign to say he agrees to sell it
0:08:38 > 0:08:41and therefore we have to go to solicitors and Court Of Protection.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46It does put people off. It's a lot easier just to say,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49"I'll just have him home, we haven't got to worry
0:08:49 > 0:08:52"about care contributions, the property wouldn't be took
0:08:52 > 0:08:54"into account, wouldn't have to move."
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Jean will probably say that she'll have him home because
0:08:57 > 0:09:01it's more complicated for her to move and him to go into a care home.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07John's advanced dementia means he no longer has the mental
0:09:07 > 0:09:10capacity to make decisions about his care.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14His family and professionals must agree what's best for him.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18But for older adults who fully understand their care needs,
0:09:18 > 0:09:20decisions are ultimately their own.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Community social worker Zafir
0:09:24 > 0:09:27is on his way to see 85-year-old Gladys Lee.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30She was taken to Heartlands after a fall at home,
0:09:30 > 0:09:33before being moved to an emergency bed in a care home.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40Just over a week ago, Mrs Lee was at home, erm, you know,
0:09:40 > 0:09:45independent and all of a sudden being placed into, you know,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47a care home, sort of, environment,
0:09:47 > 0:09:52having an element of, you know, independency taken away.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Since her husband died four years ago,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Gladys' sister and brother-in-law have been her main carers,
0:09:58 > 0:10:01but they live over an hour away.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04I mean, first of all thank you for coming today.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08I know you've travelled quite far. Is it Staffordshire?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10They'd like Gladys to move closer to them,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12but there are no suitable places available.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Now, first of all, erm, Mrs Lee,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17how are you finding it here at the moment?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20How am I finding it?
0:10:20 > 0:10:25Not very nice. I'm not happy, no, I can't settle down and that's it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Right, OK.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30I'd sooner sign and have... I'll stop at home
0:10:30 > 0:10:33and get myself somewhere because they can't put me nowhere else.
0:10:33 > 0:10:39But you must understand that whilst you're here, you're safe and secure.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42OK? I know you're not happy here, Mrs Lee.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- I'm not happy.- I know and I take your comments on board.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50I can't stand it much longer. I shall be in the mental home.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Don't say that.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56If I can ask you directly, erm, are you happy to go home?
0:10:57 > 0:11:03Yes, if they can't get me in the place by them. I'd rather go home.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- OK.- I don't want her to go home.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10She can't be safe at home, she can't be safe.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14She's been saying, "I can't go on like this, I can't go on like this."
0:11:14 > 0:11:16She won't have carers in. I've been
0:11:16 > 0:11:18her carer for three years and Jim, my husband.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- I've just asked Mrs Lee.- I know, Pat.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Do you remember my question before? Are you happy to go home?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I've got the response that I need.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- I mean, I don't want her in a home. - I mean, I understand.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32That's the last thing. I'm feeling as bad as Gladys is.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Mrs Stitch, we need to go through the policy and procedure.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- I know that. - But I'm more happy at home.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- You aren't happy, Gladys. - You kept on saying you was lonely.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45You kept saying you was unhappy. I can't cope, I can't cope.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Well, I can't cope here when you're looking at people.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Mrs Lee, I mean, we've tackled...
0:11:49 > 0:11:55Listen, Gladys, I don't want you in a home more than anybody else,
0:11:55 > 0:12:00but we know you need care because I can't cope when you're like this.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01I know you can't, Pat,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04but I don't want some of the care what some of the people want.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07They've not put you in here for definite,
0:12:07 > 0:12:11they're only going to assess you first and you can't expect
0:12:11 > 0:12:14to be assessed in one or two days because it takes time.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Absolutely, absolutely, it can take days.
0:12:18 > 0:12:24There's other people as well. There isn't only you, there's thousands.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27But, rest assured, that I'll go back to the office,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30we'll have a meeting and we'll decide the best
0:12:30 > 0:12:33course of action. The important thing just to keep you informed.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40It's no good crying, Pat, don't upset yourself.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Gladys, you don't know how I feel. I want you to be happy and you're not.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47I know you do, Pat. You're not a teenager.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51I know you're getting on, you're over 70.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53We're nearly 75 at the end of the year
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- and I've done all I can, Gladys. - I know you have, Pat.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59I just want you to be happy and not be upset any more.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- Don't get upsetting yourself.- OK.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08- Don't make yourself bad.- Mrs Stitch.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Don't do that.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- Pat.- It must be upsetting for all parties, I understand.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Oh, Gladys, please be happy, please, wherever you go.- I know.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Well, I will, Pat, but don't upset yourself.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I should be worse than you, the way I'm going.
0:13:27 > 0:13:32If you're going to upset yourself, I might as well go outside
0:13:32 > 0:13:34and take meself a walk.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Since I've lost Georgie, they've been...
0:13:43 > 0:13:48You've been good to me both of you and I knows that.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Please try and help us.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58I'll do my best for you, Mrs Lee and Mr and Mrs Stitch,
0:13:58 > 0:13:59but thank you for having me here.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- Am I OK to give you a call tomorrow?- Course you can.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05And you'll be available tomorrow morning at home?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Yeah. Nice to have met you anyway. - Take care.- OK, bye.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Mrs Stitch, take care.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I mean, you know, it does put you in a bit of an awkward position,
0:14:16 > 0:14:20you know, erm, Gladys said that she was quite happy to go home,
0:14:20 > 0:14:22but the sister said otherwise.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26But because Gladys has got capacity to make her decisions,
0:14:26 > 0:14:30you know, she's happy to go home then that will be the final stance.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33You can advise, you can recommend, you can suggest.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36If they've got capacity it's their decision.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Hold on to the Zimmer frame.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52You've got a bit of a nasty cough, haven't you?
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Despite her sister's worries, Gladys has decided to go home.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Mrs Lee, it's your decision, you weren't happy there and, erm...
0:15:07 > 0:15:11And she expected me to stay there, but I couldn't.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- No, it's your decision.- It's my decision.- It's your decision.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17And I haven't seen her since.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21OK, I mean, they are aware, they are aware that you're coming home today.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29- OK, because I have... I've kept them informed.- Have ya? Thank you.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35You're going to have four calls a day. Carers are going to come
0:15:35 > 0:15:38round just to make sure that you're OK.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41So we're just going to see how this, you know, how this goes.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Hopefully, it'll work and if it's not, then, obviously, my colleagues
0:15:45 > 0:15:48will report back to me and then we'll look at other options.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- OK.- OK? - I'm frightened of falling.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I've already had three and that's when...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56How are you with the Zimmer frame?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59That Zimmer frame there because you didn't have that before.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I've never had one, see, I've always had a stick.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06There's one for downstairs and one for upstairs.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I brought two here. Did you see us bringing two?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- OK.- Yeah?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- I've seen your bed, you've got a big king size bed, haven't you?- Pardon?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- I've seen you're bed, it's big, isn't it?- A big bed?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20You've got a very big bed, haven't you?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I always have a king-size. We always have, me and me husband.
0:16:22 > 0:16:28- OK.- I like a big bed. You can roll over.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Now, I'll leave you in the hands of our carers
0:16:33 > 0:16:36and any issues or concerns, you can raise it with the carers
0:16:36 > 0:16:38- and they can contact me, OK?- OK.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- All right? Gladys, I wish you all the best.- Thank you very much.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46And I can see how happy you are being back home, all right?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Take care, bye-bye now.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58I mean, my sister's been good but as they grow older,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01they get fed up on you, don't they?
0:17:02 > 0:17:07It ain't like your husband or anybody else, no.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12It's awful when you got to get old.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17I wish I could go back to when I was younger.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20We had some happy days.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25We was happy family, we'd all help one another.
0:17:27 > 0:17:32Our mum was marvellous, her was, honest, a golden mother
0:17:32 > 0:17:34who was bed-ridden for five years.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35I looked after her.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43That's why I've never had no family, looking after my mother.
0:17:43 > 0:17:49I don't regret looking after her, but I feel sad now.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I wish I'd had a family, you know,
0:17:51 > 0:17:58I might have had somebody next to me quicker, you know, that's it.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Can't do nothing about it now.
0:18:13 > 0:18:19HE SINGS
0:18:26 > 0:18:30John has been ready to leave Heartlands for over a week.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42His social worker, Kerry, has managed to find him a six-week
0:18:42 > 0:18:46temporary place in one of the few dementia care homes in Birmingham.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52A lot of patients on this ward that I work with
0:18:52 > 0:18:56that are diagnosed with dementia, they're all at different levels
0:18:56 > 0:18:58and the ones that are showing any kind of behavioural issues,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01they're the ones that we really struggle with.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04The staff need a break from your singing, anyway.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Come on, Dad.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08She's by your bed.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12So, unless there's more places for them to go to, people are just
0:19:12 > 0:19:16going to end up being stuck in hospital for even longer and that's
0:19:16 > 0:19:20only going to presumably get worse over the next 10, 20 years.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26We just work the best we can at the moment, with the resources we've got
0:19:26 > 0:19:28and the homes that we've got
0:19:28 > 0:19:31and that's all we can do as social workers.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Susan, she drove all the way back from Cornwall yesterday.
0:19:37 > 0:19:42- Remember the first time we went? - Yes.- You had that van?
0:19:42 > 0:19:46- That van? Oh, yes.- Put more oil in it than petrol.- Yeah.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Dad, I just want to wheel Mum round towards Kerry
0:19:51 > 0:19:54so she can talk to Kerry for a sec.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56OK? You stay there just a second.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- How are you doing?- Hello, gal.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04Like we discussed earlier about the discharge tomorrow to The Ridings -
0:20:04 > 0:20:06you still OK with that?
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- Yes.- And you understand about the interim period?- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Have you had any more thoughts about what you want to do long-term?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Well, there didn't seem to be that many options, you know what I mean?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28You see, I want to be moved by my daughter,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I'd like sheltered accommodation.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Would you say the ideal situation
0:20:34 > 0:20:36is that you move over more towards your daughter's
0:20:36 > 0:20:41and John goes into a care home over there as well?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44That was the original idea,
0:20:44 > 0:20:46but the financing is something else.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50We'll do it in stages and see how things go, I think.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I just hope he'll take to it straightaway.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56I know, I know.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01That's the discharge letter from us, from social services,
0:21:01 > 0:21:05and with the contact details for The Ridings and the telephone number
0:21:05 > 0:21:08and it just says his discharge is planned for tomorrow.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13- So if that's OK, if you can just sign that bottom one.- Yeah.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15That one there.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20John's talking to you.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29You can't just sort of dump them some place, you know.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I mean, let's put it this way -
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I wouldn't be devastated if he couldn't come home again, you know?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Because it's common sense.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52And it's not anybody's fault.
0:21:58 > 0:21:59You all right there, Johnny?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I don't want to go out again.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05You don't want to what?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I think you just have to do what you can
0:22:17 > 0:22:18and you have to do what's right.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23At the moment, I don't know what's right for me and him.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31If I make the wrong decision
0:22:31 > 0:22:35and I can't cope, the thing is you're back to square one again.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44For people with advanced dementia,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47any change in surroundings can be unsettling
0:22:47 > 0:22:48and difficult to cope with.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Even the secure environment of a hospital
0:22:53 > 0:22:56can lead to uncharacteristic changes in behaviour.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- Evelyn.- Stop. Stop!- Evelyn!- Stop!
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- Stop. Just a minute. - Sorry, my darling, you can't do that.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- You can't do that. You're not allowed to do that.- Shut up!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- You don't do that. - It's OK, you shouldn't do that.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Shut up.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Do you want a biscuit? You love biscuits, don't you?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Do you want us to take it later? Just relax.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- Take it out to her.- OK, will do.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Evelyn was living at home
0:23:25 > 0:23:28before a fall brought her into Heartlands over two months ago.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33You're not supposed to go in that room, it's forbidden.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Go on, I'll do what I want.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I'm just ringing regarding one of our patients, Evelyn Bradley.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I'm sure she's known to you already.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Yes, at the moment, she's a bit, you know...
0:23:44 > 0:23:47She's aggressive, hitting staff.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49She's outside the treatment room.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Apparently, there is a nurse in the treatment room
0:23:51 > 0:23:54who can't come out because she's standing in front of the door
0:23:54 > 0:23:57and the nurse has got other patients to look after
0:23:57 > 0:24:01and these patients need the nurse now, so, yes.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04So I don't know if it's possible for somebody to come on the ward
0:24:04 > 0:24:06and just calm her down a bit.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07OK.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08All right, thank you.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Security's coming.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17- SECURITY:- Evelyn, please stop.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20She'll have moments when she'll behave the way she's behaving,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22so we just have to leave her to calm down
0:24:22 > 0:24:24and security who are the experts will know how to deal
0:24:24 > 0:24:26with this kind of situation
0:24:26 > 0:24:27so that's why I had to contact them.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Evelyn, can you stop doing that?
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Shut up!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Security are called to deal with patients like Evelyn
0:24:34 > 0:24:36as a last resort.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Evelyn, we've got two ways of doing this.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- Come on, Evelyn, let's have a talk. - Get out!
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Get out!
0:24:42 > 0:24:45The high level of supervision she needs also means
0:24:45 > 0:24:48there are few care homes able to accept her.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Evelyn, get back now.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Evelyn, you need to calm down or we'll have to restrain you
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- and take you back... - Oh, shut up.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Don't tell me you're going to...
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- Stop doing that. You're going to hurt yourself.- Get out.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Get out!
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Evelyn, you need to stop.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07- No, Evelyn.- Evelyn, stop doing that.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09It doesn't help like that, Evelyn.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Evelyn, come on.- Unfortunately, we have to come to this now, Evelyn.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20She's medically fit, we look at it from that point.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22The reason why she's here is social.
0:25:22 > 0:25:28So you see at times patients can be in hospital for days, months,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32just because they're looking for an appropriate place for them.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33So medical-wise, she's all right,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36but we're just looking for an appropriate place for her
0:25:36 > 0:25:38and we have to make sure it's appropriate, it's safe,
0:25:38 > 0:25:40for her to go there.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Do I get you a drink or anything?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Some water or something?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48If I was in that situation, say if I have to empathise with her,
0:25:48 > 0:25:52put myself in that situation, I think I would feel the same,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54you understand what I mean?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57I think I would feel like that. I'd just want to go.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- Get off!- Calm down, Evelyn.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- And you! Get your... - Stop doing that.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Stop doing that.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Where are you going?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Where I want to go.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10You need to stop that, Evelyn.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Calm down, Evelyn. Calm down, Evelyn.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Alison manages a specialist dementia care home
0:26:24 > 0:26:26close to where Evelyn's family live.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30And she might have a long-term bed available.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Just need to come in.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- I've come to assess somebody, that's what I've come for.- Who?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Evelyn.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38This is Evelyn. OK.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42With assets of over £23,250,
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Evelyn doesn't qualify for council funding.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48If the home accepts her, she'll have to sell her house to fund her care.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- So she's been in with you for quite a while.- Yeah, she has been.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I've spoken to the social worker
0:26:54 > 0:26:56and got a little bit of history on Evelyn.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- Now I know she's got Alzheimer's, dementia, yeah?- Yes, she has.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Before she can take Evelyn, Alison has to make sure
0:27:02 > 0:27:05they can provide the right level of care for her.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08When I spoke to the social worker,
0:27:08 > 0:27:12she said there's some physical and verbal...
0:27:12 > 0:27:15She can be a little bit aggressive.
0:27:15 > 0:27:21Yes, she is. She's calm for a few hours until visiting hours.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Whenever visiting hours and she notices people coming in and out,
0:27:24 > 0:27:28that's when she started kicking off and getting upset.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33- So her son has visited? - Oh, yes, Anthony has visited.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Is that the only son or daughter she's got?- Yes.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Is there anything she particularly likes to do?
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Last week, we had the musician come in to play the piano
0:27:43 > 0:27:48and they were singing all the old-time music and stuff like songs
0:27:48 > 0:27:54and she actually stood in J-bay and she was there until the finish
0:27:54 > 0:27:59and she loved it and she actually said to us, "Wasn't that beautiful?"
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- PHONE RINGS Let me answer it.- Hello?
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Just a moment.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Hello, ward 30, can I help?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Cos I asked her a few questions about her job, what she used to do.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16She said, "I used to work for Rover."
0:28:16 > 0:28:19- Oh, the car.- Yes, and she had her own office
0:28:19 > 0:28:22and she employed her own people
0:28:22 > 0:28:25and she had only girls with her, working in her office.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32She's not on a one-to-one in here, is she?
0:28:32 > 0:28:36- Yes, we have specials for her. - Oh, do you?- Yeah.
0:28:38 > 0:28:43It makes a slight difference that she is on a one-to-one
0:28:43 > 0:28:47because I wasn't given that information prior to coming here.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49It's 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52It's a big input that social services are going to have to look at
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- because it'll come out of their funding.- Yeah.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57It can't come out of ours.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00- It'll have to come out of social services' funding.- OK.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Because she has one-to-one,
0:29:04 > 0:29:07which means she has a carer with her 24 hours a day,
0:29:07 > 0:29:11I need to speak to the social worker as to when she leaves the hospital,
0:29:11 > 0:29:14does that still stand with her?
0:29:14 > 0:29:17Because that can make the difference in whether she comes to us
0:29:17 > 0:29:19or whether she doesn't come to us.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23Have you forgotten where you're going?
0:29:36 > 0:29:39SHE MOUTHS REQUEST
0:29:39 > 0:29:41After two days at home,
0:29:41 > 0:29:44Gladys has returned to Heartlands with a chest infection.
0:29:47 > 0:29:51I like me own house, but I couldn't stand the loneliness.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56I mean, you'd sit all day with nobody,
0:29:56 > 0:29:59only just looking at your telly,
0:29:59 > 0:30:01but that weren't too bad,
0:30:01 > 0:30:04but night-time, when you're just locked in,
0:30:04 > 0:30:05oh, it ain't right.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move,
0:30:09 > 0:30:13every time you wanted to go to the toilet,
0:30:13 > 0:30:16you've got to see whether you're going to fall or not
0:30:16 > 0:30:18to get up there.
0:30:18 > 0:30:23Oh, no, I'm definitely not going back.
0:30:23 > 0:30:24I don't care what they say.
0:30:28 > 0:30:29Did she mobilise?
0:30:29 > 0:30:31She's mobilised, she's very panicky,
0:30:31 > 0:30:35saying, "I don't want to go home now, I don't want to go home at all."
0:30:35 > 0:30:37She said, "You mustn't send me home."
0:30:37 > 0:30:38And that's the problem.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42She came out of the residential care, to home,
0:30:42 > 0:30:45became acutely unwell and that's dented everything,
0:30:45 > 0:30:49so even with carers now, she'll say that's not an option that'll work.
0:30:49 > 0:30:53She's adamant at this moment - no, not for home.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58I think if you ask Gladys to be honest,
0:30:58 > 0:31:01she would like to live with her sister.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03She would like to be in that sister's home,
0:31:03 > 0:31:05but I don't think that's an option for her.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10So social workers are actively seeking
0:31:10 > 0:31:14extra sheltered accommodation near to her sister.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18She could be lucky - it could take three months,
0:31:18 > 0:31:20or it could take six months.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23I'll send you to ward 2, OK?
0:31:23 > 0:31:25- Send you to what?- Ward 2.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28- What for?- You're moving wards now.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30This is the assessment unit.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32They're moving what for?
0:31:32 > 0:31:35This is the assessment unit, so once we get you better,
0:31:35 > 0:31:38we send you somewhere else to continue on your stay.
0:31:38 > 0:31:39- When?- Now.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- Now?- Yes, darling.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45And they'll tell me where they're sending me?
0:31:45 > 0:31:48Yes, they will, ward 2, you're going to ward 2.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50- Ward 2.- Yes.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- Oh, in a ward?- Yes.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57Bloody hell, I thought they were taking me to my sister's.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01That'll probably happen from ward 2.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03From ward 2?
0:32:03 > 0:32:05- Yep.- Well, I'll have to go there then, won't I, love?
0:32:05 > 0:32:07This is the assessment unit.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09- Yeah.- We only get you better.
0:32:09 > 0:32:13Fair enough, as long as I... I'm feeling a bit better.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17Yeah, you're looking a lot better from this morning.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- OK, love.- All right? - I'll put me hearing aid in.
0:32:20 > 0:32:21Go on, then - put your hearing aid in.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34Gladys has got a complex social situation, as you know,
0:32:34 > 0:32:39but we really need to know where the discharge setting is.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43Dr Peter Wallis is the lead elderly care consultant at Heartlands
0:32:43 > 0:32:46and is looking after Gladys's case.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48A week after her admission,
0:32:48 > 0:32:50he's meeting with her social workers and family
0:32:50 > 0:32:53to make a plan for her leaving hospital.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56From the medical point of view, she's pretty steady now.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Is she medically fit for discharge, then?
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Yeah, her medical condition is now stable enough
0:33:00 > 0:33:02to allow her to leave hospital.
0:33:03 > 0:33:09Gladys, would you consider going home if we put a package of care in?
0:33:09 > 0:33:12- If carers came in...- No, I don't want to go back to my own home.
0:33:13 > 0:33:19One of the things we talked about was moving closer to your sister
0:33:19 > 0:33:23- in your own flat, if we can get something for you.- Yes.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26Now this is not going to happen overnight,
0:33:26 > 0:33:30but you can't stay here, it's a hospital. That's Dr Wallis's...
0:33:31 > 0:33:34Gladys, whilst it's a pleasure to look after you,
0:33:34 > 0:33:38for your health, it would be better if you could move to somewhere
0:33:38 > 0:33:41that's a little safer for you
0:33:41 > 0:33:46until such time as the sheltered accommodation is available
0:33:46 > 0:33:49close to where your sister lives, do you understand?
0:33:49 > 0:33:51Yes, as long as I've not got to wait too long.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54I think that's what the team are going to explain to you now.
0:33:54 > 0:33:55Just to explain, Gladys,
0:33:55 > 0:33:58- you're refusing to go back to your own home.- No.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01You're saying no, as in you don't want to go home.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04At the moment, just to be clear with everyone,
0:34:04 > 0:34:08there's nothing available, Gladys, where your sister lives.
0:34:08 > 0:34:12However, the kind of accommodation you're looking for in your locality
0:34:12 > 0:34:15is available where Gladys lives at the moment
0:34:15 > 0:34:17so couldn't we consider that as a temporary measure
0:34:17 > 0:34:20until anything comes up where you are?
0:34:21 > 0:34:26I want to know how long I'm going to be kicked out of here.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Be kicked out?
0:34:29 > 0:34:31We don't kick anybody out of here.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35No, seriously, nobody's going to force you to go somewhere
0:34:35 > 0:34:37where you don't want to go,
0:34:37 > 0:34:43but you might need to meet the social work team halfway,
0:34:43 > 0:34:44if you know what I mean.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47There'll have to be a bit of give and take, I think.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50- All right?- Yes.- OK?- OK, then.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56You all right there?
0:34:58 > 0:34:59You all right there?
0:35:01 > 0:35:05On the one hand, we have to respond to illnesses
0:35:05 > 0:35:07in patients like Gladys when they first present.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10They're ill, they have to be found a bed, they have to be looked after
0:35:10 > 0:35:14and so, by the same token, we have to keep moving people through the system
0:35:14 > 0:35:17to allow the service to respond.
0:35:17 > 0:35:19- Hello.- So there is pressure and you can see the dilemma
0:35:19 > 0:35:22that the health service is under and we're under on the ward.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27You came into hospital because your doctor at home
0:35:27 > 0:35:30was worried about you because you'd fallen over.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32'So we've got to try to get the care system right'
0:35:32 > 0:35:35so that when the light goes green
0:35:35 > 0:35:38to give someone that window of opportunity to get out,
0:35:38 > 0:35:42we need to grab that moment and try to make it happen.
0:35:42 > 0:35:46You said something about I was in hospital. I'm not, am I?
0:35:46 > 0:35:48Yes, you are, you're in hospital.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50It's Heartlands or East Birmingham Hospital.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Oh.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Hiya, can I speak to Alison, please? It's Lorraine.
0:35:58 > 0:36:02It's Lorraine. I'm senior sister from ward 30, Heartlands Hospital,
0:36:02 > 0:36:07regarding one of the patients that she assessed on Wednesday,
0:36:07 > 0:36:08Evelyn Bradley.
0:36:11 > 0:36:12Evelyn Bradley.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16It's two days since Evelyn was assessed
0:36:16 > 0:36:18for a place at the care home.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20Please, thank you, bye.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25There is still no decision on whether social services
0:36:25 > 0:36:29or the NHS will pay for her one-to-one care.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33I just want her to be placed in the right place.
0:36:33 > 0:36:38I just want her to go to whichever home will accept her,
0:36:38 > 0:36:40but, by the sounds of it...
0:36:42 > 0:36:47..for now, she's going to spend another week on the ward.
0:36:47 > 0:36:48INTERVIEWER: Should she?
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Well...
0:36:52 > 0:36:55..I can't say yes and I cannot say no
0:36:55 > 0:36:56because, at this point in time,
0:36:56 > 0:37:00she doesn't have anywhere else to go so, yes, she should, at the moment.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04- Is a hospital...? - I know, it's a hospital,
0:37:04 > 0:37:08but until we get a home that's willing to take her,
0:37:08 > 0:37:09we cannot just send her out.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26MUSIC: "I'm Making Believe" by Ella Fitzgerald
0:37:29 > 0:37:33# I'm making believe
0:37:33 > 0:37:36# That you're in my arms
0:37:36 > 0:37:40# Though I know you're so far away
0:37:40 > 0:37:44# I whisper good night
0:37:44 > 0:37:48# Turn out the light and kiss my pillow
0:37:48 > 0:37:52# Making believe it's you... #
0:37:53 > 0:37:57- Here you are, read this. - I can't read that, love.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00- Shall we just have a look at some pictures, then?- No eyes.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03- You got no eyes?!- No.- Oh, dear.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05Found the Bull Ring.
0:38:08 > 0:38:09Look at these.
0:38:10 > 0:38:15- Look at these slopes.- They're nice, they are, aren't they?- Inside, yeah.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18John has been at The Ridings care home for two weeks.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32He has a temporary bed for another month,
0:38:32 > 0:38:35while his wife, Jean, decides if she can take him home.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39A mixture of emotions, really.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44I'm glad that he's seemingly content.
0:38:45 > 0:38:50He's accepted things like the way he is. He's accepted everything.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52Where am I?
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Don't leave me.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58I don't know where I am.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03I know what I've got to do,
0:39:03 > 0:39:09and yet it's one side of my head and the other side the other as well.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11- Please help me.- Yes.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I need it.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18Don't go away and leave me like that.
0:39:18 > 0:39:21I didn't think you'd be that sort.
0:39:34 > 0:39:37Can you open that and you'll have some?
0:39:41 > 0:39:44Help me.
0:39:44 > 0:39:45Please help me.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49- All right. - I won't cry, you needn't worry.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Oh, all right, OK.
0:39:56 > 0:40:00The other night he said, "Are you my wife?"
0:40:00 > 0:40:01That was...
0:40:02 > 0:40:05..sort of sad in a way.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Then he said, "I'm sorry,"
0:40:08 > 0:40:11and I don't know whether he was saying sorry
0:40:11 > 0:40:14cos I was his wife or what, you know what I mean?
0:40:14 > 0:40:15But, er...
0:40:19 > 0:40:21..it's...
0:40:22 > 0:40:24It's just sad because...
0:40:26 > 0:40:28..he's lost, I suppose.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32That's the saddest part.
0:40:38 > 0:40:42HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Why don't I know who I am or where I come from?
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Because you haven't been well.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Will you be a friend?
0:40:50 > 0:40:54Yes, I'll be your friend, Sal.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56- Thank you.- I'll be your friend, pet.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59You've got a good friend there, haven't you?
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Yes, he's not a bad friend.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04- He'll be a good friend to you as well.- He is, a good one.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07He'll always be by your side, he will.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13Remember that.
0:41:21 > 0:41:22There's a saying...
0:41:23 > 0:41:24..live each day...
0:41:26 > 0:41:27..as though it's your last.
0:41:36 > 0:41:37I think we should...
0:41:41 > 0:41:43..cos you never know.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47You've got no guarantees.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57Hi, is that Jean?
0:41:57 > 0:42:00It's Kerry here, social worker at Heartlands.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04I'm just phoning to see how things are going with John.
0:42:08 > 0:42:09Has he?
0:42:10 > 0:42:12Are you happy with The Ridings?
0:42:12 > 0:42:13Yeah.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16Have you managed to have a discussion with your daughter
0:42:16 > 0:42:18about the long-term plan?
0:42:19 > 0:42:20What's been said?
0:42:28 > 0:42:30OK, for long-term?
0:42:31 > 0:42:36All right, then. And Sue feels the same as well, does she?
0:42:36 > 0:42:37Yeah.
0:42:37 > 0:42:38OK.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42All right, I'll speak to you soon.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44OK, bye.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49She said she's had a chat with her daughter
0:42:49 > 0:42:53and she's decided that she's not going to have him back home.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55She can't cope with him back home.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57She's happy with how he's been at The Ridings
0:42:57 > 0:43:00and how he's settled and she wants him to stay there.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04You tired?
0:43:04 > 0:43:06You going to have a sleep?
0:43:08 > 0:43:11'So I've got to speak to the interim manager
0:43:11 > 0:43:13'to see whether he can stay there.'
0:43:15 > 0:43:18John qualifies for full council funding,
0:43:18 > 0:43:22but his choice of care home is limited as many cost more
0:43:22 > 0:43:24than the local authority will pay.
0:43:26 > 0:43:30The Ridings is affordable, but all their permanent beds are full.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33With two people ahead of John on the waiting list,
0:43:33 > 0:43:35he may not be able to stay.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39What I find hard is when families come
0:43:39 > 0:43:42and they have an expectation that there's a lot
0:43:42 > 0:43:44that the council can offer.
0:43:44 > 0:43:48I find it hard to sort of tactfully bring them back to,
0:43:48 > 0:43:50"Actually, this is what is available."
0:43:50 > 0:43:54And it's been the same for years, really,
0:43:54 > 0:43:57so in years to come when there's more people,
0:43:57 > 0:43:59more older people, more people with dementia...
0:44:00 > 0:44:02..I think it's already an issue,
0:44:02 > 0:44:06so I don't know what we're going to do as social workers.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08That's something for the government, really -
0:44:08 > 0:44:13to try and put more provisions in place, more funding in place
0:44:13 > 0:44:18and more resources because it's hard enough as it is now.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22- OK, Gladys. - What shoes am I going to put on?
0:44:22 > 0:44:26You'll go all right in them. There's no other shoes, Gladys.
0:44:26 > 0:44:30Gladys doesn't have savings, or own her house,
0:44:30 > 0:44:34so social services will pay for the full cost of her care.
0:44:40 > 0:44:43There are still no places near her sister,
0:44:43 > 0:44:46but one is available close to Gladys's own home.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51What we're going to do is we're going to show Gladys the flat
0:44:51 > 0:44:53because she's agreed to look at it.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55I'm not sure if she's keen...
0:44:56 > 0:44:59..but we'll show her and it's her choice.
0:44:59 > 0:45:03Pat, I should never see nobody in a place like this.
0:45:03 > 0:45:05Don't you think so?
0:45:05 > 0:45:08Do you think we're going to leave you just like that, Gladys?
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Do you think we're going to leave you after all this time?
0:45:10 > 0:45:12You are my sister.
0:45:12 > 0:45:13Oh, I wish I weren't here.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17Now, I'm just shut out from everywhere.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19Gladys, you were never happy.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22It's all right for you to talk, Pat.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25You ain't pushed away like I've been pushed.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28You wouldn't like your Ellie to be pushed like I've been pushed.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31Gladys, when I'm your age I don't expect my kids,
0:45:31 > 0:45:34my family, to look after me because they've got their own lives.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36I mean, I'm the only sister you've got.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38I never slept last night, Gladys,
0:45:38 > 0:45:41because I knew what was going to happen.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47MAN: Shall we go and have a look at the flat?
0:45:47 > 0:45:49WOMAN: Gladys, shall we go and look at the flat?
0:45:49 > 0:45:51I just can't put up with this any more, I really can't.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54MAN: Gladys, are you ready?
0:45:55 > 0:45:58WOMAN: Is Gladys able to walk with the Zimmer frame?
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Just go in and have a look.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10It's miles from anywhere.
0:46:12 > 0:46:15This is lovely. Come into the kitchen.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18I didn't want a place like this.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21You can have your own fridge there.
0:46:21 > 0:46:25- Come on, Gladys.- I can't look after myself as it is.
0:46:25 > 0:46:29Do you remember a few weeks ago you asked for a place in the community
0:46:29 > 0:46:32with some company and a ground floor flat?
0:46:33 > 0:46:35This is it.
0:46:35 > 0:46:36Now the rest is up to you.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41I'm not going to leave you here and not come and see you.
0:46:41 > 0:46:45They're going to give you social people, carer, to come in
0:46:45 > 0:46:47and do things that you can't do.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50They'll give you a shower, which you can't do, we know that.
0:46:50 > 0:46:55I know, Pat, but I'm never going to see you nor Andrew.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57No, you are going to see us
0:46:57 > 0:47:00and I'm going to take you home for Christmas Day
0:47:00 > 0:47:02to spend Christmas Day with us,
0:47:02 > 0:47:06so don't get upset, Glad, because I feel just like you feel,
0:47:06 > 0:47:11but there's nothing else, nothing else we can do for you, nothing!
0:47:13 > 0:47:15I'm sorry, Gladys, I'm sorry.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20This is what you asked for and it's beautiful,
0:47:20 > 0:47:22it's beautiful - it's all clean.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25You keep saying I can come by you.
0:47:25 > 0:47:29Look, Gladys, you're not the only one who they're finding homes for.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31It's being selfish to say that, isn't it, really?
0:47:31 > 0:47:34And I'm not going to just leave you there.
0:47:34 > 0:47:35We're still going to come and see you
0:47:35 > 0:47:37and all the family will come and see you.
0:47:43 > 0:47:44I think it's lovely here.
0:47:46 > 0:47:47Our options are very limited.
0:47:49 > 0:47:53- What do you mean?- Well, apart from this, we haven't got any other option
0:47:53 > 0:47:56but for you to either go home or stay here.
0:47:57 > 0:48:02Oh, I can't stay here and I don't want to go home, so what can I do?
0:48:04 > 0:48:07I think you'll need to think about it and make a decision.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11It's pretty much generic across the whole of the country,
0:48:11 > 0:48:13- you've got, you know... - I can understand it.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15..longer waiting lists, the actual stock for housing,
0:48:15 > 0:48:18it's so less compared to the people waiting.
0:48:18 > 0:48:23We've got that sort of dilemma at the moment,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26- so I'll continue... - We'll keep looking.
0:48:26 > 0:48:27We'll keep looking.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31What they're going to do, they're going to still look and they'll try
0:48:31 > 0:48:38- and find somewhere by us, so please have patience.- Oh, I hope they do.
0:48:38 > 0:48:42Yeah, and I do, Gladys, but you must have patience, right?
0:48:42 > 0:48:46OK? Now don't get upset now - it's all being sorted, OK?
0:48:46 > 0:48:48Everyone cares about you, right?
0:48:50 > 0:48:52Come on, that's it. We all love you, Gladys.
0:48:54 > 0:48:58Gladys, all the best and I'll be in contact.
0:48:58 > 0:49:03- I'm going to speak to the ward tomorrow, OK?- OK, thank you.
0:49:03 > 0:49:06I mean, it's hard for all parties. It's hard being a carer.
0:49:08 > 0:49:13I've been a carer and it's not easy. It has an impact on everyone's life.
0:49:15 > 0:49:19I've got a feeling when I speak to the ward, they want her out.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21There's no nicer way of saying that -
0:49:21 > 0:49:23"She's ready for discharge, off you go,"
0:49:23 > 0:49:28but she doesn't want to go anywhere, so she can't stay there, you know.
0:49:28 > 0:49:32The other option is respite, but she hated respite back at the beginning
0:49:32 > 0:49:36so it's just very awkward and tricky.
0:49:44 > 0:49:48I didn't like the place at all. I mean, it was brand-new
0:49:48 > 0:49:52and they were very nice, but I refused it anyway...
0:49:53 > 0:49:55..so I don't care now.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59I'm just waiting to see if they can find me one by Patty's.
0:49:59 > 0:50:02I don't know why it's so hard.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03I'm sure.
0:50:05 > 0:50:13Anyway, you know, I'm tired and it's horrible in here.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15It is, honestly.
0:50:15 > 0:50:17I should be glad to get out.
0:50:17 > 0:50:23I mean, I'm just looking at people what are not well and that.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26I'm waiting to go by Patty's and that's it.
0:50:27 > 0:50:29I shan't rest till I go by Patty's.
0:50:40 > 0:50:44Evelyn, you know and I know that you can't stop here, yeah?
0:50:44 > 0:50:47Because this is a hospital, you know that.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49The place you're going to is a lovely place,
0:50:49 > 0:50:51it's got better rooms than this.
0:50:51 > 0:50:54Evelyn, would I lie to you?
0:50:54 > 0:50:55Are you going to let me get you dressed?
0:50:55 > 0:50:57I'm definitely not going.
0:50:57 > 0:50:59I can't, you don't know what I've gone through.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03- I can't do it and it's going to be worse and worse.- OK.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05Let's leave it at that for now.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07Shall I get you a nice cup of tea and some biscuits?
0:51:07 > 0:51:08Yeah? OK.
0:51:10 > 0:51:14The NHS has agreed to cover the cost of Evelyn's one-to-one care
0:51:14 > 0:51:17in a nursing home for an initial three months.
0:51:17 > 0:51:20She can finally leave hospital.
0:51:20 > 0:51:22I'm just happy that we got her a home,
0:51:22 > 0:51:26because she's been here for such a long time.
0:51:26 > 0:51:31And we had to make sure this time that we send her to the right home
0:51:31 > 0:51:36and that she's not moved several times as well, because for her,
0:51:36 > 0:51:39I think it must be unsettling as well,
0:51:39 > 0:51:41so for that I'm happy that she's going.
0:51:43 > 0:51:46I'll be back in a little while. I'm going to have a cup of tea.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48- A cup of tea?- Yes.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55That's a real friend.
0:51:56 > 0:51:57She's lovely, isn't she?
0:52:14 > 0:52:19It's ten days since Gladys turned down a place in sheltered housing,
0:52:19 > 0:52:22but one has finally become available near her sister
0:52:22 > 0:52:24and Gladys is leaving hospital for good.
0:52:30 > 0:52:32Before she moves to her new home,
0:52:32 > 0:52:36she is saying goodbye to the house she has lived in for over 50 years.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46All right?
0:52:46 > 0:52:48You don't want to come back now, do you, Glad? Look.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01What do you reckon now, Glad?
0:53:01 > 0:53:05It's no good coming here, is it? You've got a much better place.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08I wish I had come back now, Pat.
0:53:08 > 0:53:10- I do.- No, you couldn't do it, Glad.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12They wouldn't let you come back no more.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19It's strange when you've got to go.
0:53:19 > 0:53:21I mean, I loved this little house.
0:53:23 > 0:53:25We made it just how we wanted it.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32I don't know whether I'm going to be very happy where I'm going.
0:53:35 > 0:53:36I'll have to make the best of it.
0:53:40 > 0:53:43Still, never mind.
0:53:43 > 0:53:44God's good.
0:53:44 > 0:53:46Something will happen.
0:53:48 > 0:53:51- Hello, matey!- Hello.- Where you been?!
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Oh, nice to see you.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Where've you been hiding?
0:53:56 > 0:53:59- I wish I hadn't have gone anywhere. - Hello, Glad.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02You got a nice place now, Patty said.
0:54:02 > 0:54:04It's a brand-new place.
0:54:04 > 0:54:08You want to be bloody lucky you've got a brand-new place!
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Oh, no, I'd rather have been back here.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14Once you get settled in, you'll be OK, eh?
0:54:15 > 0:54:16I don't know.
0:54:16 > 0:54:20You've got to be settled, cos you can't manage on your own.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27If you were to put her in Buckingham Palace, she'd still bloody moan.
0:54:27 > 0:54:28Wouldn't you? Eh?
0:54:28 > 0:54:32- If they put you in Buckingham Palace, you'd still moan.- I would, yeah.
0:54:35 > 0:54:37THEY EXCHANGE GOODBYES
0:55:08 > 0:55:12That's George, look. He's come with his fish, and that's your mum.
0:55:14 > 0:55:15That's our mum.
0:55:19 > 0:55:21GLADYS CRIES
0:55:43 > 0:55:47I wish I'd been in a better state of health so I could've...
0:55:48 > 0:55:51..looked after him properly, you know,
0:55:51 > 0:55:53but it's just the way it is.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57You have to do things sometimes,
0:55:57 > 0:55:58even though you don't want to.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13Sometimes, when you're watching telly or something,
0:56:13 > 0:56:14you think to yourself...
0:56:16 > 0:56:20You go to talk to him and he ain't there.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22Silly.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27But that's habit at the moment, you know.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36You just think about
0:56:36 > 0:56:38if the position was reversed...
0:56:39 > 0:56:41..and it was me that had dementia.
0:56:56 > 0:56:58I think John would have fought harder.
0:57:08 > 0:57:10I don't know.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46BINGO ANNOUNCER: Eyes down then for a full house.
0:57:49 > 0:57:50They ain't yours.
0:57:52 > 0:57:54Shut up, Pat.
0:58:09 > 0:58:11We're hopeless, ain't we?
0:58:14 > 0:58:18What judgments do we make about people older than us?
0:58:18 > 0:58:20Should we be challenging ageism?
0:58:20 > 0:58:23Join the Open University debate around ageing by going to...
0:58:27 > 0:58:30..and follow the links to the Open University.