0:00:05 > 0:00:06Oh, my gosh!
0:00:08 > 0:00:09- You did it.- I did it.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- She's absolutely beautiful, Misty. - Thank you.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Prepared for tomorrow?
0:00:15 > 0:00:19I am...erm...
0:00:19 > 0:00:22I'm expecting a big...a big breakdown.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26But...
0:00:27 > 0:00:30..as long as I can get through it, it'll be OK.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43I was in America exploring the traumatic world of open adoption.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Signing these two documents means
0:00:47 > 0:00:49that you have made a final decision to have your child adopted.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52You cannot change your mind or get the child back
0:00:52 > 0:00:54unless fraud or duress is proven in a court of law.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- GIRL SOBS - You're brave.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00And you're so lovely to give such a wonderful gift,
0:01:00 > 0:01:04I want you to know that, OK, cos that's how I look at it.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09In Britain, if you give your baby up for adoption,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12the Social Services decide who will adopt it.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16But here the birth parents can choose for themselves
0:01:16 > 0:01:20and get to stay in touch with their child as it grows up.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Like I...I know you guys will both be called Dad,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26but am I going to be called Dad too or, like, Uncle Josh?
0:01:29 > 0:01:33I was here to experience how young women make the daunting decision
0:01:33 > 0:01:38of giving up their newborn babies and how they choose the new parents.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I've done this for you, little guy.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43I love you.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I just want the best for you.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I hope you'll see that someday.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03I was in Portland, Oregon, on my way to meet 21-year-old Brianna.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07She was five months pregnant and preparing to give away her baby.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Hello. Brianna?- Hi.- I'm Stacey.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- Nice to meet you, Stacey. - Very nice to meet you.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Brianna had been studying to become a vet,
0:02:18 > 0:02:23but got pregnant soon after she'd started dating her new boyfriend, Josh.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- I'd love a cup of tea.- OK.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- It's like a Blooming tea?- Perfect. - Yeah.- That's spot on. Thank you.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- We have guests. - So, you find out...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- you're two or three months pregnant. - Yeah.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39You and Josh are stood there,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- you've got the pregnancy test in your hand.- Uh-huh.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45What's your first thought,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48your first reaction when you see it's positive?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Erm...pretty scared.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Emotional. Erm...
0:02:53 > 0:02:59It was really hard to come out and say, "I'm pregnant," you know.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02It was just kind of like I couldn't really believe it at first.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05And was there any part of you inside
0:03:05 > 0:03:08that would have liked to have kept this unplanned baby?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12After I moved in with Josh,
0:03:12 > 0:03:17I went through a period of time where I did want to keep the baby.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21And we tried to kind of pretend like it would work,
0:03:21 > 0:03:26kind of act like, "OK, let's see how we feel if we keep the baby."
0:03:26 > 0:03:30And we would look at baby things, baby clothes, baby furniture.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- What changed?- Erm...
0:03:34 > 0:03:38There was a bunch of, you know, there was kind of arguing and bickering going on
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- between our relationship that wasn't...- You and Josh?
0:03:41 > 0:03:46Yeah. That wasn't going to be a positive environment for a child
0:03:46 > 0:03:50and since we are so new, we are still getting to know each other, you know?
0:03:50 > 0:03:51So whose idea was it
0:03:51 > 0:03:56to perhaps...look at other alternatives?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58I think it was mostly mine,
0:03:58 > 0:04:02because I knew what my alternatives were and so I figured
0:04:02 > 0:04:06if I was going to proceed with this pregnancy and decide to do adoption,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10it would... Open adoption would be the best choice.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Brianna and Josh were going through a local non profit agency for their open adoption.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22They would only get basic expenses
0:04:22 > 0:04:25that would be covered by the adoptive parents.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- How are you Josh? How do you do? - Good.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33Although Brianna was due to give birth in just four months' time,
0:04:33 > 0:04:38they still hadn't chosen the parents or even met any possible candidates.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41We've been reading this book right here thoroughly
0:04:41 > 0:04:43that our open adoption agency gave us.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46We really enjoyed that so many of these people were adventurers,
0:04:46 > 0:04:48we went through and bookmarked different pages
0:04:48 > 0:04:50of people that really stood out to us.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Oh, OK, so you've sort of put little notes.- Uh-huh.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57I mean, what is this like? There are so many couples in here.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Yeah, it was... At first it was kind of overwhelming,
0:05:00 > 0:05:03but it was also really fun at the same time cos we were, like,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06"Oh, well, we have all this reading material, we have to go through
0:05:06 > 0:05:10"and there's so many different options, what exactly do we want?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13"What exactly do we want to stay away from?"
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- And how many did you whittle it down to?- Three.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- How many were you really taking seriously? Three?- Uh-huh.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- And then these guys, Frank and John. - OK.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- And we really like...- They've got matching shirts.- Yeah.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- They're so cute. - Is that the main reason?- Yeah.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30When we saw this page,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- we both marked it without reading it, definitely. - HE LAUGHS
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- You just like the look of them?- They just look so happy.- They look very happy, particularly happy.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41And she wants to be a vet and one of 'em's a vet and the other one's a Chinese therapist and so...
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- And they're obviously gay, these two guys?- Yeah.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I feel like a lot of same-sex couples
0:05:47 > 0:05:50deserve to have the chance of being a parent.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Not because of their, you know, sexual preference,
0:05:53 > 0:05:56but because they really do have
0:05:56 > 0:06:00that, you know, parenting motivation inside them.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02But were there certain things that were necessary?
0:06:02 > 0:06:07Because the very reason you guys are entertaining the open adoption
0:06:07 > 0:06:11is because you feel like you guys aren't in that space right now.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14You know, I want the couple to be together
0:06:14 > 0:06:17for as long as they possibly can,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19you know, which is hopefully for ever.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22And I think these guys really have that.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Brianna and Josh were about to take the next big step
0:06:33 > 0:06:35in choosing the parents for their baby,
0:06:35 > 0:06:38they were ready to meet with Frank and Johnathan face to face.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41The prospective parents had just made the eight hour flight
0:06:41 > 0:06:43from their home in Hawaii.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45This would be their first contact of any sort.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Hi. How are you?
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Come on in.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53At the agency, Brianna's counsellor, Lindsay,
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- was there to help them begin this daunting process.- Good to see you.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01I think this meeting can really kind of make the process seem very real.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04And so suddenly all these things that seemed very abstract,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06you were looking at pictures before and having
0:07:06 > 0:07:10very theoretical abstract discussions, becomes very solid.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13And keep in mind too that your nervousness,
0:07:13 > 0:07:17while very, very natural, also mirrors theirs.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20So they are absolutely going to be nervous too.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Are they here already?- They are.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- Actually, I'll call and check and see.- They don't even know what we look like, do they?
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- No, they don't. Yeah, we'll see.- OK.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33This is not yet a permanent option or a permanent choice,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36so it's still, you know, pretty...
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- I feel like I can still breathe, you know?- Uh-huh.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- Hello. Hi.- Hey.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- What's up? Good to meet you guys. - ALL LAUGH
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- Hi. So nice to meet you. - Good to see you.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- Hi!- Very nice to meet you. - So exciting.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58So nice to meet you too, finally. Oh, my God! ALL LAUGH
0:07:58 > 0:08:03- We kind of compare this to a blind date.- Yes, that's exactly what I said.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Exactly what I said.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08It's like you got that butterflies in your stomach feeling
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- and you're like...- Well, let's sit and talk about it then.
0:08:11 > 0:08:17- OK. OK.- Well, what about the kind of journey that has led you guys to adoption?
0:08:17 > 0:08:22When I was 19 I came out. I just... put the idea of having a kid aside.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Then once I met him, he was very adamant about having a son.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I always knew I wanted to be a dad,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I always knew that I wanted to have a relationship with my child
0:08:30 > 0:08:32like my dad had with me.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36I think I was like everybody else when I first heard the idea of open adoption.
0:08:36 > 0:08:42I was like, "This is so much better for the child and for us as adoptive parents
0:08:42 > 0:08:45"and for the birth parents, it's just a healthier way to go."
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I'm having a boy. What were you guys wanting?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Do you...? I'm sure you are open to both.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- I was open to both, he really wanted a boy.- OK.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I really was hoping for a son,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59because... Well, I mentioned the relationship I had with my dad,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I always wanted to raise a son, that was really important to me.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Not that I wouldn't love a girl too equally.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I was worried you guys were going to be taken.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09LAUGHTER
0:09:09 > 0:09:12This is so amazing, I don't understand why it took so long,
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- but I'm glad it did, it's perfect. - Yeah, absolutely.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Thank you.- Thanks, Lindsay.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Thank you so much.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Bye, take care.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- Are you happy?- Yeah. - How are you feeling?
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Really...great, relieved, excited. Erm...
0:09:33 > 0:09:38I feel like... I feel like we chose a really great couple.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I'm glad that they're as good as they seemed on paper, you know.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Yeah. I think they're better. - And how are you feeling
0:09:44 > 0:09:47in terms of the decision itself?
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Is it...is it made?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Erm...I mean, not completely, but you know,
0:09:51 > 0:09:56our hopes are staying positive and I really hope they are the couple that we are looking for.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59We're just going to figure that out in a couple of days.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I left Brianna and Josh to spend a few days
0:10:06 > 0:10:08getting to know Frank and Johnathan,
0:10:08 > 0:10:12so that they could decide whether they were the right parents for their baby.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17I was in Montana and on my way to meet another birth mum
0:10:17 > 0:10:21who was further down the line and had already chosen the parents.
0:10:21 > 0:10:2219-year-old Misty
0:10:22 > 0:10:26was just two months away from giving birth to a baby girl.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- Hello.- Hi.- How do you do? I'm Stacey.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33- Very nice to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Misty had wanted to train as a teacher, but got pregnant
0:10:36 > 0:10:39after five months of being in a relationship with Rory.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Although they'd met adoptive parents, Sherry and Angie,
0:10:44 > 0:10:45through an agency,
0:10:45 > 0:10:49they've decided to do the adoption by themselves.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Describe to me what it's been like over the past seven months
0:10:53 > 0:10:57having your daughter grow, I guess, inside of you.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Erm...it's been...
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Erm...
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- It's been exciting.- Right.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11I mean, I've definitely enjoyed kind of the magic
0:11:11 > 0:11:14and the mystery of being pregnant.
0:11:14 > 0:11:19And kind of the... It's kind of empowering a little bit.
0:11:19 > 0:11:26I'm just... It's cos I'm taking the step from being a child...
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I mean, a young woman into being a mother.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32- Was abortion ever an option? - Not for me, no.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34I don't have anything against abortion,
0:11:34 > 0:11:40but it was not morally...morally a decision I would make.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42How do you feel about her now?
0:11:42 > 0:11:47- Like, whilst we're standing here, you always sort of stroke her and cuddle her.- Oh the baby?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49She's always moving,
0:11:49 > 0:11:53so I'm always trying to just comfort her and let her know I'm here.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58So... I think that connection is important right now.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- So...- Do you love her?- I do.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- Erm... - MISTY LAUGHS
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Er...
0:12:07 > 0:12:11I... If...if things were different...
0:12:13 > 0:12:16..I would raise her.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Misty didn't have a close relationship with her parents
0:12:23 > 0:12:28and had been living with best friend, Katrina, and her family for the past year.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31God! You don't have to walk very far, do you?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34You're lucky to have it across the road.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Do we stop and look?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40You can do it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42She's really good with him.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- She's really excellent with kids. One of her nicknames is Nantie. - Nantie?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Nantie, because she nannied for someone one summer and the kids starting calling her Nantie.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- Half nanny, half auntie?- Yes. - Brilliant.- Yeah.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59And how are you feeling about the choice Misty's made?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03You know, I don't...I don't really agree with it.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08I think it's...a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
0:13:08 > 0:13:15I think she's a little too worried about how she's going to financially provide for right now,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17because she's young still.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Over the past few months, Misty has built a close relationship
0:13:27 > 0:13:32with Sherry and Angie and their six-year-old boy, Kaj.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Nice to meet you, Angie.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38I joined them for a weekend at their ranch with Misty.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Oh! You're very handsome.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Wow!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Is this your bedroom?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Do you like dinosaurs, then?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Pterodactyls, T-rex.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Kaj isn't adopted?- No, he's not.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- How did we have Kaj?- We used a sperm donor and I gave birth to Kaj.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04We tried, like, a year and a half of fertility and IVF
0:14:04 > 0:14:06and it just never worked again.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09So then that was the point that we decided to pursue adoption.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12We just didn't realise it would take so long.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16So you've been desperate for another child for a while?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19We have been trying since Kaj turned one.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- So five years.- Five years.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25We also know what it is to bring a child into the world
0:14:25 > 0:14:28and be connected to it and so we just...
0:14:30 > 0:14:34We're trying to be realistic. Excited and realistic at the same time.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- You know, there's that concern that she might just change her mind.- Hmm.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39And we've talked to them about that too.
0:14:39 > 0:14:44We've, you know, we've had that conversation but...
0:14:44 > 0:14:50It's such a huge investment, isn't it, for something that potentially might not materialise?
0:14:51 > 0:14:55It is, but I think in the end...it'll be worth it.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I think, you know, especially if it works,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02it will have been worth every bit of the last five years.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04If it doesn't work out in the end,
0:15:04 > 0:15:06then we can look at each other at the end of the day
0:15:06 > 0:15:08and say, "We did everything."
0:15:08 > 0:15:11You know, it's not like we can just stop and say,
0:15:11 > 0:15:15"Well, we didn't give it 110%," because we have.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17BIRDSONG
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Misty's boyfriend, Rory, had driven down
0:15:26 > 0:15:28to spend the rest of the weekend with us.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- Good to meet you. - Very nice to meet you also.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39It struck me that Misty had chosen a family for her baby girl
0:15:39 > 0:15:42that had a warmth and closeness she missed from her own.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Where's the parade? I don't know. - LAUGHTER
0:15:50 > 0:15:53And why Angie and Sherry?
0:15:53 > 0:15:58Erm...yeah, I guess it's just really... I see myself and Misty
0:15:58 > 0:16:02and them and the way they live and the way they, you know,
0:16:02 > 0:16:07talk about wanting to kind of live their future life here.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11And where are you both now, you know, in terms of your decision?
0:16:11 > 0:16:17Relieved to know that our daughter's going to be taken care of in a way that...that we want.
0:16:17 > 0:16:24Relief that I'm still going to be able to be a part of my daughter's life.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34That's adorable. It's adorable.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Wow, that's...bright.- Yeah.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- I just like the fluffy guys. - LAUGHTER
0:16:40 > 0:16:46Back in Portland, Brianna and Josh had spent the last two days with Frank and Johnathan.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49They'd decided that they would make good parents for their baby boy.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
0:16:53 > 0:16:59The agency had arranged another meeting to begin negotiating how this relationship might work.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05We call this meeting the relationship-building meeting.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09So today the goal is to really kind of give you guys some more tools
0:17:09 > 0:17:12to help you grow your relationship
0:17:12 > 0:17:14and develop a deeper understanding of one another,
0:17:14 > 0:17:18so that you can build a really, really solid and healthy foundation.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Like I know you guys are both going to be called Dad,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23but am I going to be called Dad too?
0:17:23 > 0:17:27Or like uncle Josh or how are we going to handle that?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30One thing that's really common in Hawaii
0:17:30 > 0:17:36is like...extended family or even close friends,
0:17:36 > 0:17:43the male person'll be called Uncle and the female Auntie.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45So, I mean, that's a designation
0:17:45 > 0:17:48that I really liked personally about Hawaii.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53But for me those specific words of Mum and Dad have sort of...
0:17:53 > 0:17:58They're directly tied to the parenting role for me
0:17:58 > 0:18:05and so from that way it's kind of like you know, I don't know...
0:18:05 > 0:18:08I wouldn't say that I'm like possessive about the words,
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- but they definitely have a link to the parent title.- They're a trigger for you.- Yeah, exactly.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16And I like the way you put it as...
0:18:16 > 0:18:21I don't want to seem possessive by making him call me Father or something like that,
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- just because it's a charged term. - Right.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26I just want him to know that I'm someone who loves him,
0:18:26 > 0:18:28- that's why I think Uncle works perfect.- Right.- Yeah.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32I'm fine with Uncle and Auntie. And it's not a huge deal for me.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36- It's just wanting to know, I guess. - Yeah, absolutely.- Yeah.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Also agreed in the meeting was that Brianna and Josh
0:18:40 > 0:18:43would have at least one visit a year with their son
0:18:43 > 0:18:47and that they would keep in touch by e-mail and Skype as he grew up.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49But by law in the State of Oregon
0:18:49 > 0:18:50none of this could be put into effect
0:18:50 > 0:18:53until 24 hours after Brianna had given birth.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Are there any reservations? Are there any concerns?
0:19:00 > 0:19:04No, not really. I mean, a lot of...
0:19:04 > 0:19:09A few people have asked me, like, "Were you a little worried
0:19:09 > 0:19:12that you know, things might change at the last minute or something?"
0:19:12 > 0:19:17And I said, "Well, I might be if I hadn't met the birth parents."
0:19:17 > 0:19:23- But I feel like we have a really good sense of Brie and Josh and... - And a good connection.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28And I know what Brie and Josh's intentions are
0:19:28 > 0:19:31and I don't have any really serious doubts
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- that they're not going to follow through on their plans, you know. - Yeah.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40Well, good. I'm pleased, because to be that confident must be difficult
0:19:40 > 0:19:44when you're not entirely in control of something you really, really want.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- Especially... I know you've wanted this for such a long time.- Right.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53It's never, you know, 100% until it's...a done deal kind of thing.
0:19:53 > 0:19:59- Right.- But I think we feel as confident as we could ever feel under the circumstances.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01You hop in.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Frank and Johnathan were on their way back to Hawaii
0:20:05 > 0:20:10and this'd be the last time I'd see Brianna before she gave birth.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15We were heading to her mum's house to choose one of Brianna's old toys to pass on to her baby.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- There's my high school right there. - What, on the left?- Uh-huh.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21- Is that where you went?- Yeah.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- Which one's your mum's place? - It's down here.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Hmm.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Hey.- Hey. Come on in.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Yay.- Lovely to meet you. - Thanks for having me. Thanks a lot.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- Come on in and have a seat. - Thank you.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- How are you feeling? - Doing good.- Yeah.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Baby is doing good, very regular heartbeat
0:20:45 > 0:20:47and he's starting to sit pretty low.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- Already?- Yeah.- Does it hurt? - A little bit.- A little.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55I feel like my hips are kind of moving outward more and I'm like, "Oh!"
0:20:55 > 0:21:01- That's uncomfortable.- Let's look in our box of goodies and see what's in here.- Let's do it.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- Please, Minnie, be in here.- I know. - I really swore you took her.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08I swear you kept her. MUM LAUGHS
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- Oh!- Oh, I remember this.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- The puppet! - MUM LAUGHS
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I'm such a dork, "Hello there!"
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- But puppets aren't dorky, are they? - I like the puppet so far.- No.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- I sort of quite like puppets. - That's...that's fun.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28My mum had like a sock, like a budget puppet,
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- like a manky old sock with like a hole in it.- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- So I think we'll go with the monkey. - OK.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40- Because Auntie gave this to me so it does have a meaning behind it.- Yeah. - You know?- Uh-huh.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Nina, would you mind if I asked you
0:21:47 > 0:21:50what you would like your role to be with the baby?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Hmm.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Well...Grandma, cos I am Grandma.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01But I don't know if that's the...
0:22:01 > 0:22:04if there's an appropriate title for it,
0:22:04 > 0:22:09because of it being, number one, an adoption and, number two, long distance.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12I don't know. That's a tough one.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15You know there's positives to this whole thing
0:22:15 > 0:22:19and there's some negatives to this whole thing, but I try to focus on the positives.
0:22:19 > 0:22:25- Of course.- And, you know, just apply the positives as much as I can
0:22:25 > 0:22:29to try to outweigh the negatives or the not so happy parts about it.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Sure. So...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33What concerns you the most?
0:22:33 > 0:22:39Erm...probably just being able to let go, you know?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- Yeah.- That's going to be hard, the just letting go.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- That's the part that makes me emotional when I think about it. - Yeah.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Because...- I mean...
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- You know they're in good hands. - Yeah.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- I don't question that they would be fantastic parents.- Yeah.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- I know that that's a for sure. - It's just that you're giving...
0:22:57 > 0:23:02- You're giving yourself, a part of yourself to someone else.- Uh-huh.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- And that life that you created. - Uh-huh.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09A lot of people... Even if it is an open adoption...
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I've been reading a book
0:23:11 > 0:23:14and everyone's situations are so different.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Like there are people who are completely closed off
0:23:17 > 0:23:20during their grieving time
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- and then some people are really completely open...- OK.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29..so it's kind of interesting just learning about like...
0:23:29 > 0:23:34- where I'm going to be, you know, during that process.- Uh-huh.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39You're already open enough to know that this lovely couple
0:23:39 > 0:23:42will be really awesome parents.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47- And you're affording them that ability to do that...- Uh-huh.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50..and try really hard not... later on...
0:23:50 > 0:23:550f course that's easy for me to say now, that you made the wrong decision.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I don't want you feel that way.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Can I have a hug?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Oh, honey!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09BRIANNA SOBS
0:24:09 > 0:24:11I love you.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16- And I know this is really difficult. - BRIANNA SOBS
0:24:16 > 0:24:19And you're brave and you're so lovely
0:24:19 > 0:24:21to give such a wonderful gift.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25I want you to know that, OK, cos that's how I look at it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- Could you give a more perfect gift? No.- Probably not.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31No.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37I'm really excited to see you and I'm going to miss having you inside.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40You can see how big you are...right now.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44It's fun to feel you move around and watch you grow,
0:24:44 > 0:24:48but I'm really excited to see your face, so we'll see you soon.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52OK, Nate, I probably should tell you the date today.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56It's January 24th, 1997.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59And now we're on the way to the hospital.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02And it's a beautiful day outside.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04A perfect day for you to be born.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Hey. BABY CRIES
0:25:07 > 0:25:1217 years ago, Becky gave birth to Nathan near Portland, Oregon.
0:25:13 > 0:25:18She'd used the same adoption agency that Brianna's going through.
0:25:18 > 0:25:24And two days later, she gave him to the new parents she'd chosen for him, Sarah and Mark.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Now Nathan is in his last year of school.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39He hopes to go on to university and dreams of becoming a writer.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Hello. How are you? I'm Stacey.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Hi, I'm Nathan.- You're huge, Nathan! Look at you!
0:25:45 > 0:25:50I went back to his home where he lives with his adoptive parents.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51You've got Thai food.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Oh, thank God there's Thai food. STACEY LAUGHS
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Mum, can I... Mum, can I have a spring roll?- Of course.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- Thank you.- We were just watching Nathan play basketball.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- Wasn't that fun.- He's brilliant! - Yeah.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09- My limited knowledge of basketball, I've got to say.- Right, right.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10These are our family portraits.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12That's my mum when she was younger.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14That's my dad when he was younger.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- They're so awesome.- Uh-huh.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19And so where are the pictures of your biological parents?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Oh, I have a few scattered around the room.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25This is one of the first photos of us at about a year old there.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- So that's your birth mum. - Yeah, that's Becky.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- You don't call her mum?- Er...no.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34I never really grew up with her AS my mother.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- Right.- So...she's really just Becky to me. She was Becky when I met her.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42And...what would you say your relationship's like with...Becky?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45I think it's very good, because she's always been in my life,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47she's always been one of my best friends.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49It's like, I know I can talk to her about anything.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51We go and do things together.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- Like, she'll come down for the day. - So you liken her to a friend?
0:26:55 > 0:26:59Erm...well, like, definitely above best friend.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05Yeah. She's... We're friends in every way a parent/child can be really.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I know some people that are adopted in the UK
0:27:07 > 0:27:11don't even know what their biological parents look like.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Yeah. It's...
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I've always grown-up with it. It wasn't like yesterday somebody came up to me
0:27:16 > 0:27:18and was like, "I am your father."
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Or like, "Your mother is right over there, you should go and meet her."
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Like in the movies.- Yeah. I've always known my parents.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27And so, like, I don't think it's that strange or odd of a thing.
0:27:27 > 0:27:32I can't even believe how lucky I am, just to know who my parents are,
0:27:32 > 0:27:37which is something a lot of adopted people just never really get to know.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Hi, Nathan.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Hi.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- There's a lot to be looking at here. - Uh-huh.
0:27:46 > 0:27:51Sarah showed me some videos of Nathan's first years.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Are we going to the park?
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Yeah!
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Here we go!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01It struck me how hard it must have been for Sarah
0:28:01 > 0:28:03finding her feet as a new mum
0:28:03 > 0:28:07and having to share her son with his grieving birth mother Becky.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15- Perfect timing for you to go upstairs and do your Spanish. - STACEY LAUGHS
0:28:15 > 0:28:18- Think Spanish thoughts.- Good luck.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- Adios amigo.- Adios.- Ciao, ciao!
0:28:21 > 0:28:25INDISTINCT De nada.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27In hindsight, looking back now,
0:28:27 > 0:28:30what were the challenges for you with the open adoption?
0:28:30 > 0:28:35I think the biggest challenge was that I felt like...
0:28:37 > 0:28:40..that Becky and her mum wanted
0:28:40 > 0:28:45just much, much more time with Nathan than I was comfortable with.
0:28:45 > 0:28:50And...it was really hard for me
0:28:50 > 0:28:54to feel like I was always disappointing them.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58And...I can't...I couldn't really make that better.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02You know what I mean? That by saying, "Oh, sure," you know,
0:29:02 > 0:29:07"come on up for the weekend." Or, "Let's do this even though
0:29:07 > 0:29:11"we just did this other thing three weeks ago."
0:29:11 > 0:29:13You know, that that wasn't going to make it OK.
0:29:13 > 0:29:18It wasn't going to assuage her grief and loss.
0:29:18 > 0:29:22I guess it's an impossible situation sometimes.
0:29:22 > 0:29:28You know...no-one is purposefully trying to upset the other party,
0:29:28 > 0:29:33- but inevitably they're going to feel like they are sometimes.- Exactly.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36Exactly. Exactly.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39And you're...content with how things played out,
0:29:39 > 0:29:41how the relationships have now formed?
0:29:41 > 0:29:43I mean, time is a wonderful thing.
0:29:43 > 0:29:48You know, I worry about different things when my child is 16
0:29:48 > 0:29:51than when he's 16 months, you know.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55And...Becky's not 19 or 20 any more.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59And...that's wonderful. It's a good thing.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13Nathan was taking me to Portland's Saturday market
0:30:13 > 0:30:17and was going to introduce me to Becky.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23- Hello! How do you do?- Nice to meet you.- Likewise. It's very nice to meet you.
0:30:23 > 0:30:27I'm Stacey. So how often do you guys get to do this?
0:30:27 > 0:30:30Every...three months or something like that, I'm guessing.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34I'll come up to his basketball games and we'll go to dinner or shopping.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36Our last trip though was pretty cool.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39That was our Seattle trip to Kanye West.
0:30:39 > 0:30:43- Nathan mentioned this. You took him to see Kanye West?- Yes.- Yeah.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45It was so good to see you. I love you.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47- I'll talk to you soon, OK? - Talk to you soon.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50- OK. Have fun. Good luck tonight. - Good luck!
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Becky went on to law school after the adoption
0:30:56 > 0:30:59and now works as a public prosecutor.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02Nathan remains her only child.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- This one is one of my favourites of him.- Hmm!
0:31:06 > 0:31:11- Look at that little bug.- Oh, my Lord!- Isn't he just so delicious?
0:31:11 > 0:31:12This is the day they took him home.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15- This is the placement ceremony. - Right.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17So I'm a little...
0:31:17 > 0:31:19This WAS a hard moment.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22I think you can see that on Sarah's face and mine.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24It was...you know.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27That's...that's the moment.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31And how often did you hope to see Nathan realistically?
0:31:31 > 0:31:36You know, I think at that time I thought I would see him probably every month.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38I think I thought that I would...
0:31:38 > 0:31:40You know, it would be...
0:31:40 > 0:31:43Cos like Sarah called me every day when I was pregnant
0:31:43 > 0:31:48and I think that I just felt like it would be similar to that.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51You know, we'd have contact regularly and...
0:31:51 > 0:31:57And...it just didn't turn out that same way.
0:31:57 > 0:32:02You know, I think it's hard for Mark and Sarah to see that kind of pain.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06And erm...
0:32:06 > 0:32:09You know, I don't know that... for as hard as it was,
0:32:09 > 0:32:15I don't know if, you know, even if I had had the number of visits
0:32:15 > 0:32:20or we had had the type of relationship that I'd initially envisaged,
0:32:20 > 0:32:23I don't know if that would have made it any easier.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26You know, I think I was just...
0:32:26 > 0:32:34I was not really prepared for just how difficult it would be.
0:32:34 > 0:32:39You know, 17 years later it's...it's still hard.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43It's hard to say goodbye to him every time.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46it's hard to not bring him home with me.
0:32:46 > 0:32:53Erm...and it's such a complicated situation
0:32:53 > 0:32:59where I'm so thankful for Mark and Sarah.
0:32:59 > 0:33:04And I am so appreciative of the life they have given him,
0:33:04 > 0:33:07which is exactly what I wanted him to have.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10- It is.- Do you feel like the older Nathan's got
0:33:10 > 0:33:13and the longer you guys have known each other,
0:33:13 > 0:33:17- it's now all falling into place quite nicely?- Definitely.
0:33:17 > 0:33:22To be able to take him to Seattle last month to see Kanye West
0:33:22 > 0:33:26together on an overnight and talk about his life
0:33:26 > 0:33:31and talk about his dreams and talk about his fears and all of that,
0:33:31 > 0:33:35I just feel so incredibly blessed to get to have that relationship with him.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38And I know he knows how much I love him.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40I know he knows that.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05I'd now spent a month exploring the world of open adoption.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08I had witnessed just how painful and complicated
0:34:08 > 0:34:10these relationships could be.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16For the birth parents, it's an agonising time
0:34:16 > 0:34:20where they're fighting against their most basic maternal instincts.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24And for the couples who have often waited years to adopt,
0:34:24 > 0:34:28it's a fraught time too, never knowing if the baby will be theirs
0:34:28 > 0:34:31until after the birth when the legal papers are signed.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39I was back in Montana and Misty's baby was due any day.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43Angie and Sherry were in town waiting for the new arrival.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46- Hi.- Hi.- How's it going?- Good.
0:34:46 > 0:34:51And the last time I caught up with you two was about a month ago.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55Where are you now? Like, what's been happening over the past month?
0:34:55 > 0:34:59I think we feel like this is going to go through, I feel good about it.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03I still think there's always that possibility that it may not,
0:35:03 > 0:35:05just because she is...
0:35:05 > 0:35:09It's going to be hard. It's going to be super sad and super hard
0:35:09 > 0:35:12and she's going to nurse that baby for the 72 hours.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15So, it's...
0:35:15 > 0:35:18So there's... I think there's always that slim possibility on Misty's part.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21And what have you two been doing over the past month
0:35:21 > 0:35:25to get yourself prepared for the next couple of days?
0:35:25 > 0:35:28Well, we...got all the baby stuff.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30What have you purchased?
0:35:30 > 0:35:38- Erm...- A pack of diapers, a pack of baby butt wipes, baby butt cream,
0:35:38 > 0:35:42a couple of little onesies and an awful baby bag,
0:35:42 > 0:35:45- it's the worst.- Yeah, it's horrible.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48- She doesn't like the bag. Is the bag here?- It is.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50- Can I see it?- Yeah. It's awful.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53- We won't judge you on the bag. - See the tags are still on it.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56- Why are the tags still on it? - Just in case.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58We can take it back.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00- You really feel like that's a possibility?- I don't know.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03A month ago when we bought it it felt like a possibility.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05We have to prepare for both scenarios,
0:36:05 > 0:36:08just like Misty has to prepare for both scenarios.
0:36:08 > 0:36:13I told her, I just said, "Look...I have delivered a child,
0:36:13 > 0:36:17"I know the bond that you have when you give birth to a child."
0:36:17 > 0:36:21And I said, "It's not going to be easy, Misty,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24"and if you change your mind then we're happy for you.
0:36:24 > 0:36:28"And that's what we want for you if that's what your decision is.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31"And we're OK with that. But we just ask if that is the case
0:36:31 > 0:36:33"that you tell us and you cut us loose.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36"Don't string us along." And I think she gets that.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39- Yeah.- So...
0:36:45 > 0:36:49I was on my way to see Misty, who had moved into Rory's mum's house.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51BIRDSONG
0:36:52 > 0:36:54I'd never have thought to do this.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00That way we can keep my bump for ever.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02- Is that the idea?- Uh-huh.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07Are you going to miss being pregnant?
0:37:07 > 0:37:11Erm...only some things about being pregnant.
0:37:11 > 0:37:15- So Angie and Sherry are going to bring all the gear, the car seat. - Uh-huh.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20- Everything they'll need to take baby home.- Uh-huh.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22What do you think about that?
0:37:22 > 0:37:27Erm...I'm not quite sure what I think about that.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30I don't think it's something I can prepare myself for.
0:37:33 > 0:37:36Yeah. Is it definitely dry?
0:37:36 > 0:37:39- I need to get over this, but... - It's separating from my belly.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41Argh!.
0:37:41 > 0:37:42One minute.
0:37:45 > 0:37:46Yay!
0:37:46 > 0:37:49Oh, my God! It's perfect!
0:37:49 > 0:37:51- I'll be pregnant for ever. - LAUGHTER
0:37:56 > 0:38:00A few days later, doctors decided to induce Misty's labour.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05So by hook or by crook...
0:38:05 > 0:38:08this baby is going to come out.
0:38:08 > 0:38:11Mum's making her come out today.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14- How are you?- I'm good.- I'm Stacey.
0:38:14 > 0:38:18- Hi, Stacey, nice to meet you.- How's things? Very nice to meet you.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20- Today's the day.- Yes.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- We're pretty excited. - How's grandma feeling?
0:38:23 > 0:38:25Er...a little nervous. LAUGHTER
0:38:25 > 0:38:29Little nervous, this is...it's going to be different.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32I think, initially, I wasn't real sure of how it was all going to go.
0:38:32 > 0:38:39Erm...but now that I've met Sherry and Angie
0:38:39 > 0:38:42and I just think it's going to be a good thing.
0:38:42 > 0:38:47And as long as she is doing what she needs to do, then that's...
0:38:49 > 0:38:51I'll be behind her.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54And I appreciate that maturity.
0:38:55 > 0:39:00I appreciate that maturity and that selflessness.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02So...
0:39:06 > 0:39:07- Ready to go?- Ready.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13- Let's go.- OK.- Bye, Sue.- OK.
0:39:18 > 0:39:20- Good luck, yeah?- Thanks, yeah.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32Misty went into hospital
0:39:32 > 0:39:36and 20 hours later her daughter, Creeda, was born.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39Sherry helped deliver the baby.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41What do you think, Misty?
0:39:41 > 0:39:44What do you think of that? LAUGHTER
0:39:44 > 0:39:46All of that, "I can't do it, I can't do it."
0:39:46 > 0:39:48BABY CRIES
0:39:48 > 0:39:50You did it.
0:39:50 > 0:39:54In the state of Montana, parents must wait 72 hours
0:39:54 > 0:39:57before they can sign away their parental rights.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Misty and Rory were waiting out this time
0:40:01 > 0:40:03in a hotel with Sherry and Angie.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05- Hello.- Hi, Stacey.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- How are you feeling? - Good. Come on in.- Thank you.
0:40:13 > 0:40:17- How are you?- I'm good. How are you? - OK, thank you.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20- Oh, well done.- Thanks.
0:40:20 > 0:40:23Oh, my gosh!
0:40:24 > 0:40:26She's absolutely beautiful, Misty.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28- Thank you.- You did it.- I did it.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30She's here.
0:40:30 > 0:40:35- And last night she stayed with Angie and Sherry?- Uh-huh.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Was that your decision?
0:40:37 > 0:40:39- A little bit of both, I think.- Yeah.
0:40:39 > 0:40:43I think they were really looking forward to it and...
0:40:43 > 0:40:49I'm finding myself kind of needing to consciously make sure
0:40:49 > 0:40:54that I'm stepping back and letting them just hold her,
0:40:54 > 0:40:59keep onto her for a while. You want to hold her? Yeah?
0:40:59 > 0:41:01I've been waiting for you, Creeda.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11STACEY LAUGHS
0:41:15 > 0:41:18I cannot believe...that I made that.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22That that was me.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25She's half of you. And she's so perfect, Misty.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29You've done... What an achievement.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32- Totally worth it.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39And what's it like...
0:41:39 > 0:41:43watching Angie and Sherry with her?
0:41:43 > 0:41:45Erm...
0:41:45 > 0:41:47It's...
0:41:49 > 0:41:52I...I don't really know how to explain it,
0:41:52 > 0:41:55it's kind of a...
0:41:55 > 0:41:59It's kind of a bittersweet feeling.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03I mean, I love seeing all of them together.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07It...makes me happy knowing that she's...
0:42:07 > 0:42:10She has them.
0:42:10 > 0:42:15But at the same time it's a little...it's a little hard,
0:42:15 > 0:42:16cos it's not me.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20But...
0:42:22 > 0:42:25- I'll be back.- OK.
0:42:28 > 0:42:29CREEDA CRIES
0:42:29 > 0:42:33Misty seems to be really rational about the whole thing and...
0:42:33 > 0:42:37to be that strong when you've just given birth
0:42:37 > 0:42:40to the most beautiful thing you've ever seen
0:42:40 > 0:42:42is just staggering, you know.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45- It's totally nuts! - CREEDA CRIES
0:42:45 > 0:42:49I think she believes in her heart that this is the right thing.
0:42:51 > 0:42:55But she's going to be absolutely devastated when that baby leaves.
0:43:04 > 0:43:08Creeda was now three-days-old and it was decision time for Misty.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11I was on my way to the attorney's office
0:43:11 > 0:43:14where the paperwork was due to be signed.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24- Is that OK?- Yeah.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31- How are we all?- Good.
0:43:31 > 0:43:37- You are the new proud parents. - We are the parents of Creeda.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- Game?- Can you guys take it?
0:43:43 > 0:43:46- I think so. - She gets to go home with us?
0:43:46 > 0:43:49LAUGHTER
0:43:49 > 0:43:51Silly question.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53How is everyone...doing?
0:43:53 > 0:43:57- I'm relieved. - LAUGHTER
0:43:57 > 0:44:01Good. And I hope that you guys are...
0:44:01 > 0:44:05It's going to be a rough time, but a million thanks.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07- I think it'll be good.- Yeah.
0:44:11 > 0:44:16- Susan'll be in touch. OK. All right. Thank you, Misty.- Bye. Thank you.
0:44:38 > 0:44:43What can I say. You know, it's evident...
0:44:43 > 0:44:46how heartbreaking it is for the pair of them.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52But they're in this weird place
0:44:52 > 0:44:55where they're able to kind of accept their own hurt...
0:44:58 > 0:45:00..look forward...
0:45:02 > 0:45:05..and feel like in their hearts they're doing the right thing.
0:45:07 > 0:45:12- Hey, get down here. - We'll see you. OK?- Don't squish her.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15- CREEDA CRIES - Oh, my!
0:45:15 > 0:45:17I just fed her, so she should be good for a while.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20She should be good for a few miles?
0:45:20 > 0:45:21OK.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27Take good care, OK.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30- Take pictures.- Oh, yeah.- Every day.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- You bet.- Every day. - LAUGHTER
0:45:33 > 0:45:36- We'll get the Facebook thing up and running, OK?- OK.- OK.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39Take care, guys, yeah?
0:45:39 > 0:45:41- BOTH:- Bye, Stacey.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51Shall we get out of here?
0:45:53 > 0:45:56Can you say hi?
0:46:01 > 0:46:03Can you give her a little coffee kiss on the forehead?
0:46:03 > 0:46:06- Oh...- No? You're not sure yet?
0:46:09 > 0:46:11INDISTINCT
0:46:13 > 0:46:16A good smile, not your psycho smile.
0:46:16 > 0:46:20- Can you look at Stacey and smile. - Oh, these are lovely!
0:46:22 > 0:46:24So what's the plan now?
0:46:24 > 0:46:27We're going to bust a move out of here.
0:46:27 > 0:46:32Grab a bite to eat so we don't just melt away like we're going to.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35And go home.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39Do you remember when I was having a chat with you in your kitchen?
0:46:39 > 0:46:44And you were going, "I can't even allow meself to imagine it because it might not happen."
0:46:47 > 0:46:49It did.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55OK, just throw it in the garbage, buddy.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16I was back in Portland.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Brianna had given birth to a baby boy
0:47:20 > 0:47:23who had been named Apollo by Frank and Johnathan.
0:47:23 > 0:47:27- That lower lip!- I know.- Quiver!
0:47:29 > 0:47:32- Little foot print.- Special moments. - Yeah.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36- I'll even spread my toes for you. - That's right, that's right.
0:47:39 > 0:47:43The next day, I went to meet the new arrival and proud parents.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48- Hey!- Hi.
0:47:49 > 0:47:51You finally get to see him.
0:47:51 > 0:47:54- How you doing?- I'm doing great.
0:47:54 > 0:47:57- Brie, he's awesome.- I know.
0:47:58 > 0:48:00Are you feeling quite content?
0:48:00 > 0:48:03I am, yeah. I'm really happy, it's like...
0:48:03 > 0:48:08all this work really paid off and we've got a healthy little baby boy.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11- Are you all right, Josh?- Yeah.
0:48:11 > 0:48:16- Definitely overwhelmed with emotions.- Yeah.- We both are.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18Oh, my God!
0:48:18 > 0:48:20It's going to be, you know,
0:48:20 > 0:48:23- it's going to be hard and I expected that.- Yeah.
0:48:23 > 0:48:26- Uh-huh.- You've always said that, haven't you?- Uh-huh.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29And I think you've been so...
0:48:29 > 0:48:34- brave and so matter of fact about everything.- Yeah.
0:48:34 > 0:48:40In reality, do you think it's going to be even harder than you anticipated,
0:48:40 > 0:48:43- cos he's so...here and so lovely. - Oh, definitely.
0:48:43 > 0:48:48Yeah, definitely. There's not really anything that can fully prepare you
0:48:48 > 0:48:53for, you know, this...these feelings I'm...I expect to get.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56- Right.- There's nothing really that can prepare myself
0:48:56 > 0:49:00because this is like...this will be like one of the most hardest decisions
0:49:00 > 0:49:02I've ever had to make in my entire life.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05You both still feel...
0:49:05 > 0:49:10like everything you've planned is what you still want to do?
0:49:10 > 0:49:12Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to change my mind.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15I know that.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17- Yeah.- I mean, if I could I would.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20Right. If we could, we would have already.
0:49:20 > 0:49:23- But I'm not going to.- Amazing.
0:49:23 > 0:49:27I'm just trying to soak in...this moment, I guess,
0:49:27 > 0:49:30there are all these little moments
0:49:30 > 0:49:35because I'm not going to be able to have those kind of moments for very much longer.
0:49:36 > 0:49:40So that means a lot that I can just, like, sit here and stare at him.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45- Hi.- Hello. How are you?
0:49:45 > 0:49:48- Good.- Congratulations.- Thanks.
0:49:48 > 0:49:50He's not bad is he?
0:49:50 > 0:49:54- Not bad, that's the understatement of the year. - LAUGHTER
0:49:54 > 0:49:57- He's crazy cute! - He's absolutely fabulous.
0:49:57 > 0:50:01- Oh, yeah.- Fantastic!
0:50:01 > 0:50:03I couldn't be happier.
0:50:03 > 0:50:09- We were all surprised by his size, cos he was really big and the hair.- Uh-huh.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12- Him being blonde. - There's so much of it as well.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16- Yeah.- And you got to hold him soon after he was born?- Oh, yeah.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18- I mean, that night really.- Yeah.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21Yeah. Came in and held him for the first time,
0:50:21 > 0:50:26gave him a little kiss on his head. And it was very, very magical.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Yeah.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31Just...feeling very happy.
0:50:36 > 0:50:38APOLLO CRIES
0:50:38 > 0:50:40Sh! Sh!
0:50:40 > 0:50:42I can probably call and get some more blankets in.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45- Yeah. Maybe a new changing pad too. - OK.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07Three days after Apollo had been born,
0:51:07 > 0:51:12Lindsay from the adoption agency had brought the legal papers for Josh and Brianna to sign.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16- Hey.- Hey.
0:51:16 > 0:51:20- How are you all? - Is that a pretty picture or what?
0:51:20 > 0:51:22We're doing all right.
0:51:22 > 0:51:25So how was the evening last night?
0:51:25 > 0:51:27Erm...pretty emotional.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:51:31 > 0:51:34Did you guys talk some?
0:51:34 > 0:51:36Yeah.
0:51:36 > 0:51:38I'd say Josh had more of a hard time last night
0:51:38 > 0:51:41- and I had more of a hard time this morning.- Uh-huh.
0:51:41 > 0:51:45It was hard knowing that this morning's going to be, like, the last morning...
0:51:47 > 0:51:50- ..that he's ours, I guess.- Yeah.
0:51:50 > 0:51:54So one of the really normal things to think about during this time is about parenting.
0:51:54 > 0:51:59And, you know, we talked a little bit yesterday about what some of your thoughts were about that.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02How are you guys feeling about that at this point?
0:52:02 > 0:52:05Is that something that you've considered during this time or...?
0:52:05 > 0:52:10- Well, no.- It's there in the back of our minds, we keep fighting that, yeah.
0:52:10 > 0:52:16Like, yeah, I do want to be selfish and just say, "Screw this whole adoption thing,"
0:52:16 > 0:52:20but then again it's, like, I'm not doing this for me,
0:52:20 > 0:52:24I'm doing this for him and I'm doing it for them.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26We know that we've made a good decision
0:52:26 > 0:52:30and that we just can't let our emotions get the best of us at the last moment cos we're scared.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38"Prior to your child being placed with a family for the purpose of adoption,
0:52:38 > 0:52:41"you'll need to sign a surrender, release and consent to adoption
0:52:41 > 0:52:44"and a certificate of irrevocability and waiver.
0:52:44 > 0:52:50"Signing these two documents means that you have made a final decision to have your child adopted.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54"You cannot change your mind or get the child back unless fraud or duress is proven in a court of law."
0:52:54 > 0:52:58So essentially if you were tricked, if you can show that you were tricked into the adoption
0:52:58 > 0:53:02- or that you were forced into it against your will.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04- But he's always going to be mine too.- Yeah.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06Even more sweet, it's OK.
0:53:06 > 0:53:10Oh, really? It's not so much that he belongs to any of you guys,
0:53:10 > 0:53:14- It's that you all belong to him. - Uh-huh. Exactly.
0:53:14 > 0:53:18- Yeah.- That's a better way to look at it.- Yeah.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21So he has all these great people in his life.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24Nobody owns him, he's just his own person.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31Sweet.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43JOSH LAUGHS
0:53:43 > 0:53:46- You OK?- Hmm.
0:53:47 > 0:53:52OK. I'm doing this for you, little guy. We love you.
0:53:53 > 0:53:55And we care about you a lot.
0:53:55 > 0:53:57BOTH SIGH
0:53:57 > 0:53:58And...
0:53:59 > 0:54:02I hope you'll see that someday.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05I just want the best for you.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16Perfect!
0:54:18 > 0:54:22The four parents had met up for an entrustment ceremony...
0:54:22 > 0:54:26a symbolic event encouraged by the agency
0:54:26 > 0:54:29where Brianna and Josh would give Apollo to his new dads.
0:54:30 > 0:54:33"Dear, Apollo. I am the adoption counsellor who had the honour
0:54:33 > 0:54:37"of working with your parents and your birth parents, Brianna and Josh.
0:54:37 > 0:54:40"Brianna and Josh love you very much and took great care
0:54:40 > 0:54:43"in choosing Johnathan and Frank to be your parents.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46"May you have a joyful, wonderful life, Apollo,
0:54:46 > 0:54:50"surrounded by all these incredible people who love and appreciate you."
0:54:50 > 0:54:55"Dear son, I want you to know that I've always loved you and will always love you,
0:54:55 > 0:54:59"I want the best for you and that's the toughest kind of love,
0:54:59 > 0:55:03"giving you to someone who can do a better job for the time being.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06"I'll always try my best to be involved in your life
0:55:06 > 0:55:10"as much as I can and as much as you would like me to be.
0:55:10 > 0:55:12"I want the world for you
0:55:12 > 0:55:15"and I believe you will become a great man someday.
0:55:15 > 0:55:20"Love you always and for ever, love you infinity and beyond."
0:55:20 > 0:55:24Me and my mum used to say that to each other, we still do.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26- Oh!- Oh!
0:55:26 > 0:55:30- At least we got some reactions. - Yeah. I know!
0:55:30 > 0:55:33Oh, are you starting to wake up a little?
0:55:41 > 0:55:44I was leaving the birth mums behind.
0:55:50 > 0:55:53During my time with them, both mums had told me
0:55:53 > 0:55:56that they hoped their children would see this film one day.
0:55:58 > 0:56:02They felt it would give Creeda and Apollo a better understanding
0:56:02 > 0:56:06of how they had come to make the biggest decision of their lives.
0:56:20 > 0:56:24Next time, I'll be with the homeless of Detroit.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27I want you to see the struggles I go through every single day,
0:56:27 > 0:56:31knowing that you don't have nobody to help you, you don't have nothing.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34There's every chance you could get stabbed or shot.
0:56:34 > 0:56:36It just really hammers home
0:56:36 > 0:56:39what it can mean to be homeless here in Detroit.