0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains strong language
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- MEN TALK OVER EACH OTHER - Thanks, God.- Thanks.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15I'm Richard and I'm an alcoholic.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16ALL: Hello, Richard.
0:00:16 > 0:00:21These are the rooms that I, um, sobered up in 20 years ago.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Six, eight weeks ago, there was a sermon at church,
0:00:25 > 0:00:29um, where the priest was talking about humility...
0:00:31 > 0:00:35..and how pride precedes our fall.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39It was one of those "a-ha" moments that I saw that my arrogance and pride
0:00:39 > 0:00:43was at the root of an awful lot of my disruptions.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48A lot of the ruptures with people, and it's a long list.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53I'm making amends and the hard part for me
0:00:53 > 0:00:58is to change my behaviour so I don't have to keep making amends.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03MUSIC: "Wand'rin' Star" by Lee Marvin
0:01:04 > 0:01:09I could puke when I hear any of that fucking 12-step shit I can't handle.
0:01:09 > 0:01:14Don't piss people off for 50, 60 years, and you won't have that fucking problem!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17He shouldn't have to come back begging for forgiveness.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Quit fucking up and you won't have it.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I'm sorry for doing that.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26But then, before the sun goes down, you turn around and do the same thing again,
0:01:26 > 0:01:30or again and again and again, and, pretty soon,
0:01:30 > 0:01:33the word "sorry" hasn't got a lot of substance to it.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36It'd be like the word, er, "paper".
0:01:38 > 0:01:44He's not capable of feeling any empathy towards other people.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47He just is not capable of that.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50He's only capable of looking out for himself.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I wish I'd never met him.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08# I was born
0:02:08 > 0:02:13# Under a wandering star
0:02:13 > 0:02:18# I was born
0:02:18 > 0:02:21# Under a wandering star
0:02:23 > 0:02:26# Wheels are made for rolling
0:02:26 > 0:02:28# Mules are made to pack
0:02:28 > 0:02:30# I've never seen a sight
0:02:30 > 0:02:33# That didn't look better looking back
0:02:33 > 0:02:37# I was born
0:02:37 > 0:02:43# Under a wandering star... #
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- HE LAUGHS - I didn't have any intention of cutting you off.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03As matter of fact, I'd be more interested in turning you on.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Mm-hm.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10We're not going to go there? OK, we won't go there.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13If you had a look at me right now, you'd get the darnedest kick
0:03:13 > 0:03:15out of the setting you'd be looking back at.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- I'm still in bed. Are still in bed?- 'Yes.'- Wow.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- And now you don't want me to talk about any other stuff, right? - 'Right.'
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- OK, just about spiritual stuff. - 'Right.'
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Because you know I'm out here in the hills preparing, huh,
0:03:30 > 0:03:38- to become more spiritual and preparing to go on a journey of redemption.- 'Right.'
0:03:38 > 0:03:42I'm frankly finding it very difficult and very, very emotional.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45'Well, no wonder you're still in bed at 12:30.'
0:03:47 > 0:03:53Ah! The sweet light of morning, except it's damn near evening.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Our Father, who art Thou in Heaven...
0:03:56 > 0:03:58HE MUMBLES PRAYER
0:04:06 > 0:04:08My old lover Beth.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Gosh. Fall madly in love with the young lady and, two weeks later,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14after we'd spent about two weeks in bed,
0:04:14 > 0:04:20I announced that I am off to marry my wife. Ha, my wife to be, Lynn.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Whoopty-effing-do.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Now I'll stick around with Nola. Looked just like Goldie Hawn.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32My former wife Lynn.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Leaving her on my wedding day, our wedding day.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Having an affair with her brother's fiancee.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Bankruptcy.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Gus Breck. Never did get him paid.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49My buddy Tex Gerger.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Attempting to lay my best friend's wife.
0:04:55 > 0:05:00Er, some things you really don't have to look too far to see who's at fault.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Son Greg.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Oh, Lord, oh, Lord in the back of a Ford.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08I used to be a Dick.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13And the essence of this journey is to kind of work on being more of a Richard.
0:05:21 > 0:05:27I don't have the ability to make a disgruntled brother like me.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31But I am able to take the action that's necessary to right the wrongs
0:05:31 > 0:05:34that I've had with these people in my life.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45When somebody around recovery speaks of
0:05:45 > 0:05:51the worst day they had sober is better than the best day they had drunk,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54well, bullshit.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57They obviously weren't along at some of the parties that I was on.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I had a hell of a lot of fun for a hell of a long time.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04But we're warned in recovery about euphoric recall.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07As I think about the good times and the good drinks,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10it's good to remember the horror that it lent itself to.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13MUSIC: "Days Of Wine And Roses" by Frank Sinatra
0:06:20 > 0:06:23# Days
0:06:23 > 0:06:27# Of wine and roses
0:06:27 > 0:06:30# Laugh and run away... #
0:06:31 > 0:06:36Omaha, you know, where my formative years in the insurance business...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38This is where I was trained, this is where it started.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41This is where I was trained to be a trainer.
0:06:43 > 0:06:50After having been the leading salesman the previous summer, at age 21, in the nation.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55A man who felt he had the world by the tail. This was where I met Nola.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Fell in love.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02On reflection, I'm thinking maybe fell more in lust.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05The first lady who ever had a hold of my pecker.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Hm.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17# The days of wine and roses
0:07:17 > 0:07:19# And you... #
0:07:19 > 0:07:25I love getting to North Omaha and finding a real black barbecue place.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I tell you.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28- I'm Richard, who are you?- I'm Rose.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- How are you, Richard?- Hakuna matata.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Come and get it!
0:07:40 > 0:07:45Is anyone going to believe you, Dad? Is anyone?
0:07:45 > 0:07:51You know, who's known you for very long, going to say, "OK,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54"you fooled me 10,000 times."
0:07:54 > 0:08:01And now you're on another mission to tell me how good you're going to be.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I'd really like to make amends for your mum.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I'd give her a call. But, last time... She talked to me two days ago.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12She said she didn't want you around.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Maybe the thing to do would be for me just to show up.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Don't get shot! Well...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18HE LAUGHS
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Hi, Mum.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28You know why I'm calling.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33I just was wondering if you'd let him come up and say his piece.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I am asking you, kind of, like, for me.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39But there's no harm in it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Yeah, I expect, if you want me to.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I'll be there.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49All righty. We'll see you.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Mum said yes.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Excuse me.- You're all right.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- 911.- Yeah.- 911.- You're all right.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- When?- Right now.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13We were married eight years, '62 to '70.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17He lived in the same apartment building that I did.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21He came in with a bottle of scotch
0:09:21 > 0:09:25and said, "Would any of you like a scotch?"
0:09:25 > 0:09:30He knew that all of us were engaged when he first knocked on our door.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I thought that took a lot of nerve.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I guess he was pushy,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39aggressive.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43He was different from anybody else I knew
0:09:43 > 0:09:47and those differences are probably what I liked about him
0:09:47 > 0:09:53when I married him, and I detested when we divorced.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Thanks for having him. - We all get a little older, don't we?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07It's good to say hello. It really is.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Thank you for seeing me.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I have amends to make with a lot of people, Nola,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- you're one of the main ones. - I am?
0:10:19 > 0:10:25- Right.- I don't know how I rank. - Well, you rank near the top...
0:10:25 > 0:10:29- Thanks(!)- ..of people that I've effed around in my life.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32That might be true, that might be true.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- Because I really am tired of being a dick.- Dick the prick.- Uh-hm.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42I think of pushing you,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45of trying to shove you out of a car,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48pushing you over the edge and you taking a bunch of aspirin
0:10:48 > 0:10:52and going to the hospital to have your stomach pumped.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Well you...
0:10:58 > 0:11:03..you'd grab my arm and throw me around once in a while.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- I just...- Not on the dancefloor.- No.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10I...
0:11:14 > 0:11:17..I don't want to remember some of this.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21It's still painful.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24And...
0:11:28 > 0:11:29..I don't know.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45It's better to remember the good times.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Meeting Judy Garland was one of the highlights of my life.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51A duchess.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- You got a good system.- What?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- You got a good system.- Yeah.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02My son gave it to me.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05# Rooms to let 50 cent... #
0:12:05 > 0:12:10MUSIC: "King Of The Road" by Roger Miller
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Can you still dance?- No.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27I'll just reminisce, then.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32You taught me to jitterbug. Thank you.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41- We were a head-turning couple. - I think that we were.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44People were attracted to us.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46For some unknown reason.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- Good chat with her?- Better than good.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02A miracle just happened there, I'll guarantee your sweet ass.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Cousin.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Knocked his brother's ass on the ground.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15He did something bad.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Did something that made him mad.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22The brother got up, dusted himself off, and he said, what,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24"I'm sorry."
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Hit him again, assholes over elbows, he laid him out.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32He got up the third time, and said, "What d'you hit me again for?"
0:13:32 > 0:13:34And he says, "For saying you were sorry."
0:13:35 > 0:13:37And not meaning it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Oh...- So, if I'm a little leery...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44We've never had this kind of conversation before, I don't think.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Well, I never had any faith in you, to be honest.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Well...- You want me to be nice?
0:13:50 > 0:13:54No, it ain't going to happen. I'm not going to be nice.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- Well, let's get a little specific. - OK.
0:13:58 > 0:14:03In '70, when your mum and I divorced, and Mum died,
0:14:03 > 0:14:08and Uncle Dee had just died, and, you know, a rather eventful year...
0:14:12 > 0:14:17It was probably as vulnerable a time as you could have had.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18You were just six.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25And I think you could have used a present dad.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29And I, instead, uh...
0:14:29 > 0:14:34..chose to hitch-hike around the world with my brother Mike.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39And your mum talked about that period as a time where you'd gotten a card or something from me,
0:14:39 > 0:14:42it meant so much that you carried it around.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Got stuff in the mail, that's all I looked forward to.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Well, at least I did that.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I've still got one of the books you sent me.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- Really?- Yeah.- What was the book?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53People's Encyclopaedia Of Australian Animals.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Huh.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Well, unfortunately, a large part of what I have to make amends for
0:15:01 > 0:15:02is we didn't bring you up.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I wasn't present a lot.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11If... If I were a better dad, what would I do and not do?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- To be a better dad. - What, like, from here on out?
0:15:17 > 0:15:18This moment forward.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27I don't know.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Everybody just loves attention. Pay attention to me.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33How's that? Pay attention to me.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I got something important to show you all the time.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39You're my dad, I want to impress you, whatever.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Got things to share with you.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47I'm proud of what I've done, I want you to be proud of what I've done.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50We're all little boys in ways.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55We want our mummies to love us.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02And in my case, my mummy died when I was an adult,
0:16:02 > 0:16:07but still, you know, there was no mummy to run to.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I've had a long time to think about it, and basically,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13what you're looking for from me is...
0:16:15 > 0:16:19I... I've started to feel like it isn't my job, it's God's job.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30CHORAL CHURCH MUSIC
0:16:32 > 0:16:37'When we used to give the safety lecture to a group of hunters before we'd go out into a field,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39'something that I'd always say and remember -
0:16:39 > 0:16:45'once that trigger is pulled, and those babies have left the barrel,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48'no matter how much you'd like to call them back,
0:16:48 > 0:16:52'the explosion has occurred, and they're on their way.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56'And the consequences of my actions
0:16:56 > 0:17:01'have hit and splattered people and relationships
0:17:01 > 0:17:05'that, like Humpty Dumpty, may never be put back together again.'
0:17:05 > 0:17:08MUSIC CONTINUES
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Thought you were never going to get here.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Aaah...
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Is it OK that we do this right in front of your son?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57It's OK, I don't want to kill you yet.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58THEY LAUGH
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Well, you know, I think quite honestly, there is a jealousy thing
0:18:02 > 0:18:04on the teenage son
0:18:04 > 0:18:06and a new boyfriend.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07I don't want to kill you,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I just want to strangle you till you pass out, really.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14See? Now I understand! Now I understand!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I just want y'all to like each other.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Why are you putting yourself through it?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- Even more...- Why can't you just...
0:18:30 > 0:18:34..let it go, and like you're always saying, you know,
0:18:34 > 0:18:36we should stay in today.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Well, I think this is exactly being in today.
0:18:41 > 0:18:47I mean, what day do I have to make these amends rather than now?
0:18:47 > 0:18:53How long do you think it'll take to get through everybody?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Well, as far as the ones that I've got a pretty good idea...
0:18:58 > 0:19:02then, you know, I've got to get this complete.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Names just keep popping up.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07I've stuffed a lot of us.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11And I'm sure that why it's so emotional now, once you start thinking of one...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17..then you think of another.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23This could go on... This is probably going to go on for years.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Oh, yeah.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- I love you, honey.- I love you too.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Any crap we have to clear up from today,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34or are we going to sleep in good shape?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Ah... I think we're in good shape.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39THEY YAWN
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Night night.- Night night.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43I love you.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58HE MAKES A TARZAN CALL
0:20:02 > 0:20:04DIALLING TONE
0:20:04 > 0:20:05NUMBERS DIALLED
0:20:05 > 0:20:10Uh, Daniel, this is Richard Kuchera calling from the Dakotas.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I'm a gentleman in recovery,
0:20:12 > 0:20:17and as a part of that programme, I'm to reach out and make amends
0:20:17 > 0:20:20to people and institutions that I've harmed or taken advantage of.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22I've conned a lot of people in a lot of ways,
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- and your airline are one of the people that I've conned.- 'Really?'
0:20:26 > 0:20:31I flew on youth fare till I was about 40, so I conned you.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32HE CHUCKLES
0:20:32 > 0:20:36And then about that time, by putting powder on my hair, white,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38and getting a cane and a little wrinkles,
0:20:38 > 0:20:40then I started flying senior citizen.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42RINGING TONE
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Well, I'm thinking that I'm going to reach out and call people
0:20:45 > 0:20:47that I've kinda jacked around all my life.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51See if I could make an amends before I go off to Gloryland.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55'Oh, well, are you planning on going soon?'
0:20:55 > 0:20:58HE LAUGHS
0:20:58 > 0:20:59RINGING TONE
0:20:59 > 0:21:00'Hello?'
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Gus Brett, Dick Kuchera calling.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- 'It is?'- Yes, it is. A voice from the past.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- 'Oh...'- You give me a weather report from North Harmon Drive,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12and I'll give you a weather report from North Dakota.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15'Oh. What are you going to do, pay me or something?'
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Um... Pay you or something about what do you mean, Gus?
0:21:21 > 0:21:22'Well, what you owe me.'
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Oh, that's exactly why I'm calling.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27'Or are you scamming me?'
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Uh, no, I'm, calling to see if there'd be a time I could see you next week,
0:21:31 > 0:21:34and I'd like to make an arrangement for that,
0:21:34 > 0:21:38and I'd like to discuss it with you, not this week, but next week.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40'OK. Sounds like a winner.'
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I look forward to seeing you then, Gus.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44- 'OK.'- Bye-bye.- 'Bye.'
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Said he wants his money! - HE LAUGHS
0:21:57 > 0:22:01OK, you pissed me off very much this morning,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I don't know what time it was, six or five in the morning,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06sometime before sunrise.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08You may be owner of the house, but you woke me up
0:22:08 > 0:22:12by opening and slamming the door,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15and setting shit on the stairs in my room.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18It may be your attic, but it is also my room.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21RICHARD CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Lord, for our sake...
0:22:23 > 0:22:25No, why did you put that shit on the...
0:22:25 > 0:22:28I don't care about your prayer. I'm sorry, I'm not religious.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33I don't give a fuck about your prayer.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39The walking stick idea really helps defuse situations,
0:22:39 > 0:22:42where each person gets to have their say.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46If there's anything you have to say right now. You're passing?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Look, can we drop the damn stick and not do the stick for a second?
0:22:50 > 0:22:54You understand that? RICHARD CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:22:54 > 0:22:58I'm frustrated that you lay in bed virtually all day.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04I'm frustrated that you're not doing your schoolwork.
0:23:04 > 0:23:10I'm frustrated that you have food, clothing and shelter provided...
0:23:11 > 0:23:16..and in my opinion do very little for your share of it.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Because in my opinion
0:23:17 > 0:23:21if your behaviour doesn't radically change, you will not be
0:23:21 > 0:23:27in an environment of freedom, but you will be institutionalised.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35And I can only state in my case that if someone was in a position
0:23:35 > 0:23:39of authority had this effect on me earlier and I can't turn the
0:23:39 > 0:23:42clock back, but I think it would have made differences in my behaviour.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I'm done with this conversation for now.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54There is now an opportunity for each of us
0:23:54 > 0:23:55to figure out our responsibilities.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58It's now an opportunity for me to quit listening to you.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04RICHARD SIGHS
0:24:04 > 0:24:09I would sure like your opinion on what has just transpired.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20I'm not sure what to think.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Pardon?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25I just keep thinking that it would be better
0:24:25 > 0:24:28if we weren't all under the same roof.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48My buddy Tex.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Some things that you really don't have to look too far to see who's at fault.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54DOG BARKS
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- Someti... - HE SIGHS
0:25:09 > 0:25:12..friends as old as you and I
0:25:12 > 0:25:15don't need to talk to communicate.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18HE SIGHS
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Er, I'm certainly not going to put you on a pedestal and polish your halo
0:25:33 > 0:25:38and put it on your head and call you a saint, but the fact of the matter is, um,
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I don't know who you've offended in your entire life.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47When you were in Germany...
0:25:49 > 0:25:51..um, had the girlfriend Shirley Fisher.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55And ended up necking with her.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Well, as I recall, you brushed it off as nothing important.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07I didn't brush it off, Tex, and I'm saying again I'm sorry.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14That follows into taking a shot at your wife.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18At The Clique...
0:26:20 > 0:26:23..ranch house, guesthouse.
0:26:23 > 0:26:30We were butt-ass naked, as I recall, or close to it.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Where did the bear rug fit into that whole episode?
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I think there'd been more than a little booze involved.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39There was a bear rug on the cabin floor.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43So you put it on and we took a picture. You've seen that picture.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I don't remember the picture,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48but I remember being nude with a bear rug on.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53- You weren't nude yet. That was after the strip-poker game.- Oh, OK.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00I remember we ironed it out. I remember that. Between us, I thought we'd put it to rest.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07Of course, it never was put to rest with my wife.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11- This has festered ever since and just gotten worse.- And what?
0:27:11 > 0:27:16This has just festered in her ever since and gotten worse.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17And, er...
0:27:17 > 0:27:19This is helpful, Tex,
0:27:19 > 0:27:23because I know that I've offended many people in many ways.
0:27:23 > 0:27:30But, in some instances, um, there were booze or drugs involved
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- that cloud...- Mm-hm.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Um...
0:27:37 > 0:27:40How is it that I never had a room-mate at college
0:27:40 > 0:27:42that wanted to live with me?
0:27:42 > 0:27:47How is it that I've had two wives and several relationships?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50How is it that I go through secretaries like a merry-go-round?
0:27:50 > 0:27:55How is it that I'm always struggling to find somebody to go hunt with me?
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Why am I pushing people away like that?
0:28:01 > 0:28:06I feel that sometimes, as serious as you are,
0:28:06 > 0:28:12there is something in there that isn't letting you completely give up your old self.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15That there's a...
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- That you're still hiding behind something.- What?
0:28:19 > 0:28:24You're using your ability to talk, to communicate,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27to still further your own ends.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Is it just...?
0:28:31 > 0:28:37And maybe this is why people have a problem when you try to make amends.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40They're thinking, "Is he really serious?"
0:28:40 > 0:28:44There are times when they're not sure if you're sincere.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49- That's probably because there are times when I am not sincere.- OK.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51OK.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Question answered?
0:28:59 > 0:29:01CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:29:21 > 0:29:24She made a special statue for each one of us.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29So a great fanfare as she opened the package. She handed me the package.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31With a great fanfare, I opened it up.
0:29:32 > 0:29:37And there was a really nice statue of a donkey.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40I said, "What's this supposed to mean, Mum?"
0:29:40 > 0:29:45She said, "You really do remind me of a braying jackass a lot of times."
0:29:45 > 0:29:48How do you love a mother like that and show respect for her grave
0:29:48 > 0:29:50when she does something like that to you?
0:29:58 > 0:30:00What did she disapprove of?
0:30:00 > 0:30:02What did she disapprove of?
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Being unkind to others.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Looking down at someone else.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23Thinking you were better than someone else.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Every time I see you, you look a bit lighter.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49- With...- What?- ..things getting off your mind, you know?- Mm.
0:30:49 > 0:30:53And, er, I think you're doing good, I really do.
0:30:54 > 0:30:58Of course, you don't have... I don't have nothing to square with you.
0:30:58 > 0:31:02- We never hurt each other outside of calling you "bohemian" or something!- Yeah.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04You know, so we have nothing there.
0:31:04 > 0:31:10When I listen to you, you're making an honest appeal to these people
0:31:10 > 0:31:15to get this closeness back that you want with your family.
0:31:15 > 0:31:20Because right now, you're out there without of a family, kind of floating in the air out there.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23How would I make an amends to Mike,
0:31:23 > 0:31:27the embarrassment of a brother going broke?
0:31:27 > 0:31:30The way that I so viciously, with my vicious tongue, cut him down.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33HE EXHALES
0:31:34 > 0:31:38Just a hello, or call him up, tell him you love him. You know.
0:31:39 > 0:31:44I would just reinforce the brother part of it
0:31:44 > 0:31:46and not worry about the rest of it.
0:31:46 > 0:31:52And, er, sometimes you feel sorry that something happened, but you don't really
0:31:52 > 0:31:58put yourself in the other person's place and so you always wonder, "Why can't they warm up to me right now?"
0:31:58 > 0:32:00"I've said I'm sorry."
0:32:00 > 0:32:04But I've always found I had to put myself
0:32:04 > 0:32:08in their situation. to see what it felt like.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11You know, then that really became a sorry.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14It became a tearful sorry.
0:32:14 > 0:32:19And the only one that can heal that is the man upstairs, whoever that might be.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22- This might be our last birthday together.- Yeah.
0:32:22 > 0:32:27I'm sure it probably will be. I don't look to be around here another year.
0:32:27 > 0:32:28DICK EXHALES
0:32:28 > 0:32:33I keep a real stiff upper lip till we start talking like that and then...
0:32:33 > 0:32:37I'd like to... DICK SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY
0:32:37 > 0:32:42But I have to say in front of God and everybody, you're absolutely nuts.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46You know, I have to tell you that to your face!
0:32:46 > 0:32:51- I don't want to tell it behind your back.- Isn't that right?- You're absolutely nuts.- Absolutely!
0:32:51 > 0:32:52I know!
0:32:52 > 0:32:57But, see, if you don't act nuts all the time, they don't throw you in.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01- Right. You've got to...- You've got to con 'em.- You've got to walk the line.
0:33:03 > 0:33:04I couldn't get a better comment.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06I love you.
0:33:06 > 0:33:09- You're a good man. I love you, too. - I'll say my prayer.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Go ahead.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22HE CHOKES
0:33:25 > 0:33:30There is no-one that I hunted with as much as Mike.
0:33:32 > 0:33:37And there's a sad nostalgia here as to what was, what isn't...
0:33:38 > 0:33:41..and I'm hopeful what will be in the future.
0:33:42 > 0:33:47But when I look at this picture, there's total joy in each other's company on this antelope hunt.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52I sincerely hope that a day like that will return.
0:33:52 > 0:33:56It's amazing how he's flushed me out of his life.
0:33:56 > 0:33:57Um....
0:33:57 > 0:34:00The time that I spent with Mike
0:34:00 > 0:34:05was substantially more than the time that I spent with my wives.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08How would you not feel pain?
0:34:08 > 0:34:12From having had that close a companion, that close a brother,
0:34:12 > 0:34:18who has shut you out of their life for...
0:34:16 > 0:34:18..nearly two decades.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36MUSIC: "Chase The Feeling" by Kris Kristofferson
0:34:39 > 0:34:42# It takes one to know one, baby
0:34:42 > 0:34:44# I know how you feel
0:34:45 > 0:34:50# You got your hunger and some problems that are real... #
0:34:50 > 0:34:54Did you know this is the home of the world's only corn palace? You can see it ahead.
0:34:54 > 0:34:55All made in corn.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59# And I see 'em drag you screaming
0:34:59 > 0:35:02# Down the hallways of your brain
0:35:02 > 0:35:04# And you got loaded again... #
0:35:04 > 0:35:07I was here from '66, about 30 years.
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Cock in one hand...
0:35:12 > 0:35:15..jug in the other and a joint in the mouth.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17Drugs, sex, rock'n'roll.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22I effed it up totally here.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24There was no goodbye party.
0:35:24 > 0:35:29I pissed off so many people, that it was a good riddance.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35It's good coming back in the frame of mind I'm in now,
0:35:35 > 0:35:39rather than walking in like somebody with their tail between their legs,
0:35:39 > 0:35:42ashamed of who they're going to see and wonder who I'd stiffed.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45# Turned into despair
0:35:45 > 0:35:48# You know you do better, baby
0:35:48 > 0:35:50# You just didn't care
0:35:50 > 0:35:53# Cos you were loaded again
0:35:55 > 0:35:58# And you're handsome when you're high... #
0:36:03 > 0:36:07Back in '72, we started with a thing called Robin Hood.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Dick was, of course, Robin Hood
0:36:09 > 0:36:11and I was referred to as Little John.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14We hunted in the daytime and drank at night.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18It's fun and games and it's good,
0:36:18 > 0:36:21but then it gets to the point where somebody has to pay.
0:36:21 > 0:36:24In other words, being responsible.
0:36:24 > 0:36:31For example, a collector came in and says you're a credit card holder of such-and-such company
0:36:31 > 0:36:32and Dick said yes.
0:36:32 > 0:36:36And the guy says, "Can I see that particular credit card?"
0:36:36 > 0:36:39The guy pulled out like a gun out of his side and it was a scissor
0:36:39 > 0:36:44and it was a credit card and he snipped up the credit card right in front of Dick.
0:36:46 > 0:36:51With that, not missing a beat, Dick says to me,
0:36:51 > 0:36:54"Mike, do you've those filet mignons thawed out for supper tonight?"
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Turns and asks the gentleman that snipped up the card,
0:36:59 > 0:37:03if he would like to join us for filets tonight at the lake.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07The guy refused and stomped out.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10End of the story. HE LAUGHS
0:37:10 > 0:37:12That would be Dick.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15# It's a wonder you're alive... #
0:37:15 > 0:37:19I was upside down financially, emotionally, marriage,
0:37:19 > 0:37:22business, spiritually.
0:37:23 > 0:37:29Virtually nothing was upside right. Everything was upside down. They call it a bottom.
0:37:29 > 0:37:33I didn't even recognise it, because I was still in a fine home,
0:37:33 > 0:37:38driving a fine car, all of it built on a false foundation that went crumbling.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Denial - more than a river in Egypt.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49# Whoa, nothing matters
0:37:50 > 0:37:54# Chase the feeling till you die... #
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Well, good morning to Michael.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09You know, I was kind of disappointed yesterday, Mike.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13I went by the lake and, of course, whoever owns do what they do,
0:38:13 > 0:38:20but I remember there were apple trees often blooming at my old place.
0:38:20 > 0:38:21Yeah.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25Well, hey, as I say, had I not effed it up financially,
0:38:25 > 0:38:28I'd be looking at the apple trees, so...
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Did you plant any apple trees at your place?
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Yeah. I know. It varies a lot.
0:38:37 > 0:38:43I'd really like to get by and get a few shots and to stay a few minutes with you.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47I'm sure you're running somewhere, but, I'd like to spend a few minutes of my birthday out there.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52Sounds great, Mike. Really look forward to seeing you.
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Bye-bye.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01That, er... That's...
0:39:04 > 0:39:05Hm.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11You remember where that was.
0:39:11 > 0:39:15- In Singapore.- Singapore sling on the top of the Hilton.
0:39:15 > 0:39:21- You remember why my mind was altered on the beach at Bombay?- No.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24- Do you want to hear it?- No.- OK.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27- That's that black stripper.- Sombra.
0:39:28 > 0:39:33- OK.- And the husband that beat the drums. The Sheikh.- Yeah.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- What's the gal's name? - Um...
0:39:37 > 0:39:41Seemed like you spent more time with her than I did. HE LAUGHS
0:39:42 > 0:39:45We spent the last night in Ireland with these two
0:39:45 > 0:39:48and she's the one that had three breasts.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51There's chasing some pigeons in Trafalgar Square, huh?
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Yeah. Trafalgar Square.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57I wonder what we were on when we did that.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01And then we're back in the US that fall,
0:40:01 > 0:40:04hunting quail down in Kansas with, um...
0:40:04 > 0:40:05Mm-hm.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09- There's the Robin Hood picture.- Yep.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12Yep.
0:40:12 > 0:40:13All kinds of them.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17I know the embarrassment it caused you
0:40:17 > 0:40:21with your former partner and brother having bankruptcy
0:40:21 > 0:40:24with the Kuchera name smeared all around town.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- And, um...- A lot of people go through bankruptcy.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- But it reflected on you, Mike. - Sure it does. Yeah, I can handle it.
0:40:31 > 0:40:37- Well, but, um, it seems that I've... - That was a long time ago.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Well, but people don't forget.
0:40:39 > 0:40:43Life's too short to hassle stuff, as you well know, Dick.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46Life is hard sometimes just in your own individual life,
0:40:46 > 0:40:49let alone stuff getting throwed on top of it.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51You don't need it. You know?
0:40:51 > 0:40:55- So what have I thrown on top? - I don't want to get into that. I don't even know.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58Nothing, lately! You've been just an absolute prince.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01DICK LAUGHS Just an absolute prince.
0:41:01 > 0:41:05When I take a look at what I pissed away. Well, like that property down at Lake Andes.
0:41:05 > 0:41:10Or the farmstead in North Dakota, or the quarter of ground,
0:41:10 > 0:41:15this property, the property down the lake, um...
0:41:15 > 0:41:19You know, I've always had to reach quite a bit past my grasp.
0:41:19 > 0:41:23But when I take a look at what started here,
0:41:23 > 0:41:27and what you've done with it after it was turned this cycle,
0:41:27 > 0:41:31- um, I'm proud of you, Mike. - That's good.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35I, um... It really touches me to see. You've kind of made this bloom.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39- Yeah.- History?- History.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43- I like that kind of talk. I like that kind of talk.- Yeah.- I do.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45- A new beginning.- All right.- Amen. - Amen, bro.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47All right.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02- You like me fluff your pillow? - Sh!
0:42:02 > 0:42:03SHE LAUGHS
0:42:08 > 0:42:10- Ta-da!- Happy birthday!
0:42:10 > 0:42:13- Yay! Hey, JP.- Hey, man.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16Oh, get out of here, I'm going to do something kinky to your mother!
0:42:16 > 0:42:18HE LAUGHS
0:42:23 > 0:42:25- Welcome, love.- Happy birthday.
0:42:28 > 0:42:29Pretty please on my birthday?
0:42:31 > 0:42:33Pretty please on my birthday?
0:42:33 > 0:42:37You're asking your girl if you can go to a strip joint on your birthday?!
0:42:37 > 0:42:40- I know, it's weird.- That's like... HE LAUGHS
0:42:40 > 0:42:43I mean, I've said some stupid things to women,
0:42:43 > 0:42:47but that's, ha, that one hasn't happened yet.
0:42:48 > 0:42:54- Go out and look at some hamburger, because I know I've got steak at home.- Ha, ha, ha.
0:42:54 > 0:42:58- I don't want to. - I accept that.- Thank you.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00Finally.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03NIGHTCLUB HUBBUB
0:43:03 > 0:43:06Ha-ha! You're on a roll. Keep it going, you're on a roll!
0:43:07 > 0:43:09- Oh! - HE LAUGHS
0:43:14 > 0:43:17There's a conman, or, as you call him, Kuchera,
0:43:17 > 0:43:21that's convinced my mum to go on a walk with him,
0:43:21 > 0:43:24since he noticed that we were leaving, so...
0:43:24 > 0:43:27The dumb-ass takes her to a strip joint
0:43:27 > 0:43:31after she specifically says she does not want to go.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35And if he doesn't know that my mum thinks that's offending at this point,
0:43:35 > 0:43:38then he obviously doesn't know my mum.
0:43:39 > 0:43:41So that was just a dumb move on him.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51The old fucker's just not good for my mum that much, I mean,
0:43:51 > 0:43:56she says she loves him and for that I say do what you're going to do, but...
0:43:57 > 0:44:01I don't see the consideration for what anybody else wants
0:44:01 > 0:44:04or anyone else feels in his normal day life.
0:44:06 > 0:44:10The bastard's too good at getting people to do what he wants!
0:44:10 > 0:44:15Mum's going to come back here and tell me that we're staying, probably.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21# And you know he's a devil
0:44:23 > 0:44:27# He's everything that I ain't
0:44:29 > 0:44:32# Hiding intentions of evil
0:44:34 > 0:44:39# Under the smile of a saint
0:44:39 > 0:44:45# All he's good for is gettin' in trouble
0:44:45 > 0:44:50# And shifting his share of the blame... #
0:44:50 > 0:44:54We're staying here for another day. Probably two, three.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57However the hell long y'all are here, we'll stay, probably.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01# And some even say we're the same
0:45:01 > 0:45:06# But the silver tongue devil's got nothing to... #
0:45:07 > 0:45:11So, I'm in the middle of bumfuck-nowhere...
0:45:13 > 0:45:15..for another day or so.
0:45:15 > 0:45:20# The silver tongued devil and I... #
0:45:28 > 0:45:32Maybe he'll end up in a car wreck on the driver's side.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:45:41 > 0:45:43So, where you at now?
0:45:44 > 0:45:47You know, there's, I think,
0:45:47 > 0:45:51an interesting observation around recovery,
0:45:51 > 0:45:56where I've been 100% successful
0:45:56 > 0:46:02in surrendering and having God help me put down the bottle and the pipe.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04But there's no other area of my life
0:46:04 > 0:46:07that I've been 100% successful in recovery.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Well, I mean, I can tell you the words of the process -
0:46:10 > 0:46:12it's dumping and being sorry
0:46:12 > 0:46:15and then making up your mind not to do it again.
0:46:15 > 0:46:19It's pretty easy to come out with the words.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21But, as Father Zandri said,
0:46:21 > 0:46:24for my penance, "This time I'd like you to change."
0:46:25 > 0:46:27And that's difficult.
0:46:27 > 0:46:33I'm willing, but...
0:46:33 > 0:46:39it's difficult. I like a lot of my wrong behaviours.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44Even if it kills you?
0:46:44 > 0:46:47Or hurts yourself or hurts others?
0:46:47 > 0:46:52If you can ride the ridge just perfect,
0:46:52 > 0:46:55you can get the juice without the consequences.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57But that only happens rarely.
0:46:59 > 0:47:03- Does the juice make you happy? - Temporarily.
0:47:03 > 0:47:07- Or is it a false juice? - Temporarily.
0:47:10 > 0:47:15So, is the excitement your anchor?
0:47:15 > 0:47:18Is that your life?
0:47:25 > 0:47:27CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:47:29 > 0:47:32MUSIC CRESCENDOS
0:48:03 > 0:48:06My old lover Beth had no idea that I was an engaged man.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Whoop-dee-effin'-doo.
0:48:09 > 0:48:12You have snot on your shirt.
0:48:14 > 0:48:16- That's true.- Yeah.
0:48:16 > 0:48:20- I apologise.- I just noticed it.
0:48:21 > 0:48:23When we met, in March or April,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26and proceeded to spend...
0:48:28 > 0:48:30..what, 10/12 days in bed,
0:48:30 > 0:48:33coming up for air, and I was a great cook -
0:48:33 > 0:48:39if you remember, we'd have fine food and more fine wine and more pot.
0:48:42 > 0:48:46Um, but then got up one day and say, "Well, I have to go get married."
0:48:46 > 0:48:51Yeah. "It's Sunday and I'm getting married on Saturday." I remember it distinctly.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56- Yeah.- And then, you know, you talk about the merry-go-round
0:48:56 > 0:49:00and get there and then realise that I ought not to have married her
0:49:00 > 0:49:03and leave the day of the wedding, then go back,
0:49:03 > 0:49:05she takes me back and have...
0:49:05 > 0:49:07I've never had a more delightful time
0:49:07 > 0:49:09than that cruise on the honeymoon.
0:49:11 > 0:49:16- And then come back and... - There I was.- Here we go again.
0:49:16 > 0:49:21Well, like, every afternoon for a while. Yeah.
0:49:21 > 0:49:26But then again, I showed up too. You know.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28- But you started this story.- Yup.
0:49:28 > 0:49:30You started this story under false pretence,
0:49:30 > 0:49:32in violation of the pledge that you had made
0:49:32 > 0:49:36to marry that other woman and without having disclosed to me
0:49:36 > 0:49:39that you were engaged to somebody else.
0:49:39 > 0:49:44And we had fabulous sex, there's no question about that. But it's like...
0:49:44 > 0:49:46It felt like you...
0:49:46 > 0:49:49I don't know - I can't find the words.
0:49:49 > 0:49:52It's like not having respect for other people's boundaries.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55Whether those are physical boundaries,
0:49:55 > 0:49:58emotional boundaries, you know.
0:49:58 > 0:50:02It was just one manifestation of it.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03- Ouch.- But...
0:50:03 > 0:50:06Ouch.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09Yup... Yup.
0:50:10 > 0:50:14- I was just a kid.- What? - I was just a kid.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16SHE SIGHS
0:50:20 > 0:50:23You weren't so much a kid when you were 21 and vivacious
0:50:23 > 0:50:27- and beautiful and rocking and rolling.- I was still a kid.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31HE SIGHS
0:50:37 > 0:50:39So...
0:50:39 > 0:50:44I am... I am ready to receive your apology.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49Um... I think, um...
0:50:49 > 0:50:52When you were at one of your most vulnerable places,
0:50:52 > 0:50:58where you'd been hospitalised and you were struggling,
0:50:58 > 0:51:01every way a human can struggle,
0:51:01 > 0:51:05And I didn't really come there to help, I came there to fuck you.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15I apologise for that.
0:51:19 > 0:51:25To me, I take some heart and some joy in the fact that,
0:51:25 > 0:51:29in spite of violations of that magnitude,
0:51:29 > 0:51:31you've always remained my friend.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35And you've always been there.
0:51:35 > 0:51:38- And I know you always will be.- Yeah.
0:51:41 > 0:51:43God knows why.
0:51:45 > 0:51:49For, as obnoxious as you are and as hard as it is
0:51:49 > 0:51:52to be in your presence sometimes,
0:51:52 > 0:51:55um...I love you.
0:51:55 > 0:51:59And that's just the fact of it.
0:51:59 > 0:52:04And it's not an "on again off again", I've always loved you.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06And...
0:52:09 > 0:52:12You know, it damn near corrupted my soul.
0:52:17 > 0:52:21- Beth, what's the difference between fucking and making love?- Oh...
0:52:23 > 0:52:25What's true in your heart.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39I think, with you, it's been both.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Yeah, well...
0:52:49 > 0:52:52I was always making love to you.
0:53:00 > 0:53:02HE SIGHS
0:53:07 > 0:53:11I don't remember any time that I've had
0:53:11 > 0:53:13a greater clarification of what happens.
0:53:15 > 0:53:21When I think of a conscience as a triangular shaped object, steel,
0:53:21 > 0:53:25it's sharp at each of the three points,
0:53:25 > 0:53:28and in the bottom of your stomach,
0:53:28 > 0:53:32when you do something wrong it turns around and you really hurt.
0:53:33 > 0:53:38But if you keep doing it, the edges wear off
0:53:38 > 0:53:41and you become amoral.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49I never realised before
0:53:49 > 0:53:52how fundamentally wrong that was.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59I was in as big a state of denial about being goofy
0:53:59 > 0:54:02as I was a drug and drunk.
0:54:02 > 0:54:04And that's why,
0:54:04 > 0:54:11when I followed Beth's advice
0:54:11 > 0:54:12to go to a 12-step programme,
0:54:12 > 0:54:16I went to Emotions Anonymous, for people that were goofy.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Fit right in.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26I cried the first hour that I was at that meeting.
0:54:32 > 0:54:36I just... I just knew that I was home.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38I knew I was with people that understood.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43Other people with emotional and mental diseases.
0:54:46 > 0:54:48I was in total denial about being bipolar,
0:54:48 > 0:54:53all from birth up to about age 65.
0:54:53 > 0:54:56About three years ago.
0:55:21 > 0:55:25I think it's been very difficult for the children to have had
0:55:25 > 0:55:28to learn how to deal with Dick, and continue to.
0:55:28 > 0:55:33And they both love him as their father,
0:55:33 > 0:55:35but they often hate him as a person.
0:55:35 > 0:55:40And I see how they've learned, as they get older,
0:55:40 > 0:55:46how to deal with their father... on an adult level.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49To the point where, really, they're the adults and he's the child.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:55:55 > 0:56:00Kelli is flying in from San Francisco today.
0:56:00 > 0:56:05And there was an incredible rupture in our relationship.
0:56:05 > 0:56:10And it was ruptured to the extent that one of the hardest
0:56:10 > 0:56:13days in my life was when I found out from Kelli
0:56:13 > 0:56:16that she was so ashamed of me being her father
0:56:16 > 0:56:18that she changed her last name from Kuchera
0:56:18 > 0:56:21back to her mother's name, Stratton.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30Ta-dah!
0:56:30 > 0:56:33Hey, hey!
0:56:33 > 0:56:35- Hello.- It really is good to see you!
0:56:35 > 0:56:38Got your hat on.
0:56:38 > 0:56:41Mum and Dad, Greg and me.
0:56:41 > 0:56:45They met in the airport
0:56:45 > 0:56:49and he made some comment about how big her breasts were -
0:56:49 > 0:56:52I should remember what the comment was. It was something about,
0:56:52 > 0:56:56"Those two brains must add a lot of intelligence to you."
0:56:56 > 0:57:00And anybody who meets my mum, they first off wonder how the hell
0:57:00 > 0:57:04did she put up with him for, God, 20-something years?
0:57:04 > 0:57:08But especially, like, how would he be able to woo her?
0:57:08 > 0:57:13Farm-boy, North Dakota, and Mum's from this very affluent family.
0:57:17 > 0:57:21Yeah. He's definitely a little stony there.
0:57:21 > 0:57:24He apparently used to buy weed by the kilo.
0:57:26 > 0:57:29Everybody had their sort of Dick story
0:57:29 > 0:57:32of him being in a bar and just being inappropriate
0:57:32 > 0:57:36and pulling out body parts.
0:57:37 > 0:57:42Um... Zach and I both have a lot of friends who weren't even allowed to
0:57:42 > 0:57:46come to our house when we were little. People would always be like, "Oh, God, Dick."
0:57:46 > 0:57:49It would almost be like they would be giving me this look,
0:57:49 > 0:57:53like, "I don't even know if I want her to hang out with my son or daughter."
0:57:53 > 0:57:55And I hated that. It drove me nuts.
0:57:55 > 0:57:58It was like I wasn't even given a chance.
0:58:04 > 0:58:06HE SINGS
0:58:08 > 0:58:09Who's saying a blessing?
0:58:09 > 0:58:15There's two ways to react, if someone has never met you before.
0:58:15 > 0:58:20They can be, like, horrified. Like, "Who the hell is this dude?"
0:58:20 > 0:58:21Most people's reaction.
0:58:21 > 0:58:24Or, "He's a little different, but he's pretty cool."
0:58:24 > 0:58:27And I chose the, "He's a little different and he's pretty cool."
0:58:27 > 0:58:32- I have to say this.- What? - The Richard that we know now...
0:58:32 > 0:58:35- Oh, it's not the same as when I was growing up.- Not the same.
0:58:35 > 0:58:39This may be kind of a painful thing, but...
0:58:39 > 0:58:43Yes, doctor. Let me get on the couch.
0:58:43 > 0:58:47Your wife, Lynn, and as I got to know her, I kept wondering,
0:58:47 > 0:58:49"How is she still with this guy?"
0:58:49 > 0:58:54And there was this time, I believe you were on a trip to -
0:58:54 > 0:58:56was it New York?
0:58:56 > 0:59:00And you were staying in a hotel - a very nice hotel.
0:59:00 > 0:59:04For some reason, you got it in your head
0:59:04 > 0:59:07to throw Lynn out of the room.
0:59:09 > 0:59:12And she was naked.
0:59:12 > 0:59:16And you locked her out, so that she was in the hallway,
0:59:16 > 0:59:21with people passing by, stark naked, absolutely humiliated,
0:59:21 > 0:59:25banging on the door, crying for you to let her in.
0:59:25 > 0:59:27Do you remember that at all?
0:59:27 > 0:59:30Yes, now that you mention it. Boy, I'd spaced it,
0:59:30 > 0:59:34but, yeah, there's a long list of that kind of behaviour.
0:59:35 > 0:59:40If that was just one example...
0:59:43 > 0:59:46I feel like you really do take it lightly, though.
0:59:46 > 0:59:49All the stuff you did with Mum. I really do.
0:59:49 > 0:59:52I don't think you take it seriously.
0:59:52 > 0:59:55Of course it takes two to tango, but you really fucked up, Dad,
0:59:55 > 0:59:58you really did.
0:59:58 > 1:00:03You really, really... did some awful things to Mummy.
1:00:06 > 1:00:09And you've come a long, long since then - you really have -
1:00:09 > 1:00:14but I don't ever feel like you don't really fully grasp that.
1:00:15 > 1:00:19Nola and Mum are probably the people that you've hurt the most.
1:00:19 > 1:00:23And whose lives you've affected the most.
1:00:24 > 1:00:30- Do you get sick of me quoting Tolle in The Power Of Now?- Mm-hmm.
1:00:30 > 1:00:34"Yesterday is a regret. Tomorrow is a fear."
1:00:34 > 1:00:38Isn't that such a nice, easy way to live your life?
1:00:38 > 1:00:42I sure prefer living today than I do yesterday or tomorrow.
1:00:42 > 1:00:45I completely agree, but you also need to
1:00:45 > 1:00:47take stock of what you've done in your past.
1:00:47 > 1:00:49Live for the moment, for sure,
1:00:49 > 1:00:52- but also realise what you've done in your past.- I have.
1:00:52 > 1:00:55I hope to be able to see your mother
1:00:55 > 1:00:59and to speak of actual instances of what I've done wrong.
1:01:04 > 1:01:07Um...
1:01:07 > 1:01:09I have more work to do.
1:01:19 > 1:01:21Bye-bye, Kelli!
1:01:24 > 1:01:26Bye-bye, Kelli!
1:01:42 > 1:01:48If you hurt those around you, isn't that counterproductive?
1:01:48 > 1:01:51Doesn't it hurt you?
1:01:51 > 1:01:56I mean, if you love people, and you hurt 'em anyway - which I have,
1:01:56 > 1:02:02which he does constantly - and you don't have any regard for 'em,
1:02:02 > 1:02:05you're not really taking care of yourself at all, are you?
1:02:05 > 1:02:08'At the tone, please record your voice message.'
1:02:09 > 1:02:15Since you and your mum hate trips that someone else pays for,
1:02:15 > 1:02:17hate staying at a nice room,
1:02:17 > 1:02:22hate fine meals, hate Cirque du Soleil shows,
1:02:22 > 1:02:27I know you will be disgusted with my latest scheme.
1:02:27 > 1:02:30Rather than me and Muhammad going to the mountain,
1:02:30 > 1:02:33I'll bring the mountain to Muhammad.
1:02:33 > 1:02:36I'll send your mum an airfare round trip, Vancouver-Vegas,
1:02:36 > 1:02:38put her up, wine her, dine her
1:02:38 > 1:02:42and make my amends under favourable circumstances.
1:02:43 > 1:02:46HE SIGHS
1:02:46 > 1:02:48The brilliance of my trip planning.
1:02:48 > 1:02:51What do you think of it? Give me a yell.
1:02:58 > 1:03:00This former wife who lives in Vancouver -
1:03:00 > 1:03:04at any rate we found out it was cheaper to fly her to Vegas
1:03:04 > 1:03:08- than it was to go to Vancouver to get the amends.- Oh, wow.
1:03:08 > 1:03:13My wife was coming in, my daughter, Kelli, and my son, Zach.
1:03:13 > 1:03:16My son and his wife from Omaha from my first wife
1:03:16 > 1:03:18are coming in tomorrow.
1:03:18 > 1:03:20HE LAUGHS
1:03:20 > 1:03:22Welcome to Las Vegas.
1:03:22 > 1:03:23CHEERING
1:03:28 > 1:03:33# Ooh, Las Vegas
1:03:33 > 1:03:36# Ain't no place for a poor boy like me
1:03:37 > 1:03:42# Ooh, Las Vegas
1:03:42 > 1:03:46# Ain't no place for a poor boy like me
1:03:46 > 1:03:48# Every time I hit your Crystal City
1:03:48 > 1:03:51# You know you're going to make a wreck out of me... #
1:03:53 > 1:03:56- Hello. Good to see you. - It's good to see you.
1:03:56 > 1:03:58HE LAUGHS
1:03:58 > 1:04:02# Third time I lose a drink Cos I think I'm going to win
1:04:02 > 1:04:07# Ooh, Las Vegas Ain't no place for a... #
1:04:07 > 1:04:09The whole restaurant was quiet and then he'd be,
1:04:09 > 1:04:11"Now, anyone here having problems?
1:04:11 > 1:04:14"I don't want you sitting round having a good time.
1:04:14 > 1:04:17"I want to tell you that we're having problems."
1:04:17 > 1:04:19It's like, "Oh, God help them!"
1:04:19 > 1:04:22Well, he apologises all the time. Did he do that with you too?
1:04:22 > 1:04:25Well, that's nice. No. No, I didn't get a lot of that.
1:04:25 > 1:04:28- Well, that may be a new thing.- Yeah. - He's real quick with apologies.
1:04:28 > 1:04:30- Yeah. Oh, that's good.- Yeah.
1:04:30 > 1:04:32And then he turns round and does something
1:04:32 > 1:04:36that's so endearing that it's like, "How can you not love him?"
1:04:36 > 1:04:38Yeah. Yeah.
1:04:38 > 1:04:40SHE LAUGHS
1:04:40 > 1:04:42It's been a long time!
1:04:42 > 1:04:44THEY LAUGH
1:04:50 > 1:04:53- Just keep talking. That fools them. - No, seriously...
1:04:53 > 1:04:54How's the Yankees doing?
1:04:54 > 1:05:00For only 720, there's just eight people that no longer hate me.
1:05:17 > 1:05:21Well, there's several of them act like animals. I'm with the family.
1:05:21 > 1:05:24But, at least two would qualify as people.
1:05:24 > 1:05:30You don't have a big cabin, like, a family would fit in, do you? No?
1:05:30 > 1:05:33We're all incestuous, so it's going to be a lot of fun.
1:05:33 > 1:05:35What was that you said, ma'am?
1:05:35 > 1:05:38'Just come on down to the front desk...'
1:05:38 > 1:05:42Oh, come down to the front desk and everybody will join in?
1:05:42 > 1:05:44'We like to have fun here.'
1:05:44 > 1:05:45HE LAUGHS
1:05:47 > 1:05:50SLOW BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYS
1:06:06 > 1:06:12As far as specific amends, Lynn, there's a lot of 'em.
1:06:12 > 1:06:17And, as I really stop and examine 'em,
1:06:17 > 1:06:23um, it's only in retrospect can I see how wrong my behaviour has been
1:06:23 > 1:06:26in a lot of instances with a lot of stuff.
1:06:26 > 1:06:31I think my infidelities that started before, during and after our wedding
1:06:31 > 1:06:34was the biggest single amends that I have to make.
1:06:34 > 1:06:36Another that comes to mind of,
1:06:36 > 1:06:39you know, the horrible embarrassments I caused you,
1:06:39 > 1:06:43I think in general with my bizarre behaviour in public.
1:06:43 > 1:06:45Uh...
1:06:45 > 1:06:48Well, my God, being unfaithful
1:06:48 > 1:06:53to you and your brother - his fiancee.
1:06:53 > 1:06:56- I mean, how does behaviour get worse than that?- Yeah.
1:06:56 > 1:06:58What could be worse behaviour
1:06:58 > 1:07:02than having an affair with your brother's fiancee?
1:07:02 > 1:07:05I don't know if you'd call a one-night stand me behaving?
1:07:08 > 1:07:13- Yeah, that...- Yeah, that was kind of right up there, wasn't it?
1:07:13 > 1:07:17Yeah. I got a few that'll rank right up there, uh-huh.
1:07:19 > 1:07:23I remember once when you and I were not getting along
1:07:23 > 1:07:27and Georgie Macheski had a psychic come to Mitchell.
1:07:27 > 1:07:29And this little man looked at me
1:07:29 > 1:07:33and he said, "Well, you know, tigers don't change their stripes.
1:07:33 > 1:07:38"Whatever he is, that's what he is and he'll always be that way."
1:07:38 > 1:07:42And I agree with that statement, generally,
1:07:42 > 1:07:48erm, however, people can change if they really, really want to.
1:07:56 > 1:07:59- Are you going up now?- We are.
1:07:59 > 1:08:03You know, this is a good first experience, Dad, and I'm glad you've shared it with us.
1:08:03 > 1:08:05I'm glad you got us here, I really am.
1:08:05 > 1:08:07If you want to step over,
1:08:07 > 1:08:10I'd love to say a couple of things to you before you take off.
1:08:10 > 1:08:14- You want to lay down by me here a minute?- Sure.
1:08:16 > 1:08:19Well, I've really felt bonded with you, young man.
1:08:19 > 1:08:21I've really appreciated your help.
1:08:23 > 1:08:27Your biggest thing, Dad, and I know this is really hard
1:08:27 > 1:08:30cos you're doing really good,
1:08:30 > 1:08:33- is that people are jaded towards your past behaviour.- That's right.
1:08:33 > 1:08:35They're jaded towards you
1:08:35 > 1:08:38and they have automatic responses that are conditioned responses.
1:08:38 > 1:08:42- That's it. You're 100% correct. - And I know you're cognisant of that.
1:08:42 > 1:08:45Yup. All I'm doing is getting my shit off my chest,
1:08:45 > 1:08:47and, you know, doing my job.
1:08:47 > 1:08:51I made an amends today to the park service. That was a hard one.
1:08:51 > 1:08:54Oh, you know, I think you're getting too carried away.
1:08:54 > 1:08:58- Well, it's...- Do you really... I mean, it's almost like
1:08:58 > 1:09:02if you keep seeking out these bad feelings, you're going to have too many of them.
1:09:02 > 1:09:05- Well...- And some of it, I think, is just overboard.
1:09:05 > 1:09:08It's a rigorous moral inventory. Everything. You don't...
1:09:08 > 1:09:13Yeah, but the whole point of life is everybody tries to be good.
1:09:13 > 1:09:17- Why don't you just give up on it? Quit trying to be good.- Oh...
1:09:20 > 1:09:22I'm going to catch a little snooze.
1:09:25 > 1:09:27BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYS
1:09:33 > 1:09:37I mean, he's embarrassed all of us so many times.
1:09:37 > 1:09:40And he continues to embarrass people that he's with. Did you guys...
1:09:40 > 1:09:45Did he ever risk your lives? Do things that would risk your life?
1:09:45 > 1:09:50Driving while hunting, driving while hunting.
1:09:50 > 1:09:53- Where he holds the gun out the side window?- Yeah. He did this.
1:09:53 > 1:09:59I was like, "No, no, no." Seriously, our dad had this story.
1:09:59 > 1:10:03Our pet dog really is stuffed above his fireplace mantle.
1:10:03 > 1:10:07And it's been hours and hours of entertainment for our friends
1:10:07 > 1:10:10and our friends' friends or people we just met.
1:10:10 > 1:10:12One thing that's very important to realise is that
1:10:12 > 1:10:16- it's so easy to be negative about everything the old man's ever done. - Yeah.
1:10:16 > 1:10:21But then I guess that's the focus of what he's trying to do is make up for it, make amends for his hurt.
1:10:21 > 1:10:25But it wouldn't be fair to not give him his due
1:10:25 > 1:10:28as far as the good things he's taught us to be.
1:10:28 > 1:10:32- I mean, I don't mind being anti-establishment.- Oh, yeah. - Ain't none of us do.
1:10:32 > 1:10:36- I think we're quite proud of the fact we're anti-establishment. - We feed off of it.
1:10:36 > 1:10:41- And we think on our own.- Yeah.- Yeah.
1:10:41 > 1:10:44I've thought about it a lot and really,
1:10:44 > 1:10:48through and through as much turmoil as he's caused,
1:10:48 > 1:10:53when I think about it, I still think that I'm actually pretty happy that he's my dad, you know.
1:10:53 > 1:10:57- Like, he's such a character. - I like that.
1:11:15 > 1:11:18We're hopeful that last night he had sleep.
1:11:27 > 1:11:31Can you shut off the air blowing on my head here? Cold air.
1:11:31 > 1:11:35I would like my friend to know that I am very pissed off
1:11:35 > 1:11:40because I got waked up at 5:15am in the morning
1:11:40 > 1:11:45so that my friend could do all of his exercising,
1:11:45 > 1:11:48take his shower, chop up food for everybody
1:11:48 > 1:11:53who doesn't particularly even want the food,
1:11:53 > 1:11:56and now he's ready to take a nap,
1:11:56 > 1:11:59so I get to drive the fucking car.
1:12:00 > 1:12:04- SHE SNIGGERS - Now...
1:12:04 > 1:12:06Excuse me. This is... Excuse me.
1:12:06 > 1:12:09Excuse me. This is... Excuse me.
1:12:09 > 1:12:13No, no, this meeting is held with two people. Just two people.
1:12:13 > 1:12:16It's not a meeting for other people. So please be quiet.
1:12:16 > 1:12:17It's just between two people.
1:12:17 > 1:12:22I'm sorry. I thought it was like that couple's communication when you chased me down Main Street,
1:12:22 > 1:12:26where there'd be 15 people eating and say, "We got to talk right now,"
1:12:26 > 1:12:28and I'd say, "Dick, this is private, between us."
1:12:28 > 1:12:33"No, we're talking right now. Tell all those people in the booths to get out of here.
1:12:33 > 1:12:36"Because I'm going to talk to you right now."
1:12:36 > 1:12:41But I guess now your mind has been changed.
1:12:41 > 1:12:45Which is nice. Privacy is nice.
1:12:45 > 1:12:48Um...
1:12:48 > 1:12:51In response, Barb,
1:12:51 > 1:12:54I, um, am going to sleep now
1:12:54 > 1:12:56because one of the challenges
1:12:56 > 1:12:59that everyone is having because of my behaviour
1:12:59 > 1:13:03is that I'm in a manic state because I haven't had enough sleep.
1:13:03 > 1:13:07And I was unable to go back to sleep when I woke at 5:30
1:13:07 > 1:13:10So, I'm attempting to get some sleep now that I think will be
1:13:10 > 1:13:14healthy for me and healthy for everyone else in the car.
1:13:14 > 1:13:19And when I express how badly I feel, that's the beauty of the meeting.
1:13:19 > 1:13:22We get to express our feelings
1:13:22 > 1:13:25without being attacked.
1:13:28 > 1:13:30So, I'm expressing my feelings.
1:13:40 > 1:13:45# Walking in the sunshine Sing a little sunshine song... #
1:13:46 > 1:13:49Of all the
1:13:49 > 1:13:54years of stressful times with my ex-husband,
1:13:54 > 1:13:56this has been the most stressful
1:13:56 > 1:14:00and tense vacation I've ever been on in my life.
1:14:00 > 1:14:02And that's saying a lot.
1:14:03 > 1:14:07# Walking in the sunshine Sing a little sunshine song... #
1:14:07 > 1:14:11And how long can you go on saying, "Well, he can't help himself",
1:14:11 > 1:14:13so you just put up with it?
1:14:14 > 1:14:19You know, his abuse and his apologies,
1:14:19 > 1:14:22and then more abuse and then more apologies.
1:14:28 > 1:14:32I just... I don't know how much of it is really, truly out of his control
1:14:32 > 1:14:35and how much of it, you know, is just...
1:14:35 > 1:14:38He just doesn't try to control himself, I don't know.
1:14:38 > 1:14:41# Think about the good times had a long time ago
1:14:41 > 1:14:44# Think about forgetting about your worries and... #
1:14:48 > 1:14:50CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
1:15:08 > 1:15:11Uh...
1:15:11 > 1:15:16If you're wondering why I called, Gus, it goes back a long time,
1:15:16 > 1:15:19but you guys did some wonderful work at my place.
1:15:19 > 1:15:24One thing I paid for and the other one I didn't, if I remember.
1:15:24 > 1:15:30Do you happen to remember which one was which?
1:15:30 > 1:15:32I know you owe him 2,000.
1:15:32 > 1:15:34It's which amount?
1:15:37 > 1:15:39I know that there was
1:15:39 > 1:15:44the one thing that had gotten paid
1:15:44 > 1:15:47and then I knew that the other thing hadn't gotten paid.
1:15:47 > 1:15:49Uh...
1:15:49 > 1:15:53And... Uh...
1:15:55 > 1:16:00So, I don't have enough money to pay everybody in full
1:16:00 > 1:16:03with everything right now, but what I'm going to do with everyone is
1:16:03 > 1:16:05see if they'd accept a down-payment,
1:16:05 > 1:16:07and then I'll make a payment each month.
1:16:07 > 1:16:13I mean, I don't have to tell you, I ran up some debt in this town.
1:16:13 > 1:16:19- Oh, I know.- But...- Your reputation precedes you.- You bet.
1:16:19 > 1:16:23- You bet. How would it be any different?- Everybody's does, but.
1:16:23 > 1:16:25Right. No, I fully understand.
1:16:34 > 1:16:36CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
1:16:37 > 1:16:40In this long journey that we've had on this road to redemption -
1:16:40 > 1:16:43or to partial redemption is more accurate -
1:16:43 > 1:16:46we certainly have seen a lot of my behaviour
1:16:46 > 1:16:50that you certainly wouldn't put down on the plus side of the column.
1:16:50 > 1:16:55My behaviour today reflects that I'm moving toward being Rick -
1:16:55 > 1:16:58maybe not Richard yet, but certainly not Dick.
1:16:58 > 1:17:01So, perhaps today, I can just say that,
1:17:01 > 1:17:03with some progress, I'm now Rick.
1:17:06 > 1:17:09Not as bad as Dick or as good as Richard.
1:17:11 > 1:17:14As people get older, they get to be two things.
1:17:14 > 1:17:18Either really funny and cool and wise and happy and fun,
1:17:18 > 1:17:20or nutty than a pet coon.
1:17:20 > 1:17:24Or they're still believing the delusions they had their entire life.
1:17:26 > 1:17:31I've got a feeling my old man will become, if he lives long enough
1:17:31 > 1:17:36and gets through this, one of the wisest old men who ever existed.
1:17:38 > 1:17:41But he's still got a lot of work to do.
1:17:41 > 1:17:46Yes, anything is possible. Yes, he can make amends. Will he do them?
1:17:46 > 1:17:50The jury is still out and the time is clicking - he's 69.
1:17:51 > 1:17:53Will it happen?
1:17:53 > 1:17:56Don't hold your breath. He might turn kind of blue now.
1:17:56 > 1:17:58We'll have to see.
1:17:58 > 1:18:00HE WHISTLES
1:18:05 > 1:18:07MUSIC CRESCENDOS
1:18:07 > 1:18:08Good dog.
1:18:26 > 1:18:28# Be my staple and my state
1:18:28 > 1:18:30# Please just help me through each day
1:18:30 > 1:18:35# As I walk this weary way upon my soul
1:18:35 > 1:18:39# And when judgment falls to me through my saviour shall I be
1:18:39 > 1:18:41# Given peace eternally upon my soul. #
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