0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:08So, how would you describe yourself?
0:00:08 > 0:00:12I'd say I've a bit of a good repartee.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14I think that's fair.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Certainly not athletic.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Not athletic.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Partially sighted.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Mmm-hmm.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Er...
0:00:33 > 0:00:35With a few other problems.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Mmm-hmm.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43For instance, does she have to be a West Ham supporter?
0:00:43 > 0:00:46That's a difficult one, isn't it?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49As long as they don't support Millwall or Chelsea.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52OK, no Millwall supporters.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59MUSIC: "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge
0:01:10 > 0:01:13I know of no-one who's as consistently pleased to see you as Sam.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17He's never so full of his own concerns that he doesn't have time
0:01:17 > 0:01:22to talk or joke, and an encounter with him invariably cheers you up.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26This is not a small virtue and it's a rare quality.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Sam Frears.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:30 > 0:01:34'I've been going to Sam Frears' birthday parties
0:01:34 > 0:01:36'since he was a child.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41'Our families have always been close,
0:01:41 > 0:01:46'coming together for birthdays, Christmases and football matches.'
0:01:46 > 0:01:49APPLAUSE
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I'd like to propose a toast
0:01:52 > 0:01:54to Sam Frears!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56EVERYONE: To Sam Frears!
0:01:56 > 0:02:01LAUGHING, SINGING AND CHEERING
0:02:08 > 0:02:11'Sam's birthdays are always special
0:02:11 > 0:02:14'because he was born with an extremely rare genetic disorder.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19'It meant there was a strong chance he wouldn't make it to the age of five.'
0:02:19 > 0:02:22# Happy birthday, dear Sam Happy birthday... #
0:02:22 > 0:02:26'What I find so moving about Sam is his determined refusal
0:02:26 > 0:02:29'to dwell on his own disability.'
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- Doc!- Doc!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Hello!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Hello!- Hi.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52DOOR BANGS
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Mustn't demolish the doors.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59I go out and meet friends for breakfast, for lunch.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I see people every day.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Phew, I've got a very busy social life...
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Phwoar!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08..and I don't keep anything written down, which I should.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Normal people do, but I use the old head.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18'I've always known that, in a way, Sam is enormously privileged.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19'No money worries,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22'his mother is the editor of The London Review Of Books,
0:03:22 > 0:03:26'his father a famous film director, and he's nestled in the bosom
0:03:26 > 0:03:29'of an exclusive North London literary world...'
0:03:29 > 0:03:32You're a luvvie constantly. Mwah, darling.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37'..whose members have become his extended family.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51'And yet, somehow, Sam has always seemed to me to be apart from them.
0:03:55 > 0:04:02'The disorder Sam suffers from is called Familial Dysautonomia or FD.'
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Oh, God, not another doctor.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Not another one, please, I don't want to go back to another hospital.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Here we are again.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15'This condition, which only affects Northern European Jews,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19'has damaged his nervous system and his eyesight
0:04:19 > 0:04:23'and makes swallowing liquids almost impossible.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26'Many sufferers don't live beyond the age of 30.'
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Now that I'm in my twilight years,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34I feel like I've got to get my life moving.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39Just want to share things with one particular person
0:04:39 > 0:04:40and that's what I want.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43It's what a lot of people out there want.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46That's the frustrating thing about getting older
0:04:46 > 0:04:48and still living at home.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Time's running out.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55I just want one person that will be there for me.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57And I'll be there for them.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08COUGHING AND WHEEZING
0:05:33 > 0:05:38I'm like a flower, if you know what a flower is like.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41When they've got no water in them, they look floppy, don't they?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45They look like they're going to faint or they're going to wither away.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47And what do people do?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50They put water in them, don't they? And suddenly, they spring up.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52And that's what it's like for me.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I can't drink as much as other people can do,
0:05:58 > 0:06:02cos water goes down the wrong way, whatever I'm drinking.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Once I do my fluid, like a flower, I spring into action.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10There's life in this old dog yet.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15# I'm forever blowing bubbles! #
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- I'm not in the mood for pizza. - Not today?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- No, that's what I always have when I go there.- That's quite true.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29I've had cheeseburger, turkey burger, chicken burger...
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Hamburger. A West Ham-burger.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- The West Ham game kicks off at two o'clock.- Two? Lunchtime.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I don't know why.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43'It has always amazed me that over the years,
0:06:43 > 0:06:46'Sam has surrounded himself with a group of people
0:06:46 > 0:06:49'who have come into his life in many different ways.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56'Inigo, for example, is an old friend who now lives with Sam
0:06:56 > 0:07:00'and Sam's mother in their family home.'
0:07:00 > 0:07:04# We have sun We have seasons in the sun. #
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Do you have seasons in the sun?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10How long does it take to bring chicken?
0:07:10 > 0:07:14The chicken pie? They make a very nice chicken pie here, Sam.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- But they begin from scratch.- They have to go out and get the chicken?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Yes, they have to go and get the chicken.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25'Sam actually has a great gift for striking up rapports with people.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30'He's somebody who recognises he needs a partner for most things.'
0:07:30 > 0:07:33That's what he gets people to be when he likes them
0:07:33 > 0:07:38and when he's comfortable with them, and then that person becomes
0:07:38 > 0:07:41a figure in his life, in some way or another.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46I say, how are you doing? Chicken pie for Sam.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Strewth!- Oh, lovely. Thank you very much.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Napkin here, knife there,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54chicken pie there, phone over here,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56spectacles and ketchup.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Thank you very much.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Is it very, very, very hot? Just look upwards.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15Cooler now? Maybe. Where would you like the ketchup?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- In the pie?- Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20'The more he does for himself, the better.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23'It's like, sort of, batting in cricket,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25'where there's a sort of subtle'
0:08:25 > 0:08:27partnership goes on,
0:08:27 > 0:08:31where you think of what the other batsman can do and can't do,
0:08:31 > 0:08:36and you're aware of them in that way and it just, sort of, happens.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39My shoelace has come undone. It's too difficult.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41No, it's not, it's fine.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Nice one, Sam.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Coming along very nicely.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49It's 200 for 3.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Stop it.- 300 for 5.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Sod it. I'll be all right. - Are you going to be OK?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- Yeah.- OK. Let's have a look.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Bingo, it's going to be fine.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Let's hope so.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Oh, no, I've come the wrong way.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59- Hi, Sam. You all right? Do you know what the time is?- Yes.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Only half an hour late! Come inside.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Right, let's give you a stretch.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09SAM GASPS
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Who needs enemies when you've got people like you around?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Your poor little knee.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Right, relax, let's give you a nice stretch.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Imagine Joanna's standing there.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23JULIAN LAUGHS
0:10:24 > 0:10:28'Part of his charm is he seems like he's from a different time
0:10:28 > 0:10:30'in some sort of way.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34'He doesn't have the pressures that most adults feel they have -
0:10:34 > 0:10:36'earning a living, paying the mortgage,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38'paying the bills. "I've GOT to be here by two.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40'"My next appointment is at three."
0:10:40 > 0:10:44'Sam doesn't have any of those pressures.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48'And I think possibly that's why he places so much importance
0:10:48 > 0:10:51'on the relationships that he has in his life.'
0:10:51 > 0:10:53On your feet.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56'And for us, the training is one aspect of it.'
0:10:56 > 0:10:58We have breakfast every week as well.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02And you just slowly, I suppose, blend into each other's lives.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08What's he doing?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- Boxing.- Oh, yeah.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13'He's always had a few women who really like him
0:11:13 > 0:11:16'and they become really good friends and the women think,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19'"That's all we are, we're really good friends."
0:11:19 > 0:11:21'But, for Sam, it's a lot deeper.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28'Perhaps he does seem to set his sights on women that are unattainable.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30'I don't know whether he realises that, or not.'
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Hey!- Hey.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53- Number one fan.- Yeah. - Hi, darling. Good to see you.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- How are you?- Good, we've made it. All a little stressful.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00You're going to have the pleasure of witnessing
0:12:00 > 0:12:02some of the rehearsal process.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05That's right, kids, today we're looking at love.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07We're going to look at one of the all-time classics
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Romeo and Juliet.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Joanna means a heck of a lot to me.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16She came by for dinner 18 months ago, two years ago,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18and that's when I started being friends with her.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21And then I started going to her show -
0:12:21 > 0:12:23The Shirley and Shirley Show.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27# Hello, hello, baby, you call I can't hear a thing
0:12:27 > 0:12:31# I have got no service in the club you say, say. #
0:12:35 > 0:12:40Such a great person, has a great personality, great sense of humour.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43She likes the same sort of things I do. We have a lot in common.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46And if there's anybody I'd be stuck on a desert island with,
0:12:46 > 0:12:48it would be her.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50LAUGHTER
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- Did you enjoy that?- I did. - Are you going to stay for a drink?
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Umm, yeah.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04OK, I'm going to go back, get undressed and other,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- pack up my stuff and then... - I love the hair.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Thank you very much.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12You're a sweetie! OK, cool.
0:13:14 > 0:13:21- You know, I, on and off, do things for Chicken Shed Theatre Company? - Yes.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Can I ask you to come with me, so I can show you around,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26see where I used to do my thing?
0:13:26 > 0:13:30That would be an absolute honour. I'd love to chaperone you.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Thank you.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- Consider it a date.- Thank you. - Let's shake on it.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38I know how you go back on your word.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42- Let's do it.- Yeah. I know, there's only one thing I have to tell you.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- Do you know where it is? - Chicken Shed, I can, sort of...
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I can imagine it's not desperately glamorous.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51No, it's in Cockfosters.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Lovely, Piccadilly Line, I know it well.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Don't think I haven't made a few jokes about Cockfosters in my time.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Who hasn't?!- Who hasn't? Indeed. Let's do it, Sam.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Come on, give us a cuddle.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Well, he was born on a Wednesday
0:14:16 > 0:14:21in what, I would think, was rather a difficult birth for Mary-Kay.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24And there was something odd, it was all to do with feeding.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26I think he wouldn't take milk.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36When he was five days old, he choked and they rushed him away
0:14:36 > 0:14:40and there was a very long time coming back.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45And then, after that, I was always very anxious that he would die.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52I mean, it's so frightening having a child that young be so ill.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It was that nobody quite knew what was the matter with him
0:14:56 > 0:14:58that was so distressing.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04He had these episodes.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07His temperature would go up massively
0:15:07 > 0:15:08and he would vomit
0:15:08 > 0:15:10and vomit and vomit.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13He would stop breathing,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15and that's the terrible bit.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19My father, who was a GP...
0:15:20 > 0:15:24..I remember saying to me he didn't think he'd get to 20.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29He got lots of chest infections
0:15:29 > 0:15:34and you'd put a catheter up his nose and suction stuff up.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41It was incredibly anxious making and at the same time,
0:15:41 > 0:15:43you know, I'd go to work and everything.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48I didn't have the stamina to just be at home with it.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53You know, all that hitting on the back to loosen the stuff
0:15:53 > 0:15:56and then pulling, literally sucking it out of his lungs.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I'm ashamed to say I didn't do it
0:15:58 > 0:16:01because I couldn't, sort of, face it.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I'm a baby, I'm a coward.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28What time do you call this?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30# O, come, all ye faithful... #
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Got any money for a blind man, sir?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35No, not for lazy...
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Lazy Greeks.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51All I can find is tablespoons, not teaspoons.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54That's what you wanted. You want a teaspoon.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I know, I can't find them.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Try the dishwasher.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Found one.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07All right, here we go.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10# Here we go, here we go Here we... #
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Oh, no, it's decaf. Oh, no.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Oh, dear.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Oh, no, I put it in a glass. Oh, shoot.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32I'm going to have to start again.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- Can't get the staff...- Suppose it'll be all right if I do this.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41- Just pour it from the glass into the mug.- I'm doing that now. Keep your wig on.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43I find that remark very offensive.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- No, you don't.- How do you know?
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Because I've known you for nearly 20 years, 20 years...
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Yes, yes, 20 years.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59When we first met, a pint in The Crown was £1.65, roughly.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01That was in the '80s - late '80s.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06It's now nearly £3. It's nearly £3 a pint, now.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09I'm going to turn into Victor Meldrew.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Come on, West Ham!
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Come on, West Ham!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17COMMENTATOR: Try to move the ball forward.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Still goalless, but they're very much in the ascendancy...
0:18:21 > 0:18:25'One of the best things about my friendship with Mark
0:18:25 > 0:18:29'is putting up with our beloved team from the East End of London.'
0:18:29 > 0:18:31For fuck's sake!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34'Looks like it's not going to be West Ham's day.'
0:18:34 > 0:18:36'I used to hate football when I was growing up.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40'I used to hate the noise and I used to make people leave early.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43'But in '93, I went to a game at Upton Park with Mark
0:18:43 > 0:18:46'and we won promotion to the Premiership
0:18:46 > 0:18:48'and I didn't mind the noise.'
0:18:48 > 0:18:51'And a lovely ball, Henderson scores!'
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Here we go.- Here we go.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59'West Ham look to the linesman's flag, it was never raised.'
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Well, it should've been raised.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06'We've been through a lot.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09'I don't really say how much he means to me,
0:19:09 > 0:19:13'but he means a great deal to me.'
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Let's turn this shit off.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Come on. Fuck them.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20We don't want a fucking Israeli tosser.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- He has to go. - He has to go. Fuck him.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29The referees don't like us, though.
0:19:29 > 0:19:35No, the referee... With Manchester United connections.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37What do you want to do?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Find a bridge and jump.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43So, yeah.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Too depressed to do anything.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59TV BLARES
0:19:59 > 0:20:01TV: It's Malcolm...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03LAUGHTER
0:20:03 > 0:20:07- 'They're going to make you a prince! - The Prince of Cumberland.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09The Prince of Cumberland.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18'I've been acting on and off for about 27 years now, I think.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20'And I'd love to do more acting.'
0:20:20 > 0:20:24I feel like this has helped me a lot.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26This particular film.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30And I want to do more
0:20:30 > 0:20:34and show people that I've become a better actor, thanks to this.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38TV: Wait a minute, did you say King?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41If you could look into the seeds of time
0:20:41 > 0:20:44at which grains will grow and which will not...
0:20:44 > 0:20:47'I'm not blowing my own trumpet, but I don't know how I can improve.'
0:20:47 > 0:20:51I probably have done something wrong, I could've done better, yes,
0:20:51 > 0:20:55but, for me, I couldn't decide what I did wrong.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00TV: Yes, it was said, myself would be the route,
0:21:00 > 0:21:02and father of many kingdoms.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05But hush, no more...
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- Do you think he knows we're here? - Yes, he does.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30Try and look down again for me, if you can, Sam. Very good.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33And straight ahead once more. Yeah, great.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Great. Sit back again for me, if you will.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39And how's the eye?
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Nothing's changed. I mean, some days, my right eye is good,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- some days, it's not so good.- OK.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53- In terms of vision or redness? - Blurriness.- OK.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- OK, so it varies?- Yeah.- OK, good.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Can you see what I'm showing you now?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- One.- Very good.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03How many now?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Two.- OK.- Was it three?- Try now.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18- One. Two!- That's it, if they move a bit, it's easier, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- Can you see a change now? - Yeah, a four.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Yeah, that's right. Very good, well done. Right, great.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27'The optic nerve fibres are gradually'
0:22:27 > 0:22:29losing their function,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32so that the message from the eye to the brain is not transmitted,
0:22:32 > 0:22:37and that is associated with a gradual decline in visual function.
0:22:45 > 0:22:51Having FD is totally and utterly shit. I mean, it's absolute crap.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56Some days, I feel absolutely pissed off and angry.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00And you just want to lash out at somebody.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05My eyes are buggered and it's a total nightmare,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08but I have to accept it.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Those are the cards you've been dealt.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25Stephen left when Sam was about 18 months old.
0:23:25 > 0:23:31She was left to it and suddenly, I was straight in the middle of it,
0:23:31 > 0:23:35and I was very happy to be there and in love.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39But with this came the realisation that
0:23:39 > 0:23:42this was a 24-hour thing with him.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Meanwhile, there was Will.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52We both had bikes with training wheels and we would ride them
0:23:52 > 0:23:55and race around the block in different directions
0:23:55 > 0:23:57to, sort of, meet back in front of our house.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59At some point, I could suddenly ride a bike,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01and there was some Sunday when I went,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04"Oh, I'm going to ride my bike without the wheels now."
0:24:04 > 0:24:06And I did.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09And that's the last day Sam ever rode his bike.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Sam, when young, was quite manipulative
0:24:23 > 0:24:26and so, you were so fucked because every year,
0:24:26 > 0:24:31when it was Will's birthday, Sam would be ill, unfailingly.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I remember it very clearly.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36It just, sort of, seemed like,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39I would like some more attention, please.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42I mostly remember complaining about the injustice of it all.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Sam developed such a complicated, charming and devious personality.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I mean, he's no saint!
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Underneath it all, of course, he's had a struggle the rest of us
0:24:57 > 0:24:58can only imagine.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Whoops.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- Oh, shit.- Be careful, popsy. Can I help?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17You're not doing it too good.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- I don't know, hold on.- It's OK.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- Can you hold that, please? - Yeah, absolutely.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29The tube is here and we've lost a bit when it...
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Maybe it is going slightly...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Yes, it is now going down, I beg your pardon.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35No, no, I beg your pardon.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40It's now entirely dispersed.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Now, I want to ask about this friend.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45SAM LAUGHS
0:25:45 > 0:25:48You've got so many and they're all women, so I'm jealous.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- But what's the story? - She's called Joanna.- Joanna?
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- And she does a thing called... - Hold on, wait a minute, darling.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58OK, I want to know about Joanna.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02She does a thing once a month at the...
0:26:02 > 0:26:05oh, God, Albany pub on Great Portland Street.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Good Lord. That was once an absolute hellhole.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- Is she lowlife, or what?- Yes.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16She used to be Harold Pinter's secretary.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Good Lord. You could write a play about that.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21SAM LAUGHS
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- And you took a shine?- Yeah.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Oh, nice one. Very good.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- So, our old manner.- Yeah.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38It is an extraordinary thing, I can see the distance,
0:26:38 > 0:26:43just to bring you in on the picture, almost Hammersmith. I know.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47And then, Earls Court, and then there's the North Downs.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- The GPO tower... - We walked up here on Christmas Day. - We did, we certainly did.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57With your three daughters, and they did a runner.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59MICHAEL LAUGHS
0:27:01 > 0:27:05One of the many pleasures of knowing and loving you, Doc, is your memory is so good.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08I was thinking about this on the bus today.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14'When I was living there, he and I became mates,
0:27:14 > 0:27:18'and that's really the journey to him becoming my friend
0:27:18 > 0:27:21'has been, I mean, really something at the heart
0:27:21 > 0:27:25'of what I really care about. And that's what's happened.'
0:27:27 > 0:27:31- Doc.- Yeah.- I'm fucking cold. - Let's go home.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35- Are you fucking cold? - Yeah, I'm fucking cold. - Good, let's fuck off.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49They're a bit twizzly. Be careful.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I don't know if it's best you put your hand on my shoulder.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54- You all right?- Yeah.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03- All right?- Yeah. - Nearly at the bottom.
0:28:04 > 0:28:12- Hold on, one more. That's it, very good. You all right?- Yeah.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13Then in here.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20So, you coming on Saturday?
0:28:20 > 0:28:24Saturday? Yeah. We'll come for a bit.
0:28:24 > 0:28:30- Cos neither of us are big party animals, as you know.- Yeah.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34- How many people are coming? - There should be about 45, 50.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37- Oh, right.- But I doubt whether everyone will show up.
0:28:37 > 0:28:43- Well, I don't know, there's normally quite a good attendance.- Yeah.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50The more acting you do the better,
0:28:50 > 0:28:53and the more varied things you do the better,
0:28:53 > 0:28:56but obviously, you're limited to what you can do,
0:28:56 > 0:29:03but at the same time, anything that widens your experience is good.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06Are there any acting places around here?
0:29:06 > 0:29:08I don't know. You're more likely to know than I am.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11I mean, I'm a recluse, I don't know.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13But are you looking forward to it?
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Yeah, getting back on the saddle, as they say,
0:29:16 > 0:29:17getting back on the horse.
0:29:17 > 0:29:21ALAN LAUGHS
0:29:21 > 0:29:23Do you have no, do you have no...
0:29:24 > 0:29:28..dread of it? It doesn't scare you at all?
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Learning lines scares me,
0:29:30 > 0:29:35but once you've... Like when I've done plays at Chicken Shed...
0:29:35 > 0:29:38I don't think I would be able to do it.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42Cos I was never wholly an actor. I wrote, as well,
0:29:42 > 0:29:46but just waiting for the phone to ring must be soul destroying.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49- Yeah.- But then, that's a good thing
0:29:49 > 0:29:53- if you have something else to do, as well.- Yeah, it's true.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56Finding things to do.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59And not getting frustrated sitting at home.
0:30:07 > 0:30:12# Mr Frears has sticky-out ears
0:30:14 > 0:30:18# And it made him awful shy
0:30:18 > 0:30:21# So they gave him medicinal compound
0:30:21 > 0:30:26# Now he's learning how to fly
0:30:26 > 0:30:32# We'll drink a drink, a drink To Lily the Pink, the Pink, the Pink
0:30:32 > 0:30:36# The saviour of the human race
0:30:36 > 0:30:40# For she invented medicinal compound
0:30:40 > 0:30:44# Most efficacious in every case. #
0:30:51 > 0:30:54- Hi, Uncle Sam.- Hi!- Welcome, Sam.
0:30:56 > 0:31:00So, why did West Ham play so badly in the second half?
0:31:00 > 0:31:02I don't know, I got too stressed.
0:31:07 > 0:31:12- Cheer up, man!- I am. I'm a happy person. I'm a happy bunny!
0:31:12 > 0:31:15- Is there any onion tart? - Any onion tart?
0:31:15 > 0:31:20- That's what I had when I came here two days ago. - Oh, my God, you come here every day.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23- Take care. See you, boys.- Bye, Sam.
0:31:24 > 0:31:25- Hi, Sam.- Hi.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30A bit different.
0:31:30 > 0:31:35# Big fat, big fat Frank Big fat Frankie Lampard! #
0:31:37 > 0:31:41I'm very, very fortunate in one way and very unlucky in another way.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48But I want to feel like a normal person.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50I mean, I do feel like a normal person,
0:31:50 > 0:31:52but I want to feel more human.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- Are we going to see a film? - Yes. What are we going to see?
0:32:04 > 0:32:08- I don't know.- Is there anything shitty enough for us to go see?
0:32:08 > 0:32:10All my friends seem to be happily married
0:32:10 > 0:32:13and seem to be enjoying themselves
0:32:13 > 0:32:17and I just wanted to find out a bit about what that was all like.
0:32:18 > 0:32:24Two and a half years ago, I had this friend who found out this place -
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Royal College Street in Camden.
0:32:30 > 0:32:35It's where gentlemen go for some R&R, as they say.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Once I did it the first time,
0:32:45 > 0:32:50I went backwards and forwards quite a few times.
0:32:50 > 0:32:56Royal College Street made me experience the better things in life
0:32:56 > 0:33:00and sexual fun and games, if you can call it that.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05And I enjoyed the ride, as they say.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08But, no...
0:33:08 > 0:33:11I don't want to have to go back to that place.
0:33:11 > 0:33:16I want to meet people without having to worry about...
0:33:18 > 0:33:19Well, you know.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24You just want that person who you can share things with
0:33:24 > 0:33:27and have a laugh with and cry with.
0:33:30 > 0:33:34And yeah, hold each other.
0:33:34 > 0:33:35That's what you want.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39Someone to share things with.
0:33:42 > 0:33:43Someone to love.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00- Look.- What's up?
0:34:00 > 0:34:03- I packed you some biscuits. - Thank you. Aren't you sweet?
0:34:03 > 0:34:07I am, I am. Although you insisted you didn't want any,
0:34:07 > 0:34:09I said you will want some later,
0:34:09 > 0:34:12you said, "No, I don't want any biscuits."
0:34:13 > 0:34:15So easily led.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21We're going to this place called Chicken Shed Theatre Company.
0:34:21 > 0:34:25What are we going to see when I get there?
0:34:25 > 0:34:29Hopefully, they'll let us walk around the stage where I did my classes.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Am I doing this right?
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Oh, no. Hang on. Joanna! Hold on.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Oh, shit!
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Is that more the right one?
0:34:50 > 0:34:53Yeah, it is. It's the right one, sorry.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00- Yeah, yeah, it's going down now. Cool.- Yeah.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09Are we going to the dance studio?
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Exit.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15- So, we'll just go in the side here. - Oh, wow.
0:35:15 > 0:35:20- Here we are.- Luke, could you possibly open both doors?
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Thank you. So, here we are.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26This is right nice!
0:35:26 > 0:35:30- I did loads of plays, didn't I? - Oh, yeah.- On this stage.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Absolutely. You absolutely did.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36And your piece de resistance - A Midsummer Night's Dream.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Which I know you'll talk to Pete about.
0:35:38 > 0:35:42I've already been telling Joanna about how many times we did it.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Yeah, yeah.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48Erm, here, Peter Quince...
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Doth the moon shine...
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Doth the moon shine the night we play our play?
0:35:57 > 0:35:59It does shine that night. I can't...
0:35:59 > 0:36:02By larking pirates...
0:36:04 > 0:36:09Doth the moon shine the night we play our play?
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- It doth shine that night.- Yes!
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Yes, it does.
0:36:16 > 0:36:17It does.
0:36:20 > 0:36:25I found it very hard because I couldn't remember all my lines.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29It shows how long it's been since I said any of those lines.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35I don't think you let anyone down.
0:36:35 > 0:36:39See, when you play Sam Frears, you can get away with anything.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41It's all your lines, isn't it?
0:36:42 > 0:36:45It's all my lines.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49- Was that your hand on my bottom, Sam?- No, it's your hand on mine!
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Oh, shoot!
0:37:40 > 0:37:45You don't want sympathy, you just want people to be proud of you.
0:37:45 > 0:37:49You just want to feel good in your self.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52I've got to try to become a proper professional actor.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Try and get out there, try and get noticed by people.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58You want to say to people, "Yes, I can do that".
0:37:58 > 0:38:02Not through who my parents are or things like that,
0:38:02 > 0:38:05you want to be able to do things for yourself.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07That's what I want.
0:38:07 > 0:38:09MACHINE BEEPS
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Wicked.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Thanks. I got a phone call from Chicken Shed
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- on that day after I spoke to you. - And they said?
0:38:33 > 0:38:37- They asked me if I'd like to do it. - How many lines have you got?
0:38:37 > 0:38:40- None.- None?- None at the moment.
0:38:40 > 0:38:43- You wouldn't get Morris there. - I know!
0:38:43 > 0:38:47So, how long do we have to wait before we come and see you?
0:38:47 > 0:38:50- March.- March? - But I might not be here.
0:38:50 > 0:38:51- I know.- Oh, dear.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57I might not be here. Anyway, that's very good, Sam.
0:38:59 > 0:39:00Very, very good.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05It's exciting stuff for me at the moment, Dad.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07I'm quite excited.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11All right. Are you standing up?
0:39:11 > 0:39:15- Yeah, I've got to stretch my legs. - But I haven't paid the bill.
0:39:19 > 0:39:21THEY SING
0:39:21 > 0:39:23Reaching up!
0:39:31 > 0:39:35We started rehearsing last week to do a play called The King's Web.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38I think I've still got the energy to do this play
0:39:38 > 0:39:40and it's good to be back in the saddle
0:39:40 > 0:39:44because I've not done any acting since the film I did last year.
0:39:44 > 0:39:48So, it does feel good to keep working,
0:39:48 > 0:39:51to do things and keep your foot in the game.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57- Was that all right? - Yeah. Well, I don't know.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- It was good, yeah.- It was all right.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09It's part of my routine - going to hospitals,
0:40:09 > 0:40:12even if it's just for a couple hours.
0:40:12 > 0:40:18It's something I have to bear with, and here I am doing it.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21A thing called a gastrostomy tube
0:40:21 > 0:40:24and it can be changed only once a year.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30- Hey, Sam.- Hi.- You all right? - Yeah.- Ready?- Yeah.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32You going to cope? Let's go.
0:40:36 > 0:40:41One year, Mum couldn't come, so Julian offered to come.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43I like him being there.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46- You feeling all right about it? - Yeah.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49It's kind of routine for you now, isn't it?
0:40:49 > 0:40:52- Yeah, but I start feeling a bit nervous.- I know, I know.
0:40:52 > 0:40:57- Do you want to follow me, Mr Frears? I'll take you through?- OK.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Here we go.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03Are we going straight in?
0:41:03 > 0:41:07No, no, no. Don't panic, you'll be fine.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14OK. Do you want to have a sit down or a lie down?
0:41:14 > 0:41:16I don't know. I'll have a sit down.
0:41:18 > 0:41:19You feeling all right?
0:41:23 > 0:41:27I wish they'd come in and do the things.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29I want to get this thing moving.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Good luck, Sam.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46- You just relax, Sam. - I want my mum, I want my mum.
0:41:46 > 0:41:49It's fine. Just hang on to his hand. He likes lots of reassurance.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52- I can't feel anything. - OK, you're doing well.
0:41:52 > 0:41:56- You're fine, you just relax, relax. - What's happening?
0:41:56 > 0:41:58I'm giving you some sedation now, OK?
0:41:58 > 0:42:02You relax there, Sam. Just relax.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08So, we'll push that in there.
0:42:08 > 0:42:09Then, we have to feed it
0:42:09 > 0:42:11- through the tube.- Argh!
0:42:11 > 0:42:14- Try and relax. - You're doing really well.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16OK, so we've got it in there.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Can I just have another little...?
0:42:19 > 0:42:22- I want it out!- Deep breaths. - We are taking it out now.
0:42:22 > 0:42:26We're bringing this tube out there now.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28Just a little discomfort.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32That's the old tube we've taken out. You see, it's very discoloured.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34You've done very nicely.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37We're going to push in slowly through the little hole,
0:42:37 > 0:42:39just very gently.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45Good, now, that's nicely in now.
0:42:45 > 0:42:49That didn't upset you too much, Sam? Not too bad?
0:42:58 > 0:43:02- No milk for me.- That's yours. Let me give you a little stir.
0:43:02 > 0:43:03PHONE RINGS
0:43:03 > 0:43:07- Thank you.- I'm not answering that.
0:43:07 > 0:43:09It might be Kylie Minogue.
0:43:12 > 0:43:16I'd love to see you and Kylie at it. I mean, erm...
0:43:16 > 0:43:20- Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. - You're Mr Smooth, you really are.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Well, you and I could do Especially For You, a new version.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25You've got to do an Australian accent.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28You know when they start, they start like this, don't they?
0:43:28 > 0:43:32And then they go - # Especially... # Can you do it?
0:43:32 > 0:43:35# I wanna let you know what I was going through... #
0:43:35 > 0:43:37No, stop it, stop it!
0:43:37 > 0:43:42# ..All the time we were apart I thought of you...
0:43:42 > 0:43:46BOTH: # You were in my heart! #
0:43:46 > 0:43:50You can't hit those notes! I can't remember the words.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53I think they do a twirl, there's definitely a twirl.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57I'll make it up. # ..And the loneliness inside
0:43:57 > 0:44:00# I want to tell you it's not... #
0:44:00 > 0:44:05- I said I'm playing Jason! - I thought you were playing Kylie!
0:44:05 > 0:44:09Oh, no, oh, no. Look, a stand-off. Two Jasons.
0:44:09 > 0:44:12No, I was, I was. I'm teasing.
0:44:12 > 0:44:16- And then, it's around. - Yeah.- Beautiful.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18I'm sure they did it a lot smoother!
0:44:18 > 0:44:20I'm not a very good dancer.
0:44:20 > 0:44:24Neither am I we'd make a great couple on the dance floor.
0:44:24 > 0:44:30And then they wrestled to the floor, and it's another show altogether!
0:44:30 > 0:44:35# ..I wanna let you know what I was going through
0:44:35 > 0:44:38# All the time we were apart I thought... #
0:44:38 > 0:44:41I'm trying to do my Australian accent.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43# ..You were in my arms
0:44:43 > 0:44:45# Now that I'm next you... #
0:44:45 > 0:44:49- Solo!- I can't do it!
0:44:49 > 0:44:52Solo, your solo! It's your moment.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56I can't do it! Oh, come on!
0:44:58 > 0:45:02No, don't put me, don't put me. I can't do it either, I can't do it.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04I never realised how badly you sang, actually.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07I didn't quite realise you sung that badly.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10No-one's heard my singing before.
0:45:12 > 0:45:16- Happy New Year! - Happy New Year, darling!
0:45:25 > 0:45:27Oh, my God, it's crowded.
0:45:30 > 0:45:31Oh, my God.
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Drug squad and everything. Excuse me. Thank you.
0:45:34 > 0:45:37Do you want that deli or the Italian?
0:45:39 > 0:45:43- But the deli don't do proper food, does it?- No.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46I mean, everywhere's going to be busy, anyway.
0:45:46 > 0:45:50We've been walking up and down the street like a pair of tits.
0:45:50 > 0:45:53Keep your hair on! Oh, sorry, you ain't got any.
0:45:53 > 0:45:58All sandwiches are served with French fries. But I want chips.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01- Same thing.- No, they're not.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04The difference between a French fry and a chip
0:46:04 > 0:46:07is French fries are thin, chips are thick.
0:46:07 > 0:46:09What a load of baloney!
0:46:10 > 0:46:12- They're like you - thick. - Taste like normal.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Thank you.
0:46:16 > 0:46:21- Ketchup, please. I got served first, I got served first!- That's not fair.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23I got served first!
0:46:23 > 0:46:25How do you know it's yours?
0:46:25 > 0:46:29- She didn't say, did she? - I can see the egg.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Ah, you see, your eyes are working perfectly fine.
0:46:34 > 0:46:36This is fun.
0:46:41 > 0:46:46So, you've gone off Royal College Street now then? Got bored of it?
0:46:48 > 0:46:49Yeah, I think I have.
0:46:51 > 0:46:55Come on, spill the beans, then.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58- In your own time. - Because someone said that...
0:47:02 > 0:47:07..I can't have a relationship if I go to Royal College Street.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10What's the thing with you and Joanna, then?
0:47:10 > 0:47:11We're just mates.
0:47:13 > 0:47:14We're just mates.
0:47:14 > 0:47:18I got the impression that she was teasing you.
0:47:18 > 0:47:24- Yeah, you said that.- Yeah. - But I think it takes two.
0:47:24 > 0:47:27Well, she's a bit of a flirty bird, ain't she?
0:47:27 > 0:47:29I'm not a flirty bird, but I'm a flirty bloke.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31You don't seem to be, er...
0:47:31 > 0:47:35You've got nothing to worry about when it comes to her.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39I know what you're like, Sam.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42I know what you're like, from college and stuff.
0:47:42 > 0:47:45I know how you get attached to people.
0:47:45 > 0:47:49And it's just a natural... It's natural for you to get...
0:47:49 > 0:47:53You see her quite a lot, you know. I know what it's like.
0:47:54 > 0:48:01You get feelings for someone, but it's only on one side.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06But it's cool that you're friends, though.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08It's really good.
0:48:24 > 0:48:28I've always done stupid things with other women in the past.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31I've always mucked everything up.
0:48:31 > 0:48:33I should have learnt my lesson like that.
0:48:35 > 0:48:39I don't want to ruin that thing of being friends with her
0:48:39 > 0:48:42and thinking you can get somewhere else.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44I know I can't go there
0:48:44 > 0:48:48and I've got to accept that we're always going to be mates
0:48:48 > 0:48:53and that's all I want cos I know nothing else will ever happen.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17How's it going?
0:49:17 > 0:49:19It's going well, it's going fine.
0:49:19 > 0:49:22- I'm dreading this.- Why?
0:49:22 > 0:49:26- I don't know. - It's just another crap party.
0:49:26 > 0:49:31No, just another party. I don't know. It's like work, you know?
0:49:45 > 0:49:48- Hello, Sam.- Hello.- How you doing?
0:49:52 > 0:49:57Well, my eyes, some days are blurry and some days are not blurry.
0:49:57 > 0:50:02And when they're blurry, I can't see that well.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08- It's only voices that let me know where I am.- OK.
0:50:20 > 0:50:24- Down and back.- Two, three, four,
0:50:24 > 0:50:30five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
0:50:30 > 0:50:32Five to go.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35..12, 13, 14.
0:50:35 > 0:50:36Nice one, Sam.
0:50:40 > 0:50:44- I've learnt my lesson when it comes to women.- You have?- Yeah.
0:50:45 > 0:50:46Don't trust them?
0:50:48 > 0:50:50You can lose someone you care about...
0:50:52 > 0:50:54..due to the fact that you're...
0:50:57 > 0:51:00..you have feelings for that person
0:51:00 > 0:51:04and you think just because you get on well with someone all the time,
0:51:04 > 0:51:08you think you can have a relationship with them.
0:51:08 > 0:51:09Yeah, it's hard.
0:51:12 > 0:51:17But then, if you don't try, then nothing's ever going to happen.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19I'm not going to do it - ask her.
0:51:21 > 0:51:26I can't... I can't...
0:51:26 > 0:51:29Three, four, five, six.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32I can't handle losing another friend.
0:51:32 > 0:51:35Seven, eight, nine, ten.
0:51:35 > 0:51:38Especially a best friend, like her.
0:51:38 > 0:51:4311, 12, 13, 14, 15.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02We have such a good, funny relationship.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05It would knock it for six if I...
0:52:07 > 0:52:10You have to decide what you're happy with
0:52:10 > 0:52:13in relation to her.
0:52:19 > 0:52:23You know, sometimes, things just develop or they don't.
0:52:23 > 0:52:24Yeah.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38- It says make sure it's true.- Yeah.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41And remember, it's supposed to be fun.
0:52:41 > 0:52:45A funny story or poem or collection of comments.
0:52:45 > 0:52:49A funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre!
0:52:49 > 0:52:51Then, you want to put in your ideal partner.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54For instance, does she have to be a West Ham supporter?
0:52:54 > 0:52:57- Er...- That's a difficult one, isn't it?
0:52:57 > 0:53:01- As long as they don't support Millwall or Chelsea.- Right, OK.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03No Millwall supporters.
0:53:08 > 0:53:10Someone said, "How do you think Joanna will feel
0:53:10 > 0:53:14"when you're starting this new adventure?"
0:53:14 > 0:53:17But I realise that, much as I'm very fond of Joanna,
0:53:17 > 0:53:22I know that nothing will ever develop.
0:53:22 > 0:53:28So, I've got to broaden my mind and try and meet some women another way.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Does the age matter?
0:53:32 > 0:53:34- Around about my age.- About your age.
0:53:34 > 0:53:37- Don't mind a bit younger.- Right.
0:53:37 > 0:53:38A good sense of humour.
0:53:38 > 0:53:43- Yeah, a sense of humour is important, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:53:43 > 0:53:46So, how would you describe yourself?
0:53:46 > 0:53:51Ambitious, not arrogant.
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Not arrogant, that's good.
0:53:55 > 0:53:58I'd say I've got a bit of a good repartee.
0:53:58 > 0:54:00- I think that's fair. - Certainly not athletic.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03Not athletic, no.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06- OK.- Partially sighted.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12- With a few other problems.- Mmm-hmm.
0:54:14 > 0:54:19OK. Well, you might get an e-mail next week with a lady saying,
0:54:19 > 0:54:23"I'd like to meet you at a restaurant of your choice."
0:54:23 > 0:54:25The ball's in their court.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Well, still in my court, but hopefully, it'll be served over.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31The ball's in your court, but you need to knock it over the net
0:54:31 > 0:54:34- and see if it comes back.- Yeah.
0:54:34 > 0:54:38- I think it'll be worthwhile.- Let's go for it!- You'll be very successful.
0:54:38 > 0:54:40Feel the fear and do it anyway!
0:54:40 > 0:54:44Yeah, it's an adventure and this is the first step.
0:54:44 > 0:54:48- You have to go out there. - Get yourself out there.
0:54:54 > 0:54:57Have we got enough time for all the melons?
0:54:57 > 0:55:00Yes, at the rate we're going, we'll soon be through them.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08People say to me 39 is a good age.
0:55:08 > 0:55:13The only thing about 39 is you realise you're nearer to 40.
0:55:13 > 0:55:17I get very nervous before parties.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20First thing, you get worried that no-one's going to show up.
0:55:20 > 0:55:25You don't want to be one of those sad people sat alone looking at the CDs.
0:55:27 > 0:55:32I'll see what happens with internet dating.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34There's somebody there for everyone.
0:55:34 > 0:55:37I'm getting older and I don't know,
0:55:37 > 0:55:43maybe I've grown up going for the girls that I know I can't get.
0:55:43 > 0:55:48- Are you ready for your public, Sam? - As ready as I can be.
0:55:48 > 0:55:52As long as I've got my little fellas with me - my little Valiums.
0:55:56 > 0:56:00Do you think I should take them? I think I might, actually.
0:56:01 > 0:56:06I don't know why I'm nervous, but I am a bit.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10I shouldn't be.
0:56:10 > 0:56:12But I am.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14Started feeling a bit...
0:56:14 > 0:56:16Right, let's go.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22- Hi, Sam! Happy birthday! - Happy birthday!- Thank you.
0:56:22 > 0:56:26- Oh, look at that!- West Ham!
0:56:28 > 0:56:31- Thank you.- There you go, darling.
0:56:32 > 0:56:36- Hello!- Hello! Nearly a rhyme.
0:56:36 > 0:56:38- How are you?- I'm all right, Alan. How are you?
0:56:38 > 0:56:41- How was...?- Hang on.- New York?
0:56:41 > 0:56:42Hello.
0:56:42 > 0:56:46DOORBELL RINGS
0:56:46 > 0:56:48- I'll go.- You'll go and get it?- Yeah.
0:56:49 > 0:56:51Hey!
0:56:51 > 0:56:53DOORBELL RINGS
0:56:53 > 0:56:55I told you, didn't I?
0:56:55 > 0:56:58Yeah, all right. I'm not deaf!
0:56:58 > 0:57:00I need some Valium, man!
0:57:01 > 0:57:03- Happy birthday!- Thanks.
0:57:04 > 0:57:09Hopefully, what will happen is I'll do this play at Chicken Shed and it will be a real hit.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12I feel like I can do it cos I'm feeling healthy and good in myself.
0:57:12 > 0:57:14So, I want to do a lot more.
0:57:14 > 0:57:18Hopefully, West Ham get out of relegation. That might not happen!
0:57:18 > 0:57:20That would be fantastic.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25Looks like everyone's having fun.
0:57:28 > 0:57:32# Happy birthday to you! #
0:57:34 > 0:57:38I feel unlucky because I've got this illness
0:57:38 > 0:57:40that stops me doing things that I want to do.
0:57:40 > 0:57:47But then I feel very lucky cos I've met so many extraordinary, nice people in my life.
0:57:47 > 0:57:52I've got some very good and dear friends who I owe a lot to.
0:57:52 > 0:57:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:57:56 > 0:57:59- I need somebody, I can't...- Michael!
0:58:00 > 0:58:04- Go on, Doc!- One, two... One, two, three!
0:58:04 > 0:58:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:58:23 > 0:58:26Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:26 > 0:58:29E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:58:29 > 0:58:31It's been a pleasure!