0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Trying to understand what happened.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37I've just this minute woken up to this chk-chk-chk-chk.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41There's a bird in my bedroom. It's well freaking me out.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43It's, like, what the fuck?
0:00:43 > 0:00:47Poor, poor thing.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49It's a bit scary.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51I'm petrified.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- FLUTTERING - Its wings are working.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Come on.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01CHEEPING
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Got to get you, got to...
0:01:10 > 0:01:11You used to flap your wings.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15When we went abroad, you used to get your arms going and get the aeroplane up.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Help the aeroplane lift off.
0:01:19 > 0:01:25I always wanted to be free. I never wanted to settle.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29But it's hard to know who you really are until you face your mortality.
0:01:29 > 0:01:35Like most of us, I never thought about death until I had to.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I don't really know what to do, this is hilarious!
0:01:46 > 0:01:50I've spent what, 10 years, putting other people in this position
0:01:50 > 0:01:52and, erm...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56now it's my turn.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01You were always, well, what did Mrs Bibbinson call you?
0:02:01 > 0:02:05A flippant flibbertigibbet, always to-ing and fro-ing
0:02:05 > 0:02:08and wanted to know what everybody else is doing.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11I'm Heather Leach from Rochdale.
0:02:12 > 0:02:18Kind, warm hearted, exasperating.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23I was a little adventurer in a little northern English town.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25A bit like a hurricane.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28When you come home, it's like, hoo!
0:02:29 > 0:02:35I moved to London in 2000 to direct documentaries.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41I mean, she looks tranquil, composed, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth
0:02:41 > 0:02:45and the reality is, a rough London tart she is!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47LAUGHTER
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Can you make entire documentaries on mobile phones?
0:02:51 > 0:02:56This is what I was like in my old life, before it all happened.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Let's do a documentary-off.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I worked hard and I played hard.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10But then, I started to feel really weird, like I was on speed.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It felt like I was losing my mind.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16You were really hard work, to be honest.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I tried to avoid you a lot of the time.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21You just couldn't function.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24It was the most bizarre time for you, really,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27cos I don't think you knew what was going on either.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32She was like the Duracell bunny. She'd just keep on and on and on.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Everyone would be knackered but because she kept going,
0:03:35 > 0:03:39you couldn't say we were being overworked cos it was like, "How's she doing it?"
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I'm being a typical workaholic, aren't I?
0:03:42 > 0:03:47Travelling like a gypsy with my camera as my best mate.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50I had untold energy and couldn't sleep
0:03:50 > 0:03:52and then, I'd suddenly collapse.
0:03:58 > 0:04:04It turned out I had a serious toxic thyroid condition called Graves' disease.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I'd never heard of it.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Graves' disease is when your immune system attacks your thyroid,
0:04:10 > 0:04:15which means that you function at a capacity that's not normal.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18They used to put them away, they thought they were manic.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Which you are when...or you were.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25I saw a consultant who said it could lead to me having a heart attack.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29He gave me loads of medication and I carried on anyway.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34But then, I was told it could stop me having kids.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I was referred to a thyroid surgeon.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I perform about 100-150 thyroidectomies a year
0:04:40 > 0:04:43for various conditions.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47I had a chat with her about surgery and we decided to go ahead.
0:04:47 > 0:04:53I said fine, I'll have surgery, absolutely fine, won't be an issue.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I assumed it would be straightforward.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58But then, they found something else.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I could really hear my heart beating
0:05:01 > 0:05:04and I was going, "No, you've got it wrong."
0:05:04 > 0:05:05And he said, "No, we haven't."
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Only once or twice a year
0:05:08 > 0:05:13I would perform an operation for a benign condition
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- and then find cancer. - 'Cancer?'
0:05:16 > 0:05:20'And then I started to cry and it was almost like a wail,
0:05:20 > 0:05:24'it was like this physical pain of grief.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28'And then I stopped it. I was like, you're not going there.'
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It would be three weeks before they could tell me
0:05:37 > 0:05:40how severe the cancer was and whether it had spread.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45OK, so, oh my God, this is weird.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47'To distract myself,
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I picked up my camera and started making this film.'
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Right, I don't think anybody ever realises what it's like
0:05:54 > 0:05:57being told you've got cancer unless that's happened.
0:05:57 > 0:06:03I knew I wasn't 100%, but never in a million years expected that.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Well, fuck, what do you do?
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Here's a cup of tea.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13I was back in Rochdale at Mum and Dad's.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I've got something to show you in the garden.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Thanks for my tea, Mum.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23HE COUGHS
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Oh, don't ruin it by coughing everywhere!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Stop spoiling the show!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31If you can control it, then sit down on the bench out of the way.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- It's cruel.- Yeah!- Right.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- I've something to show you.- Yeah?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39This is for you, this, specifically for you.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Pacifically?- Specifically for you.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- This is Elizabeth.- Who's Elizabeth? - Elizabeth's your grandma.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49She was my Nana! She's not my grandma.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52I try to be posh when we're on film.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55This is a sign for you and for your health, this.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59I've never seen a rhododendron bush as healthy as that.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01There's one late flower.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Now, if that's not a sign to you, I don't know what is.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Oh, you nearly made me cry then, Dad.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- Good.- Why?- Well, it means it's sunk in a bit if you nearly cried.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16It means it means to you what he hoped it would do.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20My nan had had cancer. It led to her demise.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Would that be my fate too?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Um...
0:07:26 > 0:07:30And just in case you didn't know, I don't like getting upset.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36I quite like being strong. But yeah, well done, Dad.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39So, come on, Elizabeth.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44Then, flicking through a magazine, Mum and me spotted the boots.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49My nan, my mum and me, we've always loved boots,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52but these weren't ordinary boots.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57They were kick-ass tasselled cowboy boots.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01If I could only get those boots then everything'd be all right,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I'd get my old life back.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09'Desperate to fill the torturous wait, I thought,
0:08:09 > 0:08:13'I know, I'll join my friend Jess on holiday.'
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Yeah, it is good that I'm going to Tuscany.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20I've got to fucking forge some ideas and plans.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41It's really amazing when you're taking off
0:08:41 > 0:08:45and you look back and you see these amazing images.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48You see the sky changing colour. It's beautiful.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51And you really try and hold onto that memory,
0:08:51 > 0:08:55you try and photograph a moment in time that means something.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57But those moments are all gone
0:08:57 > 0:09:01until something really significant makes you think about them.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04'My mind was flooding with memories.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06'All the significant times I'd had with people -
0:09:06 > 0:09:09'me and Dad, on a chairlift.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12'Playing I-Spy with my nan.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15'It's like you're life's playing out in front of you,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17'it's playing out in fast-forward.'
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Hey, Dad, it's Heath. Hiya, you all right?
0:09:33 > 0:09:37It's lovely, yeah, it's really nice. You'd love it.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I feel awful, Mum.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Yeah, but I didn't want to make you upset.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52That's what this being told, that's what this is making me do
0:09:52 > 0:09:58but it's also making me realise who's there and who I want
0:09:58 > 0:10:00and what time I want with people.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02That's why being with you and Dad
0:10:02 > 0:10:03in the garden
0:10:03 > 0:10:05the other day was just...
0:10:05 > 0:10:07you know, it was great. It's so...
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Dad's just, you know,
0:10:08 > 0:10:09you're always there
0:10:09 > 0:10:12and that's what's really difficult
0:10:12 > 0:10:14and that's why I'm horrible to you
0:10:14 > 0:10:16sometimes. You're the best.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Mum, I can't tell you how much I love you. So, so much.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Bye.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Oh, God, it's interesting.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35Fucking hell, I didn't expect this roller coaster.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Very pretty.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Hey, I'm looking good, aren't I?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48SHE WOLF-WHISTLES
0:10:49 > 0:10:53My feet are getting wet, even in my brilliant socks.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I'm such an idiot. Fancy coming out in socks?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59'I should have been wearing those boots.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02'I wished I'd bought them en route, but they'd sold out.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05'That wasn't going to stop me!'
0:11:06 > 0:11:11Today I'm going to call them and see if I can get those boots.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16The boots and all the memories triggered a new thought - a challenge.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I decided to write a list
0:11:18 > 0:11:21of everything I really wanted to do in my life.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25It was part fun and part something to do with facing mortality
0:11:25 > 0:11:27and I wanted Jess to help me.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31The Ross.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32LAUGHTER
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- Morning, Leach.- Morning, Rossy.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40So, there she is, the sidekick in the Ginger Army.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Right, so, task today, we've got to do the list.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Unfortunately, like a true professional,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I didn't bring a tripod!
0:11:50 > 0:11:55We're going to make a tripod on the table.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Supermarine Spitfire 1936 Onwards Owners' Workshop Manual.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Might be just what we're looking for. If we were to put that like that...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Look at that! That's not bad for a rubbish tripod, is it?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Fountain pen! I haven't written with a fountain pen for years.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Right, so, the list.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17'No prizes for guessing what was that the top.'
0:12:18 > 0:12:20One, boots.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25It depends how you're going to go about addressing these things on the list.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Are you going to go to people and say,
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- "I've got cancer, I want the boots, give them to me now."- No.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32"You should, because I've got cancer."
0:12:32 > 0:12:33What, give them to me for free?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I thought that's the whole point!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37You could just walk into a shop and buy them.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Well, no, you can't, because they're not in the fucking shop.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44- So, Hugo Boss.- We can do that today.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- That's today.- Make a call today.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Right, what else?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53I'd always really regretted not filming with my nan before she died.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55That's why number three on the list
0:12:55 > 0:12:58was to film with the people most important to me.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02People like Mum and Dad.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06And I really wanted to find love.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09And have children.
0:13:12 > 0:13:18And to fulfil my other passions, like skiing and art.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30OK, so task one is going to make me feel fine
0:13:30 > 0:13:34and I won't feel like I've had a bloody tumour removed.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39I'm going to speak to the manager at Hugo Boss.
0:13:47 > 0:13:52I don't know whether you can help me. What's your name? Hi, Simon.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Do you deal with the Orange collection?
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Hopefully, if you can sort it it will be doing things, so...
0:13:59 > 0:14:02That's great.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Thanks, Harriet.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Thank you so much, really appreciate it.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Take care, bye-bye, bye.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13See, there you go!
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Harriet, head office customer services
0:14:17 > 0:14:21is now going to do a big check.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Oh, look at that! Do you think we should add it to the list?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- What to drive it?- To nick it!- No!
0:14:30 > 0:14:31LAUGHTER
0:14:37 > 0:14:40And to have a laugh.
0:14:40 > 0:14:46The key to keeping us all happy, in my opinion.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52I love this place. Look at it! It's absolutely great.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Look, it's behind us!
0:14:56 > 0:15:01It's brilliant, look, me and Jess, just me and Jess.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Look, if we turn around, you can see the view behind us.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- You'd get if a shock if you saw someone now!- The Loch Ness Monster.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Stunning, isn't it?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19'I'd always thought life was ahead of me.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23'But for the first time, I was having to face the fact that my time
0:15:23 > 0:15:27'with people I love, like my dad, Gordy, might be limited.'
0:15:28 > 0:15:32What would you say to Gordy if he was here right now?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I don't what I'd say to Gordy.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I wouldn't really need to say anything to him.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50We kind of had good moments. We've done...
0:15:50 > 0:15:53We've done our stuff.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56SHE SNIFFS
0:16:00 > 0:16:02'I was on the train on the way back.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06'Jess was sleeping and I started to really shit myself.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10'I was going back to hospital to find out whether
0:16:10 > 0:16:14'the cancer had been removed, whether it was self-contained.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17'I was scared of being told that the cancer was still there
0:16:17 > 0:16:20'or it had gone somewhere else.'
0:16:23 > 0:16:27'I kept thinking, "I hope they've got it mixed up, I hope it's not me really."'
0:16:31 > 0:16:32SHE EXHALES
0:16:32 > 0:16:35We're not going to find anything out, though, are we?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- I don't know, you may. - I don't think we will.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45I'll tell you what I've thought. We need to ask him about whether I can have...
0:16:45 > 0:16:50Whether it's going to be all right to try for kids and stuff like that.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Because they always said, when I was hyperthyroid,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- it'd be really difficult to... - Mmm, conceive.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57..conceive, and if I did...
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- ..there's a really high chance of miscarrying.- Right.- It's weird.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07- I mean, I'm not...you know, but it does make you think about the bigger picture.- Mm.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Now I think, "Right, what if I have to have treatment, what do I do?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13"Do I have bloody...save eggs, or what?" I don't know.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I think that comes amiss anyway as you're getting older
0:17:16 > 0:17:22but I think that...once you're OK, you're OK.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I think your problem now is if you have to have the radioiodine
0:17:25 > 0:17:28then you've to put that off obviously, haven't you?
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Put it off?- Yeah, cos you've not to try for children for about six months after.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Oh, you mean put off trying for kids, I thought you meant put off...
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- I've got to find someone first! - Exactly.- I've got a list!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- Have you?- Yeah, I have now, yeah.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50What do you feel about filming on that little camera?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Do you mean whilst you're having your consultation?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Well, I want to be able to concentrate on your consultation
0:17:57 > 0:17:59rather than taking photographs, to be honest.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- Taking photographs?- Well, filming. - Will you not do it for me?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06What do you think I'm down here for if it's not for you?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Not to be a documentary filmmaker, that's for sure.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And I just press this red button?
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Yeah.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:18:17 > 0:18:20You've got the lens cap on!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Yeah, I thought there was nothing there.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23SHE CHUCKLES
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- Is that straight or is it tilted? - No, it's all right.- OK.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I'm just making sure I haven't got any people in shot, Heath.
0:18:30 > 0:18:36- So what other vocation do you think I should... I'd be good at? - I think you would... I just...
0:18:36 > 0:18:40It amazes me just how confident you are in the job that you do
0:18:40 > 0:18:44and I think that's the confidence perhaps that you never used to have,
0:18:44 > 0:18:45that you have now.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Cos I really want to do this still
0:18:48 > 0:18:52but I don't want to do it on broadcasters' terms any more.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Mm.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- What would you think you would do as an alternative?- I don't know.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Be a skiing instructor. And make skiing videos.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Don't know.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11That was the only other time that I think I was really happy.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12When I was in the mountains.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- DOCTOR:- Mr Young?
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- Are you worried?- No. I'm worried about you.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Don't worry about me, I'll be all right.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31- I'm shaking now. - Yeah, I know. I perfectly understand.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Thank you.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34She's filming me walking.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Oh. OK.
0:19:39 > 0:19:45- How are you?- Er...I'm OK. I've been very up and down, obviously.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- Slightly shocked by our last meeting.- Yes, yes.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54And it took a while to...to sink in, really.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56And I don't even know if it has sunk in.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59It's been... It's been a strange one.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Cos I didn't expect that, obviously.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Well, nobody did.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- That's part of the problem.- Mm.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10The most important message from this consultation
0:20:10 > 0:20:13is that it was an extremely small cancer,
0:20:13 > 0:20:16it was totally unexpected and incidental,
0:20:16 > 0:20:18it is not going to affect your lifestyle.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Further surgery is not indicated at this stage.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25But, unfortunately, because we did diagnose you with a cancer,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28we will initiate the follow-up,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30which will be like for cancer.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Nobody can give a sort of 100% assurances
0:20:34 > 0:20:39when the word "cancer" is mentioned, but you have almost, you know...
0:20:39 > 0:20:42You should have as much confidence as possible
0:20:42 > 0:20:46that that is not going to affect the quality of your life.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Er, you need to let me walk out first.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Don't follow me with the camera, just let me walk out.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00I think that's incredibly encouraging.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05I mean, he's as good as said you've got nothing to worry about.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06There's doubt.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Sorry?- There's doubt.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Sorry, I can't get my head round that.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Well, you're not in my position, are you?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Why is there doubt?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20What are you doubting?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23You've got to be glad it's not...
0:21:23 > 0:21:26No, I am glad. I am glad. Course I'm glad!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- Believe them. - God, of course I'm glad!
0:21:32 > 0:21:37'Going back to Rochdale to recuperate with Mum and Dad,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40'I'm thinking, "Where's the evidence I'm going to be fine?"
0:21:40 > 0:21:46'From what I'd seen with my nan, a cancer diagnosis was the beginning of the end.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49'I was finding it hard to be optimistic.'
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Ohhh!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- It's been awful, Dad. - I'm sure it has.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06'The rest of the family was celebrating,
0:22:06 > 0:22:11'but I was trying to come to terms with what had been the most difficult month of my life.'
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Do you want to do that again?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- No.- No! Get that light off.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22I'm finding it really overwhelming that everybody wants me to be, like,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25"Ooh, let's celebrate!". And I... God, I can't.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29I guess that's why I'm emotional - I can't quite believe it.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40I can't believe I've got away with it.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I mean, I don't know what to do about this, Mum.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56You've got to get some benefit, you can't keep going.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I know, but... You don't have to talk to me like I'm two.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I am addressing it, but I don't know what to do about it.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05That's why, being like this, it puts me under pressure
0:23:05 > 0:23:09and then that makes things worse.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12You said that when you came home, you were doing nothing.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- I know this weekend's an exception, but you're going back down... - Because I'm going to the hospital.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- Excuse me! But you're staying there. You're not coming back. - It's my birthday.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- Do you know what, I've had a shit few months.- I know you have!
0:23:24 > 0:23:29- I've not seen anyone, so I'm going to go out with my friends.- Right.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33That's fine. And I hope you do and I hope you enjoy yourself,
0:23:33 > 0:23:36cos I want you to be returning to how you were.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Mm.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43- Every time I look at you, you're tired. Do you think it doesn't worry me?- No, I know.
0:23:43 > 0:23:49- I know it worries you.- It's every time you open your mouth, you're tired and I know you are.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I want you to be better.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I just think it's going to take longer than we all thought.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Yeah.- I think that's the problem. - Yeah.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03You're worse now than you were after you had it done.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Just after you'd had it done, I think.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- I don't think it kicked in for a while, did it?- No.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- I think it took a few weeks.- Mm.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23But, equally, it's really difficult being here.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- It is really hard being here, Mum. - I'm sure it is.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31It's not that I don't want to be here, cos you know I love you all, massively.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36But it's really hard. I've got no independence at all now.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- For me, that is the most difficult thing.- I understand that.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45It changes things for every one of us, for all of us, doesn't it?
0:24:50 > 0:24:54'I didn't realise the impact of having your thyroid removed.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59'It was making me mentally and physically exhausted.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01'I was getting one infection after another,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04'dosed up on loads of pills.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08'I was a pharmaceutical company's dream.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10'The list I'd written in Tuscany
0:25:10 > 0:25:12'just seemed like an impossible mountain.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16'I couldn't ever see myself going back to my old job.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18'And I had no income.'
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Jack?
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Jack, are you going to go and post this letter?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Can you get that letter for me? - Yeah.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- That one?- That wants posting.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40'I love children, especially my two-year-old nephew, Jack.'
0:25:42 > 0:25:47- Not through there! - Not through there.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Not through there.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- Are you holding onto Monkey?- Yeah. - Are you going to hold my hand?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I hold him in the other hand.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59'Being with Jack was a constant reminder
0:25:59 > 0:26:02'about finding out if I could have kids.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06'It was on the list...but it was too much for me to face.'
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Not posting in.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11It's not posting in for me.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14It's not posting in for you?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Why don't you turn it...? That's it!
0:26:17 > 0:26:21That's it. Going.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Who's a clever boy?!
0:26:26 > 0:26:30'The one thing I really did need to face was my cancer.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34'Andrew, the histologist who'd found mine, was happy to show it me.'
0:26:34 > 0:26:37So, that's normal and that's tumour.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41- Mm.- Papillary carcinoma gets its name from the tumour cells aligning it,
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- like fingers in a glove.- Fascinating.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47So, what would happen if I were to request it?
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Not many patients request their own tissue, but I can't see a problem with it.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53'God, that's brilliant!'
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Actually, they're in here.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Even better.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04'Wow. A room full of cancerous growths.'
0:27:04 > 0:27:10Um... Here we are. These are the normal size ones.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12This is actually someone's prostate.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16Um... So, they don't fit in here, obviously.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Gosh, that's fascinating.
0:27:20 > 0:27:26'Seeing so many shavings of lives made me realise how fragile we are.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30'These tiny tumours that could threaten our very existence.'
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- Would mine be in here, then? - 2008...- 2008, yeah.- No.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38'I'd decided I wanted to make an artwork with my specimen.'
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Oh, hang on... No, no, I don't think so.
0:27:40 > 0:27:46'Bizarre. Now I had to write to the hospital to ask for that bit of me back.
0:27:46 > 0:27:52'I was knackered. The filming and the trip to London had exhausted me.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56'Why was the operation making me feel worse, rather than better?
0:27:56 > 0:27:59'Why weren't the drugs sorting me out?
0:27:59 > 0:28:01'I wanted answers from Tom, my surgeon.'
0:28:01 > 0:28:04It's a subtle medication problem.
0:28:04 > 0:28:10We tried to give you a dose of thyroxine
0:28:10 > 0:28:13which is just marginally too much.
0:28:13 > 0:28:18Obviously, you are always behind, so either you're giving too much or too little.
0:28:18 > 0:28:23Therefore, this ideal control is rarely there.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27'One thing was becoming clear.
0:28:27 > 0:28:32'Getting the medication right was a lot more difficult because of the thyroid cancer.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39'It was going to be a much longer haul than I'd ever thought.
0:28:41 > 0:28:48'Deconstructing this bloody illness is really hard.'
0:28:56 > 0:29:00I don't know what normal life is any more.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11'And that's all because...
0:29:12 > 0:29:15'..that word made me...
0:29:17 > 0:29:19'..question everything about life.'
0:29:26 > 0:29:29'There was one good thing about being in Rochdale.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32'I was making a deeper friendship with Big Anne,
0:29:32 > 0:29:35'an old friend of my mum's.'
0:29:35 > 0:29:38They used to say, "Is Big Anne going?"
0:29:38 > 0:29:42- I mean, my friend, Little Anne... - Little Anne?
0:29:42 > 0:29:44She were only little.
0:29:44 > 0:29:49She were about 4'11", about six stone wet, and we were always best mates.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52So it was always Big Anne and Little Anne.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56'Big Anne's my surrogate gran.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59'Like me, she'd had her thyroid removed.
0:29:59 > 0:30:03'That was years earlier, but Anne now had leukaemia
0:30:03 > 0:30:05'and early stage breast cancer.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07'We were taking her to see her consultant.'
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Are you apprehensive?
0:30:10 > 0:30:14No, no, because there's nothing you can do, is there?
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Anne is very philosophical.
0:30:17 > 0:30:18You're amazing.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22What can you...? Not being dramatic, what can you do?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25She just might turn round and say, "You're pregnant!"
0:30:25 > 0:30:27I mean, what could you do?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29What'll be will be, Heather.
0:30:29 > 0:30:33Actually, first of all, madam, I'm going to have to ask you this question.
0:30:33 > 0:30:38Can you tell me, when did you last have sexual intercourse?
0:30:38 > 0:30:42Well, I think it were this morning. Now, I don't know his name...
0:30:42 > 0:30:48but he were doing...posting, um, Focus magazine through.
0:30:48 > 0:30:52And he said, "Are you bored?" I said, "Yes, I am."
0:30:52 > 0:30:54So he said, "Well, I'll sort you out."
0:30:54 > 0:30:59A very nice chap, you know.
0:31:04 > 0:31:10'Six months after the operation, the rest of the family were getting on with daily life.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14'For me, it was a different story.
0:31:14 > 0:31:20'The constant check-ups at the hospital wiped me out.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24'Even getting up and down stairs was a massive struggle.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27'My muscles had become totally useless.
0:31:27 > 0:31:32'So, I ended up in bed, almost all day, every day.'
0:31:44 > 0:31:49It's interesting, when you think health's the only important thing.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51And it really is.
0:31:51 > 0:31:59But I do feel like I've been having everything that I've known stripped away, taken.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05So, health, strength, money, house,
0:32:05 > 0:32:10independence, identity...
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- I'm Robin Hood!- I'm Robin Hood!
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Oh, I'm Prince John. Are you not Prince John?
0:32:15 > 0:32:19- No.- You be Prince John. - No, you be Prince John.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22I can ride round Sherwood Forest now. Neigh!
0:32:22 > 0:32:26# Robin Hood, Robin Hood Riding through the glen... #
0:32:26 > 0:32:30- I'm going to steal your money! - # ..Robin Hood, Robin Hood And his band of men... #
0:32:40 > 0:32:44'Never thought I'd think I don't have the energy to fight any more.
0:32:44 > 0:32:51'I always really loved the fact that...I worked really hard and I was a fighter.'
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Well, there we go.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04That'll be interesting, won't it?
0:33:07 > 0:33:08SHE LAUGHS
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Who's this?
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Robin Hood!
0:33:13 > 0:33:18# Robin Hood, Robin Hood Riding through the glen
0:33:18 > 0:33:24# Robin Hood, Robin Hood With his band of men... #
0:33:24 > 0:33:26PHONE RINGS
0:33:26 > 0:33:30# ..Feared by the bad Loved by the good
0:33:30 > 0:33:34# Robin Hood, Robin Hood
0:33:34 > 0:33:37# Robin Hood. #
0:33:39 > 0:33:41Oh, no, what's all this about?
0:33:41 > 0:33:43You're the sheriff!
0:33:43 > 0:33:48- Well!- Bad sheriff. You're locked in prison.
0:33:51 > 0:33:56You're locked in prison, Sheriff.
0:33:56 > 0:34:01Get out of bed, Sheriff, and then you can fight me properly.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Do you want me to fight you properly?
0:34:03 > 0:34:05- Yeah.- Are you sure?
0:34:05 > 0:34:08You'd better get out in the back garden, then.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10You'd better get out there!
0:34:10 > 0:34:13It's not all bad, is it?
0:34:13 > 0:34:14Bless him.
0:34:18 > 0:34:19That's great.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22I enjoy the moment.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26That's what I need to remember - enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Come on, then.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Robin wins!
0:34:30 > 0:34:32No, the sheriff got you!
0:34:32 > 0:34:33'Jack was so full of life.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37'It reminded me of number three on the list -
0:34:37 > 0:34:39'the importance of filming the ones I love.'
0:34:39 > 0:34:42Sheriff got you, oh, and you lost your hat!
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Yay!
0:34:46 > 0:34:50'But, as time passed, that was easier said than done.'
0:34:52 > 0:34:56I mean, she should actually say - I'm saying it to her camera now...
0:34:56 > 0:34:59You should actually say, "Would you mind...?".
0:34:59 > 0:35:04Yeah, would you mind if that stopped running while we're having dinner?
0:35:04 > 0:35:09- Because, you know...- Well, if it ever makes it into anything that we can see,
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- we can always sue her, say she didn't have our permission. - No, correct.
0:35:15 > 0:35:20'I was beginning to think I should just scrap the list.
0:35:20 > 0:35:25'I didn't think I could achieve any of it. It wasn't helping,
0:35:25 > 0:35:27'it was making me feel like a failure.'
0:35:37 > 0:35:40I kind of want my old life back.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43But then I didn't... It wasn't...
0:35:43 > 0:35:47It was too much for me, but I don't know what to do.
0:35:50 > 0:35:51SHE SOBS
0:35:56 > 0:35:59And I can't talk about it because everyone thinks
0:35:59 > 0:36:03you should just fucking pull yourself together and get on.
0:36:05 > 0:36:09And every time I try, I just end up in bed again, back...ill.
0:36:12 > 0:36:13I just can't stay here.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17I can't stay here.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23I don't know why I keep getting like this.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31I really do need to get some help.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39But it's bigger than I thought.
0:36:42 > 0:36:47Oh, Dad's home now, so, better turn off,
0:36:47 > 0:36:50seeing as he doesn't like me doing the filming anyway -
0:36:50 > 0:36:53he thinks it detracts from me getting better.
0:36:53 > 0:36:58The fact of the matter is it's the only thing that stops me going doolally.
0:36:58 > 0:36:59Anyway...
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I've got these for Big Anne, Heather.
0:37:07 > 0:37:11- Who are they for? - I just said, they're for Big.
0:37:11 > 0:37:15'I was feeling really guilty about the impact I was having on the family
0:37:15 > 0:37:17'and decided to move out.
0:37:17 > 0:37:23'By now, I wished I'd never had the thyroid cut out.
0:37:23 > 0:37:28'I didn't care that they wouldn't have discovered the thyroid cancer.
0:37:30 > 0:37:34'I'd bought a little cottage in Rochdale years earlier.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38'I'd never wanted to live in it, but now it was my refuge.'
0:37:42 > 0:37:44KNOCK AT DOOR
0:37:44 > 0:37:47It's my fucking dad.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Just not going to answer.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Can tell from the knock it's him.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Just can't...
0:38:06 > 0:38:09..face them at the moment.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13Well, particularly can't face them at the moment.
0:38:22 > 0:38:27JACK: # One green bottle Hanging on the wall
0:38:27 > 0:38:31# One green bottle Hanging on the wall
0:38:31 > 0:38:37# And if that green bottle Should accidentally fall
0:38:37 > 0:38:42# There'd be one green bottle Hanging on the wall
0:38:42 > 0:38:47# One green bottle Hanging on the wall... #
0:38:52 > 0:38:54So, it's time to give up.
0:38:56 > 0:39:02'Thinking about blood. And thinking what's pain really about?
0:39:02 > 0:39:05'And thinking would it really hurt that much?
0:39:05 > 0:39:12'Or looking at my loft ladder and thinking it'd be quite easy just to jump out.'
0:39:17 > 0:39:21# No green bottles Hanging on the wall. #
0:39:37 > 0:39:39JACK: 'It's finished!'
0:39:46 > 0:39:48'I was really desperate,
0:39:48 > 0:39:50'so I went to see my family doctor.
0:39:50 > 0:39:55'He said having your thyroid out often caused acute depression.
0:39:56 > 0:40:00'I chose counselling over antidepressants.
0:40:00 > 0:40:06'The weekly sessions focused on me getting to face up to my mortality.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10'I found I could do that best with the people I really trusted,
0:40:10 > 0:40:13'especially Big Anne and Mum.'
0:40:16 > 0:40:19You look like, bloody, er, Edward Scissorhands.
0:40:19 > 0:40:23Or Freddy Krueger, Nightmare On Elm Street!
0:40:23 > 0:40:29Cells are turning cancerous, but I haven't got to make a decision,
0:40:29 > 0:40:32because it's too much of a risk.
0:40:32 > 0:40:37'Anne was amazing. Despite what she was facing,
0:40:37 > 0:40:42'she was so full of love, laughter and naughtiness.'
0:40:42 > 0:40:47What'll be will be. I'm not one to hang me bleeding self.
0:40:47 > 0:40:50I'll probably get hit by a bloody car after all that!
0:40:50 > 0:40:54That'll be my luck, won't it? Be knocked down by a tank.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Something like that! SHE LAUGHS
0:40:56 > 0:40:58Eh?
0:40:58 > 0:41:02After all that mithering... SHE LAUGHS
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Right, let me have a look at your nails now.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08- What's sexy and winks?- Go on...
0:41:11 > 0:41:17She's a ray of sunshine and she's my dearest, dearest friend.
0:41:17 > 0:41:21She's the one that needs me, of course, she's ringing me, asking me to do stuff,
0:41:21 > 0:41:25cos she knows that I've been really suffering.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29'She's making getting up...'
0:41:34 > 0:41:35..feel valuable.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41'I really needed a deep talk with my mum.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45'Southport Beach is where we used to have family outings with my nan.
0:41:45 > 0:41:51'When Nan died, I buried my grief and we hadn't really talked about coping with,
0:41:51 > 0:41:53'and facing, death.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58'But now, I knew I had to.'
0:41:58 > 0:42:02So, Mum, what do you think about, when you think about Nan now?
0:42:02 > 0:42:04- I wish she was here.- Yeah.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07I wish I could talk to her.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11I'd like... Silly things.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14I'd like her to be able to put her arms round me again.
0:42:14 > 0:42:19- I don't think that's silly.- No, I know it's not, but, you know, at 62,
0:42:19 > 0:42:24you should be past that. But I don't think you're ever over your mum putting her arms round you.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26- Well...- And my mum used to do a lot.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29- Can we stop?- Yeah.
0:42:29 > 0:42:34- This has made me realise that, actually, we all die.- Course we do.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37And we never live realising we're going to die.
0:42:37 > 0:42:41We just think we're going to be here for ever.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45And, actually, we should live every day like we're going to die tomorrow.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47You know I think that anyway.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49But I don't think you do it.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53- You don't do that.- I think I do it more than a lot of people do.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56Mm.
0:43:08 > 0:43:12- All right, then.- OK, darling.- Yep.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15Thank you for a lovely day.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18Ah, you're welcome. Thank you for everything.
0:43:18 > 0:43:24'I was learning big lessons from Mum, Anne and also from Jack.
0:43:24 > 0:43:29'Maybe, I thought, if you savour their outlook, you'd live a better life.'
0:43:29 > 0:43:32Are you digging really deep?
0:43:32 > 0:43:36No, I'm not digging really deep, darling, I'm trying to make it flat.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39I want to see Great-Grandma.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42- Is she under the stone?- Yes.
0:43:42 > 0:43:45And, of course, she's not alive now.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48I want to see the look of Great-Grandma.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51Well, you can only see that now from photographs, chick.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Can't you?
0:43:53 > 0:43:57There's a photograph in your house on the wall
0:43:57 > 0:43:59of Great-Grandma in our garden.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02Jack?
0:44:02 > 0:44:06Here you are. Let me just get it in focus.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08Now, look in there.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11There you go!
0:44:11 > 0:44:14- Am I doing it?- You are doing it!
0:44:14 > 0:44:17What do you want to ask me?
0:44:17 > 0:44:18How are you?
0:44:18 > 0:44:21I'm OK, thanks, darling. I'm OK.
0:44:21 > 0:44:24You know I used to come to Great-Grandma's grave
0:44:24 > 0:44:27and it used to make me cry.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30But I'm OK today.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32But why did you cry?
0:44:32 > 0:44:34Cos I miss her.
0:44:34 > 0:44:36I miss her.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38So much.
0:44:40 > 0:44:44- I've done my film now.- Thanks, darling.- You can film something of me.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47Oh, what would you like me to film of you?
0:44:47 > 0:44:50There are lots of people who have died, isn't there?
0:44:50 > 0:44:51Sorry, sweetheart?
0:44:51 > 0:44:54There are lots of people who are dead, aren't there?
0:44:54 > 0:45:00- Yeah.- There's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds!- Mm.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04- And Great-Grandma's one of them.- Yep.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Take that, die, that!
0:45:21 > 0:45:24My bucket list is...
0:45:24 > 0:45:28as long as you've got food there, piece of bread on the table
0:45:28 > 0:45:31and water from the tap,
0:45:31 > 0:45:34you won't go hungry, will you?
0:45:34 > 0:45:35Mm?
0:45:36 > 0:45:43Think of them literally that queue up, day in, day out, with babbies, for a drink of water.
0:45:43 > 0:45:44- Mm.- Mm?
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Yeah.
0:45:52 > 0:45:53What'll be will be.
0:45:55 > 0:46:00- What did you think when they first told you about your leukaemia? - I don't think of it, me.
0:46:00 > 0:46:04I honestly don't think of it until I go.
0:46:04 > 0:46:11Till I literally... Because if I did, my head would be in the oven and not to take the meat out, wouldn't it?
0:46:11 > 0:46:15- You know what I mean?- Yeah.- Oh, no.
0:46:17 > 0:46:23- I mean, I don't think about going... - I don't want to go. Don't kid yourself.
0:46:23 > 0:46:28- Say that again.- I don't want to go, don't kid yourself. I'm a creaking gate.
0:46:28 > 0:46:33- I won't be taking one step to heaven. - No.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36You won't let it make you kick the bloody bucket, will you?
0:46:36 > 0:46:42No. We want to know where they get your wigs from, cos they do wigs, you know.
0:46:42 > 0:46:47Yeah, they do wigs you can buy. They're beautiful.
0:46:47 > 0:46:52- So, she'll be name on the front row for a nice wig.- Um...
0:46:52 > 0:46:57What if I get my hair cut and make you a special ginger one?
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Oh, I don't want to be a gingernut!
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Bloody hell!
0:47:01 > 0:47:04Hot-nobs here, eh?!
0:47:04 > 0:47:06HobNobs is here.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09I want a blonde.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12If you see a blonde I can scalp, eh?
0:47:16 > 0:47:19Oh, Anne, I've had a lovely time. Thank you, darling.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21You're like a good fairy.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28'I was beginning to feel more positive.
0:47:28 > 0:47:32'I even felt strong enough to start again on my bucket list.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35'When I chased the hospital,
0:47:35 > 0:47:40'they agreed to give me back a little bit of what they'd cut out.'
0:47:40 > 0:47:41There we are. So, Heather...
0:47:41 > 0:47:47That's you, preserved for eternity in a wax block.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51- So, I can take it?- You can take it. Our gift to you.
0:47:51 > 0:47:55That's a first - I've never given a person their organ back,
0:47:55 > 0:47:57part of their body back,
0:47:57 > 0:47:59to keep as a memento, a keepsake.
0:48:01 > 0:48:02Wow.
0:48:02 > 0:48:07- So, there you are, you're unique. The first person.- I'm unique and that's unique.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11- Exactly.- My little chicken livers are unique. There we go.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13My little chicken livers.
0:48:13 > 0:48:17- Do you think I'm a bit bonkers?- No, I don't think you're a bit bonkers.
0:48:17 > 0:48:20I think you're completely bonkers! No, no, not at all.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23Course not. We all deal with things in a different way, don't we?
0:48:23 > 0:48:28I do know someone who had breast cancer - and recovered from it, thankfully -
0:48:28 > 0:48:32but she changed her name. She said that person is not, I'm now a new person.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35- Just changed her name.- Wow.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38- I guess that's what this is about, though.- Mm.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40That's what that's about.
0:48:40 > 0:48:44It's about putting it up and going that's it, that's the end.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46- That's the old.- Mm.
0:48:46 > 0:48:48Thank you very much.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56CLATTERING
0:48:56 > 0:48:59- Oh, crikey!- Oh, no!
0:48:59 > 0:49:03Er... Bike sheds. Must be able to get to that, somehow.
0:49:03 > 0:49:05- OK.- Oh, no!
0:49:05 > 0:49:07- Good luck.- Thank you!
0:49:11 > 0:49:14- It's the rats you have to worry about...- Don't!
0:49:14 > 0:49:15'All that for a set of keys.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17'But I owed him one.'
0:49:17 > 0:49:20Ah, well done, well done.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24- There's not any other goals, no?- No.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29- Yeah, I didn't think I'd end up here. - HE LAUGHS
0:49:29 > 0:49:33- Thank you very much for that. - Thank you.- Thank you.
0:49:33 > 0:49:37'As my list was coming to life, so was my lust for life.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41'With my specimen and the help of a good friend,
0:49:41 > 0:49:45'I started on an artwork and back in Rochdale,
0:49:45 > 0:49:47'I found a local line-dancing group
0:49:47 > 0:49:51'with the coolest heel-clickers around.'
0:50:05 > 0:50:09Forward and back, and forward and back and...
0:50:09 > 0:50:12It's like anything else - when you can do it, it's easy.
0:50:12 > 0:50:14'But finding love's not that easy.
0:50:14 > 0:50:21'Big Anne said, "Get down the social club, you're bound to meet some nice men in shirts there."
0:50:21 > 0:50:24'I thought maybe online dating was a better option,
0:50:24 > 0:50:28'so I called my girls in to help me sell myself.'
0:50:28 > 0:50:35Maybe this could be the other part of the profile - "looking for willing line-dancer".
0:50:35 > 0:50:39And you know what, Heather? They might like lassoing
0:50:39 > 0:50:43and then you could put, "You could lasso me!"
0:50:43 > 0:50:45Well, I think it's got to be a strong person.
0:50:45 > 0:50:50You can't be with anybody who emotionally hasn't got any backbone,
0:50:50 > 0:50:52because you'll just mother them.
0:50:52 > 0:50:55But go forward, go and explore, be light-hearted.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58Go and explore, meet people, go and enjoy it.
0:50:58 > 0:51:02Just do that. Let them see how fun it is to meet you.
0:51:02 > 0:51:03Go on, H.
0:51:05 > 0:51:08I've got a voicemail. I'm going to hear it.
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Johnny Depp. He's always phoning me.
0:51:12 > 0:51:13Um...
0:51:13 > 0:51:14He knows a pirate.
0:51:16 > 0:51:17- Interested?- Yeah.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23'Finally, after a couple of years of increasing my thyroid medication,
0:51:23 > 0:51:26'the doctors were happy we were getting there.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28'I still had down days...
0:51:30 > 0:51:31'..and up days
0:51:31 > 0:51:35'and I was managing to do much more,
0:51:35 > 0:51:39'but as I was moving forward, Big Anne was getting more poorly.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44'She'd become the most important person in the world to me,
0:51:44 > 0:51:46'so I dropped everything.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48'I did her shopping,
0:51:48 > 0:51:53'I cooked her pasta and taxied her to and from her consultations.'
0:51:54 > 0:51:56But she's really not well today.
0:51:57 > 0:51:58Really not well at all.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02It's just really upsetting.
0:52:02 > 0:52:07Having not had the cells in her breast removed,
0:52:07 > 0:52:10she's having more problems now with her bowels
0:52:10 > 0:52:12and she's having an endoscopy
0:52:12 > 0:52:14and, erm...
0:52:14 > 0:52:15I think ultimately she thinks
0:52:15 > 0:52:17that now she's got cancer in the bowel
0:52:17 > 0:52:21and this is just the stuff that reinforces what I...
0:52:21 > 0:52:23It's really hard for us to...
0:52:25 > 0:52:29..cope when there's an association with cancer of any kind.
0:52:29 > 0:52:33MUFFLED CONVERSATION IN BACKGROUND
0:52:33 > 0:52:38- Hiya, Mum.- Hiya, darling, are you OK?
0:52:38 > 0:52:42- Is she a bit tearful?- Er, no, but she's had enough, Mum.
0:52:42 > 0:52:47- It's just so unfair for her.- I'm worried about her psychologically,
0:52:47 > 0:52:50- which I haven't been before obviously.- Yeah.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52- Well, she's tough, isn't she?- Mm.
0:52:52 > 0:52:55- Did they talk to her about how they're going to do it?- Yeah.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59James, the young doctor showed her what they were doing with the camera
0:52:59 > 0:53:02and where and that there were lots of polyps. I don't know.
0:53:02 > 0:53:05- My instinct is that it's just everywhere now.- Mm.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07I didn't tell you what she said to me, though.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11She said she's never been right after having her thyroid out.
0:53:11 > 0:53:12Never right.
0:53:16 > 0:53:17I thought, "Oh, 'eck!"
0:53:19 > 0:53:22- Oh, we really think the world of her, don't we?- Yeah.
0:53:28 > 0:53:29Centre view.
0:53:30 > 0:53:31Yeah.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- Never easy.- Let's do something now.
0:53:35 > 0:53:37- Upset?- Yeah.
0:54:00 > 0:54:04'I'd learnt so much from Big Anne.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07'She helped me define what I wanted for my new life
0:54:07 > 0:54:09'and what I'd toss aside from the old.'
0:54:11 > 0:54:15Anne coped with pain in her own life.
0:54:15 > 0:54:22And God recognises that. He thanks us for our perseverance.
0:54:25 > 0:54:29'I don't believe in God, but I do agree with the vicar's words -
0:54:29 > 0:54:31'pain does hurt...
0:54:31 > 0:54:33'but it can also make you stronger.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46'Anne hadn't been afraid of anything or anyone.
0:54:46 > 0:54:49'She's give the Vs to the Grim Reaper
0:54:49 > 0:54:51'and I was feeling the same way.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58'Now I could face up to the future.
0:55:00 > 0:55:02'I still live in Rochdale,
0:55:02 > 0:55:03'but not for much longer.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08'I'm going to move somewhere, but I don't know where.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13'I've finished my story and now I want to tell other people's again.
0:55:15 > 0:55:17'And what about the list?
0:55:17 > 0:55:19'The boots - they're tricky,
0:55:19 > 0:55:23'but I'm not giving up.'
0:55:25 > 0:55:27Maybe I could take the, er...
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Nah, they're not working.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39- There's a pirate up there. - There's a pirate up there.
0:55:39 > 0:55:40And?
0:55:40 > 0:55:43He said to tell her there's a pirate up there.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46And what's he got waiting for me at the top?
0:55:46 > 0:55:50- He's quite ugly, he's got no teeth, he's got a hook.- And a treasure chest.- And a treasure chest.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52So it's worth getting up there now.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55I've got my treasure anyway, this is it.
0:55:58 > 0:56:02'Other dreams on the list are about savouring the now.'
0:56:04 > 0:56:06I can't believe I'm doing it!
0:56:07 > 0:56:09I can't believe I'm here.
0:56:31 > 0:56:33Yay!
0:56:35 > 0:56:38I'm filming a giant turnip.
0:56:38 > 0:56:40And absolutely wonderful sight...
0:56:40 > 0:56:44'Even Gordy, my dad, has taken to filming sometimes.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50'And as for having kids, what do the latest tests show?'
0:56:50 > 0:56:53If you do become pregnant, then your requirements
0:56:53 > 0:56:56for thyroxin will go up,
0:56:56 > 0:56:58and then go down again.
0:56:58 > 0:57:02- The recent bloods all good? - Yes, everything's fine.
0:57:02 > 0:57:05So do you think I'm going to be madness-free
0:57:05 > 0:57:07and with children in the future?
0:57:07 > 0:57:10- What do you reckon?- I-II'm sure that the future is bright.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17'So if I ever find love, maybe Jack will have a cousin one day.
0:57:19 > 0:57:20'One thing's for sure.
0:57:20 > 0:57:24'I know that whatever's thrown at me, I'll deal with it.
0:57:26 > 0:57:31'I can honestly say that I'm not afraid of anything any more,
0:57:31 > 0:57:32'not even death.'
0:57:36 > 0:57:40- What are we doing up here now? - I want you to open this.
0:57:40 > 0:57:42- Oh.- It's not FOR you.- All right.
0:57:42 > 0:57:46Oh, it's not for us. Just open it, but it's not for us.
0:57:47 > 0:57:49Careful. Right side up.
0:57:51 > 0:57:53Put it up against the window.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57SHE GASPS I know what it is!
0:57:57 > 0:58:00- It's the thyroid, part of her thyroid.- Oh, bloody hell. Is that what it is?
0:58:00 > 0:58:03- Wow!- It's a work of art, this.
0:58:03 > 0:58:05- Yeah, it is.- A living legend.
0:58:05 > 0:58:09Does Tom Cruise have all these problems?
0:58:09 > 0:58:12'And every day I can get up, look at my cancer
0:58:12 > 0:58:16'and say, "Morning! Now bugger off!"'
0:58:30 > 0:58:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd