0:00:29 > 0:00:34It was 2013 I competed in my first bodybuilding show.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37I didn't really know what to expect at all.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I'd never been to a bodybuilding show before.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I borrowed the bikini.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50I borrowed the shoes.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I borrowed my tan.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59I did my own hair and make-up and when they called the winner out
0:00:59 > 0:01:03and it was my number, I was shocked, I was very shocked.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07It was just amazing, you know, regardless of winning,
0:01:07 > 0:01:09so I was very grateful for that.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18My name is Nicole Toan.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24I'm from Belfast, currently working as a personal trainer.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26I compete in bodybuilding shows.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I've always been a dancer myself.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33I didn't really pay too much attention to schoolwork.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36It was more coming home and going to dance practice
0:01:36 > 0:01:39and, you know, dancing in the house,
0:01:39 > 0:01:44dancing for my mum and dad's friends if they came round.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It just so happened that a friend of mine had mentioned
0:01:47 > 0:01:50that the bodybuilding show was happening in Belfast
0:01:50 > 0:01:52and that you could perform a routine
0:01:52 > 0:01:55and you could maybe incorporate dance in that routine.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Lovely and calm, that, Nicole, huh?
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Cracker of an evening.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Everybody knows about the Muscle Beach in California.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35They weren't aware that there was
0:02:35 > 0:02:37a Muscle Beach in Helen's Bay,
0:02:37 > 0:02:38and at the weekends,
0:02:38 > 0:02:42the guys who trained, they would come down to Helen's Bay
0:02:42 > 0:02:45and in the summertime they'd bring their tents with them,
0:02:45 > 0:02:47and they would stay for the weekend,
0:02:47 > 0:02:50they would do a wee bit of training, freehand exercises and whatnot,
0:02:50 > 0:02:55have a swim and just lie and enjoy the sunshine.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Fascinating, seeing these men that trained with weights,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01as I say, they seemed different to other people, but there you go.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- All those years ago. - All those many, many years ago,
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I'm talking away back, late 1940s, early 1950s.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- Your daddy was probably not even born then.- No!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14THEY LAUGH
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Very first time I picked up a weight
0:03:19 > 0:03:22would have been around about 1953, '54.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I'd been working in this factory.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28There were a few lads there who were obviously weight trainers.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30I got friendly with them. I liked their attitude.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33They were confident without being arrogant.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37In those days just about everybody who trained with weights
0:03:37 > 0:03:39started off in Joe Scott's Barbell Club.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45WEIGHTS CLACK
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Ivan Dunbar was the man who actually introduced bodybuilding
0:03:58 > 0:04:03competitions to Belfast, away back in those early days, the early '50s,
0:04:03 > 0:04:09and Ivan put on his show every year, brought over all the big names.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Arnold Schwarzenegger as a young lad of 18 came over
0:04:12 > 0:04:15and Arnold was over here on three occasions.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Competitors would start coming in.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21You would help in getting their music sorted out with the music man,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24making sure their numbers were OK, making sure when they were on,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27and it was nice to be able to talk to them.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29In fact, I still do it at the show.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I remember Nicole's first competition.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37When she got onto the stage, she seemed to sort of...
0:04:37 > 0:04:38not hide away, but
0:04:38 > 0:04:42she just wasn't displaying herself the way she should.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I told Nicole, "Nicole, stand tall and proud."
0:04:44 > 0:04:48I decided I wanted to come back with a lot more muscle
0:04:48 > 0:04:51and I gave myself that goal.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I wanted to see how far I could actually go.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16The Dungeon gym, it's an old-school bodybuilding gym.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18It's in an old derelict mill.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22It's like, holes in the wall, graffiti on the walls,
0:05:22 > 0:05:26you know, it's very dirty. It's got everything you need.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30When I start training, I start seeing myself in the mirror
0:05:30 > 0:05:32and maybe getting a good pump on,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36and for me, that just lifts my mood completely,
0:05:36 > 0:05:40and then before you know it, you're in the gym maybe an hour and a half
0:05:40 > 0:05:42and you don't want to leave.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Beauty doesn't necessarily mean, you know, how you look,
0:05:45 > 0:05:49it's more about having confidence to step on stage
0:05:49 > 0:05:52or even to walk into a gym.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It's OK to have muscles.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Gav and I have been together now just coming up to a year
0:06:12 > 0:06:17and being in the Army, you know, and his background,
0:06:17 > 0:06:21he's a bodyguard at the minute, he's into his fitness.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26It's completely different, you know,
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I found out the hard way
0:06:28 > 0:06:30and it is, I mean, it's alien to me,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33the ritual that she goes through.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37It has been a bit of a struggle understanding it, like,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40she's got a strict diet in what she eats,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43how many times a day she has to eat,
0:06:43 > 0:06:47everything from calorie intake to salts to...
0:06:47 > 0:06:51everything. Sugars, watching everything. It's very committed.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I kind of isolate myself. I don't have a life.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58I isolate myself from my family, my friends.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02You can't drink, you can't go out to a restaurant.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You can't bypass a mirror without looking at yourself
0:07:05 > 0:07:10and it's not anything to do with being vain or loving yourself,
0:07:10 > 0:07:14it's to do with, you know, you want to see results,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17you want to constantly look in the mirror and think,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21"Well, am I seeing the results that I want?"
0:07:22 > 0:07:26She's got an image in her head of how she wants to look,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29and every day, every five minutes, almost,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32she's just looking in the mirror and making sure
0:07:32 > 0:07:37the lines, everything, her whole body is in proportion
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and looking right for the show,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43but there's days and there's moments where it's not, it's not like,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47she doesn't think it's the way it should be looking,
0:07:47 > 0:07:51when everyone tells her, "Yeah, it is."
0:07:51 > 0:07:56And, you know...that is the pressure of the show, I think.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Hmm.- Yeah?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05You have to get to the gym, that's what you have to do.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You have to train.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31It came at a really bad time, really vital time in my prep
0:08:31 > 0:08:33where it's the last four weeks.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35You need to be hitting everything hard.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Got a few back injuries,
0:08:37 > 0:08:39neck injuries,
0:08:39 > 0:08:44I've had a few trapped nerves down my shoulders,
0:08:44 > 0:08:48I've had a few trapped nerves in my back. Hamstring's really tight.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50It's just a case of...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54It's an ongoing thing
0:08:54 > 0:08:56but it's starting to get where I'm not allowed,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59it's preventing me from training heavy, lifting heavy,
0:08:59 > 0:09:04certain exercises - squats, dead lifts.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08It's got to the point where it's not bearable any more.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55HE PANTS
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Bent-over laterals for the rear deltoid,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09lateral raises for the lateral part of the deltoid,
0:10:09 > 0:10:14and then a clean and a press, just three exercises rolled into one.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I prefer doing that rather than just doing one exercise.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21It saves time. It's the old adage -
0:10:21 > 0:10:25the greatest amount of work in the shortest possible time.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Just have to get it done quickly.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31This is where I want to die.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32HE CHUCKLES
0:10:33 > 0:10:36It's very easy to overtrain.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39You have your workouts, you're training properly,
0:10:39 > 0:10:45you're eating sensibly and you feel great, all enthusiastic, and...
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Your head's telling you, "Get down and do some more."
0:10:49 > 0:10:51That's when you hit problems, overtraining.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Your body can only take so much.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58If you feel tired, you don't feel like going to the gym,
0:10:58 > 0:10:59you feel demoralised,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01you're inclined then to force yourself to go
0:11:01 > 0:11:03and you cease to enjoy your workouts.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Nicole's problem was, she wouldn't listen to me.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08She was going to these other guys
0:11:08 > 0:11:10and they were trying to impress Nicole.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12"More weight, more weight, more weight."
0:11:12 > 0:11:15They weren't letting Nicole listen to her body, they were trying
0:11:15 > 0:11:19to listen to Nicole's body for her and not hearing the right signals.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I think the wee girl is brilliant,
0:11:21 > 0:11:26but she lets herself be influenced by too many other people.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28People think it's all about competitions,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31you train and you're "complete, compete, compete."
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Competition's just a part of it.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38You're on a journey and competitions come round,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42it's a sort of a stop along the way to admire the scenery.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56I've been going to Valhalla Gym. It's just outside Carrickfergus.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00They want to have a look at me doing my poses,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03then they'll give me advice on what I need to change.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13INAUDIBLE
0:12:13 > 0:12:16'Nicole's figure doesn't need to be really muscular
0:12:16 > 0:12:19'but a nice taper from shoulders to waist,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21'a nice wee flare to her quads and calves.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23'I was just telling her to hold her poses,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25'when she's doing her calves,'
0:12:25 > 0:12:27push through, hold her calf,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30flex her hamstrings, keep her arms up and stuff like that.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32She's in fantastic shape,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35like, stands out from any girl in this country.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38The likes of bodybuilding, it's more consistency, you know,
0:12:38 > 0:12:40it's not something you do one or two days,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42it's seven days a week, 24/7.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I committed when I was 14.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48I seen the Hulk and that was me. I just wanted to be him.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Everything else suffered in my life, like schoolwork and stuff.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Only now I'm starting to educate myself a bit better.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I was just one-track mind. It's not a good thing, though, you know?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00If I could do things differently, I would.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Everyone's individual. Some people can handle it on stage
0:13:03 > 0:13:05and some can't. Personally, I couldn't.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I've been bodybuilding a long time
0:13:07 > 0:13:09but competitive bodybuilding's not for me.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I would be sort of shy and introvert naturally.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15I love everything about the bodybuilding but some people...
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Nicole, she's a natural performer, so she is.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20I'm not.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23She definitely will go far if she keeps her head on.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30The last two weeks, that's the time where you're drained,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34you start thinking, you start panicking that the show's soon.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Your cortisol levels can rise, where you tend to hold a lot of water,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41so it's just all about staying calm.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I'm sick of everything at the minute.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48When you wake up in the morning and all you want to do is train
0:13:48 > 0:13:50and all your mind is set on
0:13:50 > 0:13:54is a goal of competing on stage at NABBA again,
0:13:54 > 0:13:58but yet, everybody else around you who's competing is training
0:13:58 > 0:14:04and you're in the house, not doing anything, it's very hard.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13If you can dream and not make dreams your master
0:14:13 > 0:14:17If you can think and not make thoughts your aim
0:14:17 > 0:14:20If you can meet with triumph and disaster
0:14:20 > 0:14:24And treat those two impostors just the same
0:14:24 > 0:14:27If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
0:14:34 > 0:14:37And stoop and build them up with worn-out tools.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42This poem, If, by Rudyard Kipling,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45my father brought it home with him from the Navy
0:14:45 > 0:14:49and I've had a copy of it follow me throughout my life.
0:14:49 > 0:14:55I think you can find in that poem things that will help you
0:14:55 > 0:14:58through different eventualities, different wee problems.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Nicole should have a wee bit more self-belief,
0:15:01 > 0:15:05wee bit more courage, wee bit more confidence.
0:15:05 > 0:15:13I think there's times when she tries to put across an air of confidence
0:15:13 > 0:15:19but, um, you know, it's to boost her own...
0:15:19 > 0:15:22She's still got those wee doubts, she's still got those wee doubts.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26She's a nice girl. I like Nicole, she's a nice wee girl
0:15:26 > 0:15:28and just, she wants to believe in herself a wee bit more.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31She's probably searching like a whole load of us for happiness.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34She's trying to get that wee bit of happiness.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Green tea, Nicole, or chamomile?
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- Green, please. - Who looks after you, Nicole, huh?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44You were badly hit with injuries, weren't you, love?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Yes.- You had problems. - It was very frustrating, you know,
0:15:47 > 0:15:48stressing out, and it got me down
0:15:48 > 0:15:51and I was going to pull out of the show and that.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54It's... It's the sort of situation,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57you're getting ready for a competition, a competitor,
0:15:57 > 0:16:01an injury is awful because you can't, it interrupts your training.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05You have to change your training completely and a lot of people,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07they just, "Ah, forget about it."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10It's the old, old story, just let nature...
0:16:10 > 0:16:15Look after yourself. Let nature take its course. And the old saying,
0:16:15 > 0:16:19as we've talked about quite often, every little thing...
0:16:19 > 0:16:20- Is going to be all right.- Correct.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Every little thing is going to be all right.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- And it was all right. And it will be all right.- Yeah.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30So any wee worries you have between now and this show coming up,
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- remember that, love.- Well, I've realised that.- Yes.- So...- Yeah.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Lilah! Does she look well?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Does she look well? - Oh, aye, she does.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- She does.- Turn round, let's see the back.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- Oh.- Oh, yeah.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17When she went in for the bodybuilding,
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Thomas phoned and said, "She's won everything."
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- She got a cup.- And a cup.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- And a trophy.- And a trophy.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- And a medal.- And a medal.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29But no cash! Which she was looking for!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Did you not get money?- No.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Are you nervous when you go in for it?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37You can't be nervous when you get up on stage and you're naked.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40No, just a wee bit more adrenaline.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- And...- Just a bit of string round your bum.- ..nerves kick in.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48But you have to show your muscles more.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Day before, last day...
0:18:03 > 0:18:06My God. It's been...
0:18:06 > 0:18:09It's been up and down, up and down, you know, emotions...
0:18:09 > 0:18:11It is an emotional rollercoaster.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Although she puts on a front and she's like, you know,
0:18:15 > 0:18:20everything's fine, there is that...
0:18:20 > 0:18:23underconfident side of her that she needs bringing out.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28INAUDIBLE
0:18:31 > 0:18:35I was looking for a bikini like a black bikini.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39The whole theme of my kind of routine and hair and make-up,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41it's kind of like a smoky effect
0:18:41 > 0:18:44and my boyfriend bought me it, so... I've seen better!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36When she's out doing her routine,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39she's isolated on that stage on her own, underneath those lights,
0:20:39 > 0:20:42and those lights are very unforgiving.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47You remember the people in your life that helped you
0:20:47 > 0:20:50when you're training, when you started out training,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52the advice you got, the help that you got
0:20:52 > 0:20:55and the people who have been behind you.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57That all flashes through your mind.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05There's 1000 people out there, and they've bought a ticket
0:21:05 > 0:21:08and you're going to be the only person on that stage,
0:21:08 > 0:21:10they've come to see you.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Right, 20 minutes, these people will be off in 20 minutes.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18You'll be going up there. OK, please be ready.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36You just get onto that stage, feel good about yourself.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38You're there to show off.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Coming back, it was like, "Right, I have to do it"
0:23:24 > 0:23:25and then we got placed third.
0:23:25 > 0:23:31And now I'm like, well, you know, I have to hang the stage shoes up.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35You know, I'm not going to compete any more. But then, you never know.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40There's more to life than just competing.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47I just found out that Graeme passed away
0:23:47 > 0:23:48and it's very sad.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53It was a massive shock to the bodybuilding industry.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57You know, and he's a legend in himself.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03He was a massive help in my own prep.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11You know, you get these people that have trained their whole lives
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and they're telling you and you're taking their advice.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18You know, you're putting your body through all this strain.
0:24:18 > 0:24:24Yeah, you can look your best, but is it really worth it for...
0:24:24 > 0:24:26for what? For a trophy?
0:24:34 > 0:24:37If you can make one heap of all your winnings
0:24:37 > 0:24:39And risk it on a turn of pitch-and-toss
0:24:39 > 0:24:43And lose, and start again at your beginnings
0:24:43 > 0:24:46And never breathe a word about your loss
0:24:47 > 0:24:51If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
0:24:51 > 0:24:54To serve your turn long after they are gone
0:24:54 > 0:24:58And so hold on when there is nothing in you
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Except the will which says to them, "Hold on!"
0:25:04 > 0:25:07If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch
0:25:11 > 0:25:14If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
0:25:14 > 0:25:18If all men count with you, but none too much
0:25:20 > 0:25:23If you can fill the unforgiving minute
0:25:23 > 0:25:26With 60 seconds' worth of distance run
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it
0:25:30 > 0:25:34And, which is more, you'll be a man, my son.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41MUSIC: Three Little Birds by Bob Marley
0:25:50 > 0:25:54# Don't worry about a thing
0:25:56 > 0:26:00# Cos every little thing gonna be all right
0:26:02 > 0:26:04# Singing, don't worry... #