0:25:22 > 0:25:26I wasn't sad. I wasn't really anything.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28I was numb.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33My mum was gone and that's all that I could think about.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41In the process of losing her,
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I lost a massive part of myself.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48All I wanted to do was just stay in my room
0:25:48 > 0:25:52and keep the world at bay and not face what was happening.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55See, I missed having a best friend.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59I missed having someone there who knew me inside out.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I missed her...
0:26:01 > 0:26:03I missed her tough love.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08That kind of love between a mother and daughter just can't be replaced.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13It was surreal. It was depressing.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16And it was a lot to take in.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I was trying to think, how am I going to cope in the future?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29How am I going to...
0:26:29 > 0:26:31How am I going to live without having a mum
0:26:31 > 0:26:34that's been by my side for the last 18 years?
0:26:42 > 0:26:43She wanted me...
0:26:46 > 0:26:47..to do my best in the world.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52So, that's when I finally decided to pluck up the courage and go get help,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54and I decided to see my doctor.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01At the time, I thought that the antidepressants were a lifeline.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06On the face of it, they did help me function more,
0:27:06 > 0:27:10but deep down, I was feeling worse than ever.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16I was so withdrawn and I think, at this stage,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19I was on the verge of completely losing myself.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Then one morning, a report came on the radio
0:27:28 > 0:27:31and it was talking about the rise in antidepressants
0:27:31 > 0:27:34in Northern Ireland and for me, that was the turning point.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS
0:27:43 > 0:27:48I didn't want to worry my dad before but I decided to tell him anyway.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53And when I did, he responded by just getting up
0:27:53 > 0:27:56and walking straight to his record collection
0:27:56 > 0:28:00and pulling out The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan and just handing it to me,
0:28:00 > 0:28:05not saying a word and with that, I knew exactly what to do.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07The music gave me something to think about.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Something to kind of latch onto.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15It was like being able to think straight for the first time in ages.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18See, I've always loved music, but this was different.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22This was like hearing my favourite songs for the first time,
0:28:22 > 0:28:25but with some kind of new meaning or a new connection.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28And in the end, it wasn't the medication that
0:28:28 > 0:28:31answered my cry for help - it was the music and its raw emotion.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35And it made it clear to me that Mum was gone.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39And I'll always have my memories of her, but I'll never be without music.