0:00:20 > 0:00:25We start school, teach Mandarin Chinese for our own kids.
0:00:25 > 0:00:30It's English school during the week, but we only use this on Sunday.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35The Chinese are very much on their education.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39The Western parents give the kids a lot of freedom,
0:00:39 > 0:00:44and the Chinese feel that they are not ready,
0:00:44 > 0:00:48and we have a very heavy discipline to our children as well.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51SPEAKS MANDARIN
0:00:51 > 0:00:54That's how we been brought up.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58As a Chinese parent, you never think your child can't achieve.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00You don't think that.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03You think, "OK, they can achieve from the very beginning,"
0:01:03 > 0:01:05and then they will with hard work.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08'The Chinese are doing better at GCSE than any other
0:01:08 > 0:01:09'ethnic group in the UK.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- 'They achieve far more A stars.' - That's perfect.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14What's their secret?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16'And is there a price to pay?
0:01:16 > 0:01:21'We went back to the homes of some of the families from one London Chinese school
0:01:21 > 0:01:23'to find out.'
0:01:23 > 0:01:26If you want to be the best, you have to pay a lot of effort.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Not everyone can be the best, surely?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32But we are Chinese, we have to be.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37BELL RINGS
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Hello, nice to meet you again.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Nice to see you again. Which ones shall we...?
0:01:47 > 0:01:50You're very tall, so whatever you like.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55- Do you mind Chinese knitted shoes? - That's OK.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56What's this?
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- The living room.- The living room. What do you normally do here?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- My work.- Which one is your table for work?
0:02:04 > 0:02:05- Over there.- Yeah.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10So, this is your... what you do every day. What's that?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13This is your timetable... every day, yeah?
0:02:13 > 0:02:19- Piano, Chinese writing, reading, English spelling.- How about weekends?
0:02:19 > 0:02:23How about Sunday? Can you read for Hannah?
0:02:23 > 0:02:29Church, maths, Chinese school lessons, garden, play, football.
0:02:30 > 0:02:37Shower, TV cartoon, piano, contest results, dinner,
0:02:37 > 0:02:41English spelling, maths test, bedtime.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- That's a Sunday?- Yes, Sunday. - Wow! How old are you, Matthew?- Six.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- That sounds like quite a lot. - He starts from five years old.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Before five, I let him play anything he wants, but from five,
0:02:53 > 0:02:58I think we need to let him start him get some kind of routine.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Yeah. This is his spelling, 10 words.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Impossible.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Investigate.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Instruction.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17SPEAKS MANDARIN
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I can't! I can't concentrate with that ice cream van...
0:03:20 > 0:03:23When ice cream van coming, he's not concentrate, he said.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25He wants to eat ice cream!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Invitation.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30- Who's in charge of the household? - Her, definitely.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34He say I'm too tough, but children need to be...
0:03:34 > 0:03:37You need to be tough, and you are too soft. If not, he won't listen to you.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Because I know sometimes he's tired, but I say,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44"No, look, the timetable we haven't finished, you can't sleep."
0:03:44 > 0:03:51Important, all right. Imagine, all right. Impossible, all right. Investigate.
0:03:51 > 0:03:57Investigate, I-n-v-e-s-t-I-gate. Invest-I-gate.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Two wrong - you need to write again next time.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05But for him, he only do about...I think, daytime,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I'm talking about one hour, one and a half hours' homework,
0:04:08 > 0:04:12and when come back, do may be another one and a half hour.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15So, in total, one day, only about three hours.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18So, still plenty of time to play.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Because we think it's quite important, especially now, you know,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24life is getting tougher and tougher,
0:04:24 > 0:04:28and you need proper skills to survive in the world.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32And also England, obviously...
0:04:32 > 0:04:33I mean,
0:04:33 > 0:04:38England is sort of going downhill in terms of league tables
0:04:38 > 0:04:40and pretty much everything else,
0:04:40 > 0:04:44so we need to compete with other countries as well.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Nathan, how was school?- It was good.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Do you have everything, do you have all your homework?- Yeah.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58What about the French...binder for the French oral?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Yeah, I've brought that home.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- And the maths test, right?- Mm-hm.- OK.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Well, let's go home and...
0:05:08 > 0:05:10..get cracking.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14While Nathan's doing his piano or violin,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Natalie is doing her homework, and then they switch.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20So do you fit anything else in after school work?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Not really, there's no time.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25There's only really four good hours, maybe five good hours
0:05:25 > 0:05:28for them to get everything done.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31How do you squeeze it all in? It's really hard.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34You know what you're doing, right?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39'Vivian's son Nathan is 10, and her daughter Natalie is 6.'
0:05:39 > 0:05:41E minor.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42PLAYS SCALES
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Think about it. Before you play, you have to think about what you're playing, OK?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48And how many sharps there are
0:05:48 > 0:05:51and where your fingers are supposed to be before you just jump into it.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Play it like it's one movement, not jerky like that.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59'As well as homework, Vivian supervises
0:05:59 > 0:06:02'three and a half hours' music practice each day.'
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Do it one more time before... We got to get it right.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07PLAYS NOTES
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Do that one again.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12PLAYS NOTES
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Again.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Again, do that one again.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21No. That's not right. The thumb.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23The first time I did it...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I know, the first time, you were OK, but it wasn't fast enough.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Let's do it again.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Where do you stand on praise?
0:06:32 > 0:06:36I was having this conversation with another mother,
0:06:36 > 0:06:40and we were all talking about the Asian way of encouragement,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44taking out the really good parts and focusing on that -
0:06:44 > 0:06:46it's either good or it's not.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56I'm from Taiwan - I'm made in Taiwan!
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Taiwan!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Yes, I came England since 1998.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05I work as a facility management consultant.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10- I'm from Newcastle, originally. - Geordie.- Geordie boy.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11(Geordie man.)
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I look after this building.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15You can't find it?
0:07:15 > 0:07:21I'm the caretaker of the block, and I do maintenance and gardening.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22- Handyman work.- Handyman work.
0:07:22 > 0:07:28- I'm going to do a quick job.- OK. - OK?- Do a quick job.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31So what are your different roles in the house, then?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35He does most of the cleaning, cooking, look after the children!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Painting!- No, don't do that, because then her clothes will be dirty.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Can you please put that one on properly?
0:07:45 > 0:07:51What's it like, a Chinese Taiwanese lady married to a Geordie?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53What are you each like?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- We're opposites.- Very opposite. We are so different.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04I think, to start with, Taiwanese is a bit like Chinese -
0:08:04 > 0:08:09we're very careful about money, we don't take holiday much,
0:08:09 > 0:08:14and then, for Michael, the culture... he doesn't care too much,
0:08:14 > 0:08:19he's just thinking how much he earns, he just wants to spend it.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21He doesn't think about saving the money.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23That's the first thing we noticed.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27He likes to go out drinking, enjoy a few drinks with his friends,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30three or four times a week.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Three or four times a week?!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35What about Kate?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39She's very strict and bossy.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Bossy?!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46No, I have principles, let's put it that way.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- You're a little bossy as well. - I'm not.- You're not a little bossy?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I'm painting.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I think Chinese parents give more guidance and rules,
0:08:55 > 0:08:56that's definitely.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Parents got a little bit more ambitious, I think.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06They go and think about what they would like
0:09:06 > 0:09:10their children to become and how they want to behave.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Western parents, I think they tend to be a little bit more relaxed,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16let them run wild.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26- Does he do play dates?- Play dates? - I don't know what that means.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Playing with other children?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Yes, sometimes a friend come here, or he goes to his home.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- But not too often - maybe only... - Two times a year.- Yeah.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Tell me what that certificate is for.
0:09:42 > 0:09:49It is for taking part in his school skipping, well,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51it's called skip-a-thon, in June 2010.
0:09:51 > 0:09:57- He skipped, apparently, how many times?- Tell Hannah - one minute, how many times?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59128.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02128 times? Wow!
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Just to say...
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Do you keep all his certificates, then?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Yeah! I keep them in a box, so he says this is his treasure box.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15So, when he's grown up, he can look back for what he done
0:10:15 > 0:10:17when he was little.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22You know this spelling, one-week test?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Normally, he gets 10 out of 10.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Yesterday, he got 9 out of 10.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31I know it's not too bad, but if I told him, "Oh, already very good, not too bad,"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34he will be thinking it's all right, but if I told him,
0:10:34 > 0:10:39"You have to be 10 out of 10," he will try harder next time.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41We're both education person.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46Of course, you know, I expect my son to go to university,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49maybe not need a Masters degree, but at least a Bachelor degree,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51doing well in his life.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Do you know what job you want to do, Matthew?- Dentist.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Because I'm working for a dental place,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59and his godfather, my boss, is a dentist.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02That's why he got this idea.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05When he was little, I did ask him what you want to be,
0:11:05 > 0:11:07and he said, "I want to be a binman."
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Binman is very fun, because every day,
0:11:09 > 0:11:13when I go to work, he's standing in the window, looking outside,
0:11:13 > 0:11:17and binman is very fun, he thought it was very interesting, good job.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22But one day, I told him binman is good, but you need to work very hard,
0:11:22 > 0:11:28and then no sleep, very tiring, quite low pay - what do you think?
0:11:28 > 0:11:33He said, "Hmm..." And after that, one day, I take to my boss's house.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37He said, "Wow, your boss got big house, lots of nice car,"
0:11:37 > 0:11:40because he likes to collect little car, and he said,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43"I've changed my mind - I want to earn more money,"
0:11:43 > 0:11:46so he says he wants to be a dentist.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50And you know, dentists need to have a good study, Yeah?
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- What are beginning to draw now? - A peacock.- A peacock?- Yeah.
0:11:56 > 0:12:02- Looks like she might be arty. - Will that be odd to you?- Oh...!
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Well, artists don't make that much money, isn't it?
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Most of the time, they get famous after they are, you know, no longer exist.
0:12:15 > 0:12:20- Well, it doesn't matter.- What do you imagine for Juliette?- As in a job?
0:12:20 > 0:12:27- Yeah.- When she grows older? - Lawyer, doctor. No.- No.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34Actually, one of the jobs I want her to do, and Michael says no,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I want her to be a dentist.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39It's OK, you're still a doctor, you earn good money.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44To be honest, I'm not really that bothered what she does.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46You see, that's what's different.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I got a view on what she supposed to be,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51but regardless on what she becomes or not, it's up to her.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- As long as she's happy.- That's OK. - And not too stressed.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56And she has a happy life.
0:12:56 > 0:13:03But, you see, that's the other thing...I don't think stress is wrong, as well.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I think in every single life, you need a bit of stress,
0:13:06 > 0:13:10a lot of pressure, then you can progress better.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Otherwise... I said to Michael, otherwise, we are still apes.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21- Yes, switch on. About five to five.- What are you doing now?
0:13:21 > 0:13:26Watch Arsenal game. Watch Arsenal - my favourite moment of our week.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Weekday, Matthew, number one. Saturday, Sunday, Arsenal.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Now I am nervous! With my Arsenal blanket.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37They're just about to start.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Arsenal never give up.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43It's my passion, you know?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- They don't win.- I know they don't win, but what can you do?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49At least, you know...
0:13:52 > 0:13:54PLAYS PIANO
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Yes, I was born in Taiwan. My parents moved to Canada
0:14:01 > 0:14:05because they thought that it would be a better life for us.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10More opportunity, better education...in their minds.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14It was five of us in a one-bedroom apartment.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19They started off with a convenience store and then...
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- They had a flower shop. - They had a flower shop.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25They gave up a lot for us,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28and so, there's a bit of guilt that, you know,
0:14:28 > 0:14:35as children, we carry around with us and we want to do our best,
0:14:35 > 0:14:40so we feel that what they sacrificed was worthwhile for them.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I think the reason why, often, I push our children to do well
0:14:47 > 0:14:52at certain things is because, if they do well at it,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I feel they'll be confident.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06It's the process of learning it, I think is really important.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08It's a good discipline.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11It teaches them that if they practise, if they work hard,
0:15:11 > 0:15:14they can really achieve something really beautiful and wonderful.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41You sure?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Yeah, that he's professional, you know?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50So, they asked us to call you - you are naughty.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55No, he's professional, it's a one fixed price.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00That's for your health - it's not for clothes or shoes.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04Once you've seen doctor, you won't see him for many years.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Yeah. You have to listen to us,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10it's 90 minutes. One hour is £200.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15Yeah, you are joking, you are coming, yeah?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Don't let me down. You're joking!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20TALKS MANDARIN
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- So I introduce my boss, Mr Lee.- Hi, there.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- Hello, Mr Lee, nice to meet you. - Hello.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29So, you've had Sally working with you for ages?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Yes, since '93, so 18 years ago.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Wow.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38She started to work here, full-time, and, yeah,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40she's been very good.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42What did you study, Sally?
0:16:42 > 0:16:49I studied in Canton. It's one quite famous university - Jinan University.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Actually, my character is, I quite like talking, I like writing,
0:16:53 > 0:16:57I want to be a writer, or TV reporter, like you.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I like to meet people, to chat,
0:16:59 > 0:17:02always talking to everyone, all the time.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- Why didn't you do that? - It's my parents' fault.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09That's why, my parents said, in order to have a good job,
0:17:09 > 0:17:10you need to be an accountant.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Accountant - everywhere needs accountants.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16So, it's not really my wish, and plus, my maths is horrible.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19My parents said, "You have to be an accountant."
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I've studied for four years - waste!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Why did you come to England?
0:17:38 > 0:17:43To study accountancy, because that's... Actually, I never...
0:17:43 > 0:17:45it's not something I...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I never wanted to become an accountant.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I didn't know what to do, actually.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53And my uncle recommended to me, "Why don't you go and study abroad?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57"Cos your maths is quite good, maybe suggest accountancy."
0:17:58 > 0:18:03My dad came to Mauritius from China when he was quite young,
0:18:03 > 0:18:07and he's had a shop. It's like a corner shop, really.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09My family are quite poor, you see,
0:18:09 > 0:18:12and couldn't afford to go to three years' university.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Accountancy is a good thing - you only needed one year.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- So, you got forced to study accountancy?- I know.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24And I was an accountant for two years. But every time,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27when I look at the numbers in the computer, I always feel a headache.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Do you know, last week, Hannah came to my house.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Matthew said, "I want to be a dentist,
0:18:35 > 0:18:39"because I want to earn as much money as I can!"
0:18:39 > 0:18:43So he has changed his mind. He was going to be an accountant.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55- Shall I give you this first? - Your last week's work was very, very good Matthew.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Did you notice how well you did them last week? You see...
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Lots of mistakes last time! - No, that's absolutely fine.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04That's good, that's good. Every day, it's better.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08So, that's your maths, and that's your English.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11My friend recommend to me,
0:19:11 > 0:19:15she said all her friends or children all joined this centre,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18and it improved their study well.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Because in state school, they don't have homework every single day,
0:19:22 > 0:19:26so it's good to give children some kind of work and routine.
0:19:32 > 0:19:38My parents always brainwashed us, we have two study hard.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42They are teachers in China, they are very strict.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I thought it was quite normal to obey parents
0:19:45 > 0:19:47and to do what whatever they asked me to do.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53When I was six, my dad asked somebody to make a small violin for me,
0:19:53 > 0:19:58and then he even buy us a brand-new piano. 30 years ago,
0:19:58 > 0:20:03one piano maybe cost them over one year's wages,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06but they say they don't mind, they just sacrificed everything for us.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11This is...look, my timetable.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I didn't know... You want to see?
0:20:13 > 0:20:21I didn't notice that earlier. 5.15, and I need to read one hour English.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24And then study, go to school, 7.20.
0:20:24 > 0:20:30Dinner, 6 to 6.30, and study from 7 to 10 o'clock.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43- Hi, Sally.- Hello. How was Matthew today?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Well, he did pretty well, but I noticed
0:20:46 > 0:20:49he still seems to forget how to carry forward.
0:20:49 > 0:20:55- OK, thank you.- I shall see you... - Next week, yeah.- Take care. Bye!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Goodbye! Thank you. See you next week.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Matthew...
0:21:04 > 0:21:08You found it more difficult than last week?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You need to practise more.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16B is no good! Yeah, two Bs.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33'Kate and Michael have brought their daughter Juliette over to visit her mother in Taiwan.'
0:21:33 > 0:21:37We are going to the temple... to the right.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42When you come to the temple, you have to bring food,
0:21:42 > 0:21:46to pray, like a present to the gods.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49There's a god of study, a god of books.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53I was thinking, maybe I should do something like that for Juliette,
0:21:53 > 0:21:56because she hasn't got into school yet.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Pray for her to get into a good school
0:21:59 > 0:22:02and she can have good exam results.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Is that a burger?- Ju-Ju? Ju-Ju?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15My mum, me.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19It's not like me.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23My mum's really good - when we started school...
0:22:23 > 0:22:26every day - check.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Checked my progress. Give feedback.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Yeah, random checks. Random exams at home.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- Really?- Yeah. I remember. I know that.- From what age?
0:22:48 > 0:22:49About five.
0:22:49 > 0:22:55She made sure we all studied so all three of us got Masters degrees.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Did your parents expect anything like...?
0:22:58 > 0:23:02They expected you to go to school and come back from school.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03That was just the way parents were.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Did your parents ever check your homework?- No.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I probably didn't do my homework.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12My mum disagreed.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15When she go to school, she come back, I would check her homework, make sure everything's done.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19I'd never let her go to school to say, "I haven't done my maths or English."
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- I'm not going to do anything! - You're not doing anything?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27Well, then you're going to naughty chair all night.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I'll be testing you, Juliette, I'll be testing you.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Just like Mummy got tested when she was little.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- Can you show your room quickly? - MY room? Oh, no!
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- Your room from when you were little, yeah?- No, no, no.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Nothing's changed.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45No!
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Come and see.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Pictures of Kate?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55What was it you liked about Kate when you met her?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Quite a lot, really.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- What kind of stuff?- Er...
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Asking us the wrong question now. - What?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09I just asked Michael what he liked about you when you met.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- This was what she looked like.- No! Really?- That's how I remember you.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Really?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- Were you allowed to have boyfriends when you were...?- No.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Never let me have boyfriends.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Never ever.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26- Really?- Yeah, never.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Because the parents want you to study and not get distracted
0:24:30 > 0:24:32with boy-, girlfriend business.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34When was this taken?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Just a few years ago.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38THEY LAUGH No.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43You don't look that strait-laced and studious there.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Were you a rebel?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48I'm the...
0:24:48 > 0:24:52I'm the difficult, different one in the family.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Really?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Yeah. Cos I'm more outgoing compared to...
0:24:56 > 0:25:00I'm not traditional, like very Chinese.
0:25:00 > 0:25:06Parents expected girls to be very quiet and not allowed to talk a lot.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11- What's the matter?- So will you expect that of Juliette, do you think?
0:25:11 > 0:25:16Are you going back to your roots, or will you let her be a rebel like you were?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I think I'll let her do whatever she...
0:25:18 > 0:25:21She has to become who she is, so it doesn't matter.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- She will be a good little girl. - She's fibbing a bit now.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29- You mean, she'll have a bit more say in it?- Yeah.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I don't think she's going to let Juliette be a bit of a rebel.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34What do you mean?!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Would you?- Yeah. Probably.
0:25:42 > 0:25:48Do your science. OK, go downstairs, let's go. BABY WHINES
0:25:48 > 0:25:52We're just doing last-minute science homework before we leave,
0:25:52 > 0:25:53rushing through it.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Vivian is taking Nathan to the Royal Festival Hall,
0:25:59 > 0:26:04to see a performance by the world-famous Chinese pianist, Lang Lang.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Lang Lang had a notoriously tough upbringing.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14I think Lang Lang is such a wonderful role model,
0:26:14 > 0:26:18and I think he's great at inspiring young individuals,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21because he's not only about being a fantastic performer,
0:26:21 > 0:26:26he's about hard work, he's about having failed
0:26:26 > 0:26:29but continue and succeeded afterwards.
0:26:31 > 0:26:37- Why, what happened? - He went to the Beijing Music Academy.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41The teacher there "fired him", and told him he had no talent,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45so his dad shouted at him, "Your life is over,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48"you might as well just kill yourself, because you've nothing to live for!"
0:26:50 > 0:26:54They both had to hang in there - and look at him now.
0:26:54 > 0:27:01He's playful, he's... you know, a solid individual.
0:27:05 > 0:27:11- Is it a common thing for him to be out like this?- No.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16- I never actually go out on... - Not on weekdays.
0:27:16 > 0:27:23As soon as we get home, it's music, it's homework, and...eating, bath...
0:27:23 > 0:27:28- and then sleeping, right? - Is that right?- Mm-hm. - Which is the best bit of all those?
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Er, I'm not sure... Going to sleep!
0:27:32 > 0:27:35How do you feel when your head finally hits the pillow?
0:27:35 > 0:27:41- Oh... I feel relaxed. - Do you wind down easily?
0:27:41 > 0:27:46Not really. I don't usually fall asleep that fast.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50But when I'm asleep, I don't usually wake up.
0:28:17 > 0:28:23- Woo-hoo!- Come in.- Hi! - How are you? He's a big fan!
0:28:23 > 0:28:28- What are you playing now?- I'm doing Grade 6 right now.- On the piano.
0:28:28 > 0:28:34- Really? Grade 6? And violin also? - Yeah!- Oh, my God.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37So he has a very important question he wants to ask you.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40It's a constant debate between us two.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43How much do you practise a day?
0:28:43 > 0:28:46It depends how old you are. When I was eight, I practised eight hours.
0:28:46 > 0:28:50And now I'm getting older, I only practise two hours.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54But today I did, like, four hours since I was playing.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58- How old are you?- Ten. - So ten hours. No, I'm only joking!
0:28:58 > 0:29:06- I'm just trying to scare you. - That is scary.- Four hours. - Four hours? OK. See?
0:29:06 > 0:29:12- You practise two hours, not too bad. - One more - three is OK!- Three!
0:29:15 > 0:29:20When it gets tough, when you're really working and you're practising
0:29:20 > 0:29:26and homework, do you ever doubt your approach and wonder is it worth it?
0:29:26 > 0:29:29I never doubt because it's hard work,
0:29:29 > 0:29:32because I think it's going to be hard work.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35I doubt when I think my children are unhappy.
0:29:35 > 0:29:40Like, if...if I'm pushing them and I say, "Do it again, do it again!"
0:29:40 > 0:29:45and they say, "I can't do it!" and they start crying, then I doubt.
0:29:45 > 0:29:51I think, "OK, am I hurting them emotionally somehow?"
0:29:51 > 0:29:58That's when I doubt. But then, I think they can do it.
0:29:58 > 0:30:03And I think, they're going to be able to do it.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06If they just work hard, if they just do it one more time.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09And I can't let them stop until they do it,
0:30:09 > 0:30:14because then they'll learn to give up in the middle of things.
0:30:14 > 0:30:18So I push them until they actually do it properly.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21It doesn't have to be 100%,
0:30:21 > 0:30:24as long as, in their minds, they think they've done it.
0:30:24 > 0:30:28Amazing guy. He's very nice.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32- Gave you good advice. Three hours! - Yeah!
0:30:32 > 0:30:36I wouldn't have the time. If I did that...
0:30:36 > 0:30:39Learning the piano is going to be really difficult.
0:30:39 > 0:30:44- Yeah. I'd stay up until 11 o'clock at night if I did three hours.- True.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47Maybe when you're 12, you could do three hours.
0:30:47 > 0:30:48THEY LAUGH
0:30:48 > 0:30:52You're going to have to practise to be like him.
0:30:52 > 0:30:56How would you find it if one of them found it hard to achieve?
0:30:56 > 0:31:00As a Chinese parent, you never think your child can't achieve.
0:31:00 > 0:31:05You don't think that. You think, "OK, they can achieve," from the very beginning,
0:31:05 > 0:31:09and then they will, with hard work. And that's what's going to happen.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13And if it doesn't happen, it's because they just weren't interested in that area,
0:31:13 > 0:31:18we find what they ARE interested in and they're interested in something else.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20And they'll achieve it that. And they do.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Now it is 4.35 in the morning.
0:31:28 > 0:31:35We are in Luton airport, we are off to Montpellier. Matthew is very happy,
0:31:35 > 0:31:39because yesterday he won a competition of skipping.
0:31:39 > 0:31:44So two years in a row, you are number one. And he bring the gold medal with him.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47- Really?- He will show you.- Cool!
0:31:47 > 0:31:53- Not more medals!- Yes! He told me number one is the gold!
0:31:53 > 0:31:57The plan is to, once we've landed, we'll find out where things are.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01And then we're going on an excursion in the afternoon,
0:32:01 > 0:32:08to visit a little village just to the north of Montpellier.
0:32:08 > 0:32:13- Straight after you've got up at three in the morning? - In the afternoon, yeah.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16We won't waste time, because we only have 5 and a half days.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33Very old houses. Matthew...
0:32:37 > 0:32:41Where we are, I don't know. I don't know.
0:32:41 > 0:32:47- He is complaining of hot already. - You hitted me on my head.- When?
0:32:47 > 0:32:52- Like this.- When?- Just now.- Sorry.
0:32:54 > 0:32:58OK. I need to...move over.
0:32:58 > 0:33:04Does somebody live there? No-one. It's empty.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07- It's so hot.- It's not hot.
0:33:07 > 0:33:13You say you want to go on holiday, now you complain. Oh, dear.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16He's bored, he says we are too slow.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20It's not a competition.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Stop stopping, I said.
0:33:24 > 0:33:28- Bad temper.- Bad temper.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32- Look at this church, look.- Yeah.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Where are you, Matthew?
0:33:34 > 0:33:40When you go on holiday, he say...not need a timetable...
0:33:40 > 0:33:43It's a break from all his studies.
0:33:43 > 0:33:47- He wish every day is a holiday, he said.- Is it a break from his studies?
0:33:47 > 0:33:52- Yeah.- Slightly.- But he needs to do homework every single day, still.
0:33:52 > 0:33:57- Sometimes I feel sorry for him. - Do you?- Yeah. It's true.
0:33:57 > 0:34:01Once a week, I definitely lose temper with him.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05Because sometimes he's tired. He said, "I want to have a break today, I'm tired."
0:34:05 > 0:34:10I say, "No, you haven't done this, you haven't done this. You have to sit down with me."
0:34:10 > 0:34:12He gets upset, sometimes even cries.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15But I say, "You have to do it." But afterwards...
0:34:15 > 0:34:20- How are you? Do you feel the same? - He says I'm too cruel to him.- Me?
0:34:20 > 0:34:26- Sometimes I think she pushes too hard.- Yeah, but you need to be hard.
0:34:26 > 0:34:31- Sometimes he ends up crying. - Even when he cries, I say, "No, you can't go upstairs."
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Something she gets angry and takes it out on me!
0:34:33 > 0:34:38- I say, "What's the point?" - Because I'm angry.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42- Because every day, he doesn't do anything, he just watches TV. - Of course.
0:34:42 > 0:34:48- I need to teach him everything. - That's why I try to go away. I go and watch TV upstairs.
0:34:48 > 0:34:53- But I'm tired too, I'm working. - Of course I understand.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57I wasn't brought up strictly at all. I was the opposite.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00My parents just let me do whatever.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04- And you turned out all right.- Yeah, I mean, when I did my...- He's lucky.
0:35:04 > 0:35:09How many children are lucky, that don't study and go to university?
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- I don't believe that.- That's true. - His character, he's very quiet.
0:35:13 > 0:35:17Because you were born many years ago, you are quiet.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20But in this day, so many TV, so many games.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24- A lot more distractions now, of course.- They don't want to study, they want to play and watch TV.
0:35:24 > 0:35:29You need to teach them a bit of discipline. Not very strict, but you know what I mean.
0:35:29 > 0:35:33You have to understand how to organise their time
0:35:33 > 0:35:35and be disciplined.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39Without discipline, what can you achieve?
0:35:48 > 0:35:52Finished? Let me check.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56This one is fine. This one is fine.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Oh, this one is wrong. This one is wrong.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03No, this is wrong. Be careful.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05We don't want things wrong.
0:36:05 > 0:36:10Wow! That's funny.
0:36:10 > 0:36:15- SQUEALS - Be quiet!- Oh, my God.- Oh, yeah.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19Watch me, watch me! Matthew, watch me!
0:36:21 > 0:36:23- He's a clever horse, look!- Yeah!
0:36:30 > 0:36:34Did you have much fun when you were a child?
0:36:34 > 0:36:38No, because we were not allowed to go on any holidays.
0:36:38 > 0:36:42They said holidays are a waste of time. So he's lucky.
0:36:42 > 0:36:47He's already been to many countries, many places.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51I always envied the other children who had a lot of freedom.
0:36:51 > 0:36:55When I was young, I was angry about that. And that's why I ran away from all my family.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58After university, I told myself, I'm not going home.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09Even after I was a student, I still needed to write a diary
0:37:09 > 0:37:13every single day, and I needed to send it back to my parents.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17When I was at university, I wrote two diaries - one for my mum, one for myself.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21- Have you got them there?- Yeah, I've got them.- Did you have boyfriends?
0:37:21 > 0:37:26- Yeah. I had a lot of boyfriends! - Where you allowed?- No!
0:37:26 > 0:37:31When I was at home, not allowed, but after university, my mum didn't know.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38- Yeah. When I was 18, I said I had my first boyfriend.- How was that?
0:37:38 > 0:37:43It was good. Because I never had anyone before. I was quite lonely.
0:37:43 > 0:37:49Now I felt someone looked after me well, and kind to me. I'm so happy.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55To be honest, I didn't have a very happy childhood.
0:37:55 > 0:37:59Every day was like prison for me, I think at the time.
0:37:59 > 0:38:04- Do you worry that Matthew doesn't get enough time playing?- No.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07I'm very relaxed about his time playing.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10He gets a lot of time playing already.
0:38:10 > 0:38:14That's why he doesn't like me too much, he likes his dad,
0:38:14 > 0:38:18because Dad doesn't ask him to do whatever.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21I don't think he hates me. I don't know.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25Do you ever worry, though, that he might start to rebel against you?
0:38:25 > 0:38:30A little bit worried. Because he's still quite a young age.
0:38:39 > 0:38:43I was raised up by my grandparents from when I was born up to age two.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47And that's when I came to the rice field.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50I can't imagine I would live this kind of life,
0:38:50 > 0:38:57so I can understand why my parents got out of this kind of living style.
0:38:57 > 0:39:03It's too hard. Imagine some things in the weather, and also things happen.
0:39:03 > 0:39:09They probably won't even harvest the rice twice a year. So it means the whole family will starve.
0:39:10 > 0:39:16It influenced my mum, because my mum told me I don't want to work as a farmer,
0:39:16 > 0:39:18to make sure we study hard.
0:39:21 > 0:39:27So, obviously, when we were kids, we missed out a bit more of fun time.
0:39:27 > 0:39:32But I don't feel regret, because, in a way, I gained more.
0:39:34 > 0:39:39What's your favourite thing to be doing with Juliette when you come here?
0:39:39 > 0:39:42Probably swimming and...
0:39:43 > 0:39:46..I just generally get more time to play with her.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49- Do you do a lot of playing with her? - Yeah, all the time.
0:39:49 > 0:39:54When you became a parent, did you know what to expect...?
0:39:54 > 0:39:57- No, it was all a learning process. - Really?- Yeah.
0:39:57 > 0:40:01- I think it is with every parent, isn't it?- How have you found it?
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Better or worse than you expected?
0:40:04 > 0:40:07Definitely better than I expected.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09I didn't want children for a long time.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15But then... it just changes things, doesn't it?
0:40:15 > 0:40:19You see a different aspect of life.
0:40:19 > 0:40:24What was it particularly that you've liked that you didn't expect?
0:40:26 > 0:40:32More emotional feelings. Just love towards your child, I suppose.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35You smile more.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38It's just a good feeling.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44When I came to England and met my husband, Michael,
0:40:44 > 0:40:48we talked about our childhood and realised he had loads of fun times,
0:40:48 > 0:40:53he had loads of riding a bike and didn't spend much time doing homework.
0:40:53 > 0:40:57I want her to have a little bit more childhood than I had.
0:40:57 > 0:41:03But I want her to be aware you can't just play.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06You need to work hard and study hard.
0:41:07 > 0:41:12It's reality. Here, in Taiwan, we don't have a safety net.
0:41:12 > 0:41:18Literally, you have to work hard, save money, and prepare for one day
0:41:18 > 0:41:23when you won't be able to work any more, and you don't know when.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25You don't know what things will happen.
0:41:25 > 0:41:30But in England, it's different. That makes lots of difference.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33I think that's why we have more drive,
0:41:33 > 0:41:38because we need to make sure, we need to make sure we still have a life.
0:41:38 > 0:41:44You see, living in a western country, you see the other western parents and how they do things.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Especially when the dad's English, it's difficult.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49It's difficult to balance between...
0:41:49 > 0:41:53but I'm pretty sure Michael agrees with me with certain elements.
0:41:53 > 0:41:57To be a tiger mum, there's nothing wrong about it.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00It's to prepare for the future.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02Because no pain, no gain.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16What do you think of doing all this work?
0:42:16 > 0:42:19- Hard.- Is it?
0:42:19 > 0:42:23- How do you feel when you're sitting here doing the work?- Tired.
0:42:23 > 0:42:30- There's this times table thing. And Chinese and the diary.- Diary?
0:42:30 > 0:42:35- You do a diary?- Yeah. - Can you tell me what you've written in it yesterday?
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Let's see what you've written.
0:42:42 > 0:42:47- What's in that one?- "My mum doesn't have good enough manners.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50"She always shouts at me, 'Do your homework!' "
0:42:52 > 0:42:55Who did the red pen on that page?
0:42:55 > 0:42:56My mum.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Cos I didn't know how to spell "manners".
0:43:02 > 0:43:05Today is Matthew's birthday. The family have planned
0:43:05 > 0:43:08a special outing for the evening.
0:43:09 > 0:43:10Hello, Matthew.
0:43:12 > 0:43:16Are you ready to go? Are you excited?
0:43:16 > 0:43:19- Have you opened your presents yet? - No.- You haven't?
0:43:22 > 0:43:27- Have you done your homework, Matthew, today?- Yeah.- All done?- Yes.
0:43:27 > 0:43:33But they're not done. Oh, they are all done. All right.
0:43:33 > 0:43:35What were you like as a child?
0:43:37 > 0:43:40I remember I lacked a lot of confidence.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43I had a very low self-esteem, that's all I remember.
0:43:43 > 0:43:48'I remember struggling at school, because I couldn't understand what the teacher was telling me.'
0:43:48 > 0:43:50Good, good.
0:43:50 > 0:43:55I remember, one day, the teacher sort of asked me
0:43:55 > 0:43:58to come in front of the class and he made fun out of me.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01That was really embarrassing. I remember this day very well.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05So I don't want him to go through these kind of things again.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08So I try to help him as much as I can.
0:44:09 > 0:44:13Yeah, very good. Only one mistake, that's good. Much better than before.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17So he didn't skip a day for his birthday, with his homework?
0:44:17 > 0:44:21No, you have to do it every day, don't you?
0:44:21 > 0:44:25Sometimes, when you go on holiday, you do two or three in one day.
0:44:25 > 0:44:27And then you can have the other day off.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30I know you're not supposed to do that, but...
0:44:30 > 0:44:35Sometimes, when you go on holiday, you go out and you don't come back until late.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38- There's no time to do the homework. - There are the neighbours.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40Yeah. The two little girls.
0:44:40 > 0:44:44- Do you play with them?- Sometimes.
0:44:44 > 0:44:50Have you met them recently? Those two little girls. Where? Over the fence?
0:44:50 > 0:44:54- Yeah.- You talked to her today?- Yeah. No.- When was the last time?
0:44:54 > 0:44:59- On the weekend.- Oh, weekend. What, last weekend?- Yeah.
0:44:59 > 0:45:04- Yeah, sometimes, he just talks to them.- Once, I went to their house.
0:45:04 > 0:45:08- You went to their house?- Yeah. - Who took you there?
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Mummy said... My mum said...
0:45:10 > 0:45:14- Mummy said.- When? When did you go to their house?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16- I forgot.- You forgot.
0:45:16 > 0:45:19Why, would he not normally do something like that?
0:45:19 > 0:45:23No. I mean, I know he went into their garden once, but not in their house.
0:45:23 > 0:45:28- I went into their house. - Into their house as well? Oh, OK.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35- What have you done today? - Chinese.- Chinese.
0:45:35 > 0:45:40How many mistakes? Did Daddy already check your work? How many mistakes?
0:45:40 > 0:45:45- One.- One! There should be no mistakes. One?
0:45:45 > 0:45:51- OK, have you opened your presents? - No.- The big one is from your father.
0:45:51 > 0:45:55- Your best friend.- Toa.- Toa. Yeah, your role model.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58Both of them fighting for number one space in school.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01A new Transformers.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05- Transformers. > - I know that.
0:46:05 > 0:46:07Do you see yourself in Matthew?
0:46:07 > 0:46:11- Do I see myself in Matthew? Erm...- In how he is?
0:46:11 > 0:46:17Mm... It's, erm... No, he's erm... He's...
0:46:17 > 0:46:23I'm... I was much shyer than him, you know. Erm...
0:46:23 > 0:46:26I don't know, it's just the way things were.
0:46:29 > 0:46:32Is it nice to see him not as shy as you were? Do you like that?
0:46:32 > 0:46:35Yeah, I think so, because these days, you need social skills,
0:46:35 > 0:46:40emotional intelligence, which I've read about, so it's quite important.
0:46:40 > 0:46:45Otherwise, you struggle in life if you can't get on with all the people.
0:46:45 > 0:46:50You do need that, and this is something I think my parents never sort of...
0:46:50 > 0:46:56er, taught me, really. I mean, I'd don't blame them. Things were what they were.
0:46:56 > 0:47:01They didn't know anything apart from working hard to put food on the table.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03For me, I was too much into my own world.
0:47:03 > 0:47:05I didn't know the outside world at all.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09I didn't know how to communicate with people outside.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11I was a very quiet person.
0:47:11 > 0:47:18I still am, in many ways, but I understand now how the world works.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21So, yeah, I want him to have a broader horizon.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23'It's quite important, I think.
0:47:23 > 0:47:26'Hopefully, he will be much more confident than me.'
0:47:26 > 0:47:29Better not come here!
0:47:34 > 0:47:39Did you expect to meet someone as lively and extrovert as Sally is?
0:47:39 > 0:47:45No, not really, no. I wasn't expecting anything, you know.
0:47:45 > 0:47:51But, yeah, when I met her, I thought, "Yeah, she's a nice person."
0:47:51 > 0:47:54It's not her academic qualifications,
0:47:54 > 0:47:59more her social skills that sort of stand out, you know.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02- All those years of education. - Education, yeah.
0:48:02 > 0:48:07I wouldn't say it's gone down the drain, but, actually, her skill is her talking, I suppose.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11- Yeah.- It's her social skills.
0:48:14 > 0:48:18THEY SPEAK MANDARIN
0:48:18 > 0:48:22Does that make you wonder about the virtue of pushing kids academically?
0:48:22 > 0:48:28Yeah, I think so. There's only so much you can push a child, isn't it?
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Let's go!
0:48:40 > 0:48:42Juliette! Juliette!
0:48:42 > 0:48:48- So, what's the news?- What's the news? Juliette!- What news?
0:48:48 > 0:48:51- You got big school. - I got big school!
0:48:51 > 0:48:55- You're going to the school, aren't you?- Yes! big school, big school.
0:48:55 > 0:48:58- Big school!- Yes, that is good news.
0:48:58 > 0:49:02We came back from Taiwan and we had the neighbours check the post.
0:49:02 > 0:49:08- Yeah, the whole month. - And the day after we get back, it was in the post.
0:49:08 > 0:49:13- How strange is that?- We were quite worried.- Mummy, I'm nearly grown up.
0:49:13 > 0:49:15I'm nearly four.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18She's ready to learn, academically.
0:49:18 > 0:49:22When you go to Taiwan and you see other kids of a certain age
0:49:22 > 0:49:26already can do maths, reading, that sort of stuff, which is not
0:49:26 > 0:49:31that much different to her age, it made me think, she's capable.
0:49:31 > 0:49:35And plus, I think it's quite important that we start to let her
0:49:35 > 0:49:39to explore music lessons or tennis lessons.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43I want her to do at least one musical instrument,
0:49:43 > 0:49:47one class a week, and Chinese, yeah?
0:49:47 > 0:49:53- And one sport. I want her to start in September.- I think it's a bit early, to be honest.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56No! I learned piano when I was three.
0:49:56 > 0:50:01I could read by three. Already.
0:50:01 > 0:50:05I think it's really slow for her, compared to what I used to do.
0:50:06 > 0:50:10Hi, there. This is Vivian, Nathan's mother.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13I just wanted to schedule an appointment with the headmaster
0:50:13 > 0:50:18to discuss about schools for Nathan.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22You know, he does well in school at the moment.
0:50:22 > 0:50:28Two good schools for Nathan might be Westminster, Eton.
0:50:28 > 0:50:32We went to see the schools, we loved it.
0:50:32 > 0:50:37And they have just all the right things that Nathan would love.
0:50:37 > 0:50:40So, for the test Nathan has,
0:50:40 > 0:50:44I take all his notes and I actually create a practice test for him
0:50:44 > 0:50:47so he can do it, write it out over and over again.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49This one was 14 pages.
0:50:49 > 0:50:53He must be quite well prepared, academically.
0:50:53 > 0:50:57I think he is. But you can always do more, right?
0:50:57 > 0:51:00You can't be too sure.
0:51:00 > 0:51:04I mean, everybody else is preparing for it.
0:51:04 > 0:51:05There's the first page...
0:51:05 > 0:51:10It IS stressful. I think we just work on that stress level.
0:51:10 > 0:51:15One of the things is that someone might say, watching, they might say,
0:51:15 > 0:51:20"Why not just let them be happy and you'll be happy cos you'll just be relaxing?"
0:51:20 > 0:51:22But will they be really happy,
0:51:22 > 0:51:24doing nothing?
0:51:24 > 0:51:28OK, let them watch TV, because they think they want to watch TV the whole day.
0:51:28 > 0:51:31I mean, that's what happened with me one summer, and I was bored.
0:51:31 > 0:51:35I kept thinking, "This is not happiness!"
0:51:35 > 0:51:39Basically, I don't really know what that means,
0:51:39 > 0:51:42when you say, "Why can't you just let them be happy?"
0:51:42 > 0:51:46If you give me a specific example...
0:51:46 > 0:51:49I suppose...
0:51:49 > 0:51:52Being romantic with some guy, like, you're a teenager
0:51:52 > 0:51:57and you're having... You're going on dates with some guy, initial romantic phase,
0:51:57 > 0:52:01honeymoon, that's what they say, the honeymoon phase of a relationship, well,
0:52:01 > 0:52:06OK, you're happy all the time for that week or that month.
0:52:06 > 0:52:10But then you've got to get down to reality.
0:52:10 > 0:52:15There's lots of stuff to do, and everybody has to work, right?
0:52:18 > 0:52:22SHE SPEAKS MANDARIN
0:52:22 > 0:52:24- ..England flag, no?- Boring.
0:52:24 > 0:52:28When he's doing a lot of good things, maybe once a month,
0:52:28 > 0:52:29he can get one car.
0:52:29 > 0:52:32But I tend not to spoil him too much.
0:52:32 > 0:52:38They have to know, in your life, nothing is granted for free.
0:52:38 > 0:52:42- Tell Hannah, yesterday, who is number one in the class?- Me.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Yeah? How many points you got?
0:52:44 > 0:52:48- 25.- 25 points?- Altogether. - Altogether?
0:52:48 > 0:52:50So, now, you are number one, yeah?
0:52:51 > 0:52:56Who wants to be number one - you or him?
0:52:56 > 0:52:58- Who? Me, Mummy?- You!
0:52:58 > 0:53:03- Yeah? But how about you? You don't want number one?- No.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05I like second.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07- Oh, my God!- Like Arsenal.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11Do you understand why some people in England would think,
0:53:11 > 0:53:14wow, a Chinese upbringing is mad?
0:53:14 > 0:53:17Mmm, for me, I get used to...
0:53:17 > 0:53:21But I think, in these days, China's children are still the same.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23Chinese people get used to it.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27We get used to hard working, study hard.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29For me, I think it is built in.
0:53:29 > 0:53:33Once you get used to it, you don't feel it too hard.
0:53:33 > 0:53:37In my parent's dictionary, you have to use 99% of your time to study,
0:53:37 > 0:53:411% time to enjoy your life and play less.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44- That's what they believe.- Do you?
0:53:44 > 0:53:50For me, maybe I would believe 80% study hard, 20% play.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53How about 50% working,
0:53:53 > 0:53:5650% enjoying?
0:53:56 > 0:53:59Mmm, I don't believe that. If you want...
0:53:59 > 0:54:04We have to say, if you want to be number one, or you want to be the best,
0:54:04 > 0:54:07you have two pay a lot of effort.
0:54:07 > 0:54:12- You can't be lazy.- Not everyone can be the best, surely? - But we are Chinese, we have to be.
0:54:16 > 0:54:17Help me, help me.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19At the Chinese Sunday School,
0:54:19 > 0:54:21it's time for the Dragon Boat Festival,
0:54:21 > 0:54:28a chance for all the families whose children attend Mandarin lessons to get together.
0:54:28 > 0:54:32We are originally from Poland. We arrived in the UK six years ago.
0:54:32 > 0:54:35She eagerly attends all the classes,
0:54:35 > 0:54:40and we also do some private lessons as well, just to speed up the process.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43It was first my wife's idea,
0:54:43 > 0:54:47knowing that Chinese has a large impact on the world,
0:54:47 > 0:54:49in all aspects, at the moment.
0:54:49 > 0:54:51They convert to Chinese.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53We are from India, originally.
0:54:53 > 0:54:56So, for about six months now, he has been learning Chinese.
0:54:56 > 0:55:00He's got a typing competition today at 12.30 and he's been practising hard for that.
0:55:00 > 0:55:03So, he's been practising typing in what language?
0:55:03 > 0:55:06- In Chinese and Mandarin.- Wow!- Yeah.
0:55:06 > 0:55:12We're both from the UK. And looking at the way the global economy was going
0:55:12 > 0:55:16and thinking, actually, Chinese is a really good language to learn.
0:55:16 > 0:55:19There's not many British people in the school.
0:55:19 > 0:55:20No, not at all.
0:55:20 > 0:55:24England and, to a certain extent, a lot of Western Europe
0:55:24 > 0:55:29have a belief that they have run the world economy for 200 odd years and therefore,
0:55:29 > 0:55:32they and the Americans will continue to do so.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34There's an energy and a drive.
0:55:34 > 0:55:40You see this from the Chinese style of parenting, and I think it sets them up very well for the future.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43My husband works in banking.
0:55:43 > 0:55:47People coming through, it is a very diverse group of people
0:55:47 > 0:55:51and not that many British people, is it, really?
0:55:57 > 0:56:01'In my days, China was still quite poor.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03'In these 20 years,
0:56:03 > 0:56:07'they will overtake America with being number one in the world.'
0:56:07 > 0:56:12Is it funny to think that once, people used to always think,
0:56:12 > 0:56:15- go to the West, go to England and America.- I know,
0:56:15 > 0:56:17everyone go to the East now.
0:56:17 > 0:56:20- How does that make you feel? - I think I'm very proud.
0:56:23 > 0:56:28If I knew, I would change my British passport to a Chinese one.
0:56:40 > 0:56:43It's quite relaxing, doing this.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46Yeah, because he doesn't need to teach Matthew.
0:56:46 > 0:56:50Monday to Friday, mainly maths. I'm so upset.
0:56:50 > 0:56:54Every day, come home, the first thing he is doing, he does his garden.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57He sees garden first and then sees Matthew.
0:56:57 > 0:57:01For me, first thing, I need to sit down with him, do his homework.
0:57:01 > 0:57:04I don't have time to see the garden. I'm different.
0:57:04 > 0:57:09- Steeve?- Yeah?- Who do you think is happier, you or Sally?
0:57:09 > 0:57:15- Who do you think is...?- Happier. You or Sally?- Happier? Um...
0:57:15 > 0:57:20- I don't know. I can't really answer. - You have a simple life.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23After work, you just come to the garden. For me...
0:57:23 > 0:57:29- I just take pleasure... - ..I'm stressful.- ..in small things, like doing this kind of thing or...
0:57:30 > 0:57:34..or just being in the garden, breathing some fresh air.
0:57:34 > 0:57:39- Not Matthew - don't care. - No...- Matthew is my priority.
0:57:39 > 0:57:41So when Matthew is doing work, I'm happy.
0:57:41 > 0:57:45When Matthew is not listening to me, don't do homework, I'm quite angry.
0:57:45 > 0:57:47So, actually, my life is quite stressful.
0:57:47 > 0:57:52Because for Steeve, he's quite simple, he's just doing his work - office -
0:57:52 > 0:57:54and comes home, relax.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57You don't really care about Matthew doing well or not.
0:57:57 > 0:58:00For me, I'm a very nervous mum. I have to ask him every day...
0:58:00 > 0:58:04But the thing is, you're already doing it, so there's no point in me getting involved.
0:58:04 > 0:58:07No, if you do it, I don't want to do it.
0:58:07 > 0:58:10You're pleased that your wife worries about it so much
0:58:10 > 0:58:12- or do you wish she worried about it less?- Um...
0:58:15 > 0:58:19Yeah, maybe a little bit less. I mean, what will happen will happen.
0:58:19 > 0:58:22At the end of the day, I think it depends on Matthew's ability
0:58:22 > 0:58:25and what he wants to do.
0:58:25 > 0:58:30There's only so much you can push him, I guess, you know.
0:58:30 > 0:58:33I mean, in future, he might go in a completely
0:58:33 > 0:58:36different direction in life. We don't know, do we?
0:58:43 > 0:58:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:46 > 0:58:48E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk