0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:14 > 0:00:17What are you looking forward to
0:00:17 > 0:00:19when you move in together most?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- PHIL:- Hmm.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26THEY LAUGH
0:00:26 > 0:00:28We're talking about what we're doing.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31- What we're doing? - You know, where you'll be living.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33There'll be no such thing as perfection.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38- Well, there's going to be a drawback of some sort.- Bound to be.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39As long as I can still...
0:00:39 > 0:00:43- About the same as here. - ..rock around the clock, I'll get by.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Whose idea is this move?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47I'll get by.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Guilty.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Guilty as charged.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54No-one's going to help your situation.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56You have to help yourself, really,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59and I just, I've been thinking, what can we do about this situation,
0:00:59 > 0:01:03and this seemed to come into my mind. That's all I can say,
0:01:03 > 0:01:05and we're not the only ones, are we?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Had to do something, didn't we, Mum?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- Sorry?- We had to do something!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I tell you what, there's a show at the West End now,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14and I tell you what it is,
0:01:14 > 0:01:16it's, um...
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- It's great.- What's this got to do...?
0:01:19 > 0:01:20I will get to see it.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22What's it called?
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Is it called... I think it could be called, but I may be wrong,
0:01:26 > 0:01:27One Hell Of A Party.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31It could be.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50With life expectancy rising,
0:01:50 > 0:01:53and the cost of residential care often out of reach,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56more and more people across Britain
0:01:56 > 0:02:00are having to move an elderly relative in with the family.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10One couple from east London, Phil and Sue Carroll,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12agreed to let me follow them
0:02:12 > 0:02:15as they prepare to set up a new home with Mum.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- Hello, Sue. I'm Paddy. Lovely to meet you.- Come in.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Wow, lovely house.- You like it?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Yeah.- Shame, innit? I'm going.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28When are you leaving this house?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Dunno. Haven't got a date yet.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33How would you describe your mum? What's her character?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36You cannot describe Peggy. Peggy's a one-off.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39As you will see, she is very...
0:02:39 > 0:02:41I don't know if you've been given her background,
0:02:41 > 0:02:45but she is not your normal sit-in-a-chair-and-knit type lady.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47You know, she's always wandered.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49She's a Londoner of the old school.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53That's the problem. That's why we've got to go, really.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55She's just an ever source of worry.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57This is why we're doing what we've got to do.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59What is her condition like at the moment?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02She's got vascular dementia, and she's...
0:03:02 > 0:03:05No way, you will meet her, but no way can you put my mother in a home.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Hello.- Hello.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10You ready?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Hello.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Shall I come in? Where shall I go?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Well, go where you like.- OK.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Where would you like? Choose.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Upstairs, downstairs? I haven't got an attic.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I'll go in the living room.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Come in the dining room.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Come where you like. Sorry about this.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30All right, this is Paddy.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- Sorry?- This is Paddy.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33- Paddy?- Yeah.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35# Paddy, if you're Irish
0:03:35 > 0:03:38# Come into the parlour
0:03:38 > 0:03:42# There's a welcome there for you...
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Oh, I'm sorry, I can't sing any more, I'm getting a bit emotional.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47- Are you?- Sorry? Yes.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Do you know a lot of songs?- Sorry?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Do you know a lot of songs?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Quite a lot of songs.- Yeah.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Lovely to meet you.- Oh, thank you.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58I do remember many years ago,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I think I could have been about three years old...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06..and I can remember your face!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08My face?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You're looking so surprised!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- I'm not sure it was me.- Sorry?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18I did a few strange things in the high street some while ago.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21There was quite a lot of people.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26And I thought, "I wonder what's going on.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30"Has there been an accident? I don't really know."
0:04:30 > 0:04:34- And apparently, it was Ken Livingstone.- Oh.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37And, well, I don't really know,
0:04:37 > 0:04:39but I just got hold of him,
0:04:39 > 0:04:44and I can remember so well, he was wearing a blue satin tie.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48I just got hold of his tie
0:04:48 > 0:04:51and I said, "Well, this isn't good enough."
0:04:53 > 0:04:55But then I think I was pulled away.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59I don't quite know really what happened. Um...
0:04:59 > 0:05:02That's why we got to move, because you assaulted Ken Livingstone.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Now we're on the run.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05PEGGY LAUGHS
0:05:05 > 0:05:08We're exiles, then.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10The thing is, I may be very short
0:05:10 > 0:05:15and I've probably shrunk in my old age, I don't really know,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18but I do know what's right
0:05:18 > 0:05:19and I know what's wrong.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Phil and Sue have two grown-up daughters.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Laura has already left home.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Elise moves out in a month.
0:05:31 > 0:05:36At your point in life, I suppose you'd have been imagining
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- this would be a great time in your life, right?- Yeah.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Kids would be leaving...
0:05:40 > 0:05:45Exactly. People are saying to me, "You're crazy, it's your time now,"
0:05:45 > 0:05:46and I said, "Nope(!)"
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Bye, then.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Mind how you're going.- Yeah.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I'll film you closing the door.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56That's good.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06Bye!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Sue and Phil lived with Peggy once before,
0:06:17 > 0:06:2115 years ago, when they were waiting to move into their current house.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24It was an experience they'd hoped not to repeat.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28If this gets too much
0:06:28 > 0:06:30and it goes on too long,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33there are always alternatives,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35cos you remember what happened last time.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- It was me that got upset last time. - But you remember what happened.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41if that starts to happen again, we'll have to...
0:06:41 > 0:06:43But I won't let it happen. I'm older this time,
0:06:43 > 0:06:46I'm more in control of the situation. It won't happen again.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49What happened last time?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Peggy was more in control of everything
0:06:51 > 0:06:54and it was a terrible personality clash thing
0:06:54 > 0:06:56and it actually made me ill.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Peggy, when she was so-called normal, was a control freak
0:07:01 > 0:07:02and...
0:07:04 > 0:07:07..no-one could live with her. This is why I'm a bit worried now.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I think there is a possibility we can live with her now
0:07:10 > 0:07:12because of the dementia, but...
0:07:12 > 0:07:16It's got to work now, and I'm going to damn well make it work
0:07:16 > 0:07:18and we're going to pull out all the stops to make it work
0:07:18 > 0:07:22and I don't think it's going to affect me that way any more.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I'm just going to get over it, really.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Phil and Sue have decided the only way to care for Peggy
0:07:34 > 0:07:36is for them all to live under the one roof.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41They've bought a new house an hour way in Essex
0:07:41 > 0:07:45and are converting the garage for Sue's mum to live in.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Peggy's house has already been sold
0:08:00 > 0:08:03and she has to be out by the end of the month.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Peggy had promised Sue she would make a start on the packing.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Look. Mum, come here, look.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I've left you this,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- and I've left you this.- Yeah, but... - That was two weeks ago, Mum.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- You've not put one cup away. Not one.- Yeah, but...
0:08:18 > 0:08:19You've done nothing. Nothing.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23I can't understand. You used to work for Hovendens, you said to me,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- and you know how to pack things up and I don't.- I know, I know.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- Why can't you demonstrate in my hour of need?- You want me to demonstrate?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Yeah, you going to do that? Cos I've got no idea. Teach me.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- No, you wouldn't have a clue, you're not as clever as I am.- No.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39There you go. You demonstrate.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Not as clever as I am. - No, that's true.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Oh, I can choose, then.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46You're making me look a real twit,
0:08:46 > 0:08:48and I'm not a twit. I know how to pack.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52- I left this here two weeks ago, with all the stuff.- Yeah, but...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54And it's still there! It's still there, Mum.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56It's still there.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Maybe I'm living too long.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Goodness, I've never seen...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I didn't know nets could get this dirty.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06SHE GASPS
0:09:07 > 0:09:09If Peggy could go back in time
0:09:09 > 0:09:12and see the way I've let these curtains go, she'd tell me off.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Really?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Well, she wouldn't ever, ever live like this, never.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20She was very, very fussy.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24What are we witnessing in her behaviour now
0:09:24 > 0:09:26that I wouldn't have seen before?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Well, basically, she's ten.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30She's ten.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33She relies on me to look after her, in lots of ways,
0:09:33 > 0:09:37although she does have moments where she thinks she's very independent
0:09:37 > 0:09:39but she's not.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41She sees through the eyes of a child, I suppose,
0:09:41 > 0:09:43the world is through the eyes of a child.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53They wind you up. Dementia patients wind you up all the time.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57They say things controversial, they criticise you,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00they test you as a child can test you.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04With a child, you can say, "Sit down, shut up,
0:10:04 > 0:10:08"you'll get no supper," or whatever you do to discipline your children.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10How can you do that with your mother?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14It is very, very difficult. Very difficult.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31I think that's Susan.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I'm sure that's Susan.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36'Sue explained part of the reason Peggy was hard to care for
0:10:36 > 0:10:38'was that she'd always been so independent.'
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I'm not too sure who that is now.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Oh yes, Susan.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Peggy married Sue's dad, Les, in her early 20s
0:10:48 > 0:10:51and was always the family's main breadwinner.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Eventually, they were able to buy their own house,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59where they lived until her husband's death.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Oh, that's my husband, my second husband.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Oh, he was nice.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Here he is again.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10'Peggy soon remarried to Tony.'
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Where did you meet him?
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Where did I meet him?
0:11:16 > 0:11:17You've got me for a minute now.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Was it love at first sight?
0:11:23 > 0:11:24Well, it must have been.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27The pair travelled the world together
0:11:27 > 0:11:31and eventually settled for two years in New Zealand.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Sue was just 19.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- So Susan stayed here when you moved there for a year or two?- Yes, yeah.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43But of course, I was worried about my Susan.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46I thought, "I'm the other side of the...
0:11:46 > 0:11:50"world, I'll say the world, and my daughter's here."
0:11:52 > 0:11:55"My daughter's here,
0:11:55 > 0:11:59"and, I've got to get home, I've got to get home, I've got to get home."
0:11:59 > 0:12:01And yes, I came home.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03PHONE RINGS
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Hello?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08The most recent man in Peggy's life
0:12:08 > 0:12:11is Bill, a 90-year-old war veteran.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13They speak on the phone every day.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I'll sing you a song if you like.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17SHE CLEARS THROAT
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Oh, dear.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21What can the matter be?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Two old... Are you list...?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Oh, bye for now. Bye.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Oh.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31SHE CHUCKLES
0:12:31 > 0:12:33What do you think he thinks of you, Peg?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I think he thinks a lot of me.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Could he have ever been your third husband? Any chance of that?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42As it happens, I think he did say,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45oh, yes, he did. Yes.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Yes, he did say, "Let's get married,"
0:12:48 > 0:12:51and I thought, "Oh, I can't go through all that again."
0:12:51 > 0:12:52PHONE RINGS
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- Hello?- 'Peg?'
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Yeah.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58'# Three old ladies, they used the lavatory
0:12:58 > 0:13:02'# They was there from Friday till Saturday
0:13:02 > 0:13:04'# Nobody knew they was there...'
0:13:04 > 0:13:06# Goodbye. #
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I think he's got the message.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Did you just hang up on him? - I think he's got the message.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12I can't listen to his...
0:13:12 > 0:13:15He just wanted to say another, or sing another version
0:13:15 > 0:13:19slightly different from what I'd remember.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Life's too short.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Sorry?- Life's too short!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Well, this is...
0:13:25 > 0:13:30It's all very well, but I thought, well...
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Morning, Peggy.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Morning.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Morning.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47So, where does she go most?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49She goes to London, where she knows.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50She's an old-style Londoner.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53She knows London, as she says, like the back of her hand.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56'Platform three for the 10:54...'
0:13:56 > 0:13:59There's no way in this world I want to stop that
0:13:59 > 0:14:01while she can still do it.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04She's as safe as she possibly can be, under the circumstances.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07She won't get lost, though she's done that a couple of times
0:14:07 > 0:14:08but we got over that.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13How often will she go into London?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Could be seven days a week. As much as that.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Have Freedom pass, will travel.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28You warm enough?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Is she warm enough?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Yeah, I think so!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I'm going to sit down. Do you mind?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37SHE LAUGHS
0:14:37 > 0:14:40'She talks to everybody and everything
0:14:40 > 0:14:42'regardless of who they are.'
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- Is she warm enough?- Yeah.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45- Are you warm enough?- Yeah.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Oh!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51SHE LAUGHS
0:14:51 > 0:14:54'What does she talk to people about?'
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I'm not even sure they're sure of that!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I tried smoking many years ago.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Over 60 years ago.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And I've never smoked since.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Put it out, put it out. Put it on the floor. No good for you.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- You like London?- Love it.- Oh!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18We've got everything in London.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- We've got everything, haven't we, here? We have everything.- Yeah.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Covent Garden, Buckingham Palace.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28There's so much to see, really.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Have you seen that one?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- No, we've not seen that one. - We've seen Phantom Of The Opera.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Oh, I saw that years ago.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Which is your girlfriend? The one with the red hair?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- Yeah. Yes.- I'll go and have a word with her, shall I?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51You think we should be getting back now?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Yes, whenever. I don't really mind.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Whatever. Whatever!
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Getting a bit late, I think.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I don't even know what the time is.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- 'She doesn't really think anything is wrong with her.'- 'Oh, no, no.'
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Nothing's wrong. She's fine (!)
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Why would we all be worried about Peggy?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Why did she think too much about me?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19She's fine.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Why?
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Cos I'm all right.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- She thinks that?- SHE thinks that.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32You've been enjoying yourself recently, haven't you?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Well, I just want to carry on living
0:16:35 > 0:16:37as long as I'm safe.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- Ah. Which brings me round to the other day, the other evening.- Sorry?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Sit down.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45The other evening.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- I had to come round here, waiting for you.- Yes?- In the dark.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I went to Dragon Hall,
0:16:52 > 0:16:56and saw quite a few people that I know there,
0:16:56 > 0:16:58and there were two men there.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Hmm...
0:17:00 > 0:17:01And I thought to myself,
0:17:01 > 0:17:05they were sitting where I always generally sit,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08and I thought, "Oh, I haven't seen those,
0:17:08 > 0:17:10"I haven't seen these here before,"
0:17:10 > 0:17:13but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference to me.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16In effect, they were quite strange,
0:17:16 > 0:17:18they were strangers in a way, weren't they?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- I suppose, strangers, but...- Yeah.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24But anyway, as it happens,
0:17:24 > 0:17:28we came out of there and then, one of these...
0:17:30 > 0:17:34..the men, says, "Would you like a cup of tea?" So...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Mum. You met two men
0:17:37 > 0:17:38you didn't know.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43You put yourself open to what could have happened to you.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- Yeah, maybe I did.- And then,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47you came in at 10:30
0:17:47 > 0:17:51so not only have you been with two men you couldn't put a name to,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54you came in at 10:30 of a night. Can you imagine what that did to me?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I suppose so. Maybe I wasn't thinking.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- No.- No, I probably wasn't thinking.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02But anyway, having said all that,
0:18:02 > 0:18:03um...
0:18:05 > 0:18:07It was quite enjoyable, because
0:18:07 > 0:18:11I came home with these two men.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- Mum, do you know how that sounds?! - We came along...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I can't help it, because I'm me!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Right, I say to you,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22"Mum, I'm sorry I came in late last night, I met two men."
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- Sorry?- What would you think?
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Oh, well.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Well, I don't know.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30You've got no idea,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32you've got no idea,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35of the chances you're taking, doing what you're doing.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Yes, well, I was probably stupid. Stupid, stupid,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- stupid Cupid...- Mum, this is serious.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- No, I'm sorry. I realise... - This is serious.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Well, I was... - Mum, do you know what I had to do?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47We were going to ring the hospitals.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I did it.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I did it.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- And I've caused more... - I don't feel very...
0:18:58 > 0:19:02I've caused more hassle on my...
0:19:02 > 0:19:03I won't do it again.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- You get the idea of the anxiety you're causing me?- Yeah, I realise.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- You've got to try... - I'm causing a rumpus.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Most people of your age don't go to London on their own, do they?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- Most don't.- Oh, well, I'm sorry.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I mean, it's a terrible illness,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27dementia, Alzheimer's, things like that, you know.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29They're not the people you know any more.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Cos it's Sue's mother, Sue can't accept that.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Sue wants the person she knew before back. She tries to reason with her.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40I don't try and reason with Peggy.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I just have a laugh with her and talk to her.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45She's in the twilight of her life, she's 83 years old,
0:19:45 > 0:19:49she's got dementia, and she goes out and enjoys herself more than I do.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Oh!
0:19:51 > 0:19:54But we get through it cos she's on the happy pills
0:19:54 > 0:19:57and I think I want to nick some of them off her.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I could do with a few happy pills myself!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Welcome to the house of fun.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Hello!
0:20:11 > 0:20:15What has actually happened this morning? What have you been doing?
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Everything I move, she's having a tantrum, I've got to say.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21What was it about? Was it about moving?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25It's the frustration of everything. She's losing control of everything.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26It's not the move.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30She doesn't seem to equate that what you've got to do to get the move
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- may involve doing something. - Hi, Peggy!- Hello, Peggy.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36It's the day of the move,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39but the new house and annex aren't ready yet.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41In the next few weeks,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Peggy will have to live in Phil and Sue's spare room.
0:20:44 > 0:20:49Most of her possessions will have to go.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I've just looked at the bedroom. It's a mess.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Mum?- Hang on just a minute. Just a minute.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Keep your wig on.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Are you taking that?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Mmm. Could you put it in, please? Thank you.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08I'm sorry my ears aren't perfection.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10A couple of those hangers...
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Which ones do you want?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Excuse me, that one. Thank you.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Starting again is a good thing, isn't it?
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- Sorry?- To start again is a good thing, isn't it?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27All nice new things, new towels, new linen. It will be nice.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Hang on just a minute.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Oh, just a minute.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Oh.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35You see how you patched it up and it's in a terrible state?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38It's sentimental so you want to keep it for that reason only.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Throw it then.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Can you decide? I don't want you to say I made you do it.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Throw it, throw it, throw it.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47But you...
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Throw it, throw it, throw it.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Throw it.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53OK, I'm going to take you at your word then.
0:21:53 > 0:21:58Mum, are these glasses you wear? They're not your prescription.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00They're not your prescription.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Where's your rubbish?
0:22:02 > 0:22:03- Is that rubbish in there?- Yeah.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- No, you're not looking in there. - No, all right.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- You're not taking things out! - No, that particularly I wanted.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Thank you.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Oh, Susan, you're wearing me out.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Right, that...- Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31That, that, that, that, that, that, that.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35I'll go that way. Excuse me.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Mum, there's nothing in that garden other than this that we're taking.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- We have been all through this.- Can I get my broom in? Can I get my bag in?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48If you think I'm taking your broom, you've got another thing coming.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52- Mum, what are you doing with the broom?- Just a minute, Susan!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Tell me what you're going to do with it.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- I'm going to clean my teeth with it. - Mum, no!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59All right then, all right then.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Keep your wig on a minute.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Mum, where are you going with those?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08I'm going... Leave me for a minute, will you?!
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Will you? Will you?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Will you?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Why don't you throw me out in the dustbin?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Why don't you throw me out in the dustbin?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Oh, my goodness.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- I have had enough. - I've had enough as well.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm getting angry.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31I'm emotionally drained.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Are you stressed?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I feel about 90 today.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I think I feel about 90.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46What do you want 20 bars of soap for?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Oh, don't ask me. Mum?
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- Mum, you've got five teddy bears already.- Yes, I know.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53I know.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Oh, dear.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I've got to say, I've got no sentimentality
0:23:59 > 0:24:02about this house - it's been nothing but misery to me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04She's gone from being a very fussy woman,
0:24:04 > 0:24:09wanting everything just so, and obviously that did involve me,
0:24:09 > 0:24:13with being like this and not being responsible for anything.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16So I can't really say I've got happy memories with this house.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18You've always been cleaning it.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Well, there has always been a problem -
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I've always had to sort it out.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25And you had to look after this place when she left.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Yes, when she went to New Zealand,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29as a 19-year-old, I had to look after it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Um...
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Yeah.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35So, goodbye house!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Let me have a look in a minute. Let me have a look in a minute.
0:24:39 > 0:24:40What about my umbrellas?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43May I take my umbrellas?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Only if you can guarantee it's going to rain.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50- Oh, shut up.- Of course you can take your umbrellas.- Don't be so stupid.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- I can't leave umbrellas in the house.- Don't be stupid!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58May I take that, or not?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- So, you're about to say goodbye to this house for the last time.- Um...
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Well, I can't say goodbye to a house, can I?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Shall we wander round to Phil and Sue's then?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Yes, sure. Yeah.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48All right. Yes, all right. I know you're lovely.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51I know you're lovely, but all right.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53DOG BARKS
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Hiya.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02"One, two, three...
0:26:03 > 0:26:05"Mother caught a flea.
0:26:06 > 0:26:13"She put it in the teapot and made a cup of tea."
0:26:13 > 0:26:14Do you know, this house...
0:26:14 > 0:26:17You know, I can't stand this house.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I've never liked this house.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Susan?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Your wonderful mother's here.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Ooh.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29I know it's a bit traumatic, saying goodbye to some of your stuff
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- but it's so necessary. - Some of my stuff? What stuff?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Stuff you've lost since we've been doing this move.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36You've lost obviously some of your stuff,
0:26:36 > 0:26:38but we haven't lost the important stuff.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41- I haven't said anything. - No, I know that.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43You're doing all the talking. You're doing all the talking.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I think she just has to get it into her head
0:26:46 > 0:26:48that we can't sit and listen to her
0:26:48 > 0:26:51talking endlessly hours and hours.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54So, what we're going to have to do is carry on as normal,
0:26:54 > 0:26:58don't ignore her, of course not, that would be ridiculous.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- But try and be as normal as possible.- Yes.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04We can have a clock, a calendar, a television.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Oh, keys to the house.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- Got to have keys to this house. - Yup.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15You're going to have to have keys.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18You're going to have to practise the door.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20What am I, a pain in the neck?
0:27:20 > 0:27:21No!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24All we want is you to carry on as normal.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Well, I've agreed with that. I won't interfere with your lifestyle.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29I won't interfere with your lifestyle.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33- And I wouldn't interfere with yours.- Oh, well there you go.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34"One, two, three."
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- OK. This could work. - "Mother caught a flea."
0:27:37 > 0:27:40# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah... #
0:27:40 > 0:27:45# And I remember when we won a bottle of champagne... #
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- Pill time!- Pill time, yeah!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49I think it's pill time.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Pill time or Phil time?
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I won't be here for dinner tomorrow,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07so we're going to have to sort you out food-wise.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08Sorry? You're not what?
0:28:08 > 0:28:12I won't be here for dinner, so we'll have to sort you out food-wise.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Well, you won't have to sort me out food-wise, I can...
0:28:15 > 0:28:17What's your plan?
0:28:17 > 0:28:20I wouldn't even know yet. Just leave me.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22- Leave you, food-wise.- Yes.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25And you'll just make something, or find something...
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Oh, yes, yes.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Yes.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30You're being funny, aren't you?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33I'm just giving you a bit of your...
0:28:33 > 0:28:35your own medicine.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38- OK, right.- Thank you.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41What we've got in here, we've got quite a few cereals in there.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45- So, if you want cereals, they're all under here.- All right then.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49Well, I'd only have to open the cupboard and I'd see the cereals, wouldn't I?
0:28:49 > 0:28:52- What are cupboards for? - That is really rude, isn't it?
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- Well...- You wouldn't talk to anyone else like that.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- I'm sorry.- You wouldn't talk to anyone else like that.- I'm sorry...
0:28:58 > 0:29:00You're getting tired, aren't you?
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Why are you so rude to me all the time?
0:29:06 > 0:29:08If anyone was standing here...
0:29:08 > 0:29:10Oh, Susan. All right then. Keep quiet.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Keep quiet.
0:29:12 > 0:29:14Well, well, well.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23- She's quite harsh on you. - She what?
0:29:23 > 0:29:25She's harsh on you, isn't she?
0:29:25 > 0:29:29Always been that way. Always been harsh on me. Always.
0:29:29 > 0:29:30Very harsh.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34I've got no idea why.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38I've always been trying to find a way round it,
0:29:38 > 0:29:41work out why, and I've never come to a conclusion.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42I'm never going to, really.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46She's 83 now, it's not going to happen now, is it?
0:29:46 > 0:29:48It's just rude, very rude.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52And how is it you're so loyal to her?
0:29:52 > 0:29:54I don't know!
0:29:54 > 0:29:57I don't know, I really don't know.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Oh! Oh.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13CANNED LAUGHTER ON TV
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Mum, I'm off now.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20For the past three years,
0:30:20 > 0:30:24Peggy has been taking the same dose of pills every day.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26- I'm just taking my pills.- Oh, good.
0:30:26 > 0:30:31I've got to find out exactly again, what they are for.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33You've got two for blood pressure.
0:30:33 > 0:30:37Two for... Ah, I didn't realise it was two for blood pressure.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39One is an aspirin. And one...
0:30:39 > 0:30:43is to get you a little bit more chilled out than you would be normally.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47- Chilled out? - A little bit more chilled out than you would be normally.- Oh...
0:30:47 > 0:30:49See you later!
0:30:53 > 0:30:56DOOR CREAKS
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Over the next few weeks,
0:31:03 > 0:31:07Phil, Sue and Peggy decided to keep a video record of their days together
0:31:07 > 0:31:10as they got used to living under the same roof.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13I don't even know how that bleeding works.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15SHE BURPS
0:31:15 > 0:31:17Charming.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19# Charming! #
0:31:19 > 0:31:20Have you took your pills?
0:31:20 > 0:31:24When you get older, life can be miserable if you make it miserable.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27You can sit in the chair and mope. There's a lot of mopers out there,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30with their aches and pains.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32Peggy is marvellous at ignoring aches and pains,
0:31:32 > 0:31:35and just getting on with it anyway. That's a fine example
0:31:35 > 0:31:38and I think we all should have a bit of Peggy in us as we get older!
0:31:38 > 0:31:44I'll bleeding get up those bleeding stairs...if it kills me.
0:31:44 > 0:31:48- Why go up when I can do it? - No. Why this and why that.
0:31:48 > 0:31:49And why the bleeding other.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53I want to keep it going as long as I can and I'm going to do that.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56This is what all this is about, really - keeping Peggy going
0:31:56 > 0:31:58while she's happy.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01What do you find you struggle with?
0:32:01 > 0:32:04I really... Well, personal things.
0:32:04 > 0:32:08The personal things seem to be... a big problem at the moment.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12Wear something different - you've got loads of clothes here - loads.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15- Wear something different. - I know I've got loads of clothes.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17Wear something different tomorrow.
0:32:17 > 0:32:21She got to the point whereby I think people would've...
0:32:21 > 0:32:25backed away from her, because her personal hygiene was...
0:32:25 > 0:32:27not good. Not good at all.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37So she's going to have to put up with a few rules
0:32:37 > 0:32:38for the rest of our sakes.
0:32:38 > 0:32:43But we'll get it as best as we can, so Peggy can carry on as normal.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45I don't know how long she'll carry on like this.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48It could be six months, for all I know.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50But we can only do the best every day at a time.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52That's her motto - one day at a time.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56- Go on then, go and get two whiskeys. - Susan! Come and thump your mother.
0:32:56 > 0:33:01I'm not her "mother". I'm her mother. Thank you very much.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08How are you, Phil?
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Knackered.
0:33:10 > 0:33:14But this is all part of my wife's plan.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19And as she says, it will all fall into place.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21That's if I don't fall into a grave first, you know?
0:33:21 > 0:33:27My plan was to retire next year and with the kids off our hands,
0:33:28 > 0:33:30me and Sue buy a little bungalow.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33Somewhere a little bit rural and that was our dream,
0:33:33 > 0:33:37but...there goes that dream up in smoke.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41We'll all go mental in the end - we'll all end up in a mental home.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48- What are you going to do today? - Well, as I say,
0:33:48 > 0:33:50I would like to go dancing.
0:33:53 > 0:33:59A waltz, a foxtrot, a cha-cha, a samba.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Maybe a jive.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04Do what you like! Um... Yes.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09MUSIC BLARES
0:34:29 > 0:34:34Peggy's friend Bill has been her dance partner for nearly 20 years.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38But a recent deterioration in his health has stopped him from getting out.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42- They're getting a lot better, aren't they, Bill?- They need to get better.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47He's cared for by a neighbour and Peggy.
0:34:47 > 0:34:52I want to see your legs, that's what I've come up to see - your legs.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55Have a look at his legs after, Peg, because his dinner is going to get cold.
0:34:55 > 0:35:00- Me and Jackie will be in later, yeah?- Very nice people.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04- Bill, don't cry, darling. Don't worry about it.- I'll make him laugh.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07- You eat your lunch. - I'll make him laugh. Now, come on.
0:35:07 > 0:35:08Bill, me and Jackie...
0:35:08 > 0:35:12We'll be back later to give you your tablets, all right?
0:35:12 > 0:35:18Now I really want to know what's been happening with your legs?
0:35:19 > 0:35:23Well, don't forget I'll be 91 soon
0:35:23 > 0:35:27and the dance that we used to go...
0:35:27 > 0:35:29The enjoyment, over the embankment.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35And all other places - and we've had a very good life.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40But unfortunately, I fell back a bit now and it's my age.
0:35:40 > 0:35:45Well... I mean, I just don't understand it, but I'm very, very concerned.
0:35:45 > 0:35:49About you and your well-being.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51I think you've had enough there.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- OK.- I know you've had enough. They won't get annoyed.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Me ankles are swollen.
0:35:57 > 0:36:02- I know!- That's why I have to cut my shoes down the side.- I know.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04If you could pull that shoe off...
0:36:05 > 0:36:10Take it from the back - it's all swollen. What I have to do...
0:36:10 > 0:36:11But I can't...
0:36:11 > 0:36:17I have to cut the sides off here to get my feet in it,
0:36:17 > 0:36:19so I can tie them up.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23What would happen if he couldn't get his shoes on and get outside?
0:36:23 > 0:36:26- He'd be a prisoner in here, wouldn't he?- He'd be a prisoner in his own home.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29His own home!
0:36:29 > 0:36:33And I don't think he would like that. No way.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35- This is my home.- No way.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37This is my home.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53She said she'd be back at about...
0:36:53 > 0:36:55Half past two.
0:36:56 > 0:37:01But, that's not too bad. I'm OK with it at the moment.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04But when it's dark, it puts a different reflection on everything,
0:37:04 > 0:37:06really - it seems worse.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09She's gone dancing, bet your life.
0:37:09 > 0:37:13I wonder how many 83-year-olds are out in the dark? Not many.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18Look at the radical change she's having to put up with.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20She's used to coming into a house
0:37:20 > 0:37:22and there's no-one there - which is sad -
0:37:22 > 0:37:25and that's probably an improvement, but it's different.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27I know what you're saying,
0:37:27 > 0:37:28but... She's OK.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32- You've got to see it from her point of view.- She's OK. Don't worry.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35I think she actually likes it.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38In respect, she's got people to talk to.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41KNOCK AT DOOR
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Yes?!
0:37:44 > 0:37:48Oh, God! Oh, my God!
0:37:48 > 0:37:51THEY LAUGH
0:37:53 > 0:37:54Ooh!
0:37:54 > 0:37:57- Oh.- Where have you been?
0:37:57 > 0:38:01Where have I been? Wait a minute.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04Where have I been?
0:38:04 > 0:38:08Well, I went to see if Bill was all right,
0:38:08 > 0:38:11but unfortunately he lost his patience with me, I think.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14So I thought, "Sorry, Bill,"
0:38:14 > 0:38:17so from thereon I thought I'd go to Spitalfields.
0:38:17 > 0:38:23- What, this time of night? - Well...- You said you was coming back at 2.30.
0:38:23 > 0:38:28Well, I did say I was coming back, but I was having quite a good time,
0:38:28 > 0:38:31really. Someone gave me a book and...
0:38:31 > 0:38:32What's this?
0:38:34 > 0:38:38"We are revolting - 40 years...
0:38:38 > 0:38:40"of queer activism."
0:38:40 > 0:38:41PHIL SNIGGERS
0:38:41 > 0:38:46"Grass roots LGBT activism" -
0:38:46 > 0:38:48whatever that's all about.
0:38:49 > 0:38:54"No gay rights, no gay something, we don't just want more cake,
0:38:54 > 0:38:58"we want the whole...bloody bakery!"
0:38:59 > 0:39:04- What that is there... What do you think that leaflet is for?- Well...
0:39:05 > 0:39:09- Well, I don't know, cos I haven't had chance to read it.- Yeah...
0:39:09 > 0:39:13- Shall I put that in the bin? - Put it where you like.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Put it where you like.
0:39:15 > 0:39:20I think you picked up half the market there, in that bag!
0:39:25 > 0:39:27HAMMERING
0:39:27 > 0:39:29POWER TOOLS BUZZ
0:39:35 > 0:39:40- Do you know what, Mum?- What? - Three feet might be OK.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43Because you'll have more room in the garage conversion
0:39:43 > 0:39:45if you have a three-foot bed.
0:39:45 > 0:39:50Peggy and Sue have come to choose a new bed for the annexe.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54How you getting on, dear?
0:39:54 > 0:39:58I'm thinking a three-foot bed here, cos we've got a garage conversion.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01- Our options would be open... - Absolutely.
0:40:01 > 0:40:05Let's show you something different, because there is one more option.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- I'll have to...- You're not paying attention here, are you?
0:40:08 > 0:40:11PEGGY LAUGHS
0:40:11 > 0:40:15- Try and just...- Hang on a minute! - I'll make it easier.
0:40:15 > 0:40:20- I can do it.- If I bring that down... - Don't worry. I'll...
0:40:20 > 0:40:24- Where there's a will, there's a way. - All right, then.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26OK.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28She's got the giggles, hasn't she?
0:40:28 > 0:40:33- I bet this isn't the first time you've had giggles in your shop, is it?- Absolutely not!- No.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36- I told you... - Now she's killed my plant!
0:40:36 > 0:40:39- PIGGY GIGGLES - Shall I move that out of the way?
0:40:39 > 0:40:42THEY ALL LAUGH
0:40:46 > 0:40:49I don't know what to say at this point.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52I don't know what to say, I mean... Does it...?
0:40:52 > 0:40:55LAUGHTER
0:40:58 > 0:41:01- Mum, you're making this very difficult.- Oh, I'm sorry!
0:41:01 > 0:41:03We're trying to...
0:41:03 > 0:41:08The idea here is it'll give you a bit more protection on the shoulders and on the hips.
0:41:08 > 0:41:12- So it's a little bit softer on top. - Mum, I'm serious now.
0:41:12 > 0:41:13Don't muck me about.
0:41:13 > 0:41:15I can't... I'm not...!
0:41:15 > 0:41:19- Right, that's memory. Memory foam. - That'll keep my memory all right.- No!
0:41:21 > 0:41:24When you move, your body makes an indentation
0:41:24 > 0:41:26- and it supports you...- Oh, well,
0:41:26 > 0:41:30if it's going to support me in many ways, I'll have that one.
0:41:31 > 0:41:36- Thanks, ladies - nice to see you. - OK, thanks very much.- Bye-bye, now.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45- Just keep coming. Just keep coming normally.- Oh, OK.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50I think you left a damp patch on that bed.
0:41:50 > 0:41:51Well, that's what I thought.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54This is why you've got to wear them things, Mum,
0:41:54 > 0:41:57because you're not getting away with it any more.
0:41:57 > 0:42:02- I think I've got a pad on now. - Just didn't work, did it?
0:42:02 > 0:42:05- You need something a bit more substantial.- OK.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08I feel a bit uncomfortable now.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11Well, you would be, Mum, because you're not treating...
0:42:11 > 0:42:14You're not dealing with it, using the proper pads.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18If I can go to the chemist and buy some stuff to help you,
0:42:18 > 0:42:20you needn't make such a big thing of it.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23You're going to have to... not fight me.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27You're not getting away with it, Mum.
0:42:27 > 0:42:31I don't want to get away with it. I'll go along with whatever,
0:42:31 > 0:42:34if it's helping my own personal hygiene.
0:42:34 > 0:42:38Yes, OK. So today is the beginning of a new day.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Beginning of a new phase.
0:42:40 > 0:42:45- Go into Boots and buy a supply... - And it won't be an issue any more.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47It will not be an issue any more.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- Any more.- Any more.- Boots, then!
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- BOTH:- To Boots!- Hurray!
0:42:54 > 0:42:56- Off we go!- There we go.
0:43:00 > 0:43:04Peggy has been living in Phil and Sue's house for six weeks.
0:43:04 > 0:43:10But her loss of independence has made coping with her condition harder for everybody.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13All I said to you was, it'll be better for you...
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Mum, you're putting your finger in your ears.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18How stupid is that?
0:43:18 > 0:43:19Mum, that's childish.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23You mustn't do that. Do you want me to do that?
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Mum, that's really childish.
0:43:28 > 0:43:29OK.
0:43:33 > 0:43:35She's been horrendous.
0:43:35 > 0:43:39This illness is, you know...
0:43:39 > 0:43:43Peggy just screams, hollers and shouts and wants her own way.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47We're not prepared to give it to her 100% because you can't.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51And so, there's been screaming matches every day.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54You live a nightmare, but you understand it.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57You walk into it eyes wide open.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00So... It's about right, isn't it, really?
0:44:00 > 0:44:02RAIN PATTERS
0:44:03 > 0:44:07- I'm gonna fucking fart all around. - Mum...
0:44:07 > 0:44:11- I'm not! Shut up.- Mum...- Shut up!
0:44:11 > 0:44:14- Mum...- No. No, I'm sorry.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17I am fucking sorry.
0:44:17 > 0:44:23- You've got to stop this.- Sarcasm is the lowest fucking form of wit.
0:44:23 > 0:44:24Mum, stop swearing.
0:44:24 > 0:44:27Why you speaking to me as though I'm an imbecile?
0:44:27 > 0:44:30Oh, shut your bleeding face.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- That's not nice.- Treat me like a fucking idiot.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37I suppose I get a bit angry, really.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39And I think, "Well, why..."
0:44:41 > 0:44:42Yes, I suppose I get a bit angry.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47I'm deaf, I'm dumb, I'm fucking crackers.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51Don't know what I'm fucking doing here anyway!
0:44:51 > 0:44:52SPOON CLATTERS
0:44:52 > 0:44:54How are you coping?
0:44:54 > 0:44:56Uh...
0:44:56 > 0:44:58How are we coping? Do you know how we're coping?
0:44:58 > 0:45:01Actually, at times, I don't know how we do cope.
0:45:02 > 0:45:06- I'm trying to eat my dinner!- Eat your bleeding dinner, then.- Sit down.
0:45:06 > 0:45:08- Don't interrupt, then. - Don't point at me. Sit down.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Don't you interrupt.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12I haven't interrupted anybody.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15No, well, don't take the bleeding piss, then.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19There's obviously something very wrong with my brain,
0:45:19 > 0:45:21but having said that...
0:45:21 > 0:45:23We need our own space.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Don't behave like this, Mum.
0:45:25 > 0:45:30No, well, don't treat me like I'm a bleeding idiot altogether, then!
0:45:30 > 0:45:32- Fucking hell.- All right! OK!
0:45:32 > 0:45:35- All right.- OK.- OK.- I'm OK.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43There are...
0:45:43 > 0:45:47- a few nice times when she does say a few funny things.- Yeah.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49They're few and far between, but...
0:45:49 > 0:45:52You have a laugh, and you think, "She's not too bad after all,"
0:45:52 > 0:45:54and then it all gets wiped again!
0:45:54 > 0:45:57You see her sitting there, nice and quiet, and think, "Aww."
0:45:57 > 0:46:01She turns and says, "What the F-ing hell are you looking at, you B?"
0:46:01 > 0:46:05And that little moment's over and done with, innit?
0:46:05 > 0:46:07You won't listen, Mum. I can't...
0:46:07 > 0:46:09- I'm listening. - I can't get through to you.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11I'm listening to you!
0:46:11 > 0:46:14And you're treating me
0:46:14 > 0:46:16like I'm your worst enemy.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Do you think that's fair?
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Well, you're saying that.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22I'm going by your actions
0:46:22 > 0:46:24and your words.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26They couldn't be harsher with me.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28SHE COUGHS
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Ooh.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Is there anything you could pinpoint
0:46:33 > 0:46:37that you loved about Peggy as she was, that you miss?
0:46:37 > 0:46:41We're always been very different people.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43We have always had
0:46:43 > 0:46:46a difficult relationship anyway,
0:46:46 > 0:46:47which I regret.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52I'm struggling, I'm struggling, I'm struggling.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56I can't answer that.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58I know it sounds awful, but I can't answer that.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00That sounds terrible, doesn't it?
0:47:00 > 0:47:02- That sounds... - No, you're just being honest.
0:47:02 > 0:47:05That sounds really awful!
0:47:05 > 0:47:08I'm grateful the fact that I could have had a terrible upbringing
0:47:08 > 0:47:11and I look at other people's upbringings
0:47:11 > 0:47:12and I'm very grateful
0:47:12 > 0:47:14that she did her best.
0:47:14 > 0:47:15She did her best, and now
0:47:15 > 0:47:18I'm damn well going to do my best.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22I think if I could turn back the clock and she had no dementia now
0:47:22 > 0:47:25and I'd say, "Mum, you love your grandchildren,"
0:47:25 > 0:47:28she'd say, "Course I love my grandchildren,"
0:47:28 > 0:47:30and even if I said, "Mum..."
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Sorry.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43What would you like to say?
0:47:43 > 0:47:44I'm sure she loved me.
0:47:44 > 0:47:47It's just, it's her way of showing it, you know?
0:47:52 > 0:47:55I don't quite know what to look for, really.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59SHE BREATHES HOARSELY
0:48:01 > 0:48:03You don't want all four of them on.
0:48:03 > 0:48:05Sorry? You don't know what I'm doing, do you?
0:48:05 > 0:48:06Oh.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Ah. Well...
0:48:08 > 0:48:09Magic, see.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11Oh, this is going to be fun and games.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15- Oh, this really smells. - Yeah. Oh, dear.
0:48:15 > 0:48:17There's too much in here
0:48:17 > 0:48:20- and we don't know what's clean and what's not clean.- No...
0:48:20 > 0:48:22'Sue's youngest daughter, Elise,
0:48:22 > 0:48:24'has come to help sort out Peggy's clothes
0:48:24 > 0:48:26'ahead of the move in a few days' time.'
0:48:26 > 0:48:28..and everything disappears.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34How do you feel about Peggy coming to live with you?
0:48:34 > 0:48:39I'm quite happy in one sense, cos I get to see her every day,
0:48:39 > 0:48:42whereas where I'm so busy, I don't always get to see her.
0:48:42 > 0:48:43Which is nice.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46And you can keep an eye on her, know what she's doing.
0:48:46 > 0:48:49You ain't got to worry about her. But it is hard work.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51You have to remember, she wasn't like this before
0:48:51 > 0:48:55and it's hard to remember that, especially when she's being nasty,
0:48:55 > 0:48:58like she's thrown a glass of water over me, things like that,
0:48:58 > 0:49:00and you've got to bite your tongue
0:49:00 > 0:49:03although you might just walk out of the room, you think, "You cow."
0:49:03 > 0:49:05But she's not really like that.
0:49:05 > 0:49:08She would never have done that before,
0:49:08 > 0:49:10and that's the only upsetting thing about it,
0:49:10 > 0:49:13when you think about how she used to be... Sorry.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21Dirty.
0:49:21 > 0:49:22I'm sorry.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Do you miss the Gran you had?
0:49:25 > 0:49:27Yeah, sometimes.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29All the time, actually.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32She is funny. She really makes you laugh sometimes, even now.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34She's a character, isn't she?
0:49:34 > 0:49:37Oh, yeah. She's always been a character.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40Yeah, she's brilliant. It's just hard to...
0:49:40 > 0:49:42- You've started me off now!- Sorry!
0:49:46 > 0:49:49I think one egg would have been sufficient, but not to worry.
0:49:49 > 0:49:52I've got to turn this cooker off now.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55Now how does that go on? Phil!
0:49:56 > 0:49:58Phil!
0:49:58 > 0:50:02You secrete it down there so she don't see it.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03Phil!
0:50:03 > 0:50:06Would you turn the cooker off now for me, please?
0:50:07 > 0:50:10Right. Oh, what if she sees me?
0:50:10 > 0:50:11Oh, well.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18You frightened the life out of me!
0:50:18 > 0:50:20- You all right, sweetheart?- Oh!
0:50:22 > 0:50:25- You don't want her to see you doing this?- No! No.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27Oh.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30Magic hands, these are.
0:50:30 > 0:50:32Massive hands?
0:50:32 > 0:50:34- Magic hands!- Oh, magic!
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Do you love her, do you think?
0:50:39 > 0:50:40I think I must do.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45At times, I could strangle her and throw her out the window
0:50:45 > 0:50:46but to be honest,
0:50:46 > 0:50:48I wouldn't do it for anyone else.
0:50:51 > 0:50:52You know where we're going today?
0:50:52 > 0:50:55- We're going to see the doctor. - About my...
0:50:55 > 0:50:57- About...- My...
0:50:57 > 0:51:00Wait a minute, I'll think of it in a minute. My...
0:51:00 > 0:51:01- Your what?- My brain scan.
0:51:01 > 0:51:05What would you like to ask him when you get there? It's your chance.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07Can things get worse?
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Can things get worse?
0:51:10 > 0:51:13I just hope they cannot get worse.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16- Oh!- That's it.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19Do you find that, sometimes when people
0:51:19 > 0:51:22have the types of difficulties you've had, they can find
0:51:22 > 0:51:26that either people's personality can change a little after a stroke
0:51:26 > 0:51:31or sometimes it can make people a bit more prone to lose their temper.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Have you noticed any of those things?
0:51:33 > 0:51:37Well, I do find that maybe I'm difficult sometimes,
0:51:37 > 0:51:41with them, and I think to myself, "I'm not difficult."
0:51:43 > 0:51:47Maybe I'm worrying too much about something.
0:51:47 > 0:51:50Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of things on your mind.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52- Yeah, there is at the moment.- Yeah.
0:51:52 > 0:51:57So first of all, the MRI scan of your brain that we...
0:51:57 > 0:52:00- Sorry?- The MRI scan that we did of your brain.
0:52:00 > 0:52:04What that shows is some, perhaps some slightly different things
0:52:04 > 0:52:06to the scan you had four years ago.
0:52:06 > 0:52:08- What?- I think what the new scan shows is that
0:52:08 > 0:52:11there is a little more general shrinkage of the brain as well.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14And what that probably means is that
0:52:14 > 0:52:18there's a different type of dementia in your brain,
0:52:18 > 0:52:21which is something called Alzheimer's disease,
0:52:21 > 0:52:25and I think that the memory tests and other things that we did,
0:52:25 > 0:52:28and some of the practical problems that you're having every day
0:52:28 > 0:52:31actually show that as well.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34- That's a lot to take in in one go. - Yeah...- So if you've got questions
0:52:34 > 0:52:38or you'd like me to explain any of it again, I can do that.
0:52:38 > 0:52:40I can only say to you,
0:52:40 > 0:52:42what can I say?
0:52:42 > 0:52:44I think you're doing a fine job.
0:52:45 > 0:52:48And you're also very caring
0:52:48 > 0:52:52and I will do whatever I have to do
0:52:52 > 0:52:55to help us all on our way.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58Well, I think you've both been doing a remarkable job
0:52:58 > 0:53:02of making this work practically. I think you've managed very well.
0:53:02 > 0:53:06- These can be difficult situations. - It doesn't feel that way sometimes.
0:53:06 > 0:53:09- They're always challenging.- There's moments of despair, I'm afraid.
0:53:09 > 0:53:13I'm better at the practical aspects of it, probably,
0:53:13 > 0:53:15than the mental aspects of the condition
0:53:15 > 0:53:18so I'm hoping that the granny annexe will solve that.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20She probably thinks she's got
0:53:20 > 0:53:23a lot more freedom than she actually will have,
0:53:23 > 0:53:27in the sense I'll be watching far more than she ever imagined,
0:53:27 > 0:53:29so this is as good as it gets.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42- The new house and granny annexe are finally ready.- There we are.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45For the first time in four months,
0:53:45 > 0:53:48Peggy will have a front door all of her own.
0:53:48 > 0:53:49Mum, this is your new home, OK?
0:53:49 > 0:53:52- Thank you. - This is Peggy's front door.
0:53:52 > 0:53:56In we go. In we go.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59So this is going to be your bedroom,
0:53:59 > 0:54:00also where you watch television.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03- The television is going to be over there. Can you see it?- Oh!
0:54:03 > 0:54:07- You've got your chair. - You've got your chair there.- Right.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09You can look out the window if you want.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12Look at that. I think I'm being looked after.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14You know why, Susan?
0:54:14 > 0:54:17- Because that...- Cos you're my mum.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19- I understand. - We want you to understand
0:54:19 > 0:54:22that we're going to have to live sort of separately.
0:54:22 > 0:54:25It's been a bit forced, what we've been living the last few months.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28- That'll be fine. - Really, we're going to make you
0:54:28 > 0:54:31- as independent as you can possibly be.- I think I will be.
0:54:31 > 0:54:33We're next-door neighbours.
0:54:33 > 0:54:36Well, it's nice to have a nice next-door neighbour.
0:54:36 > 0:54:39It is, but you're stuck with me and I'm stuck with you!
0:54:39 > 0:54:41I'm sorry about that!
0:54:41 > 0:54:45So if you come this way, we'll show you what else we've done for you.
0:54:48 > 0:54:49- That's it.- OK.
0:54:51 > 0:54:56Can you see, Mum, what we've given you here makes you independent
0:54:56 > 0:55:00and you can sort everything else out yourself, with food and everything?
0:55:00 > 0:55:02Definitely. Who knows?
0:55:02 > 0:55:05- I might live till I'm 90.- Yeah.
0:55:05 > 0:55:07I don't suppose for one minute
0:55:07 > 0:55:10you've enjoyed living with us very much, Mum,
0:55:10 > 0:55:13so it'll be nicer for you from now on, won't it?
0:55:13 > 0:55:15No, I can't say that it was 100%.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18- No, it wasn't 100%, we'll be honest on that.- I would say it was...
0:55:18 > 0:55:20I would say it was...
0:55:20 > 0:55:24- 95%.- I think I'd put it a little bit lower than that, Mum.
0:55:24 > 0:55:2680%, then!
0:55:26 > 0:55:2875%!
0:55:28 > 0:55:31- Yeah, probably.- 75%.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34We've invested a lot of time and money in this. It's got to work.
0:55:34 > 0:55:36I'm almost sure it will work.
0:55:36 > 0:55:37We're gone.
0:55:37 > 0:55:38SUE AND PEGGY LAUGH
0:55:38 > 0:55:40We're out of here.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43- Oh, dear.- That's it.
0:55:45 > 0:55:47- She seems happy enough.- That's it.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50Right, now, our house.
0:55:50 > 0:55:53What are you looking forward to now that you've moved?
0:55:53 > 0:55:54Dancing.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58And, yes, it won't take me long to...
0:56:00 > 0:56:03I'm just looking forward to
0:56:03 > 0:56:05carrying on with my life.
0:56:05 > 0:56:08I told her, it's the smallest of turns.
0:56:08 > 0:56:11But what you tell her and what she listens to
0:56:11 > 0:56:13is an entirely different thing.
0:56:13 > 0:56:16- That's it, she's got it.- Yeah, go on, girl. Go on. You can do it.
0:56:16 > 0:56:20- Not up, down!- No, down!
0:56:20 > 0:56:24Turn it to the right and pull the handle down.
0:56:24 > 0:56:25- Down, down, down!- No!
0:56:29 > 0:56:32What does this day represent for you?
0:56:32 > 0:56:34This means we can have, it won't be 100% normal,
0:56:34 > 0:56:38but as much normality as we'd possibly have.
0:56:38 > 0:56:39- We get our life back.- No worry.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41We get our life back. It is so, so hard.
0:56:41 > 0:56:45I just want to go through an hour
0:56:45 > 0:56:48without thinking about my mother's needs.
0:56:49 > 0:56:53Do you think if you get that distance again,
0:56:53 > 0:56:56you'll be able to enjoy her as a person more?
0:56:56 > 0:56:58Hopefully. Hopefully.
0:56:58 > 0:57:00- Well, here's to your new life. - This is it.
0:57:00 > 0:57:05- Thank you very much. And this is our new life coming up.- Yeah, thank you.
0:57:05 > 0:57:08- And Peggy's.- Yeah.
0:57:08 > 0:57:12She's laughing now. She's enjoying herself out there.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17Well, I think, my honest opinion...
0:57:19 > 0:57:21It's fit for a queen.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25Oh, now, this is ideal.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27It'll suit me fine.
0:57:27 > 0:57:28Suit me fine.
0:57:30 > 0:57:31That's better than a home.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34- I'm sorry, that's better than the best home.- It is.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36Right. We've got to trust her now.
0:57:36 > 0:57:39- We've got to stop looking her and let her get on with it.- Yeah.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42I couldn't wish for a nicer daughter.
0:57:42 > 0:57:44A better daughter.
0:58:01 > 0:58:04Where are you going, Peg?
0:58:04 > 0:58:06I'm going out. I'm going dancing.
0:58:06 > 0:58:08- All right.- I'm going dancing.
0:58:08 > 0:58:10Can we come with?
0:58:10 > 0:58:12Yeah, if you like.
0:58:12 > 0:58:15- Come on, then.- Come on.
0:58:26 > 0:58:31MUSIC: "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer
0:58:51 > 0:58:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd