0:00:04 > 0:00:08I'm Tulisa. I'm probably best known to you for being the girl in N-Dubz.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12- # Oh-oh, oh-oh - N-Dubz, N-Dubz... #
0:00:12 > 0:00:16But there's a big part of my private life that I've always kept quiet about.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20I just remember police turning up,
0:00:20 > 0:00:25ambulances, my mum literally being restrained and being dragged away.
0:00:25 > 0:00:31My mum's been mentally ill since before I was born, and I've grown up being her carer.
0:00:31 > 0:00:38I'm not alone. There are 80,000 young people in the UK looking after a parent with a mental illness.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42When she's on a down day, she'll just sit there.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47The curtains are drawn, the blinds are drawn, the telly's quiet, it's not the mum I used to know.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50It's not a Hannah that...
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Sorry.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54And she misses a lot out.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59- Sit down, hen.- I want to know how other Brits cope with the pressure of being a young carer.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02She did self-harm,
0:01:02 > 0:01:08erm, I was there on the stairs just kind of like in tears but I couldn't stop her.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11On one hand I've got my life, my career, my future.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14On the other hand I've got my responsibility.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17And I want to find out whether mental illness runs in families.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Could this even happen to me?
0:01:20 > 0:01:26It's clear that, like lots of people in the country, you have had depression.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30It's a message that you need to be particularly careful.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Is it a possibility? Could I just wake up tomorrow and just lose myself?
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Hi, I'm Tula Paulinea Contostavlos,
0:01:48 > 0:01:55my mum is a manic depressive and she'll shout at me and go crazy.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00It's horrible when I see her in hospital, I can't believe it's my mum.
0:02:00 > 0:02:06Sometimes when she's ill I feel like I'm the only grown-up in the house.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I love her with all my heart, so...
0:02:09 > 0:02:12That's quite sad really, reading that, it's like
0:02:12 > 0:02:18that is basically how I was feeling at the time when I was 12 years old.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21And that's the school play when I was Tallulah in Bugsy Malone.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23It is fab, yeah, I love that.
0:02:23 > 0:02:30Mum has suffered from a mental illness called schizoaffective disorder since before I was born.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Here's a good one of me and you.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- Yeah, oh, that's nice, isn't it? - Yeah, you look lovely there.
0:02:36 > 0:02:42'My dad left home when I was nine, and ever since it's just been me and Mum. We still live together today.'
0:02:42 > 0:02:48- Erm, Disneyland.- Disneyland, yeah. - Remember how hard we saved up to go to Disneyland? For ages.
0:02:48 > 0:02:54- Yeah, I remember that.- We stayed in a proper hotel and everything. - We did, yeah, absolutely.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59'When Mum's well, we have a really loving relationship, but when she's ill, she becomes
0:02:59 > 0:03:05'completely withdrawn and paranoid, hearing voices and imagining people are out to get her.'
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I'll come home one day and she might be crying, really emotional,
0:03:09 > 0:03:13just needs a hug, feeling sad, she doesn't know why she feels sad.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Other times she might be more aggressive and on edge.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21It's very manic, very all over the place, one minute she's like this,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23one minute she's like that. Up, down, up, down.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Mum had several episodes during my childhood and had to go
0:03:29 > 0:03:33into hospital for long periods of time before she recovered.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I just remember police turning up, ambulances,
0:03:39 > 0:03:43my mum literally being restrained and being dragged away.
0:03:45 > 0:03:51I don't think I really knew what was going on but I knew that obviously Mum had a problem.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56I just have this very vivid image of her screaming out of an ambulance.
0:03:56 > 0:04:02Mum was brought into this hospital in North London, and admitted into a psychiatric ward.
0:04:02 > 0:04:08All of a sudden, my mum, sort of came out in this long,
0:04:08 > 0:04:15you know, hospital gown, and she looked at me and she just looked so defeated.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21I wanted to grab her and be like, "Mum, what's going on?
0:04:21 > 0:04:26"I'm upset, I don't know what's happening," and I couldn't because she's looking at me, like a child.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31The earliest memory I have of realising something was wrong with Mum
0:04:31 > 0:04:36was when I was five years old and she was taken into hospital.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40To me, the honest truth was I didn't know anything else. I was used to
0:04:40 > 0:04:46coming in and out of hospital, watching my mum go through her episodes and get ill,
0:04:46 > 0:04:52get better, get ill, get better, recover, get ill, get better. It was just normal for me.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05When I was little, I thought I was the only person in the world with a mad mum.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09But in fact, a quarter of young people caring for a parent
0:05:09 > 0:05:13with mental health problems are under the age of 16.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16That's 15,000 school-age children.
0:05:17 > 0:05:23Mia is 16. She lives in Windsor with her mum, Tania, and her little brother, Jacob.
0:05:23 > 0:05:28And she's had to cope with her mum's mental illness from a very young age.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32These are the books I've collected over the years and when I went
0:05:32 > 0:05:36through this huge stage of reading, when I was like 11 years old.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39And that was when things were going very wrong.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44So these fantasy books were like an escape really and I really loved them and I used to
0:05:44 > 0:05:49read them through lessons until it got to a point where they had to take the books off me.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Mia's mum, Tania, suffers from bipolar disorder.
0:05:54 > 0:05:59It first developed when Mia was just a baby and as the family albums show,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01got worse through her childhood years.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- I was ill on that one. - You can definitely see the look in your eyes.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I can kind of tell, funnily enough. Do you remember this picture?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- No.- No.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15Some things I can remember, is going out in the garden and gardening, in the front garden at 3,
0:06:15 > 0:06:204 o'clock in the morning with a bottle of wine. As far as I was concerned it was absolutely normal.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25There was nothing wrong. Everybody else who thought it might be a bit strange, that was their look out.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30Once, we got back from B&Q, you were like, "Let's go to Legoland."
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- You look like you don't remember. - True story. And it just went on.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Tell me a bit about the symptoms, that kind of stuff.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40What I remember most, she's usually in a big high mode,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44always going around, running around screaming, shouting, coming up with ideas.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48After a while, she'd just go... and hit rock-bottom,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50and then the guilt comes in, doesn't it?
0:06:50 > 0:06:56One day I'd be happy and jumping around, and the next day I'd be suicidal.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00It's just such a dark place to be in and I know it sounds bizarre,
0:07:00 > 0:07:04but when that comes over you, it was just with such clarity,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06and it felt right, it really did feel right.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10So I thought, "That is what I've got to do, that's what I want to do."
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Hearing your mum talk about that, how does that make you feel?
0:07:13 > 0:07:18It makes me feel really, really sad and it's kind of like, hopeless.
0:07:18 > 0:07:25Because I have stopped her from committing suicide, I've been there, I've cuddled with her,
0:07:25 > 0:07:29I'm just there to comfort her, tell her everything's all right.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39Like my mum, Tania suffered extreme mood swings.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43During her manic highs, she would stay out late for days on end,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47leaving Mia to look after herself and Jacob all on her own.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54It hurt a little bit, but my mum's out all the time and
0:07:54 > 0:07:58then she's sleeping all the time, we don't really talk that much.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01And we were just not close and it was like,
0:08:01 > 0:08:08but I want a mum that's close to me because I'm getting bullied at school and I had no-one to talk to.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- Who did you talk to, no-one?- No-one.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15And I kind of bottled it all up when I was in Year 7, and it led to me
0:08:15 > 0:08:20not talking and reading all the time and losing all my friends.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25I was getting bullied and bullied more and more and I just lost all my confidence.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28At school I just didn't learn anything,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31and at home, because everything was wrong here too,
0:08:31 > 0:08:36it was just complete days of completely nothing.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Oh, that's one a day.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Tania's illness was finally diagnosed four years ago,
0:08:41 > 0:08:45and she now treats it with medication and regular therapy.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48This is my anxiety one, which I'm meant to take twice a day,
0:08:48 > 0:08:54- but to be honest, I don't actually remember to do it very often, but I'm OK at the moment, so...- Yeah.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59Thankfully Mia's school life has also improved and she's about to sit her GCSEs.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I'm not going to say I'm going to do perfect,
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I mean there's one or two that I'm aiming to pass, hopefully quite well.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11But there's a few of them where I'm just going to sit there and I'm going to be like, "Er...
0:09:11 > 0:09:15"I don't know this, We didn't learn this."
0:09:15 > 0:09:18But hopefully I'll pass all of them.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Tania's now managing much better and it's obvious that Mia
0:09:22 > 0:09:26is coming to terms with the realities of mental illness.
0:09:26 > 0:09:32I know I can't just click my fingers and then she's fine and happy and I'll see my mum again.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36But I help her as much as I can, it is distressing but you've just
0:09:36 > 0:09:38got to do it really, otherwise who else is going to do it?
0:09:38 > 0:09:43You two seem to have a really nice bond now.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48We do, I want to be her mum, you know? It's about time I became a mum.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53We've pretty much had role reversal. I mean I love her desperately, desperately, you know?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- I love you too.- I know you do.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59You two are cute, you're going to get me going!
0:09:59 > 0:10:03I really liked Mia and Tania, I thought they're a really nice family.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08I think her mum is such a loving person and I'm so happy
0:10:08 > 0:10:14that she's made that transition of getting the right medication and is quite stable now.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17And I'm happy that Mia's now getting the love
0:10:17 > 0:10:21and attention that she always wanted from her mum, so that's brilliant.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I really hope she does well, I really hope she finds the time
0:10:24 > 0:10:28to study, because she's got her GCSEs coming up.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I'd be devastated if I found out that
0:10:30 > 0:10:34she didn't do too well because of pressure surrounding her home life.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Mia's not alone in having difficulties at school.
0:10:42 > 0:10:4825% of young carers experience educational problems.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Well, that was certainly the case with me.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54I responded to Mum's illness by going off the rails completely.
0:10:54 > 0:11:01I was at my most rebellious when I came here, to Quintin Kynaston Secondary School in North London.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06I used to hang around with a bunch of girls in the year above me.
0:11:06 > 0:11:12And this is where we used to come during break time, and unfortunately...
0:11:12 > 0:11:16get high. Obviously it's a bit out the way and you've got that little hill there
0:11:16 > 0:11:22so you can see teachers coming and put out your spliffs before they came down and found us.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24We was quite cheeky little buggers.
0:11:27 > 0:11:33When I bothered to turn up for lessons, I was defensive and angry and I just refused to learn.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I didn't even stay and sit my GCSEs.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Because I remember, you know,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43years ago, sitting in that building
0:11:43 > 0:11:47in a maths class and one of the students mucking about.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52The teacher told them off and said to them stop doing that, and the student said,
0:11:52 > 0:11:58"Ah, but you know, Tula always does it," and the teacher said,
0:11:58 > 0:12:04"Don't worry about Tula. She doesn't come into the equation. She's not going to do anything with her life."
0:12:04 > 0:12:11I remember at the time having that fear in the back of my mind, of you know, "What if he's right?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14"What if I don't amount to anything?"
0:12:18 > 0:12:24The trouble was no-one back then made the connection between my bad behaviour in the classroom
0:12:24 > 0:12:27and the things that were going on at home.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32The Deputy Head tells me that today, the school has become much better at recognising
0:12:32 > 0:12:36the many different symptoms that young carers exhibit.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40It could be anything from poor attendance,
0:12:40 > 0:12:44truanting at certain times of the week,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47for particular reasons that we would need to identify.
0:12:47 > 0:12:54It might be that they're students that struggle in terms of their learning, don't focus in lessons.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57It might be that they're often getting into trouble,
0:12:57 > 0:13:00they can be quite aggressive, or they could be quite passive.
0:13:00 > 0:13:06And really it's about us trying to get to know exactly what is going on.
0:13:06 > 0:13:12Once it's been identified that the students have got an issue, some of them could go forwards
0:13:12 > 0:13:17for one-to-one counselling, we have a psychotherapist that comes to the school twice a week,
0:13:17 > 0:13:21so they could have psychotherapy if that's what they would like.
0:13:21 > 0:13:27One of our young carers herself actually asked for a support group to be set up,
0:13:27 > 0:13:33and through her request, we've actually got this young carers' group now, that meet every week.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37One of the things is for them not to feel isolated. I think that's one of the big problems.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45I'm glad that things have changed at my old school, but I reckon there are still lots of teachers that
0:13:45 > 0:13:51take the attitude that pupils are in school to learn and they should leave their problems at the door.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54And some young carers' behaviour is so disruptive
0:13:54 > 0:14:00that they end up being thrown out of mainstream education altogether.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04- Yeah, but what are you having? - I don't know, I'm not really hungry.
0:14:05 > 0:14:12Hannah is 15. She lives in Dover with her mum Julie, who suffers from clinical depression,
0:14:12 > 0:14:17a severe mood disorder which makes it difficult for her to do the most basic everyday tasks.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21She's on medication to help her cope, but still finds it difficult
0:14:21 > 0:14:25even to leave the house without Hannah's help.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Sit down, then. Sit.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Is this where you come to chill out?
0:14:30 > 0:14:37Yeah, if I want to chill out and get away from everything, I come up here on my own, with just Lilly.
0:14:37 > 0:14:43Hannah goes to an alternative curriculum school, for pupils with challenging behaviour.
0:14:43 > 0:14:48She was expelled from her local comprehensive after she got into a fight with a teacher.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I've always had anger inside of me since I've been little
0:14:51 > 0:14:58and it's as I'm getting older it's getting worse and worse and I've noticed it as well.
0:14:58 > 0:15:03I don't know where it comes from, I'll be all right for a few months and then all of a sudden,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06something will happen, it don't even have to be nothing nasty,
0:15:06 > 0:15:10and then I'll just go "bang!" and I'll just have to take all my anger out.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Or if I don't, it makes me ill.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15If I don't let all my anger out, I become ill.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I am scared of myself when I get angry,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21and I'm scared of what I'm going to do with the people around me.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25When I was upset when I was younger I used to turn to drink,
0:15:25 > 0:15:29and drugs mostly. Mostly weed and stuff like that.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Sometimes when I'm on a down day or whatever,
0:15:32 > 0:15:37that's my only way I can be me again without thinking about nothing.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Once the symptoms have kicked in, like the giggles and stuff,
0:15:40 > 0:15:44I feel all right but then it's after, I get really moody.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45- The come-down.- Yeah.
0:15:45 > 0:15:52There ain't really much what makes me happy now. I'm just carrying around massive boulders on my shoulders.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55No-one to talk to about it properly or nothing.
0:15:55 > 0:16:01And it is kind of messing with my head a bit and I would like more help with it.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Just coping and everything, because that's what I find hard.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I don't mind doing it, it's just coping with it I find hard.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18Help is available to Hannah at her specialist school, but the trouble is
0:16:18 > 0:16:22she hardly ever makes it in because of the demands of looking after her mum.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Can you explain what it feels like to be depressed?
0:16:26 > 0:16:33It's like when my grandson was born, when I went to see him it was like, "Oh." I just couldn't express
0:16:33 > 0:16:39how I was feeling. I should be really happy, but showing it, coming out, it's really difficult.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43And that's really awful, because I should be really happy for them.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- Can you remember the last time you felt happy about something?- No.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50What about even going back to...
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I don't know, maybe Hannah being born?
0:16:53 > 0:16:59Even when Hannah was born, I wasn't really over the moon, it was like, "Oh, God here we go."
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Because she was my second born, it's just like
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I wasn't really happy, and, "Oh, here's my daughter," and that's it.
0:17:05 > 0:17:11I just...hid it in, and yeah, and smile.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13If people smile, smile back but...
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Mmm, you're not actually happy.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17No.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20How are you feeling inside, right now?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I don't know.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- You're not happy?- I don't know, I don't really know how I feel.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I just get up and take the day as it comes, really.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34And if I'm in a horrible mood, everyone knows, and if I'm in a happy mood, they know.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39Sometimes I just don't feel nothing, nothing really bothers me some days.
0:17:39 > 0:17:44I feel bad, because where I get all this built up,
0:17:44 > 0:17:46it's not a Hannah that...
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- Sorry.- Oh, don't cry.- It's not Hannah that should be helping me.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53And she misses a lot out.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I know you feel bad.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00- It's not fair.- But it's not anyone's fault, that's the thing.
0:18:04 > 0:18:09Meeting Hannah has really saddened me. I'm worried that unless she gets
0:18:09 > 0:18:14some help, she's in danger of becoming more and more isolated.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18I wonder what's going to happen to her and what she's going to do with herself.
0:18:18 > 0:18:24And I really hope that she stays on the right path, because I can see her slipping the wrong way
0:18:24 > 0:18:30with the wrong people around her, and in the wrong scenario, so I just hope she stays positive.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44It would be so easy for someone like Hannah to get into serious trouble.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47I should know - I did.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51By the time I was 15, I'd dropped out of school completely
0:18:51 > 0:18:54and I started hanging around the estate in a big gang of girls.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00'My best mate Mercedes was part of the crew.'
0:19:00 > 0:19:02In the Ns! Ha-ha!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05It was like hers was the perfect place to go and chill.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10- For real.- When we was bunking off, every morning at 8 o'clock, boom, boom, boom, boom.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Turning up in some big, long jacket covering up my school uniform, sneaking in, "Let me in,"
0:19:14 > 0:19:18and I'd run into the house, take it off and chill out.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Go for a bit of wacky baccy
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- and sit back and listen to some... - Sleep the day away.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26That's about it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35If you look really, at everyone within the group, everyone's life,
0:19:35 > 0:19:41we all had some form of issue with parents or whatever.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44When we was out and about, it wasn't about our issues or...
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Yeah, it was our form of escape.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Escape, do you know what I mean? That's exactly what it was.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- And then when we went back home, that's when we'd have to deal with the bullshit.- Yeah.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02November '05. Mum's had one panic attack and one seizure.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05When she had the seizure I spent the whole day at the hospital.
0:20:05 > 0:20:11I want to take care of her, but it just stresses me out so much.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Anyway, just made her dinner and she's in the living room, chilling.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I've actually self-harmed here,
0:20:21 > 0:20:25and wiped my blood on the page. And I've said,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28"This is my blood, this is what life has done to me."
0:20:28 > 0:20:30So this is when I was at my worst.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35This was my suicidal stage, my depressed stage. I was very unhappy.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Yeah, just very depressed child, very.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42from 13 all the way up until...
0:20:45 > 0:20:52..honestly, it never fully went away until I got music.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Throughout my difficult teenage years, writing music
0:21:00 > 0:21:05became my way of coping with all the sadness I felt about Mum being ill.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Writing for me is like a form of expression.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11The first time I wrote about my mum was when I was
0:21:11 > 0:21:1713 years old, and the song is on the Uncle Beat album, it's called Secrets.
0:21:17 > 0:21:22# So who could be Behind my smile
0:21:22 > 0:21:26# I'm crying out And I'm left without a hand. #
0:21:26 > 0:21:30And it was about just being a kid
0:21:30 > 0:21:33and being isolated and just looking behind my smile,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37how I put on a front, but deep down and behind closed doors, how I'm really feeling.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42# If it wasn't for the music I probably wouldn't be here
0:21:42 > 0:21:44# It's why I pray to God Every day... #
0:21:46 > 0:21:51Although we only made it big a couple of years ago, I've been with N-Dubz since I was 11.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Spending time in the studio was kind of an escape for me.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Maze, our DJ, has been with us since the beginning.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07When you first met me, we hadn't made it yet, obviously we were still struggling.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09What sort of a person did you see me as, when I was 13?
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- You were a bit crazy, T, admit it, just tell you the truth, like.- Yeah.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16You were always on the mad ting, just out late nights.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Where do you think I would be without the music? Be 100% honest.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Probably in a council flat, twins...
0:22:24 > 0:22:26SHE LAUGHS
0:22:26 > 0:22:29..signing on. I don't know, man.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Probably just mad...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I don't know, probably in Sainsbury's somewhere.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39If you continued in that, in the direction you were heading...
0:22:40 > 0:22:42..it would not have been a good look, man.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Maze's right, music has given me a way out.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53But this isn't going to be the solution for everyone,
0:22:53 > 0:22:58and I'm really keen to help other young people who are suffering like I did.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02I've discovered there's a network of support groups across the UK,
0:23:02 > 0:23:05especially for young people who are caring for a parent.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08And I've found one in Hannah's area.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- How you feeling?- A bit nervous.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Nervous?- Just worried, in case they don't like me or something.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20- Why would they not like you? - I don't know.- You never know, they could just be like you.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Good luck.
0:23:25 > 0:23:31'I brought Hannah to Ashford Carers' Support, a kind of youth club for 12 to 16-year-olds.'
0:23:31 > 0:23:37Except everyone here is caring for a family member with a mental or physical illness.
0:23:37 > 0:23:42This is a big step for Hannah, and from here on, she's on her own.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Hello, I'm Hannah.- You all right?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54- Yeah, I'm really nervous.- Are you?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Yeah.- I'm Angie, I run the young carers' projects.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01Don't be nervous, everyone here is in the same boat as you. Do you know anybody at all?
0:24:01 > 0:24:06- No.- No, not at all? OK, guys, this is Hannah and we're just hanging out.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10You know, everyone's really friendly, just decide if you want to do something.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14If you want to make something or you sit in there and watch TV.
0:24:14 > 0:24:20Hannah's obviously nervous that she doesn't get along with people very well, she's not a people's person,
0:24:20 > 0:24:23but she's been really, really brave coming here today.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27It's that first jump of just breaking the ice with people and meeting people.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Yeah, I feel all right now I'm here.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Are you all right?
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Yeah, I'm still a little nervous.
0:24:36 > 0:24:42It's a bit far for me to travel as well where I live in Dover, so it's a bit of a trek coming over here.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- I like your glasses.- Thank you.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48It does me head in when I talk to people and they go, "I know how you feel,"
0:24:48 > 0:24:54when they don't. Because they've not gone through it, or they don't really understand or nothing.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58It's about meeting other people that do the same things that she does,
0:24:58 > 0:25:02and making her realise that actually, she's not on her own.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04You can look around the room and think,
0:25:04 > 0:25:08"Wow, every single person here deals with what I deal with."
0:25:08 > 0:25:12- Introduce me to these new people. - This is Sophie...
0:25:12 > 0:25:16By the end of the afternoon, Hannah's talking to a whole group of girls her own age.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19So what was Hannah like when she first came in?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- A bit shy at first, but... - She was really bubbly.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26See, look at all these nice things being said about you.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30'It's clear that these young carers' groups provide a real sense of support.'
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Do you feel like this place has sort of brought you out of yourself?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35I felt like a new person, really.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37We've been brought up together.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40We don't see each other as young carers,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42we just see each other as friends, and...
0:25:42 > 0:25:47You feel, like, you're the only one with, like, brothers or sisters or parents that have problems.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- But you're not. When you come here, you all fit in. - Everyone's in the same boat.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Yeah, it's like the same position that you are in.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Hannah, yeah? - Yeah, glad I came today.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Yeah, I'm glad you came as well.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03That's one more friend.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05OK, so how are you feeling?
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- All right, really happy I came.- Yeah?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Got on all right with everyone.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21- Do you think you've made some friends?- Yeah, I'm going to go out with Stacey when I get in.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Oh, my gosh, where are you going to go?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Erm, around the area or up the park.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Really? Straightaway and you've made friends and you're going out with people.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Yeah. It made me feel really good inside, as well, like.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37So before, I wouldn't have done that, I'd have just say, kept quiet or something.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Knowing that I've made a new friend, it's made me feel better.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45And, like, I don't know why I ain't met her before, cos, like, she lives in Dover as well.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49That's absolutely amazing and I give you high ratings for that.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53So, well done, and I'm really happy.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02Small improvements can make a huge difference when you're struggling as a young carer.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07But ordinary challenges can also throw you off course.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13Mia finished her exams today, and I'm keen to see how she's coped.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14- Hello.- Hello.- How are you?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17- I'm fine, thank you. - Long time.- I know.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Hello.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- You've got a crutch on.- I know.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23- What happened? - I had surgery, but I'm all right.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24You're good? Ok.
0:27:25 > 0:27:32How has your mum been, through all your studying, you know, how has that affected your studying?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34How's things been at home? What's been going on?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Erm, well, Mum's been all right.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40She's had a couple of days where she's, like, "Raaagh!, why is this happening to me?"
0:27:40 > 0:27:46Erm, it hasn't really affected my studies because I did most of them at school, so it wasn't too bad.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50There were a couple of days I was like, "Please, just leave me alone.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52"I'm a bit stressed out here."
0:27:52 > 0:27:56But I was all right, and so was Mum, I think.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59How are you feeling about the exams? What do you think you've done?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Overall I think I've done... well, better than I thought I would do.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05They were easier than I thought they would be.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08All through her exams, I was so expecting there to be
0:28:08 > 0:28:13flying hands and slamming doors and things, and she sailed through it, I was really impressed.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15I'm really excited for you. I hope it goes well.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18What happens if they're good, what's the next step?
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- I go to go to college. - You go to college.- To do A-Levels.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25If I do well, I'll be over the moon for, like, the rest of my life!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Let's get all emotional. Come on.
0:28:28 > 0:28:33'As someone who never even sat her GCSEs, I'm really impressed with Mia's achievement.'
0:28:37 > 0:28:41But how do young carers cope with the next stage of life?
0:28:41 > 0:28:46When the inevitable question of growing up and leaving home appears.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Andy is 17.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53He lives in Peterborough with his little brother, William,
0:28:53 > 0:28:56and his mum, Linda, who suffers from depression.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58I know.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01- Thank you, darlings.- There you are.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04She's just, like, my best friend. She's not, like, a mum.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Everywhere she goes, I go.
0:29:06 > 0:29:11Everyone, like, in the village, in the family know me as her shadow, or she's my shadow,
0:29:11 > 0:29:14because we're, like, basically connected at the hip.
0:29:14 > 0:29:15And I've got a poem.
0:29:15 > 0:29:18"Mum, your birthday means so much to me.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21"I have you in my life another year.
0:29:21 > 0:29:27"My love and care and peace." And some kisses.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...
0:29:30 > 0:29:34Although she is on medication, Linda's illness can cause her
0:29:34 > 0:29:37to have extreme mood swings and emotional instability.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40When she's down, she's, like, proper down.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Doesn't want to talk to or see anyone.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45She'll stay in her room for, like, days,
0:29:45 > 0:29:48and can unplug the phone for, like, a week at a time sometimes.
0:29:48 > 0:29:53And, people are phoning and they're not getting her, so they think something's wrong.
0:29:53 > 0:29:58And it's kind of, like, I've got to deal with that, so I don't really have much of a social life.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01I'm either at home, downstairs with my mum and granddad,
0:30:01 > 0:30:03or in my sanctuary,
0:30:03 > 0:30:06watching DVDs, playing X-Box.
0:30:10 > 0:30:15Andy does go to his local young carers' group every couple of weeks.
0:30:15 > 0:30:20It's the only time he enjoys hanging out with people his own age.
0:30:20 > 0:30:24In what ways does she depend on you? What ways do you care for her?
0:30:24 > 0:30:29It's, like, kind of cos she, like, I think if I'm too far away, she really, really worries.
0:30:29 > 0:30:33And so, if I'm, like, in the village, she's all right,
0:30:33 > 0:30:35but if I go to town and that she worries a lot.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39I think she needs me more emotionally than anything. But I'm there to help with
0:30:39 > 0:30:43the house chores and my little brother and cooking and stuff like that.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45What's your ambition, out of here, and out of home?
0:30:45 > 0:30:49Isn't there anything, you know, more that you want to do with yourself?
0:30:49 > 0:30:51In two years, I'm joining the Navy.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55- The Navy.- Yeah.- Oh, wow, and how long will you be away for?
0:30:55 > 0:30:57Erm, after my training, I'll probably move out.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01And live in a base somewhere, which could be anywhere around the world.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05- Cos I want to be a medic or a nurse in the Navy, cos I really want to help people.- Yeah.
0:31:05 > 0:31:10- Have you told your mum about that? - She knows that and everything. - She knows that.- Yeah.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13I've said that, like, if she wants me to stay, I'll stay.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16Cos family's family, and if she needs my help, she needs my help.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18But she's, like, "No, I want you to go."
0:31:18 > 0:31:21But I don't think she's thought about it properly.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24Do you not think that that's not very fair on you,
0:31:24 > 0:31:29if you stay because you have to, you know, take care of your mum?
0:31:29 > 0:31:33Kind of, but at the same time not really, cos family's the most important thing.
0:31:33 > 0:31:38- Mmm, yeah, of course. - So family's family, and, like, dreams and that are just dreams.
0:31:38 > 0:31:43Cos we've kind of got to a level where everything's kind of running together smoothly.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46If, like, something changes it could mess it all up.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49And I don't want that, cos it's smooth at the moment.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52I hear what you're saying. It's like you don't want anything...
0:31:52 > 0:31:54- little changes could upset your mum and then...- Yeah.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56And things could kick off again.
0:31:59 > 0:32:05I know from my own experience how difficult change can be for people with mental health problems.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08And Andy's obviously scared of rocking the boat.
0:32:08 > 0:32:13But things have got to change, for his sake.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15How do you think that it's affecting Andy,
0:32:15 > 0:32:17your situation?
0:32:17 > 0:32:19He's not had a childhood.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21He had to grow up too young.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25Even now, he's 17. I mean, people can laugh
0:32:25 > 0:32:30and say what they like, but I still like him in at 9 o'clock at night.
0:32:30 > 0:32:35I can't be dependent on Andy forever. I don't know if Andrew's told you, but he hopes to join the Navy.
0:32:35 > 0:32:39How hard do you think it would be if he wasn't around to help?
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Um...
0:32:46 > 0:32:49Erm...
0:32:49 > 0:32:52I wouldn't be here if Andrew wasn't here.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55- Is it really that bad? - Andrew's my lifeline.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58How low does it... can you get when you get depressed?
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- How bad does it get? - When I lost me sister,
0:33:01 > 0:33:06and my marriage broke down, a few years after, not long after...
0:33:06 > 0:33:07Erm...
0:33:09 > 0:33:12There was one particular time that, yeah, I was going to do it, well,
0:33:12 > 0:33:16I'd actually started doing it, I'd started taking the pills...
0:33:17 > 0:33:18Erm...
0:33:18 > 0:33:19What were you going to do?
0:33:19 > 0:33:24- I was taking the pills and going to sleep, I wasn't coming back. - Could you get, you know,
0:33:24 > 0:33:27to that stage again, now you still feel...?
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Yeah, very, very easily.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34But how does that make you feel, listening to that, Andy?
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Cos I've known about it before, I'm not sure if she'll do it again.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41I don't think she will but, like, sometimes I don't want to go out
0:33:41 > 0:33:45when she's, like, really down, because I'm scared I'll come back
0:33:45 > 0:33:48- and she'll, like, you know, not be here, kind of thing.- Yeah.
0:33:48 > 0:33:51And it's kind of scary and...
0:33:51 > 0:33:53something I deal with.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09I think Andrew's a lovely boy, and his mum is lovely as well.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12I think they make a really good pair.
0:34:12 > 0:34:16And Andrew obviously loves her to pieces.
0:34:16 > 0:34:21Meeting Andrew today made me think a lot about me and my mum,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23erm, when I was younger.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27When I was that age, I was kind of, you know,
0:34:27 > 0:34:30running off on wild nights out,
0:34:30 > 0:34:34trying to do everything I can to get away from home and Mum.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38And he's there, literally, putting his heart and soul
0:34:38 > 0:34:43into taking care of her and making sure she's all right.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46And it makes me think,
0:34:46 > 0:34:48"Could I have done more?"
0:34:54 > 0:34:58Although I'm no longer roaming the estate with a bottle of cider,
0:34:58 > 0:35:03I'm often away from home, working, and leaving Mum makes me feel guilty.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06- Hello.- Hi, Mum.- Hi, honey. Come in.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09I've just exchanged contracts on my first home,
0:35:09 > 0:35:13and moving out of Mum's is going to be a big change for both of us.
0:35:13 > 0:35:14Yeah, you all right, yeah?
0:35:14 > 0:35:16Yeah, I'm good. I've been working.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20- Oh, good.- I'll give you the update. Right, so...
0:35:20 > 0:35:23you know that we've signed a deal to Def Jam.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Oh, right, oh, is that another record, another...?
0:35:26 > 0:35:30That's, like, a big record label in America. I'm going to be flying out there.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33When are you going, before you move in the house?
0:35:33 > 0:35:35No, we're moving in two weeks.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38- Oh, I can't wait.- And I was thinking maybe I could take you up there.
0:35:38 > 0:35:42- Erm...- That'd be lovely, yeah. - Your bedroom's lilac.
0:35:42 > 0:35:46- Is it lilac, oh?- It's really cute.
0:35:46 > 0:35:48I love it, I love that.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51You'll love it when you walk in. You'll be like, "Oh, it's lovely!"
0:35:51 > 0:35:53What's the name of that record...?
0:35:53 > 0:35:56I just feel, like, sometimes my mum's very vulnerable
0:35:56 > 0:35:59and I have to look out for her and take care of her.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01You can't say that me and Mum have a traditional
0:36:01 > 0:36:05mother and daughter relationship, because it's not. She can't register things
0:36:05 > 0:36:08in the same way, or do things in the same way, some of the time.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12So, no. You know, that's a pretty standard question.
0:36:12 > 0:36:16Of course it's not. It's very different and it always has been and it always will be.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25There may never be a full recovery for Mum in the future.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28But at least she hasn't suffered with mental illness all her life.
0:36:28 > 0:36:35Like me, Mum was a singer, and before I was born, she was part of a successful band called Jeep.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45The other members of Jeep were Mum's three older sisters, my aunties.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49Moira is an auntie that I'm really close to today.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51# I love the spell I'm under When the drums begin to thunder
0:36:51 > 0:36:54# Boom-I-dee boom boom Boom-I-dee boom boom
0:36:54 > 0:36:57# Like the tempo Of a tropic rain... #
0:36:57 > 0:37:01Jeep were pretty well known in the '80s.
0:37:01 > 0:37:06They toured around Europe and appeared on all the big chat shows of the day.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10You grew up with these and were singing these and so you know them, like we did.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13Mum looks lovely in that picture.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16She looked beautiful in this.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18Oh, my gosh, I got some pictures out here for you.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20- Have you?- Yeah, to show you.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- Memories.- I know you may have seen some of them already.- Yeah.
0:37:23 > 0:37:28Look, and I was going to show you some of these, from our heyday.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Now look at Mum. That is like looking at you, isn't it?
0:37:30 > 0:37:32That's mad. It's my mum in the press!
0:37:32 > 0:37:37- I know.- 17-year-old Ann.- 17.- Was she well, when was the first, like...
0:37:37 > 0:37:39No, she was well there, she was very well.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42When was, were there any signs before?
0:37:42 > 0:37:44No, absolutely nothing whatsoever.
0:37:44 > 0:37:50She started becoming unwell, it was around about 21, 22.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52- About my age.- About your age,
0:37:52 > 0:37:58and, erm, I'm trying to think, but we were in Monte Carlo, actually,
0:37:58 > 0:38:02and it was a very stressful week, because we knew Mum wasn't well.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04What were her symptoms then, just...?
0:38:04 > 0:38:09She went very quiet, very erm emotionless-like,
0:38:09 > 0:38:13- very thin, erm... but racy.- Yeah.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17Her body was racing but she was very blank.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19Yeah, did you know what it was, or did you just think....?
0:38:19 > 0:38:23No. We did at that time, we knew she was having problems,
0:38:23 > 0:38:26but we didn't have an actual diagnosis of what it was.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30But she kept having these funny episodes, funny turns, whatever you want to call them.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33The doctor would put her on medication, and she seemed to be levelling out.
0:38:33 > 0:38:37She'd have good periods, and then things would slip again.
0:38:37 > 0:38:38And we didn't understand why.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41Her moods would change, and it was quite scary to see it,
0:38:41 > 0:38:45and very upsetting to see it, actually, because, you know, she was so beautiful.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47- Oh, sorry.- Yeah, no, I know.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51- So...- I know, I know.
0:38:51 > 0:38:53- So that's that little saga.- Yeah.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57- # La-da da-da da - Don't let me wait
0:38:57 > 0:38:59- # La-da da-da da - Come to me
0:38:59 > 0:39:06# Tenderly In the June night... #
0:39:06 > 0:39:11A year later, Jeep split up, and Mum didn't perform in public again.
0:39:11 > 0:39:17One of the things that Moira said to me last night was that my mum
0:39:17 > 0:39:23began to show signs of the illness around now,
0:39:23 > 0:39:28my age, basically when she was, like, 21, 22. And erm...
0:39:28 > 0:39:32I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I think that scares me a little bit.
0:39:32 > 0:39:38Obviously, I'm doing what she was doing now, and I'm around the same age.
0:39:38 > 0:39:44And just like me now, I'm completely fine, and so was she, before all of a sudden it hit.
0:39:44 > 0:39:45I just find it really bizarre.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48I just don't understand how someone can go
0:39:48 > 0:39:51from being a normal person,
0:39:51 > 0:39:53to overnight completely loosing their mind.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10Since I last saw Andy, he's applied to join the Navy...
0:40:10 > 0:40:12- Hi.- Hi.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15- Welcome to London.- Thank you.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18..and he's having a meeting with the Mental Health Advice Service,
0:40:18 > 0:40:22to see if they can help him to make the first steps towards moving out.
0:40:22 > 0:40:26Rethink is a charity for all people affected by mental illness.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28Including their carers.
0:40:28 > 0:40:34It offers practical advice and information on a wide range of mental health issues.
0:40:34 > 0:40:39How do you think we'd be able to help you today? What sorts of questions do you have today?
0:40:39 > 0:40:42- Well, erm, in two years' time, I intend to go into the Navy.- OK.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44- And I'm, like, away from home.- Yeah.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47I was wondering, cos my mum talks to me about everything,
0:40:47 > 0:40:51so what emotional help, what could she get, like, someone to talk to
0:40:51 > 0:40:54or someone to meet up with and go for a coffee or something.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Yeah. One thing that you could consider if your mum was happy,
0:40:58 > 0:41:02would be to have an assessment, a Social Care assessment.
0:41:02 > 0:41:07So, erm, a social worker could come and do an assessment of her needs.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10Before, when she asked for help, erm, we got social workers in,
0:41:10 > 0:41:15and because our house was a mess, they put me and my little brother on the at-risk register.
0:41:15 > 0:41:19- Right. - And since then she's not really wanting help or anything so...
0:41:19 > 0:41:23- Yeah, so she might have some anxiety about...- Yeah, yeah.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27..the Social Services may take steps that will take things out of her control.
0:41:27 > 0:41:31If she was nervous about that meeting, then perhaps it could be a meeting you could agree
0:41:31 > 0:41:33that you would be there and you could support her.
0:41:33 > 0:41:38The main thing would be to make sure she's got the right level of support and care
0:41:38 > 0:41:40when you're not available directly, yourself.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45As always, the situation is difficult.
0:41:45 > 0:41:50Andy's mum's fear of Social Services means that the easiest line of support is going to be
0:41:50 > 0:41:55- really difficult for him to get access to.- Do get in touch with us if you need any help.
0:41:56 > 0:42:01There's not going to be any quick-fix solution for Andy.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07But I hope that the meeting with Rethink will at least help him,
0:42:07 > 0:42:10and his mum, start talking about how things need to change.
0:42:12 > 0:42:16Quite interested in them until I saw Social Services come into it.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21Social Services and me,
0:42:21 > 0:42:24especially with my depression and stuff,
0:42:24 > 0:42:26don't click.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28I went to them for help.
0:42:28 > 0:42:33I phoned them, asked them to come and help me when I was really depressed,
0:42:33 > 0:42:38got judged, got assessed, and my kids were put on the at-risk register.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Where's your help in that?
0:42:41 > 0:42:45But I know I've got to cope, because I've relied on Andrew too long.
0:42:45 > 0:42:50And there's no way that I can do it to William, I cannae spoil William's life what I did with Andrew's.
0:42:50 > 0:42:55We both need to separate, cos we're both got...
0:42:55 > 0:42:57erm...
0:43:00 > 0:43:02..an unhealthy bond, I think, sometimes.
0:43:02 > 0:43:06It's his life, at the end of the day. I cannae keep making him help me live my life.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09He's got to live his own life.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11But if I could, I would keep him.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23The difficulties of having a parent with mental health problems
0:43:23 > 0:43:28don't stop, even when you grow up and leave home.
0:43:29 > 0:43:34I've always suspected that mental illness runs in families, and that my chances
0:43:34 > 0:43:38of getting ill are much greater than other people's, because of what my mum has.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47At Cardiff University, they're conducting a huge study into the causes of mental illness,
0:43:47 > 0:43:50to find out whether it's passed on through our genes.
0:43:50 > 0:43:51- Hello, Tulisa.- Hello.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53- Lovely to see you.- Nice to meet you.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56Do you want to down to the laboratories, downstairs?
0:43:56 > 0:43:57Oh, the laboratory.
0:43:57 > 0:44:01'Professor Nick Craddock is head of the research group here.'
0:44:01 > 0:44:06Tell me exactly what it is that you do and what you're studying?
0:44:06 > 0:44:09Well, there's a lot that isn't understood about mental illness,
0:44:09 > 0:44:11particularly bipolar disorder,
0:44:11 > 0:44:14and schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.
0:44:14 > 0:44:19And what we're doing is we're trying to learn about the causes and triggers of the illness.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22What exactly have you discovered from your studies?
0:44:22 > 0:44:27OK, well it's very clear from studying thousands of people,
0:44:27 > 0:44:31that genes are involved in some way
0:44:31 > 0:44:35in influencing someone's susceptibility to getting ill.
0:44:35 > 0:44:40- The closer the relative is to you, the bigger the risk that you might get unwell yourself.- Yeah.
0:44:40 > 0:44:46You could say that something like bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder
0:44:46 > 0:44:51would affect about 1 in a 100 people in the population generally, OK? 1 in 100.
0:44:51 > 0:44:58If you have a parent, or a brother or sister, who has bipolar disorder
0:44:58 > 0:45:05or schizoaffective disorder, then the chances of having it yourself would be probably about 1 in 8,
0:45:05 > 0:45:08to 1 in 10, something, like, that.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Is mental illness hereditary, then?
0:45:11 > 0:45:14Well, yes, I mean I, I think it...
0:45:14 > 0:45:18I think really, probably, the meaning of the word hereditary would be
0:45:18 > 0:45:20that there's a tendency to run in families.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23So I'd say yes, I mean, it is in parts hereditary.
0:45:23 > 0:45:29And, of course, in part it's to do with all of our experiences and life events and things, OK?
0:45:29 > 0:45:32Basically, there's a number of people around the world
0:45:32 > 0:45:38with a certain gene make-up that gives them the possibility that they could suffer a mental illness?
0:45:38 > 0:45:43- Yes.- But they tend to be a product of their own environment, so something usually triggers it.
0:45:43 > 0:45:49Yes, it's not really right to think about it either being hereditary, or it not being hereditary.
0:45:49 > 0:45:55What we believe is that really all mental illness is a mixture
0:45:55 > 0:45:59of some of what you've inherited, and some of what you've experienced.
0:46:02 > 0:46:08So, if it's not all down to genetics, can Nick tell if I'm susceptible to getting ill?
0:46:08 > 0:46:13A psychiatric interview will give him a pretty good idea.
0:46:13 > 0:46:19This involves him asking me lots of questions about my past, and my thoughts and feelings.
0:46:19 > 0:46:23So let me get straight in with a question.
0:46:23 > 0:46:27Do you think that you have had illness at any time?
0:46:27 > 0:46:33I think that I've suffered from mild, very mild forms of depression, but more so as a kid.
0:46:33 > 0:46:37Did it get so bad that you wanted to harm yourself or kill yourself?
0:46:37 > 0:46:39Yeah, erm,
0:46:39 > 0:46:43self-harming from about 14 to 16.
0:46:43 > 0:46:49Hmm. Have you taken overdoses at any time or anything like that to try and end your life?
0:46:49 > 0:46:54Once, I went for my mum's medication, but I wasn't sure what I was taking.
0:46:54 > 0:46:59Ended up just being really sick afterwards. But with the intention when I took it to never wake up.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02I suffer from panic attacks.
0:47:02 > 0:47:04OK, can you tell me a bit about that?
0:47:04 > 0:47:10Erm, they started from about the age of 14, when I was smoking weed.
0:47:10 > 0:47:16They just...this overwhelming feeling of, "I'm going to die,"
0:47:16 > 0:47:23my heart kicks in and just really strong palpitations, erm, to the point where I've passed out before.
0:47:23 > 0:47:27So, Tulisa, I've asked you, obviously, lots of questions.
0:47:27 > 0:47:32It's clear, that, like lots of people in the country, you have had
0:47:32 > 0:47:39depression, and that means you're probably susceptible in the future to having more depressions.
0:47:39 > 0:47:44What I would say is that in anyone who's had panics or been low,
0:47:44 > 0:47:47it's really important to look after your health.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51Both your physical health and, obviously, your mental health.
0:47:51 > 0:47:58You've got to be particularly careful at avoiding risk factors that might trigger illness.
0:47:58 > 0:48:04And those are things like trying to have, you know keep your sleep regular, get enough sleep.
0:48:04 > 0:48:08I know that's difficult for someone like you who, you know,
0:48:08 > 0:48:10is a performer, that's very tricky.
0:48:10 > 0:48:16Erm... Avoiding drugs, so weed, you know very important to avoid those.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18They can bring on illness.
0:48:18 > 0:48:22Trying to be very moderate in alcohol,
0:48:22 > 0:48:24avoid bingeing or very severe alcohol.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26It's really important, OK?
0:48:26 > 0:48:32So, I think there's a lot of things that probably you ought to be particularly careful about.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35- Erm, because you've already had some symptoms.- Mmm.
0:48:35 > 0:48:42- And because your mum has been ill, it's a message that you need to be particularly careful.- Mmm.
0:48:42 > 0:48:47Nick's put it very kindly, but this has really freaked me out.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50The truth is that as well as being genetically susceptible to
0:48:50 > 0:48:55mental illness, I have a lifestyle that's putting me even more at risk.
0:48:55 > 0:49:01The thought that, you know, from 1 in 100 to 1 in 10,
0:49:01 > 0:49:08is quite a dramatic jump of, you know, the risk of me ever suffering from mental illness.
0:49:08 > 0:49:11Erm... That's quite a lot to, sort of, take on board.
0:49:11 > 0:49:16I'm not sure if I'm maybe pushing myself to the limit at times.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17I don't know.
0:49:17 > 0:49:22For me, it's just about now and working. Whatever happens, happens.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25If I'm pushing myself to the limit, I'm willing to take that risk.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28I'm willing to do anything to... to get to the top.
0:49:33 > 0:49:37For me, work is 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
0:49:37 > 0:49:43If we're not recording in the studio, we're giving interviews, going to photo shoots, meeting fans.
0:49:43 > 0:49:44I don't get any time to myself.
0:49:46 > 0:49:49- You all right, Fazer? - It makes it look easy, man.
0:49:49 > 0:49:53- Come and say hello to my BBC Three documentary.- Hello.
0:49:56 > 0:49:59In the past two years, we've done four UK tours,
0:49:59 > 0:50:02performing in a different city for 20 nights in a row.
0:50:02 > 0:50:07This tour, to be 100% honest, compared to the rest, is absolutely manic.
0:50:08 > 0:50:12One minute I'm here, getting a blow dry, the next, I'm on stage in front of 3,000 people.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15Then I'm having an argument with the boys, and then I'm in the car.
0:50:15 > 0:50:17It's something that comes with the job.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20You just get used to it after a while, and you get used to the...
0:50:20 > 0:50:26the whole, the manicness of it - if that's even a word - just the whole spontaneous vibe.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28You never know what's happening next, where you're going to be
0:50:28 > 0:50:33or what you going to be doing, and not knowing what's next becomes a routine.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53CHEERING
0:51:06 > 0:51:09When I'm up on stage, it's such a mad place to be.
0:51:12 > 0:51:16You get this massive adrenaline rush, and there's so much energy in the room.
0:51:16 > 0:51:22But then all of a sudden, you come off stage and it's almost like a come-down.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26You do get left with this feeling of emptiness.
0:51:26 > 0:51:32You got to go back to a hotel room, and you sit on your bed and look out of the window, and that's it.
0:51:34 > 0:51:36Sometimes, I end up feeling quite lonely.
0:51:52 > 0:51:56Andy has passed his recruitment test for the Navy.
0:51:56 > 0:52:01And at home, he's no longer frightened of discussing his future plans with his mum.
0:52:01 > 0:52:05I feel that when I move away, I'm going to be lonely for the first couple of months.
0:52:05 > 0:52:10- It doesn't help if I'm in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, you know? - That's true.
0:52:10 > 0:52:11It's a big step for both of us.
0:52:11 > 0:52:13But it's something we both need.
0:52:13 > 0:52:18- Yeah.- We're both dependents. We're going to be able to have a high dependency on each other.
0:52:18 > 0:52:22- More so me than you, right enough. But it means you're growing up.- Yeah.
0:52:22 > 0:52:26- It means you're becoming, or we're both becoming independent.- Yeah.
0:52:33 > 0:52:37Things are looking up for Andy outside the home, too.
0:52:37 > 0:52:42He's got himself a new girlfriend and Mum's adapting well to the changes.
0:52:42 > 0:52:46I really feel there's a change because she's a lot more relaxed recently and that.
0:52:46 > 0:52:49I mean, like, I'm going out more and I'm going further away,
0:52:49 > 0:52:52cos, like, I'm going to see Ellis on Saturday again.
0:52:52 > 0:52:57And I know I'll be away for, like, most of the day, and I won't have to come in until about
0:52:57 > 0:53:00nine, ten o'clock at night, so I can go from ten till ten,
0:53:00 > 0:53:03that's 12 hours, and she won't bug me or anything.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05So it's all right.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Feed the wee tiny one, Mum.
0:53:08 > 0:53:13It's not one of these things you just click your fingers and it's fixed. It takes time to fix.
0:53:13 > 0:53:16And it may never actually be fully fixed.
0:53:16 > 0:53:21But as time goes by, things should slowly start getting better.
0:53:21 > 0:53:26Maybe one day they'll be this happy ending and everything. But right now there's not.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28It's an all right ending.
0:53:28 > 0:53:33So, things are going pretty well, and, from my point of view,
0:53:33 > 0:53:37as long as my mum takes the pills and that, it could only get better.
0:53:48 > 0:53:51There have been some big changes in my life, too.
0:53:51 > 0:53:56I've come off tour and finally got the keys to my first house.
0:53:56 > 0:54:01Moving in has given me some time to digest everything that's happened over the past few weeks.
0:54:01 > 0:54:08I think that I've learnt that there are feelings underneath
0:54:08 > 0:54:11that I do have, about the past,
0:54:11 > 0:54:15and those feelings haven't necessarily gone away. That I've just shut them off.
0:54:15 > 0:54:18I guess it's just been a journey that
0:54:18 > 0:54:22maybe needed to happen
0:54:22 > 0:54:25for me to kind of move on,
0:54:25 > 0:54:31for me to just accept the situation, and, erm, deal with it.
0:54:32 > 0:54:35- Hello.- Come in.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39- Is this Tulisa's home? - It is, it is.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42Oh, I'm in the right house, then!
0:54:42 > 0:54:47Even though the house is mine, I've made sure there's a room for Mum, to come and stay whenever she likes.
0:54:47 > 0:54:51And, are you ready to see where you'll be staying?
0:54:51 > 0:54:54- Oh, let me have a peek. - Yeah, do you want to look?
0:54:54 > 0:54:57I'd, like, to see it yeah, yeah.
0:55:01 > 0:55:04Right, this'll be your room.
0:55:04 > 0:55:07Oh! Oh, Tula.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09- I love the lilac and the... - Yeah, I kept it.
0:55:09 > 0:55:13It was the only room that I was happy with, like, the decoration,
0:55:13 > 0:55:15and I was, like, "Mum will like this."
0:55:15 > 0:55:20- Those lovely pastel colours, aren't they? And soft.- Yeah, and I love 'em too.- Yeah, I do, yeah.
0:55:20 > 0:55:26I know for a fact that, you know, when I'm 45, and I have a husband, and I have kids,
0:55:26 > 0:55:28and maybe even grand kids, and family of my own,
0:55:28 > 0:55:32I'm still going to be there, thinking, "Where's Mum?"
0:55:32 > 0:55:33How is she?
0:55:33 > 0:55:36So, for me, and I know
0:55:36 > 0:55:4390% of other young carers out there, being a young carer never stops.
0:55:43 > 0:55:48You have your own life with it but you still always have that...
0:55:48 > 0:55:52that feeling of, you know, "Where's Mum? How is she?"
0:55:53 > 0:55:57- Well done.- I did it. - You did it, kid, you did it.
0:55:57 > 0:55:59I did it!
0:56:22 > 0:56:25Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:25 > 0:56:28E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk