0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:07'This is a test-tube baby lab where you do all the work
0:00:07 > 0:00:10'to try and make children for those who can't have them.'
0:00:10 > 0:00:14For 18 years, Sylvia Barr's been haunted by a secret
0:00:14 > 0:00:16she should never have known.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18The difficult thing for any of us to appreciate
0:00:18 > 0:00:23is how many children are actually in these canisters.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Here you'll see in the little ampoules here
0:00:26 > 0:00:28the embryos will be kept.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34In 1991, it was early days for a new kind of fertility treatment.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39The major problem was where do we find egg donors? It's our continuing problem now -
0:00:39 > 0:00:40where do we find egg donors?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I saw an article in a newspaper
0:00:43 > 0:00:47about a clinic that were looking for egg donors
0:00:47 > 0:00:50and I contacted them.
0:00:50 > 0:00:55I didn't want payment, I didn't want anything other than to be able to help somebody else.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00It was purely and simply anonymous egg donation.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Until the law changed in 2005,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06anonymity was considered in the best interests
0:01:06 > 0:01:08of the recipient and the donor.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Consequently, thousands will never know their donor
0:01:14 > 0:01:18and thousands of donors will never know their genetic children.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22But Sylvia's story turned out very differently.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25I really thought that was it, job done...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28but it didn't quite work out that way.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Another folder.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Like the queen of folders, I am!
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Before donating her eggs, Sylvia had to sign a consent form
0:01:52 > 0:01:56protecting the anonymity of both parties.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59"If your eggs enable another woman to become pregnant,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02"the choice of the recipient will be at the discretion of the medical staff.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07"You will not be told her identity and neither will she be told yours. "
0:02:07 > 0:02:11I wanted to do this, I wanted to know if it had been successful,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14but I didn't want to know any more than that.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17The clinic informed me that the recipient was pregnant
0:02:17 > 0:02:21and I also got a bouquet of flowers from the clinic
0:02:21 > 0:02:23with a personally written card.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26"To a truly wonderful and special lady whose caring and generous act
0:02:26 > 0:02:29"has given us so much hope and happiness.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31"Bless you, you are one in a million."
0:02:31 > 0:02:35I never imagined that I would ever be in a position
0:02:35 > 0:02:38to know who the recipient was.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41So it was quite a shock to me, really, to find out.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43New Year's Day, 1992.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47"Mother's tribute to the donor she has never met.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51"Twins on the way for couple who lost sons in holiday crash,"
0:02:51 > 0:02:54and the article stated that...
0:02:54 > 0:02:58how far pregnant the lady was
0:02:58 > 0:03:03and what clinic and I immediately felt...
0:03:03 > 0:03:07like a blast, really, came through me because I realised at that point
0:03:07 > 0:03:10that I was reading an article, looking at a picture of a couple
0:03:10 > 0:03:14that were expecting twins as a result of my eggs.
0:03:16 > 0:03:21There were further articles, etc, but generally it was fairly quiet
0:03:21 > 0:03:22until their birth.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I remember being really upset when I saw that.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Nowhere along the process had I thought,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36for one minute, that I would be sitting,
0:03:36 > 0:03:40several months later, looking at a picture
0:03:40 > 0:03:44of what effectively, biologically,
0:03:44 > 0:03:45were my babies.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49But until the television programme,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I didn't feel that I had anything conclusive.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59Two years after the twins were born, Sylvia saw a BBC documentary
0:03:59 > 0:04:02that confirmed her suspicions.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06'Scientists can now enable grandmothers to become pregnant.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10'A woman past the menopause can give birth to a baby conceived
0:04:10 > 0:04:13'from the egg of an unknown donor. Shocking to some,
0:04:13 > 0:04:17'but for one woman, this new technology brought hope,
0:04:17 > 0:04:21'a chance to rebuild her life after overwhelming loss.'
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I couldn't NOT watch it
0:04:24 > 0:04:26and I couldn't NOT record it.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28So I did.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31'They were brought here to Walton Lea
0:04:31 > 0:04:35'and they're buried here in this spot.'
0:04:35 > 0:04:38This is where I see the card
0:04:38 > 0:04:40with the writing.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43'What was it like being back here where...?'
0:04:43 > 0:04:48And compared it to the card that I had and the handwriting's identical.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Four years after the accident, the twins were born in Liverpool.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Look, look... - 'Each weighed over five pounds -
0:04:57 > 0:05:00'Katherine Ann and Jonathan Mark.'
0:05:00 > 0:05:03He looks just like my son.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07The video is of her breastfeeding the baby and that and it's like...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12It does confuse me, you know, even watching it again now.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16I don't feel as confused as I did when I first saw that all those years ago...
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- ..but it did confuse me. - '..That I would have two girls
0:05:20 > 0:05:24'and then when they said a little girl, it was perfect.'
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- There they are when they're toddlers. - 'My dream all those years had been to see Howard
0:05:30 > 0:05:32'holding his living child again in his arms.'
0:05:32 > 0:05:35I felt a bit guilty, actually,
0:05:35 > 0:05:39because I started to feel that they were going to be children one day
0:05:39 > 0:05:43who may have felt that I'd given them away and hadn't wanted them,
0:05:43 > 0:05:45even though that wasn't the case
0:05:45 > 0:05:47and...
0:05:47 > 0:05:49I got very confused in my mind.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50The one nearest is Jonathan.
0:05:56 > 0:06:02Anonymous donors have no right to information about their offspring
0:06:02 > 0:06:04so Sylvia's case is exceptional,
0:06:04 > 0:06:09but even she couldn't have imagined she'd find the twins
0:06:09 > 0:06:1118 years later online.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14So that's...
0:06:14 > 0:06:16the boy.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21And that's his sister,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23so that's the twins.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Do you ever feel uncomfortable looking at their pictures like this
0:06:26 > 0:06:28when they don't know who you are?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I do, because it makes me feel...
0:06:33 > 0:06:37..makes me feel like I'm stalking, or that I'm spying on them,
0:06:37 > 0:06:39and I suppose in a way, I am.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46You know, it's hard enough having
0:06:46 > 0:06:50two kids that aren't your kids, but are your kids...
0:06:50 > 0:06:53It's so fucked up to be honest with you, you just don't know...
0:06:53 > 0:06:55You don't know what you are and who you are,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58and they must feel that as well, mustn't they?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01You know, who am I? What am I to them?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Who are they? What are they to me? I don't know.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10Now that they're adults, I need to do this, I need to make them aware...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13..that I do know of their existence and their identities.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19It's not only the twins that Sylvia's concerned about.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Six months before donating her eggs,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23she had a son using a sperm donor.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28# Happy birthday, dear Elliot
0:07:28 > 0:07:32# Happy birthday to you. #
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Hooray! CHEERING
0:07:34 > 0:07:39Elliot is 19 and has left home to join the Navy.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43He's never had a father and Sylvia's encouraging him to search for his donor.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47The only information he has is non-identifying.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Ethnic origin - British. Skin colour - fair.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Blood group - blood taken. Don't know what that means.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Five-foot eight, so exactly the same height as me.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Medium build, pretty similar.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Brown hair.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Reddish beard. Oh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06So when did you find out that you were donor conceived?
0:08:06 > 0:08:10I've known all my life. My mum's made a sort of a...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12big thing of always telling me
0:08:12 > 0:08:14and me always knowing.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18So it's not come as any sort of surprise or...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22..anything bad. So now...
0:08:23 > 0:08:26..I'm over 18, I thought it would be quite nice
0:08:26 > 0:08:30to maybe find out actually who my biological father is.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35And the main thing, I think, is to find out if I'm going to go bald
0:08:35 > 0:08:37or anything like that, rather than...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40you know, expecting to have a father just there.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Those born after 2005
0:08:45 > 0:08:48now have the right to contact their donor at 18,
0:08:48 > 0:08:52but Elliot's only hope is to join UK Donorlink,
0:08:52 > 0:08:57a voluntary register for anonymous donors and donor-conceived people.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01For Sylvia, contact with the twins has always been an option.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I could directly pick up the phone now and speak to them.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09I wouldn't do it, but I could send a message on Facebook if I wanted to,
0:09:09 > 0:09:13or through Bebo, you know, it would be as easy as that.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19Which is too easy, really, and not the right way of doing it.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22You know, I don't want to upset anybody,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24I don't want to hurt anybody.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- 'Hello.' - Hello, it's Sylvia.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- 'Hello, push the gate.'- OK.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Sylvia's already registered with UK Donorlink
0:09:39 > 0:09:43so she's joining a meeting of some of their members to hear their views.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44For a long time,
0:09:44 > 0:09:49there was pressure from people who were donor-conceived,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53who were finding it impossible to find out about their donor,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57about whether they'd got any siblings out there
0:09:57 > 0:09:58and finding that difficult.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02There's this desperate need to know.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Where is this missing bit?
0:10:04 > 0:10:09And I'm guilty of walking down streets, everywhere I go,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- looking at people, thinking... - I do that all the time.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16I go to a park with my children, especially if I'm near the clinic where I was conceived.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19My partner laughs at me cos I'll be in this park
0:10:19 > 0:10:21and I'll be going, "Over there, he's got small ears like me,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25"he's really tall with grey hair", cos I've naturally got grey hairs.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30My partner says, "Give over, come on," and I'm like, "There's one over there."
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I can't help it, I stare at middle-aged men when I go out!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:10:36 > 0:10:39It must look odd. They must think, "She's strange,"
0:10:39 > 0:10:42but you can't help it. You think, "Who are you? Where are you?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45"Why don't you want to know who I am?"
0:10:45 > 0:10:47and, you know, "Would you be curious?"
0:10:47 > 0:10:50There's this huge void, you just can't fill it.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54A few years ago, I interviewed a lot of donors and interestingly,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57that phrase came up from a number of them as well.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01"I walk down the street and I look at children that I think might be about the age
0:11:01 > 0:11:04"and I wonder if they're my biological children."
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Paul's nodding here.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09I remember what happened all those years ago, there must be 30-year-olds out there.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13I don't want to go through the rest of my life
0:11:13 > 0:11:15without knowing who they might be.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19When I had my son, I had IVF using donor sperm
0:11:19 > 0:11:23and when he was six months old, I decided to...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26give something back, to help somebody else,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28so I donated the eggs,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31believing that I would never know who the recipient was,
0:11:31 > 0:11:35but I found out very early on.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38They live in the north of England and I live in Surrey
0:11:38 > 0:11:40so if they'd have been closer,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I would not have been able to control my curiosity.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46They always meant something to me and they always mattered to me,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48even though many, many people told me
0:11:48 > 0:11:51that they shouldn't mean anything or matter to me,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54I shouldn't feel any connection.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58But they're now 18 and everything that you've said,
0:11:58 > 0:12:02everything that you need, I'm able to give them,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05which, you know, I really feel that it's helped me today
0:12:05 > 0:12:07to really sort of reinforce that to me
0:12:07 > 0:12:10because I did battle with it for years and years.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15'Increasing numbers of donor-conceived people
0:12:15 > 0:12:17'want to find their donors,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21'but it's very unusual for a donor to make contact with their offspring.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24'With no existing protocol for this,
0:12:24 > 0:12:28'UK Donorlink have offered to help Sylvia take the next step.'
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Well, I've been considering for quite a long time
0:12:35 > 0:12:37the possibility of exploring it,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40of whether I make contact
0:12:40 > 0:12:42with the recipient of my eggs.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Right.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47And I decided, initially, that when they got to 18, which was last July,
0:12:47 > 0:12:50that I would do it and I've faltered,
0:12:50 > 0:12:52thinking, "Oh, they're only just 18,"
0:12:52 > 0:12:56and, "Oh, I don't want to upset them if they're doing exams, etc."
0:12:56 > 0:12:58But I think now
0:12:58 > 0:13:00the time is right.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03For the children that were born of your donation,
0:13:03 > 0:13:07receiving any kind of letter like that would be completely out of the blue
0:13:07 > 0:13:11and might be quite a difficult thing, quite a trauma for them.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14It's very difficult when you don't know what stage they're at,
0:13:14 > 0:13:19but learning from adoption, we do know that adoptive parents in these situations
0:13:19 > 0:13:23often feel very threatened when they think that their children
0:13:23 > 0:13:25want to try and find their birth parents.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29This is why I held back for all these years, because the temptation
0:13:29 > 0:13:32very early on, and since,
0:13:32 > 0:13:36has been to make contact.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39However, I felt that while they were under 18,
0:13:39 > 0:13:41it wasn't appropriate.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46For this beginning, I would write something very, very low key,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48just basically saying, "This is who I am,
0:13:48 > 0:13:52"I thought you might want to know some more about me and, if so,
0:13:52 > 0:13:56"please get in touch, or please get in touch with UK Donorlink".
0:13:56 > 0:13:59That looks far less invasive, doesn't it? And, you know,
0:13:59 > 0:14:03you're just offering up information and if they want to, it's there.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28"It's not my intention to intrude,
0:14:28 > 0:14:30"upset or...
0:14:32 > 0:14:33"..distress."
0:14:36 > 0:14:38"I am...
0:14:38 > 0:14:40"enclosing
0:14:40 > 0:14:42"an individual note
0:14:42 > 0:14:46"to your son and daughter."
0:14:46 > 0:14:50I've deliberately used "your son and daughter" all the way through
0:14:50 > 0:14:52because I think that sounds less threatening.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I don't really want to take a wrong step with this,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I don't want to get anybody's back up.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01I'd like to put, "I'm happy to meet them," but I think it is too early.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04"I'm happy to provide any information... "
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Is "need" too strong a word?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Do you just want the information?
0:15:10 > 0:15:11No, they need it.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14But I might change that.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16"Yours sincerely"? "All the best"?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20"Yours..." Oh, I don't know.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23"Faithfully"? No.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Maybe I just won't put "yours" anything,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30maybe I'll just sign it Sylvia.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I'm doing my best handwriting.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41"Dear Mr and Mrs Isherwood,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44"I am writing to you in regard to your son and daughter.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47"I believe I was your egg donor.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51"I donated eggs on the 24th November, 1991
0:15:51 > 0:15:56"at the London Fertility Clinic in Harley Street, London.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02"It is not my intention to intrude into your lives
0:16:02 > 0:16:04"or to cause you any upset or distress.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07"Your son and daughter are both now adults
0:16:07 > 0:16:10"and it may be they are curious about their donor origins.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16"I have a son of 19 who is donor-conceived
0:16:16 > 0:16:18"and he has recently embarked
0:16:18 > 0:16:21"on searching for information about his donor.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24"I'm enclosing a photocopy of a florist's card
0:16:24 > 0:16:29"that accompanied a lovely bouquet of flowers sent to me by the recipient of my eggs.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37"I also enclose a letter from UK Donorlink,
0:16:37 > 0:16:41"offering to act as intermediaries."
0:16:41 > 0:16:46I can't imagine whether they've ever sat down and discussed anything about it.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I just over-analyse too much, I think.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54They probably couldn't give a what's-it, could they?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02"I'm enclosing an individual letter for your son and daughter
0:17:02 > 0:17:04"which I hope you will share with them.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06"Yours sincerely."
0:17:17 > 0:17:22Eliot's left the Navy and he's now taking his next step in the search for his donor.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26He's travelling to UK Donorlink's office in Leeds
0:17:26 > 0:17:29to give a sample of his DNA.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32This is the kit itself.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41Swabs and consent form to go on the database,
0:17:41 > 0:17:45then hopefully if he's on the database as well, there'll be a match.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I have occasionally thought, "Why would someone do that?"
0:17:48 > 0:17:53Why did they decide to donate?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57I mean, I'm fairly sure a lot of people have donated just...
0:17:57 > 0:18:01for money or just on a whim, but you'd like to think
0:18:01 > 0:18:05that there's some greater reason or cause for doing it.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Do you know much about the reasons why people donated?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Well, I think, from the sort of '70s and '80s,
0:18:17 > 0:18:21which is when a lot of ours were, a lot of them were students.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Many of those young men
0:18:22 > 0:18:25are now on our register because they feel,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28"Yes, I did this when I was 20 or 18 or 19 or whatever
0:18:28 > 0:18:33"and now I've got my own children, I realise the enormity of what I did
0:18:33 > 0:18:36"and I think that whoever's created from my donations
0:18:36 > 0:18:38"has got a right to know about me".
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Everything that we do is done through DNA testing and that's how we try and make the link.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Unfortunately, if your donor never came onto the register,
0:18:46 > 0:18:48we would never be able to make that link for you
0:18:48 > 0:18:51because we don't have any access to clinic records.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54A lot of them have either been destroyed, or the hospitals
0:18:54 > 0:18:57and the clinics wouldn't give us access to them anyway.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01You are in quite an unusual situation with your mother also being an egg donor.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05So I just wondered how you also felt about that and about the...
0:19:05 > 0:19:09possible half-siblings you have through your mum's egg donation?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12I haven't really given it too much thought...
0:19:12 > 0:19:17but I guess, sort of, it's more important for her to find out,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- or more important for her than it is for me.- OK.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23But it's got implications for you as well, hasn't it, because suddenly
0:19:23 > 0:19:25from having been an only child,
0:19:25 > 0:19:27you may possibly have got half-brothers and sisters.
0:19:27 > 0:19:32Yeah, but I don't see it as all of a sudden I'm going to get
0:19:32 > 0:19:36- less attention or anything like that because of it. - No, no, I'm sure you're not.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- Try not to hold the cotton wool end. - Yeah.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47That's probably OK and then just press it down firmly in the middle of one of those little...
0:19:48 > 0:19:50That's it, brilliant.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54It will take weeks for Eliot's DNA results to come back from the lab.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59But Sylvia's already had a response to her letter.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01'I was expecting a long wait,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03'I didn't expect to get a response
0:20:03 > 0:20:06'less than 24 hours later.'
0:20:07 > 0:20:09How are you feeling?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Nervous, very nervous, actually.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Really just...
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I feel a bit sick, actually,
0:20:21 > 0:20:25but it's like an excited sick rather than a fearful sick.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28What do you think they're going to say?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I really don't know.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Here goes. Ooh...!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49What?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00You wouldn't believe the response.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01What?
0:21:07 > 0:21:08Bad?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12No.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Wrong address?
0:21:14 > 0:21:15No.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- OK, just tell me.- Good.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Really good.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Read it out to me.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24I don't think I can.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Why?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Because it makes me feel emotional.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Just give me a minute, all right?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'll read it to you.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41"Dear Miss Barr, thank you very much for your letter that we received today.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44"I am Jonathan and well aware of my background.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47"My mother and I welcome yours and Eliot's interest
0:21:47 > 0:21:50"and wish to make further contact.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54"Katherine is working away at present so is unaware of the situation
0:21:54 > 0:21:57"and Mum would rather tell her when she sees her
0:21:57 > 0:21:59"rather than make a phone call.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03"Mum doesn't really use computers, but would be delighted to speak with you
0:22:03 > 0:22:05"if you care to ring our telephone number,"
0:22:05 > 0:22:07and they've given me their phone number.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11So that is...
0:22:11 > 0:22:13that is just unbelievable!
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I'm just so delighted.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I couldn't have really
0:22:20 > 0:22:24hoped or wished for anything better than that.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Wow.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Well, the bell rang
0:22:41 > 0:22:44and the postman was standing there saying, "Sign for this,"
0:22:44 > 0:22:50so I was quite surprised, I don't often get a registered letter.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I thought, "This must be important"
0:22:53 > 0:22:55and...
0:22:55 > 0:22:57opened it up...
0:23:00 > 0:23:02..and inside were three letters.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06One addressed to Mr and Mrs Isherwood and I thought,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10"This is somebody who doesn't know that I've been divorced for 12 years".
0:23:10 > 0:23:14I thought, "Goodness, what's this?"
0:23:14 > 0:23:16So obviously I opened mine.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Jonathan was in the bath at the time.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Looked at the address at the top and I thought,
0:23:21 > 0:23:24"I don't know anybody that lives at that address."
0:23:26 > 0:23:27And the...
0:23:29 > 0:23:31It's amazing.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33The second line.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35"I believe I was your egg donor."
0:23:37 > 0:23:39It's just absolutely...
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Oh, you know.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I was in the bath
0:23:43 > 0:23:48and I'd only just woke up so I was pretty tired and...
0:23:50 > 0:23:52..my mum knocked on the door and said,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55"We've got quite an exciting letter here."
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I said, "Oh, yeah, what is it?"
0:24:00 > 0:24:02She said, "Well...
0:24:02 > 0:24:06"it's the egg donor who donated the eggs to us, she's sent us a letter."
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I was like, "That's pretty good,"
0:24:09 > 0:24:10but...
0:24:10 > 0:24:16I don't know, my mind was still processing it cos I was quite tired,
0:24:16 > 0:24:21but I wasn't, at this point, I wasn't as excited as my mum was.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Had you ever imagined that your donor might try to make contact?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29I was at college and I had some free time
0:24:29 > 0:24:33and I decided to go on the internet
0:24:33 > 0:24:36and see if there was any organisation which could help you
0:24:36 > 0:24:39track your egg donor, cos I was always curious.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44I asked Mum and she said, "Some people who donate eggs and sperm
0:24:44 > 0:24:48"don't want people knocking on their door saying,
0:24:48 > 0:24:51"'I'm your son, I'm your daughter.'"
0:24:51 > 0:24:54So it's just amazing how this letter came through the post
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- like it was meant to happen. - Then, of course, Katherine's letter,
0:24:58 > 0:25:03neither of us could see because she was working away and I thought,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06"I can't tell her this over the phone".
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Sylvia had done so much for me.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15It wasn't the fact that she'd just helped to create
0:25:15 > 0:25:17two lovely children,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20but she'd given me my life back.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37People think after a period of time,
0:25:37 > 0:25:41the pain, it just goes, but it doesn't.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46- So you've never seen this before, Jonathan?- No.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51I've never saw my brother before cos I wasn't born when he was alive...
0:25:52 > 0:25:56..but he seemed to be a lively child.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59He was a lovely little boy.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02There's David as a baby.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Andrew adored him.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09It would be me that chose Crete...
0:26:11 > 0:26:14..because I like the warmth
0:26:14 > 0:26:18and I like to think it was the closest Greek island to...
0:26:18 > 0:26:20the African coast.
0:26:22 > 0:26:23It sounded ideal...
0:26:26 > 0:26:30..and the children were actually killed the day after we arrived.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34We set off on this walk...
0:26:36 > 0:26:39..and then this lad, driving like a lunatic...
0:26:41 > 0:26:43..ploughed through us.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51All the years that you put into your children, you know,
0:26:51 > 0:26:54you go through having them.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00You carry them for nine months, you give birth...
0:27:00 > 0:27:03all the trials and tribulations of raising young children
0:27:03 > 0:27:07and then somebody just wipes it out in ten seconds.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17I've got two of the most gorgeous children you can imagine.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20It's all been worth it,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22but not to lose Andrew and David.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28And of course the twins, they don't realise, but...
0:27:28 > 0:27:31if Andrew and David hadn't died, the twins wouldn't be here.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36I was 41 when the children were killed
0:27:36 > 0:27:40and I was smashed to pieces from the waist down.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44I had internal injuries as well as multiple fractures
0:27:44 > 0:27:49and my body just shut down, it just stopped functioning.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53But I knew that...
0:27:53 > 0:27:55other children...
0:27:55 > 0:27:58would help me
0:27:58 > 0:27:59to...
0:27:59 > 0:28:01have a reason to live again...
0:28:03 > 0:28:07..and I was prepared to do everything I could
0:28:07 > 0:28:10to try to achieve that.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15It was a relatively new process.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19You just did whatever you were told and the doctors said,
0:28:19 > 0:28:21"Your donor will be anonymous."
0:28:21 > 0:28:24You just accepted that, and when I gave birth,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27as far as I were concerned,
0:28:27 > 0:28:28they were my children.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35But I never stopped thinking about this lady who'd donated.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40She was often in my mind because every step of the way,
0:28:40 > 0:28:44as the children were growing up, I used to think...
0:28:45 > 0:28:48.."I wouldn't be doing this, I wouldn't be enjoying this
0:28:48 > 0:28:51"if this lady hadn't done this for me.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53"I wonder what she's like?
0:28:53 > 0:28:56"I wonder where she is?"
0:29:01 > 0:29:05Sylvia and Joan have arranged their first phone call.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10I just hope that, you know, they're not disappointed
0:29:10 > 0:29:14cos goodness only knows what's been going on in their heads.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23Hello, is that Joan Isherwood?
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Hello, it's Sylvia Barr here. How are you doing?
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Yeah. It's really lovely to speak to you.
0:29:30 > 0:29:34Are you OK, or are you still sort of recovering from the shock?
0:29:38 > 0:29:40You're most welcome.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43Ah, that's lovely to hear.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Well, it was me! SHE LAUGHS
0:29:45 > 0:29:50So Katherine's coming home tomorrow, that's good.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52She's going to...
0:29:52 > 0:29:55She's going to be very, very surprised and shocked.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Yeah...
0:29:59 > 0:30:02That's a good way to be, isn't it?
0:30:06 > 0:30:10Yes. I saw you on that. I've got a recording of you on that.
0:30:12 > 0:30:14Have you still got your mum?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Ohh.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Sylvia and Joan have agreed the next step
0:30:23 > 0:30:26is for both families to meet.
0:30:26 > 0:30:31But Katherine's been home and opened Sylvia's letter.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35She just read it and said "Oh, right".
0:30:36 > 0:30:40I said, "Well, it's wonderful, this. It's wonderful, isn't it?"
0:30:40 > 0:30:44And, "Yes, it's very nice."
0:30:44 > 0:30:47I can't remember the exact thing she said, but...
0:30:47 > 0:30:53I was amazed that she wasn't sort of enthusing like I was enthusing.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57And, er...
0:30:58 > 0:31:02..I felt a bit flat actually, I felt a little bit deflated,
0:31:02 > 0:31:04but I thought, well, I won't push it.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10Sylvia's come to Plymouth to see Elliot,
0:31:10 > 0:31:13but she's also heard from Joan.
0:31:13 > 0:31:18'There was a message saying that Katherine hadn't been very enthusiastic.'
0:31:18 > 0:31:21She hadn't really engaged over it at all
0:31:21 > 0:31:26and didn't want to discuss it with her mum or her brother,
0:31:26 > 0:31:32and, although she was encouraged to make contact with me by ringing me,
0:31:32 > 0:31:34she didn't feel able to do that,
0:31:34 > 0:31:39and I did sort of question whether I'd done the right thing
0:31:39 > 0:31:43and whether I should then back-pedal and...
0:31:44 > 0:31:47..kind of see where everything landed.
0:31:47 > 0:31:52So, in the end, I just decided to let the dust settle
0:31:52 > 0:31:56because I felt quite negative then about the whole thing.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Given Katherine's reaction,
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Sylvia wants to know what Elliot thinks
0:32:04 > 0:32:06about the two families meeting.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11'I think he feels a little bit removed from the situation,
0:32:11 > 0:32:15'but I would like him to be as enthusiastic as I am
0:32:15 > 0:32:18'and to actually realise what it means.'
0:32:20 > 0:32:22That's the email that I sent,
0:32:22 > 0:32:24but, in fact, he doesn't check his emails very often
0:32:24 > 0:32:27and he hadn't seen it when I rang on Monday,
0:32:27 > 0:32:31so that was only two days ago that he actually looked at the pictures.
0:32:31 > 0:32:35Jonathan's a motorcycle enthusiast, so there was common ground.
0:32:35 > 0:32:39Obviously, I could speak to him about your motorbiking days.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42The impression I have from the conversations that I've had
0:32:42 > 0:32:45is that he's really, really excited.
0:32:45 > 0:32:50I suppose we've got a lot in common, haven't we, with our, you know,
0:32:50 > 0:32:52one of our parents was a donor.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56Yes. The excitement is around you being a half-brother.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00You started off in the conversation as being a half-brother,
0:33:00 > 0:33:03and by the end of the conversation you were a brother.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06- I thought that was really special. - That's nice, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08Do you feel that you would want to meet him?
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Yeah.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13I'm not sure how soon,
0:33:13 > 0:33:18or, like, you know, in a few weeks, in a couple of months, or whatever.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21I'd have to think about that, but, yeah,
0:33:21 > 0:33:24- I would.- Mmm.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Elliot's DNA is being processed
0:33:41 > 0:33:46in the hope of finding a link to his sperm donor father.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Do you get nervous about people's results?
0:33:59 > 0:34:02I do, actually, yeah. Well, I get excited,
0:34:02 > 0:34:07because I'm always hoping that there's going to be something significant
0:34:07 > 0:34:09and I get disappointed when there isn't.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12How many people's results are coming back today?
0:34:12 > 0:34:18- Should be ten, of which Elliot's will be one.- OK.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20The first thing they always report on
0:34:20 > 0:34:26is whether there's been any link between a donor and somebody who's donor-conceived,
0:34:26 > 0:34:29that's the thing they first report on.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32I'm quite desperate for you to have a match
0:34:32 > 0:34:37because I really think it's positive for you to...
0:34:38 > 0:34:42..know about your origins and that half of your life that's missing.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49- Oh, my days!- I know.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53- So, shall I?- Yeah.- Let's go.
0:34:55 > 0:34:59"Dear Elliot, I have now received the latest set of results from our laboratory.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04"There have been no links between you and any donors on our register,
0:35:04 > 0:35:08"nor any significant links between you and any other donor-conceived adult,
0:35:08 > 0:35:10"ie, possible half-sibling, on the register.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12"I am aware this will be disappointing for you.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15"However, this is the first time your DNA has been compared
0:35:15 > 0:35:20"and it will be analysed on the database each time we receive new registrants' DNA samples.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24"If you have any queries, blah, blah, blah, contact us."
0:35:25 > 0:35:27So there we go.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31- Oh, sorry, you're just stuck with your one half... - Oh, what a nightmare(!)
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Never mind, eh?
0:35:35 > 0:35:37- That's really disappointing, actually.- Yeah.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40I did have quite a lot of optimism though,
0:35:40 > 0:35:43I don't know why. Maybe it's just hope, I don't know.
0:35:43 > 0:35:48- Just...wanted it, basically.- Mmm.
0:35:48 > 0:35:52Does that make you feel differently about contact with the twins?
0:35:52 > 0:35:55- Do you see that differently, or..? - Erm...
0:35:55 > 0:35:57No, not really, I'm just pleased for them,
0:35:57 > 0:36:01that they've got the opposite of, you know, of what I've got, really.
0:36:09 > 0:36:14Katherine's working in mid-Wales while waiting to join the Navy.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18It's now a month since she first read Sylvia's letter.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21It was quite confusing. I didn't know how to react.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23I didn't know how to feel, really.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26I didn't know what I needed to feel.
0:36:26 > 0:36:27It was just a bit weird at first,
0:36:27 > 0:36:31cos obviously it just felt like a stranger's writing to you at first.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35But eventually, after I started thinking about it and realising,
0:36:35 > 0:36:39I was like, "No, this'd be nice to get back in contact and, you know, to try it,"
0:36:39 > 0:36:41so, yeah, to meet up.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43So it's just taken you time, really?
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Yeah, definitely.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49I always had in the back of my mind, like, you know,
0:36:49 > 0:36:54I might not actually have anything from my mum who gave birth to me
0:36:54 > 0:36:56and I always thought, you know,
0:36:56 > 0:36:58maybe the lady who donated the eggs, deep down,
0:36:58 > 0:37:01maybe I do want to know what she was like.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06It's quite funny, cos the first time I looked at this picture
0:37:06 > 0:37:08I thought it actually looked like Jonathan
0:37:08 > 0:37:10and then when I see him with his mum
0:37:10 > 0:37:12and his naval uniform it makes me think,
0:37:12 > 0:37:16maybe that could be me one day with my mum and my naval uniform.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19It's a bit weird to think, it's like Elliot's got part of me
0:37:19 > 0:37:24and Jonathan, like the Navy and the fact that he likes his motorbikes.
0:37:26 > 0:37:30'She's struggled, really, to come to terms with the fact
0:37:30 > 0:37:34'that we've come into her life at a time when she's really busy
0:37:34 > 0:37:36'and she's working away from home.'
0:37:36 > 0:37:41And I'm really pleased that she's now open to...
0:37:41 > 0:37:46making the time, where possible, to actually meet us.
0:37:48 > 0:37:53It's been extraordinary, I think, that Joan wished I'd got in contact
0:37:53 > 0:37:55years ago when they were children,
0:37:55 > 0:37:59that she would've welcomed it and would have been happy about it, which was...
0:37:59 > 0:38:03I felt really sad when she said that because I had held back all those years.
0:38:04 > 0:38:09But the prospect of meeting them is so exciting.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13You know, unlike Elliot, who's very laid back about it, I'm completely the opposite.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16I'm really excited and chomping at the bit.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22The two families have decided to meet in Wales,
0:38:22 > 0:38:25near where Katherine lives.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30I tend to take most things in my stride,
0:38:30 > 0:38:32but I am excited.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36I know it's going to be good.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40I've already spoken with Sylvia on the phone
0:38:40 > 0:38:42and we've got on like a house on fire.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44I was 41 when the boys were killed.
0:38:47 > 0:38:51It's a long time, 41 to, let's say I die at 80,
0:38:51 > 0:38:5440 years being miserable,
0:38:54 > 0:38:57but she took all that away
0:38:57 > 0:39:00and so I've got an awful lot to thank her for.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05And Elliot, my goodness, he's the bonus,
0:39:05 > 0:39:09because I never thought about any children of Sylvia's
0:39:09 > 0:39:12being half-siblings to the twins.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15It never even dawned on me. I feel so stupid.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Well, I've spoken to Elliot on Facebook
0:39:19 > 0:39:23and we seem to be getting along quite well
0:39:23 > 0:39:27cos he's into motorbikes, and I love my motorbikes.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30So did you ask first to be his friend?
0:39:30 > 0:39:33Yeah, I thought I'd add him because, I don't know,
0:39:33 > 0:39:36I was trying to time it right, because I thought
0:39:36 > 0:39:40if I add him too soon it might've been a bit of a shock to him,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43but he didn't seem to be confident talking to me at first,
0:39:43 > 0:39:47but we're slowly building things up.
0:39:49 > 0:39:53Elliot doesn't seem to have a massive gap in his teeth,
0:39:53 > 0:39:55compared to Sylvia.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59- Have you got a gap in your teeth? - Yeah, there.
0:40:00 > 0:40:06But Katherine got hers filled in, and I thought I'd keep it.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08I don't really care about my teeth.
0:40:08 > 0:40:09Well...
0:40:11 > 0:40:13..just mainly for eating, aren't they?
0:40:15 > 0:40:19Hairspray, straighteners, hairdryer.
0:40:19 > 0:40:24Elliot had a chat with Jonathan yesterday.
0:40:24 > 0:40:28- On the phone?- No, on Facebook.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33But he said to me, "Oh, I just spoke to my brother."
0:40:33 > 0:40:36- (He called him brother.)- That's what Elliot said?- (Yeah.)
0:40:38 > 0:40:41I refer to them now and he does as well, you know.
0:40:41 > 0:40:45As I said to you, because for years it was "the twins".
0:40:47 > 0:40:49So that's quite nice.
0:41:10 > 0:41:16Let's say Sylvia is out with us one day and we meet somebody
0:41:16 > 0:41:20and they know us, but they don't know Sylvia.
0:41:20 > 0:41:28I would be happy to say, "This is Sylvia, one of my dearest and closest friends,
0:41:28 > 0:41:32"who is also a dear and close friend of all of us".
0:41:33 > 0:41:36If I started saying to somebody,
0:41:36 > 0:41:39"This is Sylvia, the twins' biological mother,"
0:41:39 > 0:41:43it would all be a little bit deep for them.
0:41:43 > 0:41:48Another way you could say was, "This is the twins' genetic mother,"
0:41:48 > 0:41:53but again, there are going to be people out there scratching their heads, saying, "What?"
0:41:53 > 0:41:57Then they'd ask, "Oh, how's this happened, what's this about?"
0:41:57 > 0:41:59And you'd have to tell them the whole story.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03It's like, you're just better to say that she's a dear friend of ours.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07You'd never get any shopping done, would you, eh?
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Ah, let me give you a hug.
0:42:09 > 0:42:11- Oh, you're freezing. - I've been outside for a while.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15- Oh, I'm so sorry to have held you up.- It's fine.- Oh!
0:42:15 > 0:42:17THEY LAUGH
0:42:17 > 0:42:19Do you want a cardigan?
0:42:19 > 0:42:22- No, no, I'm fine. I've gone out like this cos afterwards...- Really?
0:42:22 > 0:42:25- I've got a coat in the back. - It's fine, honestly.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28- You can have this, sea cadets.- No, Mum, it's fine.- You sure?- Yeah.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31- Right.- We're going inside now! - I know, but...
0:42:31 > 0:42:34- Oh, you're freezing.- It's fine.
0:42:40 > 0:42:44The two families are due to meet at a hotel in town.
0:42:44 > 0:42:47They're going to spend the day together.
0:43:08 > 0:43:13- Jonathan.- Yes? - Have you made your bed?- Yes.
0:43:13 > 0:43:14Have you? Good lad.
0:43:16 > 0:43:20Having spent years worrying,
0:43:20 > 0:43:23and wondering why did I know when I shouldn't know,
0:43:23 > 0:43:27now I feel very, very fortunate that it was that way
0:43:27 > 0:43:29even though, in the beginning,
0:43:29 > 0:43:33it made me feel negative about the donation, cos it's gone full circle
0:43:33 > 0:43:35and it's something positive
0:43:35 > 0:43:38because I actually get to stand face-to-face...
0:43:38 > 0:43:41with my genetic son and daughter.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51I can understand, Katherine, why you like being here.
0:43:51 > 0:43:56The only problem is you've got the sheep baa-ing when you're up in the morning.
0:43:56 > 0:43:59We can't hear it from where I am.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03- Oh!- I'm shaking!
0:44:03 > 0:44:07- Look after your old Mum today, won't you?- Yeah, course!
0:44:08 > 0:44:12- Just be yourself.- Get your other children to look after you, as well!
0:44:12 > 0:44:13I don't think it's so nervous
0:44:13 > 0:44:16that you've got butterflies, you're just like...'
0:44:16 > 0:44:23- I wouldn't say I've gone numb, but I've just got a weird feeling in my arms at the moment.- Right.
0:44:36 > 0:44:37I don't think I'll run over
0:44:37 > 0:44:43and do, like, a cheesy American, "Brother!" then, like, run over,
0:44:43 > 0:44:47hug him and everything. I think I'll shake his hand.
0:44:47 > 0:44:53I'll hug Sylvia, give her a kiss to show my appreciation.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58(OK.)
0:44:59 > 0:45:00(Swallow!)
0:45:09 > 0:45:12- OK.- Are you ready?- I'm ready.
0:45:16 > 0:45:20- Hello.- Wow! Oh, wow. Oh!
0:45:20 > 0:45:22THEY GIGGLE
0:45:22 > 0:45:25- Lovely to meet you.- Oh, and you!
0:45:25 > 0:45:28- Are you all right?- Yeah, and you? How are you?
0:45:28 > 0:45:32You're cold. You've come with a coat on, surely?
0:45:32 > 0:45:34- It's out there.- Oh, right.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36- Hello, Jonathan.- Hi. - Can I give you a hug? Oh, Elliot.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39- Very pleased to meet you. How are you?- Very good.
0:45:39 > 0:45:44- You're more handsome than your photograph!- Hello, Katherine, nice to meet you.- You too.
0:45:44 > 0:45:48- Hi, Elliot.- How's things? All right? - Very good, yeah.- Nice.
0:45:48 > 0:45:51- Hi.- You all right, nice to meet you. - You too.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Oh! Oh, this young man, he's gorgeous.
0:45:54 > 0:45:56Just looking at Katherine now,
0:45:56 > 0:45:58you look really the same.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00- Do we?- Yeah.- I don't know.
0:46:00 > 0:46:02It's different to the pictures.
0:46:02 > 0:46:06- Are we the same height? More or less.- Yeah.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09I don't think we're the same figure, really, he's a bit thinner than me!
0:46:09 > 0:46:12Come on, stand together,
0:46:12 > 0:46:14stand right next to each other and let's see.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16- Eyebrows, definitely.- Definitely.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19The thick eyebrows. The blue eyes.
0:46:19 > 0:46:22Jonathan has longish lashes.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24- Your lashes are quite long. - They are.
0:46:24 > 0:46:28- Yeah, they definitely look bigger. - It's that bit, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Look how that toe goes in slightly,
0:46:30 > 0:46:33very similar shape. Isn't that fascinating?
0:46:33 > 0:46:39- And you've noticed the gap in Jonathan's?- Yeah, that's definitely me, definitely.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41- Have you got one, Elliot?- No.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44- You got yours filled in.- Did you?
0:46:44 > 0:46:46Yeah. Just got a filling there now.
0:46:46 > 0:46:50- Did you have the gap, though? - Yeah, like yours, yeah.- Really?
0:46:50 > 0:46:54I'm just really happy to be here and that you all come along today.
0:46:54 > 0:46:55It's absolutely lovely.
0:46:55 > 0:46:59I mean, I can't take my eyes off Elliot, he's so handsome.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01I can't get over this, you know.
0:47:02 > 0:47:07- I've only got an empty cup. - Oh, that'll do, Joan.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12'Obviously, it's ongoing.'
0:47:12 > 0:47:16We haven't had a beginning,
0:47:16 > 0:47:19and now we're at an end.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21It's just going to be an ongoing process.
0:47:26 > 0:47:31When I was younger, I used to think about what the lady who donated the eggs was like,
0:47:31 > 0:47:34but then I just got used to living without knowing, really,
0:47:34 > 0:47:37and just thinking, you know, at the time,
0:47:37 > 0:47:41thinking it doesn't matter, because we just learn to live without that thought in our head.
0:47:43 > 0:47:45'I never classed it as a missing piece,'
0:47:45 > 0:47:49I just think it's like an added piece now, which is sort of a good thing.
0:47:50 > 0:47:55Here, you don't realise what children are going through...
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Sylvia took a massive risk, though,
0:47:57 > 0:48:01because it could've gone very successful, like it did,
0:48:01 > 0:48:07or it could've gone the other way. We could've felt intruded.
0:48:07 > 0:48:13So I respect Sylvia for making the choice to contact us.
0:48:18 > 0:48:23'Really, to get to the point where you're actually meeting the family,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26'it was just incredible, really.'
0:48:26 > 0:48:29And I just wanted to study their faces
0:48:29 > 0:48:34and hear their voices and really just soak up everything.
0:48:34 > 0:48:37It's like the ice has all been broken, you know,
0:48:37 > 0:48:40we know what to expect of them and they know what to expect of us,
0:48:40 > 0:48:44what we're like and everything, so the biggest hill has been climbed.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46It has. As long as we do get to see them again,
0:48:46 > 0:48:50and as long as they're safe and they're happy and healthy,
0:48:50 > 0:48:52I definitely got what I was hoping for,
0:48:52 > 0:48:55which was contact
0:48:55 > 0:48:59and a chance to meet them and be in their presence.
0:48:59 > 0:49:03So, yes, you know, my soul is satisfied.
0:49:03 > 0:49:07- Now we just have to hope the donor comes forward, Elliot.- Yeah.
0:49:07 > 0:49:11I'm still quite keen for that to happen now, after this weekend.
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