0:00:01 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:0817-year-old Sam and 20-year-old Evan moved in together after dating for only five months.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11But theirs is no ordinary gay relationship.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15These two young men were born girls.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I think I make a pretty good lad.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18BELCHES
0:00:18 > 0:00:22It just so happens that I was born in a female's body.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25If I had the option of living as a girl or not living at all,
0:00:25 > 0:00:27I'd choose to not live because it's not life for me.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Sam and Evan's change from girls to men
0:00:30 > 0:00:34has not been easy for their families to accept.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36I was devastated, angry, upset.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39I don't think you ever expect your kid's
0:00:39 > 0:00:43going come up to you and say they're not what sex they are.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50Underneath their clothes, the lads both still have female bodies.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53They want to change this but it's not straightforward.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55I might be intersexed.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Oh, my God!
0:00:56 > 0:01:00As the young couple try to get on with their day-to-day life,
0:01:00 > 0:01:03they face prejudice and intimidation.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- They're throwing eggs.- Look, they're getting pretty close.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Where are they coming from?
0:01:08 > 0:01:12This is Sam and Evan's story,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15as they come of age...
0:01:15 > 0:01:17You are now a proper adult.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20..and change their bodies from girls
0:01:20 > 0:01:22to men.
0:01:29 > 0:01:3317-year-old Sam is trying to find his own way in the world.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39He recently moved out of his parents' home in Surrey
0:01:39 > 0:01:41to move 200 miles away
0:01:41 > 0:01:45into a council house in Rochdale with his boyfriend Evan.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I tell you what, this is right hard work down at the bottom.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It's a big decision, moving in with your partner
0:01:53 > 0:01:57because there's always the question what if it doesn't work?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01I was worried about people judging me, judging us, for moving in together after how long? Five months.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05- Life's about risks, you've got to take them.- Oh, shit!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Have you dripped on the floor? Do it on the floor.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09The roller doesn't fit in!
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Oh, my god, sorry.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Yeah, I feel really lucky that I found Evan, I think he's one in a billion.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Bits of the roller are coming off the wall!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Yes, well, it was 50p,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I don't expect first-class rollers.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27He's the person I feel most comfortable with. Yeah, out of anyone
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I feel most comfortable with him.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30He's like my best friend, really.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32The room's going to be good when it's done.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Yeah, it's good, it feels like it's our room now
0:02:35 > 0:02:37rather than I've just moved in to yours.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39'We are from very different backgrounds,'
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I genuinely thought that everyone had a cleaner until I was about 14 or 15.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Really, that was news to me.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Because that was the lifestyle I'd been brought up in
0:02:47 > 0:02:49why should everybody else be different?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53When I first ever redecorated, Sam, I was about seven,
0:02:53 > 0:02:57in fact, it was when I first moved to the house and it's not been decorated since.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02I act very snobby a lot of the time but I'm not at heart, he knows that.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Otherwise I wouldn't have moved here.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09So this is better because it's kind of, it's a lot more masculine.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11More masculine, what, green stripes?
0:03:11 > 0:03:12It's better than the pink.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Does it matter how masculine it is, really?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17No, but I don't know, it's more me now if that makes sense.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18- Yeah.- It's older.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- And it's absolutely fabulous, darling.- You're so gay.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Yes, dear.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I'm very much the more feminine of the two,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33he very much wears the trousers so that works.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37So I do all the cooking, he cleans up after dinner.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Just because I like girlie things,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44it doesn't make me any less of a man.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I look ridiculous.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50We are getting on together very well
0:03:50 > 0:03:52so that's not really a problem.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56It just feels nice to sort of move out and start my own life really.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I love you.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Fine then!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- (I love you.- Love you too.)
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Sam and Evan have been living together for a couple of months now,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15but they don't have the house to themselves.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19In the bedroom next to their love nest, is Evan's mum, Kath.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23They're happy, and I'm happy, and you know, I love having Sam here,
0:04:23 > 0:04:24he's a great guy, you know,
0:04:24 > 0:04:26and, he's making my son happy
0:04:26 > 0:04:30so I love him even more for that, you know.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34# Happy birthday to you... #
0:04:34 > 0:04:40It's Sam's 18th, and he's spending it with his new family.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43# Happy birthday, dear Sam
0:04:43 > 0:04:48# Happy birthday to you. #
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Evan's mum Kath has organised a party to celebrate this milestone.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Hooray!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- If I was outside, I'd do this now. - Yeah, but don't.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- Kiss.- Did you just say give us a kiss?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08He's my boyfriend, Mother.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Thank you.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Happy birthday, mate, you are now a proper adult.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19'It's very nice to move in here because it's like another family unit.'
0:05:19 > 0:05:24His mum does mother me a lot, sort of, where I need mothering.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I do love you, for all me shouting,
0:05:27 > 0:05:32and I'd like us all to wish Sam a happy 18th birthday.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- ALL:- Happy birthday, Sam!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I feel like I've got two sons now. I have grown
0:05:39 > 0:05:41really, really fond of Sam
0:05:41 > 0:05:44and as far as I'm concerned, you know,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I treat him like one of my own.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51And I will be there for him as much as I would be for Evan.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58What makes Sam and Evan's modern love story unusual
0:05:58 > 0:06:00is they were both born girls.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04I know loads of people are going to get confused with this,
0:06:04 > 0:06:06people do get confused with this.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Me and Sam are both men,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13we were both born female,
0:06:13 > 0:06:17however we are both in a relationship so because we are both men,
0:06:17 > 0:06:18we are in a gay relationship.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Sam and Evan met at a support group
0:06:23 > 0:06:26for teenagers who believe they were born into the wrong bodies.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27You look a bit gormless.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I am a bit gormless there! I look like a baby!
0:06:32 > 0:06:35They have both already made the huge decision
0:06:35 > 0:06:39to begin the process of changing their gender from female to male.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40I was known as Yvonne,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42now I am Evan, and I'm happy like that!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Sam and Evan have embarked on a journey to transform their bodies,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49but it's a long process.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53The first stage has been to change their names
0:06:53 > 0:06:54and to begin to dress as men.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Obviously one of the most important things
0:07:00 > 0:07:02to passing as a male is the clothes you wear,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04you need to be wearing male clothes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Oh, I like that.- It's a T-shirt pretending to be a shirt.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12I like them.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Show me.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15No.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Probably the most important thing is something people don't see at all.
0:07:20 > 0:07:27Underneath my top I've got this black Spandex Lycra thing
0:07:27 > 0:07:28known as a binder.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Yeah, basically it makes your chest flat.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Stretchy.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35So you don't have big boobies everywhere.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37It's also very uncomfortable
0:07:37 > 0:07:39in general and gives you back pain.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44But if you weigh it up against having boobs, it's kind of less painful.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47I stress about any lump, at all, ever.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50I suppose you're smaller than me, though, as well.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54With me being big, a guy my size would have man boobs.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56So I've just got man boobs.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Not quite done up, there you go.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Thank you.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Oh, I do like that. Do you?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I think it's just nice cos of the sleeves.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I look like an Eskimo!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12You're messing up my hair!
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Underneath their clothes, Sam and Evan still have female bodies
0:08:16 > 0:08:20and need some help in the trouser department.
0:08:21 > 0:08:26Today, with the help of Kath they're shopping for a packer,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29which will give them the appearance of having male genitals.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32So what sort of willy will you get, then?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Oh, God! Kill me now! Right.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37KATH LAUGHS
0:08:37 > 0:08:40They're quite droopy, aren't they?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Well, it's because they're stupidly big.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45A medium is seven inches long, like, flaccid.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Right. So you don't want a big one.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Extra small, extra small, right, is actually normal size.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Imagine having that down your pants, it'd be hard to shut your legs!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57It's just stupid, it genuinely looks stupid.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59I should have got that one.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04Right, shall we just get that one, what does it say, pink limpy packer?
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Yes.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09It's named right, isn't it? Pink limpy! It is a bit limpy.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Sam began living as a man when he was just 16.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21If a person feels they're trapped in the wrong body,
0:09:21 > 0:09:24many experts recommend they live as their preferred gender
0:09:24 > 0:09:28for at least a year before they begin treatment.
0:09:28 > 0:09:33Six months ago, Sam was months ago was prescribed the male hormone testosterone.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35He'll be on it for the rest of his life,
0:09:35 > 0:09:37but he's been unable to get to the doctors
0:09:37 > 0:09:39for his fortnightly injection.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Good job Evan's mum Kath isn't afraid of needles.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Right, I'm going to fill it up.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Well, I've not done that before,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I don't mind injecting you
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- but I don't particularly want to do that bit.- Right, OK.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- It's all very exciting. - Do you want me to hold that?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- It's all right for now. - Mind you don't spill it.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I'm about five days late now for my shot
0:10:00 > 0:10:03which doesn't sound very much but a lot of people get either
0:10:03 > 0:10:07upset or angry towards the end of their shot when they're needing a new one.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10These last five, six days have been absolutely terrible,
0:10:10 > 0:10:14just been arguing, stressed and then I start feeling awful.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I dunno, it's like having PMS.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20I was quite scared when I started testosterone actually.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Looking a bit nervy, Sam.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I am a bit nervy. I don't like injections.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Especially when it's done at home.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30You look like you're going to give me some sort of anal exam!
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Put them away!
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Put them away!
0:10:32 > 0:10:36I don't know what I'm going to be getting involved in, do I?!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41You won't be able to give me an injection with them on.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Only kidding. Only pulling your leg.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I'll stick them back.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Your attempt at relaxing me, is it?
0:10:47 > 0:10:48- Yeah!- Right.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Come on, show us your arse.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52All right.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Although I had the choice
0:10:53 > 0:10:56as to whether to have that needle put in my body or not,
0:10:56 > 0:10:57at the same time
0:10:57 > 0:11:01I knew if I didn't I would continue to feel, you know, absolutely horrific about myself.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04That's OK, there's no blood.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Right, it's going in now.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11I can tell you now with absolute certainty if I had the option of living as a girl or not living at all
0:11:11 > 0:11:14I would just chose to not live because it's not life for me,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17that was not life and it didn't feel like I was living at all.
0:11:17 > 0:11:23The male hormone testosterone has made Sam's body change.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27He's become hairier and his voice has become deeper and more masculine.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Today, Sam's showing Evan a video he made,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34before he started having testosterone treatment.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Being confronted by how he used to sound and look
0:11:41 > 0:11:43is uncomfortable viewing for Sam,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47but reveals just how much he's transformed already.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Really I don't like seeing myself,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52erm, you know before I transitioned
0:11:52 > 0:11:56because it does remind you of a time when you felt absolutely awful in yourself,
0:11:56 > 0:12:01reminds you of something you've worked so hard to get away from you don't want to look at it any more,
0:12:01 > 0:12:02like a phobia of yourself.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- 'My gender identity...'- Big hair.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06It's not that big.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09It's huge. You're like Elvis.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- I don't look like Elvis.- You do.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Evan isn't on testosterone yet as he has not lived as a man for a year.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19'..toilets I use, that kind of stuff.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23'But at the same time I'm very much the same person.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26'I have the same hobbies, same interests...'
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Your voice is so different now to what it was then.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31You sound like a very posh...
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I don't know how to say it without saying female.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41You sound like, erm, who's that girl?
0:12:41 > 0:12:45So they bullied me for being some sort of lesbian.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Hermione Granger!
0:12:47 > 0:12:49That is the one!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Yes!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53That is who you sound like.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55You're a wanker!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- I do, don't I?!- Yes!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00'It was pretty much a homophobic culture
0:13:00 > 0:13:04'in the sense that anything negative was gay.'
0:13:04 > 0:13:06My voice started to change
0:13:06 > 0:13:09about three days after I started taking testosterone.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12'There was more bullying than before I came out.'
0:13:12 > 0:13:14People at school thought I had a cold for ages!
0:13:14 > 0:13:16They were hearing me every day as well
0:13:16 > 0:13:19whereas if I just talked to someone on the street,
0:13:19 > 0:13:21they would have said it's a man's voice.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23But I know it just gets deeper and deeper.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24It's still getting deeper.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27'And from that, that sort of led to...
0:13:27 > 0:13:30'sort of people talking about me behind my back.'
0:13:30 > 0:13:32You get pretty desperate about it, I suppose,
0:13:32 > 0:13:36you're just constantly living in this sort of limbo state
0:13:36 > 0:13:39where you've basically transitioned but at the same time
0:13:39 > 0:13:43because you're so physically unlike what you want to identify as,
0:13:43 > 0:13:47you can't quite socially live as that.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Whereas once you've been on testosterone,
0:13:49 > 0:13:53to all outward appearances, you're male entirely.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58You can move out of the limbo phase and get on with your life, whereas you can't when you're like that.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Sam and Evan's childhoods were very different.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I've got so many presents there it's ridiculous.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Evan is an only child,
0:14:08 > 0:14:10whereas Sam has three brothers.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12But that was not the only difference.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Something to do with Barbie.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- 'What are they?'- Roller skates!
0:14:19 > 0:14:22You've got Barbie roller skates and you're so happy!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24'You've got Barbie roller skates!'
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I would have chucked them in the bin!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29'A Barbie bike!'
0:14:29 > 0:14:32See, you get so much pink stuff and you like having it
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- whereas if I'd got anything like that, I'd have been upset. - Why have I got two sets?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I was like a stereotypical little boy,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43the last time they managed to get me in a dress was when I was five,
0:14:43 > 0:14:46and that was after two, three hours of shrieking.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51My brothers would always get the toys that I wanted to get,
0:14:51 > 0:14:55and because I was the only girl, everyone would give me the most feminine presents they could find
0:14:55 > 0:15:00and I hated it. Especially when I grew up cos everyone gave me make up and it sat in a drawer
0:15:00 > 0:15:01and never got put on.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06See, this is me on the roller skates!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Oh, my God.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Be interested to see this.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Me roller-skating!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I'm four!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I think because this was always me, like all the way through
0:15:30 > 0:15:36growing up, if you think about it, even when I was 16, 17,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39in fact, even 18 going out, just before I was coming out,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I'd spend about an hour getting ready,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I'd do my makeup, I'd do my hair. I was wearing jewellery.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49So when I came out, it was very, very hard for my family.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52And I think this shows why, really.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58When Evan first began to realise that he wanted to be a man,
0:15:58 > 0:16:03he didn't tell any of his family, even though he'd gone to his doctor for advice.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I was absolutely petrified,
0:16:05 > 0:16:11not because I wasn't capable to do it, but family is so important to me
0:16:11 > 0:16:15and I was really, really scared that my family just wouldn't understand.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I was terrified that I'd be left with no-one.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Instead, Evan wrote about how he was feeling in a diary,
0:16:25 > 0:16:29which his mum Kath found when cleaning his room.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I was really, really angry,
0:16:32 > 0:16:38and I was like, "How dare Yvonne do this to me?"
0:16:38 > 0:16:41and it was even to the stage of, "Well, she's not living with me
0:16:41 > 0:16:45"if this is what she wants to do, she's not dragging me through this."
0:16:45 > 0:16:51And I was so, so angry, and I had to sort of rein it in
0:16:51 > 0:16:56when Yvonne came through the door, because Yvonne didn't know that I knew anything
0:16:56 > 0:17:01and it was like we were play-acting in the house.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05To be perfectly honest, I just wanted to get hold of her
0:17:05 > 0:17:08and I wanted to shake her and shake her,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11and say, "What the hell do you think you are doing?"
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Kath didn't want to lose her daughter,
0:17:16 > 0:17:23particularly because she'd already had to face this prospect when Yvonne was just a baby.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26She was born without a forehead, so at six months old,
0:17:26 > 0:17:28she was actually taken into hospital,
0:17:28 > 0:17:34where she was cut from one ear to the other, and they made a fontanelle, so to speak,
0:17:34 > 0:17:39to allow the brain to grow. And I think it was at that point I thought, "This child needs me.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41"This child needs me more than ever now."
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Remembering she was lucky her child was still alive
0:17:44 > 0:17:49helped Kath come to terms with her daughter's desire to become a man.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54I don't think it was... I didn't find it easy to understand,
0:17:54 > 0:17:58but when your daughter's saying, "Mum, it is what I want."
0:17:58 > 0:18:01And then you feel, "Well, what sort of mother am I?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04"Why did I not know my daughter was feeling this?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08"Well, I'm no mother. I should be struck off as a mother."
0:18:10 > 0:18:15With his mum accepting who he really was, Evan now had to break the news
0:18:15 > 0:18:20to his dad Mick, a butcher who lives 40 miles away, in Liverpool.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Although Mick split from Kath when Evan was a baby,
0:18:22 > 0:18:24the two are really close.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27You've brought the weather down with you again!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Yeah!
0:18:32 > 0:18:38'I was really, really worried that my dad and my dad's side of the family just wouldn't understand,
0:18:38 > 0:18:43'and that they'd kind of not want to know me.'
0:18:43 > 0:18:44What do you want?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Just a Fab or a Vimto or something.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- Can we have...?- Just a lolly ice or whatever.- ..a Twister and an apple Fab, please?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54'I don't think that you ever expect'
0:18:54 > 0:18:59that your kid's going to come up to you and say that they're not what sex they are.
0:18:59 > 0:19:05And when Evan told me that he wasn't Yvonne any more and he was Evan,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07and that's how it was going to be...
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- Thank you very much.- Thank you.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11..obviously I had to tell me folks,
0:19:11 > 0:19:16and I went to pieces on the phone telling them, like,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I couldn't talk through me own tears.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Been to the football lately?
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Last game, last home game of the season.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30- What was the score? - Got beat by Tottenham.- Oh. OK!
0:19:30 > 0:19:34'I completely appreciate that it's a hard thing for them to understand,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37'it took me a long time to understand,'
0:19:37 > 0:19:41and I was the one going through it, so if I struggled,
0:19:41 > 0:19:45then God knows how anyone else is going to find out and handle it.
0:19:45 > 0:19:50You used to call me the mascot, cos literally every game we went,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52we'd win.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Or most, anyway.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57'It's been a long learning process,'
0:19:57 > 0:20:01and it still will be a long learning process because, erm...
0:20:01 > 0:20:05I'm not really up on medical terms, and all that.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08'I'm not saying I fully understand it
0:20:08 > 0:20:10'but I will try to fully understand it.'
0:20:19 > 0:20:24While Evan is spending time with his dad, Sam has gone back home to Surrey,
0:20:24 > 0:20:28where he's meeting up with his older brother Peter, who is gay.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33Do you remember when Mummy used to be like, "Why aren't you normal like other children?"
0:20:33 > 0:20:38- I don't remember that at all.- She used to be angry with us and be like, "Why are you just not normal?"
0:20:38 > 0:20:41When they were growing up, Peter was close to his little sister,
0:20:41 > 0:20:46so it took time to understand that Sam was now his brother.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51I think there was an initial feeling of I'd lost my sister
0:20:51 > 0:20:55but he is the same person he always was. He's always been that person -
0:20:55 > 0:20:59even when we saw him as a girl, he was still Sam inside.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03It made perfect sense once I understood that.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Sam wrote to his parents to tell them he wanted to be their son instead of their daughter.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11His mum was the first to read the letter.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15She came up and said, "Right, Sam.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19"So you feel like a boy?" and I said yes,
0:21:19 > 0:21:23and we had this conversation for about half an hour,
0:21:23 > 0:21:28she was fine with it, really. Obviously I think it's difficult when your child transitions
0:21:28 > 0:21:32but she was very, very good with it, very decent about it, and she recognised
0:21:32 > 0:21:37that if that's what I need to do in order to feel that I am able to live my life,
0:21:37 > 0:21:38then that is what I need to do.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41She's been very, very supportive and that's really meant a lot.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45My dad sort of found me in the lounge and closed the door and said,
0:21:45 > 0:21:50"Right, I've got your letter. I just want to assure you that I love you no matter what,
0:21:50 > 0:21:51"and that's the most important thing."
0:21:55 > 0:22:00They both think this is how you are. It's not so much of a discussion when it comes up.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03They just pretend I was always a man. Which is fine.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Do you remember I used to sit on his lap, like, "Who's your favourite girl?"
0:22:07 > 0:22:11And he was like, "You are." And I'd be like, "But who's your favourite boy?"
0:22:11 > 0:22:14He was like, "I don't have a favourite boy, I love them all equally."
0:22:14 > 0:22:16And that is Samuel's ego!
0:22:16 > 0:22:20And that, because obviously I am the favourite, let's remember that.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21You're clearly not.
0:22:23 > 0:22:29Sam went to an all-girls' school from the age of four, but he felt he didn't fit in.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I just knew that I wasn't a girl,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I didn't realise that I was something else, you know.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38If I'd have been to a school with boys, I'd have realised sooner but because I had no other standard
0:22:38 > 0:22:41to compare myself to, I just knew that I wasn't a girl,
0:22:41 > 0:22:43I didn't realise that I was something else.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46He was still attending an all-girls' school
0:22:46 > 0:22:49when he began living as a man aged 16.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54I basically just looked more and more male, really.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Not everyone at his school accepted the change,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01but there was one person who was always there for him - his friend Cat.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Hello.- Hello. - You all right?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Are we doing a sitting down hug?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11'It was really important for me to have Cat there because, without her,'
0:23:11 > 0:23:17I wouldn't have felt confident enough to tell other people, and to change to male in front of everyone else.
0:23:17 > 0:23:23I remember when I told my German teacher, I was like, "Call me Sam" she was like "Warum?"
0:23:23 > 0:23:28So basically I had to tell her in German, and she was like, "OK, since when?"
0:23:28 > 0:23:30And I was like, "Since forever"!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33She was like, "OK then", but that's just the sort of thing she'd do.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- She's quite stand off-ish.- She's nice, I actually really like her.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- You seem a lot happier now, though. - Yeah, I am a lot happier.
0:23:40 > 0:23:46I think a lot of people have said that. I've still not got that much facial hair.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51- There's some there. - Yeah, but it's bum fluff, you can feel it and it's like nothing.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53No, it's kind of bristly.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Starting to live as a man was liberating for Sam.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02It felt like for the whole previous part of my life,
0:24:02 > 0:24:07I'd been kind of tied up, almost like I wasn't able to breathe,
0:24:07 > 0:24:08but I didn't realise that
0:24:08 > 0:24:11until people started seeing me as male,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and then suddenly I realised how much freer I felt.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18But changing gender came at a price.
0:24:18 > 0:24:2195% of my classmates are at university at the moment.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26It was pretty much what you did. When people asked what you were doing after school,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29they said, "What university are you going to?"
0:24:29 > 0:24:31So they were a bit annoyed,
0:24:31 > 0:24:38especially cos one of my teachers was really keen on me going to Oxford, but I just couldn't do it.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54But instead of going to university, Sam moved into his boyfriend's house on an estate in Rochdale.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59He and Evan are usually accepted as young men by the outside world,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02but no matter how much they change their appearance,
0:25:02 > 0:25:06this is one place where people won't let Evan forget he was born female.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I've lived on this estate for about 12 years.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13So because I've lived in the same place for 12 years,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17they know me before I transitioned, so the older people know me
0:25:17 > 0:25:20and then, because the older people know me,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23they tell their younger brothers and sisters, so they know me.
0:25:23 > 0:25:29So there's no actually me being me, because they see me as a girl and not as a boy.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33They shout at Evan, especially, for being trans.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37The couple are desperate to get a place of their own in nearby Manchester,
0:25:37 > 0:25:39where no-one will know they used to be girls.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42On their way to the bus stop to go flat-hunting,
0:25:42 > 0:25:46some of the local kids give them even more of an incentive to move.
0:25:49 > 0:25:54They're throwing eggs. I've been egged on four occasions.
0:25:57 > 0:26:03'I hate it! Oh, my God. I'm actually terrified of small children, and of people having a go at me.'
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I can't deal with it at all, which is why we're moving out.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14'It's really hard for me to see Sam so scared when things happen
0:26:14 > 0:26:19'when we get shouted at on the estate, because I love him, and it's awful to see someone you love'
0:26:19 > 0:26:21feel hurt and scared.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Come here. Don't cry.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Look, man, they're getting pretty close.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- Where the fuck's it coming from? - That one.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41'Prejudice is a big problem.
0:26:41 > 0:26:45'There's quite a high suicide rate in transgendered people.'
0:26:45 > 0:26:48And the worst thing is when somebody says,
0:26:48 > 0:26:54"You will always be a girl to me." Because that's when they're saying, "I will not accept who you are."
0:26:54 > 0:26:59And that's when you think, if nobody accepts who I am, then I am not, ie, I'm a sty.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03That's basically the thought, why the suicide rate is so high.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08There is nowhere to hide, as Sam and Evan face an agonising wait at the bus stop.
0:27:23 > 0:27:30It really annoys me that people think they have the right to shout the abuse and do what they do.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33It's just a really big relief to get off the estate.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36As soon as we move it'll be so much better.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40'People should just think twice before they say something or before they throw something,'
0:27:40 > 0:27:43just on how it affects the person,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45because the person has feelings too,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48even if you do think they're a bit of a freak because they were born a girl.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I'm just terrified - I can't cope, I can't cope at all.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01Sam and Evan are flat-hunting in Manchester, a very cosmopolitan city with its own gay village.
0:28:01 > 0:28:08If they move here, the lads are confident they will not face daily discrimination.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12I just want something that has enough space to move about,
0:28:12 > 0:28:15because you know loads of studio apartments are actually tiny.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18That's nice. So we have to be fussy when we look around.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23- That one's a nice kitchen. - It is a nice kitchen.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27Thing is, you never know from the photos, do you?
0:28:27 > 0:28:30I think it'll be good, because we can just be men,
0:28:30 > 0:28:32we don't have to be trans men.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35- Yeah. It'll be our choice, our identity.- It'll just be us.
0:28:35 > 0:28:40Our choice whether we want to be out as trans or get on with life and not bother about it.
0:28:40 > 0:28:44You can walk down the road and your neighbours are not going to know anything about your past,
0:28:44 > 0:28:48they're not going to have an ideas about what sort of person you're going to be.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51- You can be who you are. Do you know what?- What?
0:28:51 > 0:28:54- We'll be able to make a mess!- What! No, you are not making a mess!
0:28:54 > 0:28:58Except it's actually you that makes the mess, remember?
0:28:58 > 0:29:02Yeah, I make a mess with clothes, you make a mess when you cook, it goes everywhere!
0:29:02 > 0:29:06- So do you!- No.- You don't tidy up your dishes, you leave them.
0:29:06 > 0:29:11- No.- Oh, yes, you do!- Who's been doing the dishes every day this week, apart from yesterday?
0:29:11 > 0:29:14- Who's been at work every day? Me! - Oh, and I've not?
0:29:14 > 0:29:16It is a really exciting thing.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19- That's our aim. That is our target.- OK.
0:29:19 > 0:29:24- That is our goal, and we shall take steps to get there, yes?- Yes.- Yeah.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28Evan has been dressing in male clothes for a year now,
0:29:28 > 0:29:33and is hoping that doctors will soon prescribe him testosterone.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37In preparation for this, Evan has come off the contraceptive pill
0:29:37 > 0:29:42and is having to face something no man would normally have to.
0:29:44 > 0:29:49I've now had like period from hell, as I've been on for about two and a half weeks now.
0:29:50 > 0:29:54On one period, so it's a bit nasty,
0:29:54 > 0:29:57especially when you're not supposed to have them.
0:29:57 > 0:30:01I find it really weird coming to buy period stuff
0:30:01 > 0:30:05because it's something which is associated with female, and I'm not female.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09- Would you like a bag for them? - Yes, please.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12'I feel like when I go to buy them, that they're thinking,
0:30:12 > 0:30:17'why on earth is a boy buying sanitary towels and Tampax?
0:30:17 > 0:30:21'I think it's just a reminder of the body which I was born in,
0:30:21 > 0:30:24'which is pretty crap, to be fair.'
0:30:24 > 0:30:27But there is light at the end of the tunnel.
0:30:27 > 0:30:33At last, Evan has got an appointment with doctors at the Charing Cross Gender Clinic in London
0:30:33 > 0:30:36about beginning male hormone treatment.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Sam will be making the trip with him to offer support,
0:30:44 > 0:30:50as he knows first-hand that taking male hormones will dramatically change Evan's life.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53My periods have stopped, but I haven't noticed,
0:30:53 > 0:30:56I just kind of forget I ever had them.
0:30:56 > 0:31:01So I forget how it used to be, it's a struggle for me to remember how I used to feel.
0:31:05 > 0:31:09The lads arrive in London, but Evan is worried about his meeting
0:31:09 > 0:31:12with doctors at the Charing Cross Gender Clinic.
0:31:13 > 0:31:18If they feel that I'm ready and I meet all their requirements,
0:31:18 > 0:31:21they will place me on testosterone.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25I know how I progress physically is in two doctors' hands.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29I think when I'm in there and I start being quizzed,
0:31:29 > 0:31:31it'll be all right. Because then it's just life,
0:31:31 > 0:31:34- you're just talking about yourself.- Yeah.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Sam knows how crucial this meeting is for Evan,
0:31:40 > 0:31:44cos if the doctors aren't convinced that Evan should really be a man,
0:31:44 > 0:31:48they will not allow him to begin hormone therapy
0:31:48 > 0:31:51to physically change his body from female to male.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55An hour later, Evan has some surprising news.
0:31:55 > 0:32:00- What have they done? - Right, well, I might be inter-sexed.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04SAM SNORTS What have they done! Oh, my God!
0:32:04 > 0:32:07I might have to go for shitloads of tests back in London
0:32:07 > 0:32:12to see if I've got a widge somewhere!
0:32:12 > 0:32:15- Only you! But have a cuddle.- OK.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18- Why can't you just be normal? - Shall we get some lunch?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- Lol.- Why...? LAUGHING
0:32:23 > 0:32:26Why can't I just be normal?!
0:32:26 > 0:32:29- LAUGHING - God!
0:32:29 > 0:32:35Evan's high testosterone levels could be the result of a condition called polycystic ovaries,
0:32:35 > 0:32:39which is a problem women get in their reproductive organs,
0:32:39 > 0:32:42or Evan might be inter-sex, which means he may have
0:32:42 > 0:32:46some male anatomy hidden inside his body.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Further tests will be needed, but, for now,
0:32:56 > 0:33:00Evan must wait even longer before being prescribed male hormones.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03I kind of feel like I'm stuck in limbo at the moment.
0:33:03 > 0:33:08I'm ready to go through my male puberty and start testosterone
0:33:08 > 0:33:12but I can't yet because I've not had the go-ahead.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15I think to some extent, yes, he did have his hopes up, erm,
0:33:15 > 0:33:19because he thought he was going to be prescribed it on that day.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22If I have got polycystic ovary syndrome,
0:33:22 > 0:33:26it's once again another reminder that I was born female.
0:33:26 > 0:33:30If I'm inter-sexed, it's also really stressful,
0:33:30 > 0:33:33but then it's kind of, something about it is quite good
0:33:33 > 0:33:39because there's the whole, like, it means that I've got some form
0:33:39 > 0:33:44of male-ism inside me, which kind of gives a bit of a reason,
0:33:44 > 0:33:47which in some ways may help.
0:33:47 > 0:33:52If he was inter-sexed, he would have an "excuse" to be trans
0:33:52 > 0:33:54and so they would give him his hormones faster
0:33:54 > 0:33:57because then he has a reason for his gender being like that.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00Mental, but, yeah, there you go.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03I just want to start treatment so I can begin to be me.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08Despite Evan's knock-back, he's determined that he wants
0:34:08 > 0:34:10to move on with his life.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16Sam and Evan need to find full-time jobs
0:34:16 > 0:34:19if they're ever going to fulfil their dream of getting a flat in Manchester.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29It's fairly difficult to find a job at the moment.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31I mean, it's not us alone who are in this boat, really.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35It's just a question of keeping trying until we break in there.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40I feel when I get turned down from jobs
0:34:40 > 0:34:43that it's people doing it because it's me,
0:34:43 > 0:34:46because of me being trans, but then I think, is it?
0:34:46 > 0:34:49- Am I just paranoid?- Good luck.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57- Hello, is it Evan?- Yeah. - Have you got your CV there, son?
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Great stuff. I'll take a copy here.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02- Have you brought your CV with you?- I have.
0:35:02 > 0:35:03Appreciate your time. Thanks.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05You'll need to register on our website.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08Really simple, really painless.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11And then you need to come in here and bring some ID with you.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13Needing ID is a huge problem
0:35:13 > 0:35:17because although the lads have both changed their names,
0:35:17 > 0:35:21the only formal identification they have is from when they were female.
0:35:21 > 0:35:25I can't use female ID because people don't believe it's me.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27- All right, thanks very much.- Bye-bye.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31For today, the job search has hit a dead end.
0:35:34 > 0:35:39It's two weeks since Evan was told his testosterone levels were abnormally high
0:35:39 > 0:35:42which could be as a result of him having cysts on his ovaries.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45Today, he's on his way to have a scan
0:35:45 > 0:35:47of his female reproductive system.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52For Evan, this procedure means he has to face the reality
0:35:52 > 0:35:56that underneath his clothes, he has a female body.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00'I don't associate my body as being female,
0:36:00 > 0:36:02'so I shouldn't have ovaries.'
0:36:02 > 0:36:03Hi, I'm Audrey.
0:36:03 > 0:36:08'So the thought of having to go and have a scan to see them
0:36:08 > 0:36:09'is actually quite upsetting.'
0:36:09 > 0:36:12I need you to undo your trousers a little bit
0:36:12 > 0:36:14so I can tuck this down.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18But things are about to get even more upsetting for Evan.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21To be absolutely certain, I would rather we did the internal scan,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24because that's the best way to scan
0:36:24 > 0:36:27- to get closer to the ovaries, OK? - Yeah.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30So this is the probe.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33'She had to do an internal scan,
0:36:33 > 0:36:36'which was quite traumatic
0:36:36 > 0:36:39'because nothing had ever been up there before'
0:36:39 > 0:36:42so technically, it did take away my virginity.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Sam had come along to support Evan,
0:36:44 > 0:36:47but now he's finding the experience difficult, too.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51- Right, I'm all right. - Can I come round?- Yeah.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53'Anyone would feel violated a little bit,
0:36:53 > 0:36:57'having your bits touched, but when that's such a personal issue to you
0:36:57 > 0:36:59'and when you're so sensitive about it...'
0:36:59 > 0:37:02- Do you want me to hold your hand?- That's the right ovary
0:37:02 > 0:37:05and there is no sign of polycystic ovaries there.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07'I felt bad for him.'
0:37:08 > 0:37:12'It was very difficult, but I think having Sam there helped.'
0:37:12 > 0:37:15This feels weird.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Evan doesn't have polycystic ovaries
0:37:17 > 0:37:20and further tests reveal he isn't inter-sex either.
0:37:20 > 0:37:24Doctors think his high testosterone level
0:37:24 > 0:37:27was caused by his contraceptive pills.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Now they've got to the bottom of the problem, Evan will soon be
0:37:30 > 0:37:32prescribed male hormone therapy.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Starting testosterone is a really big thing
0:37:37 > 0:37:39and some of the changes are permanent,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42but because I've already been waiting a year
0:37:42 > 0:37:45to even get the go ahead to start testosterone,
0:37:45 > 0:37:49I know it's correct for me so I know I'm making the right decision.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57Finally, the packer Sam ordered on the internet has arrived.
0:37:57 > 0:38:01Its function is to pad out Sam's pants to help him pass as male.
0:38:03 > 0:38:08Tonight, the lads are planning to make some modifications to Sam's packer
0:38:08 > 0:38:11- with their friend Vicky.- Can we do some DIY on the packer, please?
0:38:12 > 0:38:16So how is this going to work?
0:38:16 > 0:38:20This is all very theoretical because I haven't done any of this before, erm, so yeah...
0:38:20 > 0:38:24We're just going to do a little DIY job and hope for the best, really.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28Basically what we're going to do is use a screwdriver,
0:38:28 > 0:38:31we're going to heat up the screwdriver really hot
0:38:31 > 0:38:34on a gas cooker - that's why we're here -
0:38:34 > 0:38:37and then we'll put that through there
0:38:37 > 0:38:41and it'll, like, melt a hole through the packer like that.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44So, why are you doing this?
0:38:44 > 0:38:48OK, basically it's because you know like I can wee standing up
0:38:48 > 0:38:52with this? So the idea is just to shove that in and glue it,
0:38:52 > 0:38:54so I guess I can put those in there.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56That'll just about fit.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59OK, so if you take that...
0:39:00 > 0:39:04..and heat it up and pass it to me. Yeah, no, we need the whole thing in.
0:39:06 > 0:39:07OK, are we ready?
0:39:07 > 0:39:09Oh, my God, I don't know if I want to watch!
0:39:14 > 0:39:16OK, tap on, tap on!
0:39:17 > 0:39:21Hot, boiling hot. Oh, my God! I've gone through it.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23- We've broken the packer! - Yeah, it's come out the back.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27But it hasn't come out...
0:39:27 > 0:39:28What's happened there?
0:39:28 > 0:39:31The right at the edge has come out the back, look.
0:39:31 > 0:39:35What we need to do, in fact that may still be hot enough. Yeah, it is.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43That is so wrong!
0:39:43 > 0:39:44Look at that- it's melted down.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Here is the test, really.
0:39:48 > 0:39:52- I think I should be a surgeon.- Not if you do that to someone's willy!
0:39:58 > 0:39:59Stop picking at my willy.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04The lads head to their local to celebrate the fact
0:40:04 > 0:40:09that Evan can finally start his testosterone treatment tomorrow.
0:40:09 > 0:40:13It also gives Sam an ideal opportunity to test if his modified packer works,
0:40:13 > 0:40:16but there's a problem.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20I could technically use the urinal with the device
0:40:20 > 0:40:24I use to pee standing up, but I don't really because I'm a bit pee shy.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Quite a few men are pee shy and don't use urinals.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29I dunno, I just feel weird.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33It's karaoke night at the pub
0:40:33 > 0:40:36and Kath wants Evan to sing for her before the testosterone
0:40:36 > 0:40:38makes his voice break.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41Evan, will you sing the Titanic song for me, please,
0:40:41 > 0:40:43- just one last time?- Yeah, I will.
0:40:43 > 0:40:47'She's always been a really good singer and she's done singing lessons in school,'
0:40:47 > 0:40:52she's been in church choirs, she's sang in the Royal Albert Hall,
0:40:52 > 0:40:56erm, sings absolutely beautiful. You don't need me to sing.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00'My mum's quite upset about me starting testosterone
0:41:00 > 0:41:04'because it will eventually make my voice go deeper,
0:41:04 > 0:41:07'so I will lose the higher range
0:41:07 > 0:41:11'which I can reach now, and I won't be able to do My Heart Will Go On
0:41:11 > 0:41:17- 'which is one of her favourite songs which she makes me do every time we do karaoke.'- I'll ask Yvonne!
0:41:20 > 0:41:23I suppose when the testosterone comes, the high notes,
0:41:23 > 0:41:24it'll start being a bit deep,
0:41:24 > 0:41:28but he should still be able to do a few songs,
0:41:28 > 0:41:31but it'll be more Neil Diamond rather than...
0:41:33 > 0:41:35..you know, Titanic, won't it?
0:41:35 > 0:41:39Hello, people, how about a round of applause tonight for Evan!
0:41:39 > 0:41:42APPLAUSE
0:41:52 > 0:41:56# Every night in my dreams
0:41:56 > 0:41:59# I see you
0:41:59 > 0:42:01# I feel you... #
0:42:01 > 0:42:07'It's going to be weird seeing the changes, but it's going to make him
0:42:07 > 0:42:10'feel the person he wants to be.'
0:42:10 > 0:42:16It is going to make him feel like a proper man, not just a pretend one, so to speak.
0:42:17 > 0:42:22# Near, far
0:42:22 > 0:42:26# Wherever you are... #
0:42:26 > 0:42:29'I need to do this to be who I am, to be true to myself,
0:42:29 > 0:42:34'to be true to my family, and to just be the happy person who I am.'
0:42:34 > 0:42:38If I didn't do this, I'd be living a lie.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40# Near... #
0:42:40 > 0:42:43'I do find it quite difficult to get to grips of it,
0:42:43 > 0:42:46'but this is how it is, this is how he wants to be.'
0:42:46 > 0:42:50He's happier now than what I've ever known.
0:42:50 > 0:42:53Round of applause for Evan!
0:42:56 > 0:43:00When you were singing then, the hairs on the back of my neck all stood up,
0:43:00 > 0:43:03and it brought a tear to my eye.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05- You sung that song for me. - Yeah, I did.
0:43:05 > 0:43:11Just for me and only me, that's who you sung that for, thank you.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19It's a momentous day for Evan.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23After 15 months of living as a man, he can finally start the long process
0:43:23 > 0:43:28of physically changing his body by starting to take male hormones.
0:43:30 > 0:43:34My testosterone's different than Sam's because I'm on a gel
0:43:34 > 0:43:38because basically I don't like needles so I rub it in
0:43:38 > 0:43:40instead of getting injected into my bum.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47I'm really, really happy for him, it's great,
0:43:47 > 0:43:50but I just think people seem to think that it'll be,
0:43:50 > 0:43:52"That's it, everything's finished." No. No...
0:43:52 > 0:43:55You've got your foot in the door
0:43:55 > 0:43:58and you have to live the rest of your life.
0:43:58 > 0:44:03Now that I'm on testosterone and I've got male hormones going through me, I suppose physically
0:44:03 > 0:44:07I am now becoming Evan as well as emotionally
0:44:07 > 0:44:09and I'm one step closer to being fully Evan.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17But while Evan is optimistic about having started his journey
0:44:17 > 0:44:21to becoming a man, Evan's mum Kath is struggling to deal with it.
0:44:21 > 0:44:24Everyone was, "Oh, you've got your testosterone,"
0:44:24 > 0:44:27and I just sort of went quiet because I just like thought,
0:44:27 > 0:44:31"This is it now, this is my little girl, my little girl's gone now.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34"I've got a boy, you know, there's no turning back."
0:44:34 > 0:44:36And I sat there and just cried.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38I went into like a mourning,
0:44:38 > 0:44:40It was like I was mourning.
0:44:40 > 0:44:44I'd lost my little girl and I was in mourning for my little girl.
0:44:44 > 0:44:48- What have you come as?- A princess.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52In years gone by,
0:44:52 > 0:44:55Kath always enjoyed dressing Yvonne in girlie outfits,
0:44:55 > 0:44:58but now she has to accept that her daughter is gone
0:44:58 > 0:45:02and all her old clothes need to be thrown away.
0:45:03 > 0:45:05Oh-h-h!
0:45:05 > 0:45:08Evan, it's hard! This is all your nice stuff.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11- You've got female sizes on these! - Yeah!
0:45:11 > 0:45:14Let's get it over and done with.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19Oh, you know some of this stuff's really, really nice
0:45:19 > 0:45:24- and it's just... It really will be a shame.- I like that one, that did look nice underneath my vest top.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27- Are we getting shot? - I'm not going to wear it, am I?
0:45:28 > 0:45:31All right, let's get them all out.
0:45:34 > 0:45:37Ah, Evan, look what I've found!
0:45:37 > 0:45:40- Oh, God.- Look!- Beautiful.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43- What did you wear this for? - Me prom...
0:45:43 > 0:45:45- and Uncle Keith's wedding. - Put it on.
0:45:45 > 0:45:49- I'm not putting it on.- Go on, stick it over your head.- Mum!
0:45:49 > 0:45:54- Ah, don't you look pretty?! - Mum, I look like a man in a frock.
0:45:54 > 0:45:57It's cos I am a man in a frock.
0:46:03 > 0:46:06Now that Sam and Evan are both taking male hormones,
0:46:06 > 0:46:09the next step is to have surgery to remove their breasts
0:46:09 > 0:46:14and they could have a series of operations to create male genitalia.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17Surgically changing their bodies is something the lads are now
0:46:17 > 0:46:21considering, so they are meeting Professor Stephen Whittle
0:46:21 > 0:46:26who has already completely transformed his body from female to male.
0:46:27 > 0:46:32- Hi, I'm Stephen. You must be Sam.- Yeah.- Come in.
0:46:32 > 0:46:36Stephen began living as a man more than 35 years ago.
0:46:37 > 0:46:40When I transitioned in 1975,
0:46:40 > 0:46:44I reckon from my research that I was only number 13
0:46:44 > 0:46:48of all trans men to get treatment in this country.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51- Number 13.- Wow.- Now we're talking hundreds of thousands.
0:46:51 > 0:46:56So, do you think it's easier nowadays to be out as a trans man
0:46:56 > 0:47:00- as opposed to how it was when you first transitioned? - It has to be said yes, it is.
0:47:00 > 0:47:06When I transitioned, in our early years, we could not tell anybody.
0:47:06 > 0:47:08If anybody found out, I lost my job,
0:47:08 > 0:47:11we'd be threatened with losing our homes, the lot.
0:47:11 > 0:47:15We had to fight for everything just to stay alive.
0:47:15 > 0:47:19Stephen didn't rush into having a phalloplasty to make him a penis
0:47:19 > 0:47:23and wants Sam and Evan to be equally cautious.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25How long was it before you had genital surgery?
0:47:25 > 0:47:29Oh, a very long time. It was very difficult when I transitioned.
0:47:29 > 0:47:32As I say it took me years to get my chest done,
0:47:32 > 0:47:35I had a hysterectomy at the same time which was dreadful.
0:47:35 > 0:47:39I then waited time before I even considered phalloplasty
0:47:39 > 0:47:40and it was...
0:47:40 > 0:47:43It was a difficult decision and for me...
0:47:43 > 0:47:46..waiting the 25 years was...
0:47:46 > 0:47:50I think, you know, very beneficial. By the time I went,
0:47:50 > 0:47:54I knew full well what the choices were and I'd learnt about it, but I still would say
0:47:54 > 0:47:58that I wasn't actually prepared...
0:47:58 > 0:48:00for the impact on my life.
0:48:00 > 0:48:04It was extensive, it was several surgeries,
0:48:04 > 0:48:07it was EXTREMELY painful at times -
0:48:07 > 0:48:11I certainly had tears in my eyes on more than one occasion.
0:48:11 > 0:48:14I'm very pleased with the result for me,
0:48:14 > 0:48:17but it's not 100% perfect,
0:48:17 > 0:48:20- and I could never take off my clothes and pretend it hadn't happened.- Mmm.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23I haven't got a perfect body,
0:48:23 > 0:48:25life isn't perfect,
0:48:25 > 0:48:28but it's damn well good enough and thoroughly enjoyable
0:48:28 > 0:48:32in every sense, and I've done the right things for me.
0:48:32 > 0:48:33What's important for you
0:48:33 > 0:48:39is to take the time so that you know that when you go for anything
0:48:39 > 0:48:40that it's the right thing for you,
0:48:40 > 0:48:44and that you're fully prepared for all results.
0:48:44 > 0:48:48Be proud of yourselves, be proud of what you're going to achieve.
0:48:48 > 0:48:52This is a huge thing that you're going to achieve, be proud of being the man you are
0:48:52 > 0:48:56- as a new person.- 'Meeting Stephen Whittle was really cool
0:48:56 > 0:48:58'He's not just a transgendered man like me,'
0:48:58 > 0:49:05he's a transgendered man who's 30 years further along the process than me.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09I think Sam was particularly impressed by his beard.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12- You're just jealous, that's what it is.- I'm not. I don't want one.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15- You do, because you shaved the other day.- Because...
0:49:15 > 0:49:18- You wanted facial hair. You wanted to see...- No.- You did.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21- I just shaved because I was bored. - You're jealous.
0:49:22 > 0:49:27- Jealous of your three measly hairs? - Yes, yes, you are, actually.
0:49:32 > 0:49:36Evan is busy getting ready for his 21st birthday party.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41- Are you excited? - Yeah, it should be good.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45- What do you mean, "should be good"?- Well, it will be good then!
0:49:45 > 0:49:48'21 is a really big birthday,
0:49:48 > 0:49:50'and with my family, any excuse for a party'
0:49:50 > 0:49:55they'll have a party, but 21 is a proper excuse to have a party.
0:49:56 > 0:50:00But this birthday has even more significance
0:50:00 > 0:50:02for Evan and his family.
0:50:02 > 0:50:06- What's that you've got there? - It's a banner that we made for...
0:50:06 > 0:50:09Ah, let's have a look.
0:50:12 > 0:50:14- It's massive.- Oh, wow!
0:50:15 > 0:50:18- Everyone's signed it. - That's really good.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21- That's brilliant! - Even the dog's stood on it.
0:50:21 > 0:50:23It's got the dog's paw print!
0:50:25 > 0:50:29I think it might just fit in between the speakers across the bar.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33It proves they love me!
0:50:34 > 0:50:37'It's a big birthday for him, 21st, and male,
0:50:37 > 0:50:40'and on testosterone, and I think it'll help the family'
0:50:40 > 0:50:42you know, sort of...
0:50:43 > 0:50:46Well, they've accepted it, but, you know...
0:50:46 > 0:50:49just to get everybody together just to celebrate.
0:50:49 > 0:50:53This is Evan, this is my son, and my son is 21.
0:50:54 > 0:50:57Oh, that looks nice, doesn't it? Be careful now.
0:50:57 > 0:51:00- Have we got a red one, no?- You what? - Have you got a red one?
0:51:02 > 0:51:05- Blue for a boy! - SHE LAUGHS
0:51:06 > 0:51:09We were going to have a massive picture of her - of HIM -
0:51:09 > 0:51:15in his prom dress there, and then him now and put before and after!
0:51:17 > 0:51:20- Terrible. - I'm not even going to say anything.
0:51:20 > 0:51:26The last time we got everyone together it was my 18th birthday, and it was at my nan's house.
0:51:27 > 0:51:31I was Evan to my mum's side of the family, but to my dad's side
0:51:31 > 0:51:33I was still Yvonne, so it was quite amusing,
0:51:33 > 0:51:38getting cards with some saying Evan and some saying Yvonne and the family were like, "What?"
0:51:38 > 0:51:40It's the first time with Evan and I so far
0:51:40 > 0:51:46- I've not had any cards with the wrong name which is a really big positive.- Keep everything nice.
0:51:55 > 0:51:59'It's a very important thing for me to blow these candles out as Evan,
0:51:59 > 0:52:03'just because it's not been done before with my whole family.'
0:52:03 > 0:52:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:52:07 > 0:52:11- HE LAUGHS - All in one!
0:52:11 > 0:52:13'Having testosterone just before my birthday
0:52:13 > 0:52:16'has made my birthday more happier,
0:52:16 > 0:52:20'and I'm celebrating being me as well as being 21.'
0:52:24 > 0:52:27'Tonight's gone better than what I expected.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29'I was a bit apprehensive to be honest
0:52:29 > 0:52:32'because I was worried about who was going to turn up, who wasn't,'
0:52:32 > 0:52:36but the whole family's come together and his friends have come up
0:52:36 > 0:52:39to celebrate his 21st, you know, as a man.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46'The fact that everyone who I invited turned up'
0:52:46 > 0:52:51and all accepted me as Evan, it's made me feel so much better.
0:53:09 > 0:53:14A few weeks later, the couple's dream of getting a place together in Manchester
0:53:14 > 0:53:16seems one step closer.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19I'm working full time now instead of part time.
0:53:19 > 0:53:23My job role has also changed a bit so I'm working more with clients.
0:53:23 > 0:53:24It's more interesting.
0:53:29 > 0:53:34And after searching for a job for more than a year,
0:53:34 > 0:53:36Evan also has some good news.
0:53:36 > 0:53:40Welcome to the Co-Operative Insurance, you're speaking to Evan. Can I take your name?
0:53:40 > 0:53:45I've just got a new job, I'm working for the Co-Operative Insurance and it's really, really good.
0:53:45 > 0:53:49'Everyone's so lovely and everyone's been so accommodating
0:53:49 > 0:53:52'in everything. My confidence levels have just soared,'
0:53:52 > 0:53:55so it's really good, really positive.
0:53:55 > 0:53:56And it's about time, too!
0:54:00 > 0:54:04'When I started, I told them I was transitioning from female to male
0:54:04 > 0:54:06'and I met with my manager.'
0:54:06 > 0:54:11They asked if there was anything they needed to do or be aware of,
0:54:11 > 0:54:14and the fact that they asked just made you think,
0:54:14 > 0:54:17"Actually, this company do care, and actually,
0:54:17 > 0:54:22"I'm in the right place for me, to be accepted and to be able to do my job to the best of my ability,"
0:54:22 > 0:54:25so it's been really good.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28OK, have you receive documents in the post?
0:54:31 > 0:54:35Life has dramatically changed for the young couple since they met,
0:54:35 > 0:54:38fell in love and moved in together over a year ago.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41'You do sort of stop being a child
0:54:41 > 0:54:45'and start behaving like an adult and being a lot more independent
0:54:45 > 0:54:49'so in that respect it's sort of been like a transition from boy to man.'
0:54:53 > 0:54:57'What was important to me a year and a half ago
0:54:57 > 0:54:59'has really changed now, actually.'
0:54:59 > 0:55:02I'm much more focused on where I'm going in my life, what I want to do,
0:55:02 > 0:55:07the future, as opposed to back then when I was so focused on being able to pass as male.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Urgh, what is in this?
0:55:09 > 0:55:12- I can understand peas and carrots. Is that pasta?!- Yes.
0:55:12 > 0:55:15'But because that's all behind me now,
0:55:15 > 0:55:18'I can finally get on with what I want to do in my life.'
0:55:18 > 0:55:21I know that I'm Sam, I'm a man and that's what makes me happy.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27'Things weren't easy last year and there'll always be
0:55:27 > 0:55:31'someone there who doesn't like it and will be nasty and mean.'
0:55:31 > 0:55:35However, to have acceptance from your friends, your family...
0:55:36 > 0:55:39..and myself is the most important thing ever.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42- Here you go. - Oh, tea! What have we got?
0:55:44 > 0:55:49I never expected to see my daughter change, you know, into a man,
0:55:49 > 0:55:53but he's happier now than what I've ever known.
0:55:53 > 0:55:56They're just brill, the pair of them are just brill.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58It's great to have Sam in my life
0:55:58 > 0:56:01and to be going through the same things as me,
0:56:01 > 0:56:05but what's better is just having someone who loves me for being me
0:56:05 > 0:56:08and to just be happy and be together.
0:56:08 > 0:56:12It's just nice to have someone who loves you, basically.
0:56:16 > 0:56:19- I love you.- I love you, too. - Go to sleep now. OK?
0:56:46 > 0:56:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:49 > 0:56:52E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk