0:00:02 > 0:00:05Across the country, behind closed doors,
0:00:05 > 0:00:08young people and their parents are locked in a daily battle of wills.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Stefanie, save my hot water, please.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14- You can shift that glass out. - I'm not done with it.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20Normally, families survive the upsets and come out intact,
0:00:20 > 0:00:23but some teenagers end up being kicked out for good.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30He called me when they got home and said that I'm kicked out
0:00:30 > 0:00:31and then he locked the doors.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37When I did go into care, it was because Mum had a breakdown
0:00:37 > 0:00:41caused by me misbehaving and the stress I was putting her under.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I want my mum to say that she loves me
0:00:44 > 0:00:48or hug me sometimes and stuff, but she doesn't do that.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51There is hope for families on the brink.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Mediators in local councils and charities in Britain
0:00:53 > 0:00:56can help young people resolve issues with their parents
0:00:56 > 0:00:58before it's too late.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Hello.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Your dad hasn't had a practice run
0:01:03 > 0:01:06at bringing a teenage daughter up, has he?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09This film follows mediators in Wakefield, South Wales and London
0:01:09 > 0:01:14over four months as they try to bring three families back together.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I do say, it is your daughter, it is your son at the end of the day.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21We can do our best but they do still belong to you.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Don't you dare!
0:01:26 > 0:01:34This programme contains some strong language.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Charlotte is 16.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39She lived with her dad, Simon, until five months ago
0:01:39 > 0:01:42when he told her he didn't want her there anymore.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I've compiled a list.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Attempted to use my bank cards online,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51the amount attempted was over £600.
0:01:51 > 0:01:56She got away with 75 quids worth of shoes or something.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59No respect for me or Sarah or the house.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Untidy and lazy, theft of personal mementos.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07I said, "Look, I've had enough, get out. It's my house."
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Simon got so fed up with Charlotte
0:02:09 > 0:02:11that he kicked her out a month before Christmas.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16I had a party, so the house was quite a mess
0:02:16 > 0:02:22and then I left before he got home from work
0:02:22 > 0:02:24and he called me.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26When I got home, he said that I'm kicked out
0:02:26 > 0:02:28and then he locked the doors.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32He used to do it every week and I was getting used to it.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36I thought he'd let me back in a few days.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40It ended up being over a month.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Mediators, Sonia and Steph, work for the YMCA.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47They help young people who have fallen out with their parents
0:02:47 > 0:02:51and have nowhere to live. They're visiting Simon and Charlotte.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53We received a referral.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Charlotte had turned up saying she was homeless.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01She was able to stay with dad's friend,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03but when I spoke to dad's friend,
0:03:03 > 0:03:08he was saying, no, it's only another couple of nights.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12We contacted Charlotte and I arranged to meet her in Wakefield.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14She didn't have a right lot to say.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Then we contacted the father and straightaway,
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Dad was ringing me quite a lot on an evening when he had finished work,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28which told us that he was quite desperate for some help.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32I think possibly drugs may have been involved or alcohol.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35She wasn't at home much, she was staying in Leeds.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It was a case of spot Charlotte.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39She was like the Scarlet Pimpernel
0:03:39 > 0:03:42and eventually she started picking her phone up
0:03:42 > 0:03:45and we started getting Simon involved, her dad,
0:03:45 > 0:03:49to see what we could do to help to make it work at home.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53There were, like... I think there were one night
0:03:53 > 0:03:56when I didn't actually have anywhere to go that night.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01It wasn't good at all.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- Where did you go? - I just stayed up all night.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10There's a 24-hour Tesco near where I was
0:04:10 > 0:04:13and I was just walking around there.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Did no-one ask you how you were?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- No.- No-one took care of you?- No.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24That must have been really hard.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Who's this?
0:04:30 > 0:04:35It could be family services. Who knows.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38The mediators have persuaded Simon to let Charlotte back home
0:04:38 > 0:04:40while they try to sort things out between them.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43When Sonia and Steph first meet them,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46father and daughter are barely on speaking terms.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Again, thank you for inviting us.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51We've invited ourselves today, haven't we?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54We need to build up this agreement of a little contract
0:04:54 > 0:04:55which I mentioned earlier.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Many a time, you go in and the lack of communication,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01it's been going on for such a long time that they don't know
0:05:01 > 0:05:04how to talk to each other until a third party goes in.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08You listen to the things that are there in your face to start with.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Like, you're saying it's because you don't make the bed.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16This hasn't come to this because you didn't make your bed.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19It can be whatever you want to make this contract.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Who wants to start?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Shall we go, you do one, you do one
0:05:25 > 0:05:27and see how many we come up with?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30It doesn't have to be massive, as long as they're important
0:05:30 > 0:05:31and going to help relations between you.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34When you go to bed, you don't actually go to bed.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Just kind of sleep on the sofa.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42It would be better if you went to bed instead of the sofa.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Hearing him snoring, it's not nice.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Simon works shifts and often sleeps during the day,
0:05:50 > 0:05:53so he and Charlotte hardly see each other.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Simon, have you got one?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58No friends round while I'm on nights.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03- Yeah. That's fine.- Makes sense. You can see the reasons why.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08Again, there's a little bit of catching up to do here, isn't there?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11You know, we can't forget what's happened,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13but we do want to move forward.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17It's something I do find difficult to get in my head,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20that it gets to the stage where they're asked to leave,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23and it might be that they don't have friends to go to.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Bye.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29I had a lot of young people, who've slept outside, and we've even known
0:06:29 > 0:06:31this young person was in a garden shed
0:06:31 > 0:06:33and their parents didn't know they were there for quite a few nights,
0:06:33 > 0:06:37because that's the only place where they had to go.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I do struggle with that, definitely,
0:06:39 > 0:06:42because it's introducing all kinds of risks.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Tyler is 14.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51He's lived in Barry for the past five years,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55but was moved around with his mum throughout his childhood.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I've been everywhere. We've moved to about 15 different houses.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Many places in Cardiff, Ely,
0:07:01 > 0:07:06one in Manchester, one in... somewhere in Wales, don't know where.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07I was quite young then.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12I've been in things like refuges.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15When I was younger, I'd swear, shout,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18hit people, destroy property,
0:07:18 > 0:07:23just be like a normal, say, eight-year-old,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26but, 20 times worse.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30I'd often get into trouble with the police.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I had an argument the night before my birthday.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38I got so out of hand that the police actually had to
0:07:38 > 0:07:41take me away into a Cardiff cell,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43so I spent my birthday in a cell.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47INTERVIEWER: Which birthday was that?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I think it was my 11th.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- So...- Oh, that must have been really upsetting for you.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54It was quite, yes.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- But they were great. - They were great?
0:07:59 > 0:08:04Yes, in the morning they offered me breakfast and stuff.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Tyler's relationship with his mum Gloria has always been difficult,
0:08:08 > 0:08:12but two years ago, things broke down completely.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16When I did go into care, it was because Mum had a breakdown
0:08:16 > 0:08:19and partly caused by me misbehaving
0:08:19 > 0:08:21and all the stress I put her under
0:08:21 > 0:08:25and just the stress of general life, really.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30This one particular day back in, I think it was June, July,
0:08:30 > 0:08:33the year before last, I went down to social services
0:08:33 > 0:08:35and I was kind of losing the plot.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I'd become really quite angered.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40In fact, so much so, I made it clear at the time
0:08:40 > 0:08:43that I didn't want Tyler around me any more.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I didn't even want him coming home from school that day.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I was scared of his changeable moods
0:08:48 > 0:08:50and scared of how I was going to react to him.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52I was actually frightened I was going to hurt him.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55In retaliation, I can assure you, not for the fun of it.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59I was in care for about seven months. Seven, eight months.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04How was it that you came to be back home again?
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Well, it was only, it was only... like a part-time thing.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12But what my mum didn't realise
0:09:12 > 0:09:16is she couldn't just take me back when...when she felt like it.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I had to be there for a minimum of six months.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25So, whilst she was, you know, trying to get over the breakdown,
0:09:25 > 0:09:31getting herself better, um... I was being shipped about everywhere.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35In care, you don't get a sense of love.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37It's their job.
0:09:37 > 0:09:42You wouldn't hug one of your co-workers, would you? So...
0:09:43 > 0:09:47- And you obviously love your mum and you're close to your mum?- Yes.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49How would you describe your mum?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I can't, she's brilliant.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Brilliant, amazing.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58The way I'd describe him when he was a toddler,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00it was like having a baby chimp.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02He'd be climbing and bouncing on everything.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05He was, oh, totally out of hand sometimes.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Even from a very early age he knew what he wanted,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11he was really good with his speech.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Very good at getting his own way with his little tantrums.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16He was quite a funny child as well.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Yes, he could be very, very strong.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23He was always like the little man of the house, even when he was a toddler.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25He'd try and run rings around me
0:10:25 > 0:10:28and his sisters and sometimes it was quite funny as well.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30He makes everybody realise
0:10:30 > 0:10:33that he's this important little man in the world.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Over the years I've made him into that even more, probably.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41You forget I exist only when you're filling your face.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Oh, God.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Gloria removed her son from the house once before
0:10:46 > 0:10:49and it could happen again if they don't get help.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53But if you eat them all tonight, I won't be buying any more tomorrow.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55SHE LAUGHS
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Liz works for the youth offending service.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04She gives advice to parents whose teenagers are going off the rails.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06'Tyler is the youngest.'
0:11:06 > 0:11:10And I think there's been a massive over-compensation for Tyler.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12He's almost been treated like a prince.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Being an adolescent young man,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Mum decided she wanted to put in rules
0:11:17 > 0:11:20and Tyler sort of went, "No. That's not happening
0:11:20 > 0:11:23"and you will do what I tell you to."
0:11:23 > 0:11:27It's very difficult to have a lot of rationality about it
0:11:27 > 0:11:30because it becomes a pattern of relating and behaviour.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32OK, come on, Gloria, we'll go through here.
0:11:32 > 0:11:37Liz has known Gloria and Tyler since they were in crisis in 2010.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39She wants to help them work through the problems
0:11:39 > 0:11:42that are emerging now Tyler's a teenager.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I'm interested in the shouting thing.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47You know, it really seems to hit down deep that, you know,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49it's offensive to you.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52All he can think of is him, him, him, him.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55What's not right for him, what's not done for him,
0:11:55 > 0:11:56what's not bought for him.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Oh, you haven't done all the washing today
0:11:59 > 0:12:01and I'll sometimes be really sarcastic
0:12:01 > 0:12:04and say, "Whoopee-doo! No, I haven't."
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I'll say, "But when you've been excluded for the last two days,
0:12:08 > 0:12:11"what have you done either at home to help me?"
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- I'll say, "Naff all." - And here we go again.- Yes.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17And it couldn't be helped, he can't, his mouth runs away with him.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20I'm afraid by that time, so does mine.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Quite rightly so, do you not think? You know?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26"Would you go to the shop and get me that? Have you brought my pop?"
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Well, I think, you cheeky little bugger.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32You know, I'm not your slave.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I have been up until recently but now I'm feeling annoyed.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37OK, can I just stop you there and explain what's happening to you?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Yes, I get so worked up, that's what's happening.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- I feel full of venom then. - I don't want to be in your kitchen!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I really do feel full of venom then, Liz.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48But you've got there, in those seconds
0:12:48 > 0:12:51and Tyler's not even in the room, Gloria.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54So can you see how you play into it?
0:12:54 > 0:12:59If you have a shouty house, odds-on, your young people will shout.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Because that's how you get listened to, you shout.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05So it sounds like he's emulating you when he comes in.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09I don't know who he's emulating but it's not funny any longer.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12What I would say is, who else would he be emulating?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Because there's you and him that live in the house, yes?- Mmm.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Parents quite quickly go into teenage mode.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21They either go from being the authoritative parent,
0:13:21 > 0:13:23"You will do as I tell you!"
0:13:23 > 0:13:28and when a young person goes, "No, I won't!", they go, "Yes, you will!"
0:13:28 > 0:13:31and so, off they go again and they're head-to-head.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33And so when you're indignantly saying,
0:13:33 > 0:13:36"I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing this
0:13:36 > 0:13:38"and look what you give me in return."
0:13:38 > 0:13:42It's really, this is when it starts falling on the no-listening ears.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44It's not because they're being ignorant,
0:13:44 > 0:13:48it's because this stuff up here is so busy and full of other stuff,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Mum or Dad is way down there in the pecking order.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55The dog will probably come before Mum or Dad.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58I just...I'm at the end of my tether with it all,
0:13:58 > 0:14:00to be honest, there's so much going on.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05Tyler has ADHD and takes medication which helps him think more clearly
0:14:05 > 0:14:07and controls his behaviour.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09One of the battlegrounds between him
0:14:09 > 0:14:12and his mum is over remembering to take his tablets.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15The moods aren't just sort of, you know, normal,
0:14:15 > 0:14:18day-to-day having a bad morning mood or something like that.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21They can become really full on
0:14:21 > 0:14:23and difficult to cope with and be in the same room with.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I've never, like, hit her or anything.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30I become quite verbally aggressive, say, you're this, that and the other
0:14:30 > 0:14:32and, you know, really put her down.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36And then I don't think of what I'm doing until I've done them.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Sort of, shoot now and ask questions later sort of thing.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Two sugars. Can you get the milk, please?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Tyler got so out of control that social services
0:14:46 > 0:14:49took his brother Keith and sister Jade away from the family home.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Why did you both leave home?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- Because of Tyler.- Tyler.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00When Tyler cracked my head open, I moved out.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03In a way, it was still half my choice but I didn't really want to.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06The social services and Action For Children thought,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11cos of my mum, that both me and Keith had to move out. I mean...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I hadn't done anything wrong. We all had the arguments, right?
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- That's my point. He was moved out. - But there was a problem with Jade.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Just because when me and Tyler had a fight and he cracked my head open,
0:15:21 > 0:15:23social services thought it was unsafe.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27At the end of the day, fair enough with me, but why Keith?
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Yes.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35Jade, Keith and Tyler are the youngest of Gloria's seven children.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37The three of them have different fathers,
0:15:37 > 0:15:39none of whom are around any more.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41They weren't here to discipline us
0:15:41 > 0:15:44and they didn't do what dads did,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46take their sons to a football game or go to the park.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48So you never had a father figure?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Er, well, I think the longest,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53for about two, three months?
0:15:53 > 0:15:58He left me a couple of days before... No, day after, or Christmas?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Christmas Day he walked out. - Yes, Christmas Day, he walked out.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Took my present with him.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07My real father, my Italian father that was with my mum,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10it was almost the same year he said to my mum,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I'll stay with you if you get rid of Keith.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15There's a lot of male pigs out there.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Not only were the boys' fathers absent,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21some of their mum's other partners were violent.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23To help stop him following in their footsteps,
0:16:23 > 0:16:28Tyler's meeting Max, a mentor from a domestic violence charity.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Tyler presents really well.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33At first glance, you think, wow, what's the problem?
0:16:33 > 0:16:37But he's witnessed things a 10, 11, 12, 13-year-old child shouldn't see.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Max and Tyler meet twice a week.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43More than just being someone Tyler can talk to,
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Max is looking for ways he can help stop the conflict at home.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- Which one is yours?- Oh, that's mine. - Oh, come on, mate. Get a grip.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Jesus, look at that thing.- That is quite nice.- There you go, mate.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56It's got a little wooden, oh, there it goes.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59I'm only guessing but what you'll probably find is,
0:16:59 > 0:17:02certain situations arise and time and again are certain things,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05they feel like they're totally different but what happens,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08there'll be something going around, I don't know...
0:17:08 > 0:17:10..you don't feel listened to, which may or may not be true,
0:17:10 > 0:17:12so if you don't feel listened to,
0:17:12 > 0:17:14what tends to happen then is you'll flare up.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Does that make sense? It's a matter of finding ways
0:17:16 > 0:17:18to let your mum know she needs to listen more.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20All right, geezer?
0:17:20 > 0:17:24'Part of what I do is slowly allowing this stuff to surface
0:17:24 > 0:17:26'in a safe way and say, this is OK.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30'It's part of you and he doesn't have to erupt into a fit of anger.'
0:17:35 > 0:17:3915-year-old Viviana and her younger sister Stephanie
0:17:39 > 0:17:44urgently need help to save their relationship with Mum, Fernanda.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46< Shut up, no-one's talking to you, no-one invited you.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- It doesn't matter. - No-one invited you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Do you wonder why though? - No-one invited you.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- Do you wonder why...?- Shush!
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Why are you here?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Why are YOU here? Mum's fed up of you.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Just get out of this house, disappear.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- No-one would even notice. - Kill yourself.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- That's what Mum wants YOU to do. - Stop it.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- That's what Mum wants YOU to do as well.- Fuck off!
0:18:07 > 0:18:12That's what Mum wants you to do as well and guess what, to you, you imbecile, fuck yourself.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Shush!- 'It feels like shit, to live here every single day,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17'it really does.'
0:18:17 > 0:18:19There has to be an argument every day.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23This house cannot go out without one.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Stephanie, no child is happy going to school!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28When are you going to get that in your thick skull?
0:18:28 > 0:18:32The sisters share a bedroom and lack of personal space is a major issue.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36'My sister, she is always on her phone.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39'When I say, "Please, can you come off it", she's like, "oh, no",
0:18:39 > 0:18:42and she continues, and I can hear the clicking of her phone
0:18:42 > 0:18:43and that just drives me crazy.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47In the morning, her alarm is ringing at five o'clock in the morning.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50If you don't wake up at five, why are you putting your alarm on?
0:18:50 > 0:18:51She irritates me, really.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55When she tells me to do this and do that,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57and then she says, "Oh, stop clicking",
0:18:57 > 0:19:01or "Stop playing music" when she's watching something,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04when, if you wanted to, you could put the TV up.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- Did you leave my blazer in the sitting-room?- No, no, sorry.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Where do you think it is? Her bedroom or her wardrobe, what?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15The rows aren't only between the two sisters.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I need a holiday, I'm going soon.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Their mum and dad's relationship turned sour
0:19:20 > 0:19:23before he eventually left four years ago.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Arguments have been a constant feature of family life.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Stephanie, save my hot water, please.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30All the time, she's having a bath,
0:19:30 > 0:19:32the full tank of water has to be for her.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Now, their mum Fernanda runs the household,
0:19:36 > 0:19:39holding down two jobs to keep her children clothed and fed.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Stress has taken its toll on all of them.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45There's me and my mum.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Now we're not like that.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55SHE SIGHS
0:19:55 > 0:19:57When I was younger,
0:19:57 > 0:19:59I used to love when my mum and my dad used to tuck me in,
0:19:59 > 0:20:03cos I used to feel some stability and I wouldn't want to come out of bed
0:20:03 > 0:20:06cos I felt like they'd tucked me in a certain position
0:20:06 > 0:20:08and I just felt stability and love.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Like, I remember when I was little, like, I used to get my mum
0:20:12 > 0:20:15to wipe my bum for me and then she would just say I'm a big girl
0:20:15 > 0:20:17but I was only little and, like,
0:20:17 > 0:20:21I had my dummy till, like, I was about...seven.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Yesterday was a tsunami.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28My friend called me to say, "Oh...
0:20:28 > 0:20:32"There's a fight at home." You know?
0:20:32 > 0:20:37"It's between Viviana, Stephanie." You know?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I said, "Is there? A fight?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43"When they're getting tired, they stop. Don't worry about that."
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- Do you know what they were fighting about?- Oh, headphones.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52That was the cause of the fight. In the morning.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Since in the morning, it finished night-time. And then...
0:20:58 > 0:21:01..about make-ups, foundation, this, that, that, that, that.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05And even sometimes, I'm sitting here
0:21:05 > 0:21:08and I close the kitchen door so I cannot...
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I can't hear them, you know?
0:21:13 > 0:21:14The family is at breaking point
0:21:14 > 0:21:19and shouting or sulking has become the standard way of communicating.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Issues in the past meant social services got involved.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Viviana and Stephanie have been in foster care before,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27along with their younger brother Daniel.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31This could happen again if there's no sign of improvements.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33But things weren't always like this.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Viviana, Daniel.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41That one's, er, Stephanie.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45If I could turn the clock back, I would turn the clock back.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47SHE CHUCKLES
0:21:47 > 0:21:50But now it's too late. I can't do that.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54Fernanda may feel things will never be as good as they once were
0:21:54 > 0:21:55but Viviana and Stephanie
0:21:55 > 0:21:59are determined to do something to improve life at home.
0:22:00 > 0:22:06The girls are meeting Mel and Frim from Southwark Mediation to see if they can help.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Me and my sister, we argue a lot.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11We have a lot of, like, disagreements with each other.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14We don't really listen to each other that well and then, like,
0:22:14 > 0:22:19petty little arguments will start and then we'll hit each other...
0:22:19 > 0:22:22If I can't count on my mum or my dad, then I want to count on her,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24as well as she can count on me.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26There's a little thread in there somewhere,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29that you can be quite close and you think a lot of her.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- That's coming across, I think. - It'll give us a chance, as a family,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36to, like, get along better instead of having arguments and stuff,
0:22:36 > 0:22:39and actually show social services
0:22:39 > 0:22:43that we can be a family and that there is ways to change things,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46instead of always being the same
0:22:46 > 0:22:48and, you know, always having these arguments.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51How would you like things to be with Mum?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Er, I want her to just be happier cos if she's happier,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58she'll probably show more affection towards us or, you know,
0:22:58 > 0:23:00be more happy to be around us
0:23:00 > 0:23:03than more upset every time she has to come home and be around us.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06My mum's always really hurt my feelings,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09especially cos she's never actually listened.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11All I want is my mum to love me and not...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13like, push me away and stuff like that. I just...
0:23:13 > 0:23:15You know, I want my mum to say that she loves me
0:23:15 > 0:23:19or hug me sometimes and stuff, but she doesn't do that.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26Firstly, do you want to be part of this process?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- Yeah.- You do? So you feel that there can be movement?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33With Viviana...I think, like, there is hope in us improving.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37But with my mum, I don't see much hope with me and her.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Like, our relationship getting any better,
0:23:39 > 0:23:41cos it's like, it's not easy...
0:23:41 > 0:23:44It's like a roller coaster, basically.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46One minute we're all right and then the next minute,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48we're just arguing and she's just...
0:23:48 > 0:23:50It's just like she's bored most of the time.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51She's just arguing with me.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54And, like, we'll just argue over stupid things,
0:23:54 > 0:23:56like she'll call me fat or something.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Which is... How does that make you feel?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Like...sometimes she'll be like, "Oh, go for a jog in the park."
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Most of the time, I don't really take notice but it's like,
0:24:04 > 0:24:06she's always coming at me...
0:24:07 > 0:24:11So our next thing that we aim to do is to bring you together with...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14With Viviana, maybe next week.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Sit down and have a session. How is it, living this life?
0:24:18 > 0:24:19I used to cry a lot.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Sometimes I do still break down
0:24:22 > 0:24:24but, like, it's not just home life.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27It's, like, everything in general.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29And, like, now I've just become immune to it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Hmm.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- Like, it's just normal. Well, to us, anyways.- Hmm.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40- But yeah...- But you know deep down inside that it's... It can change.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43It's going to take some work.
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Yeah.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Yeah.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- What you doing in Wakefield?- What?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Eh?- What?
0:24:53 > 0:24:57- What you doing in Wakefield?- My mum wants me to go shopping with her.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I can't hear you.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Simon and Charlotte are trying to rebuild their relationship.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06One of the tasks the mediators have set them is to spend some quality time together.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I don't know where t'paint section is.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- I can't see Putting Green - can you? - There.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15They're choosing paint to redecorate Charlotte's bedroom.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19My daughter wanted a green and I said what we'd do is come
0:25:19 > 0:25:21and she can get one and get it mixed.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25But we've looked at this and it's ideal. She says she's happy with that colour.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Yeah, well, it is cheaper to get it off the shelf
0:25:27 > 0:25:29but we do mix them if you...
0:25:29 > 0:25:33These are the colour charts for the tailor-made that we do mix,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- but if you like the colour...- Yeah, there's no need, is there?- ..there's not a difference in the paint.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I'm sure my daughter's thinking money's no object.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42HE CHUCKLES
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- OK?- There's some nice colours there. I thought you wanted leaf green.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I can move those ladders. Do you want me to move the ladders and...?
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Could we have that one in soft sheen?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59- Do you do... Do you do much mixing? - Lots! Lots and lots.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15It's a good job t'lid's on!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- There you go.- Brilliant, thank you. - Be careful transporting it.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- OK? Thank you.- Thanks very much. - Bye. Bye.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36- Do you want to carry that for me? - Just take it out a sec...
0:26:40 > 0:26:43We can do it together, Charls. It's your room, isn't it?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Are you pleased?- Suppose so.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Was it nice to spend some time with your dad?
0:26:55 > 0:26:56I suppose so.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Did you say thank you?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- Thanks.- You're welcome.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Have you ever felt close to your dad?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10When I were younger. Like...
0:27:12 > 0:27:13..about eight or something.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19How did you feel close to him?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- What was your, kind of, relationship like?- Er...
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Well, it were when my mum and dad were together, so...
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I don't know, just sort of...
0:27:32 > 0:27:36..weren't at the stage where we had arguments or anything, so...
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Tell me about the night you spent in Tesco.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44I couldn't stay at my friend's, so...
0:27:45 > 0:27:49..er...I came down here, went to one of my other friend's for a bit
0:27:49 > 0:27:51until about one, then...
0:27:53 > 0:27:56..er, it were really cold, so I just walked around Tesco for a bit
0:27:56 > 0:28:00and went into t'toilets
0:28:00 > 0:28:03and just stayed in there until it got light.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06How many hours were you in there, then, do you think?
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Probably until about...
0:28:08 > 0:28:13er, seven or eight, so... quite a while.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16It's not a very big bedroom, so...
0:28:16 > 0:28:19'Charlotte has an older brother and a younger sister, Sarah,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22'who also live at home with their dad.'
0:28:22 > 0:28:23- Do you like your room?- Yeah!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26- She's quite tidy, isn't she? - Yeah, yeah.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30- It's not a bad room, really. - My grandma gave Dad a new rug.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32- I got the old rug! - SHE CHUCKLES
0:28:32 > 0:28:36- But we have to clean something underneath it, cos...- Do we?- Yes!
0:28:36 > 0:28:41- Remember that...- That cheese? I think I cleaned it up. - No, not that cheese. The, er...
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- The sick, really. - I thought we'd cleaned it up.
0:28:44 > 0:28:49- I think.- No, it's still under there. - Is it?- Yes.- I don't think it is.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53- Not on camera! Oh, it is. There's still some...- Yeah.- Oh, right.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55What's that from?
0:28:55 > 0:28:59- Er...- Sarah was at Grandma's and, er...I'd forgot about that.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02Yeah and Charlotte had a party and, er,
0:29:02 > 0:29:04some people came into my room and that...
0:29:04 > 0:29:06And one of them...
0:29:06 > 0:29:10- because I used to have my picture of Mum here, didn't I?- Yeah, you did.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14- And it's gone. So... - Yeah, which is sad.- Yes.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18Yeah, we've got a party and we have to dress up
0:29:18 > 0:29:21as famous people, if you want.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24- You want to be Lady Gaga, don't you?- Yeah.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Or Hannah Montana.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30- Would you help her with her outfit? - Help burn it.
0:29:46 > 0:29:50Charlotte was her younger sister's age when her parents got divorced.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52She lived with her mum and her new partner
0:29:52 > 0:29:55until things broke down and Charlotte moved to her dad's.
0:29:59 > 0:30:03- Were you like Sarah when you were her age?- I think so.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09- Do you think your dad's forgotten that?- No, I just think...
0:30:09 > 0:30:11It's, like,
0:30:11 > 0:30:15cos they tend to give all t'attention to t'youngest child, so...
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Would you like him to give a bit more attention to you?
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Sometimes, yeah. Er...
0:30:23 > 0:30:26I think it depends HOW. Like, cos...
0:30:27 > 0:30:30..he's always treating my sister and stuff...
0:30:32 > 0:30:36..and he never does for me or my brother.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47Me and Charlotte don't particularly argue that much.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49It's more so Charlotte's behaviour than...
0:30:49 > 0:30:52It isn't just CHARLOTTE'S behaviour.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55It's what's maybe, and I'm not saying it has,
0:30:55 > 0:30:59has created some of that with the non-communication,
0:30:59 > 0:31:02like you two not talking to each other.
0:31:02 > 0:31:07It's part of what's been going off, you know, with the split.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11You know when your mum and dad split up? Do you think it affected you?
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Not much.
0:31:13 > 0:31:14Not much?
0:31:15 > 0:31:18Were you a little bit confused about
0:31:18 > 0:31:20whether to stay with your mum or your dad?
0:31:20 > 0:31:24- Yeah.- Yeah, and what decision did you make, then?
0:31:25 > 0:31:28- I think it changed every few months. - Right.
0:31:28 > 0:31:32Were you leaning more towards your mum at that point, then?
0:31:32 > 0:31:34- Probably.- Yeah.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37At the time, I didn't see it coming.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39I wish we'd never split up. I didn't want it to happen.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42- Yeah. That's a hard one, isn't it?- Mm.
0:31:44 > 0:31:45Hmm.
0:31:47 > 0:31:51You're getting to know your dad a little bit more here, aren't you?
0:31:51 > 0:31:53He does have feelings.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57Parents do have feelings, just as you've got feelings, Charlotte.
0:32:02 > 0:32:07'I thought when I went in today, "It's going to be hard work."'
0:32:07 > 0:32:10She had her hood up. I said hello, she didn't speak.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12And I thought, "Oh, here we go."
0:32:12 > 0:32:14There isn't going to be a quick fix to this.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25Like any teenager, Tyler wants to spend more time away from his mum.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Gloria agreed to buy him a new bike
0:32:27 > 0:32:30but his bid for freedom is causing friction.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35He says he hates it when we're protective with him all the time
0:32:35 > 0:32:40and always have been and he's actually said to me before now -
0:32:40 > 0:32:42which I find a bit unnerving, really -
0:32:42 > 0:32:45"Well, I wish you'd let me make my own mistakes, Mum,
0:32:45 > 0:32:48"and if I'm going to have accidents or anything is going to happen,
0:32:48 > 0:32:51"well, it's going to happen," but...
0:32:51 > 0:32:56me being me, can't look at it, really, like that, but...
0:32:56 > 0:32:58This is what I always try and make important to him, you know,
0:32:58 > 0:33:01none of this is cos I don't want him
0:33:01 > 0:33:03to be a normal teenager and do things.
0:33:04 > 0:33:09'Gloria is putting her faith in Max and Liz to get things back on track with her son,
0:33:09 > 0:33:13'but the memories of how bad things became two years ago still haunt her.'
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Would you put Tyler into care again?
0:33:15 > 0:33:19My God, I hope I don't have to but I have told him to his face,
0:33:19 > 0:33:22on many occasions, if he, you know, doesn't try a little bit harder
0:33:22 > 0:33:26than what he sometimes does, to understand what's going on here
0:33:26 > 0:33:30and realise that I'm not the baddie he sometimes likes to make out,
0:33:30 > 0:33:32then he leaves me no option.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36I can't go on bringing up a child that won't let me help him,
0:33:36 > 0:33:38won't accept forms of discipline
0:33:38 > 0:33:42and sometimes carries on putting himself and other people at risk.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Gloria and Tyler's relationship is tested again
0:33:48 > 0:33:51when an argument over his medication spins out of control.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54But this time, Tyler handles things differently.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Yeah, do the usual one, shall we?
0:33:56 > 0:33:59- As soon as she comes in...- Mm? - ..she starts nagging at me.
0:33:59 > 0:34:03- Have I taken my tablets? Why is there all this? Why is there all that?- OK.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05And I got kind of fed up of it
0:34:05 > 0:34:08because she does it every time she walks in the front door.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11He came to the cafe straightaway. Came up, shook my hand, sat down.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14"I just want to let you know, I'm looking for a place now. I'm going back into care..."
0:34:14 > 0:34:17I said, "If that's what you feel you've got to do, fine."
0:34:17 > 0:34:20'But I wanted him to have a sense of personal responsibility
0:34:20 > 0:34:23'and personal power to go down to see his social worker
0:34:23 > 0:34:25'and I think, for Tyler, it was pre-empting.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28' "I know what I'm going to say - care - so I'll do it myself." '
0:34:28 > 0:34:29That is nice.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32"If I'm going into care, I'm going into because I'M going into care."
0:34:32 > 0:34:34That was quite a positive step, I think.
0:34:34 > 0:34:39If we're honest, everybody knew it wasn't going to happen but they all needed to do a bit of showboating.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41She basically said, in nicer words,
0:34:41 > 0:34:46"My boss said you're a child - we're not listening to you," sort of thing.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49- Right.- "So because you're a child,
0:34:49 > 0:34:53"we can't really do this, that and the other on your say so."
0:34:53 > 0:34:55It was a poker job. OK. Squinty-eyed - ding!
0:34:55 > 0:34:57One eyebrow movement - ding!
0:34:57 > 0:35:00He played his cards and she went, "He's taken away."
0:35:00 > 0:35:02So Gloria now knows that if he wants to...
0:35:02 > 0:35:05He can't just put himself in care but what I'm saying is,
0:35:05 > 0:35:07she can't play that card. He'll go anyway.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10When we react to something, sometimes we don't think it through.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13We just react. Say I threw a ball at you and you catch it,
0:35:13 > 0:35:15you know those reactions? You go, "Whoa! How'd you do that?"
0:35:15 > 0:35:19"I don't know, didn't think about it. Luckily it didn't hit me."
0:35:19 > 0:35:22In a way, when we go into a situation, sometimes we react.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25We don't know why we do it. It's just an automatic reaction.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27And sometimes we get little patterns like your mum comes in,
0:35:27 > 0:35:30"You haven't done the table, done the tablets..."
0:35:30 > 0:35:33That's her automatic reaction. A response could be...
0:35:33 > 0:35:36"OK, what have I done? "OK, maybe I'm bit quiet.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39"Maybe I haven't taken my tablets. Maybe I didn't say goodbye this morning."
0:35:39 > 0:35:41Whatever - could be a small thing.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45It might take practice - these are patterns you and Mum have got into.
0:35:45 > 0:35:49- Little bullfights. Would that be reasonable?- Yeah.- Fantastic.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52- VIVIANA:- Mum? Mum?
0:35:52 > 0:35:55- Do we have wraps?- What?- Wraps.
0:35:55 > 0:36:00- That's what I need to make tomorrow. Chicken fajitas.- You know how much it costs, the chicken at the Co-op?
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- Don't we have chicken in the freezer?- No.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10What? £6 for two pieces of chicken breast?
0:36:11 > 0:36:13You must be joking!
0:36:14 > 0:36:17Do tuna fajitas.
0:36:17 > 0:36:21You can't do tuna fajitas! It's my packed lunch. It's not supposed to have fish.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25That shows how little you know about me and school!
0:36:25 > 0:36:28I don't know what you're talking about.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33- So why you so stressed today? - I'm not.
0:36:33 > 0:36:34Sisters Viviana and Stefanie
0:36:34 > 0:36:37want to put an end to the daily fights at home.
0:36:37 > 0:36:41Today is their first joint session with the mediators.
0:36:42 > 0:36:47- Hello. How are you?- Fine, thank you. - Come in.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51What we like to do is, any points that we feel relevant
0:36:51 > 0:36:54that you want to agree to and, as long as they're realistic,
0:36:54 > 0:36:56we want to put it down on this.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58This is what we call a "statement of outcome"
0:36:58 > 0:37:01and it's reached without prejudice.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04So if Viviana agrees to something and it falls down,
0:37:04 > 0:37:06you can't take her to court...
0:37:06 > 0:37:10SHE CHUCKLES ..basically, all right? This is a reminder of what you've agreed to
0:37:10 > 0:37:12while you're in this room together.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16- What you anxious about? - How this is going to turn out.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19Well, it'll turn out as good as you make it turn out.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20That's what I'll say to that.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23OK, what about the arguments that you do have?
0:37:23 > 0:37:26She sat on me, on my head.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Which is not funny, OK? Sitting on my head. That's not funny.
0:37:29 > 0:37:33Or where she slapped me, pushed me, pulled me by my hair.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37Like, once, we was having an argument or a fight.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40I locked myself in the bathroom cos she picked up knives
0:37:40 > 0:37:44and she was coming at... like, at me so, obviously,
0:37:44 > 0:37:48I closed it and then she stabbed into the bathroom door.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52She hit the door with some heavy soup metal spoon once
0:37:52 > 0:37:55and caused a dent in it, as well.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58How long ago was that? When did that happen?
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Maybe a month or something.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02But to be honest with you, yeah?
0:38:02 > 0:38:06The reality is, yes, I do that, but I would actually never stab her.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09I would actually never... It's just out of anger.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Like, how I feel at the fact that things are the same every day
0:38:12 > 0:38:15and the fact that they don't really change but, obviously,
0:38:15 > 0:38:18I would never actually hurt my sister like that because...
0:38:18 > 0:38:22I'm not that stupid and I do love my sister, so I'd never do that. But...
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Something could happen one day.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27It might even be that you're both using these implements,
0:38:27 > 0:38:32such as the knife, spoons and stuff, to frighten or scare each other.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35So how can you let each other know when you're at that stage
0:38:35 > 0:38:37where you need your own space?
0:38:37 > 0:38:38Do you know what I mean?
0:38:38 > 0:38:42Without getting in each other's face and cranking the situation up?
0:38:42 > 0:38:46I don't know because usually I'll just say, "Leave me alone,"
0:38:46 > 0:38:51"Go away," all of this, or sometimes I just tell her to F-off.
0:38:51 > 0:38:52And does that work?
0:38:52 > 0:38:56No, not really. It just causes arguments.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59Maybe I react, yeah, because she says, like...
0:38:59 > 0:39:04The way she's telling me to leave her alone is not in a very nice way.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07When the person is telling you to fuck off, yeah, you're just like,
0:39:07 > 0:39:10"No, I'm not having this."
0:39:10 > 0:39:11You just get even more angrier.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14What would you rather she did when she wants to be left alone?
0:39:14 > 0:39:19Just say it politely, like, "Can you leave me alone for now, please?"
0:39:20 > 0:39:23- What do you think about that, Steph? - Yeah.
0:39:23 > 0:39:26Is that something you'll be willing to do?
0:39:26 > 0:39:27OK. I'll make that a point as well
0:39:27 > 0:39:29because I think that's quite an important one,
0:39:29 > 0:39:32that's maybe going to be a difficult one to do
0:39:32 > 0:39:36but think about, it's not what you say - it's how you say it.
0:39:36 > 0:39:40When they're at home, that's where most of the conflicts happen - almost like a boxing ring,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43so they're in there and they're going through all these rounds.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45I don't know how many rounds they've gone through
0:39:45 > 0:39:48but it is almost like we've come and we've picked them out of the ring
0:39:48 > 0:39:51and we are taking them to a calm place
0:39:51 > 0:39:56and I also like to explain it as it's almost like we're unravelling a safety net for them,
0:39:56 > 0:40:00to be able to step inside somewhere safe that they can actually talk,
0:40:00 > 0:40:01listen, and be heard.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04This morning you said I have selective hearing.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06Is that actually honest?
0:40:06 > 0:40:08SHE LAUGHS
0:40:08 > 0:40:11It is something you can have.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14And when people talk to you, Stephanie,
0:40:14 > 0:40:19you kind of do selectively hear what you want to hear.
0:40:19 > 0:40:24It all comes down to the right time that you're talking to me.
0:40:24 > 0:40:29Say if I'm in the shower sometimes, it's like, say...
0:40:29 > 0:40:32I'll be coming in there to speak to her.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36- You don't mind that?- Or, like, sometimes when I'm on the toilet!
0:40:36 > 0:40:40That's the only time we can speak to each other, isn't it?
0:40:40 > 0:40:44If we're just in the sitting room or something, then yeah.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47Like I've told you, I don't like people
0:40:47 > 0:40:49being around me when I cry, innit?
0:40:49 > 0:40:51When I'm not happy.
0:40:51 > 0:40:54Can I put that down?
0:40:54 > 0:40:55- Fine.- Yeah?
0:40:57 > 0:40:59"Viviana understands, when Stephanie is crying
0:40:59 > 0:41:02"she likes to be on her own."
0:41:02 > 0:41:05Yeah? Anything else?
0:41:05 > 0:41:07I love you, too.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09Don't get happy(!)
0:41:09 > 0:41:11THEY LAUGH
0:41:11 > 0:41:12Yeah.
0:41:12 > 0:41:16Viv did say that in her account, didn't she, that she does love you.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19And I suppose now you've got to hear that back.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21How do you feel about that, now you've heard that back?
0:41:21 > 0:41:24It feels really nice because she doesn't normally say it,
0:41:24 > 0:41:28so when she does say it, I just feel happy that she feels the same way,
0:41:28 > 0:41:31so I'm not the only one who feels that way.
0:41:31 > 0:41:32So yeah, it is actually quite nice.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35The fact that she feels that way as well.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38'When the communication starts flowing,'
0:41:38 > 0:41:43niceties come out, what I would call "a sweetie," in the mediation,
0:41:43 > 0:41:48and it's accepted by the other person and it's almost like...
0:41:48 > 0:41:51"I didn't see it that way." You know? And something's hit them.
0:41:51 > 0:41:55And it almost, like, brings the human being back into the room
0:41:55 > 0:41:57and they sit there looking at each other
0:41:57 > 0:41:59and can see each other's eyes and realise,
0:41:59 > 0:42:03"Actually, that's not just my sister. That is another person."
0:42:03 > 0:42:07How do you feel today's gone? Do you think it's helped at all?
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Actually, yeah, I'm really pleased about it
0:42:09 > 0:42:12and I actually think it went really, really well.
0:42:12 > 0:42:15- Yeah.- What about you, Steph?
0:42:15 > 0:42:16Yeah.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19All of you, including Mum as well, have very difficult journeys.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23It's about how you can work together now. That WAS then.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Let's try and think about moving forward.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28We knew that not everybody can do that either but it's about...
0:42:28 > 0:42:33just giving it a shot and this might actually work if you want it to.
0:42:33 > 0:42:34'The family's getting help now.'
0:42:34 > 0:42:37It looks like it's working in baby steps,
0:42:37 > 0:42:40which - oh, my gosh - I'm so pleased about, and I couldn't be happier.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47'When I came in this morning, I can sense a bit of tension.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49'Has there been something happen?'
0:42:49 > 0:42:52Charlotte's latest meeting with Sonia and Steph
0:42:52 > 0:42:53comes the morning after a major row
0:42:53 > 0:42:56between her dad and older brother, Matthew.
0:42:56 > 0:42:57What happened last night, then?
0:42:57 > 0:43:01Came downstairs and I were just in a bad mood and I said to Matthew,
0:43:01 > 0:43:04"You're not wearing that T-shirt in this house."
0:43:05 > 0:43:08He says, "Why?" We ended up getting into an argument.
0:43:08 > 0:43:12Matthew got violent towards me, which is unusual.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14You didn't get violent to him at all(!)
0:43:15 > 0:43:17I didn't.
0:43:17 > 0:43:20And we ended up having a bit of a tussle.
0:43:20 > 0:43:24It's basically my dad's always having a go at him for stupid stuff
0:43:24 > 0:43:26- and...- No, I'm not.- It's just...
0:43:26 > 0:43:28- Yeah, you are.- No, I'm not.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30You really are.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32I'm trying to help him.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34But when he's getting up at 7pm in the evening...
0:43:34 > 0:43:38He was up at 3pm. He just didn't come downstairs until 7pm.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42He just doesn't want to come down
0:43:42 > 0:43:45because he knows that he's going to have a go at him.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Because he's not doing anything?
0:43:47 > 0:43:50- So where's Matthew this morning? - Johnny's.
0:43:50 > 0:43:55- Did he leave last night, then? - I were tempted to leave with him.
0:43:55 > 0:44:01We've talked before about a host family, some space.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03Yep.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06We'd prefer not to do that.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09'The best option is to make it work at home
0:44:09 > 0:44:10'and that's what we try and do'
0:44:10 > 0:44:14but that's not always possible.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18How do you feel about this option of the host?
0:44:18 > 0:44:19I'd prefer it a lot more.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Did you feel that a week ago?
0:44:25 > 0:44:30No, I were kind of debating whether I actually wanted to go or not
0:44:30 > 0:44:34and now I'm just, like, I really want to get away.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41Because I think even if I do forgive him,
0:44:41 > 0:44:43I'm still not going to be how I was.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46I'll just be, like, OK with him.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51You wouldn't stand a chance, if they were firing down.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53You'd be wrecked, wouldn't you? Look at that.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56I think helicopters are better for,
0:44:56 > 0:44:58like, inner-city use,
0:44:58 > 0:45:01and for, like, on bigger battlefields.
0:45:01 > 0:45:05- Like, planes, you can't hover them and then shoot.- I agree.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08Tyler decided not to leave home after the last blow-up
0:45:08 > 0:45:11and things with his mum are improving.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14But the bike is still a source of conflict between them.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17- Do you know Trinity Hill? - The big hill?- Yeah.- Yeah, crikey.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20I got three quarters of the way down there,
0:45:20 > 0:45:23I looked up and there was a car just turning around the corner,
0:45:23 > 0:45:25I slammed on the brakes. Barely did anything.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28"Shall I run into the car, or run into the wall?"
0:45:28 > 0:45:30So I had to choose, like, the wall,
0:45:30 > 0:45:36- so I had to carry the bike from Trinity Hill to Halfords.- Right.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40I said, "It's not Halfords it needs, it's a priest, that bike."
0:45:40 > 0:45:43I don't think that bike likes Tyler very much.
0:45:43 > 0:45:47And I am beginning to like the bike even less.
0:45:47 > 0:45:48I just...
0:45:48 > 0:45:52I think my words were, "You want to stay off that death trap.
0:45:52 > 0:45:57"It's one thing after another and the bike's possessed."
0:45:59 > 0:46:02After nearly two months working separately with Gloria and Tyler,
0:46:02 > 0:46:06the mediators think it's time to try a joint session.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09The aim is for Mum and son to work out a way
0:46:09 > 0:46:12to stop some of the arguments in their tracks.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Ding-ding, round one.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18- So.- So.- So.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21What generally gets you stuck?
0:46:24 > 0:46:27I would say...
0:46:27 > 0:46:30Well, it's not really nagging but continuously asking me
0:46:30 > 0:46:34to do something when I've already said yes.
0:46:34 > 0:46:38Quite often, if I forget to take my tablets or something like that,
0:46:38 > 0:46:41Mum will say, "Take your tablets," and I say, "OK, I'll do that."
0:46:41 > 0:46:45I might not do it for the next five minutes.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48I will do it but then she says it again.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51What would be a time you would...?
0:46:51 > 0:46:54- Because you said you normally take them between 6pm and 7pm.- Yeah.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56If your mum left you alone between 6pm and 7pm,
0:46:56 > 0:46:58that's your responsibility.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01After seven, could we say possibly you may have forgotten?
0:47:01 > 0:47:04If your mum did it say it at 7:15, can you take your tablets,
0:47:04 > 0:47:06what would be a good idea then?
0:47:06 > 0:47:09- Well, obviously, to take them. - Yes! Goddamn!
0:47:09 > 0:47:12'They never argue about what they really want to argue about.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15'Rule number one. And rule number two,'
0:47:15 > 0:47:17they're never upset for the reasons that they think they are.
0:47:17 > 0:47:18That's rule number two.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22It wouldn't be the fact you might forget. None of us are perfect.
0:47:22 > 0:47:26It's the anger that comes out of his mouth when I do do it.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28I'm not at all faulting him
0:47:28 > 0:47:31for anything he does or doesn't do as a teenager.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34I've been a stupid teenager in my life. I'm not perfect.
0:47:34 > 0:47:37And I know that sometimes I probably don't listen to him
0:47:37 > 0:47:39as much as I should at the time
0:47:39 > 0:47:40because I'm so busy being anxious.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44But the same, you know, with both of us. But at the same time,
0:47:44 > 0:47:48what I'm trying to keep putting across is half of this anxiousness
0:47:48 > 0:47:50wouldn't be there in the first place
0:47:50 > 0:47:54if these teenagers of today didn't... You know,
0:47:54 > 0:47:55be the way they are.
0:47:55 > 0:47:58We were taught a lot more respect in our day.
0:47:58 > 0:48:02I'd have had my head caved in by now if I spoke to my mum like that.
0:48:02 > 0:48:03You are a parent now.
0:48:03 > 0:48:07You have been to the university of life and you know what's out there.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09And, of course, coming up opposing that
0:48:09 > 0:48:12is the teenager that truly believes that you were never a teenager
0:48:12 > 0:48:14and you've obviously got your head on backwards.
0:48:14 > 0:48:17I love my kids dearly and I wouldn't want to set anything different
0:48:17 > 0:48:20but, my God, all I want them to realise is
0:48:20 > 0:48:23- that it is no joke being a parent. - No, of course it's not.
0:48:23 > 0:48:26And it's not something you can be so blase and laid-back about.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28If you do wrong, I could go to jail.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31I could end up on a child abusers' list. You know what I mean?
0:48:31 > 0:48:35- I don't want to be provoked to that, either.- You're not going to end up on a child abusers' list.
0:48:35 > 0:48:39Oh, the way you drive me nuts some days, I want to smash your head in.
0:48:39 > 0:48:41You know what I mean? Any parent would say that.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43Did you not realise where I'm coming from here?
0:48:43 > 0:48:46The inbuilt fears I've got about everything?
0:48:46 > 0:48:48'Gloria's perspective is just...'
0:48:48 > 0:48:51Becomes, because of her high levels of anxiety,
0:48:51 > 0:48:53exceedingly exacerbated at times
0:48:53 > 0:48:56and then Gloria becomes defensive because she doesn't believe
0:48:56 > 0:48:59that any other parent has those anxieties.
0:48:59 > 0:49:02Of course, every parent has those anxieties.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04Tyler wants to take more on now.
0:49:04 > 0:49:06"I can go to the gym, I can do my stuff..."
0:49:06 > 0:49:10And it's when it feels like you feel he can't.
0:49:10 > 0:49:13It's that minute something goes wrong, is when I'm going to be...
0:49:13 > 0:49:16- Mum.- "I wish I'd never let him do it." Like your stupid bike.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18There's always going to be something...
0:49:18 > 0:49:21That bike's possessed.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23He should never have had that bike.
0:49:23 > 0:49:26There's always something going to be wrong, Mum.
0:49:26 > 0:49:27And who bought it? Stupid me.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30If you don't take care of yourself as well,
0:49:30 > 0:49:32you might go in the wrong direction.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Something might happen to you
0:49:34 > 0:49:39and then I won't have a mum if you...
0:49:39 > 0:49:41See what a rest from nagging you'll get!
0:49:41 > 0:49:43Yeah, that'd be brilliant.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46I wouldn't have anyone to love
0:49:46 > 0:49:50and someone to point me in the right direction,
0:49:50 > 0:49:53because you can't keep me safe if you're in a hospital bed
0:49:53 > 0:49:56because you've just got so stressed.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00- All right?- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:50:00 > 0:50:04- Got to press the little green button.- OK. Thanks.
0:50:04 > 0:50:07'It was nothing to do with the pills. Nothing at all.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09'It was all to do with the dynamic.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12'There's very little going on in their lives that causes this aggro.
0:50:12 > 0:50:13'There's nothing there!'
0:50:13 > 0:50:16They watch the telly, go to school. There's nothing going on.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18I'm staggered this much shit comes up.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21It's patently historical stuff. It's ghosts.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24Week after next, I'll be very interested...
0:50:24 > 0:50:26If that's gone well for the next two weeks, then we know
0:50:26 > 0:50:29we're onto where Tyler is taking responsibility.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35With the mediators' help, Charlotte and Simon are talking again
0:50:35 > 0:50:37but living together isn't working
0:50:37 > 0:50:40and Charlotte's moving to live with a host family.
0:50:40 > 0:50:42I don't think Simon would have ever come to us
0:50:42 > 0:50:44and said, "Take Charlotte away."
0:50:44 > 0:50:48Whether that relationship would have been repairable I'm not right sure.
0:50:48 > 0:50:50So I think, in a way,
0:50:50 > 0:50:53I think Simon were quite relieved that we actually said,
0:50:53 > 0:50:56"Some space might be better for both of you."
0:50:56 > 0:50:59- All right.- Right, you going to give your dad a love, then, before we go?
0:50:59 > 0:51:01We won't watch. Take care.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05She won't want to.
0:51:06 > 0:51:09- See you. When shall I see you next? Maybe Sunday?- Maybe.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17If Steph and Sonia hadn't been involved,
0:51:17 > 0:51:20I think it could have been a lot worse than it is right now.
0:51:20 > 0:51:25I think with families, once a rift starts, it can grow apart, can't it?
0:51:25 > 0:51:29And it's difficult, then, to mend relationships.
0:51:31 > 0:51:32It's difficult to know.
0:51:32 > 0:51:36I've always tried to treat all three kids equally.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40I'll have to show Charlotte these photographs.
0:51:43 > 0:51:47There's some little cushions and a few toiletries to set you off with.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50- Is that all right?- Yeah.
0:51:53 > 0:51:56- Let's do half a packet of each on the plate.- Yeah.
0:51:56 > 0:52:00Mel and Frim are preparing for a session with Viviana and Stephanie.
0:52:00 > 0:52:05Mel wants to see how they've been getting on with the agreement they made last time.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07This might not be going ahead.
0:52:07 > 0:52:08But there's been a hiccup.
0:52:08 > 0:52:13- Because Viviana's there... - So Viviana's here. Stephanie's not.
0:52:13 > 0:52:16Since their last session, social services have told the girls
0:52:16 > 0:52:19they're looking into putting them into care.
0:52:19 > 0:52:22Viviana and Stephanie feel they have too much on in their lives to carry on with mediation.
0:52:22 > 0:52:24This is not supposed to go in the drier...
0:52:24 > 0:52:28- I still cleaned everything.- Can you put it on the radiator, please?
0:52:31 > 0:52:34It's OK for ironing.
0:52:34 > 0:52:35It's a bit damp. It's OK for ironing.
0:52:37 > 0:52:40So would you like to carry on with the mediation?
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Yeah.
0:52:44 > 0:52:45Why?
0:52:46 > 0:52:50It did kind of make things better for a little while.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54But obviously things can't be fixed in one day.
0:52:54 > 0:52:55But it did make things better.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57How important is it for you
0:52:57 > 0:53:00to improve your relationship with your sister?
0:53:00 > 0:53:03Very important. I don't like fighting every day.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05It makes me feel bad.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07It was good to listen to each other.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12What about with your mum?
0:53:15 > 0:53:19Fighting with her just makes me feel angry and annoyed, and tired.
0:53:22 > 0:53:25Do you think she wants you to stay at home?
0:53:25 > 0:53:30My hope is that, yes, she wants me to stay home.
0:53:30 > 0:53:33Because despite all the horrible things Mum's done to me
0:53:33 > 0:53:35I still love her. I can't help it.
0:53:37 > 0:53:38How do you think your life will be
0:53:38 > 0:53:41when you're not living with your family any more?
0:53:41 > 0:53:44Apparently, psychologically, it takes seven weeks for someone
0:53:44 > 0:53:49to get used to something, so I'll probably cry a lot for a bit
0:53:49 > 0:53:52and then after seven weeks I'll be fine.
0:53:54 > 0:53:58'They got something they haven't had for a while from each other.'
0:53:58 > 0:54:00That bit of love, really.
0:54:00 > 0:54:04And some affection from each other to say that,
0:54:04 > 0:54:07"Actually, I am your sister, and I am still here."
0:54:07 > 0:54:08Let's see how it goes.
0:54:09 > 0:54:13'It's a shame that we couldn't work with them for longer, just to...'
0:54:13 > 0:54:16Not to clear up everything that's happened in their life.
0:54:16 > 0:54:20That's impossible to do. But it's about moving forward.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25Here we go.
0:54:25 > 0:54:26How did the pill thing go?
0:54:26 > 0:54:29Because the last time we left, you were going to take them...
0:54:29 > 0:54:31- Oh, yeah.- ..and you're going to leave him alone...
0:54:31 > 0:54:35- Medication, yes, fine.- Great. - Except for a couple of days ago.
0:54:35 > 0:54:38You didn't take it until the next day but you were brilliant.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41- I forgot it, yes.- He was marvellous the next day.- Did you let it go?
0:54:41 > 0:54:44I did until yesterday teatime
0:54:44 > 0:54:48because I realised that would be the second day it was out of his system.
0:54:48 > 0:54:49- Was that OK?- Yeah.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52Yeah, and I managed to shut up really quick because everybody said,
0:54:52 > 0:54:55and his brother, that he took it. That was great.
0:54:55 > 0:54:57- That's all I wanted to hear.- Great.
0:54:57 > 0:54:59- I had no need to nag him.- Fab.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01It could have been, "Well, you should have taken them..."
0:55:01 > 0:55:04That doesn't help. The fact you can just let him take them, great.
0:55:04 > 0:55:07I managed to lay off that. I was beginning to see the point in...
0:55:07 > 0:55:10We're sick of this. That's not getting anywhere.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13Even if it means that I've got to come across now and again
0:55:13 > 0:55:15as a bit uncaring, then.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18- Right.- I'm going to say, "Right, today I'm going to try my hardest
0:55:18 > 0:55:20"not to nag. I'm not going to say anything,
0:55:20 > 0:55:23"and if he don't take it, well, tough, really."
0:55:23 > 0:55:26- FEMALE MEDIATOR:- Did it feel like uncaring?- No.- It does to me.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29It felt like a bit of peace, for once.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31No, but that's fine.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34It didn't feel uncaring to him. I suppose for you that's the most important thing,
0:55:34 > 0:55:36how Ty feels about it.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39- MALE MEDIATOR:- 'We're out of the red zone and we're into the amber zone.
0:55:39 > 0:55:44'We've moved from danger period to definitely more of a stable period.
0:55:44 > 0:55:49'I genuinely feel they've both got some resources
0:55:49 > 0:55:51'and some battery power, if you like.'
0:55:51 > 0:55:54They can roll with it now, rather than...boom.
0:55:54 > 0:55:59- Look at you, sand in your shoes. - I know. Wind in my hair.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01I wouldn't go there!
0:56:01 > 0:56:03You haven't played jump-the-waves
0:56:03 > 0:56:06since you were knee-high to a grasshopper.
0:56:06 > 0:56:09And...wet feet. Oh, wet feet.
0:56:09 > 0:56:14'I definitely feel more able to cope if anything goes wrong,
0:56:14 > 0:56:17'whereas before if anything went wrong, "Oh, it's gone wrong -
0:56:17 > 0:56:19'"it's over."
0:56:19 > 0:56:21SHE LAUGHS
0:56:21 > 0:56:22'Whereas now we sort of...
0:56:22 > 0:56:27'Any little incident, we deal with it exactly when it happens
0:56:27 > 0:56:30'and it's fine and we just go back to being normal.'
0:56:30 > 0:56:34Don't you dare! Don't even go there!
0:56:34 > 0:56:36So I'm hoping this is permanent now.
0:56:39 > 0:56:40Here we go. On solid ground.
0:56:51 > 0:56:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd