0:00:02 > 0:00:05'I'm Jazz and I'm going to turn 18 soon.'
0:00:05 > 0:00:06I'd love to wear a corset, yeah.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- 'This is my mum, Bev.'- Hello!
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- 'And my dad Paul.' - You look like a horse!
0:00:12 > 0:00:16'Last year, we were happy.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19'But now my family has been blown apart,
0:00:19 > 0:00:22'because I discovered Dad had started taking heroin again.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28'I remember just feeling completely numb. I lost all respect for him.'
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I don't know whether she's ever going to trust me again.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Or whether she's ever going to speak to me again.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37'Now Dad will have to face his demons
0:00:37 > 0:00:40'as he heads into detox.'
0:00:40 > 0:00:41I'm absolutely petrified.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I feel sick.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48It's the unknown to me, you know what I mean?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50'But Dad's been addicted to drugs for my whole life,
0:00:50 > 0:00:52'so will he be able to get clean?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Nice one, mate, thanks a lot.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58'And will I be able to re-build a relationship with him?'
0:00:58 > 0:01:01He loves being a dad, but he loves drugs as well.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04That's what's really hard.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06'But not all my decisions are life-changing ones.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08'I have my 18th birthday to plan.'
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- These are all yours, aren't they, love?- Yes.- Right, there you go.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Hope so!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15'Just hoping my mum doesn't embarrass me...'
0:01:17 > 0:01:19'That's it.'
0:01:19 > 0:01:22I've seen the light. I'm having a boob job.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28'This is the latest chapter of my story.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31'It's time for me to become a woman.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38'This is me when I was two.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- 'That's my mum, Bev.'- Wave, Jazz.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45'Back then, I thought I was the same as all the other toddlers.'
0:01:45 > 0:01:50- Jasmine, do you understand?- No. - Be a good girl.- Yes.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52'But I was different.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56'As I got older, everyone, except Mum,
0:01:56 > 0:02:00'got taller, whilst I stayed small.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04'By the time I was in secondary school, I knew
0:02:04 > 0:02:06'I'd never be taller than four foot.'
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Oh, my God.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10'Now, I'm fast becoming an adult.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15'Although I'm only 17, I've already left home and live at college
0:02:15 > 0:02:19'where I study animal welfare. I may be small,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21'but I'm just like any other teenager
0:02:21 > 0:02:23'and the way I look is becoming more and more important.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28'I try to look my best 24/7,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32'even just for a lesson about the anatomy of a pig's trotter.'
0:02:32 > 0:02:35My mum always says that the animals don't care
0:02:35 > 0:02:37if you've done your hair or your make-up,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40so it's funny why we still make an effort.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- It's because we're girls.- Yeah.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48We might as well look good, if we're doing pretty grim jobs.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50'e are all obsessed with looking good.'
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Oh, my hair's going to get ruined! Frizzy hair!
0:02:53 > 0:02:55'Being the size of an eight-year-old,
0:02:55 > 0:02:59'means finding a pair of killer heels to fit me is not easy.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03'It's really hard to go round all the shops
0:03:03 > 0:03:04'and see these gorgeous shoes'
0:03:04 > 0:03:08and it's not even a possibility.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I can just see you in them.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12That is so you, isn't it?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15It's incredibly difficult to get age-appropriate shoes,
0:03:15 > 0:03:20for both me, in my mid-40s, and Jazz, in her late teens.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Walking around in a pair of cartoon shoes, that light up when you walk,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26just ain't the look we're looking for.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Type in something like
0:03:27 > 0:03:31shoes for little people that are fantastic
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- and will make us feel great in our dresses.- Right.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Type that in and see what comes up.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Why don't we say shoes in small sizes? Maybe that'll work.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43All right. That's Plan A.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48If I could get two pairs of heels, like really nice...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Big high ones that you could walk in
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- and it wouldn't matter how much it hurt.- No.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- In fact, the more uncomfortable the better.- Yeah.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56It's the fact that it makes you feel great
0:03:56 > 0:03:58and that's what's important.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01The feeling that you get, the feeling of being a woman
0:04:01 > 0:04:06and not a kid, at the end of the day, because I'm nearly 18 now.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Oh, my God!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11So, I want that feeling.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Something that will make my daughter's dream come true.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20When I was growing up, I went for months and months
0:04:20 > 0:04:22and there was just none for me
0:04:22 > 0:04:25and in a way, it spoilt my teenage years,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28because I couldn't get the clothes or the shoes,
0:04:28 > 0:04:32so I lost my confidence, believe it or not.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- I was quiet and shy. Can you believe that?- No.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37What's this site?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40This looks good.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42This looks good.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Oh, my goodness! They won't be in our size.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50- I'm a 13, you're a 12. Oh, my God! - 32.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51That's size 13.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53You're joking?
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Look at them!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Oh, my God!
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Look at them, they're gorgeous!
0:05:00 > 0:05:01They're pink.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Hot pink.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- Oh, look at that! - Oh, the purple ones!
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Order, order, order, order!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14'It only took a week for the shoes to arrive,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17'but it felt like one of the longest weeks of my life.'
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Have the shoes come? Oh, brilliant. Oh!
0:05:21 > 0:05:22- Oh, my goodness.- What?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I think I can see that shape and the height.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28I'm going to be like that, walking round, like that, going...
0:05:28 > 0:05:30"Who the bloody hell has sized these?"
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Oh, they're gorgeous.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37They are gorgeous.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- I don't even want to try them on. - I think you're going to fit you.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Why are you getting nervous, Jazz? - Cos I don't think they'll fit.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46We've had so many... We've been to so many shops and places.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Yeah, we have.- And they've all let us down. Oh, my God.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- Oh, my goodness. They look too big, though.- Mmm.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I can tell they're too... they're big.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57They're stunning, though.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- Oh, my Lord. - They fit you, don't they?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- Oh, they don't even look like too big.- They look perfect.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- Right, catwalk, come on. - Oh, Nana's going to be thrilled.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Oh, I love that clonking noise. - That noise.- That clonking noise!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Oh, my God. Mum, they fit. Mum, they fit!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Oh, my God, I'm going to have my victory dance.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23It doesn't mean a lot to most people,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25cos they can just go to the shop and get some,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28and it's like they don't think about it or, you know,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31a lot of girls go, "Oh, you don't want high heels, they really hurt."
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And it's like, "Yes, I do."
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You always want something that you can't quite have,
0:06:36 > 0:06:37and now it's like I've just got them.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Love you, I love you so much. You've made me so happy.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48'Today, I've come to Manchester with Rosie and Becky
0:06:48 > 0:06:52'to find the perfect outfit for my coming-of-age party.'
0:06:52 > 0:06:54What is that?!
0:06:54 > 0:06:57'Because this year I'm having a party with a difference.'
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I've decided that I want a fancy dress party.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Go as a tiger, Becky!
0:07:03 > 0:07:07No theme, just turn up in the most creative thing possible.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Buy some nipple tassels!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12So, I need to pick a fancy dress outfit,
0:07:12 > 0:07:14which is going to be difficult.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Oh, look, guys, what do you think of this?- That's really nice.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18That'll go nice.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24I think I'm going more Moulin Rouge themed.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26It's going to be really hard for me
0:07:26 > 0:07:29to find something that I'm going to good in and grown-up and 18.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32That's a gorgeous colour. Isn't it?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34So I'm a bit worried that I'm not going to find anything,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37or that it's not going to fit.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Wow, look at those shoes. Wow! I wish I could just try everything on.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43'Although I'll soon be 18,
0:07:43 > 0:07:45'I can often only buy clothes for preteens.'
0:07:46 > 0:07:48'But here in Manchester,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52'I found a shop where I can get a Moulin Rouge inspired outfit
0:07:52 > 0:07:54'especially made for me.'
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Let's measure your boobs, babe, here we go. Give us your boobs.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Right, then. These are all yours, aren't they, love?- Yes.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Right, there you go.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- I hope so!- I'll do it a bit low cut for you,
0:08:04 > 0:08:06shows your boobs off a bit more, yeah?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- OK.- Well, you've got to look sassy,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10you've got to be the belle of the ball.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- So we take it a bit low on your boobs.- Brilliant, wow!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- How's that, is that OK? - Oh, I'm so excited.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- I'm so excited.- OK?- Yes.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27'Turning 18 is a milestone for anyone.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30'But my life really has changed over the past year.'
0:08:34 > 0:08:36ALL: Surprise!
0:08:37 > 0:08:43'Looking back, I now realise just how special my 17th birthday was.'
0:08:43 > 0:08:47I'm here for your birthday, and I'll be here forever. Love you loads.
0:08:47 > 0:08:52'It was the first one my dad had been part of.'
0:08:52 > 0:08:54My dad's here and it's all so much more settled.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57It's brilliant doing something like this for her,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00cos I didn't think I'd ever be doing anything with her,
0:09:00 > 0:09:04cos I didn't know that I'd ever see her again.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Just after I was born, Mum found out Dad had become addicted to drugs
0:09:11 > 0:09:13and was taking heroin.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17She gave him the choice - drugs or me.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20He was unable to kick the habit,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23so Mum asked him to stay out of our lives.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Last year, Mum and I were reunited with Dad.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36He'd stopped taking heroin and was on a methadone programme,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39so we let him be part of our family again.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45'At first, we all got on really well.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48'My mum and dad became like an old married couple.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50'Or a couple of kids.'
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- What is that?- It's aftershave balm.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Oh! Oh, I see!
0:09:55 > 0:09:58You think there might be a few women there,
0:09:58 > 0:10:01and you're going all tarted up with your... Thank you(!)
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Back then, we were a happy family.
0:10:06 > 0:10:12But that all changed when I found out my dad was taking heroin again.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13My world collapsed.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17'Heroin is evil,'
0:10:17 > 0:10:19and it destroys lives.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24And it not only destroys that person's life,
0:10:24 > 0:10:29who's taken it, but it destroys everyone's lives around them.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I feel like somebody's died.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You know, part of me's died inside.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Part of Jasmine has.
0:10:43 > 0:10:50'Me taking heroin again has knocked all the trust that I've built up'
0:10:50 > 0:10:54over the past 12 months, it's knocked all the trust, that's gone.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59And, you know, I don't know whether she's ever going to trust me again,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01or whether she's ever going to speak to me again.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I just hope she will.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Finding out Dad had relapsed devastated all of us.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I'd always told him if he ever did heroin again,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15he would be out of my life forever.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21'The problem is, Mum has spent almost every day of the past year
0:11:21 > 0:11:25'with my dad, and doesn't know if she can cope without him.'
0:11:25 > 0:11:27For now, I don't want to speak to him or see him,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30because I want to stick to what I said.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- Otherwise he'll never listen to me...- He won't change then, will he?
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Is your mum still seeing and speaking to your dad?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Erm... Yeah.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45But that's fine, because that's up to her, and it's her life
0:11:45 > 0:11:49and I don't want to say, "Well, if I don't see him, you don't see him."
0:11:49 > 0:11:50You know, it's entirely up to her.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I understand why Mum still sees him,
0:11:54 > 0:11:58because she has become totally reliant on him and his help,
0:11:58 > 0:12:01and him doing things around the house
0:12:01 > 0:12:03and being out shopping with her,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06and, you know, they do get along really well.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Mum has always said that if he makes a mistake,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11he makes a mistake, you know.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14But I just don't want to see him and I'm sticking to my promise.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18'My grandad is one man who has never let me down.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22'But he and Nana are in America, visiting my auntie.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25'So it's even harder for me to deal with it all.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28'Mum is finding it really difficult too.'
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I don't want it to be a great weight on her shoulders.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32He's got to sort himself out.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37I just need to know where I sit with it all.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40You know, cos I feel as though I'm in two camps at the moment.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43I can see, as an adult, you know,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47I'm 47, and I can see, you know,
0:12:47 > 0:12:50that we're all human.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57'I've been with Bev every day for the past year.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59'And now I'm not there,'
0:12:59 > 0:13:02I've got an empty feeling.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Some of us are lucky enough
0:13:03 > 0:13:06to have lots of family and friends around us,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08to keep and sustain us and love us enough
0:13:08 > 0:13:15that we don't make huge mistakes and we don't do lots of damaging things
0:13:15 > 0:13:16to ourselves.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20And Paul doesn't have that many strategies to cope with
0:13:20 > 0:13:21when things are going wrong.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31'Mum still seeing Dad and me not wanting to has made living at home
0:13:31 > 0:13:33'very difficult.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37'Everything is so confusing.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41'So Mum and I have decided I should join Nan and Grandad in America
0:13:41 > 0:13:42'to get away from it all.
0:13:42 > 0:13:48'Mum's going to try and support Dad as he waits to go into detox.'
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- I'll miss you.- Love you.- You too. - Safe journey, yeah?- I've got to go.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I know. I know you've got to go.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- You've got to go and live your life. - Yep.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01"Woo-hoo! I'm going to New York!"
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Try and, er... I think I might need some assistance at the airport.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER
0:14:09 > 0:14:11The case is bigger than you!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17'I don't want her to put her trust in him again,
0:14:17 > 0:14:18'cos she'll only get hurt.'
0:14:18 > 0:14:20But I'm a bit more tough and robust
0:14:20 > 0:14:25and I've had upsets and disappointments all my life.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27As an adult, you know, and as child.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Bye.- Bye, I love you.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31'She's only 17,'
0:14:31 > 0:14:34and I just want her to concentrate on what she wants to do,
0:14:34 > 0:14:38and not what a member of her family is doing, you know.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47'I feel quite bad that I'm leaving her here to sort it all out.'
0:14:47 > 0:14:48See you, Mum.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Love you.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55'But she needs to understand that I need a break,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58'and if I don't have a break, I'm going to start getting really down
0:14:58 > 0:15:00'because it's too much to think about.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02'But I'm going to miss her a lot.'
0:15:07 > 0:15:11The fact that Jazz is ashamed of me, it...it...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13It hurts.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I'm gutted by it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19You know, I didn't...
0:15:20 > 0:15:23..ever want to let her down again.
0:15:23 > 0:15:31I want to go into detox, so I can win everybody's trust back.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35And I'm not going to fail. I'm not.
0:15:35 > 0:15:43It don't matter how bad I feel or... how much it hurts coming off it.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I'm not going to fail.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Naomi, can you see her yet?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56In America, Auntie Shelley, my cousins,
0:15:56 > 0:16:01Nana and, of course, Grandad, are all waiting for me to arrive.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07You can imagine all of us are excited but the two girls particularly.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09What can you see?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Naomi kept running to the postbox at the bottom of the garden,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13looking up the street for a taxi.
0:16:13 > 0:16:19Sarah kept shouting, "It will be a yellow one, you know, from New York!"
0:16:19 > 0:16:24- Taxi's here!- Taxi's here! Come on! Woo!
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- Hello.- Woo-hoo!
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I'm finally here.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33You all right?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38You're here!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I'm so jealous of all your tans!
0:16:40 > 0:16:41I haven't got one.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45The bond between Jazz and myself is unbreakable.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49She said, "I've missed you very, very much, Grandad."
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Love you.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52You all right?
0:16:52 > 0:16:58Her father hasn't quite worked the way we all hoped it would.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01From here on in, the way forward as a family
0:17:01 > 0:17:04is going to be quite difficult and traumatic.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08We don't know whether the rehab will work.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10It's very difficult situation.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14And...she's away from that for a month, that's the important thing.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18She'll go back refreshed with different thoughts, different ideas.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Lovely.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Thank you very much.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Oh, my God, what's she got in there?!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31But whilst I settle into my auntie and uncle's home,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34back in Wales my dad is in a terrible state.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Because he's about to undertake the biggest challenge of his life.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Detox.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I'm absolutely petrified. I feel sick.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48It's the unknown to me, you know what I mean?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I have rough before.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56This is going to be weeks.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Oh, God, what's it going to be like?
0:18:01 > 0:18:02I'm going to be here
0:18:02 > 0:18:06and I'm going to be going through the worst thing I've ever had to do.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- Hello, Paul, pleased to meet you. - Hi, mate.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- My name's Simon.- All right, Simon.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- Would you like to come this way? - Yeah.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16It's absolutely normal to be nervous
0:18:16 > 0:18:20but there's a good crowd in and there's some very good staff.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- We are going to look after you. - Right, that's fantastic.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- We are going to go into room four, OK?- Yeah.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Come in, Paul.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- Brilliant room. - Do you like it?- Yeah.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36And if you have a little look out here...
0:18:36 > 0:18:41we have wildlife, lots of rabbits and squirrels and the odd fox.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45I love animals, I absolutely... My favourite pastime is fishing.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Really?- I love fish as well. - You do like to fish?- Yeah.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- There's plenty of fish in that pond. - Brilliant.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- But you won't be hooking any of them. - No, no.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Is there anything you'd like to ask me, Paul?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I'm allowed to keep my phone with me, aren't I?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- You are allowed to keep your mobile phone.- Right, brilliant.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06Because it will help me to be speaking to my family
0:19:06 > 0:19:09when I'm feeling at my worst.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14- You're absolutely right.- That will be the best support that I can have.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Whenever you are feeling a low or weakest ebb, talking to anybody,
0:19:18 > 0:19:23a family member or friend, is very important and it does help.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26That's fantastic. Yeah, that's what I need to hear.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Dad is facing his demons alone.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Now I'm in America, I just want to forget everything
0:19:34 > 0:19:36that's going on back in Wales.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45I just feel relaxed and happy and free.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48We're talking about all the things we're going to be doing,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51it's so exciting.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Oh, yeah.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Straightaway I'm part of the family.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58They just make me feel really happy and welcome.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Oh, yeah.- Oh, yeah.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03This stinks!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Egg salad sandwich. You want chicken fingers?- Yes, please.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Even though I've only been here a few hours,
0:20:11 > 0:20:17I already feel so much better and I feel happy and really relaxed,
0:20:17 > 0:20:19like I don't have to worry about anything.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21And I've got nothing to think about.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Dad has been admitted for a three-week detox,
0:20:31 > 0:20:34during which they will gradually reduce his methadone
0:20:34 > 0:20:36until he's completely clean.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40I've got some washing I need to do as well.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44I'm so glad that they're not going to take my phone off me.
0:20:46 > 0:20:53I know I messed up by using, but I didn't do it to set out to hurt her.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54You know what I mean?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Because I love her.
0:20:58 > 0:21:04So, you know, I don't know whether she'll...
0:21:04 > 0:21:09trust if I say to her, "I'm never going to take drugs again."
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I don't know if she'll believe it.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15But I'm just hoping we can be friends again
0:21:15 > 0:21:21because we were, like, friends as well as me being her dad.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22We used to laugh a lot and that.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27That's what I want to get back, you know what I mean?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Cos I'd hate it if she never spoke to me again ever.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32It would be awful.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Don't!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Auntie Shelley is mum's younger sister.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40This is her wedding day, 21 years ago.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46That's my mum and that's my dad.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49At the time they were very much in love,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51and I was just a twinkle in their eyes.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Oh, these look so delicious.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I want to talk to my auntie about how I'm feeling,
0:22:00 > 0:22:02because she's known Mum and Dad for so long.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I know, me too.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09The last few weeks I've been thinking in terms of myself
0:22:09 > 0:22:13and what's best for me, and it's not, it's about all of us.
0:22:13 > 0:22:19What would happen if it carried on like this, this yo-yo where,
0:22:19 > 0:22:23you know, one minute he's on drugs, the next minute he's off it
0:22:23 > 0:22:26and then he goes and has a relapse and then he's off it?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Do you think you'd be able to cope with that and accept him like that?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30No.
0:22:30 > 0:22:36I could not cope another day with thinking, "Is he on drugs?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38"Is he on drugs?"
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I'm not walking around on my tip toes thinking,
0:22:40 > 0:22:42"Am I going to find something any minute?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I cannot cope with that.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Do you think that your mum should give him up altogether?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52No. Erm...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Me and my mum are very different.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59And the things we accept and things we don't very different.
0:23:00 > 0:23:06My mum needs someone to support her, you know,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10and when I'm not there, it needs to be somebody
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and Dad does a really good job.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16No matter what I've said about him, no matter what he's done,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18he looks after Mum really well.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21You know, he will do whatever she asks
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and they actually get along really well
0:23:24 > 0:23:27and they sit and watch movies together, you know,
0:23:27 > 0:23:29and they've got such a lot in common.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32I can't dictate to my mum who she sees and who she doesn't.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I'm not angry with her if she still wants to still see him
0:23:35 > 0:23:37as long as I don't have to see him, then that's fine.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I don't want her to end up on her own.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Do you?- No, and to be honest,
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I think they're the only two
0:23:45 > 0:23:47that are ever going to put up with each other.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I mean... really?
0:23:49 > 0:23:55It's unfortunate that stuff that he's got going on, is...
0:23:55 > 0:23:58it's really crappy, it really is.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03But it's his stuff and he's not doing it to upset anybody.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- It's his own personal stuff. - I know that.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I don't even think he can help it.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12He loves me and he loves his other kids
0:24:12 > 0:24:15and he loves being a dad but he loves drugs as well
0:24:15 > 0:24:17and that's what's really hard.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22The thing that relaxed me most about what Shelley said
0:24:22 > 0:24:25was she understood how I was feeling
0:24:25 > 0:24:27and all the things she was saying
0:24:27 > 0:24:31was exactly how I felt and I know she understands
0:24:31 > 0:24:34what's going on and she empathises with me
0:24:34 > 0:24:37rather than feels sorry for me
0:24:37 > 0:24:41and I just feel like she does want me here,
0:24:41 > 0:24:44not just cos she feels sorry for me.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47At the detox clinic in Wales,
0:24:47 > 0:24:50my dad's counsellor is filming him every few days
0:24:50 > 0:24:53to keep a check on how he's doing.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- 'How are you feeling today, Paul?' - Fine, fine.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00I've been feeling a lot better since I seen the doctor.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05He's reassured me that I'll be getting help through the worst of it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Go!
0:25:08 > 0:25:13' found it a bit rough this morning, at about seven o'clock,'
0:25:13 > 0:25:16and I didn't sleep very well.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19I had about an hour, hour and a half's kip.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23I don't know why, because I had medication,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25but I just couldn't get to sleep.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31'I nearly gave up last night.'
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I couldn't cope with it.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36But, you know, I just check things, you know,
0:25:36 > 0:25:39what I'll lose if I don't stay, so that made me stay.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46If I can't do a few hours whilst I'm waiting for medication,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49then how am I going to do it for proper...you know?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53As the days pass,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I start to believe that Dad IS going to get off methadone
0:25:56 > 0:26:00and be totally drug-free for the first time since I was born.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05But just as I arrive home in Wales,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I find out Dad has walked out of the detox unit
0:26:09 > 0:26:11and returned to Manchester.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15If only he'd been able to stick it out for a few more days
0:26:15 > 0:26:17he'd have been totally clean of methadone,
0:26:17 > 0:26:21but he just couldn't cope without drugs in his life.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29It was rough.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33It was worse than I thought, really, it was worse than I thought.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I was on 40mls a day when I went in
0:26:37 > 0:26:43and then they reduced me 5mls every other day until I got to 20
0:26:43 > 0:26:47and then when I got to 20, they reduced me by 2mls a day,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51so I got down to 4mls by the time I'd left.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56You know, I'm still feeling a bit ill but not as bad as I was.
0:26:58 > 0:27:04I did feel really let down and I did feel quite shocked.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08I thought he'd last longer but for him just to walk out
0:27:08 > 0:27:12and not try or finish, I'm a bit disappointed.
0:27:12 > 0:27:17I thought I wouldn't care but, you know, I do and it's disappointing.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30'Now Dad was living back in Manchester,
0:27:30 > 0:27:32'I thought I would feel a sense of relief
0:27:32 > 0:27:35'and I would be able to get on with my life without thinking about him.'
0:27:35 > 0:27:39That's everything.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40'How wrong I was.'
0:27:40 > 0:27:44I thought because I'd lived 16 years without him
0:27:44 > 0:27:49that when it came round to him leaving my life again,
0:27:49 > 0:27:53I thought it would be the same but it was really different because
0:27:53 > 0:27:58I knew who he was and I really loved him and I really cared about him.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06It's a week since my Dad walked out of detox.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09I've just found out on Facebook that he's gone missing.
0:28:11 > 0:28:17He left his home in Manchester two days ago and hasn't been seen since.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23I'm struggling to concentrate at college
0:28:23 > 0:28:26as all I can think about is my dad.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29I'm really worried he might have gone back on to hard drugs
0:28:29 > 0:28:32and accidentally overdosed.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35I didn't want to be worried, but I was.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37I didn't want to care, but I did.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40It was really difficult because I was completely torn.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42I just wanted to say, "You know what? I'm not bothered.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45"You go and live your life, whatever you want, whatever you're doing,
0:28:45 > 0:28:48"I'm not bothered," but I wanted to know that he was safe.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Dad's been missing for two weeks now.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02When I was a baby, he was homeless...
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Spare any change, please?
0:29:05 > 0:29:07..so maybe he's living rough again.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I'm walking the streets of Manchester,
0:29:13 > 0:29:16looking for him in the places he used to hang out.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29Phoenix Futures is a charity that works with drug addicts.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Maybe they'll know where my dad is.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38My dad did three weeks in detox but now he's just checked himself out
0:29:38 > 0:29:41and he's on the streets of Manchester
0:29:41 > 0:29:44and we don't know where he is or what he's doing
0:29:44 > 0:29:45and I'm extremely worried about him
0:29:45 > 0:29:48and I'm hoping he's not gone back onto drugs,
0:29:48 > 0:29:49because he was doing really well.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54I don't want him to think that no matter what he does now,
0:29:54 > 0:29:55I'll never see him again.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59I want just to let him know that I'll always be here for him,
0:29:59 > 0:30:00if he ever decides to come clean.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03Sorry...
0:30:09 > 0:30:11After total silence for three long weeks,
0:30:11 > 0:30:15Dad suddenly got back in touch with a relative in Manchester.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18I'm relieved he's OK, but really angry
0:30:18 > 0:30:21that he could put me and the rest of the family
0:30:21 > 0:30:24through the worry of not knowing if he was dead or alive.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27This is the final straw.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29I'm going to live my life without him
0:30:29 > 0:30:32unless one day, he can prove he's totally clean.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35I can support him through this -
0:30:35 > 0:30:38I'm not strong enough, I'm not wise enough.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41He needs professionals and it is a well-known fact
0:30:41 > 0:30:44that most people fail the first time
0:30:44 > 0:30:48and have to try one or two more times to completely get off drugs,
0:30:48 > 0:30:51so I understand that but I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed
0:30:51 > 0:30:54and just let him know that I believe in him,
0:30:54 > 0:30:56but I'm not going to be there to support him.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01So, once again, it's just me and Mum.
0:31:04 > 0:31:08'I'm determined not to let what's happened with my dad
0:31:08 > 0:31:10'ruin my 18th birthday.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13'There's only one week to go and still so much to do.'
0:31:13 > 0:31:19- Wow! There's a lot to choose from. - Just a few.- Yes.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23- Do you like any particular colour? - I'm thinking dark pinks and blacks.
0:31:23 > 0:31:27My mum has decided that I'm now an adult
0:31:27 > 0:31:31and she's not organising it for me which I'm quite excited about
0:31:31 > 0:31:34because I've never organised my own party before.
0:31:34 > 0:31:39Oh, that is very nice. That is very nice.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- I'm thinking pink for the girls, black for the boys.- OK.
0:31:41 > 0:31:43So then everyone's happy.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46It's not even like it's just a regular birthday,
0:31:46 > 0:31:48it's my 18th, which is one of the biggest.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51- So that'd be your 18...- Yeah. - ..with white all over.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53And then those two colours.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57- I'm liking that, yeah. I really like that.- No problem.- Brilliant.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01The best thing about me organising my own party is no surprises.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03Hopefully.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05I've got so many worries for the night.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07I mean, I'm worried that no-one's going to turn up,
0:32:07 > 0:32:11I'm worried that the DJ's not going to arrive,
0:32:11 > 0:32:13I'm just worried in general
0:32:13 > 0:32:15so I think as long as the decorations are nice...
0:32:15 > 0:32:19You don't have to worry about the balloons, decorations are all sorted.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22- Thank you. One less worry for me. - No problem at all.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25- You just have to have fun now. - Yes, thank you so much.- No problem.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27- Thank you, bye.- All right, bye.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32Just one more sleep before my birthday
0:32:32 > 0:32:34and I'm hoping to get an early night
0:32:34 > 0:32:36but there's just too much running through my mind.
0:32:36 > 0:32:40I miss you so much. I miss you.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44The difference with this birthday is
0:32:44 > 0:32:47I'll officially be classed as an adult.
0:32:47 > 0:32:51It's quite a scary prospect that I'm have growing up
0:32:51 > 0:32:54and that things are going to change
0:32:54 > 0:32:57and I've got to start thinking about moving out properly
0:32:57 > 0:33:00and getting a proper full-time job
0:33:00 > 0:33:04and there's no more coming home crying to Mummy.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06I know that I'll always be able to,
0:33:06 > 0:33:11but it's kind of, I feel I have to be even more responsible,
0:33:11 > 0:33:16which is scary. I kind of want to grow down and be a kid again!
0:33:17 > 0:33:18Yeah.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28I can't believe I'm 18.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30I'm in a mad rush to get ready,
0:33:30 > 0:33:34because my party starts just four hours from now.
0:33:34 > 0:33:39Thankfully, my friends Rosie and Becky are here to keep me calm.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Shall I have it like this, or shall I have Egyptian ones?
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Like that, because you're going to be wearing a mask, aren't you?
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Maybe. I don't know. We'll see.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49- Just try and keep it as simple as possible.- Yeah, like that.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53My grandad and Uncle Gary have promised to decorate the pub
0:33:53 > 0:33:55where I'm having my party.
0:33:55 > 0:33:56- Are we sorted?- Yeah.
0:33:56 > 0:34:00Good. Right. Now, don't disturb it because you know what she's like.
0:34:00 > 0:34:02It's been washed, ironed.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06I know, I got threatened. Don't fold it up bad, or don't pull it.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08All that washing and ironing she did.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11No creasing, otherwise mother will be very upset.
0:34:11 > 0:34:1470mph gales, she said. Don't crease it. Know what I mean?
0:34:14 > 0:34:17You do that one end and try and keep it straight.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20You need to just take that down a bit there, Dad.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Can you imagine all these drivers saying,
0:34:22 > 0:34:25"What are them twerps doing in this gale?"
0:34:25 > 0:34:26At least it's not raining.
0:34:26 > 0:34:27No.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30Hey, the trouble with this is my stars are missing off the bottom.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31Oh, well.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34All that effort I made to put stars on it.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36As long as it says the name on the front, it doesn't matter.
0:34:36 > 0:34:40- No. - Right, let's get your end on.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43- I think we've got there, haven't we? - Just about.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45I'll go across the road. Right, here we go.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48- Take your time, though. - Yeah, I will.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50You're driving later, remember? It's my turn for a sherbet.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53Can you see that?
0:34:53 > 0:34:54Can you see that all right?
0:34:57 > 0:34:59- Yes, he can see it. - Just a bit further back.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03A bit further, round about Chester services.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Off the end of the pier, do you mean?
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Drop that end a bit.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Down a bit on that side, Gaz.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14There you are. I'll get a piccy of it.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17There we go.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23Oh, that's a beauty, that.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25Well, well, well.
0:35:25 > 0:35:2718 years. Heavens above.
0:35:28 > 0:35:32It's gone so quick. It seems like yesterday she was born.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36Having to change her nappy and feed her every day in the incubator.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39- She's all right now.- Good girl!
0:35:39 > 0:35:41She's just started sitting up.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45Seven months in the incubator. It seems ages.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47But she was worth every minute.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Oh, no. No fighting.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53She's fighting it now.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Come on. Come on, precious.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59A wonderful 18 years of extra life.
0:36:01 > 0:36:02Brilliant.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04Oh, that's brilliant, Gaz!
0:36:06 > 0:36:07Fine.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10MUSIC: "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5
0:36:10 > 0:36:12# You wanted control
0:36:12 > 0:36:14# So we waited
0:36:14 > 0:36:16# I put on a show
0:36:16 > 0:36:18# Now I make it
0:36:18 > 0:36:19# You say I'm a kid
0:36:19 > 0:36:22# My ego is big
0:36:22 > 0:36:24# I don't give a shit
0:36:24 > 0:36:27# And it goes like this. #
0:36:28 > 0:36:31I'm thinking of going like this. What do you reckon? Nice?
0:36:31 > 0:36:32Yeah.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33Loving it.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35# You want the moves like Jagger
0:36:35 > 0:36:37# I've got the moves like Jagger
0:36:37 > 0:36:39# I've got the moves
0:36:39 > 0:36:41# Like Jagger. #
0:36:42 > 0:36:46I'll tell you what, it seems only like yesterday
0:36:46 > 0:36:49since I was mopping her sick up when she was on her milk.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51You'll be doing that later!
0:36:51 > 0:36:55I'll be doing that tomorrow morning, once she gets drunk!
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Now there's only three hours left before my party starts,
0:37:02 > 0:37:05and as yet I haven't even opened,
0:37:05 > 0:37:09let alone tried on my specially-made Moulin Rouge-themed outfit.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Right, girls.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17My hair's nearly done, then it'll be time to try the dress on.
0:37:17 > 0:37:18- Are you nervous? - I'm petrified.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20- I'm sure you'll look stunning. - Yeah.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22I hope it's going to fit.
0:37:22 > 0:37:23It will do.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Because I got nothing else to wear.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27It should fit. She measured you, so it should be OK.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30- Come on, we want to see it.- Go!
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Oooh!
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Please, please, please, please fit.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46What are we going to do if it doesn't fit?
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Cry. I don't know. She's going to be so upset.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50I know.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52I think we should have a drink. Calm us down.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Oh, aye.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Oh-ho!
0:37:58 > 0:38:01While I'm busy getting ready, I'm hoping my grandad
0:38:01 > 0:38:03and Uncle Gary are coping with decorating the party room.
0:38:07 > 0:38:08Cleaning time.
0:38:08 > 0:38:11- Cleaning? Oh, my God! - Cleaning mirrors.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Nobody mentioned anything about that.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15That's why you're here.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Have you just got one cloth?
0:38:16 > 0:38:19Erm, yeah, just one.
0:38:19 > 0:38:20Looks like it's yours, then!
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Eh?
0:38:27 > 0:38:30This is something you should have brought Marge down for, really,
0:38:30 > 0:38:32- shouldn't you? - Oh, no chance of that.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34It takes an hour to do their hair alone,
0:38:34 > 0:38:36never mind the lippy and all of that stuff.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38- Oh, you missed a bit, missed a bit! - Oh, my.
0:38:38 > 0:38:39- Marge will notice! - Sorry about that.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42What I do for that girl!
0:38:43 > 0:38:45Unbelievable!
0:38:56 > 0:38:58She's taking forever.
0:38:58 > 0:38:59I know.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01Don't know if that's a good thing.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04Maybe she's nervous about coming to show us.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Mmm. Don't know.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09If it was me, I'd be excited to come out and show everyone.
0:39:09 > 0:39:10Yeah.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13But if she's not liking it, or there's something wrong with it.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16- I just wish she'd hurry up.- I know.
0:39:20 > 0:39:21It fits!
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Oh, my God!
0:39:25 > 0:39:28That looks stunning!
0:39:30 > 0:39:31Eeee!
0:39:31 > 0:39:33I'm so happy!
0:39:33 > 0:39:34Woah, you look gorgeous!
0:39:34 > 0:39:35Thank you!
0:39:35 > 0:39:38Oh, my God! Come and give me a hug.
0:39:38 > 0:39:39You look absolutely amazing.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41You do.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45I can't believe it. She looks amazing.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47I feel so good.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49BOTH: You look good!
0:39:49 > 0:39:50Why are you crying?
0:39:50 > 0:39:54I'm just so happy, because I've worked myself up,
0:39:54 > 0:39:56thinking it's not going to fit, or I'm going to look horrible,
0:39:56 > 0:39:58and I actually look quite good.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Oh, my God!
0:40:00 > 0:40:02I want to show my mum.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04- Jazz. > - Yeah?
0:40:04 > 0:40:05Can I have a look what you look like? >
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Come in.
0:40:12 > 0:40:13I cried, don't worry.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18Turn around.
0:40:21 > 0:40:22You look beautiful.
0:40:22 > 0:40:23Thank you.
0:40:27 > 0:40:28- You look gorgeous.- You really do.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30I'm going to ruin my make-up.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33I can't believe it. You look beautiful. Oh, my God.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37I'm going like this. Can't be arsed, now. Not even going.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Forget it. Why can't I look like that?
0:40:40 > 0:40:41You can with a corset!
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Can you imagine what I'll be like if you get married?
0:40:46 > 0:40:49SHE CRIES
0:40:50 > 0:40:52Turn around again.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54Everyone wants to stare at my bum!
0:40:56 > 0:40:58It's the belt.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01It's everything. You're a very, very stunningly beautiful young woman.
0:41:01 > 0:41:02Thank you.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07I can walk out like a penguin. I don't care, though!
0:41:07 > 0:41:11No, don't walk out like a penguin. It's not sexy.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13Don't be so conscious that you look gorgeous.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16- I am, though. - What, that you look gorgeous?- No.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18There's no shame in looking fantastic.
0:41:19 > 0:41:23At 18, I couldn't walk into a room
0:41:23 > 0:41:27and have had the confidence that she has to walk round looking like that.
0:41:27 > 0:41:30I don't think I'd ever look that good. Anyway, lovely.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35She's like a model, like a mini model,
0:41:35 > 0:41:40and to see her in adult shoes and adult clothes
0:41:40 > 0:41:46and looking sexy and gorgeous, and knowing it, she knows it.
0:41:46 > 0:41:52You know, I didn't have that, and I still don't have it.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Which do we think?
0:41:56 > 0:41:57- I'd say the rounder one.- Yeah.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00Yeah. Thank you, girlies. That's why I need you here.
0:42:01 > 0:42:06She walked out the house tonight thinking, "Oh, look."
0:42:06 > 0:42:10You know, you look in the mirror and think, "Oh, check this out."
0:42:10 > 0:42:12Need to be losing weight.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14I need to lose two stone.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16I need to look like she does.
0:42:16 > 0:42:18I need to dye my hair red.
0:42:19 > 0:42:22Get a basque. She can't outdo me. I look terrible.
0:42:22 > 0:42:27Can anyone tell me an enema? Botox?
0:42:27 > 0:42:28Oh, I think they've shut.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32That address has shut.
0:42:32 > 0:42:33Ready.
0:42:33 > 0:42:34Come in.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36I'm just doing a bit of exercise.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45What do you reckon?
0:42:45 > 0:42:48You look, yeah...
0:42:48 > 0:42:52I mean, when I was your age,
0:42:52 > 0:42:54I could have been a model!
0:42:57 > 0:42:58You look absolutely...
0:43:00 > 0:43:02The dog's dinner. Do they say that?
0:43:02 > 0:43:07And you two complement her so much, because you're all in blacks.
0:43:07 > 0:43:12You should really go out afterwards. You would just kill.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14Can you imagine walking in? All the blokes would go.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16Wouldn't they? They'd all be like...
0:43:16 > 0:43:18I want to go out afterwards. I want to go clubbing!
0:43:18 > 0:43:20You should! Why don't you?
0:43:20 > 0:43:22On my own.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24I'll come with you!
0:43:24 > 0:43:26Right. Taxi awaits. Come on.
0:43:26 > 0:43:30I'm coming with you! Jazz, shall I come clubbing with you?
0:43:31 > 0:43:32No?
0:43:40 > 0:43:42Oh, it's windy!
0:43:42 > 0:43:46- Oh, my hair! My skirt! - See you later, bye.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49Bye. Have a nice time.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51I'll stay here and clean up, then.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57See you at the club, Jazz.
0:44:03 > 0:44:04Come on, Jazz.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08You're allowed to be late for your wedding, but not your birthday.
0:44:10 > 0:44:15My grandad has overheard my plans for a party outfit,
0:44:15 > 0:44:18and I think he's a little bit worried about me
0:44:18 > 0:44:21wearing things like that, because he's, you know,
0:44:21 > 0:44:25he's very proud of me, and he's very, very protective of me,
0:44:25 > 0:44:28and I think he's a bit worried that I'll be in a pub full of people,
0:44:28 > 0:44:32and being vulnerable, and all that kind of thing,
0:44:32 > 0:44:35which is quite sweet of him.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Oh, dear. I'm going to get a shock here, apparently.
0:44:37 > 0:44:40Just because she's 18, she thinks she can do what she wants.
0:44:40 > 0:44:41Know what I mean?
0:44:41 > 0:44:43But I'm trying to be independent and grown up,
0:44:43 > 0:44:45and I won't let that stop me.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47I won't let anyone stop me wearing what I want,
0:44:47 > 0:44:51so he'll just have to deal with it, won't he?
0:44:51 > 0:44:56I'd been geed up to wonder what it was, because I was told basque.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58He wouldn't know what one was.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00And I thought, "Oh, my God!
0:45:00 > 0:45:04I think it's one of those, you know these bordellos in America,
0:45:04 > 0:45:07you know, and like a waistline with sort of a knicker-type thing,
0:45:07 > 0:45:09you know what I mean?
0:45:09 > 0:45:13I was dreading it, so I thought "Oh, dear, oh dear!"
0:45:13 > 0:45:15KNOCK AT DOOR
0:45:15 > 0:45:18Congratulations!
0:45:18 > 0:45:20Hello!
0:45:21 > 0:45:26When she walked in, I was absolutely astonished.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29Fabulous. She is fabulous.
0:45:29 > 0:45:33Magnificent, absolutely magnificent.
0:45:33 > 0:45:34Fabulous.
0:45:34 > 0:45:38Oh, my God. That is just fabulous.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40Now it's Nana's turn to see me all grown up.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42Oh, my God!
0:45:42 > 0:45:44Don't hurt me!
0:45:44 > 0:45:47Jasmine, you tart!
0:45:47 > 0:45:49Look at you!
0:45:49 > 0:45:54I couldn't believe my eyes. She's absolutely stunning, and that dress!
0:45:54 > 0:45:57Well, it's not a dress, it's an outfit. It's amazing.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59Thank you!
0:45:59 > 0:46:01Oh, that is fabulous!
0:46:01 > 0:46:05Wouldn't it fit me?
0:46:05 > 0:46:06Which leg?
0:46:06 > 0:46:10I shouldn't squeeze you too much, because you might pop out.
0:46:12 > 0:46:16She does have whatnots now, and she needs to show them off.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19- If you got them, flaunt them. - That's right, yeah.
0:46:19 > 0:46:20You know what I mean?
0:46:20 > 0:46:23She's 18, she can do it now. You know what I mean?
0:46:23 > 0:46:26And that girl has got everything, hasn't she? Let's face it.
0:46:26 > 0:46:27I know!
0:46:29 > 0:46:33Time to start the party by getting the drinks in,
0:46:33 > 0:46:35and someone special is front of the queue.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38I'm going to be the first one you're buying an alcoholic drink for.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41I've waited 18 years for this.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43In there, and I'll have half of cider.
0:46:43 > 0:46:44I need my ID.
0:46:44 > 0:46:45There's the bar, there.
0:46:45 > 0:46:46I should have got my ID.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49You don't need your ID! Look at that, there!
0:46:49 > 0:46:50There's your bloody ID there, look!
0:46:50 > 0:46:53It's going to come down to this. Here.
0:46:53 > 0:46:55- Thank you, Grandad. - See what I mean?
0:46:55 > 0:46:58It's been like that for 18 years.
0:46:58 > 0:46:59There's your rose.
0:46:59 > 0:47:00Thank you.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04And have a cider for big bruv.
0:47:04 > 0:47:05Cheers.
0:47:05 > 0:47:08Cheers, Jazz. Thank you for my very first alcoholic drink.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11Ah, that tastes good.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15That tastes absolutely beautiful.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20My party's in full swing, but there's someone missing.
0:47:20 > 0:47:22My mum.
0:47:22 > 0:47:27I'm dreading her arrival, because I have no idea what she's wearing.
0:47:27 > 0:47:31But knowing Mum, it'll be embarrassing or funny. Or both.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Where's the thing that you're wearing on your face?
0:47:36 > 0:47:38What's she doing?
0:47:38 > 0:47:39What's she done?
0:47:40 > 0:47:42Oh, my God!
0:47:42 > 0:47:46Oh, my God!
0:47:51 > 0:47:52Come here!
0:47:57 > 0:48:00When my mum first walked in,
0:48:00 > 0:48:03I couldn't really work out what she was supposed to be.
0:48:03 > 0:48:04I can't even get to you!
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Come here.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Everybody, I don't think you can hear me,
0:48:08 > 0:48:12but I thought, "Well, I'll come in fancy dress.
0:48:12 > 0:48:14"Who could I come as?"
0:48:14 > 0:48:17And I thought I'd come as my daughter!
0:48:19 > 0:48:21What are you trying to say?
0:48:22 > 0:48:24What are you trying to say?
0:48:24 > 0:48:26You know what I mean?
0:48:26 > 0:48:30It looked very revealing, and I hope I don't look like that every day,
0:48:30 > 0:48:33so I was a bit like, "Well, thank you very much, Mum!"
0:48:33 > 0:48:34# Anything you can do
0:48:34 > 0:48:36# I can do better. #
0:48:37 > 0:48:42Everyone thought it was hilarious, and I think I'm getting over
0:48:42 > 0:48:46that embarrassing-mum stage, and now she's just really cool and funny,
0:48:46 > 0:48:49and I appreciate so much what she's done tonight.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51She can do whatever she wants, as far as I'm concerned.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53Sisters! Twins!
0:48:55 > 0:48:57Someone give me a drink!
0:48:57 > 0:48:59No, that's it. I've seen the light.
0:49:00 > 0:49:01I'm having a boob job.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09Thankfully, Mum has changed out of her costume,
0:49:09 > 0:49:13but she still has something else up her sleeve.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16I want a queue forming to kiss my daughter,
0:49:16 > 0:49:19because it could be your only chance.
0:49:19 > 0:49:23At first, I was like, "Oh, God", and then when I looked at the line,
0:49:23 > 0:49:25I was like, "I don't really mind, to be honest!"
0:49:31 > 0:49:35Yay! Go, go, go!
0:49:35 > 0:49:39Now that's a kiss!
0:49:41 > 0:49:43One or two I think enjoyed it a bit more than the others!
0:49:43 > 0:49:45Come on!
0:49:45 > 0:49:47Mentioning no names.
0:49:47 > 0:49:48I'm taking her for meself!
0:49:48 > 0:49:50Boys only!
0:49:50 > 0:49:51There you go!
0:49:55 > 0:49:56It was rather nice!
0:49:57 > 0:50:00SINGER: Ladies and gents, you know why we're all here.
0:50:00 > 0:50:05It's to wish Jazz a very, very happy 18th birthday.
0:50:07 > 0:50:10I think, tonight, I feel the best I've ever felt.
0:50:10 > 0:50:14I feel so grown-up and so good in myself,
0:50:14 > 0:50:17and I'm not as paranoid and self-conscious as I usually am.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19Tonight I'm just me, take me or leave me,
0:50:19 > 0:50:23and everybody seems to love it, so I'm quite happy.
0:50:31 > 0:50:34It's just amazing that she's turned out that she has, really,
0:50:34 > 0:50:37because I never would have thought she'd have done.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39So shy.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42Bev's a good role model, though, to her.
0:50:47 > 0:50:51Seeing my mum so happy tonight, and seeing my grandad and my nana
0:50:51 > 0:50:54so proud of me, and my auntie and uncle so proud of me,
0:50:54 > 0:50:58it was great to see their reactions, and they were so surprised
0:50:58 > 0:51:02to see me with the confidence that I've got,
0:51:02 > 0:51:03and with the outfit that I've got,
0:51:03 > 0:51:06and Neil said that I looked really different and grown-up,
0:51:06 > 0:51:12and I just feel so lucky that I've got them to support me.
0:51:17 > 0:51:18I'm glad you helped!
0:51:20 > 0:51:24It's a shame that my dad couldn't be here, and I wish that he was,
0:51:24 > 0:51:28but, you know, things happen, and they happen for a reason,
0:51:28 > 0:51:32so I'm just going to enjoy every day and hope it's not my last.
0:51:43 > 0:51:47Looking around the room, seeing everyone I love laughing
0:51:47 > 0:51:48and having so much fun,
0:51:48 > 0:51:51I know my 18th birthday party is a big success.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02But then, everything gets a bit hazy.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15Ugh, it's the morning after!
0:52:16 > 0:52:20Me and some of my mates stayed over at the pub.
0:52:20 > 0:52:21Ugh!
0:52:21 > 0:52:23Oh!
0:52:23 > 0:52:25God!
0:52:30 > 0:52:33Oh, my God!
0:52:33 > 0:52:34Oh, my goodness.
0:52:34 > 0:52:39There she was, in bed, and she was just out of the game altogether!
0:52:39 > 0:52:41Good heavens above!
0:52:41 > 0:52:43It was 12 when we left. She was fine.
0:52:43 > 0:52:44It was my friends' fault.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47They were giving me Jaegerbombs and everything.
0:52:47 > 0:52:48They was what?
0:52:48 > 0:52:51They were feeding her something called Jaegerbombs,
0:52:51 > 0:52:52or something like that.
0:52:52 > 0:52:54I've never heard of them before.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56- Well, I wouldn't know. - And shots.
0:52:56 > 0:52:57That's what you get.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59You're an alcoholic lady, you have to remember this.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02I want my nana to look after me.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06These shots did the trick,
0:53:06 > 0:53:09and I'm afraid when I saw her lay there, oh, my God!
0:53:09 > 0:53:11- Shake yourself!- Oh, don't!
0:53:11 > 0:53:13"Oh, don't!"
0:53:13 > 0:53:15The lady from the place
0:53:15 > 0:53:17had sat up with her because she was sick half the night.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19Oh, goodness!
0:53:20 > 0:53:22You'll come round, eventually.
0:53:22 > 0:53:26Oh, my God, yeah!
0:53:26 > 0:53:31Right, get yourself ready and sorted, and we'll get you home.
0:53:31 > 0:53:36Now I have to face all my mates and breakfast.
0:53:36 > 0:53:39Morning!
0:53:39 > 0:53:40Morning, Jazz.
0:53:40 > 0:53:43They all look good, this lot. What's up with you?
0:53:43 > 0:53:45You going to have some breakfast, Jazz?
0:53:45 > 0:53:47I don't think that's a good idea yet.
0:53:47 > 0:53:48Not a cup of coffee?
0:53:48 > 0:53:50I can't see properly.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53Or would you like a Jaegerbomb?
0:53:53 > 0:53:55ALL: Oooh!
0:53:55 > 0:53:56Whose fault was that?
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Oh, dear me. Come on, Jazz.
0:54:00 > 0:54:01Ugh!
0:54:01 > 0:54:03Oh, dear, oh, dear. Let's get you home and into bed.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05Oh, it's too bright out here.
0:54:05 > 0:54:06Oh, it'll soon be all right.
0:54:07 > 0:54:08Oh, there you are.
0:54:08 > 0:54:10Right, Jazz.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14Just get me home, please.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16How are you feeling?
0:54:16 > 0:54:18Ugh!
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Uggghhhh!
0:54:20 > 0:54:22There we are, now, Jazz. You'll be all right, chuck.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24- Oh, look! - Oh, what a shame!
0:54:27 > 0:54:28At Nana's house,
0:54:28 > 0:54:32it looks like Uncle Gary's not taking my hangover seriously.
0:54:32 > 0:54:35But surely Nana will give me some sympathy?
0:54:36 > 0:54:40She came to the door, and she looked like death warmed up.
0:54:40 > 0:54:41Just borrow them.
0:54:42 > 0:54:48"Oh, Jazz! What have you been up to?" She says, "Oh, don't mention it!"
0:54:48 > 0:54:49Get her into bed, now.
0:54:49 > 0:54:51- Do we need a sick bowl? - Yeah.
0:54:52 > 0:54:54Yay!
0:54:54 > 0:54:58Oh, no. I've just remembered what I got up to at the party
0:54:58 > 0:54:59while Nana was still there!
0:55:02 > 0:55:04So you spent the night alone, dear?
0:55:04 > 0:55:08I did, thankfully. Puking up everywhere, and God knows what.
0:55:08 > 0:55:09Oh, what a shame.
0:55:09 > 0:55:12I don't know where my shoes and my hat and my fan...
0:55:12 > 0:55:14Oh, we've got your hat, we've got your fan.
0:55:14 > 0:55:16That's fine. I've got the rest of it.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18We haven't got your shoes.
0:55:18 > 0:55:19Mum's got them, I hope.
0:55:19 > 0:55:22Well, your shoes were inside your phone.
0:55:22 > 0:55:23Inside my phone?
0:55:23 > 0:55:25I mean...
0:55:25 > 0:55:27What? Are you still drunk, Nana?
0:55:27 > 0:55:29Cheers, Jazz!
0:55:31 > 0:55:33Yay, Nana!
0:55:33 > 0:55:37That shot's gone to your head! It's killed your brain cells!
0:55:37 > 0:55:40Right, I'll go and get you some Alka-Seltzer.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43I'm finally 18, and I've got the hangover to prove it.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49It's been a difficult year, but after everything I've been through,
0:55:49 > 0:55:52I definitely feel like an adult.
0:55:54 > 0:55:58My mum has taught me that my size does not define me.
0:55:58 > 0:55:59# Anything you can do
0:55:59 > 0:56:02# I can do better. #
0:56:02 > 0:56:05And I've realised how important it is to stay strong,
0:56:05 > 0:56:08no matter how tough things get.
0:56:13 > 0:56:16I now feel ready to face whatever life throws at me,
0:56:16 > 0:56:18starting with this hangover.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23Alka-Seltzer. Get it down, right away. Come on.
0:56:23 > 0:56:25Pinch your nose.
0:56:25 > 0:56:27I can get you a straw, if it's easier.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29Put it in a shot glass!
0:56:53 > 0:56:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd