0:00:02 > 0:00:04Going to wish the kids good night.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06- Rach?- Yeah.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- Where are you?- Here.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Oh. Hello. - Are you all right?
0:00:11 > 0:00:12'That's me aged eight.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15'And that's my dad behind the camera.'
0:00:15 > 0:00:19- What do you want to say to me? - Goodbye, Daddy. I love you.- Yeah?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Are you going to miss me?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23I'm going to miss you, as well.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24SHE SNIFFS
0:00:24 > 0:00:26'I knew what Dad going away meant.'
0:00:26 > 0:00:28- SOBS:- I don't want you to go, Daddy!
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Oh, no, Rach, Rach, Rach, Rach, Rach.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33CROWD ROAR
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Dad was a boxer.
0:00:35 > 0:00:40In fact, he was once Heavyweight Champion of the World.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Hello, Laura, darling.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44And hello, Nicola and Rach, I love you very much.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I'll be coming home soon, darling.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Are you ready to order, at all?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Or a bit longer? Sure, that's fine!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55'I'm 26 now, and my name is Rachel Bruno.'
0:00:55 > 0:00:57My dad used to be a boxer.
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Frank Bruno.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00- No, you're joking...! - Yeah.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Half the time people don't believe me, and think I'm lying.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I think they probably think, "Why do you work in a restaurant?"
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Some people do look down their noses at me sometimes, but...
0:01:11 > 0:01:12I don't really care.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18'In his day, my dad was a national hero...'
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Is this the champion's belt?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22I never take it off, Noel.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24You know what I mean, Harry?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26'..then, it all went wrong.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29'In the space of a few years,
0:01:29 > 0:01:33'he went from world champion to patient in a psychiatric hospital.'
0:01:35 > 0:01:37- Is he all right? - Yeah, he's doing good.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39He's getting better.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- It's a hard illness to cope with, as a family.- Yes, yes.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42It does break up a family.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Yeah.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47'People think they know my dad, but they've no idea.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52'Dad's bipolar disorder has devastated our family.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59'Now I want to understand the illness that has taken him from me,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02'and try to find the dad I once knew.'
0:02:14 > 0:02:19RINGING TONE
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- 'Hello.'- Hi, dad. - 'Hello, Rach. You all right?'
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Just let you know, we've just left,
0:02:24 > 0:02:26so hopefully we won't be that long.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28'All right, no problem, Rach.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31'Just focus... Don't worry about the time. Just drive carefully, yeah?'
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Yeah, no, I will do.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34'All right, see you later, Rach.'
0:02:34 > 0:02:36OK, see you soon, Dad. Bye.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38'Bye, darling. Bye. Bye.'
0:02:39 > 0:02:41'My dad has bipolar disorder
0:02:41 > 0:02:46'which means his moods can swing from manic highs to terrible lows.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49'He was sectioned twice last year
0:02:49 > 0:02:53'and taken into psychiatric care against his wishes.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55'He's been out a couple of months now,
0:02:55 > 0:02:58'and is back home and on medication to keep him stable.'
0:02:59 > 0:03:02The thing is, it's hard because he doesn't live around the corner
0:03:02 > 0:03:04so I can't keep an eye on him.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I just hope he's still, like, taking the medication.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09He knows that he's got to get better really.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10I think he knows.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13It worries me, because I don't really
0:03:13 > 0:03:15talk about my dad's illness with him.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20'This is the first time I've been to Dad's house in over a year.'
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- Come on.- Thank you.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Make yourself at home.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Thank you.- Do you want to cup of tea or something?- I'd love one, please.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Have you been going gym?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38No, no, I haven't been... Not this week.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Have you lost your, like, motivation?
0:03:40 > 0:03:43No, not lost motivation. Just can't be bothered.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Can't be bothered.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Do you take sugar? - Er, yes, please.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Thank you.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54So, how are you feeling? Are you feeling better?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Better? What do you mean "better"? - Just better in yourself?- Yeah.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59What, don't I look better?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- No, you do.- Oh. - I think you look really well.- OK.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I think you look really, really well.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07You look nervous. What's the matter with you?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Well, I don't know, because obviously, I'm doing this programme,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- and I am grateful that you're letting me do it, cos...- Sorry?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I'm grateful to you for letting me go ahead and film this...
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Because it's private, isn't it? We don't really...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- You don't really talk about it to the public too much...- Yeah.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24..about your illness. I have been getting quite anxious about it.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Don't worry about the public, just chill out and relax yourself, girl.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Ask what questions you want to ask.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34As long as it doesn't upset you, that's the main thing, isn't it?
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Don't worry about upsetting me.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I keep busy all the time, you know.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I'm cleaning up the house.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Dust up.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Mop. Hoover. Do bits and pieces.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47And you think that helps you, yeah?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Well, it's good for me.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52What programme are you on with the doctors at the moment?
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- What do you mean "what programme am I on"?- Like medication.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Are you still... - Yeah, I am taking medication,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58but I'm not too sure what the medication is.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00But I am on medication, yeah.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Do they come round, or do you go to them?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04No, they come round.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Have you got a nice team of doctors?
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Um, they are very intrusive.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Very nosy.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Yeah.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Sometimes I don't know why they got to give you all this powerful...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Yeah.- ..medication for, you know what I mean?
0:05:17 > 0:05:18That's my...my...
0:05:18 > 0:05:22I'm trying to get off the medication, Rach.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Yeah.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I don't want to be like a zombie for the rest of my life.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I do worry about you.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Don't like you being this far out on your own.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39But I suppose you like it?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42There is a reason why I came this far.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46CHUCKLES
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I'm surprised you haven't got any animals here. A dog, or something.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- Animals...- You don't want one?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57No. I don't want a dog. What do I want a dog for?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- A dog's a man's best friend.- Is it?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Yeah?- Nah!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- You look after yourself, yeah? - Thank you, Dad.- Cheers, nice one.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Drive safely, carefully. - I will.- Yeah.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I think he handled it well today.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25All of last year, we haven't really had a relationship, so...
0:06:25 > 0:06:27our relationship is strained.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29And it's weird going round there
0:06:29 > 0:06:32and talking about his illness and stuff.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I found it a bit awkward at times
0:06:34 > 0:06:36because he's still in a fragile state,
0:06:36 > 0:06:38so I don't want to tip him.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- VIDEO: 'Comes out wicked, don't it? - Oh, wicked!
0:06:43 > 0:06:45'Here you are, do some of me. And Rach.'
0:06:45 > 0:06:47FRANK AND FRANKLYN CHAT ON VIDEO
0:06:47 > 0:06:49How young Dad looks!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51He was young, though.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Did you get this camera for Christmas?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55No, he'd just got it this Christmas and charged it up.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57I think this is the Christmas Day.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Cleared out. It's clear, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03'I still live with my sister Nicola and my brother Franklyn.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08'We grew up in a big house in the country.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10'With everything kids could possibly want.'
0:07:13 > 0:07:15This is my wife.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18And this is my baby boy in here.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20'Dad was fun to be around.'
0:07:20 > 0:07:21FRANK CHUCKLES
0:07:21 > 0:07:24'Always joking and making an arse of himself!'
0:07:24 > 0:07:26That is disgusting, Daddy.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31He was so naughty, wasn't he?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34It's weird seeing dad like this, because I never really...
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I can never remember Dad like this.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42'Our whole family life has been changed by our dad's bipolar,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45'also known as manic depression.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50'At times my dad's been so manic,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52'he hasn't known who he is.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55'And at other times he has been so depressed
0:07:55 > 0:07:58'he can barely get out of bed.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01'I don't really think I've grasped what is my dad,
0:08:01 > 0:08:02'and what is his illness yet.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06'And I don't think Nicola or Franklyn have either.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08'But at least me and my sister
0:08:08 > 0:08:11'sort of got to know the real dad and the normal dad.'
0:08:12 > 0:08:13For a little, short time.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Just make sure you look after the kids
0:08:17 > 0:08:19and look after Mummy, and the baby.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23'Unfortunately, Franklyn's been born into my dad's illness.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25'And he hasn't ever seen my dad normal.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28'And it's sad that the son that he so wanted,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31'the bipolar takes that all that away, I think.'
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Because he doesn't know how to be a dad.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36He can't be a dad when he's ill.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- NEWS PRESENTER:- Frank Bruno arrived back in Britain today
0:08:40 > 0:08:43after his crushing defeat at the hands of Mike Tyson.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48'My dad's career came to a sudden end in 1996.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52'He'd been the World Heavyweight Champion for just six months.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55'He was defeated by Mike Tyson in a fight
0:08:55 > 0:08:57'that left my dad's eye badly injured.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02'Doctors told him he risked going blind if he ever fought again.'
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I'm just here to say that I'm officially retired
0:09:06 > 0:09:08and the door is going to be open for me to spend more time
0:09:08 > 0:09:11with my family, you know. Be a father.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15'But retirement hit dad and our family hard.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19'Everything soon spiralled out of control.'
0:09:22 > 0:09:24One of this country's best-loved sportsmen,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Frank Bruno, is in a mental hospital tonight.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27It's believed the boxer,
0:09:27 > 0:09:29who was escorted from his home in Essex last night
0:09:29 > 0:09:31by police and paramedics,
0:09:31 > 0:09:33has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
0:09:33 > 0:09:38'In September 2003, after months of erratic behaviour,
0:09:38 > 0:09:41'my dad was committed to a psychiatric hospital
0:09:41 > 0:09:43'for the first time.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44'I was just 16.'
0:09:46 > 0:09:49It just sent our family up in turmoil, really,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51because a celebrity hadn't ever been sectioned,
0:09:51 > 0:09:53so the hype it caused with the press...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55We were hounded all the time,
0:09:55 > 0:09:57they were literally camped outside our house.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- NEWS REPORT:- '41-year-old Frank Bruno now faces his most difficult bout.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03'The former World Champion has been committed
0:10:03 > 0:10:05'while his state of mind is assessed.'
0:10:06 > 0:10:09It took nine hours to get actually in the ambulance.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I think he did get a bit aggressive,
0:10:11 > 0:10:15and the police officers tripped him up to inject him.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18It was sad, because he was like a child.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20He was begging us not to do it.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- NEWS REPORTER: - 'Behind the darkened windows,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25'Frank Bruno's family arrive at the hospital.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29'Bruno is finally getting the help so many had urged him to seek.'
0:10:30 > 0:10:35'Ten years on, I'm revisiting the hospital where my dad was locked up.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39'To try and understand more about what happened.'
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- I don't know if you remember this door...- Yep, I do.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43This was probably the door you would've...
0:10:43 > 0:10:44This is what, um, the door.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46..come to the actual ward.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49My dad on the other side - where all the patients and him would wait.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50And we'd have to exit.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52But I do think we went through...
0:10:52 > 0:10:54We used to go through that door.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Obviously, there was quite a lot of press here at the time,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58so we had to avoid them.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00This is Picasso Ward,
0:11:00 > 0:11:01- as was.- OK, yeah.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03This is a day area.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I remember that. And I remember we had a chat in here.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07And that used to be the smoking room, I think.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Before the smoking ban.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11That was where my dad tried to set my sister up with a patient.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- Oh, right. - CHUCKLES
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Sounds like you have got very clear memories.- I have now, yeah!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21What were the questions in your mind that you were thinking about?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Actually, at the time, I had no clue about what bipolar was.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27I had no clue really what was happening to my dad.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I just... I just thought he'd had a breakdown,
0:11:30 > 0:11:32or lost it, or something.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33And also from seeing him so sedated,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I didn't think he'd actually come back from that.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40This is the area to which someone will be brought,
0:11:40 > 0:11:42when they're brought by the police
0:11:42 > 0:11:45under what's called Section 136 of the Mental Health Act.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Why would someone with bipolar need to be sectioned?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51There's a huge variety of severities of this condition.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53They might be over-active,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55have all sorts of grandiose,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58or unfeasible plans and schemes...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00And because there's a loss of judgment,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03the person will typically not necessarily realise
0:12:03 > 0:12:05that they're unwell and needing treatment.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Sometimes the only way then to persuade,
0:12:07 > 0:12:09or to get the person to have treatment,
0:12:09 > 0:12:12is to take away their freedom and detain them - section them.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19What behaviour led up to your dad being sectioned?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21He had a massive boxing ring that he fought in,
0:12:21 > 0:12:23he put that in his garden and slept in it.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28He was walking around our local high street with no shoes on.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32When we'd go and visit him he had loads of incense and he'd be...
0:12:32 > 0:12:34whoofing 'em around everywhere.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35He'd hear voices,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38he thought he was other people at times.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40He was acting really strange.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43At that time, I didn't really understand
0:12:43 > 0:12:44why they were taking my dad away.
0:12:44 > 0:12:49I didn't know that when I'd see him next he'd be a zombie,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51crouched over a seat
0:12:51 > 0:12:53who couldn't really speak
0:12:53 > 0:12:55or even lift his head to give us a kiss goodbye.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57That was really heartbreaking.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05'I know how hard it was for me at the time,
0:13:05 > 0:13:09'but I want to find out what it was like for my sister Nicola.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10'Because she was the one
0:13:10 > 0:13:13'who had to sign the papers to have Dad sectioned.'
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- How old was you?- Er...20.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18And you had to sign Dad in, didn't you?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20I did, cos obviously I was his next of kin
0:13:20 > 0:13:22because he and Mum were divorced.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25And, obviously, it's horrible, because you don't want to see
0:13:25 > 0:13:28your dad having to go into hospital, but that was the last resort.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29We all said at the time,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32we agreed that we wouldn't tell him who signed the papers.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34I don't know who told him, but somebody told him
0:13:34 > 0:13:35that I signed him in
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and he was just very hostile towards me.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39He was looking at me like he just wanted to kill me.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42It affected your relationship with him for a long time, didn't it?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46He didn't start talking to me properly or have any, like,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49interest in me probably until I was about 28.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51He always made it feel that, "Oh, I can't have a laugh with Nicola,
0:13:51 > 0:13:53"because she may get me sectioned."
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Do you feel guilty in any way?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57It made you feel guilty as soon as you did it,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00but I just had to be strong and say I did it for the right reasons.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Where would he be now if he wasn't sectioned?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Totally, I don't think he...
0:14:06 > 0:14:07- Would he be alive?- Yeah...
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- That's what I think.- Would he have anything left to his name?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Would he be wrapped around a tree because of the way he drives?
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Would someone else have hurt him
0:14:14 > 0:14:16because of the way he was antagonising people?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18What would have happened?
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Yeah.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Because he's invincible.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24When he's manic, he's invincible.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30He's dominated my whole life, for...
0:14:30 > 0:14:3118...
0:14:31 > 0:14:3312 years.
0:14:33 > 0:14:3612 years he has dominated it, from me worrying about him.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38But I have to be honest, he's not worried about me.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41He's not worried about how my life is going.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43He doesn't care, but...
0:14:43 > 0:14:45at the end of the day, I love my dad
0:14:45 > 0:14:47and I'm never stopped loving him,
0:14:47 > 0:14:49but if I ever got ill, would he do the same for me?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52But I don't do it for him to do it for me.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53But, you know what, you've...
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I'm proud of you for taking on that responsibility all these years.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01I couldn't be as strong as you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14'Although Dad has told me I can ask him anything, I'm still
0:15:14 > 0:15:18'nervous of his moods and I don't want to push him or make him angry.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22'So I'm going to meet someone who might be easier to talk to.'
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Come on then. Let's get a sweat on.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29May the best man win.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30Dave Sheen has bipolar.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32That's a really good one, Dan.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Life's all about focus.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38'He's the same age as my dad, is divorced and has three kids,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40'just like our family.'
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Hello! I'm Rachel.- It's a left handshake. I broke my right hand.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- I won't grab it, then.- You're really pretty, aren't you?- Oh, thank you.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- So how old are you then? - 14.- You're 14.- Yeah.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53You're about the same age... When my dad was first sectioned,
0:15:53 > 0:15:55you're about the same age as I was.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Can you describe your dad as a person?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01He's very loving.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Very generous.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- But a bit short-tempered at the same time.- Yeah.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08So, how is your dad to you today?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Do you think he's level today?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Yeah. He is in a good mood. - He seems to be happy.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14He seems happy to me.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16You only see me when I'm happy.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- I never show 'em really when I'm down.- Oh, do you not?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Love you. See you soon, all right?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- See you later.- See you soon.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- Seems funny, letting them walk away.- Do you get sad?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Don't like it?- No, I don't. No.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- You know what makes me happy?- What?
0:16:37 > 0:16:38MUSIC PLAYS
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Music? Oh!- It's proper music. Like reggae music.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Never fails to make me happy. A bit of this.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46MUSIC: "Leaving on a Jet Plane"
0:16:46 > 0:16:49# I will dream about the days to come
0:16:49 > 0:16:53# When I won't have to leave you alone... #
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Dave was a successful businessman and multimillionaire
0:16:56 > 0:16:59until his diagnosis six years ago.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02# ..So kiss me and smile for me... #
0:17:02 > 0:17:04So we're in a Hyundai at the moment.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Have you always driven this sort of car?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09No, I've only had it two months.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11I didn't have a car. I didn't have no money.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14When you did have money, what cars did you have?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I've had every Mercedes ever built.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I used to pick the kids up from a different car every time at school.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20- Really?- Yeah.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- I only used it ever wear designer clothes.- Really?- Yeah.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Do you think your bipolar helped to become successful?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- 100%.- What's that? 100%?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33100%, yeah. Cos it gives you the drive.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36That's what it does, it drives you. It drives you insane in the end,
0:17:36 > 0:17:38but it drives you to get what you want.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39If you want something, you'll get it.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42So, where are we going, Dave?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45We're going to go back to the barn conversions that I built.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Is this where you lived with your wife? Your ex-wife and kids?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51That's right, yeah.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56That was the first one I done.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58There's the farmhouse.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02They're sold to two footballers, these are.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- MAN:- But you used to own all this? - Yeah, I owned the lot. Yeah.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I mean, realistically, I had enough to retire on.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12I think, "Well, how did I lose that?"
0:18:12 > 0:18:13How did you lose...
0:18:13 > 0:18:17How mad is it to try and work an earning to get it and then...
0:18:18 > 0:18:20And what was the reason why you lost that?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I just had a breakdown.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26# ..I'm leaving on a jet plane
0:18:26 > 0:18:30# Don't know when I'll be back again... #
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Home sweet home.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33So, which one is your one?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36The posh one with the black blinds, matching blinds.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39'Home now is a one-bedroom council flat.'
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Right then.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Look! Clean, look.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Oh, yeah. That is clean.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- That is good.- Coffee.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49You've got all the essentials, haven't you?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- Everything in here's been given me.- Has it?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Washing machine, cooker, fridge.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55It's nice, though.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Now, come on, Rachel. - No, it is...- Be honest!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- It ain't nice!- No, no, no.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04'Like my dad, Dave's been prescribed drugs for his mood swings.'
0:19:04 > 0:19:05I'm not a snob.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07'But he's decided to stop taking them,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10'just like my dad has done in the past.'
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- Why aren't you on medication? - I've tried it their way, remember.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I tried tablets for three or four years.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20When I was on the tablets, it didn't make me go out and go to the shops.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Right?- Right. - It didn't make me shave.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27It didn't make me wash.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31I'd be in bed for about a month, two months at a time.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32I was just like a zombie.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35And don't get me wrong, when I feel really bad,
0:19:35 > 0:19:36I do start back on my tablets.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39So, if I went that bad where I thought I was going to do
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- one of them, I would go back on me tablets.- Yeah.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- But, you know...- What do you mean, do one of them?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Hang myself or something, I don't know.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- You know, you don't know, do you?- No.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- I mean, you get suicidal thoughts all the time.- Yeah.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- And your dad must get it as well. - I've never... He's never...
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- He probably would never tell you.- Yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- I wouldn't tell my children...- Yeah.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00..because that would be really hard.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03When I do get them, that's what I think about.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I think, "What would they say?"
0:20:06 > 0:20:08How do you feel that your relationship
0:20:08 > 0:20:11with your kids has been affected by bipolar?
0:20:11 > 0:20:12Because I feel like I haven't got
0:20:12 > 0:20:15the money to do anything with them, I don't do it.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19It affects me, because I think, you know, "I'm fat," or I was fat.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22It affects me cos I feel low.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Even though they're my own kids - and I don't want to say this -
0:20:26 > 0:20:28sometimes I don't want to see them.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31It's not because I don't want to see them, it's cos I don't feel...
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I can't think of anything to say to them.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35It must affect them to see
0:20:35 > 0:20:38what they used to have to what they have today.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Cos I used to be, "Everybody loves Dave."
0:20:41 > 0:20:43"Everybody loves their dad."
0:20:43 > 0:20:46You know? He'd be the funniest one in the pub.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48He'd have plenty of mates around him.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51It was an exciting life. There's always people at the house.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54And, all of a sudden, I'm not the centre of attraction.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- It was lovely meeting you. - Can we have a Spanish kiss?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01'I've heard Dave's side of things, but now
0:21:01 > 0:21:06'I want to find out how his kids feel about having a bipolar dad.'
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Hello, are you all right?- Hello.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11He's seemed quite manic at the moment and, obviously,
0:21:11 > 0:21:13my dad can be like that at times.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Do you find that hard to be around him when he's like that?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Mm.- Cos he's quite all over the place, isn't he?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- Yeah, like a bit loud and a bit jumpy.- Yeah.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23But does that upset you?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25I'm just used to it, I am.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27- He's just always like that. - Does that make you sad?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29A little bit, yeah.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I wouldn't want dad to be here
0:21:31 > 0:21:33when I have my friends round, or anything.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Cos in a way I'm kind of embarrassed to be next to him.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Do you find some of the stuff he says,
0:21:38 > 0:21:40when he's manic, a bit embarrassing?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Yeah. It's like I wish he wasn't like how he is.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I wish he was just like... I don't know, just like a normal dad
0:21:47 > 0:21:51and was like how I see other people's families when I'm out.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53That's how I kind of see my dad sometimes.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- It's not normal, this illness they've got, is it?- Yeah.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I think for teenagers you've got to get over the embarrassment.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06It's understandable, you're going through that
0:22:06 > 0:22:08certain age where you're trying to fit in
0:22:08 > 0:22:11and be cool with your friends and it's not something you want
0:22:11 > 0:22:15to shout about and be like, "Oh, yeah, hey, this is what's going on."
0:22:15 > 0:22:18When I was a teenager, it took me a long time, I think
0:22:18 > 0:22:22up until the age of my 20s, to be able to actually be open
0:22:22 > 0:22:24and talk about my dad's illness to people.
0:22:24 > 0:22:30He's quite comical, Dave was. He likes a laugh about his illness.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33He said that sometimes he feels suicidal,
0:22:33 > 0:22:38when he could hang himself and that was quite hard to listen to.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Cos my dad's never said that to me before.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44But my dad living on his own,
0:22:44 > 0:22:48I wouldn't want him to ever feel that low
0:22:48 > 0:22:50like Dave has and think about suicide.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53That's not nice.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Hello?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Hello?
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Hi, Dad, you all right?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Yeah, we went and met a family, a family in Birmingham
0:23:07 > 0:23:11and the dad with, like, bipolar. It was quite interesting.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Yes, so I'm just on the train now. How are you?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Yeah, I'll give you a call when I get home, anyway. OK, Dad.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Speak to you soon.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Bye. Bye-bye.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26He seems well.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30He does, actually. He seems quite chirpy.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35'Dad was officially diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39'but it's hard to know when it really began.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48'Looking back, I can see there were moments in my childhood when
0:23:48 > 0:23:49'he would go over the top.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55'He hired a helicopter for my brother Franklyn's christening...
0:23:57 > 0:24:00'..and Heart FM DJs for my birthday.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05'Now, I don't know if that was Dad being manic
0:24:05 > 0:24:08'or whether it was just him enjoying his fame and fortune.'
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- You know what I mean, Harry? - I'm not Harry.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13'I have to be honest.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15'I don't think I've ever had a clue what's
0:24:15 > 0:24:17'going on inside my dad's head.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21'So I am hoping psychiatrist Dr Mark Salter
0:24:21 > 0:24:24'can help me understand.'
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Manic depression, it's an illness like any other illness,
0:24:26 > 0:24:28but if you want to go a bit further and deeper into that,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31you ask yourself, "What does your brain do all day long?"
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- Think.- Tell me about it. It doesn't just think, does it?- No.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Think's a good one.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39You might say that's the icing on the cake.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Like, the cherry on top, sort of thing.- Yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45It feels. OK?
0:24:45 > 0:24:46It remembers.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51We tend to know that emotion and memory
0:24:51 > 0:24:54are stored in what we call the bottom bits of the brain.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Down here is the drive.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00"I'm going win, I'm going to be successful."
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Down here is the moodiness bits.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Down here is the horny bits.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05"I feel like getting laid."
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Down here is the bit that craves.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09"I feel like a line of charlie.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11"I feel like a beer. I feel like a spliff."
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Down here is the memory.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17"I remember last time I had charlie, I felt fantastic. I'll do it again."
0:25:17 > 0:25:20And that, of course, thinks, "Ah!" sends a signal up to
0:25:20 > 0:25:23the thinking bit, "Ring the dealer, score."
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Or, alternatively,
0:25:24 > 0:25:28"Last time I exercised to Olympic levels of fitness,
0:25:28 > 0:25:29"I felt fantastic."
0:25:29 > 0:25:33That sends a signal, "Do it again. Go to the gym."
0:25:33 > 0:25:37So, can you see how your mood changes your thinking
0:25:37 > 0:25:39and your thinking changes your mood?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42The chemical side of treating manic depression seems to be
0:25:42 > 0:25:47about stabilising or preventing major mood swings, or, if you like,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50emotional storms, from welling up from these parts of the brain.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53That emotion you see at the bottom of the brain, pushes ideas
0:25:53 > 0:25:56out of you when you're manic. It gives you so much energy.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59It's almost as though, when you're high,
0:25:59 > 0:26:01there's a kind of disinhibition of
0:26:01 > 0:26:03all your raw desires and instincts, you know?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06People don't need to sleep. They've got fantastic energy.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09And that makes them choose to think confident things.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11They're in someone's face, talking really quickly,
0:26:11 > 0:26:13all over the place... Rhymes and puns.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16It's like a piece of happy music that won't stop, for God's sake.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- There's this look when he's manic. It's quite scary.- What is a stare?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21A stare is looking in the eye too much.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Yeah, it's like that. It's like the big eyes.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26It's scary. It's intimidating.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- Does what I'm saying make sense? - It does, yeah.- OK.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Having a brain means having a mind, means having a personality.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Everything that's happened to your dad has made him uniquely him
0:26:36 > 0:26:38and, boy, has he lived a life.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42I wonder whether it's obviously retiring, as well, hasn't helped.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43I suppose being so regimented
0:26:43 > 0:26:45throughout his whole life and his career...
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Those experiences of focus, discipline, drive,
0:26:48 > 0:26:52excellence and not to mention all the glory and the worship he got.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55When it falls apart through retina injury and retirement and stuff...
0:26:55 > 0:26:57And then the marriage and everything.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59..everything else that fell apart,
0:26:59 > 0:27:00that is a huge shock for some people.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02And so I can really understand
0:27:02 > 0:27:04your dad having a really, really hard time.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Life kicked him in the teeth, literally,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08because everything he knew that meant something to him
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- was kind of taken away from him, in a way.- Yeah.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14It's impossible to say whether celebrity was caused by
0:27:14 > 0:27:16his mania, or the other way round.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21- That the mania was part and parcel of his celebrity.- Yeah.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24What it is fair to say is that, by being a celebrity,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26he was definitely at increased risk.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Rewinding right back to before your dad became unwell,
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- was there moodiness in him then? - Yeah.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34He'd lock himself away in his bedroom.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37When I looked at old videos, he's either really manic,
0:27:37 > 0:27:41like all doing extravagant things really manic, or really down.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44ON FILM: 'Do some of me and Rach.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- 'Is it filming at the moment? - It's fresh, yeah! Fresh!'
0:27:47 > 0:27:50God, when you're finally seeing someone that famous
0:27:50 > 0:27:52in this sort of context...
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I think that's why I can't watch home videos. I get sad.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59- I feel sad now watching it. - I bet you do. You must do.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Because, I suppose, when he lived at home with us,
0:28:02 > 0:28:05he had a bit more stability and normality, I suppose.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Yes, and you feel like he hasn't got that now.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12The hardest thing, I think, that people find really hard to
0:28:12 > 0:28:14handle is that, actually, it's not their dad any more.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16It's an illness that's taken over their dad.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Yeah, but that's the sad thing.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20When am I going to get my dad back? That's what...
0:28:21 > 0:28:24..is the journey, I suppose, that we've got to all go on.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28- I don't really feel like I've had my dad for a lot of years.- Yeah.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Possibly since you were a very little girl.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Maybe you don't know who your dad is yet, that's the thing.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35You haven't met him properly.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- I know who Frank Bruno is. - So does everyone.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41But it's different for you.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45- Do you think he thinks he's failed you lot?- I think, in a way.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47I think I just try and pretend
0:28:47 > 0:28:50everything's going to be fine all the time.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53- But I just... - Well, hang on. It might be.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56I'm not saying fine all the time, because your dad's got
0:28:56 > 0:28:58a really nasty illness, but there's no reason
0:28:58 > 0:29:00why you can't have good times.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03The very fact your dad is still in touch with you, he's going out...
0:29:03 > 0:29:04It's good. And letting me do this.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08You say in this business, "Nothing predicts the future like the past."
0:29:08 > 0:29:11If the person has had illness and come out of it,
0:29:11 > 0:29:13they will come out of it again.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16It might sound silly, but each one of your dad's relapses
0:29:16 > 0:29:19is a chance to learn how to do it better next time.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23You see, manic depression is not like dementia.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25It's not an irreversible, downward spiralling condition.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28Like, you can't hold back the waves, you know?
0:29:28 > 0:29:31Manic depression, you can bounce back.
0:29:31 > 0:29:32You've got to hold onto that.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- See what I'm saying?- Yeah. I do.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54'I'm determined to build bridges between me and my dad.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59'I've decided to run the London Marathon for him
0:29:59 > 0:30:01'and raise awareness about bipolar.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06'I've always loved running,
0:30:06 > 0:30:10'but 26.2 miles pushes your body to a different level'
0:30:10 > 0:30:13and my dad's done, I think, four or five marathons before,
0:30:13 > 0:30:15'so he knows how hard I've been training
0:30:15 > 0:30:18'and the bottles of wine I've sacrificed.'
0:30:18 > 0:30:20FRANK: Go on, Rach!
0:30:20 > 0:30:22Go on, Rachel! Come on!
0:30:22 > 0:30:23Go on, Rach! Wicked!
0:30:23 > 0:30:25'I remember my sports days when I was younger,
0:30:25 > 0:30:27'he was there cheering me on.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30'I saw him and I just sprinted, I was gone.'
0:30:30 > 0:30:31Very good.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Well done, Rach.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37'He is an athlete and you do want to impress him.
0:30:37 > 0:30:38'I want to make him proud.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40'I think, if he's there, I probably would run faster.'
0:30:40 > 0:30:42- Well done, Rach. - I knew you'd come first.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45FRANK LAUGHS
0:30:45 > 0:30:48It will upset me a lot if he doesn't come.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51I haven't told him that, but, to be honest, he should know that.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58'When my dad was recovering after being sectioned the first time,
0:30:58 > 0:31:02'we'd sometimes go to the spa to spend time together.'
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- You all right?- You all right? - Looking well.- Yeah.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09'I've asked Dad if he'd like to do this again.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12'I'm hoping it will make us both more relaxed
0:31:12 > 0:31:15'and Dad might be able to open up to me.'
0:31:20 > 0:31:22It's so nice to eat healthy.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Mm.
0:31:24 > 0:31:25You sure you're all right?
0:31:25 > 0:31:28I'm going to keep asking you this, cos I'm just...
0:31:28 > 0:31:29But you're fine with me filming today?
0:31:29 > 0:31:32Rach, if I weren't fine, I would tell you.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35I swear to God, I would tell you. You know what I mean?
0:31:35 > 0:31:37I'm not short in coming forward.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Ask whatever you want to ask me.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43Just want to know what it feels like to be...
0:31:43 > 0:31:46What goes on when you're manic and stuff?
0:31:47 > 0:31:50I don't know what goes on when you're manic, you know what I mean?
0:31:50 > 0:31:55The chemicals in your body make you react differently.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58Do you know that? Do you sleep?
0:31:58 > 0:32:00Sometimes I don't sleep.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04How do you control that?
0:32:04 > 0:32:08How do you... Can you bring yourself down?
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Can you bring yourself down? Sleeping? Yeah.
0:32:11 > 0:32:16I haven't been manic for ages, Rach. I don't get high...
0:32:16 > 0:32:17You must remember, like,
0:32:17 > 0:32:22when you have been, what it feels like. Or do you not?
0:32:22 > 0:32:26It's hard to know. To explain it, you know what I mean?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Sometimes when you get high,
0:32:28 > 0:32:31sometimes you're rushing and you...
0:32:32 > 0:32:35..you start tripping over yourself, you know what I mean?
0:32:35 > 0:32:39Your brain, speedy more than you should be speedy.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41But you may lose control.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44OK.
0:32:44 > 0:32:50Your highs, like normal human beings, sometimes you've had a good day
0:32:50 > 0:32:53and something happens to you, you're high, ain't you?
0:32:53 > 0:32:55I'm hyper, yeah.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57Should you be sectioned if you're high?
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Obviously, bipolar's a different kind of high. It's over...
0:33:00 > 0:33:02Off the Richter scale.
0:33:02 > 0:33:04I can get hyper. But I know, when I get a headache,
0:33:04 > 0:33:07I know when to calm myself down.
0:33:07 > 0:33:08Yeah.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12- Do you accept that you're ill now? - Sorry?
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Do you accept that you've got bipolar for the rest of your life?
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Yeah, I do accept I've got bipolar for the rest of my life,
0:33:17 > 0:33:20but I can't accept that every minute,
0:33:20 > 0:33:22if I do something crazy,
0:33:22 > 0:33:25that someone could send someone around my house to get me sectioned.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28I don't accept that at all. I don't accept that one little bit.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31The only thing I am struggling to...
0:33:31 > 0:33:34I don't think doctors and police would put you in hospital
0:33:34 > 0:33:36if they didn't feel like you needed to be there, would they?
0:33:36 > 0:33:40- Yeah.- Remember in New York, you bought tracksuits.
0:33:40 > 0:33:44- God knows how many tracksuits. - True.- That...- That was manic.
0:33:44 > 0:33:46You can't just buy one. You can't just buy one.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49I think you came home with ten suitcases of them. Ridiculous.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51You gave me a suitcase.
0:33:51 > 0:33:52HE LAUGHS
0:33:52 > 0:33:53I then filled that up.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56I don't think it was ten suitcases. It was about four.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59You know the fairy lights you got in your car? Were they on a good day?
0:33:59 > 0:34:02- What?- The fairy lights you have in your car.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- The disco? The Christmas lights? - The disco lights.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08- Was that you?- I got them cos I see someone had them in their car
0:34:08 > 0:34:10and it was good. Is that a bipolar thing?
0:34:10 > 0:34:13- Is that against the law, to have something like that?- No.
0:34:13 > 0:34:14I'm just asking you...
0:34:14 > 0:34:17If you've got dice hanging up in your car, what, you got to be
0:34:17 > 0:34:20sectioned because you've got dice hanging up in your car?
0:34:20 > 0:34:23- I just bought them because it's a nice little thing.- OK.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31'I feel really good, actually.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34'I feel my dad's being really open
0:34:34 > 0:34:37'and I felt like I didn't have that connection with my dad,
0:34:37 > 0:34:40'because I couldn't even ask him what tablets he's on,'
0:34:40 > 0:34:44or how he's feeling, because I was scared that he'd just be like,
0:34:44 > 0:34:48"Right, you're disowned. You're not my daughter any more."
0:34:48 > 0:34:52But now, I've actually got past this hurdle, I'm...
0:34:52 > 0:34:57I think I'm feeling more positive about our relationship now.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01- Are you scared?- Yeah, yeah. Very scared. Very scared.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06- Hit it with a dumping punch.- What's a dumping punch?- Your right hand.
0:35:06 > 0:35:07- What, the...- Your right hand.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Yeah, that's it.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12- You feel the power?- You do, actually.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18- That is the money maker, isn't it?- You want a rest?- Yeah.
0:35:21 > 0:35:25- You hear from your old boyfriend? - No. Nothing.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28He was a whirlwind and he got my hopes up for no reason.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Even Nicola said, everyone was shocked
0:35:30 > 0:35:32when he just turned round out of nowhere and said,
0:35:32 > 0:35:38- "Oh, I don't really think I'm in love with you." That's random.- Yeah.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40- Relationships, Rach.- I know.
0:35:40 > 0:35:45- I just think, "What?" I'm not cut out for them any more.- Yeah?
0:35:45 > 0:35:48- I don't think I'm cut out for them any more.- What, relationships?- Yeah.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51HE LAUGHS
0:35:53 > 0:35:57'I think they've lowered the dosage of his medication.
0:35:57 > 0:36:01'He seems more aware of what's going on. He's not so tired and drowsy.'
0:36:01 > 0:36:03Take it easy.
0:36:03 > 0:36:04'I think this is good.'
0:36:04 > 0:36:06This is good Dad
0:36:06 > 0:36:08right now.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11'Dad seems to be getting on top of his illness,
0:36:11 > 0:36:14'but I know it's staying on top that's the hard bit.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20'I want to meet someone who's learned to really manage
0:36:20 > 0:36:23'their bipolar and live a relatively normal life.'
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- Hello!- Hello, my love! How are you?- Good, thank you.
0:36:28 > 0:36:29Come on through.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33- Welcome to the place where dreams become reality.- Oh!
0:36:33 > 0:36:37'Paul Scates has the same severe bipolar as my dad and yet is
0:36:37 > 0:36:40'able to run his own business planning parties and weddings.'
0:36:40 > 0:36:42I go above and beyond my call of duty.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45I have been known in the past to live with a couple for a week
0:36:45 > 0:36:46to get to know their personality so that
0:36:46 > 0:36:48I can then inject that into their wedding.
0:36:48 > 0:36:53'Paul was officially diagnosed three years ago, but he believes
0:36:53 > 0:36:58'his bipolar was triggered by traumatic events in his teens.'
0:36:58 > 0:37:00I unfortunately, through a so-called friend of the family, was
0:37:00 > 0:37:05abused for many years and I believe that's what kicked it off for me.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08- So, it's been quite a journey... - Yeah...
0:37:08 > 0:37:10..but I actually... Although it was horrible at times,
0:37:10 > 0:37:13I wouldn't change it for the world, to a certain degree,
0:37:13 > 0:37:14because it's made me who I am.
0:37:14 > 0:37:18Do you think having bipolar helped you with your career?
0:37:18 > 0:37:21People buy me first and then they buy what I can do afterwards.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24So, I think, because of my natural gregarious nature, which is
0:37:24 > 0:37:28my personality, but I think maybe the bipolar might assist
0:37:28 > 0:37:31it along its way, it's helped me no end.
0:37:31 > 0:37:35Because people can feel my passion, they can see it. It's a drug.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38It's a natural drug, admittedly. But you want to keep going.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41You want to get higher. You want to be even more excitable.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43And then you look around and you think,
0:37:43 > 0:37:45"Oh, God. They're boring." You know?
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Cos you're just so passionate and you've got so much energy
0:37:47 > 0:37:49and everything is achievable.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52I mean, I think it's absolutely paramount, like you are with
0:37:52 > 0:37:55your father and stuff, to have support networks around you.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57I think, without my family and friends,
0:37:57 > 0:37:59I don't know where I would have ended up.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10'Paul has invited me for lunch so I can meet his family
0:38:10 > 0:38:12'and his boyfriend Rob.'
0:38:14 > 0:38:17When did you first tell him that you were bipolar?
0:38:17 > 0:38:19I'll let Rob explain. It was by default.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22He didn't, because we'd actually come back from a weekend away
0:38:22 > 0:38:26and I was unpacking our weekend bag and I found some tablets.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28And, obviously, you know,
0:38:28 > 0:38:32pill sleeves make that distinctive rattling sound, that crinkling sound.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34And he was only in the bathroom. So he heard.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37- I was like, "Why did I let him go in the bag?"- Oh!
0:38:37 > 0:38:39"I could have unpacked myself."
0:38:39 > 0:38:41- Because we'd only been together, what?- A month.- A month.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44When you found out Paul had bipolar,
0:38:44 > 0:38:47did you have any doubts when you found out?
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, I did.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51There was a time when we first got together that
0:38:51 > 0:38:53I did consider getting out of the relationship,
0:38:53 > 0:38:55cos I thought, "I understand the condition.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57"Am I strong enough to cope with it?"
0:38:57 > 0:39:00In our formative stages of our relationship, Paul did
0:39:00 > 0:39:05have a couple of highs, and when you try and bring someone down,
0:39:05 > 0:39:09when you try and force someone down from a high, it's...
0:39:09 > 0:39:11it's very difficult. It is very difficult.
0:39:11 > 0:39:15And he has, in the past, said some pretty hurtful,
0:39:15 > 0:39:17quite damning things to me,
0:39:17 > 0:39:20but I know that's not him saying it.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23I know. My dad's done it a lot of times.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25I take it personally. You have to remember it's not them.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28I did to begin with. That's one reason why I considered getting out,
0:39:28 > 0:39:31cos I thought, "My God, this person's horrible."
0:39:31 > 0:39:33The way he described it to me was like realising you've got
0:39:33 > 0:39:36a winning lottery ticket and someone taking it off of you.
0:39:36 > 0:39:40- You will do anything to keep hold of that winning sensation.- Yeah.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43In actual fact, if Paul didn't have bipolar,
0:39:43 > 0:39:44I think he'd be pretty dull.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46Are you done yet or not?
0:39:46 > 0:39:49He doesn't want to be left out of it, does he?
0:39:49 > 0:39:51- It's all about me, me, me!- It is!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53THEY LAUGH
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Paul and Rob have moved in with Paul's mum and dad.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59It's an arrangement that works for all of them.
0:39:59 > 0:40:03Well, not only is Paul bipolar, my husband is bipolar.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05Their illness affects them both.
0:40:05 > 0:40:09How do you find living with a son and husband having bipolar?
0:40:11 > 0:40:12If I'm honest, really hard.
0:40:12 > 0:40:16I cope better, actually - and I know it sounds awful - with the lows.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19- I know my dad's safe when he's low.- Yeah.
0:40:19 > 0:40:20In a way, cos he'll be at home.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Doesn't move out of the chair,
0:40:22 > 0:40:25I have to tell him to drink, eat, sleep.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28The only downside for the lows is if they're suicidal.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30Cos then you feel that you can't leave them.
0:40:30 > 0:40:35The highs, you're just not aware, half the time,
0:40:35 > 0:40:38till the police turn up at your door or, you know...
0:40:38 > 0:40:40So actually, you've had that, the police?
0:40:40 > 0:40:44Norman's gone off and disappeared and we've not known where he is.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46And he hadn't known where he is.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48What his name was, or anything.
0:40:48 > 0:40:49I get really angry sometimes with Norman.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51He looks like my husband, he sounds like it,
0:40:51 > 0:40:54but I've got an alien stood there and I can't...
0:40:54 > 0:40:58I don't know if you get it with your dad, but I can't reach him.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01We all need the clinical side of things,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04but, actually, it's your family and friends,
0:41:04 > 0:41:08if you're fortunate enough to have them, that are the make or break.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10They don't have an ulterior motive.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12All they care about is my wellness.
0:41:12 > 0:41:16The key thing that I think that's helped is belonging to
0:41:16 > 0:41:19a support group, to talk to other people
0:41:19 > 0:41:21who are living the experience.
0:41:21 > 0:41:22We've all gone to the groups together.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25It's amazing just how open some people can be.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29The more you know, the more you can deal with it.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35'What Paul Scates and his family said makes sense.
0:41:35 > 0:41:39'It's got me thinking about my sister Nicola.'
0:41:40 > 0:41:42Hello, Daddy. Good luck for the fight
0:41:42 > 0:41:44and I love you and I hope to see you soon.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48'Of all us kids, Nicola has borne the brunt of Dad's illness.
0:41:49 > 0:41:54'Since the age of 12, she's tried to hold the family together.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59'First through my parents' divorce, then as my dad's next of kin.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03'She was the one who signed the papers to have him sectioned.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07'I found a local self-help group for bipolar sufferers
0:42:07 > 0:42:11'and their families, and I've decided to take my sister along.'
0:42:11 > 0:42:12Hello.
0:42:12 > 0:42:15- I'm Rachel.- Hi, Rachel.- Hello.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17So, does anyone want to start at all?
0:42:22 > 0:42:26I do feel like I don't have as much of a social life as I should
0:42:26 > 0:42:28at my age because I feel like I...
0:42:28 > 0:42:32It's my responsibility to be there looking after Mum.
0:42:32 > 0:42:36I feel like I am not being a teenager. I feel like I'm a parent.
0:42:38 > 0:42:42Can I broach the subject of being sectioned?
0:42:43 > 0:42:45Losing my mum was the worst.
0:42:45 > 0:42:50It took me so long to build back that relationship with her
0:42:50 > 0:42:52and I did feel blamed.
0:42:52 > 0:42:56My mum would turn round and say, "Oh, look what you've done to me."
0:42:56 > 0:42:57And I hadn't done anything.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00All I tried to do was help but...
0:43:00 > 0:43:03I think that you are a fantastic daughter.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06Absolute fantastic daughter.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16I just think what you said is really nice to hear,
0:43:16 > 0:43:20because I am sure everyone here can relate,
0:43:20 > 0:43:25but when someone turns around and says that to you after
0:43:25 > 0:43:29everything you've done, it makes a difference because,
0:43:29 > 0:43:30I'm sure you two can relate,
0:43:30 > 0:43:32you don't feel like you're ever doing enough.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35- NICOLA:- No, you never feel you do enough to help.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38You won't ever get, "I'm proud," or, "Thank you very much."
0:43:38 > 0:43:39I have never had a thank you.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44I had two breakdowns last year and it does still affect me
0:43:44 > 0:43:46to this day every so often
0:43:46 > 0:43:48but this time I've now had to just block it out.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51I said from last year that she now has to look after herself
0:43:51 > 0:43:54because I don't want to lose my sister, like I did last year,
0:43:54 > 0:43:58and that is what makes the anger come out of me because she just...
0:43:58 > 0:44:01Like, you could have potentially lost your new relationship and
0:44:01 > 0:44:05that's because of the stress of my dad and his illness has put on her.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08I said, "You have got to get to a point, you are 30 years old now.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10"You are to be having kids yourself soon
0:44:10 > 0:44:12"and you can't go through this again."
0:44:14 > 0:44:18How does a person with bipolar want to be treated?
0:44:18 > 0:44:24I think I want to be treated as poor with bipolar,
0:44:24 > 0:44:28rather than suffering from a disease.
0:44:28 > 0:44:32I don't want to let my disease take over my life.
0:44:32 > 0:44:38I felt, initially, I was living in a goldfish bowl under observation.
0:44:38 > 0:44:42If Dad tells a joke and he is laughing too much,
0:44:42 > 0:44:45that maybe he is going high.
0:44:45 > 0:44:49If someone asks you a question, what would be the one thing
0:44:49 > 0:44:54- that you don't want them to ask you about your bipolar?- Ask me?- Yeah.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57- I don't have any restrictions.- Right.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01For instance, my one would be, "Are you still taking your medication?"
0:45:02 > 0:45:04I don't like that at all.
0:45:05 > 0:45:09For me, it's a kind of trust thing, so they don't trust me.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14We'll end it there. I just want to thank you all for coming.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17Brilliant discussion. And a safe journey home.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20ALL: Thank you very much.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24- INTERVIEWER: It's a big step tonight?- I feel like it is.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27I feel like I got a new Thursday night plan in my diary.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30I'd like to come back. I thought it'd be everybody saying,
0:45:30 > 0:45:32"Yeah, my family member's got bipolar and we have
0:45:32 > 0:45:34"the greatest relationship. We get on great,"
0:45:34 > 0:45:38but it's nice to know that everybody hasn't got that fairy-tale ending.
0:45:38 > 0:45:41- They've got exactly the same unbalanced...- Unstable.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43..reality as what we've got.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47- See you later, girls.- See you soon.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49'It seems like, for the first time in years,
0:45:49 > 0:45:52'we are taking a step forward.'
0:45:52 > 0:45:55- ANNOUNCER:- OK, ladies and gentlemen, now for your very special guest,
0:45:55 > 0:45:56a young man who is known as
0:45:56 > 0:46:01Britain's best loved sportsman ever - Mr Frank Bruno.
0:46:03 > 0:46:05'And Dad is making progress too.
0:46:06 > 0:46:10'He is well enough to get back to work making public appearances.'
0:46:10 > 0:46:13There is a stigma with a breakdown and a mental illness, Frank,
0:46:13 > 0:46:16and you suffered that, especially in your early days.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Yeah, I've got bi-polo, you know what I mean?
0:46:18 > 0:46:21I don't know what it is but it's a very, very...
0:46:21 > 0:46:22Excuse me.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25HE LAUGHS
0:46:25 > 0:46:27That one touched you, yeah?
0:46:29 > 0:46:32I think there is a lady in the room today what's got bi-polo.
0:46:32 > 0:46:35I ain't going to mention no names to embarrass her or whatever.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38Years ago, people used to look at mental health and whatever
0:46:38 > 0:46:40and cross the road and, "Look at that nutter,"
0:46:40 > 0:46:43but people are tending to ease off a little bit
0:46:43 > 0:46:46because it could be their mother, their sister, their brother.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48It could happen to a teacher, it could happen to a nurse,
0:46:48 > 0:46:50it could happen to anybody.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09Hi, Dad.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11That's all right, I'm not rushing you,
0:47:11 > 0:47:13I'm just ringing to see where you are. Just to check.
0:47:13 > 0:47:15'I'm beginning to realise it's important
0:47:15 > 0:47:19'to just spend time with Dad. No more questions about bipolar.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23'So I have arranged to meet him to do some shopping
0:47:23 > 0:47:25'and help him out with a few things.'
0:47:30 > 0:47:35- I was getting passport... - Rach?- Yeah?- Press...
0:47:35 > 0:47:39- Look... You have got to look there then, yeah?- All right.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41He is getting a new photo for his driving licence.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44He's got to sort his driving licence out.
0:47:46 > 0:47:50- Rach?- Yeah?- What have you got to do now?
0:47:50 > 0:47:53"Your photo may not..." Oh, that's why.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55You're not allowed to smile.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57- Not allowed to smile? - No, not for a passport.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59- No?- No.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02- You'll definitely feel the spring when you step.- Oh, will, I?
0:48:02 > 0:48:06'I'm hoping Dad will help me choose some trainers for the marathon.'
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Do you reckon they're a bit...?
0:48:08 > 0:48:10- Really bright, aren't they? - Rachel, it's comfort.
0:48:10 > 0:48:14You've got to go for comfort rather than what colour they are.
0:48:14 > 0:48:17'When my dad is manic, he can't stop shopping.
0:48:17 > 0:48:20'But today, like most dads, he's bored.'
0:48:20 > 0:48:22Do you reckon you'll come and watch me do the marathon?
0:48:22 > 0:48:25- I'm not too sure, you know? - Why?- I'm not too sure.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27- I might do if I'm not busy. - I am running it for you,
0:48:27 > 0:48:30so you better freaking make yourself free, you know?
0:48:33 > 0:48:35Why are you not coming to the marathon, Dad?
0:48:35 > 0:48:37- Why might not you come? - I didn't say...
0:48:37 > 0:48:40I'm not too sure, Rachel. I might be busy. I'm not too sure.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45Dad was a bit quiet, I think. Quieter than usual today.
0:48:45 > 0:48:49I think he wanted to get away quick. But I'm used to that.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51He is always kind of like that.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53Which is a bit of a shame so I didn't want to press too much.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56It was nice of him to come and get them trainers with me, really.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59I just hope he comes and watches the marathon now cos
0:48:59 > 0:49:02he still seems a bit unsure about that.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04When you get older, you will be watching this
0:49:04 > 0:49:07and what will you be thinking when you get old?
0:49:07 > 0:49:11Will you be saying, "Oh, my God?"
0:49:11 > 0:49:13Oh, that's me when I was younger!
0:49:15 > 0:49:19'Making this film is raking up a lot of emotions for me.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21'And it is forcing me to think about my own life.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24'If I'm honest,
0:49:24 > 0:49:28'one of my deepest fears is that I'm going to get bipolar too.'
0:49:28 > 0:49:30Some days I do get really low and I'm like,
0:49:30 > 0:49:33"I can't be bothered to get out of bed or go to the gym."
0:49:33 > 0:49:36Even from recently looking at old family videos,
0:49:36 > 0:49:40I've always been this hyperactive, in-your-face kind of person.
0:49:40 > 0:49:44If I'm quite stressed or I've got a lot of things going on at one time,
0:49:44 > 0:49:47I do wake up in the night. I even ran into my bedroom door.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49My mum heard the bang.
0:49:49 > 0:49:53Then I went into my sister's room and I could not slow my heart down.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55I couldn't get it under control.
0:49:55 > 0:49:58'I know there are stats that say you are 10 times more likely to
0:49:58 > 0:50:02'get bipolar if you have got a parent who has got it
0:50:02 > 0:50:04'and that really preys on my mind.'
0:50:05 > 0:50:08I think there was someone in Dominica, on his dad's side,
0:50:08 > 0:50:12who had a history of mental illness.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15Some people in his family, I think, have got something.
0:50:15 > 0:50:19I don't know what form of bipolar or what they've got. I don't know.
0:50:19 > 0:50:20I know now, from speaking to people
0:50:20 > 0:50:23and obviously doing this documentary, that it can be
0:50:23 > 0:50:25triggered by something so that is quite worrying.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28In the future I don't want to have to go through something
0:50:28 > 0:50:31really hard in life and then suddenly I've got bipolar.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41'I'm on my way back to visit psychiatrist Mark Salter.
0:50:41 > 0:50:44'I need him to be completely straight with me about the risks.'
0:50:44 > 0:50:46- Good to see you.- Good to see you too.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50Your risk of being vulnerable to bipolar disorder is significantly up.
0:50:50 > 0:50:52- There's no doubt about that. - Oh, really?- Yeah.
0:50:52 > 0:50:53That is to say that, you know,
0:50:53 > 0:50:57you have inherited a genetic vulnerability to it.
0:50:57 > 0:50:59But remember, genetics is not the same as destiny.
0:50:59 > 0:51:02Just cos you've got the gene doesn't mean to say you've got the condition.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05You'll hear an awful lot of things talked, especially on the internet
0:51:05 > 0:51:07where you get some quite sensationalist things -
0:51:07 > 0:51:09people that say it is ten times greater risk.
0:51:09 > 0:51:12That's not a ten times greater chance of getting the illness
0:51:12 > 0:51:16because, remember, genetics is only one small part of the story.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19It's the life you live, it's the things you do,
0:51:19 > 0:51:22it's kind of the, if you like, stuff that happens to you.
0:51:22 > 0:51:25Rachel, have you had repeated blows to the head since the age of 15,
0:51:25 > 0:51:27- day in, day out?- No, I haven't.- No.
0:51:27 > 0:51:31Have you found yourself catapulted into fame,
0:51:31 > 0:51:32or having a cocaine dealer
0:51:32 > 0:51:35just a phone call away any time you wanted it?
0:51:35 > 0:51:37You've probably had more love in your life
0:51:37 > 0:51:40- and stability in your life than your dad did.- Yeah, yeah.
0:51:40 > 0:51:44Obviously his dad died when he was young, he went to boarding school.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47I have definitely been around a more loving family,
0:51:47 > 0:51:51- my family, growing up. - Now, those things are protective.
0:51:51 > 0:51:54So much of what we have been talking about is about not, you know,
0:51:54 > 0:51:57being this fragile person who could crack at any moment
0:51:57 > 0:52:01but by making, doing and living a life that makes you strong.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03It's not like you have got "high risk" tattooed
0:52:03 > 0:52:06across your forehead because of what's in your DNA.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09And there is nothing wrong with having intense moods.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Yeah, it's normal. It's...
0:52:11 > 0:52:12You're young, clever, beautiful,
0:52:12 > 0:52:15you've got the whole world ahead of you and you are,
0:52:15 > 0:52:17because of those things, going to have a bit of a roller coaster.
0:52:17 > 0:52:20- Yeah, up and down. Yeah. - You know, let's face it,
0:52:20 > 0:52:23- anyone whose life isn't a bit of a roller coaster isn't living.- Yeah.
0:52:23 > 0:52:27- That's the way I see it. - A bit boring, really.- Absolutely.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29- Good luck to you.- See you later. Thank you very much.
0:52:29 > 0:52:32- Take care, Rachel. - Thank you.- Have fun.- Yes, I will.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38'I've learned a lot about bipolar these last few months
0:52:38 > 0:52:42'and I feel it is time to share some of my experiences with Dad.'
0:52:44 > 0:52:47I didn't realise how important it was for me to do this because
0:52:47 > 0:52:50when I first started it, I felt really angry but I didn't know why.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53- Angry?- Just cos you were ill and I couldn't help you
0:52:53 > 0:52:55and you'd just come out of hospital.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59I thought, "I've lost my dad again. Is he going to come back around?"
0:52:59 > 0:53:02And I kept saying, "I want an apology. I want a sorry,"
0:53:02 > 0:53:06cos sometimes some of the stuff you could say when you've been
0:53:06 > 0:53:10manic but you can't remember it can be quite hurtful.
0:53:10 > 0:53:14- Yeah.- But I feel, like, stupid to focus on that apology and get
0:53:14 > 0:53:17- so upset about it. - What, an apology from me?
0:53:17 > 0:53:21No, yeah, cos sometimes you can be a bit aggressive or just shout
0:53:21 > 0:53:22- but it wasn't you.- Hmm.
0:53:22 > 0:53:26I find it easier to deal with the fact that you've got this for
0:53:26 > 0:53:28the rest of your life and I'm always going to be here to support you
0:53:28 > 0:53:32and I have just got to trust you and I didn't realise...
0:53:32 > 0:53:35One guy said he hates his kids asking him, "How are you feeling?
0:53:35 > 0:53:37"Have you taken your medication today?"
0:53:37 > 0:53:40- Yeah.- I shouldn't have to ask you that, should I, really? It's not...
0:53:40 > 0:53:42What's wrong with asking me that?
0:53:42 > 0:53:45- I just think I should trust you and just be like, "Well, OK."- Yeah.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47- It's something you've got to do, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:53:47 > 0:53:52At the end of the day, the law states I've got to take the medication.
0:53:52 > 0:53:56It's me taking the medication for my own good, you know what I mean?
0:53:56 > 0:53:57That's... That is...
0:53:57 > 0:54:00I actually didn't think I'd ever hear you probably say that.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02- What's that?- You've got to take the medication for your own good.
0:54:02 > 0:54:06- Yeah, I've got to take it for my own good, know what I mean?- That's good.
0:54:06 > 0:54:08I've just got to get on with life, you know?
0:54:08 > 0:54:12There is much more worser things people's got than bi-polo.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14I know. I love the way you call it bi-polo as well.
0:54:14 > 0:54:15HE CHUCKLES
0:54:17 > 0:54:20Would there be anything you'd want us kids to do differently?
0:54:20 > 0:54:23No, not really. At all. You know what I mean?
0:54:23 > 0:54:27I wish you could ring a little bit more but you've got your lives
0:54:27 > 0:54:30and whatever that it's no biggie. Biggie Small.
0:54:31 > 0:54:35- I'd try and ring but I'm not really a ringer, really.- No.
0:54:36 > 0:54:37No, I should have rang you
0:54:37 > 0:54:40more last year but I never could cope with you being ill.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42When I see you like that,
0:54:42 > 0:54:45it makes me back off cos I'm like, "I'm scared."
0:54:45 > 0:54:48- And now, it's like it's not so scary cos I know about it.- Yeah.
0:54:48 > 0:54:49I know what you're going...
0:54:49 > 0:54:52Well, I don't know physically what you're going through,
0:54:52 > 0:54:54- I just know what you need. Just got to be there.- Yeah.
0:54:54 > 0:54:56I'd love for you to end up with a lady here,
0:54:56 > 0:54:59- move in, someone to take care of you.- Say it again.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01I'd love for you to have a woman.
0:55:01 > 0:55:04I don't think I could move in with a lady, to be quite honest.
0:55:04 > 0:55:05Do you know what I mean?
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Imagine being an old man, like, when you're getting older,
0:55:07 > 0:55:09you need to have some company.
0:55:09 > 0:55:12- She'll bake you cakes in the kitchen.- Cakes?
0:55:12 > 0:55:14- HE LAUGHS - She can make you Sunday roasts.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17I can look after myself, you know what I mean?
0:55:17 > 0:55:19I don't want to be a burden.
0:55:19 > 0:55:21You're not a burden at all.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25- See you later.- Take it easy.- I'll text you when I get home safe.
0:55:25 > 0:55:27All right. Look after yourself.
0:55:28 > 0:55:29See you later. Take it easy.
0:55:42 > 0:55:45It says, "26.2 is your bitch. Go, Raci B!"
0:55:46 > 0:55:48- How are you feeling, Mum? Are you nervous?- I am, yes.
0:55:48 > 0:55:51- Rather you than me.- Really?
0:55:51 > 0:55:54I've been training for this for ages now so I just want to get there
0:55:54 > 0:55:56and hopefully make everyone proud and finish it.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58- INTERVIEWER:- Is your dad definitely coming?
0:55:58 > 0:56:01Yeah, he's going to be at the finish line. He just rang me
0:56:01 > 0:56:03and wished me luck, so he'll be there.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06So it's good to have everyone here that loves me.
0:56:06 > 0:56:07- Good luck.- Group hug.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09You'll be amazing.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11CHEERING
0:56:25 > 0:56:29Well done. Well done. Well done.
0:56:29 > 0:56:30Hello there. Well done, man.
0:56:30 > 0:56:32Well done.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35Barefoot? No, you're joking! I can smell the cheese!
0:56:35 > 0:56:37HE LAUGHS
0:56:37 > 0:56:39My daughter's running the race for Mind
0:56:39 > 0:56:42- so I'm just coming to support as her dad.- Fantastic.
0:56:42 > 0:56:45- Do you know how she's getting on today?- I'm not too sure.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48Any time now, she'll be coming in. She's done very well, you know?
0:56:48 > 0:56:50I'm very proud of her.
0:56:53 > 0:56:55Are you all right? Wicked. Well done. Hello, Rach. You all right?
0:56:55 > 0:56:58- Oh, my God.- Was it hard?- Yeah.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01HE LAUGHS
0:57:01 > 0:57:04- Are you all right? What's the matter?- It's really hard.
0:57:04 > 0:57:07You're right, it's the hardest thing ever.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10- Thanks for coming, Dad. - Yeah, no problem. No problem, man.
0:57:10 > 0:57:13No problem, no problem, no problem at all, darling.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16MUSIC: "Nightdrive With You" by Anoraak
0:57:17 > 0:57:20# You beat my heart You blow my eyes
0:57:20 > 0:57:23# I guess it's love what I'm feeling
0:57:25 > 0:57:27# You beat my heart You blow my eyes
0:57:27 > 0:57:32# I guess it's love what I'm feeling
0:57:32 > 0:57:35# You beat my heart You blow my eyes
0:57:35 > 0:57:40# I guess it's love what I'm feeling Feeling
0:57:40 > 0:57:44# Feeling, feeling, feeling... #
0:57:44 > 0:57:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd