0:00:02 > 0:00:06Engaged couple Chris and Stacey are getting married this summer.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11It will certainly be the best day of my life.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Planning for the big day is one thing,
0:00:13 > 0:00:17making a success of the years that follow is another.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20We both appreciate that we've got a lot to learn.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Neither of us have done this before.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25What do they both expect of married life?
0:00:25 > 0:00:27To help them find out, vicar Kate Bottley,
0:00:27 > 0:00:29who has married hundreds of couples,
0:00:29 > 0:00:32will guide them through an unusual experiment.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Come on, Buster!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36'When a bride and groom arrive at their wedding day,'
0:00:36 > 0:00:39they bring to the altar all sorts of expectations
0:00:39 > 0:00:42about what married life might be.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44But, of course, those expectations, they're not always matching,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47because they can have such different examples of marriage
0:00:47 > 0:00:49in their own parents and in their own families.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I'm going. Bye!
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Kate wants Chris and Stacey to spend a few days living alone
0:00:56 > 0:00:57with their respective in-laws to be.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Hello!- Hi, Chris.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03It'll be an opportunity to ask them all kinds of questions.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Were you guys quite lovey-dovey in front of the kids,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07quite physically affectionate?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I don't think so. James never used to hold my hand.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12So if you can find out how THAT marriage works,
0:01:12 > 0:01:16perhaps you'll reveal something about how your marriage
0:01:16 > 0:01:18might function in the years ahead.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21What will they learn about the person they love...
0:01:21 > 0:01:25I understand now why she may have an issue with commitment.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28..from the parents who raised them?
0:01:28 > 0:01:32I think it could get a bit dull for her.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36What does their in-laws' marriage tell them about their partner's
0:01:36 > 0:01:38expectations of married life?
0:01:39 > 0:01:43I absolutely think Chris is hoping that I'll be like his mum.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46She always holds on to her independence, it's, erm...
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Yeah, it's tough.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51And when they come back together,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53after living alone with their in-laws,
0:01:53 > 0:01:57will they still feel the same about getting married?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00There's things that I've done that is going to potentially cause errors
0:02:00 > 0:02:02later on down the line.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05I feel like to settle with you
0:02:05 > 0:02:08is letting go of my identity,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10and I have a really big issue with that.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Kate is in Somerset,
0:02:26 > 0:02:30on her way to meet a couple who are willing to try an unusual way
0:02:30 > 0:02:32of preparing for their marriage.
0:02:33 > 0:02:38I'm on my way to meet Chris and Stacey at their wedding venue.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I'm really excited, actually. REALLY excited!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47In just a few months' time,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Chris and Stacey will be tying the knot
0:02:49 > 0:02:52at this 14th-century medieval manor.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Oh, wow, this is beautiful.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56It's like something out of Henry VIII.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Hello, I'm Kate.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- Stacey.- Hi, Stacey.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Chris.- Hi, Chris. This place is absolutely beautiful. It's amazing.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You must be totally thrilled and so excited about your big day.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Yeah, yeah, yeah. We... This was, like, our 14th venue...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- No!- ..that we came to see.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Yeah, we saw a few. But when we came here, we knew this was the one,
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- didn't we?- Yeah. - So you rejected 13...
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Yes.- ..others.- Yes.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27If your marriage turns out as gorgeous as your wedding venue,
0:03:27 > 0:03:28you're going to be fine.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Ah!- Thank you!- So, do you want to see around, shall I show you...?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34The couple have invited 170 guests
0:03:34 > 0:03:37and have a budget of about £30,000.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Shall we take a seat?- Yeah. - Let's do that.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47So, you've loved each other for a long... A LONG time, then?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I would say I've loved Stacey for a long time.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It took you... You didn't feel the same, did you?
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Er, I just don't think I was ready to see it. But I am now!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03They say opposites attract,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07and that appears to be the case for recruitment consultant Chris,
0:04:07 > 0:04:12who left school at 17 and now earns a six-figure salary, and Stacey,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15who is studying for her second degree
0:04:15 > 0:04:18while working for a not-for-profit organisation.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Stacey's quite independent by her very nature.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22She's quite happy doing her own thing.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Chris is a creature of habit.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27He likes his routines, so six o'clock in the morning,
0:04:27 > 0:04:30he'll have breakfast, one o'clock, he'll have lunch.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Every day he has the same meal for lunch,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35and at six o'clock in the evening, he needs to have dinner.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Then I go to the gym, three times a week,
0:04:37 > 0:04:39cos that's the time I can forget about work.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Yeah, he likes the same things all the time, which drives me insane.
0:04:44 > 0:04:4832-year-old Chris and 30-year-old Stacey from Bristol
0:04:48 > 0:04:50have been together for four years,
0:04:50 > 0:04:54but they also had a two-week romance as teenagers.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I've been in love with Stace since the age of 16, you know?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58She was the girl that made me laugh.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02She literally does just light up the room whenever you see her.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Chris' feelings for Stacey never went away,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07and 12 years after their first romance,
0:05:07 > 0:05:11he flew to France, where she was working as a translator,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13and declared his love for her.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17It was kind of, like, I'm just going to tell her how I feel,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and if it works, it works, and if it doesn't, it doesn't.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Luckily for Chris, the feeling was mutual.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Stacey, who lived abroad for eight years,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28packed her bags and moved back to Bristol.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I wanted to be stable,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32but I saw it as a sacrifice,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35and I still see it as a sacrifice.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Nonetheless, last summer, they got engaged.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Stacey's thought processing
0:05:41 > 0:05:44to marriage and relationships is completely different to mine.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Since we got engaged,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I've had quite a lot of anxieties about feeling trapped.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51We're probably in for massive arguments,
0:05:51 > 0:05:53things being thrown across the room,
0:05:53 > 0:05:56but that's because that's what I know as marriage.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59And I used to hear my parents arguing.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01They broke up when I was about 15, 16.
0:06:01 > 0:06:07My parents have been together for 35 years now,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09and they're so in love.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11They're completely solid.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I've never heard my mum and dad argue.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18So, Stacey, your parents splitting up,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21what concerns has that given you about your own marriage?
0:06:21 > 0:06:22That it won't work!
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Um...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Yeah, I think marriage working now
0:06:26 > 0:06:29is kind of the exception to the rule.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30How does that make you feel, Chris?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33I don't like thinking about it. It hurts a little bit.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35You know, if you get married, it's a lifelong thing.
0:06:35 > 0:06:41- I want you to love me like you do now, when I'm 60 and I'm old.- Mm.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43So, there's a real mismatch there, isn't there?
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- There is.- You've come from very different kind of backgrounds,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49the marriage of your parents and the marriage of your parents.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52That's your blueprint for your own marriage,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55so I think it would be really interesting,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58because who knows you better than your own parents,
0:06:58 > 0:07:03if you spend some time alone with your in-laws,
0:07:03 > 0:07:07asking some questions about your in-laws' marriage,
0:07:07 > 0:07:11so that you can try and figure out, Chris, where Stacey's coming from,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13and you can try and figure out where Chris is coming from.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Because then from that, you can then say, "Well, Chris,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19"I really like this feature of your parents' marriage,
0:07:19 > 0:07:20"but I wasn't so sure about this."
0:07:20 > 0:07:23And if you can understand some of those things,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27then you can form the best framework for your marriage.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29So I've got something to give you.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- OK.- These are your questions...
0:07:33 > 0:07:35The questions have been written to help them
0:07:35 > 0:07:38explore subjects they might otherwise feel awkward
0:07:38 > 0:07:40asking about - from children,
0:07:40 > 0:07:42to finances, to fidelity.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44STACEY SUCKS IN HER BREATH
0:07:44 > 0:07:47SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:07:47 > 0:07:52I am laughing at the idea of Chris asking my parents,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54"What annoys you about your partner?"
0:07:54 > 0:07:58And I think both of my parents will have an absolute field day.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00LAUGHTER
0:08:00 > 0:08:02How are you feeling?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Apprehensive.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08It's going to be difficult, but... we're doing it for a reason,
0:08:08 > 0:08:11to improve us and get us ready for this marriage.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I think the best outcome in all of this
0:08:14 > 0:08:18would be that both Chris and Stacey really get to the heart of something
0:08:18 > 0:08:21in their conversations with their in-laws.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23That they reveal something that will help them to shape
0:08:23 > 0:08:27their own marriage. So I'm glad that they feel rightly nervous,
0:08:27 > 0:08:31cos this is a big deal, it's a big deal and it's a big risk.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36For the next four days,
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Stacey and Chris have agreed to live with their in-laws...
0:08:40 > 0:08:42alone.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44What question do you NOT want to ask my parents?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47All the sex questions. "Is your relationship exclusive?"
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Imagine if they answered no. Imagine if they said, "No,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53"we're very friendly with Julie and Kevin."
0:08:53 > 0:08:54- Oh... - SHE LAUGHS
0:08:54 > 0:08:55It's not funny.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56It's not funny!
0:09:00 > 0:09:01- Got everything?- I think so.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Got your phone charger?
0:09:03 > 0:09:04- Yeah.- Your toothbrush?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Mm-hmm.- Enough pairs of pants, socks?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- Jumpers?- Mm-hmm.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Throughout the four days, Chris and Stacey won't talk to each other.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Give me a kiss goodbye.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18The next time they speak will be with Kate,
0:09:18 > 0:09:20to see what they've learned from their in-laws.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Miss me.- I'm sure you will.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24No, miss ME!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30The only time I've spent alone with Chris' parents are...
0:09:31 > 0:09:35..when I was organising Chris' surprise birthday party.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Feeling quite a lot of emotions, really.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Excited, nervous, very apprehensive.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I'm not quite sure what the next four days
0:09:43 > 0:09:45are basically going to entail.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Chris has two sets of in-laws to visit.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Before he stays with Stacey's mother,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57his first stop is with Stacey's father, Dave, and second wife Nicky.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Hi, Chris.- Come on in.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Forearmed is forewarned, I guess, for Chris.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06But I think the more he can learn, the more he can understand.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10It gives him a better chance of surviving.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11Or the marriage surviving.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15Dave and Nicky met online 15 years ago
0:10:15 > 0:10:18and have been together ever since.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- Want a drink?- Yeah, I'd love one.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Cider, tea?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Beer, please. - We can get a drink, now!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Yeah, definitely. - Bathroom's there, as you know.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Yeah.- Right, you're going to be in this room, Chris.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- Brilliant.- Got the rowing machine as well,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33in case you get up early and want to do a bit of exercise.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Good stuff.- Just don't be too noisy on it!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- Nice.- And we'll see you downstairs when you're ready.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39- Yeah.- See you in a bit.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43It's a bit weird, being here on my own...
0:10:43 > 0:10:48Um...without Stace, because I'm always here with Stace.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51And just kind of being left to my own devices.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Despite being just 20 minutes down the road,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57it will be the first time Stacey
0:10:57 > 0:11:00has spent quality time with her in-laws alone.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- Hello!- Hiya!- Come on in.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- I'm moving in!- I was going to say, how long are you staying for?!
0:11:07 > 0:11:08LAUGHTER
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- Do you want a cup of tea? - I'd love a cup of tea, please.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Chris' mother Julie and father James
0:11:14 > 0:11:17have been married for 35 years,
0:11:17 > 0:11:18and were each other's first love.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Chris is the eldest of their three children.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24He has a brother and a sister.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- There you go.- Thank you.- All right.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29What have you guys been up to, then?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Not much, not much.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Tidying up the garden.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- Yeah.- Um... Shame about the weather, isn't it?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Yeah.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Over the next few days, Stacey will be shadowing housewife Julie,
0:11:47 > 0:11:52while financial terms and conditions supervisor James goes to work.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53What's going on tomorrow, then?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I get up about ten to six tomorrow
0:11:56 > 0:11:59and will be leaving about ten to seven.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00You've got some housework.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02You're going to be watching me.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05A bit of cleaning.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Make the beds...
0:12:07 > 0:12:10..and then we're getting James tea.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11We've got toad in the hole.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14It's going to be like "a day in the life of Julie Dudbridge!"
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- It is.- I'm going to be your shadow.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I'm just worried about all these questions
0:12:19 > 0:12:21you're going to be asking me.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23As long as it's nothing... too personal.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Here you are.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Ahh! Aw, I love it when you do the rooms up.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34With my towels and everything!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- You can have a little dog to keep you company!- Aw!
0:12:38 > 0:12:42It's weird to think that I'm going to be in this bed all on my own.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44All right. I'll see you later, then.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Bye.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49I would say that pretty much every question here is personal!
0:12:50 > 0:12:54I think I might go through this and kind of, as the weekend's going,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56feel how the land lays.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58I mean, "Who decides how often you have sex?"
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I don't feel comfortable
0:13:00 > 0:13:03putting James and Julie in an uncomfortable situation.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Stacey may be easing herself into her first night,
0:13:07 > 0:13:09but at the local curry house,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Chris and his in-laws are getting stuck in.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15So, are we ready to talk about the, um...
0:13:16 > 0:13:17..the difficult subjects?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- Fire away.- So how would you feel if...
0:13:22 > 0:13:25..one of you said they found someone else attractive?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Would you feel jealous?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Quite often Nick says these sort of things
0:13:29 > 0:13:30and I have to put up with this.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31So she says,
0:13:31 > 0:13:34for instance, Michael Buble, "Oh, look at him".
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Oh, he's lovely! But he's somebody on the TV
0:13:36 > 0:13:38that I'm never going to meet in my entire life!
0:13:38 > 0:13:41But if I said that in somewhere...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- There was a guy sat over there. - I would not EVER say that.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- Oh, that's different. - And if I ever did say that,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I would expect Dave to go bananas.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Do you trust each other 100%?
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Yes, I trust Dave 110% or I wouldn't be with him.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00When we first met, you were very...insecure.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Anti-men.- Anti-men, exactly.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Men just cheat, men are liars, men are horrible people,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09men are this, that and the other. And I said, well, I'd like to be
0:14:09 > 0:14:13- able to prove you wrong.- Hang on, you used to say that about women.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19Our ground rules from day one were if ever we caught anyone
0:14:19 > 0:14:22doing something they shouldn't be doing, that would be it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24But we both have really strong views on this subject, actually,
0:14:24 > 0:14:27so it's good that you're asking these questions.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Which is good. Me and Stace haven't spoken about that,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32but from my point of view, it's an unwritten rule.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35The fact that you're saying it's an unspoken rule,
0:14:35 > 0:14:37you should speak the rule and say,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39"This is what I expect.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41"This is what YOU should expect, this is what WE expect".
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- That's important. - That's how it works.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Yeah.- If that happens, you overstep that line, bang,
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- it's never going to be the same.- No.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Over in Bristol,
0:14:59 > 0:15:03bride-to-be Stacey is waking up to her first morning
0:15:03 > 0:15:04of living with her in-laws.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11After making little headway with her questions last night,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13it's time to get down to business.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19I have a very important question for you, Julie.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- Oh, right.- How do you and James divvy up the housework?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26James has always done the garden and cleaned the car.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28And I guess you do all the traditional lady jobs?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Yeah. Because that's probably...
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Why do you think that happened like that?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Probably because that's what my mum and dad did.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38I didn't, sort of, question it.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39And do you think that's fair?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Yes, because I didn't ever think, "Oh, I'm doing this".
0:15:43 > 0:15:46What would happen on a normal day?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I haven't really got a set routine, apart from Friday.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I usually get the ironing done.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54It's Friday today, so that's what we're doing.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Great.- So do you do the ironing at home, then?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- I don't do any ironing. - You DON'T do any ironing?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Well, I couldn't...
0:16:01 > 0:16:02get into a bed...
0:16:03 > 0:16:05..without ironing the sheets.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- I'd know.- You iron the sheets?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09I iron the sheets.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11I'm not as bad as my mum. She always used to iron my dad's socks,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- but I don't...- You iron the sheets?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Yeah.- But they're going to be creased in the morning!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17I know, but it's just the feel of them.
0:16:21 > 0:16:2716 years ago, Chris's father in-law Dave divorced Stacey's mother.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29It's going to be hard for me to ask questions
0:16:29 > 0:16:32and talk about the breakdown of Dave's first marriage...
0:16:33 > 0:16:37..because it's probably going to bring up quite a lot of
0:16:37 > 0:16:38tough feelings
0:16:38 > 0:16:41and stuff he may have never spoken about with anyone.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47I can't imagine that you and Angela just split up and it was kind of out
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- of the blue...- Didn't see it coming.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51It came in the form of a text message, to be quite honest.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- But...- Did you and Angela argue a lot?
0:16:54 > 0:16:55Yeah.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Yeah, we did argue.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59But...
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Looking at your mum and dad...
0:17:03 > 0:17:08- Yeah.- I mean, I've played out in bands,
0:17:08 > 0:17:09and I've played out in a lot of clubs
0:17:09 > 0:17:12and places and venues, and quite often,
0:17:12 > 0:17:14you see couples sat there...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17..and they don't even talk to each other.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19You know, they might go on a Saturday night,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22and they're just sat there looking around, having a drink, whatever.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25And I think, "What sort of relationship are you in?"
0:17:25 > 0:17:26What sort of... So...
0:17:28 > 0:17:31That's the other side of it, of sort of longevity.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35You know, it becomes complacency, as well.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Yeah. So, you don't argue much with Nicky?
0:17:37 > 0:17:41- No.- Do you think it's good that you argued with Angela?
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Do you think it's good to argue?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Yeah, cos she got on my nerves all the time!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Yeah. But do you think it's good to argue?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Do you think it's healthy for a relationship, to argue?
0:17:49 > 0:17:53You need to air your views, yeah, and express yourself.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Right, so I shall show you how you SHOULD iron!
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- Iron a sheet. - But these aren't very good.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Flat sheets are a lot easier.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Chris says when he gets into bed, "There's nothing like fresh sheets".
0:18:07 > 0:18:10You have put fresh sheets on a whole different level.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Do you think that James sees you being at home as a job?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18No. James is quite a hands-on dad.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22As soon as he used to come home from work, he'd take over.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- OK.- And I'd step back, so I'd get the tea,
0:18:25 > 0:18:27and he would always bath the...
0:18:27 > 0:18:30So, hold on a minute, you were at home with the kids all day?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Yeah.- And you did the housework. And when James gets home from work,
0:18:33 > 0:18:35he'd then play with the children
0:18:35 > 0:18:36- so you could get the dinner on?- Yeah.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- OK. See, the way- I- see that is, you're not getting...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42You're not stepping back. You're then carrying on even more.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44But then, it's...
0:18:44 > 0:18:45When you've been...
0:18:45 > 0:18:48all day with the children, it's nice...
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Yeah, to do something else.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51..do something else.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56I want to say, I don't want to see myself living Julie's life,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00but that's not because I dislike the way Julie lives her life.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I want to break the mould.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06And I recognise that that's going
0:19:06 > 0:19:09to come at the cost of my relationship...
0:19:09 > 0:19:10but that's...
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Er...
0:19:15 > 0:19:16It's part of who I am,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19and that's not something that I'm going to sacrifice.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24For the last 12 years,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Dave and Nicky have run a small printing business together.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Good afternoon. OK, let me just check with Dave.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33One second... How are we doing for film?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I think we just had some 480 in.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38And today, Chris is lending them a hand.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40So, how many hours do you do a day, then?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42About seven to eight hours.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Does that affect you guys from a relationship point of view?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48When you're spending all work together,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51and then at home, there's no respite.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53It doesn't really affect anything.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56It's just all time together, whether we're in work or whether, you know,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- whether we're at home.- We're talking all day at work, aren't we?- Yeah.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02So, by the time we get home in the evenings and put the TV on,
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- we probably don't really speak much in the evenings!- No.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09So, you're both equally in charge, then, here?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10There's no real boss.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- No.- No?- We're 50-50, aren't we?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- Yeah.- And the same at home?
0:20:14 > 0:20:19We make decisions between us, and that's the way we've always done it.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Right, I'll just make the beds.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Your son doesn't know how to tuck the pillow into the pillow case
0:20:27 > 0:20:29properly. I'm grassing on him!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33So, Chris has said to me that when we have children,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35he thinks I'm going to stop working.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37What would you expect me to do?
0:20:37 > 0:20:41Probably, I'd like you to be home.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44But you don't want to put that in your mind now...
0:20:45 > 0:20:47..like, rebellious.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48I think that's what you're doing.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51You're thinking, well, that's what's expected of me,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53and I'm not going to do what is expected of me.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57So, you might be cutting off your nose to spite your face.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Well, I think, just after having this conversation,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I'm starting to think that I probably will want to stay at home,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04and will want to...
0:21:04 > 0:21:06NOT rebel, actually.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- Yeah.- Because you're showing me a side that I wouldn't consider.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13I would automatically kind of autopilot think, "Well,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16"I'm going to be missing out on work and promotion opportunities,
0:21:16 > 0:21:17"and getting more money",
0:21:17 > 0:21:20and actually, if you live quite a simple life,
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- where you've not got lots of expenditure...- Yeah.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- ..then you can enjoy it.- Yeah.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26I mean, you're lucky that
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Christopher's got quite a good-paid job.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- So, do you know exactly what each other earns?- Yes.- Yes.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Do you think it's important to know how much each other earns?
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Yeah. If you're going for any sort of financial loans or mortgages or
0:21:41 > 0:21:43anything like that, I think it is
0:21:43 > 0:21:45important that you know everything about your other half.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Do you guys not know what you earn?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Stacey doesn't know how much I earn.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51- She doesn't?- No.- Oh, right.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- And does that bother her, or...? - I skip the subject.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I earn...compared to Stace, quite a lot.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I think she'd find it tough because she's worked,
0:22:00 > 0:22:03from an academic point of view, a lot harder than what I have,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05but she just gets a fraction of what I earn.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08And I don't want to come across as quite cocky.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Maybe I just don't want to risk upsetting her.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11But then, the thing is,
0:22:11 > 0:22:16throughout your married life, there might be situations that arise
0:22:16 > 0:22:19where you might not want to say anything to not upset her,
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- but then that's not being 100% as one, is it?- No.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26That's something I think you really need to think about, because that
0:22:26 > 0:22:30could cause more harm further along the line than you think.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Yeah. Cos if I'm hiding stuff, Stace could flip it round
0:22:34 > 0:22:36- and be like, well, how much other stuff are you hiding?- Yeah.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45It's not all work and no play for Julie,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48who's brought Stacey along to her weekly treat.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53But a morning of grilling Julie on traditional family roles
0:22:53 > 0:22:56has stirred up some more questions for Stacey.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00I've been thinking about how, like, when you get married...
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Yeah.- It's obviously the coming together of two people.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Yeah.- And whether or not you lose a little bit of the... Of your...
0:23:07 > 0:23:10one person to become the two.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11- Does that make sense?- Yes.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I think that's quite a modern...
0:23:14 > 0:23:16way of thinking. I mean,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19I know you've got reservations about changing your name.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- I never...- Do you understand why I feel like that, though?
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Well, not really.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32Because it's like when people address envelopes,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34it's like, Mr and Mrs.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37But do I put Mr and Mrs? Because...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40..they're not. And then if you have children...
0:23:40 > 0:23:42I hadn't thought about the Mr and Mrs one before.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Yeah, and then if you have children...
0:23:44 > 0:23:46But Chris could always change HIS name, couldn't he?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48How would you feel about that?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I don't think I'd like that.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Why not?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Not following the line.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- So why is it acceptable for me? - I know, but...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Because I suppose that's part of tradition.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Taking Chris's name is, like, another compromise.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02It's like a compromise, isn't it?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04You know we were talking about the household chores
0:24:04 > 0:24:07and I'm just beginning to wonder whether it's the women
0:24:07 > 0:24:09that seem to do all the compromising.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10You say about giving up your name.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12You gave up your life...
0:24:12 > 0:24:15in France and came back.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17So, do I just carry on giving?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20If we look at it crudely,
0:24:20 > 0:24:23what has Chris compromised?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25It's difficult to say, isn't it? I don't know.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28'If I find out by the end of this weekend'
0:24:28 > 0:24:32that the secret to a successful relationship is...
0:24:32 > 0:24:33um...
0:24:39 > 0:24:40(Sorry.)
0:24:42 > 0:24:44(Sorry.)
0:24:52 > 0:24:55If I find out that the secret to a successful relationship is, like...
0:24:56 > 0:24:59..being, er...
0:24:59 > 0:25:01not submissive, but, like...um...
0:25:02 > 0:25:05..having to draw that compromise all the time...
0:25:07 > 0:25:08..then that would worry me a lot.
0:25:18 > 0:25:23I should've started this earlier, because James will be, hopefully,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25not long before he gets on the bus.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Back at home, the women are preparing dinner,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33which Julie likes to serve as soon as James walks in the door -
0:25:33 > 0:25:36one of Julie's recipes for a successful marriage.
0:25:36 > 0:25:42We've got a routine now because the transport in Bristol is so rubbish.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47He texts me to say he's on the bus.
0:25:47 > 0:25:52- Right, OK.- And then when he gets to the bypass I get...beepy...
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I know I've got about ten minutes.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57What would happen if his phone broke?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Then we're in deep doodles!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Is it important to you that James has dinner ready
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- when he gets home from work? - It's become a habit.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11But then, if tea wasn't ready, it wouldn't be an issue.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Fee-fi-fo-fum!
0:26:16 > 0:26:17When Julie's kids were younger,
0:26:17 > 0:26:21she cooked a set meal for every day of the week.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Do you think routine is important for a successful marriage?
0:26:24 > 0:26:27I think it helps, cos you know where you are.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Bang on schedule... PHONE PINGS
0:26:30 > 0:26:31..James sends a text.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I want to see!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Oh, he put a kiss!- I've got a kiss! - And an exclamation mark!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40So, what does that mean?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43That's probably half an hour.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Go, go, go!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47MUSIC INSIDE
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# I can feel a new expression on my face
0:26:53 > 0:26:58# I can feel a glowing sensation taking place... #
0:26:58 > 0:27:02It's Friday night and while Dave fronts his band Mania,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05which he's been playing in for the last 35 years,
0:27:05 > 0:27:10Nicky's still got concerns about Chris and Stacey's relationship.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13It's best to be 100% open about everything.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- Yeah, yeah.- You know. And I said earlier on,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20I don't ever think, when I'm talking to Dave about anything,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I don't think in my mind, "I can't say that cos I might upset him."
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- Yeah, yeah.- I just say it.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Yeah. See, I don't do that at all.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I think about everything I say to Stace
0:27:28 > 0:27:30and I think it stems from my parents.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Because they wrapped me up in cotton wool from a child from
0:27:34 > 0:27:37an emotional point of view. They wouldn't argue in front of us,
0:27:37 > 0:27:41or they'd protect us from things that may upset us.
0:27:41 > 0:27:42I've kind of carried that on.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Hi!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Hello! Did you have a good day?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- Oh, yeah.- Come on, James.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51OK.
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Come on, Stace.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- Did you have a good day, then? - Yeah, it was fun.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Did you learn anything?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00I learned how to iron a sheet!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03- A sheet?- Yeah.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Good.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Anything else?- I learned how to iron a pillowcase.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13Good.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Learned lots about you, James.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24- All good?- All good.- Yeah.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28This experiment's making me realise how...
0:28:29 > 0:28:33..the parents have a massive effect on their children.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35And it shows in the way that I am.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37I've been lucky enough to be brought up in a stable home,
0:28:37 > 0:28:41where, it's kind of, you don't argue and you try not to have conflict
0:28:41 > 0:28:43and things like that, whereas Stacey's been brought up
0:28:43 > 0:28:46- in an environment where she does and she's comfortable doing it.- Yeah.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Me and Julie have covered loads of ground today.
0:28:49 > 0:28:50And I was saying about how Chris
0:28:50 > 0:28:53has said a couple of times that you never argued in front of him.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55I wasn't aware of that, were you?
0:28:55 > 0:28:57No, I can't remember.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02We've been talking about me changing my name.
0:29:05 > 0:29:06And what is your...
0:29:07 > 0:29:08..intention?
0:29:08 > 0:29:10I haven't fully decided.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17It's one of the things that we clash about quite a lot,
0:29:17 > 0:29:20is the conflict management, in a way.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I shy away from it and pretend everything is all right,
0:29:23 > 0:29:27whereas Stacey would prefer to express it and really dwell on it,
0:29:27 > 0:29:28if you see what I mean.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30What else has been going on, James?
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Nothing.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36- That's not helpful.- We'll just sit here in silence, then, shall we(?)
0:29:41 > 0:29:44'I think he's just tired. You know, he's been at work all day.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47'I think I have pushed enough today.'
0:29:47 > 0:29:50We're not used to spending that much time together, anyway.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53So to spend the whole day together, with me, kind of...
0:29:54 > 0:29:58..being so inquisitive. It's like a child, really.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01Well, I am, like an energetic kind of bunny child, like...
0:30:03 > 0:30:05"Ask me this!" You know, "Answer me this". Or...
0:30:05 > 0:30:07I'm mindful of that.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10So I think this evening I'll probably just try and keep out of
0:30:10 > 0:30:12the way a bit and give them a bit of a break from me.
0:30:13 > 0:30:14Yeah.
0:30:22 > 0:30:27I've spent a lot of time with Julie. I know how Julie thinks and feels.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30We've gone through quite a lot of the parenting stuff.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32All these conversations seem to be naturally happening.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35What I'm really keen to do is have a chat with James
0:30:35 > 0:30:38and see what his take is all on it.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40Cos I think that would be really interesting.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42- Hello.- Hiya, all right?
0:30:42 > 0:30:44- Yeah, you?- Yeah. You sleep all right?
0:30:44 > 0:30:46So, is this something you do every morning for Julie?
0:30:46 > 0:30:49No, only at weekends.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Toast, tea, in bed.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54I think my dad always used to take my mum a cup of tea,
0:30:54 > 0:30:56so I've just carried on.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58I'll just take this up to Julie a moment.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04- OK.- Thank you, Dave.- All right. - Thank you, Nicky.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05- That's all right.- All right.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07I'll see you soon. Thank you for everything.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09- We'll see you soon.- Yeah. I'll see you in a bit, all right.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12Having visited one half of Stacey's family,
0:31:12 > 0:31:14it's time to leave Dave and Nicky
0:31:14 > 0:31:15to spend time with Stacey's mother.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19The stuff I've learned has been invaluable.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22I think we've identified that me and Stacey have got unwritten rules
0:31:22 > 0:31:24that I think need to be written.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26I think I need to be a lot more open with Stacey
0:31:26 > 0:31:30and to stop protecting her from things that may upset her.
0:31:30 > 0:31:31Just to be open with her.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34And now I've got you on my own...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Oh, no!
0:31:39 > 0:31:41I'd like to ask you a couple of questions.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44- Oh, no.- I won't ask you loads. - What have you got there?
0:31:44 > 0:31:46Like, one of the questions here,
0:31:46 > 0:31:48is, "How do you show affection in a relationship?"
0:31:48 > 0:31:49"Is it important to do that?"
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Yes. Treats is one, I would say.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Like what?
0:31:54 > 0:31:56Surprise birthday...
0:31:56 > 0:31:58things and going away.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01- For weekends. - Do you love each other equally?
0:32:01 > 0:32:05Is it a problem if one of you loves the other one more?
0:32:05 > 0:32:09We give equal amounts to the relationship, I would say.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Do you think marriage makes who you are?
0:32:11 > 0:32:13Well, that's a good question.
0:32:13 > 0:32:19I'd be probably a totally different person if I hadn't married.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22Do you ever feel like you're compromising?
0:32:22 > 0:32:25Well, I think, yeah, you've got to, haven't you,
0:32:25 > 0:32:27with a successful relationship?
0:32:27 > 0:32:30It's like you not wanting to change your name.
0:32:31 > 0:32:37Whereas when you first mentioned that, it seemed very strange to me.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39But the more time I've had to reflect on it,
0:32:39 > 0:32:41the more I can understand it.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Let's put it that way, yeah.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44That means a lot, actually.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47Yeah. Let's talk about children, then.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Have you got a...
0:32:51 > 0:32:54- ..vision?- I think Chris and I would like children.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Chris wouldn't have children outside of wedlock.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I...would.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- So, would you?- I'd be more ready to have children
0:33:01 > 0:33:05than I am ready to get married. If that makes sense?
0:33:05 > 0:33:06Does that make sense?
0:33:06 > 0:33:08But don't you think that children,
0:33:08 > 0:33:11as they got older, would they not feel...
0:33:13 > 0:33:16..affected by the fact that their parents weren't married?
0:33:16 > 0:33:19No. I see no difference between their parents being married
0:33:19 > 0:33:20and their parents not being married.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22- Mm.- Do you?
0:33:22 > 0:33:26Being sort of from a different generation, yeah, I think so.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32KNOCKING
0:33:33 > 0:33:36- Hello!- Hiya!- All right?- Come on in. - How are you, you OK?- I'm all right.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38- How are you?- Good to see you. Yeah, good, thank you.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Stacey's mother Angela hasn't remarried.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44She's in a relationship, but lives alone.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47- Cuppa, Chris?- Yeah, I'd love a cup of tea, that would be brilliant,
0:33:47 > 0:33:50- thank you.- That is sticky toffee pudding.
0:33:50 > 0:33:51For me?
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Yeah, if you want some, yeah.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55I made it specially for you.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58Legal secretary Angela was married to former electrician Dave
0:33:58 > 0:34:00for 20 years.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03And they had a son and daughter together.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Do you think Stacey takes after you?
0:34:05 > 0:34:07In looks? Sometimes I can see it.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09But personality, she does, as well.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Yeah? What do you think...? What's similar?
0:34:11 > 0:34:14Well, I think you know what you think's similar!
0:34:15 > 0:34:18We're, um...both a bit stubborn.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20- Expressive.- Expressive is the word!
0:34:20 > 0:34:23- Expressive.- We don't mince our words.- No.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26So you thought she was going to marry, what, a European man, or...?
0:34:27 > 0:34:31I always thought that she would meet, probably, a Frenchman.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34- Frenchman?- Because she's spent a lot of time in France.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38Yeah. When we first got together, it was like, she really missed it.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40And she did struggle, coming back.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42Mmm. Because Stacey had to give up her career.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46Yeah, she did. She found the perfect job that she loved,
0:34:46 > 0:34:48in the perfect town that she loved.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52- But love brought her back here, didn't it?- It did.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54# Love is in the air
0:34:54 > 0:34:57# Everywhere I look around
0:35:00 > 0:35:01# Love is in the air... #
0:35:01 > 0:35:03It's Saturday evening,
0:35:03 > 0:35:05and James and Julie have brought Stacey to a place
0:35:05 > 0:35:08that has special significance for them.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11This was where we had our first date.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13- Oh, is it?- Yeah.- Oh!
0:35:14 > 0:35:16- What date was it?- 19th of August?
0:35:16 > 0:35:19- Yeah.- Oh, I got it right, 19th of August, 1978.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22- Did you get a kiss on the first date?- No.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25Did you try and go in for the kiss on the first date?
0:35:26 > 0:35:28Those questions weren't allowed.
0:35:28 > 0:35:30- What?- Not a proper kiss.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32Kisses are important!
0:35:32 > 0:35:33Chris gives me lots of kisses.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36You didn't have a kiss on the first date, then?
0:35:39 > 0:35:40That was one of my questions on my list -
0:35:40 > 0:35:44whether you should wait until your wedding night to have sex.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Times have changed, haven't they? So Chris and I live together.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56- Yeah.- Of course, Chris and I are waiting until our wedding night.
0:35:56 > 0:35:57Until your wedding.
0:35:59 > 0:36:00Yeah.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04Were you guys quite lovey-dovey in front of the kids?
0:36:04 > 0:36:05Quite physically affectionate?
0:36:05 > 0:36:09Don't think so. James never used to hold my hand.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Would you have to grab his hand?
0:36:13 > 0:36:16It was... That was something you never...
0:36:16 > 0:36:18He always found that quite...
0:36:18 > 0:36:20He used to get embarrassed about that.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22- If we were... - What, people seeing it?- Yeah.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24But if you're on your own, it's different.
0:36:24 > 0:36:29If we were away from anybody that we might know, he would.
0:36:29 > 0:36:30But if we were with people...
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Then he'd be all over you.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33Nah!
0:36:35 > 0:36:38There is an importance, isn't there, of the physical side of things?
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Or not?
0:36:40 > 0:36:42It's never been important to me.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46- As such.- James is quiet, because he's not saying anything.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48Yes, he's not saying anything.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50It's not fair. I think you need to start talking.
0:36:52 > 0:36:53Come on, James.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57Help me out. I'm not asking you how often you have sex...
0:36:57 > 0:36:59- No.- ..and the details of that,
0:36:59 > 0:37:02but I'm just saying, does that change over time?
0:37:02 > 0:37:03I think it does change over time.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07Marriage evolves with each stage, I think.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Sometimes it's more important to one than the other.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15- That's where compromise comes in, yeah?- Yes.
0:37:15 > 0:37:20Just closeness is enough sometimes, in the marriage.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- You don't have to be physical, if you see what I mean.- Yeah.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27'I pushed as much as I felt comfortable.'
0:37:27 > 0:37:31It sounds like they didn't even have any public displays of affection
0:37:31 > 0:37:35in front of the kids, and I remember my parents did.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38But they also had the converse, you know, the arguments as well.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42So maybe it's just that they're keeping a happy medium and having...
0:37:43 > 0:37:45They're keeping that level of stability.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49You know, not the arguments, but also not the real highs,
0:37:49 > 0:37:52when they're going to be kissing one another, as well.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57Tonight, Chris is leaving his questions behind
0:37:57 > 0:38:00and joining Angela in one of her many hobbies.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13Angela's brought me to a salsa dancing lesson.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20I thought it might be a good idea for you and Stacey
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- to do an activity together.- Yeah.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26I thought it might be an idea for your wedding night,
0:38:26 > 0:38:28for an opening up dance.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Yeah, yeah, could be. Yeah.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34No, I'm not happy. Not keen.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37I don't dance. It's the most unnatural thing to me.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39I'm sure you could do it, Chris.
0:38:39 > 0:38:40You can do it, Chris.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42Honestly!
0:38:45 > 0:38:46I've never danced.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49I've never, like... Even when we go out, I don't dance.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51I stand on the edge of the dance floor and just do nothing.
0:38:51 > 0:38:53That's it.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Five, six, seven...
0:38:55 > 0:38:56Not letting Chris give up,
0:38:56 > 0:39:00Angela's persuaded him to take part in a beginners' lesson.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04To the right... One more to the left.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06OK, ladies, find your man.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Gents, your left hand in the lady's hand.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11- HE MUMBLES - Hmm?
0:39:11 > 0:39:16- Two more minutes. - Right hand on the lady's shoulder.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Forwards, step, together.
0:39:18 > 0:39:20Back, step, together.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Forward, step, together.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24Back, step, together.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27But after just five minutes,
0:39:27 > 0:39:29Chris throws in the towel.
0:39:29 > 0:39:31- You all right with this? - No, we're done now.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33You've got enough of me now.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- Are you staying together? Swap? - You've got enough of me now.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39Not sure why he's left now...
0:39:39 > 0:39:40Five, six, seven...
0:39:42 > 0:39:45I've actually told Stace that I don't like dancing.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48She's accepted that, and she doesn't push me.
0:39:48 > 0:39:50And I feel a bit...
0:39:52 > 0:39:54I feel a bit of an idiot, really.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57But it's just something I don't like doing.
0:40:03 > 0:40:06I thought Chris was really easy-going
0:40:06 > 0:40:07and I know my daughter sulks,
0:40:07 > 0:40:10but I never understood that Chris sulked.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14It makes me feel a bit frustrated,
0:40:14 > 0:40:19because I know she loves life and I know she wants to try everything.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22How did you get on?
0:40:22 > 0:40:24- It was all right.- Better than me.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26No, you were all right.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28The other guys weren't any better than you.
0:40:28 > 0:40:29I'm sorry if I upset you.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31You didn't upset me.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35OK, now you're going to push off your right foot...
0:40:36 > 0:40:39'He's quite stable, like his parents are.'
0:40:39 > 0:40:42And I think it could get...
0:40:43 > 0:40:46..a bit dull for her, and that worries me.
0:40:46 > 0:40:51Because I know all Chris wants is a stable life with children,
0:40:51 > 0:40:54housewife at the sink, and he'd be happy.
0:40:54 > 0:41:00And my daughter doesn't want to be tied to the sink.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02She wants to go out and explore the world.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17So you've got your laminate worktops over there,
0:41:17 > 0:41:20- of which there are...a lot of different types.- Yeah.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24James and Julie are in the market for a new kitchen.
0:41:24 > 0:41:29So you'd have the splashback, all this bit going round.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32An opportunity for Stacey to see how they make big money decisions
0:41:32 > 0:41:34in their marriage.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- So there's quite a lot of choice, by the sounds of things?- Yeah.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40I want to have...
0:41:40 > 0:41:42the gloss finish...
0:41:43 > 0:41:45- ..and flush.- You've been quite quiet, James.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47It's Julie's domain.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51Who's...? How come?
0:41:51 > 0:41:52No, no. It's her...
0:41:52 > 0:41:54- I suppose it's what- I- want.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57But then, probably, it will be you that says, "No,
0:41:57 > 0:42:00"we can't afford that much."
0:42:00 > 0:42:03James manages the household finances.
0:42:03 > 0:42:08The most interest he's ever paid is 20p, due to a credit card error.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10So, ultimately, you make the decision together.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13- Yeah.- And you reach little compromises together.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16That can be quite a long-winded thing.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Probably told you the story about the net curtains.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23I'd seen these net curtains and James saw them, and he said, no,
0:42:23 > 0:42:27he didn't like them. So it took us six months to buy some net curtains.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29I don't like rushing into anything.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35Let's go and pick this table, then.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37With an impending marriage,
0:42:37 > 0:42:41Chris and Stacey are also facing big money decisions on furniture
0:42:41 > 0:42:42for their home.
0:42:42 > 0:42:46And for the last year, they've been in need of a dining room table.
0:42:47 > 0:42:48This one's a nice one, Chris.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51That's really nice. They're 16, 1,700.
0:42:51 > 0:42:54- But this is exactly the type of table...- Yeah, it is nice.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56..Stace would want.
0:42:56 > 0:43:01But unlike James and Julie, decision-making isn't the problem.
0:43:01 > 0:43:02Money is.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05We kind of had an agreement that we'd go 50-50 on...
0:43:05 > 0:43:06Or try to go 50-50 on everything.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09If I purchase something for the house and it's not been Stacey's,
0:43:09 > 0:43:11she doesn't feel like it's hers.
0:43:11 > 0:43:14So you're having to wait and wait, and wait.
0:43:14 > 0:43:19- Yeah.- ..to have a new dining table and chairs in your house?- Yeah.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22Chris earns different amounts than what I do,
0:43:22 > 0:43:24so, if we bought a dining room table,
0:43:24 > 0:43:27it's important to me that I would pay for half of that
0:43:27 > 0:43:30and Chris would pay for half of that, and that would be OUR table.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33But you could afford one now, couldn't you?
0:43:33 > 0:43:36- Yeah, I could.- I think you have to be a bit more determined,
0:43:36 > 0:43:38a bit stronger, and say, "We're getting married.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40"It's not just about one or two.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42- "It's about both of us".- Yeah.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44When you are married, you suddenly...
0:43:44 > 0:43:48Things will change, because at the moment, you're still...two people.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51- When you're married... - We'll still be two people!
0:43:53 > 0:43:56In a sense, but you're... more of a one.
0:43:57 > 0:43:58Yeah.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00- So, get it.- Yeah.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Stop dithering.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04I'm getting told off here. I'm getting lectured!
0:44:04 > 0:44:07Well, you can be a bit indecisive, both of you.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11Indecisive about wedding venues and...
0:44:12 > 0:44:14..dining table and chairs.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16I think I was decisive about the wedding venues.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18I think I was quite clear in that
0:44:18 > 0:44:22there were certain venues I didn't like.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24But you had to go and see all 60 of them?
0:44:24 > 0:44:2714. It was probably the only thing that I've been really strong on
0:44:27 > 0:44:30in the four years I've been with Stace.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32When she said, "I liked it," I was just like, "No."
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- I don't know why that was. - Well, it's important to you.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Yeah. But we chose wisely.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39We always choose wisely.
0:44:39 > 0:44:44There is a slight possibility that maybe Stacey hasn't wanted to buy...
0:44:45 > 0:44:48..an expensive dining room table because maybe she didn't know
0:44:48 > 0:44:50where the relationship was going.
0:44:50 > 0:44:54You know, I still think to this day there's still a block in Stace,
0:44:54 > 0:44:59there's still barriers up where she maybe not 100%...
0:44:59 > 0:45:01believes in marriage.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07It's tough, because Stacey deserves to be loved.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10She's a great girl.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12And, um...
0:45:12 > 0:45:16I just feel like if she just let herself go and let her be loved,
0:45:16 > 0:45:20she'd benefit. And there's just something that won't...
0:45:20 > 0:45:23She always holds on to that independence, and it's, um...
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Yeah, it's tough.
0:45:42 > 0:45:47Today is the last full day Stacey is spending alone with her in-laws.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50I'm veering away from the questions.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52I asked them most of the questions.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55I think it's now more about the reflection.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59I'm enjoying getting to know Chris's parents as individuals.
0:45:59 > 0:46:03- Hi, there.- I'm gaining a lot more insight into James and Julie's
0:46:03 > 0:46:06relationship, and how they work together as a team.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10I've learned that James and Julie are both very comfortable
0:46:10 > 0:46:13in the roles that they play.
0:46:13 > 0:46:15So, why are we buying her flowers?
0:46:15 > 0:46:18Just as a gesture of appreciation.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Just to say thank you for what she does.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23- To show your love? - Mm. That's great, thanks very much.
0:46:23 > 0:46:25Thanks very much indeed.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27They're just full of love
0:46:27 > 0:46:29and I think it's all about what they're doing for the other person.
0:46:29 > 0:46:31They're just all-loving.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33Hiya. Got you some flowers to say...
0:46:33 > 0:46:34Oh, thank you!
0:46:34 > 0:46:37- Thank you for everything.- Thanks!
0:46:38 > 0:46:40There's so much goodness there.
0:46:40 > 0:46:41They don't even argue!
0:46:41 > 0:46:43There's no conflict there, at all.
0:46:43 > 0:46:46- Do you like the colours? - I do love them. I love gerberas.
0:46:49 > 0:46:53I think they have their lives in such a way that they are...
0:46:53 > 0:46:55wholly devoted to one another.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58Maybe I've got quite a lot of learning to do.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00I need to become a better person.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03Someone that's better for Chris to marry, really.
0:47:04 > 0:47:05Hmm.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21To help take her mind off the breakdown of her first marriage,
0:47:21 > 0:47:23Angela started playing badminton,
0:47:23 > 0:47:25which she still plays once a week.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30What was the breakdown in your marriage with Dave?
0:47:30 > 0:47:31I think we both made mistakes.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34I think maybe we both got complacent,
0:47:34 > 0:47:36didn't spend enough time with each other.
0:47:36 > 0:47:39- We both had our own hobbies.- Mm-hm.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42We both found other interests.
0:47:42 > 0:47:45And maybe other people...
0:47:45 > 0:47:47Other people along the route, as well.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49And we just went our separate ways.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52Stacey's mentioned that there's...
0:47:54 > 0:47:56..maybe a history of relationships
0:47:56 > 0:47:58going wrong from your side of the family,
0:47:58 > 0:48:02the female side of the family. She worries about that.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Mm, I suppose it's true.
0:48:04 > 0:48:08But I suppose it is a bit worrying if she's thinking that she's got,
0:48:08 > 0:48:10sort of, like, the genes that go with it.
0:48:10 > 0:48:14Maybe I need to speak with her, and maybe...
0:48:14 > 0:48:17from an infidelity point of view, tell her, right,
0:48:17 > 0:48:20"If you were unfaithful, you throw it all away."
0:48:20 > 0:48:23Cos at the moment, it's an unwritten rule.
0:48:23 > 0:48:24We've never actually spoken about it.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26You know, when I got married,
0:48:26 > 0:48:28I never analysed those sort of things,
0:48:28 > 0:48:30because we never were negative about our marriage.
0:48:30 > 0:48:34It's just to me, it seems a bit negative when you're talking
0:48:34 > 0:48:38about getting married and you're talking about what happens if...
0:48:38 > 0:48:40If...I went off with someone else.
0:48:40 > 0:48:43- Mmm.- I wouldn't even dream of thinking about that question.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45- Really?- No, I wouldn't.
0:48:45 > 0:48:47I just... No, I wouldn't.
0:48:48 > 0:48:50But maybe that's where I've gone wrong.
0:48:50 > 0:48:51Do you think it's a problem
0:48:51 > 0:48:55if one person loves one more than the other?
0:48:55 > 0:48:59No, but one would hope that you both love each other the same.
0:48:59 > 0:49:02- Mmm.- Do you think that
0:49:02 > 0:49:04one loves more than the other in this relationship?
0:49:04 > 0:49:08I think one expresses it more. I think I express it more.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10I think I'm more comfortable with being in love.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12I think Stacey struggles a bit sometimes.
0:49:12 > 0:49:14I don't think you'll get that out of her.
0:49:14 > 0:49:16I'm exactly the same.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18We can feel it in our hearts.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20- Yeah.- But I don't want...
0:49:20 > 0:49:23There's a barrier that doesn't want me to say...
0:49:24 > 0:49:28..say that "I love you," or express my feelings,
0:49:28 > 0:49:30just in case that person lets me down.
0:49:31 > 0:49:35I could see some of Stacey in Angela.
0:49:35 > 0:49:39I understand now why she may have an issue with commitment.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42I understand now why she struggles from an expression point of view.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Aw!
0:49:46 > 0:49:49I'd marry you if I was older, and I didn't have Stace.
0:49:49 > 0:49:51No, you wouldn't like to marry me!
0:50:05 > 0:50:09It's the end of Chris and Stacey's time living with their in-laws.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12I feel like I know James and Julie inside out, really.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15They've kind of opened up their marriage to me
0:50:15 > 0:50:19as much as they're willing to, or as much as they're able to.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22So that Chris and I can really benefit.
0:50:22 > 0:50:26I'm really just looking forward to getting home with Chris and just...
0:50:26 > 0:50:29being with him, not even speaking, really.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31Just snuggling up and having a cuddle.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36OK, well, it's been lovely having you here.
0:50:38 > 0:50:39- Bye!- Bye!
0:50:41 > 0:50:43It's really nice to have you around.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46- Yeah, it's been good.- And it's sort of like mother and son, really.
0:50:46 > 0:50:47It is a bit.
0:50:49 > 0:50:52I didn't think Chris was the perfect man for Stacey,
0:50:52 > 0:50:56but I've found out that he's got a sense of humour, he's kind.
0:50:56 > 0:51:01And I hope she realises that she has got a good man.
0:51:05 > 0:51:06To discuss what they've learned,
0:51:06 > 0:51:10Kate has asked Chris and Stacey to meet her at a country hotel nearby.
0:51:13 > 0:51:16It's been four days since Chris and Stacey have spoken to each other.
0:51:16 > 0:51:20It's time to discuss their thoughts on what they've learned
0:51:20 > 0:51:22from living alone with their in-laws.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25- Hello!- Hello!
0:51:27 > 0:51:29- You OK?- Yeah, are you?- Mm-hmm.
0:51:29 > 0:51:31- Did you miss me?- Yeah.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36- Hello.- How are you?- Yeah, good.
0:51:36 > 0:51:38- Had a good weekend?- Yeah.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41- You OK?- Yeah, I'm really well.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44Probably got to get down to the business bit, haven't we?
0:51:44 > 0:51:48So how was it? Was it as hard as you thought it was going to be?
0:51:48 > 0:51:51The one thing that kept on coming back was how important it is
0:51:51 > 0:51:54to invest in every single area of the relationship.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56And I'm surprised, actually,
0:51:56 > 0:51:58of how many areas there are to a relationship.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00And you just can't take it lightly.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03- The moment you let one slip, then it all goes.- Mm.
0:52:03 > 0:52:05It sounds to me like one of the things you learned
0:52:05 > 0:52:08was just how important every little bit is.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10I had so many light bulb moments.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12- Really?- There's things that I've done
0:52:12 > 0:52:14that is potentially going to cause errors later on.
0:52:14 > 0:52:18- Like what?- Not telling you things because I worry how you'll react.
0:52:18 > 0:52:21Protecting you from things that would hurt you.
0:52:21 > 0:52:23And how did you learn that?
0:52:23 > 0:52:26Through asking about salary with Dave and Nicky.
0:52:26 > 0:52:27Oh, right. So the money questions?
0:52:27 > 0:52:30Yeah. There is a big gulf in our salaries.
0:52:30 > 0:52:32And I don't want to belittle you,
0:52:32 > 0:52:35and the reality is, it has held us back. The DIY upstairs
0:52:35 > 0:52:37held us back because you didn't want me to do it
0:52:37 > 0:52:38because it would stress you out.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41- I want to get where you're coming from, first.- Yeah,
0:52:41 > 0:52:43it's the sense of ownership for me.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45But the wedding vows that you make, are, "All that I have, I give
0:52:45 > 0:52:47"to you, all that I am, I share with you."
0:52:47 > 0:52:50Everything you have automatically is halved down the middle.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53Even if he's bringing in four times your salary.
0:52:53 > 0:52:54- Yeah.- But how does that feel?
0:52:55 > 0:52:57Yeah, it's tough to accept that.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59It's tough to accept that.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02- And do you think that's about your independence?- Yes, definitely.
0:53:02 > 0:53:06These last ten years, I've spent...
0:53:07 > 0:53:11..developing a sense of identity,
0:53:11 > 0:53:14individuality, I've done a lot.
0:53:14 > 0:53:20And I feel like...to settle with you is letting go of that.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23And I have a really big issue with that.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29And what did you find out this weekend about that?
0:53:29 > 0:53:31That I need to let go. But it's...
0:53:31 > 0:53:34Now I'm starting to see that I need to let go of the bad bits
0:53:34 > 0:53:36and gain the good bits.
0:53:36 > 0:53:37And what are the good bits?
0:53:38 > 0:53:41Chris's good bits. The bits that I love about Chris.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44The thoughtfulness, the caringness, the patience. Are you OK?
0:53:45 > 0:53:47Yeah?
0:53:48 > 0:53:50- You're not.- Huh?- You're not. - I'm fine.
0:53:55 > 0:53:56And in staying with Chris's parents,
0:53:56 > 0:54:01what did you learn about what there is to not be scared of
0:54:01 > 0:54:03in losing your independence?
0:54:03 > 0:54:06They're really happy. They're really in love.
0:54:06 > 0:54:08Yeah, they're just so content.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11And therefore, if they're still in love and completely happy,
0:54:11 > 0:54:14then it's possible for you to still be in love all those years later
0:54:14 > 0:54:16- and still be happy.- Yeah, yeah.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19I think the theme of holding each other back is running through this.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21- We don't want to hold each other back.- Mmm.
0:54:21 > 0:54:22We want to push each other forward.
0:54:22 > 0:54:25- Mmm.- The thought of stunting each other's development is not a nice...
0:54:27 > 0:54:31- ..not a nice thought.- No.- And so that's been a bit of a revelation?
0:54:31 > 0:54:33- Yeah.- That's progress, isn't it?
0:54:33 > 0:54:36- Yeah.- And what did you learn about yourself this weekend?
0:54:36 > 0:54:39To keep things not going stale,
0:54:39 > 0:54:42you need to be open and try new things and introduce new things
0:54:42 > 0:54:44to a relationship to keep it fresh and to keep it fun.
0:54:44 > 0:54:47- Did you have fun?- Yeah, I had a really good time.
0:54:47 > 0:54:51It was fun because I got to build relationships with Dave and Nicky
0:54:51 > 0:54:53and Angela that were never there.
0:54:53 > 0:54:54And I got to talk about Stace,
0:54:54 > 0:54:57and got to ask them lots of things
0:54:57 > 0:55:01that I know that's going to help me and help our relationship so much.
0:55:01 > 0:55:04But with your mum, it was from the moment we sat down,
0:55:04 > 0:55:08there was an emotional connection because we were speaking about you.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11She knows how fond I am of you, and I know how much she loves you.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14Mmm. Was she very emotional?
0:55:14 > 0:55:16She's pleased that I'm there for you.
0:55:16 > 0:55:20I've really learned a lot about your dad this weekend.
0:55:20 > 0:55:22And have grown very fond of him.
0:55:22 > 0:55:24It's lovely, because when you're talking about him,
0:55:24 > 0:55:27- you get this big smile on your face. - He makes me laugh, he's funny.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29- He's a very funny guy. - Did you know he was funny?
0:55:29 > 0:55:30He used to kind of, like, joke,
0:55:30 > 0:55:33but I used to feel quite nervous about how far I could push that.
0:55:33 > 0:55:37And I think I can push that as much as feels comfortable for both of us.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39- Do you feel like they love you? - Definitely.
0:55:39 > 0:55:41Absolutely. 100%.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44Looking forward to your wedding day, looking forward to your marriage?
0:55:44 > 0:55:46It makes me feel excited about the future!
0:55:48 > 0:55:50Yeah, it's positivity and excitement.
0:55:50 > 0:55:51Yeah, definitely.
0:56:00 > 0:56:03- Hello.- Hello, I'm Kate. Nice to meet you.- Hello, Kate.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05All right? How are you?
0:56:05 > 0:56:08It's been such a valuable experience, I think, for all of you,
0:56:08 > 0:56:09spending some time alone.
0:56:09 > 0:56:14But I would like to get a promise from all of you.
0:56:14 > 0:56:19And so I ask you, as Chris and Stacey's family,
0:56:19 > 0:56:20to pledge your support for them.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22Would you stand?
0:56:24 > 0:56:29Seeing them today, I think they have got an awful lot out of it.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32Will you, the family,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35do all that you can, for as long as you can...
0:56:35 > 0:56:40This exercise will help them to work on their relationship,
0:56:40 > 0:56:43because it's been such an open form of communication.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46..to support and encourage them in their marriage?
0:56:46 > 0:56:47I will.
0:56:47 > 0:56:49I will.
0:56:49 > 0:56:51'One thing that was blatantly obvious
0:56:51 > 0:56:54'is how much he actually loves Stacey. That was so obvious.'
0:56:54 > 0:56:57So, yeah, it's been a good exercise.
0:56:57 > 0:56:58Now, shall we go and get a glass of champagne?
0:56:58 > 0:57:01- Yeah, definitely!- Definitely!
0:57:05 > 0:57:09I'm just really passionate now about being the best husband I can be
0:57:09 > 0:57:12to Stace. Cos I know I'm not perfect and I never will be,
0:57:12 > 0:57:16but I'll just give everything I've got and be fully committed to you.
0:57:20 > 0:57:21You sweetie.
0:57:23 > 0:57:24And I feel the same. Ditto!
0:57:30 > 0:57:33- Cheers, everyone.- Yeah, cheers.
0:57:33 > 0:57:37'I think it's been really successful for Chris and Stacey.'
0:57:37 > 0:57:40They really, wholeheartedly threw themselves into this process
0:57:40 > 0:57:43and I think that's why they got so much out of it.
0:57:43 > 0:57:45But I think that this is not the end of something,
0:57:45 > 0:57:47it's just the beginning of something.
0:57:47 > 0:57:49I think it's a brilliant foundation for their married life.
0:57:55 > 0:57:58If you think this is a good way to prepare for a big commitment in your
0:57:58 > 0:58:01relationship and you'd like to take part in possible future programmes,
0:58:01 > 0:58:02go to...
0:58:06 > 0:58:08MUSIC: It Takes Two by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston
0:58:08 > 0:58:11# One can talk about being in love
0:58:11 > 0:58:13# Two can say how it really feels
0:58:15 > 0:58:17# One can wish upon a star
0:58:17 > 0:58:20# Two can make that wish come true, yeah
0:58:22 > 0:58:24# One can stand alone in the dark
0:58:24 > 0:58:27# Two can make the light shine through
0:58:27 > 0:58:30# BOTH: It takes two, baby
0:58:30 > 0:58:34# It takes two, baby
0:58:34 > 0:58:35# Me and you. #