0:00:02 > 0:00:04Could I have some level, please, Beti?
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six...
0:00:06 > 0:00:09SHE SPEAKS IN WELSH
0:00:09 > 0:00:11- Is that OK? - That's lovely, thank you.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18This building has played a massive part in my life,
0:00:18 > 0:00:20and in David's life.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28This is the place where David and I met.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33And I've been doing this programme of mine, Beti a'i Phobol,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36on Radio Cymru for over 30 years.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41David, of course, was a journalist, he worked on the news programmes,
0:00:41 > 0:00:47he presented Wales Today, and countless rugby programmes.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49And a week ago, Morris was not enjoying
0:00:49 > 0:00:53a very good afternoon down in the south-west, at Cornwall.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56It's amazing how many people still remember him as
0:00:56 > 0:01:01"David Parry-Jones, the voice of rugby in Wales."
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Bated breath.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10The crossbar!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13There's the try!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Roy Burgess is the happy man.
0:01:16 > 0:01:21He gets the score up and running after just two minutes of the game.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Roy Thomas does his stuff...
0:01:24 > 0:01:26One day, we happened to be watching
0:01:26 > 0:01:29the historic game between Llanelli and the All Blacks.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35And he was doing the commentary.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39History has been made at Stradey Park...
0:01:40 > 0:01:45So, I said to him, "Do you recognise that voice?"
0:01:45 > 0:01:48And he thought, and he listened.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52"No," he said, "But he sounds posh."
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Oi.
0:02:00 > 0:02:06Everything came to a head when we were at a friend's birthday party.
0:02:06 > 0:02:12And I was in another room and he, as usual, used to entertain guests
0:02:12 > 0:02:14with his joke telling,
0:02:14 > 0:02:20and somebody came to me and said, "David is very upset."
0:02:20 > 0:02:22I said, "Why?"
0:02:22 > 0:02:25"He's forgotten the punchline of a joke."
0:02:26 > 0:02:29David, David, David, David, David!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32'He really was distraught.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34'And he said, "What's happening to me?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37' "What is happening to this brain of mine?" '
0:02:37 > 0:02:39On your face now.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41THEY CHUCKLE
0:02:45 > 0:02:49If I wasn't here, of course he'd be in a care home.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51SHE SIGHS
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Can I do that?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18And really, I can't see him in a care home.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43My background was very Welsh, from the West, from West Wales,
0:03:43 > 0:03:45and my father was a weaver.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51David is a Cardiffian, although he was born in Pontypridd.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59He was ever so kind and he was ever so...sort of gentle, really.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03'He was very handsome. SHE LAUGHS
0:04:03 > 0:04:05'Very handsome.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06'But it was more than that.'
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Where is it hurting? Is it hurting there?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Yeah.- Yeah? I can feel it.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- I can feel it.- Can you?
0:04:15 > 0:04:19'I think it was his sort of gentleness, really...''
0:04:24 > 0:04:26'His life was words.'
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Phil Bennett, yeah.
0:04:29 > 0:04:35Murray...fiel...
0:04:35 > 0:04:38He has notebooks now from his childhood days.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Try 5-5.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46And he was obviously interested in writing about sport then.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Bobby Windsor...
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Ron.- Ron.- Ronaldo.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56'It's been since 2009 now that he was diagnosed.'
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Rrr-onaldo.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02'People would come to this house and, "How are you, David?" '
0:05:02 > 0:05:06They're very sad, they're very sad.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08' And he would say, "Oh, I don't know,
0:05:08 > 0:05:13' "they tell me I've got this Alzheimer's, whatever that means, I don't know."
0:05:13 > 0:05:16'So he never admitted to having Alzheimer's.'
0:05:16 > 0:05:20THEY SING IN WELSH
0:05:20 > 0:05:25'I feel with people of my and David's generation,
0:05:25 > 0:05:32'very few of us are actually in the position to be able to complain.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36'So I feel that I'm giving the voice to these people
0:05:36 > 0:05:39'who can't otherwise be heard.'
0:05:39 > 0:05:41We're all together. Together, stronger.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47'I think if change is going to happen,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50'then you've got to start with medical students,
0:05:50 > 0:05:54'and I think it's so important to get the message over to them.'
0:05:54 > 0:05:59- Hello, Beti.- Hello, Tony. - Good of you to come.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Oh, well... Yes, I'm looking forward to it, really.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- The students are ready. - How many?- About 24.- Oh.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- As many as that?- Big number. Yeah. They're all ready and waiting.- OK.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Bore da.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Has it been a good week for you?
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Has it?
0:06:15 > 0:06:20It's been quite a shitty one for me, to be honest,
0:06:20 > 0:06:22emotionally and physically.
0:06:22 > 0:06:28Let me first introduce you to David, my partner of over 40 years.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32David's life and work had been words, a journalist.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34He started on The Times,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37before joining the BBC to work in television,
0:06:37 > 0:06:41as a presenter, a newscaster and a rugby commentator.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Let me give you a commentary on the happening of one challenging day.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51After lunch, he goes off to the toilet. In a while, he comes back
0:06:51 > 0:06:55and presents me with a gift that I don't much appreciate.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58A handful of faeces. I go berserk.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Which doesn't help at all, I know, but I manage to steer him
0:07:02 > 0:07:07back to drop it in the toilet, and again I give him a lecture.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Yes, that's the horrible nature of the disease.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14He enjoys our home and the freedom he has to wander around
0:07:14 > 0:07:19what is familiar to him, and he does appreciate what I do for him.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23He woke up one morning with pain, and distress in his eyes.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25A fleeting moment of realising
0:07:25 > 0:07:29that this disease had robbed him of normality.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33I gave him a hug and he said clearly, "Thank God for you."
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Caring for a loved one or caring as a matter of duty, either way,
0:07:37 > 0:07:42to thousands, it's a hard, relentless, lonely slog.
0:07:42 > 0:07:47There really needs to be, I think, a revolution in dementia care,
0:07:47 > 0:07:52and I'd love to see you taking part in that revolution.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Or even starting it. Diolch yn fawr.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58APPLAUSE
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Medical students have a lot thrown at them
0:08:05 > 0:08:07and most of it goes in one ear and out the other.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12Interestingly, you speaking to them is one of the things that
0:08:12 > 0:08:17they remember. Hopefully it has an impact that is going to
0:08:17 > 0:08:20change their practice when they qualify.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25My idea of this unit dedicated to dementia,
0:08:25 > 0:08:30linked to every health board or whatever, would it work?
0:08:30 > 0:08:37There should be a one-stop shop, and it's whoever...
0:08:37 > 0:08:41That's where the buck stops. Maybe they don't sort it out themselves,
0:08:41 > 0:08:43but they have to know a man who does.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47David went to Oxford, he went to Merton.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50And if you ask him now about Merton,
0:08:50 > 0:08:54he gets very, very excited, and if anybody comes to the house
0:08:54 > 0:08:59who's been to Oxford, he or she is accepted.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02It's very important to him, Oxford.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Tony Marland is one of David's greatest friends.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12They were at Oxford together and although he lives in London
0:09:12 > 0:09:16he does come to Cardiff and visits him as often as he can.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18But he hasn't seen him for a while.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Oh, oh! There he is.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Shall I go through?- Yes, go on. - I'll go on my own.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32He's fast asleep!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- Hey!- Oi!- Come on, waken up, man!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38BETI LAUGHS
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I haven't come to see a sleeping corpse!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Hey...
0:09:43 > 0:09:45How are you, fella?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- Are you all right?- Yeah. - You're looking good.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48DAVID CHUCKLES
0:09:48 > 0:09:52DAVID SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Come on, you're better than that. Come on, sit up properly.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- Hey, there he is.- There's the guy. - There's the guy.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I've come 150 miles to see you, I don't want to find you asleep!
0:10:10 > 0:10:12DAVID SPEAKS
0:10:15 > 0:10:18DAVID SINGS
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I don't recognise the music.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I'm shocked.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34As I say, I saw him 15 months ago,
0:10:34 > 0:10:39and he was not well then,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42but I suppose...
0:10:44 > 0:10:48It's just terrific regret, really.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Medicine only seems to take us so far.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56It obviously couldn't do more than it has done for David.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01He was a good sportsman, he was elected captain of cricket,
0:11:01 > 0:11:06he nearly got a Blue in rugby - not quite, but just unlucky, really.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11As captain of cricket in our third year, he had a loyal team,
0:11:11 > 0:11:15and no-one questioned that he was the right man for the job.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18He was popular because he could make people laugh.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20We used to have a...call it a debating society,
0:11:20 > 0:11:25but it was an opportunity for people to stand up and make jokes, really,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27and David was very good at that.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29If you knew David Parry-Jones was on the agenda,
0:11:29 > 0:11:31then you'd turn up and listen.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38That's Mob Quad. That's where you used to throw parties.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40There was lots of beer.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43THEY CHUCKLE
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Hey, I met an old mate of yours the other day.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Bough.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- Bough?- Yeah.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54DAVID SPEAKS
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Yeah. We had a nice session with Frank.
0:11:57 > 0:12:02He's got a Welsh wife too. His wife's Welsh. Yeah, great guy.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- He got his Blue at Oxford as well. - He got his Blue, yeah.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- What for?- For football.- Football.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Do you remember Gordon Whittle?
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Whittle.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Whittle.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Wyndham Williams! Wyndham Williams, yes...
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Lunch is ready, so you can...
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Come on, David. I'll give you a hand in.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Come on. I've never seen you so slow going for food before. Come on.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04DAVID SPEAKS
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Oh, do you want to go to the toilet, I wonder?- Eh?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- Do you want to go to the toilet? - Yeah.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- You want to go to the toilet? - Yes, definitely.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14You would, wouldn't you? Always the same.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Quickly now, because we've got lunch.
0:13:19 > 0:13:26'Caring for David is tiring and relentless, but it's not a burden.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31'The only thing that gets me down is the toileting issue.'
0:13:32 > 0:13:35'And I feel, if there was more support,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38'that life would be that much easier.'
0:13:41 > 0:13:42There you are.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45There you go. That should keep you going for a bit.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- You'll be entitled to have a snooze in the sun after that.- A snooze.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53A snooze. Well, you were fast asleep when I came.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55This looks fine, Beti.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Tony, help yourself to some wine. - Right. What about yourself?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Oh, I'll manage.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15'Never, ever talked about growing old.'
0:14:18 > 0:14:21'Because some people, of course, they worry about getting old,
0:14:21 > 0:14:25'but he didn't. Well, he didn't talk about it.'
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Come on, then.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Come on.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oof!
0:14:32 > 0:14:33I'm not tickling you!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35'What we were interested in
0:14:35 > 0:14:40'was what we were going to do when neither of us worked.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44'We would be travelling, we'd be going abroad to concerts
0:14:44 > 0:14:48'and we'd do all manner of things, didn't we?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50'But that's never happened.'
0:14:50 > 0:14:53SHOWER RUNS
0:14:53 > 0:14:56'I've seen the struggle.'
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Yeah. Go on, then. It's lovely and warm in there.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03'And how people are totally ignored,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06'as if, "Right, you're diagnosed,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11' "you have Alzheimer's, go home and cope."
0:15:11 > 0:15:13'And it's not right.'
0:15:13 > 0:15:14OK.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21'Politicians, who'd be a politician, I know, but they seem to think
0:15:21 > 0:15:26' "Oh, right, this dementia thing is getting out of control." '
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Good.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32' "So let's just forget about it.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35' "Let's just leave it to the next generation to cope with." '
0:15:35 > 0:15:37DAVID SPEAKS
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- OK? Is that OK?- Hmm?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- All right?- Uh-huh.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- So, I'm off to the hairdresser to have my hair cut.- Mmm!- OK?- Mmm.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Good. I'll see you when I get back, then. All right?- Yeah.- OK.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14TRANSLATED FROM WELSH:
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Right. Not a good start to the morning.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Mmm.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48DAVID SPEAKS All right, sweetheart?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51THEY KISS
0:17:53 > 0:17:57What? What's happened there then, David bach?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- What?- What happened there?
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Where?
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Horrible.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07DAVID SPEAKS
0:18:13 > 0:18:17All right. Come on. Let's take them off.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- All right?- Yeah.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Come on. Come on, sweetheart.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Wait a minute.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- Yeah, let's change it, shall we? - Change it.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- Shall we change it?- Yeah.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47There are three houses - two huge ones and ours is a little one,
0:18:47 > 0:18:53with a lot of vans outside because we're having a new bathroom.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55It's a very big day today.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58A social worker is coming for the first time -
0:18:58 > 0:19:02this particular social worker is coming.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06It's mainly to do with the support that we have already.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Supposed to be eight hours a week.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Hello?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12'So, I'll have a lot of questions.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14'She probably will have a lot of questions to ask me,
0:19:14 > 0:19:18'but certainly I will have a lot of questions to ask her.'
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Miss George?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- Hello?- Hello.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Carolyn here. Can I come in?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Nice to meet you. I'm Carolyn. - And you.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- Look at it. The mess!- Chaotic.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Who do you...?
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- Who do I work for?- Huh?- She works for the Cardiff County Council.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- Yeah.- Oh, great.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I'm just coming to make sure
0:19:42 > 0:19:45if you need any help or support, we'll do that.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49DAVID GROANS, BETI CHUCKLES
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- Do you need any help?- No.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55There we go, then. I've got an easy job!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57CAROLYN CHUCKLES
0:19:57 > 0:20:03Today, I've already got two pairs of trousers to wash today.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06The thing is, he's not incontinent,
0:20:06 > 0:20:10it's just that he forgets the mechanics.
0:20:10 > 0:20:17I have now succeeded to have him to sit down on the toilet,
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- because he wouldn't do that... - Makes it easier.- Yeah.
0:20:21 > 0:20:27But even then, he doesn't want to take his trousers or his pants off.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31He just wants to sit down, and then when I go like this, "Oh!"
0:20:31 > 0:20:36He objects and he shouts and he hits out, I mean, not nastily.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41- Just interfering with his routine. - Yeah, yeah, exactly.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Because he's always done it standing up, hasn't he?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Of course you can feel for him, you know.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48I mean, I was interested to see
0:20:48 > 0:20:53and surprised to see that the care package was only eight hours.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Yeah.- It seems to me that he's having a lot more care than eight hours.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- Because you're doing it. - I'm doing it. Yeah.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02What would your ideal be? Let's see how close we can get to it.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06What I'd like is what is what is written down here,
0:21:06 > 0:21:09that is the caring that I'm giving him. Right?
0:21:09 > 0:21:13If I'm away for a day. This is perfect what is listed here.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15That is. It's meant to be like that.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20It's meant to be the perfect, ideal standard of what we want to have.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- You don't always meet that totally, but that's our aim.- Yes.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26That's what we want - those needs to be met.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28We'll have a cup of tea in a minute, now.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I'm probably a bit of a control freak.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Standards are high, I suppose.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41A bit finicky.
0:21:41 > 0:21:46Maybe too finicky, and expect too much of other people, you know.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55- You went to The Oval, didn't you, schoolboy?- Yeah.- Schoolboy cricket.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Can't remember, did you win?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- Do you remember?- I don't know.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04'There was no need for a dictionary in this house.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09'If I had to write anything in English, I'd always pass it to him.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13'And this is where I first noticed that there was something going wrong
0:22:13 > 0:22:17'because usually they'd come back all red marks, you know,
0:22:17 > 0:22:20'and he would have corrected everything.
0:22:20 > 0:22:27'And then suddenly I saw that they weren't coming back with red marks.
0:22:27 > 0:22:32'And he said to me, "Oh, no, no, your English has improved so much."
0:22:32 > 0:22:36'But I noticed then that there was something amiss.'
0:22:36 > 0:22:38DAVID SPEAKS
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Do you want me to take it?
0:22:56 > 0:22:57You want me to take it?
0:22:57 > 0:23:01'His mobility is causing concern.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03'Bones are rubbing against each other
0:23:03 > 0:23:05'because they click all the time.
0:23:05 > 0:23:10'And he cries in pain sometimes. And I feel for him.'
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- Hey, do you know who's coming this afternoon?- Eh?
0:23:17 > 0:23:23Somebody's coming this afternoon to cut your hair. I've just remembered.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- Yeah, yeah.- Jane, her name is. - Good.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29DOORBELL Oh, Jane is there.
0:23:30 > 0:23:36- Hi! How's he doing today? - Well, I think he's willing.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37I've got the chair.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Sit down now.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Where are you going? David...
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Where's he going?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48You're going over here, now come this way.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54- There you go, you're nearly there. Go on, then.- Wahey!- That's it.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- You cheeky...- Who's cheeky?
0:23:57 > 0:23:58I'm not cheeky.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Same as usual?- Yes.- OK.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03He's being good. Quiet.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Beti? Busy?
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Yeah. I'm just trying to make a note of these things,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25which can easily be forgotten,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29you know, phone calls and phone numbers and so on.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Yeah, lovely cut.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- OK?- Yes.- Smarty pants.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35BETI CHUCKLES
0:24:38 > 0:24:40You've only got to have one hair
0:24:40 > 0:24:43and you'll be itching for the rest of the day.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47OK?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Do you want to go back in the lounge?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00It's all go.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Have you been? To The Arms Park?
0:25:04 > 0:25:07'When he wants to tell me something now,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09'sometimes it comes out, clearly.'
0:25:09 > 0:25:12DAVID SPEAKS AND LAUGHS
0:25:12 > 0:25:15'But other times it's, "Da-da-da-da-da,"
0:25:15 > 0:25:17'and he looks at me.'
0:25:17 > 0:25:19He's a great, great guy.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21'And he's very animated.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22'And there'd be one word
0:25:22 > 0:25:26'and I must admit I have to pretend that I understand him.'
0:25:26 > 0:25:30DAVID SPEAKS
0:25:33 > 0:25:36..heart of the rugby.
0:25:36 > 0:25:41'And I agree with him, always, which is totally different from the past.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45'We had our disagreements. Very much so.'
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Oh!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53'About a year ago,
0:25:53 > 0:25:58'we had a crisis here because David had a urinary tract infection.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00'And I didn't know who to turn to.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04'So I turned to the Twitter community.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09'And oh, the blogs, I learned so, so much from the blogs
0:26:09 > 0:26:13'written by people with far more experience than I have.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17'And one of them was Ming Ho.' Good.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19DOORBELL
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- Beti!- Ming!- Hello! At last.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33How lovely to meet you in real life.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- I feel I've known you for years and years.- It's strange, isn't it?
0:26:37 > 0:26:41You get to know people online and at last, here we are, we both exist.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42- Come in.- Thank you.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- As you can see... - You're having building work done.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50We're having a bathroom. So that it's easier for David,
0:26:50 > 0:26:52we're going to have a wet room.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54We have a visitor, David.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58- So this is Ming.- Ming?- Yeah.- Yes.
0:26:58 > 0:27:04I got to know Beti on the internet. We've been chatting.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08- Ming is a Chinese name, isn't it? - Oh, is it?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Yes, a Chinese name, but my mum's Welsh.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13DAVID SINGS
0:27:13 > 0:27:16DAVID SPEAKS
0:27:16 > 0:27:18What's this mood you're in? Eh?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21What is this mood you're in?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Nice to sing...
0:27:23 > 0:27:26We'll have lunch together.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Oh, come in.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30You sit there until we have lunch.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34'Ming and her mother were very, very, very close.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39'Her mother developed dementia. So Ming cared for her.'
0:27:40 > 0:27:43This is one of my favourites.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47This is Beaumaris Castle, 1976.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51It was that really hot summer, baking. My dad took this photo.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53We were just there for the day.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56But I just love it because we look so happy and carefree.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00I think we both look like we're fully our own selves there
0:28:00 > 0:28:03and we love each other, and our little dog...
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Exactly. You can see the closeness between you. It stands out, really.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Yeah. And, I mean, to me, that's us.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13And that's what I find really sad now,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- is I don't have that sense of us any more.- No.
0:28:16 > 0:28:22I mean, can she sometimes now be...antagonistic towards you?
0:28:22 > 0:28:26She can sometimes, yeah. It just depends what kind of mood she's in.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30Again, people have all sorts of different symptoms with dementia.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Unfortunately, in her case,
0:28:32 > 0:28:35one of the most prominent is paranoid symptoms.
0:28:35 > 0:28:41Sometimes if she thinks that I'm not who I am - even if she thinks that
0:28:41 > 0:28:45I am a person called Ming, sometimes she thinks that I'm an impostor.
0:28:46 > 0:28:50What I'm trying to face up to now is how can I give her the best
0:28:50 > 0:28:53last few years, months, weeks, days,
0:28:53 > 0:28:57er, so that I remember that kindly for both of us?
0:29:06 > 0:29:09I'm going to the bathroom, to the new bathroom.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12I would put them that way, on this.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Like that, horizontally, like, on there.
0:29:15 > 0:29:18- There.- On there.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20Is that right? We can always take them back off.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I showed him the bathroom and his eyes went...
0:29:26 > 0:29:28So we'll see.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35I mean, one thing that I feel very strongly about is this division
0:29:35 > 0:29:37between the health and social services.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39I mean, there shouldn't be.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42People come from all different organisations.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45I've no idea who they are, where they've come from.
0:29:45 > 0:29:53I mean, they must duplicate things, which costs more.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- Yes, yes.- I mean, it would be much, much better
0:29:56 > 0:30:01if they refined everything and sort of made it into a dementia unit,
0:30:01 > 0:30:03so somebody like me could ring up
0:30:03 > 0:30:06and knowing full well that I'd get a response.
0:30:06 > 0:30:12Now, if anything happened here, if there was a crisis,
0:30:12 > 0:30:16a real crisis, I've no idea who I'm supposed to ring.
0:30:16 > 0:30:24Another thing that is interesting is how people, they say, "How's David?
0:30:24 > 0:30:26"How is he? How is he?
0:30:26 > 0:30:32"Does he recognise you? Does he do this and that?"
0:30:32 > 0:30:36I think, of course he does, at the moment.
0:30:36 > 0:30:43But very rarely do they ask, "How are you? How are you coping?"
0:30:43 > 0:30:46Until people actually experience it first-hand,
0:30:46 > 0:30:49I don't think they appreciate quite how devastating it can be
0:30:49 > 0:30:53to the whole family, not just the person themselves dealing with it.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19'One of the first things that people told me, the experts who had been
0:31:19 > 0:31:24'dealing with dementia, what they said, "Look after yourself." '
0:31:26 > 0:31:28'I'm just about coping.
0:31:28 > 0:31:32'Sometimes it gets me down, and sometimes I think to myself,
0:31:32 > 0:31:35' "Oh, I'm losing grip here."
0:31:35 > 0:31:38'And then, what saves me is my work.
0:31:38 > 0:31:44'That... Yes, that really is the saving grace, as it were.'
0:31:47 > 0:31:49'A lot of my days are filled with
0:31:49 > 0:31:55'preparation work for my weekly programme on Radio Cymru.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59'It seems such a release, going out
0:31:59 > 0:32:03and concentrating on something else.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07'I tell people very often, "That's my holiday, that's my respite." '
0:32:15 > 0:32:19SINGING IN WELSH
0:32:26 > 0:32:31SINGING IN WELSH
0:32:41 > 0:32:43SHE SPEAKS IN WELSH
0:32:43 > 0:32:48Every evening, we've got different guests coming in,
0:32:48 > 0:32:53and most probably this evening we've got, I think, about ten guests.
0:32:53 > 0:32:57She meets the contributors and chats with them,
0:32:57 > 0:33:02makes them sort of feel at ease, because it is a live programme.
0:33:13 > 0:33:19She has told me today that things are not good back at home.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22She didn't tell me first thing this morning,
0:33:22 > 0:33:27which is typical, really, of Beti, because life goes on,
0:33:27 > 0:33:32and she's so professional, and she's here to do her job.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46'I love working at the Eisteddfod.
0:33:46 > 0:33:50'It's a week of recharging the Welsh batteries,
0:33:50 > 0:33:54'and you have everybody here. You don't have to go and ring people
0:33:54 > 0:33:59'or try to find people because the Welsh speakers are all here.'
0:34:06 > 0:34:08CHOIR SINGS
0:34:11 > 0:34:14Oh!
0:34:14 > 0:34:16'When I'm away, the biggest part of me thinks of David,
0:34:16 > 0:34:19' "How is he getting on?
0:34:19 > 0:34:24'This time, family are looking after him, and thank goodness for them,
0:34:24 > 0:34:28'or else I don't know what I'd have done without them.
0:34:30 > 0:34:35'Sian, his daughter, and then John, his son, and then Iestyn, my son.'
0:36:06 > 0:36:10'My case is no different from other carers.
0:36:10 > 0:36:15'We do have to rely on family members, and without those,
0:36:15 > 0:36:17'I don't know what I'd have done.'
0:36:21 > 0:36:25'Of course, David has been on my mind every day -
0:36:25 > 0:36:28'well, it's not every day, it's every minute of the day, I suppose -
0:36:28 > 0:36:31'but I still wonder whether he misses me.'
0:36:38 > 0:36:40'I'm going back tomorrow night.
0:36:40 > 0:36:41'It will be interesting.
0:36:41 > 0:36:46'I mean, I hope he will remember me. I think he will.
0:36:46 > 0:36:50I'm sure he will. I'll give him a great big cutch anyway.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52'So, we'll see.'
0:36:58 > 0:37:01CLOCK TICKING
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Can you do that, then?
0:37:29 > 0:37:31No, I can't.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Right, up you get, then.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35DAVID GROANS
0:37:36 > 0:37:39All your money is there, though.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43THEY CHUCKLE
0:37:43 > 0:37:47Oh, don't hurt yourself, because we've got to cut those nails.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Look at them.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52DAVID SPEAKS There you are.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Good.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Good.
0:37:58 > 0:37:59Perfect.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03There you are, smart.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05Smart!
0:38:05 > 0:38:08DAVID SPEAKS Smart.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10Come on, then.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16BETI CHUCKLES
0:38:25 > 0:38:31'I'm very curious to know what's happening in other parts of the UK.
0:38:31 > 0:38:35'What are they doing, and what can we learn from them?'
0:38:39 > 0:38:42Hello, Margaret. It's nice to speak to you. So, introduce yourself.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44My name's Margaret Brown,
0:38:44 > 0:38:48I'm a senior lecturer at the University of the West of Scotland,
0:38:48 > 0:38:51in the Alzheimer Centre for Policy and Practice.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54- Huge title!- Yeah.
0:38:54 > 0:39:00And there's a lot of innovation going on in your department?
0:39:00 > 0:39:03I think generally in Scotland we're doing really well.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- Of course I'll be visiting you, won't I?- Yes.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09SHE LAUGHS
0:39:09 > 0:39:13And I'm wondering what's going to happen.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16Well, what we do is use a variety of equipment.
0:39:16 > 0:39:17Very low-key equipment.
0:39:17 > 0:39:22Things like glasses that change the way you can see things,
0:39:22 > 0:39:27sound systems, we use gloves, we use weights,
0:39:27 > 0:39:30and what it does is impair your senses.
0:39:30 > 0:39:34What that does then is creates a sense of vulnerability
0:39:34 > 0:39:40because you can no longer function in the same way you normally do.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Does that make sense?
0:39:42 > 0:39:46Yes, in fact, it would be like...
0:39:46 > 0:39:50putting myself in David's shoes, really.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52Yes, I think that's exactly what we would call it.
0:39:52 > 0:39:57One of our research programmes was called Walk In My Shoes.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00That's what we're really trying to do,
0:40:00 > 0:40:03just see the world from a different perspective.
0:40:03 > 0:40:04But we're very careful with it,
0:40:04 > 0:40:07because what we did find is it can be quite an emotional experience.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10So we do quite a lot of preparation
0:40:10 > 0:40:13and we do a very intensive debrief afterwards.
0:40:13 > 0:40:17Well, Margaret, I'm looking forward very, very much to meeting you.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20I will see you soon.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- Thank you.- Take care.- Bye for now.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32'When the social worker came to see us,
0:40:32 > 0:40:36'she decided in the end to give us 36 hours of care.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40'The difficulty was then to find carers.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42'They're in such short supply.'
0:40:46 > 0:40:50David, I brought Max along today for company. OK? Keep us company.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54'We found two carers, Paul, who's been brilliant,
0:40:54 > 0:40:59'and then there was another one who was with us for a few months,
0:40:59 > 0:41:03'and then she decided that she could no longer care for David,
0:41:03 > 0:41:09'and this is the problem, is the inconsistency of the service.
0:41:09 > 0:41:14'Until they pay them a decent wage, the problem will never go away.'
0:41:17 > 0:41:19'Paul has so much patience.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24'He astonishes me, because, I mean, David can be difficult.'
0:41:24 > 0:41:26It's been taking me an hour to get him
0:41:26 > 0:41:30- from the bathroom to the kitchen. - How long?- An hour.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32Normally it's about 20 minutes.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37We're going to have to put skates on you, I think.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41'Oh, he's marvellous with him, and they're mates.'
0:41:41 > 0:41:46Yeah, it took me three hours one night to get him to bed.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06I've come to Scotland because I've heard that you're doing
0:42:06 > 0:42:09some marvellous things with dementia care in Scotland
0:42:09 > 0:42:12and that you're far ahead - well, this is the impression I have -
0:42:12 > 0:42:14that you're far ahead of us in Wales.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16People with dementia and their families
0:42:16 > 0:42:19have been at the heart of driving forward the change.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23You know, they were at the heart of writing the charter of rights
0:42:23 > 0:42:27and the other political parties came on board, and it's meant that
0:42:27 > 0:42:30we have had to look at real fundamentals, like,
0:42:30 > 0:42:32"I have a right to a diagnosis,
0:42:32 > 0:42:36"I have the right to be treated like an individual."
0:42:36 > 0:42:38It's a world first, it says here.
0:42:38 > 0:42:43It's a world first, in terms of it gives people an absolute commitment
0:42:43 > 0:42:49that they have the right to have the support of an informed link worker.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53Sometimes it's link workers employed by Alzheimer Scotland,
0:42:53 > 0:42:57and sometimes it's local community mental health teams.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00And the nurses on the community mental health teams
0:43:00 > 0:43:02do a great deal of that link worker role.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04So that referral would go to the team,
0:43:04 > 0:43:08and that person would be contacted, they would be assessed,
0:43:08 > 0:43:10discussed, collaborated with,
0:43:10 > 0:43:14and then asked what they wanted in terms of that year.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17So then it's up to the person, what they want from the team.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21'A link worker is assigned to a family
0:43:21 > 0:43:24'as soon as the diagnosis is made,
0:43:24 > 0:43:28'and really holding the hand of...
0:43:28 > 0:43:31'the one with dementia and the family.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33'The carer.'
0:43:34 > 0:43:36- Janice, you're the link worker.- Yes.
0:43:36 > 0:43:40- Linked to Helen?- I think when Helen's husband went along
0:43:40 > 0:43:42to the memory clinic to get his diagnosis,
0:43:42 > 0:43:43post diagnostic support
0:43:43 > 0:43:46would have been discussed with Helen and her husband.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49That's my role, to pick it up when people have been diagnosed
0:43:49 > 0:43:52and almost guide them through the one year following their diagnosis.
0:43:52 > 0:43:56Because Helen's husband was in denial about the diagnosis,
0:43:56 > 0:43:58I haven't met him.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00So rather than not provide any support,
0:44:00 > 0:44:03the support is getting provided to Helen
0:44:03 > 0:44:06in order for her to build up resilience and peer support,
0:44:06 > 0:44:11so that she can cope and learn to cope and plan ahead for the future.
0:44:11 > 0:44:17- Helen, do you feel that you have lost control of your own life?- Yes.
0:44:17 > 0:44:22Absolutely. I try not to let it get me down, but there are days when...
0:44:25 > 0:44:27Oh, you're just, "Please, God help me."
0:44:27 > 0:44:31It is my daughter who recognised, "Mum, you're not coping."
0:44:31 > 0:44:34"Of course I am, of course I am!"
0:44:34 > 0:44:36And I went into her house one day
0:44:36 > 0:44:38and she went, "Mum, you're not well."
0:44:38 > 0:44:41She lifted the phone and she phoned Alzheimer Scotland.
0:44:41 > 0:44:46I was told years ago, you treat life a bit like a bank account -
0:44:46 > 0:44:50you don't take out what you don't put in.
0:44:50 > 0:44:55And I feel as though this is my bank account here.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58You know, Janice, she's been brilliant.
0:44:58 > 0:45:01They just take quality time
0:45:01 > 0:45:03- to listen to how am- I- doing -
0:45:03 > 0:45:06- "How are- you- today?"
0:45:09 > 0:45:12'I think it's a brilliant idea of having a link worker
0:45:12 > 0:45:16'to sort of signpost you, I suppose, or hold your hand.
0:45:16 > 0:45:21'It's... When you get the diagnosis, it's a traumatic experience.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24'So you want somebody who knows about it
0:45:24 > 0:45:30'and who can talk you through what's available to make life a bit easier.
0:45:30 > 0:45:35'I think a service like that would be ideal for people in Wales.'
0:45:39 > 0:45:41'This afternoon is going to be interesting
0:45:41 > 0:45:46'because I'm being put through a simulation programme, they call it.
0:45:46 > 0:45:51'Basically it means that they'll put me in David's shoes,
0:45:51 > 0:45:58'so that I can experience what he's experiencing, I suppose,
0:45:58 > 0:46:01'what he's seeing, what he's hearing.
0:46:01 > 0:46:03'But they've warned me
0:46:03 > 0:46:07'that it's going to be a very emotional experience.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10'So we'll see how I get on with that.'
0:46:12 > 0:46:15During the exercise, you'll be in that room.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18You'll have been asked to complete a range of tasks.
0:46:18 > 0:46:22What's important for us is that any time you feel
0:46:22 > 0:46:26that you've had enough, that you say, "Stop."
0:46:26 > 0:46:28And everything will stop.
0:46:28 > 0:46:33- OK.- So if you could put these in your shoes, please.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35Excellent. Jut slip those in like an insole.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39Does it matter...how they go in?
0:46:39 > 0:46:42Just so that they're resting under your feet.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44Do you want to just have a quick look through those
0:46:44 > 0:46:47and see how you feel about using those to do the exercise?
0:46:51 > 0:46:56- Yeah. Right.- I'm going to hand you a set of gardening gloves.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58If you could just put those on for me.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00- If I can see them.- Mm-hmm.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04So, I'm going to tape your thumb and your first two fingers up...
0:47:07 > 0:47:10You're going to hear sounds through the headphones now.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13It's a very odd sensation, I must admit.
0:47:13 > 0:47:14Beti, can you hear me?
0:47:14 > 0:47:16- Yes, I can.- OK.
0:47:16 > 0:47:21Find the purse and count out £1.57.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24Pick up the mobile phone and call a friend
0:47:24 > 0:47:28to say you're going out and you will call later.
0:47:28 > 0:47:31Pack a backpack for your day out with bottles...
0:47:31 > 0:47:36- Can't hear a thing. So much noise.- ..bottles of water...
0:47:36 > 0:47:40- Ooh.- ..a selection of snacks and your sunglasses.
0:47:40 > 0:47:46To finish, put on your coat, scarf and gloves, and leave to go out.
0:47:46 > 0:47:49Mobile phone, I can remember.
0:47:51 > 0:47:55So I pick up the mobile...phone.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04She said something about gloves,
0:48:04 > 0:48:08which I can't really put on.
0:48:08 > 0:48:12Now I can understand why David sometimes
0:48:12 > 0:48:15has difficulty putting clothes on.
0:48:15 > 0:48:19Whew. And I'm unsteady on my feet.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22Why is that happening, I wonder?
0:48:30 > 0:48:33What else have I got to do? I can't remember.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36PHONE RINGS
0:48:36 > 0:48:39Oh, there's somebody ringing me.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43No point at all.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45So much noise in my ears.
0:48:45 > 0:48:50I can't really believe that David would hear all these noises.
0:48:50 > 0:48:54I'm like Cyclops, I can only see through one eye.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01OK, stop.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04OK, Beti.
0:49:04 > 0:49:07- Whew.- Let's take these from you
0:49:07 > 0:49:10and I'll guide you out of the room first of all.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12Ah, yeah, well...
0:49:13 > 0:49:16- The chair is now right at your back. - OK.
0:49:20 > 0:49:25- So, what was that like for you? - Exhausting, actually.
0:49:25 > 0:49:27I feel so tired.
0:49:27 > 0:49:32I'm thinking to myself, "If this is the way that, you know,
0:49:32 > 0:49:37"David experiences life, these days, I mean, no wonder he's tired."
0:49:37 > 0:49:42- It takes an effort.- Things didn't happen in the right sequence.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44The last thing you were asked to do, Beti,
0:49:44 > 0:49:47was put on your coat and gloves and leave the room.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49You actually put these on quite early,
0:49:49 > 0:49:52which then made all the other tasks really difficult to do
0:49:52 > 0:49:55because you were trying to do them with a pair of mitts on.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59That's a very common experience for people,
0:49:59 > 0:50:04to lose the thread in terms of the sequence of doing something,
0:50:04 > 0:50:07whether that's getting dressed or getting ready to go out,
0:50:07 > 0:50:09- making a cup of tea. - Absolutely.
0:50:09 > 0:50:10If you break it down,
0:50:10 > 0:50:13there's quite a lot to the everyday things that we do.
0:50:13 > 0:50:18With the chair, for example, is a shining example.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22Because I think, "Well, why can't he sit down?!"
0:50:22 > 0:50:25I sort of sometimes say, "Come on, sit down, sit down!"
0:50:25 > 0:50:28And he'll take about five minutes to sit down in a chair.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31Now I'll be able to understand that.
0:50:31 > 0:50:32I do think...
0:50:33 > 0:50:37..it will make me understand
0:50:37 > 0:50:42why David sometimes behaves this way.
0:50:49 > 0:50:55'Scotland and Wales have limited resources, but up here,
0:50:55 > 0:50:59'they seem to think, "Well, that doesn't stop us from
0:50:59 > 0:51:03' "talking about it and doing something about it."
0:51:03 > 0:51:09'And I'm impressed with the enthusiasm and the dedication.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11'They seem to focus on carers.'
0:51:22 > 0:51:25The Blues? Your game? Cardiff Blues?
0:51:25 > 0:51:27No, no, no...
0:51:27 > 0:51:29What is your club, then?
0:51:31 > 0:51:37'When I came out of that simulation exercise, I was a bit confused.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39'I suppose that was to be expected.'
0:51:42 > 0:51:43Why don't you sit down?
0:51:43 > 0:51:48'And I still think about it. And it does help me.'
0:51:48 > 0:51:52DAVID SPEAKS
0:51:52 > 0:51:53I'm watching this.
0:51:53 > 0:51:56'When David, for example,
0:51:56 > 0:52:00'finds it sort of hard to sit down on a chair...'
0:52:00 > 0:52:03And the Scarlets are winning. Hooray!
0:52:03 > 0:52:04'..it takes him ages.
0:52:04 > 0:52:08'And, of course, that's what happened to me. And then the feet.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11'Of course, David is so, so careful on his feet.
0:52:11 > 0:52:17'It really helped me to understand what David must be going through.
0:52:17 > 0:52:24'Well, one doesn't know for sure, but it just gives you that idea
0:52:24 > 0:52:27'of what might be going through his mind.'
0:52:30 > 0:52:32David loves to see regular faces,
0:52:32 > 0:52:37and Ruth has been coming to us for 15 years.
0:52:37 > 0:52:40And she's one of the family, she's a great friend.
0:52:40 > 0:52:45Morning, boss. Mwah. How are you?
0:52:45 > 0:52:47- All right!- Morning.
0:52:47 > 0:52:52- Morning.- Mwah. You all right? - Good mood today, Ruth.
0:52:52 > 0:52:58- Yesterday - horrendous yesterday, with him yesterday.- Oh. For why?
0:52:58 > 0:53:01Wouldn't shave in the morning. DAVID SPEAKS
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Not playing the game.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07Not playing the game. Wouldn't shave, would not shave.
0:53:07 > 0:53:09I gave up.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12Then, of course, he wouldn't have a shower.
0:53:12 > 0:53:14And then this morning...
0:53:14 > 0:53:17- Totally different. - Like a lamb this morning.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19On form today, by the look of it.
0:53:19 > 0:53:20By the look of it, yes. Today he's on form.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23- All right, boss?- Huh?
0:53:23 > 0:53:27Yeah. Are you coming out?
0:53:27 > 0:53:29Ruth is going to do some work here.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32Yes, busy, busy. All right down the step now?
0:53:32 > 0:53:36Well, it's very interesting, he manages, you know?
0:53:36 > 0:53:39Because, you know, I'll be somewhere else.
0:53:39 > 0:53:44Or I'll have gone out shopping. He's...
0:53:44 > 0:53:47- Showing off now.- He's performing. - Yeah.- He really is.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50Aww.
0:53:50 > 0:53:52- Right. Coffee, Ruth?- Yes, please.
0:53:58 > 0:54:03Is that a bit of glass or glitter? I can't work it out.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06- He had his hair cut. - Oh, that's good.
0:54:07 > 0:54:11But he loves seeing people coming, though.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15Not that all his friends now come, do they? You know, only a very few.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17The faithful few.
0:54:18 > 0:54:2015 years, I've been coming.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24Every week - well, nearly every week.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28For 15 years, Beti's been a great friend, and...
0:54:28 > 0:54:31Yeah, well, they've both been great friends.
0:54:31 > 0:54:37But, yeah, I have seen, bless, the decline,
0:54:37 > 0:54:40and...the illness taking hold.
0:54:40 > 0:54:44And it's been... It's been really hard.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49I think it helps her to have a chat,
0:54:49 > 0:54:54and helps me to understand what's going on, too.
0:54:57 > 0:54:59He's always recognised me.
0:54:59 > 0:55:04I think the day he doesn't recognise me, in my mind,
0:55:04 > 0:55:08would be another step, another deterioration.
0:55:08 > 0:55:10But that hasn't happened.
0:55:11 > 0:55:15I can't see her giving up, though. I can't.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18She wants him here.
0:55:18 > 0:55:22He...will be better here.
0:55:22 > 0:55:26I can't see him being in some sort of institution.
0:55:26 > 0:55:31It would... Things would take a rapid turn then, I think.
0:55:31 > 0:55:35I guess I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it happen myself.
0:55:35 > 0:55:41Because I don't want her to feel like she's given up on him.
0:55:41 > 0:55:47Because I think... You know, they're partners.
0:55:47 > 0:55:48She doesn't want to be without him.
0:55:50 > 0:55:53I think that would be...
0:55:53 > 0:55:54Sorry.
0:55:57 > 0:55:59It's just really sad.
0:56:01 > 0:56:05It's all I've ever known, is them together.
0:56:06 > 0:56:10When I come here, and...you know, he is happy.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13He is happy to be home.
0:56:16 > 0:56:18Everything's familiar here.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22People come and talk to him.
0:56:24 > 0:56:26I just think that...
0:56:28 > 0:56:30..it would be worse -
0:56:30 > 0:56:33it would be worse for him, it would be worse for her,
0:56:33 > 0:56:35and the family as well.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50Oh, dear.
0:56:51 > 0:56:53It's so sad.
0:56:56 > 0:56:58PIANO MUSIC
0:57:03 > 0:57:06INAUDIBLE
0:57:27 > 0:57:30'The other day, oh, he didn't reach the toilet in time.
0:57:30 > 0:57:33'So the floor was wet,
0:57:33 > 0:57:36'yes, and his socks and all the rest of it were wet.
0:57:36 > 0:57:42'I must admit I said, "Oh, David! David! David! Why?!"
0:57:42 > 0:57:46'Then I added - and I should never do this, I suppose -
0:57:46 > 0:57:48' "You know, they're going to take you away
0:57:48 > 0:57:50' "if you do this all the time,
0:57:50 > 0:57:53' "because they will say I won't be able to cope."
0:57:53 > 0:57:58'We sat down on the bed and he said to me, "I've been a naughty boy.
0:57:58 > 0:58:02' "What's going to happen to the two of us?," he said.
0:58:03 > 0:58:05DAVID SPEAKS
0:58:05 > 0:58:07- David?- Yeah.
0:58:07 > 0:58:10Just be quiet for a minute, OK?
0:58:10 > 0:58:12What?
0:58:12 > 0:58:15Be quiet for a minute. OK?
0:58:15 > 0:58:18Because I'll finish then, all right?
0:58:18 > 0:58:20Shush now for a minute.
0:58:20 > 0:58:21In church?
0:58:21 > 0:58:25- In church!- Don't tell me again...
0:58:25 > 0:58:26DAVID SPEAKS
0:58:26 > 0:58:30David, shush now for a minute.
0:58:30 > 0:58:33Less than a minute, OK?
0:58:33 > 0:58:34No.
0:58:34 > 0:58:36THEY LAUGH
0:58:38 > 0:58:40Well, that's just about all from Cardiff Arms Park,
0:58:40 > 0:58:42except to tell you that in a week's time
0:58:42 > 0:58:45our programme will be the highlights of the West Wales Derby
0:58:45 > 0:58:48between Neath and Swansea. Do join us then. Goodbye.