0:00:03 > 0:00:04CHILDREN PLAYING
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Yeah, when I was younger I didn't really know what death was.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18I thought...
0:00:18 > 0:00:22..it was like when you go deaf in the ear, so when I...
0:00:22 > 0:00:24..got told she had died,
0:00:24 > 0:00:28I thought like her ear had fallen off or something.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31And then, when I got there,
0:00:31 > 0:00:33like, I just saw her like lying there,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36and then that's when I understood what death was.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Every day in the UK,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51over 100 children lose their mum or dad.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56A young person has to deal with a death in the family
0:00:56 > 0:00:58every 22 minutes.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04My dad was always...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09..fun, funny, he was very fun.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12His...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15..his purpose was to make people happier.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Erm, when I wake up, and imagine my dad,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21like, standing there...
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I always just picture him smiling
0:01:24 > 0:01:27and joking around or dancing.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Something like that - always, like, mucking around.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33He was very nice,
0:01:33 > 0:01:35he liked a bit of banter.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Erm...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39He used to be a DJ, erm...
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Sometimes he would put on a lot of weight,
0:01:44 > 0:01:47and sometimes he'd get a bit of whiskers.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55To help us all understand the life-changing impact
0:01:55 > 0:01:56of losing a parent,
0:01:56 > 0:02:01a handful of brave young people have agreed to share
0:02:01 > 0:02:02what they went through.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05All the children in this film have had counselling,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08many at projects funded by Children in Need.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Now, they want to tell their stories in their own words,
0:02:12 > 0:02:16to help others who are facing the death of a family member.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25You get upset when they're starting to feel really ill.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29But then,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32when they actually die, you get a bit...
0:02:32 > 0:02:33..a lot bigger shock,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36because they're not there any more,
0:02:36 > 0:02:37but when they're ill,
0:02:37 > 0:02:38you're still really sad,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41but then when they die, you get a big shock.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49A few children who are preparing for the loss of a parent
0:02:49 > 0:02:51also agreed to take part in this film,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54to explain how they're coping with fears about their future.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Eight months ago, Imogen and Madeline's mother told them
0:03:06 > 0:03:08she had incurable breast cancer.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10One day, you are going to fall off that
0:03:10 > 0:03:12and I am going to laugh so hard.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Thank you. - You're welcome.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19One of their first concerns was who to tell.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24One of my friends' mums has passed away with cancer...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29..so she understands exactly, erm, but...
0:03:31 > 0:03:34..well, she's the only one that understands,
0:03:34 > 0:03:35but the other lot...
0:03:35 > 0:03:39they tend to keep it...low key.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42If I say something, they'll ask,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44but they don't say anything unless I say anything.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48It feels a bit scary because I never know
0:03:48 > 0:03:50when it's going to happen,
0:03:50 > 0:03:51or why it's going to...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Why it has happened to my mum,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55and my mum's started saying
0:03:55 > 0:03:57why does all these people who kill
0:03:57 > 0:04:00and murder stay until they're like 100,
0:04:00 > 0:04:04and my mum, who's tried to do everything right,
0:04:04 > 0:04:06had to happen like this?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10And she might have like...
0:04:10 > 0:04:13..two months to live, or a year to live.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Or...
0:04:14 > 0:04:15..you never know.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33For nearly three years,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Amy Rose has known that her mother is fighting breast cancer.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Although it is not immediately life-threatening,
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Amy Rose still has to face the possibility of losing her mum.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51When I first heard that she was diagnosed,
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I didn't actually tell anyone,
0:04:53 > 0:04:57I told like... like, one person, I think,
0:04:57 > 0:04:58and then a few people knew
0:04:58 > 0:05:00because my mum had told her.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01But, at the same time,
0:05:01 > 0:05:06we were both very clear that we didn't want too much sympathy.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Like I have one of my friends, who...
0:05:08 > 0:05:11..was obviously trying to be considerate and asking like,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14"How's your mum?" "How's everything going?"
0:05:14 > 0:05:17and sometimes I just didn't want that to happen.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Like, I just wanted it to... like, be left alone.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Yeah, it wasn't easy at all
0:05:23 > 0:05:25and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I was literally thinking,
0:05:48 > 0:05:49"What is happening?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51"Is he going to be OK?"
0:05:53 > 0:05:57"Could this happen to anyone else that I like," that, erm...
0:05:57 > 0:05:59"that I, like, love in my family?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01"Could it happen to my little brother?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03"Could it happen to my mum?"
0:06:03 > 0:06:07And I had all these rushes, I didn't understand it that well,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10cos, like, I'm only 11,
0:06:10 > 0:06:14I'm not going to... I haven't done any history or, like,
0:06:14 > 0:06:16sciencey stuff about it, or...
0:06:16 > 0:06:21I barely... I didn't even know about what cancer was before that,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23before my dad, I had no idea.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26We didn't really know what the ambulance,
0:06:26 > 0:06:28and what they were all for,
0:06:28 > 0:06:29cos we were only six and seven,
0:06:29 > 0:06:35and we thought, like, it was a good thing.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37And we was like, "Oh, there's an ambulance coming to our house!"
0:06:37 > 0:06:40And, then, when we got older,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44and her, like, and her cancer got more severe, erm...
0:06:44 > 0:06:47..then my dad actually started to tell us, like,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"It's not a good thing, guys,"
0:06:49 > 0:06:52like, "It's not going to go well," sort of thing.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56The actual time was
0:06:56 > 0:06:59when my mum and dad sat me and my sister down on the sofa,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01and explained to us that,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04like, my dad wasn't ever going to get better,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07and he was going to live with it forever.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09And he didn't have a lot of time left,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12so we had make the most of every single moment -
0:07:12 > 0:07:14always smile, and always try and remember
0:07:14 > 0:07:17the happy memories we had with each other.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19PLAYGROUND CHATTER
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I think she had gone to hospital for some reason,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30and it was around Christmas time, I think,
0:07:30 > 0:07:34and she sat on the sofa in my nan's house and she told us all.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41How was that?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Well, Maddie had no idea what it was
0:07:47 > 0:07:49so she wasn't as bad,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52but cos they had taught us, like,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55stuff like that in primary, I knew exactly what it was,
0:07:55 > 0:07:56so I was terrified.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01They're stuck on my hands.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I'll do a bit more.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10Then she told us that she has cancer and I didn't know what that...was.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14And then she told me and I said, do you...?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17And then she kept on saying she'll survive it
0:08:17 > 0:08:19and will never have it again.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21She survived it, and then, like,
0:08:21 > 0:08:24two years later, or three,
0:08:24 > 0:08:28she got it again, and I felt...
0:08:28 > 0:08:32..a bit scared about when my mum has gone.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Hello, hi.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- How was school?- Good.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Imogen and Madeline's mother, Dawn,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44used to work as the head of a local sixth form college.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I've got a thousand pieces of homework!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Six months ago, she retired due to ill health.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54In March this year, breast cancer returned,
0:08:54 > 0:08:55and it had spread,
0:08:55 > 0:08:59which means that it's now classed as an incurable cancer.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00So, they've told me from day one
0:09:00 > 0:09:04to be very open and honest with the children about my diagnosis
0:09:04 > 0:09:05and my treatment plans.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07And, yeah,
0:09:07 > 0:09:10so I had to sit them down and explain to them that,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13although they'd gone through two years of me going through treatment
0:09:13 > 0:09:15and we thought that the worst was over,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18or hoped that the worst was over,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21that now the prognosis is very different.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22So what's the plan?
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Are you going to try and find tadpoles or...?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- We're going to find tadpoles and fish.- Ooh!
0:09:27 > 0:09:32Chemotherapy this time is about giving me a longer prognosis
0:09:32 > 0:09:33than it is about a cure.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Dawn has a triple negative form of breast cancer,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40which can be inherited.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43She's been told she may have less than a year to live.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48She's not the only family member with a life-limiting illness.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51My real dad,
0:09:51 > 0:09:55he lives in a bungalow with a massive dog.
0:09:56 > 0:10:01He's called Paddy and my nan has to go over every time we go over,
0:10:01 > 0:10:05and my dad has got Huntington's.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09He has Huntington's so he struggles to talk,
0:10:09 > 0:10:13and...just gets iller and iller and iller.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Imogen and Madeline know they could inherit
0:10:17 > 0:10:21both their mother's cancer and their father's Huntington's disease.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Well, I could...be like my dad, I could be like my mum.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Like, if I did, if I...
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I could choose when I'm 18 if I can have a scan
0:10:33 > 0:10:36to see if I have breast cancer or something like that,
0:10:36 > 0:10:40so if I do, they will take away...
0:10:40 > 0:10:43They'll basically swap my breasts with something else.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45They'll just put, like, fake ones in,
0:10:45 > 0:10:47and then they'll have to take away....
0:10:48 > 0:10:49I can't remember what it's called
0:10:49 > 0:10:51but they have to take away something
0:10:51 > 0:10:53which means you couldn't have kids.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54So...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57..I just don't like thinking about it because I love babies.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I like kids, so...
0:11:02 > 0:11:03MUFFLED FUSSING
0:11:13 > 0:11:14So what do you look forward to?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Duvet days.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22In our pyjamas, with the duvet over us, watching films all day.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26THEY SING AND CHATTER WITH THE DOG
0:11:31 > 0:11:33BIRDS TWITTER
0:11:43 > 0:11:45When he started getting really ill...
0:11:47 > 0:11:50..as sad as it is, I don't think he actually...
0:11:50 > 0:11:52..he had got to the point where he was so sick
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I don't think he actually recognised many people.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Like, some of the people that he's known for years,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59they've came over to say hi and stuff
0:11:59 > 0:12:02and he can't remember them because it got so bad.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03And, like, I don't think...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05I think at the last point, like,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08he couldn't even remember me and Ben,
0:12:08 > 0:12:09he could only remember the... my mum.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Yeah, that was...
0:12:11 > 0:12:13I think that was the hardest bit,
0:12:13 > 0:12:15was the hospital visits,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18and finally coming to terms with,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21"OK, then, Dad's really not well."
0:12:21 > 0:12:23And he'd have mood swings,
0:12:23 > 0:12:28but we knew that it wasn't because he was angry or upset with us,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30it was cos of the medication
0:12:30 > 0:12:32and, like, how he was getting ill,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35and where the actual tumour was, like, on the brain.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Anyway, like, I went to see her and my whole family was there,
0:12:40 > 0:12:44and I said to my family,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47"Can I have, like, just a conversation with her by myself?"
0:12:47 > 0:12:50cos I got told she was going to die,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53and then I spoke to her and then...
0:12:53 > 0:12:56..I said, "I'm scared you're going to die," and, erm...
0:12:58 > 0:12:59..she, erm...
0:13:01 > 0:13:02HE SIGHS
0:13:21 > 0:13:25It's the fact that someone in your life could just go, like that,
0:13:25 > 0:13:27like, you don't...
0:13:27 > 0:13:30..you can't really control it.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32But it's the way that...
0:13:32 > 0:13:35You've got to spend as much time
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and as much kind of...
0:13:38 > 0:13:42..time, yeah, basically time, as you can together,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44because, that's...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47..that's basically all you can do.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Yeah.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Oil,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55salt
0:13:55 > 0:13:56and pepper.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Yeah.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Right. What is next?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Amy Rose's parents are divorced.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06An only child, she spends most of the week with her mother, Claire,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08who's had a long battle with breast cancer.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I'm pretty sure. You can reread the recipe again, but...
0:14:11 > 0:14:13No, I believe you.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15So, erm...
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Couple of years ago, just before Christmas,
0:14:20 > 0:14:21I found a lump,
0:14:21 > 0:14:24and, actually, erm...
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Oh, Lord!
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Sorry.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38And unfortunately the type of cancer that I was diagnosed with
0:14:38 > 0:14:42was pretty aggressive and it had already spread to my lymph nodes.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Telling Amy Rose about the situation,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50telling Amy Rose about my cancer,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53is probably one of the hardest conversations I've had in my life,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56in that you're going to lose your mum.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Yeah, we've had, like, general...
0:14:59 > 0:15:02We've had more conversations about it,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04obviously with me growing up, as well, like,
0:15:04 > 0:15:09we weren't thinking about how we were in a tricky position,
0:15:09 > 0:15:13we were thinking about what we're going to do to make it better.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Yeah.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22For parents like Claire, facing a life-threatening illness,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26one of the hardest parts is explaining to a child what it means.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30You lie awake at night
0:15:30 > 0:15:31wrestling with it,
0:15:31 > 0:15:32thinking about it.
0:15:34 > 0:15:41And you're not strong, but as much as possible you've got to try and...
0:15:41 > 0:15:43..keep them feeling that their world is safe.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I did not expect any of this to happen.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Like, I didn't know what would happen,
0:15:49 > 0:15:51but I didn't expect it to pan out like this.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I was angry with just...
0:16:07 > 0:16:08..the cancer.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12And I was angry at...
0:16:12 > 0:16:14I felt angry at Mum for some reason, I don't know why.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17But I felt angry that she had got it
0:16:17 > 0:16:19because I thought she'd done something to get it,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21but then, like, now I understand
0:16:21 > 0:16:24and I feel angry at myself, for, like...
0:16:24 > 0:16:25..not being like...
0:16:25 > 0:16:28not feeling sad for her, and stuff like that.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29So...
0:16:33 > 0:16:34You go through stages.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Sometimes you're fine about it, sometimes,
0:16:38 > 0:16:39well, you're not fine,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41but you're a bit overwhelmed,
0:16:41 > 0:16:42so you don't know what to feel
0:16:42 > 0:16:44and sometimes you're angry,
0:16:44 > 0:16:46and sometimes you can be sad,
0:16:46 > 0:16:47like really, really sad.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51You're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to cry.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Nothing wrong with it. If you don't cry, then...
0:16:54 > 0:16:57..you're just not a real person, I don't think. You have to...
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Yeah, you have to have emotion.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26So I've started to collect little things that I think will help,
0:17:26 > 0:17:27of memories.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38So, we had this book done, didn't we?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40So, when Madeline did
0:17:40 > 0:17:43A Day In The Life Of Madeline with me,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and we thought of all the big events
0:17:45 > 0:17:50that I'm probably not going to be able to be here for.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54So, we started with her Sweet 16 prom dress,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57so we looked at lots and lots of different dresses.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59What is that?!
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Yes, she didn't like that one, funnily enough.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06But when she did try on the right dress, look how beautiful...
0:18:06 > 0:18:08That's the one, the first one was...
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Yeah, look how beautiful she looks.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- I look good! - SHE GIGGLES
0:18:12 > 0:18:14And then we went looking for a car.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17So, Madeline was absolutely convinced she wanted one
0:18:17 > 0:18:20without a roof, but, then...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- GIGGLING:- I loved...
0:18:22 > 0:18:23Then we found this little beauty.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26So, a little Fiat 500.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Look, with all the red inside - interior, seats,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31and cream steering wheel, and the men even...
0:18:33 > 0:18:36..put the sold sign in the car, look!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38So we had to rush round, then, didn't we?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42But we found your first home, which was beautiful -
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- not far from where your dad lives. - Oh, look, I love it!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- And then we had the fun in the bridal shop, didn't we?- Oh, yeah.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- Looking at all the beautiful dresses.- I liked that one.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55And which was your favourite one? The first one, wasn't it?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Why do you think your mum wanted to show you those things, Maddie?
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Because my mum won't be there to do them things with me,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07so she wanted to do that,
0:19:07 > 0:19:12and my mum said, "That might not be the dress that you'll have,
0:19:12 > 0:19:16"but at least I will remember you picking a dress out."
0:19:16 > 0:19:18And picking a car, and all that.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22And I said, "The only thing that you're going to miss
0:19:22 > 0:19:23"is my driving licence." I said,
0:19:23 > 0:19:25"What if you teach me how to drive now?!"
0:19:25 > 0:19:27She went, "No, you're too young."
0:19:27 > 0:19:30So that's... That's our Day In The Life with Madeline.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35And we did exactly the same for Imogen.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- So Imogen's Day In The... - I've not seen yours, Imogen.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42We looked at some dresses.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Oh, that's lush... Is that the one that I got?
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Both girls want to spend as much time with their mother as possible.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Imogen gets especially anxious when they're apart.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55If she's not there, I call her, like, every night,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58and she says, "You need to kind of stop doing that,
0:19:58 > 0:19:59"so you're ready for the future.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03"Cos you know, you can't just call me up," once she's passed,
0:20:03 > 0:20:05so...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Sometimes I just want to smack her in the face
0:20:07 > 0:20:09and tell her to shut up but...
0:20:09 > 0:20:12And then this was what was meant to happen with Madeline,
0:20:12 > 0:20:14where we went for afternoon tea.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- She's drinking wine!- And Imogen's pretending to drink champagne.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18I didn't pretend.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Yes, you did! - SHE CHUCKLES
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Ssh!
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Do you think you're ready for that day?
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Nope.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Dread every...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Every day, I dread that day, and...
0:20:32 > 0:20:33..I never want it to come.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38So, I think that's about it, guys.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41And then anything else we do now, we'll do the same,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- we'll make as many books... - Is that it?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Yeah. We'll make as many books as possible.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46One for Dad, one for you.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50We'll put all those things in there as well,
0:20:50 > 0:20:55and you'll be able to go there any time you want to...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57..reflect back on life with me.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58You're closing my nose!
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Mind your nose!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01THEY LAUGH
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Ow.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13I actually like writing my memories down...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18..cos sometimes, as you get older,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20you forget the memories,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22and you forget them,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24and you can never remember them,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26but if you keep stuff like my memory jar here,
0:21:26 > 0:21:31then we would put my memory jar for Daddy.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Then lots of different, the colour what you...
0:21:34 > 0:21:36So you think of some memories,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39and for every memory you choose a colour.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42So, say I put 'Going to Greggs',
0:21:42 > 0:21:43that's blue and orange,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45cause the sign is blue and orange.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47That is...
0:21:47 > 0:21:49..that one, blue and orange at the bottom.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54And, then, also, I put beeping in the van...
0:21:54 > 0:21:57..so that's black.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Black's up there.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04And calling each other silly names is yellow,
0:22:04 > 0:22:05that's that one,
0:22:05 > 0:22:07and then also silly dancing,
0:22:07 > 0:22:09he used to do a LOT of silly dancing,
0:22:09 > 0:22:11and it's green at the top.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13At the top. They're my ones.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I have loads of teddies, bears that she gave me.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43I speak to the teddy bears. Sounds a bit stupid, but...
0:22:43 > 0:22:46..I look at them and think of them as Mummy,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49cos she gave them to me, and I speak to them,
0:22:49 > 0:22:53and that makes... I just tell them, like, all the...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56..my emotions, what I'm going through at the moment,
0:22:56 > 0:22:57how I feel.
0:22:57 > 0:23:03I am wearing a necklace with my dad's ashes put into the locket,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06so, like, it's obviously close my heart,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10and obviously on the back it says, "Daddy's big girl",
0:23:10 > 0:23:12because I was... I'm the oldest one
0:23:12 > 0:23:14and my dad always used to say that to me,
0:23:14 > 0:23:15so it's really special to me,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and I wear it on special occasions
0:23:18 > 0:23:20or just whenever, really.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Erm, well, usually when I go to bed,
0:23:25 > 0:23:30I have this bear that reminds me of him.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35This teddy bear was made from all of my dad's shirts.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40And I have got photos in my room,
0:23:40 > 0:23:44and I've kind of got quite a bit of stuff that reminds me.
0:23:44 > 0:23:49Erm, I loved when he pushed me on the swing outside the house.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Sometimes he would push me a little bit too high.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05We did kind of have a few conversations
0:24:05 > 0:24:08about what would happen, and stuff like that.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13We went through a lot of times when it was very low.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19In Wokingham, Amy Rose is learning to live with the uncertainties
0:24:19 > 0:24:21that come with her mother's cancer.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25I mean, it's not been easy.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27It's been...
0:24:27 > 0:24:30It's definitely been like a roller-coaster,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33because we've had the ups where, like,
0:24:33 > 0:24:35we've just had surgery and it's all gone well,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38and we've had the downs, where we're not quite healing right,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and all sorts like that.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- Hello!- Hello! How was your day?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Recently, Claire's been told
0:24:45 > 0:24:49that her cancer is responding well to treatment, and is not spreading.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50- In you come.- Hello, Lilly.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53But her prognosis is far from certain.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54There's some flapjack to start with.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59The reality is the type of cancer that I was diagnosed with
0:24:59 > 0:25:01is a nasty little thing.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Hello. Hello.
0:25:03 > 0:25:09And, it may well just reappear one day.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13She's...
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Basically, she's still taking various hormone drugs
0:25:17 > 0:25:21and all of that lot and still has to go in and get... I think it's...
0:25:21 > 0:25:24I can't remember what it's called, but she has to go in
0:25:24 > 0:25:26and get an injection every month or whatever.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29But, as I understand it,
0:25:29 > 0:25:32we're in a better place than we were.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Amy Rose is packing to go away with her mum
0:25:37 > 0:25:39while Claire's health is stable.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46So, we're going down to Lyme Regis,
0:25:46 > 0:25:48which is a special place for us
0:25:48 > 0:25:50and it's just somewhere that
0:25:50 > 0:25:55we've always looked to have a good time and put things behind us.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02See, you're not going to beat me.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Right, OK. Hangman. OK, I've got one.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- OFF-SCREEN:- I know that the cancer,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10it could come back.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14It's made me treasure, like, moments more.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17So, like, every moment I spend, I'm treasuring it.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21With my mum, with, like, anyone I treasure it more
0:26:21 > 0:26:25because I just think that could be just change straight away.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26B!
0:26:26 > 0:26:27- Yay! - SHE LAUGHS
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- T!- Yes.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30- Yay!- Well done.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34- Well done!- I guessed T.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- It's my go. Wait. I'll just save paper.- OK.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50When someone dies...
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Yeah, one of the most true things that
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I can possibly say is nothing will...
0:27:00 > 0:27:03..ever, ever, ever be the same. It's like little things.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Your cupboards won't be the same.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Things are different, you know, you have to stop ordering that
0:27:08 > 0:27:11type of food, and, all the time, you'll get hot chilli sauce
0:27:11 > 0:27:14and no-one eats it.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17No-one ate it except for my dad.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22For me, before she died, it was a bit like,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25we were a great family, we were,
0:27:25 > 0:27:30like, all happy, go out, erm, in family...days out,
0:27:30 > 0:27:32like, to the zoo and stuff.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35And, now, it's a bit more like,
0:27:35 > 0:27:40we go out but it's like there is a person missing and there is
0:27:40 > 0:27:42because there is a seat empty.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58So, were you with your new teacher today or with Mr Davidson?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00With Miss Dickson.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02- You look very hot. - SHE LAUGHS
0:28:04 > 0:28:08In Wales, Dawn's health is getting worse.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10She has to rely on Imogen and Madeleine more and more.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- OFF-SCREEN:- They certainly help more round the house, they, erm...
0:28:16 > 0:28:19They, er, get pocket money depending on chores now
0:28:19 > 0:28:21because I'm just not well enough
0:28:21 > 0:28:24to do everything that I used to do before.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Right, I think that's you ready for school, then. Kiss-kiss.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Oh, you just coughed in my face.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33But they can tell when I'm having a bad day and they tend to come
0:28:33 > 0:28:37and crawl into bed with me and give me cuddles and tell me everything
0:28:37 > 0:28:40is going to be fine and that always makes me feel a lot better.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46When Dawn goes for treatment, 12-year-old Imogen
0:28:46 > 0:28:48drops her younger sister off at school.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Dawn has up to four hours chemotherapy a week.
0:29:04 > 0:29:05Oh, this one today.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10She divorced Madeleine and Imogen's father several years ago.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Two weeks before her cancer diagnosis, she met Steve
0:29:17 > 0:29:20and they married just over a year ago.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Cycle three?
0:29:22 > 0:29:23Yes.
0:29:23 > 0:29:24Here we go.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Yeah, they got married last May.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31And they have been together for three years.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34I think. I don't know. Three years, maybe, four.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38I wanted to be maid of honour but I wasn't married so, I couldn't.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43- The magic black bag. - The magic...
0:29:43 > 0:29:46- I would so love to know what's in it. - THEY LAUGH
0:29:46 > 0:29:48I'd be so annoyed if I sit here for ages,
0:29:48 > 0:29:51and just have sugar water pumped through my veins.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54The worst thing you can do for a child is try
0:29:54 > 0:29:56and sugar-coat what is happening
0:29:56 > 0:30:01or to lie completely because as much as I know that, you know,
0:30:01 > 0:30:05that this has won and that I will die of breast cancer,
0:30:05 > 0:30:07I'm also very aware that, erm,
0:30:07 > 0:30:12that I need to stay motivated and positive and just try and be
0:30:12 > 0:30:15one of those cases that you hear about through the grapevine
0:30:15 > 0:30:17all the time that has beaten the odds.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19They depend on me so much.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Yeah, it's absolutely heartbreaking
0:30:21 > 0:30:23but it does them no good to see me crying all the time so
0:30:23 > 0:30:28I put on my brave face and I keep my crying for bedtimes and...
0:30:28 > 0:30:31Steve gets the privilege of it all, don't you, really?
0:30:31 > 0:30:34Difficult 2:00am conversations and, yeah, all sorts.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38Hi! You OK?
0:30:38 > 0:30:39I'm in the VIP section today.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41SHE LAUGHS
0:31:07 > 0:31:09You can take yourself to here, can't you?
0:31:09 > 0:31:12If you fix this as your memory,
0:31:12 > 0:31:14then any time you're going through anything rough,
0:31:14 > 0:31:15you can pull on that memory,
0:31:15 > 0:31:20- it's almost like taking a photo out of a box.- Yeah.
0:31:21 > 0:31:26In Dorset, Claire wants to make every day memorable for Amy Rose.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Feel like everything is right with the world, don't you,
0:31:28 > 0:31:30- when you are at the Cobb?- Yep.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Recently, she's made a worrying discovery.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Last week, I...erm,
0:31:38 > 0:31:42went for my normal check-up, my hormonal injection,
0:31:42 > 0:31:47and I'd found another lump in my breast, erm, and so I asked
0:31:47 > 0:31:51the nurse to check, erm, if she could feel it as well and she could.
0:31:52 > 0:31:57Er, so...I'm really hopeful that's it's something minor.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01But obviously right now, I'm facing the dilemma that
0:32:01 > 0:32:05it may well be that the cancer has come back again.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08Erm, and if that's happened, then it's happened quite quickly.
0:32:08 > 0:32:13So, that raises an awful lot of questions for me, erm, but
0:32:13 > 0:32:17particularly for Amy Rose's future and how we go forward with things.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23Six months ago, Claire bought a flat in Lyme Regis
0:32:23 > 0:32:25with life insurance money she was able to claim
0:32:25 > 0:32:28when she was first diagnosed with cancer.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34It's something that will be hers, always.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Go on, in you go.
0:32:36 > 0:32:40And I hope she'll be taking her family there
0:32:40 > 0:32:42and making more memories.
0:32:44 > 0:32:45Right.
0:32:45 > 0:32:50- So, you're pretty well equipped if something did happen to Mummy.- Yes.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55Claire is passing on as many practical lessons as possible
0:32:55 > 0:32:56while she still can.
0:32:58 > 0:32:59Let me show you this.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03So, this is for here, this is council tax
0:33:03 > 0:33:06- but basically every month that's how much I have to pay.- OK.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10- And that covers keeping the street lights working...- Oh.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12- ..emptying the bins...- Yeah.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14And this is setting up a direct debit.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16What's a direct debit?
0:33:16 > 0:33:18So, this means...
0:33:18 > 0:33:21Best way to deal with it is to think about how are we going to
0:33:21 > 0:33:24work on building things for her future.
0:33:24 > 0:33:28And I think it makes it all the more important the time that we
0:33:28 > 0:33:31have here in Lyme
0:33:31 > 0:33:34because I'm very aware that time just slips through your fingers.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40- So...- Yeah.- Fish and chips for tea.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42Oh.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Or do you want to do fish and chips on the beach?
0:33:44 > 0:33:46Fish and chips on the beach, that's even better. Yeah.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03No, don't look. Don't look.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06It's going to feel a bit like a hat, don't look, don't look.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Ready, steady...
0:34:08 > 0:34:10- OK.- Go!
0:34:10 > 0:34:11Oh, God!
0:34:11 > 0:34:13THEY ALL LAUGH
0:34:13 > 0:34:16- Let's cut it. - You look so much older.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19She looks like Winona Ryder.
0:34:19 > 0:34:20Yeah. She does.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22THEY LAUGH
0:34:22 > 0:34:23Mother's girl!
0:34:23 > 0:34:25The summer holidays have started,
0:34:25 > 0:34:30and Dawn is having a new wig fitted before the family go away.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33Looks like one of those squirrels we feed at the park.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Open your eyes, Mummy.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38- Mummy, open your eyes.- Ready? - Yeah.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I have hair. It's so weird.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42SHE LAUGHS
0:34:42 > 0:34:45- Doesn't she look beautiful? - That's lush!
0:34:45 > 0:34:46I love that.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49Hang on, do you want to see, Steve?
0:34:49 > 0:34:52Recently, she's made legal arrangements for Imogen
0:34:52 > 0:34:53and Madeleine's future care.
0:34:53 > 0:34:56She's agreed with their father that they will continue to
0:34:56 > 0:34:58live with their stepfather Steve
0:34:58 > 0:35:01while also being supported by other relatives.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05- Which wig is Steve having? - Let's have a look.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07- Yeah! - SHE LAUGHS
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Rick Parfitt.
0:35:13 > 0:35:18Well, my stepdad works nights so he will work days and then nights
0:35:18 > 0:35:21so my nan will come over the days that he works nights
0:35:21 > 0:35:25so she'll stay with us or stuff like that.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28My nan will be over all the time.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31Shelby! Monster!
0:35:31 > 0:35:32They're in my room.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35As Dawn's treatment intensifies,
0:35:35 > 0:35:38the family relies more and more on her mother Sue
0:35:38 > 0:35:40to look after Imogen and Madeleine.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42Come on.
0:35:42 > 0:35:43Come on.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46- Come on.- They think they've got free attention.
0:35:46 > 0:35:47- Come on.- Bye, Nanny.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50In the coming months, her support will be crucial.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53- Who was that? - That's my nanny.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58How important is your nan to you now?
0:35:58 > 0:36:01Really, because she has gone through a lot
0:36:01 > 0:36:04because my grandad died of cancer as well.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08- Hello, again!- I'm so sorry.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12- THEY LAUGH - I took them downstairs and they bolted again.
0:36:21 > 0:36:27Well, my grandad died March the 22nd, I think it was.
0:36:30 > 0:36:35And then six months later my dad died in August.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39And if you if you had said to somebody,
0:36:39 > 0:36:44"I have lost somebody," they'd think, "Oh, yeah, she'll get over it
0:36:44 > 0:36:46"in a couple of months, it will be fine,"
0:36:46 > 0:36:48but you kind of never, ever get over it,
0:36:48 > 0:36:51even when you're, like, an adult.
0:36:51 > 0:36:55You... It's... It's still a big part of your life that's gone,
0:36:55 > 0:36:58kind of thing, and it's like a part missing.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01And it's always going to be missing, so...
0:37:06 > 0:37:07I was like, it's actually making me laugh
0:37:07 > 0:37:10because I am just thinking about him laughing.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13- SHE LAUGHS - It's just making me laugh cos I'm thinking about him laughing
0:37:13 > 0:37:19because that's the only thing that I truly remember, properly remember, about Dad.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Just him laughing.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27And, sorry, the only reason I am looking over here is cos that's where he used to sit.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29That is where he sat.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Oh, my God, yeah, that's weird.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34I've never done that before, actually.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37And I am probably imagining sitting there. That's...
0:37:39 > 0:37:40Mm.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55Today, Dawn is having an MRI scan to discover
0:37:55 > 0:37:57whether her breast cancer has spread.
0:38:06 > 0:38:10So, basically, we're looking at whether the tumour has started
0:38:10 > 0:38:12to grow again or whether it's stable
0:38:12 > 0:38:15or hopefully whether it's shrunk.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23But quite anxious today because I feel like the lump has grown quite a bit
0:38:23 > 0:38:27so I'm expecting the worst, so today is a pretty tough day.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34Did you, erm... Are the girls aware how tough it is for you?
0:38:34 > 0:38:37No, that's why I tend to come to these on my own.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41Erm, I just find that I'm pretty brave with most things
0:38:41 > 0:38:45but this is my Achilles heel so especially with it being
0:38:45 > 0:38:49secondary because I know at some point one of these scans is going
0:38:49 > 0:38:54to show that it has spread further so... Whereas before with scans,
0:38:54 > 0:38:58you were always hopeful it would show that it wasn't present.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01These feel very different to when I had primary cancer.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06Right then,
0:39:06 > 0:39:09I will carry your bag for you cos you've got to look after that.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14To be honest, it's getting harder not easier because
0:39:14 > 0:39:18the estimated time was about 11 months
0:39:18 > 0:39:21so we're significantly into that time scale now.
0:39:23 > 0:39:26The truth is, I am just waiting to die.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32So the recorded voice will ask you to breathe in and hold
0:39:32 > 0:39:35your breath, it's about six seconds you hold your breath for.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38And then the voice will tell you to breathe normally which is just that.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Right, I'll see you in a minute.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51AUTOMATED VOICE: Breathe in and hold your breath.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56I was six when my grandad died of cancer.
0:39:57 > 0:40:01I don't know what cancer he had but he had like an unknown cancer.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04AUTOMATED VOICE: Breathe normally.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12They couldn't help him because he was so bad now it wouldn't...
0:40:12 > 0:40:16So they had to give up and it was really sad for my nan because
0:40:16 > 0:40:21she was going through my mum being ill and my grandad passed away.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Only dropped one so far. In 22 years, that's not bad.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27Because my mum's...
0:40:27 > 0:40:31That's my mum's dad, so, like, she was really upset.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Don't forget your bag.
0:40:38 > 0:40:39What goes through your head
0:40:39 > 0:40:41when you're having a scan like that, Dawn?
0:40:43 > 0:40:44My dad.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48Erm, I lost my dad to cancer last year.
0:40:48 > 0:40:52And, erm, the second I am in there I just...
0:40:52 > 0:40:55feel in my head I'm calling him to be with me.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58And I get a lot of comfort from thinking he is keeping
0:40:58 > 0:41:03an eye on me, but, yeah, it's always my dad I think of.
0:41:08 > 0:41:11Now I know that I'm losing my battle,
0:41:11 > 0:41:14it's even harder now to think that my family will have lost
0:41:14 > 0:41:16two of us probably in the space of 24 months.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20It just feels never-ending at the moment.
0:41:29 > 0:41:33Boys, where is your one?
0:41:33 > 0:41:34Oh, there he is.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36I didn't see him there.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38I didn't know you were in there, hello!
0:41:41 > 0:41:42I always talk to my rats.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46Especially my one. That's my one over in the corner.
0:41:48 > 0:41:52Like, why is everything happening to my family?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Why can't it happen to someone else's?
0:41:55 > 0:41:57And I wonder where your family are.
0:42:13 > 0:42:17Yeah, I think friends and family communicating with you
0:42:17 > 0:42:22is a massive thing, and, like, if you don't communicate to anyone,
0:42:22 > 0:42:24you're going to just crumble, like.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27You need to speak to people, otherwise it will really start
0:42:27 > 0:42:29to get to you and you'll overthink things.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34Well, if I see Mummy upset or something, I will go over
0:42:34 > 0:42:36and give her a cuddle,
0:42:36 > 0:42:38and that's the same with Ellie and Sophia as well -
0:42:38 > 0:42:41if I see them upset, I will go and give them a cuddle
0:42:41 > 0:42:44and ask them if they're all right and...
0:42:44 > 0:42:47And with Ellie, we talk to each other, me and Ellie do.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51Me and Ellie always talk to each other and that helps us.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56Well...
0:42:56 > 0:42:59counselling was the thing that helped me the most.
0:42:59 > 0:43:03When my mum suggested the idea, I wasn't very comfortable with it.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05I didn't really want to...
0:43:05 > 0:43:09I thought it was just somebody coming to talk to me about
0:43:09 > 0:43:10my personal problems
0:43:10 > 0:43:13and I didn't really feel that comfortable with it.
0:43:13 > 0:43:20But when I actually started, it kind of... It helped me a lot.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29Oh, Tommy, your hair's stuck in the brush.
0:43:29 > 0:43:32In Wales, Dawn has approached a local counselling service
0:43:32 > 0:43:34for Imogen and Madeleine.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37She wants both girls to have the right support before
0:43:37 > 0:43:38and after her death.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40You're beautiful.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43The children are dealing with things in very different ways.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47Madeleine likes to talk, you know, through things with me
0:43:47 > 0:43:51at length and is very open to going to charities that we have been
0:43:51 > 0:43:55introduced to, to try and support children through bereavement.
0:43:55 > 0:44:00But Imogen has just turned 12, is very grown-up for her years,
0:44:00 > 0:44:04and genuinely feels that she has the coping mechanisms to deal
0:44:04 > 0:44:07with what's happening by herself.
0:44:07 > 0:44:08Oh, now you're pleased.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Imogen has already had a course of therapy
0:44:12 > 0:44:15when her dad was diagnosed with Huntington's disease.
0:44:16 > 0:44:19I didn't really want to do it then,
0:44:19 > 0:44:22but I did it because my mum wanted me to do it.
0:44:22 > 0:44:26So I did it and they came to the school and stuff like that.
0:44:26 > 0:44:28I just didn't find it did anything for me, so...
0:44:30 > 0:44:33I talk to my nan a lot and then she talks to my mum
0:44:33 > 0:44:34cos I don't want to talk to my mum
0:44:34 > 0:44:36because I think it will make her upset
0:44:36 > 0:44:37so I talk to my nan,
0:44:37 > 0:44:41and I just found counselling... find it a waste of time.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47The one thing I don't need to worry about, in that sense,
0:44:47 > 0:44:50is they have a huge support network around them,
0:44:50 > 0:44:53they will always have somewhere where they will feel loved
0:44:53 > 0:44:57and cared for, I don't want to bully them or push them into counselling
0:44:57 > 0:45:02but I do understand the value of what that can offer and hope that,
0:45:02 > 0:45:04you know, at some point,
0:45:04 > 0:45:07that barrier for Imogen will have broken down.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18There are organisations all over the country that
0:45:18 > 0:45:23specialise in helping young people when they lose somebody close,
0:45:23 > 0:45:25many of them supported by Children In Need.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30Sometimes you can't explain, like, what's inside of you,
0:45:30 > 0:45:34like, sometimes you have this feeling about it, and like
0:45:34 > 0:45:38nobody else can feel it, unless they have had it done to them.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40I think there's always times, isn't there, when you specifically
0:45:40 > 0:45:43might miss somebody and when you wish they were around?
0:45:45 > 0:45:48At the Princess Alice Hospice in Surrey, bereaved teenagers
0:45:48 > 0:45:51meet once a month to share their memories and feelings.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54So what do you wish that you could say to your dad?
0:45:55 > 0:45:58Counsellors help them to talk about the impact of their loss
0:45:58 > 0:46:02and cope with the immediate shock of a loved one's death.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04What about you, Amaya?
0:46:04 > 0:46:08Erm, I thought he would get better and the moment that I found...
0:46:08 > 0:46:12I found out that he had passed away, I was like, I didn't really
0:46:12 > 0:46:15believe it and I thought, "Oh, he's probably going to come back."
0:46:36 > 0:46:40I had never actually seen a dead thing, like anything dead.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47I can always remember I was sitting in the front room,
0:46:47 > 0:46:50and, erm, Ben was in the toy room
0:46:50 > 0:46:53and I saw mum rushing down the stairs shouting,
0:46:53 > 0:46:54"He's gone! He's gone!"
0:46:54 > 0:46:57And, erm, I stood up and I was like,
0:46:57 > 0:47:00"No," and I was shouting, "No."
0:47:00 > 0:47:02And then...
0:47:03 > 0:47:06When we were having that chat and we just went upstairs
0:47:06 > 0:47:08to see him and he was dead, erm...
0:47:10 > 0:47:12It wasn't the nicest thing to see.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16So I grabbed one of erm...
0:47:18 > 0:47:19..my erm...
0:47:20 > 0:47:25..one of my teddies that I really liked and like, erm...
0:47:25 > 0:47:27I remember Dad, erm,
0:47:27 > 0:47:31like, I think he wrestled it off the dog, at one point
0:47:31 > 0:47:35when he got it and I thought he could have that as his trophy.
0:47:35 > 0:47:39So he was lying in his bed thingy and I just left that there.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41And I was really sad.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44I couldn't stay in the room much longer,
0:47:44 > 0:47:46knowing that he wasn't waking up.
0:48:00 > 0:48:01I hate today.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06Dawn has returned to the Velindre Cancer Centre in Cardiff
0:48:06 > 0:48:08to get her scan results.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11- You know you're my good luck charm, don't you?- Mm?
0:48:11 > 0:48:13You're my good luck charm.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18Having to wait two weeks for scan results is really tough
0:48:18 > 0:48:21because, obviously, you just want to know if it's working
0:48:21 > 0:48:24and whether it's spreading and... Obviously, if it's spreading,
0:48:24 > 0:48:26it's affecting the time I've got left with my family.
0:48:28 > 0:48:29Madeleine, she, erm...
0:48:29 > 0:48:33She is very in tune with my anxiety so
0:48:33 > 0:48:35she has picked up that I am worried about today
0:48:35 > 0:48:39so she has asked me lots of times, erm, when I get my results.
0:48:40 > 0:48:42We wish you the best of luck.
0:48:42 > 0:48:43Thank you.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45SHE LAUGHS
0:49:20 > 0:49:22Oh, as good as I could have hoped for, really.
0:49:22 > 0:49:26So the tumour has shrunk slightly.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29It's great news, and, of course, that implies to the children
0:49:29 > 0:49:31that I'm getting better
0:49:31 > 0:49:35which I'm not so I've got to be very careful and I just basically
0:49:35 > 0:49:36will say to them, that, erm, that,
0:49:36 > 0:49:41you know, it's the best we could have hoped for
0:49:41 > 0:49:45but just remind them that, you know, this is still the path
0:49:45 > 0:49:48that we are on, so at the moment yeah, today is a good day.
0:49:48 > 0:49:49Good result.
0:49:49 > 0:49:51I always want more, though.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53I would absolutely love one day to walk in and they go,
0:49:53 > 0:49:55"Do you know what? We can't find anything now."
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Since returning from Lyme Regis, Claire has also been
0:50:13 > 0:50:16waiting for tests to discover whether her cancer has spread.
0:50:18 > 0:50:20She's just received the results.
0:50:23 > 0:50:27I'm in a really lucky position because, erm, first of all,
0:50:27 > 0:50:29the checks were so quick,
0:50:29 > 0:50:32everything happened so swiftly but, also, that
0:50:32 > 0:50:38when they scanned the lump, they believe that it's just scar tissue,
0:50:38 > 0:50:40which is good news.
0:50:41 > 0:50:44Claire's news means both she and Amy Rose can make
0:50:44 > 0:50:45plans for their future.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50I know that we will go through tribulations in life,
0:50:50 > 0:50:52life is full of tribulations.
0:50:55 > 0:50:57But...we're a strong team.
0:50:59 > 0:51:00So we'll do it together.
0:51:06 > 0:51:10I mean, it obviously wasn't ideal for any of this to happen
0:51:10 > 0:51:14but it's definitely changed my perspective on, like, life,
0:51:14 > 0:51:18on memories, on future, on everything.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21Like, you've just got to look to the future.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23And, no matter what comes at you, you've got to get
0:51:23 > 0:51:26to, like, the end of the race. Like, you've got to do it.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Oh, dear, there's a cloud coming over.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39What?
0:51:39 > 0:51:40It's raining?
0:51:40 > 0:51:41No, it's not.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44- It's snowing!- No!
0:51:44 > 0:51:47Dawn is taking Imogen and Madeleine to a place that is special to
0:51:47 > 0:51:49all her family -
0:51:49 > 0:51:51Barry Island on the south coast of Wales.
0:51:51 > 0:51:54Might be worth, Imogen, have you got your phone to hand?
0:51:54 > 0:51:57Just check what the weather forecast is like at Barry.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03SEAGULLS CRY
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Going that way or that way?
0:52:06 > 0:52:09You decide. Just remember I can't walk very far, mind.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Well, this is where I was brought as a child.
0:52:11 > 0:52:16My parents bought me here every time there was any nice weather.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19And I guess I kept it up ever since.
0:52:19 > 0:52:20When the children were little,
0:52:20 > 0:52:23me and their father used to bring them here.
0:52:23 > 0:52:26Yeah, it's definitely somewhere that holds a lot of sentiment for us.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30And what have we said about what happens after Mummy's gone?
0:52:31 > 0:52:33Going to put your, erm, flowers like in...
0:52:34 > 0:52:35Ashes.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38Ashes in the...sea.
0:52:38 > 0:52:40Over on the head point.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44I don't really want to have a gravestone
0:52:44 > 0:52:46because I just feel the children are quite young
0:52:46 > 0:52:49to have to feel that they've got to keep it, erm,
0:52:49 > 0:52:52look after it and visit it frequently
0:52:52 > 0:52:57so what we've agreed is that that's where my ashes will be scattered.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00So, any time they want just a quiet moment and reflect,
0:53:00 > 0:53:02they know they can come out to the head point.
0:53:18 > 0:53:22I remember a car pulled out, like, outside our house.
0:53:25 > 0:53:27It was like a black limo.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29And, like, our whole family got it in,
0:53:29 > 0:53:31and everyone was, like, wearing suits.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36And, erm, she was a Christian so we went to,
0:53:36 > 0:53:42erm, er, church, erm, where she would go, like, every week.
0:53:42 > 0:53:47And, erm, I saw like this massive wooden thing being carried.
0:53:47 > 0:53:51And I didn't know what it was but I got told it was a coffin.
0:53:51 > 0:53:53And I was like, "What's that?"
0:53:53 > 0:53:57And they was like, "Oh, your mum..." Their body is in it,
0:53:57 > 0:54:01it's what Christians do, they bury their bodies in the ground.
0:54:08 > 0:54:12We've actually... At my house, we've got the graveyard next door.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Erm, he's in there, he's literally, er,
0:54:17 > 0:54:21I'd say maybe 12 graves along.
0:54:21 > 0:54:27And I go up there, like, out of two weeks, I'll say I go up there round
0:54:27 > 0:54:31about maybe three, two times,
0:54:31 > 0:54:35just, like, if I want to sit with him.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39My dad's grave is next door, erm...
0:54:39 > 0:54:41We, erm...
0:54:41 > 0:54:43I try to visit it every day.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47I do water the plants there every day.
0:54:49 > 0:54:55Unless I can't make it or I've got back really late from a party.
0:54:57 > 0:55:04I miss him most, erm, most when I see other dads, usually.
0:55:15 > 0:55:19It's Dawn's birthday and the girls have a surprise for their mum.
0:55:23 > 0:55:24What...are you doing?
0:55:24 > 0:55:29Dawn remains hopeful that Imogen will agree to see a counsellor
0:55:29 > 0:55:31but she's still resisting it.
0:55:33 > 0:55:34Mum!
0:55:34 > 0:55:38Mum, come to the kitchen!
0:55:38 > 0:55:41- THEY SING:- # Happy birthday to you... #
0:55:41 > 0:55:43Aw!
0:55:43 > 0:55:44In the meantime,
0:55:44 > 0:55:47both girls are learning to deal with their mother's battle with cancer,
0:55:47 > 0:55:51preparing for a life after her death, to say goodbye.
0:55:51 > 0:55:55- BOTH:- One, two, three!
0:55:55 > 0:55:57- Did you have a go?- High five.
0:55:57 > 0:55:59Oh, my gosh, don't leave me hanging.
0:55:59 > 0:56:02On my birthday as well, don't leave me hanging!
0:56:16 > 0:56:20I feel a lot different cos it's happened to me
0:56:20 > 0:56:23and I know how it feels and people helped me when it
0:56:23 > 0:56:27happened to me so I am going to help others if it happens to them.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31Yeah, I do think I am a different person now.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34I think I'm a lot more stronger than what I used to be,
0:56:34 > 0:56:38like mentally than what I used to be before.
0:56:38 > 0:56:41It does make me a bit more...
0:56:41 > 0:56:45sort of tougher and face the world in a different way.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47You can still achieve amazing things although this has
0:56:47 > 0:56:52happened to you. Just keep going and just persevere.
0:56:52 > 0:56:54Don't think about the bad times.
0:56:54 > 0:56:56What's happened has happened, really.
0:56:56 > 0:56:59There is nothing you could have done
0:56:59 > 0:57:02but what you should do is just remember the good fun times
0:57:02 > 0:57:05you had with them, your special person.
0:57:07 > 0:57:08Honestly, I just live.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12I live to remember Dad, you know.
0:57:12 > 0:57:16As long as I'm alive, I feel like he is alive too.
0:57:19 > 0:57:22Details of organisations offering information and support
0:57:22 > 0:57:27with bereavement are available at bbc.co.uk/actionline.
0:57:27 > 0:57:30Or you can call for free at any time to hear recorded information.
0:57:36 > 0:57:38BBC Children In Need supports children affected by bereavement
0:57:38 > 0:57:40all over the UK.
0:57:40 > 0:57:42If you would like to make a donation
0:57:42 > 0:57:44to help support this year's appeal...
0:57:51 > 0:57:54Texts will cost your donation plus your standard network
0:57:54 > 0:57:57charge, and all of your donation will go to BBC Children In Need.
0:57:57 > 0:58:00You must be 16 or over, and please ask the bill payer's permission.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02For full terms, more information,
0:58:02 > 0:58:06or to donate online, visit bbc.co.uk/pudsey.