0:00:02 > 0:00:05The Lakelands of Fermanagh.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08For centuries, a place of spiritual retreat.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11For seven days, the stunning island of Lusty Beg has become home
0:00:11 > 0:00:15to three courageous families from Northern Ireland.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19They're attempting a radical change to their diet and lifestyles
0:00:19 > 0:00:21in a bid to lose weight and live healthier lives.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27This week, here at Lusty Beg for the three families,
0:00:27 > 0:00:31is about us tackling the issue of their weight problems from every which angle.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35For Isobel, Nick and daughter Rachael,
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Ryan, Ellie, Mum Cara, and Stepdad Johnny,
0:00:39 > 0:00:42and for mother and daughter Rosie and Ellen,
0:00:42 > 0:00:47it's about letting go of the past and looking to a better future.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51I feel as if I sort of need him.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53But he's not there.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Under the guidance of a team of experts
0:00:56 > 0:00:59in nutrition, fitness and psychotherapy
0:00:59 > 0:01:04the families are facing an intensive mind, body and spirit experience.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08It's a week of challenges, both for the families...
0:01:08 > 0:01:12On Friday, I want you to run a mile with me.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14...and for the experts...
0:01:14 > 0:01:16I suppose your question to me is,
0:01:16 > 0:01:20- because you're sitting quietly, are you going to give us anything? - Precisely!
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Above all, it's a journey of self-discovery.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28I don't know whether losing the weight and becoming slim again
0:01:28 > 0:01:31is going to make me that person again.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Am I not already that person?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45It's day three on the island
0:01:45 > 0:01:49and the families are settling into a new routine.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51They're trying to build in regular exercise -
0:01:51 > 0:01:55a habit which, if kept up, will help them with permanent weight loss.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I'm knackered!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03And they're making healthier food choices,
0:02:03 > 0:02:06which includes starting the day with breakfast.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Well?- It's OK.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Just OK?- Well, it needs sugar.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22The children, like two thirds of kids in Northern Ireland,
0:02:22 > 0:02:26get nowhere near the recommended levels of physical exercise.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Personal trainer John Coulter aims to change that this week.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Two, one...
0:02:33 > 0:02:37And... Collapse!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40We're going to make sure we're ready to get started.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- What? We haven't started? - We haven't even started yet.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46We're just warming up, Ryan. You're doing well.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Morning.- Good morning.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51While John works on the kids' motivation,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54clinical psychologist Dr Raman Kapur welcomes the parents
0:02:54 > 0:02:56to his group therapy session.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59It doesn't take long to get going.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02People think fat people are lazy.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04People get the impression
0:03:04 > 0:03:08that you're fat because you go home and you never do anything.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Because all you do is sit and eat.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14In fact, we have busy lives. We're doing busy jobs.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16We're juggling many balls
0:03:16 > 0:03:20and, unfortunately, I think this is one that just has fallen.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I thought the grass was greener on the other side.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Everybody else's family sitting there doing healthy things,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28just a nice family unit.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31And then you realise that the rut we're in,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33an awful lot of families are the same.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I know I can eat the healthy stuff,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38I know I can do the exercise when I put my mind to it.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43It's just overcoming the side that says you can't do it.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45But the battleground is in your head.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48And perhaps that's where, quite understandably,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51you think I can give you some tips on how to manage that.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54You say you're on one side of the minefield
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and you have to get to the other side, and best of luck.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Whereas, there's the other side of the minefield.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Here's a map and compass.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03It's up to you to get through using the tools.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07The experts will give you some of the tools and the compass.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Your question to me is, "What's your flipping compass and tool?
0:04:10 > 0:04:14"You're sitting there quietly. Are you going to give us anything?"
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Precisely!- I know! OK!
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I think what happens with a lot of people
0:04:21 > 0:04:24is they immediately put into the expert
0:04:24 > 0:04:27all of the capacity to make things better.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28And they can often feel that
0:04:28 > 0:04:31they want the expert to do a bit of magic.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33But if I collude with the part of them
0:04:33 > 0:04:35that wants me to do the work for them,
0:04:35 > 0:04:39I'm disabling them, in my view. Cos I'm basically saying,
0:04:39 > 0:04:41"You be passive, give it to me to sort out."
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Life's not like that.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Certainly, in my view, effective therapeutic work isn't like that.
0:04:50 > 0:04:56John has got the children behaving like children and having some fun.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59A simple game of tag has them out of breath, which is key
0:04:59 > 0:05:02to increasing cardiovascular fitness.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Ideally, they'd be doing a minimum of an hour's exercise every day.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15The girls are still enjoying the game,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18but Ryan suddenly seems to have had enough.
0:05:21 > 0:05:26John wants to find out what the problem is and keep Ryan motivated.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29How are you, Ryan? A bit tired?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30How's the asthma? OK?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's not that. It's everything else, really.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Really? What was it?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38It's just the way that I'm sick of everyone going for me.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40You got chased down a bit?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42What happened? You got away from them all.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45And you got me. You got me twice!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Yeah, but it tired me out.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50It really got your fitness level? Think about that as a positive.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52You're able to get away, and run around a bit.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55You're able to work that bit harder. You did well today.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00It just annoyed me as well because my asthma would stop it.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04If it plays up, even if I'm so fit to do it, I can't do it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07That side of the story, get your breathing down as well.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10We'll work on it when you're doing some running.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13We'll have a look at how you can get your breathing better.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I know certainly it troubled me when I was younger.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17It is that difficulty.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21But your fitness levels are good and you'll hopefully grow out of it, more importantly.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23You did really well.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28With reassurance from John that his asthma needn't hold him back,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Ryan will be able to work on his fitness over the week.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33In the meantime, the children have
0:06:33 > 0:06:37a group session with clinical psychologist, Dr Rachel Andrew.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41In yesterday's session, the children each showed photos of themselves.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45One which they liked and one which they didn't feel so good about.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Today, they start work on leaving negative emotions behind.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53What I wanted us to do is have a think about the feelings that we had
0:06:53 > 0:06:55looking at those photographs.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59I had written some things down that I had thought
0:06:59 > 0:07:01stood out for me yesterday.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06Maybe that there were some feelings of being angry or sad.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I thought what would be helpful
0:07:08 > 0:07:10is for us to start to write down some of those feelings.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14And I wanted us to write them on the stones in the middle.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Ellen, when you looked at that picture, how did it make you feel?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Sort of angry at myself.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Right.- In a way.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- I got upset as well.- Right.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30I think sometimes the link between weight and the way
0:07:30 > 0:07:36people think and feel about themselves can be a direct one.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40But I think sometimes it can be much more hidden.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45When I took the picture I didn't feel anything - just happy I was on holiday with my family.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49But every time I look at it, it makes me feel
0:07:49 > 0:07:53like I've just thrown everything away that I think was good.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Oh, right.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- That makes- me- feel sad when you say it.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01But also, there's a huge amount of responsibility
0:08:01 > 0:08:03that you feel it's your fault?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Sometimes...
0:08:05 > 0:08:11Sometimes I was the one that said I wanted the take-out
0:08:11 > 0:08:14or if I didn't want to.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Sometimes I always wanted to do it but sometimes I didn't.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19And when you talk to your friends,
0:08:19 > 0:08:23would they be able to be in charge of getting takeaways and food?
0:08:23 > 0:08:28Sometimes no. Because my friends, they get a treat every Saturday.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Yeah.- You see?- Yeah. - And the rest of the day,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34her mum or dad would make her something.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Because her mum or dad would be coming home earlier.- Right.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47The children are doing well, putting their thoughts into words.
0:08:47 > 0:08:52But Rachael's mum, Isobel, in her first one-on-one session with Raman,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54is still finding it all a bit of a struggle.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57It's always difficult to start and knowing where to start.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01There's too much going on and I don't know where to start.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06For Isobel, it's not so much about losing weight.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10It's more about not passing on her own insecurities
0:09:10 > 0:09:13and poor relationship with food to her daughter.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I don't want to be a stick insect. I'm happy enough having my curves.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I'm 45. I don't want to be a supermodel.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25I just want to be healthy and still be around to help Rachael.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Because Rachael's going the way...
0:09:27 > 0:09:31To me, she's a wee pudding at the minute. But she is only 10.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36- I don't want her growing up with- my- hang-ups.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Perhaps you are worried about
0:09:40 > 0:09:43making a go at talking about it for fear of getting it wrong?
0:09:43 > 0:09:47As I've said previously, it's that big thing at the back of my mind
0:09:47 > 0:09:51of being the failure that I think I am.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53It does seem that it's this
0:09:53 > 0:09:58feeling and conviction that you're a failure the really brings you down?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Yeah.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01And it may not be true.
0:10:01 > 0:10:09You have almost forfeited your right to have ideas or have your own feelings and your own personality.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11It's hard to get the words.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15I know the feelings but I can't get the words.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18You're doing OK.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19It's strange.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Very strange.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24You don't know what he's thinking.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26And then you find yourself going off on a tangent.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31Again, it's that, "What's he thinking and how is he judging you?"
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Isobel is convinced that other people are judging her critically
0:10:35 > 0:10:39and that comes from this conviction that she has about herself
0:10:39 > 0:10:42that every time she judges herself, she is bad.
0:10:42 > 0:10:48She was looking to me to not only ask her how to start the session but worrying about my judgment.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Which, inevitably, she thought was going to be bad.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55So she's not really giving herself much of a chance in her own world.
0:10:55 > 0:11:01What happens very quickly in your mind,
0:11:01 > 0:11:06because you don't like yourself, you can immediately feel that other people don't like you.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11And then that just becomes a truth in your mind.
0:11:11 > 0:11:17It's as if you've never really had an experience of just feeling good about you are.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20As a person.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23No.
0:11:23 > 0:11:30I suppose that feeling was reinforced with the break-up of the first marriage.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Whenever he left, I thought, "Oh, that definitely confirms it".
0:11:33 > 0:11:37"I mustn't have been a nice person, he hasn't stuck around."
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I suppose there has been no real closure there either
0:11:39 > 0:11:42because I don't know what went wrong.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Just to be told one day, "I don't love you no more, and that's it".
0:11:46 > 0:11:48If things do go wrong in life,
0:11:48 > 0:11:56the you that accuses yourself of being a failure sees that almost as a feast.
0:11:56 > 0:12:03So the whole failure thing is like a snowball that just gathers itself up, you know?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08And the successful you, and the good you, gets squashed.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Yes. That's all the right words.
0:12:18 > 0:12:23The five adults know they're going to have to make serious changes when it comes to exercise
0:12:23 > 0:12:25as part of their new regime.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Perfect, Isobel. Stay with that, nice and low.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Quick flick and drive it up.
0:12:34 > 0:12:40John's got a good fun role this week because he's getting to work out the families.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Breathe in as you come back down.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Perfect, just keep the heels grounded.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47It means basically making exercise fun
0:12:47 > 0:12:52and in the long-term trying to get them motivated to build exercise into their life.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Because that's not only going to make the weight loss easier,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59it also brings great mental health benefits if people start to exercise regularly.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02You're pushing now, working really hard.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Johnny, you're making that look easy.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06If I had a heavy one I'd give it to you!
0:13:06 > 0:13:10It's important to build confidence in individuals to see what they achieve.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I know that more than anything as a personal trainer.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Individuals don't necessarily know their true potential.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19It's trying to set them challenges and motivate them
0:13:19 > 0:13:21to get through barriers that they put up.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Because a lot of the time they're psychological barriers.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Keep a nice, steady pace.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Absolutely perfect pace, Isobel.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Goals are very important in general.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34People get lost if they turn up for the sake of turning up.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36It's all well and good training three times a week,
0:13:36 > 0:13:39but without a specific target, it's very hard to get anywhere.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43We're getting good. We're going to add 15 seconds to this one, OK?
0:13:43 > 0:13:4415 seconds more to go.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- You're cruel, John! - I am cruel. I get worse!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Take a breath, get the oxygen in.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I've got a little surprise to tell you about.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54You'll love this.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57I want to set a challenge for you.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01On Friday, I want you to run a mile with me.
0:14:04 > 0:14:09And the incentive is, there's a huge bar of chocolate in his back pocket.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13If I had to do that and put a bar of choc in my back pocket, I will.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16If that's the motivation you need, we'll do it.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18'I think a mile's a significant enough distance
0:14:18 > 0:14:21'for them to understand, wait a second, I can do this.'
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Squeeze, drag.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26'I maybe couldn't walk to the end of the street and now I'm running,'
0:14:26 > 0:14:29jogging, crawling a mile to get through that.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32That's something they can then take away
0:14:32 > 0:14:36and build on and enhance throughout the coming weeks hopefully.
0:14:39 > 0:14:44Amanda's nutritional philosophy doesn't include banning foods.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46It's all about moderation.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49The session making tasty sugar-free chocolate gives her a chance
0:14:49 > 0:14:52to discuss this with the children.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55'We all know just how much peril
0:14:55 > 0:14:58'these families are putting themselves in.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00'We know this is, or could well be, a life or death situation
0:15:00 > 0:15:04'for these families, but we've got to make it fun.'
0:15:04 > 0:15:07You can't just tell them what to do and expect them to do it.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10They have to be engaged with it, get it from inside them,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12especially when you're dealing with kids.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15There's no point standing up there like a strict teacher
0:15:15 > 0:15:17and expecting them to toe the line.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- So how many sweeties would you get in a day?- One or two.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25One or two? What's that? One or two individual ones
0:15:25 > 0:15:28or one or two bars of chocolate or one or two...?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Probably bars of chocolate.
0:15:29 > 0:15:35So how many times a week do you think you should be allowed to eat sweets?
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Every day!
0:15:36 > 0:15:40But if you were trying to be healthy and lose a bit of weight?
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Once a week.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45So would you rather have it for one day and at the weekend and make it really special?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Yep. Something to look forward to.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52'I think we have adopted, as a society, somehow the fact
0:15:52 > 0:15:56'that we use food as praise, it's how we give love.'
0:15:56 > 0:15:58But when there's no boundaries left
0:15:58 > 0:16:02and when there's none of that parenting where it requires you
0:16:02 > 0:16:06as a parent to maybe feel, I don't feel good about saying no,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09and they're crying, and they're upset, but still you have to do it.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I think we're having to bring that back into these families
0:16:12 > 0:16:14because that's been lost.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Creating these new boundaries and saying no to sweets
0:16:18 > 0:16:20and takeaways isn't going to be easy.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24The important thing for Amanda is to give them a realistic alternative.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27By cooking today's thinner dinner for the rest of the group,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Cara, Johnny and the kids will have a healthy recipe to take home with them.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34So what we're going to do, just like before,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36is a twist on a family favourite.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Tonight being pizza. Yay!
0:16:41 > 0:16:47At home, the family don't spend much time in each other's company.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Cara and Johnny's busy working patterns include regular evening shifts.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55That means they rarely eat together as a family, let alone cook together.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58The convenient thing is that the children go to Cara's mother's
0:16:58 > 0:17:00in the evening and have their meal there
0:17:00 > 0:17:02and then we sort of do our own thing.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05But we'd do a lot of calling in to hers,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08having tea and having tea out.
0:17:08 > 0:17:14'We need to start a new routine, sit down together for breakfast,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17'start cooking a tea, even if it's a snack for the children,'
0:17:17 > 0:17:22altogether, so that it's registering that we've had it.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25We've got two sachets of yeast...
0:17:25 > 0:17:30Hidden fats, sugars and additives in foods are a real hazard.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Home-made dough, flour, yeast, olive oil, water and a little salt
0:17:34 > 0:17:35avoids the problem.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Could you take the flour shaker
0:17:38 > 0:17:42and shake quite a lot of flour onto your worktop and then...
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- Is that enough?- Perfect.
0:17:45 > 0:17:50Amanda doesn't believe that the families need to give up pizza altogether.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52In fact, because all the children love pizza,
0:17:52 > 0:17:56it's an easy way to introduce more vegetables into their diets
0:17:56 > 0:17:59by having a variety of delicious, fresh toppings to choose from.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03The fat content can be controlled by going easy on the cheese
0:18:03 > 0:18:06and it's simply fun to make your own.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Ten minutes in the oven will do the job.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13Chef Sue's tomato sauce has nothing but good ingredients too.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18Tomatoes, garlic, olive oil and fresh basil.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Raw veggies with a yoghurt and cucumber dip
0:18:21 > 0:18:26are perfect to keep appetites under control until the pizzas are served.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Oh my goodness! Wow!
0:18:35 > 0:18:38The meal is met with wholehearted approval.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Very, very tasty.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Do you think that, Ryan, if you make things yourself,
0:18:49 > 0:18:53you might eat them more?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Um, maybe.- Yeah?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Once a week now, pizza night.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Having worked with the children as a group, Rachel has arranged
0:19:01 > 0:19:05follow-up sessions where she also meets their parents.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Today, she's seeing single mum Rosie and her daughter Ellen.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13What a fantastic daughter you've got, really.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I guess you already know that.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18She's so thoughtful, so insightful and articulate.
0:19:18 > 0:19:24Do you know that about yourself that those are real strengths of yours?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26No.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Mum, you seem quite emotional?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31It's just lovely to hear somebody say those things about her.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34You know, those are the sides of her that I see.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38I think she is a very mature girl for her age,
0:19:38 > 0:19:42I think she's got very good coping skills.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46And yes, she is quiet, and she has always been very quiet...
0:19:46 > 0:19:49'I think with most families, there's an obvious'
0:19:49 > 0:19:54power dynamic which is that parents are in charge
0:19:54 > 0:19:57and that children kind of do as they are told.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01'So often within family sessions I might try to mix that up a bit,
0:20:01 > 0:20:04'just by asking particular questions,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06'and I think by doing that,'
0:20:06 > 0:20:09family sessions then can bring up all sorts of issues
0:20:09 > 0:20:12that parents can just be unaware of.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Can I just ask a little bit about Dad?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I don't know if he's somebody that you would want to say a lot about,
0:20:18 > 0:20:23but can I ask about... Do you still see Dad?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Not really, actually.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Not very much these past few years, no.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- Really?- Maybe once a year.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34And is that something that you're OK with?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Yeah, I don't really mind it, I suppose.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55I guess, Ellen, I can kind of see it's really...
0:20:55 > 0:20:59an emotional thing for you.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Sometimes, um...
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I feel as if I sort of need him.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- But he's not there.- Um...
0:21:19 > 0:21:23And is Dad the sort of person who you'd have an opportunity
0:21:23 > 0:21:25to say something like that to?
0:21:28 > 0:21:33Because Ellen's dad hasn't been there from the very beginning.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38And really they've only ever seen him
0:21:38 > 0:21:42at Christmas for a very brief time or whatever.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44There's not a relationship there.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49But did it surprise you a little bit getting emotional about it?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Yeah.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I never really thought I would. I never have before.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57No?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59I don't think I've ever really thought about it before.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15As the day draws to a close and night falls,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17the adults make their way into the forest,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19where Amanda has asked them to meet her.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27This is probably the most important thing we've done so far.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29It's called a truth circle,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32and this is based on a Native American ritual
0:22:32 > 0:22:35where you gather round,
0:22:35 > 0:22:41the person holding the stick gets to air their truth without fear of
0:22:41 > 0:22:43any judgement or recrimination.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47They're allowed to say what they want, what they feel.
0:22:47 > 0:22:52This truth circle's really the point at which we want to open up.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Who wants to begin?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58You'll get the feeling, I think, for what feels right.
0:23:02 > 0:23:07One thing that I feel right now
0:23:07 > 0:23:10is being with two couples,
0:23:11 > 0:23:15and seeing the support that you guys give each other,
0:23:15 > 0:23:17or not, as the case may be.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I feel maybe a wee bit isolated.
0:23:22 > 0:23:29Also, some issues have come up around our family
0:23:29 > 0:23:32and Ellen's relationship with her father,
0:23:32 > 0:23:33or lack of relationship,
0:23:33 > 0:23:37so I guess we need to have a conversation
0:23:37 > 0:23:40and tell her how it is, how it was.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45And that has been very eye opening for me today.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47Unlike Cara...
0:23:47 > 0:23:49THEY LAUGH
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I never wanted, really, to be here.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56It is an issue within our house about food and how food's used.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59And I can use it as a stick and as a carrot.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03And, talking the other day in my one-to-one session,
0:24:03 > 0:24:08I really seen that, that I can use it, you know, for a treat,
0:24:08 > 0:24:10or I can use it to take away.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12And that's a very controlling thing.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15I am happy with the person that I am.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17I know I make jokes when I shouldn't or last things off,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20but that's who I am. I try to be upbeat.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25And sometimes people lose the weight and they actually lose themselves.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29You know, the food's getting nicer, which amazes me.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31THEY LAUGH
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Maybe Amanda's starting to let us have a bit more, I don't know.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37The hunger pangs are going. I'm really looking forward
0:24:37 > 0:24:38to the next few days.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41It just keeps getting better, like. I'm amazed.
0:24:41 > 0:24:48Just talking through the fact that I have never been, um,
0:24:48 > 0:24:55a slim person, and perhaps I'm using food as a comfort,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57as a defence.
0:24:57 > 0:25:03As a human trait, I'd like, or I want to be liked
0:25:03 > 0:25:06and I can't be myself.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I have to put the mask on.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Wanting to be liked, wanting to be accepted,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17not being who I think I am or who I want to be.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22Having this idea that I was a better, nicer person when I was younger and slimmer,
0:25:22 > 0:25:27and I don't know whether losing the weight
0:25:27 > 0:25:30and becoming slim again is going to make me that person again,
0:25:30 > 0:25:33because am I not already that person?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- What do you think? Are you already that person?- No.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44And that's another thing we're going to be talking to Raman about,
0:25:44 > 0:25:46if he ever speaks.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48THEY LAUGH
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I'm used to working with adults, not so much with children.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58And they are the best teachers.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02And they actually were telling me, in a roundabout way,
0:26:02 > 0:26:05and I believe it's happened in other sessions as well,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08for what they're looking for from all of you as parents.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10And they're looking for boundaries.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12It's not easy.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16When you hear your kid crying and they're going to their room, it feels horrible.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19You're thinking, "Am I being a bad parent because I'm saying no?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22"I'm not giving them what they are asking for."
0:26:22 > 0:26:25There's no such thing as an expert, really.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26You know, we learn...
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I've learned a lot over the years but you are your own experts.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33You're the one that's going to have to make the decisions when you go home.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37My only concern, my only real concern, is about boundaries.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52It's been a long day
0:26:52 > 0:26:55and the group has made real progress.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59It's been a genuine turning point as they begin to understand
0:26:59 > 0:27:03better that this experience isn't just about food,
0:27:03 > 0:27:08it's about nurturing and feeding their minds, bodies and souls.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Really like stepping out of everyday life just into
0:27:11 > 0:27:15something completely different, something where you have time
0:27:15 > 0:27:17to concentrate on yourself.
0:27:17 > 0:27:22I have allowed life to live me for such a long time,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25and I haven't really lived life.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33It's more than just nutrition, it's more than just exercise.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38There is a sense of looking deeper into where maybe
0:27:38 > 0:27:41psychological issues are.
0:27:44 > 0:27:49Whenever my mum said no, I do remember feeling unloved.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54And I don't want Rachel to feel that way,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I don't want her sitting in her room crying and thinking,
0:27:57 > 0:27:59"My mummy doesn't love me."
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Next time, there are a few surprises in store.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I got a bit of a surprise.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15Maybe I'll take it out of the box marked 'new-age mumbo-jumbo'
0:28:15 > 0:28:18and pay a bit more attention to it.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22But it doesn't stop there - things are getting intimate.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24- Are you ready for me to insert? - Oh...
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Great work...
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- And emotional. - And some people even...
0:28:28 > 0:28:31you would hear them saying something
0:28:31 > 0:28:34and I'd feel like saying,
0:28:34 > 0:28:36"You know, I know I'm fat but I'm not deaf."
0:28:40 > 0:28:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:44 > 0:28:48E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk